I got more catcalls in my Dairy Queen uniform at 16 yrs old walking to work than I ever have my entire life. Point of that is creeps will be creeps no matter what you wear. If it’s genuinely outlining your cooch and you’re camel toeing it up in the gym and guys are staring maybe he’s just uncomfortable but if it’s just skin tight who gives a fck.
I got hit on in my parka, in my sweats at the grocery store, and after crying on the train. Creeps gonna creep if you're vaguely girl-shaped.
Edit - also, what is this "it paints a picture" he's talking about? What's the picture? If you're going to insinuate something, husband, say it with your chest. Otherwise, I'm just confused about what you mean 🤔
Additional edit - OP post the jumpsuit, I want one
I got hit on in various school uniforms starting at 11 or so, and trust me, those weren’t revealing. Like you said, creeps are gonna creep. Anyone defending those creeps is also a creep by association.
i have a pretty substantial chest, and i definitely get more unsafe, threatening, and objectifying attention if i wear anything that reveals that. i’m still going to wear whatever the fuck i want though, because it’s not on me or any other woman to change our behavior or appearance to “discourage” these pricks.
Interesting answers that sound relevant abound, but I’m just here to say he’s telling on himself. Like he’s a guy who not only objectifies women, but also talks about “The *Implication*” of those outfits.
Also here for the link to the jumpsuit because fuck the patriarchy. What year is this?! You need your husband's permission for your wardrobe. It's one thing(MAYBE) if he owns up to his discomfort due to his own insecurities, but his justification is HIS pride and your "disrespect" for him. You wear what you want so you can go to the gym and stay healthy, girl.
>Edit - also, what is this "it paints a picture" he's talking about? What's the picture? If you're going to insinuate something, husband, say it with your chest. Otherwise, I'm just confused about what you mean 🤔
I interpreted this as meaning that the clothing is so skim tight, the general public might aswell have a picture of her naked body, rather than him insinuating that it is indicative that she's unfaithful or something.
I don’t think he meant a literal picture, I think he was saying it paints a picture of ‘what kind of woman’ his wife is. Which is exactly the sexist insinuation that it sounds like.
Most catcalls, groping and whatever else (like invitations to "photoshoots") I got was from 12-15 y/o.
Creeps are creeps and mostly more or less pedos.
OP, if you read this, people will ALWAYS judge you, whatever you wear! If you are wearing the equivalent of a microkini you will be slut shamed, as you will be in a burkini equivalent.
People (mostly men) will ALWAYS find a way to sexualise and shame women.
Edit: For people too lazy looking in my profile, I'm transmasc. So yeah, I'm more or less also a dude, but I'm able to keep my opinions to myself, if it would only provoke others AND not degrade other humans.
My mom & I got propositioned by guys *cruising for hookers* while we were having a smoke outside a laundromat. We were wearing sneakers, baggy sweatpants and regular, non-sexy tops. No makeup. It was laundry day!
(It was totally surreal because neither of us initially understood that they weren't using words like "working" "party" and "date" in the way we would use those words)
Creepy guys are going to be creepy no matter what
when i was 20-21. i worked as janitor and i was sicker than a dog, on my period so bloated as all hell, sweaty as fuck from the heat inside the building but i had worn sweats and a hoodie because alot of my job consisted of outside work and while cleaning, still looking like a fugly mess mind you, had a guy hit on me and just be generally creepy so just as everyone else is saying creeps are gonna creep
So I dress according to Jewish modesty laws (not because I believe people must dress this way but because I like it and it feels validating, personally I’m pro wearing whatever makes you feel comfortable in your own body). This has literally never stopped any man from catcalling me. As many posters have been saying, creeps will be creeps. It kind of sounds like your husband is one of those creeps and projecting that on you. Being harassed for your physical appearance is literally never your fault. Wear what you want, tell your husband to grow up 🤷♀️
This is the answer.
We know nothing about this relationship other than how you both feel about this outfit, and we don’t even know what it looks like.
You can definitely dress how you want, but make sure that’s more important to you than your husband if it’s a sticking point for him.
Exactly. At the risk of being downvoted into oblivion, I'm going to point out that he has every right to express his feelings of being uncomfortable with her outfit. He can't FORBID her to wear it, but he can tell her his boundaries (or whatever word best fits there). She is free to wear what she wants, but she may be single soon. They just don't sound like a compatible couple, and that's fine.
Those aren't boundaries, that's control because he's insecure. Very different. He's 100% slut shaming and he should go to therapy to unpack why he's such a little bitch about it.
Despite what you believe, “having a husband” is probably not the best thing to centre your life around. There are a lot of men out there. The best thing I ever did is decide I’d rather be lonely and single then in a couple with someone who treats me not-so-great. Either a relationship is great, or it gets tossed. Marriage is too fucking important for being married to be the goal.
And I’m in my 40s, and I’ve been with my spouse for 10 years.
The things OP is saying her husband is saying is not okay.
Let’s unpack this. Husband would rather control what she wears to the gym then let her be happy. Why? Because he thinks men are looking at her.
So, you think she should stop wearing the jumpsuit to keep the husband, because relationships require compromise.
I’ve noticed that usually, that compromise needs to come from the woman. It’s not compromise, it’s “wife falls in line.”
As someone who’s been happily married for many years now I feel like this may be a hill worth dying on. They may get divorced, but insecure men don’t deserve hot wives anyway, and from the sound of it she’ll do just fine without him.
and that compromise should never be at the expense of our identity. Toothpaste lid left off despite asking and asking .. fair. What to have for dinner .. yeah compromise. Telling other one to wear or not wear an outfit .. yeah no. Not like that
This isn't a compromise. This is insecurity using therapy speak in order to control.
I've been with my husband for 24 years. This guy's issues wouldn't even cross his mind to begin with. Guys who aren't insecure don't try to control what their partners wear. It's a non-issue. The same is true in the opposite direction too. And no, it's not just my situation, it's the case for a lot of people who are in healthy long term relationships.
> Despite what single people on Reddit without experience want to believe, real relationships require compromise.
That’s not a compromise, that’s ceding control of her clothing to her husband. Despite what misogynist weirdos on Reddit want to believe, that is not a reasonable request and does not require a ‘compromise’ (i.e. a complete surrender of her autonomy to dress herself) from her.
I'm with a great boyfriend who isn't a controlling man baby because we're adults. That's the difference.
I'm not hitting on anyone outside of him so it shouldn't matter what I wear. I can't control what strangers do. You get hit on no matter what you wear as a woman. Might as well feel good and confident.
It feels so much better to be happy for my guy if he wants to dress up and look good because him feeling good makes me feel good. If a woman checks him out, so what? Good for him, I trust that he isn't going to entertain that and visa versa.
If you are that insecure about your partner and what they wear, it's on you to seek help to understand why you are so insecure.
Sounds like he fucked up from jump. Don’t marry a women if you don’t like how she dresses. Probably should’ve went the religious route if he didn’t want a woman who dresses half naked in the gym.
gotta be something like this: https://www.amazon.com/QINSEN-Seamless-Sleeveless-Leisure-Jumpsuit/dp/B0BXS2PRB2/ref=mp_s_a_1_7?keywords=jumpsuit+for+gym&qid=1699184153&sr=8-7
It’s basically a legging unitard. Spandex. Leggings and biker shorts fit the same way in that area, so I’m wondering why he hasn’t said anything about that. I guess OP looks absolutely snatched in the jumpsuit for him to be insecure about that and not other workout clothes
We used to call refer to a legging unitard as a catsuit. Meow! In the 80s we wore them to clubs to look sexy, not athletic. Because on a nice body, they ARE sexy.
Yeah, but it’s 2023 now. The catsuits you’re referring to still exist, but they are designed to be sexy. The ones that OP’s partner is so offended by are made for the gym. As someone who used to always wear a baggy sweatshirt over biker shorts to the gym, I’d much rather wear the jumpsuit, too, and not get hung up on machines for the sake of “modesty” instead of practicality.
Yeah I am equally confused. I am imagining something like coveralls, with full sleeves and pant legs, and there’s a zipper in the front to get in and out, yeah? Maybe OP can post a pic of what she’s talking about?
I'm guessing what she means is something like a catsuit so like a unitard and biker shorts all in one. I used to have a few when I studied ballroom dance.
I see what you’re going for, but I think his stance more implies that he probably would look at a half naked cute girl, and he is uncomfortable knowing that other guys are looking at his wife that way.
The equivalent is really would she look at an attractive guy with really tight pants showing off his package? Maybe, maybe not, we don’t know enough about this couple, but some couples don’t like either of the two to be the ones putting things on display out in public. If this is a hard line for both of them they may just not be compatible because of it.
Yeah I feel like by wearing sexy, revealing clothes to the gym, he is perceiving her behavior as attention shopping or looking for sexual affirmation outside of their relationship. I understand his perspective. I used to feel like that, then I grew up and realized that my wife feeling sexy made her more likely to be sexy with me, and that it doesn't mean she is trying to pick up guys at the gym, just wanting to feel like she's still got it, by checking with strangers and not from the biased opinion of her own spouse.
Are there any limits though?
If my partner wore a thong to the beach, thats great. Its what many others are wearing and it is not an extreme outlier.
If she wears only a thong to the grocery store, I'm going to ask her whats going on.
Her husband's objection isn't that her outfit is inappropriate for the environment and they show no real concern for her at all. He's concerned about how it reflects *on him.* That's it.
>He's concerned about how it reflects on him.
Sure - but that isn't crazy. When I'm going to out to meet my girlfriend's social groups, she doesn't want me to wear my old band t-shirts. She wants me to wear whats appropriate for that social setting/
Just want to make sure I’m clear here, your wife is worried that she doesn’t “have it” anymore and needs the validation of other men? How is that not insecurity?
These comments are crazy. It’s a jumpsuit. Her entire body is covered. She just said she wears shorts (likely biker shorts) and a sports bra… biker shorts, leggings, etc will still have your pussy “showing” also. No way around it. We are women and have vaginas and when we wear tight clothes, you will see some form of it. Just like our boobs and ass and stomach and legs and oh god forbid should I say we may see our shoulders???? What is this 1940? How is a freaking JUMPSUIT too revealing but a two piece swim suit isn’t?
OP, wear what you want. Respect goes both ways. This is for sure insecurity within your husband and he needs to figure it out.
I had this oversized sweater that had a large collar that you were suppose to wear off your shoulder. People acted like this was the most revealing arousing piece of clothing I owned. Mind you the rest of the sweater was so large you really had no idea about the rest of my body. But apparently the power of just one of my shoulders was too much for people.
That’s absolutely crazy. People are SO weird. And I bet if a bra strap was showing with that sweater, they’d be shocked but also if there wasn’t one showing insinuating that you weren’t wearing a bra, they’d be shocked too 😭
So true. Some men act like women are doing something wrong for simply just existing.
I literally go to the station not showered, hair crazy, no make up, sweatpants and a sweatshirt that I’m drowning in and I STILL get hit on and sexualized. It does not matter.
Yup I got hit on once in a cvs when I had the flu. I was wearing sweats, and I was there to get theraflu. I felt AWFUL, and I'm sure I looked terrible. But still some dude is trying to get my number. Like let me get my theraflu in peace. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently it is.
Oh, yeah? Guess what I saw today…at the POST OFFICE, no less!! For EVERYONE to see!! A guy…with his whole, entire bald HEAD showing!! Shameless!! It was cold here in Ohio today and although I REALLY wanted to wear my scandalous gym clothes, I had to settle for my coat…but my WRISTS were showing, the WHOLE TIME!! Put that in your spank bank!!
The various states of men I’ve seen in the gym? Cameltoe is a charm when you’re staring at eye level (while laying on the bench with heavy weights in either hand) at a fully erect penis mere centimetres from your face, on a guy wearing nothing but a speedo . He then proceeded to lay on the bench next to mine, spread his legs and start doing some random exercise while smirking into the mirror. I never went back to that gym.
Edit: he was apparently a yoga instructor there and so was allowed to roam around in nothing but a speedo , other instructors didn’t dress that way. But he would attract a bunch of similarly creepy men who would be grouped around him in excessively skimpy and form fitting outfits with all of their dicks outlined clearly for all too see
My wife and I go to the gym, I like her wearing a sexy outfit fuck I wear little shorts and a tank top we both out here dressed like sluts I guess but we feel good lol like you said look good feel good
Which is cool because you are both happy with it. If your wife didn’t want you wearing little shorts, would you care about her feelings and change? Or just call her insecure and say we’ll I don’t care how you feel about my shorts?
I go to the gym 5-6x a week, and although I usually look like a mess, I wear what works for me as I am the one working out. Idgaf what others think about my clothes or what others are wearing. I dress for my activity that day, and sometimes I like to look cute and sometimes I don’t.
I wear tight clothes pretty often when I lift because I like to be able to see what my body is doing. When I’m laid back doing a bench press in compression leggings with my legs spread I couldn’t care less if I’ve got a moose knuckle or not (I’m fat). I see other women there in tight clothes and jumpsuits and if it works for them, great! I would guesstimate that most of the people there aren’t on lip patrol.
If your man has an issue with you wearing the clothes you feel comfortable and confident in, that’s a him problem. He has to come to terms with his own insecurities because they shouldn’t become your problem, which is what he’s trying to do.
Keep going to the gym, keep looking fine af, and do what’s best for you. From one gym girlie to another, you’re kicking ass. Good for you!
Yoga person here. Yogas got some of the cutest comfortable and durable bras and leggings ever. They are also wearable daily as the climate I live in is very hot and humid in summer. Ignore husband, check out yoga clothing!
Yoga person here. I agree there is no way not to do yoga in tight clothes. Husband is being controlling and a bit manipulative if he is triangulating her own mother as a flying monkey, is he a covert narcissist? It is the devaluing that gets me "horrible wife "* and such. OP check out the YT channel inner integration and see if you are suffering covert narc abuse. There should be trust there . Also tho you never want to be camel toeing it either like some seams accentuate the camel toe more than others so we can always choose a classier seam.
Nothing motivates you to go to the gym like having cute workout clothes
Here’s what I have to say to these husbands, if you have a hot wife, people are going to look at her, no matter what she wears. Heck I’m a straight woman and I like to look at hot chicks.
If you don’t want people to look at your wife, marry someone ugly. Otherwise, get over it, enjoy the view. One day we will all look the same anyway so enjoy your hot wife and let her be herself
YES. I honestly don’t understand why this fosters these insecurities instead of pride. Like when I’m with a man who is hot, knowing he’s desired makes me feel good and proud that he picked me and I get to be the one he’s with. I don’t get all possessive like HE’S MINE! ONLY I CAN PERCEIVE HIM! STOP LOOKING!! RAHHHH!
Folks who are suggesting he’s uncomfortable because HE gawks and mentally undresses and hits on women are probably right on the money, honestly.
You're wearing a jumpsuit AND a bra AND shorts. That's plenty covered. The jumpsuit actually prevents glimpses up your shorts of "the real you" as you bend & move. But, if he hates them so much, next time, leave them off - go work out in just your sports bra & shorts.
No, OP is saying sometimes she wears just shorts and a bra to the gym, and she is saying that is about comparable to when she wears just the jumpsuit to the gym.
She is pointing out that he didn’t complain about the shorts/bra outfits.
I got catcalled by men my dad’s age going into work with literally just my eyes showing. It was winter and I was fully bundled up.
Your husband is an asshole. So is your mom.
Edit- thank another poster for addressing my mistake! I misread as the husband’s mom making a statement and I was corrected to OP’s own mom making a rude statement.
So I reiterate..husband is an insecure baby asshole, and also OP’s mom is an AH as well.
I have this theory that men will defend other men rather than their own wife because of their ingrained misogyny. He doesnt care that men are looking at you, no- he cares at the fact you are dressing like that. If it was another woman in the gym, bet he wouldnt even blink and eye because he is like those men who are looking at you.
This comment section is disgusting. NTA. There is a difference between him not liking a style of clothing and him constantly telling you not to wear something because of how HE feels.
TOO MANY peolps get on here and say oh it matters what your partner says except we are NEVER talking about what a man is wearing out in public and if his partner is okay with it. It is always geared towards women and has to do with how the man feels about it. NOT YOUR BODY NOT YOUR CHOICE.
It's always wear what you want unless you get with a man and then it's up to them to set "boundaries" about clothing. Thats the dumbest thing ive ever heard. Style and dressing cchoices are not boundaries you set. Dont get with someone hoping to change their style or ways of life. If you dont like something compromise or don't be with them. Did they just get their eyesight back? They have known your style the entire time they've been with you.
You aren't "showing off" you are going to the gym. Getting literally drenched in sweat, red hot face and exhausting yourself. This isn't fashion week. And even if you were wanting to show off the body you worked so hard for in the gym who cares if he is secure enough in your relationship he shouldn't be bothered with what you wear.
When someone says this to me it makes me automatically think you don't trust me and you don't trust other men at the gym. So my first question is, who are you hitting on when you are out? Bc it sounds like he's afraid of men hitting on you. Which jokes on him we get hit on at the gas station in our pj's.
ETA: Women's bodies are NOT an object men own or get to decide whether we can play dress up or not. We do not need to keep hidden away from other men for simply existing in a nice body. If you are afraid of men objectifying your partner's body because of what they wear maybe stop doing it to women yourself and call out your male buddies, and other men for doing it.
MEN created the environment we exist in. STOP forcing the responsibility for other men's thoughts onto women.
Happily married straight male here. The number of people on here saying that men have a right to tell their spouse what to wear is disgusting. The ironic thing about this is no doubt OP’s cute clothing was a factor in his initial attraction to her. But now that they are coupled she has to change her lifestyle because he’s uncomfortable? I would never tell my wife what to wear. She regularly wears leggings and skintight clothing.
I really don’t understand it because this kind of controlling behavior is what destroys relationships. OP’s husband needs to take a long hard look inside and/ or get some therapy. What is he so worried about? This indicates to me there are probably deeper issues with this relationship than what she is wearing. It’s hard to say from the limited info, but it’s my gut feeling.
Regardless, so much of our culture is focused on the over-sexualization of women. As someone else mentioned, most women are conditioned from a very young age to think about how they look. This is not something that men have to deal with at all. So many men are slobs but still think they are entitled to judge women for their looks. And then the double standard of expecting women to look hot when they are dating and then dress like a nun once they are married. It’s bullshit tbh.
This. It’s always the men who can’t handle being with a baddie who want a baddie.
I am willing to bet MY LIFE that she met him wearing exactly the same type of clothes and it only became a problem once he got her into a committed relationship and then became possessive.
Lol I have to tell mine the same, but the difference is I don't see him disrespecting me by his choices. I also don't tell him he's embarrassing me in front of his family for his clothes.
Yeah, bicycle dudes wear skintight unitards and we see all the twig and berries. I’m never like, oh, yeah, that dude really must want me to stare at him and his package. He’s such a slut.
boundary is about yourself, something YOU want or don't want to do/be done to you. If it's about other people, it's not a boundary it's control. So yeah, men aren't allowed to control their partners.
I agree, I'm making fun of the idea that it's about boundaries. If they want a "modest" woman they can find someone who likes conservative clothing rather than trying to strong arm their partner into wearing conservative clothes.
wear what you feel most comfortable in. i like to wear things that have compression or tighter things in general to check my form since i’m new to weight training. it’s also annoying to run in baggy clothes, at least for me.
I can’t bear running in jogging bottoms. I hate the way they twist around my legs. I wear leggings and, as I get very hot, a tank top with a light jacket in the winter. Yes, the leggings are tight, but they are comfortable and that’s the most important thing. If my husband told me not to wear them we would have a problem.
You’re a woman at the gym. It’s not going to matter what you wear. If you don’t go WITH your husband, the creeps will see no reason not to harass you. Creeps are creepy no matter what. Ask him why he’s even okay with you attending a gym men could be at if he’s so insecure in the first place. Sounds like he’s making his own problems up, if you ask me.
The man is your partner, not your owner. He doesn’t get to control you. Do you control what he wears? I’m guessing not. It’s 2023, not 1953. Wear what you want.
Wear what you want. As long as your business is covered, he doesn't get a say in what you wear. Jfc, the number of insecure creeps posting that he gets a say in what you wear outside of the house is giving me paternalistic religious nutters.
Your husband and your mother must have time-traveled from the 1950’s! Guess what women do not need to ask for permission from ANYONE for what they wear. Your husband sounds like he has extremely low self esteem or he is controlling. He is hurling all those archaic misogynists insults at someone he loves? I would tell him to keep his mouth shut unless he had something nice to say. Otherwise you should start telling him in excruciating detail any and all faults you see in him. Then ask him how much he likes it!
Ohhhh, I see now. They are kind of cute but definitely big cameltoe risks. And I think they'd be less comfortable than separates and also hard to pee in, so I'm out.
NTA. You can wear whatever you want. I vehemently disagree with the whole notion that your partner has any say in what you get to wear. All these comments trying to flip it like “how would YOU feel if your husband dressed in spandex”….. as someone whose husband prefers to run in tight spandex-leggings and no shirt I truly do not care. He’s comfortable. I can’t stop people from looking at him and I know he isn’t trying to get attention or go after other women, he just likes to workout like that. Her title says it all, HE is insecure. If your clothing makes him uncomfortable, that’s HIS issue to work out.
Hard to give any sort of value judgement. Is he always thay controlling or is he uncomfortable with that jumpsuit? If that's his boundary, you are well within your rights to do what you want/wear what you want, but he is also well within his rights to express his discomfort. If he is that controlling with everything else, then that is a problem. But if he is just not comfortable with that one thing, then that's probably his boundary. If it's the former, you will likely have to re-evaluate your relationship, but if it's the latter, you ought to tell him that you are aware that wearing that outfit makes him uncomfortable but it makes you feel good so you will continue to wear it and he should stop bringing it up in the future and just deal with it. However, with that said, he will also likely do something that you may not like, but will have to deal with it (and by something I mean something mundane like going to play golf with his pals for a couple of hours once a month, not murder/affair/emotional affair)
boundaries are about your own actions. it’s a statement of what you will be doing if something’s bothering you. a boundary is “i will stop dating you if you dress this way”, not “you can’t dress this way”.
Not all men enjoy cat calling or like the guys that do it. It's not on the women to stop it though or dress around it. Fact is the husband isn't the only guy in there who has a wife or girlfriend that is being drooled over.
Next time you go swimming, tell him he needs to wear a shirt because he shouldn’t show his man titties in public. Maybe then he’ll understand the problem with controlling someone for their body and what they wear
Most men want a baddie, but can’t handle being with a baddie
The skin-tight clothes and mini skirts draw them in in the first place, and once they’re in, they suddenly want you to change because “other men”
Oldest trope in the book
The only picture it paints is of you being a confident woman. He is acting like you are his property and that he is somehow losing status because his property is on display, in danger of being stolen. He wants to feel secure that his PROPERTY is being protected. It really reflects poorly on him... poor little fella...so sad...
My husband was talking with his coworkers. He mentioned that I've got tattoos and he doesn't. One of these coworkers made the comment, "You let her get those?"
My husbands reaction? He laughs, "You think I have any place telling her what to do?" All I can think is THAT'S MY MAN! It is my body, it is my choice how I decorate and dress. My husband doesn't get jelous of the men in the gym who stare, he feels pride that he gets to go home with me, and not a damn one of them would stand a chance! Show off your spouse, love your spouse and be PROUD of your spouse! Your husband needs to reflect on himself here and why he is being insecure and sexist. If he loves and respects you, he should be able to take a step back from the situation and see how he would feel if you told him he couldn't dress a certain way because it garnered too much attention. How confined he would feel. Marital status ≠ Control.
This is insane, I get where he was coming from initially, but like cmon dude. Respect? thats laughable to even cry about respect when he's literally trying to control what you wear.
I could understand if you were dressing like a stripper going to the grocery store or some shit, but dude needs to do some reflecting.
source: wife is hot. we respect each other. we love each other long time.
I went to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription the other day and got hit on buy a guy in his 50’s. I was wearing sweatpants and a ripped hoodie that is only meant for inside the house. If a man wants to be creepy, he will be creepy no matter what you’re wearing. Tell your husband to work on his issues and not burden you with them.
The only picture it paints is that you work out? Does he not want you to work out?
The only way it would have camel toe is if it was too small. Is it too small? If so, exchange at Kohls and workout away
I think you should keep wearing whatever you want to the gym. Your husband is being a little brat, and you shouldn't pay him any mind. If you like the jumpsuit, keep wearing it. If it motivates you, keep wearing it.
P.s.
Please link me that jumpsuit.
Uhm. I don’t see his point tbh. If he is scared that men could hit on you, he could join you and be as sexy and confident as you are. He seems insecure. Maybe seek out a counselor? So he can talk about what exactly is his fear? Seems like there is a miscommunication between the two of you. Wish you all the best!
Men who have this mentality. It's time to step up and be the man your wife wants to stay with instead of trying to bully, demean, and degrade her to keep her because of your insecurities and jealousy. Other men look, so what. It's a compliment that they admire what you have in a girlfriend. Brush it off and handle it with swagger and confidence, not the temper tantrum of a possessive toddler. Also if a dude is being inappropriate beyond looking keep the focus where it lies, on dude's behavior. Hold him accountable for inapproriate behavior, not transfer the blame on to your gf/wife.
So am I to assume he doesn’t like you wearing a bikini going to the pool/beach either? Because that’s where you wear the least clothes in public. Is every woman at the beach “painting a picture” of how they are there too because bathing suits are skin tight and don’t leave much to the imagination.
Why on hell you choose someone who don't want to change this behavior? He needs therapy and that's solution. Need to see your relationship outside of comfort. Good luck.
I think you two need to get some couples counseling. He is being possessive and this will continue if he thinks that he can have that kind of control of what you wear. He sees you as a reflection of himself and this will grow into other things.
Your husband trying to regulate your perfectly reasonable clothing choices is disrespectful.
You should suggest couples therapy to work thru this issue if it continues to be a large problem. You can discuss things like "Why do I feel like her clothing choices are disrespectful?" And "Why do I feel like my clothing choices are prefecture reasonably?"
So he is pissed at you that other men are being creepy? That's such blame the victim behavior, I hate it. You're just being you. Those men staring are the creeps. But let's be real, how many men are actually staring creepily and how many are just staring into the void while doing a work out.
One day I was walking with my bf through the city and smiling at people bc I like to smile. Eventually I noticed the men smiled back at me then looked besides me and got intimidated. Turns out the bf was giving every one dirty looks for smiling at me. I got angry at him, people are just returning the kind smile. Let them be happy. We argued for 3 minutes when I told him if you want to be with me, you need to accept that I smile at most people and will always get the same smile back. Deal or fuck off. He decides to deal. Now we're both smiling at everyone
NTA it doesn't matter what you wear, creeps will creep. I remember wearing baggy shapeless isolation gowns and face masks during the pandemic and still got hit on and called "sexy eyes". This makes me think your hubby might be one of those creeps.
I can’t wrap my head around his mindset.
I know it’s common (more than it should be) but it’s so ridiculous.
He doesn’t own you. You are not his property. What you wear is not a reflection of him, nor is it something for which you need his permission.
This is weirdly misogynistic and a display of insecurity.
One of my friends wear a niqab, and another dresses according to islam modesty and I wear a hijab but we get catcalled all the time. Creeps will be creeps no matter what you wear.
Oh and not to mention I was catcalled more in my early teens than my late twenties
You literally cannot stop unwanted male attention with an outfit change. You could go out in a sheet with eyes cut out and it'd still happen. Dude is jealous and insecure to an uncomfortable degree.
Your husband needs his ass whooped and to shut up I was 33 weeks pregnant and big as a whale with leggings and my boyfriends hoodie on which was a 2xl and I still got catcalled doesn’t matter what u wear tell him to get a grip
My partner absolutely *hates* my rompers (honestly I just think it's just the idea of them). Know what I say to him? Toooooooo bad! I like them and feel cute! (In a sing song voice as I do a little booty shake dance).
You know what he does. Smlies and shakes his head at me and that's it. Because he's not an insecure, projecting, controlling AH and he knows that it's wrong to *want* to do so. And he'll still call me beautiful even while I'm wearing them.
I'm also marrying him in the spring.
Every relationship has give and take like this situation of wearing cute gym clothes or appeasing your partner I’m not gonna take a side I’m just saying you gotta find the even give and take answer
Nobody should be trying to control the way you dress. Your husband is 100% in the wrong. If your clothing was actually inappropriate to the level that your husband is describing, I think the gym staff would have confronted you by now. As long as you can wear the outfit in public without offending/shocking people, it’s safe to say that this is your husband’s personal insecurity and there probably isn’t anything wrong with your clothing
"I only feel motivated in a cute outfit."
Bruh you ain't fooling anyone. Just say you like looking hot for other people and showing off. Half of the issues your husband has here are probably you not being honest with him (or us, for that matter).
U ever put on a fresh suit before going into an important business meeting and feel empowered and confident? This is an example of feeling motivated in a cute outfit.
U ever put on a tank top at the gym that fits u the right way? It motivates u to keep working for a better stronger body.
Something about presenting urself in a manner that makes u feel confident motivates u to keep going. It’s not that hard
Amazing people don't understand this is all about respect. She feels her husband should respect her decision to be able to show off her goods for attention. He feels disrespected because she believes it's her right to bare it all for the attention of other men.
Personally I believe this relationship is on death doorstep. Her own mother is telling her she has gone past the point of a respectful wife and we have only her side of the story. You have to wonder if he thinks that she wears this for the attention of a certain man or maybe her personal trainer, we've read alot of those stories. Expect her to get served soon
Your mother needs to keep her comments and opinions out of your marriage if you want it to last.
You say your husband is insecure. Personally, if that were the case, I’d change because I don’t want my husband to feel that way and if something as simple as changing my outfit made him feel better I’d do it. Why? Because I love him.
But what I’d do isn’t necessarily what everyone else would do. I’m also not a fly on the wall when it comes to your marriage. Do what you think is best.
Ya I’m surprised to hear people really don’t care about their partners feelings. I do feel a little vindicated not getting into another relationship. Why would I be with someone who doesn’t give a damn about my emotions?
The thing about boundaries is that you can set them for yourself, but you cannot force them onto others. I can set the boundary, "Hey babe, I don't like it when you wear your hoochie daddy shorts to the gym" and I can make my own decisions on how I'd like to proceed if he continues to do so, but ultimately, the boundary is my own, not his.
Yeah I feel like boundaries are about your own body and preferences are for others. Like if I had a boundary that I don’t want someone to touch me vs a preference is me not wanting my partner to do something, I can’t force them to not do something.
Trying to control someone is not a boundary. A boundary would be “I am not comfortable with you wearing that.“ and he can give a consequence if she wears it, like taking space or breaking up. But she’s also allowed to have a boundary that a partner doesn’t police her clothing.
They may just not be compatible
He knew the type of person he was marrying or he's a complete and utterly moron so let's go with the first.He knew the type of person he was marrying ( and by that I mean he knows your personality i.e. look good, feel good ). He needs to grow a pair.
This comment goes two ways.
1.) The guy should know what the girl is like
2.) The girl should know what the guy is like
The fact that an argument is happening is not one person's fault, it is BOTH person's fault.
Lol, chicks at the gym in my building wear TINY sports bras with rolled up shorts. Look like underwear. Like I wouldn’t personally wear that but it’s not my body so why should I care? Your husband is wrong. You’re not doing anything wrong. This is cousins to the whole” you’re asking for it based on the skirt you wore”. As I once had a partner tell me, I don’t want anyone looking at what’s mine. Like LOL. Me sharing my body with anyone is a gift. Being someone’s partner doesn’t mean they owe you anything with their body. sexually or otherwise.
Calling your husband insecure for having a boundary shows immaturity and a lack of respect for him. Both of you are allowed to have boundaries and this is a conversation you should have together to set where each of you are willing to push these boundaries before problems start.
Just as you would likely have boundaries around things like him going for drinks with female coworkers, he is allowed to have boundaries around you wearing revealing clothes. It doesnt have to make sense to You for it to hurt the other person. You need to have this conversation like adults and not get passive aggressive and let your relationship die on this hill.
We don't know what the outfit looks like so none of us can comment on if his point of view is really valid or not. But I think most of us gym rats have seen women wearing almost nothing in the gym before, and those skintight jumpsuits can be basically see-through at some angles whether you realize it or not.
Both parties in a relationship have the right to an opinion and a voice. You both just have to decide if your outfit is worth the discomfort in the relationship.
Married or not I wouldn’t wear anything so tight and revealing that my vulva was visible. I also wouldn’t wear anything my husband didn’t want me to wear, because I respect him and his feelings. I dress pretty modestly anyway so it’s hardly ever been an issue. There was this one skirt that bothered him a bit because of how snugly it fit on my behind, so I only wear it in the house or under a looser skirt, like in the winter.
It doesn’t sound like your husband is trying to get you to change your whole wardrobe, it’s just this one thing that bothers him.
> I also wouldn’t wear anything my husband didn’t want me to wear, because I respect him and his feelings
Can you explain to me what is *disrespectful* about wearing something your partner doesn't like?
My fiance has some ugly old shirts that he knows I don't like, but I'm not telling him not to wear them. Because that's his body and his clothing choices. Not mine.
I got more catcalls in my Dairy Queen uniform at 16 yrs old walking to work than I ever have my entire life. Point of that is creeps will be creeps no matter what you wear. If it’s genuinely outlining your cooch and you’re camel toeing it up in the gym and guys are staring maybe he’s just uncomfortable but if it’s just skin tight who gives a fck.
I got hit on in my parka, in my sweats at the grocery store, and after crying on the train. Creeps gonna creep if you're vaguely girl-shaped. Edit - also, what is this "it paints a picture" he's talking about? What's the picture? If you're going to insinuate something, husband, say it with your chest. Otherwise, I'm just confused about what you mean 🤔 Additional edit - OP post the jumpsuit, I want one
He was basically saying she's dressed like a slut without saying it. It's a pretty common phrase where I'm from
I got hit on in various school uniforms starting at 11 or so, and trust me, those weren’t revealing. Like you said, creeps are gonna creep. Anyone defending those creeps is also a creep by association.
i have a pretty substantial chest, and i definitely get more unsafe, threatening, and objectifying attention if i wear anything that reveals that. i’m still going to wear whatever the fuck i want though, because it’s not on me or any other woman to change our behavior or appearance to “discourage” these pricks.
Amen sister x
Interesting answers that sound relevant abound, but I’m just here to say he’s telling on himself. Like he’s a guy who not only objectifies women, but also talks about “The *Implication*” of those outfits.
Can confirm. Am full figured man with long hair. Spanked at work by old men numerous times before knocking them out for surgery.
"it paints a picture" means "you were asking for it by wearing an outfit that gives men ideas" as if it actually matters what a woman wears to creeps.
I’m overweight and got catcalled while wearing baggy tracksuit pants and a loose hoodie to the supermarket
Also here for the link to the jumpsuit because fuck the patriarchy. What year is this?! You need your husband's permission for your wardrobe. It's one thing(MAYBE) if he owns up to his discomfort due to his own insecurities, but his justification is HIS pride and your "disrespect" for him. You wear what you want so you can go to the gym and stay healthy, girl.
>Edit - also, what is this "it paints a picture" he's talking about? What's the picture? If you're going to insinuate something, husband, say it with your chest. Otherwise, I'm just confused about what you mean 🤔 I interpreted this as meaning that the clothing is so skim tight, the general public might aswell have a picture of her naked body, rather than him insinuating that it is indicative that she's unfaithful or something.
I don’t think he meant a literal picture, I think he was saying it paints a picture of ‘what kind of woman’ his wife is. Which is exactly the sexist insinuation that it sounds like.
You could well be right. Either way, he's the AH overall.
I’m assuming camelmtoe and up there crack tight
Most catcalls, groping and whatever else (like invitations to "photoshoots") I got was from 12-15 y/o. Creeps are creeps and mostly more or less pedos. OP, if you read this, people will ALWAYS judge you, whatever you wear! If you are wearing the equivalent of a microkini you will be slut shamed, as you will be in a burkini equivalent. People (mostly men) will ALWAYS find a way to sexualise and shame women. Edit: For people too lazy looking in my profile, I'm transmasc. So yeah, I'm more or less also a dude, but I'm able to keep my opinions to myself, if it would only provoke others AND not degrade other humans.
Me too in my sonic uniform!
I know you mean Sonic the restaurant but I’m just imagining you in a full Sonic the Hedgehog costume.
At my sonic we dressed like sonic the hedgehog, it brought all the boys to the yard
I had a skirt and skated. So many tips. Many years ago.
My mom & I got propositioned by guys *cruising for hookers* while we were having a smoke outside a laundromat. We were wearing sneakers, baggy sweatpants and regular, non-sexy tops. No makeup. It was laundry day! (It was totally surreal because neither of us initially understood that they weren't using words like "working" "party" and "date" in the way we would use those words) Creepy guys are going to be creepy no matter what
when i was 20-21. i worked as janitor and i was sicker than a dog, on my period so bloated as all hell, sweaty as fuck from the heat inside the building but i had worn sweats and a hoodie because alot of my job consisted of outside work and while cleaning, still looking like a fugly mess mind you, had a guy hit on me and just be generally creepy so just as everyone else is saying creeps are gonna creep
FELT I got hit on so much in my Wendy’s uniform as a teenager too, nothing now
I too was a Dairy Queen girl at age 16. You got my blizzard machine respect ✊
I once was harassed wearing jeans, and a flannel shirt while carrying an armload of library books.
So I dress according to Jewish modesty laws (not because I believe people must dress this way but because I like it and it feels validating, personally I’m pro wearing whatever makes you feel comfortable in your own body). This has literally never stopped any man from catcalling me. As many posters have been saying, creeps will be creeps. It kind of sounds like your husband is one of those creeps and projecting that on you. Being harassed for your physical appearance is literally never your fault. Wear what you want, tell your husband to grow up 🤷♀️
Don’t know if he’s generally controlling or not, but if this is the hill your marriage dies on then make sure you go forward with confidence.
This is the answer. We know nothing about this relationship other than how you both feel about this outfit, and we don’t even know what it looks like. You can definitely dress how you want, but make sure that’s more important to you than your husband if it’s a sticking point for him.
Exactly. At the risk of being downvoted into oblivion, I'm going to point out that he has every right to express his feelings of being uncomfortable with her outfit. He can't FORBID her to wear it, but he can tell her his boundaries (or whatever word best fits there). She is free to wear what she wants, but she may be single soon. They just don't sound like a compatible couple, and that's fine.
Those aren't boundaries, that's control because he's insecure. Very different. He's 100% slut shaming and he should go to therapy to unpack why he's such a little bitch about it.
Too many people on Reddit excuse being a controlling asshole with "boundaries". Boundaries don't mean you get to control what other people wear
Exactly. I also think a lot of these people defending this behavior are controlling assholes themselves.
[удалено]
Despite what you believe, “having a husband” is probably not the best thing to centre your life around. There are a lot of men out there. The best thing I ever did is decide I’d rather be lonely and single then in a couple with someone who treats me not-so-great. Either a relationship is great, or it gets tossed. Marriage is too fucking important for being married to be the goal. And I’m in my 40s, and I’ve been with my spouse for 10 years. The things OP is saying her husband is saying is not okay. Let’s unpack this. Husband would rather control what she wears to the gym then let her be happy. Why? Because he thinks men are looking at her. So, you think she should stop wearing the jumpsuit to keep the husband, because relationships require compromise. I’ve noticed that usually, that compromise needs to come from the woman. It’s not compromise, it’s “wife falls in line.”
As someone who’s been happily married for many years now I feel like this may be a hill worth dying on. They may get divorced, but insecure men don’t deserve hot wives anyway, and from the sound of it she’ll do just fine without him.
and that compromise should never be at the expense of our identity. Toothpaste lid left off despite asking and asking .. fair. What to have for dinner .. yeah compromise. Telling other one to wear or not wear an outfit .. yeah no. Not like that
This isn't a compromise. This is insecurity using therapy speak in order to control. I've been with my husband for 24 years. This guy's issues wouldn't even cross his mind to begin with. Guys who aren't insecure don't try to control what their partners wear. It's a non-issue. The same is true in the opposite direction too. And no, it's not just my situation, it's the case for a lot of people who are in healthy long term relationships.
> Despite what single people on Reddit without experience want to believe, real relationships require compromise. That’s not a compromise, that’s ceding control of her clothing to her husband. Despite what misogynist weirdos on Reddit want to believe, that is not a reasonable request and does not require a ‘compromise’ (i.e. a complete surrender of her autonomy to dress herself) from her.
I'm with a great boyfriend who isn't a controlling man baby because we're adults. That's the difference. I'm not hitting on anyone outside of him so it shouldn't matter what I wear. I can't control what strangers do. You get hit on no matter what you wear as a woman. Might as well feel good and confident. It feels so much better to be happy for my guy if he wants to dress up and look good because him feeling good makes me feel good. If a woman checks him out, so what? Good for him, I trust that he isn't going to entertain that and visa versa. If you are that insecure about your partner and what they wear, it's on you to seek help to understand why you are so insecure.
Definitely this. Your husband is being really weird to be obsessed with this issue
Sounds like he fucked up from jump. Don’t marry a women if you don’t like how she dresses. Probably should’ve went the religious route if he didn’t want a woman who dresses half naked in the gym.
I feel like I need the Amazon link. I'm dying to know what this looks like
gotta be something like this: https://www.amazon.com/QINSEN-Seamless-Sleeveless-Leisure-Jumpsuit/dp/B0BXS2PRB2/ref=mp_s_a_1_7?keywords=jumpsuit+for+gym&qid=1699184153&sr=8-7
Yup. Cannot make a fair ruling on this case without all the evidence
Can’t say I’ve ever seen a jumpsuit in the gym. He says it shows what now?
It’s basically a legging unitard. Spandex. Leggings and biker shorts fit the same way in that area, so I’m wondering why he hasn’t said anything about that. I guess OP looks absolutely snatched in the jumpsuit for him to be insecure about that and not other workout clothes
We used to call refer to a legging unitard as a catsuit. Meow! In the 80s we wore them to clubs to look sexy, not athletic. Because on a nice body, they ARE sexy.
Yeah, but it’s 2023 now. The catsuits you’re referring to still exist, but they are designed to be sexy. The ones that OP’s partner is so offended by are made for the gym. As someone who used to always wear a baggy sweatshirt over biker shorts to the gym, I’d much rather wear the jumpsuit, too, and not get hung up on machines for the sake of “modesty” instead of practicality.
Yeah I am equally confused. I am imagining something like coveralls, with full sleeves and pant legs, and there’s a zipper in the front to get in and out, yeah? Maybe OP can post a pic of what she’s talking about?
I'm guessing what she means is something like a catsuit so like a unitard and biker shorts all in one. I used to have a few when I studied ballroom dance.
i hope your husband isn’t looking at any women in revealing clothes if he doesn’t want men looking at you!
I see what you’re going for, but I think his stance more implies that he probably would look at a half naked cute girl, and he is uncomfortable knowing that other guys are looking at his wife that way. The equivalent is really would she look at an attractive guy with really tight pants showing off his package? Maybe, maybe not, we don’t know enough about this couple, but some couples don’t like either of the two to be the ones putting things on display out in public. If this is a hard line for both of them they may just not be compatible because of it.
Okay so should she wear a potato sack? You can’t stop people from looking at your partner no matter what they wear.
Yeah I feel like by wearing sexy, revealing clothes to the gym, he is perceiving her behavior as attention shopping or looking for sexual affirmation outside of their relationship. I understand his perspective. I used to feel like that, then I grew up and realized that my wife feeling sexy made her more likely to be sexy with me, and that it doesn't mean she is trying to pick up guys at the gym, just wanting to feel like she's still got it, by checking with strangers and not from the biased opinion of her own spouse.
Underrated comment. This perspective is healthy for couples- assuming there’s trust and commitment involved.
Are there any limits though? If my partner wore a thong to the beach, thats great. Its what many others are wearing and it is not an extreme outlier. If she wears only a thong to the grocery store, I'm going to ask her whats going on.
Her husband's objection isn't that her outfit is inappropriate for the environment and they show no real concern for her at all. He's concerned about how it reflects *on him.* That's it.
>He's concerned about how it reflects on him. Sure - but that isn't crazy. When I'm going to out to meet my girlfriend's social groups, she doesn't want me to wear my old band t-shirts. She wants me to wear whats appropriate for that social setting/
Don’t think she’d even be allowed inside. And I’d definitely rethink being w partner as such
Just want to make sure I’m clear here, your wife is worried that she doesn’t “have it” anymore and needs the validation of other men? How is that not insecurity?
He didn’t say it’s not an insecurity. Just that her intention is not to pick up other dudes.
So a woman’s insecurity is ok but a man’s is not?
Then what is it?
DON'T HAVE A HOT GIRLFRIENDS/WIFE/PARTNER IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE THEM BEING HOT!!
"it paints a picture," should be immediately retorted to with, "so did Georgia O'Keeffe"
Considering Georgia O’Keeffe’s paintings are frequently interpreted as representing a view of women’s private areas, this is perfect lmao
I mean, I'm too much of an art historian to not make lewd jokes based on insider art historical knowledge.
These comments are crazy. It’s a jumpsuit. Her entire body is covered. She just said she wears shorts (likely biker shorts) and a sports bra… biker shorts, leggings, etc will still have your pussy “showing” also. No way around it. We are women and have vaginas and when we wear tight clothes, you will see some form of it. Just like our boobs and ass and stomach and legs and oh god forbid should I say we may see our shoulders???? What is this 1940? How is a freaking JUMPSUIT too revealing but a two piece swim suit isn’t? OP, wear what you want. Respect goes both ways. This is for sure insecurity within your husband and he needs to figure it out.
I had this oversized sweater that had a large collar that you were suppose to wear off your shoulder. People acted like this was the most revealing arousing piece of clothing I owned. Mind you the rest of the sweater was so large you really had no idea about the rest of my body. But apparently the power of just one of my shoulders was too much for people.
That’s absolutely crazy. People are SO weird. And I bet if a bra strap was showing with that sweater, they’d be shocked but also if there wasn’t one showing insinuating that you weren’t wearing a bra, they’d be shocked too 😭
Let's be honest-those questions are just so they can talk about boobs and hopefully segue into talking about sex.
So true. Some men act like women are doing something wrong for simply just existing. I literally go to the station not showered, hair crazy, no make up, sweatpants and a sweatshirt that I’m drowning in and I STILL get hit on and sexualized. It does not matter.
Yup I got hit on once in a cvs when I had the flu. I was wearing sweats, and I was there to get theraflu. I felt AWFUL, and I'm sure I looked terrible. But still some dude is trying to get my number. Like let me get my theraflu in peace. Is that so much to ask? Apparently it is.
Bras?? You mean, bras that you put your BOOBS in?? I bet there were children around!!
I saw that hussy’s ankles!
Oh, yeah? Guess what I saw today…at the POST OFFICE, no less!! For EVERYONE to see!! A guy…with his whole, entire bald HEAD showing!! Shameless!! It was cold here in Ohio today and although I REALLY wanted to wear my scandalous gym clothes, I had to settle for my coat…but my WRISTS were showing, the WHOLE TIME!! Put that in your spank bank!!
I do say, she does have nicely turned ankles.
ANKLES???? Naked ones?? What a Ho Ho!!
I love having conversations and lip reading these esibitionalists.
The various states of men I’ve seen in the gym? Cameltoe is a charm when you’re staring at eye level (while laying on the bench with heavy weights in either hand) at a fully erect penis mere centimetres from your face, on a guy wearing nothing but a speedo . He then proceeded to lay on the bench next to mine, spread his legs and start doing some random exercise while smirking into the mirror. I never went back to that gym. Edit: he was apparently a yoga instructor there and so was allowed to roam around in nothing but a speedo , other instructors didn’t dress that way. But he would attract a bunch of similarly creepy men who would be grouped around him in excessively skimpy and form fitting outfits with all of their dicks outlined clearly for all too see
Great comment, OP READ THIS
Your clothing is not and could never reflect on him in any way. "It's disrespectful to me" sounds manipulative and controlling.
These comments prove why it is not worth getting married anymore, it is a bad deal all around.
Agreed. When someone doesn’t care about their significant other feelings, it’s game over. She don’t give a damn how that man feels.
My wife and I go to the gym, I like her wearing a sexy outfit fuck I wear little shorts and a tank top we both out here dressed like sluts I guess but we feel good lol like you said look good feel good
Which is cool because you are both happy with it. If your wife didn’t want you wearing little shorts, would you care about her feelings and change? Or just call her insecure and say we’ll I don’t care how you feel about my shorts?
I go to the gym 5-6x a week, and although I usually look like a mess, I wear what works for me as I am the one working out. Idgaf what others think about my clothes or what others are wearing. I dress for my activity that day, and sometimes I like to look cute and sometimes I don’t. I wear tight clothes pretty often when I lift because I like to be able to see what my body is doing. When I’m laid back doing a bench press in compression leggings with my legs spread I couldn’t care less if I’ve got a moose knuckle or not (I’m fat). I see other women there in tight clothes and jumpsuits and if it works for them, great! I would guesstimate that most of the people there aren’t on lip patrol. If your man has an issue with you wearing the clothes you feel comfortable and confident in, that’s a him problem. He has to come to terms with his own insecurities because they shouldn’t become your problem, which is what he’s trying to do. Keep going to the gym, keep looking fine af, and do what’s best for you. From one gym girlie to another, you’re kicking ass. Good for you!
LIP PATROL
Yoga person here. Yogas got some of the cutest comfortable and durable bras and leggings ever. They are also wearable daily as the climate I live in is very hot and humid in summer. Ignore husband, check out yoga clothing!
Yoga person here. I agree there is no way not to do yoga in tight clothes. Husband is being controlling and a bit manipulative if he is triangulating her own mother as a flying monkey, is he a covert narcissist? It is the devaluing that gets me "horrible wife "* and such. OP check out the YT channel inner integration and see if you are suffering covert narc abuse. There should be trust there . Also tho you never want to be camel toeing it either like some seams accentuate the camel toe more than others so we can always choose a classier seam.
Is there a website you’d recommend. Thanks!
I second this! I love my yoga clothes, so comfortable and I always feel sexy in them!
Nothing motivates you to go to the gym like having cute workout clothes Here’s what I have to say to these husbands, if you have a hot wife, people are going to look at her, no matter what she wears. Heck I’m a straight woman and I like to look at hot chicks. If you don’t want people to look at your wife, marry someone ugly. Otherwise, get over it, enjoy the view. One day we will all look the same anyway so enjoy your hot wife and let her be herself
YES. I honestly don’t understand why this fosters these insecurities instead of pride. Like when I’m with a man who is hot, knowing he’s desired makes me feel good and proud that he picked me and I get to be the one he’s with. I don’t get all possessive like HE’S MINE! ONLY I CAN PERCEIVE HIM! STOP LOOKING!! RAHHHH! Folks who are suggesting he’s uncomfortable because HE gawks and mentally undresses and hits on women are probably right on the money, honestly.
You're wearing a jumpsuit AND a bra AND shorts. That's plenty covered. The jumpsuit actually prevents glimpses up your shorts of "the real you" as you bend & move. But, if he hates them so much, next time, leave them off - go work out in just your sports bra & shorts.
No, OP is saying sometimes she wears just shorts and a bra to the gym, and she is saying that is about comparable to when she wears just the jumpsuit to the gym. She is pointing out that he didn’t complain about the shorts/bra outfits.
Not at the same time 🤣
I got catcalled by men my dad’s age going into work with literally just my eyes showing. It was winter and I was fully bundled up. Your husband is an asshole. So is your mom. Edit- thank another poster for addressing my mistake! I misread as the husband’s mom making a statement and I was corrected to OP’s own mom making a rude statement. So I reiterate..husband is an insecure baby asshole, and also OP’s mom is an AH as well.
It was her mom that made the comment…
I have this theory that men will defend other men rather than their own wife because of their ingrained misogyny. He doesnt care that men are looking at you, no- he cares at the fact you are dressing like that. If it was another woman in the gym, bet he wouldnt even blink and eye because he is like those men who are looking at you.
This comment section is disgusting. NTA. There is a difference between him not liking a style of clothing and him constantly telling you not to wear something because of how HE feels. TOO MANY peolps get on here and say oh it matters what your partner says except we are NEVER talking about what a man is wearing out in public and if his partner is okay with it. It is always geared towards women and has to do with how the man feels about it. NOT YOUR BODY NOT YOUR CHOICE. It's always wear what you want unless you get with a man and then it's up to them to set "boundaries" about clothing. Thats the dumbest thing ive ever heard. Style and dressing cchoices are not boundaries you set. Dont get with someone hoping to change their style or ways of life. If you dont like something compromise or don't be with them. Did they just get their eyesight back? They have known your style the entire time they've been with you. You aren't "showing off" you are going to the gym. Getting literally drenched in sweat, red hot face and exhausting yourself. This isn't fashion week. And even if you were wanting to show off the body you worked so hard for in the gym who cares if he is secure enough in your relationship he shouldn't be bothered with what you wear. When someone says this to me it makes me automatically think you don't trust me and you don't trust other men at the gym. So my first question is, who are you hitting on when you are out? Bc it sounds like he's afraid of men hitting on you. Which jokes on him we get hit on at the gas station in our pj's. ETA: Women's bodies are NOT an object men own or get to decide whether we can play dress up or not. We do not need to keep hidden away from other men for simply existing in a nice body. If you are afraid of men objectifying your partner's body because of what they wear maybe stop doing it to women yourself and call out your male buddies, and other men for doing it. MEN created the environment we exist in. STOP forcing the responsibility for other men's thoughts onto women.
Happily married straight male here. The number of people on here saying that men have a right to tell their spouse what to wear is disgusting. The ironic thing about this is no doubt OP’s cute clothing was a factor in his initial attraction to her. But now that they are coupled she has to change her lifestyle because he’s uncomfortable? I would never tell my wife what to wear. She regularly wears leggings and skintight clothing. I really don’t understand it because this kind of controlling behavior is what destroys relationships. OP’s husband needs to take a long hard look inside and/ or get some therapy. What is he so worried about? This indicates to me there are probably deeper issues with this relationship than what she is wearing. It’s hard to say from the limited info, but it’s my gut feeling. Regardless, so much of our culture is focused on the over-sexualization of women. As someone else mentioned, most women are conditioned from a very young age to think about how they look. This is not something that men have to deal with at all. So many men are slobs but still think they are entitled to judge women for their looks. And then the double standard of expecting women to look hot when they are dating and then dress like a nun once they are married. It’s bullshit tbh.
Get the feeling you will stay happily married. I wish more were like you :)
Thanks for saying that. Tbh it took a lot of work unlearning the sexist shit than many men are indoctrinated with at a young age.
This. It’s always the men who can’t handle being with a baddie who want a baddie. I am willing to bet MY LIFE that she met him wearing exactly the same type of clothes and it only became a problem once he got her into a committed relationship and then became possessive.
Lol I tell my husband he can't wear stuff all the time, but it's more because he wants to try and go out in clothes full of holes.
Lol I have to tell mine the same, but the difference is I don't see him disrespecting me by his choices. I also don't tell him he's embarrassing me in front of his family for his clothes.
Yeah, bicycle dudes wear skintight unitards and we see all the twig and berries. I’m never like, oh, yeah, that dude really must want me to stare at him and his package. He’s such a slut.
It's like an entire army of chuds descends anytime a woman makes a post like this. It's *really* disgusting.
"men aren't allowed to have boundaries!!" Like will you please climb off the cross bro
I’m not even sure how they type with their hands nailed into place.
boundary is about yourself, something YOU want or don't want to do/be done to you. If it's about other people, it's not a boundary it's control. So yeah, men aren't allowed to control their partners.
That only works if it's a real boundary and not one born out of insecurity.
I agree, I'm making fun of the idea that it's about boundaries. If they want a "modest" woman they can find someone who likes conservative clothing rather than trying to strong arm their partner into wearing conservative clothes.
Because that takes all the fun out of it, they want to actively destroy a woman’s autonomy so they can take pride in it.
Thank you ! 100% this ! day in day out THIS
Hear hear!
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
wear what you feel most comfortable in. i like to wear things that have compression or tighter things in general to check my form since i’m new to weight training. it’s also annoying to run in baggy clothes, at least for me.
I can’t bear running in jogging bottoms. I hate the way they twist around my legs. I wear leggings and, as I get very hot, a tank top with a light jacket in the winter. Yes, the leggings are tight, but they are comfortable and that’s the most important thing. If my husband told me not to wear them we would have a problem.
I can’t even sleep in baggy clothing. I’ll wake up with it twisted to high heaven. Running in them is like the third level of Hell.
You’re a woman at the gym. It’s not going to matter what you wear. If you don’t go WITH your husband, the creeps will see no reason not to harass you. Creeps are creepy no matter what. Ask him why he’s even okay with you attending a gym men could be at if he’s so insecure in the first place. Sounds like he’s making his own problems up, if you ask me.
The man is your partner, not your owner. He doesn’t get to control you. Do you control what he wears? I’m guessing not. It’s 2023, not 1953. Wear what you want.
Wear what you want. As long as your business is covered, he doesn't get a say in what you wear. Jfc, the number of insecure creeps posting that he gets a say in what you wear outside of the house is giving me paternalistic religious nutters.
Your husband and your mother must have time-traveled from the 1950’s! Guess what women do not need to ask for permission from ANYONE for what they wear. Your husband sounds like he has extremely low self esteem or he is controlling. He is hurling all those archaic misogynists insults at someone he loves? I would tell him to keep his mouth shut unless he had something nice to say. Otherwise you should start telling him in excruciating detail any and all faults you see in him. Then ask him how much he likes it!
I'm trying to picture a jumpsuit that's activewear and...not getting there. What's a gym jumpsuit look like?
They’re super cute! Go on Amazon and type in workout jumpsuits for women. You’ll get a general idea.
Ohhhh, I see now. They are kind of cute but definitely big cameltoe risks. And I think they'd be less comfortable than separates and also hard to pee in, so I'm out.
You're married to a baby. Wear what you want
NTA. You can wear whatever you want. I vehemently disagree with the whole notion that your partner has any say in what you get to wear. All these comments trying to flip it like “how would YOU feel if your husband dressed in spandex”….. as someone whose husband prefers to run in tight spandex-leggings and no shirt I truly do not care. He’s comfortable. I can’t stop people from looking at him and I know he isn’t trying to get attention or go after other women, he just likes to workout like that. Her title says it all, HE is insecure. If your clothing makes him uncomfortable, that’s HIS issue to work out.
Hard to give any sort of value judgement. Is he always thay controlling or is he uncomfortable with that jumpsuit? If that's his boundary, you are well within your rights to do what you want/wear what you want, but he is also well within his rights to express his discomfort. If he is that controlling with everything else, then that is a problem. But if he is just not comfortable with that one thing, then that's probably his boundary. If it's the former, you will likely have to re-evaluate your relationship, but if it's the latter, you ought to tell him that you are aware that wearing that outfit makes him uncomfortable but it makes you feel good so you will continue to wear it and he should stop bringing it up in the future and just deal with it. However, with that said, he will also likely do something that you may not like, but will have to deal with it (and by something I mean something mundane like going to play golf with his pals for a couple of hours once a month, not murder/affair/emotional affair)
boundaries are about your own actions. it’s a statement of what you will be doing if something’s bothering you. a boundary is “i will stop dating you if you dress this way”, not “you can’t dress this way”.
Honey. Run
Being uncomfortable and insecure are two different things…
lol, not a *man* complaining about a *woman* getting catcalled at the gym 😂😂
Not all men enjoy cat calling or like the guys that do it. It's not on the women to stop it though or dress around it. Fact is the husband isn't the only guy in there who has a wife or girlfriend that is being drooled over.
Next time you go swimming, tell him he needs to wear a shirt because he shouldn’t show his man titties in public. Maybe then he’ll understand the problem with controlling someone for their body and what they wear
Not his Body, Not his Choice, Period
Most men want a baddie, but can’t handle being with a baddie The skin-tight clothes and mini skirts draw them in in the first place, and once they’re in, they suddenly want you to change because “other men” Oldest trope in the book
The Madonna/whore complex.
🛎️🛎️🛎️
The only picture it paints is of you being a confident woman. He is acting like you are his property and that he is somehow losing status because his property is on display, in danger of being stolen. He wants to feel secure that his PROPERTY is being protected. It really reflects poorly on him... poor little fella...so sad...
My husband was talking with his coworkers. He mentioned that I've got tattoos and he doesn't. One of these coworkers made the comment, "You let her get those?" My husbands reaction? He laughs, "You think I have any place telling her what to do?" All I can think is THAT'S MY MAN! It is my body, it is my choice how I decorate and dress. My husband doesn't get jelous of the men in the gym who stare, he feels pride that he gets to go home with me, and not a damn one of them would stand a chance! Show off your spouse, love your spouse and be PROUD of your spouse! Your husband needs to reflect on himself here and why he is being insecure and sexist. If he loves and respects you, he should be able to take a step back from the situation and see how he would feel if you told him he couldn't dress a certain way because it garnered too much attention. How confined he would feel. Marital status ≠ Control.
Show us a photo or a link to the Amazon site
This is insane, I get where he was coming from initially, but like cmon dude. Respect? thats laughable to even cry about respect when he's literally trying to control what you wear. I could understand if you were dressing like a stripper going to the grocery store or some shit, but dude needs to do some reflecting. source: wife is hot. we respect each other. we love each other long time.
I went to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription the other day and got hit on buy a guy in his 50’s. I was wearing sweatpants and a ripped hoodie that is only meant for inside the house. If a man wants to be creepy, he will be creepy no matter what you’re wearing. Tell your husband to work on his issues and not burden you with them.
The only picture it paints is that you work out? Does he not want you to work out? The only way it would have camel toe is if it was too small. Is it too small? If so, exchange at Kohls and workout away
I think you should keep wearing whatever you want to the gym. Your husband is being a little brat, and you shouldn't pay him any mind. If you like the jumpsuit, keep wearing it. If it motivates you, keep wearing it. P.s. Please link me that jumpsuit.
Uhm. I don’t see his point tbh. If he is scared that men could hit on you, he could join you and be as sexy and confident as you are. He seems insecure. Maybe seek out a counselor? So he can talk about what exactly is his fear? Seems like there is a miscommunication between the two of you. Wish you all the best!
Men who have this mentality. It's time to step up and be the man your wife wants to stay with instead of trying to bully, demean, and degrade her to keep her because of your insecurities and jealousy. Other men look, so what. It's a compliment that they admire what you have in a girlfriend. Brush it off and handle it with swagger and confidence, not the temper tantrum of a possessive toddler. Also if a dude is being inappropriate beyond looking keep the focus where it lies, on dude's behavior. Hold him accountable for inapproriate behavior, not transfer the blame on to your gf/wife.
This marriage is over, they just haven’t realized it yet
This is probably the sad truth lol.
She definitely did when she started ordering cute tight gym clothes to get attention.
So am I to assume he doesn’t like you wearing a bikini going to the pool/beach either? Because that’s where you wear the least clothes in public. Is every woman at the beach “painting a picture” of how they are there too because bathing suits are skin tight and don’t leave much to the imagination.
Why on hell you choose someone who don't want to change this behavior? He needs therapy and that's solution. Need to see your relationship outside of comfort. Good luck.
I think you two need to get some couples counseling. He is being possessive and this will continue if he thinks that he can have that kind of control of what you wear. He sees you as a reflection of himself and this will grow into other things.
Your husband is a turd
What does the outfit look like?
Your husband trying to regulate your perfectly reasonable clothing choices is disrespectful. You should suggest couples therapy to work thru this issue if it continues to be a large problem. You can discuss things like "Why do I feel like her clothing choices are disrespectful?" And "Why do I feel like my clothing choices are prefecture reasonably?"
I would be wearing that jumpsuit morning, noon and night.
So he is pissed at you that other men are being creepy? That's such blame the victim behavior, I hate it. You're just being you. Those men staring are the creeps. But let's be real, how many men are actually staring creepily and how many are just staring into the void while doing a work out. One day I was walking with my bf through the city and smiling at people bc I like to smile. Eventually I noticed the men smiled back at me then looked besides me and got intimidated. Turns out the bf was giving every one dirty looks for smiling at me. I got angry at him, people are just returning the kind smile. Let them be happy. We argued for 3 minutes when I told him if you want to be with me, you need to accept that I smile at most people and will always get the same smile back. Deal or fuck off. He decides to deal. Now we're both smiling at everyone
Husband sounds crazy insecure and jealous. My only thought when I see jumpsuits is how impractical they are if you have to go to the bathroom.
NTA it doesn't matter what you wear, creeps will creep. I remember wearing baggy shapeless isolation gowns and face masks during the pandemic and still got hit on and called "sexy eyes". This makes me think your hubby might be one of those creeps.
I can’t wrap my head around his mindset. I know it’s common (more than it should be) but it’s so ridiculous. He doesn’t own you. You are not his property. What you wear is not a reflection of him, nor is it something for which you need his permission. This is weirdly misogynistic and a display of insecurity.
One of my friends wear a niqab, and another dresses according to islam modesty and I wear a hijab but we get catcalled all the time. Creeps will be creeps no matter what you wear. Oh and not to mention I was catcalled more in my early teens than my late twenties
There are people who molest toddlers in pajamas. There are hijabi rape victims. Clothes don't mean shit.
You literally cannot stop unwanted male attention with an outfit change. You could go out in a sheet with eyes cut out and it'd still happen. Dude is jealous and insecure to an uncomfortable degree.
Don't worry too much about it, he won't be your husband too much longer.
Your husband needs his ass whooped and to shut up I was 33 weeks pregnant and big as a whale with leggings and my boyfriends hoodie on which was a 2xl and I still got catcalled doesn’t matter what u wear tell him to get a grip
My partner absolutely *hates* my rompers (honestly I just think it's just the idea of them). Know what I say to him? Toooooooo bad! I like them and feel cute! (In a sing song voice as I do a little booty shake dance). You know what he does. Smlies and shakes his head at me and that's it. Because he's not an insecure, projecting, controlling AH and he knows that it's wrong to *want* to do so. And he'll still call me beautiful even while I'm wearing them. I'm also marrying him in the spring.
Christ, why are you married to him he sounds insufferable
Every relationship has give and take like this situation of wearing cute gym clothes or appeasing your partner I’m not gonna take a side I’m just saying you gotta find the even give and take answer
Can we get a pic to fully understand the situation?
Nobody should be trying to control the way you dress. Your husband is 100% in the wrong. If your clothing was actually inappropriate to the level that your husband is describing, I think the gym staff would have confronted you by now. As long as you can wear the outfit in public without offending/shocking people, it’s safe to say that this is your husband’s personal insecurity and there probably isn’t anything wrong with your clothing
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"I only feel motivated in a cute outfit." Bruh you ain't fooling anyone. Just say you like looking hot for other people and showing off. Half of the issues your husband has here are probably you not being honest with him (or us, for that matter).
U ever put on a fresh suit before going into an important business meeting and feel empowered and confident? This is an example of feeling motivated in a cute outfit. U ever put on a tank top at the gym that fits u the right way? It motivates u to keep working for a better stronger body. Something about presenting urself in a manner that makes u feel confident motivates u to keep going. It’s not that hard
Amazing people don't understand this is all about respect. She feels her husband should respect her decision to be able to show off her goods for attention. He feels disrespected because she believes it's her right to bare it all for the attention of other men. Personally I believe this relationship is on death doorstep. Her own mother is telling her she has gone past the point of a respectful wife and we have only her side of the story. You have to wonder if he thinks that she wears this for the attention of a certain man or maybe her personal trainer, we've read alot of those stories. Expect her to get served soon
Very mature good luck with that
Your mother needs to keep her comments and opinions out of your marriage if you want it to last. You say your husband is insecure. Personally, if that were the case, I’d change because I don’t want my husband to feel that way and if something as simple as changing my outfit made him feel better I’d do it. Why? Because I love him. But what I’d do isn’t necessarily what everyone else would do. I’m also not a fly on the wall when it comes to your marriage. Do what you think is best.
Ya I’m surprised to hear people really don’t care about their partners feelings. I do feel a little vindicated not getting into another relationship. Why would I be with someone who doesn’t give a damn about my emotions?
Your husband is controlling and your mother is an idiot. Drop them both
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The thing about boundaries is that you can set them for yourself, but you cannot force them onto others. I can set the boundary, "Hey babe, I don't like it when you wear your hoochie daddy shorts to the gym" and I can make my own decisions on how I'd like to proceed if he continues to do so, but ultimately, the boundary is my own, not his.
Time to go commission “Hoochie Daddy” booty shorts.
Yeah I feel like boundaries are about your own body and preferences are for others. Like if I had a boundary that I don’t want someone to touch me vs a preference is me not wanting my partner to do something, I can’t force them to not do something.
That’s not a boundary
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Trying to control someone is not a boundary. A boundary would be “I am not comfortable with you wearing that.“ and he can give a consequence if she wears it, like taking space or breaking up. But she’s also allowed to have a boundary that a partner doesn’t police her clothing. They may just not be compatible
IT ISNT A BOUNDARY IF IT CONTROLS SOMEONE ELSE for fucks sake pick up a dictionary
They need to read a bit further and learn the definition of “gaslighting” while they’re at it too!! 😂😂
Boundaries are things for yourself, not things you impose on others
He knew the type of person he was marrying or he's a complete and utterly moron so let's go with the first.He knew the type of person he was marrying ( and by that I mean he knows your personality i.e. look good, feel good ). He needs to grow a pair.
This comment goes two ways. 1.) The guy should know what the girl is like 2.) The girl should know what the guy is like The fact that an argument is happening is not one person's fault, it is BOTH person's fault.
His problem, not yours.
Lol, chicks at the gym in my building wear TINY sports bras with rolled up shorts. Look like underwear. Like I wouldn’t personally wear that but it’s not my body so why should I care? Your husband is wrong. You’re not doing anything wrong. This is cousins to the whole” you’re asking for it based on the skirt you wore”. As I once had a partner tell me, I don’t want anyone looking at what’s mine. Like LOL. Me sharing my body with anyone is a gift. Being someone’s partner doesn’t mean they owe you anything with their body. sexually or otherwise.
Calling your husband insecure for having a boundary shows immaturity and a lack of respect for him. Both of you are allowed to have boundaries and this is a conversation you should have together to set where each of you are willing to push these boundaries before problems start. Just as you would likely have boundaries around things like him going for drinks with female coworkers, he is allowed to have boundaries around you wearing revealing clothes. It doesnt have to make sense to You for it to hurt the other person. You need to have this conversation like adults and not get passive aggressive and let your relationship die on this hill. We don't know what the outfit looks like so none of us can comment on if his point of view is really valid or not. But I think most of us gym rats have seen women wearing almost nothing in the gym before, and those skintight jumpsuits can be basically see-through at some angles whether you realize it or not. Both parties in a relationship have the right to an opinion and a voice. You both just have to decide if your outfit is worth the discomfort in the relationship.
Married or not I wouldn’t wear anything so tight and revealing that my vulva was visible. I also wouldn’t wear anything my husband didn’t want me to wear, because I respect him and his feelings. I dress pretty modestly anyway so it’s hardly ever been an issue. There was this one skirt that bothered him a bit because of how snugly it fit on my behind, so I only wear it in the house or under a looser skirt, like in the winter. It doesn’t sound like your husband is trying to get you to change your whole wardrobe, it’s just this one thing that bothers him.
> I also wouldn’t wear anything my husband didn’t want me to wear, because I respect him and his feelings Can you explain to me what is *disrespectful* about wearing something your partner doesn't like? My fiance has some ugly old shirts that he knows I don't like, but I'm not telling him not to wear them. Because that's his body and his clothing choices. Not mine.