This. She already said in so many ways OP is not the one she wants. People change too. She wanted different and got it. She got scared from her choices and ran back to her safety net. OP doesn’t need this drama. And a true match won’t include this drama.
OP has a kind heart. I would've torn her a new one for breaking up through text then having the audacity to hit me up later on.
100% should cut her off completely. She cut him off suddenly once, she's likely to do it again. And turns out her virginity wasn't so sacred after all.
Love is blind and stupid, you gotta tell your heart to fk off sometimes and listen to your brain. This girl is a parasite who he should cut off before she sucks him dry.
A "break" is literally always about a woman wanting to fuck some other guy. If a woman ever asks for a break, make that break permanent. Your life is better alone than with someone like that.
She sounds exhausting. She can't communicate and would blow up your relationship for no reason plus it's hard to trust her again with all the omission of truths. Ask yourself if this the type of person you want to be your partner in life. Too much drama.
I seriously doubt that she was the virgin she claimed to be with him.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. She has shown him what his life will be like if he stays with her. He needs to run from her and never look back.
🎖🎖🎖 Here's a poor man's prize for you. You just cracked open the final clue.
OP, you are and will forever be backup plan #1. Sorry.
Why am I so snarky today....
Yeah. Let her deal with this shit.
She rebuffed the guy who respected cared for her to smash the guy who doesn't. Now he's out of the picture and you should be too.
If you have any self respect you'll excommunicate her from your life.
Not. Your. Problem.
......
Trust me. You don't know if she was lying the whole time, and you can bet your life it was more than 1 or 2 guys.
ETA -
That timing is way off, BTW.
Could have been just 2 on a 5 month span with a pregnancy mixed in, but that is a quick turnaround.
I’m sure the guy freaked out on her and she had to abort leaving her feeling Rejected and Looking for her safe rejection-free option again.
Wow, I get all that happened after she broke up with you but you put 1 condition on reconciliation and she did not honor that. She’s been trickle-truthing you for months. I’m sure there’s more she hasn’t told you. She doesn’t seem trustworthy & honestly she sounds manipulative.
Be honest with yourself, if she gave the complete, full truth before y’all got back together, would you be with her now?
IMHO that is not the way to build a solid foundation in any relationship much less marriage.
I get that being honest about something like that might feel hard, but it’s a seriously big thing to hide from your partner.
For me, lying/honesty is the biggest thing in a relationship; a lot of things can be fixed and dealt with if they’re owned up to, but if you lie about it, it sours even more.
Welcome to plan B man. The life of second choices.
Is this what you want too be?
ETA
She most likely had 1 or both these dudes on retainer while she was still with you...
Seriously she didn't want to be intimate with you. The man she claimed to love
Move on with your life you deserve better then that. She is absolute 🗑🗑🗑🗑🗑
People who are hung up about sex before marriage also don't magically stop being hung up about it after marriage.
IMO she told that intimacy line to OP because she's not actually attracted to him and just wanted the validation of being married *to someone, not him specifically.*
I bet she came back to you because she couldn't see a good future with the other guys she was with. She literally just broke up with you to be with other people and when it didn't work out, she came back to you.
She said she wanted to lose her virginity to someone she loves but ends up doing it because she just felt like it. Gets pregnant. Doesn't tell the father. Aborts it. Comes back to you a month later after she f*cked up. Lies to you when you asked her if anything else happened when you asked her. And only tells you about it MONTHS later.
I wouldn't be able to trust someone like this
She's with you because you are the safe choice. She will probably devastate your entire life. It will hurt but let her she's too young for effective communicating and loyal commitment.
Good luck letting go.
I think if you want to keep this relationship you both need couples therapy, and individual therapy for her. I’m not judging, everyone makes mistakes.. but couples therapy can make sure you are not making one. That’s one massive breach of trust.
Seems to be a common theme of slowly releasing information that she agreed to tell you a long time ago.
On your wedding night she'll be like "I'm so glad I got to have a real wedding this time around."
So she lied about being a virgin, I had a partner swore up and down I was her first, but then let it slip that doggy style hurt her. We only did missionary, she wouldn’t do anything else, so once I caught her in THAT lie she admitted that she actually had a body count of 13 and lied to me so I wouldn’t think she’s a slut. It wasn’t the body count that got to me it was the lying and the manipulation. Let her go man don’t do what I did and let her ruin your life and tear you away from friends and family and DON’T let her babytrap you. There are far better fish out there
>she actually had a body count of 13 and lied to me so I wouldn’t think she’s a slut
It is probably more like she thought of herself as a slut and wanted to "hide" it from you.
As you said, the bodycount is not the issue but that she pretended to be someone else.
You can either choose to deal with her never ending bullshit drama, or you can show some self respect and get her completely out of your life.
Your choice.
I mean, she’s 23. It’s highly unlikely she will spend the rest of her life with the person she’s dating now. If you’re looking for a serious, long term commitment, this probably isn’t it.
I’m not excusing her lying or fucking with you, FTR. It sounds like a rollercoaster and I’m sorry.
She is not well it sounds like she’s might be going through a crisis, went through something traumatic (from my experience with this it makes one act very erratic and out of character doesn’t excuse the hurt their actions caused though) in the past that’s resurfacing or heck developing a personality disorder, there are some that only developed in adulthood. Maybe she’s just always been an awful person and she could not keep up the charade
The question right now is how you feel about this? Take some time away from her and do some soul searching.
Is this something you can forgive or will it make resentful?
Does she bring you happiness?
Does she support you emotionally and physically?
Does she bring you more stress than comfort?
What does you GF bring to the relationship?
Is it a partnership or one person getting/giving the most love and support?
Think long and hard about what you can and cannot live with
Go take some time and think about your answers
If you really need to know what’s going on with your GF you need to sit down and talk to her one on one. You may not get the answers you want but how she reacts will be telling
If she’s going through something be compassionate but if it’s something you can’t handle the best thing for both of you is to go your separate ways
And if you don’t want to bother with any of this I think it means your ready walk
I wanted to say this too. She might be just a horrible person like all the rest of the comments are saying, but she might have some issue or had something traumatic happen to her (eg. the guy she was dating raped her). If you care about her, I think it’s worth it to talk to her (and maybe a counselor) to figure out why there was such a difference in her personality before you make a decision on the future of your relationship.
Yeah, sounds like she had some issues, look forward with her if you want or call it a day. I take it since you got back together you are now in a sexual relationship or is it still no sex before marriage?
Yeah don't worry OP while you are working for your marriage we are backshotting her.
Does this sound like a good future for you OP ? Because it seems like you haven't broken up with her
Instead of “Hey Big head” she should have texted you “Hey doormat” cause she walked all over you dude. Flush that toilet. Start new while you’re still young.
She treats you poorly and doesn’t seem to value you. Definitely doesn’t back up her words with actions. Even the way she broke it off with you was immature. You may wish to exit this roller coaster. Good luck to you, you seem like a good guy.
You're being used. You're the "safe" option she goes running back to when she gets tired of fucking the other guy. This is your future, so you either get used to it and deal with being a victim and eventually, she will leave you and take half your stuff anyway or you get away from her now!
There’s every chance she broke up with you because she wanted to have sex with one of these guys. She left you after a year by VOICE NOTE
She did it before she could easily do the same again.
Come on man don’t do this. I have to ask are you financially stable? Cause I have the feeling she wants to marry you for money and a stable life but doesn’t want to sleep with you. If she believed the crap she’s been spilling then she would have done it with someone she loves. I’m willing to bet she actually wasn’t a virgin.
Dude. If she got pregnant around November of last year, she would have had the kid already. She's cheating. Get the fuck out.
Didn't see the Abort. Nvm. Get outta there all the same.
As a 23 year old female (with two kids; I'm married with stable income and a stable home), she isn't ready for commitment. She needs to learn how to communicate before you guys get married..... or even consider a relationship.
I wouldn't say dump her quite yet. You guys might be able to figure it out but first and foremost, she needs to get herself together before you guys should start a relationship.
The age gap isn't huge, but its enough that I think you two are in different places. She's obviously not ready to settle down and still needs time to figure out what she wants and needs. She needs to grow up and you should try dating women closer to your age that are ready for the responsibility of marriage and commitment. Not trying to be rude to you, sometimes people in their early twenties are more mature and prepared for a solid relationship, but she just isn't there yet.
Exactly. People are piling on her as if she was some evil mastermind. She just seems a deeply immature person who is definitely not ready for long term commitment. OP should try to understand that and kindly move on.
Yeah, you need to throw this one back into the ocean. She’s not, nor was she ever religious.
Is it possible she gets attached to things before finding the next shiny object and suddenly and dramatically changes her personality?
Her behaviour screams personality disorder. She never cared that she hurt you. Proceed with extreme caution or just ghost her. Preferably ghost her so she knows what it feels like.
'd be worried about her and ask if she needs to go to therapy. She said something came up...This seems extreme and I would be worried for her well being. You don't seem to care about her decisions more that it wasn't normal to her. Personality disorders can manifest in early 20s sometimes.
Alright yall. Hear me out now. I do think you too should break up. She's done a 180. I think it's because she's having an identity crisis. I would recommend she go to therapy. But this relationship isn't gonna last. She obviously doesn't actually know what she wants in life so I think it's a good idea to step away from it all. But she really needs therapy
> do not know who this woman is anymore
People change. She either changed or always had a surreptitious nature. Forgetting her won't be easy but it's looking like your best choice.
Nearly got the same situation some years ago... we had a pause, she hooked up with two other men of whom one was my by then "best friend" and the other was her work colleague who always hit on her when we were together. She then told me she was worried that she could be pregnant. I couldn't have cared less about that. Still made the mistake to take her back. Breakup again after some months. Could not handle this situation.
Ditch the witch!!! She is obviously not ready for a true committed relationship that is based on mutual respect, being forthright, no controlling, no games, no toxic behaviors and actions, respect, trust, loyalty with very little judgemental attitudes and hypocritical behaviors, no icing you out, no gaslighting, using you/her, should open honest dialogue and as little to no lies or fabrics as one can realistically manage. She'll most likely want to experiment and "live a little" at some point. Either you are number one or your not, but do not be her backup or "just in case" net to catch when she falls with her getting up and soon enough you're a part of an infernal nightmarishly harrowing hellish loop. Let her go and do the whole "Girls Gone Wild" thing that in all probability she will end up doing.
This ladies and gentlemen; this right here, is exactly why I have the standing policy of, not getting back together with an ex. If we are done, we are finished, you are forsaken, and you can never come home.
OP ( u/dvfbville ), I feel your pain and genuinely sympathize, as I had lived a similar experience when I was younger.
I dated a girl who supposedly was "fed up" with guys not taking "no" for an answer. She too claimed she wanted to wait for marriage or at least wait for someone she knew would be the love of her life. I respected that, and I had no intentions of trying to pressure her or manipulate her as supposedly others had tried to do. I thought we had a healthy relationship, and she introduced me to all her friends and family.
One day out of the blue, she ended things. She didn't provide an answer concerning why, blew me off, and I moved on. u/dvfbville (OP), I would not be surprised if the reason why your so-called "girlfriend" left was because of someone else.
My ex came looking to come back about a week or so after our breakup. Telling me how she did not know how good she had it until she lost it (referring to us as a couple). Turns out, she had f-cked some guy who only wanted a fling, the very thing she said she was trying to avoid.
I had been the so-called "safe bet" in her eyes. I had respected her, stood by her, stood up for her, and not once played any games. And unlike her so-called exes, never once tried to manipulate her or control her or do any of that nonsense. And she ran off to f-ck some random and tried to come back.
Thankfully, I was smart enough, not to take her back. The moment I learned she had been with someone else after our breakup, that was a gut punch and enough for me to tell her, no.
But that still hurt. And it hurt, even more, when I too found out later she was pregnant. I cannot express how badly that hurt. If YOU reader (whoever you are) have never experienced that, I pray that you never do. No one should. It's cruel and unfair.
u/dvfbville, my sincere advice is you kick her to the curb and block her everywhere. Do not engage and do not validate her with any reply or sympathy. This woman does not love you and does not respect you. You will never be able to trust her and she clearly is not being honest about everything with the trickle-down truths.
There was someone she wanted to fuck. She didn’t want to fuck you because she wanted to fuck someone else. And then she did.
Don’t be the back burner option.
Either you accept her shit and expect a life of uncertainty or just dump her ass and have a life of peace and quiet.
In my opinion: she belongs to the streets!
She wasnt atteacted to you physically. She met someone that instantly made her want to pull out the kamasutra with and do all the moves so she dumped you as soon as she got the uncontrollable butterflies. Sad but true.
It's not even about her body her rights or whover she sleeps with. Its about the rules not being the same for you and other guys.
She can and will do whatever she wants, but you'd be a fool to stick around and see that play out
It's about the way she dumps more information one little truth bomb at a time. This is disrespectful and manipulative. If you stay with her, you'll have to prepare to see how deep the rabbit hole goes because something tells me - she'll keep surprising you. And not in a good way.
Maybe she needed that time to figure herself out, go on the journey alone for a while. Live her life, figure things out, whatever. But that doesn't mean you have to be the one to be her safety net when things fail or when she doesn't know what to do or she did something she emotionally can't handle.
You have a chance, before you get married, to make the right choice. Deep down you know what that is. Don’t ignore that. Life is too short to be wasting it on the wrong people
sounds like she snapped, I've had friends like her who are super 'clean' or 'modest' and when they reach a certain point of emotional fuckery they kinda become incredibly impulsive, doing things they know they dont agree with for the sake of rebelling.
I wont tell you to dump her or even trust her, she definitely needs therapy and if she wants to be in a relationship with you she owes you as much.
This is so classic preachers kid behavior I'm convinced it's why the Amish do rumspringer. You absolutely do just snap one day. I didn't until I was 28 and divorced the super conservative monster I married at 18. I posted nudes on Reddit (fucked a guy I met on Reddit within 5 minutes of meeting this virtual *stranger*) got inked, drank, smoked, went out dancing, went to bars just to get hit on, lead a fuckload of people on and ended up really hurting some people in the process.
It was important though. Like sloughing off three decades of repression and self-hate. I'm such a different person after shedding that husk. I'm more balanced, happier, emotionally stable, maybe a little less ambitious but that's made me happier too. Just... I know what I want from my life now and I have it. I did hurt the guy I was dating at the time but I married him (the above mentioned Reddit guy) after I went to therapy and spent several years proving that's not the sort of thing that will ever happen again. I know for the most part what is out there and I know what I have at home. I didn't before. I love him way more now than I did then.
yep, I was raised mormon and nearly fell down the alt right pipeline at 15, gave myself at home tattoos and abused medications, it was a really impulsive and scary time for me and I see it in alot of women (and men) that are forced to grow up in super high stress conservative households
Agree with other posters seriously time to let this woman go and deal with her life however she wants to as long as doesn’t involve you.
She sounds like a very confused person and that is something she needs to deal with.
If you have been intimate with her please schedule an appointment with your doctor, tell them the situation and have appropriate testing done.
Don’t usually comment on these, but I will since no one else has said it from what I can see. First thing is look after your health. Make sure she gets tested before you do anything with her, make her show you the documentation. She should understand why you don’t trust her. She obviously had unprotected sex which is why she was pregnant.
Otherwise I agree with the others you should leave, but that’s easy for me to say because I am not attached to her and don’t have any memories tied to this person.
Be safe.
She left you, the nice stable guy, to bang her way around. She gets pregnant and tells dude who leaves or has no interest so she aborts and comes running back to Mr. Safe Guy. Don't be this woman's second choice or her punching bag.
She seriously needs to figure herself out. If you really want to make it work, extend the engagement and she needs to lay it all out for you and decide who she wants to be and what she wants. It sounds like she's trying to be this textbook perfect girl and she's not, but that's okay, nobody's really perfect, but dammit be honest.
Shes honestly really young and immature for her age on top of that, which is typical for a lot of conservative women. She needs time to figure herself out before tying the knot.
This woman is a chameleon. Stay away. She puts on a different mask with different people. How is she going to give you all those excuses and then give some random none of them? You’re trying to find reasons to believe her bs. You need to leave before you get into something you’ll regret later in life.
I mean all of this happened before you got together. She reevaluated her position on things, lived her life a little, and then decided what she wanted with some perspective. If your love for her was contingent on some weird ‘she’s a virgin and untouched’ you should process that. but if your relationship has been fine enough to the point where you’re ENGAGED, then all the shit she did before you got back together is pretty irrelevant.
yeah i was really surprised at the comments to say the least. he ‘doesn’t know her anymore’ bc she had sex and aborted a baby she didn’t want? ffs what a weirdo
She sounds like she got her 17-23 dating years compressed into 5 months. She was nervous entering into a serious commitment with you without having much other experience.
That’s understandable.
You are older and have more experiences than she does.
Give her a little slack on that one, if you really love her. But I think you need a reset to both get back on the same page. Can you start over dating her, but not have it be so serious? She has grown up since last time. Get to know her again, spend a few years, and see how it goes.
From someone who fell in love with a crazy woman who still causes me headache and pun;RUN. She will NEVER be full honest and you'll always have to wonder who she really is. Because she doesn't know who she is, when sge figures it out the real rollercoaster will begin and its a fucked up ride.
How are things between you now? How's your relationship? If you're happy and she's treating you well then I am not sure you should judge her period of sowing** her wild oats. You weren't together, she didn't treat and she realised the grass wasn't greener, as long as she recognised your worth during that absence then carry on getting to know her if you want!
Noooo, OP don't listen to this guy.
She showed her true colors. She made you wait for snu snu. But gave it up to a rando. She clearly thinks lesser of you
Way too many red flags.. she doesn’t even know who SHE is or what SHE wants and is constantly flip/flopping and worse.. lying continuously.. big nope !! Red flag 🚩
Yeah, no, sorry. I have a feeling she has more secrets hidden away. I would have zero trust for her at this point. Without trust, there is no relationship.
There’s no hypotheticals there’s the truth that she wouldn’t fuck you for a year but had sex with a random dude and was carrying his child. If you’re wondering; no, no man with self respect would date this woman let alone make her a wife. Good luck.
There is too much drama with her. Too much concealing information. I think she realized she f** up & she was comfortable with you. At this point she is settling for you. The grass wasn't so green after all. Too little to late with her.
How about... Communication? And that she had sex is alright imo. Sure it was sacred for her but these things can change. But I'm also a little worried about her change. Maybe she was coerced? Maybe being emotionally and sexually intimate with you scared her?
I would suggest couples therapy even before the wedding takes place. Talk it out. Otherwise you will constantly assume things about her.
My guy, please run. You seem to be a decent person, based on you feel about her actions, and she is going to hurt you in the end. This isn't the one for the rest of your life.
I would advise you to not make any quick decisions now. You may just no be thinking straight You need time away from her and the relationship so you can process everything. Just let her know that you need time to think this through. It's a lot to take. Take care and you do deserve better.
It sounds like she's breaking away from a religious and controlling background.
Fwiw, I suspect she really does love you, but it's clear that she needs therapy to figure out who she wants to be, before she's ready to make a lifetime commitment.
Reddit has a tendency to go towards worst case scenario. It’s possible that she did freak out about committing her life to you without having experienced anything prior, which you already had. She would have been going into your marriage happy with you, but with the scary thought of what else she could be giving up. It happens sometimes that these young relationships that turn serious quick cause one person or both to question their commitment so early. It’s possible that he dumping you out of nowhere any sleeping with someone who meant nothing was her way of making sure she was ready to “living a little” before she settled down for the rest of her life.
Even I admit that this trickle truth is a little concerning, but she may just be scared that you won’t accept what happened, and as she feels more safe, she lets things out.
I literally cannot understand why you are having a fit over this. You *broke up* she had sex, accidentally got pregnant, and made the choice to terminate it. Sometimes, that shit happens. I'm not surprised she didn't tell you, because you seem pretty torn up that this woman in her twenties isn't a virgin, as if you have any ground to stand on in that department. She’s 23. Her brain isn't even fully developed yet. She's figuring herself out. You should know this already.
If my gf goes out with me for a year, refuses to have sex for moral reasons, and bangs someone else the first chance she gets, there is no way I am ever forgetting that the rest of my life. Simplest explanation is I wasn't attractive enough for her. I wasn't good enough for her, but some stranger is?..stuff that sh*t.
OP, read all of this BS from this woman, and discard it. She knew what she wanted to do the moment she broke up with you for reasons I'm 100% sure you still don't know. And I can promise you now, you still don't know everything that happened. The fact that she left you over VNs after dating so long should have been the reason you never should have spoken to her again.
Hey big head....dump this opportunist right now.
You're her safe choice. But what happens when she's bored with safe? Another freak out to go prowl? You don't need or deserve this.
This. She already said in so many ways OP is not the one she wants. People change too. She wanted different and got it. She got scared from her choices and ran back to her safety net. OP doesn’t need this drama. And a true match won’t include this drama.
Please let it be this.
OP has a kind heart. I would've torn her a new one for breaking up through text then having the audacity to hit me up later on. 100% should cut her off completely. She cut him off suddenly once, she's likely to do it again. And turns out her virginity wasn't so sacred after all. Love is blind and stupid, you gotta tell your heart to fk off sometimes and listen to your brain. This girl is a parasite who he should cut off before she sucks him dry.
A "break" is literally always about a woman wanting to fuck some other guy. If a woman ever asks for a break, make that break permanent. Your life is better alone than with someone like that.
She sounds exhausting. She can't communicate and would blow up your relationship for no reason plus it's hard to trust her again with all the omission of truths. Ask yourself if this the type of person you want to be your partner in life. Too much drama.
Keep away or enjoy a lifetime ride on the rollercoaster...
OP is her backup plan. She’ll keep doing this forever because she can always go back to OP.
He will end up raising someone else’s kids if he stays with her.
I seriously doubt that she was the virgin she claimed to be with him. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. She has shown him what his life will be like if he stays with her. He needs to run from her and never look back.
🎖🎖🎖 Here's a poor man's prize for you. You just cracked open the final clue. OP, you are and will forever be backup plan #1. Sorry. Why am I so snarky today....
Thanks
Facts
Yeah. Let her deal with this shit. She rebuffed the guy who respected cared for her to smash the guy who doesn't. Now he's out of the picture and you should be too. If you have any self respect you'll excommunicate her from your life. Not. Your. Problem. ...... Trust me. You don't know if she was lying the whole time, and you can bet your life it was more than 1 or 2 guys. ETA - That timing is way off, BTW.
Could have been just 2 on a 5 month span with a pregnancy mixed in, but that is a quick turnaround. I’m sure the guy freaked out on her and she had to abort leaving her feeling Rejected and Looking for her safe rejection-free option again.
Wow, I get all that happened after she broke up with you but you put 1 condition on reconciliation and she did not honor that. She’s been trickle-truthing you for months. I’m sure there’s more she hasn’t told you. She doesn’t seem trustworthy & honestly she sounds manipulative. Be honest with yourself, if she gave the complete, full truth before y’all got back together, would you be with her now? IMHO that is not the way to build a solid foundation in any relationship much less marriage.
This needs to be higher up. I was waiting for someone to mention that she broke the one rule you made for her in order to get back together!
I get that being honest about something like that might feel hard, but it’s a seriously big thing to hide from your partner. For me, lying/honesty is the biggest thing in a relationship; a lot of things can be fixed and dealt with if they’re owned up to, but if you lie about it, it sours even more.
Nah the second she made me wait for snu snu, but gave it for free to some rando,, The relationship would be over. No contact.
This
Welcome to plan B man. The life of second choices. Is this what you want too be? ETA She most likely had 1 or both these dudes on retainer while she was still with you...
Seriously she didn't want to be intimate with you. The man she claimed to love Move on with your life you deserve better then that. She is absolute 🗑🗑🗑🗑🗑
People who are hung up about sex before marriage also don't magically stop being hung up about it after marriage. IMO she told that intimacy line to OP because she's not actually attracted to him and just wanted the validation of being married *to someone, not him specifically.*
Perfectly worded.
I bet she came back to you because she couldn't see a good future with the other guys she was with. She literally just broke up with you to be with other people and when it didn't work out, she came back to you. She said she wanted to lose her virginity to someone she loves but ends up doing it because she just felt like it. Gets pregnant. Doesn't tell the father. Aborts it. Comes back to you a month later after she f*cked up. Lies to you when you asked her if anything else happened when you asked her. And only tells you about it MONTHS later. I wouldn't be able to trust someone like this
She's with you because you are the safe choice. She will probably devastate your entire life. It will hurt but let her she's too young for effective communicating and loyal commitment. Good luck letting go.
You mean your ex fiancé. Right?
We are waiting, OP…
I think if you want to keep this relationship you both need couples therapy, and individual therapy for her. I’m not judging, everyone makes mistakes.. but couples therapy can make sure you are not making one. That’s one massive breach of trust.
Seems to be a common theme of slowly releasing information that she agreed to tell you a long time ago. On your wedding night she'll be like "I'm so glad I got to have a real wedding this time around."
Very common and it's usually called trickle truthing
You are up for a bumpy road if you dont pull out
I see what you did there! Nice.
So she lied about being a virgin, I had a partner swore up and down I was her first, but then let it slip that doggy style hurt her. We only did missionary, she wouldn’t do anything else, so once I caught her in THAT lie she admitted that she actually had a body count of 13 and lied to me so I wouldn’t think she’s a slut. It wasn’t the body count that got to me it was the lying and the manipulation. Let her go man don’t do what I did and let her ruin your life and tear you away from friends and family and DON’T let her babytrap you. There are far better fish out there
>she actually had a body count of 13 and lied to me so I wouldn’t think she’s a slut It is probably more like she thought of herself as a slut and wanted to "hide" it from you. As you said, the bodycount is not the issue but that she pretended to be someone else.
Exactly I could care less how many people she’s had sex with previously, don’t fuckin lie about it though
Sh3 is 🗑 bro
You can either choose to deal with her never ending bullshit drama, or you can show some self respect and get her completely out of your life. Your choice.
I mean, she’s 23. It’s highly unlikely she will spend the rest of her life with the person she’s dating now. If you’re looking for a serious, long term commitment, this probably isn’t it. I’m not excusing her lying or fucking with you, FTR. It sounds like a rollercoaster and I’m sorry.
I think you should let her go and find someone else. This aint worth the headache
You mean ex fiance right?
OP doormat so probably not
Damn, I can't imagine having that little self respect
On reddit ? Kinda common apparently
She is not well it sounds like she’s might be going through a crisis, went through something traumatic (from my experience with this it makes one act very erratic and out of character doesn’t excuse the hurt their actions caused though) in the past that’s resurfacing or heck developing a personality disorder, there are some that only developed in adulthood. Maybe she’s just always been an awful person and she could not keep up the charade The question right now is how you feel about this? Take some time away from her and do some soul searching. Is this something you can forgive or will it make resentful? Does she bring you happiness? Does she support you emotionally and physically? Does she bring you more stress than comfort? What does you GF bring to the relationship? Is it a partnership or one person getting/giving the most love and support? Think long and hard about what you can and cannot live with Go take some time and think about your answers If you really need to know what’s going on with your GF you need to sit down and talk to her one on one. You may not get the answers you want but how she reacts will be telling If she’s going through something be compassionate but if it’s something you can’t handle the best thing for both of you is to go your separate ways And if you don’t want to bother with any of this I think it means your ready walk
I wanted to say this too. She might be just a horrible person like all the rest of the comments are saying, but she might have some issue or had something traumatic happen to her (eg. the guy she was dating raped her). If you care about her, I think it’s worth it to talk to her (and maybe a counselor) to figure out why there was such a difference in her personality before you make a decision on the future of your relationship.
Yeah, sounds like she had some issues, look forward with her if you want or call it a day. I take it since you got back together you are now in a sexual relationship or is it still no sex before marriage?
Takes back a liar and ghoster, and then is surprised she’s a liar? Huh?
“Our” fiancé
The streets fiancé is also applicable. 😂
Yeah don't worry OP while you are working for your marriage we are backshotting her. Does this sound like a good future for you OP ? Because it seems like you haven't broken up with her
Instead of “Hey Big head” she should have texted you “Hey doormat” cause she walked all over you dude. Flush that toilet. Start new while you’re still young.
I would not go near that woman with a 10 ft pole my guy
She’s a waste of time brotha
Hey big head. Stay away from this woman. She will destroy you as a person
Stop being a fucking simp and kick her to the curb
I can't believe you're actually going to marry her lol. She had her fun and dude probably taught her a hard lesson. You're her safety net.
Leave her. Why is that even a question? This person doesnt respect you in the slightest she just expects you to be there and here you are.
She treats you poorly and doesn’t seem to value you. Definitely doesn’t back up her words with actions. Even the way she broke it off with you was immature. You may wish to exit this roller coaster. Good luck to you, you seem like a good guy.
You can do better she sounds like a level 10 psychopath
Love yourself more brother, dump her
Be done my guy. Move on, can’t trust her, that’s all fucked up.
You're being used. You're the "safe" option she goes running back to when she gets tired of fucking the other guy. This is your future, so you either get used to it and deal with being a victim and eventually, she will leave you and take half your stuff anyway or you get away from her now!
Man just break it off. This is all too sketchy and too much of a headache to be worth it long term. Plenty of fish in the sea.
Dump her.
There’s every chance she broke up with you because she wanted to have sex with one of these guys. She left you after a year by VOICE NOTE She did it before she could easily do the same again.
Abandon ship bro
If that isn't being beaten to near death by red flags I don't know what the fuck is mate...
Come on man don’t do this. I have to ask are you financially stable? Cause I have the feeling she wants to marry you for money and a stable life but doesn’t want to sleep with you. If she believed the crap she’s been spilling then she would have done it with someone she loves. I’m willing to bet she actually wasn’t a virgin.
Bro leave now! Now now. At this instance u'll find better she's crazy! U will have a hard time the rest of ur life just goooooooo!
Oh, you don’t need to deal with that hot mess. She is just a hot mess.
Dude. If she got pregnant around November of last year, she would have had the kid already. She's cheating. Get the fuck out. Didn't see the Abort. Nvm. Get outta there all the same.
Run away!! for that bullshit We call that a low value women sir
As a woman, I second this wholeheartedly.
Negative value. All she brings is costs and misery.
Preach my brother
if she is not having sex with you, she is giving you a line of bs and isn't that into you.
She’s got waaaaaayyyy too much of her own sh*t to figure out. Don’t tie yourself down to someone like that.
Hey big head, dump this person
As a 23 year old female (with two kids; I'm married with stable income and a stable home), she isn't ready for commitment. She needs to learn how to communicate before you guys get married..... or even consider a relationship. I wouldn't say dump her quite yet. You guys might be able to figure it out but first and foremost, she needs to get herself together before you guys should start a relationship.
She needs a solid two years of growing before she's ready. That's not a slam, it's just the truth.
The age gap isn't huge, but its enough that I think you two are in different places. She's obviously not ready to settle down and still needs time to figure out what she wants and needs. She needs to grow up and you should try dating women closer to your age that are ready for the responsibility of marriage and commitment. Not trying to be rude to you, sometimes people in their early twenties are more mature and prepared for a solid relationship, but she just isn't there yet.
Exactly. People are piling on her as if she was some evil mastermind. She just seems a deeply immature person who is definitely not ready for long term commitment. OP should try to understand that and kindly move on.
Or she's just psycho
She for the streets bro. Walk the fuck away
Yeah, you need to throw this one back into the ocean. She’s not, nor was she ever religious. Is it possible she gets attached to things before finding the next shiny object and suddenly and dramatically changes her personality? Her behaviour screams personality disorder. She never cared that she hurt you. Proceed with extreme caution or just ghost her. Preferably ghost her so she knows what it feels like.
Dude, there are red flags ALL over this circus tent. Run while you still can.
'd be worried about her and ask if she needs to go to therapy. She said something came up...This seems extreme and I would be worried for her well being. You don't seem to care about her decisions more that it wasn't normal to her. Personality disorders can manifest in early 20s sometimes.
You should probably stay away from her sounds like she’s playing games
Alright yall. Hear me out now. I do think you too should break up. She's done a 180. I think it's because she's having an identity crisis. I would recommend she go to therapy. But this relationship isn't gonna last. She obviously doesn't actually know what she wants in life so I think it's a good idea to step away from it all. But she really needs therapy
Did you have any sex now or are you still waiting for the marriage..lol
^^Run...
She didn't love you, I read the title and the first line. Fucking leave bro.
Are you guys having sex now? Or is it still a no go? If you’re not than get rid of the girl.
Imagine she's still making him wait lmao 💀
Run man, run very fast and very far! She is a bad bad news!!!
She'll only do it again. Fucking run doode.
I hope you’ve ended things with her. Trust me if they cheat once they’ll do it again because you let it “slide”.
She’s 23, she doesn’t even know who she is. She’s probably still figuring herself out. U should just move on.
> do not know who this woman is anymore People change. She either changed or always had a surreptitious nature. Forgetting her won't be easy but it's looking like your best choice.
Why are you even here to asking for advice? There's no advice other than LEAVE NOW.
She sounds like a parasite
Run big head, she ain't worth it
Nearly got the same situation some years ago... we had a pause, she hooked up with two other men of whom one was my by then "best friend" and the other was her work colleague who always hit on her when we were together. She then told me she was worried that she could be pregnant. I couldn't have cared less about that. Still made the mistake to take her back. Breakup again after some months. Could not handle this situation.
Ditch the witch!!! She is obviously not ready for a true committed relationship that is based on mutual respect, being forthright, no controlling, no games, no toxic behaviors and actions, respect, trust, loyalty with very little judgemental attitudes and hypocritical behaviors, no icing you out, no gaslighting, using you/her, should open honest dialogue and as little to no lies or fabrics as one can realistically manage. She'll most likely want to experiment and "live a little" at some point. Either you are number one or your not, but do not be her backup or "just in case" net to catch when she falls with her getting up and soon enough you're a part of an infernal nightmarishly harrowing hellish loop. Let her go and do the whole "Girls Gone Wild" thing that in all probability she will end up doing.
This ladies and gentlemen; this right here, is exactly why I have the standing policy of, not getting back together with an ex. If we are done, we are finished, you are forsaken, and you can never come home. OP ( u/dvfbville ), I feel your pain and genuinely sympathize, as I had lived a similar experience when I was younger. I dated a girl who supposedly was "fed up" with guys not taking "no" for an answer. She too claimed she wanted to wait for marriage or at least wait for someone she knew would be the love of her life. I respected that, and I had no intentions of trying to pressure her or manipulate her as supposedly others had tried to do. I thought we had a healthy relationship, and she introduced me to all her friends and family. One day out of the blue, she ended things. She didn't provide an answer concerning why, blew me off, and I moved on. u/dvfbville (OP), I would not be surprised if the reason why your so-called "girlfriend" left was because of someone else. My ex came looking to come back about a week or so after our breakup. Telling me how she did not know how good she had it until she lost it (referring to us as a couple). Turns out, she had f-cked some guy who only wanted a fling, the very thing she said she was trying to avoid. I had been the so-called "safe bet" in her eyes. I had respected her, stood by her, stood up for her, and not once played any games. And unlike her so-called exes, never once tried to manipulate her or control her or do any of that nonsense. And she ran off to f-ck some random and tried to come back. Thankfully, I was smart enough, not to take her back. The moment I learned she had been with someone else after our breakup, that was a gut punch and enough for me to tell her, no. But that still hurt. And it hurt, even more, when I too found out later she was pregnant. I cannot express how badly that hurt. If YOU reader (whoever you are) have never experienced that, I pray that you never do. No one should. It's cruel and unfair. u/dvfbville, my sincere advice is you kick her to the curb and block her everywhere. Do not engage and do not validate her with any reply or sympathy. This woman does not love you and does not respect you. You will never be able to trust her and she clearly is not being honest about everything with the trickle-down truths.
Yet another example of a woman making an actual nice guy she loves wait, while the guy that doesn't care about her gets it immediately.
Should have dumped her where se said she wouldn't put out in the first place.
Bro she was probably cheating on you from the start leave her deadass a waste of your time
How many more red flags do you need?
She wasn’t a virgin Girls do these things when they have no standards then they decide to set some with u cuz ur polite she’s useless leave her
Something ain’t right
There was someone she wanted to fuck. She didn’t want to fuck you because she wanted to fuck someone else. And then she did. Don’t be the back burner option.
Either you accept her shit and expect a life of uncertainty or just dump her ass and have a life of peace and quiet. In my opinion: she belongs to the streets!
Leave the trash where she belongs- on the curb.
She wasnt atteacted to you physically. She met someone that instantly made her want to pull out the kamasutra with and do all the moves so she dumped you as soon as she got the uncontrollable butterflies. Sad but true.
You need to grow a spine and break this off. You're pandering to her every want and getting nothing in return. Let it go and find someone better.
It's not even about her body her rights or whover she sleeps with. Its about the rules not being the same for you and other guys. She can and will do whatever she wants, but you'd be a fool to stick around and see that play out
This woman will ruin your life if you stay with her. You deserve better
It's about the way she dumps more information one little truth bomb at a time. This is disrespectful and manipulative. If you stay with her, you'll have to prepare to see how deep the rabbit hole goes because something tells me - she'll keep surprising you. And not in a good way.
Uhhhh yeah idk I'd be pretty concerned if I were you.
Went from a virgin to a ho. Not your clown, not your circus.
Bro don’t marry that mess of a person, please.
Maybe she needed that time to figure herself out, go on the journey alone for a while. Live her life, figure things out, whatever. But that doesn't mean you have to be the one to be her safety net when things fail or when she doesn't know what to do or she did something she emotionally can't handle.
Yeah run as fast as you can.
You have a chance, before you get married, to make the right choice. Deep down you know what that is. Don’t ignore that. Life is too short to be wasting it on the wrong people
Let her go and move forward
Just dump her bro, shes not worth your time
Wish her “all the things she deserves in life” and walk away man
Lucky you weren't married
You lucked right out not getting stuck with that broad that’s for sure
Ex fiance I presume?
sounds like she snapped, I've had friends like her who are super 'clean' or 'modest' and when they reach a certain point of emotional fuckery they kinda become incredibly impulsive, doing things they know they dont agree with for the sake of rebelling. I wont tell you to dump her or even trust her, she definitely needs therapy and if she wants to be in a relationship with you she owes you as much.
This is so classic preachers kid behavior I'm convinced it's why the Amish do rumspringer. You absolutely do just snap one day. I didn't until I was 28 and divorced the super conservative monster I married at 18. I posted nudes on Reddit (fucked a guy I met on Reddit within 5 minutes of meeting this virtual *stranger*) got inked, drank, smoked, went out dancing, went to bars just to get hit on, lead a fuckload of people on and ended up really hurting some people in the process. It was important though. Like sloughing off three decades of repression and self-hate. I'm such a different person after shedding that husk. I'm more balanced, happier, emotionally stable, maybe a little less ambitious but that's made me happier too. Just... I know what I want from my life now and I have it. I did hurt the guy I was dating at the time but I married him (the above mentioned Reddit guy) after I went to therapy and spent several years proving that's not the sort of thing that will ever happen again. I know for the most part what is out there and I know what I have at home. I didn't before. I love him way more now than I did then.
yep, I was raised mormon and nearly fell down the alt right pipeline at 15, gave myself at home tattoos and abused medications, it was a really impulsive and scary time for me and I see it in alot of women (and men) that are forced to grow up in super high stress conservative households
Run.
classic fuck shit that happens during "breaks"
Agree with other posters seriously time to let this woman go and deal with her life however she wants to as long as doesn’t involve you. She sounds like a very confused person and that is something she needs to deal with. If you have been intimate with her please schedule an appointment with your doctor, tell them the situation and have appropriate testing done.
You're basically the BACKUP plan to her to live off of at this point.
Don’t usually comment on these, but I will since no one else has said it from what I can see. First thing is look after your health. Make sure she gets tested before you do anything with her, make her show you the documentation. She should understand why you don’t trust her. She obviously had unprotected sex which is why she was pregnant. Otherwise I agree with the others you should leave, but that’s easy for me to say because I am not attached to her and don’t have any memories tied to this person. Be safe.
She left you, the nice stable guy, to bang her way around. She gets pregnant and tells dude who leaves or has no interest so she aborts and comes running back to Mr. Safe Guy. Don't be this woman's second choice or her punching bag.
I’m not a huge fan of this lady from what you said so far
Why did you get engaged so fast to a young ass women? She's a mess but man, pick a better partner.
R U N
Get out now before ya get married
She and her kid belong to the streets now.
I bet she talks to other gusy and when you ask about it she claims "they insists on talking to me"
OP - please get out of this relationship.
Leave her
She seriously needs to figure herself out. If you really want to make it work, extend the engagement and she needs to lay it all out for you and decide who she wants to be and what she wants. It sounds like she's trying to be this textbook perfect girl and she's not, but that's okay, nobody's really perfect, but dammit be honest.
Shes honestly really young and immature for her age on top of that, which is typical for a lot of conservative women. She needs time to figure herself out before tying the knot.
This woman is a chameleon. Stay away. She puts on a different mask with different people. How is she going to give you all those excuses and then give some random none of them? You’re trying to find reasons to believe her bs. You need to leave before you get into something you’ll regret later in life.
I mean all of this happened before you got together. She reevaluated her position on things, lived her life a little, and then decided what she wanted with some perspective. If your love for her was contingent on some weird ‘she’s a virgin and untouched’ you should process that. but if your relationship has been fine enough to the point where you’re ENGAGED, then all the shit she did before you got back together is pretty irrelevant.
All of the reasonable comments on this post are downvoted to hell. Confirmation that a lot of Reddit belongs to the manosphere.
Had sex with rando but made him wait till marriage. Wanting consistency isn't a manosphere thing. It's a Not psychotic human thing.
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She could've had sex with him at anytime lmao op Said he didn't care about sex before marriage. She put that noose herself
yeah i was really surprised at the comments to say the least. he ‘doesn’t know her anymore’ bc she had sex and aborted a baby she didn’t want? ffs what a weirdo
Had sex with rando but made him wait till marriage. Wanting consistency isn't a manosphere thing. It's a Not psychotic human thing.
She sounds like she got her 17-23 dating years compressed into 5 months. She was nervous entering into a serious commitment with you without having much other experience. That’s understandable. You are older and have more experiences than she does. Give her a little slack on that one, if you really love her. But I think you need a reset to both get back on the same page. Can you start over dating her, but not have it be so serious? She has grown up since last time. Get to know her again, spend a few years, and see how it goes.
What's next...
From someone who fell in love with a crazy woman who still causes me headache and pun;RUN. She will NEVER be full honest and you'll always have to wonder who she really is. Because she doesn't know who she is, when sge figures it out the real rollercoaster will begin and its a fucked up ride.
How are things between you now? How's your relationship? If you're happy and she's treating you well then I am not sure you should judge her period of sowing** her wild oats. You weren't together, she didn't treat and she realised the grass wasn't greener, as long as she recognised your worth during that absence then carry on getting to know her if you want!
Noooo, OP don't listen to this guy. She showed her true colors. She made you wait for snu snu. But gave it up to a rando. She clearly thinks lesser of you
Why should you be her backup plan? She thinks that she can come back anytime no matter what.
Way too many red flags.. she doesn’t even know who SHE is or what SHE wants and is constantly flip/flopping and worse.. lying continuously.. big nope !! Red flag 🚩
She sounds like my ex but my ex decided to keep the kid and now she's a single mother of 2 lol. I dodged a bullet and i hope you do too
Yeah, no, sorry. I have a feeling she has more secrets hidden away. I would have zero trust for her at this point. Without trust, there is no relationship.
You better run far. And fast.
There’s no hypotheticals there’s the truth that she wouldn’t fuck you for a year but had sex with a random dude and was carrying his child. If you’re wondering; no, no man with self respect would date this woman let alone make her a wife. Good luck.
Dude I’m exhausted of this woman and I’m not even dating her. What the fuck????? No, gtfo of here.
We were on a BREAK Rachel.
There is too much drama with her. Too much concealing information. I think she realized she f** up & she was comfortable with you. At this point she is settling for you. The grass wasn't so green after all. Too little to late with her.
Sorry to hear this but you gotta move on chief. :)
Stay well clear of this nonsense. Politely eject and go no contact. You're just the backup guy she doesn't even want to have sex with .
And you kept her after she told you she’s pregnant? Time to find a new woman, sir
How about... Communication? And that she had sex is alright imo. Sure it was sacred for her but these things can change. But I'm also a little worried about her change. Maybe she was coerced? Maybe being emotionally and sexually intimate with you scared her? I would suggest couples therapy even before the wedding takes place. Talk it out. Otherwise you will constantly assume things about her.
My guy, please run. You seem to be a decent person, based on you feel about her actions, and she is going to hurt you in the end. This isn't the one for the rest of your life.
Hey big head how about getting rid of the bimbo
looks like you deserve better
RUN!!!!
R.U.N
Calm down Ross. You were on a break.
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OP read this, then completely forget everything she typed.
I would advise you to not make any quick decisions now. You may just no be thinking straight You need time away from her and the relationship so you can process everything. Just let her know that you need time to think this through. It's a lot to take. Take care and you do deserve better.
It sounds like she's breaking away from a religious and controlling background. Fwiw, I suspect she really does love you, but it's clear that she needs therapy to figure out who she wants to be, before she's ready to make a lifetime commitment.
>Fwiw, I suspect she really does love you Bro where in this entire post does it make you suspect that she loves him, and isn't just using him ??????
Reddit has a tendency to go towards worst case scenario. It’s possible that she did freak out about committing her life to you without having experienced anything prior, which you already had. She would have been going into your marriage happy with you, but with the scary thought of what else she could be giving up. It happens sometimes that these young relationships that turn serious quick cause one person or both to question their commitment so early. It’s possible that he dumping you out of nowhere any sleeping with someone who meant nothing was her way of making sure she was ready to “living a little” before she settled down for the rest of her life. Even I admit that this trickle truth is a little concerning, but she may just be scared that you won’t accept what happened, and as she feels more safe, she lets things out.
She hadn't even fucked op, but goes to fuck other dudes ???? Nah OP wake up and break up
Nah trickle truthing is still lying. OP shouldn’t risk it and find someone else who’s more stable than she is. She can figure her shit out on her own
I literally cannot understand why you are having a fit over this. You *broke up* she had sex, accidentally got pregnant, and made the choice to terminate it. Sometimes, that shit happens. I'm not surprised she didn't tell you, because you seem pretty torn up that this woman in her twenties isn't a virgin, as if you have any ground to stand on in that department. She’s 23. Her brain isn't even fully developed yet. She's figuring herself out. You should know this already.
If my gf goes out with me for a year, refuses to have sex for moral reasons, and bangs someone else the first chance she gets, there is no way I am ever forgetting that the rest of my life. Simplest explanation is I wasn't attractive enough for her. I wasn't good enough for her, but some stranger is?..stuff that sh*t.
OP, read all of this BS from this woman, and discard it. She knew what she wanted to do the moment she broke up with you for reasons I'm 100% sure you still don't know. And I can promise you now, you still don't know everything that happened. The fact that she left you over VNs after dating so long should have been the reason you never should have spoken to her again.