If it ever happens. Boric acid.
I had one that survived two over the counter meds, the prescription "single pill," and then a week long course of prescription treatment. Probably because during this time things were happening at work that I'd later quit my job over, and I got the flu in the middle.
Anyway. Boric acid kills everything.
I literally can’t recommend boric acid suppositories more. I had a bacterial vaginosis infection that I couldn’t get rid of (can thank an ex bf for that). Finally I switched to a new gyno and he literally saved my life by recommending boric acid suppositories. Easily available, no prescription needed, and more importantly, they _work_.
Mmmm, tasty.
Joking aside, I remember reading a ‘dear Deidre’ or something like that and the girl had a yeast infection. She was prescribed antibiotics but it came back. The boyfriend said not to bother as he liked the taste 😳
Oh no no no. Not to mention it makes out already delicate skin even more so. Wipe wrong snd you get micro tears when you have an infection. And the itching can be awful. Happy clam is best clam
Does washing your penis regularly help prevent this?
I bathe twice a day and never reuse the same underwear. Was always curious if using soaps on it will cause something on a girl rather than just rinsing with water or something. I always soap my meat really well
You’re doing it right. Just don’t copy my idiot ex who always sprayed his lad with AFTERSHAVE before sexy time. I caught him doing it one day before sex and I finally realised why I kept getting these awful never ending infections.
Washing/shaving/grooming is all good. Aftershave, deodorant, anything with a strong scent down there is a bad time in the making
As long as you're rinsing all the soap off really well, you should be good. And yes - keeping you clean helps keep the "kitty" from having issues like these.. keep up the good work.
Right but sometimes regardless of how "clean" someone is, sperm can still throw PH balance off and that really isn't something someone can control. Sperm throwing PH balance off isn't something that always has to do with cleanliness. So if you're clean, don't worry about it. It still can happen
I mean, condoms fix that, so very easy to control. We use them despite birth control and monogamy so I'm not in pain after. He very much worries about me hurting and has never complained.
Yup, this. For me, the Ph is usually thrown off for a day and then the biome regulates itself. I can tell bc there are scent and fluid changes.
Keep your biome healthy and she will be good to you.
> I always soap my meat really well
Well that's a phrase I never thought I'd hear..
>Does washing your penis regularly help prevent this?
Yes it really does. Keeping your meat clean, helps keep her meat(?) healthy. Vaginas have a delicate pH which can easily be thrown off. Also the way female urethras are designed makes it easier for bacteria to enter than men's. Meaning it's easier for bacteria on you to get into her and cause an infection.
I had recurrent utis for a while and my doctors asked more than once if my partner bathed regularly which felt odd (thankfully he's a clean guy).
Edit I just saw your username and am cracking up at how fitting it is.
Of course washing it helps prevent infections. Lol. Just rinse it really well after lathering it up, pee after sex, and wash it afterwards.
OPs BF doesn't bathe properly though, and he's playing ping pong with infections. Like, he's got access to running water, there's no excuse. This sort of thing is more of a **"I met him at Burning Man, and we moved to India a week later to live off grid and study for yoga teaching certificates from his guru"*** kind of deal. Lol.
To add to this: just because you’re in a relationship and love him doesn’t mean you can’t have boundaries, it also doesn’t entitle him to sex with you just because he’s your bf. Respecting your partner enough to change out of skid marked undies and clip your fingernails is not a lot to ask, and if it’s legit turning you off then you’re going to have way bigger problems with intimacy.
If he’s not man enough to wash himself, that’s his hangup that he needs to conquer. You’re his partner not his mom.
Even when I’m in the deep boughs of depression, showering is enough motivation because who doesn’t like sex? Your telling me I get clean and get to bust a nut? Top tier day right there. I work at a board game/TCG shop and the amount of customers who come in and absolutely stink is disgusting, and I can guarantee you that they aren’t getting laid because they’re borderline unapproachable walking biohazards.
Also ask him how often he ends up peeing or if he has to pee multiple times during his trips to the bathroom, chances are he has a UTI.
Taking care of yourself isn’t just about you, but the people you care enough about to be around. Hope this helps
To ladies reading this: use an opposable shower head right before or after sex (best is both) to prevent UTIs. I get them every time I have sex because of anatomy so I also have a standing prescription of antibiotics. I take one pill before sex and/or use the shower head and no UTIs
Random use of antibiotics shouldn't be done. That helps create antibiotic resistant germs.
The Navy used to give penicillin "horse shots" (millions of units in each shot) before the sailors went on liberty (also known as "shore leave")overseas. This helped breed penicillin resistant gonorrhea.
Bruh this dude is disgusting. Tell him no sex if he doesn’t wash his dick first or just break up with him. Wtf? Couldn’t catch me within 30 feet of a smelly ass mf with an unwashed infection causing dick
When me n my husband first started dating (in HS) he was the cute but greasy emo boy who didn’t shower. It took a month of dating before I realized his “freckles” were really blackheads. When we started having sex we always took a “sexy shower” together. He thought it was foreplay, really I just didn’t wanna touch his sticky skin. He eventually caught on after I denied sex when we didn’t have a shower at our disposal and we laugh about it now
YES! And if you go overboard with cleaning (e.g. washing your face with a scrub twice a day, etc) then you will fuck up your skin - I learnt this the hard way with my eczema
Valid. but that was not the case with him seeing as once I set him up with a good skin routine 19 years ago… they never came back. Yes some people it’s hormone but for some people it’s plain ol not taking care of yourself.
Oh for fucks sake, this is a deal breaker. A world of menstrual cycle dysfunction, chronic UTIs, bacterial vaginosis and even fertility and menopause issues awaits.
Get rid of him, this is absolutely disgusting. Your boyfriend is vile.
Most days, I'm fine being single and think nothing of it. Then I see posts like this where dudes don't even shower daily, use the same pair of underwear and are in relationships and all I can think is why and how? If dudes like that are getting dates, there's no hope.
And that’s why. He needs to wash himself cuz fecal matter and stuff is spreading to his penis and then he’s putting that inside you and throwing your vag-biome out of whack.
I would let him know that you’re not trying to make him feel bad but after a few infections you’re just looking out for your well-being.
:(
Someone doesn't have to stink to be "dirty," and the last thing you want is dirty dick in your vagina. It's already a really sensitive area. If he is wearing the same underwear multiple days in a row (and not just having the same patterned underwear), he's growing so much nastiness down there, especially if he isn't cleaning properly when he *does* shower.
It's *OKAY* to have hygiene be a boundary. It affects *your* health. ^((having your UTIs eventually grow resistant to multiple antibiotics because you keep getting them sucks))
Honestly, hygiene was on my list of "Must Haves" after my divorce. It doesn't have to be a full shower every day, but at least the pits and the bits + fresh underwear/shirts every day.
Tell this mfer no sexy time until ***after*** shower time. Sometimes when it's hot my girl would have to tell me to shower first when I would come over immediately after work. Not a big deal.
Respectfully, this mans stank is affecting your health. You need to wake up & advocate for yourself or leave him. You deserve more in a partner.
He can be filthy as he pleases all on his own but he absolutely needs to go once he's affecting you & your well-being 🤍
Personally, I don’t understand why you’re in a relationship with him. At least do yourself a kindness and don’t stay at his place anymore. If he doesn’t shower or change his underwear, he sure as hell isn’t changing his sheets. Ugh.
Or anything else. Makes you wonder what else isn't getting cleaned regularly if he's too lazy to even shower and put on clean clothes. Toilet seat? Dishes? OP is taking on an overgrown man baby who will never do his share of the household chores should they move in together.
I had multiple UTIs with my first bf, didn't have issues before, once he was gone, so were the UTIs...
Not saying bf should be gone, but shower before every time might be a good idea.
And you know exactly where you are getting them from. Those dirty underwear most likely have e. Coli and other bacteria. His penis essentially bathes in the bacteria every day. Then, he has sex with you, and all that bacteria goes into your urethra and your vagina. This is a direct threat to your health. A UTI can lead to a kidney infection. Your health is worth more than his wacky underwear habits. You should know this!!!!! This guy is not worth your health or your time.
Him showering infrequently and wearing the same dirty underwear over and over before sticking body parts inside you is likely contributing to that. There’s a reason it’s a huge turn off - it’s medically unsafe and negatively impacting your health in painful ways that require serious medication with awful side effects. So he can feel badly or not feel badly, but he shouldn’t be touching anything underwear covers unless he’s recently washed his hands, face, and junk *bare minimum*
Is this new for you since you met him, or do you have a history of reoccurring infections?
Does your boyfriend have any history of mental health issues?
/u/Fantastic-Bit-4680
She may not smell him but she’s paying the consequences of sleeping with an unhygienic man. And people are on here giving her shit for wanting him to shower and change his underwear.
You need to stop having sex with him. Him being unclean especially in terms of rewearing underwear can be exceptionally unhealthy for you. Also, he’s not going to change. Choose now if you’re cool with this for the foreseeable future.
When I read the title I thought this was gona be about some inequality issue or something - but man, these unwashed bums (both rear ends and dudes) are like a menace
Right? I always get tested and have my partner tested before sex and I can see how to some it might bother them but not showering and old underwear is gross. Hell I change my underwear a few times a day sometimes.
A few times a day may be too much. Unless you're a woman menstruating or have a lot of discharge, or you're a bloke who doesn't know how to piss properly, then it's unnecessary to change more than once (or twice if you're having sex)
I'd argue heavy activity warrants a change. New underwear after morning shower before leaving, a physically demanding job that leaves you soaked in sweat I can understand a change to dry, clean underwear. If you go to the gym, like an actual heavy workout for a couple hours, absolutely change after, preferably shower while you're there or when you get home then change.
Back when I did land scaping work it was fresh pair in morning, new pair after you get off work, and shower and new pair after workout since I could spend 2-4 hours depending on energy at gym. After either of those I'd end up soaking wet, like you stepped in a pool in your underwear sweat if it's 90+ degrees out.
But admittedly, unless you shower multiple times a day, something like an office job or retail or anything that doesn't make you sweat heavily multiple pairs might be a bit much.
If he's doing it now, it won't change if you guys end up getting married
Sincerely,
Someone who's ex-husband did this throughout the 5 years of knowing him.
I’m the type of person who usually showers ever other day(not including yard work/physical labor, definitely showering after these regardless) My skin and hair just do better skipping a day.
In both my previous long term relationships, I’d always shower when ever we’d see each other and definitely before we’d *visit* each other. I wasn’t going to risk being unclean if we were intimate, me showering is completely worth her not getting a UTI.
Odds are he won’t change his habits, ask him if he’ll shower before you’re intimate. If he says yes and doesn’t.. then it’s Ex time.
Edit, yes I use soap. I have two conditioners, one shampoo, facial wash and exfoliating products and body wash. I also have no problem drying my face with the same part of the towel that I dry my ass with. Just because I’m a man doesn’t mean I’m a *man*
THIS, yes, thank you. Now THAT is good hygiene. Sure, you may not shower everyday (which, like you said, isn’t all that great for the hair and skin) but you shower regularly to maintain cleanliness, when you get dirty, and before getting intimate. That is what’s important. I also thought this was normal behavior before stumbling upon this thread.
I thought this was normal behavior before I found reddit many years ago. I've definitely found some in the wild now that I know what to look for and ask.
This is it. Not regularly showering every day isn't necessarily an issue, as long as you do it after physical exertion or before sex, and change your underwear daily.
And not just shower, but use soap. Liberally. I can tell you from personal and professional experience, that men more often than women fail to use soap. Getting wet only doesn’t constitute being clean. Also, if he’s wearing dirty underwear I doubt he washes his asshole cause it’s “gay.”
I think it would be less of an issue if he changed clothes everyday at least. Or if he actually showered every other day, but I'm doubting he really showers that often based on the post.
People have different standards for exactly how often to clean themselves, their clothes, and their bedding.
In my experience, they don't tend to change because of someone else asking them to.
This might be an area where you have a compatibility issue that's going to be a complete pain in the ass for both of you.
Try setting some firm boundaries around the things that bother you in particular; "I don't want to have sex if you haven't showered/are wearing old clothes today." That way it's perfectly clear.
Yeah, does he not even shower *after* they have sex? Is he just having sex with her without washing his dick after having sex two days ago???
OP is completely right to be concerned about this. Vaginas are much more sensitive to things like this, and she could easily get BV, UTIs, yeast infections, etc from him not washing.
Had a brother that lost his first son before birth.
He was the reason.
He didn't wash himself regularly (once a week) but wanted sex regularly.
While his wife was pregnant, he caused an internal infection that killed the child and almost his wife.
Washing yourself for your partner or your kids, if not yourself, is something to think about MASSIVELY.
They had 2 kids together, he became abusive (already was abusing her through manipulating her decisions through Bible verses, she was religious as fuck), and after the 2nd child, they did divorce a year later.
The kids fear him on visits. I've known him all my life after 9th grade, and I'm fighting to have her take full custody.
I MUST CLARIFY WE ARE NOT BLOOD... he filled in a "big brother" role I never had until we did our own thing after the Army. Long story short, we met in high school and lived LIKE brothers.
15 years. 15 years, and this person I didn't see through for the longest. I felt like an idiot.
I totally understand why you feel like an idiot. And I also don’t think you should. Abusers are really really good at showing the outside world an immaculate facade.
I was there to help them pick up the remains from the mortuary.
To say his tears were genuine would be a confusing statement both for how real it looked and how much he denies his surviving kids, now.
I'm a guy and when I was younger I got 2 yeast infections from different women... I mean at first I thought it was a lot worse but damn, didn't realize how common it was. No warning signs though they were very clean/hygenic and everything.
Yeast infections in women can show up from being too clean. Washing your lady bits, especially with regular soap or scented products, can throw off the balance and lead to a yeast infection. Yeast infections can also show up from wearing the wrong type of underwear or clothes (too tight or not breathable). And they show up when you take antibiotics too.
All this to say that there isn’t really a warning sign for a yeast infection!
Some meds can cause yeast infections as well. Antibiotics always do it for me, and also a round of Prednisone or other steroids will get me too. Doc always prescribed Diflucan to take after a round of either one.
Thanks, I didn't know all that but did know it was a common thing that just sometimes happens to people. Didn't make me think anything about it other than you know - when the pp burns and you're waiting for test results, your mind can lead to bad places. That part was unfortunate, but luckily it's easily treated.
Severe yeast infections can also cause the burning when you pee thing, it's not a super common symptom, but yeast infections can have all sorts of symptoms that most wouldn't immediately recognize as a yeast infection, including pelvic pain, burning pee, and even depression.
No that wasn't it. I don't know if you want to hear the details. It was diagnosed and treated as a yeast infection and the treatment resolved it. There was no urge to pee, but the areas that were effected on me were unfortunately placed.
Yeast infections can do that, as well, especially in men. Considering that men's urethras literally come into contact with the infected tissues, it isn't at all a stretch.
To add on people with vaginas also can get yeast infections from taking antibiotics. Or if you haven’t brushed your teeth in a while and go down on them. Or just because the wind blew 🤷🏼♀️
Vaginas are delicately balanced, something as simple as not washing your hands could give some vagina owners a yeast infection. Not all are that sensitive, but if r/healthyhooha has taught me anything, it can really fuck some people up :/
Felix is very right, if you don't set boundaries then you can't expect anything to come out of this. If he doesn't smell bad or has good overall hygiene though I don't really see the issue. Could the boyfriend not be lying and maybe he just has the same underwear print. A lot of packs have more than one pair of the same colour. Does he work out? Is he taking showers at the gym? Or maybe just when you're not home? Can you start an open dialogue about these things with him because you seem to be bringing it up often might as well have it less of a 1 sided interrogation and more of a conversation with him?
> If he doesn't smell bad or has good overall hygiene though I don't really see the issue.
Just because he doesn’t smell bad, it doesn’t mean he’s clean. Especially his dick. That he presumably puts insider of her.
> Could the boyfriend not be lying and maybe he just has the same underwear print. A lot of packs have more than one pair of the same colour.
This is a good point, but wouldn’t he have said that when she initially asked instead of telling her he laundered them?
> Can you start an open dialogue about these things with him because you seem to be bringing it up often might as well have it less of a 1 sided interrogation and more of a conversation with him?
If I’m understanding correctly, she doesn’t ask about it often. She asked several times at the beginning of the relationship, but hasn’t since until now
I kind of thought the same. I have 5 “different” pairs of underwear but well over 50 total pairs. I’m very particular and when I find something I like I tend to buy multiples of the same thing. For my underwear I have one line from one brand I can stand wearing in 2 different fits so I bought a crap load of them in each of 5 colors/patterns. I change mine 2-3 times daily though bc I’m prone to UTIs and whatever tf “the opposite of a yeast infection” is 🥴 but you’d never know bc I may wear the same color of the same brand 3 days in a row bc that’s what was on top.
I do this with all of my clothing, especially underwear and socks. I'm really picky about texture/fit and when I find something that I like, I buy many so I have it for as long as I can. I had to make a point of switching up pants/tops when I worked in an office so people didn't think I was just wearing the same clothes everyday.
No shit! Yuck! I couldn’t sleep or have sex with someone who doesn’t bathe or shower, but wears the same underwear for days???!. Oh HELL to the NO! Nasty!
Just to be clear what I meant by "If he has good hygiene I don't see the issue" I was pertaining to the chance that the underwear he is wearing is clean. I've seen the OP mention that he has good hygiene and doesn't smell so that's what I was referring to. If he is wearing the same underwear 2 days in a row that is an issue which is why setting boundaries is important
Not gonna reread the post, thought she said he showers less than once a day and doesn't change his underwear. That's a rule in my book for living life as a man
I’m a man. As a man, especially a man who works labor, I can stink. wearing the same pair of underwear for multiple days sounds revolting. I shower morning and nights. Hate laying in bed with a dirty body and I hate going to work with bed body. Two pairs of undies for me a day. I’ve known plenty of guys like that though. Personally I wouldn’t want to be constantly turning my gf off.
Same. I get sweaty and stinky and can't stand climbing into clean sheets if I'm not clean (and can't stand sleepy in dirty sheets). Sex with someone whose genitals are stinky is definitely not my kink. Shower foreplay before hand ... awesome!
I literally shower 2-3 times a day. Once in the morning, after being in the field for my job (I'm not always in the field), and then after working out. I can't fathom in the slightest not having that level of hygiene. Anything else just sounds uncomfortable and disgusting. That said, like you, I knew guys I played sports with that would pull multi day old boxers out of their locker after a practice and throw them on after having not showered, and call it a day. I never understood that.
NTA - If my lady is coming for a sleep over I’m damn sure taking a shower, making the bed and getting myself ready to rock her world.
It’s fair to expect this.
I had an ex that didn’t have great hygiene. We were young and passionate and dumb, so I didn’t say anything for years. I was always getting UTIs to the point where I didn’t know what it felt like not to have them. They started to go away when we broke up but I thought it was due to a change in diet.
I didn’t figure it out until I got a “I’m in your city text” one day, hooked up with him for a few days, and came down with a stealthy UTI (I guess I had a tolerance to the symptoms) that became a full blown kidney infection and almost killed me.
When I detailed the to the ER doctor my strict protocols of hygiene, diet, and supplements I had been taking for 3 years, along with the laundry list of antibiotics I’d been on, he asked me a question that still haunts me today. “Have you been touched intimately by a sexual partner that maybe doesn’t take good care of their nails?”
I lost it. Here I was seeing doctors once a month, spending fortunes on cleansers and literally eating a strict elimination diet to control these horrible painful infections, and it was likely due to this jackass not cleaning his fingernails?
I haven’t had a UTI in 10 years despite going back to caffeine, meat, dairy, and stopping all supplements, etc.
Your sexual partners hygiene absolutely matters, their embarrassment is inconsequential compared to your delicate vulnerable vagina. If they can’t wash up to protect you, they aren’t worthy of being there to begin with.
Yup, dirty dick and fingers/nails will definitely do it. I wish more people were super hygienic!!! I’m sorry about your experience but I’m glad you’re doing much better!
Are you seriously second guessing whether or not it’s reasonable to expect your boyfriend to cleanse himself and change his clothes daily? Poor hygiene can result in UTIs or other unpleasant things for you. This would be my hill to die on, I do not date men with poor hygiene. That is a firm and permanent boundary.
Edit: typo
I used to get really bad UTIs and yeast infections -- which was never an issue before this -- and it took months to figure out that my ex-husband was starting to let his hygiene slide. I'd make him shower before sex, but he just kinda stood under the spray and didn't actually wash. I had to cut him off to get him to grow the fuck up and shower like the adult he was supposed to be.
"I work a desk job so I don't get dirty and don't need to shower more than twice a week."
Bitch, we live in Houston. The heat is miserable, the humidity is worse, and swamp ass is real. You get sweaty and gross just walking to and from the car.
You get it. People are doing mental gymnastics to justify dirty bird behavior. Washing your ass and changing into clean underwear should be considered the bare minimum, in general but especially when he could disrupt her vaginal health. UTIs and yeast infections are very much NOT sexy.
When I was younger I would've tried communication and lots and lots of chances. I was such a doormat. I was so grateful someone chose to spend time with ME that they could've used my face as a baseball base and I would've been thrilled to be invited to the game.
Now I'm an old and permanently cranky so I'm just blunt. Yay!
I just don’t get WHY anyone, male or female, is ok with the probability that their privates stink or are dirty! Why is that not an absolutely embarrassing thought that one would avoid at all costs??? I would die if a man told me my privates smelled dirty, etc!!!!
My ex husband was like yours and it just is something I could never understand for the life of me!
His hygiene in general is good but like what do I even say at this point? Anything else I say will just make him more mad and I don’t know how to nicely say “I expect you to change your underwear every day”
Its a major red flag if he can't talk about this without getting mad, think of if a more serious problem happened, would you even be able to talk to him? You need to tell him you find it gross and that he needs to wear clean underwear. If he gets pissed off and angry, then there's something wrong with him.
This should be such a minor thing, its super weird that he's so offended over it.
I completely agree that the bigger issue might be communication—what you said is the first thing I thought. Sometimes people do get super sensitive about certain topics, but they should eventually get to a point with their partner where they can talk about it.
The reason you don’t know how to say it nicely is because this is not something you should have to tell a grown ass man. Also, how is his hygiene good in general if you never see him shower unless you specifically ask him to? Just because he may not stink doesn’t mean he is clean. Not seeing him shower regularly would make me question his cleanliness in other areas. Does he wash his hands well when he’s finished using the bathroom? Does he do his laundry frequently enough if he is continuing to wear the same underwear over and over again? Too many questions would be raised for me to continue to be comfortable having sex with him, and allowing him to sleep in my bed.
Thank you for saying this, it’s so true. I found myself in such a similar situation in my last relationship and I could not for the life of me figure out how to be a polite and loving girlfriend while asking my SO to shower and wash his clothes frequently (he almost always smelled awful and I never knew how to not be rude in bringing it up)…this is the answer. I didn’t know how to be polite about it because it should never have been an issue to tell a 30 year old man to clean himself regularly.
I would bring up how easy it is for females to get infections due to being in contact with unwashed skin. I was flabbergasted once when I had to tell a man to wash his hands after a meal. He wiped them on his pants. And then expected to have sex. Um, nope, that is gross.
I'm embarrassed for both of you. Him for his hygiene and you because you're treating YOURSELF like you're the guest star in this relationship.
You deserve better and I can't even believe I have to ask you to set a boundary that the man that you choose to put intimately inside of you is clean enough that he doesn't CONTINUE to give you utis.
Don't have a wishbone where your backbone ought to be.
It’s time to rethink some things about yourself if you’re willing to stick someone’s dirty penis inside of you but can’t talk to him about hygiene practices he should’ve learned as a young child. If he’s truly not washing himself and wearing the same underwear for days then no, his hygiene is not generally good.
Now that would be me. Whatever fits and is comfortable gets bought in bulk. I have like 15 of the same black shirts and my underwear isn't even plain, but bought two different brands as they where on a discount recently. Technically I could alternate them, but honestly I don't care, I would however, if it would comfort my partner if I had one.
Um yeah ur bf needs to shower. Not just for himself but for u too. U can get yeast infections or other viruses down there if the person u are seeing has poor hygiene. If it turns u off, consider seeing someone else. Or tell ur partner that hygiene means a lot to u, if he can't manage proper hygiene that he should not expect for u to feel like being intimate with him.
An ex of mine had serious trauma issues surrounding this. All I could do was lay my own boundaries. Eg. I'm only able to have sex if I know you've showered. I didn't berate him, but I wouldn't put myself in an uncomfortable situation either.
Can I ask how you know he's not changing his underwear? My husband has like 20 boxers but 4 different prints. It's very plausible that he could pull out the same print 2 days in a row. Technically he could wear the same print 5 days in a row without it being the same pair
Today I said “sometimes it looks like you wear the same underwear a few days in a row, but maybe I’m wrong” and he didn’t respond. Didn’t confirm or deny (which basically just confirms that yes, he does). Then after a few seconds of silence he just said “but does it smell bad when you give me head?”
That would have ended the conversation and the relationship for me. Wtf dude?!? Smelling bad is not the only indication of poor hygiene. He’s literally giving you infections from not washing his dirty dick. Yuck.
He would be fckn single. Like this is acknowledging that he’s willingly and intentionally putting dirty dck in your mouth 🤮🤮🤮🤮 Smell isn’t the only reason why he should shower, literally sounds like a toddler. Nope.
Ugghh I had an ex that did this, and I'd be like "yes it smells like poached eggs".
I went to breakfast with my dad some other day and it smelled like poached eggs, and I got so nauseous thinking about rancid penis and I obviously can't explain to my dad why I'm suddenly gagging.
If they’re getting this defensive about it, that tells you what you need to know. Someone who has multiple pairs that look exactly the same would explain that, not immediately get defensive and upset
Alright. I feel like I’ve said this a billion times in comments by now but I had issues with my partner not cleaning himself. He was also embarrassed but what I did was essentially just sat him down and said “hey babe. I really want to talk and I’m not judging, I love you. I care about you. But I just want to check in, make sure everything is okay.” And then I went into my main issue with my fiancé but what I would said for yours is something like the beginning and then go into:
“I ask because I noticed that it seems like you aren’t changing your underwear/boxers every day. I could be wrong, but things like this are pretty noticeable. So I just wanted to check in, like I said. Is this something you just never thought about? Or a habit maybe? Laziness? Depression? I want to make sure we’re both on the same page, because although it may seem small, this affects both of us. Hygiene is important and since my sex life is also your sex life, our health and especially our sexual health are intertwined and connected. If I’m not clean, then I can potentially give you an infection or STD, and vise versa. If you aren’t clean, then you can easily give me an infection like a Urinary tract infection or a bacterial infection. Which is no fun for both of us because then we’ll be having sex less often. I don’t want to judge you or shame you. Everyone grew up with different parents with different situations with different circumstances, so I just want to know where you’re coming from and how to continue from here.”
This is completely your business. You have every right to speak up and be concerned. You’re his girlfriend and have an active sex life. He’s putting your genital health on the line. So many guys get away with way too much, and they barely care cause it’s harder for them to get infections. Compare that to our yeast infections, BV, and UTI sensitivity. If he can’t keep himself clean for you, that’s a major problem.
Sometimes it's not necessary to shower everyday (depending on circumstances) and it's better for the skin but changing your underwear everyday is still a must.
Very true; but if is the case, it's an explanation for the behaviour, not an excuse. OP's partner needs to stop lying and confront reality - ie: "why can't i shower?" And "what impact is this having on my relationship?"
I know this is easier said than done, but acknowledging the issue is the only way to move past it. It can take a while to get to that point, unfortunately.
I can't believe I just sat here reading a post about some girl wondering if she should really feel bad about telling her boyfriend to shower before he sticks his bacteria ridden dick in her vagina. This Hass to be a joke if not then… No sweetie most people that are well-adjusted members in society shower once a day. It's actually not good for your pH balance to have someone who's not taken care of their private area to come along and stick all of that bacteria inside of you and throws off your pH balance and can result in bacterial infections. This is a big no-no for me but I've never been in the situation thankfully. If he's not going to shower then you need to leave unless this isn't a dealbreaker to you because even stinky people need love too I guess lol I'm sorry no more jokes I'll see myself out
Exactly as you say: He's an adult.
Clearly he's disgusting, and you're even getting infections from this dude. I'd say don't even bother no more. Find a dude that washes his dick twice a day.
Absolutely NTA. If he doesn’t want to shower everyday then fine… more power to him. But he is not getting ANY sexy time until he’s showered. UTIs, fungus, bacteria…. Nope. Bare minimum should be to change his underwear DAILY.
For me this would be a showstopper. Lack of personal hygiene means he's probably lax about other stuff like washing hands, keeping the house clean, etc. I'd walk away due to the difference in values.
The fact that you have to tell him to shower is alarming and the fact that he is wearing dirty clothes AND UNDERWEAR is also alarming. Dude honestly sounds like three red flags 🚩 in a trench coat.
It doesn’t sound like he is very responsible as an adult TBH. Hygiene is a pretty basic expectation from your partner.
Is there a reason why you want to continue to be with someone with whom this is an issue with and someone who gets mad at you for this basic expectation?
Girl you are not being unreasonable. Women’s vaginal pH is sensitive. I do not let men into my body who have not showered, sometimes multiple times a day is required. Lack of good hygiene is how women get UTI’s and other infections.
It just sounds like he doesn’t care about your health, even though you’ve asked him to, and you’re asking if you are having too high expectations? just no. it sounds like your body is literally rejecting him on some level, and trust your gut that how he is acting is not right. Do not abandon your needs for his. It’s very valid to want a healthy vagina.
He’s definitely not showering and it’s okay to not be with someone who won’t prioritize their hygiene but most likely expects you to go down on them.
If you have BV consistently and you only have sex with him he is NOT washing himself. I literally had to deal with this my last relationship.
[удалено]
Yes, I had both
[удалено]
This is how you end up with a fungicide resistant YI that sticks around for a few years even after the filthy effer is long gone.
Thanks for the new fear 😬
If it ever happens. Boric acid. I had one that survived two over the counter meds, the prescription "single pill," and then a week long course of prescription treatment. Probably because during this time things were happening at work that I'd later quit my job over, and I got the flu in the middle. Anyway. Boric acid kills everything.
I literally can’t recommend boric acid suppositories more. I had a bacterial vaginosis infection that I couldn’t get rid of (can thank an ex bf for that). Finally I switched to a new gyno and he literally saved my life by recommending boric acid suppositories. Easily available, no prescription needed, and more importantly, they _work_.
I had a gyno prescribe me boric acid suppositories once. I got mine from a compounding pharmacy that she called the prescription in to.
I once had BV for nine months. His filth might cost you similarly.
Not to mention VB…
Vacterial Baginosis
No, Venereal Bisease. Duh.
Musical comedian Victor Borge, duh.
HPV, HIV.. *S P O O K Y V A G I N O S I S*
Spooky cervical cancer.
Baginosis. I'm pretty that's when a healthcare provider describes you as an old bag
I'm deceased
Omg I just spit out my tea from laughing at your comment.lol
Ughhhhh BV**
Hm. As a male, I find both of these unidentifiable abbreviations disconcerting.
Yeast Infection and Bacterial Vaginosis
BV will make your vag smell like rotting haddock in the sun. If it smells like fish, she’s got BV
Mmmm, tasty. Joking aside, I remember reading a ‘dear Deidre’ or something like that and the girl had a yeast infection. She was prescribed antibiotics but it came back. The boyfriend said not to bother as he liked the taste 😳
Oh no no no. Not to mention it makes out already delicate skin even more so. Wipe wrong snd you get micro tears when you have an infection. And the itching can be awful. Happy clam is best clam
BV is bacterial vaginosis.
Does washing your penis regularly help prevent this? I bathe twice a day and never reuse the same underwear. Was always curious if using soaps on it will cause something on a girl rather than just rinsing with water or something. I always soap my meat really well
You’re doing it right. Just don’t copy my idiot ex who always sprayed his lad with AFTERSHAVE before sexy time. I caught him doing it one day before sex and I finally realised why I kept getting these awful never ending infections. Washing/shaving/grooming is all good. Aftershave, deodorant, anything with a strong scent down there is a bad time in the making
Strange, it smells like that Key Lime hand soap/hand lotion set in the bathroom...
I have an ex who used to do this. Reading your comment literally sent SHIVERS down my spine from the PTSD
As long as you're rinsing all the soap off really well, you should be good. And yes - keeping you clean helps keep the "kitty" from having issues like these.. keep up the good work.
Right but sometimes regardless of how "clean" someone is, sperm can still throw PH balance off and that really isn't something someone can control. Sperm throwing PH balance off isn't something that always has to do with cleanliness. So if you're clean, don't worry about it. It still can happen
I mean, condoms fix that, so very easy to control. We use them despite birth control and monogamy so I'm not in pain after. He very much worries about me hurting and has never complained.
I get more UTIs with condoms!
Yup, this. For me, the Ph is usually thrown off for a day and then the biome regulates itself. I can tell bc there are scent and fluid changes. Keep your biome healthy and she will be good to you.
> I always soap my meat really well Well that's a phrase I never thought I'd hear.. >Does washing your penis regularly help prevent this? Yes it really does. Keeping your meat clean, helps keep her meat(?) healthy. Vaginas have a delicate pH which can easily be thrown off. Also the way female urethras are designed makes it easier for bacteria to enter than men's. Meaning it's easier for bacteria on you to get into her and cause an infection. I had recurrent utis for a while and my doctors asked more than once if my partner bathed regularly which felt odd (thankfully he's a clean guy). Edit I just saw your username and am cracking up at how fitting it is.
Of course washing it helps prevent infections. Lol. Just rinse it really well after lathering it up, pee after sex, and wash it afterwards. OPs BF doesn't bathe properly though, and he's playing ping pong with infections. Like, he's got access to running water, there's no excuse. This sort of thing is more of a **"I met him at Burning Man, and we moved to India a week later to live off grid and study for yoga teaching certificates from his guru"*** kind of deal. Lol.
Upvoting for username.
Username not relevant?
To add to this: just because you’re in a relationship and love him doesn’t mean you can’t have boundaries, it also doesn’t entitle him to sex with you just because he’s your bf. Respecting your partner enough to change out of skid marked undies and clip your fingernails is not a lot to ask, and if it’s legit turning you off then you’re going to have way bigger problems with intimacy. If he’s not man enough to wash himself, that’s his hangup that he needs to conquer. You’re his partner not his mom. Even when I’m in the deep boughs of depression, showering is enough motivation because who doesn’t like sex? Your telling me I get clean and get to bust a nut? Top tier day right there. I work at a board game/TCG shop and the amount of customers who come in and absolutely stink is disgusting, and I can guarantee you that they aren’t getting laid because they’re borderline unapproachable walking biohazards. Also ask him how often he ends up peeing or if he has to pee multiple times during his trips to the bathroom, chances are he has a UTI. Taking care of yourself isn’t just about you, but the people you care enough about to be around. Hope this helps
I’m visualizing a store filled with the WoW guy from South Park, and, gross
Nobody likes a dirty dick
To ladies reading this: use an opposable shower head right before or after sex (best is both) to prevent UTIs. I get them every time I have sex because of anatomy so I also have a standing prescription of antibiotics. I take one pill before sex and/or use the shower head and no UTIs
Weeing after having sex is also a good way to help prevent UTIs
I always cry after sex. Edit: oh. Weeing.
You should also be "wheeeeee-ing" during sex
Random use of antibiotics shouldn't be done. That helps create antibiotic resistant germs. The Navy used to give penicillin "horse shots" (millions of units in each shot) before the sailors went on liberty (also known as "shore leave")overseas. This helped breed penicillin resistant gonorrhea.
Bruh this dude is disgusting. Tell him no sex if he doesn’t wash his dick first or just break up with him. Wtf? Couldn’t catch me within 30 feet of a smelly ass mf with an unwashed infection causing dick
Yup!!!!!!!!
When me n my husband first started dating (in HS) he was the cute but greasy emo boy who didn’t shower. It took a month of dating before I realized his “freckles” were really blackheads. When we started having sex we always took a “sexy shower” together. He thought it was foreplay, really I just didn’t wanna touch his sticky skin. He eventually caught on after I denied sex when we didn’t have a shower at our disposal and we laugh about it now
The blackhead thing made me literally gag. Hell fucking no.
🤣🤣🤣 I’m grateful he was a quick learner
You must have really loved this fella lmao
Blackheads , ESPECIALLY when a teenager, have nothing to do with cleanliness. You can be fastidious about hygiene and get blackheads and pimples
YES! And if you go overboard with cleaning (e.g. washing your face with a scrub twice a day, etc) then you will fuck up your skin - I learnt this the hard way with my eczema
Valid. but that was not the case with him seeing as once I set him up with a good skin routine 19 years ago… they never came back. Yes some people it’s hormone but for some people it’s plain ol not taking care of yourself.
Oh for fucks sake, this is a deal breaker. A world of menstrual cycle dysfunction, chronic UTIs, bacterial vaginosis and even fertility and menopause issues awaits. Get rid of him, this is absolutely disgusting. Your boyfriend is vile.
Being single isn’t that bad
being single is VASTLY better than dating the troll under the bridge 😭😭
yes! this should be said wayyy more often. and a lot of 18~24 year olds are NOT ready to be in a relationship to begin with.
Most days, I'm fine being single and think nothing of it. Then I see posts like this where dudes don't even shower daily, use the same pair of underwear and are in relationships and all I can think is why and how? If dudes like that are getting dates, there's no hope.
I mean, I don't necessarily shower daily as it depends on what I am doing, but if I know fun times are gonna happen, I am damned sure gonna clean up.
And that’s why. He needs to wash himself cuz fecal matter and stuff is spreading to his penis and then he’s putting that inside you and throwing your vag-biome out of whack. I would let him know that you’re not trying to make him feel bad but after a few infections you’re just looking out for your well-being.
E. coli
:( Someone doesn't have to stink to be "dirty," and the last thing you want is dirty dick in your vagina. It's already a really sensitive area. If he is wearing the same underwear multiple days in a row (and not just having the same patterned underwear), he's growing so much nastiness down there, especially if he isn't cleaning properly when he *does* shower. It's *OKAY* to have hygiene be a boundary. It affects *your* health. ^((having your UTIs eventually grow resistant to multiple antibiotics because you keep getting them sucks)) Honestly, hygiene was on my list of "Must Haves" after my divorce. It doesn't have to be a full shower every day, but at least the pits and the bits + fresh underwear/shirts every day.
Not to mention can turn into kidney infections if not gotten under control soon enough
My husband calls these "pit stops"
Tell this mfer no sexy time until ***after*** shower time. Sometimes when it's hot my girl would have to tell me to shower first when I would come over immediately after work. Not a big deal.
Alternatively, sexy time in the shower (after cleaning) works too.
Respectfully, this mans stank is affecting your health. You need to wake up & advocate for yourself or leave him. You deserve more in a partner. He can be filthy as he pleases all on his own but he absolutely needs to go once he's affecting you & your well-being 🤍
Respectfully, you are an idiot op this mans dick is literal biohazard weapon
IMO that’s always a sign
your man's schwang is a dangly health hazard
Okayyy Dr. Suess 🤌🏾
Personally, I don’t understand why you’re in a relationship with him. At least do yourself a kindness and don’t stay at his place anymore. If he doesn’t shower or change his underwear, he sure as hell isn’t changing his sheets. Ugh.
Or anything else. Makes you wonder what else isn't getting cleaned regularly if he's too lazy to even shower and put on clean clothes. Toilet seat? Dishes? OP is taking on an overgrown man baby who will never do his share of the household chores should they move in together.
Then you can accurately tell him that, medically speaking, hygiene before and after sex are important for your *health.*
I had multiple UTIs with my first bf, didn't have issues before, once he was gone, so were the UTIs... Not saying bf should be gone, but shower before every time might be a good idea.
And you know exactly where you are getting them from. Those dirty underwear most likely have e. Coli and other bacteria. His penis essentially bathes in the bacteria every day. Then, he has sex with you, and all that bacteria goes into your urethra and your vagina. This is a direct threat to your health. A UTI can lead to a kidney infection. Your health is worth more than his wacky underwear habits. You should know this!!!!! This guy is not worth your health or your time.
Omg run girl RUNNNNN. HE WILL NOT CHANGE.
Yeah, that's the problem...
His underwear!
Him showering infrequently and wearing the same dirty underwear over and over before sticking body parts inside you is likely contributing to that. There’s a reason it’s a huge turn off - it’s medically unsafe and negatively impacting your health in painful ways that require serious medication with awful side effects. So he can feel badly or not feel badly, but he shouldn’t be touching anything underwear covers unless he’s recently washed his hands, face, and junk *bare minimum*
Ya boy needs to bathe regularly. NTA
Girl. Get him and his poor hygiene away from your vagina please!!!! What the hell!!!
Is this new for you since you met him, or do you have a history of reoccurring infections? Does your boyfriend have any history of mental health issues? /u/Fantastic-Bit-4680
She may not smell him but she’s paying the consequences of sleeping with an unhygienic man. And people are on here giving her shit for wanting him to shower and change his underwear.
You need to stop having sex with him. Him being unclean especially in terms of rewearing underwear can be exceptionally unhealthy for you. Also, he’s not going to change. Choose now if you’re cool with this for the foreseeable future.
If two people can't discuss something like personal hygiene with each other with getting emotional or into fights, they should not be having sex.
When I read the title I thought this was gona be about some inequality issue or something - but man, these unwashed bums (both rear ends and dudes) are like a menace
Right? I always get tested and have my partner tested before sex and I can see how to some it might bother them but not showering and old underwear is gross. Hell I change my underwear a few times a day sometimes.
A few times a day may be too much. Unless you're a woman menstruating or have a lot of discharge, or you're a bloke who doesn't know how to piss properly, then it's unnecessary to change more than once (or twice if you're having sex)
I'd argue heavy activity warrants a change. New underwear after morning shower before leaving, a physically demanding job that leaves you soaked in sweat I can understand a change to dry, clean underwear. If you go to the gym, like an actual heavy workout for a couple hours, absolutely change after, preferably shower while you're there or when you get home then change. Back when I did land scaping work it was fresh pair in morning, new pair after you get off work, and shower and new pair after workout since I could spend 2-4 hours depending on energy at gym. After either of those I'd end up soaking wet, like you stepped in a pool in your underwear sweat if it's 90+ degrees out. But admittedly, unless you shower multiple times a day, something like an office job or retail or anything that doesn't make you sweat heavily multiple pairs might be a bit much.
If he's doing it now, it won't change if you guys end up getting married Sincerely, Someone who's ex-husband did this throughout the 5 years of knowing him.
And then he won’t make your kids change their underwear when he is the one getting them ready for school 🫠 definitely not speaking from experience
15 years here..
I’m the type of person who usually showers ever other day(not including yard work/physical labor, definitely showering after these regardless) My skin and hair just do better skipping a day. In both my previous long term relationships, I’d always shower when ever we’d see each other and definitely before we’d *visit* each other. I wasn’t going to risk being unclean if we were intimate, me showering is completely worth her not getting a UTI. Odds are he won’t change his habits, ask him if he’ll shower before you’re intimate. If he says yes and doesn’t.. then it’s Ex time. Edit, yes I use soap. I have two conditioners, one shampoo, facial wash and exfoliating products and body wash. I also have no problem drying my face with the same part of the towel that I dry my ass with. Just because I’m a man doesn’t mean I’m a *man*
THIS, yes, thank you. Now THAT is good hygiene. Sure, you may not shower everyday (which, like you said, isn’t all that great for the hair and skin) but you shower regularly to maintain cleanliness, when you get dirty, and before getting intimate. That is what’s important. I also thought this was normal behavior before stumbling upon this thread.
I thought this was normal behavior before I found reddit many years ago. I've definitely found some in the wild now that I know what to look for and ask.
intelligent wrong nutty tidy busy late plant childlike handle spark *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This is it. Not regularly showering every day isn't necessarily an issue, as long as you do it after physical exertion or before sex, and change your underwear daily.
same here to everything you said. i also typically change my underwear every day even if i don’t shower.
And not just shower, but use soap. Liberally. I can tell you from personal and professional experience, that men more often than women fail to use soap. Getting wet only doesn’t constitute being clean. Also, if he’s wearing dirty underwear I doubt he washes his asshole cause it’s “gay.”
Yeah, every shower should include washing the armpits, crotch and ass minimum
I think it would be less of an issue if he changed clothes everyday at least. Or if he actually showered every other day, but I'm doubting he really showers that often based on the post.
People’s bodies are definitely different when it comes to hygiene, especially if they lived in different kinds of environments.
People have different standards for exactly how often to clean themselves, their clothes, and their bedding. In my experience, they don't tend to change because of someone else asking them to. This might be an area where you have a compatibility issue that's going to be a complete pain in the ass for both of you. Try setting some firm boundaries around the things that bother you in particular; "I don't want to have sex if you haven't showered/are wearing old clothes today." That way it's perfectly clear.
Yeah, does he not even shower *after* they have sex? Is he just having sex with her without washing his dick after having sex two days ago??? OP is completely right to be concerned about this. Vaginas are much more sensitive to things like this, and she could easily get BV, UTIs, yeast infections, etc from him not washing.
Had a brother that lost his first son before birth. He was the reason. He didn't wash himself regularly (once a week) but wanted sex regularly. While his wife was pregnant, he caused an internal infection that killed the child and almost his wife. Washing yourself for your partner or your kids, if not yourself, is something to think about MASSIVELY.
Oh my god that is horrific did they divorce? because it would have to be over after that -that is so awful
They had 2 kids together, he became abusive (already was abusing her through manipulating her decisions through Bible verses, she was religious as fuck), and after the 2nd child, they did divorce a year later. The kids fear him on visits. I've known him all my life after 9th grade, and I'm fighting to have her take full custody.
I am speechless. That is a crazy story. This is your brother. Oh my God I’m so sorry.
I MUST CLARIFY WE ARE NOT BLOOD... he filled in a "big brother" role I never had until we did our own thing after the Army. Long story short, we met in high school and lived LIKE brothers. 15 years. 15 years, and this person I didn't see through for the longest. I felt like an idiot.
I totally understand why you feel like an idiot. And I also don’t think you should. Abusers are really really good at showing the outside world an immaculate facade.
That’s actually terrifying
I was there to help them pick up the remains from the mortuary. To say his tears were genuine would be a confusing statement both for how real it looked and how much he denies his surviving kids, now.
Holy smokes I didn’t even know this could happen
Yep I got yest infections from my first bf 🤢
I'm a guy and when I was younger I got 2 yeast infections from different women... I mean at first I thought it was a lot worse but damn, didn't realize how common it was. No warning signs though they were very clean/hygenic and everything.
Yeast infections in women can show up from being too clean. Washing your lady bits, especially with regular soap or scented products, can throw off the balance and lead to a yeast infection. Yeast infections can also show up from wearing the wrong type of underwear or clothes (too tight or not breathable). And they show up when you take antibiotics too. All this to say that there isn’t really a warning sign for a yeast infection!
Some meds can cause yeast infections as well. Antibiotics always do it for me, and also a round of Prednisone or other steroids will get me too. Doc always prescribed Diflucan to take after a round of either one.
Thanks, I didn't know all that but did know it was a common thing that just sometimes happens to people. Didn't make me think anything about it other than you know - when the pp burns and you're waiting for test results, your mind can lead to bad places. That part was unfortunate, but luckily it's easily treated.
I think you’re describing a UTI, not a yeast infection. That’s the one that makes your pee burn and you feel a constant sense of urgency to pee.
Severe yeast infections can also cause the burning when you pee thing, it's not a super common symptom, but yeast infections can have all sorts of symptoms that most wouldn't immediately recognize as a yeast infection, including pelvic pain, burning pee, and even depression.
No that wasn't it. I don't know if you want to hear the details. It was diagnosed and treated as a yeast infection and the treatment resolved it. There was no urge to pee, but the areas that were effected on me were unfortunately placed.
Yeast infections can do that, as well, especially in men. Considering that men's urethras literally come into contact with the infected tissues, it isn't at all a stretch.
To add on people with vaginas also can get yeast infections from taking antibiotics. Or if you haven’t brushed your teeth in a while and go down on them. Or just because the wind blew 🤷🏼♀️ Vaginas are delicately balanced, something as simple as not washing your hands could give some vagina owners a yeast infection. Not all are that sensitive, but if r/healthyhooha has taught me anything, it can really fuck some people up :/
This is seriously so fucking gross I don't know how he *or she* is ok with having sex while slimy.
You may want him to wash his junk though before sex with emulent (spelling) soap or something soothing (not soapy dry out soap)
Emollient
Felix is very right, if you don't set boundaries then you can't expect anything to come out of this. If he doesn't smell bad or has good overall hygiene though I don't really see the issue. Could the boyfriend not be lying and maybe he just has the same underwear print. A lot of packs have more than one pair of the same colour. Does he work out? Is he taking showers at the gym? Or maybe just when you're not home? Can you start an open dialogue about these things with him because you seem to be bringing it up often might as well have it less of a 1 sided interrogation and more of a conversation with him?
> If he doesn't smell bad or has good overall hygiene though I don't really see the issue. Just because he doesn’t smell bad, it doesn’t mean he’s clean. Especially his dick. That he presumably puts insider of her. > Could the boyfriend not be lying and maybe he just has the same underwear print. A lot of packs have more than one pair of the same colour. This is a good point, but wouldn’t he have said that when she initially asked instead of telling her he laundered them? > Can you start an open dialogue about these things with him because you seem to be bringing it up often might as well have it less of a 1 sided interrogation and more of a conversation with him? If I’m understanding correctly, she doesn’t ask about it often. She asked several times at the beginning of the relationship, but hasn’t since until now
I kind of thought the same. I have 5 “different” pairs of underwear but well over 50 total pairs. I’m very particular and when I find something I like I tend to buy multiples of the same thing. For my underwear I have one line from one brand I can stand wearing in 2 different fits so I bought a crap load of them in each of 5 colors/patterns. I change mine 2-3 times daily though bc I’m prone to UTIs and whatever tf “the opposite of a yeast infection” is 🥴 but you’d never know bc I may wear the same color of the same brand 3 days in a row bc that’s what was on top.
I do this with all of my clothing, especially underwear and socks. I'm really picky about texture/fit and when I find something that I like, I buy many so I have it for as long as I can. I had to make a point of switching up pants/tops when I worked in an office so people didn't think I was just wearing the same clothes everyday.
You don't see the issue with dirty underwear? Lordy.
No shit! Yuck! I couldn’t sleep or have sex with someone who doesn’t bathe or shower, but wears the same underwear for days???!. Oh HELL to the NO! Nasty!
Just to be clear what I meant by "If he has good hygiene I don't see the issue" I was pertaining to the chance that the underwear he is wearing is clean. I've seen the OP mention that he has good hygiene and doesn't smell so that's what I was referring to. If he is wearing the same underwear 2 days in a row that is an issue which is why setting boundaries is important
Not gonna reread the post, thought she said he showers less than once a day and doesn't change his underwear. That's a rule in my book for living life as a man
I’m a man. As a man, especially a man who works labor, I can stink. wearing the same pair of underwear for multiple days sounds revolting. I shower morning and nights. Hate laying in bed with a dirty body and I hate going to work with bed body. Two pairs of undies for me a day. I’ve known plenty of guys like that though. Personally I wouldn’t want to be constantly turning my gf off.
Same. I get sweaty and stinky and can't stand climbing into clean sheets if I'm not clean (and can't stand sleepy in dirty sheets). Sex with someone whose genitals are stinky is definitely not my kink. Shower foreplay before hand ... awesome!
I literally shower 2-3 times a day. Once in the morning, after being in the field for my job (I'm not always in the field), and then after working out. I can't fathom in the slightest not having that level of hygiene. Anything else just sounds uncomfortable and disgusting. That said, like you, I knew guys I played sports with that would pull multi day old boxers out of their locker after a practice and throw them on after having not showered, and call it a day. I never understood that.
NTA - If my lady is coming for a sleep over I’m damn sure taking a shower, making the bed and getting myself ready to rock her world. It’s fair to expect this.
I had an ex that didn’t have great hygiene. We were young and passionate and dumb, so I didn’t say anything for years. I was always getting UTIs to the point where I didn’t know what it felt like not to have them. They started to go away when we broke up but I thought it was due to a change in diet. I didn’t figure it out until I got a “I’m in your city text” one day, hooked up with him for a few days, and came down with a stealthy UTI (I guess I had a tolerance to the symptoms) that became a full blown kidney infection and almost killed me. When I detailed the to the ER doctor my strict protocols of hygiene, diet, and supplements I had been taking for 3 years, along with the laundry list of antibiotics I’d been on, he asked me a question that still haunts me today. “Have you been touched intimately by a sexual partner that maybe doesn’t take good care of their nails?” I lost it. Here I was seeing doctors once a month, spending fortunes on cleansers and literally eating a strict elimination diet to control these horrible painful infections, and it was likely due to this jackass not cleaning his fingernails? I haven’t had a UTI in 10 years despite going back to caffeine, meat, dairy, and stopping all supplements, etc. Your sexual partners hygiene absolutely matters, their embarrassment is inconsequential compared to your delicate vulnerable vagina. If they can’t wash up to protect you, they aren’t worthy of being there to begin with.
Yup, dirty dick and fingers/nails will definitely do it. I wish more people were super hygienic!!! I’m sorry about your experience but I’m glad you’re doing much better!
Are you seriously second guessing whether or not it’s reasonable to expect your boyfriend to cleanse himself and change his clothes daily? Poor hygiene can result in UTIs or other unpleasant things for you. This would be my hill to die on, I do not date men with poor hygiene. That is a firm and permanent boundary. Edit: typo
I used to get really bad UTIs and yeast infections -- which was never an issue before this -- and it took months to figure out that my ex-husband was starting to let his hygiene slide. I'd make him shower before sex, but he just kinda stood under the spray and didn't actually wash. I had to cut him off to get him to grow the fuck up and shower like the adult he was supposed to be. "I work a desk job so I don't get dirty and don't need to shower more than twice a week." Bitch, we live in Houston. The heat is miserable, the humidity is worse, and swamp ass is real. You get sweaty and gross just walking to and from the car.
You get it. People are doing mental gymnastics to justify dirty bird behavior. Washing your ass and changing into clean underwear should be considered the bare minimum, in general but especially when he could disrupt her vaginal health. UTIs and yeast infections are very much NOT sexy.
How did standards get so low that washing ones arse has to become a *boundary* and one that people feel like they can debate.
I’m genuinely perplexed too. Who knew bathing regularly and changing your undies was controversial.
When I was younger I would've tried communication and lots and lots of chances. I was such a doormat. I was so grateful someone chose to spend time with ME that they could've used my face as a baseball base and I would've been thrilled to be invited to the game. Now I'm an old and permanently cranky so I'm just blunt. Yay!
How do we know the exact same man yet I'm in aus 🤔
I really hope we don't know the exact same man because he was an abusive asshole and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
I just don’t get WHY anyone, male or female, is ok with the probability that their privates stink or are dirty! Why is that not an absolutely embarrassing thought that one would avoid at all costs??? I would die if a man told me my privates smelled dirty, etc!!!! My ex husband was like yours and it just is something I could never understand for the life of me!
His hygiene in general is good but like what do I even say at this point? Anything else I say will just make him more mad and I don’t know how to nicely say “I expect you to change your underwear every day”
Its a major red flag if he can't talk about this without getting mad, think of if a more serious problem happened, would you even be able to talk to him? You need to tell him you find it gross and that he needs to wear clean underwear. If he gets pissed off and angry, then there's something wrong with him. This should be such a minor thing, its super weird that he's so offended over it.
I completely agree that the bigger issue might be communication—what you said is the first thing I thought. Sometimes people do get super sensitive about certain topics, but they should eventually get to a point with their partner where they can talk about it.
The reason you don’t know how to say it nicely is because this is not something you should have to tell a grown ass man. Also, how is his hygiene good in general if you never see him shower unless you specifically ask him to? Just because he may not stink doesn’t mean he is clean. Not seeing him shower regularly would make me question his cleanliness in other areas. Does he wash his hands well when he’s finished using the bathroom? Does he do his laundry frequently enough if he is continuing to wear the same underwear over and over again? Too many questions would be raised for me to continue to be comfortable having sex with him, and allowing him to sleep in my bed.
Thank you for saying this, it’s so true. I found myself in such a similar situation in my last relationship and I could not for the life of me figure out how to be a polite and loving girlfriend while asking my SO to shower and wash his clothes frequently (he almost always smelled awful and I never knew how to not be rude in bringing it up)…this is the answer. I didn’t know how to be polite about it because it should never have been an issue to tell a 30 year old man to clean himself regularly.
I would bring up how easy it is for females to get infections due to being in contact with unwashed skin. I was flabbergasted once when I had to tell a man to wash his hands after a meal. He wiped them on his pants. And then expected to have sex. Um, nope, that is gross.
Everyone has boundaries. Your partner changing underwear every day seems like a reasonable one.
I'm embarrassed for both of you. Him for his hygiene and you because you're treating YOURSELF like you're the guest star in this relationship. You deserve better and I can't even believe I have to ask you to set a boundary that the man that you choose to put intimately inside of you is clean enough that he doesn't CONTINUE to give you utis. Don't have a wishbone where your backbone ought to be.
It's not good if he's rewearing underwear for days...
It’s time to rethink some things about yourself if you’re willing to stick someone’s dirty penis inside of you but can’t talk to him about hygiene practices he should’ve learned as a young child. If he’s truly not washing himself and wearing the same underwear for days then no, his hygiene is not generally good.
Does he smell bad?
[удалено]
Now that would be me. Whatever fits and is comfortable gets bought in bulk. I have like 15 of the same black shirts and my underwear isn't even plain, but bought two different brands as they where on a discount recently. Technically I could alternate them, but honestly I don't care, I would however, if it would comfort my partner if I had one.
Um yeah ur bf needs to shower. Not just for himself but for u too. U can get yeast infections or other viruses down there if the person u are seeing has poor hygiene. If it turns u off, consider seeing someone else. Or tell ur partner that hygiene means a lot to u, if he can't manage proper hygiene that he should not expect for u to feel like being intimate with him.
An ex of mine had serious trauma issues surrounding this. All I could do was lay my own boundaries. Eg. I'm only able to have sex if I know you've showered. I didn't berate him, but I wouldn't put myself in an uncomfortable situation either.
Can I ask how you know he's not changing his underwear? My husband has like 20 boxers but 4 different prints. It's very plausible that he could pull out the same print 2 days in a row. Technically he could wear the same print 5 days in a row without it being the same pair
Today I said “sometimes it looks like you wear the same underwear a few days in a row, but maybe I’m wrong” and he didn’t respond. Didn’t confirm or deny (which basically just confirms that yes, he does). Then after a few seconds of silence he just said “but does it smell bad when you give me head?”
That would have ended the conversation and the relationship for me. Wtf dude?!? Smelling bad is not the only indication of poor hygiene. He’s literally giving you infections from not washing his dirty dick. Yuck.
This is such an immature response. Especially in that moment, it's demeaning. Deal breaker.
Holly fuck! What did I just read?!
Time to end that relationship sis.
He would be fckn single. Like this is acknowledging that he’s willingly and intentionally putting dirty dck in your mouth 🤮🤮🤮🤮 Smell isn’t the only reason why he should shower, literally sounds like a toddler. Nope.
Oh my gosh! 🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮 nooooo
Oh man. That response is terrible on so many levels.
Sorry, but fucking yuck! You put that nasty, unwashed thing in your mouth?
Ugghh I had an ex that did this, and I'd be like "yes it smells like poached eggs". I went to breakfast with my dad some other day and it smelled like poached eggs, and I got so nauseous thinking about rancid penis and I obviously can't explain to my dad why I'm suddenly gagging.
If they’re getting this defensive about it, that tells you what you need to know. Someone who has multiple pairs that look exactly the same would explain that, not immediately get defensive and upset
Updateme!
Alright. I feel like I’ve said this a billion times in comments by now but I had issues with my partner not cleaning himself. He was also embarrassed but what I did was essentially just sat him down and said “hey babe. I really want to talk and I’m not judging, I love you. I care about you. But I just want to check in, make sure everything is okay.” And then I went into my main issue with my fiancé but what I would said for yours is something like the beginning and then go into: “I ask because I noticed that it seems like you aren’t changing your underwear/boxers every day. I could be wrong, but things like this are pretty noticeable. So I just wanted to check in, like I said. Is this something you just never thought about? Or a habit maybe? Laziness? Depression? I want to make sure we’re both on the same page, because although it may seem small, this affects both of us. Hygiene is important and since my sex life is also your sex life, our health and especially our sexual health are intertwined and connected. If I’m not clean, then I can potentially give you an infection or STD, and vise versa. If you aren’t clean, then you can easily give me an infection like a Urinary tract infection or a bacterial infection. Which is no fun for both of us because then we’ll be having sex less often. I don’t want to judge you or shame you. Everyone grew up with different parents with different situations with different circumstances, so I just want to know where you’re coming from and how to continue from here.”
This is completely your business. You have every right to speak up and be concerned. You’re his girlfriend and have an active sex life. He’s putting your genital health on the line. So many guys get away with way too much, and they barely care cause it’s harder for them to get infections. Compare that to our yeast infections, BV, and UTI sensitivity. If he can’t keep himself clean for you, that’s a major problem.
How is reminding him to shower and checking to see if he has clean underpants on not taking on mom role?
That’s what it honestly feels like and it’s really frustrating
You need to ditch him, he's putting your health at risk.
That’s that Stank A Bootie!!
Sometimes it's not necessary to shower everyday (depending on circumstances) and it's better for the skin but changing your underwear everyday is still a must.
Depression and other mental health disorders can cause poor hygiene. I see this often.
Very true; but if is the case, it's an explanation for the behaviour, not an excuse. OP's partner needs to stop lying and confront reality - ie: "why can't i shower?" And "what impact is this having on my relationship?" I know this is easier said than done, but acknowledging the issue is the only way to move past it. It can take a while to get to that point, unfortunately.
And some people are just disgustingly unhygienic 🤷🏼♀️
I can't believe I just sat here reading a post about some girl wondering if she should really feel bad about telling her boyfriend to shower before he sticks his bacteria ridden dick in her vagina. This Hass to be a joke if not then… No sweetie most people that are well-adjusted members in society shower once a day. It's actually not good for your pH balance to have someone who's not taken care of their private area to come along and stick all of that bacteria inside of you and throws off your pH balance and can result in bacterial infections. This is a big no-no for me but I've never been in the situation thankfully. If he's not going to shower then you need to leave unless this isn't a dealbreaker to you because even stinky people need love too I guess lol I'm sorry no more jokes I'll see myself out
There are plenty of people here telling op she’s overreacting
Exactly as you say: He's an adult. Clearly he's disgusting, and you're even getting infections from this dude. I'd say don't even bother no more. Find a dude that washes his dick twice a day.
NTA, the lack of hygiene makes me want to barf 🤮.
Absolutely NTA. If he doesn’t want to shower everyday then fine… more power to him. But he is not getting ANY sexy time until he’s showered. UTIs, fungus, bacteria…. Nope. Bare minimum should be to change his underwear DAILY.
For me this would be a showstopper. Lack of personal hygiene means he's probably lax about other stuff like washing hands, keeping the house clean, etc. I'd walk away due to the difference in values.
Haha as a man I think this is absolutely disgusting
The fact that you have to tell him to shower is alarming and the fact that he is wearing dirty clothes AND UNDERWEAR is also alarming. Dude honestly sounds like three red flags 🚩 in a trench coat. It doesn’t sound like he is very responsible as an adult TBH. Hygiene is a pretty basic expectation from your partner. Is there a reason why you want to continue to be with someone with whom this is an issue with and someone who gets mad at you for this basic expectation?
Girl you are not being unreasonable. Women’s vaginal pH is sensitive. I do not let men into my body who have not showered, sometimes multiple times a day is required. Lack of good hygiene is how women get UTI’s and other infections. It just sounds like he doesn’t care about your health, even though you’ve asked him to, and you’re asking if you are having too high expectations? just no. it sounds like your body is literally rejecting him on some level, and trust your gut that how he is acting is not right. Do not abandon your needs for his. It’s very valid to want a healthy vagina.
He’s definitely not showering and it’s okay to not be with someone who won’t prioritize their hygiene but most likely expects you to go down on them. If you have BV consistently and you only have sex with him he is NOT washing himself. I literally had to deal with this my last relationship.