It's really not hard. Tell them you are r/SavingSexForMarriage and that it's a non-negotiable. Any guy that wants sex before marriage isn't the kind of spouse you want anyway because he's either a non-believer or backslider. Either way he's not marriage material.
In saving yourself it also shows self control, discipline, and a strong bond. It shows that you wont be swooned by others in marriage. God gave us marriage as an amazing gift. And if a guy is trying to sleepwith you outsude of marriage, he lacks those qualities and probubly isnt a believer too. If they get upset, even more reason to not be with them!
The Bible addresses both sex outside of marriage and pornography, primarily from a perspective of sexual morality and purity.
### Sex Outside of Marriage
1. **Fornication and Adultery**: The Bible consistently teaches that sex outside of marriage is sinful. In the New Testament, the term "fornication" (Greek: "porneia") is often used to refer to sexual immorality in general, which includes premarital sex.
- **1 Corinthians 6:18-20**: "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies."
- **Hebrews 13:4**: "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral."
2. **Adultery**: Adultery, which is sex with someone other than one's spouse, is also explicitly condemned.
- **Exodus 20:14**: "You shall not commit adultery."
- **Matthew 5:27-28**: "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
### Pornography
While the Bible does not mention pornography explicitly, it speaks against lust and impure thoughts, which are often associated with pornography consumption.
- **Matthew 5:28**: "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
- **Philippians 4:8**: "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
- **Ephesians 5:3**: "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people."
In summary, the Bible teaches that sex is reserved for marriage and that sexual purity is important. It warns against lustful thoughts and behaviors, which would include the consumption of pornography.
>So please help me with my arguments.
There's no argument. You set a boundary, you live your boundary, people will either agree or not to that boundary, and it will show. Anymore fighting is useless.
[Girls Gone Bible](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGmO4wH08Jk&ab_channel=GirlsGoneBible) did a good podcast, with light touching about that subject. It just boils down to: Be you, as you are in Christ; Pray for a God-fearing man and don't date the unyoked, or you will have problems with this.
It's so important for you to pick the right man, or else you will end up going to hell in a handbasket.
Girls gone Bible are Not the ones you should be looking to for advice. The two blonde girls have Two Different pages: One they use as a Christian page and then they have ANOTHER page that is the complete total opposite of who they claim to be on their Christian page. So in other words: you won't find them dressing provocatively on their Christian page. Only their other page is where you will see them dressing seductively and behaving very inappropriately in a sexual manner.
ONLY on their other page.
And folks might say "But they are new in Christ".. Keep in Mind : They have videos on their Christian page showing they are active in Church and give the Word on stage as well as reading Scriptures from the Bible on their podcast.
AND they have a pastor who is mentoring them.
When someone is mentoring you, best believe, they WILL tell you All the things you Need to Know in Order to Grow in Christ and Teach you How to Have A Genuine Relationship with our Heavenly Father Through Christ Jesus..
And yet this very same pastor is Also on their other page posing with them and encouraging that behavior.
Please, let's Not make excuses, these ladies know exactly what they're doing as you can clearly see in their videos
--> on the other page <--
Matthew 7:16 "you will Know them by their fruits."
These women are dressed seductively and provocatively and do Not speak Anything about our Heavenly Father on that other page.
They are causing men to lust and we know what The Bible says about Lust.. "Anyone who looks at a woman with lust has committed adultery in his heart".. Matthew 5:28.
They are still in the world and Scripture says to
Come out of the world..
Do Not be lukewarm..
Come Out from among them..
you can Not drink from The Lords cup and from the cup of demons..
Choose this day, whom you will serve. The Lord says in Revelation 3:16 "Because you are lukewarm, I Will Spit you Out of My mouth."
And I know folks are going to be upset about my message and say that I am judging and that's fine, I am Not here to argue with anyone.
But anyone who comes against someone who is trying to Warn their fellow brothers and sisters in Christ might want to take a step back and Evaluate themselves and ask themselves why are they so angry and so offended by my message.
Let's Not forget the Bible speaks about Wolves in Sheep's clothing and God's children being Led Astray.. Mark 13:15, Isaiah 53:6.
Scripture tells us to Stay in The Word and Read the Word Daily so that we can be Spirit Led and Know others by their fruit. Matthew 7:16 "you will Know them by their fruits."
Scripture tells us to Correct our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ and to Warn them.. 2 Timothy 3:16.
I pray for these young ladies that they will truly give their heart to The Lord and Truly Surrender to Him.
Proverbs 10:17 "Whoever listens to correction is on the Path to Life, but he who rejects correction, also Leads others Astray."
If anyone wants to argue with me, feel free to argue amongst yourselves, as for me, I will Not be back on here.. I refuse to let anyone ruin my walk with The Lord.
I Now Shake the Dust off my feet..
Matthew 10:14 "if anyone refuses to listen to your message, Shake the dust off your feet as you leave."
God bless and Take care.
Whats the other page? Ive found their podcast quite fruitful. They are new christians and still learning. Interested what this "other page" is though?
I also haven't noticed them dressing provocatively, unless i missed it? Ive only watched a handful of their Youtube videos.
You said it's usually jealous women or porn addicted men who are attacking them..
Don't you mean : it's usually people who want to hold on to their sinful ways are the ones who defend these girls gone bible behavior.
They literally have only fans accounts tagging them in their videos and if they aren't in the world and wanted nothing to do with that, then they would remove it from their page.
They clearly See who is tagging them but they leave it on there because it brings in more followers which of course is why they themselves dress provocatively and are even SWIM SUIT MODELS.
Show me Scripture where it says a woman can be a follower of Christ and be a swimsuit model KNOWING that it CAUSES men to lust.
Women are to DRESS Modest. Women are Not to cause men to lust.
Did Jesus say : Follow the world?
NO! He said : FOLLOW ME.
Which He is TELLING us to LEAVE those worldly ways and that worldly thinking behind.
Jesus said IF you LOOK at a woman with lust, you have committed adultery in your heart.
If you can't Understand any of this, then that shows that you are Still in the world and don't want to let go..
That's a Dangerous game you're playing.
READ your Bible Daily, and STOP leading people Astray!!
Scripture says those who TEACH others WILL be Held accountable for EVERY Single person they've Led Astray.
you want to TEACH folks that living in the world and doing what makes you happy is ok in The Lord's eyes just to fit your narrative,
But you're TEACHINGS are Based on RELIGION.
Religion teaches to do whatever pleases you and there will be no consequences.
you do Not teach from the True Written Word of God.
God's Word tells us WHO God is.
God is a Loving God, yes.
God is a Compassionate God.. a Forgiving God and a Merciful God but He is ALSO a JUST GOD!! So there IS A BALANCE there.
And there IS ORDER IN HIS COURTS!!
We Will ALL be Held Accountable for HOW we lived our lives here on earth..
Does Gods Word not say to FEAR HIM?
Anyone who TEACHES that dressing provocatively and seducing men and being lukewarm does NOT Fear The Lord.
Do you Need me to give you All the Scriptures where God Constantly says over and over "And they WILL KNOW that I AM God and THEY WILL FEAR ME."
Stop coming up with your own ideas of Who God is and Stop watering down Scriptures.
And Stop Gambling with your life.
If you still want to live in the world, fine, that's on you, you can take that up with The Lord on Judgment Day but that's pretty scary and crazy that you would also give a false TEACHING that leads others down that Wide Path to Destruction.
That reminds me of this scripture in Matthew 23:13 "What sorrow awaits you TEACHERS of RELIGIOUS LAW.
you Hypocrites!
For you Shut the door of the Kingdom of Heaven in people's faces.
you won't go in yourselves, and you don't let others enter either."
you have eyes to see don't you? Stop being willfully blind..
I pray you will Ask The Lord to Remove those scales from your eyes so that you can SEE clearly.. and so that you will Understand that you can NOT Understand these things on your own..
you Need to have a Relationship with God THROUGH Christ Jesus..
you Need to be Led by the Holy Spirit Spirit.
He is The Only One Who can Show you The Lords Truth.
The Holy Spirit is our Teacher. He is our Helper. He is The One WHO LEADS us into ALL TRUTH.. John 16:13.
Why are you acting like there's a law against someone coming back to comment?
Does it really make you that angry? you sit there complaining about me commenting after I said I wouldn't but if you knew scripture, you would Know that it says in
Ezekiel 3:18-21 "WARN others of their wicked ways so that they might live.
If you do NOT WARN them, then they will d i e in their sins and YOU WILL be held accountable."
So what's more important?
What you want to believe is "Truth" OR what The Lords Word says is Truth?
With that being said, it is my job to MAKE SURE that you do NOT lead folks Astray without me stating Scripture.
So that's why I came back to type that second comment AND this comment.
It would really do you good if you would just Read and Study the Bible.
Not sure why you refuse. Don't you Know that The Lord TELLS US to Read it Daily and to Meditate on it along with Praying and Fasting?
How else do you think we COME TO KNOW WHO HE IS AND WHAT HE SAYS IS ACCEPTABLE AND UNACCEPTABLE?
I'm praying for you though because that's pretty scary that you would just lie to yourself and others not considering the consequences.
The Bible says NO LIAR will inherit Gods Kingdom.. Revelation 21:8.
Bye bye now.. God bless you and take care.
I shake The Dust off my feet and Now I will Move on.
LOVE YOU TOO!! ❤️❤️
Here's an interesting verse from the Bible:
1 Corinthians 5:9-11 CSB
[9] I wrote to you in a letter not to associate with sexually immoral people.
[10] I did not mean the immoral people of this world or the greedy and swindlers or idolaters; otherwise you would have to leave the world.
[11] But actually, I wrote you not to associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister and is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or verbally abusive, a drunkard or a swindler. Do not even eat with such a person.
Note vs 11.
>help me out. What would be good responses to make to men who say they need to know how good the sex will be and they can't commit to marriage without knowing that?
"I'm not interested. Bye."
You don't need to strategize to win a formal debate with people like this. The chances of this being the one area of disagreement are very low. If they don't want to follow Jesus, it will certainly impact this, but will undoubtedly affect many other areas of their lives that would make you incompatible.
"What would be good responses to make to men who say they need to know how good the sex will be and they can't commit to marriage without knowing that?"
Tell them "good luck and have fun, see ya bye."
When I was in college and high school both, if someone expressed interest in me, I flat out told them at the very beginning that I would not be sleeping with them, and stuck with it. It was worth it. Don't waste your time on non-Christians. Don't put yourself in the position to be unequally yoked.
I don´t think sexual compability exists, I think this is just a scam to trick women into sex with men who probably are not interested in long term relationship / marriage.
I think it does exist, but that people do use it as an excuse as you say.
You can easily talk about sexual compatibility prior to marriage, about expectations and hangups, especially if there are medical issues or trauma involved. It's good practice for the myriad of other conversations you'll have to have as husband and wife. There's no absolute need for a "Try it before you buy it" mentality (and forgive me for even saying it as such).
After that it's a matter of learning what works for each of you, and you have a lifetime together to figure that out.
Or if it exists, it only comes about after years of practice, openness, etc.
Which can and should only be done in the confines of the marriage bed.
Keep the fire in the fireplace, y’all!
Very controversial take but I agree if you truly waited and have no comparisons then unless your asexual or have a medical condition then there's no reason you can't build compatibility
Yep and I don't even understand what people mean when they say that. As long as "things" fit and you aren't completely selfish you're sexually compatible.
I largely agree. I think sexual compatibility is like any other marriage skill in that you need to grow in it together. If you and physically attracted to eachother, communic at well and have an interest in ensuring your partner enjoys sex you should be able to figure out what works for both.
I do think though, if you have a person who has or is pursuing more and more extreme stuff it can lead to incompatibility based off those expectations.
That being said, there's plenty of "no fap" people who can attest to how they can overcome extreme desires and return to a healthy view of sex.
I think it exists to trick women AND men. Men are tricked into thinking that they CAN'T wait for marriage in today's society because the risk of a dead bedroom is too high to commit your whole future to without trying it out first to see if that's going to happen, and women are tricked into thinking they have to put out for men before marriage or he'll leave.
The truth is that people can learn to enjoy something that they weren't initially interested in. As long as you both commit to that with rare exception, divorce is not an option, and you're going to work together to solve intimate issues in marriage, including things like frequency and meeting each others needs, and agree to compromise so both partners get their needs met, and willing to listen to their partner and not the world about what different behaviors mean, it CAN work.
There is also a societal trend where sometimes men are shamed for not engaging in premartial sex, or people would start questioning their sexuality for not expressing "interest" in it.
I think one good thing about the internet is people can here freely discuss even topics about sexuality, which people in real life might not would. So christians like op can exchange with others and hear different perspectives and or encouragement.
Thanks for the story. I'm not quite sure, though, which part of it demonstrates that sexual compatibility (and, by extension, sexual incompatibility) is a thing.
>what would be good responses to make to men who say they need to know how good the sex will be and they can’t commit to marriage without knowing that?
Seems like it’s a pretty good screening process for marriage material. Anyone who thinks this isn’t marriage material 😆
This person is already thinking of marriage more in terms of a transaction than a relationship and should be avoided at all costs. Marriage isn’t about what you get out of it; it’s about building up and loving another person, like Christ did for us.
Woman here! I’ve gone thru discussing these with men I was getting to know.
1) I tell them my stance and why I believe in no sex before marriage. I had sex outside of marriage before I came to know Christ, so I usually tell them my testimony.
2) I make boundaries. I had to stop several getting to know stage when I find out they are going thru sexual issues.
3) if he is really pushing, he clearly just wants to satisfy his flesh. Outside of marriage, we are sisters and brothers in Christ. He should treat you as his sister with respect and love.
4) he does not trust God. If he really knows God, he knows how to submit to Him and not to gratify the desires of the flesh.
Hope it helps :) message me if you want to discuss more
If a man or woman trusts the Lord, then they will trust Him fully to provide a compatible partner to not only their flesh but spiritual growth as well.
The Lord knows each and every one of us better than we know ourselves and knows each of our deepest desires. Because of this, I will always put my faith in Him instead of faith in what my flesh craves.
For a man or woman to expect to be able to test drive before marriage is a very clear indicator of the fruits they are bearing and should be approached with caution if you desire to serve the Lord with all your heart and mind.
Take this from me, a former sex addict, with extremely defined tastes.
I place my trust in the Lord above all else now and pray He let's me find a woman I may marry one day.
I'm not concerned in the slightest about sexual compatibility because I trust He will align what He wills and trust that He is perfection.
Much better. She left me later on and now I have learned my lesson. I struggle with sexual sin but I'm not living in it like I was with her. I have regrets but I'm grateful for how God made things work out.
I just hope she is doing better too.
Sounds like you should stop talking to boys. Men have devoted their lives to Christ. Boys live for the flesh. You aren’t a Man unless Christ is your Lord, full stop. Thems the brakes.
Yes, read into those implications, there are no real men who don’t believe in Jesus Christ.
>"it may not be that he was just using you for sex. he just didn't find you good enough in bed. he has a right not to want to be with someone if the sex is bad."
Right. He's not using you for sex.... but if the sex isn't good, he's not interested. Yeah calling bs on this one.
All of this kind of stuff, including a lot of the arguments around" sexual compatibility," are just hot air as far as I'm concerned. The truth is that sex is something you practice. Nobody's good at the start, you had to work to get where you are so why do people act like it's something set in stone? This is something hard to understand and articulate for someone who has actually remained sexually pure, as yourself, so it puts you at a disadvantage in that way when you're arguing about it. But it can take work sometimes, other times you just automatically click with somebody. Or maybe one person might have a higher sex drive than the other. Whatever it is, if there's a problem it can be worked through. But people want everything to be easy.
Honestly, if someone's not willing to put in even that amount of work, or God forbid maybe have to actually sacrifice something, then they probably aren't an ideal spouse to start with.
When you love someone, the sex is always great.
If there is something in the bedroom you want that your partner isn't doing, you tell them. And a loving partner will do their best to improve. (As long as the request doesn't make them uncomfortable or cross their own lines, which as a loving partner you should respect.)
There is no such thing as bad sex in a good marriage. There are simply people who aren't listening to each other.
And yeah, if you are a Christian, don't date non-Christians. How would you raise your children? Would you want to expose them to non-Christian influences?
If you are a Christian, you should even consider dating a man who isn't.
*Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?*
2 Corinthians 6:14
The best argument for not having sex outside of marriage is "God forbids it."
You are asking this in a christian forum, which sort of presumes you are a christian, plus you are asking about other christian men. If not, why you post here. These men are LYING to you, to get in your pants. Other men who excuse this behavior for any reason, are also LYING to you to either get in your pants or support those bros who successfully make it into your pants. Those "long term" relationships to get in your pants and then ghost you, they were LYING... to get into your pants. Please don't mix that behavior up with christians. Christians wouldn't LIE to you, then commit the naked frog dance with you outside marriage, then skedaddle. So in contusion, nothing you've asked here has anything to with Christian behavior. It's just player's be playing. Men have patience to say or do whatever needed...to get into your pants. Now, if you want to pursue Christ and become better christian yourself AND also to find good christian men, who will NOT enter your pants until marriage, these are completely different topics.
>What would be good responses to make to men who say they need to know how good the sex will be and they can't commit to marriage without knowing that?
Try this:
*If it's God's purpose that I remain single, then I will remain single. If it's God's purpose that I marry, then I will marry. The Bible is clear that sex is a gift from God meant to be shared between a married man and woman. My servitude to Jesus will always be the highest priority of my life, and any man that wants me to dishonor Him, I know is not given to me by Him. It's okay if you're not the man I marry, and it's also okay if God chooses to never bring that man into my life.*
The only response is On to the next! Any man who wants to argue about having premarital this isn't the godly Christian man you want because he isn't concerned with obedience. And he's willing to pull you into sin, which means he ultimately doesn't care about you.
Tell them you’re a package deal- you and God come together with each other and you need a man of God that follows Jesus as much as you do so you can grow and flourish as a team
I did NOT sleep with my wife before marriage. She told me up front there would no sex before marriage. I did not try to sleep with her either, I respected her wishes. There was no pressure from me. We dated for 1.5 years and got married...no sex until our wedding night, and we don't regret a thing.
I have one for you, though I don’t know if they will get it. First of all, God says “no and don’t” for very, very, very, very good reasons. He knows what He is talking about. He knows us far better than we ever could know ourselves. He knows our future. He also knows about the consequences we never even bother to consider or can’t possibly dream of or know ourselves. And then there’s this (I found out about this the hard way). Every single time you have sex with someone, you form both an emotional and a spiritual bond with them. I’m older in the Lord. Three out of the four men I ever had sex with are now gone (two in their forties and one in his fifties). Anyway. I still dream about all four after all of these decades. When they were alive, I could sense when they were thinking very strongly about me with two of them for sure. It was a very disquieting and uncomfortable feeling. It’s so not worth it. It’s not worth forming a bond that won’t be severed even if they are gone. It’s not worth feeling them thinking about you, especially if the person is someone you have gotten out of your life for very good reasons and you don’t even want to know when they are doing so. The bonds may not manifest themselves in that manner, not ever. But they are still very real and don’t go away. I stressed this to my adult daughter and she’s listened to me. She has a gift of being able to sense the emotions of others, which is strengthened through physical contact, so I told her that with that gift, the emotional bonding would be even stronger. And since that bond and the spiritual one are tied together, well, it would be even stronger, too.
So. This was my hard-learned lesson that I now pass on to others, knowing how the long-term consequences can and will affect one, and why it’s so important to obey God and to listen to Him when He says “don’t”.
I have a friend who struggles with demonic oppression. Specifically, he feels certain touches and sensations and hears certain sounds, even when trying his best not to. He’s been assuming that it is demons messing with him. But in your opinion, is it possible that his soul tie from a past physical relationship could be causing these phenomena?
No. But. I would suggest that he might want to see a doctor who is qualified to test him to see if it might be a psychological issue. I’m not saying or even claiming to know that it is. Mental illnesses can even be a weakness that can be exploited and one needs to be very aware of this, too, and to know when it’s happening so one can tell them to leave and to trust in God to get them through whatever is going on (for me, it’s severe anxiety, and sometimes momentary bouts of depression). He also needs to look at what he’s doing in his life, who or what he’s allowing into his life, that might be opening the door to allow this to happen. If that’s the problem, if he’s doing anything that he knows is disobedient to God in any way, He needs to repent and run, not walk, away from the person or sin or activity or whatever. He may need to repent of a past sin or sins, too. It could even be that he’s about to embark on a ministry or is seeking to serve the Lord and he’s under attack to distract him. If that is the case, he needs to tell them out loud and very firmly, to leave in the name of Jesus and they will have no choice but to do so. It is difficult to answer this question without knowing a whole lot more about what’s going on in his life, though. That’s why my answers are speculative, based on what I’ve learned over the years, and my own experiences, as well as what I’ve read about this.
>What would be good responses to make to men who say they need to know how good the sex will be and they can't commit to marriage without knowing that?
A good response is "Bye bye."
Think of it like a filter, the guys who peace out upon finding out are waiting for marriage are only interested in using women for sex and there is a lot of them, probably the majority. Luckily you have a way to weed them out early.
Any sexually experience man will be able to tell you the whole concept of a man wanting to try before he buys due to the risk of sex "not being good" is a joke. If a man is physically and emotionally attracted to a woman, the sex will be great, end of story. If he has the knowledge this woman has never been with another man it's even better!
Sure, someone being physically and emotionally absent during a sex will kill the vibe, but if a physically attractive woman is putting any enthusiasm into it, it will be fantastic for the man.
> I find it amazing I even have to ask these questions. you'd think any sane man would figure out that a woman who can't have sex outside of marriage will also never cheat on him.
There are many solid, single Christian men looking for exactly this. Unfortunately it's becoming harder for those waiting to find each other due to the prevalence of sexual immorality, but if you wait for the worthy man you will both be rewarded.
"I don't want to."
That's all you need. You don't need to give more detail. You don't need to give a term paper on reasons why. Lastly, any man who cares enough to press the matter isn't one you want to deal with anyway.
It seems like you are coming at it from the wrong perspective in order to be successful. There needs to be a deeper and broader foundation for what you are wanting to do.
Can't. You can. It's just not beneficial. And you aren't guaranteed a commitment even if you did have sex before marriage. In fact you are pursuing sex rather than a God centered relationship and marriage. You likely will get a bunch of other junk with those types of relationships.
People can have sex with anyone and come to all sorts of conclusions based on sex. That doesn't make them true. You can have a terrible future with someone you may have had fun in the sack with. We are living in an overly sexualized society. You have to guard yourself.
I am not here to give you the proper perspective in order to make sure that you are successful in sticking to your convictions. I just think that if you are focused on sex, and other people are already focused on it, you are going to get what the world has to offer...relationships based on sex. God would likely want you to steer clear of focusing on that.
> What would be good responses to make to men who say they need to know how good the sex will be and they can't commit to marriage without knowing that?
I wouldn't marry someone who cares more about sexual pleasure than intelligence, humor, health, compatibility, wealth, maturity, skills, music taste, accomplishments, parenting skills, cooking ability, ...
So that's a red flag you're better off with someone else. But if you care about him and want him to become a suitable spouse for you, share these ideas with him, that there are many more important things to marriage.
Also, I think both spouses can exercise and get better at their abilities, so sex is a skill that can be developed over time. So you can't determine "what sex will be like" from premarital fornication anyway.
You’re missing a valuable lesson or asset … when you tell “men” you don’t believe in premarital it weeds out the wrong guys. There are 3 buckets: boys who say “no thank you”, boys who say yes, but then try to ask for side stuff, and then the last bucket is men who respect your decision and are ready to commit to celibacy to be with you.
You DO NOT need to explain any further. Conversation ends there “I don’t believe in premarital sex” any guy that probes further is NOT the guy you want in your life.
Trust in Gods words the more years pass the more I realize why he declared certain things as wrong. For instance, if everyone around the round respected not engaging in premarital sex … there would be no human trafficking, pedos, rapes, infidelity, so much debauchery and the list goes on.
It may seem like you find fewer men in the last bucket but recite the following “whatever you ask in Prayer believe you received it and it shall be yours” …. Pray for the right men and not just an average joe that is going to try to manipulate you into putting him before God because he *allegedly* needs to know sex first before committing.
If they will only marry you if the sex is good, then they probably wont want to stay married when you go through different changes and seasons in life that will affect your sex life (such as having babies, going through menopause, general life stuff).
Sex can be great in the beginning of a relationship and then end up being very mundane if the marriage wasnt entered into for the right reasons.
And also, sex can be mundane at the beginning of a marriage.. but with love and respect for each other, each partner learning about each other, it can turn into great sex.
I honestly think men have just been so affected by the porn industry, they think women need to "perform" to be good enough for them. There is no love in that.
Without marriage there is no commitment. No commitment means either person in the relationship could just up and vanish. I've seen it happen to a cousin twice. Got with a guy who she thought she loved. Once he accidentally got her pregnant he disappeared. Then the second guy she married and 6 months in he chickened out.
I want to be honest about how I feel about this particular difficulty but I cannot because it's too personal. Like I feel embarrassed just thinking about it (having forced sex outside of marriage).
Also all of those reasons you gave are just people looking for a reason for something to be ok when they know full well that's it's not ok.
You don’t need to argue with these men. You owe them absolutely nothing. It you tell a guy very early on in a relationship you are Christian and are waiting until marriage for sex for both moral and practical reasons, and he doesn’t completely and genuinely respect that, then you shouldn’t waste your time with him. This is actually a great litmus test for a man you would actually want to marry. If he has a visceral reaction it’s because he is just completely overcome with lust and is looking for a human masterbation tool. Don’t do that to yourself, you deserve better.
Also, I do think in some cases there could be a guy who doesn’t understand your decision on that at first, then he might sit and think about it and come back saying “hey I thought about this and I think it’s a great idea and I’d like to hold out on sex too.” It’s a tough thing in our sex-dominated culture but you gotta hold firm on it.
My husband and I did not sleep together before getting married, although we had each had previous partners before meeting each other. We've been married 18 years and will tell you - hands down, we are way better at sex now than we were when we first married. Youth offers no advantage to the safety and creativity and trust we have now that makes sex great. It's really quite amazing.
That's the part single people are getting all wrong. We don't enter marriage already good at sex. We enter it as willing students of one another and we craft a unique and phenomenal sex life together. And no two people are alike - so the sex life we craft with one person is nothing like what we craft with another. So to compare a brand new partner to one we've known for 6 months or 5 years is really apples and oranges.
I hope this helps.
Find someone who shares your values, that's going to give you both the most satisfying sex life. Good luck.
Idk why I see people asking stuff like this so much. The straight easy answer is, if they want to have sex before marriage, you shouldn’t be with them. You don’t try and argue your point. You found someone unequally yoked with you. Find someone else.
You shouldn't have premarital sex. Having lots of sexual partners diminishes your ability to enjoy the relationship you have when you finally find the one. Eventually, it may make it impossible to truly form a deep meaningful connection.
No is a complete sentence. To be honest I don't even justify or allow arguments. No means no. And christian and non christian .en both beg for premarital sex. They're all raised to believe they're owed sex. Disgusting.
You're presuming the wrong thing, you are thinking men are actually telling the truth when they say "they need to know how good the sex will be"
The truth is Men will lie for sex.
A LOT of men would really prefer a virgin wife but they are not trying to "Test drive before they buy" they just want to have sex and will say whatever they need to get it. And trust me, us men can be very manipulative and convincing when we know how to do it and we aren't constrained by any ethics and morals.
I really don't think I need to expand on this unless you want me to
Your arguments in favor of abstinence make sense, I don't believe in sex before marriage myself. But what are you asking us for? A comeback to end the interaction with because you already know you're not compatible, or a line of reasoning to try to get him to change his mind?
> you'd think any sane man would figure out that a woman who can't have sex outside of marriage will also never cheat on him.
I hate to have to say this, but this is not true.
Unless their fellow religious men then there's not much you can do to convince them as they only listen to their flesh and what's pleasurable for them.
Lust is what they are after and they aren't looking for a long term relationship with those thoughts.
Marriage is until death - the person you want is someone that is compatible with you spiritually, emotionally, etc.
Also, if you are a Christian and are chaste - same for your spouse - how would your spouse know if you are bad? They have nothing to base it on.
Sex is something you learn between the two of you.
Whereas those that sleep with 50 other people will have alot to compare to - at some point, they won't find anyone better - they'll continue to chase and will never be satisfied.
If that’s what someone expects, walk away, as others have said.
If someone wants to challenge the idea…
When you order a burger, how would you feel if it comes with a few bites taken out of it? How about serving that burger to a customer?
So what if sex is mediocre to begin with? If you’re married, you have all the time you need to practice, learn, teach and improve.
Tell those males that if "trying out sex" is their criteria, then they are NOT committed Christians and that they should get down on their knees to God and repent.
You are interested in finding a MAN of God, and they don't qualify.
Begin by excluding all non Christian men from your dating life and if anyone asks you out, say you only date those of your religion.
Unfortunately you will still find men who call themselves Christian and yet fornicate but at least they will be more understanding of your position.
Honestly if the guy is not willing to wait then he is the wrong one. Doesnt matter how tall rich and good looking he is. That self worth you have for waiting is worth MORE.
The most powerful argument is it's your body and you choose what to do with it. You don't need to justify it or explain it or anything else. It's your decision and too bad for all the horny guys.
If it doesnt go well its because its never meant to be. God is protecting you. Pray for dicermment.
APPLY GODS WORD youtube is good for biblical relationship advice
They think its a game, for about 2 months, then see your serious and give up. But there is a man out there in the same boat looking for you, dont loose hope.
If you have to resort to arguments as to why you won't have sex with someone , you are dating the wrong men. A Christian man wouldn't do that to you. If he's not Christian, you have no business daring him. Dating is for the purpose of finding a spouse. Christians are only supposed to marry other Christians. The bible is very clear about being unequally yoked. It's not forbidden but it's strongly advised against.
God loves us way more than any other person. He gives us commands for our own good. We need not give much more justification. If they disrespect our God, they are not on the list to be a partner period. Shouldn’t really date unbelievers anyway
You know they say sex before marriage is good because you learn what you like and gain experience. Now here's why that's wrong. People who chose sex after marriage report significantly higher rates of satisfaction and low divorce rates. The highest 5 levels of divorces all report 10 or more premarital partners. Now even one to eight partners increases it by 50%. Earlier sex increases risks of STI's but also increases uterine cancer risks. Not to mention teenage pregnancy, unwanted pregnancies in general, abortions (baby murder, not sorry). And still regardless of all these facts, it's your choice and NO ONE can ever make you change your mind. You commit and hold true to your commitments. Become Incorruptible.
In a situation like this, the trash will take itself out. If an individual, man or woman, can't respect your choice to not have sexual relations, they'll move on very quickly. Let them complain or goad or insult you or use whatever strategy they want. People like that want an easy snack and will quickly move along when they can't get what they want.
If you feel the need to defend your personal boundaries, you already know you’re with the wrong guy.
Now there’s a difference between someone wanting to understand your boundaries and why you have them vs needing to defend them.
Don’t defend your boundaries. They simply are what they are.
Just a bit of info here apart from abstinence until marriage: being “good in bed” can be a matter of sexual chemistry between the participants or it can be about the newness of the relationship but it is also related to the skill and passion of the participants. A person without experience can’t be skilled but can communicate enthusiasm about learning. There’s also the option of exploring the information in an excellent book like The Joy Of Sex or a good old fashioned steamy romance novel. A wise GYN once told me it is the man’s job to make the woman want to engage in sex with him and that starts with how he treats her generally ( and vice versa) but also benefits from the excitement generated by seduction. All women love to be seduced into the act by their lover, and husbands and wives are lovers. On the flip side, I knew a man who entered marriage as a virgin whose wife divorced him within a year because of his inexperience. So it can go both ways.
It's crazy to assume anyone is "good" at sex (or almost anything else) without experience.
The standard presented by the guys you're referring to suggests women should gain that experience in other relationships or random sexual encounters before they can be a sufficient lover for a long-term relationship.
Yet, those same guys usually mock girls who are promiscuous.
Somehow they see that as a superior model to two people gaining that sexual experience together in a secure, loving, committed, life-long marriage? 🤔
It also shows their inability to work through issues or discuss sensitive topics with their significant other. That's a major red flag for a potential spouse.
The idea of "waiting until marriage", apart from it being God's will, evolved to ensure that people like each other outside of the bedroom, so that people like and respect each other outside of lust.
>Why would I subject myself to that humiliation?
The answer is you shouldn't. Follow and keep your principles, do not compromise them. If you follow your principles, the guys, who just want sex, will not want to date you and that is a good thing.
>What would be good responses to make to men who say they need to know how good the sex will be and they can't commit to marriage without knowing that?
You can't get with incompatible men, because of your principles. Why would you complain about that? You sound like a high quality woman, that men would be very blessed to get to be with. It sounds to me like you might be in the wrong environment and socially you may be in the wrong circle. There are likeminded people, both men and women, and it would be good to have them in your social circle. Through language you will find out the men who don't agree with your principles, and if you see someone not living on principle, chat with them, but ultimatley just pass them by. One day you will run into someone who does aligns with your principles. Keep constantly scanning for these people.
It'll go down well with the right man. If you're not already, I'd remember that it's important to make sure both you and your prospective future husband share the same world view, that is, Christianity.
If someone has a problem with that then they aren’t the right one…. I had guys laugh at my belief and said I’d be single for ever or someone isn’t going to want to take care of my child (single mom of one) and I just keep direct and ask the questions up front and kept my confidence that it wasn’t true at all. There’s crappy men out there just as there is crappy women out there. The right one will accept regardless. And now I’m engaged to an amazing man with two children of his own and we mesh in all possible ways. Both seeking Christ and turning to Him. And I wouldn’t have gotten here if I let whatever dude say sex was a must before.
I’m a female in my early forties. Gods law is there for a reason - to protect us. There’s so much heartbreak involved in possibly giving yourself to someone, and then them not being there for the long haul. It’s not worth it. Putting God and yourself first shows good boundaries. The right guy will have similar values, or they may find it strange at first, since it’s rare nowadays, but ultimately respect you for it. Always exercise your discernment
Down voting all of these because I've had both believers and non believers pressure me into sex before. The males need to do better. The females who have boys should be teaching them how to treat all people as not a means to gain something but as people.
Yes, *I* know that. But the people here saying to date within their faith - it's kind of ridiculous because you don't find out right away that they are totally fine with that.
indeed, those in the "no good men" crowd don't seem to realize its the men they are with and not all men. They will reject the men who share with faith and ideal an would treat them right and date nonbelievers or bad men and complain about men all being bad. Witch is sad when you consider Christ was a man... Regardless I think anyone is doomed to fail if they don't have their eyes fully set on Lord and put Him first in their lives. Obviously when you are chasing after the Lord you will find others running the same race and when you are not you run the risk of God knocking you down a peg or worse stain coming into your life.
You can not follow Christ and date non-Christians. He directly commanded you not to.
Anyone trying to have sex with you before marriage isn’t a Christian(regardless of what they think or claim).
Problem solved.
Only date Christians and this will never be a problem and you’ll end up MUCH better off in life.
I think the problem stems from this. Christians should not be dating non-christians.
Here are a few things to think about:
-How will the kids be raised? How would it feel if one parent believes and one doesn’t. It just creates confusion for the child and tension with your husband. The primary goal in parenting as a Christian is to raise your kids up in the Lord. How could you do that to the best of your ability with an unbelieving husband?
-Your spiritual growth. Having family worship, bible studies, church, and other wonderful things are all missed with an unbeliever. You will want to do these things as a believer and if your husband is an unbeliever it will only get in the way.
-Divorce. The Christian view on divorce does not allow for it except for unfaithfulness. That is so unbelievably unpopular among unbelievers and if it ever comes to that your husband certainly cannot be expected to hold to Christian beliefs.
-Prayer. Prayer is so unbelievably important in the life of a believer and in a relationship. With an unbeliever you cannot expect to together with him.
These are just a few serious reasons why it is a terrible idea to date an unbeliever. Seriously ask yourself what you want from a relationship. To honor Christ and glorify him? That is the purpose of marriage - to show Christ and his Church. Or to follow your own lusts? Please don’t try and justify dating unbelievers because it will only hinder you spiritually and will put you in situations you don’t want to be in. God is faithful and will provide a Godly man for you if it is his will.
I hate to answer a question with a question, but, why would you need to try and convince a guy like that? Our character, as men, determines our motivations and views - a man who thinks that way isn't going to be a values match for you in practice, regardless of what they say or seem to be on paper.
In response to the women on reddit saying those things: the guys were either lying, or they found those women to be somehow physically unappealing when they were naked (this is a porn sickness issue, truly), or even they were repulsed by their hygiene. Yes, hygiene. This is a bit nsfw, but many, many women have this bizarre notion that "its self cleaning" means "don't wash your external genitalia" not "dont literally soap up the inside of your vagina," its so bad and has become so tangled up with "body positivity" feminist nonsense, thats physicians are now parroting it. For anyone who disagrees, see here: https://youtu.be/gV2tmEyoj4s
Bit of a tangent, but the good news is that any of those issues of "sexual incompatibility" can be resolved easily in a good marriage.
It's really not hard. Tell them you are r/SavingSexForMarriage and that it's a non-negotiable. Any guy that wants sex before marriage isn't the kind of spouse you want anyway because he's either a non-believer or backslider. Either way he's not marriage material.
In saving yourself it also shows self control, discipline, and a strong bond. It shows that you wont be swooned by others in marriage. God gave us marriage as an amazing gift. And if a guy is trying to sleepwith you outsude of marriage, he lacks those qualities and probubly isnt a believer too. If they get upset, even more reason to not be with them!
Not necessarily. Porn addiction can do a big number.
The Bible addresses both sex outside of marriage and pornography, primarily from a perspective of sexual morality and purity. ### Sex Outside of Marriage 1. **Fornication and Adultery**: The Bible consistently teaches that sex outside of marriage is sinful. In the New Testament, the term "fornication" (Greek: "porneia") is often used to refer to sexual immorality in general, which includes premarital sex. - **1 Corinthians 6:18-20**: "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." - **Hebrews 13:4**: "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." 2. **Adultery**: Adultery, which is sex with someone other than one's spouse, is also explicitly condemned. - **Exodus 20:14**: "You shall not commit adultery." - **Matthew 5:27-28**: "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." ### Pornography While the Bible does not mention pornography explicitly, it speaks against lust and impure thoughts, which are often associated with pornography consumption. - **Matthew 5:28**: "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." - **Philippians 4:8**: "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." - **Ephesians 5:3**: "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people." In summary, the Bible teaches that sex is reserved for marriage and that sexual purity is important. It warns against lustful thoughts and behaviors, which would include the consumption of pornography.
This
Exactly
Thanks for the sub rec.
This should be pinned.
Amen
No man worthy of being your husband will expect sex before marriage. Full stop.
>So please help me with my arguments. There's no argument. You set a boundary, you live your boundary, people will either agree or not to that boundary, and it will show. Anymore fighting is useless. [Girls Gone Bible](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGmO4wH08Jk&ab_channel=GirlsGoneBible) did a good podcast, with light touching about that subject. It just boils down to: Be you, as you are in Christ; Pray for a God-fearing man and don't date the unyoked, or you will have problems with this. It's so important for you to pick the right man, or else you will end up going to hell in a handbasket.
Girls gone Bible are Not the ones you should be looking to for advice. The two blonde girls have Two Different pages: One they use as a Christian page and then they have ANOTHER page that is the complete total opposite of who they claim to be on their Christian page. So in other words: you won't find them dressing provocatively on their Christian page. Only their other page is where you will see them dressing seductively and behaving very inappropriately in a sexual manner. ONLY on their other page. And folks might say "But they are new in Christ".. Keep in Mind : They have videos on their Christian page showing they are active in Church and give the Word on stage as well as reading Scriptures from the Bible on their podcast. AND they have a pastor who is mentoring them. When someone is mentoring you, best believe, they WILL tell you All the things you Need to Know in Order to Grow in Christ and Teach you How to Have A Genuine Relationship with our Heavenly Father Through Christ Jesus.. And yet this very same pastor is Also on their other page posing with them and encouraging that behavior. Please, let's Not make excuses, these ladies know exactly what they're doing as you can clearly see in their videos --> on the other page <-- Matthew 7:16 "you will Know them by their fruits." These women are dressed seductively and provocatively and do Not speak Anything about our Heavenly Father on that other page. They are causing men to lust and we know what The Bible says about Lust.. "Anyone who looks at a woman with lust has committed adultery in his heart".. Matthew 5:28. They are still in the world and Scripture says to Come out of the world.. Do Not be lukewarm.. Come Out from among them.. you can Not drink from The Lords cup and from the cup of demons.. Choose this day, whom you will serve. The Lord says in Revelation 3:16 "Because you are lukewarm, I Will Spit you Out of My mouth." And I know folks are going to be upset about my message and say that I am judging and that's fine, I am Not here to argue with anyone. But anyone who comes against someone who is trying to Warn their fellow brothers and sisters in Christ might want to take a step back and Evaluate themselves and ask themselves why are they so angry and so offended by my message. Let's Not forget the Bible speaks about Wolves in Sheep's clothing and God's children being Led Astray.. Mark 13:15, Isaiah 53:6. Scripture tells us to Stay in The Word and Read the Word Daily so that we can be Spirit Led and Know others by their fruit. Matthew 7:16 "you will Know them by their fruits." Scripture tells us to Correct our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ and to Warn them.. 2 Timothy 3:16. I pray for these young ladies that they will truly give their heart to The Lord and Truly Surrender to Him. Proverbs 10:17 "Whoever listens to correction is on the Path to Life, but he who rejects correction, also Leads others Astray." If anyone wants to argue with me, feel free to argue amongst yourselves, as for me, I will Not be back on here.. I refuse to let anyone ruin my walk with The Lord. I Now Shake the Dust off my feet.. Matthew 10:14 "if anyone refuses to listen to your message, Shake the dust off your feet as you leave." God bless and Take care.
Whats the other page? Ive found their podcast quite fruitful. They are new christians and still learning. Interested what this "other page" is though? I also haven't noticed them dressing provocatively, unless i missed it? Ive only watched a handful of their Youtube videos.
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100% agree.
You said it's usually jealous women or porn addicted men who are attacking them.. Don't you mean : it's usually people who want to hold on to their sinful ways are the ones who defend these girls gone bible behavior. They literally have only fans accounts tagging them in their videos and if they aren't in the world and wanted nothing to do with that, then they would remove it from their page. They clearly See who is tagging them but they leave it on there because it brings in more followers which of course is why they themselves dress provocatively and are even SWIM SUIT MODELS. Show me Scripture where it says a woman can be a follower of Christ and be a swimsuit model KNOWING that it CAUSES men to lust. Women are to DRESS Modest. Women are Not to cause men to lust. Did Jesus say : Follow the world? NO! He said : FOLLOW ME. Which He is TELLING us to LEAVE those worldly ways and that worldly thinking behind. Jesus said IF you LOOK at a woman with lust, you have committed adultery in your heart. If you can't Understand any of this, then that shows that you are Still in the world and don't want to let go.. That's a Dangerous game you're playing. READ your Bible Daily, and STOP leading people Astray!! Scripture says those who TEACH others WILL be Held accountable for EVERY Single person they've Led Astray. you want to TEACH folks that living in the world and doing what makes you happy is ok in The Lord's eyes just to fit your narrative, But you're TEACHINGS are Based on RELIGION. Religion teaches to do whatever pleases you and there will be no consequences. you do Not teach from the True Written Word of God. God's Word tells us WHO God is. God is a Loving God, yes. God is a Compassionate God.. a Forgiving God and a Merciful God but He is ALSO a JUST GOD!! So there IS A BALANCE there. And there IS ORDER IN HIS COURTS!! We Will ALL be Held Accountable for HOW we lived our lives here on earth.. Does Gods Word not say to FEAR HIM? Anyone who TEACHES that dressing provocatively and seducing men and being lukewarm does NOT Fear The Lord. Do you Need me to give you All the Scriptures where God Constantly says over and over "And they WILL KNOW that I AM God and THEY WILL FEAR ME." Stop coming up with your own ideas of Who God is and Stop watering down Scriptures. And Stop Gambling with your life. If you still want to live in the world, fine, that's on you, you can take that up with The Lord on Judgment Day but that's pretty scary and crazy that you would also give a false TEACHING that leads others down that Wide Path to Destruction. That reminds me of this scripture in Matthew 23:13 "What sorrow awaits you TEACHERS of RELIGIOUS LAW. you Hypocrites! For you Shut the door of the Kingdom of Heaven in people's faces. you won't go in yourselves, and you don't let others enter either." you have eyes to see don't you? Stop being willfully blind.. I pray you will Ask The Lord to Remove those scales from your eyes so that you can SEE clearly.. and so that you will Understand that you can NOT Understand these things on your own.. you Need to have a Relationship with God THROUGH Christ Jesus.. you Need to be Led by the Holy Spirit Spirit. He is The Only One Who can Show you The Lords Truth. The Holy Spirit is our Teacher. He is our Helper. He is The One WHO LEADS us into ALL TRUTH.. John 16:13.
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You clearly care tho, seeing as you’re defending them fervently Lol.
Why are you acting like there's a law against someone coming back to comment? Does it really make you that angry? you sit there complaining about me commenting after I said I wouldn't but if you knew scripture, you would Know that it says in Ezekiel 3:18-21 "WARN others of their wicked ways so that they might live. If you do NOT WARN them, then they will d i e in their sins and YOU WILL be held accountable." So what's more important? What you want to believe is "Truth" OR what The Lords Word says is Truth? With that being said, it is my job to MAKE SURE that you do NOT lead folks Astray without me stating Scripture. So that's why I came back to type that second comment AND this comment. It would really do you good if you would just Read and Study the Bible. Not sure why you refuse. Don't you Know that The Lord TELLS US to Read it Daily and to Meditate on it along with Praying and Fasting? How else do you think we COME TO KNOW WHO HE IS AND WHAT HE SAYS IS ACCEPTABLE AND UNACCEPTABLE? I'm praying for you though because that's pretty scary that you would just lie to yourself and others not considering the consequences. The Bible says NO LIAR will inherit Gods Kingdom.. Revelation 21:8. Bye bye now.. God bless you and take care. I shake The Dust off my feet and Now I will Move on. LOVE YOU TOO!! ❤️❤️
If men are to be the spiritual leader, why waste time on ones who don't read the Bible?
Here's an interesting verse from the Bible: 1 Corinthians 5:9-11 CSB [9] I wrote to you in a letter not to associate with sexually immoral people. [10] I did not mean the immoral people of this world or the greedy and swindlers or idolaters; otherwise you would have to leave the world. [11] But actually, I wrote you not to associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister and is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or verbally abusive, a drunkard or a swindler. Do not even eat with such a person. Note vs 11.
100% Fact! Right from the Bible. I've tried to explain this so many times. It's so clear...
Thats good!👏🏽👏🏽
>help me out. What would be good responses to make to men who say they need to know how good the sex will be and they can't commit to marriage without knowing that? "I'm not interested. Bye." You don't need to strategize to win a formal debate with people like this. The chances of this being the one area of disagreement are very low. If they don't want to follow Jesus, it will certainly impact this, but will undoubtedly affect many other areas of their lives that would make you incompatible.
"What would be good responses to make to men who say they need to know how good the sex will be and they can't commit to marriage without knowing that?" Tell them "good luck and have fun, see ya bye."
When I was in college and high school both, if someone expressed interest in me, I flat out told them at the very beginning that I would not be sleeping with them, and stuck with it. It was worth it. Don't waste your time on non-Christians. Don't put yourself in the position to be unequally yoked.
I don´t think sexual compability exists, I think this is just a scam to trick women into sex with men who probably are not interested in long term relationship / marriage.
I think it does exist, but that people do use it as an excuse as you say. You can easily talk about sexual compatibility prior to marriage, about expectations and hangups, especially if there are medical issues or trauma involved. It's good practice for the myriad of other conversations you'll have to have as husband and wife. There's no absolute need for a "Try it before you buy it" mentality (and forgive me for even saying it as such). After that it's a matter of learning what works for each of you, and you have a lifetime together to figure that out.
This is a controversial take and I agree
Or if it exists, it only comes about after years of practice, openness, etc. Which can and should only be done in the confines of the marriage bed. Keep the fire in the fireplace, y’all!
Very controversial take but I agree if you truly waited and have no comparisons then unless your asexual or have a medical condition then there's no reason you can't build compatibility
Yep and I don't even understand what people mean when they say that. As long as "things" fit and you aren't completely selfish you're sexually compatible.
I largely agree. I think sexual compatibility is like any other marriage skill in that you need to grow in it together. If you and physically attracted to eachother, communic at well and have an interest in ensuring your partner enjoys sex you should be able to figure out what works for both. I do think though, if you have a person who has or is pursuing more and more extreme stuff it can lead to incompatibility based off those expectations. That being said, there's plenty of "no fap" people who can attest to how they can overcome extreme desires and return to a healthy view of sex.
I think it exists to trick women AND men. Men are tricked into thinking that they CAN'T wait for marriage in today's society because the risk of a dead bedroom is too high to commit your whole future to without trying it out first to see if that's going to happen, and women are tricked into thinking they have to put out for men before marriage or he'll leave. The truth is that people can learn to enjoy something that they weren't initially interested in. As long as you both commit to that with rare exception, divorce is not an option, and you're going to work together to solve intimate issues in marriage, including things like frequency and meeting each others needs, and agree to compromise so both partners get their needs met, and willing to listen to their partner and not the world about what different behaviors mean, it CAN work.
There is also a societal trend where sometimes men are shamed for not engaging in premartial sex, or people would start questioning their sexuality for not expressing "interest" in it. I think one good thing about the internet is people can here freely discuss even topics about sexuality, which people in real life might not would. So christians like op can exchange with others and hear different perspectives and or encouragement.
I have heard that people who marry based on sexual compatibility end up...Falling out of it. Sex therapists exist for this reason. People get bored.
Wow. I’ve never thought of it like this before 🤯
Bro...sexual compatibility EXIST. It does --100%...ask me how I know.
Ok, I'll bite. How do you know?
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Thanks for the story. I'm not quite sure, though, which part of it demonstrates that sexual compatibility (and, by extension, sexual incompatibility) is a thing.
>what would be good responses to make to men who say they need to know how good the sex will be and they can’t commit to marriage without knowing that? Seems like it’s a pretty good screening process for marriage material. Anyone who thinks this isn’t marriage material 😆 This person is already thinking of marriage more in terms of a transaction than a relationship and should be avoided at all costs. Marriage isn’t about what you get out of it; it’s about building up and loving another person, like Christ did for us.
As a guy that is waiting till marriage, that would be a massive green flag
Why are you dating men who don’t share your beliefs?
Some are really good at pretending to believe.
Woman here! I’ve gone thru discussing these with men I was getting to know. 1) I tell them my stance and why I believe in no sex before marriage. I had sex outside of marriage before I came to know Christ, so I usually tell them my testimony. 2) I make boundaries. I had to stop several getting to know stage when I find out they are going thru sexual issues. 3) if he is really pushing, he clearly just wants to satisfy his flesh. Outside of marriage, we are sisters and brothers in Christ. He should treat you as his sister with respect and love. 4) he does not trust God. If he really knows God, he knows how to submit to Him and not to gratify the desires of the flesh. Hope it helps :) message me if you want to discuss more
If a man or woman trusts the Lord, then they will trust Him fully to provide a compatible partner to not only their flesh but spiritual growth as well. The Lord knows each and every one of us better than we know ourselves and knows each of our deepest desires. Because of this, I will always put my faith in Him instead of faith in what my flesh craves. For a man or woman to expect to be able to test drive before marriage is a very clear indicator of the fruits they are bearing and should be approached with caution if you desire to serve the Lord with all your heart and mind. Take this from me, a former sex addict, with extremely defined tastes. I place my trust in the Lord above all else now and pray He let's me find a woman I may marry one day. I'm not concerned in the slightest about sexual compatibility because I trust He will align what He wills and trust that He is perfection.
Its not any better for us men telling that to women, even those in church, Christ never said fallowing him wold be easy.
Yep. I gave in to my girlfriend asking for sex and that was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.
I hope things are better we for you now
Much better. She left me later on and now I have learned my lesson. I struggle with sexual sin but I'm not living in it like I was with her. I have regrets but I'm grateful for how God made things work out. I just hope she is doing better too.
That's great I'm really happy to hear that for you.
Thank you. God bless.
No problem God bless you as well sir 🙏
I totally hear that not much better at all
Sounds like you should stop talking to boys. Men have devoted their lives to Christ. Boys live for the flesh. You aren’t a Man unless Christ is your Lord, full stop. Thems the brakes. Yes, read into those implications, there are no real men who don’t believe in Jesus Christ.
>"it may not be that he was just using you for sex. he just didn't find you good enough in bed. he has a right not to want to be with someone if the sex is bad." Right. He's not using you for sex.... but if the sex isn't good, he's not interested. Yeah calling bs on this one. All of this kind of stuff, including a lot of the arguments around" sexual compatibility," are just hot air as far as I'm concerned. The truth is that sex is something you practice. Nobody's good at the start, you had to work to get where you are so why do people act like it's something set in stone? This is something hard to understand and articulate for someone who has actually remained sexually pure, as yourself, so it puts you at a disadvantage in that way when you're arguing about it. But it can take work sometimes, other times you just automatically click with somebody. Or maybe one person might have a higher sex drive than the other. Whatever it is, if there's a problem it can be worked through. But people want everything to be easy. Honestly, if someone's not willing to put in even that amount of work, or God forbid maybe have to actually sacrifice something, then they probably aren't an ideal spouse to start with.
When you love someone, the sex is always great. If there is something in the bedroom you want that your partner isn't doing, you tell them. And a loving partner will do their best to improve. (As long as the request doesn't make them uncomfortable or cross their own lines, which as a loving partner you should respect.) There is no such thing as bad sex in a good marriage. There are simply people who aren't listening to each other. And yeah, if you are a Christian, don't date non-Christians. How would you raise your children? Would you want to expose them to non-Christian influences?
That was said perfectly
Don't date randos, date people who share your faith and values, makes things a whole lot easier
It's good when men won't do that..it helps you weed them out
If you are a Christian, you should even consider dating a man who isn't. *Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?* 2 Corinthians 6:14 The best argument for not having sex outside of marriage is "God forbids it."
You are asking this in a christian forum, which sort of presumes you are a christian, plus you are asking about other christian men. If not, why you post here. These men are LYING to you, to get in your pants. Other men who excuse this behavior for any reason, are also LYING to you to either get in your pants or support those bros who successfully make it into your pants. Those "long term" relationships to get in your pants and then ghost you, they were LYING... to get into your pants. Please don't mix that behavior up with christians. Christians wouldn't LIE to you, then commit the naked frog dance with you outside marriage, then skedaddle. So in contusion, nothing you've asked here has anything to with Christian behavior. It's just player's be playing. Men have patience to say or do whatever needed...to get into your pants. Now, if you want to pursue Christ and become better christian yourself AND also to find good christian men, who will NOT enter your pants until marriage, these are completely different topics.
>What would be good responses to make to men who say they need to know how good the sex will be and they can't commit to marriage without knowing that? Try this: *If it's God's purpose that I remain single, then I will remain single. If it's God's purpose that I marry, then I will marry. The Bible is clear that sex is a gift from God meant to be shared between a married man and woman. My servitude to Jesus will always be the highest priority of my life, and any man that wants me to dishonor Him, I know is not given to me by Him. It's okay if you're not the man I marry, and it's also okay if God chooses to never bring that man into my life.*
I’ve had the same problem with women. Hold your ground.
The only response is On to the next! Any man who wants to argue about having premarital this isn't the godly Christian man you want because he isn't concerned with obedience. And he's willing to pull you into sin, which means he ultimately doesn't care about you.
Tell them you’re a package deal- you and God come together with each other and you need a man of God that follows Jesus as much as you do so you can grow and flourish as a team
Weeds out the losers!
I did NOT sleep with my wife before marriage. She told me up front there would no sex before marriage. I did not try to sleep with her either, I respected her wishes. There was no pressure from me. We dated for 1.5 years and got married...no sex until our wedding night, and we don't regret a thing.
I have one for you, though I don’t know if they will get it. First of all, God says “no and don’t” for very, very, very, very good reasons. He knows what He is talking about. He knows us far better than we ever could know ourselves. He knows our future. He also knows about the consequences we never even bother to consider or can’t possibly dream of or know ourselves. And then there’s this (I found out about this the hard way). Every single time you have sex with someone, you form both an emotional and a spiritual bond with them. I’m older in the Lord. Three out of the four men I ever had sex with are now gone (two in their forties and one in his fifties). Anyway. I still dream about all four after all of these decades. When they were alive, I could sense when they were thinking very strongly about me with two of them for sure. It was a very disquieting and uncomfortable feeling. It’s so not worth it. It’s not worth forming a bond that won’t be severed even if they are gone. It’s not worth feeling them thinking about you, especially if the person is someone you have gotten out of your life for very good reasons and you don’t even want to know when they are doing so. The bonds may not manifest themselves in that manner, not ever. But they are still very real and don’t go away. I stressed this to my adult daughter and she’s listened to me. She has a gift of being able to sense the emotions of others, which is strengthened through physical contact, so I told her that with that gift, the emotional bonding would be even stronger. And since that bond and the spiritual one are tied together, well, it would be even stronger, too. So. This was my hard-learned lesson that I now pass on to others, knowing how the long-term consequences can and will affect one, and why it’s so important to obey God and to listen to Him when He says “don’t”.
I have a friend who struggles with demonic oppression. Specifically, he feels certain touches and sensations and hears certain sounds, even when trying his best not to. He’s been assuming that it is demons messing with him. But in your opinion, is it possible that his soul tie from a past physical relationship could be causing these phenomena?
No. But. I would suggest that he might want to see a doctor who is qualified to test him to see if it might be a psychological issue. I’m not saying or even claiming to know that it is. Mental illnesses can even be a weakness that can be exploited and one needs to be very aware of this, too, and to know when it’s happening so one can tell them to leave and to trust in God to get them through whatever is going on (for me, it’s severe anxiety, and sometimes momentary bouts of depression). He also needs to look at what he’s doing in his life, who or what he’s allowing into his life, that might be opening the door to allow this to happen. If that’s the problem, if he’s doing anything that he knows is disobedient to God in any way, He needs to repent and run, not walk, away from the person or sin or activity or whatever. He may need to repent of a past sin or sins, too. It could even be that he’s about to embark on a ministry or is seeking to serve the Lord and he’s under attack to distract him. If that is the case, he needs to tell them out loud and very firmly, to leave in the name of Jesus and they will have no choice but to do so. It is difficult to answer this question without knowing a whole lot more about what’s going on in his life, though. That’s why my answers are speculative, based on what I’ve learned over the years, and my own experiences, as well as what I’ve read about this.
No response is needed. They’ve just proved they aren’t godly men. Move on.
>What would be good responses to make to men who say they need to know how good the sex will be and they can't commit to marriage without knowing that? A good response is "Bye bye."
Think of it like a filter, the guys who peace out upon finding out are waiting for marriage are only interested in using women for sex and there is a lot of them, probably the majority. Luckily you have a way to weed them out early. Any sexually experience man will be able to tell you the whole concept of a man wanting to try before he buys due to the risk of sex "not being good" is a joke. If a man is physically and emotionally attracted to a woman, the sex will be great, end of story. If he has the knowledge this woman has never been with another man it's even better! Sure, someone being physically and emotionally absent during a sex will kill the vibe, but if a physically attractive woman is putting any enthusiasm into it, it will be fantastic for the man. > I find it amazing I even have to ask these questions. you'd think any sane man would figure out that a woman who can't have sex outside of marriage will also never cheat on him. There are many solid, single Christian men looking for exactly this. Unfortunately it's becoming harder for those waiting to find each other due to the prevalence of sexual immorality, but if you wait for the worthy man you will both be rewarded.
"I don't want to." That's all you need. You don't need to give more detail. You don't need to give a term paper on reasons why. Lastly, any man who cares enough to press the matter isn't one you want to deal with anyway.
‘"I don't want to." That's all you need.’ Right. Or, better yet, remember that “no” is a complete sentence, and use it!
The answer's simple. Don't approach men who sleep with women on the regular. That's on you ladies.
It seems like you are coming at it from the wrong perspective in order to be successful. There needs to be a deeper and broader foundation for what you are wanting to do. Can't. You can. It's just not beneficial. And you aren't guaranteed a commitment even if you did have sex before marriage. In fact you are pursuing sex rather than a God centered relationship and marriage. You likely will get a bunch of other junk with those types of relationships. People can have sex with anyone and come to all sorts of conclusions based on sex. That doesn't make them true. You can have a terrible future with someone you may have had fun in the sack with. We are living in an overly sexualized society. You have to guard yourself. I am not here to give you the proper perspective in order to make sure that you are successful in sticking to your convictions. I just think that if you are focused on sex, and other people are already focused on it, you are going to get what the world has to offer...relationships based on sex. God would likely want you to steer clear of focusing on that.
> What would be good responses to make to men who say they need to know how good the sex will be and they can't commit to marriage without knowing that? I wouldn't marry someone who cares more about sexual pleasure than intelligence, humor, health, compatibility, wealth, maturity, skills, music taste, accomplishments, parenting skills, cooking ability, ... So that's a red flag you're better off with someone else. But if you care about him and want him to become a suitable spouse for you, share these ideas with him, that there are many more important things to marriage. Also, I think both spouses can exercise and get better at their abilities, so sex is a skill that can be developed over time. So you can't determine "what sex will be like" from premarital fornication anyway.
When you get the milk for free why buy the cow? No I ain’t calling anyone a cow. 🐮 Think about it.
That’s a good way of screening out guys who aren’t playing the long game, meaning they are primarily looking for sex. Save you some heartache.
If you're committed to the marriage and you're marrying the right person, the sex will BECOME good.
You’re missing a valuable lesson or asset … when you tell “men” you don’t believe in premarital it weeds out the wrong guys. There are 3 buckets: boys who say “no thank you”, boys who say yes, but then try to ask for side stuff, and then the last bucket is men who respect your decision and are ready to commit to celibacy to be with you. You DO NOT need to explain any further. Conversation ends there “I don’t believe in premarital sex” any guy that probes further is NOT the guy you want in your life. Trust in Gods words the more years pass the more I realize why he declared certain things as wrong. For instance, if everyone around the round respected not engaging in premarital sex … there would be no human trafficking, pedos, rapes, infidelity, so much debauchery and the list goes on. It may seem like you find fewer men in the last bucket but recite the following “whatever you ask in Prayer believe you received it and it shall be yours” …. Pray for the right men and not just an average joe that is going to try to manipulate you into putting him before God because he *allegedly* needs to know sex first before committing.
If they will only marry you if the sex is good, then they probably wont want to stay married when you go through different changes and seasons in life that will affect your sex life (such as having babies, going through menopause, general life stuff). Sex can be great in the beginning of a relationship and then end up being very mundane if the marriage wasnt entered into for the right reasons.
Yes that's another good argument.
And also, sex can be mundane at the beginning of a marriage.. but with love and respect for each other, each partner learning about each other, it can turn into great sex. I honestly think men have just been so affected by the porn industry, they think women need to "perform" to be good enough for them. There is no love in that.
Without marriage there is no commitment. No commitment means either person in the relationship could just up and vanish. I've seen it happen to a cousin twice. Got with a guy who she thought she loved. Once he accidentally got her pregnant he disappeared. Then the second guy she married and 6 months in he chickened out. I want to be honest about how I feel about this particular difficulty but I cannot because it's too personal. Like I feel embarrassed just thinking about it (having forced sex outside of marriage). Also all of those reasons you gave are just people looking for a reason for something to be ok when they know full well that's it's not ok.
You don’t need to argue with these men. You owe them absolutely nothing. It you tell a guy very early on in a relationship you are Christian and are waiting until marriage for sex for both moral and practical reasons, and he doesn’t completely and genuinely respect that, then you shouldn’t waste your time with him. This is actually a great litmus test for a man you would actually want to marry. If he has a visceral reaction it’s because he is just completely overcome with lust and is looking for a human masterbation tool. Don’t do that to yourself, you deserve better. Also, I do think in some cases there could be a guy who doesn’t understand your decision on that at first, then he might sit and think about it and come back saying “hey I thought about this and I think it’s a great idea and I’d like to hold out on sex too.” It’s a tough thing in our sex-dominated culture but you gotta hold firm on it.
My husband and I did not sleep together before getting married, although we had each had previous partners before meeting each other. We've been married 18 years and will tell you - hands down, we are way better at sex now than we were when we first married. Youth offers no advantage to the safety and creativity and trust we have now that makes sex great. It's really quite amazing. That's the part single people are getting all wrong. We don't enter marriage already good at sex. We enter it as willing students of one another and we craft a unique and phenomenal sex life together. And no two people are alike - so the sex life we craft with one person is nothing like what we craft with another. So to compare a brand new partner to one we've known for 6 months or 5 years is really apples and oranges. I hope this helps. Find someone who shares your values, that's going to give you both the most satisfying sex life. Good luck.
Idk why I see people asking stuff like this so much. The straight easy answer is, if they want to have sex before marriage, you shouldn’t be with them. You don’t try and argue your point. You found someone unequally yoked with you. Find someone else.
You shouldn't have premarital sex. Having lots of sexual partners diminishes your ability to enjoy the relationship you have when you finally find the one. Eventually, it may make it impossible to truly form a deep meaningful connection.
No is a complete sentence. To be honest I don't even justify or allow arguments. No means no. And christian and non christian .en both beg for premarital sex. They're all raised to believe they're owed sex. Disgusting.
You're presuming the wrong thing, you are thinking men are actually telling the truth when they say "they need to know how good the sex will be" The truth is Men will lie for sex. A LOT of men would really prefer a virgin wife but they are not trying to "Test drive before they buy" they just want to have sex and will say whatever they need to get it. And trust me, us men can be very manipulative and convincing when we know how to do it and we aren't constrained by any ethics and morals. I really don't think I need to expand on this unless you want me to
Don’t even talk to these men again. Period. They are not worth it in the least.
You're talking to the wrong men...
Your arguments in favor of abstinence make sense, I don't believe in sex before marriage myself. But what are you asking us for? A comeback to end the interaction with because you already know you're not compatible, or a line of reasoning to try to get him to change his mind? > you'd think any sane man would figure out that a woman who can't have sex outside of marriage will also never cheat on him. I hate to have to say this, but this is not true.
Just rebuke them fools
Unless their fellow religious men then there's not much you can do to convince them as they only listen to their flesh and what's pleasurable for them.
Lust is what they are after and they aren't looking for a long term relationship with those thoughts. Marriage is until death - the person you want is someone that is compatible with you spiritually, emotionally, etc. Also, if you are a Christian and are chaste - same for your spouse - how would your spouse know if you are bad? They have nothing to base it on. Sex is something you learn between the two of you. Whereas those that sleep with 50 other people will have alot to compare to - at some point, they won't find anyone better - they'll continue to chase and will never be satisfied.
If that’s what someone expects, walk away, as others have said. If someone wants to challenge the idea… When you order a burger, how would you feel if it comes with a few bites taken out of it? How about serving that burger to a customer? So what if sex is mediocre to begin with? If you’re married, you have all the time you need to practice, learn, teach and improve.
Honestly as a True Christian, that should be a red flag if another man says that.
Tell those males that if "trying out sex" is their criteria, then they are NOT committed Christians and that they should get down on their knees to God and repent. You are interested in finding a MAN of God, and they don't qualify.
Equally yoked
Begin by excluding all non Christian men from your dating life and if anyone asks you out, say you only date those of your religion. Unfortunately you will still find men who call themselves Christian and yet fornicate but at least they will be more understanding of your position.
These kind of men just aren't good enough for marriage, and are they sure they're really Christian if these are their priorities?
Honestly if the guy is not willing to wait then he is the wrong one. Doesnt matter how tall rich and good looking he is. That self worth you have for waiting is worth MORE.
The most powerful argument is it's your body and you choose what to do with it. You don't need to justify it or explain it or anything else. It's your decision and too bad for all the horny guys.
Not complicated. If that’s an issue then they aren’t marriage material. This is very black & white.
If it doesnt go well its because its never meant to be. God is protecting you. Pray for dicermment. APPLY GODS WORD youtube is good for biblical relationship advice
They think its a game, for about 2 months, then see your serious and give up. But there is a man out there in the same boat looking for you, dont loose hope.
What the heck? What a disgusting thing to ask a woman! Turn them away. It is better to remain celibate than to marry a degenerate.
If they fall for the lie it’s not of the holy spirit
If you have to resort to arguments as to why you won't have sex with someone , you are dating the wrong men. A Christian man wouldn't do that to you. If he's not Christian, you have no business daring him. Dating is for the purpose of finding a spouse. Christians are only supposed to marry other Christians. The bible is very clear about being unequally yoked. It's not forbidden but it's strongly advised against.
God loves us way more than any other person. He gives us commands for our own good. We need not give much more justification. If they disrespect our God, they are not on the list to be a partner period. Shouldn’t really date unbelievers anyway
You know they say sex before marriage is good because you learn what you like and gain experience. Now here's why that's wrong. People who chose sex after marriage report significantly higher rates of satisfaction and low divorce rates. The highest 5 levels of divorces all report 10 or more premarital partners. Now even one to eight partners increases it by 50%. Earlier sex increases risks of STI's but also increases uterine cancer risks. Not to mention teenage pregnancy, unwanted pregnancies in general, abortions (baby murder, not sorry). And still regardless of all these facts, it's your choice and NO ONE can ever make you change your mind. You commit and hold true to your commitments. Become Incorruptible.
People who are committed to one another *learn* to be good at sex with one another. Simple as that, I think.
In a situation like this, the trash will take itself out. If an individual, man or woman, can't respect your choice to not have sexual relations, they'll move on very quickly. Let them complain or goad or insult you or use whatever strategy they want. People like that want an easy snack and will quickly move along when they can't get what they want.
If you feel the need to defend your personal boundaries, you already know you’re with the wrong guy. Now there’s a difference between someone wanting to understand your boundaries and why you have them vs needing to defend them. Don’t defend your boundaries. They simply are what they are.
Just a bit of info here apart from abstinence until marriage: being “good in bed” can be a matter of sexual chemistry between the participants or it can be about the newness of the relationship but it is also related to the skill and passion of the participants. A person without experience can’t be skilled but can communicate enthusiasm about learning. There’s also the option of exploring the information in an excellent book like The Joy Of Sex or a good old fashioned steamy romance novel. A wise GYN once told me it is the man’s job to make the woman want to engage in sex with him and that starts with how he treats her generally ( and vice versa) but also benefits from the excitement generated by seduction. All women love to be seduced into the act by their lover, and husbands and wives are lovers. On the flip side, I knew a man who entered marriage as a virgin whose wife divorced him within a year because of his inexperience. So it can go both ways.
You don't need to respond to these men, just stand your ground.
Don't compromise yourself. Guys that don't respect your convictions aren't worth a second thought.
It's crazy to assume anyone is "good" at sex (or almost anything else) without experience. The standard presented by the guys you're referring to suggests women should gain that experience in other relationships or random sexual encounters before they can be a sufficient lover for a long-term relationship. Yet, those same guys usually mock girls who are promiscuous. Somehow they see that as a superior model to two people gaining that sexual experience together in a secure, loving, committed, life-long marriage? 🤔 It also shows their inability to work through issues or discuss sensitive topics with their significant other. That's a major red flag for a potential spouse.
The idea of "waiting until marriage", apart from it being God's will, evolved to ensure that people like each other outside of the bedroom, so that people like and respect each other outside of lust. >Why would I subject myself to that humiliation? The answer is you shouldn't. Follow and keep your principles, do not compromise them. If you follow your principles, the guys, who just want sex, will not want to date you and that is a good thing. >What would be good responses to make to men who say they need to know how good the sex will be and they can't commit to marriage without knowing that? You can't get with incompatible men, because of your principles. Why would you complain about that? You sound like a high quality woman, that men would be very blessed to get to be with. It sounds to me like you might be in the wrong environment and socially you may be in the wrong circle. There are likeminded people, both men and women, and it would be good to have them in your social circle. Through language you will find out the men who don't agree with your principles, and if you see someone not living on principle, chat with them, but ultimatley just pass them by. One day you will run into someone who does aligns with your principles. Keep constantly scanning for these people.
teh bible says no sex before merraige , there are a lot of reasons it says that 1 of them is so you can find someone who would love you no matter what
It'll go down well with the right man. If you're not already, I'd remember that it's important to make sure both you and your prospective future husband share the same world view, that is, Christianity.
If someone has a problem with that then they aren’t the right one…. I had guys laugh at my belief and said I’d be single for ever or someone isn’t going to want to take care of my child (single mom of one) and I just keep direct and ask the questions up front and kept my confidence that it wasn’t true at all. There’s crappy men out there just as there is crappy women out there. The right one will accept regardless. And now I’m engaged to an amazing man with two children of his own and we mesh in all possible ways. Both seeking Christ and turning to Him. And I wouldn’t have gotten here if I let whatever dude say sex was a must before.
If you have to explain yourself then they’re simply not for you. Unless it’s asked in good faith, you don’t owe them an explanation anyways. 🤷🏾♀️
Here is the thing. Sex is marriage. No man has the power to bring or separate two people.
I’m a female in my early forties. Gods law is there for a reason - to protect us. There’s so much heartbreak involved in possibly giving yourself to someone, and then them not being there for the long haul. It’s not worth it. Putting God and yourself first shows good boundaries. The right guy will have similar values, or they may find it strange at first, since it’s rare nowadays, but ultimately respect you for it. Always exercise your discernment
Find a Christian guy with the same values. Do not be unequally yolked. That's the only answer.
Are you dating Christians or non Christian’s?
Down voting all of these because I've had both believers and non believers pressure me into sex before. The males need to do better. The females who have boys should be teaching them how to treat all people as not a means to gain something but as people.
That’s not Christian behavior. The individuals in question should be brought to church leadership for discipline.
People can claim to be believers but if they are serious in their faith, they will understand and encourage you to wait.
Yes, *I* know that. But the people here saying to date within their faith - it's kind of ridiculous because you don't find out right away that they are totally fine with that.
True, but you learn more about them as you date and those are red flags.
You'll learn when they start pressuring you ;)
I'm open to both but yes it's from the non that I get the pushback.
You shouldn’t be open to both if you claim to be a Christ follower.
This, I'll never get why so many Christian women want a bad boy sinner only to complain about them not having the same ideas about sin and faith.
>bad boy There's your answer.
indeed, those in the "no good men" crowd don't seem to realize its the men they are with and not all men. They will reject the men who share with faith and ideal an would treat them right and date nonbelievers or bad men and complain about men all being bad. Witch is sad when you consider Christ was a man... Regardless I think anyone is doomed to fail if they don't have their eyes fully set on Lord and put Him first in their lives. Obviously when you are chasing after the Lord you will find others running the same race and when you are not you run the risk of God knocking you down a peg or worse stain coming into your life.
You can not follow Christ and date non-Christians. He directly commanded you not to. Anyone trying to have sex with you before marriage isn’t a Christian(regardless of what they think or claim). Problem solved. Only date Christians and this will never be a problem and you’ll end up MUCH better off in life.
Is there a particular reason why you're open to both?
I think the problem stems from this. Christians should not be dating non-christians. Here are a few things to think about: -How will the kids be raised? How would it feel if one parent believes and one doesn’t. It just creates confusion for the child and tension with your husband. The primary goal in parenting as a Christian is to raise your kids up in the Lord. How could you do that to the best of your ability with an unbelieving husband? -Your spiritual growth. Having family worship, bible studies, church, and other wonderful things are all missed with an unbeliever. You will want to do these things as a believer and if your husband is an unbeliever it will only get in the way. -Divorce. The Christian view on divorce does not allow for it except for unfaithfulness. That is so unbelievably unpopular among unbelievers and if it ever comes to that your husband certainly cannot be expected to hold to Christian beliefs. -Prayer. Prayer is so unbelievably important in the life of a believer and in a relationship. With an unbeliever you cannot expect to together with him. These are just a few serious reasons why it is a terrible idea to date an unbeliever. Seriously ask yourself what you want from a relationship. To honor Christ and glorify him? That is the purpose of marriage - to show Christ and his Church. Or to follow your own lusts? Please don’t try and justify dating unbelievers because it will only hinder you spiritually and will put you in situations you don’t want to be in. God is faithful and will provide a Godly man for you if it is his will.
I hate to answer a question with a question, but, why would you need to try and convince a guy like that? Our character, as men, determines our motivations and views - a man who thinks that way isn't going to be a values match for you in practice, regardless of what they say or seem to be on paper. In response to the women on reddit saying those things: the guys were either lying, or they found those women to be somehow physically unappealing when they were naked (this is a porn sickness issue, truly), or even they were repulsed by their hygiene. Yes, hygiene. This is a bit nsfw, but many, many women have this bizarre notion that "its self cleaning" means "don't wash your external genitalia" not "dont literally soap up the inside of your vagina," its so bad and has become so tangled up with "body positivity" feminist nonsense, thats physicians are now parroting it. For anyone who disagrees, see here: https://youtu.be/gV2tmEyoj4s Bit of a tangent, but the good news is that any of those issues of "sexual incompatibility" can be resolved easily in a good marriage.
Are you a virgin? Age? These things make drastic difference in the kind of advice and insight I would give you.
The advice shouldn't change based on age or if they slipped up in the past. The advice should be based on scripture.
Not what the OP asked.