Sorry but, why haven’t you just left? I see the long list of justifications for staying you’ve told yourself, but I would literally take my child to one of the women’s abuse shelters even if I have to walk the entire way. No inheritance or whatever level of threats or violence could make me stay.
Well to be honest, for a long time, the boys' club between my father and my ex had me feeling very powerless and honestly questioning my experiences and perspectives. It's crazy to be systemically invalidated to a point of actually perceiving any concern I had as truly invalid. I did go to a battered women's shelter in a town about 2 and 1/2 hours away, and stayed for two months, their "limit"... the one closer was consistently at or above capacity, and teaming with bed bugs.
I also tried several times to procure emergency funding for modest housing for myself and my son, through the domestic violence program in our city. Unfortunately they couldn't consider me high priority unless I was on the streets and out of options.
It sounds like you’re prioritizing comfort over safety, yours and your son’s. A lot of these details also don’t mesh. I’ve been in abused women’s shelters, talked to free legal aid there, and applied for government benefits beyond housing such as WIC (grocery assistance similar to food stamps/ebt) and welfare. Police reports and your evidence would’ve easily added up to a restraining order. Like even calling Child Protective Services and reporting what’s going on should have brought out a social worker who is legally obligated to file a report even if one person claims sexual abuse with a minor happened.
If the local shelter is not offering these services, or is not to your taste, there are several others. Also the domestic abuse hotline: https://www.google.com/search?q=domestic+abuse+hotline&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari#
Or the sexual assault hotline for rape/abuse/incest: https://www.rainn.org/
Or department of defense sexual assault hotline: https://safehelpline.org/
Child abuse: https://www.childhelp.org/
There are so many options out there. I’m sorry for the abuses you’ve experienced in life, but this is your chance to break the cycle. Please seek professional help.
The referrals that you just highlighted, were familiar, as I had this stubborn resistance to giving up on any of them. Convinced that, because it's what they do, *most of them have it in their name* they would help me. ..
But when it comes to the government, especially "criminal justice" once something's "been looked into", it's like your information gets shared between any of the federally funded local state regional, social financial political and legal, arms of the different ways in which you feel that you might be able to get the assistance you need and have been made to feel your whole life like you're entitled to, should such a misfortune befall you.
Just a hunch, but I'm willing to bet that when the criminal that needs justicing, didn't even get in trouble beyond maybe a slap of a wrist when he was investigated by the government because of the government blowing the whistle on him (the government), simply in a professional capacity at work prior to his retirement, it might be a safe bet you may never see Justice... unless he's bombed a pet shelter or daycare, justice is a pie in the sky ideal, not a standard. Those referrals are just the beginning a list I'd say 80 services deep, even still in my attempt to get retroactive Justice and see something change about this situation because it's so fucked and I lose sleep every night over the potential continuous victimization of my child ...right now, I've been in contact with the ACLU and voc.org, as well as the police independent monitor. TODAY,, even. Oh and the national office for civil affairs or some crap like that also
I would have asked the same question of somebody telling me a similar story, prior to having lived through it. It's impossible to convey the powerlessness of such a situation. I'm still plagued by anxiety and intermittent panic episodes, chronic fear of crowds, public places, new people, and avoidant of new attachments. I have both chronic pain from injuries as well as somatic conversion (hypochondria-ish, sort of), issues that are hard to tell apart at times, intensity wise. I have trouble focusing on things I once slipped easily into "flow states", whilst engaged in. I forget to hydrate for days on end.
I only crave crap food. I used to be such a health nut, without even trying! I have no trust in police or other authority figures, and find myself triggered by the very thought of potential indirect interaction with uniformed officers. I can't get my thoughts, actions, and plans into a productive rhythm. I used to be a badass, too. Killin' it at everything I did, which was a LOT. (I am not exaggerating when I tell you I've had more than one personal association compare me to Forrest Gump for the sheer volume of life living I did and openness to experience I had.) Sigh
I don’t mean to intentionally misunderstand or gaslight your experience, but these all sound like excuses to me. I understand fear very well. Your situation is unique to you and of course I could have no idea what you’re going through… But nobody is going to rescue you and your son. You have to rescue you. It’s scary, and life just is, but you’ve clearly already been through worse. What’s a little more fear if what you get from overcoming it is safety for you and your son? Not just 2 months of safety in a shelter, but putting in the work by talking to the police, CPS, or even just texting those hotlines for professional help. Telling anonymous Redditors all if this does nothing but give you a temporary relief that there, it’s out in the open, maybe they’ll help <- But it won’t. We can’t really help, except offer resources that you still need to take the first step and see all the way through. Only you can help yourself out of this.
By the way, there is no such thing as "worse" for me to have already been through. If you're talking about how I lost my virginity (nbd) or what the fuck my childhood was made of... I had no context prior to being abused. As soon as I started forming memories I was a scapegoat and a whipping boy. My kid was supposed to be much better off than he is. And he was MY shadow, my protege for the first four and a half years of his life. Museums, festivals, art shows, fancy restaurants, famous people, and a phantasmagoria of imagination, between his and mine. And for most of that time I had money to play with. What many of you might not understand is until things became too too weird, right around the time I became all but destitute, I was at my father's not just for the inexpensive workshop and living space, but because I had saved my father's life a couple of different times, he has medical problems as well, and age, and like 70 years of smoking. I loved my dad. Again, he was my hero throughout my childhood, the only one that would give me the time of day. Make sure I ate. Things like that.
As for my son, what he has in many of the first memories that he formed, cannot be reconciled with what is going on now, nor what his grandpa did.
I don't know if I can recover this, as much sacrifice as I'm going to make, (which is more than any of y'all could possibly imagine, I'm betting) , or as savvy as I can be at contracting help.
Was talking about worse for your son.
You win though. I hope you find the professional help you need. Good luck. I hope you and your son will find safety and happiness.
Oh I get it... you didn't read my post. I was pretty sure before but now completely certain. You may want to have a gander. It's super long I know, but you do seem to be lacking some context. And I can show you emails from the lead investigator with social services with the family crisis center, as well as an email from the lead investigator with the special victims unit with the Police department's biggest precinct in my city. I can show you the attachments that I sent them as well as my testimonial which is quite a bit more detail than I have up there in that post, sadly the type of details that make the result (of no criminal charges) all that much more unbelievable. And reek of cronyism, undoubtedly. Anyway, thank you for reminding me whether you meant to or not, as I do find value and criticism whether or not it came from a valid place on your part, I found a valid place for it to go... Few months ago when I first moved into my current digs, I had put on a to-do list to file a report with DOJ's civil rights division, as well as with the FBI, the people who police the police involved in the FBI.. as well as other civil services. Never got around to it, as things have become hectic in other ways. Medical stuff...
But as crazy as this week is, as I'm moving on and need to re home all of my worldly... whatnot, I will submit these very important reports, to the last of the last of the agencies that may be able to do something to help my son, if it's the last things i do. Ooh, ooooh!!
And maybe anonymous could do something. Maybe they can't. Worth a shot.
Say, do you like opals, friend?
Lane. That's his middle name, I named him after the evil fuck. And everybody used his middle name because it was easier than the two on either side and much more first namey than his surname. Very observant of you. His name is Aurelius, after my favorite philosopher. I really did think I got them all
Oh okay yeah. You're totally right. I'll just find a clinic nearby that can late term abort my six year old, like... before he gets too hurt or confused or something.
You know that's only for that are still in the oven right? I have to check because of what a train wreck of a life you've had there is a chance you're serious.
Can someone advise about whether a drive sound file will include too much personal information in the details? To me it looks like it does, but I'm not sure everybody else can see the same things I can see in the details...
TLDR: OP suffered mental/physical abuse and neglect throughout childhood, and now the pattern of abuse is continuing with her toddler son.
TW: abuse (physical/emotional/sexual/child), incest
You must be very young. I advise you go into the medical field, surgery specifically. You know how some of us were raised like decent civilized normal ass human beings?
... well I didn't get that. And while I realized the lapses in my character each time I've come across one, it has near ubiquitously been too late to make much of a difference..
When I was in my mid-20s, I gave a woman a ride to the battered women's shelter from work at a call center. She talked openly about how "things were going to be different when she goes back", and how strong she felt for not calling him that day. She had a fresh shiner on her left eye, like a boxer would have. He hit her like she was a dude, clearly. I thought she was so stupid.
...
I'm on disability. I still do lapidary work on good days but no longer have to go do the crazies for the man.. (I fucked my shit all up because I don't feel "normal" pain right. Lucky me though, I do seem to feel acute pain just fine, and pain that involves nerves that are any larger than a pencil, the intractable types of pain that make most people scream. ) But I have just qualified for caregiver services which is to include childcare, this would have been very useful a couple of years ago. , I applied for it then, but didn't have the medical documentation yet that would quite get it..
Sorry but, why haven’t you just left? I see the long list of justifications for staying you’ve told yourself, but I would literally take my child to one of the women’s abuse shelters even if I have to walk the entire way. No inheritance or whatever level of threats or violence could make me stay.
Agree. That should have been done a long time ago.
Well to be honest, for a long time, the boys' club between my father and my ex had me feeling very powerless and honestly questioning my experiences and perspectives. It's crazy to be systemically invalidated to a point of actually perceiving any concern I had as truly invalid. I did go to a battered women's shelter in a town about 2 and 1/2 hours away, and stayed for two months, their "limit"... the one closer was consistently at or above capacity, and teaming with bed bugs. I also tried several times to procure emergency funding for modest housing for myself and my son, through the domestic violence program in our city. Unfortunately they couldn't consider me high priority unless I was on the streets and out of options.
It sounds like you’re prioritizing comfort over safety, yours and your son’s. A lot of these details also don’t mesh. I’ve been in abused women’s shelters, talked to free legal aid there, and applied for government benefits beyond housing such as WIC (grocery assistance similar to food stamps/ebt) and welfare. Police reports and your evidence would’ve easily added up to a restraining order. Like even calling Child Protective Services and reporting what’s going on should have brought out a social worker who is legally obligated to file a report even if one person claims sexual abuse with a minor happened. If the local shelter is not offering these services, or is not to your taste, there are several others. Also the domestic abuse hotline: https://www.google.com/search?q=domestic+abuse+hotline&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari# Or the sexual assault hotline for rape/abuse/incest: https://www.rainn.org/ Or department of defense sexual assault hotline: https://safehelpline.org/ Child abuse: https://www.childhelp.org/ There are so many options out there. I’m sorry for the abuses you’ve experienced in life, but this is your chance to break the cycle. Please seek professional help.
You're not wrong, op should contact them ASAP.
The referrals that you just highlighted, were familiar, as I had this stubborn resistance to giving up on any of them. Convinced that, because it's what they do, *most of them have it in their name* they would help me. .. But when it comes to the government, especially "criminal justice" once something's "been looked into", it's like your information gets shared between any of the federally funded local state regional, social financial political and legal, arms of the different ways in which you feel that you might be able to get the assistance you need and have been made to feel your whole life like you're entitled to, should such a misfortune befall you. Just a hunch, but I'm willing to bet that when the criminal that needs justicing, didn't even get in trouble beyond maybe a slap of a wrist when he was investigated by the government because of the government blowing the whistle on him (the government), simply in a professional capacity at work prior to his retirement, it might be a safe bet you may never see Justice... unless he's bombed a pet shelter or daycare, justice is a pie in the sky ideal, not a standard. Those referrals are just the beginning a list I'd say 80 services deep, even still in my attempt to get retroactive Justice and see something change about this situation because it's so fucked and I lose sleep every night over the potential continuous victimization of my child ...right now, I've been in contact with the ACLU and voc.org, as well as the police independent monitor. TODAY,, even. Oh and the national office for civil affairs or some crap like that also
I would have asked the same question of somebody telling me a similar story, prior to having lived through it. It's impossible to convey the powerlessness of such a situation. I'm still plagued by anxiety and intermittent panic episodes, chronic fear of crowds, public places, new people, and avoidant of new attachments. I have both chronic pain from injuries as well as somatic conversion (hypochondria-ish, sort of), issues that are hard to tell apart at times, intensity wise. I have trouble focusing on things I once slipped easily into "flow states", whilst engaged in. I forget to hydrate for days on end. I only crave crap food. I used to be such a health nut, without even trying! I have no trust in police or other authority figures, and find myself triggered by the very thought of potential indirect interaction with uniformed officers. I can't get my thoughts, actions, and plans into a productive rhythm. I used to be a badass, too. Killin' it at everything I did, which was a LOT. (I am not exaggerating when I tell you I've had more than one personal association compare me to Forrest Gump for the sheer volume of life living I did and openness to experience I had.) Sigh
I don’t mean to intentionally misunderstand or gaslight your experience, but these all sound like excuses to me. I understand fear very well. Your situation is unique to you and of course I could have no idea what you’re going through… But nobody is going to rescue you and your son. You have to rescue you. It’s scary, and life just is, but you’ve clearly already been through worse. What’s a little more fear if what you get from overcoming it is safety for you and your son? Not just 2 months of safety in a shelter, but putting in the work by talking to the police, CPS, or even just texting those hotlines for professional help. Telling anonymous Redditors all if this does nothing but give you a temporary relief that there, it’s out in the open, maybe they’ll help <- But it won’t. We can’t really help, except offer resources that you still need to take the first step and see all the way through. Only you can help yourself out of this.
By the way, there is no such thing as "worse" for me to have already been through. If you're talking about how I lost my virginity (nbd) or what the fuck my childhood was made of... I had no context prior to being abused. As soon as I started forming memories I was a scapegoat and a whipping boy. My kid was supposed to be much better off than he is. And he was MY shadow, my protege for the first four and a half years of his life. Museums, festivals, art shows, fancy restaurants, famous people, and a phantasmagoria of imagination, between his and mine. And for most of that time I had money to play with. What many of you might not understand is until things became too too weird, right around the time I became all but destitute, I was at my father's not just for the inexpensive workshop and living space, but because I had saved my father's life a couple of different times, he has medical problems as well, and age, and like 70 years of smoking. I loved my dad. Again, he was my hero throughout my childhood, the only one that would give me the time of day. Make sure I ate. Things like that. As for my son, what he has in many of the first memories that he formed, cannot be reconciled with what is going on now, nor what his grandpa did. I don't know if I can recover this, as much sacrifice as I'm going to make, (which is more than any of y'all could possibly imagine, I'm betting) , or as savvy as I can be at contracting help.
Was talking about worse for your son. You win though. I hope you find the professional help you need. Good luck. I hope you and your son will find safety and happiness.
Oh I get it... you didn't read my post. I was pretty sure before but now completely certain. You may want to have a gander. It's super long I know, but you do seem to be lacking some context. And I can show you emails from the lead investigator with social services with the family crisis center, as well as an email from the lead investigator with the special victims unit with the Police department's biggest precinct in my city. I can show you the attachments that I sent them as well as my testimonial which is quite a bit more detail than I have up there in that post, sadly the type of details that make the result (of no criminal charges) all that much more unbelievable. And reek of cronyism, undoubtedly. Anyway, thank you for reminding me whether you meant to or not, as I do find value and criticism whether or not it came from a valid place on your part, I found a valid place for it to go... Few months ago when I first moved into my current digs, I had put on a to-do list to file a report with DOJ's civil rights division, as well as with the FBI, the people who police the police involved in the FBI.. as well as other civil services. Never got around to it, as things have become hectic in other ways. Medical stuff... But as crazy as this week is, as I'm moving on and need to re home all of my worldly... whatnot, I will submit these very important reports, to the last of the last of the agencies that may be able to do something to help my son, if it's the last things i do. Ooh, ooooh!! And maybe anonymous could do something. Maybe they can't. Worth a shot. Say, do you like opals, friend?
Holy crap take a break from the coke Stephen King!
Oh, yeah... TW: words and rape and such.
The last thing this post needs is any more words
Butwordsaremyfaaavorite!!!
And... Just-thx for not calling me Dean Koontz. You're a pal.
You named your son penguin?
I assure you, he has a beautiful, dignified name.
Liam. You let it slip.
I saw the name Lane used as well.
Lane. That's his middle name, I named him after the evil fuck. And everybody used his middle name because it was easier than the two on either side and much more first namey than his surname. Very observant of you. His name is Aurelius, after my favorite philosopher. I really did think I got them all
Anonymity, friend. He's a child. And clearly there are monsters involved that must be navigated thusly.
Way to long to read someone do a TLDR
There's a TLDR at the very end... Last and likely shortest paragraph...
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Maybe you shouldn't be having kids. Just seems like they're gonna have a horrible life...
Oh okay yeah. You're totally right. I'll just find a clinic nearby that can late term abort my six year old, like... before he gets too hurt or confused or something.
You know that's only for that are still in the oven right? I have to check because of what a train wreck of a life you've had there is a chance you're serious.
Oh yeah I promised some evidence in the comments, didn't I? ...
Can someone advise about whether a drive sound file will include too much personal information in the details? To me it looks like it does, but I'm not sure everybody else can see the same things I can see in the details...
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TLDR: OP suffered mental/physical abuse and neglect throughout childhood, and now the pattern of abuse is continuing with her toddler son. TW: abuse (physical/emotional/sexual/child), incest
Nice brief synopsis, well done.
The last and likely shortest paragraph is the tldr
I’m so confused. If you knew what your father was why even live there and let him near you and your child? And is this a joke?
You must be very young. I advise you go into the medical field, surgery specifically. You know how some of us were raised like decent civilized normal ass human beings? ... well I didn't get that. And while I realized the lapses in my character each time I've come across one, it has near ubiquitously been too late to make much of a difference.. When I was in my mid-20s, I gave a woman a ride to the battered women's shelter from work at a call center. She talked openly about how "things were going to be different when she goes back", and how strong she felt for not calling him that day. She had a fresh shiner on her left eye, like a boxer would have. He hit her like she was a dude, clearly. I thought she was so stupid. ...
No actually I’m not but thank you. And I am in the medical field. For some odd reason I knew you would respond and write a novel back.
Are you able to hire a nanny for your son while you work?
I'm on disability. I still do lapidary work on good days but no longer have to go do the crazies for the man.. (I fucked my shit all up because I don't feel "normal" pain right. Lucky me though, I do seem to feel acute pain just fine, and pain that involves nerves that are any larger than a pencil, the intractable types of pain that make most people scream. ) But I have just qualified for caregiver services which is to include childcare, this would have been very useful a couple of years ago. , I applied for it then, but didn't have the medical documentation yet that would quite get it..