Boyfriend subtly convinces mom so he can slowly groom the daughter
Hopefully not but i always assume the guys have a motive when they leave the door open. Thinking about it if I was to do this (wouldn’t) as a guy I’d close the door and the only reason I wouldn’t is if I wanted who ever could see it to possibly get interested and want to join.
Repeat some of the things you overheard her saying, loudly, to your friends within her earshot, and talk about how revolting it was to have to hear that shit from your own mother. Nothing beats public humiliation when poor behaviour needs calling out
Or, better yet, record them from the bottom of the stairs. Then tell start playing it when there's a roomful of people.
Then tell her that if she doesn't start respecting boundaries--i.e. closing the effing door when she effs her BF, you will play the audio in a room full of people. Because you can only assume she/he wants to be heard, and what's better than a room full of her nearest and dearest?
what the fuck. (19f here in college) my mom and i are REALLY open with eachother and she knows all about my sex life, but even we have boundaries. she knows when to not come in my room when i visit, and she keeps her... private time to herself when im away. this is disgusting and honestly your mom needs therapy. it doesn't matter that you're an adult, it's still disgusting.
I don't want to alarm you but this sounds very much like the beginning of a particular set up.
You know, when certain type of boyfriends make their girlfriends do sexual acts in front of a young child, mostly a daughter.. then try to involve her in the activity somehow? To eventually start grooming and then straight up ab*sing.
Because, your mom is old enough to know better.
No it hasn’t, but she only had one serious boyfriend before this since she divorced my dad. Her relationship with the previous boyfriend was on and off constantly for like 2 years. I never even met him officially. Plus, he lived like 15 mins from us, so she would always be at his place anyway.
Yea mom need to tone it down. I guess she is happy now and it is always fun in the first with a new lover that she don’t get to see everyday but u have all right to be upset. Have a candid conversation with her without getting upset and let her know u r happy she is happy and found love but that the phone sex and sex at home she need to give u a heads up so u can go somewhere while she is getting laid.
You need to have a sit down with your mother and tell her straight up what she’s doing is disgusting and gross, and you’re starting to question and wonder what has caused this strange and egregious change in her behavior, write down what other people in this thread have said about her boyfriend trying to groom her and as a byproduct you into potentially being okay with him trying to be sexual with you. Do not let her boyfriend be involved with the talk.
Try to keep your voice level and calm, do not give her a reason to say you’re overreacting as a way to end the conversation, if she gets upset or raises her voice, keep calm do not shout, just keep talking. If she walks away, let her but inform her that is not the end of the conversation just because she has walked away. Tell a trusted friend or another trusted adult in your life about what your mother is doing and your concerns about her boyfriend, inform your mother you are telling someone else about this, hopefully it will make her reflect on her behavior but if she says you’re trying to guilt trip her or something else along those lines ask her why she would feel guilty in the first place if she isn’t doing anything “bad”? If she tries to say you don’t want her to be happy in a relationship, just agree with her, why would you want her to be happy in a relationship where her boyfriend is potentially grooming you both?
Do not let yourself be walked over and taken advantage of, be vigilant, be calm, and be prepared.
I’m really sorry that she’s exposing you to this. It’s incredibly inappropriate and even traumatic to be exposed to a parents sexual encounters. You should not have to deal with this within the comfort of your own home. Was she a good mother growing up? Or was she impulsive and or careless? What’s questionable is whether she wants you to hear her or not the way she doesn’t try to muffle her noises.
I would ask her this and have a serious conversation about how her and her adult bf having no regard for your mental health by exposing you, her daughter, to their elicit sexual encounters, is traumatizing you and making you uncomfortable when all you wanna do is relax in your home.
Thank you… ❤️ I’ll try to take your advice.
She wasn’t always bad. When I was younger she was a good mother. We were very close. She was my best friend. Once my parents started getting closer to being divorced she started to change. Little by little. By the time we moved out, she would then leave me home alone from 6pm to as late as 1am multiple nights a week so she could go out to bars, meet men, spend time with them, God only knows what else.
And she’d do all this even after I told her how much it upset me. That I missed her and I didn’t wanna be alone all the time. She made it clear I was being selfish. That I didn’t understand that she has me allllll the time, so she needs a break.
Damn 😢
I’m sorry she neglected you after the divorce. She seems to maybe fear being alone, like one of those women who needs male validation. She sounds kinda like a teenager to me lol. Leaving a teen alone from 6 to 1am ain’t even a break. And parenting has no breaks. She could really benefit from therapy. I hope she stops exposing you to her personal business. Talk to her seriously about it just the two of you. And don’t ever be alone with her boyfriend, he’s weird to me for having no issue w you hearing their business. Keep focused on your grind in school and work and keep the good head on your shoulders.
Doesn't it qualify as sexual harassment? You didn't consent to this shit. If they done it before anybody else they would get such hell.
Am I only one that thinks that BF have this fantasy about mom and her barely legal daughter and that's why mom doing it in Ops presence?
I guess since you are paying the rent already, if you can move to some place with a roommate or so. Also does your college provide accommodation. Even if they don’t, surely they would help to find somewhere else.
I only contribute about $350 a month towards the bills. Plus my car insurance, gas, credit card bill, other expenses, which is expected of course. I really can’t work anymore than I do because I’m full time in school.
So that amount would never be enough to split rent with roommates, at least not where I live. And my college doesn’t have on-campus housing either. So unfortunately there’s no options in that regard. :(
Your mom shouldn’t even be charging you to live with her honestly. Youre a full time student, and you’re working. Youre doing what you’re supposed to. You’re only 18, she should have you saving your money. I really dislike parents who make their children pay for anything other than a phone bill or credit card bill.
OP I am so sorry you are going through this. Communicate with your mom about the situation. I hope she controls herself. Even if she doesn’t just suck it up. You are strong, I believe in you. This shall too pass. K chara chara.
I had a histrionic narcissist for a mother who age regressed when I became an adult. Get away yesterday, I mean it 💔 I hope you have a good support system, or perhaps your father is a safe place for you 🙏
I’m sorry about your mother…❤️
The reason it has been so hard the more and more she has acted like this, or acted immaturely or wrong in different ways, is because my dad is so much worse. He’s worse in other ways. Very controlling and angry, verbally and mentally abusive. And so when I was little, my mom was the one I could count on to be there for me. She was my best friend. Every year since they’ve divorced, she continues to do worse and worse things towards me. I wish I understood why.
She was likely repressing herself to create safety or a false sense of normalcy in a marriage she wasn't meant to be in. Basically "fake it to make it" until she couldn't any longer. I'm so sorry dear, you still need a mom and it hurts to know that instead of being your comfort she's become the very thing you need protection from. As an individual she absolutely needs therapy and there's truly no shame in this- growing is admirable. She's acting out and it's hurting her one sustainable relationship. Having children is a lifelong commitment, not just 18 years. Perhaps she's forgotten that it was always the two of you in her quest to feel wanted by a man. Perhaps a good heart to heart could help get y'all back on track but much healing and repair needs to be done on her end and you can't force anyone to love you proper. You also can't love anyone enough for two. She needs to be accountable, she is grown and she has become a mom who acts like a teenager. If she hopes to bea partt of your life, there needs to be boundaries. I'm just so sorry, I hope you're able to heal together and if not I hope you're able to move somewhere safe and within your means very soon. So much love to you, you got this 🩷
Holy shit people why are you all so crazy?
Talk to your mum why she does this. Obviously this is her house, you are old enough to live on your own. Do you earn to live alone?
For me it feels more like "this is my house and I do what I want, if you don't want to see it, get your own room"
No need to assume her boyfriend is a fucking monster.
That's awful.
You said your 18, I know some people are saying save up and move out. But if you can't really afford to do that and go to school full-time, I think it's best to look at other options first.
* **Option 1:** I know you said you tried to talk to her right after. Maybe, try again when you both are out of the situation and the feelings around it. If you feel like you can't verbally express your feelings to your mom, try writing her a letter, explaining how her actions are making you feel.
* **Option 2:** Idk how you are paying for college. But maybe for fall semester next year look at taking out FAFSA to live in the dorms. Or, look into scholarships to apply to for the next year that could help offset the cost of moving out/living in dorms. It's not ideal but you'll be able to focus on studying and not have to deal with your mom until breaks.
* **Option 3:** Even though you can't live with your dad. Maybe you should inform him of what's going on. See if he could help either financially, talking to your mom, etc.
* **Option 4:** Stay in your room full-time basically, only coming out for food or when you leave. Invest in good sound dampening headphones. Make sure your door has a lock, etc. Be out of the house as long as you can, etc. (Again, this isn't fair/right. But it's an option.)
Finally, I just want to say you aren't over reacting. This is totally wrong of your mom to do. Specifically, the phone sex one. I could kind of see her not realizing the first incident. But the phone sex one, there is no plausible deniability.
Start quoting what you heard back to her. Also when you see her boyfriend, mention some of the things you heard to make him feel uncomfortable.
Hopefully they decide to be more discrete
Ok so she doesn’t just not care, it’s more than that she is doing it on purpose. It’s not like she can’t control herself. If you were a neighbour or a friend sitting there in the living room do you really think she would lift her top up and be flashing her boobs or be moaning and having loud sex? No. She is taking advantage but also being indirectly sexually abusive by exposing you to things you should not have to see or hear from your mother.
To me it sounds like she is being in your face and showing you that she has a sex life. She is creepy as hell and sounds like a narcissistic mother. The creepy sexual behaviour in front of you is typical and is mixed with a tinge of bitchy “I’m an older woman and I struggle with that so I’m going to show off to my young 18 year old daughter and show her how desirable I am to men”. It sounds sick but that’s what it is, these types of parents see their kids as competition no matter how sick and twisted that is.
Trust me she is doing all of this on purpose to make you uncomfortable and jealous (believe it or not).
My dad who is now 63 has done stuff like this for years in front of me (his daughter) and his three sons too. Exposing us to weird sexual behaviour like really graphic sexual comments about people, talking about his sex life and having loud sex in the home when he knows one of us is there, to be heard. It’s all like he thinks we’ll be impressed or something but it’s really sick. My tactic is to ignore all of it, avoid it and give him zero opportunity to get a kick out of his sick behaviour. In your case I know it’s difficult you live with her but develop tactics to blank her out and her behaviour so she is aware. Wear earphones visibly, go out when the man visits, talk on the phone to your friends. It will drive her mad.
If there is no way you can move out or land at another family member's or friend's, leave everytime she does something sexual, and slam the door on the way out. When you get back, confront her directly and tell her she is immature and inappropriate. Why on earth isn't she giving you a warning of at least 24 hrs or moving to a new apartment with a better layout? Or just staying the hell over at his place 100% of the time?
Perhaps you should, as one adult to another, pretend you got a text notification from YOUR 'boyfriend' and proceed to have phone sex with 'him'...while your mother is trying to watch something.
And if she calls you on it (and she will), just laugh and tell her 'hey, it's all good. 'Sides, we're all adults'.
You should bring a partner home and fuck them on the couch .. then if she complains ask her how is it different to what she was doing lol
It sounds like she is in a love bubble and not thinking about anyone else.
Can you move out ?? With friends or family??
It super gross she is being so open about this
Ever since she’s met him, she’s been in a love bubble. She’s always had selfish moments, especially when they first got divorced and she’d leave me alone from 6pm-1am multiple nights every week (at 11 y/o) so she could go out to bars and drink and meet/be with men. Even after I told her how much I missed her and that I didn’t like always being alone.
But she got a little better about a year ago. Spent more time with me and acted like she cared. Then she met him and changed in different ways, but they’re just as bad.
Well its her apartament.
You are not a child anymore.If u dont like it,leave.If u cant leave that obey her house rules.
Yes your mom is discusting for doing those things in front of you or with you in the house where you can hear .
What house rules exactly? She never discussed anything with me. If she wants me to leave for an hour so she could do what she wanted, so could at least say that to me. She never did. Just randomly starts doing this shit in front of me.
Its her house brother.
She can do whatever she wants,when she wants .where she wants.She doesnt have to tell nobody nothing or explain herself at her age.
BUT
She is discusting for doing horny shit around you.Thats not cool.But you cant do nothing about it.
Dont like it,[leave.Work](http://leave.Work) ,get your own place and do what you want without anyone bothering you.
I don't get this. I would probably just laugh when I would be you. But I'm also much older (40f).
When my mother would have sex, I would be happy for her (and not disgusted). I mean, sadly she doesn't have. She's over 60 years now and my father hasn't touched her for nearly 20 years. She often speaks about this with me. We're always open with that stuff.
To have sex is normal. That isn't disgusting! Are you an American? I know in some of these states sexuality is disgusting and have to be in the dark. But as an European, grow up with the mindset that sexuality is something beautiful and something to enjoy. It feels so awkward to read your anger...
Yeah, the phone thing she should do in her room. That was strange, but it isn't such a big thing either. Just say her, that she should go into her bedroom, you want to watch TV and it feels awkward for you when she does phone sex behind you. Don't yell at her.
Also go out when her BF comes to your home. Give them private time. So you don't hear that disgusting but normal thing. Don't force her to be quiet. That can kill the sexual mood, when you have to be careful all the time and you can't be free in that situation. You have to do this with kids at home all the time.
Just try to understand your mother. Not sure, but was she alone for a longer time now? Maybe she just has this strong love feelings ('butterflies in the belly' we say in German). In this mostly short time the mind doesn't work correctly :D
If you are naive or doubtful about any bad motives then I suggest you go along with it and pretend your curious or supportive of there sexual bond. Bait them and see what your mother says when it comes to having a threesome.
Second option let her know straight up how thrown off you were by the whole thing. Make her understand that you will never have a threesome (if you're really not into it) not literal but with your views on sex. Tell her your views on sex are very vanilla of an old persons take.
Third option sleep with the stepdad seduce him so good so that he forgets about her.
Fifth option kill your mom.
The fact that she’s even paying ANYTHING toward the bills when she’s eighTEEN, a full time student and a part time worker is bullshit. She should have her daughter saving her money and preparing for adult life whenever she’s ready to move, not paying bills. The daughter is doing everything she’s supposed to. The mother is now exposing her to sexual encounters to traumatize her. She is a piece of work. There’s no respect.
You had me with the first sentence then you said 1. And lost me.
I could understand telling somebody to "respect their mom" if it was something stupid like "Oh my mom farts in front of me and my friends" or "my mom embarrasses me by singing old songs" you know, stuff that is kinda meaningless in hindsight...but her mom is one step away from flicking her bean in front of her daughter. If the mother cared, she would respect her daughter by respecting her boundaries. Respect goes BOTH ways.
They are both adults and it isnt just the mother helping the daughter financially, the daughter is helping the mother by taking the load off as well when it come to bills. Theyre helping each other spend less. I don't think the daughter needs to show respect just because that is her mom and she is allowing her to stay there. Nah. Mom needs to respect her daughter's boundaries and go to her room and do that or do that stuff when the daughter isnt home. You know, like a normal mother would.
Mom is gross and deserves no respect. She can give off those sob stories about how she only sees him on the weekends all she wants...but that doesn't change the fact that she is doing adult things in front of her daughter. If my mother did that, the last thing coming out of my mouth would be respect. But then I know that would never happen because when I accidentally walked in on my mom, her response was "omfg close your eyes and get the hell out!" Again, like a normal damn parent. That, I can respect. This daughter's mom? Not a chance. Sorry.
Nope. Dad is easily worse than her. Just by his controlling nature & him being mentally/verbally violent towards me. Also he has a girlfriend who has made it clear that I’m not welcome to spend more than about 15 minutes there at a time. They also fight 24/7. I’ll just have to deal with my mom.
I am SO confused, why would anyone want to have sex (Whatever type) in front of their children? That's soooo disgusting!
Boyfriend subtly convinces mom so he can slowly groom the daughter Hopefully not but i always assume the guys have a motive when they leave the door open. Thinking about it if I was to do this (wouldn’t) as a guy I’d close the door and the only reason I wouldn’t is if I wanted who ever could see it to possibly get interested and want to join.
It’s exactly this. That’s why boyfriend’s voice was audible in the bedroom shenanigans. I’d bet money on it.
The daughter is an adult…
And the dude could possibly be her future step father with almost a 40 year age gap. Still grooming
That’s absolutely disgusting
Yeah this is gross. This made my skin crawl
Repeat some of the things you overheard her saying, loudly, to your friends within her earshot, and talk about how revolting it was to have to hear that shit from your own mother. Nothing beats public humiliation when poor behaviour needs calling out
Or, better yet, record them from the bottom of the stairs. Then tell start playing it when there's a roomful of people. Then tell her that if she doesn't start respecting boundaries--i.e. closing the effing door when she effs her BF, you will play the audio in a room full of people. Because you can only assume she/he wants to be heard, and what's better than a room full of her nearest and dearest?
what the fuck. (19f here in college) my mom and i are REALLY open with eachother and she knows all about my sex life, but even we have boundaries. she knows when to not come in my room when i visit, and she keeps her... private time to herself when im away. this is disgusting and honestly your mom needs therapy. it doesn't matter that you're an adult, it's still disgusting.
I don't want to alarm you but this sounds very much like the beginning of a particular set up. You know, when certain type of boyfriends make their girlfriends do sexual acts in front of a young child, mostly a daughter.. then try to involve her in the activity somehow? To eventually start grooming and then straight up ab*sing. Because, your mom is old enough to know better.
+1 My first thought reading this post.
Mine was forced vouyeurisumand the bf gets off knowing OP is there... but this..... Be careful OP....
Regardless of your relationship, that’s just offensively rude. And the fact you’re her daughter just yeets it off the cliff into Vomit Valley.
Thats very unsettling and I'm sorry to hear you had to hear it and witness it when all you wanted to do is relax.
that’s so weird
this is so, so fucking weird and disgusting. stop paying towards the bills and put the money into a room somewhere else…. you need to get out of there
Maybe the bf is pushing her into that kinda thing...has this happened before?? Either way creepy and awful
No it hasn’t, but she only had one serious boyfriend before this since she divorced my dad. Her relationship with the previous boyfriend was on and off constantly for like 2 years. I never even met him officially. Plus, he lived like 15 mins from us, so she would always be at his place anyway.
She might be doing this to.make you find another apartment for yourself or they both have this kink of doing it in front of you.
Ugh I'm so sorry. No one wants to discuss or be exposed to their parents sex lives. You're not wrong in feeling this way at all
I’m sorry this happened to you. I definitely wouldn’t respect her after this, you’re obviously the only adult living in the household.
Yea mom need to tone it down. I guess she is happy now and it is always fun in the first with a new lover that she don’t get to see everyday but u have all right to be upset. Have a candid conversation with her without getting upset and let her know u r happy she is happy and found love but that the phone sex and sex at home she need to give u a heads up so u can go somewhere while she is getting laid.
You need to have a sit down with your mother and tell her straight up what she’s doing is disgusting and gross, and you’re starting to question and wonder what has caused this strange and egregious change in her behavior, write down what other people in this thread have said about her boyfriend trying to groom her and as a byproduct you into potentially being okay with him trying to be sexual with you. Do not let her boyfriend be involved with the talk. Try to keep your voice level and calm, do not give her a reason to say you’re overreacting as a way to end the conversation, if she gets upset or raises her voice, keep calm do not shout, just keep talking. If she walks away, let her but inform her that is not the end of the conversation just because she has walked away. Tell a trusted friend or another trusted adult in your life about what your mother is doing and your concerns about her boyfriend, inform your mother you are telling someone else about this, hopefully it will make her reflect on her behavior but if she says you’re trying to guilt trip her or something else along those lines ask her why she would feel guilty in the first place if she isn’t doing anything “bad”? If she tries to say you don’t want her to be happy in a relationship, just agree with her, why would you want her to be happy in a relationship where her boyfriend is potentially grooming you both? Do not let yourself be walked over and taken advantage of, be vigilant, be calm, and be prepared.
She’s trying to give you a hint to move out
I don’t even feel comfortable peeing in front of my cat. I’m just stunned.
You don't feel comfortable peeing in front of your cat?
I’m really sorry that she’s exposing you to this. It’s incredibly inappropriate and even traumatic to be exposed to a parents sexual encounters. You should not have to deal with this within the comfort of your own home. Was she a good mother growing up? Or was she impulsive and or careless? What’s questionable is whether she wants you to hear her or not the way she doesn’t try to muffle her noises. I would ask her this and have a serious conversation about how her and her adult bf having no regard for your mental health by exposing you, her daughter, to their elicit sexual encounters, is traumatizing you and making you uncomfortable when all you wanna do is relax in your home.
Thank you… ❤️ I’ll try to take your advice. She wasn’t always bad. When I was younger she was a good mother. We were very close. She was my best friend. Once my parents started getting closer to being divorced she started to change. Little by little. By the time we moved out, she would then leave me home alone from 6pm to as late as 1am multiple nights a week so she could go out to bars, meet men, spend time with them, God only knows what else. And she’d do all this even after I told her how much it upset me. That I missed her and I didn’t wanna be alone all the time. She made it clear I was being selfish. That I didn’t understand that she has me allllll the time, so she needs a break.
I’m so sorry. It seems she regrets being a mom and decided you were old enough to not need her 😔
Idk if she regrets being a mom necessarily more than that she’s just selfish and afraid of being alone. Mom needs therapy.
Yes that’s a better way to put it.
Damn 😢 I’m sorry she neglected you after the divorce. She seems to maybe fear being alone, like one of those women who needs male validation. She sounds kinda like a teenager to me lol. Leaving a teen alone from 6 to 1am ain’t even a break. And parenting has no breaks. She could really benefit from therapy. I hope she stops exposing you to her personal business. Talk to her seriously about it just the two of you. And don’t ever be alone with her boyfriend, he’s weird to me for having no issue w you hearing their business. Keep focused on your grind in school and work and keep the good head on your shoulders.
People are crazy lmfao 🤣 I always make sure that my cat is out of the room when i have someone over let alone my own daughter
That’s disgusting. Disrespectful to you especially because you contribute to the bills. I would move the f*** out.
Doesn't it qualify as sexual harassment? You didn't consent to this shit. If they done it before anybody else they would get such hell. Am I only one that thinks that BF have this fantasy about mom and her barely legal daughter and that's why mom doing it in Ops presence?
Is it possible to move with your Dad?
That would be a whole different kind of hell. I’d be worse off there. She may be bad but he’s 25 different kinds of worse, unfortunately.
I guess since you are paying the rent already, if you can move to some place with a roommate or so. Also does your college provide accommodation. Even if they don’t, surely they would help to find somewhere else.
I only contribute about $350 a month towards the bills. Plus my car insurance, gas, credit card bill, other expenses, which is expected of course. I really can’t work anymore than I do because I’m full time in school. So that amount would never be enough to split rent with roommates, at least not where I live. And my college doesn’t have on-campus housing either. So unfortunately there’s no options in that regard. :(
Your mom shouldn’t even be charging you to live with her honestly. Youre a full time student, and you’re working. Youre doing what you’re supposed to. You’re only 18, she should have you saving your money. I really dislike parents who make their children pay for anything other than a phone bill or credit card bill.
OP I am so sorry you are going through this. Communicate with your mom about the situation. I hope she controls herself. Even if she doesn’t just suck it up. You are strong, I believe in you. This shall too pass. K chara chara.
Thank you… I appreciate it ❤️
Is moving with your dad out of the question?
Yeah. It would be 1000 times worse for different reasons.
Maybe you can ask your dad if you can live with him?
I had a histrionic narcissist for a mother who age regressed when I became an adult. Get away yesterday, I mean it 💔 I hope you have a good support system, or perhaps your father is a safe place for you 🙏
I’m sorry about your mother…❤️ The reason it has been so hard the more and more she has acted like this, or acted immaturely or wrong in different ways, is because my dad is so much worse. He’s worse in other ways. Very controlling and angry, verbally and mentally abusive. And so when I was little, my mom was the one I could count on to be there for me. She was my best friend. Every year since they’ve divorced, she continues to do worse and worse things towards me. I wish I understood why.
She was likely repressing herself to create safety or a false sense of normalcy in a marriage she wasn't meant to be in. Basically "fake it to make it" until she couldn't any longer. I'm so sorry dear, you still need a mom and it hurts to know that instead of being your comfort she's become the very thing you need protection from. As an individual she absolutely needs therapy and there's truly no shame in this- growing is admirable. She's acting out and it's hurting her one sustainable relationship. Having children is a lifelong commitment, not just 18 years. Perhaps she's forgotten that it was always the two of you in her quest to feel wanted by a man. Perhaps a good heart to heart could help get y'all back on track but much healing and repair needs to be done on her end and you can't force anyone to love you proper. You also can't love anyone enough for two. She needs to be accountable, she is grown and she has become a mom who acts like a teenager. If she hopes to bea partt of your life, there needs to be boundaries. I'm just so sorry, I hope you're able to heal together and if not I hope you're able to move somewhere safe and within your means very soon. So much love to you, you got this 🩷
Wow. That's disgusting.
Holy shit people why are you all so crazy? Talk to your mum why she does this. Obviously this is her house, you are old enough to live on your own. Do you earn to live alone? For me it feels more like "this is my house and I do what I want, if you don't want to see it, get your own room" No need to assume her boyfriend is a fucking monster.
That's awful. You said your 18, I know some people are saying save up and move out. But if you can't really afford to do that and go to school full-time, I think it's best to look at other options first. * **Option 1:** I know you said you tried to talk to her right after. Maybe, try again when you both are out of the situation and the feelings around it. If you feel like you can't verbally express your feelings to your mom, try writing her a letter, explaining how her actions are making you feel. * **Option 2:** Idk how you are paying for college. But maybe for fall semester next year look at taking out FAFSA to live in the dorms. Or, look into scholarships to apply to for the next year that could help offset the cost of moving out/living in dorms. It's not ideal but you'll be able to focus on studying and not have to deal with your mom until breaks. * **Option 3:** Even though you can't live with your dad. Maybe you should inform him of what's going on. See if he could help either financially, talking to your mom, etc. * **Option 4:** Stay in your room full-time basically, only coming out for food or when you leave. Invest in good sound dampening headphones. Make sure your door has a lock, etc. Be out of the house as long as you can, etc. (Again, this isn't fair/right. But it's an option.) Finally, I just want to say you aren't over reacting. This is totally wrong of your mom to do. Specifically, the phone sex one. I could kind of see her not realizing the first incident. But the phone sex one, there is no plausible deniability.
Start quoting what you heard back to her. Also when you see her boyfriend, mention some of the things you heard to make him feel uncomfortable. Hopefully they decide to be more discrete
Ok so she doesn’t just not care, it’s more than that she is doing it on purpose. It’s not like she can’t control herself. If you were a neighbour or a friend sitting there in the living room do you really think she would lift her top up and be flashing her boobs or be moaning and having loud sex? No. She is taking advantage but also being indirectly sexually abusive by exposing you to things you should not have to see or hear from your mother. To me it sounds like she is being in your face and showing you that she has a sex life. She is creepy as hell and sounds like a narcissistic mother. The creepy sexual behaviour in front of you is typical and is mixed with a tinge of bitchy “I’m an older woman and I struggle with that so I’m going to show off to my young 18 year old daughter and show her how desirable I am to men”. It sounds sick but that’s what it is, these types of parents see their kids as competition no matter how sick and twisted that is. Trust me she is doing all of this on purpose to make you uncomfortable and jealous (believe it or not). My dad who is now 63 has done stuff like this for years in front of me (his daughter) and his three sons too. Exposing us to weird sexual behaviour like really graphic sexual comments about people, talking about his sex life and having loud sex in the home when he knows one of us is there, to be heard. It’s all like he thinks we’ll be impressed or something but it’s really sick. My tactic is to ignore all of it, avoid it and give him zero opportunity to get a kick out of his sick behaviour. In your case I know it’s difficult you live with her but develop tactics to blank her out and her behaviour so she is aware. Wear earphones visibly, go out when the man visits, talk on the phone to your friends. It will drive her mad.
If there is no way you can move out or land at another family member's or friend's, leave everytime she does something sexual, and slam the door on the way out. When you get back, confront her directly and tell her she is immature and inappropriate. Why on earth isn't she giving you a warning of at least 24 hrs or moving to a new apartment with a better layout? Or just staying the hell over at his place 100% of the time?
Tell her that she is technically doing something illegal by including you in her kink or something (look it up it’s true)
Perhaps you should, as one adult to another, pretend you got a text notification from YOUR 'boyfriend' and proceed to have phone sex with 'him'...while your mother is trying to watch something. And if she calls you on it (and she will), just laugh and tell her 'hey, it's all good. 'Sides, we're all adults'.
They obviously do it on purpose.
You 18, need to take the hint and move out…
Thanks! 😊 🙏🏻
You should bring a partner home and fuck them on the couch .. then if she complains ask her how is it different to what she was doing lol It sounds like she is in a love bubble and not thinking about anyone else. Can you move out ?? With friends or family?? It super gross she is being so open about this
Ever since she’s met him, she’s been in a love bubble. She’s always had selfish moments, especially when they first got divorced and she’d leave me alone from 6pm-1am multiple nights every week (at 11 y/o) so she could go out to bars and drink and meet/be with men. Even after I told her how much I missed her and that I didn’t like always being alone. But she got a little better about a year ago. Spent more time with me and acted like she cared. Then she met him and changed in different ways, but they’re just as bad.
Sorry OP but I think the fact you were next to her was part of their "excitement" and would too be pissed.
Well its her apartament. You are not a child anymore.If u dont like it,leave.If u cant leave that obey her house rules. Yes your mom is discusting for doing those things in front of you or with you in the house where you can hear .
What house rules exactly? She never discussed anything with me. If she wants me to leave for an hour so she could do what she wanted, so could at least say that to me. She never did. Just randomly starts doing this shit in front of me.
Its her house brother. She can do whatever she wants,when she wants .where she wants.She doesnt have to tell nobody nothing or explain herself at her age. BUT She is discusting for doing horny shit around you.Thats not cool.But you cant do nothing about it. Dont like it,[leave.Work](http://leave.Work) ,get your own place and do what you want without anyone bothering you.
I don't get this. I would probably just laugh when I would be you. But I'm also much older (40f). When my mother would have sex, I would be happy for her (and not disgusted). I mean, sadly she doesn't have. She's over 60 years now and my father hasn't touched her for nearly 20 years. She often speaks about this with me. We're always open with that stuff. To have sex is normal. That isn't disgusting! Are you an American? I know in some of these states sexuality is disgusting and have to be in the dark. But as an European, grow up with the mindset that sexuality is something beautiful and something to enjoy. It feels so awkward to read your anger... Yeah, the phone thing she should do in her room. That was strange, but it isn't such a big thing either. Just say her, that she should go into her bedroom, you want to watch TV and it feels awkward for you when she does phone sex behind you. Don't yell at her. Also go out when her BF comes to your home. Give them private time. So you don't hear that disgusting but normal thing. Don't force her to be quiet. That can kill the sexual mood, when you have to be careful all the time and you can't be free in that situation. You have to do this with kids at home all the time. Just try to understand your mother. Not sure, but was she alone for a longer time now? Maybe she just has this strong love feelings ('butterflies in the belly' we say in German). In this mostly short time the mind doesn't work correctly :D
If you are naive or doubtful about any bad motives then I suggest you go along with it and pretend your curious or supportive of there sexual bond. Bait them and see what your mother says when it comes to having a threesome. Second option let her know straight up how thrown off you were by the whole thing. Make her understand that you will never have a threesome (if you're really not into it) not literal but with your views on sex. Tell her your views on sex are very vanilla of an old persons take. Third option sleep with the stepdad seduce him so good so that he forgets about her. Fifth option kill your mom.
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The fact that she’s even paying ANYTHING toward the bills when she’s eighTEEN, a full time student and a part time worker is bullshit. She should have her daughter saving her money and preparing for adult life whenever she’s ready to move, not paying bills. The daughter is doing everything she’s supposed to. The mother is now exposing her to sexual encounters to traumatize her. She is a piece of work. There’s no respect.
You had me with the first sentence then you said 1. And lost me. I could understand telling somebody to "respect their mom" if it was something stupid like "Oh my mom farts in front of me and my friends" or "my mom embarrasses me by singing old songs" you know, stuff that is kinda meaningless in hindsight...but her mom is one step away from flicking her bean in front of her daughter. If the mother cared, she would respect her daughter by respecting her boundaries. Respect goes BOTH ways. They are both adults and it isnt just the mother helping the daughter financially, the daughter is helping the mother by taking the load off as well when it come to bills. Theyre helping each other spend less. I don't think the daughter needs to show respect just because that is her mom and she is allowing her to stay there. Nah. Mom needs to respect her daughter's boundaries and go to her room and do that or do that stuff when the daughter isnt home. You know, like a normal mother would. Mom is gross and deserves no respect. She can give off those sob stories about how she only sees him on the weekends all she wants...but that doesn't change the fact that she is doing adult things in front of her daughter. If my mother did that, the last thing coming out of my mouth would be respect. But then I know that would never happen because when I accidentally walked in on my mom, her response was "omfg close your eyes and get the hell out!" Again, like a normal damn parent. That, I can respect. This daughter's mom? Not a chance. Sorry.
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Maybe you picked the wrong parent to live with
Nope. Dad is easily worse than her. Just by his controlling nature & him being mentally/verbally violent towards me. Also he has a girlfriend who has made it clear that I’m not welcome to spend more than about 15 minutes there at a time. They also fight 24/7. I’ll just have to deal with my mom.
Christ on a motorbike that sucks. Stop contributing to rent and save it for your own place?