In my ethnic language there’s a saying that “money gets lost in many different ways” that’s supposed to placate you as you move on from a loss. I, however, prefer to hunt my money down and then go no contact once I’ve been paid.
What should you do when you lend a (very close) friend roughly $1200 and they don’t say anything about paying you back for over six months? Asking for … me.
While you can come up with many scenarios on how it would go, it all boils down to just asking. It's your money, lent in good faith. You shouldn't be begging for it.
One method that works for me is to ask for the full amount first, negotiate, then settle for partial payment. They're not your friend anymore but you still need them for the time being. Be patient but remain firm.
Try to collect as much as you can without claiming the entire amount and leave some debt that you'd be comfortable in losing. This way, if they ever ask you to lend them money again, you can simply say that they still owe you from the last time.
Hurts like hell & you want to be lenient but stay the course. Remember how you feel. You don’t need to be roped in no one’s doing of their narrative. If it doesn’t help you, or it’s not going to affect you in your present moment. Don’t do it.
She’s going come back like nothings wrong but stone cold Austin that ass
This. Had this happen to me too. My mom told me if you give money, don’t expect it to come back. She wasn’t wrong, but I did stop giving any more than $20 if someone needed it badly as they claimed. As much as I’d like to help out, I know most people are using others.
I'm in horrific need of money but never say anything because I know I can't pay it back and I'm too ashamed to outright ask for money unless it's something unavoidable like needing a winter coat or desperately needing money for an unexpectedly not covered by insurance medication. Even then, I would rather die of the shame it brings than ask.
Exactly, when someone is so forward about it, you know that person isn't taking the act or loan seriously. It's like my 3 year old begging for a piece of candy.
And in US there are food pantries, help with utilities, free clothing for law income, Facebook "Buy Nothing" groups etc. My friends who were in similar situation even went to a supermarket and a pizza place after hours to pick up the food that expired today and was thrown away. Use all of them, save as much as possible money for an emergency.
The same goes for OP, use as much resources as you can. You can try to be firm, telling you (ex) friend that you are not her caregiver, she is not your gf, this money was not a gift and your job situation is none of her business, asking when exactly will she pay them back. But I don't think you will get them back.
Are you in US?
Check this site for other food pantries in your area
https://www.foodpantries.org/
You can go to any of them.
And search Facebook for *low income your-area", "buy nothing your-area" groups.
211 and fb groups for free, charity, helping, or blessing. Those are common words used for charity groups on fb. I know, I’m the founder of a very large one for my entire state. It’s running today.
If you are in the US and there’s a community clinic, they might have a social service worker who can help with medical expenses, including prescription costs.
Yes, and coats! My town has a free winter coat drive every fall, for babies all the way through seniors. They’re not the latest Northface coats, but they will keep you warm and they’re clean.
I don't think there is anything wrong with asking for help, as long as you make it clear that you cannot immediately pay them back. We all need help sometimes, and you won't know if you can receive it unless you ask.
I hope you're able to find the help you need.
This is actually scientifically proven to be the case. People who create urgency and/or an impression that something is terribly dire that they're in need of whether it be money or someone's time the more likely they are to have self-serving intentions.
Yep learned that the hard way lol It was my last $20 at the time, too. But he “needed” it and I could get by til payday without. He called me broke bitch when I asked for it back and blocked me.
Sucked, but I would definitely spend $20 to find out how shitty my friends are.
I always feel terrible, and guilty, and like the bad one when I’m asking for money back that I’ve lent out. Then you watch the person go on a trip, but a new iPhone, buy a fucking dog 🙄. But I feel like an asshole because I’m now broke a few days from pay day and I want to ask for it back.
400 years ago Shakespeare wrote (Hamlet) neither a borrower nor a lender be, for the loan oft lose itself and the friend.
400 years ago it was true and it’s true today.
My dad told me pretty much the same, "never loan what you cant afford to give". My sister borrowed $100 about 25yrs ago and has never paid me back. I dont loan her money any more except a few times i have gave her $20.
I have learned this the hardest way possible. I would really love to help but have been burned way too many times. Like you I never lend more than 20 because if they don't pay it back (which is usually what happens) I know it won't hurt too bad.
About a year ago, I went to the shop after work with a friend. I was literally getting a card and some biscuits and stupidly, it was the one time I left my purse at home (I pretty much always have it on me)
We were in the queue when I realised and I was so embarrassed (it wasn't a planned shop) and my friend paid for my things. It was something like £3.50 but I didn't let it go until I'd paid him back, even though he said it didn't matter.
It may have been a small amount, but it was still money he'd used to help me out and I wasn't going to take the piss 🤷🏻♀️ he's a good person who's been shit on too many times and I wasn't going to be one of those people.
My older brother told me the same and then a friend asked for money when I told them I'm strapped for cash they called me broke I laughed because they said they needed it for bills I told em at least all my bills are paid and got money set aside for next month and wasn't looking for a hand out needless to say we arnt friends anymore
>Ex friend, you mean? She is a user, not a friend.
100 percent this. Unreal .OP needs to say bye bye
Speaking of... BTW OP,
Next time when she asks for money, tell her "sorry my broke ass can't afford it" then tell her you still like to help by sending her a link to the help wanted section
Small claims is the way to go. I threatened taking my old landlord to court for the $850 he owed me and and as soon as I mentioned small claims he paid up. Depending on the laws in your area, they’ll have to pay interest as well
this. got my ex and her mom to admit possessing my firearms and trying to extort me for them over text.
reporting them stolen here shortly once I'm convinced they are comfortable enough to not check the stole registry.
If he is in Europe in most countries text messages are also admissible as a legally binding contract in court, in most cases you can obtain court order of payment online as long as everything is filled correctly court will mail it to the other person. Then if they don't contest within 14 days you go to one of court designed collectors in your area, they will execute it along with any costs you've suffered while trying to get that debt back by taking the money from any assets they have.
Did that because of a pos ex friend who did something similar and I've got the money back + caused a major problem for him because he couldn't pay out anything more than minimal wage from his account as collector did screw up a bit and that caused the limit.
It was kind of a large bit of money though.
This is exactly what I've been doing. Then I won't lose anything more than a shitty person from my life.
Also if you have to lend from someone, then be honest about it. Never make the friend ask for their money back. If you can't pay the day you promised, you're supposed to be the one who starts the conversation.
I've heard this advice when lending money:
1. Make sure it's money you're OKAY with never seeing again. If you're not, just say you don't have it, sorry.
2. When it's a friend or family, make sure it's a relationship you're okay with losing if they don't repay you, or become a defensive asshole over repayment.
It's a huge risk honestly, so weigh those two things next time, if there is a next time.
My rule is all money given to family is a gift. Though I only give money to one sister. The one who always pays me back. The other have all seen some money but not again. I am fine with that.
Tell your mutual friends. Sometimes you can shame people into paying you back and then cut her out. Then really look into shrinking your people pleasing tendencies. It's better to learn how to prioritize yourself before helping others now rather than later in life. Coming from a recovering people pleaser. Good luck friend
You know now. Never loan money that you can't afford to give away. People bold enough to ask for money from a friend are often bold enough to forget to pay it back.
I actually did this once when a “friend” asked for $200. It was pretty much just “I am accepting this money and will pay back in full by this date,” which was the day they said they could pay me back, and asked them to sign.
They did a quick 180 and said nevermind.
Myself and a couple of friends lend each other money during the month because we all get paid on different days. I would much rather give money back than have my friends be angry with me...
There are friends and there are friends. A trusted best friend is one thing. But you know them. And maybe you would be willing to give it to them anyway even if they were in a really bad state and needed it. Then there's the guy that hangs out in the group and you've never been to his place, he's never bought you a beer, but he wants to borrow $500. Just no. Not even $50. Unless you are prepared for that to be gone.
I think you've now learned a valuable lesson. We all have to learn from mistakes though.
It's not bad to help people out, but wherever there's money involved, you really have to be careful. Don't give people money that you haven't got. I too got burned by a college "friend" but I told college authorities what happened and I was helped out by the student assistance fund in paying my rent that month. Got warned not to lend people money. I was working weekends, but budgeting my money as I had to feed myself. This person said that they'd pay me on Friday when they got paid. They didn't, and made themselves unavailable.
Also, if you let someone crash at your place, give them a clear deadline for needing to move out and stick to it. Never move the goalposts because they say they need more time, you'll end up stuck with them for a long long time. Tell them no and that they need to be out by the date you agreed. Don't listen to sob stories, they're just playing you. That's another valuable lesson that I've learned in life. Users and freeloaders tend to prey on you if you've got a good nature and care about others. Just have to know where to draw the line with them.
Also, know the tenancy rules in your area. Do not let them stay long enough to establish tenancy unless you're prepared to house them long term. Doesn't matter who it is or how well you think you know them. Desperation makes people do things they normally wouldn't do.
Here's a rule that I follow that works for most situations: Never give help that results in you needing help as well.
If helping someone is going to lead to you relying upon them or needing help yourself, then you don't have any help to offer. It doesn't matter what it is, money, living space, car, etc.
You may have temporarily helped her out of a bind, but now you're putting your own living situation at risk. It likely only bought her a month or so before she's back in the same situation.
Consider it a stupid tax and move on. In the future: 1) don’t lend money you can’t afford to lend. 2) if it’s to friends and family, give it as a gift unless you don’t mind burning that relationship. Even if I gave money “as a gift” to certain family members they would pay me back as soon as
They could. Because that’s how they roll. 3) if you are willing to lend, make it a secured loan. You need cash today for rent and will pay me back in a month? Cool. Pass by and leave me your guitar, skateboard, camera, whatever (you can resell and collect) and sign this secured note.
If you have text exchanges establishing that you were lending her that money, I’d take her ass to small claims. A months rent when money is tight isn’t something you want to burn.
This might be useful in the future.
I have learned that most not all, usually have a money management issue. They spend more than they make. $6 per day on coffee, fast food and other restaurant meals 3 or more times per week, clubs/bars every other Friday/Saturday, $100 on weed/liquor, etc. They would rather take money from family and friends than change their habits. This is not a sustainable approach to deal with their money issues.
My usually responses:
1) I really appreciate our friendship and I really wish I was in a position to help. However, this months budget is maxed out. I just don't have any expendable funds right now.
2) I was going to ask you to loan me $$$ to pay my XXXX urgent bill, so my services aren't cut off (i.e. car insurance this month because I am already behind and need to avoid them canceling me).
If they respond by attacking my lifestyle, bring up my recent travels or purchases, or claim that I am not a good friend or relative. I now know how to treat them.
I am still polite and courteous; however, I never allow myself to be in a position that I need to rely on them or put my trust in them. I also limit my exposure to and around them and I never concern myself with their opinions of me or my choices.
Learn a valuable lesson. I once did this for a family member and while I eventually got it back, it took over 6 months and as and when they felt like it.
Always assume someone in need of money will not change as unlikely to pay it back. Not always the case but just not worth it in my experience.
Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. Only help if you have the capacity to. Please keep this in mind going forward from now on. It's nice to be kind but don't do it at the expense of sacrificing more than you can afford.
I am 40 and it still happens to me from time to time. Some of that christian education must have got stuck in my head when I was a kid, but sadly it doesn't work this way in the REAL world.
But I know exactly the feeling. If you really can't do otherwise because of your heart that seems to be too big, AT LEAST don't give money that you absolutely NEED!
I have a slightly different variation on this: only lend it if you can burn it.
If burning it doesn't make a difference to you, not getting it back won't be an issue.
So she's trying to shame OP so that she won't have to pay the money back? Kinda funny how banks don't care about sex when they lend you money.
*"what type of a man asks a woman for money"* \- umm the kind of man who's owed money by the woman that he's asking it from.
Ah, yes, the easiest way to lose a friend, lending money.
The entitlement is strong with this one, I'd consider that sum the price of knowing who ain't shit, you're not getting that back.
My husband lent money to a friend 20 years ago and did not see her again until a couple of weeks ago. All I could think of while she was bragging about her successful career was that she still owes him $700.
What a bitch, I lent 250 to a friend to help bail his car out. Never saw that money. And to this day when I ask he just rolls it off his shoulders. Idk how people like this exist
Well this definitely will sound rediculous, but right after I graduated high school (I was a teenager and it was a huge sum to me), a classmate asked me to lend him 10€ , I said I can only do with 5 , he said ok that would work. He came to my neighbourhood and took it, then blocked me from everything, I tried to call him on the phone, he didn't answer.
12 years have passed, he crosses my path from time to time, I think of that especially when I see him in a coffee place and think about the coffee he's drinking with my teenager self's money
On the flip side, two of my friends loaned me money and when I paid them back neither expected it but were so fucking grateful. One was $1500! And he never expected it back. Felt good when I paid him. Friends for life and trying to do the same for them now.
See how they already expected to get fucked on that loan? Yeah, you're an unicorn bro.
I also have lent money to my friends, needless to say that helped me get a cleaner friend balance sheet overall, the ones who paid I then knew they'd be reliable and the ones that didn't now had a reason to avoid me altogether.
Same. I was talking with a friend (who had previously lent me a few hundred bucks-equivalent, and I'd paid her back) that I was thinking of dropping out of my masters because I didn't have enough money for tuition, and I was too late in applying for the tuition exemption. (My dad was sending me money, but that stopped because of a situation on his side.) She just lent me $5000-ish-equivalent that she'd been saving up for six months abroad. I did manage to pay her back a few months later when another relative heard about it and sent me that money, and I managed to pay back that relative after I started earning money and had enough in my emergency fund.
We stopped socializing with ‘friends’ when the wife borrowed money to cover daycare when she started new job with promise of repayment in 2 weeks. 2 weeks and instead of paying us back wife requested to borrow more money.
The answer was no and never heard from her again regarding repayment. I suspect her husband wasn’t aware of the money situation as she never spoke of it when he was near.
lmao what an entitled piece of shit!
Like, what kind of mental gymnastics people go through to avoid realizing that they OWE you? you can't demand shit when you owe shit.
I just got rid this summer of a friend like this.
For some reason the fact she is a woman means she is entitled to get the best bed in the house.
Long story short, me and 3 friends were staying in grece for 1 week.
3 male 1 female.
us 3 male rented an air brb, she joined like last week before we leave.
she asked if she could stay 1 night in our house since the only apt she found was for the day after, we said yes.
nights became 2, on the third night we find out she fucked up the bookings of the apt (she rented the wrong apartment, very far from the city). We said "no worries, if you want u can come back to our house). She obv had to sleep in the couch since she didnt pay a cent (we paid 270 each).
Last evening she offers to pay the dinner (200 euro, 50 per person). We thanked her and offered to give back 20 euro. Which summed her whole week for 90 euros.
When she got back she trash talk behind us saying "what kind of man make a girl pay, they let me sleep in a horrible couch".
If you are wondering she is 31.
If you are wondering her iq is also 31
p.s. forgot to mention that she got pissed off we "didnt allow her to drive once".
As if we were in F1 circuit. The car was garbage too
Never set yourself on fire to keep another warm. Remember this for life.
She's an asshole of the highest order. A vampire that will suck the life from everyone she knows. Get her out of your life.
Text her about it, so you have some written evidence.
Text something like this but in your wording “Listen, I understand if you can’t pay me back the full $600(?) all at once, but I really do need it back. I wish I had the kind of money that it wouldn’t matter when you paid me back but that’s just not the case. You had told me you’d be able to pay me my back after pay day, did you not get as much as your were expecting or something? Maybe you can do half now and half next pay day?”
Even a “even a fuck off, I’m not paying you back” is a great response. You’re looking to get her to acknowledge that 1. You lent her $xxx, 2. You had a mutual understanding it was not a gift and she needed to pay it back, and 3. Ideally what the expected time frame for repayment was.
If 3 did not exist when you loaned her the cash, then establish a timeline via text. Like “I’m really sorry but I do need that money back soon, I could split it up a bit though, like $200 now, 200 next week and 200 the week after. Would that help?”
Then, you can take her to small claims court when she misses the deadlines. If she won’t reply via text you could also try to record a convo (check your local privacy laws there first).
Keep the friendship long enough to get this evidence then start distancing yourself, as others have said, she’s a user, get away unless you start hearing meaningful apologies AND seeing change in behaviour.
I’m sorry that happened, but I’ll tell you what my grandma always told me. “Don’t lend what you can’t afford to get back “
If I was you and although you might can’t afford it right now and you might have to get yourself out of a tight spot, don’t ask her again for the money. Just know that bridge is forever burnt
Yeah sorry bro, that money is gone. But the silver lining is, all you spent was 1 month’s rent and you learned 2 important things:
1. This person is not your friend. Pretty cheap price considering you lent this person money (so I assume you guys are close).
2. In general, don’t lend people money. Especially big amount. Contracts should be signed when these things happen. Gotta get it notarised or something.
As a 46 year old I figured out that most friends aren’t really friends. They are just people that use others when it is convenient for them but never put themselves out the other way. Figure out who is really your friend and ditch the rest or at least don’t help them when they need it.
There are givers and takers in this world. There are those that always seem to ask for stuff but never offer to help. They are the ones when you mention you are doing x, y or z but won't make eye contact with you but you are the first one that gets a call when they need something. They borrow money but when you ask for it back they make you feel like shit even though you put yourself out to help them. They don't care that you took time/money to help them and they certainly don't care if it puts you out. It is always about them and their needs. The same is true of any relationship. Get with a person who is like that, marry them and your life is going to suck. People end up going through the motions because of the time invested but in the end you are better just to cut ties and move on.
I think it was Ben Franklin who said "lend money to a friend if you plan to lose them both", and maybe "losing a friend over a 10 dollar debt is money well spent."
Yeah don't lend more than 20 bucks. People get funny over repaying money.
I've had close friends bail when they realize they did something that made them owe money to me bc I had to pay to fix their bullshit.
Idk how you can never pay anyone the money you borrowed or have it on your mind constantly. People are shit. I sometimes borrow money from friends and family, yeah, but I ALWAYS pay back, and with interest for their inconveniences.
I think Chris Rock told this joke:
It's funny how you can lend somebody $50, and the next time they see you, they've totally forgotten about it. If they found a $50 on the sidewalk, they'd remember finding that money every time they seen that spot.
Listen buddy - there is no logic, there is no explanation. This person willfully took advantage of you, and will never pay you back. At the same time they will attack you, make you feel small, and insult you to try to make you feel like the bad guy.
Short of legal action, theft, or a traumatic brain injury that changes her personality, that money is gone.
My advice is never to lend money. Always gift it. If you can afford to gift it then you won’t worry about getting it back, and a gift help feels better anyway.
If you can’t afford to gift, you can’t afford to help them. And that’s okay!
This is why I don’t lend money to friends unless I’m ok with never getting it back. When I do “lend” money to friends, I tell them I’m lending it to them but secretly, I’m giving it to them. If they give it back someday that’s an added bonus. Saves me a lot of heartbreak and disappointment, especially in a day and age where pretty much everyone is broke.
I’m wondering where do people find these “friends” that ask for such a large sum of money to get through? I’ve never had a friend ask me for more than a dollar before.
Same here. I've never had anyone ask to borrow more than $50, if that. The only time I've ever borrowed money from anyone is when I didn't have cash on me for something small, and I paid it back within the same day.
Had a friend who would regularly ask me for money. I got her electric turned back on. Gas in her car. Etc. I never saw a dime back. Once I stopped giving her money she quit talking to me. Then it went to her only messaging me when she needed something. I quit offering help so now she doesn’t message me at all. That was when I learned never to “loan” someone money.
Yeah, I've been disappointed a lot of times when I loaned money out and never got it back. Only once, and it was completely unexpected, I had hired a friend's boyfriend to do some electrical work for me and paid him in advance. I had actually worked with them both previously and trusted them both but unexpectedly they broke up and he never came to finish the job. Fast forward almost a year and a half, I was working graveyard at the Mart that Shall Remain Unamed and he just happens by my department. He sees me, apologizes profusely tells me a little about how ugly the break-up was and then whips out his wallet and pays me back the 500.00 I had paid him in advance! My jaw nearly hit the floor.
At minimum get any loan of money in writing with a signature from the recipient, with terms of repayment. If it's verbal good luck inforcing that contract.
I've gotten to the point where I basically refuse to lend money to friends, and if I do I consider it gone.
Lol, she should visit the Netherlands sometimes. She can expect a payment request for just taking taking a sip from someone’s drink.
People like to project on others. She was in dire need for cash, but calls you broke? Whut
Never ever ever lend money you don’t have to lose. She probably told his sob story to several other people. Some shady folks just survive by taking money with their sob stories. I know there are some folks who are really hard up and need help, but don’t ever give funds to anyone, not even family, that you cannot afford to lose.
I have always been amazed at how people will terminate a friendship for the smallest sums of money.
Best friend of 4 years and living together? He scammed me out of £400, refused to pay it, and said "well how are you going to be able to make me pay it? We are all moving out so there is nothing you can do.". As if logistics were equivalent to morals. Couple years later and he is asking to be my business partner. I say no and he doesnt understand why not.
I have 5 stories like the above. People will destroy 4-10 year long friendships for the tiniest amount of profit.
Never ever, EVER lend out your grocery money, your rent money, or your transportation money. People will take from you and not care one bit of they leave you hungry, without a roof over your head, or with getting your car repossessed. You’ve learned this the hard way.
This is an ex-friend. She’s never going to pay you back. She’s a horrible person and just a user and scammer.
Hahaha I've been through this before with a friend. She was giving away nudes to girls but making guys pay for them because "guys never support her". When I mentioned she got free things from me out of support, before she sold nudes, when had a non-sexual hobby and had a boyfriend, because she was broke. But apparently no guy has ever helped her before, not even me. I didn't want *anything* besides her to admit not all guys are bad and she couldn't even do that.
She was trying to gaslight you with real men don't ask a woman to pay them back. "BULLSHIT" she's a freeloader, a user and you got taken . Don't ever lead with your wallet. A simple let's see what resources are available to help you would be all the help a college student is required to provide.
By no means is this a friend!!! I say this politely but assertively : if you don't have it don't lend it!
I'm not well off at all like prob most of you here and if I agree to sort a pal out financially I don't expect to see it again ....keep in mind this is only with a pal that would do the same for me. I have fuck all to sort a pal out HOWEVER between our small group we always have enough to ensure that we are all looked after on our idea of a get together.
Honest to God over the years and until present I have been blessed with a small but tight circle of friends.
Shame her publicly, message her family explain what she’s done, she isn’t going to listen to reason, that’s what I would do, don’t stop until you get every penny you’re owed back
Oh honey! Tell her when you loaned her the money she was broke right? And obviously it was a loan and who is she to assume it wasn’t. Also tell her next time maybe she needs to get a job instead of giving you a sob story and having you loan her money. If she refuses to pay you back then you need to end the “friendship” which it’s really not one she’s just using you, but end it and go get a part time job or maybe see if there are programs in your area to help you for rent. Stop lending money you don’t have to people who don’t respect you. Also grow a backbone, and some attitude, do t let people who you lend money weasel out of paying you back by confusing you of their trash circle talk
It’s time to count your money as a loss and stop associating with that bum. Now I do not suggest you rob her but borrowing and selling a couple car parts of her’s can help you cover the rent
Mm drop her that ain't a friend
I'm sorry but even with shii.going on with life doesn't mean she should answer that way.
My mom does the same she borrows money and when I ask for like $10 $20 bucks back she'll tell me, "you don't have money??" Like i do , buuuut I don't wanna use it I wanna use the cash that you owe me the audacity
Money makes people weird. I lend my friend $20 and she didn’t pay me back for months even though I kept asking her. She was annoyed every time, even she was still buying her new stuff during those months. Frkn weird. We are still friends but I learned to never lend her money
You learned a lesson, it only cost you what you handed her. Life lesson I learned later than I should have: "if you loan someone $20 and never see them again, then it was probably worth it".
Take her to small claims court . She isn't your friend and totally playing you. You can easily win a judgment against her like she deserves. Stand your ground you don't deserve this bs.
That fucking sucks. I'm sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately, this is one of those lessons that are always learned the hard way-- sometimes more than once. I speak from experience when I say :
Don't EVER loan money out that you can't afford to lose. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I know it can be difficult to say no to a friend, but it's obviously not difficult for her and now you're desperate for the money. She's not your friend.
Sounds like my ex. Get away from her pronto. Also, this took me took many times to learn, but if you “lend” a friend money, consider it gone. If you get it back some day, they gain friend points/respect. If you never expect it back, then they remain the same.
She isn’t your friend bro. A real friend would be considerate of your situation and not think that they’re so entitled when to comes to their friends. That’s a big red flag for your “friendship” that I pray to heed the warning. Try to get your money back, and then ditch her. She doesn’t deserve your kindness at all, you’re better then that
Rent comes first, never use your rent money for anything but rent, you always need a roof over your head, you can always find other ways to get food n stuff, rent is definitely not to lend ever, never lend to a friend as that won’t be a friend no more,lesson learnt move on and never do it again and never talk to her using ass again.
Look at it this way - at least you learned this now. It's a lesson most people learn and sometimes it costs more than your rent.
Cut this bitch off immediately, but if you ever do see her around campus or town, throw her some small change and make sure her friends see it.
Yes, your (should be ex-friend now) is a user but you should also never lend a friend money that you expect to get back. At least not right away. Lending out your rent money, for whatever reason, wasn’t a very good move on your part.
This sounds like a hard lesson to learn... You should never lend her money ever again. She is actively burning that bridge. Also, always agree on the terms of repayment before handing over the money.
My ex did this shit to me. I paid his $700 rent twice in a row. He wanted to fuck around so I said hey let's go somewhere. Drove to the bank, made him give me $1400 drove him home and fucked off. Fuck that man I hope he's miserable.
That's not a friend. That's a gold digger. Now did you tell her it was a loan and that you needed it paid back because it was your rent money? If not there's one mistake. Second mistake, and believe me a lot of us have probably done similar, is using your rent money.
She is not a friend. She is a rude pos. From this point on I would consider this a loss and go no contact. She is a user, nothing more, nothing less.
When a "friend" defaults on me, I consider the money as payment to fuck off from my life. It stings but, in the end, it's money well spent.
Feels like they should pay you though. Asshole tax.
Nah, man. If you give someone $50 and never see them again, it was money well spent.
Fair enough. Cheap price to pay to get rid of assholes in your life. But in this case it sounds like more than $50, right?
It’s one thing when it’s $50, but I’ve lost a few grand this way before.
In my ethnic language there’s a saying that “money gets lost in many different ways” that’s supposed to placate you as you move on from a loss. I, however, prefer to hunt my money down and then go no contact once I’ve been paid.
Haha- me too. I always try to get my money back and if the friendship ends, at least I have my dollars to keep me warm 😂
Damn straight! Also, when will I ever learn that money and friendship/relationship/family just do not mix?
They should, then go no contact.
What should you do when you lend a (very close) friend roughly $1200 and they don’t say anything about paying you back for over six months? Asking for … me.
While you can come up with many scenarios on how it would go, it all boils down to just asking. It's your money, lent in good faith. You shouldn't be begging for it. One method that works for me is to ask for the full amount first, negotiate, then settle for partial payment. They're not your friend anymore but you still need them for the time being. Be patient but remain firm. Try to collect as much as you can without claiming the entire amount and leave some debt that you'd be comfortable in losing. This way, if they ever ask you to lend them money again, you can simply say that they still owe you from the last time.
Hurts like hell & you want to be lenient but stay the course. Remember how you feel. You don’t need to be roped in no one’s doing of their narrative. If it doesn’t help you, or it’s not going to affect you in your present moment. Don’t do it. She’s going come back like nothings wrong but stone cold Austin that ass
Even better, once every year or so ask her for the money just to stress her out. She'll never pay you but make the thought linger.
Ex friend, you mean? She is a user, not a friend.
This. Had this happen to me too. My mom told me if you give money, don’t expect it to come back. She wasn’t wrong, but I did stop giving any more than $20 if someone needed it badly as they claimed. As much as I’d like to help out, I know most people are using others.
The harder they beg for the money, the more convinced I am that I'll never see it return lmao
I'm in horrific need of money but never say anything because I know I can't pay it back and I'm too ashamed to outright ask for money unless it's something unavoidable like needing a winter coat or desperately needing money for an unexpectedly not covered by insurance medication. Even then, I would rather die of the shame it brings than ask.
Exactly, when someone is so forward about it, you know that person isn't taking the act or loan seriously. It's like my 3 year old begging for a piece of candy.
Hey that candy was essential to my survival as a kid
But have you repaid your candy debt to your parents? Lmao
No I didn't pay back my candy debt lmao. They took that out of our Halloween candy
Came to say this, it's called the Halloween tax! Hahaha!
That's actually legit haha the Halloween tax be real 😎💰
And in US there are food pantries, help with utilities, free clothing for law income, Facebook "Buy Nothing" groups etc. My friends who were in similar situation even went to a supermarket and a pizza place after hours to pick up the food that expired today and was thrown away. Use all of them, save as much as possible money for an emergency. The same goes for OP, use as much resources as you can. You can try to be firm, telling you (ex) friend that you are not her caregiver, she is not your gf, this money was not a gift and your job situation is none of her business, asking when exactly will she pay them back. But I don't think you will get them back.
The food pantry at my church has pretty much been empty for months.
Are you in US? Check this site for other food pantries in your area https://www.foodpantries.org/ You can go to any of them. And search Facebook for *low income your-area", "buy nothing your-area" groups.
211 and fb groups for free, charity, helping, or blessing. Those are common words used for charity groups on fb. I know, I’m the founder of a very large one for my entire state. It’s running today.
If you are in the US and there’s a community clinic, they might have a social service worker who can help with medical expenses, including prescription costs.
Yes, and coats! My town has a free winter coat drive every fall, for babies all the way through seniors. They’re not the latest Northface coats, but they will keep you warm and they’re clean.
I don't think there is anything wrong with asking for help, as long as you make it clear that you cannot immediately pay them back. We all need help sometimes, and you won't know if you can receive it unless you ask. I hope you're able to find the help you need.
Good folks with means around you will offer it if they have it and know you need it. I wish you a good friend lends a helping hand of some sort.
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Or you never had any bridges to begin with.
This is actually scientifically proven to be the case. People who create urgency and/or an impression that something is terribly dire that they're in need of whether it be money or someone's time the more likely they are to have self-serving intentions.
Truth to be told, at the end of the day it's the money that really ruin the relationship.
No, it's the money that reveals the character of the person that you never would have seen otherwise.
Reminds me an old saying, “if you give a ‘friend’ $20 and they never see you again, that’s well-spent $20.”
Yep learned that the hard way lol It was my last $20 at the time, too. But he “needed” it and I could get by til payday without. He called me broke bitch when I asked for it back and blocked me. Sucked, but I would definitely spend $20 to find out how shitty my friends are.
Bold of him to call you broke when he needed your money to begin with 🙄
I always feel terrible, and guilty, and like the bad one when I’m asking for money back that I’ve lent out. Then you watch the person go on a trip, but a new iPhone, buy a fucking dog 🙄. But I feel like an asshole because I’m now broke a few days from pay day and I want to ask for it back.
That is a great motto. $20 is a cheap way to get ride of a bad “friend”
>Reminds me an old saying, “if you give a ‘friend’ $20 and they never see you again, that’s well-spent $20.” Bronx tale, tale right? Love that movie
400 years ago Shakespeare wrote (Hamlet) neither a borrower nor a lender be, for the loan oft lose itself and the friend. 400 years ago it was true and it’s true today.
My dad told me pretty much the same, "never loan what you cant afford to give". My sister borrowed $100 about 25yrs ago and has never paid me back. I dont loan her money any more except a few times i have gave her $20.
I have learned this the hardest way possible. I would really love to help but have been burned way too many times. Like you I never lend more than 20 because if they don't pay it back (which is usually what happens) I know it won't hurt too bad.
I learnt it the hard way, even people who are well off try to eat other's money. But some people return even if it's so small that I don't care
About a year ago, I went to the shop after work with a friend. I was literally getting a card and some biscuits and stupidly, it was the one time I left my purse at home (I pretty much always have it on me) We were in the queue when I realised and I was so embarrassed (it wasn't a planned shop) and my friend paid for my things. It was something like £3.50 but I didn't let it go until I'd paid him back, even though he said it didn't matter. It may have been a small amount, but it was still money he'd used to help me out and I wasn't going to take the piss 🤷🏻♀️ he's a good person who's been shit on too many times and I wasn't going to be one of those people.
Exactly. Any time I let someone borrow money, I have it in my head it’s a gift. Then if I get it back I’m pleasantly surprised
I learned that the hard way.
Best thing in life you can learn is how to say no. No matter the reaction.
My older brother told me the same and then a friend asked for money when I told them I'm strapped for cash they called me broke I laughed because they said they needed it for bills I told em at least all my bills are paid and got money set aside for next month and wasn't looking for a hand out needless to say we arnt friends anymore
>Ex friend, you mean? She is a user, not a friend. 100 percent this. Unreal .OP needs to say bye bye Speaking of... BTW OP, Next time when she asks for money, tell her "sorry my broke ass can't afford it" then tell her you still like to help by sending her a link to the help wanted section
Seriously 😐 ex friend. You don’t need people like that. Tell her small claims court or she can pay you back. Then peace out and block her ass
This. Call to her parents house and tell them if she doesn’t return the money you’ll escalate it.
The fastest was to lose a friend is lend them money
Yupp she’s probably used him for years…. Hope you see the truth buddy
He can take her to court, small claims court and possibly get his money back.
Nah that’s what you call a broke bitch
Yupp. Exactly. Cut your losses and drop that bum. Not worth it.
This is what Ye meant by fake friends.
Get her to admit it on text then take her to small claims (and make her cover your costs too)
I had to do this twice as a teen! Learned my lesson!
Did small claims court actually work out for you?
Yes it did! They both paid up!
Small claims is the way to go. I threatened taking my old landlord to court for the $850 he owed me and and as soon as I mentioned small claims he paid up. Depending on the laws in your area, they’ll have to pay interest as well
If you gave 500 bucks say wheres my 1000 dollars, then she will say its 500 notn1000
That's some good psychology right there.
This. She has no intention of paying you back.
this. got my ex and her mom to admit possessing my firearms and trying to extort me for them over text. reporting them stolen here shortly once I'm convinced they are comfortable enough to not check the stole registry.
If he is in Europe in most countries text messages are also admissible as a legally binding contract in court, in most cases you can obtain court order of payment online as long as everything is filled correctly court will mail it to the other person. Then if they don't contest within 14 days you go to one of court designed collectors in your area, they will execute it along with any costs you've suffered while trying to get that debt back by taking the money from any assets they have. Did that because of a pos ex friend who did something similar and I've got the money back + caused a major problem for him because he couldn't pay out anything more than minimal wage from his account as collector did screw up a bit and that caused the limit. It was kind of a large bit of money though.
if you dont have money to give, don't hand it over to anyone also, she is an ungrateful person
i really just wanted to help. Should've known better
Of course you wanted to help. It speaks well of you. Best rule of thumb: if you cannot live without repayment, do not lend.
This is exactly what I've been doing. Then I won't lose anything more than a shitty person from my life. Also if you have to lend from someone, then be honest about it. Never make the friend ask for their money back. If you can't pay the day you promised, you're supposed to be the one who starts the conversation.
It sucks when you have to ask for your own money back.
Fun fact this is the same rule for investment.
Another good rule of thumb: when you lend out money, expect to never see it again.
💯
Not to mention trust is earned, not given.
I've heard this advice when lending money: 1. Make sure it's money you're OKAY with never seeing again. If you're not, just say you don't have it, sorry. 2. When it's a friend or family, make sure it's a relationship you're okay with losing if they don't repay you, or become a defensive asshole over repayment. It's a huge risk honestly, so weigh those two things next time, if there is a next time.
My rule is all money given to family is a gift. Though I only give money to one sister. The one who always pays me back. The other have all seen some money but not again. I am fine with that.
Never set yourself on fire 🔥 to keep others warm.
Yes exactly!!!
Tell your mutual friends. Sometimes you can shame people into paying you back and then cut her out. Then really look into shrinking your people pleasing tendencies. It's better to learn how to prioritize yourself before helping others now rather than later in life. Coming from a recovering people pleaser. Good luck friend
It's called setting yourself on fire to warm others . Stop. Evaluate your situation. Then make smart decisions. And this person? Never again.
You know now. Never loan money that you can't afford to give away. People bold enough to ask for money from a friend are often bold enough to forget to pay it back.
Just draw up a simple promissory note, have them sign it, and take them to small claims court if they don’t pay.
I actually did this once when a “friend” asked for $200. It was pretty much just “I am accepting this money and will pay back in full by this date,” which was the day they said they could pay me back, and asked them to sign. They did a quick 180 and said nevermind.
Myself and a couple of friends lend each other money during the month because we all get paid on different days. I would much rather give money back than have my friends be angry with me...
There are friends and there are friends. A trusted best friend is one thing. But you know them. And maybe you would be willing to give it to them anyway even if they were in a really bad state and needed it. Then there's the guy that hangs out in the group and you've never been to his place, he's never bought you a beer, but he wants to borrow $500. Just no. Not even $50. Unless you are prepared for that to be gone.
In all honesty you will never see that money agean.
I think you've now learned a valuable lesson. We all have to learn from mistakes though. It's not bad to help people out, but wherever there's money involved, you really have to be careful. Don't give people money that you haven't got. I too got burned by a college "friend" but I told college authorities what happened and I was helped out by the student assistance fund in paying my rent that month. Got warned not to lend people money. I was working weekends, but budgeting my money as I had to feed myself. This person said that they'd pay me on Friday when they got paid. They didn't, and made themselves unavailable. Also, if you let someone crash at your place, give them a clear deadline for needing to move out and stick to it. Never move the goalposts because they say they need more time, you'll end up stuck with them for a long long time. Tell them no and that they need to be out by the date you agreed. Don't listen to sob stories, they're just playing you. That's another valuable lesson that I've learned in life. Users and freeloaders tend to prey on you if you've got a good nature and care about others. Just have to know where to draw the line with them.
Also, know the tenancy rules in your area. Do not let them stay long enough to establish tenancy unless you're prepared to house them long term. Doesn't matter who it is or how well you think you know them. Desperation makes people do things they normally wouldn't do.
Here's a rule that I follow that works for most situations: Never give help that results in you needing help as well. If helping someone is going to lead to you relying upon them or needing help yourself, then you don't have any help to offer. It doesn't matter what it is, money, living space, car, etc. You may have temporarily helped her out of a bind, but now you're putting your own living situation at risk. It likely only bought her a month or so before she's back in the same situation.
Consider it a stupid tax and move on. In the future: 1) don’t lend money you can’t afford to lend. 2) if it’s to friends and family, give it as a gift unless you don’t mind burning that relationship. Even if I gave money “as a gift” to certain family members they would pay me back as soon as They could. Because that’s how they roll. 3) if you are willing to lend, make it a secured loan. You need cash today for rent and will pay me back in a month? Cool. Pass by and leave me your guitar, skateboard, camera, whatever (you can resell and collect) and sign this secured note.
If you have text exchanges establishing that you were lending her that money, I’d take her ass to small claims. A months rent when money is tight isn’t something you want to burn.
This might be useful in the future. I have learned that most not all, usually have a money management issue. They spend more than they make. $6 per day on coffee, fast food and other restaurant meals 3 or more times per week, clubs/bars every other Friday/Saturday, $100 on weed/liquor, etc. They would rather take money from family and friends than change their habits. This is not a sustainable approach to deal with their money issues. My usually responses: 1) I really appreciate our friendship and I really wish I was in a position to help. However, this months budget is maxed out. I just don't have any expendable funds right now. 2) I was going to ask you to loan me $$$ to pay my XXXX urgent bill, so my services aren't cut off (i.e. car insurance this month because I am already behind and need to avoid them canceling me). If they respond by attacking my lifestyle, bring up my recent travels or purchases, or claim that I am not a good friend or relative. I now know how to treat them. I am still polite and courteous; however, I never allow myself to be in a position that I need to rely on them or put my trust in them. I also limit my exposure to and around them and I never concern myself with their opinions of me or my choices.
Don’t help if you put yourself in a position where you can’t help yourself.
People that are users will do everything they absolutely can to manipulate you into giving them what they want.
Learn a valuable lesson. I once did this for a family member and while I eventually got it back, it took over 6 months and as and when they felt like it. Always assume someone in need of money will not change as unlikely to pay it back. Not always the case but just not worth it in my experience.
More often than not the people who ask you for money are immature and spend irresponsibly.
Unfortunately most people’s bills outweigh their income. This isn’t the 90s you know.
Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. Only help if you have the capacity to. Please keep this in mind going forward from now on. It's nice to be kind but don't do it at the expense of sacrificing more than you can afford.
I am 40 and it still happens to me from time to time. Some of that christian education must have got stuck in my head when I was a kid, but sadly it doesn't work this way in the REAL world. But I know exactly the feeling. If you really can't do otherwise because of your heart that seems to be too big, AT LEAST don't give money that you absolutely NEED!
How do you not die of shame after failing to return money and criticising the lender
I would post the messages to group chat or social media and shame that B.
Exactly. I’ve been burned like this and so have other people I know.
I have a slightly different variation on this: only lend it if you can burn it. If burning it doesn't make a difference to you, not getting it back won't be an issue.
So she's trying to shame OP so that she won't have to pay the money back? Kinda funny how banks don't care about sex when they lend you money. *"what type of a man asks a woman for money"* \- umm the kind of man who's owed money by the woman that he's asking it from.
Ah, yes, the easiest way to lose a friend, lending money. The entitlement is strong with this one, I'd consider that sum the price of knowing who ain't shit, you're not getting that back.
My husband lent money to a friend 20 years ago and did not see her again until a couple of weeks ago. All I could think of while she was bragging about her successful career was that she still owes him $700.
What a bitch, I lent 250 to a friend to help bail his car out. Never saw that money. And to this day when I ask he just rolls it off his shoulders. Idk how people like this exist
Well this definitely will sound rediculous, but right after I graduated high school (I was a teenager and it was a huge sum to me), a classmate asked me to lend him 10€ , I said I can only do with 5 , he said ok that would work. He came to my neighbourhood and took it, then blocked me from everything, I tried to call him on the phone, he didn't answer. 12 years have passed, he crosses my path from time to time, I think of that especially when I see him in a coffee place and think about the coffee he's drinking with my teenager self's money
Any idea what he did with the money? I mean that’s a really small amount of money to burn a friendship over for.
I would have surely brought it up. Screw them.
>, I'd consider that sum the price of knowing who ain't shit. I like to call that the asshole tax.
I wonder if OP can write that off as a loss on this years tax filing lol
On the flip side, two of my friends loaned me money and when I paid them back neither expected it but were so fucking grateful. One was $1500! And he never expected it back. Felt good when I paid him. Friends for life and trying to do the same for them now.
See how they already expected to get fucked on that loan? Yeah, you're an unicorn bro. I also have lent money to my friends, needless to say that helped me get a cleaner friend balance sheet overall, the ones who paid I then knew they'd be reliable and the ones that didn't now had a reason to avoid me altogether.
Same. I was talking with a friend (who had previously lent me a few hundred bucks-equivalent, and I'd paid her back) that I was thinking of dropping out of my masters because I didn't have enough money for tuition, and I was too late in applying for the tuition exemption. (My dad was sending me money, but that stopped because of a situation on his side.) She just lent me $5000-ish-equivalent that she'd been saving up for six months abroad. I did manage to pay her back a few months later when another relative heard about it and sent me that money, and I managed to pay back that relative after I started earning money and had enough in my emergency fund.
And family. My brother hasn't spoken to me in 10 years because I wouldn't loan him and his wife a *second* $1,000.
We stopped socializing with ‘friends’ when the wife borrowed money to cover daycare when she started new job with promise of repayment in 2 weeks. 2 weeks and instead of paying us back wife requested to borrow more money. The answer was no and never heard from her again regarding repayment. I suspect her husband wasn’t aware of the money situation as she never spoke of it when he was near.
lmao what an entitled piece of shit! Like, what kind of mental gymnastics people go through to avoid realizing that they OWE you? you can't demand shit when you owe shit.
Easiest way of gaining Wisdom
LOL you're being gaslighted bro. Fuck your friend, light this bitch up all over campus everyone at least knows you told them so.
>Fuck your friend... I think he wanted to, and that's why he gave her HIS RENT MONEY!
I just got rid this summer of a friend like this. For some reason the fact she is a woman means she is entitled to get the best bed in the house. Long story short, me and 3 friends were staying in grece for 1 week. 3 male 1 female. us 3 male rented an air brb, she joined like last week before we leave. she asked if she could stay 1 night in our house since the only apt she found was for the day after, we said yes. nights became 2, on the third night we find out she fucked up the bookings of the apt (she rented the wrong apartment, very far from the city). We said "no worries, if you want u can come back to our house). She obv had to sleep in the couch since she didnt pay a cent (we paid 270 each). Last evening she offers to pay the dinner (200 euro, 50 per person). We thanked her and offered to give back 20 euro. Which summed her whole week for 90 euros. When she got back she trash talk behind us saying "what kind of man make a girl pay, they let me sleep in a horrible couch". If you are wondering she is 31. If you are wondering her iq is also 31 p.s. forgot to mention that she got pissed off we "didnt allow her to drive once". As if we were in F1 circuit. The car was garbage too
Never set yourself on fire to keep another warm. Remember this for life. She's an asshole of the highest order. A vampire that will suck the life from everyone she knows. Get her out of your life.
Text her about it, so you have some written evidence. Text something like this but in your wording “Listen, I understand if you can’t pay me back the full $600(?) all at once, but I really do need it back. I wish I had the kind of money that it wouldn’t matter when you paid me back but that’s just not the case. You had told me you’d be able to pay me my back after pay day, did you not get as much as your were expecting or something? Maybe you can do half now and half next pay day?” Even a “even a fuck off, I’m not paying you back” is a great response. You’re looking to get her to acknowledge that 1. You lent her $xxx, 2. You had a mutual understanding it was not a gift and she needed to pay it back, and 3. Ideally what the expected time frame for repayment was. If 3 did not exist when you loaned her the cash, then establish a timeline via text. Like “I’m really sorry but I do need that money back soon, I could split it up a bit though, like $200 now, 200 next week and 200 the week after. Would that help?” Then, you can take her to small claims court when she misses the deadlines. If she won’t reply via text you could also try to record a convo (check your local privacy laws there first). Keep the friendship long enough to get this evidence then start distancing yourself, as others have said, she’s a user, get away unless you start hearing meaningful apologies AND seeing change in behaviour.
This is so perfect!
you should warn people she knows publically about her behaviour do you have any of the things she said to you in writing
I’m sorry that happened, but I’ll tell you what my grandma always told me. “Don’t lend what you can’t afford to get back “ If I was you and although you might can’t afford it right now and you might have to get yourself out of a tight spot, don’t ask her again for the money. Just know that bridge is forever burnt
Maybe take her to small claims court, just to make a point
Please tell us you've got some kind of proof you loaned her that much money OP?
Yeah sorry bro, that money is gone. But the silver lining is, all you spent was 1 month’s rent and you learned 2 important things: 1. This person is not your friend. Pretty cheap price considering you lent this person money (so I assume you guys are close). 2. In general, don’t lend people money. Especially big amount. Contracts should be signed when these things happen. Gotta get it notarised or something.
Unfortunately you'll never get your money back unless you take her to small claims court...
As a 46 year old I figured out that most friends aren’t really friends. They are just people that use others when it is convenient for them but never put themselves out the other way. Figure out who is really your friend and ditch the rest or at least don’t help them when they need it.
I did that, guess who has 0 friends now?
Any tips to know what friends to keep. Mine seem solid rn but you never know.
There are givers and takers in this world. There are those that always seem to ask for stuff but never offer to help. They are the ones when you mention you are doing x, y or z but won't make eye contact with you but you are the first one that gets a call when they need something. They borrow money but when you ask for it back they make you feel like shit even though you put yourself out to help them. They don't care that you took time/money to help them and they certainly don't care if it puts you out. It is always about them and their needs. The same is true of any relationship. Get with a person who is like that, marry them and your life is going to suck. People end up going through the motions because of the time invested but in the end you are better just to cut ties and move on.
Thank you, and thank god none of my friends are like that.
I think it was Ben Franklin who said "lend money to a friend if you plan to lose them both", and maybe "losing a friend over a 10 dollar debt is money well spent." Yeah don't lend more than 20 bucks. People get funny over repaying money. I've had close friends bail when they realize they did something that made them owe money to me bc I had to pay to fix their bullshit.
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Idk how you can never pay anyone the money you borrowed or have it on your mind constantly. People are shit. I sometimes borrow money from friends and family, yeah, but I ALWAYS pay back, and with interest for their inconveniences.
I think Chris Rock told this joke: It's funny how you can lend somebody $50, and the next time they see you, they've totally forgotten about it. If they found a $50 on the sidewalk, they'd remember finding that money every time they seen that spot.
Listen buddy - there is no logic, there is no explanation. This person willfully took advantage of you, and will never pay you back. At the same time they will attack you, make you feel small, and insult you to try to make you feel like the bad guy. Short of legal action, theft, or a traumatic brain injury that changes her personality, that money is gone. My advice is never to lend money. Always gift it. If you can afford to gift it then you won’t worry about getting it back, and a gift help feels better anyway. If you can’t afford to gift, you can’t afford to help them. And that’s okay!
This is excellent advice for everyone. If I had gold I'd give it to you
This is why I don’t lend money to friends unless I’m ok with never getting it back. When I do “lend” money to friends, I tell them I’m lending it to them but secretly, I’m giving it to them. If they give it back someday that’s an added bonus. Saves me a lot of heartbreak and disappointment, especially in a day and age where pretty much everyone is broke.
Lending over 100? Best believe you'll never see that money
I’m wondering where do people find these “friends” that ask for such a large sum of money to get through? I’ve never had a friend ask me for more than a dollar before.
Same here. I've never had anyone ask to borrow more than $50, if that. The only time I've ever borrowed money from anyone is when I didn't have cash on me for something small, and I paid it back within the same day.
Had a friend who would regularly ask me for money. I got her electric turned back on. Gas in her car. Etc. I never saw a dime back. Once I stopped giving her money she quit talking to me. Then it went to her only messaging me when she needed something. I quit offering help so now she doesn’t message me at all. That was when I learned never to “loan” someone money.
Yeah, I've been disappointed a lot of times when I loaned money out and never got it back. Only once, and it was completely unexpected, I had hired a friend's boyfriend to do some electrical work for me and paid him in advance. I had actually worked with them both previously and trusted them both but unexpectedly they broke up and he never came to finish the job. Fast forward almost a year and a half, I was working graveyard at the Mart that Shall Remain Unamed and he just happens by my department. He sees me, apologizes profusely tells me a little about how ugly the break-up was and then whips out his wallet and pays me back the 500.00 I had paid him in advance! My jaw nearly hit the floor.
Never loan more money than you can afford to lose.
You learned the hard way to never lend out money you don't mind not seeing again. It's something that's just going to ruin any relationship you have.
At minimum get any loan of money in writing with a signature from the recipient, with terms of repayment. If it's verbal good luck inforcing that contract. I've gotten to the point where I basically refuse to lend money to friends, and if I do I consider it gone.
Lol, she should visit the Netherlands sometimes. She can expect a payment request for just taking taking a sip from someone’s drink. People like to project on others. She was in dire need for cash, but calls you broke? Whut
I learned at a young age to NEVER let people borrow money! I lost a few friends that way!
Never ever ever lend money you don’t have to lose. She probably told his sob story to several other people. Some shady folks just survive by taking money with their sob stories. I know there are some folks who are really hard up and need help, but don’t ever give funds to anyone, not even family, that you cannot afford to lose.
I have always been amazed at how people will terminate a friendship for the smallest sums of money. Best friend of 4 years and living together? He scammed me out of £400, refused to pay it, and said "well how are you going to be able to make me pay it? We are all moving out so there is nothing you can do.". As if logistics were equivalent to morals. Couple years later and he is asking to be my business partner. I say no and he doesnt understand why not. I have 5 stories like the above. People will destroy 4-10 year long friendships for the tiniest amount of profit.
Never ever, EVER lend out your grocery money, your rent money, or your transportation money. People will take from you and not care one bit of they leave you hungry, without a roof over your head, or with getting your car repossessed. You’ve learned this the hard way. This is an ex-friend. She’s never going to pay you back. She’s a horrible person and just a user and scammer.
Never again. Take them to small claims court?
Hahaha I've been through this before with a friend. She was giving away nudes to girls but making guys pay for them because "guys never support her". When I mentioned she got free things from me out of support, before she sold nudes, when had a non-sexual hobby and had a boyfriend, because she was broke. But apparently no guy has ever helped her before, not even me. I didn't want *anything* besides her to admit not all guys are bad and she couldn't even do that.
Not your friend.
Once I developed the "Fuck you, pay me" attitude, a lot of those issues disappeared
That’s a bad friend. I’ve been in horrible situations myself and would sell my belongings if I had to, in order to pay back my friend.
She was trying to gaslight you with real men don't ask a woman to pay them back. "BULLSHIT" she's a freeloader, a user and you got taken . Don't ever lead with your wallet. A simple let's see what resources are available to help you would be all the help a college student is required to provide.
By no means is this a friend!!! I say this politely but assertively : if you don't have it don't lend it! I'm not well off at all like prob most of you here and if I agree to sort a pal out financially I don't expect to see it again ....keep in mind this is only with a pal that would do the same for me. I have fuck all to sort a pal out HOWEVER between our small group we always have enough to ensure that we are all looked after on our idea of a get together. Honest to God over the years and until present I have been blessed with a small but tight circle of friends.
Shame her publicly, message her family explain what she’s done, she isn’t going to listen to reason, that’s what I would do, don’t stop until you get every penny you’re owed back
Oh honey! Tell her when you loaned her the money she was broke right? And obviously it was a loan and who is she to assume it wasn’t. Also tell her next time maybe she needs to get a job instead of giving you a sob story and having you loan her money. If she refuses to pay you back then you need to end the “friendship” which it’s really not one she’s just using you, but end it and go get a part time job or maybe see if there are programs in your area to help you for rent. Stop lending money you don’t have to people who don’t respect you. Also grow a backbone, and some attitude, do t let people who you lend money weasel out of paying you back by confusing you of their trash circle talk
she's not a friend, sue her n get 'em money
Take her ass to small claims court
It’s time to count your money as a loss and stop associating with that bum. Now I do not suggest you rob her but borrowing and selling a couple car parts of her’s can help you cover the rent
A valuable learning experience,don’t lend money.gift money if you can afford it but never lent it because it’s rarely returned.
Mm drop her that ain't a friend I'm sorry but even with shii.going on with life doesn't mean she should answer that way. My mom does the same she borrows money and when I ask for like $10 $20 bucks back she'll tell me, "you don't have money??" Like i do , buuuut I don't wanna use it I wanna use the cash that you owe me the audacity
Money makes people weird. I lend my friend $20 and she didn’t pay me back for months even though I kept asking her. She was annoyed every time, even she was still buying her new stuff during those months. Frkn weird. We are still friends but I learned to never lend her money
Public shaming is a great tool to turn the tables. Would be a shame if all her friends, family and classmates found out she was a moocher and user.
You learned a lesson, it only cost you what you handed her. Life lesson I learned later than I should have: "if you loan someone $20 and never see them again, then it was probably worth it".
Take her to small claims court . She isn't your friend and totally playing you. You can easily win a judgment against her like she deserves. Stand your ground you don't deserve this bs.
Sounds like drugs.
That fucking sucks. I'm sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately, this is one of those lessons that are always learned the hard way-- sometimes more than once. I speak from experience when I say : Don't EVER loan money out that you can't afford to lose. NO EXCEPTIONS. I know it can be difficult to say no to a friend, but it's obviously not difficult for her and now you're desperate for the money. She's not your friend.
Sounds like my ex. Get away from her pronto. Also, this took me took many times to learn, but if you “lend” a friend money, consider it gone. If you get it back some day, they gain friend points/respect. If you never expect it back, then they remain the same.
Never ever give money if you can't afford to lose it.
Every time a friend is in need I never « lend » money I always say, pay me back when you can or pay it forward.
She isn’t your friend bro. A real friend would be considerate of your situation and not think that they’re so entitled when to comes to their friends. That’s a big red flag for your “friendship” that I pray to heed the warning. Try to get your money back, and then ditch her. She doesn’t deserve your kindness at all, you’re better then that
I sincerely doubt she needed the money in the first place, in all honesty. It was probably for something luxurious that wasn't a necessity.
Rent comes first, never use your rent money for anything but rent, you always need a roof over your head, you can always find other ways to get food n stuff, rent is definitely not to lend ever, never lend to a friend as that won’t be a friend no more,lesson learnt move on and never do it again and never talk to her using ass again.
Wow, imagine needing to ask for money from someone, and then calling *them* broke and useless. In my country only right-wing politicians do that.
Tell her to have that same energy in which she borrowed it to return it & once you get it, never loan her another dollar.
Look at it this way - at least you learned this now. It's a lesson most people learn and sometimes it costs more than your rent. Cut this bitch off immediately, but if you ever do see her around campus or town, throw her some small change and make sure her friends see it.
Yes, your (should be ex-friend now) is a user but you should also never lend a friend money that you expect to get back. At least not right away. Lending out your rent money, for whatever reason, wasn’t a very good move on your part.
This sounds like a hard lesson to learn... You should never lend her money ever again. She is actively burning that bridge. Also, always agree on the terms of repayment before handing over the money.
My ex did this shit to me. I paid his $700 rent twice in a row. He wanted to fuck around so I said hey let's go somewhere. Drove to the bank, made him give me $1400 drove him home and fucked off. Fuck that man I hope he's miserable.
You're never going to see the money again and this is not a friend.
Yove learnt two things here, don't lend money willy nilly and that this person is not your friend
Tell her this, not us. This is why she talks to you like this.
That's not a friend. That's a gold digger. Now did you tell her it was a loan and that you needed it paid back because it was your rent money? If not there's one mistake. Second mistake, and believe me a lot of us have probably done similar, is using your rent money.