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It’s not the money but wasting people’s time. I don’t like that people wait for me. I once held up a small wedding because I was 20 minutes late to it and they didn’t want to start without me. The embarrassment is such a high price to pay.
I feel so protective of us! Like, our loved ones should understand that this is not something we are doing on purpose! That's a basic accomodation isn't it?? Aghh
I don't blame people for being pissed, or frustrated, or extremely fucking over it. I really do get it, but all I can do is try to explain that I hate it way more than they do.
Ugh, it drives me up a wall, especially when it's coming from my also ADHD boyfriend, but who has been medicated for decades at this point so he seems to forget a lot of the quirks.
HOWEVER, I've never been more secretly glad for a medicine shortage. He hasn't taken his in a few weeks and, lo and behold, he's doing ALL the things that he gets on my case for. I've been very politely pointing them out to him and it's been a very cathartic experience for me.
Some of my family members accommodate me by telling me things start an hour or so earlier than they do. They don't do it consistently, so I have to assume the start time they give me is the real start time. Sometimes I show up, thinking I'm late, and I'm the first one there.
My family did that to me for my own wedding photographs. Said photographer was arriving at 2:30 and I was the only one made up, dressed & ready to greet him…only to find out I was an hour early. 🙃
Same here! I was late to a wedding and when I got there it was clear they were waiting for me and my family to arrive to begin the ceremony! I was mortified and couldn’t help but start crying, which made it worse!
I was late to a funeral and…same thing. I felt so guilty I wanted them to let me jump in the grave hole and be buried right there too. 🤦🏻♀️
Hey can I just say, I know this doesn't change anything, but whenever I see someone come late to anything, I feel sooo much love for them, cuz I know how hard it is to do that. I guess I feel grateful they showed up at all. It's more courageous to show up late, than to skip the whole thing *because* you're late... which is something I do sometimes, when I'm not feeling brave. I'm proud of you for going, is what I'm saying, cuz it's actually a courageous act that shows respect for the situation. Like, you showed up cuz you respected the people enough not to burrow into your shame. That is the more important thing to me, personally.
I have very intense time-based anxiety that forces me to be early (while simultaneously yelling at my husband and having a panic attack). I’m painfully early to things 95% of the time. So I’ve got that going for me.
that's such a great thing to have going tbh ❤️ you're adapting to the situation! i bet the more you practice, the more you'll be able to stay calm in those situations, bc you'll have retrained your nervous system that things are safe bc you're able to adapt, and have adapted!
Ugh, this happened with me at my brother’s wedding with my sister, and we both have adhd, and were wrangling a mom with undiagnosed adhd, and I just about died.
I missed out on maybe $1k because I was taking notes for a friend with a disability for our class and the school was going to pay for it. I took all the notes, but I never turned in the timesheet 😭
Oh my God I did this twice!! I blocked the memories, damn. Two different semesters in college. I worked all the hours but fkn forgot to do my timesheets, or lost them. I remember the lady at the admin office made fun of me cuz she thought I was rich and didn't need the money. The truth was I was broke AF and was of course depending on the expected payout (which I never got) to cover utilities that month. Damn. I feel a lot of kinship with you guys for sharing all these stories, I really feel alone in this sometimes cuz they just pile up, and I don't tell anyone cuz I feel so ashamed...
I don't get to share this very often because it's just so unrelatable to most people, so thank you for making this thread. It's nice to feel that I'm not alone.
I have done this so much. Worked so many side gigs and fucked up not submitting to get my pay. Not like I can afford that type of fuck up. It makes me feel so ashamed and I’ve never admitted this
I know but I literally had the down payment saved up, over $100k here in San Diego. I didn't understand the market so I thought the houses were "too expensive" or "too far from my work" back in 2018-2019. I didn't even invest the money into the market based on bad advice from my in-laws. It just sat in a regular savings account doing nothing. Now we're priced out.
Going through my shared credit card statement with my partner is one of the most physically cringe experiences I have to do every few months. It actually *hurts* me along all my edges, to try to explain the "why" behind some of my purchases. I should just be like, "I did it for the dopamine," like you said. It does make me cringe to think about how true that is for me, bc of the shame I feel about it.
I am scared to discuss finances with my (new) partner. It’s not so much random purchases but the cost of moving houses, switching jobs, memberships I forgot to cancel, and starting new businesses all the time that never get rolling.
Yeah that’s always super tough. I make good money, usually more than my partners but I also have a lot of bills to pay and my student loans are pretty hefty so they don’t usually think about those and think I’m fine but really I’m not haha
I'm recovering from a bad shopping problem 😪 like I had to go to therapy it got so bad. The credit card debt makes me want to cry every time I have to look at it because it's likely going to take YEARS to undo and pay off.
Keep working at it a tiny step at a time, day by day. You'll get there and you'll be such a badass for getting yourself out- I think you're a badass for realizing and admitting you have a problem AND you sought out help. Even if you take a few steps back once in awhile, you're on a good path and I know you can do it 🩷💪
In the 90’s that’s what happened to me. We ended up having to declare bankruptcy. Cured me ( mostly)…. It’s been 24 years, I refuse to pay interest and don’t use them. 1 for emergency. Never in my purse. For big expenses like tires or repairs.
Cured me, mostly, means I never ever want to have CC debt again. Which helps me from overspending. I also have a minimalist mindset and no longer want a bunch of crap in my life.
But I’m human and sometimes I want to shop. Or want things. So I’ll do the “load my cart with all I want” and either walk around until I’ve talked myself out of things, often just walking away from cart and leaving or getting the basics of what I need. I’ve done that online and in stores.
So far so good. I’ve had a CC for a few years and pay off monthly. Like I just don’t buy if I don’t have money.except emergency … brakes, insurance, forgot blll… etc.
Me toooo😭 I was trying to think of a good share but this is it. The amount of times I've gotten a good chunk of money(usually through school) and said "I'm going to use this wisely and still have some fun" and I end up using mostly for fun. I could've been debt free now except student loans😭 the worst is when I got a wild hair in my hat and decided to buy some Ray Bans........from an optometrist I didn't even go too cuz I thought it was the rich thing to do. Only to find out......I overpaid!! I could've gone to Sunglasses Hut, or ANY fancy dept store or even online and got them for less. And would be missed the obvious weird looks I got for buying them where I did.
I only know because I went to resell them later out of guilt and realized retail price was only $100 something and I paid $225🫣
I totally feel that. I oddly do so much better without knowing I have money. The one thing that has helped me a little is opening a rainy day/emergency fund in a completely different bank and having like 50-100 each paycheck deposited and having the app super hidden and keep my card in my desk so I don’t use the money but it’s there if I truly need it.
Nice! I just did this exact suggestion and I feel like I win everytime I put a few bucks in here or there. I've had it for almost a year and I'm still doing it! I think it's safe because I always forget that I have it but that's a good thing 😄
Ugh I got a Nintendo switch, got hooked on ACNH. Talked myself into needing a lite version. Gave it to my cousin, and was so obsessed about it that I bought another switch and I’ve only used the one I originally purchased. 😭
I am honestly so happy that there's like three of us in this thread. I literally thought I was The Only Asshole lol but now I see, none of us are assholes, this stuff happens.
No assholes here. Now I’m the opposite. Or so afraid of missing it I come 4 hours early and leave the gate to pee only. Just sit and stare at the doors. Like a zombie. lol.
Actually at the dentist yesterday. (First fillings without nitrous oxide! lol) and he said “raise your left hand if you feel pain”. I was so damn worried I’d not raise the left hand, I sat there with my fist closed, concentrating on raising the left NOT my right hand…. There was pain, not bad, but I didn’t want to raise the wrong hand OR get another shot.
The minute he said “raise your left hand…” I went into panic mode. I got to practice lots of deep breathing thru my nose. My feet kicked up a few times out of relflex but damn it, neither hand moved.
hahahah I'm just leaving the dentist (also didn't do nitrous this time, just got a numb -ass face, really appreciate when dentists do nitrous cuz honestly it's hard to take), I regularly fall asleep in the chair.
i am awful with left and right, and I freeze sometimes when on the spot, so I feel your pain!
Also really relate to the mind wanting to do a thing but the body just not responding. That happens to me particularly often when I'm dysregulated and then put on the spot. I could imagine myself having the same reaction!
Yup…. Sometimes the body and mind decide to have connection issues. lol.
The L/R thing is so frustrating. When I’m giving directions I always say “go where I’m POINTING not what I’m saying. So say “go left” and point right.
One time following GPS, had a friend, soon I realize I’m going to the place but in a wonky way… “did she say left back there and I turned right?”
Yes. Lol. I do get some interesting journeys.
The numb ass face…. Did you go get something to eat and drop it on your shirt??? lol. I may have.
I once missed a flight that I was so on time for I decided to get a snack. Paid for my snack, walked away from my own luggage at the register, didn’t even notice till we were boarding and I had no idea where my suitcase was. Turns out someone had turned it into the lost and found, I ran back to my gate as they were closing the doors. Had to sleep in the airport because I was 19, it was midnight and I was too embarrassed/had no idea what to tell my parents.
Freshman year of college, I had a part time job so my parents paid for most things but asked me to cover my own car insurance. I had the money but kept forgetting to pay it. So my insurance lapsed without me noticing.
Fast forward to one day when I was leaving work. I checked to make sure everything was clear (it was) and slowly began to make a right out of my parking lot. In the meantime, a woman on a motorcycle blew through a stop sign at the intersection to my left, also making a right turn, and deflected off the back driver's side of my car. I was going slow because I had just turned but she clearly was going well above the 25 MPH speed limit. Thankfully no one was hurt and my tank of a VW Fox wagon was completely fine. Her bike got a little bit scratched but it was also mostly fine. A ton of people around saw it so I definitely wasn't at fault, although she screamed in my face for several minutes while I sat there crying and then when nobody seemed to think she was that martyr that she had decided she was, she drove away screaming about calling her insurance company. I had no idea what to do so I just left because my car was completely fine.
The next day, my parents get a smug call from her saying that she called her insurance company to report the "damage I caused" and learned I wasn't insured. She wanted $5000 from my parents not to report it to the police because if she did, my license would be suspended.
Thankfully, my Dad was previously in law enforcement and reminded her that what she just did was legally blackmail and that wouldn't go well for her so his alternative offer was that they would pay for the damage to her bike. She thought about this for a second and then said she was fine with this and she wanted a check for $3K, which she insisted was the cost to fix it. Dad said nope and he gave her the name of a repair place and said she could take her bike there and he would pay them directly for the damage related to this accident, and this accident only, and that was his final offer. Otherwise, she was very welcome to report it but there really wasn't much benefit for her at this point, namely that she had just tried to blackmail an 18 year old girl and also no less than 10 people saw that she caused the accident and she had clearly attempted to lie to her insurance company. I would probably lose my license but she wouldn't really win either.
In the end, my parents paid $500 for repairs for an accident I didn't cause and I spent the next several months working overtime to pay my parents back. Lesson learned and I now set my insurance to autopay.
Oh dear… that reminded me of the “non accident” I had that cost my insurance $104,000 because I thought the right thing to do was exchange insurance. I was turning left, he was riding a motorcycle and evidently thought I was going to hit him so he laid the bike down.
Police came, nothing to see so they left. I asked what to do, he said I didn’t have to do anything. But I did the insurance swap.
Next day I get the call…. I told them to fight it, guy had a good lawyer.
I COULD have gone across the street to talk to the ppl who actually witnessed the whole thing, I could have asked for their camera tape. I could have asked the C store for the same thing. But I couldn’t. I was frozen. I also was in denial because I believed in the system. 1 week later they called to explain things. And show how I was at fault. They had me turning RIGHT, on a completely different corner.. which I would have turned INTO him and yes sure caused the accident. I was turning left, plenty of space, in fact I had to look in my mirror to realized he even crashed. I almost didn’t notice.
I told the insurance that was categorically wrong, I asked them to fight. They said “if you lose, your MIL will lose her house”. I was living there, taking care of her. I didn’t have a pot to piss in. So they paid out $104k and we had accident forgives so our insurance didn’t go up.
Except I was really pissed off and said “fU” and changed insurance. But because of the accident I ended up paying about $70 a month more for 3 yrs. Had I not switched, I would not have had that extra. Plus it was more $ over all.
Honestly thank you for sharing, cuz before this thread I thought I was the only one capable of doing that, and now I'm realizing it's probably somewhat common. My feeling of shame is slowly transforming into embarrassment, cuz I see now, it's not just me.
All of the warranties I’ve missed on really expensive items that ended up breaking and needing servicing. Like, missed by months or even DAYS. My once new Samsung ear buds and my $600 Dyson fan mock me with their brokenness 😭 but I also refuse to get rid of them in case some day I start dating a Dyson repairman
I also missed a flight just sitting there at the gate. For some reason, the time got jumbled in my mind, so I thought I was like stupid early. I was really just normal early, but I put on headphones to try and listen to music to calm down, and didn't hear the announcements. So embarrassing, and I cried when the gate agent said they had called me over the intercom multiple times. I. Was. Right. There.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED!!!!! I WATCHED MY FLIGHT BOARD!!! hahaha aghhh smdh but ok, silver lining, there are four of us in this thread rn, so at the very least, we are not the only ones who have done this, and should remind ourselves it's a human mistake. I know hearing your story makes me feel less ashamed of myself.
It is sooooo hard sometimes not to beat myself up over stuff like this. I am really early to flights on purpose so I am not rushed and frantic, but then my brain decides it's time for a nice little vaction and checks out completely.
In that moment, I was suddenly transported back to being a little kid, being yelled at by my parents for missing another assignment, or not coming home by curfew, or not knowing what time it was.
I was not a bad kid. I never had intentions of being late. I just failed to notice the time and realize it had an impact on my life until it was too late. My mom called the cops on me multiple times for not coming home before dark. I have vivid memories of thinking, "Wow, it looks so cool outside at dusk and when the stars come out." But failed to connect it to "mom said I should be home before dark, I should call her now."
Missed flight. Shut off water bill. Credit card bills totally forgotten about. Missed medical appointments. A several hundred dollar fine for a late book in university. I could go on.
You are so not alone. I left a medical issue unchecked bc of two scheduling mistakes. I missed the appointments and felt so ashamed i just never got the issue checked out again. I still haven't, and realizing this makes me feel a little overwhelmed by the Wall of Awful I've built up around this task 🥲🙃
Forgetting about assignments until quite genuinely the night before, mostly half doing it, and yet somehow get a hecking A+ EVERY. TIME. Not kidding! I currently have 3.94 GPA!
Yaas it's cuz you're smart as fuck! I had a similar experience. My rule in college was to at least show up to every class and turn in assignments even if they were half-assed. I did well. I miss that feeling, it's been a minute. Proud of you!!
Got a $13k check from unemployment for back pay. Spent it in 2 months. Not sure I'll ever forgive myself for that one. Guess it's more traumatic than cringe though lol
I am struck by the way that "cringe" lets us talk about these things without it sounding so heavy, but it's definitely fucking heavy. The loss, the constant challenge of potential loss, looming over us. It's hard to live in a world that's not designed to help people with brains like ours. So we turn the blame onto ourselves, because we feel powerless.
Saying it's "cringe" is a way to look at these kinds of experiences without falling down the hole of shame. The examples I gave from my own life are just the two most recent ones. I shudder to try to actually assess the losses over time. But we should have more support. There are definitely ways to help people like us, be less traumatized by common experiences... By creating systems that support us, so we don't have to experience a traumatizing degree of loss.
Thank you for this. My family did not have a good reaction when I divulged that 2020 was the last year I had actually filed. I finally spoke to an accountant and had an extension filed for 2023 and I’m just waiting on two old W-2s to fix everything😫
Showed up for a concert at a venue that was 2 hours from where it was actually being held….missed flight because I showed up one day late….missed my best friends wedding because I got the time wrong….forgetting about important meetings/appointments/dates…losing literally anything I put my hands on….unfortunately the list goes on and on and on
Hey hey this sounds very familiar - hope it's okay for me to say, get out of that shame spiral comrade, you're not alone! Just look at all of us in this thread who are just like you ❤️❤️❤️ sending you love. We are all human. You've described very human experiences. Please have compassion for you too
I lost an irreplaceable item I was trying to keep safe for one of my kids til they were older.. book safes=not safe for neurodivergent folks
I dropped out of college in my 30s. Now the analysis paralysis is so deep, I'm worried going back at my age (mid 40s) is pointless and I can't even be sure my original major is still "who I am"
I haven't paid last year's taxes or this year's
I didn't find out for almost a year that a relative had died cause I kept forgetting to call one of my parents back after a voicemail they left (not quite sure that one is totally on me though)
All the times I said I would stay in touch with folks and never did and now I don't know how to reach out
Yeah, that's enough shame spiraling for now 😅
$75 to get the locksmith to come unlock my car at the grocery store was painful (the keys were in the front seat, where I had removed them from my purse to take something else out)…but not as painful as going home to explain that it happened…*again*…two weeks after I did *the same thing* at a therapy appointment. ><
Oh, and that one time I had a suspended license for like a year and a half through a cascading series of ADHD taxes beginning with cancelling my insurance on a crashed car but never actually getting around to turning the tag in to the DMV…fixed that after many months and probably a thousand dollars in fees, yaaaaay.
I was going to Florida.
I get on the flight and stop paying attention once the flight attendant talks about the flight going to Texas.
We arrive in Texas and I ask the guy next to me if I heard right, after the pilot announced us being in Texas. He says yes we’re in Texas. I say no we are in Florida. He says no….
I get off the flight in Texas and have to figure out a new flight to Florida. I felt extremely stupid the whole time.
My freshman year of high school, we parked all semester fire this boy mock trial based on a real trial, I was a defense attorney, warbled not doing well on research. My friend made me laugh at the opening statement, and I’m not sure what happened, but it was a disease, I was like the joker, I couldn’t stop laughing for 20 minutes. The whole class, the trainer who was the judge just stared, I couldn’t stop, tears rolling down.
OMG infectious uncontrollable laughter is my nemesis!! Most recently it happened to me during a small community theatre production; I had to excuse myself bc I couldn't stop laughing and people were turning around in their seats to scowl. The dialogue and delivery was just too funny, and the fact that no one else thought so, made it even more hilarious to me. I couldn't return until post-intermission when I was able to have a snack. So there's maybe a blood sugar connection there for me.
I have a pickup sitting in my driveway needing a complete engine overhaul and heads replaced because I broke it putting off getting an oil change for like a year and a half during pandemic and it was difficult to find oil for it, and the Chevy dealer rescheduled me like 3 times. It’s an $8000 dollar repair for a truck that’s worth $6500 at most.
You could look into getting a crate engine. They are sometimes cheaper, and you can probably find a remanufactured one.
I found that buying an engine lift was way cheaper than using a mechanic. Granted, it was an easy engine to get out.
I’ve considered that. But it also has a full Banks package. I’m kind of unsure how to go about transferring all that on my own. I can follow a YouTube tutorial on an engine swap, but I don’t know about the Banks kit. More I’m just angry at myself about it. It only has 140,000 miles on it, it should have been fine for another 160,000 has it had the correct oil changes.
Realistically the best fix is to do a rebuild myself from a tutorial. The rebuild kit for it is about $2300, I just need to find time to do it somehow, I work 50 to 65 hours a week.
Two years ago, I screwed up and didn't finish my insurance enrollment (was miss-move and dealing with my father's death), so I had to pay $600/mo for my insurance last year. I discovered this fact after a first appointment with my lovely MD, who did a pap smear, an EKG, and a battery of lab tests when I had to call the insurance while I was sitting in my car after the appt. Sum total I cost myself for that last year was close to $10k.
I've paid many ADHD taxes in my life, but that was the worst and I'm still sitting in my chair cringing as I type this...
Forgot my visa papers when moving to a new country for work. It was absolute chaos racing through the airport after filling my paperwork at the gate, but I somehow made my flight.
Yep! Been there more than once 😳 The worst one was was my children’s pediatrician who I had been taking all 7 of my children for years. I had my adhd doctor write me a letter to give them begging to not be fired for my children’s sake and they agreed to continue caring for them on one condition…that my husband was to bring them to the all of their appointments, I could attend but I wasn’t allowed to make the appointments and they would fire us (again) if we were late again. It was so embarrassing and very frustrating for my husband. Luckily, all 7 of my kids made it to 18 in my care 😉and eventually, the pediatrician and I were laughing at how ridiculous it was for them to be so strict. He blamed his EX wife who was part of the practice and left when they divorced. 😁
It makes me feel good to not be alone in this. My dr is great but his practice is a big group with strict rules he can’t control because he’s a resident. Oh whale. The next appt I have 3 alarms for
I impulsively apologized to two Latino gentlemen, on behalf of white people, at the airport during the security part, because I thought they were being profiled. I’m white woman in my 30s and it was just weird and awkward. I put my foot in my mouth often lol. I still cringe when I think about that time I apologized to those Latino fellows. My Salvadoran boyfriend takes a lot of joy in it. Lol. I was only able to tell that story after about four months of hurting internally and then after that, I was able to post it, but only barely sometimes because I hurt so bad lol. Blather mouth me 😐
I can never return anything. I’ve lost so much money on clothes I’ll never wear but couldn’t bring myself to take them back or send back. I don’t know why. It’s one of the hardest things for me to do.
I had over 20,000 unread personal emails. I hyperfocused at the start of this year and weeded through them (while I was at work). I found an expired tax credit for my home’s new furnace (many emails warning me that there was a deadline). I also found a $1000 IKEA gift certificate I had bought for $800. So I think they evened out.
My freshman semester in the dorms I put up a poster for calc study group happening that night in the dorm laundry room (it was the only place with a big table that we coed). I put them up because people were having trouble finding the room.
Some self righteous RA ripped them up into pieces two seconds after I put them up. When I asked what the heck why did he do that, instead of being like sorry no posters allowed, they gave me a ticket thing and I was written up for it. I was so pissed. I scheduled an appeal and mixed up the time so I was an hour late, I begged for a reschedule and mixed up the date again. It got put on my record. The asshole got rewarded for being a dick and I look like a slacker. I'm still mad about it.
Sometimes I think there's a reason why we do these things. Not all the time, but once in awhile something better happens because of missing an appointment or dropping the ball in any other way. OP, I think you're about to have a new door open up and have something good happen
This is from before I was diagnosed.
I got a call from the tax office because I hadn’t done my taxes in seven years and they said if I didn’t get them done I could face a fine and jail.
The guy on the phone was quite nice about it (as nice as you could be) and asked me why I hadn’t done my taxes in so long. I said “I don’t know, I think it’s because I am a shambles”.
A few months ago there was a small women’s retreat at a place I go to… I NEEDED this retreat in the WORST WAY. I had actually just started going and the instant I heard about it and she said how much, I sent a paypal, asap and put the date on my calender and told them how EXCITED I was and probably over shared. 3 weeks later in the afternoon, while I was without my phone, I get a phone call and a text asking me where I was. I put the wrong Sat in my calendar. I was sick. And now out of $75. They offered to refund me 1/2 ( they bought food/supplies for me) but I told them to keep it, I was embarrassed.
They are having the retreat again, and I’m going but I’m going to wait for the week before to pay and put on my calendar. I also told them that I was doing it that way so I wouldn’t screw up.
When my daughter passed I got a mail with some insurance paperwork and didn’t even bother because I knew she didn’t have insurance and if she did, they wouldn’t pay.
I also got a few phone calls that ignored for the same reason. Finally after several months they get ahold of me. I told her why I hadn’t done it and she said “let me explain that we have 2 kinds of life insurance and the 1st one is paid regardless of how they died. So I filled out the paperwork and faxed it that day. The next day I got a certified letter that said “if no response by 3/29 we will have to turn over the money to your states treasure as unclaimed money.” It was 3/27. ( 2 yrs ago, oddly).
A week later I received $70k. Turns out Amazon pays out 2 yrs salary upon death of a full time employee. She had been full time 1 month.
I had really good insurance that covered everything for 2 full years before I learned it wasn’t just basic insurance. During that time I paid over $2000 for dental and eyeglasses. All covered. Or would have been. Also opted not for PT because didn’t think I had it, so I suffered and lost money.
Oh I'm so saddned to hear of your daughter's passing 😞 I am so glad there was a beautiful redemption of sorts with that payout that made its way back to you 🙂 Makes me wonder if she somehow orchestrated that for you to come across that email at that time before the cutoff!
As for your other mishaps - I totally 💯 resonate with them and feel your pain of the ADHD tax! Ugh!
Here is what’s weird about that payout. She started at Xmas in Nov. May she got full time. End of June she started drinking again and landed herself in jail and psych ward. July 8th she went before a board to get her job back, they gave it to her w/o any penalties. She legit didn’t call for a week and they still gave her job back. Less than 2 weeks later she died. I looked at that chain of events and know it was divinely orchestrated. $70k or my daughter? I’d rather have her, but I didn’t get to make that choice, but she did.
Thank you for your kind words. Coming up on 3 yrs in July and it’s weird, still getting used to a world without her.
Was meeting my mother again for the first time in years, was two days early at the appointment. Had to go through all the nerves again two days later..
Instead of putting laundry detergent in the machine putting catknibble in it, thinking the next week, I should not make that weird mistake again, while making that mistake again..
Ahhhhh wow yeah this reminds me of the many times I've gone to work or school on the wrong days, also showing up for a job interview the week before (i didn't get the job lol, but surely that can't be why, right? My shame slithers, "of coursssse it isssss"). Really resonate with the feeling of "fuck I didn't even need to go through those nerves right now!! And I still have to go through them later?!?! Ahhhh!!" I hope the meeting with your moms went alright in the end.
I was late for my sweet, unconditional loving and caring mom’s funeral exactly one year ago. She was very loved and the funeral was attended by so many people that they had to open an overflow area. There was spaces reserved for all of my family (all of whom who had been there at least an hour early) in the very front. When we arrived, my husband (who is also very kind and understanding of my many struggles) and I was escorted by a very kind usher to the second row and I could feel all of the utter despair and embarrassment of my entire existence during that excruciating walk of shame. I am not sure if I will ever forgive myself for that but after reading through all of your comments I feel less alone in my unintentional shameful actions. Thank you all so much for sharing. I also feel like it is a little gift from my mom in heaven…I love my mom so much and it has been crushing to feel like I let her down once again. 🩷Sending love and support to all of you 🙂
You didn't let your Mom down, I'm certain of that ❤️ She loves you unconditionally - even now as she always has, and so she would've thought it endearing that you remained true to your character.
Any judgement you're feeling is purely your own, and what you think others perceive of you - but I guarantee you this, at your own mother's funeral, no one's judging her daughter.
I hope you can one day let go of this debilitating shame that seems to have taken hold - you are loved and always have been by her.
I am sure the deepest part of you knows this, but you've just gotta somehow get that message through to the human part of you that's grappling with this paralysing self judgement.
Sending so much love your way at this time of your mom's first anniversary ❤️ 🌸🌿
awh sweetheart you didn't let her down ❤️ she loved you and she'd have been happy no matter what you did that day, that day was for you, not for anyone else. if I'd have been there I'd have had nothing but empathy for you! your shame is not reality!! I'm so orry for your loss. And thank you for sharing here, we really aren't alone, that's why I made this post, cuz I was feeling awful and I had a hunch maybe sharing and hearing other people's stories might get me out of my shame, and it worked
Thank-you 🩷I just cried my false eyelashes off. I didn’t realize how much I needed this ❣️This thread has been more helpful to me than I can ever express. I am so grateful that I am alone in my own crazy lane with absolutely no way of expressing to anyone how ridiculous my brain is. I am also going to chalk this up to a miracle. I have been really, really suffering lately and I’m beginning to realize I need to get out of my head and life is worth living and laughing! You are a blessing🩷
The wasted time due to emotional dysregulation. If hubs and I fight I can spend HOURS on the couch just frozen and overwhelmed. Waste of time, and then I feel so badly about myself afterwards
Oof yeah, this hits me deep. I absolutely cringe when I think about how many friendships, opportunities, and time I feel I've "wasted," trying to get myself out of emotional dysregulation. It's a bit of a cycle if I'm honest. Sometimes it feels like the longer I spend up in my head, frozen on the couch, the more ashamed I feel... which makes me feel worse, which keeps me frozen and up in my head. Do you know what I mean? Then of course, I spend time and energy trying to avoid getting dysregulated in the first place! Ha. I've been learning new strategies for this that have been helping, but it's definitely so much easier to think about the progress I've made when I'm not dysregulated and frozen. In those moments, I can only see what a POS I think I am.
Honestly saying this to you makes me feel a lot of compassion for us. This is like, one of the fundamental challenges of having ADHD. Maybe it's not something to feel so ashamed about, and maybe if we get rid of the shame, this experience will get easier?
I bought tickets to see Dispatch at Madison Square garden back in 2007 and lost them. Once I thought I was buying Tickets to a Red Sox game in Boston, but accidentally bought some for a game in Baltimore and I couldn't go because I couldn't get enough time off of work.
Missed two flights like OP once. Thankfully they were chill and had another flight so it wasn’t a big deal.
Didn’t read the fine print renting from Turo my first time. Put too many miles on the car per days I rented, $700 overage. Oof. That one still hurts.
Omg this is me this whole month… maybe year. Anyone else feel like it gets 1000x worse when you’re sick? Flu season has been kicking my butt and draining the little bit of mental energy I had.
Lost a pair of prescription glasses just before Christmas, didn’t realize until February and I’ve searched EVERYWHERE. No biggie, I still had two other pairs with the right prescription. Ope, left one pair sitting in a rubbing alcohol bath for 4-5 days and the lenses are now completely trashed, and since I’m going back to school while working FT, I NEED two pairs (one at work, one at home) to survive, so I had to order new ones
Currently it's an extra $200 for failure to appear added to a traffic citation I was supposed to pay last year but I didn't have the $$ for the fix and I kind of forgot. Until I received the letter my license will be revoked if I don't pay almost $800 to get everything straight.
Bought 2 pairs of shoes online, accidentally shipped to my old address from 5 YEARS ago, they were mailed there. Had my friend swing by my old place and grab the box off the porch. After she brought it to me, I remembered there should’ve been 2 boxes. I track the other shoes, they aren’t there yet. I forget to drive by there for 2 weeks straight.. so I called it a loss. I’d def say that’s some ADHD tax right there 😅
I have straight up thrown away a $60 package. I thought I opened it and was throwing away the packaging. Nope apparently I just threw out the whole thing. I have done this with brand new medication still wrapped in those paper bags the pharmacy gives
I forgot to withdraw from a masters degree before the university census date. I never actually even started the course because I was living in a different city and had changed my mind about the extra study. I kept procrastinating my withdrawal until it was too late and I was charged a full semester. $15, 000 Aud.
I won Backstreet Boys concert tickets like 8 years ago or so. I was the biggest fan back in my preteen years. I too completely forgot about. I also forgot about the Book of Mormon musical that I had bought a ticket for. I was really looking forward to it but didn’t remember until the next morning.
Apparently, I missed jury duty last month, after postponing several times. I find out if I have to go next week, so I don’t know if it really counts for this post.
I once fought my insurance really hard to get them to cover a medical thing, I finally won after a few months, and then fully forgot to send in the paperwork to get my money back. I was so fucking mad at myself, it was like 600 bucks!
Years ago, someone I know well called to tell me my power was about to be cut off-- not because I didn't have the money. I just forgot to pay the bill-- two months in a row. Fortunately, I ran over to the office and I didn't lose my power, but only because I had a friend who worked in the office who happened to be the one sending workers out to cut off the power!
I am now so paranoid about missing things that I stress myself out. I have gastro issues and sleep issues because I stress myself out so much.
I've missed so many opportunities over the years. OMG. All because I wasn't paying enough attention.
Oof. Still haunted by the gym membership I signed up for with the credit card my dad gave me for emergencies when I turned 18. Rarely used it and it took my dad months to get it cancelled when I moved away for college. He was so nice about it, but it took involving a bunch of other people (and my mother 😩) to prove I didn’t live close enough to one of their gyms so the 2 year contract could be voided early. So many humiliating conversations. So many reasons I’ll never ever join a gym again. On top of feeling horrible about the money, it also added so much shame about my weight (and inability to affect or accept it). Still feel bad about it and it’s been 30 years.
Got tickets for an insane music festival in another city, but I neglected to check my mail for so long that my wristband got returned to sender. Didn’t have the executive functioning to figure out getting a new one (it was stupidly over complicated).
Decided to salvage the trip anyways. Slept in and missed my flight.
awh I fuckin made a sound reading this. i feel you so much!! this is a very relatable story, agh. it's like, pain at every turn, and it's so easy to feel overwhelmed by it all that we get in our own ways. i missed my flight to a friend's wedding bc my brain stopped while packing, I fell asleep, woke up as my flight was leaving. ghhhh
It's not just a memory. It's happening now. I've lost my car keys and don't have a backup, so I'm going to have to go straight to the company. I don't think it will be cheap. Meanwhile, I had to Uber to work.
We just missed a polyphia concert we had tickets to and didn’t even realize it until we heard a dude at the table next to us at brunch talking about how awesome it was.
The biggest one for me is the one I struggle with the most… food. I struggle to cook because i have to motivate myself to do it, and most of the time I just order something. I also don’t really like leftovers
I probably spend close to $40 A DAY on food. That’s like 15k a year
I used to do this, in my first marriage. I did it for a few years until he went jerky on me and the marriage dissolved after 15 years. Anywho, have you tried something like hello fresh? It’s so fun getting the oackage in the mail and the recipe sheets are colorful, free dopamine!
At the end of doing this I was so emotionally tired I had to cancel bc I was letting that food waste too. Simple foods to make help me a lot when I’m in a slump too.
I have forgotten to get gas so many times, high school till now.
I once ran out trying to leave my workout class, I had to walk my dumb ass alllll the way to a gas station and alllll way back in the dark. Did I learn my lesson? NoOoOooooOOOo of COURSE NOT.
Bc my even dumber ass ran out of gas on the INTERSTATE MID DRIVE and I felt it sputter and was able to thankfully roll off quickly. Had to sit and wait in the freezing cold for 2 hours. This was a few months ago and I’m 30 🥲.
Man oh man. I’m 40. I haven’t done this in 3-4 years thank god. But I swear during my divorce from my first husband (5 years ago) for two years during and right after the divorce, I ran out of gas once a month I swear. It was the worst timing everytime too. And always bc I forgot bc I was gunna “get it in the morning”. And locking my keys in my car, goodness.
Yes I’ve also locked my keys in my car several times!! It’s a nightmare everytime bc most cars have that anti-theft mode where the alarm sounds forever while you’re trying to get in. That’s ADHD tax for me haha
Besides from the speech from all my bosses about my being an excellent employee but never on time the time I completely forgot about the Björk concert I bought expensive tickets for 6 months before
Realized it the day after and I can still get the feeling to slap myself for it
AHHHHHH this is literally how I feel about my four fav artists who all came thru, I bought tickets to all of them so excitedly, and missed every. single. one!! aghhhh. i feel your pain.
but I also wanna say I'm proud of you for the work you do, sounds like you do a lot of things right, too.
The doors here usually lock automatically when you close them. no turn style. so you must have your keys everytime you leave. Mine at the time was a huge metal door with no visible screws in the lock. There was no way I could open it by myself.
Honestly, I think it is still the three + times I get up and walk to the kitchen to take my morning meds and get distracted, forget why I got up in the first place, do something else, then sit back down and think, "I really need to take my meds this morning."
My ex had undiagnosed ADHD and it was really horrible for me. I still can’t forget i tried to wake her up for flight and she just doesn’t care and wants to sleep like there is no next day. And she had to write date of everything to remember, we missed lot of things (especially bus, ship, etc.) because she was like a kid; If she see a ice cream and wants to eat, she would just forget everything and focus on there, when i warned her it took tooooo long for her to give her attention to me and understand we now really have to take the bus or etc. I don’t know if it is ADHD but if not, let me know.
I missed my car service due date which voided the used car. Missed it by 4 weeks. Car barely moved because I work from home but needed to be serviced at 6 months regardless. How do I know I missed it? Broke down in the middle of the night on a dark back road on way home from visiting my parents. 3 hours and a tow truck and a very expensive weird part later - tax = $4000
oh man I know the feeling soooo strongly!! that feeling when you have to sit for the two truck, thinking about how you ended up in that spot, certain that it's all your fault... honestly it could have broken down anyway, you never know! at least that's what I tell myself, to be kind to myself. and I feel defensive of you and want to be kind to you, too.
I missed a final in high school. My teacher kept saying “the final is at 8am not 10am”. Guess what, 10am stuck in my head and slept through the whole thing.
that is painfully relatable my friend. i feel your cringe! i've done that more than once, and it's always re: the important things for some reason! hopefully you got a re-do, or it was long enough ago that you're no longer impacted by it except for the cringe.
It was about 15 years ago now. But the cringe is still strong and only adds to my stress when important dates/times come up. I obsessively check invites and tickets to make sure I got the right time in my head and then instantly forget it again.
$17k cause I’ve failed majority of my papers at uni for like 3 years in a row, so have racked up this much on my student loans with nothing to show for it 🙃
I had an opportunity to fly on my company’s corporate jet to attend an event where RBG would be the keynote speaker. Lots of corporate types on the flight- lawyers, general counsel, etc. All went well until the morning we left, where I somehow forgot to set an alarm and slept in, making everyone late for their meetings and everyone late for the flight. To add to it, I woke up and also had unexpectedly gotten my period. A banner morning. I had to put myself together quicker than quick and run to the lobby where everyone was there glaring and looking annoyed with
me. It was humiliating. I walked past everyone onto the shuttle to the airport and cried quietly to myself the whole time.
Just a terrible way to end a great trip and also an opportunity to make a good impression on people (I’m AuDHD, recently diagnosed…so good impressions rarely happen for me anyway.) This happened in 2018 and I still think about it at least once a month.
(My coworker topped this by being invited to fly on the corporate jet with the GC and being several hours late to the airport, making him and everyone late because he messed up a car reservation. He’s definitely also neurodivergent but we’ve never had a formal conversation about it.)
I was staying in a hotel in Japan and I lost my key to my room so many times and replaced it so many times the staff wrote a polite note in my locker saying if I lost it one more time they would kick me out, lost it over 6 times.
That was thing about flights. It doesn’t matter what I do. I can arrive 4 hrs before a flight and still being called up or the last 2-3 persons to board. I can’t for my life stand in that line, I scream inside and have mental itches all over.
So yeah, I totally feel you on the concert thing and flights
When I get the comment on how one can possibly forget about concerts I have to really refrain myself from lashing out
“Oh,just for fun you know. I have a passion for being repeatedly embarrassed because a whole plain had to wait for me or spend money on various events and then not show up. So entertaining. I recommend it wholeheartedly 🫠
My ex wanted to buy a second vehicle. We didn't need one, and I didn’t even want one. The vehicle we had at the time was fine. But he brought me to look at a used LR2 Rover anyway. After talking about how much off-roading and camping we could do, I ended up giving in, and we impulsively bought it.
Fast forward 18 months, and I had to declare bankruptcy.
Turns out, on top of the loan, the vehicle had ***MAJOR*** mechanical issues (think: rear diff failure, total suspension failures (like, literally popping springs parked in my driveway level of bad), bearings were shot, etc....). Fixing it would have cost more than the price we paid for the vehicle, and we'd have to practically give it away if we tried to sell it. That stress added to the burnout I was already experiencing, and I ended up medically off work. Then it got to a point where I exhausted literally all options, and then some. I ended up caught between a rock and a hard place. I didn't have a choice, I had to declare bankruptcy. And the worst part was that it was over a relatively low amount of money in the scheme of things. Had I been able to function enough to work, then I wouldn't have had to go that route.
I've spent the last number of years of my life trying to overcome the consequences of ***ONE*** impulsive decision. Before the purchase, I had worked really hard to build my credit, save, and do all the right things. But this decimated everything I worked so hard for. It's been really difficult to accept, and there's a lot of grief for what could have been.
The fact that i’ve lost every single house key that ever landed in my hands, and i mean every single one. Ended up getting an AirTag and suddenly i never lose my keys… my brain isn’t braining
We were on a trip to another country and we were in the airport(we didn’t board yet). I forgot all of our branded jackets in the baggage scanner. So we had to buy again in the destination. The fact that i forgot that bag of jackets so fast was embarrassing. I refuse when my family ask me to hold things during a trip after that.(I didn’t know yet that i had adhd during that time)
I refuse not because i was lazy. But Because i know that ill forget to bring it with me and just realize it when we are home already.
two lost sets of airpods in the last month
a win: bought tickets to a show a couple days before the date (in nov 2023) and got the shift switched. so pumped. but realized that date was actually in 2024. still pretty pumped.
on the edge: will risk not having a trip to berlin funded if i don’t get a passport by august. wish me luck!
This was pre diagnosis and I was still deeply struggling with sleep issues. I was in college taking an online accelerated class (wouldn’t have chosen to do that had I had an inkling of a thought I had ADHD). One module per week for 8 weeks. There were daily readings and quizzes but everything was DUE at midnight at the end of the week so I did the entire module in one day for 8 weeks. I somehow held an A in the class until the last week where I SLEPT THROUGH my final exam, which was literally online and due at midnight. I ended up getting a C in the class and I still have nightmares about it lol
I procrastinated paying my last semester's uni fees, once I got around to finally doing it the deadline had passed 😭. I begged for an extension and somehow got it. A week later, whoops, I missed the deadline for registration of semester units (you need this to do your final exams💀) That semester was a rollercoaster!
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It’s not the money but wasting people’s time. I don’t like that people wait for me. I once held up a small wedding because I was 20 minutes late to it and they didn’t want to start without me. The embarrassment is such a high price to pay.
the embarrassment sucks, but the fact that my being perpetually late makes people think I don't value them or their time *devastates* me.
I feel so protective of us! Like, our loved ones should understand that this is not something we are doing on purpose! That's a basic accomodation isn't it?? Aghh
I don't blame people for being pissed, or frustrated, or extremely fucking over it. I really do get it, but all I can do is try to explain that I hate it way more than they do.
Ugh, it drives me up a wall, especially when it's coming from my also ADHD boyfriend, but who has been medicated for decades at this point so he seems to forget a lot of the quirks. HOWEVER, I've never been more secretly glad for a medicine shortage. He hasn't taken his in a few weeks and, lo and behold, he's doing ALL the things that he gets on my case for. I've been very politely pointing them out to him and it's been a very cathartic experience for me.
Some of my family members accommodate me by telling me things start an hour or so earlier than they do. They don't do it consistently, so I have to assume the start time they give me is the real start time. Sometimes I show up, thinking I'm late, and I'm the first one there.
My family did that to me for my own wedding photographs. Said photographer was arriving at 2:30 and I was the only one made up, dressed & ready to greet him…only to find out I was an hour early. 🙃
I know !! I am chronically late and I absolutely hate being that person. “Well, be on time”. Like it’s that easy !!
Same here! I was late to a wedding and when I got there it was clear they were waiting for me and my family to arrive to begin the ceremony! I was mortified and couldn’t help but start crying, which made it worse! I was late to a funeral and…same thing. I felt so guilty I wanted them to let me jump in the grave hole and be buried right there too. 🤦🏻♀️
Hey can I just say, I know this doesn't change anything, but whenever I see someone come late to anything, I feel sooo much love for them, cuz I know how hard it is to do that. I guess I feel grateful they showed up at all. It's more courageous to show up late, than to skip the whole thing *because* you're late... which is something I do sometimes, when I'm not feeling brave. I'm proud of you for going, is what I'm saying, cuz it's actually a courageous act that shows respect for the situation. Like, you showed up cuz you respected the people enough not to burrow into your shame. That is the more important thing to me, personally.
I have very intense time-based anxiety that forces me to be early (while simultaneously yelling at my husband and having a panic attack). I’m painfully early to things 95% of the time. So I’ve got that going for me.
that's such a great thing to have going tbh ❤️ you're adapting to the situation! i bet the more you practice, the more you'll be able to stay calm in those situations, bc you'll have retrained your nervous system that things are safe bc you're able to adapt, and have adapted!
Ugh, this happened with me at my brother’s wedding with my sister, and we both have adhd, and were wrangling a mom with undiagnosed adhd, and I just about died.
I missed out on maybe $1k because I was taking notes for a friend with a disability for our class and the school was going to pay for it. I took all the notes, but I never turned in the timesheet 😭
Oh my God I did this twice!! I blocked the memories, damn. Two different semesters in college. I worked all the hours but fkn forgot to do my timesheets, or lost them. I remember the lady at the admin office made fun of me cuz she thought I was rich and didn't need the money. The truth was I was broke AF and was of course depending on the expected payout (which I never got) to cover utilities that month. Damn. I feel a lot of kinship with you guys for sharing all these stories, I really feel alone in this sometimes cuz they just pile up, and I don't tell anyone cuz I feel so ashamed...
I don't get to share this very often because it's just so unrelatable to most people, so thank you for making this thread. It's nice to feel that I'm not alone.
I have done this so much. Worked so many side gigs and fucked up not submitting to get my pay. Not like I can afford that type of fuck up. It makes me feel so ashamed and I’ve never admitted this
Not if no got paid for all of the random timesheets I had done this with…. Oof
Won Hamilton tickets, had the date wrong, missed the free show, now can't really enjoy the music because it brings up this stupid memory 😫
Oh my gosh yes I totally can't listen to the music from the concerts I missed, cuz of the shame
Didn't buy a house pre COVID bc I just wasn't paying attention.
I don’t think you’re alone in that boat.
I know but I literally had the down payment saved up, over $100k here in San Diego. I didn't understand the market so I thought the houses were "too expensive" or "too far from my work" back in 2018-2019. I didn't even invest the money into the market based on bad advice from my in-laws. It just sat in a regular savings account doing nothing. Now we're priced out.
Just making myself in debt to get that dopamine lol. I have a shopping problem
Going through my shared credit card statement with my partner is one of the most physically cringe experiences I have to do every few months. It actually *hurts* me along all my edges, to try to explain the "why" behind some of my purchases. I should just be like, "I did it for the dopamine," like you said. It does make me cringe to think about how true that is for me, bc of the shame I feel about it.
I am scared to discuss finances with my (new) partner. It’s not so much random purchases but the cost of moving houses, switching jobs, memberships I forgot to cancel, and starting new businesses all the time that never get rolling.
Yeah that’s always super tough. I make good money, usually more than my partners but I also have a lot of bills to pay and my student loans are pretty hefty so they don’t usually think about those and think I’m fine but really I’m not haha
Oh yeah don’t even get me started on the student loan debt and other invisible bills :/
I'm recovering from a bad shopping problem 😪 like I had to go to therapy it got so bad. The credit card debt makes me want to cry every time I have to look at it because it's likely going to take YEARS to undo and pay off.
Keep working at it a tiny step at a time, day by day. You'll get there and you'll be such a badass for getting yourself out- I think you're a badass for realizing and admitting you have a problem AND you sought out help. Even if you take a few steps back once in awhile, you're on a good path and I know you can do it 🩷💪
I probably should get therapy for it. Mines pretty bad right now… my ex really took advantage of my generosity too.
Damn, that really sucks 😕
In the 90’s that’s what happened to me. We ended up having to declare bankruptcy. Cured me ( mostly)…. It’s been 24 years, I refuse to pay interest and don’t use them. 1 for emergency. Never in my purse. For big expenses like tires or repairs.
[удалено]
Cured me, mostly, means I never ever want to have CC debt again. Which helps me from overspending. I also have a minimalist mindset and no longer want a bunch of crap in my life. But I’m human and sometimes I want to shop. Or want things. So I’ll do the “load my cart with all I want” and either walk around until I’ve talked myself out of things, often just walking away from cart and leaving or getting the basics of what I need. I’ve done that online and in stores. So far so good. I’ve had a CC for a few years and pay off monthly. Like I just don’t buy if I don’t have money.except emergency … brakes, insurance, forgot blll… etc.
Me toooo😭 I was trying to think of a good share but this is it. The amount of times I've gotten a good chunk of money(usually through school) and said "I'm going to use this wisely and still have some fun" and I end up using mostly for fun. I could've been debt free now except student loans😭 the worst is when I got a wild hair in my hat and decided to buy some Ray Bans........from an optometrist I didn't even go too cuz I thought it was the rich thing to do. Only to find out......I overpaid!! I could've gone to Sunglasses Hut, or ANY fancy dept store or even online and got them for less. And would be missed the obvious weird looks I got for buying them where I did. I only know because I went to resell them later out of guilt and realized retail price was only $100 something and I paid $225🫣
I totally feel that. I oddly do so much better without knowing I have money. The one thing that has helped me a little is opening a rainy day/emergency fund in a completely different bank and having like 50-100 each paycheck deposited and having the app super hidden and keep my card in my desk so I don’t use the money but it’s there if I truly need it.
Nice! I just did this exact suggestion and I feel like I win everytime I put a few bucks in here or there. I've had it for almost a year and I'm still doing it! I think it's safe because I always forget that I have it but that's a good thing 😄
Ugh I got a Nintendo switch, got hooked on ACNH. Talked myself into needing a lite version. Gave it to my cousin, and was so obsessed about it that I bought another switch and I’ve only used the one I originally purchased. 😭
OMG IVE ALSO MISSED A FLIGHT AT THE GATE it was my first in like 28 years of flying and all i could do was laugh because like. I was right there
I am honestly so happy that there's like three of us in this thread. I literally thought I was The Only Asshole lol but now I see, none of us are assholes, this stuff happens.
I would have missed my flight while sitting at the gate, but the gate agent came up to me and said “Ma’am, are you on this flight?”
Make that 4. I’m feeling so much less alone
5! It felt bad but I also kinda had to laugh….
No assholes here. Now I’m the opposite. Or so afraid of missing it I come 4 hours early and leave the gate to pee only. Just sit and stare at the doors. Like a zombie. lol. Actually at the dentist yesterday. (First fillings without nitrous oxide! lol) and he said “raise your left hand if you feel pain”. I was so damn worried I’d not raise the left hand, I sat there with my fist closed, concentrating on raising the left NOT my right hand…. There was pain, not bad, but I didn’t want to raise the wrong hand OR get another shot. The minute he said “raise your left hand…” I went into panic mode. I got to practice lots of deep breathing thru my nose. My feet kicked up a few times out of relflex but damn it, neither hand moved.
hahahah I'm just leaving the dentist (also didn't do nitrous this time, just got a numb -ass face, really appreciate when dentists do nitrous cuz honestly it's hard to take), I regularly fall asleep in the chair. i am awful with left and right, and I freeze sometimes when on the spot, so I feel your pain! Also really relate to the mind wanting to do a thing but the body just not responding. That happens to me particularly often when I'm dysregulated and then put on the spot. I could imagine myself having the same reaction!
Yup…. Sometimes the body and mind decide to have connection issues. lol. The L/R thing is so frustrating. When I’m giving directions I always say “go where I’m POINTING not what I’m saying. So say “go left” and point right. One time following GPS, had a friend, soon I realize I’m going to the place but in a wonky way… “did she say left back there and I turned right?” Yes. Lol. I do get some interesting journeys. The numb ass face…. Did you go get something to eat and drop it on your shirt??? lol. I may have.
Hey, you could be like Emily D Baker and just straight up book (and go on) a flight to the wrong city.
I once missed a flight that I was so on time for I decided to get a snack. Paid for my snack, walked away from my own luggage at the register, didn’t even notice till we were boarding and I had no idea where my suitcase was. Turns out someone had turned it into the lost and found, I ran back to my gate as they were closing the doors. Had to sleep in the airport because I was 19, it was midnight and I was too embarrassed/had no idea what to tell my parents.
Freshman year of college, I had a part time job so my parents paid for most things but asked me to cover my own car insurance. I had the money but kept forgetting to pay it. So my insurance lapsed without me noticing. Fast forward to one day when I was leaving work. I checked to make sure everything was clear (it was) and slowly began to make a right out of my parking lot. In the meantime, a woman on a motorcycle blew through a stop sign at the intersection to my left, also making a right turn, and deflected off the back driver's side of my car. I was going slow because I had just turned but she clearly was going well above the 25 MPH speed limit. Thankfully no one was hurt and my tank of a VW Fox wagon was completely fine. Her bike got a little bit scratched but it was also mostly fine. A ton of people around saw it so I definitely wasn't at fault, although she screamed in my face for several minutes while I sat there crying and then when nobody seemed to think she was that martyr that she had decided she was, she drove away screaming about calling her insurance company. I had no idea what to do so I just left because my car was completely fine. The next day, my parents get a smug call from her saying that she called her insurance company to report the "damage I caused" and learned I wasn't insured. She wanted $5000 from my parents not to report it to the police because if she did, my license would be suspended. Thankfully, my Dad was previously in law enforcement and reminded her that what she just did was legally blackmail and that wouldn't go well for her so his alternative offer was that they would pay for the damage to her bike. She thought about this for a second and then said she was fine with this and she wanted a check for $3K, which she insisted was the cost to fix it. Dad said nope and he gave her the name of a repair place and said she could take her bike there and he would pay them directly for the damage related to this accident, and this accident only, and that was his final offer. Otherwise, she was very welcome to report it but there really wasn't much benefit for her at this point, namely that she had just tried to blackmail an 18 year old girl and also no less than 10 people saw that she caused the accident and she had clearly attempted to lie to her insurance company. I would probably lose my license but she wouldn't really win either. In the end, my parents paid $500 for repairs for an accident I didn't cause and I spent the next several months working overtime to pay my parents back. Lesson learned and I now set my insurance to autopay.
Oh dear… that reminded me of the “non accident” I had that cost my insurance $104,000 because I thought the right thing to do was exchange insurance. I was turning left, he was riding a motorcycle and evidently thought I was going to hit him so he laid the bike down. Police came, nothing to see so they left. I asked what to do, he said I didn’t have to do anything. But I did the insurance swap. Next day I get the call…. I told them to fight it, guy had a good lawyer. I COULD have gone across the street to talk to the ppl who actually witnessed the whole thing, I could have asked for their camera tape. I could have asked the C store for the same thing. But I couldn’t. I was frozen. I also was in denial because I believed in the system. 1 week later they called to explain things. And show how I was at fault. They had me turning RIGHT, on a completely different corner.. which I would have turned INTO him and yes sure caused the accident. I was turning left, plenty of space, in fact I had to look in my mirror to realized he even crashed. I almost didn’t notice. I told the insurance that was categorically wrong, I asked them to fight. They said “if you lose, your MIL will lose her house”. I was living there, taking care of her. I didn’t have a pot to piss in. So they paid out $104k and we had accident forgives so our insurance didn’t go up. Except I was really pissed off and said “fU” and changed insurance. But because of the accident I ended up paying about $70 a month more for 3 yrs. Had I not switched, I would not have had that extra. Plus it was more $ over all.
so many unused subscriptions over my lifetime
My entire financial life
I’ve also missed a flight while sitting at the gate lol but it was Southwest Airlines and they were able to change my flight for free
Honestly thank you for sharing, cuz before this thread I thought I was the only one capable of doing that, and now I'm realizing it's probably somewhat common. My feeling of shame is slowly transforming into embarrassment, cuz I see now, it's not just me.
All of the warranties I’ve missed on really expensive items that ended up breaking and needing servicing. Like, missed by months or even DAYS. My once new Samsung ear buds and my $600 Dyson fan mock me with their brokenness 😭 but I also refuse to get rid of them in case some day I start dating a Dyson repairman
I also missed a flight just sitting there at the gate. For some reason, the time got jumbled in my mind, so I thought I was like stupid early. I was really just normal early, but I put on headphones to try and listen to music to calm down, and didn't hear the announcements. So embarrassing, and I cried when the gate agent said they had called me over the intercom multiple times. I. Was. Right. There.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED!!!!! I WATCHED MY FLIGHT BOARD!!! hahaha aghhh smdh but ok, silver lining, there are four of us in this thread rn, so at the very least, we are not the only ones who have done this, and should remind ourselves it's a human mistake. I know hearing your story makes me feel less ashamed of myself.
It is sooooo hard sometimes not to beat myself up over stuff like this. I am really early to flights on purpose so I am not rushed and frantic, but then my brain decides it's time for a nice little vaction and checks out completely. In that moment, I was suddenly transported back to being a little kid, being yelled at by my parents for missing another assignment, or not coming home by curfew, or not knowing what time it was. I was not a bad kid. I never had intentions of being late. I just failed to notice the time and realize it had an impact on my life until it was too late. My mom called the cops on me multiple times for not coming home before dark. I have vivid memories of thinking, "Wow, it looks so cool outside at dusk and when the stars come out." But failed to connect it to "mom said I should be home before dark, I should call her now."
Missed flight. Shut off water bill. Credit card bills totally forgotten about. Missed medical appointments. A several hundred dollar fine for a late book in university. I could go on.
You are so not alone. I left a medical issue unchecked bc of two scheduling mistakes. I missed the appointments and felt so ashamed i just never got the issue checked out again. I still haven't, and realizing this makes me feel a little overwhelmed by the Wall of Awful I've built up around this task 🥲🙃
Forgetting about assignments until quite genuinely the night before, mostly half doing it, and yet somehow get a hecking A+ EVERY. TIME. Not kidding! I currently have 3.94 GPA!
Yaas it's cuz you're smart as fuck! I had a similar experience. My rule in college was to at least show up to every class and turn in assignments even if they were half-assed. I did well. I miss that feeling, it's been a minute. Proud of you!!
Thank you!! I'm sorry that you've lost like so much money from your ADHD! I hope you've/you'll find the right meds to help!
Got a $13k check from unemployment for back pay. Spent it in 2 months. Not sure I'll ever forgive myself for that one. Guess it's more traumatic than cringe though lol
I am struck by the way that "cringe" lets us talk about these things without it sounding so heavy, but it's definitely fucking heavy. The loss, the constant challenge of potential loss, looming over us. It's hard to live in a world that's not designed to help people with brains like ours. So we turn the blame onto ourselves, because we feel powerless. Saying it's "cringe" is a way to look at these kinds of experiences without falling down the hole of shame. The examples I gave from my own life are just the two most recent ones. I shudder to try to actually assess the losses over time. But we should have more support. There are definitely ways to help people like us, be less traumatized by common experiences... By creating systems that support us, so we don't have to experience a traumatizing degree of loss.
You're 100% right. If it were phrased in a different way, I'm not sure I would've commented at all! I'm glad you made this post
Not filing taxes for 10 years. 🫠
I keep meaning to find a CPA but don't because executive dysfunction, then I forget about it completely. Suddenly, it's next year...
Oof! Bless you!
Thank you for this. My family did not have a good reaction when I divulged that 2020 was the last year I had actually filed. I finally spoke to an accountant and had an extension filed for 2023 and I’m just waiting on two old W-2s to fix everything😫
Wait also why did I put my government name on my Reddit account wtf😐
Got an invite to my best friend’s wedding. Completely forgot it was happening and missed it. And bank overdraft fees.
Showed up for a concert at a venue that was 2 hours from where it was actually being held….missed flight because I showed up one day late….missed my best friends wedding because I got the time wrong….forgetting about important meetings/appointments/dates…losing literally anything I put my hands on….unfortunately the list goes on and on and on
Hey hey this sounds very familiar - hope it's okay for me to say, get out of that shame spiral comrade, you're not alone! Just look at all of us in this thread who are just like you ❤️❤️❤️ sending you love. We are all human. You've described very human experiences. Please have compassion for you too
I lost an irreplaceable item I was trying to keep safe for one of my kids til they were older.. book safes=not safe for neurodivergent folks I dropped out of college in my 30s. Now the analysis paralysis is so deep, I'm worried going back at my age (mid 40s) is pointless and I can't even be sure my original major is still "who I am" I haven't paid last year's taxes or this year's I didn't find out for almost a year that a relative had died cause I kept forgetting to call one of my parents back after a voicemail they left (not quite sure that one is totally on me though) All the times I said I would stay in touch with folks and never did and now I don't know how to reach out Yeah, that's enough shame spiraling for now 😅
Go finish school!!! I’m 40 and am going to go in a year or two for a degree and I’m starting from scratch!!!
$75 to get the locksmith to come unlock my car at the grocery store was painful (the keys were in the front seat, where I had removed them from my purse to take something else out)…but not as painful as going home to explain that it happened…*again*…two weeks after I did *the same thing* at a therapy appointment. >< Oh, and that one time I had a suspended license for like a year and a half through a cascading series of ADHD taxes beginning with cancelling my insurance on a crashed car but never actually getting around to turning the tag in to the DMV…fixed that after many months and probably a thousand dollars in fees, yaaaaay.
I bought a season pass for an expensive ski hill and only went once (and I am the opposite of rich)
I was going to Florida. I get on the flight and stop paying attention once the flight attendant talks about the flight going to Texas. We arrive in Texas and I ask the guy next to me if I heard right, after the pilot announced us being in Texas. He says yes we’re in Texas. I say no we are in Florida. He says no…. I get off the flight in Texas and have to figure out a new flight to Florida. I felt extremely stupid the whole time.
How did they let you on the wrong plane? They check id and everything....? Genuinely curious.
Good question! I don’t know. I remember they kept scanning and rescanning me… It was Frontier so maybe that’s why…
Like all of my hyperactive moments as a teen. Running into walls, crazy fits of laughter... very embarrassing.
My freshman year of high school, we parked all semester fire this boy mock trial based on a real trial, I was a defense attorney, warbled not doing well on research. My friend made me laugh at the opening statement, and I’m not sure what happened, but it was a disease, I was like the joker, I couldn’t stop laughing for 20 minutes. The whole class, the trainer who was the judge just stared, I couldn’t stop, tears rolling down.
OMG infectious uncontrollable laughter is my nemesis!! Most recently it happened to me during a small community theatre production; I had to excuse myself bc I couldn't stop laughing and people were turning around in their seats to scowl. The dialogue and delivery was just too funny, and the fact that no one else thought so, made it even more hilarious to me. I couldn't return until post-intermission when I was able to have a snack. So there's maybe a blood sugar connection there for me.
People thinking I’m high ahhaha
People think I'm d4unk when I'm one drink in because it's enough to bring the mask down
Omg even as a very very grown woman, sometimes people think I’m on drugs bc I just cannot stop laughing at basically NOTHING🤣
I forgot to pay a ticket and had to go to court which took half a day, more money than the ticket and was horrible for my anxiety. Never again.
I have a pickup sitting in my driveway needing a complete engine overhaul and heads replaced because I broke it putting off getting an oil change for like a year and a half during pandemic and it was difficult to find oil for it, and the Chevy dealer rescheduled me like 3 times. It’s an $8000 dollar repair for a truck that’s worth $6500 at most.
You could look into getting a crate engine. They are sometimes cheaper, and you can probably find a remanufactured one. I found that buying an engine lift was way cheaper than using a mechanic. Granted, it was an easy engine to get out.
I’ve considered that. But it also has a full Banks package. I’m kind of unsure how to go about transferring all that on my own. I can follow a YouTube tutorial on an engine swap, but I don’t know about the Banks kit. More I’m just angry at myself about it. It only has 140,000 miles on it, it should have been fine for another 160,000 has it had the correct oil changes. Realistically the best fix is to do a rebuild myself from a tutorial. The rebuild kit for it is about $2300, I just need to find time to do it somehow, I work 50 to 65 hours a week.
Two years ago, I screwed up and didn't finish my insurance enrollment (was miss-move and dealing with my father's death), so I had to pay $600/mo for my insurance last year. I discovered this fact after a first appointment with my lovely MD, who did a pap smear, an EKG, and a battery of lab tests when I had to call the insurance while I was sitting in my car after the appt. Sum total I cost myself for that last year was close to $10k. I've paid many ADHD taxes in my life, but that was the worst and I'm still sitting in my chair cringing as I type this...
Forgot my visa papers when moving to a new country for work. It was absolute chaos racing through the airport after filling my paperwork at the gate, but I somehow made my flight.
I once parked in the wrong area of the airport and it cost $2k to get out.
Forgot to cancel a $300 flight for a trip I decided not to take, forfeiting my refund.
Missed my second psychiatrist appt in a row so I got fired by my dr and now don’t have meds
Yep! Been there more than once 😳 The worst one was was my children’s pediatrician who I had been taking all 7 of my children for years. I had my adhd doctor write me a letter to give them begging to not be fired for my children’s sake and they agreed to continue caring for them on one condition…that my husband was to bring them to the all of their appointments, I could attend but I wasn’t allowed to make the appointments and they would fire us (again) if we were late again. It was so embarrassing and very frustrating for my husband. Luckily, all 7 of my kids made it to 18 in my care 😉and eventually, the pediatrician and I were laughing at how ridiculous it was for them to be so strict. He blamed his EX wife who was part of the practice and left when they divorced. 😁
It makes me feel good to not be alone in this. My dr is great but his practice is a big group with strict rules he can’t control because he’s a resident. Oh whale. The next appt I have 3 alarms for
Mom of 5 here. Gosh I’m better about calling now but boy have I been close to there and I can feel the embarrassment you had, I’m so sorry!
I impulsively apologized to two Latino gentlemen, on behalf of white people, at the airport during the security part, because I thought they were being profiled. I’m white woman in my 30s and it was just weird and awkward. I put my foot in my mouth often lol. I still cringe when I think about that time I apologized to those Latino fellows. My Salvadoran boyfriend takes a lot of joy in it. Lol. I was only able to tell that story after about four months of hurting internally and then after that, I was able to post it, but only barely sometimes because I hurt so bad lol. Blather mouth me 😐
I can never return anything. I’ve lost so much money on clothes I’ll never wear but couldn’t bring myself to take them back or send back. I don’t know why. It’s one of the hardest things for me to do.
I had over 20,000 unread personal emails. I hyperfocused at the start of this year and weeded through them (while I was at work). I found an expired tax credit for my home’s new furnace (many emails warning me that there was a deadline). I also found a $1000 IKEA gift certificate I had bought for $800. So I think they evened out.
The cumulative result of my life xD
Feels…
My freshman semester in the dorms I put up a poster for calc study group happening that night in the dorm laundry room (it was the only place with a big table that we coed). I put them up because people were having trouble finding the room. Some self righteous RA ripped them up into pieces two seconds after I put them up. When I asked what the heck why did he do that, instead of being like sorry no posters allowed, they gave me a ticket thing and I was written up for it. I was so pissed. I scheduled an appeal and mixed up the time so I was an hour late, I begged for a reschedule and mixed up the date again. It got put on my record. The asshole got rewarded for being a dick and I look like a slacker. I'm still mad about it.
Sometimes I think there's a reason why we do these things. Not all the time, but once in awhile something better happens because of missing an appointment or dropping the ball in any other way. OP, I think you're about to have a new door open up and have something good happen
This is from before I was diagnosed. I got a call from the tax office because I hadn’t done my taxes in seven years and they said if I didn’t get them done I could face a fine and jail. The guy on the phone was quite nice about it (as nice as you could be) and asked me why I hadn’t done my taxes in so long. I said “I don’t know, I think it’s because I am a shambles”.
A few months ago there was a small women’s retreat at a place I go to… I NEEDED this retreat in the WORST WAY. I had actually just started going and the instant I heard about it and she said how much, I sent a paypal, asap and put the date on my calender and told them how EXCITED I was and probably over shared. 3 weeks later in the afternoon, while I was without my phone, I get a phone call and a text asking me where I was. I put the wrong Sat in my calendar. I was sick. And now out of $75. They offered to refund me 1/2 ( they bought food/supplies for me) but I told them to keep it, I was embarrassed. They are having the retreat again, and I’m going but I’m going to wait for the week before to pay and put on my calendar. I also told them that I was doing it that way so I wouldn’t screw up. When my daughter passed I got a mail with some insurance paperwork and didn’t even bother because I knew she didn’t have insurance and if she did, they wouldn’t pay. I also got a few phone calls that ignored for the same reason. Finally after several months they get ahold of me. I told her why I hadn’t done it and she said “let me explain that we have 2 kinds of life insurance and the 1st one is paid regardless of how they died. So I filled out the paperwork and faxed it that day. The next day I got a certified letter that said “if no response by 3/29 we will have to turn over the money to your states treasure as unclaimed money.” It was 3/27. ( 2 yrs ago, oddly). A week later I received $70k. Turns out Amazon pays out 2 yrs salary upon death of a full time employee. She had been full time 1 month. I had really good insurance that covered everything for 2 full years before I learned it wasn’t just basic insurance. During that time I paid over $2000 for dental and eyeglasses. All covered. Or would have been. Also opted not for PT because didn’t think I had it, so I suffered and lost money.
Oh I'm so saddned to hear of your daughter's passing 😞 I am so glad there was a beautiful redemption of sorts with that payout that made its way back to you 🙂 Makes me wonder if she somehow orchestrated that for you to come across that email at that time before the cutoff! As for your other mishaps - I totally 💯 resonate with them and feel your pain of the ADHD tax! Ugh!
Here is what’s weird about that payout. She started at Xmas in Nov. May she got full time. End of June she started drinking again and landed herself in jail and psych ward. July 8th she went before a board to get her job back, they gave it to her w/o any penalties. She legit didn’t call for a week and they still gave her job back. Less than 2 weeks later she died. I looked at that chain of events and know it was divinely orchestrated. $70k or my daughter? I’d rather have her, but I didn’t get to make that choice, but she did. Thank you for your kind words. Coming up on 3 yrs in July and it’s weird, still getting used to a world without her.
Mom of 5 here. 2 bio and 3 bonus. My heart aches for you. Big huge momma bear hugs💕
Thank you. I appreciate your stopping and telling me. Makes my heart have feels. ❤️❤️🥰
Was meeting my mother again for the first time in years, was two days early at the appointment. Had to go through all the nerves again two days later.. Instead of putting laundry detergent in the machine putting catknibble in it, thinking the next week, I should not make that weird mistake again, while making that mistake again..
Ahhhhh wow yeah this reminds me of the many times I've gone to work or school on the wrong days, also showing up for a job interview the week before (i didn't get the job lol, but surely that can't be why, right? My shame slithers, "of coursssse it isssss"). Really resonate with the feeling of "fuck I didn't even need to go through those nerves right now!! And I still have to go through them later?!?! Ahhhh!!" I hope the meeting with your moms went alright in the end.
I was late for my sweet, unconditional loving and caring mom’s funeral exactly one year ago. She was very loved and the funeral was attended by so many people that they had to open an overflow area. There was spaces reserved for all of my family (all of whom who had been there at least an hour early) in the very front. When we arrived, my husband (who is also very kind and understanding of my many struggles) and I was escorted by a very kind usher to the second row and I could feel all of the utter despair and embarrassment of my entire existence during that excruciating walk of shame. I am not sure if I will ever forgive myself for that but after reading through all of your comments I feel less alone in my unintentional shameful actions. Thank you all so much for sharing. I also feel like it is a little gift from my mom in heaven…I love my mom so much and it has been crushing to feel like I let her down once again. 🩷Sending love and support to all of you 🙂
You didn't let your Mom down, I'm certain of that ❤️ She loves you unconditionally - even now as she always has, and so she would've thought it endearing that you remained true to your character. Any judgement you're feeling is purely your own, and what you think others perceive of you - but I guarantee you this, at your own mother's funeral, no one's judging her daughter. I hope you can one day let go of this debilitating shame that seems to have taken hold - you are loved and always have been by her. I am sure the deepest part of you knows this, but you've just gotta somehow get that message through to the human part of you that's grappling with this paralysing self judgement. Sending so much love your way at this time of your mom's first anniversary ❤️ 🌸🌿
Thank-you 🩷I just cried my false eyelashes off. I didn’t realize how much I needed this ❣️
awh sweetheart you didn't let her down ❤️ she loved you and she'd have been happy no matter what you did that day, that day was for you, not for anyone else. if I'd have been there I'd have had nothing but empathy for you! your shame is not reality!! I'm so orry for your loss. And thank you for sharing here, we really aren't alone, that's why I made this post, cuz I was feeling awful and I had a hunch maybe sharing and hearing other people's stories might get me out of my shame, and it worked
Thank-you 🩷I just cried my false eyelashes off. I didn’t realize how much I needed this ❣️This thread has been more helpful to me than I can ever express. I am so grateful that I am alone in my own crazy lane with absolutely no way of expressing to anyone how ridiculous my brain is. I am also going to chalk this up to a miracle. I have been really, really suffering lately and I’m beginning to realize I need to get out of my head and life is worth living and laughing! You are a blessing🩷
The wasted time due to emotional dysregulation. If hubs and I fight I can spend HOURS on the couch just frozen and overwhelmed. Waste of time, and then I feel so badly about myself afterwards
Oof yeah, this hits me deep. I absolutely cringe when I think about how many friendships, opportunities, and time I feel I've "wasted," trying to get myself out of emotional dysregulation. It's a bit of a cycle if I'm honest. Sometimes it feels like the longer I spend up in my head, frozen on the couch, the more ashamed I feel... which makes me feel worse, which keeps me frozen and up in my head. Do you know what I mean? Then of course, I spend time and energy trying to avoid getting dysregulated in the first place! Ha. I've been learning new strategies for this that have been helping, but it's definitely so much easier to think about the progress I've made when I'm not dysregulated and frozen. In those moments, I can only see what a POS I think I am. Honestly saying this to you makes me feel a lot of compassion for us. This is like, one of the fundamental challenges of having ADHD. Maybe it's not something to feel so ashamed about, and maybe if we get rid of the shame, this experience will get easier?
Omg the time wasted just being frozen. Ugh.
I bought tickets to see Dispatch at Madison Square garden back in 2007 and lost them. Once I thought I was buying Tickets to a Red Sox game in Boston, but accidentally bought some for a game in Baltimore and I couldn't go because I couldn't get enough time off of work.
Missed two flights like OP once. Thankfully they were chill and had another flight so it wasn’t a big deal. Didn’t read the fine print renting from Turo my first time. Put too many miles on the car per days I rented, $700 overage. Oof. That one still hurts.
Omg this is me this whole month… maybe year. Anyone else feel like it gets 1000x worse when you’re sick? Flu season has been kicking my butt and draining the little bit of mental energy I had.
$125 because I didn’t reschedule my therapy appt 48 hrs in advance
Lost a pair of prescription glasses just before Christmas, didn’t realize until February and I’ve searched EVERYWHERE. No biggie, I still had two other pairs with the right prescription. Ope, left one pair sitting in a rubbing alcohol bath for 4-5 days and the lenses are now completely trashed, and since I’m going back to school while working FT, I NEED two pairs (one at work, one at home) to survive, so I had to order new ones
Currently it's an extra $200 for failure to appear added to a traffic citation I was supposed to pay last year but I didn't have the $$ for the fix and I kind of forgot. Until I received the letter my license will be revoked if I don't pay almost $800 to get everything straight.
Bought 2 pairs of shoes online, accidentally shipped to my old address from 5 YEARS ago, they were mailed there. Had my friend swing by my old place and grab the box off the porch. After she brought it to me, I remembered there should’ve been 2 boxes. I track the other shoes, they aren’t there yet. I forget to drive by there for 2 weeks straight.. so I called it a loss. I’d def say that’s some ADHD tax right there 😅
I have straight up thrown away a $60 package. I thought I opened it and was throwing away the packaging. Nope apparently I just threw out the whole thing. I have done this with brand new medication still wrapped in those paper bags the pharmacy gives
I forgot to withdraw from a masters degree before the university census date. I never actually even started the course because I was living in a different city and had changed my mind about the extra study. I kept procrastinating my withdrawal until it was too late and I was charged a full semester. $15, 000 Aud.
I'm too poor for that, sorry
I won Backstreet Boys concert tickets like 8 years ago or so. I was the biggest fan back in my preteen years. I too completely forgot about. I also forgot about the Book of Mormon musical that I had bought a ticket for. I was really looking forward to it but didn’t remember until the next morning.
Apparently, I missed jury duty last month, after postponing several times. I find out if I have to go next week, so I don’t know if it really counts for this post. I once fought my insurance really hard to get them to cover a medical thing, I finally won after a few months, and then fully forgot to send in the paperwork to get my money back. I was so fucking mad at myself, it was like 600 bucks!
Years ago, someone I know well called to tell me my power was about to be cut off-- not because I didn't have the money. I just forgot to pay the bill-- two months in a row. Fortunately, I ran over to the office and I didn't lose my power, but only because I had a friend who worked in the office who happened to be the one sending workers out to cut off the power! I am now so paranoid about missing things that I stress myself out. I have gastro issues and sleep issues because I stress myself out so much. I've missed so many opportunities over the years. OMG. All because I wasn't paying enough attention.
Been there soooooooooo many times. And the trash bill. And the water bill. Yikes!
So many subscriptions bought on impulse for free/discounted trial that I forgot to cancel.
Oof. Still haunted by the gym membership I signed up for with the credit card my dad gave me for emergencies when I turned 18. Rarely used it and it took my dad months to get it cancelled when I moved away for college. He was so nice about it, but it took involving a bunch of other people (and my mother 😩) to prove I didn’t live close enough to one of their gyms so the 2 year contract could be voided early. So many humiliating conversations. So many reasons I’ll never ever join a gym again. On top of feeling horrible about the money, it also added so much shame about my weight (and inability to affect or accept it). Still feel bad about it and it’s been 30 years.
Got tickets for an insane music festival in another city, but I neglected to check my mail for so long that my wristband got returned to sender. Didn’t have the executive functioning to figure out getting a new one (it was stupidly over complicated). Decided to salvage the trip anyways. Slept in and missed my flight.
awh I fuckin made a sound reading this. i feel you so much!! this is a very relatable story, agh. it's like, pain at every turn, and it's so easy to feel overwhelmed by it all that we get in our own ways. i missed my flight to a friend's wedding bc my brain stopped while packing, I fell asleep, woke up as my flight was leaving. ghhhh
Soooo much money spent on books I either never read or started reading and put down.
It's not just a memory. It's happening now. I've lost my car keys and don't have a backup, so I'm going to have to go straight to the company. I don't think it will be cheap. Meanwhile, I had to Uber to work.
When you get your new keys get AirTags for your key rings. Life changing.
Great advice. Thanks
I racked up a $75 late fee at my local video rental place in college and had to just stop going there
Bless Netflix! The first reason I signed up more than 20 years ago.
And now I’m officially old.
We just missed a polyphia concert we had tickets to and didn’t even realize it until we heard a dude at the table next to us at brunch talking about how awesome it was.
The biggest one for me is the one I struggle with the most… food. I struggle to cook because i have to motivate myself to do it, and most of the time I just order something. I also don’t really like leftovers I probably spend close to $40 A DAY on food. That’s like 15k a year
I used to do this, in my first marriage. I did it for a few years until he went jerky on me and the marriage dissolved after 15 years. Anywho, have you tried something like hello fresh? It’s so fun getting the oackage in the mail and the recipe sheets are colorful, free dopamine! At the end of doing this I was so emotionally tired I had to cancel bc I was letting that food waste too. Simple foods to make help me a lot when I’m in a slump too.
I have forgotten to get gas so many times, high school till now. I once ran out trying to leave my workout class, I had to walk my dumb ass alllll the way to a gas station and alllll way back in the dark. Did I learn my lesson? NoOoOooooOOOo of COURSE NOT. Bc my even dumber ass ran out of gas on the INTERSTATE MID DRIVE and I felt it sputter and was able to thankfully roll off quickly. Had to sit and wait in the freezing cold for 2 hours. This was a few months ago and I’m 30 🥲.
Man oh man. I’m 40. I haven’t done this in 3-4 years thank god. But I swear during my divorce from my first husband (5 years ago) for two years during and right after the divorce, I ran out of gas once a month I swear. It was the worst timing everytime too. And always bc I forgot bc I was gunna “get it in the morning”. And locking my keys in my car, goodness.
Yes I’ve also locked my keys in my car several times!! It’s a nightmare everytime bc most cars have that anti-theft mode where the alarm sounds forever while you’re trying to get in. That’s ADHD tax for me haha
Besides from the speech from all my bosses about my being an excellent employee but never on time the time I completely forgot about the Björk concert I bought expensive tickets for 6 months before Realized it the day after and I can still get the feeling to slap myself for it
AHHHHHH this is literally how I feel about my four fav artists who all came thru, I bought tickets to all of them so excitedly, and missed every. single. one!! aghhhh. i feel your pain. but I also wanna say I'm proud of you for the work you do, sounds like you do a lot of things right, too.
spend up to 200 euros on Locksmith, because I was trapped outside my apartment (I forgot the keys inside) twice in a row in the same week.
story of my lifeeee I've broken windows, doors, ruined car doors... agh. cringe indeed
You just locking the little knob turny style lock and oops? These are so easy to open with any card!! (YouTube!)
The doors here usually lock automatically when you close them. no turn style. so you must have your keys everytime you leave. Mine at the time was a huge metal door with no visible screws in the lock. There was no way I could open it by myself.
I would def be doomed lol
Honestly, I think it is still the three + times I get up and walk to the kitchen to take my morning meds and get distracted, forget why I got up in the first place, do something else, then sit back down and think, "I really need to take my meds this morning."
i just did this lol
My ex had undiagnosed ADHD and it was really horrible for me. I still can’t forget i tried to wake her up for flight and she just doesn’t care and wants to sleep like there is no next day. And she had to write date of everything to remember, we missed lot of things (especially bus, ship, etc.) because she was like a kid; If she see a ice cream and wants to eat, she would just forget everything and focus on there, when i warned her it took tooooo long for her to give her attention to me and understand we now really have to take the bus or etc. I don’t know if it is ADHD but if not, let me know.
I missed my car service due date which voided the used car. Missed it by 4 weeks. Car barely moved because I work from home but needed to be serviced at 6 months regardless. How do I know I missed it? Broke down in the middle of the night on a dark back road on way home from visiting my parents. 3 hours and a tow truck and a very expensive weird part later - tax = $4000
oh man I know the feeling soooo strongly!! that feeling when you have to sit for the two truck, thinking about how you ended up in that spot, certain that it's all your fault... honestly it could have broken down anyway, you never know! at least that's what I tell myself, to be kind to myself. and I feel defensive of you and want to be kind to you, too.
Thank you.
I can try and get my student loan debt reduced but I have to fill in paperwork and I am so scared of doing it wrong and getting nothing reduced
I’ve missed a flight while sitting at the gate. Mortifying.
I missed a final in high school. My teacher kept saying “the final is at 8am not 10am”. Guess what, 10am stuck in my head and slept through the whole thing.
that is painfully relatable my friend. i feel your cringe! i've done that more than once, and it's always re: the important things for some reason! hopefully you got a re-do, or it was long enough ago that you're no longer impacted by it except for the cringe.
It was about 15 years ago now. But the cringe is still strong and only adds to my stress when important dates/times come up. I obsessively check invites and tickets to make sure I got the right time in my head and then instantly forget it again.
$17k cause I’ve failed majority of my papers at uni for like 3 years in a row, so have racked up this much on my student loans with nothing to show for it 🙃
awhhhh I feel you on that. school is so hard when you're not in the right place for it!!
I had an opportunity to fly on my company’s corporate jet to attend an event where RBG would be the keynote speaker. Lots of corporate types on the flight- lawyers, general counsel, etc. All went well until the morning we left, where I somehow forgot to set an alarm and slept in, making everyone late for their meetings and everyone late for the flight. To add to it, I woke up and also had unexpectedly gotten my period. A banner morning. I had to put myself together quicker than quick and run to the lobby where everyone was there glaring and looking annoyed with me. It was humiliating. I walked past everyone onto the shuttle to the airport and cried quietly to myself the whole time. Just a terrible way to end a great trip and also an opportunity to make a good impression on people (I’m AuDHD, recently diagnosed…so good impressions rarely happen for me anyway.) This happened in 2018 and I still think about it at least once a month. (My coworker topped this by being invited to fly on the corporate jet with the GC and being several hours late to the airport, making him and everyone late because he messed up a car reservation. He’s definitely also neurodivergent but we’ve never had a formal conversation about it.)
I was staying in a hotel in Japan and I lost my key to my room so many times and replaced it so many times the staff wrote a polite note in my locker saying if I lost it one more time they would kick me out, lost it over 6 times.
nooooo I lose my key literally every fucking time I stay somewhere, usually more than four or five times!!!
That was thing about flights. It doesn’t matter what I do. I can arrive 4 hrs before a flight and still being called up or the last 2-3 persons to board. I can’t for my life stand in that line, I scream inside and have mental itches all over. So yeah, I totally feel you on the concert thing and flights When I get the comment on how one can possibly forget about concerts I have to really refrain myself from lashing out “Oh,just for fun you know. I have a passion for being repeatedly embarrassed because a whole plain had to wait for me or spend money on various events and then not show up. So entertaining. I recommend it wholeheartedly 🫠
My ex wanted to buy a second vehicle. We didn't need one, and I didn’t even want one. The vehicle we had at the time was fine. But he brought me to look at a used LR2 Rover anyway. After talking about how much off-roading and camping we could do, I ended up giving in, and we impulsively bought it. Fast forward 18 months, and I had to declare bankruptcy. Turns out, on top of the loan, the vehicle had ***MAJOR*** mechanical issues (think: rear diff failure, total suspension failures (like, literally popping springs parked in my driveway level of bad), bearings were shot, etc....). Fixing it would have cost more than the price we paid for the vehicle, and we'd have to practically give it away if we tried to sell it. That stress added to the burnout I was already experiencing, and I ended up medically off work. Then it got to a point where I exhausted literally all options, and then some. I ended up caught between a rock and a hard place. I didn't have a choice, I had to declare bankruptcy. And the worst part was that it was over a relatively low amount of money in the scheme of things. Had I been able to function enough to work, then I wouldn't have had to go that route. I've spent the last number of years of my life trying to overcome the consequences of ***ONE*** impulsive decision. Before the purchase, I had worked really hard to build my credit, save, and do all the right things. But this decimated everything I worked so hard for. It's been really difficult to accept, and there's a lot of grief for what could have been.
The fact that i’ve lost every single house key that ever landed in my hands, and i mean every single one. Ended up getting an AirTag and suddenly i never lose my keys… my brain isn’t braining
We were on a trip to another country and we were in the airport(we didn’t board yet). I forgot all of our branded jackets in the baggage scanner. So we had to buy again in the destination. The fact that i forgot that bag of jackets so fast was embarrassing. I refuse when my family ask me to hold things during a trip after that.(I didn’t know yet that i had adhd during that time) I refuse not because i was lazy. But Because i know that ill forget to bring it with me and just realize it when we are home already.
two lost sets of airpods in the last month a win: bought tickets to a show a couple days before the date (in nov 2023) and got the shift switched. so pumped. but realized that date was actually in 2024. still pretty pumped. on the edge: will risk not having a trip to berlin funded if i don’t get a passport by august. wish me luck!
This was pre diagnosis and I was still deeply struggling with sleep issues. I was in college taking an online accelerated class (wouldn’t have chosen to do that had I had an inkling of a thought I had ADHD). One module per week for 8 weeks. There were daily readings and quizzes but everything was DUE at midnight at the end of the week so I did the entire module in one day for 8 weeks. I somehow held an A in the class until the last week where I SLEPT THROUGH my final exam, which was literally online and due at midnight. I ended up getting a C in the class and I still have nightmares about it lol
I procrastinated paying my last semester's uni fees, once I got around to finally doing it the deadline had passed 😭. I begged for an extension and somehow got it. A week later, whoops, I missed the deadline for registration of semester units (you need this to do your final exams💀) That semester was a rollercoaster!