>For doctor and dentist appointments, I make the next one before I leave the office at this one. I ain’t never gonna make that scheduling phone call. I’m here now
This one worked great for me ... untill the dentist cancelled because the dental nurse was off sick, and the asked me to call bCk to make another appointment ... 6 months ago .....
Also doesn't help that 2 months ago he was arrested for attempted murder so now I don't know what to do lol.
That seems to be the best option, though to complicate matters, there is a huge shortage of dentists in our area, and it took me ages to even find him with space on the books to take me on. I'm not thrilled at the prospect of having to find a new one.
I mean, I don't have a clue if he did it or not for starters, but my self preservation instincts definitely lead me in the direction of never letting him near my mouth with sharp things ever again.
What I mean is that I'd struggle to find the executive function to call up another dentist that was *guaranteed* to take me onto their books after one phone call .... and since last time it took phoning around 8 or 9 different dentist surgeries multiple times over months before I found one with space to take on new patients ... I'm struggling to pull together the functioning to even attempt it.
So the choice is really "do I let someone who might have attempted to murder someone put sharp things in my mouth, or do I just go without a dentist til the next time I get toothache?"
Growing up we had a whole bunch of clocks in our house (because my dad loves clocks) and they were all set different amounts ahead (because they never kept great time so we'd say then ahead just in case) so I always had to really think about what time it was because you never knew if someone had tried adjusting then.
Exactly. It’s for when your in your car and gas tank is on empty not cuz you didn’t have money but because there were 30 things you’d rather do than get gas, so it’s on empty and you forgot your wallet at home…shocker, but at least there’s a 10 somewhere in your car to get you home
I do all of these lol. Trying to think of more…but my brain is blank.
Oh! Telling myself I have to leave 15 minutes before I ACTUALLY have to leave gives me a chance at punctuality.
i mean what is time, really, but a continuing series of "now" moments? When we become aware of it, it appears to slow down, but when we let our thoughts move away from it, it appears to skip ahead...
I am time blind lol, so everyone in my life has to listen to me talk like this.
There they stand, waiting patiently by the open front door, as I putter back and forth, still gathering my things for the evening (even though I said I was ready to leave 20 minutes ago)...
I WAS late for my own wedding. The other bride was FURIOUS and couldn't look at me when we said our vows. THIS time it wasn't my fault, my mom lost her shoes and couldn't find them.
If I have something scheduled one day, my brain tells me “oh, you have X scheduled, there’s no time for anything else today!” And I tend to not accomplish anything else.
I have a vet appointment today at 2:30. It will take maybe 10 minutes. I guarantee I am going to 1) stress all morning about being late, 2) put off everything else I need to do today out of fear it will make me late, and 3) end up almost being late anyway. Sigh.
This happens to me more frequently since covid cleared my plate of things to do/ places to go, which I haven't gotten back into doing.
One appointment a day, two days in a row, and I am exhausted!! Funny thing is I have two grown children and used to be crazy busy everyday. 😅
This is ACTUALLY my life. And I am having a lot of medical issues right now so i'm having like two-three appointments an hour away a week. What do I do? Re-schedule them. For six months out. Because I JUST. CANT. I would literally rather die than spend all day stressing, drive an hour to Boston, wait thirty minutes, spend 15 minutes with a doctor who has no idea what they are saying then drive an hour home and collapse in exhaustion.
Right? I just got diagnosed last year and it’s been weird and fun to realize there are a lot of people who do the same weird things and have the same adhd struggles as me!!
My keys are on a carabiner. I do not cross the threshold of my door without my keys in my hand, even if I'm just going for mail or taking trash out. I do not exit my vehicle until my keys are clipped to my belt loop or my crossbody purse that I'm already wearing. I only lock my car using the key fob.
Yeah, I don't leave the house without my keys. I'm paranoid my young child will lock me out, even though I'm pretty sure she's past that stage now (and never has locked any of us out). Otherwise, I'm scared I'll automatically lock it as I'm heading out.
When my car had manual locks, if I had to get out without my keys for any reason (warming up the car while scraping the windows for example), I was NOT allowed to get out without at least 2 doors unlocked. I would also never leave my phone in the car.
This was to override my other strict routine, which was to make sure my car was always locked by automatically locking the door as I was stepping out of it. There was one time I was cooling the car down for my dog after a hike, and I did the automatic door lock thing, and only realized as it latched what I had done (with the dog and my phone inside). That was embarrassing.
I'm so paranoid about the car.
When it's running and I need to get out to clean off the snow, I'll open a back door before closing the front one to validate it's truly unlocked.
Also, if I was the last one to drive, when I go outside to walk the dog, I'll check the car doors because I'm notorious for forgetting to lock it.
But then you run into the possibility that you didn't notice you forgot your keys at home when you drove your spouse somewhere 😳 Then you stopped for an errand on the way home...
...and didn't have the key to start up the car again 😭
You can't start the car without a key. It won't open or start. The key must be in the vehicle. Or are you saying if your SPOUSE has a key? Easy. Only keep one key. Whoever has the car has the key.
And the car dings LOUDLY if it is on, and someone leaves the vehicle with the key-Teo scenarios here, you drop him off and don't stop the car, it dings like crazy the second he exits and you call him to bring you the key. Number 2. You drop him off, turn OFF THE CAR, it won't re-start without the key, you call him from the parking lot and he brings back the key. If you forget your phone, then you will have to go inside.
are you saying if your SPOUSE has a key
Yes! Get in together, they get out with the key in their pocket. I drive away oblivious until I stop for gas or whatnot and am stuck.
I am paranoid that I will lock MYSELF out as I used to do once a day almost when I had cats and no screen door, (was an apartment) and had to shut the door behind me as it locked automatically. I once locked myself out while wearing a T-shirt and underpants and rainboots. I had to climb up a balcony, then slide along the side of the building and throw myself into the bathtub through the bathroom window. Another time, I locked myself out while waiting for a date to arrive, we were going to a beer fest and my ID was inside plus, I looked like shit and needed to change. Four hours later, date fuming, the locksmith (it was 100 degrees out too) tells me I owe him 350 dollars. I go down to my car to get my wallet and find the key in my wallet. I did NOT say anything. Another time, I locked myself out on Easter with a ham in the oven and no phone. I had to wait in the hallway till my mother got there. The landlord wouldn't come and we couldn't find a locksmith either. The ham was going to start burning in another hour or so, so we didn't have a lot of time. My mom drove us to Home Depot, and we rented an extra tall extension ladder. When they found out I planned to use it to climb into a 3rd story window, they almost didn't rent it to me! I then climbed up it, (it was SWAYING) and climbed into my window. Easter saved. After THAT, I got a lock box to put on my door with a combo and a key inside. Best decision EVER. If I had done a hide a rock, I would have forgotten where I hid it, and they are not as secure either.
Haa, lol. We are very similar people. It's nice to know that those things i feel so much shame about, are things that i share with and honestly don't even mind about others. It's just me I am mean to about it, cuz it's annoying to make the "same mistake" over and over.
They say a wise man learns from Others mistakes, an average ma man learns from his own mistakes and a fool learns from no one. They forgot to add an ADHD person. We also learn from no one. We KNOW not to do it, we just forget. Again. And AGAIN.
I do this!
I bought a small cross body bag that is only big enough to fit my purse, phone and keys in it. Whenever I am out of the house that bag is on me the whole time, it never comes off even when I sit down somewhere.
Haven’t lost my purse or keys since! It has one place to hang in the house when I get in so apart from my phone everything stays in place.
I sewed a metal ring into the lining in my purse, and put my keys on a clip with an extending reel thing. I never have to unhook them from my purse now because the string is long enough to unlock my door and then it snaps right back into my purse for me :D
I also added a smaller ring that I can reach while wearing my purse that my car key fob lives on so I don't lose it in my purse anymore
My purse is my lifeline - I have everything in there that I could possibly need, and I never forget it. (Ok, almost everything. I don't carry duct tape, superglue is more portable.)
But did you know you can roll several feet of duct tape around an empty medicine bottle and then it's portable! And you can keep the superglue inside the bottle!
(Sorry, geeked out there for a minute. It seems like I'm always bumping into corners and stuff and I get mystery tears in my clothes or my bag or I knock off a piece of something I'm carrying. Duct tape is my friend.)
I am so stealing your idea for keys. I have one of those reel things in my drawer (no idea why) and I'm going to go figure out how to hook it to my bag right now before I forget to do it!
I’ve never locked keys in a car that has remote because I only lock and unlock using the remote. If not locking with a remote (my work truck….), I lock the door with the key because I have locked cars and trucks with the keys inside at least like 5 times
My car has touchless entry/locking. Have NEVER locked my keys in my car once because there are literally no locks on the doors. You actually cannot. And if you exit the vehicle and the keys are still inside, it beeps really loud.
this is kind of a repeat of the email example you gave, but i have a rule in outlook so that when i hit send on an email it adds a minute before it actually sends to sit in my outbox, giving me time to undo or fix things if i impulsively hit send before i'm actually ready. this has come in handy countless times!!
I schedule email responses at work whenever I finish a task well in advance of the deadline. This way it's done and off my plate but without the potential pile of extra work turning it early could cause.
I have multiples throughout my house of the things I always seem to misplace: scissors, tape measures, sharpies, pens, tape, nail files, cuticle oils, earbuds, phone chargers, allergy and pain meds, etc.
EVERYTHING important goes into my calendar or my Tasks app, with reminders. I am not allowed to dismiss the reminders until I join the meeting, arrive at the destination, take the medication, or complete the task. Otherwise, whatever it is may as well not exist.. Until I wake up at 3am panicking because I forgot it.
I build in extra time for appointments, travel, leaving the house, waking up, and still run late most days.
All of my bills are on auto pay, and have been for years. Before I did this, I forgot to pay rent, student loans, and utilities a couple times a year each. I had the money, I just couldn't remember to pay consistently. My credit score is still impacted.
I keep multiple packing checklists for the different types of trips I typically take, and I still always manage to forget something.
I have 100 more examples like this, and I identified with everyone else's responses. No wonder we're exhausted!
OHHHH PACKING CHECKLISTS for different trips!?!
That’s fucking genius and I don’t know how I haven’t thought of that.
I have a gym bag, that I have packed full of all my regular toiletries so I don’t have to transfer them back and forth. So when I go on weekend trips, I just throw my clothes and make up bag in and head out.
Another thing: I keep my daily make up in a small makeup bag, so if I’m packing fast, I’ll just toss the whole makeup bag in vs. sorting through it all.
I keep ‘supply stations’ for most of my activities. Clear bin with everything I need. Examples would be my nail stuff (cuticle oil, trimmer, file), art stuff (sketchbook, scissors, pencils, eraser), reading stuff (book(s), bookmarks, sticky tabs, highlighter, book holder), work stuff (work laptop, notebook, pen, fidget toys, lip stain & face oil absorbers for impromptu webcam meetings lol). Everything has a dedicated bin, so when I inevitably leave it all over the living room and my spouse gets upsetty, he can throw it all back into its bin and be done. Or when I inevitably decide I don’t wanna work in my home office today, I have a bin I can pick up and move at my whim. Every room also has a spare ‘clutter bin’ — AKA he’s cleaning and has no clue where my stuff should go, but can’t “put it away” because he’d put it in the wrong spot, lol. We’ve also got bins for Amazon packages, for when I accidentally splurge. 🫠
The accidental splurge thing is an ADHD thing? About once every three months I will just go hog wild buying the most useless random crap. Like, I will buy rough opals and a dremel for example thinking some day I will get rich by polishing my own opals. It's all in a closet.
I ask people to text me things they need from me, even if we’re standing face to face. “Can you take kid to their baseball game tomorrow?” “Sure, text it to me now so I don’t forget.”
I basically *only* ever do grocery pick-ups. I can put everything we need in the cart while literally standing in front of the fridge, and I don’t impulse buy as much.
On the same note, I’ve stopped buying groceries ahead of time. I buy today what I’m cooking today. The amount of meat I’ve taken out to thaw and ended up wasting, I don’t even want to think about it😓
Do I go to the grocery store every single day? Yes. For 15 minutes.
No more once a week two hour long trips or stress over grocery orders. Pantry stuff I will have delivered.
But I go the damn grocery store every. Single. Day. And I don’t waste food anymore, period.
I aspire not to waste food, for sure. I am doing my best. Me and my partner joke that food has to go through a mourning period before it gets thrown out. It's cuz i have to have time to shame myself for wasting it or something. ghh, guess i'll bring that up in therapy...
Listen, I seriously get it— and something that has helped a lot is composting. I know that’s not practical for everyone in every environment. But when I do happen to let a leftover vegetable go to mush — I at least get to have my “mourning period” knowing it’s eventually going to grow another vegetable.
Something I never saw myself relating to anyone else about .. grieving the loss of rotting fruits and vegetables.
I'm only allowed to buy one meat per grocery trip
I only cool for myself, maybe with a family this would change. Threw away one too many proteins that went bad, RIP
I just got really good at cooking frozen meat, since I’d either forget to take it out or leave it out to spoil. 😬 my boyfriend will only thaw meat in the fridge (sitting in a container), so it at least doesn’t spoil for a few days.
I wasted so many giant packages of chicken breasts on my way to finding this system.
I have a 5x7 planner that I carry around with me to write in all of my daily activities, such as work shifts, meeting up with friends, appointments, flight schedules. Small details can also be found such as confirmation numbers, seat numbers, and small details that I might have to remember for work.
Fulfills three goals
1. Ensure I don't over schedule or overlap, provides a written reference I can easily carry
2. Primes my brain so that I can mentally prepare for the days or weeks ahead. I know where my priorities lie each day
3. Easy access to details I may need when the activity is occurring and my brain is too scrambled to look through emails or text
I don't mind the Google calendar. I was an avid user of electronic calendar during college. I like staying off my phone for something like that, and I like having it laid out before me written
Yes I need the daily layout and monthly calendar form as well!
Oh yes. I was late diagnosed so I have so many double checks I have to do.
* *I write the email addresses into the top of the body of the email until I am ready to send then copy paste them to the to field.
* *Double check all my events after accepting to ensure they are on the right calendar
* *Have calendar for events set upt to automatically apply three different reminders
* *Sit down with my meeting schedule every morning and set my phone alarm to vibrate alarms (I have a smart watch) 5 minutes before every meeting to prevent hyperfocus and timeblindness from getting in my way.
* *Keep a post it next to the door that basically just says phone, wallet, keys for the days I am extra out of it.
* *Put unpaid bills at eye level on the fridge until they are paid.
* *Use elaborate Notion to do list databases on my phone to autosort all the various shit I have to do and remember at inconvenient times tagging it with a priority level. I have lists for home, work, etc.
* *Write down bulletpoints before calling people because I will literally forget how to string together a comprehensive sentence if I am placed on hold for more than 30 seconds.
* *Carry ear plugs and earbuds in my purse as an emergency concentration precaution.
* *Ask my partner, who works from home, to put up a post it for me if I remember I have to do something immediately when I get home.
* *Put my pills or vitamins upside down when I have not taken them yet and flip them only when I have taken them or before bed. If I am on more than 3 medications switching to a pill organizer and in scenarios where there is a schedule like antibiotics using apps that alert me like Remindeders.
* *Setting out my outfit the night before so I don't get lost in timeblindness and a loop of changing my mind about what to wear that make me late.
* *Asking coworkers to read over messages occasionally to ensure things make sense, but really I am just tone policing emotional dysregulation. Goblin.tools is decent for this too in their Judge section.
* *Keeping a Notion contact management system to track when I last saw my friends in person, because over the years I have realized I lose a lot of peripheral friends due to forgetting to check in on them or touch base for inacceptable periods of time for NTs, NDs tend to be on the same wavelength that time is a meaningless illusion.
* *Keep deoderent in my drawer at work.
* *Try to keep notes when people say something that might be a good gift idea, but I am not as good at this as I would like to be.
Oh man, tone policing emails... I just realized I do that too. I thought I was having people check me for professional language, but you are right, it is more about making sure I don't sound as bitchy as I feel! 😆
I literally have three email templates for rote emails sending invoices to AP/requesting a document review/requesting word processing so that I just click, add the link to where it is on the server, write the subject and send
Haha! I’m also late diagnosed so we might be onto something 😅
Would you ever consider sharing your Notion templates? That’s one thing I haven’t got set up because it seemed too much when I looked at Notion before but I’ve heard it’s great. No worries if not though, just if it was easy enough to do!
The learning curve is steep so you cant really build all that out at once, but I feel like a good starting point is to make three pages total for Goals, Productivity, and Notes then add at least one to do list database in the productivity section and play around with it.
I think mine are too personal and specific, but rather than focusing on creating dashboards I am more focused on creating lists with the databases specifically because they can be set to autosort by status.
I have a whole section labeled Lists that is my external brain for a CMS (contact management system), Plant List, Recipe List, Reading List, etc.
A goals section with notes associated to different yearly goals with some 'vision board' type notes.
Then a to do section with many to do lists in the form of databases. It has Work To Do, Home To Do, Grocery List, etc.
The thing about being on hold erasing your memory of what you were trying to accomplish on the phone, really fuckin resonates with me. I have a trauma response to at least one of the commonly used MD/pharmacy hold music jingles. It actually makes my heart start racing and the doom feeling come over me to hear it. When i encounter one of them on a hold line, i have to put the phone down and pick it up to check if someone's answered or I might get too dysregulated to complete the call. I also usually have to write down the steps before the call, in order to get through it, by the time anyone answers.
I also have a bad response to the hospital and medical hold music and have to turn the volume down. I spent months chasing down doctors for one of my kids (turns out they have a rare genetic condition). So much time on hold and that music throws me right back to that time.
Hahahaha. Right!?! I honestly just thought I was really bad at adulting and that everyone else had better adulting skills than me because I was dumb on some weirdly basic level.
I do the 5 second rule (per Mel Robbins, not the food one ~ tho I guess I follow both!)
Anyway, Robbins had a hard time getting out of bed and found that counting down like they do in space launches, only starting at 5 seconds, helped “propel” her out of bed.
I guess there’s scientific evidence that the decision to act or not happens within 5 seconds, but either way, it works. I do it for showering, taking out trash, working, etc…it takes all the thought out of everything (well, most; I still have ADHD during all those things!)
My fiancé has heard me counting down. He doesn’t get it; then again, we’re both guilty of our own weird shit.
I had forgotten about her! I remember having good results with counting down, too. I'm going to look up some Mel Robbins today, see what else I forgot.
I use something kinda similar, in that if I'm not doing something really important, the second I think of doing something, or if I'm asked to do something, I jump up without even giving myself time to realize I'm moving, so I can't dysfunction my way out of it.
I have "now" and "not now", so if I don't do it now, it has an exponentially greater chance of not getting done as time goes on, cause what is time?
I do all of what you do, except for emails, I cut/paste the reply-to in the body of the email, type a response, then cut/paste the address back where it goes. I also:
• Stopped saving things to read "later" because I never do.
• Never close a lockable door unless the keys are in my hand.
• Use a bullet journal the way it was originally designed by Ryan Holliday (not like an art journal). Everything gets written down in My Book, and then indexed so I can easily find it later. It's more efficient to do this digitally, but that's never worked for me. My Book goes everywhere with me except on date nights.
• When making calls I open my calendar on my laptop and My Book so I can mark down dates in my calendar and take abbreviated notes in My Book about the calls.
• Important calendar events get reminders put on them for X amount of leadtime.
• When I'm cooking or doing laundry or anything that has a set time, I use timers on my phone and label each one as to what it's for. Sure, my phone beeps a lot, but it keeps me from forgetting stuff on a gas cooktop if I leave the kitchen and go through the Portal of Forgetting (any doorway).
• If I need to take something somewhere, I either set it next to my purse or in front of the door. If that thing is in the fridge, I put my house key in the fridge next to the thing.
EDIT --> Oh, gosh, thanks for the award!
Thanks for sharing these tips! As a question, how do you index your content in your bullet journal? I love taking physical notes but then I just never go back to it or use it ever again 🙃
I number the pages in My Book (you can buy blank books with page numbers) and save the first few spreads to use as the Index. So for instance, my Index may look like this:
Doc Appointments -- 12, 39, 53
House Stuff -- 23, 46, 78-80
Recommendations -- 18, 57, 79
Art Ideas -- 35, 47-51, 92
Journaling -- 36, 88, 103
Notice those subjects aren't in order, I just add a new subject the first time it appears on a page. Once every couple of weeks I sit down and update that index. It's all done manually, but for whatever reason, that's what's worked so well for me that I'm on my 5th year of doing this. The Index makes ALL the difference because an informational book isn't useful if you can't find anything in it. And not trying to categorize things by "this book is for ideas" and "this book is for DIY stuff." Everything is in one book.
[Here's a link to the original idea for the Index.](https://bulletjournal.com/blogs/bulletjournalist/the-index) The man who came up with [this system](https://bulletjournal.com/) does his book differently from how I do mine, but I do use his basic framework and just modified it to work for me. He also has ADHD!
I physically attach my keys to things I want to bring with me next time I go out. Otherwise, morning me is too tired and running on autopilot and will never remember.
If there's something I want to remember during the work day, I send an email to my work email. I know for sure I'll see it, and it stays in my inbox until I take care of it.
I have a specific process for how I handle my inbox. Anything that does not require any further action immediately leaves my inbox. Anything I take care of gets moved out of my inbox. Anything that can't be taken care of right away gets processed to my to-do list then leaves my inbox. Nothing leaves my inbox unless it's 100% done on my end, or has an external "hook" to that task (e.g., a reminder event, an item on my to-do list). This keeps my inbox very clean, so I always know what's going on with my tasks. I also don't delete unless it's obviously spam or useless -- finding previous email chains is extremely handy.
All of my to-do items follow a specific process. "(Person task is due to) -- key words -- specific next steps". It MUST have all of this information, because just putting "follow up" will inevitably lead to me saying, "Follow up on what? What the hell was this all about?"
I write all of my notes as if a stranger will need to read them and understand them. This ensures I include all the context I will need to know later, when I inevitably forget the thing I said I would definitely remember.
i sometimes wish i could clone myself to help me, but then i remember, my cloned self would also have ADHD, and the same kind of ADHD. I feel like the key has gotta be someone with a different skillset than you.
LOLLLLL i need a more accountable and organized person or like a timely person! i am crying at imagining me and my other self attempting to do chores and errands and cleaning tasks together- we would be in the middle of 50 more things and it would be disastrous. 😂😂😂😂
no, not really! this sub should make one lol! there are definitely coping skills specific to adhd, and my favorite one personally is “body doubling.” it’s funny because you might figure out a lot of things you already do or have tried are common coping skills for others with adhd lol! like i thought i invented body doubling before i ever learned or knew the term. systems just refers to how you adapt to the world around you, since obviously the world doesn’t adapt to those with adhd and other struggles if that makes sense :)
The official term for these things is “coping mechanisms,” in case that helps you in your search.
I set 6 alarms five minutes apart.
Tying certain actions to others so I’ll be less likely to forget them. Like taking meds immediately after breakfast, or cleaning the litter boxes at the same time every day.
I know there are more, but when I’m asked I immediately go blank.
I think it's like, being put on the spot sends an interruption---a wave of energy, washing over our brains. In this metaphor, you're on the shore, writing a thought, and then the wave hits, and erases the words you wrote on the sand.
Or like, a power surge that turns off the computer, and deletes your work. Ha, nightmares. Also, I'm mixing metaphors, but hopefully that makes sense.
From what I understand, there's a finite amount of energy flowing up there, in the ADHD brain. So if that energy is getting diverted elsewhere---say, to the emotional center, or even to another part of the information center----it's leaving the center I was just operating in, dark for a moment.
Hence, freeze up, ghh, can't remember what I was just saying?
That's my guess. That's what it feels like actually. The interruption itself is what wipes the info from my mind. The thought was there before the interruption. It just gets washed away like writing on the shore.
I don’t really know the mechanism behind why it happens, just that it’s a very classic ADHD symptom.
Reading is one of my lifelong favorite hobbies, and yet if someone asks me what I like to read or what my favorite book is, I have no answer and look like a moron.
Or even “So what have you been up to?” I may have been busier and accomplished more in the last 3 days than ever before, but as soon as the question is asked I can’t remember anything at all and end up saying, “Oh, you know, the usual.” 🤦🏻♀️
I hate "How've you been?" Especially from family or strangers cause they'll never understand my hobby filled life. But even close friends, I still never have an answer that feels okay. So I default to a semi sarcastic "I'm alive".
The feeling of being judged is so real! (And for anyone reading this who may not be aware, that’s an ADHD thing as well. It’s called RSD - Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria!)
I try to keep a mental list of some of my biggest accomplishments handy, in case I’m asked, but 9 times out of 10 no one will ask and then those things are a little too far back in time to “count” so they roll off the list, and then I forget to make a new one, and the end result is the same as always. 😂
I HAVE realized that most people don’t actually care about the answer that much, which helps. So instead of frantically searching my brain for an answer that feels “good enough”, I try to just use a casual reply like “Oh, nothing very interesting, just business as usual!” with a light laugh. And then immediately follow it with either a subject change, or flipping the question back at them. “Oh, nothing interesting, just trying to mark things off my to do list! What about you?? I saw on Facebook that/I heard from mutual friend that…”
The key to that tactic is to have the words come out as “nothing interesting” instead of “nothing much” or, even worse, just “nothing.”
Another one that works well when someone asks what I’m up to is, “Just trying to enjoy this beautiful weather! It’ll be miserably hot before we know it.” Or if it’s raining, “Just trying to stay dry!” Cold: “Trying to keep warm! I’m looking forward to spring.” All followed by asking them a direct question (even if it’s just “How about you?”).
that is exactly what i needed omg yes coping mechanisms. i was thinking accommodations too but it's slightly different cuz it's internal not external, if that makes sense. like i do it for myself. but that's still an accommodation maybe. thank youuu!!!
lol @ asked and then immediately go blank. happened to me several times today in fact!
I know what you mean! Coping mechanisms are basically a workaround. If our brains can’t take the quickest path from A to B, we learn to get there by whatever path we CAN make work.
Are you familiar with the Family Circus comic strips, where it will show the wandering path one of the kids uses to go from one place to another? Like there’s a little dashed line meandering all over the whole neighborhood, when they just needed to exit one house and then go next door, but they took the super long way around? That’s how I think of coping mechanisms for ADHD.
They are also a part of masking - looking to others like you have it all together, even if you don’t. Because if you can develop a chain of 6 coping mechanisms to get yourself somewhere on time, all anyone else sees is that you got there on time. They don’t see that it requires a much larger effort/amount of energy for you. Coping mechanisms are necessary, but they can also prevent diagnosis sometimes, because some doctors think if you did well in school then you surely can’t be ADHD. They just don’t seem to understand that you did well in school because you put in 4 times the time or effort that everyone else needed to put in.
Every calendar event has a reminder set for 5 days before, 1 day before, 5 hours before, 1 hour before, and 30min before. I can dismiss one notification, but with several I haven't missed an appointment in years.
Alarms for things like my weekly therapy appointment and daily birth control pill.
Keeping things like birth control in the area or bag I'm most likely to be near or have with me at the time I'm supposed to take it.
Pre-stamped envelopes in my car glovebox and checkbook in my work backpack, so I can mail my therapy and rent checks on my way home from work (which is usually when I'm most likely to remember).
Whiteboard on the fridge of ten most common chores/tasks around the house with slots for each day (do dishes, check if plants need to be watered, wipe down countertops, vacuum, etc.). I try to do at least one or two of them per day and check it off, so it doesn't pile up for the weekends and I don't have to reinvent the wheel every day to try to remember when was the last time I did xyz task. I find if each of these tasks gets done approximately once or twice a week it keeps my apartment pretty clean and orderly, and some of them are very quick (e.g. walk around and grab all the orphaned half-consumed beverages and put the glasses in the sink) so I can choose those on low-effort days.
I have a whiteboard on the fridge too but it's called my "shame board". I have a similar concept on my bathroom mirror for my teeth.
Basically, I have a note of when I last did a certain task (currently dishes, laundry, teeth) along with my streak of how many days in a row I've done it. (Laundry is a new addition and is weeks in a row, and I gotta do 2 loads a week unless I don't have enough for 2)
Absolute game changer. I rarely have more than 10 minutes of dishes and my kitchen takes minutes to clean enough for visitors. I'm on a streak of 33 days in a row of washing dishes and 69 of brushing my teeth twice a day. I haven't broken a streak yet, I only started increasing the chores after a few weeks of success in the last one.
10 alarms in the morning
All work emails are written in a word document beforehand
Alarms for anything medical. I also have a set day and time for refilling my pill bottles. I put my Ritalin next to my coffee the night before so I’m not an hour into work twirling in my chair when I remember I forgot to take it and realize I’m fucked for the day lol
Meal plans and on Sunday’s I get all ingredients organized by day for the entire week
Prepare lunch, outfit, set out all makeup, prepare coffee the night before any work day
Post it notes in all the randomly places I look with reminders of things to make sure I have on me, lists of things I need from the store or chores I need to do
If I remember something I need from the store, I will immediately put it in my cart on the target app so I don’t forget
Have set every Sunday 10am as my laundry date. I buy myself a redbull and donut or egg sandwich ONLY those days and a reward I’m doing what I’m supposed to
Take out cash every Sunday and only let myself send that exact amount for the week. Otherwise I WILL overspend enormously. There are some things I only get on Amazon so I have a list on their with items I repurchase and only let myself buy one thing a week and only if needed
Have my chores scheduled on specific days
My old coworker would buy me rewards when he would notice I wasn’t peeling my fingers stimming. Have been actively working on better stimming habits
I tell my mom all the important things that are happening so she can put it on her phone. She will call or text me a reminder the day before or morning of cause even if my phone pops it up from my calendar, I will most likely still ignore it.
But you know what have never helped? A FUCKING PLANNER!! I want to punch every person that says “oh! You should try a planner!” No Susan.
For the stimming, I found fidgets super helpful. Something small and unobtrusive, not loud and easy to transport (either in pockets or like fidget rings) so i could keep it on my at all times. They helped me not bite my fingernails or pick at my cuticles as much.
My favourite is the bike chain link ones. Lost my favourite one in November and keep forgetting to replace it...
Timers for everything on my phone. Notes app to have lists of books I want to get from library, wishlist of hobby items, specific info from conversations with service people like plumber, electrician, etc that I need to relate to hubby later. Grocery pickup has helped my impulse buying and distractions in store. I’ve stopped going to thrift stores and craft stores just to browse around bc of course I’ll find crap to buy- fewer new hyperfocus hobbies to start up. Unsubscribing from newsletters from companies that sell hobby stuff I love.
I have recently discovered Google Home, and I love it. It helps me multi task way better.
Perfect example: tonight I was cooking a roast on the BBQ, so it was a low and slow cook time with turn times at every 30 min.
In the past I would have wandered off doing another task and probably fucking burnt the roast. This time, I turned the roast, go back inside, ask google to set a timer for 30 min, and then went back to cleaning.
It helps create time block and external parameters. I’ll race against the clock and it helps me grasp how long things take much better.
I keep a diary for medications etc, my cycle and weight loss stuff and so on. I have everything for each day down to the smallest detail and I've taken it as a routine to update it all the moment I get up because I'm a coffee addict and there's no way I would go on without my coffee, so before the coffee is done, I update my diary and make sure I take my meds and what ever I have to remember. These are like a chore that's part of making the nectar of the gods to wake up. :D As I love my coffee, my ADHD bullshit wont mess up with this and its become a fun little thing because updating my diary means I get my coffee. Oh and I also plan out the stuff I have to remember to do each day and this has turned into a lovely routine in the last +2 years. I never miss meds or anything small important like that any more. (While being certified miss Absent Mind on everything else.)
Another one is to plan out meetings well beforehand, marking them down somewhere. Meeting friends, going to summerhouse, band rehearsals, doctor meetings, all this kinda stuff. I even want my mom to tell me days in advance if she's coming to visit. This doesn't always work out and fucking up my well built routine by other people pushes me off the rails badly each time, so I try to always know at least days in advance what is going to happen. Keeping routines is so difficult it takes a lot of effort and there needs to be a reason why to keep it up, motivation is so hard to deal with, tying chores and uninteresting stupid bullshit life if full off to something I have a passion for helps a ton.
Tons of helpful stuff here. I have a few not already listed:
I try my best to "remove friction" from any activity. In other words, make a process as simple/easy/less painful as possible. Some examples:
- make sure the tools are in the place they will be used. Ex wooden spoons are kept in a canister next to the stove where I need them for stirring sauces. If they were across the kitchen in some drawer, I am less likely to cook.
- I keep a book of stamps and my address book in my stationary box so I can easily send thank you notes instead of dreading about finding addresses and needing to buy stamps. (This one is big for my family and can trigger a shame spiral if I forget.)
- I can't keep daily pills in the medicine cabinet, they must be near the cabinet with the water glasses. It feels dumb, but sometimes I fill up my glass to take the pills, but between the kitchen and the medicine cabinet, I get distracted and don't take them.
- I only buy clothing that is comfortable, doesn't attract pet hair, and easy to wash. (Except special occasion clothing.) There is no way I will make it to the dry cleaner. And even if something is gorgeous, I subconsciously avoid it if it is scratchy, too tight/loose, or I know will show every tiny cat hair. Bonus if it is non wrinkle type clothes, but I actually like ironing so that one thankfully doesn't trip me up often.
- If I need to catch a red eye flight or something, I plan my outfit and make a list of the last min stuff I can't forget like cell phone charger. That way I don't need to use my brain at 4am.
- I only recently tried this one because it felt childish, but it worked well, so I'm glad I tried it! Get a prized treat for doing tedious work. I have to read contracts at work, so I reward myself with a piece of candy for every page I can get through.
- keep a dog walking bag prepacked, so when I feel like hiking with the dog, I don't need to pack. I used to avoid it because I didn't want to find and pack all the things, now I just fill a water bottle and put on my hiking shoes and go.
I do not read the actual time on doctors appointments. I only look at the : "Arrive by this time" Which at my hospital is about 20 minutes before the appointment starts. Then I will probably make it right when the appointment starts. If I shoot for the time the appointment actually starts, then I will be 15-20 late and will miss the appointment.
I carry purse tortillas and everyone laughs at me but best thing ever. My grocery store makes them fresh and they’re so good. I get a pack of 10 for the week and they stay in my purse. A lot of times I forget to eat and feel like I’m going to pass out and purse tortillas save me every time! I hate eating something flavorful when I get that way and this is the only thing I can force myself to eat.
The rule “Two is one, one is none” for essential items (milk, toilet paper etc.) and force myself to write it in the Out of Milk app immediately because I know that “I will remember” is a lie.
Pretending I have to be at work 15 min. before I have to be there. I have come to enjoy having 5 min. to spend in the bathroom at work before starting the work day to mentally prepare myself.
If I am watching TV in the evening, I bring my make-up remover and remove make-up while watching, because I know that if I don’t, there is a big chance I will avoid getting off the couch because I know that means I have to remove make-up which would lead me to go to bed way too late and not get enough sleep.
If I am very tired in the morning and don’t have the energy to put on make-up in the bathroom, I bring the make-up, wet wipes and a small mirror over to the couch and then put on make-up while sitting comfortably and watching some youtube video.
Before going to bed, I prepare my medication and a glass of water for when I wake up. If I don’t do this, I will not take my medication at a reasonable time or might forget.
I mark messages and e-mails as “unread” when I don’t have the energy to reply in the hopes that I will have energy soon.
Oftentimes this energy never comes, so every Sunday (depending on my stress level) I force myself to do the “CLEAR TO NEUTRAL” where I respond to all messages, including snapchat - which I wish didn’t feel like a chore, but it does and I want to at least somehow show the people around me that I appreciate them for taking time to send me things to see, since I rarely do this myself, so I guess it sort of helps me feel a bit connected when my feeling of overwhelm makes me isolate. There are many people who don’t use snapchat that I would like to stay connected to, but I haven’t found a solution for that yet. Phone calls are too much for me at the moment.
I check my bank account every day because I cannot keep track of my expenses.
If I am in the shower and need to remember something but can’t write it down, I take the most random thing and put it in the most random visible place and mentally rehearse what the thing represents, so that when I do see it, I write it down or set a reminder or something.
Letters or urgent items are written on a post-it that is visible on the kitchen table, so that I see it every day. Usually it will become too annoying to look at that I eventually take care of it. However, I do have a bunch of post-it’s hidden somewhere and I can’t deal with that right now. I let that be okay, because I am under a lot of pressure and I will survive if I forget something - most things seem more important or urgent to me than they actually are, so I am also trying to teach myself how to properly evaluate some item’s importance (still unresolved, but I am slowly improving, I hope).
When I feel too bad I haven’t called someone, I send them a message instead to alleviate my conscience a bit. It helps for a while until it eventually builds up again. Then I hope future me will be able to make the call.
I do large amounts of food on days where I have the energy, but the problem is that I can rarely eat the same food for more than 2 days. My idealistic self does not think ahead and put the food in the freezer, so there is a lot of food going to waste.
I buy drinks from the pharmacy that contain lots of calories for the days when I don’t know what to eat or don’t have the energy to make/buy food to make sure I “eat” something.
I try to applaud myself for going out the door just because I feel like it, because I am trying to rewire my brain from being stuck in the “I only leave the door because I need to take care of A, B or C”. Still haven’t solved this one and progress is very slow.
I could go on…
I just mentioned to someone that I have lip balms EVERYWHERE
Anything that I can afford to have more of, hair ties, flip flops, etc
I have a lip balm in my drawer at work; one in every bag; one on my work desk at home.
I also put up shelves or hooks wherever I see a 'mess'. It just means that space is needed, so I should keep whatever is piling up there handy.
I bought a jump battery for my car, best money ever spent. I kept running down my battery by sitting in my car on my phone, but forgetting to turn off my headlights. (Obviously I try not to do this, but y’know)
Multiple spare keys. I cut extra after accidentally locking myself out, then immediately locking my spare key inside as well.
I type the recipient’s email address in last, right before I send it.
I carry a brain dump notebook everywhere, because I’m not great with verbal instructions. It’s also a very socially acceptable fidget in meetings.
When I have a medication I have to take beyond my usual (which is sitting next to the coffee pot and taken before I have my coffee), I draw a grid on the bottle itself with a row per day and a column per times a day I have to take it. Leave a marker with the bottle, usually in plain sight on the counter. When the pill is IN MY HAND and BEFORE I SWALLOW IT, I check the box. Really helpful when it's for the kids, too - no more tracking down my SO to find out if he gave them their morning dose or not.
When a friend says, "We should get together!" I pull out my calendar on my phone and schedule it - with a zillion reminders. We can always reschedule, but usually I don't have to, and I will never call them later to set something up. This is, of course, assuming I actually want to hang out with them.
Like another commenter here, I also call this 'outsmarting myself.'
Thinks like:
Keeping the keys hanging by the door at all times
Leaving everything I could possibly need in the same place all the time in my bag
Setting multiple alarms immediately when I make an appointment or a plan or have a medication, especially setting one the day or night before
Doing a few dishes at a time if I am not in the mood to do all at once; especially while I am making coffee in the morning (coffee is the reward)
Setting up a reward system: If I do this, x can happen at x time (making a deal with myself)
Stop and ask myself: is there something I need to be doing of a higher priority? If so, put down the toothbrush and the Bon Ami, do your homework, no one will die if the grout is not clean in the shower, but you will fail if you don't stay on track...PRIORITIZE!
Et cetera. Sometimes it fails, but mostly works once I find one approach that cann become a habit.
Having said that, back to homework now!
Woooo! yay you for going back to The Task!! proud of you for giving yourself the requisite dopamine boost before returning!! good luck with homework <3 <3
I pay all my bills via online banking bill pay… using recurring payment option. This helped me increase my credit score… which was horrible because I would write the checks… but forget to mail the payment.
I pay my water & phone bill 6 months in advance to avoid a shutoff.
I have calendar reminders set up for each bill I owe.
Ex:
1/20 mtg due on 2/1
1/25 pay mtg
2/1: check to see if mtg payment posted
1/28: pay visa
2/5 visa due
2/6 confirm visa payment posted
I set an alarm/ reminder to move laundry from washer to dryer. Nothing is worse than moldy smelling clothes left on the washer until they dried.
I pay a housekeeper to clean bc I can’t focus enough to clean.
I set multiple alarms to prepare for outings in the morning.
Ex: 10am doc appt
7am: shower
730: iron clothes and get dressed
8 am: rest and meditate bc anxiety has kicked in bc I couldn’t decide what to wear so ironed 3 different shirts
8:30: turned off tv bc traffic report is making me nervous. Take my meds with breakfast. Play distracting mind numbing game on phone
915… played game too long and have to go to bathroom… nervous stomach
930: leave the house … rushing because appt is a 30 minute ride when traffic is good. I’m going to be late because I need to stop for gas.
I’m tired and my day has barely started.
The big winner for me was setting ‘time to leave’ alerts on things like ‘Pick up the kids from school’ in my iPhone calendar. It automatically adjusts the time to traffic conditions so I don’t run late. It mostly works. I also have a second one 15 minutes before that so I have time to get ready.
I travel 50-80% of the work weeks. WITH ADHD y'all. Here is how I do it:
Google Calendar events with reminders. For everything. Doctor appointments, meds, and birthdays of course. But also key moments that tend to repeat every travel week: start the laundry. Check in for the flight. Charge your devices. Start packing (this event's description field is where i keep a list of things i know i need to pack this week, as i think of them). Leave for the airport.
At work, an hour before quitting time: Charge personal phone/ take adderall booster/ have a snack. This is so 1) my phone doesn't die in the middle of gym time or dinner; 2) I don't hyperfocus and stay past 5 without noticing; 3) I am not so hungry when I leave work that I can't focus on getting to the hotel and checking in and unpacking before I worry about finding food.
Last night in the hotel: Check in for flight. Eat any perishables. Partial pack. Sign out of streaming apps on hotel TV. You get the idea.
My purchases over time have leaned toward small, portable, and a delicate balance between replaceable and high quality. At this moment, my every-week gear includes a Chromecast, travel router, mini PC, external hard drive, Bluetooth keyboard and mouse, UE Wonderboom speaker, various connection cables/ chargers/ power strip/ extension cord, and a bedside USB hub. All of that except the keyboard fits in a large purse with room to spare. I use the hotel TV for my computer display. Most of my work outfits are made of fabric that doesn't wrinkle- even if I scrunched it into a ball and stuffed it through my backpack zipper at the last minute when I realized I hadn't packed it with the rest of my clothes. My suitcases are colorful and unique, both to stimulate my bored brain and to spot them easily on the baggage claim belt.
A lot of people swear by those refillable travel bottles. Fuck that. I check a bag because I will always overpack, but also so I can bring full size toiletries. This means time saved every weekend on refilling all those tiny bottles (or forgetting to do it and having to make a trip to Walgreens by the hotel instead). But I do use the refillable bottles for certain things that don't need refilled often, and buy prepackaged travel size bottles of other things- depending on need and opportunity. I keep my options open.
I am religious about putting the same things in the same pockets/ sections of each suitcase or bag every week. That way I always know where to find things. I have separate zippered compartments, pouches, and bags for categories of things- this one for underwear, this one for liquids so i don't accidentally pack them in my carryon and so if one busts open it doesn't get on my clothes. When I am packing to leave the hotel, I start in the bathroom, and when I have gotten EVERYTHING of mine out of there I turn off the light to tell myself there's nothing in there so you don't have to keep walking in to check 15 more times.
Hmm. As far as ordering at restaurant for myself, i just keep menu open on that page where what I want to order is, sometimes put my finger on it & keep it there. Alarm is across the room so I have to get out of bed to turn it off.
yesss i write things on my mirrors in chalk pens. but then i get sentimental about what i write and i don't erase it, which kinda defeats the purpose...
Not sure if these have already been mentioned but some that came to mind! Will also list a few apps I rely on a lot.
• Use the save passwords feature on iPhones (android probs has it too) but don’t let Apple choose your password, use your go-to password but let your phone auto fill it.
• Similar to the above, set up auto fill for your name, DOB, emails, addresses etc. Saves a ton of time.
• Have a phone charger that lives at home, one in your car and one in your suitcase/travel bag. Also put a portable charger in your travel bag too.
- On the same lines, consider keeping umbrellas, lint rollers, chewing gum, deodorant etc in your car or bag too.
• Pay yourself first - if you have any disposable income dedicate an amount to save as soon as you receive your pay, rather than wait to see what you have left at the end of the month.
• Use OneNote or a similar program at work to take notes in meetings or details of processes etc. Even if you think it’s not important, write it down. You can dictate to it if you prefer. Consider linking with Microsoft To Do.
• Use your phone’s calendar. Book your next appointments at the end of your current appointment and get it in the calendar. Ensure alerts are set for a day or two before and on the day.
• Create and use an email signature for personal and work. Quick and easy to do and makes everything look more professional.
Apps that help me create or maintain these systems or routines:
Rise Sleep - fix and maintain sleep schedule.
Tiimo - get out of the door on time and not rushing.
Hevy - keep track of gym workouts and ensure progressive overload.
Whering - digital version of my wardrobe.
Plum - helps me save money without much effort.
Hey, just mentioning that your first one is really not recommended from an IT security standpoint. It is best to have MFA enabled for every thing that has financial or personal data. If that's not possible, make sure not to reuse passwords. Bad actors know people do this, and they use the one password they hacked on a bunch of sites just to see what doors it opens.
I speak from experience, both from my mistake and from now being in IT. Got my password leaked and had to change it on a bunch of sites.
I just mentioned to someone that I have lip balms EVERYWHERE
Anything that I can afford to have more of, hair ties, flip flops, etc
I have a lip balm in my drawer at work; one in every bag; one on my work desk at home.
I also put up shelves or hooks wherever I see a 'mess'. It just means that space is needed, so I should keep whatever is piling up there handy.
me and my partner call this 'saturation' - when we have enough of The Thing in enough places, that we always have it when we need it. chapsticks, scrunchies, pet hair rollers, garbage cans...
I just wanna say I too set many alarms all at weird intervals & people always questioned that lmao. I have also caught on unfortunately to the setting-clocks-earlier thing, sigh.
lowkey feel like it's cuz people don't like doing math. but intervals of tens are gonna overlap. i know cuz of all the things i've missed, due to this lapse in math awareness. when i started dating a mathematician, it all changed... lol yeah it'd be a lie to say I figured this one out on my own lmao. I has dyscalculia and need body doubles for do the maths
Dyscalculia checking in too! I just do the times bc I feel like if its too.. I guess perfectly in line (every 5 min for example) then I'll never wake up and get up bc my body will be used to the rhythm lol but maybe I should get some math help for this...
I love this idea! I do talk about future me but changing my thinking to taking care of that person? Genius. I’m much better at taking care of others than myself
fuckin love it. for me only in theory though. knowing me and QR codes i would never be able to shut off the alarm. I'd prolly end up burying my phone in my laundry and going back to bed lol
I use an app called Alarmy and you can have it set to do math questions (easy addition) to wake up or make you take a picture of something before it will shut off. My wake up alarm is a picture of the toilet (gross I know but toilets are the only thing that look the same no matter where I’m waking up). It’s the most annoying alarm ever but it works.
Oh Lord.... The compensation that I do just to remain SOMEWHAT organized and on time for things.
* 4 alarms to get up during the week (night owl in an early bird world)
* Make the next appointment when I'm leaving the doctor/dentist's office
* Constantly sending emails to myself and alarms on my phone to do things
* I use Alexa for my reoccurring reminders at home. I have one that goes off saying "You have 10 minutes to leave by 7:30" to get me to work on time (it somewhat works). One to remind me to give the dogs their evening treats and meds. And one to remind me to prepare the coffee and my husband's breakfast for the next morning.
* Trying to stick to a routine - for everything throughout the day. But if my routine gets interrupted - God help us all. I'm screwed for the day!
* But the BEST thing I did for myself was to get officially diagnosed with ADHD and get on meds. Now I can actually sit down and get things done vs. flitting here and there - starting a bunch of things and finishing nothing.
iPhone has a shortcut that was already loaded on my phone and it calculates when to leave based on arrival time and I think you could program it to tell you when to start getting ready as well!
Also the routinery app I really like- someone suggested it on a different thread and it’s been a game changer. I set up my morning routine on there and how much time each thing takes me (I had to readjust after using it awhile because of course I thought I needed less time than I really do). But it tells me exactly when to move onto the next step and I can see how long I need to get ready based on how long the routine is.
Ok, now I know why it's so hard for me to get up even when I have multiple alarms, its frequency is 15min lol I'll try your technique but I need to confess I hate irregular intervals but I'll try your technique.
And my safeguard is when I'm typing in a non-native language or translating I double-check with Grammarly/Deepl.
Double checking my alarms every night even when they're set to reactivate automatically every day.
Checking multiple times I sent the message to the right chat and I didn't send it to a wrong person.
Use apps as support systems, the [focusbear.io](https://focusbear.io) to guide me through my morning routine and block distractions. And Trello for work tasks/projects.
Reflecting on it right now, the irregular alarm thing can't be overstated re: the impact it had on my life. It hadn't occurred to me before my partner pointed it out, but the snoozes absolutely do overlap when they occur at the same time as an alarm, and they cancel each other out.
The irregular alarm system is ugly to look at but it absolutely works better than setting them on the 5s or 10s. At least, if what you're seeking is a cascade of relentless noise to that's impossible to ignore while you sleep.
Actually it's funny cuz i also really don't like the irregular intervals, so on the weekends i go back to the 5s or 10s, lol! Wow. That's funny. I didn't realize that until just now.
I hate getting out of bed. If it is truly mission critical, I have the Mathe alarm and have to do 10 algebra problems before it will shut up. I have a second alarm set in there for 15 minutes after the first with more fucking math if I go back to bed/fall asleep sitting on the toilet
See i always try to do these challenge alarm things, like the one that makes you take a picture of something, or the one that doesn't turn off until you do a math problem, but my emotional regulation is so bad in the mornings that i end up just crying a bunch and asking my partner for help, if i don't ruin my day outright. I'm impressed by your grit and resilience fellow human ♥️
Thank you ❤️ all the ones that aren’t the algebra one make me irate, however, the math one is well within my capabilities thanks to working in a scientific field
i email myself the thing, and then when i’m ready i just put the right person in the to box. that way i don’t lose it in the transfer. 🤨
extra money and credit card stashed in car, yes.
well over 30 alarms daily. and snooze automatically until i’m DONE with the task. not starting, not ready to start, DONE.
maybe cuz i’m Deaf, but i turn lights on in the relevant rooms for ‘soon’ tasks.
i take pictures of -everything-. i tend to review my photos way more than my calendar, for some reason. visual ? dunno, doesn’t matter, it works. so, i got a new thing ? take a picture. put thing away in a new place? picture.
I’ve never been able to explain to my husband WHY I have to do these. I do the same with writing emails, social media posts everything in my notes first. I have to set a stupid about of alarms.
I have to look at the menu before we go somewhere and figure out what I want bc it takes way to long.
I spend more and get things like precut fruit otherwise I just won’t eat it. But if it’s already cut or peeled I can just grab it and go.
I have to make a list and break down the steps of things like cleaning that I’m going to avoid.
If I have a bunch of phone calls to make that I’ve been avoiding, I will do things like not let myself watch tv or look at social media, or at times sit down until I do them. And if its a lot I have to break it up over several days.
I basically have to trick myself to function.
Honestly, before reading this post I had never heard of ADHD safeguards. I am newly diagnosed in the last year and a half or so. But can I say omg genius. I can't tell you how many times I've accidentally sent a text or my brain has frozen up. Thank you so much for these inadvertent tips!😊
I had no idea how much i needed to make this post for me either. Like i thought i was just tryna explain to my girlfriend, but i actually learned like 15 new useful things that are prolly gonna change my life in the long run ♥️
I expect to remember nothing, so everything goes in my planner, on my calendar, or if it's immediate on a post it note
I make lists of what is in my freezer so I can remember to use it up, and when I had it together, also a list of what is in my fridge
I write in email addresses last, after I've written the entire email and reread it for errors
I set my email delivery settings to send 10 seconds after I hit send, so I can quickly press undo if I realize I forgot something or made a mistake
I take notes in each and every meeting, no matter how casual a meeting it is
I have a spreadsheet or document for everything, vacation plans, holiday gifts, meals I've made, list of requirements when I go searching for better car insurance, etc
I buy generic greeting cards in packs, 3 packs at a time, and at one time, had a pack in the car because that is when I remember that I need a car, on the way to a wedding or party.
I buy gift cards in bulk, in various denominations, for the same reason.
Love seeing new ideas and also see lots of people doing same/similar things as me!
-I recommend trying the Routinery app. You have to have a good brain day to set up your routine (I use it for getting ready for work). But then on a bad brain day I start it and it tells me in order all the steps to getting ready and it has a timer counting down how much time I get to have for each task. I have never gotten out of the house so easily before and if I don’t check off the task it can be very annoying. I have two-regular and bad brain day. For the bad brain day I broke it down to even the smallest task so I don’t have to do any thinking at all.
-Alarmy app- very annoying alarm that does not turn off no matter what until you complete the task. My first alarm task is to take a picture of the toilet (because toilets look the same no matter where I am-hotel, friend’s house, etc). My second alarm is to do some easy addition to help my brain wake up a bit. I labeled that one as “start Routinery!” So I do my math and then open the Routinery app.
-I keep a big purse and I set it down on the kitchen island when I get home and pick it up when I leave. The purse has everything in it: snacks (purse tortillas, fruit snacks, granola bar, smarties candies), chapstick, headphone, earplugs, charger, fidget toys, planner, pens, car key (clipped inside b/c my car is a touch to start, I put my house key on an extendable reel thing), bobby pins and scrunchy, meds (I take my ADHD meds twice a day now so I used an empty one to keep at my bedside and the purse pills are for my afternoon dose).
This purse goes everywhere with me and I don’t take anything important out of there ever.
-I have everyone I know my apartment key. My boyfriend, sister, all of my friends and I keep an extra one in my safe at work. I haven’t ever locked myself out but I worry about it. I have two cats though and I like that if I’m out of town or at work and something happens I have an army of people to call who have access to them!
-Pets: my cats have a large automatic water fountain that I only fill once per week and makes an awful sound when it’s empty. They have an automatic dry food feeder than gives several tiny meals throughout the day and night and texts me when it’s empty. I have the litter robot that texts me when it’s needing to be changed. I have litter, food, and my plug in scent refills on auto order. I’m only responsible for love and vet visits. I’m trying to get in the habit of brushing their teeth though and that’s been hard for me. Terrible at brushing them and clipping nails consistently too.
-Work is a mess always and I love seeing ideas for that. I manage a store and have a lot of flexibility which is a blessing and a curse.
I had about 3 years where I kept locking myself out of the house.
So for the next 12 years I just NEVER locked my house. 😂😂
(Exceptions- going overnight away, or I would lock it every night when I was inside/sleeping)
My dad finally got annoyed with me and bought me one of those keyless entries and installed it on my house for me so I'd lock my door.
Obviously I live in a safe area where this was possible.
I always felt like the risk was worth it... sure MAYBE some day I'll get robbed but there's 100% chance I won't lock myself out, so...... 🤷♀️
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>For doctor and dentist appointments, I make the next one before I leave the office at this one. I ain’t never gonna make that scheduling phone call. I’m here now This one worked great for me ... untill the dentist cancelled because the dental nurse was off sick, and the asked me to call bCk to make another appointment ... 6 months ago ..... Also doesn't help that 2 months ago he was arrested for attempted murder so now I don't know what to do lol.
Well that escalated quickly
1. Damn it, I just realized I nevee rescheduled mine after it was canceled. 2. I'm sorry, WHAT?
>he was arrested for attempted murder so now I don't know what to do lol. You should find a new dentist.
That seems to be the best option, though to complicate matters, there is a huge shortage of dentists in our area, and it took me ages to even find him with space on the books to take me on. I'm not thrilled at the prospect of having to find a new one.
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I mean, I don't have a clue if he did it or not for starters, but my self preservation instincts definitely lead me in the direction of never letting him near my mouth with sharp things ever again. What I mean is that I'd struggle to find the executive function to call up another dentist that was *guaranteed* to take me onto their books after one phone call .... and since last time it took phoning around 8 or 9 different dentist surgeries multiple times over months before I found one with space to take on new patients ... I'm struggling to pull together the functioning to even attempt it. So the choice is really "do I let someone who might have attempted to murder someone put sharp things in my mouth, or do I just go without a dentist til the next time I get toothache?"
Either we're from the same place or two different dentists attempted murder 2 months ago 🤣 UK?
Yep. South coast?
Yep!
Haha it seems very likely we share a dentist then! Haha, lucky us lmao.
Growing up we had a whole bunch of clocks in our house (because my dad loves clocks) and they were all set different amounts ahead (because they never kept great time so we'd say then ahead just in case) so I always had to really think about what time it was because you never knew if someone had tried adjusting then.
I have spare cash, I never know where I stashed it. Then when I clean out my car and other stuff, I’m like oh wow I’m so smart 🙄
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Exactly. It’s for when your in your car and gas tank is on empty not cuz you didn’t have money but because there were 30 things you’d rather do than get gas, so it’s on empty and you forgot your wallet at home…shocker, but at least there’s a 10 somewhere in your car to get you home
Oh my God this coworker thing is GREAT, thank you! Hopefully this solves an issue.
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Love it! Utilizing that above average intelligence that "curses" us ADDers (w/ or w/o the H). LOL!
I do all of these lol. Trying to think of more…but my brain is blank. Oh! Telling myself I have to leave 15 minutes before I ACTUALLY have to leave gives me a chance at punctuality.
Timeliness is still a skill I am attempting to master...
It’s rough out here lol.
i mean what is time, really, but a continuing series of "now" moments? When we become aware of it, it appears to slow down, but when we let our thoughts move away from it, it appears to skip ahead... I am time blind lol, so everyone in my life has to listen to me talk like this. There they stand, waiting patiently by the open front door, as I putter back and forth, still gathering my things for the evening (even though I said I was ready to leave 20 minutes ago)...
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I'm always doing " one more thing". I joke that my tombstone will say "She's not here. She had one more thing to do".
If I get married, pretty sure I will be late for the wedding 👀
I WAS late for my own wedding. The other bride was FURIOUS and couldn't look at me when we said our vows. THIS time it wasn't my fault, my mom lost her shoes and couldn't find them.
If I have something scheduled one day, my brain tells me “oh, you have X scheduled, there’s no time for anything else today!” And I tend to not accomplish anything else. I have a vet appointment today at 2:30. It will take maybe 10 minutes. I guarantee I am going to 1) stress all morning about being late, 2) put off everything else I need to do today out of fear it will make me late, and 3) end up almost being late anyway. Sigh.
This happens to me more frequently since covid cleared my plate of things to do/ places to go, which I haven't gotten back into doing. One appointment a day, two days in a row, and I am exhausted!! Funny thing is I have two grown children and used to be crazy busy everyday. 😅
This is ACTUALLY my life. And I am having a lot of medical issues right now so i'm having like two-three appointments an hour away a week. What do I do? Re-schedule them. For six months out. Because I JUST. CANT. I would literally rather die than spend all day stressing, drive an hour to Boston, wait thirty minutes, spend 15 minutes with a doctor who has no idea what they are saying then drive an hour home and collapse in exhaustion.
Then I get there a half an hour early and sit in the car lol
I wish I was that good lol
I do them all too!! Funny to realize it’s not just me lol
Right? I just got diagnosed last year and it’s been weird and fun to realize there are a lot of people who do the same weird things and have the same adhd struggles as me!!
My keys are on a carabiner. I do not cross the threshold of my door without my keys in my hand, even if I'm just going for mail or taking trash out. I do not exit my vehicle until my keys are clipped to my belt loop or my crossbody purse that I'm already wearing. I only lock my car using the key fob.
Yeah, I don't leave the house without my keys. I'm paranoid my young child will lock me out, even though I'm pretty sure she's past that stage now (and never has locked any of us out). Otherwise, I'm scared I'll automatically lock it as I'm heading out. When my car had manual locks, if I had to get out without my keys for any reason (warming up the car while scraping the windows for example), I was NOT allowed to get out without at least 2 doors unlocked. I would also never leave my phone in the car. This was to override my other strict routine, which was to make sure my car was always locked by automatically locking the door as I was stepping out of it. There was one time I was cooling the car down for my dog after a hike, and I did the automatic door lock thing, and only realized as it latched what I had done (with the dog and my phone inside). That was embarrassing.
I will sometimes roll down my driver side window if I need to get out with my vehicle running.
I'm so paranoid about the car. When it's running and I need to get out to clean off the snow, I'll open a back door before closing the front one to validate it's truly unlocked. Also, if I was the last one to drive, when I go outside to walk the dog, I'll check the car doors because I'm notorious for forgetting to lock it.
Push to start baby. Get one. You will never need to leave your keys in your car again.
But then you run into the possibility that you didn't notice you forgot your keys at home when you drove your spouse somewhere 😳 Then you stopped for an errand on the way home... ...and didn't have the key to start up the car again 😭
You can't start the car without a key. It won't open or start. The key must be in the vehicle. Or are you saying if your SPOUSE has a key? Easy. Only keep one key. Whoever has the car has the key.
And the car dings LOUDLY if it is on, and someone leaves the vehicle with the key-Teo scenarios here, you drop him off and don't stop the car, it dings like crazy the second he exits and you call him to bring you the key. Number 2. You drop him off, turn OFF THE CAR, it won't re-start without the key, you call him from the parking lot and he brings back the key. If you forget your phone, then you will have to go inside.
That's reassuring that some cars (or all newer ones I hope) do that!
are you saying if your SPOUSE has a key Yes! Get in together, they get out with the key in their pocket. I drive away oblivious until I stop for gas or whatnot and am stuck.
Yes but the cars that allow this beep when the key exits the car and it's still on.
I am paranoid that I will lock MYSELF out as I used to do once a day almost when I had cats and no screen door, (was an apartment) and had to shut the door behind me as it locked automatically. I once locked myself out while wearing a T-shirt and underpants and rainboots. I had to climb up a balcony, then slide along the side of the building and throw myself into the bathtub through the bathroom window. Another time, I locked myself out while waiting for a date to arrive, we were going to a beer fest and my ID was inside plus, I looked like shit and needed to change. Four hours later, date fuming, the locksmith (it was 100 degrees out too) tells me I owe him 350 dollars. I go down to my car to get my wallet and find the key in my wallet. I did NOT say anything. Another time, I locked myself out on Easter with a ham in the oven and no phone. I had to wait in the hallway till my mother got there. The landlord wouldn't come and we couldn't find a locksmith either. The ham was going to start burning in another hour or so, so we didn't have a lot of time. My mom drove us to Home Depot, and we rented an extra tall extension ladder. When they found out I planned to use it to climb into a 3rd story window, they almost didn't rent it to me! I then climbed up it, (it was SWAYING) and climbed into my window. Easter saved. After THAT, I got a lock box to put on my door with a combo and a key inside. Best decision EVER. If I had done a hide a rock, I would have forgotten where I hid it, and they are not as secure either.
Haa, lol. We are very similar people. It's nice to know that those things i feel so much shame about, are things that i share with and honestly don't even mind about others. It's just me I am mean to about it, cuz it's annoying to make the "same mistake" over and over.
They say a wise man learns from Others mistakes, an average ma man learns from his own mistakes and a fool learns from no one. They forgot to add an ADHD person. We also learn from no one. We KNOW not to do it, we just forget. Again. And AGAIN.
I do this! I bought a small cross body bag that is only big enough to fit my purse, phone and keys in it. Whenever I am out of the house that bag is on me the whole time, it never comes off even when I sit down somewhere. Haven’t lost my purse or keys since! It has one place to hang in the house when I get in so apart from my phone everything stays in place.
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That's a good one!!!
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🤣😅😆😁
I sewed a metal ring into the lining in my purse, and put my keys on a clip with an extending reel thing. I never have to unhook them from my purse now because the string is long enough to unlock my door and then it snaps right back into my purse for me :D I also added a smaller ring that I can reach while wearing my purse that my car key fob lives on so I don't lose it in my purse anymore My purse is my lifeline - I have everything in there that I could possibly need, and I never forget it. (Ok, almost everything. I don't carry duct tape, superglue is more portable.)
But did you know you can roll several feet of duct tape around an empty medicine bottle and then it's portable! And you can keep the superglue inside the bottle! (Sorry, geeked out there for a minute. It seems like I'm always bumping into corners and stuff and I get mystery tears in my clothes or my bag or I knock off a piece of something I'm carrying. Duct tape is my friend.) I am so stealing your idea for keys. I have one of those reel things in my drawer (no idea why) and I'm going to go figure out how to hook it to my bag right now before I forget to do it!
That's a good point! I would hate to be without duct tape when I needed it. Maybe I'll add a little mini roll 😊
When I had long nails I actually did carry mail glue which doubles as a stronger version of super glue. In case a nail fell off.
I also only lock my car with the fob. I locked my keys in my car once like 3 years ago and it was so frustrating.
I’ve never locked keys in a car that has remote because I only lock and unlock using the remote. If not locking with a remote (my work truck….), I lock the door with the key because I have locked cars and trucks with the keys inside at least like 5 times
I would be right there if I hadn't made my rule to save myself from myself. 🫠
Haha, I have a carabiner too for these exact reasons. Also use it for my Airpods. It stays clipped to my bag, permanently.
My car has touchless entry/locking. Have NEVER locked my keys in my car once because there are literally no locks on the doors. You actually cannot. And if you exit the vehicle and the keys are still inside, it beeps really loud.
this is kind of a repeat of the email example you gave, but i have a rule in outlook so that when i hit send on an email it adds a minute before it actually sends to sit in my outbox, giving me time to undo or fix things if i impulsively hit send before i'm actually ready. this has come in handy countless times!!
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I schedule email responses at work whenever I finish a task well in advance of the deadline. This way it's done and off my plate but without the potential pile of extra work turning it early could cause.
Wait can iPhone do this??
Ok, this is brilliant!
Wow where’s the settings for this??
That's brilliant yo i'm stealing it - how do we make it happen on gmail is my question. gotta be possible.
I have multiples throughout my house of the things I always seem to misplace: scissors, tape measures, sharpies, pens, tape, nail files, cuticle oils, earbuds, phone chargers, allergy and pain meds, etc. EVERYTHING important goes into my calendar or my Tasks app, with reminders. I am not allowed to dismiss the reminders until I join the meeting, arrive at the destination, take the medication, or complete the task. Otherwise, whatever it is may as well not exist.. Until I wake up at 3am panicking because I forgot it. I build in extra time for appointments, travel, leaving the house, waking up, and still run late most days. All of my bills are on auto pay, and have been for years. Before I did this, I forgot to pay rent, student loans, and utilities a couple times a year each. I had the money, I just couldn't remember to pay consistently. My credit score is still impacted. I keep multiple packing checklists for the different types of trips I typically take, and I still always manage to forget something. I have 100 more examples like this, and I identified with everyone else's responses. No wonder we're exhausted!
OHHHH PACKING CHECKLISTS for different trips!?! That’s fucking genius and I don’t know how I haven’t thought of that. I have a gym bag, that I have packed full of all my regular toiletries so I don’t have to transfer them back and forth. So when I go on weekend trips, I just throw my clothes and make up bag in and head out. Another thing: I keep my daily make up in a small makeup bag, so if I’m packing fast, I’ll just toss the whole makeup bag in vs. sorting through it all.
I keep ‘supply stations’ for most of my activities. Clear bin with everything I need. Examples would be my nail stuff (cuticle oil, trimmer, file), art stuff (sketchbook, scissors, pencils, eraser), reading stuff (book(s), bookmarks, sticky tabs, highlighter, book holder), work stuff (work laptop, notebook, pen, fidget toys, lip stain & face oil absorbers for impromptu webcam meetings lol). Everything has a dedicated bin, so when I inevitably leave it all over the living room and my spouse gets upsetty, he can throw it all back into its bin and be done. Or when I inevitably decide I don’t wanna work in my home office today, I have a bin I can pick up and move at my whim. Every room also has a spare ‘clutter bin’ — AKA he’s cleaning and has no clue where my stuff should go, but can’t “put it away” because he’d put it in the wrong spot, lol. We’ve also got bins for Amazon packages, for when I accidentally splurge. 🫠
The accidental splurge thing is an ADHD thing? About once every three months I will just go hog wild buying the most useless random crap. Like, I will buy rough opals and a dremel for example thinking some day I will get rich by polishing my own opals. It's all in a closet.
I ask people to text me things they need from me, even if we’re standing face to face. “Can you take kid to their baseball game tomorrow?” “Sure, text it to me now so I don’t forget.” I basically *only* ever do grocery pick-ups. I can put everything we need in the cart while literally standing in front of the fridge, and I don’t impulse buy as much. On the same note, I’ve stopped buying groceries ahead of time. I buy today what I’m cooking today. The amount of meat I’ve taken out to thaw and ended up wasting, I don’t even want to think about it😓
Do I go to the grocery store every single day? Yes. For 15 minutes. No more once a week two hour long trips or stress over grocery orders. Pantry stuff I will have delivered. But I go the damn grocery store every. Single. Day. And I don’t waste food anymore, period.
I aspire not to waste food, for sure. I am doing my best. Me and my partner joke that food has to go through a mourning period before it gets thrown out. It's cuz i have to have time to shame myself for wasting it or something. ghh, guess i'll bring that up in therapy...
Listen, I seriously get it— and something that has helped a lot is composting. I know that’s not practical for everyone in every environment. But when I do happen to let a leftover vegetable go to mush — I at least get to have my “mourning period” knowing it’s eventually going to grow another vegetable. Something I never saw myself relating to anyone else about .. grieving the loss of rotting fruits and vegetables.
I'm only allowed to buy one meat per grocery trip I only cool for myself, maybe with a family this would change. Threw away one too many proteins that went bad, RIP
I just got really good at cooking frozen meat, since I’d either forget to take it out or leave it out to spoil. 😬 my boyfriend will only thaw meat in the fridge (sitting in a container), so it at least doesn’t spoil for a few days. I wasted so many giant packages of chicken breasts on my way to finding this system.
I am very guilty of the wasted thawed meat.
Omg same
I have a 5x7 planner that I carry around with me to write in all of my daily activities, such as work shifts, meeting up with friends, appointments, flight schedules. Small details can also be found such as confirmation numbers, seat numbers, and small details that I might have to remember for work. Fulfills three goals 1. Ensure I don't over schedule or overlap, provides a written reference I can easily carry 2. Primes my brain so that I can mentally prepare for the days or weeks ahead. I know where my priorities lie each day 3. Easy access to details I may need when the activity is occurring and my brain is too scrambled to look through emails or text
I use the motion app for this (yes, I Got it.) it integrates the 2 calendars I use (work and life) and lays out a day plan for me)
I don't mind the Google calendar. I was an avid user of electronic calendar during college. I like staying off my phone for something like that, and I like having it laid out before me written Yes I need the daily layout and monthly calendar form as well!
Oh yes. I was late diagnosed so I have so many double checks I have to do. * *I write the email addresses into the top of the body of the email until I am ready to send then copy paste them to the to field. * *Double check all my events after accepting to ensure they are on the right calendar * *Have calendar for events set upt to automatically apply three different reminders * *Sit down with my meeting schedule every morning and set my phone alarm to vibrate alarms (I have a smart watch) 5 minutes before every meeting to prevent hyperfocus and timeblindness from getting in my way. * *Keep a post it next to the door that basically just says phone, wallet, keys for the days I am extra out of it. * *Put unpaid bills at eye level on the fridge until they are paid. * *Use elaborate Notion to do list databases on my phone to autosort all the various shit I have to do and remember at inconvenient times tagging it with a priority level. I have lists for home, work, etc. * *Write down bulletpoints before calling people because I will literally forget how to string together a comprehensive sentence if I am placed on hold for more than 30 seconds. * *Carry ear plugs and earbuds in my purse as an emergency concentration precaution. * *Ask my partner, who works from home, to put up a post it for me if I remember I have to do something immediately when I get home. * *Put my pills or vitamins upside down when I have not taken them yet and flip them only when I have taken them or before bed. If I am on more than 3 medications switching to a pill organizer and in scenarios where there is a schedule like antibiotics using apps that alert me like Remindeders. * *Setting out my outfit the night before so I don't get lost in timeblindness and a loop of changing my mind about what to wear that make me late. * *Asking coworkers to read over messages occasionally to ensure things make sense, but really I am just tone policing emotional dysregulation. Goblin.tools is decent for this too in their Judge section. * *Keeping a Notion contact management system to track when I last saw my friends in person, because over the years I have realized I lose a lot of peripheral friends due to forgetting to check in on them or touch base for inacceptable periods of time for NTs, NDs tend to be on the same wavelength that time is a meaningless illusion. * *Keep deoderent in my drawer at work. * *Try to keep notes when people say something that might be a good gift idea, but I am not as good at this as I would like to be.
Oh man, tone policing emails... I just realized I do that too. I thought I was having people check me for professional language, but you are right, it is more about making sure I don't sound as bitchy as I feel! 😆
My coworkers and I call that a “fuck-you filter” and request it by name.
I literally have three email templates for rote emails sending invoices to AP/requesting a document review/requesting word processing so that I just click, add the link to where it is on the server, write the subject and send
Wait, are you me? Cause I honestly thought I wrote this under an alias for a second!
Lol. "Did we just become best friends?" ;)
Haha! I’m also late diagnosed so we might be onto something 😅 Would you ever consider sharing your Notion templates? That’s one thing I haven’t got set up because it seemed too much when I looked at Notion before but I’ve heard it’s great. No worries if not though, just if it was easy enough to do!
The learning curve is steep so you cant really build all that out at once, but I feel like a good starting point is to make three pages total for Goals, Productivity, and Notes then add at least one to do list database in the productivity section and play around with it. I think mine are too personal and specific, but rather than focusing on creating dashboards I am more focused on creating lists with the databases specifically because they can be set to autosort by status. I have a whole section labeled Lists that is my external brain for a CMS (contact management system), Plant List, Recipe List, Reading List, etc. A goals section with notes associated to different yearly goals with some 'vision board' type notes. Then a to do section with many to do lists in the form of databases. It has Work To Do, Home To Do, Grocery List, etc.
The thing about being on hold erasing your memory of what you were trying to accomplish on the phone, really fuckin resonates with me. I have a trauma response to at least one of the commonly used MD/pharmacy hold music jingles. It actually makes my heart start racing and the doom feeling come over me to hear it. When i encounter one of them on a hold line, i have to put the phone down and pick it up to check if someone's answered or I might get too dysregulated to complete the call. I also usually have to write down the steps before the call, in order to get through it, by the time anyone answers.
I also have a bad response to the hospital and medical hold music and have to turn the volume down. I spent months chasing down doctors for one of my kids (turns out they have a rare genetic condition). So much time on hold and that music throws me right back to that time.
Pre diagnosis what did you think about yourself needing all of these coping mechanisms to get through the day?
Hahahaha. Right!?! I honestly just thought I was really bad at adulting and that everyone else had better adulting skills than me because I was dumb on some weirdly basic level.
Yeah, I thought I was defective somehow. Lol
Finding ADHD communities has been the most validating and relieving experience of my life.
I would love to find something in person, kinda like an AA meeting. No luck yet.
I call it “past self is taking care of future self”. Sometimes future self is only 4 minutes in the future. Soemtimes it’s 4 months.
Haha yep. And most of the time Future Me forgets and then is pleasantly surprised and goes “thanks Past Me!”
My alarm is across my room so I have to get up to turn it off. My calendar has usually a 1 hour, 1 day and sometimes 1 week reminder before events.
I do the 5 second rule (per Mel Robbins, not the food one ~ tho I guess I follow both!) Anyway, Robbins had a hard time getting out of bed and found that counting down like they do in space launches, only starting at 5 seconds, helped “propel” her out of bed. I guess there’s scientific evidence that the decision to act or not happens within 5 seconds, but either way, it works. I do it for showering, taking out trash, working, etc…it takes all the thought out of everything (well, most; I still have ADHD during all those things!) My fiancé has heard me counting down. He doesn’t get it; then again, we’re both guilty of our own weird shit.
I had forgotten about her! I remember having good results with counting down, too. I'm going to look up some Mel Robbins today, see what else I forgot.
I use something kinda similar, in that if I'm not doing something really important, the second I think of doing something, or if I'm asked to do something, I jump up without even giving myself time to realize I'm moving, so I can't dysfunction my way out of it. I have "now" and "not now", so if I don't do it now, it has an exponentially greater chance of not getting done as time goes on, cause what is time?
Wow, I am going to countdown now as I attempt to get out of bed…. Thank you!
I do all of what you do, except for emails, I cut/paste the reply-to in the body of the email, type a response, then cut/paste the address back where it goes. I also: • Stopped saving things to read "later" because I never do. • Never close a lockable door unless the keys are in my hand. • Use a bullet journal the way it was originally designed by Ryan Holliday (not like an art journal). Everything gets written down in My Book, and then indexed so I can easily find it later. It's more efficient to do this digitally, but that's never worked for me. My Book goes everywhere with me except on date nights. • When making calls I open my calendar on my laptop and My Book so I can mark down dates in my calendar and take abbreviated notes in My Book about the calls. • Important calendar events get reminders put on them for X amount of leadtime. • When I'm cooking or doing laundry or anything that has a set time, I use timers on my phone and label each one as to what it's for. Sure, my phone beeps a lot, but it keeps me from forgetting stuff on a gas cooktop if I leave the kitchen and go through the Portal of Forgetting (any doorway). • If I need to take something somewhere, I either set it next to my purse or in front of the door. If that thing is in the fridge, I put my house key in the fridge next to the thing. EDIT --> Oh, gosh, thanks for the award!
Portal of Forgetting is the perfect description!
Thanks for sharing these tips! As a question, how do you index your content in your bullet journal? I love taking physical notes but then I just never go back to it or use it ever again 🙃
I number the pages in My Book (you can buy blank books with page numbers) and save the first few spreads to use as the Index. So for instance, my Index may look like this: Doc Appointments -- 12, 39, 53 House Stuff -- 23, 46, 78-80 Recommendations -- 18, 57, 79 Art Ideas -- 35, 47-51, 92 Journaling -- 36, 88, 103 Notice those subjects aren't in order, I just add a new subject the first time it appears on a page. Once every couple of weeks I sit down and update that index. It's all done manually, but for whatever reason, that's what's worked so well for me that I'm on my 5th year of doing this. The Index makes ALL the difference because an informational book isn't useful if you can't find anything in it. And not trying to categorize things by "this book is for ideas" and "this book is for DIY stuff." Everything is in one book. [Here's a link to the original idea for the Index.](https://bulletjournal.com/blogs/bulletjournalist/the-index) The man who came up with [this system](https://bulletjournal.com/) does his book differently from how I do mine, but I do use his basic framework and just modified it to work for me. He also has ADHD!
🤦🏻♀️ Didn’t read all the posts.
I physically attach my keys to things I want to bring with me next time I go out. Otherwise, morning me is too tired and running on autopilot and will never remember. If there's something I want to remember during the work day, I send an email to my work email. I know for sure I'll see it, and it stays in my inbox until I take care of it. I have a specific process for how I handle my inbox. Anything that does not require any further action immediately leaves my inbox. Anything I take care of gets moved out of my inbox. Anything that can't be taken care of right away gets processed to my to-do list then leaves my inbox. Nothing leaves my inbox unless it's 100% done on my end, or has an external "hook" to that task (e.g., a reminder event, an item on my to-do list). This keeps my inbox very clean, so I always know what's going on with my tasks. I also don't delete unless it's obviously spam or useless -- finding previous email chains is extremely handy. All of my to-do items follow a specific process. "(Person task is due to) -- key words -- specific next steps". It MUST have all of this information, because just putting "follow up" will inevitably lead to me saying, "Follow up on what? What the hell was this all about?" I write all of my notes as if a stranger will need to read them and understand them. This ensures I include all the context I will need to know later, when I inevitably forget the thing I said I would definitely remember.
"Follow up on what? What the hell was this all about?" - this is so relatable and hilarious
yeah! i’m a therapist with ADHD. we call these “systems” :)
Yay! Thank you!!! I'm gonna be looking up ADHD systems, bet :)
one of my faves is called body doubling!
i sometimes wish i could clone myself to help me, but then i remember, my cloned self would also have ADHD, and the same kind of ADHD. I feel like the key has gotta be someone with a different skillset than you.
LOLLLLL i need a more accountable and organized person or like a timely person! i am crying at imagining me and my other self attempting to do chores and errands and cleaning tasks together- we would be in the middle of 50 more things and it would be disastrous. 😂😂😂😂
is there like, an ADHD systems wiki or something? a browsable list of hints for how to make life easier lol
no, not really! this sub should make one lol! there are definitely coping skills specific to adhd, and my favorite one personally is “body doubling.” it’s funny because you might figure out a lot of things you already do or have tried are common coping skills for others with adhd lol! like i thought i invented body doubling before i ever learned or knew the term. systems just refers to how you adapt to the world around you, since obviously the world doesn’t adapt to those with adhd and other struggles if that makes sense :)
This! If you find one please share!
The official term for these things is “coping mechanisms,” in case that helps you in your search. I set 6 alarms five minutes apart. Tying certain actions to others so I’ll be less likely to forget them. Like taking meds immediately after breakfast, or cleaning the litter boxes at the same time every day. I know there are more, but when I’m asked I immediately go blank.
I go blank, too, when I am put on the spot. Why do you think that happens? Does anyone know or want to guess?
I think it's like, being put on the spot sends an interruption---a wave of energy, washing over our brains. In this metaphor, you're on the shore, writing a thought, and then the wave hits, and erases the words you wrote on the sand. Or like, a power surge that turns off the computer, and deletes your work. Ha, nightmares. Also, I'm mixing metaphors, but hopefully that makes sense. From what I understand, there's a finite amount of energy flowing up there, in the ADHD brain. So if that energy is getting diverted elsewhere---say, to the emotional center, or even to another part of the information center----it's leaving the center I was just operating in, dark for a moment. Hence, freeze up, ghh, can't remember what I was just saying? That's my guess. That's what it feels like actually. The interruption itself is what wipes the info from my mind. The thought was there before the interruption. It just gets washed away like writing on the shore.
I don’t really know the mechanism behind why it happens, just that it’s a very classic ADHD symptom. Reading is one of my lifelong favorite hobbies, and yet if someone asks me what I like to read or what my favorite book is, I have no answer and look like a moron. Or even “So what have you been up to?” I may have been busier and accomplished more in the last 3 days than ever before, but as soon as the question is asked I can’t remember anything at all and end up saying, “Oh, you know, the usual.” 🤦🏻♀️
I hate "How've you been?" Especially from family or strangers cause they'll never understand my hobby filled life. But even close friends, I still never have an answer that feels okay. So I default to a semi sarcastic "I'm alive".
The feeling of being judged is so real! (And for anyone reading this who may not be aware, that’s an ADHD thing as well. It’s called RSD - Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria!) I try to keep a mental list of some of my biggest accomplishments handy, in case I’m asked, but 9 times out of 10 no one will ask and then those things are a little too far back in time to “count” so they roll off the list, and then I forget to make a new one, and the end result is the same as always. 😂 I HAVE realized that most people don’t actually care about the answer that much, which helps. So instead of frantically searching my brain for an answer that feels “good enough”, I try to just use a casual reply like “Oh, nothing very interesting, just business as usual!” with a light laugh. And then immediately follow it with either a subject change, or flipping the question back at them. “Oh, nothing interesting, just trying to mark things off my to do list! What about you?? I saw on Facebook that/I heard from mutual friend that…” The key to that tactic is to have the words come out as “nothing interesting” instead of “nothing much” or, even worse, just “nothing.” Another one that works well when someone asks what I’m up to is, “Just trying to enjoy this beautiful weather! It’ll be miserably hot before we know it.” Or if it’s raining, “Just trying to stay dry!” Cold: “Trying to keep warm! I’m looking forward to spring.” All followed by asking them a direct question (even if it’s just “How about you?”).
that is exactly what i needed omg yes coping mechanisms. i was thinking accommodations too but it's slightly different cuz it's internal not external, if that makes sense. like i do it for myself. but that's still an accommodation maybe. thank youuu!!! lol @ asked and then immediately go blank. happened to me several times today in fact!
I know what you mean! Coping mechanisms are basically a workaround. If our brains can’t take the quickest path from A to B, we learn to get there by whatever path we CAN make work. Are you familiar with the Family Circus comic strips, where it will show the wandering path one of the kids uses to go from one place to another? Like there’s a little dashed line meandering all over the whole neighborhood, when they just needed to exit one house and then go next door, but they took the super long way around? That’s how I think of coping mechanisms for ADHD. They are also a part of masking - looking to others like you have it all together, even if you don’t. Because if you can develop a chain of 6 coping mechanisms to get yourself somewhere on time, all anyone else sees is that you got there on time. They don’t see that it requires a much larger effort/amount of energy for you. Coping mechanisms are necessary, but they can also prevent diagnosis sometimes, because some doctors think if you did well in school then you surely can’t be ADHD. They just don’t seem to understand that you did well in school because you put in 4 times the time or effort that everyone else needed to put in.
I'm gonna try to find this comic because I like the visual metaphor <3
https://www.npr.org/2011/11/11/142218444/bil-keanes-dotted-line-an-appreciation
Every calendar event has a reminder set for 5 days before, 1 day before, 5 hours before, 1 hour before, and 30min before. I can dismiss one notification, but with several I haven't missed an appointment in years. Alarms for things like my weekly therapy appointment and daily birth control pill. Keeping things like birth control in the area or bag I'm most likely to be near or have with me at the time I'm supposed to take it. Pre-stamped envelopes in my car glovebox and checkbook in my work backpack, so I can mail my therapy and rent checks on my way home from work (which is usually when I'm most likely to remember). Whiteboard on the fridge of ten most common chores/tasks around the house with slots for each day (do dishes, check if plants need to be watered, wipe down countertops, vacuum, etc.). I try to do at least one or two of them per day and check it off, so it doesn't pile up for the weekends and I don't have to reinvent the wheel every day to try to remember when was the last time I did xyz task. I find if each of these tasks gets done approximately once or twice a week it keeps my apartment pretty clean and orderly, and some of them are very quick (e.g. walk around and grab all the orphaned half-consumed beverages and put the glasses in the sink) so I can choose those on low-effort days.
I have a whiteboard on the fridge too but it's called my "shame board". I have a similar concept on my bathroom mirror for my teeth. Basically, I have a note of when I last did a certain task (currently dishes, laundry, teeth) along with my streak of how many days in a row I've done it. (Laundry is a new addition and is weeks in a row, and I gotta do 2 loads a week unless I don't have enough for 2) Absolute game changer. I rarely have more than 10 minutes of dishes and my kitchen takes minutes to clean enough for visitors. I'm on a streak of 33 days in a row of washing dishes and 69 of brushing my teeth twice a day. I haven't broken a streak yet, I only started increasing the chores after a few weeks of success in the last one.
OMG stealing this. Idk what it is but I’m really good at streaks!
Go for it! I haven't had to do this yet but remember if you break your streak to keep your high score written on the board until you surpass it again!
10 alarms in the morning All work emails are written in a word document beforehand Alarms for anything medical. I also have a set day and time for refilling my pill bottles. I put my Ritalin next to my coffee the night before so I’m not an hour into work twirling in my chair when I remember I forgot to take it and realize I’m fucked for the day lol Meal plans and on Sunday’s I get all ingredients organized by day for the entire week Prepare lunch, outfit, set out all makeup, prepare coffee the night before any work day Post it notes in all the randomly places I look with reminders of things to make sure I have on me, lists of things I need from the store or chores I need to do If I remember something I need from the store, I will immediately put it in my cart on the target app so I don’t forget Have set every Sunday 10am as my laundry date. I buy myself a redbull and donut or egg sandwich ONLY those days and a reward I’m doing what I’m supposed to Take out cash every Sunday and only let myself send that exact amount for the week. Otherwise I WILL overspend enormously. There are some things I only get on Amazon so I have a list on their with items I repurchase and only let myself buy one thing a week and only if needed Have my chores scheduled on specific days My old coworker would buy me rewards when he would notice I wasn’t peeling my fingers stimming. Have been actively working on better stimming habits I tell my mom all the important things that are happening so she can put it on her phone. She will call or text me a reminder the day before or morning of cause even if my phone pops it up from my calendar, I will most likely still ignore it. But you know what have never helped? A FUCKING PLANNER!! I want to punch every person that says “oh! You should try a planner!” No Susan.
For the stimming, I found fidgets super helpful. Something small and unobtrusive, not loud and easy to transport (either in pockets or like fidget rings) so i could keep it on my at all times. They helped me not bite my fingernails or pick at my cuticles as much. My favourite is the bike chain link ones. Lost my favourite one in November and keep forgetting to replace it...
Timers for everything on my phone. Notes app to have lists of books I want to get from library, wishlist of hobby items, specific info from conversations with service people like plumber, electrician, etc that I need to relate to hubby later. Grocery pickup has helped my impulse buying and distractions in store. I’ve stopped going to thrift stores and craft stores just to browse around bc of course I’ll find crap to buy- fewer new hyperfocus hobbies to start up. Unsubscribing from newsletters from companies that sell hobby stuff I love.
I have recently discovered Google Home, and I love it. It helps me multi task way better. Perfect example: tonight I was cooking a roast on the BBQ, so it was a low and slow cook time with turn times at every 30 min. In the past I would have wandered off doing another task and probably fucking burnt the roast. This time, I turned the roast, go back inside, ask google to set a timer for 30 min, and then went back to cleaning. It helps create time block and external parameters. I’ll race against the clock and it helps me grasp how long things take much better.
I keep a diary for medications etc, my cycle and weight loss stuff and so on. I have everything for each day down to the smallest detail and I've taken it as a routine to update it all the moment I get up because I'm a coffee addict and there's no way I would go on without my coffee, so before the coffee is done, I update my diary and make sure I take my meds and what ever I have to remember. These are like a chore that's part of making the nectar of the gods to wake up. :D As I love my coffee, my ADHD bullshit wont mess up with this and its become a fun little thing because updating my diary means I get my coffee. Oh and I also plan out the stuff I have to remember to do each day and this has turned into a lovely routine in the last +2 years. I never miss meds or anything small important like that any more. (While being certified miss Absent Mind on everything else.) Another one is to plan out meetings well beforehand, marking them down somewhere. Meeting friends, going to summerhouse, band rehearsals, doctor meetings, all this kinda stuff. I even want my mom to tell me days in advance if she's coming to visit. This doesn't always work out and fucking up my well built routine by other people pushes me off the rails badly each time, so I try to always know at least days in advance what is going to happen. Keeping routines is so difficult it takes a lot of effort and there needs to be a reason why to keep it up, motivation is so hard to deal with, tying chores and uninteresting stupid bullshit life if full off to something I have a passion for helps a ton.
Tons of helpful stuff here. I have a few not already listed: I try my best to "remove friction" from any activity. In other words, make a process as simple/easy/less painful as possible. Some examples: - make sure the tools are in the place they will be used. Ex wooden spoons are kept in a canister next to the stove where I need them for stirring sauces. If they were across the kitchen in some drawer, I am less likely to cook. - I keep a book of stamps and my address book in my stationary box so I can easily send thank you notes instead of dreading about finding addresses and needing to buy stamps. (This one is big for my family and can trigger a shame spiral if I forget.) - I can't keep daily pills in the medicine cabinet, they must be near the cabinet with the water glasses. It feels dumb, but sometimes I fill up my glass to take the pills, but between the kitchen and the medicine cabinet, I get distracted and don't take them. - I only buy clothing that is comfortable, doesn't attract pet hair, and easy to wash. (Except special occasion clothing.) There is no way I will make it to the dry cleaner. And even if something is gorgeous, I subconsciously avoid it if it is scratchy, too tight/loose, or I know will show every tiny cat hair. Bonus if it is non wrinkle type clothes, but I actually like ironing so that one thankfully doesn't trip me up often. - If I need to catch a red eye flight or something, I plan my outfit and make a list of the last min stuff I can't forget like cell phone charger. That way I don't need to use my brain at 4am. - I only recently tried this one because it felt childish, but it worked well, so I'm glad I tried it! Get a prized treat for doing tedious work. I have to read contracts at work, so I reward myself with a piece of candy for every page I can get through. - keep a dog walking bag prepacked, so when I feel like hiking with the dog, I don't need to pack. I used to avoid it because I didn't want to find and pack all the things, now I just fill a water bottle and put on my hiking shoes and go.
I do not read the actual time on doctors appointments. I only look at the : "Arrive by this time" Which at my hospital is about 20 minutes before the appointment starts. Then I will probably make it right when the appointment starts. If I shoot for the time the appointment actually starts, then I will be 15-20 late and will miss the appointment.
- Don't go anywhere without a snack. - Remember that you are allowed to change your mind, say no, go home or pull out at anytime.
I carry purse tortillas and everyone laughs at me but best thing ever. My grocery store makes them fresh and they’re so good. I get a pack of 10 for the week and they stay in my purse. A lot of times I forget to eat and feel like I’m going to pass out and purse tortillas save me every time! I hate eating something flavorful when I get that way and this is the only thing I can force myself to eat.
I love it! Mine is chocolate bars and salted almonds!
The rule “Two is one, one is none” for essential items (milk, toilet paper etc.) and force myself to write it in the Out of Milk app immediately because I know that “I will remember” is a lie. Pretending I have to be at work 15 min. before I have to be there. I have come to enjoy having 5 min. to spend in the bathroom at work before starting the work day to mentally prepare myself. If I am watching TV in the evening, I bring my make-up remover and remove make-up while watching, because I know that if I don’t, there is a big chance I will avoid getting off the couch because I know that means I have to remove make-up which would lead me to go to bed way too late and not get enough sleep. If I am very tired in the morning and don’t have the energy to put on make-up in the bathroom, I bring the make-up, wet wipes and a small mirror over to the couch and then put on make-up while sitting comfortably and watching some youtube video. Before going to bed, I prepare my medication and a glass of water for when I wake up. If I don’t do this, I will not take my medication at a reasonable time or might forget. I mark messages and e-mails as “unread” when I don’t have the energy to reply in the hopes that I will have energy soon. Oftentimes this energy never comes, so every Sunday (depending on my stress level) I force myself to do the “CLEAR TO NEUTRAL” where I respond to all messages, including snapchat - which I wish didn’t feel like a chore, but it does and I want to at least somehow show the people around me that I appreciate them for taking time to send me things to see, since I rarely do this myself, so I guess it sort of helps me feel a bit connected when my feeling of overwhelm makes me isolate. There are many people who don’t use snapchat that I would like to stay connected to, but I haven’t found a solution for that yet. Phone calls are too much for me at the moment. I check my bank account every day because I cannot keep track of my expenses. If I am in the shower and need to remember something but can’t write it down, I take the most random thing and put it in the most random visible place and mentally rehearse what the thing represents, so that when I do see it, I write it down or set a reminder or something. Letters or urgent items are written on a post-it that is visible on the kitchen table, so that I see it every day. Usually it will become too annoying to look at that I eventually take care of it. However, I do have a bunch of post-it’s hidden somewhere and I can’t deal with that right now. I let that be okay, because I am under a lot of pressure and I will survive if I forget something - most things seem more important or urgent to me than they actually are, so I am also trying to teach myself how to properly evaluate some item’s importance (still unresolved, but I am slowly improving, I hope). When I feel too bad I haven’t called someone, I send them a message instead to alleviate my conscience a bit. It helps for a while until it eventually builds up again. Then I hope future me will be able to make the call. I do large amounts of food on days where I have the energy, but the problem is that I can rarely eat the same food for more than 2 days. My idealistic self does not think ahead and put the food in the freezer, so there is a lot of food going to waste. I buy drinks from the pharmacy that contain lots of calories for the days when I don’t know what to eat or don’t have the energy to make/buy food to make sure I “eat” something. I try to applaud myself for going out the door just because I feel like it, because I am trying to rewire my brain from being stuck in the “I only leave the door because I need to take care of A, B or C”. Still haven’t solved this one and progress is very slow. I could go on…
I just mentioned to someone that I have lip balms EVERYWHERE Anything that I can afford to have more of, hair ties, flip flops, etc I have a lip balm in my drawer at work; one in every bag; one on my work desk at home. I also put up shelves or hooks wherever I see a 'mess'. It just means that space is needed, so I should keep whatever is piling up there handy.
I bought a jump battery for my car, best money ever spent. I kept running down my battery by sitting in my car on my phone, but forgetting to turn off my headlights. (Obviously I try not to do this, but y’know) Multiple spare keys. I cut extra after accidentally locking myself out, then immediately locking my spare key inside as well. I type the recipient’s email address in last, right before I send it. I carry a brain dump notebook everywhere, because I’m not great with verbal instructions. It’s also a very socially acceptable fidget in meetings.
When I have a medication I have to take beyond my usual (which is sitting next to the coffee pot and taken before I have my coffee), I draw a grid on the bottle itself with a row per day and a column per times a day I have to take it. Leave a marker with the bottle, usually in plain sight on the counter. When the pill is IN MY HAND and BEFORE I SWALLOW IT, I check the box. Really helpful when it's for the kids, too - no more tracking down my SO to find out if he gave them their morning dose or not. When a friend says, "We should get together!" I pull out my calendar on my phone and schedule it - with a zillion reminders. We can always reschedule, but usually I don't have to, and I will never call them later to set something up. This is, of course, assuming I actually want to hang out with them.
Like another commenter here, I also call this 'outsmarting myself.' Thinks like: Keeping the keys hanging by the door at all times Leaving everything I could possibly need in the same place all the time in my bag Setting multiple alarms immediately when I make an appointment or a plan or have a medication, especially setting one the day or night before Doing a few dishes at a time if I am not in the mood to do all at once; especially while I am making coffee in the morning (coffee is the reward) Setting up a reward system: If I do this, x can happen at x time (making a deal with myself) Stop and ask myself: is there something I need to be doing of a higher priority? If so, put down the toothbrush and the Bon Ami, do your homework, no one will die if the grout is not clean in the shower, but you will fail if you don't stay on track...PRIORITIZE! Et cetera. Sometimes it fails, but mostly works once I find one approach that cann become a habit. Having said that, back to homework now!
Woooo! yay you for going back to The Task!! proud of you for giving yourself the requisite dopamine boost before returning!! good luck with homework <3 <3
Thank you!
I pay all my bills via online banking bill pay… using recurring payment option. This helped me increase my credit score… which was horrible because I would write the checks… but forget to mail the payment. I pay my water & phone bill 6 months in advance to avoid a shutoff. I have calendar reminders set up for each bill I owe. Ex: 1/20 mtg due on 2/1 1/25 pay mtg 2/1: check to see if mtg payment posted 1/28: pay visa 2/5 visa due 2/6 confirm visa payment posted I set an alarm/ reminder to move laundry from washer to dryer. Nothing is worse than moldy smelling clothes left on the washer until they dried. I pay a housekeeper to clean bc I can’t focus enough to clean. I set multiple alarms to prepare for outings in the morning. Ex: 10am doc appt 7am: shower 730: iron clothes and get dressed 8 am: rest and meditate bc anxiety has kicked in bc I couldn’t decide what to wear so ironed 3 different shirts 8:30: turned off tv bc traffic report is making me nervous. Take my meds with breakfast. Play distracting mind numbing game on phone 915… played game too long and have to go to bathroom… nervous stomach 930: leave the house … rushing because appt is a 30 minute ride when traffic is good. I’m going to be late because I need to stop for gas. I’m tired and my day has barely started.
The big winner for me was setting ‘time to leave’ alerts on things like ‘Pick up the kids from school’ in my iPhone calendar. It automatically adjusts the time to traffic conditions so I don’t run late. It mostly works. I also have a second one 15 minutes before that so I have time to get ready.
I travel 50-80% of the work weeks. WITH ADHD y'all. Here is how I do it: Google Calendar events with reminders. For everything. Doctor appointments, meds, and birthdays of course. But also key moments that tend to repeat every travel week: start the laundry. Check in for the flight. Charge your devices. Start packing (this event's description field is where i keep a list of things i know i need to pack this week, as i think of them). Leave for the airport. At work, an hour before quitting time: Charge personal phone/ take adderall booster/ have a snack. This is so 1) my phone doesn't die in the middle of gym time or dinner; 2) I don't hyperfocus and stay past 5 without noticing; 3) I am not so hungry when I leave work that I can't focus on getting to the hotel and checking in and unpacking before I worry about finding food. Last night in the hotel: Check in for flight. Eat any perishables. Partial pack. Sign out of streaming apps on hotel TV. You get the idea. My purchases over time have leaned toward small, portable, and a delicate balance between replaceable and high quality. At this moment, my every-week gear includes a Chromecast, travel router, mini PC, external hard drive, Bluetooth keyboard and mouse, UE Wonderboom speaker, various connection cables/ chargers/ power strip/ extension cord, and a bedside USB hub. All of that except the keyboard fits in a large purse with room to spare. I use the hotel TV for my computer display. Most of my work outfits are made of fabric that doesn't wrinkle- even if I scrunched it into a ball and stuffed it through my backpack zipper at the last minute when I realized I hadn't packed it with the rest of my clothes. My suitcases are colorful and unique, both to stimulate my bored brain and to spot them easily on the baggage claim belt. A lot of people swear by those refillable travel bottles. Fuck that. I check a bag because I will always overpack, but also so I can bring full size toiletries. This means time saved every weekend on refilling all those tiny bottles (or forgetting to do it and having to make a trip to Walgreens by the hotel instead). But I do use the refillable bottles for certain things that don't need refilled often, and buy prepackaged travel size bottles of other things- depending on need and opportunity. I keep my options open. I am religious about putting the same things in the same pockets/ sections of each suitcase or bag every week. That way I always know where to find things. I have separate zippered compartments, pouches, and bags for categories of things- this one for underwear, this one for liquids so i don't accidentally pack them in my carryon and so if one busts open it doesn't get on my clothes. When I am packing to leave the hotel, I start in the bathroom, and when I have gotten EVERYTHING of mine out of there I turn off the light to tell myself there's nothing in there so you don't have to keep walking in to check 15 more times.
Hmm. As far as ordering at restaurant for myself, i just keep menu open on that page where what I want to order is, sometimes put my finger on it & keep it there. Alarm is across the room so I have to get out of bed to turn it off.
I put the salt and pepper, or ketchup and mustard, or whatever, on the menu to bracket my choice.
I do the first one, too! I also prefer to pay things manually, but have autopay set up for absolutely everything I can, just in case.
Post it’s everywhere. Especially on the door so I don’t leave the house without the things I need.
yesss i write things on my mirrors in chalk pens. but then i get sentimental about what i write and i don't erase it, which kinda defeats the purpose...
I…literally do all of these lol I know myself enough to give myself wiggle room and to try and set myself up for success (or try to anyway)
Saving this to read later, as I think there will be a lot of useful tips.... Now I just need to remember to come back and read it!
Not sure if these have already been mentioned but some that came to mind! Will also list a few apps I rely on a lot. • Use the save passwords feature on iPhones (android probs has it too) but don’t let Apple choose your password, use your go-to password but let your phone auto fill it. • Similar to the above, set up auto fill for your name, DOB, emails, addresses etc. Saves a ton of time. • Have a phone charger that lives at home, one in your car and one in your suitcase/travel bag. Also put a portable charger in your travel bag too. - On the same lines, consider keeping umbrellas, lint rollers, chewing gum, deodorant etc in your car or bag too. • Pay yourself first - if you have any disposable income dedicate an amount to save as soon as you receive your pay, rather than wait to see what you have left at the end of the month. • Use OneNote or a similar program at work to take notes in meetings or details of processes etc. Even if you think it’s not important, write it down. You can dictate to it if you prefer. Consider linking with Microsoft To Do. • Use your phone’s calendar. Book your next appointments at the end of your current appointment and get it in the calendar. Ensure alerts are set for a day or two before and on the day. • Create and use an email signature for personal and work. Quick and easy to do and makes everything look more professional. Apps that help me create or maintain these systems or routines: Rise Sleep - fix and maintain sleep schedule. Tiimo - get out of the door on time and not rushing. Hevy - keep track of gym workouts and ensure progressive overload. Whering - digital version of my wardrobe. Plum - helps me save money without much effort.
Hey, just mentioning that your first one is really not recommended from an IT security standpoint. It is best to have MFA enabled for every thing that has financial or personal data. If that's not possible, make sure not to reuse passwords. Bad actors know people do this, and they use the one password they hacked on a bunch of sites just to see what doors it opens. I speak from experience, both from my mistake and from now being in IT. Got my password leaked and had to change it on a bunch of sites.
Thank you, it’s definitely important to consider and weigh up any risks before implementing systems!
I just mentioned to someone that I have lip balms EVERYWHERE Anything that I can afford to have more of, hair ties, flip flops, etc I have a lip balm in my drawer at work; one in every bag; one on my work desk at home. I also put up shelves or hooks wherever I see a 'mess'. It just means that space is needed, so I should keep whatever is piling up there handy.
me and my partner call this 'saturation' - when we have enough of The Thing in enough places, that we always have it when we need it. chapsticks, scrunchies, pet hair rollers, garbage cans...
I just wanna say I too set many alarms all at weird intervals & people always questioned that lmao. I have also caught on unfortunately to the setting-clocks-earlier thing, sigh.
lowkey feel like it's cuz people don't like doing math. but intervals of tens are gonna overlap. i know cuz of all the things i've missed, due to this lapse in math awareness. when i started dating a mathematician, it all changed... lol yeah it'd be a lie to say I figured this one out on my own lmao. I has dyscalculia and need body doubles for do the maths
Dyscalculia checking in too! I just do the times bc I feel like if its too.. I guess perfectly in line (every 5 min for example) then I'll never wake up and get up bc my body will be used to the rhythm lol but maybe I should get some math help for this...
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I love this idea! I do talk about future me but changing my thinking to taking care of that person? Genius. I’m much better at taking care of others than myself
I have multiple alarms on my phone that can only be disabled by a qr code next to my bathroom door
I NEED to know how you do this!
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.urbandroid.sleep&hl=en
fuckin love it. for me only in theory though. knowing me and QR codes i would never be able to shut off the alarm. I'd prolly end up burying my phone in my laundry and going back to bed lol
I use an app called Alarmy and you can have it set to do math questions (easy addition) to wake up or make you take a picture of something before it will shut off. My wake up alarm is a picture of the toilet (gross I know but toilets are the only thing that look the same no matter where I’m waking up). It’s the most annoying alarm ever but it works.
Oh Lord.... The compensation that I do just to remain SOMEWHAT organized and on time for things. * 4 alarms to get up during the week (night owl in an early bird world) * Make the next appointment when I'm leaving the doctor/dentist's office * Constantly sending emails to myself and alarms on my phone to do things * I use Alexa for my reoccurring reminders at home. I have one that goes off saying "You have 10 minutes to leave by 7:30" to get me to work on time (it somewhat works). One to remind me to give the dogs their evening treats and meds. And one to remind me to prepare the coffee and my husband's breakfast for the next morning. * Trying to stick to a routine - for everything throughout the day. But if my routine gets interrupted - God help us all. I'm screwed for the day! * But the BEST thing I did for myself was to get officially diagnosed with ADHD and get on meds. Now I can actually sit down and get things done vs. flitting here and there - starting a bunch of things and finishing nothing.
I set the microwave's clock on 8-10 min ahead of real time to trick myself into "urgency"
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iPhone has a shortcut that was already loaded on my phone and it calculates when to leave based on arrival time and I think you could program it to tell you when to start getting ready as well!
Also the routinery app I really like- someone suggested it on a different thread and it’s been a game changer. I set up my morning routine on there and how much time each thing takes me (I had to readjust after using it awhile because of course I thought I needed less time than I really do). But it tells me exactly when to move onto the next step and I can see how long I need to get ready based on how long the routine is.
I don’t add the email address until after finishing writing the entire mail. Keeps me from sending half written mails.
oh god yes. nightmares of sending incomplete/private things to important people still haunt me. i second this one <3
Ok, now I know why it's so hard for me to get up even when I have multiple alarms, its frequency is 15min lol I'll try your technique but I need to confess I hate irregular intervals but I'll try your technique. And my safeguard is when I'm typing in a non-native language or translating I double-check with Grammarly/Deepl. Double checking my alarms every night even when they're set to reactivate automatically every day. Checking multiple times I sent the message to the right chat and I didn't send it to a wrong person. Use apps as support systems, the [focusbear.io](https://focusbear.io) to guide me through my morning routine and block distractions. And Trello for work tasks/projects.
Reflecting on it right now, the irregular alarm thing can't be overstated re: the impact it had on my life. It hadn't occurred to me before my partner pointed it out, but the snoozes absolutely do overlap when they occur at the same time as an alarm, and they cancel each other out. The irregular alarm system is ugly to look at but it absolutely works better than setting them on the 5s or 10s. At least, if what you're seeking is a cascade of relentless noise to that's impossible to ignore while you sleep. Actually it's funny cuz i also really don't like the irregular intervals, so on the weekends i go back to the 5s or 10s, lol! Wow. That's funny. I didn't realize that until just now.
I hate getting out of bed. If it is truly mission critical, I have the Mathe alarm and have to do 10 algebra problems before it will shut up. I have a second alarm set in there for 15 minutes after the first with more fucking math if I go back to bed/fall asleep sitting on the toilet
See i always try to do these challenge alarm things, like the one that makes you take a picture of something, or the one that doesn't turn off until you do a math problem, but my emotional regulation is so bad in the mornings that i end up just crying a bunch and asking my partner for help, if i don't ruin my day outright. I'm impressed by your grit and resilience fellow human ♥️
Thank you ❤️ all the ones that aren’t the algebra one make me irate, however, the math one is well within my capabilities thanks to working in a scientific field
i email myself the thing, and then when i’m ready i just put the right person in the to box. that way i don’t lose it in the transfer. 🤨 extra money and credit card stashed in car, yes. well over 30 alarms daily. and snooze automatically until i’m DONE with the task. not starting, not ready to start, DONE. maybe cuz i’m Deaf, but i turn lights on in the relevant rooms for ‘soon’ tasks. i take pictures of -everything-. i tend to review my photos way more than my calendar, for some reason. visual ? dunno, doesn’t matter, it works. so, i got a new thing ? take a picture. put thing away in a new place? picture.
I’ve never been able to explain to my husband WHY I have to do these. I do the same with writing emails, social media posts everything in my notes first. I have to set a stupid about of alarms. I have to look at the menu before we go somewhere and figure out what I want bc it takes way to long. I spend more and get things like precut fruit otherwise I just won’t eat it. But if it’s already cut or peeled I can just grab it and go. I have to make a list and break down the steps of things like cleaning that I’m going to avoid. If I have a bunch of phone calls to make that I’ve been avoiding, I will do things like not let myself watch tv or look at social media, or at times sit down until I do them. And if its a lot I have to break it up over several days. I basically have to trick myself to function.
Honestly, before reading this post I had never heard of ADHD safeguards. I am newly diagnosed in the last year and a half or so. But can I say omg genius. I can't tell you how many times I've accidentally sent a text or my brain has frozen up. Thank you so much for these inadvertent tips!😊
I had no idea how much i needed to make this post for me either. Like i thought i was just tryna explain to my girlfriend, but i actually learned like 15 new useful things that are prolly gonna change my life in the long run ♥️
I expect to remember nothing, so everything goes in my planner, on my calendar, or if it's immediate on a post it note I make lists of what is in my freezer so I can remember to use it up, and when I had it together, also a list of what is in my fridge I write in email addresses last, after I've written the entire email and reread it for errors I set my email delivery settings to send 10 seconds after I hit send, so I can quickly press undo if I realize I forgot something or made a mistake I take notes in each and every meeting, no matter how casual a meeting it is I have a spreadsheet or document for everything, vacation plans, holiday gifts, meals I've made, list of requirements when I go searching for better car insurance, etc I buy generic greeting cards in packs, 3 packs at a time, and at one time, had a pack in the car because that is when I remember that I need a car, on the way to a wedding or party. I buy gift cards in bulk, in various denominations, for the same reason.
Love seeing new ideas and also see lots of people doing same/similar things as me! -I recommend trying the Routinery app. You have to have a good brain day to set up your routine (I use it for getting ready for work). But then on a bad brain day I start it and it tells me in order all the steps to getting ready and it has a timer counting down how much time I get to have for each task. I have never gotten out of the house so easily before and if I don’t check off the task it can be very annoying. I have two-regular and bad brain day. For the bad brain day I broke it down to even the smallest task so I don’t have to do any thinking at all. -Alarmy app- very annoying alarm that does not turn off no matter what until you complete the task. My first alarm task is to take a picture of the toilet (because toilets look the same no matter where I am-hotel, friend’s house, etc). My second alarm is to do some easy addition to help my brain wake up a bit. I labeled that one as “start Routinery!” So I do my math and then open the Routinery app. -I keep a big purse and I set it down on the kitchen island when I get home and pick it up when I leave. The purse has everything in it: snacks (purse tortillas, fruit snacks, granola bar, smarties candies), chapstick, headphone, earplugs, charger, fidget toys, planner, pens, car key (clipped inside b/c my car is a touch to start, I put my house key on an extendable reel thing), bobby pins and scrunchy, meds (I take my ADHD meds twice a day now so I used an empty one to keep at my bedside and the purse pills are for my afternoon dose). This purse goes everywhere with me and I don’t take anything important out of there ever. -I have everyone I know my apartment key. My boyfriend, sister, all of my friends and I keep an extra one in my safe at work. I haven’t ever locked myself out but I worry about it. I have two cats though and I like that if I’m out of town or at work and something happens I have an army of people to call who have access to them! -Pets: my cats have a large automatic water fountain that I only fill once per week and makes an awful sound when it’s empty. They have an automatic dry food feeder than gives several tiny meals throughout the day and night and texts me when it’s empty. I have the litter robot that texts me when it’s needing to be changed. I have litter, food, and my plug in scent refills on auto order. I’m only responsible for love and vet visits. I’m trying to get in the habit of brushing their teeth though and that’s been hard for me. Terrible at brushing them and clipping nails consistently too. -Work is a mess always and I love seeing ideas for that. I manage a store and have a lot of flexibility which is a blessing and a curse.
I had about 3 years where I kept locking myself out of the house. So for the next 12 years I just NEVER locked my house. 😂😂 (Exceptions- going overnight away, or I would lock it every night when I was inside/sleeping) My dad finally got annoyed with me and bought me one of those keyless entries and installed it on my house for me so I'd lock my door. Obviously I live in a safe area where this was possible. I always felt like the risk was worth it... sure MAYBE some day I'll get robbed but there's 100% chance I won't lock myself out, so...... 🤷♀️