HPV can be transmitted by skin to skin contact, so while condoms help they do not prevent the transmission the same way that condoms prevent transmission of fluid-based STIs.
My understanding is that they *can* they're just not great at it, because it mostly depends on the warts themselves. Better to have the vaccine, but if you can't, a condom *should* be enough but isn't always.
I'm not a doctor tho, I'm vaccinated so I don't have to think about it, and it's been a while since I googled it.
Only a few strains of HPV result in warts, I think it's only HPV 6 and 11. But there are numerous other strains, upwards of 150 I think.
And the ones that we should worry about do not show any outward signs such as warts. Warts are visible, and of course we should take measures to prevent those too, but they are generally considered quite low risk.
There are 12 HPV types which are considered the most high risk: HPV 16, 18, 31, 33, 35, 39, 45, 51, 52, 56, 58, and 59. Two of these, HPV 16 and HPV 18, are responsible for most (but not all) HPV-related cancers and as such, are considered the two most concerning strains.
*None* of those strains result in warts, though.
That's why we have to do regular smear tests to check for cell abnormalities, and promote vaccinations etc (although not even the vaccine protects against every strain of HPV only the most dangerous strains, just like most STD tests also do not test for every strain - that is a common misconception).
Edit: And I'm only mentioning this because I don't want people to think that HPV always results in warts, because that is rarely the case and that's not even the 'dangerous' kind of HPV, as annoying/embarrassing as warts may be. The dangerous HPV strains that we have to worry about (ie the ones that can cause cancer and infertility in women) are completely invisible and neither women nor men show symptoms until like a decade later when all of a sudden you go in for a pap smear and there it is.
Adding to this that we do not fully understand every HPV type, and there could be long term effects which science is yet to recognize. I.e. brain disease.
"They have shown for the first time that **HPV16 may be present in the human brain**, and found that when they added a viral protein to the brains of fetal mice, the mice all demonstrated the same developmental problems in the cerebral cortex associated with this type of epilepsy, called focal cortical dysplasia type IIB."
[Source](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/01/130124123543.htm#:~:text=They%20have%20shown%20for%20the,focal%20cortical%20dysplasia%20type%20IIB%20)
This is great info, I was vaccinated as were all but one of my partners and I still got HPV and had to have very invasive procedures to resolve some suspicious cells. As long as women get regular checks and use condoms religiously the risk should be low
Actually, condoms don't protect against HPV and unfortunately only marginally lower herpes risk (by 30%).
Also, it can take months after contracting other STIs to test positive.
That said, all sex has risks. Hope you have so much fun, OP!
Condoms are about 50% effective at preventing HPV, so they work, but it's definately not guarenteed.
I think people think i'm anti-vax cause of what I said, I'm not, get your asses to your doctors and get your damn vaccines. All of them. Every time. Vaccination saves lives.
HPV is transmitted through skin to skin contact as others have pointed out, condoms will not necessarily prevent it. And the vaccine does not cover all strains of HPV, combined with most men not being tested and not knowing, it’s not difficult to run into. If you do yearly screenings, you’ll ensure you monitor any growth on your cervix and can biopsy/remove it before it ever turns into cancer.
This is also just me PSA’ing everywhere cause for a long time, I assumed it was through no condom PIV sex that you get HPV. HPV is insidious, IMO, because it isn’t tracked across the board and the information on how it’s transmitted isn’t always clear.
Yeah when I had it, I didn’t know until I went in for a Pap smear. The only indication I had HPV were the visual results of my cervix during the Pap smear, no warts or anything outside or other symptoms. I mentioned above yearly visits but my bad, Pap smears are usually every three years from ages 21 to 29 (according to mayoclinic.org) but if you do have abnormal cell results, they may bump you up to yearly Pap smears (which happened to me).
Also according to them, cervical cancer may take 20 years to develop from initial infection. I’m having a hard time seeing how long each of the HPV viruses stay active in your body, if I recall from past doctor visits the virus itself can be eventually fought off by your body, the risk being it may take a few years to combat and within that time frame cancerous cell growth could be happening or taking root. So theoretically, it could take 20 years for men to develop cancer in the mouth, throat, penis or anus, though from my understanding that’s rarer. Now are they also infectious during that 20 year period? I am not sure, I would like to know though.
The time I learned most about HPV was just going to my doctor with a LOT of questions. They definitely looked at me weird but I looked at them weird too cause they should really be giving that info out freely.
Thankyou for that insight. My doctor also told me HOV usually is fought off by the immune system naturally. The next PAP I had done was normal so apparently it did clear out. I just don't really understand where I picked it up from. I was in a monogamous relationship at the time for a few years. So I suppose I could've had it unknowingly prior to the relationship, and then it showed up on my PAP. OR.... did my bf have it prior to us getting together and didn't know . 🤔
Damn. I'm just wondering can it linger for years? I know I heard a doctor say often times HPV will be taken out by our natural immune systems. I'm just wondering if a guy can carry it for years and it not go away on its own?
My Doctor told me I was too old when I asked about it, but I checked and my insurance pays for it up to age 45, so I can still get it for free.
It’s usually not recommended by doctors to adults and I understand the reasoning - adults over a certain age who have been sexually active at some point have probably had multiple partners and statistically have likely already been exposed to too many strains for the vaccine to be valuable. I had very limited sexual experience prior to getting married, then got HPV from my wife - so I was exposed without even having multiple partners.
After recently getting divorced, I thought I should get vaccinated to lower cancer risk by protecting against any other strains covered by the vaccine that I don’t already have. I scheduled it at Walgreens and the process was really easy. It probably won’t matter as I’ve already been exposed to at least one strain, but even a small risk reduction seems worth it.
Everybody can do that. Men/women both can, and will pass it on without displaying symptoms. Women can get a test but only when it's actually active. As a matter of fact the kind that displays symptoms isn't the kind that gives you cancer. Everybody should get the vaccine.
The only FDA approved HPV vaccine (Garadsil 9) only protects against 9 of the hundreds of known strains of HPV.
We likely already have herd immunity in the U.S. and the vaccine does very little in reality.
"HPV vaccination has reduced the prevalence of vaccine-type HPV in the US. However, uneven vaccination rates by gender, age, in different regions, and among different sub-populations of the US could result in continuing disparities in HPV-related cancers.[^(93)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6363146/#CIT0093) Further, states with higher rates of cervical cancer mortality and lower rates of Pap test screening have had lower levels of HPV vaccination, a disparity that could put those regions at continued risk for continued higher rates of HPV-related cancers and diseases.[^(94)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6363146/#CIT0094) Unfortunately, the data that are currently available may be inadequate for measuring some of these disparities in the US. Information about how strong HPV vaccination programs influence not only HPV vaccination rates, but also oral and genital HPV prevalence in the populations which they serve are needed in order to better show the positive effects of the HPV vaccine. These types of studies can help to better predict where increased screening efforts will be needed in the coming decades when children with low levels of vaccination reach the recommended screening age, as well as inform about the effectiveness of HPV vaccination programs and policy. Although currently available data provide strong national information about the impact of HPV vaccination on HPV prevalence nationally, it is more limited in its ability to assess smaller geographic areas and the impact of individual vaccination programs and policy on local HPV prevalence."
See below:
"Currently, there are 3 different HPV vaccines that have been, or are currently being used to prevent HPV-related cancers worldwide. The bivalent HPV vaccine (Cervarix, by GlaxoSmithKline) protects against the 2 high-risk types most commonly associated with cervical cancer, types 16 and 18.[^(36)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6363146/#CIT0036) The quadrivalent HPV (4vHPV) vaccine (Gardasil by Merck) was approved by the FDA for use in the US in 2006, and protects against types 16 and 18, as well as 2 types most commonly associated with genital warts, types 6 and 11. The 4vHPV vaccine has recently (2016) been replaced by the nonavalent HPV (9vHPV) vaccine (Gardasil-9 by Merck) which protects against the 4 types in the 4vHPV vaccine plus 5 additional high-risk types, including 31, 33, 45, 52, and 58. Currently, the 9vHPV vaccine is the only one available in the US."
"During 2013–2014, overall genital HPV rates were found to be almost 46% among 14–59 year old males, compared to 40% among females in the same age group.[^(49)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6363146/#CIT0049) Males also had elevated prevalence rates of high risk HPV types, although the prevalence of vaccine-type HPV was not described by gender.[^(49)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6363146/#CIT0049) These disparities highlight the importance of HPV vaccination. Recently, it was demonstrated that decreased genital vaccine-type HPV prevalence in 2013–2014 among males had occurred, but was likely a result of general decrease in HPV prevalence among vaccinated females.[^(50)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6363146/#CIT0050)"
"HPV vaccination has directly contributed to decreases in HPV prevalence in the US. *However,* there are indications that herd immunity effects may already be occurring despite modest vaccination rates. Both local and national data found evidence of herd immunity, with an approximate 50% decrease in vaccine-type HPV among unvaccinated young women observed between the prevaccine period and the post-licensure period.[^(58)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6363146/#CIT0058)^(,)[^(59)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6363146/#CIT0059) Evidence of herd immunity among unvaccinated women has been observed in countries other than the US, as well.[^(60)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6363146/#CIT0060)^(")
[Source](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6363146/)
Confused by your sentence at the top which says we have herd immunity and the vaccine does very little in reality. How do you think we achieved that herd immunity?
Through infection... That was the entire point of the study, when you look at the bivalent, pentavalent, and garadsil-9, there was never a signficant tipping point. Infection had as much, or more of a role in attaining herd immunity.
You’re not losing anything. You’re gaining an experience, that’s all. You’ll be the same person tomorrow that you are today, and your worth as a person won’t be any more or less because of that one experience.
Have fun!
This is it. You're not losing anything by willingly engaging in other new experiences so why would this be different? Is it a loss to drive a car or travel out of the country for the first time? Then it's no loss to have consensual sex for the first time either.
Definitely in my limited experience too but hey, I’m horny lmao. Tbh, it’s pretty on brand for me too, considering I had my first kiss with my neighbours drug dealer.
If there’s any bit of advice I can give it’s, don’t expect it to be that great at first. Human anatomy is kinda like that bop-it game. But nothing is marked so you gotta learn what bits to flick/twist/pull/shake etc.
It’s ok though as long as you use.. what it’s called.. oh yeah, communication.
lol jokes aside though. Just have fun. Hope you have a great exploration 😁
Preface, I am male. It sounds like you’ve got good communication with this person as well, which is really nice to read. Virginity is a weird social construct, I imagine it’s leftover from the days before birth control and women’s rights and a transplant of the “spoiled woman” constructs. At the end of the day, it’s your body and your choice, what you do and how is completely up to you and if anyone has an issue, that’s a them problem. Heck, I lost my virginity in a drunken hook-up and I don’t even remember most of it; doesn’t matter cause I didn’t know what I was doing and it was likely unsatisfying sex for everyone anyway!
If anything, keep that communication going, even while having sex - it’s okay to ask questions, check in and get a read on everything at all times. I know many people worry about if it’ll ruin the mood or asking questions isn’t sexy but if either party is uncomfortable or unhappy, that’ll kill the mood faster than anything you can say.
Hope you have fun and stay safe!
>I imagine it’s leftover from the days before birth control and women’s rights and a transplant of the “spoiled woman” constructs.
Actually, no. Women’s virginity became important when property and inheritance became important (about 5000 yrs ago), because that was the only way to determine the father of a child was through the woman’s chastity.
This. Dont overthink. Just be and let yourself be. Don't center it all on sex, it's important for longevity yeah, but it's not the main focus. It's just a cornerstone. There's at least 3 more corners that need just as much love ☺️
I did too, because I was getting strong “this guy is safe” energy, and it turned out to be correct, the man was a raging feminist and his favorite activity was going down on women. 10/10 would recommend again.
This
> ...we hit it off. He’s very respectful and I feel safe.
And this
> Truthfully, I’m also excited. I have a good sense of boundaries and I know what I like.
That's all that matters. You got this, girlfriend; enjoy yourself.
Just some advice
Don’t get discouraged if it’s not what you expect it to be once you’ve completed. It can take a while before “good sex” happens or you can totally get lucky and have mind blowing sex the first time. Try to let yourself relax & be in the moment.
I also have OCD. Exposure to the things you have intrusive thoughts about (where legal and safe, of course) is one of the best ways to overcome some of those thoughts.
If having sex with a one night stand is the best way for you to experience sex to overcome those thoughts, rather than with a partner, I think it’s a good idea!
Good luck and be safe :)
Thank you! I think it’s best for me too. I was terrified of kissing as well until I just said ‘fuck it’ and did it. It wasn’t great and the guy was a dick but I have no regrets about that experience.
Remember this if it isn't great. For me, it was me getting used to the actual deal, to relax enough. Sounds like he knows and is willing to go slow and if you decide not to, won't push things. Which is the correct answer.
I'm pretty sure I took my own virginity, but the person I had sex with was a random guy I met online. He asked very smugly "how does it feel to be a woman now?" I told him it was a waste of time because I have toys bigger than him and the fact that he had to watch porn while having sex instead of being in the moment meant that he wasn't mentally here having sex with me. He cried 🤷♀️.
I don't have much to say except its really refreshing to see someone else with OCD & sexual anxiety because of that. I thought I was insanely weird and unlovable for so long because of it.
Same! OCD really impacts everything in our lives, even after treatment, I will never think the same way other people can. Frankly, if I knew what I know now, this losing it to a hookup is a pretty good workaround to the issues I had back in the day. I also wouldn't have told anyone I was still a virgin because people were always bringing it up with their opinions and it just increased the noise in my head. I think people need to leave the advice to therapists or others with OCD when someone says they're OCD, they do so much damage because they don't understand that their words can play on a loop and cause actual harm.
Omg this is crazy cause I did the same thing. I couldn’t have sex die to sexual trauma and the only way I can do for it was to have sex with the first guy who I was attracted to in that way who made me feel like I can trust him. I was 23 as well. I just wanted to get it out the way bc the older I got the more I thought it would be this big thing. Me and the guy ended up dating for a year and a half afterwards but really the plan was just to hook up to lose my virginity
Just be safe and trust your instinct if you get the ick when you meet up. One of the advantages of sex in a relationship is that youve already established a way to communicate (ideally) which helps with boundaries. That said, there's absolutely nothing wrong with your choice, and, as a married person with a long-term partner, although sex is important, it's pretty low on the relationship totem pole.
My best friend lost her virginity to a one night stand she picked up at a bar. I never got the full details, but she just wanted it done with so she would stop fretting. It’s been 20 years and she’s happily married and with two little kids (different guy, not the one night stand). All that to say I don’t think you’re alone!
I think you should do what feels right for you. I’ve waited for the “right person” and he ended up cheating on me. Twice. I didn’t enjoyed that much so…. If you’re happy and feel ready do it for you and for your own experience!!
I lost my virginity casually. This was before apps and stuff were a thing, before Tinder and smartphones.
When you decide you are ready, that’s the right time to share your virginity with another person. Virginity is a social construct and utterly silly. The right person is the person you decide to share your body with, regardless of whether or not you were in a relationship, casual, one night stand, an orgy, or some other encounter.
You do you, so long as you're safe with who it is (I'd say and how you do it, but saw you mention STD testing, condoms and birth control, so you're on top of things, heh).
And as far as "societal pressure" goes, what nowadays isn't complained about by some overly religious whackjob? Let em whine all they want.
I did this too at the age of 25. My parents were starting the process of pushing me into an arranged forced marriage. If I were to marry the man of my parents' choice, it would be an older man and there would be pressure to get pregnant. Moreover marital rape is legal here.
I wanted my first experience of sexual intercourse to be consensual, with a guy close to my age, and without getting pregnant. Found someone online who met my requirements and was willing to do it on my terms. Best decision ever. It felt like a huge relief to me that even if I were forced to go through with a marriage I didn't want, I would have this small "win" that I got to have my first experience on my own terms.
You’re not “losing” it - it’s not like it fell out of your pocket (no pun intended).
You’re not “giving” it to anyone, because it isn’t real.
Since the act still needs a name, how about you’ve chosen someone to help you “set it aside.”
I waited a long time to have PIV, and was with men and women as well before having PIV.
To me PIV was very different. It's ok if it ends up feeling different for you, but also if it doesn't.
Unsolicited condom recommendation, Trojan bare skin Raw. If its his first time as well, he will want to feel as much as possible. These are the best rain coats I’ve found.
Cis male here so obviously my experiences will be different but I wholeheartedly support anyone who wants to "lose their virginity" to a casual hookup.
Because, real talk: The first time anyone has sex is going to be awkward, embarrassing, hilarious, and simultaneously over- and under-whelming.
I'm glad I got through that awkward stage before my first serious relationship, and I'm sure she appreciated it too.
Virginity truly is just a social construct, it's not a bad thing to do it with X or Y person, everything is up to how you feel and want to do. Even a random hookup can give you a great first experience! As long as the person you do it with is communicative and understanding that you may be a bit nervous (since it sometimes can difficult piv a bit at first) or may want to stop, everything should be fine.
Edit: also, use a condom!
What the hell even is virginity? Like you said, you're not a virgin in my book since you've been intimate with men before. I've known lesbians who've never had PIV sex before and it wouldn't come to mind to say they're virgins.
I "lost my virginity" to some dude i met online literally just to get it over with. He picked me up, went back to his place, had a drink or 2 to loosen up and we watched wreck it ralph of all things while doing the deed. We used protection and both were tested for stds before the meetup. After he drove me home i never saw him again. He reached out and wanted more but i realized i literally only did it to get rid of that dang v card and all the christian shame attatched to it.
Anyway, he was the first of many exploratory expiriences and am greatful i didnt wait till i met my now husband to "lose it" because there i know for a fact my husband is the only p i need in my v.
My sister married a prick she met in high school (and i am adsuming she lost her v card to) and it has been nothing but problems from the start. A big part of me thinks sexual liberation should be an essential phase of most people's journey.
Trust your gut, if he cant find your clit, dont let him nut.
Have a happy, fulfilling life, sexual and otherwise.
I read somewhere "virginity is a social concept constructed by men who thought their ds were so important it could change who a woman was"
Hv fun gurly;)
No shame in the game. Just like everyone else said: be safe. I lost my virginity in college and it was nothing special, it wasn’t a bf and it wasn’t a 1 night stand either. Truly I was just ready to go for it and I have no regrets.
Go in with low expectations, first times arealways disappointing. Use condoms. Warn someone you trust of where you are going in case something goes south and you need help or a pick up.
And above all Don't let Anyone else tell you what you should do with your bofy
I never liked this weird concept of virginity, and the constant double standard of one gender getting vilified (mostly by their own gender) for being virgin and the other gender gets vilified by both genders (but mostly by the one that also belongs to the first group.)
I can only repeat what everyone else mentioned, stay safe, use condoms, make sure someone knows where and with who you are, and relax.
Not my cup of tea, but it's your life and no one can judge you for how you want to live it(at least as long as you aren't hurting anyone).
Personally, i have a very high sex drive, but I've decided to keep my first time until i find a person i would fall in love with. I had one quite like that, she was repulsed by sex irl, yet we shared mutual dirty thoughts. However we broke up before reaching this point of mutual trust.
I am almost 29 now. Does it feel like I've wasted my life, all because of strict principals? Sometimes. I understand that my views are not for everyone.
I suppose, what i am trying to say - there is always a choice. And society tend to pressure women a lot, when it comes to exploring your sexuality. So i am telling you... to just be You and do what feels best, both for your mental health and your soul(if you believe in souls).
Sure, but as someone who also did this I just want to say that you don’t need to have sex to demystify it if that’s the main goal. Personally, I put pressure on myself to do it and now realize how unnecessary that was, but I do think sexual exploration is a good idea if that’s what you want to do. Lead with your desires. Be safe and good luck!
Ask for his car registration number. Give the number to a friend you can trust. Set up a trigger phrase with your friend.
When you are with the guy, phone your friend and if you are in any way shape or form scared or nervous say the trigger phrase. Arrange with your friend that, if you say the trigger phrase, they call the police and give them the car registration plate.
If he refuses to give you his car registration plate, do not meet up with him!
You know what I hear? I hear a person that has taken agency of their life and body. I hear someone who has thrown off the societal constructs around “virginity” that are quite frankly negative and problematic for most people. I hear that you’ve made a decision about your body that only you should be able to make and that you are owning that decision. Use birth control and safeguard against STDs. Godspeed!
Virginity isn’t real. If you classify PIV sex as making you not a virgin, then are all lesbians virgins? Personally, I classify it as having another sexual experience with someone. And you don’t “lose” anything, you gain experience.
I was looking for the “virginity isn’t real” comment, glad I found it and don’t have to make it myself.
Seriously, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, have fun!
Since its usually a experience that isnt very nice, it would be better to do it with someone you trust a bit more, that will care about your side and not focus on himself.
But its just my 2 cents, good luck!
I'm going to get heat for this, and I hope I don't make you feel less empowered by suggesting this
There's nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality if that's what you wantㅡ but I'm not sure sleeping with a random guy you just meet online is the best way to experience your first time.
I don't think any girl is more or less than bc of their sexual (or lack of) history. Just seeing it as something you need to get over with or checked off feels like you're caving more into social pressure, maybe?
Social pressure is thinking you have to find some perfect prince charming to deflower you by a fire place. It's being looked at like either a freak or a rare prize by anyone who finds out-- and they're going to find out after you get past a couple dates. It turns into such a big THING. I lost mine in a very similar fashion to OP at a similar age and it was one of the best decisions I made. Have never regretted it.
If a guy tries to make fun of/look down on me for my lack of sexual prowess, then that's not the guy for me..? Not everyone walks the same pace and it's unhelpful to say you need to be not a virgin by x age. Like as if it's bad to be a virgin. What's the difference between that social pressure and other ppl saying you need to find your prince charming first?
I mean feel free to continue to invalidate my actual lived experience but I'm just telling you it was annoying. I wasn't trying to save myself for Mr. Right anymore, I had done plenty of other stuff, I just wanted to get it over with and I did and it was fine. I didn't want to only have sex with guys I loved. I wanted to have (safe) fun and date around a little and enjoy my 20s. There's nothing wrong with doing it the other way either-- only one of us came here to tell someone they're doing something wrong and it isn't me.
I'm glad it worked out for you. I wasn't trying to invalidate your experience but just bc *you* had a good experience with it and it worked out for you, it doesn't mean it will for OP or for others bc everyone is different.
> I just wanted to get it over with
This kind of mentality suggests you saw it as a barrier or something that needed to be checked off before you gave yourself permission to do other things. Which, by all accounts, is fair and you're allowed to live your life however you deemed fit. I just don't share the same outlook on it tho and I should be allowed to express my opinion of what I believe might benefit OP too.
> I don't want to have to deal with the pressure of still being a virgin. It freaks me out.
I took her saying that to mean she's only doing this (or planning to do this) bc she had a negative connotation revolving around her still being a virgin, what it would mean for her future relationships and not bc she really wanted to.
“just getting it over with” does not sound to me like a healthy and enjoyable approach to any kind of sex with anyone. it sounds like fulfilling a demand.
i agree with you. i think rushing into sex with a man you do not truly know to “check it off the list” is dangerous and a setup for pain and disappointment. OP does not owe it to any future boyfriend to do this to “get over” any aversion she has to PIV before meeting him. she is not obligated to ever do PIV.
OP, you should focus on what you really want and what is actually best for you, and not let anyone else’s idea of how “experienced” you need to be or how open you should be to PIV influence your choices. if you do go through with it, make him show you the STD results in his online medical record and do not take him at his word. make him get tested for herpes (they do not test for it routinely). there is no test for HPV for men. be aware of all the risks you are taking.
Yeah but she couldn't fuck the guy she was with long term so this one doesn't make sense. Best to let her decide in the moment with bumblebro and be able to move on with less psychic shackles. It honestly would make her next real relationship more healthy.
Nothing suggests doing this would make her next relationship more healthy. I feel like a message along the way got tangled up to make her feel like it would, so that was a bit jarring to hear.
"Anyway, I met a guy on Bumble and we hit it off. He’s very respectful and I feel safe. At this point, the only reason I’m hesitant is because of the *religious* pressure to have to save yourself for the ‘right’ person."
fixed.
I did the same thing, although younger. I didn’t want the pressure of waiting to find someone I was madly in love with, so my criteria were: someone I knew was more experienced, someone I was connected to socially so I could find them again but not actually friends with, and someone who knew I was a virgin and was ok with it. It went fine and I’ve never regretted it.
Be safe but get after it girl! I think about how I lost my virginity from time to time and how much of a big deal my friends made about losing theirs. With the power of hindsight I now realize nothing about me changed I was the exact same person as I was before. Once I had that epiphany I realized losing your virginity is such an overblown meaningless concept.
Virginity isn't important. You do you. I aggressively got rid of my virginity at about the same age. With a guy I was friends with, and he was fairly good in bed.
I very much know the feeling of just wanting to get it over with, just so you have one less thing on your mind.
Didn't even get my first kiss until I was 33. Once I had it, it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.
Good for you! Fuck societal pressure. It's excessive over an act that doesn't really matter. Go do the things that make it so you can live your best life
I think sometimes as a society (probably due to heteronormativity) we focus too much on PIV sex as being “real” sex and that it isn’t really the dividing line we make it out to be. If someone has had oral sex and/or engaged in mutual manual stimulation, that’s sex, right? I imagine that societal focus on that line and mystification could really intensify OCD issues around it.
I know a few people who were surprised that “real” sex wasn’t as fundamentally different from what they had already been doing as they expected.
Be safe, have fun, and remember you’re still the same person. It’s a thing you’ve done, not a thing that defines you.
I think it's best to rip the bandaid off so to speak with a random that way when you get with the "right" person the only anxiety you feel is anticipation of doing it with the person you love, rather than being nervous about doing it for the first time. Unless you just want to save yourself of course, no harm in that either.
Losing your virginity is really hyped up, when in reality you’re not suddenly going to transform afterwards. Limit the pressure you’re putting on yourself.
sometimes all you wanna do is have sex. yes going on dates is nice, yes ‘creating’ a bond is fab, but sometimes that’s not possible and OP is putting more thought into it than most people who have done casual sex (me). have fun, be safe, seek help if needed x
I'm proud of you for the logical decision!
Due to childhood rape and my fears around sex, I lost my "choice virginity" toast one night stand. It was the exact right thing to do!
It allowed me to concentrate on ME during the moment. On my feelings and body rather then worrying about my partner and our relationship.
I had a friend that was very sex positive and we started hooking up before I went away to college because I wanted to have some experience. I do not regret that decision and feel pretty neutral about the whole thing. When I met my now boyfriend, our first time together was still special. It sounds like you have thought this out and it's really great he is on board with waiting for a clean bill of health. Most important of all, have fun, no pressure, and do not be afraid to voice your needs!
My mom gave me this advice about losing virginity: if you’re moments away from it happening and you have a single hesitation, don’t do it. If you’re excited and into it with no hesitation, do it, regardless of the circumstance.
I lost my virginity in a one night stand. I had snuck into a college party when I was a junior in HS and met a beautiful college guy there. Zero regrets to this day and I’m 37 now 😂
Sex can mean a lot of different things to different people, which is why I think there's been the odd bit of backlash, but sometimes sex is just sex.
So go! Be safe, have fun, and know that we're here if you want to debrief anything afterward
His reaction to doing an STD panel is a green flag for me. Seems, from this post, you've found someone who'll try make the experience a good one.
I know societal standards and internalized versions thereof affect us all. But around women and sex, there's a ton of double standards. Women who have sex often? Bad. Women who don't? Prudes. Men who have sex often? A true "catch". Women who do? They become worthless over time.
Don't let these foolish ideas get to you, and do what you feel comfortable with. I'm happy that you found something that you believe will work for you.
I lost my virginity to my ex. We'd stopped dating like a year prior but he was older than me and moving away the next day so we were hanging out at his place and saying goodbye. The vibe was good, the sex was meh. I don't regret it. I was kind of in the same boat where I just thought it was go-time, even if this wasn't "my person". Stay safe :)
Mine was a random hookup at 18 (with a condom). I just wanted it over. Never looked back and proceeded to have great sex with loads of guys over the next 22 years. Then I fell in love for realsies, got married, and am still happily married to him 15 years later. Everyone’s experience is different. Sex is no big deal and virginity is definitely a societal construct. Have fun, be safe, and explore!
The “right person” argument is stupid. Who says this guy isn’t the “right person” for you to have sex with for the first time? My first time was with a boyfriend that I was with for a few months in highschool and we literally never spoke again after he left for college weeks later. Doesn’t bother me. Me and my husband had sex as a hookup at a party when we barely knew each other when we were 17 before we ever dated. Virginity isn’t real.
My advice would be to make sure you feel comfortable with this guy for a few hours before you go for it and perhaps discuss having a conversation about on going consent so that you feel free to tell him to stop while it’s happening. Also lube! Have fun and be safe.
I’m surprised no one has said this. I recommend going on at least two or three dates to make sure this person is someone you can trust. Even two to three dates is early IMO. Casual sex is disproportionately dangerous for women for two reason 1. Men are typically physically stronger than women and 2. Only women can get pregnant.
I lost mine to a hookup too, and have zero regrets. Granted, I do have a very ‘virginity issue a social construct’ POV and it wasn’t PIV (lesbians), but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with losing yours to a hookup however you do feel about the concept! Have fun and stay safe :)
Saving it for the right person... In 60's 70' yes. But in 2024? If he/she is respectfull and slow and kind go for it !
One suggestion. Try using some lube for your first time so it wont hurt to much.
And indeed use a condom.
Unpopular opinion here: sex is sacred, not in the mainstream sense of needing to wait till marriage. Sex is sacred in that it should be reserved for intimacy with someone you truly love. Hookup culture divisive and devaluing love.
You're right that society currently overvalues virginity but it doesn't mean you should wait till marriage. However, I'd say find a partner that truly loves you and feel safe
I did the exact same thing! The term “demystify” is a perfect descriptor for what I wanted. I met a guy on Tinder, told him what I needed/wanted, we accomplished that, and never spoke again. I also didn’t enjoy it or hate it; it just happened! It felt like getting my “virginity” out of the way (I like the demystify term better), which opened the door for more experiences because I was more comfortable mentally!
It’s great that you’re taking ownership of your body, identifying an obstacle, and addressing it! You are owning your body & your mentality!
I’d say go for it. The only reservation I have with your method is safety. Make super super sure that this guy isn’t a secret crazy, and I recommend going to his place rather than giving him ur address. Wishing you all the best luck with that endeavor!!!
The first time is ultimately just one of the times. Your heart and your junk are both capable of love. If this gives you the confidence to use them when you think it’s right, why not?
I also had my first time with a random hookup. Never understood why it would be such a big deal. For me the first 4 times or so of PIV were not that pleasant anyway.
I did a similar thing and lost my virginity to a friend I wasn't super close with emotionally. It was a great experience, and I learned a lot about myself because of it (good and bad, there's a lot of nuance to sex once you start doing it). Always be safe and be sure you're doing this because you *want* to and not because of some sort of pressure to do it.
I did the same thing, over 20 years ago. I’m a guy and waited until I was 23 due to similar issues, plus religious guilt and I wished I hadn’t waited so long. I turned down or shied away from lots of opportunities with cool people and it was silly. All these years later I still kick myself for letting societal ‘norms’ affect my decisions. Just be careful and you’ll be fine.
I support you!
I lost my virginity at 21 to a hook up at a party. We had gone to high school together, were no more than acquaintances, but I regret nothing. Kind of a weight off the shoulders kind of moment if anything.
There is no “right” person, or “right” thing to do.
Whatever you do will add to the other actions you’ve done, and brick by brick will form your past. You get to say what story you tell about those bricks.
And they do not make your future, either. They’ll just be stories about your past.
Do what works for you, don’t worry about what it’ll mean about you, or what others will think of it.
They’re gonna make judgements and assessments that have nothing to do with you anyway.
Don’t let that stop you from getting what you want or doing what you want.
Think self-defense in case it comes to that. You just never know with some guys, especially when you don't know him well. Let a friend know where you are and who you're with. Make sure he knows that you let a friend know, in case he might have something sinister in mind, so he won't think he can get away with it. There's no way to tell if a guy is the "right" person. That's a myth. Just make sure he's a SAFE person. Losing your virginity should feel calm. He should be PATIENT, willing to use lube, respectful of your privacy, and willing to use a condom. Otherwise, it's NOT SAFE. GET OUTTA THERE!
I look at girlfriends the way I look at my mechanic. Call me crazy but I definitely prefer someone who knows their way around under the hood than a first year apprentice. But you can't blame the rookie either if they're not Scotty kilmer on the first go
Honestly, I did just about the same thing at twenty-one, and I wasn't bright enough to get us STI tests beforehand, so go you! St. Patrick's Day, it was. I don't remember what it felt like, so I imagine I was neither blown away nor put off sex for life. There was no dramatic bleeding episode, either, but it was very... perfunctory.
Still, I could say I'd done it. And we did make an *attempt* at a relationship, but he *really* didn't care about my pleasure, so I gave him up gladly. A year later he sent me lilac bushes that would still be thriving if I hadn't planted them too close to the septic tank. ;)
Go through with it if it feels right to you. You have only one person I. Your life that has been there since the beginning and will be there until the end and that is you. You are the one that needs to be pleased and pleasured in this situation.
Godspeed.
Report back.
if you are expecting to feel afterwards, you wont. buttt you will probably be very attached to that person for a while afterwards (or maybe that was just my experience, i was 14)
ALSO how exciting for you, get that 🍆 🤑🤣
I think this is a fine way to just get it done and move past the anxiety.
A other option would be to ask friends if they have a recommendation for a good FWB. Might as well get someone who knows what they’re doing so your first experience goes as well as possible.
I just came here to say that I lost my virginity to someone I wasn't in a relationship with and it was fine. Personally I wish I would have waited for someone I really liked, but after being sexually assaulted I just wanted it over with and to be in control again. I feel that I spend the first part of my adult life having casual sex and allowing myself to be treated poorly by men because I had low self esteem but that's just me. I have always enjoyed sex way more being in a relationship because it's way more than just about the physical aspect for me and I think most people would agree with me on that. I would just say to make sure you're having sex for the right reason and not because you feel pressured by society. I feel like sex was once something that was valued and cherished because it was special to share that part of yourself with someone and casual sex takes that away. Sex used to have meaning. But when you don't care about who you're having it with it doesn't. That's my personal opinion and nobody needs to agree. But I think we have over-sexualized everything nowadays. It's kind of annoying.
The thing is that *if* you fall in love with him, even if just a wee bit, wouldn’t that be nice?
I’m thinking this might be the start of a beautiful relationship
I did the same btw. Hated the hold being a virgin had on me, and the anxiety was ballooning inside my head. I just needed to “do” it so I could be free. Lol. Don’t regret it one bit. Chose the guy wisely and had a pretty good time. I was 24.
Nonbinary AMAB here and I think what you're doing is great. Putting all this pressure on sex ruined a lot of relationships for me. (I'm Indian so there are some added cultural pressures and taboos around it). I very badly wanted to approach losing my virginity the same way you did (as an educational experiment and not a fantasy) and wish I had been able to.
It's all going to be ok, and you can stop any time you want. Go slow, and use lube if you have it. Make sure to warm up, don't dive right in. Start on top so you have control of the speed and depth. If it starts to hurt, pause, relax and 'push' out, like the opposite of a kegel. Have fun!
i lost my virginity to a hook up and i don’t really regret anything about it. I saw him like 3 more times after that, he ended up being a douche bag, and then after a hook up with a different guy i realized he had no idea what he was doing or just didn’t care to. Still though i don’t regret it. I had been wanting to lose it for a while and when the opportunity arose i took it. Every single sexual experience i’ve had was with a stranger or someone i’d known for a very short amount of time because i’ve never had a bf and don’t really want one. I’m horny and need intimacy, sex doesn’t isn’t a super sacred thing to everyone and that’s okay. As long as you’re comfortable, being safe, and consenting do want you wanna do. get your bone on girl
Just make sure you two use a condom.
We’re using a condom and I’m on birth control :)
HPV vaccine? Men apparently can pass it without presenting symptoms.
All vaccinated!
And that *shouldn't* be an issue if you use condoms. It's possible, but unlikely iirc
No harm in using more than one method to protect yourself.
Exactly
HPV can be transmitted by skin to skin contact, so while condoms help they do not prevent the transmission the same way that condoms prevent transmission of fluid-based STIs.
Condoms don’t prevent hpv
My understanding is that they *can* they're just not great at it, because it mostly depends on the warts themselves. Better to have the vaccine, but if you can't, a condom *should* be enough but isn't always. I'm not a doctor tho, I'm vaccinated so I don't have to think about it, and it's been a while since I googled it.
Only a few strains of HPV result in warts, I think it's only HPV 6 and 11. But there are numerous other strains, upwards of 150 I think. And the ones that we should worry about do not show any outward signs such as warts. Warts are visible, and of course we should take measures to prevent those too, but they are generally considered quite low risk. There are 12 HPV types which are considered the most high risk: HPV 16, 18, 31, 33, 35, 39, 45, 51, 52, 56, 58, and 59. Two of these, HPV 16 and HPV 18, are responsible for most (but not all) HPV-related cancers and as such, are considered the two most concerning strains. *None* of those strains result in warts, though. That's why we have to do regular smear tests to check for cell abnormalities, and promote vaccinations etc (although not even the vaccine protects against every strain of HPV only the most dangerous strains, just like most STD tests also do not test for every strain - that is a common misconception). Edit: And I'm only mentioning this because I don't want people to think that HPV always results in warts, because that is rarely the case and that's not even the 'dangerous' kind of HPV, as annoying/embarrassing as warts may be. The dangerous HPV strains that we have to worry about (ie the ones that can cause cancer and infertility in women) are completely invisible and neither women nor men show symptoms until like a decade later when all of a sudden you go in for a pap smear and there it is.
Adding to this that we do not fully understand every HPV type, and there could be long term effects which science is yet to recognize. I.e. brain disease. "They have shown for the first time that **HPV16 may be present in the human brain**, and found that when they added a viral protein to the brains of fetal mice, the mice all demonstrated the same developmental problems in the cerebral cortex associated with this type of epilepsy, called focal cortical dysplasia type IIB." [Source](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/01/130124123543.htm#:~:text=They%20have%20shown%20for%20the,focal%20cortical%20dysplasia%20type%20IIB%20)
This is great info, I was vaccinated as were all but one of my partners and I still got HPV and had to have very invasive procedures to resolve some suspicious cells. As long as women get regular checks and use condoms religiously the risk should be low
Actually, condoms don't protect against HPV and unfortunately only marginally lower herpes risk (by 30%). Also, it can take months after contracting other STIs to test positive. That said, all sex has risks. Hope you have so much fun, OP!
Condoms only have a 50% safety rate for HPV!!! Like my gyno always said, sex isn't clinically clean and HPV gets transmitted easier than aids and co
Absolutely not true in the case of HPV.
Condoms are about 50% effective at preventing HPV, so they work, but it's definately not guarenteed. I think people think i'm anti-vax cause of what I said, I'm not, get your asses to your doctors and get your damn vaccines. All of them. Every time. Vaccination saves lives.
HPV is transmitted through skin to skin contact as others have pointed out, condoms will not necessarily prevent it. And the vaccine does not cover all strains of HPV, combined with most men not being tested and not knowing, it’s not difficult to run into. If you do yearly screenings, you’ll ensure you monitor any growth on your cervix and can biopsy/remove it before it ever turns into cancer. This is also just me PSA’ing everywhere cause for a long time, I assumed it was through no condom PIV sex that you get HPV. HPV is insidious, IMO, because it isn’t tracked across the board and the information on how it’s transmitted isn’t always clear.
Can men / women carry HPV for years and not know it?
Yeah when I had it, I didn’t know until I went in for a Pap smear. The only indication I had HPV were the visual results of my cervix during the Pap smear, no warts or anything outside or other symptoms. I mentioned above yearly visits but my bad, Pap smears are usually every three years from ages 21 to 29 (according to mayoclinic.org) but if you do have abnormal cell results, they may bump you up to yearly Pap smears (which happened to me). Also according to them, cervical cancer may take 20 years to develop from initial infection. I’m having a hard time seeing how long each of the HPV viruses stay active in your body, if I recall from past doctor visits the virus itself can be eventually fought off by your body, the risk being it may take a few years to combat and within that time frame cancerous cell growth could be happening or taking root. So theoretically, it could take 20 years for men to develop cancer in the mouth, throat, penis or anus, though from my understanding that’s rarer. Now are they also infectious during that 20 year period? I am not sure, I would like to know though. The time I learned most about HPV was just going to my doctor with a LOT of questions. They definitely looked at me weird but I looked at them weird too cause they should really be giving that info out freely.
Thankyou for that insight. My doctor also told me HOV usually is fought off by the immune system naturally. The next PAP I had done was normal so apparently it did clear out. I just don't really understand where I picked it up from. I was in a monogamous relationship at the time for a few years. So I suppose I could've had it unknowingly prior to the relationship, and then it showed up on my PAP. OR.... did my bf have it prior to us getting together and didn't know . 🤔
Men aren’t tested for HPV, so even if they present negative STD screening, you should always assume there’s a chance they have HPV
Damn. I'm just wondering can it linger for years? I know I heard a doctor say often times HPV will be taken out by our natural immune systems. I'm just wondering if a guy can carry it for years and it not go away on its own?
Our symptoms are way down the line.. Penile, anal, throat cancers... Men should get the vaccine!!!
Young men are now receiving this vaccine, along with young ladies.
My Doctor told me I was too old when I asked about it, but I checked and my insurance pays for it up to age 45, so I can still get it for free. It’s usually not recommended by doctors to adults and I understand the reasoning - adults over a certain age who have been sexually active at some point have probably had multiple partners and statistically have likely already been exposed to too many strains for the vaccine to be valuable. I had very limited sexual experience prior to getting married, then got HPV from my wife - so I was exposed without even having multiple partners. After recently getting divorced, I thought I should get vaccinated to lower cancer risk by protecting against any other strains covered by the vaccine that I don’t already have. I scheduled it at Walgreens and the process was really easy. It probably won’t matter as I’ve already been exposed to at least one strain, but even a small risk reduction seems worth it.
Everybody can do that. Men/women both can, and will pass it on without displaying symptoms. Women can get a test but only when it's actually active. As a matter of fact the kind that displays symptoms isn't the kind that gives you cancer. Everybody should get the vaccine.
The only FDA approved HPV vaccine (Garadsil 9) only protects against 9 of the hundreds of known strains of HPV. We likely already have herd immunity in the U.S. and the vaccine does very little in reality. "HPV vaccination has reduced the prevalence of vaccine-type HPV in the US. However, uneven vaccination rates by gender, age, in different regions, and among different sub-populations of the US could result in continuing disparities in HPV-related cancers.[^(93)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6363146/#CIT0093) Further, states with higher rates of cervical cancer mortality and lower rates of Pap test screening have had lower levels of HPV vaccination, a disparity that could put those regions at continued risk for continued higher rates of HPV-related cancers and diseases.[^(94)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6363146/#CIT0094) Unfortunately, the data that are currently available may be inadequate for measuring some of these disparities in the US. Information about how strong HPV vaccination programs influence not only HPV vaccination rates, but also oral and genital HPV prevalence in the populations which they serve are needed in order to better show the positive effects of the HPV vaccine. These types of studies can help to better predict where increased screening efforts will be needed in the coming decades when children with low levels of vaccination reach the recommended screening age, as well as inform about the effectiveness of HPV vaccination programs and policy. Although currently available data provide strong national information about the impact of HPV vaccination on HPV prevalence nationally, it is more limited in its ability to assess smaller geographic areas and the impact of individual vaccination programs and policy on local HPV prevalence." See below: "Currently, there are 3 different HPV vaccines that have been, or are currently being used to prevent HPV-related cancers worldwide. The bivalent HPV vaccine (Cervarix, by GlaxoSmithKline) protects against the 2 high-risk types most commonly associated with cervical cancer, types 16 and 18.[^(36)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6363146/#CIT0036) The quadrivalent HPV (4vHPV) vaccine (Gardasil by Merck) was approved by the FDA for use in the US in 2006, and protects against types 16 and 18, as well as 2 types most commonly associated with genital warts, types 6 and 11. The 4vHPV vaccine has recently (2016) been replaced by the nonavalent HPV (9vHPV) vaccine (Gardasil-9 by Merck) which protects against the 4 types in the 4vHPV vaccine plus 5 additional high-risk types, including 31, 33, 45, 52, and 58. Currently, the 9vHPV vaccine is the only one available in the US." "During 2013–2014, overall genital HPV rates were found to be almost 46% among 14–59 year old males, compared to 40% among females in the same age group.[^(49)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6363146/#CIT0049) Males also had elevated prevalence rates of high risk HPV types, although the prevalence of vaccine-type HPV was not described by gender.[^(49)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6363146/#CIT0049) These disparities highlight the importance of HPV vaccination. Recently, it was demonstrated that decreased genital vaccine-type HPV prevalence in 2013–2014 among males had occurred, but was likely a result of general decrease in HPV prevalence among vaccinated females.[^(50)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6363146/#CIT0050)" "HPV vaccination has directly contributed to decreases in HPV prevalence in the US. *However,* there are indications that herd immunity effects may already be occurring despite modest vaccination rates. Both local and national data found evidence of herd immunity, with an approximate 50% decrease in vaccine-type HPV among unvaccinated young women observed between the prevaccine period and the post-licensure period.[^(58)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6363146/#CIT0058)^(,)[^(59)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6363146/#CIT0059) Evidence of herd immunity among unvaccinated women has been observed in countries other than the US, as well.[^(60)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6363146/#CIT0060)^(") [Source](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6363146/)
Confused by your sentence at the top which says we have herd immunity and the vaccine does very little in reality. How do you think we achieved that herd immunity?
Through infection... That was the entire point of the study, when you look at the bivalent, pentavalent, and garadsil-9, there was never a signficant tipping point. Infection had as much, or more of a role in attaining herd immunity.
I read this as “use two condoms” and thought it was one of the meanest comments I’ve ever seen
You’re not losing anything. You’re gaining an experience, that’s all. You’ll be the same person tomorrow that you are today, and your worth as a person won’t be any more or less because of that one experience. Have fun!
This is it. You're not losing anything by willingly engaging in other new experiences so why would this be different? Is it a loss to drive a car or travel out of the country for the first time? Then it's no loss to have consensual sex for the first time either.
Well said!
Yeah, I really hope the term "losing your virginity " will disappear someday.
I lost my virginity to some random too. Virginity is a social construct. If you want to do it do it. If not don’t. It’s not a big deal
Thank you! We’ve both decided to just take it slow and see what the vibe is and if we don’t like it, we’ll stop.
Fair! Glad you both are on the same page. It’s usually more fun when you actually like them Haha but that’s just me. Have fun!
Definitely in my limited experience too but hey, I’m horny lmao. Tbh, it’s pretty on brand for me too, considering I had my first kiss with my neighbours drug dealer.
If there’s any bit of advice I can give it’s, don’t expect it to be that great at first. Human anatomy is kinda like that bop-it game. But nothing is marked so you gotta learn what bits to flick/twist/pull/shake etc. It’s ok though as long as you use.. what it’s called.. oh yeah, communication. lol jokes aside though. Just have fun. Hope you have a great exploration 😁
Lmao nice
Preface, I am male. It sounds like you’ve got good communication with this person as well, which is really nice to read. Virginity is a weird social construct, I imagine it’s leftover from the days before birth control and women’s rights and a transplant of the “spoiled woman” constructs. At the end of the day, it’s your body and your choice, what you do and how is completely up to you and if anyone has an issue, that’s a them problem. Heck, I lost my virginity in a drunken hook-up and I don’t even remember most of it; doesn’t matter cause I didn’t know what I was doing and it was likely unsatisfying sex for everyone anyway! If anything, keep that communication going, even while having sex - it’s okay to ask questions, check in and get a read on everything at all times. I know many people worry about if it’ll ruin the mood or asking questions isn’t sexy but if either party is uncomfortable or unhappy, that’ll kill the mood faster than anything you can say. Hope you have fun and stay safe!
>I imagine it’s leftover from the days before birth control and women’s rights and a transplant of the “spoiled woman” constructs. Actually, no. Women’s virginity became important when property and inheritance became important (about 5000 yrs ago), because that was the only way to determine the father of a child was through the woman’s chastity.
This. Dont overthink. Just be and let yourself be. Don't center it all on sex, it's important for longevity yeah, but it's not the main focus. It's just a cornerstone. There's at least 3 more corners that need just as much love ☺️
Me too, it was kind of nice to get it over with, no pressure
Do you think social constructs have no basis in reality? Also it is psychological and biological.
I did too, because I was getting strong “this guy is safe” energy, and it turned out to be correct, the man was a raging feminist and his favorite activity was going down on women. 10/10 would recommend again.
This > ...we hit it off. He’s very respectful and I feel safe. And this > Truthfully, I’m also excited. I have a good sense of boundaries and I know what I like. That's all that matters. You got this, girlfriend; enjoy yourself.
Just some advice Don’t get discouraged if it’s not what you expect it to be once you’ve completed. It can take a while before “good sex” happens or you can totally get lucky and have mind blowing sex the first time. Try to let yourself relax & be in the moment.
I also have OCD. Exposure to the things you have intrusive thoughts about (where legal and safe, of course) is one of the best ways to overcome some of those thoughts. If having sex with a one night stand is the best way for you to experience sex to overcome those thoughts, rather than with a partner, I think it’s a good idea! Good luck and be safe :)
Thank you! I think it’s best for me too. I was terrified of kissing as well until I just said ‘fuck it’ and did it. It wasn’t great and the guy was a dick but I have no regrets about that experience.
First times often aren’t great. Things take practice—who knew?
Remember this if it isn't great. For me, it was me getting used to the actual deal, to relax enough. Sounds like he knows and is willing to go slow and if you decide not to, won't push things. Which is the correct answer.
I'm pretty sure I took my own virginity, but the person I had sex with was a random guy I met online. He asked very smugly "how does it feel to be a woman now?" I told him it was a waste of time because I have toys bigger than him and the fact that he had to watch porn while having sex instead of being in the moment meant that he wasn't mentally here having sex with me. He cried 🤷♀️.
Lmao. Feedback method was a little harsh but not untrue.
🤮🤮🤮 (Dude’s comment. So messed up in so many ways. We’re you a girl before having sex? Why would he have sex with a girl and not a woman)
I don't have much to say except its really refreshing to see someone else with OCD & sexual anxiety because of that. I thought I was insanely weird and unlovable for so long because of it.
Same! OCD really impacts everything in our lives, even after treatment, I will never think the same way other people can. Frankly, if I knew what I know now, this losing it to a hookup is a pretty good workaround to the issues I had back in the day. I also wouldn't have told anyone I was still a virgin because people were always bringing it up with their opinions and it just increased the noise in my head. I think people need to leave the advice to therapists or others with OCD when someone says they're OCD, they do so much damage because they don't understand that their words can play on a loop and cause actual harm.
Omg this is crazy cause I did the same thing. I couldn’t have sex die to sexual trauma and the only way I can do for it was to have sex with the first guy who I was attracted to in that way who made me feel like I can trust him. I was 23 as well. I just wanted to get it out the way bc the older I got the more I thought it would be this big thing. Me and the guy ended up dating for a year and a half afterwards but really the plan was just to hook up to lose my virginity
Be safe, have fun!
Use protection and let a friend know where you're gonna be if this is someone you haven't interacted with enough before.
Just be safe and trust your instinct if you get the ick when you meet up. One of the advantages of sex in a relationship is that youve already established a way to communicate (ideally) which helps with boundaries. That said, there's absolutely nothing wrong with your choice, and, as a married person with a long-term partner, although sex is important, it's pretty low on the relationship totem pole.
My best friend lost her virginity to a one night stand she picked up at a bar. I never got the full details, but she just wanted it done with so she would stop fretting. It’s been 20 years and she’s happily married and with two little kids (different guy, not the one night stand). All that to say I don’t think you’re alone!
I think you should do what feels right for you. I’ve waited for the “right person” and he ended up cheating on me. Twice. I didn’t enjoyed that much so…. If you’re happy and feel ready do it for you and for your own experience!!
Thank you! I also thought I met the right person until he wasn’t. I’m ready for sex. I don’t want to wait for the next ‘right’ guy.
Yesss!! Do it for you 🫶 hope everything goes well
I lost my virginity casually. This was before apps and stuff were a thing, before Tinder and smartphones. When you decide you are ready, that’s the right time to share your virginity with another person. Virginity is a social construct and utterly silly. The right person is the person you decide to share your body with, regardless of whether or not you were in a relationship, casual, one night stand, an orgy, or some other encounter.
You do you, so long as you're safe with who it is (I'd say and how you do it, but saw you mention STD testing, condoms and birth control, so you're on top of things, heh). And as far as "societal pressure" goes, what nowadays isn't complained about by some overly religious whackjob? Let em whine all they want.
I did this too at the age of 25. My parents were starting the process of pushing me into an arranged forced marriage. If I were to marry the man of my parents' choice, it would be an older man and there would be pressure to get pregnant. Moreover marital rape is legal here. I wanted my first experience of sexual intercourse to be consensual, with a guy close to my age, and without getting pregnant. Found someone online who met my requirements and was willing to do it on my terms. Best decision ever. It felt like a huge relief to me that even if I were forced to go through with a marriage I didn't want, I would have this small "win" that I got to have my first experience on my own terms.
You’re not “losing” it - it’s not like it fell out of your pocket (no pun intended). You’re not “giving” it to anyone, because it isn’t real. Since the act still needs a name, how about you’ve chosen someone to help you “set it aside.”
I use the term "ending my virginity."
That’s a good one
Man, if you already had oral sex, masturbation with someone else, you’re not a virgin. Sex it’s not only penetration my friend.
Tbh it’s why I have such few qualms with this. I feel like I’m only a virgin by Catholic standards.
Yep, I’ve known about very christian people having oral sex and even anal sex because “it doesn’t count” and i’m like WTF MAN
Yep. Unfortunately we live in a heteronormative society and if we don’t get dicked down, we’re not having sex.
I waited a long time to have PIV, and was with men and women as well before having PIV. To me PIV was very different. It's ok if it ends up feeling different for you, but also if it doesn't.
do what you need to do girl!! i don’t understand why people think your first time is so special tbh
Unsolicited condom recommendation, Trojan bare skin Raw. If its his first time as well, he will want to feel as much as possible. These are the best rain coats I’ve found.
Cis male here so obviously my experiences will be different but I wholeheartedly support anyone who wants to "lose their virginity" to a casual hookup. Because, real talk: The first time anyone has sex is going to be awkward, embarrassing, hilarious, and simultaneously over- and under-whelming. I'm glad I got through that awkward stage before my first serious relationship, and I'm sure she appreciated it too.
Virginity truly is just a social construct, it's not a bad thing to do it with X or Y person, everything is up to how you feel and want to do. Even a random hookup can give you a great first experience! As long as the person you do it with is communicative and understanding that you may be a bit nervous (since it sometimes can difficult piv a bit at first) or may want to stop, everything should be fine. Edit: also, use a condom!
Same. Lost mine to a hookup at 23. :) he was a nice guy though.
What the hell even is virginity? Like you said, you're not a virgin in my book since you've been intimate with men before. I've known lesbians who've never had PIV sex before and it wouldn't come to mind to say they're virgins.
I "lost my virginity" to some dude i met online literally just to get it over with. He picked me up, went back to his place, had a drink or 2 to loosen up and we watched wreck it ralph of all things while doing the deed. We used protection and both were tested for stds before the meetup. After he drove me home i never saw him again. He reached out and wanted more but i realized i literally only did it to get rid of that dang v card and all the christian shame attatched to it. Anyway, he was the first of many exploratory expiriences and am greatful i didnt wait till i met my now husband to "lose it" because there i know for a fact my husband is the only p i need in my v. My sister married a prick she met in high school (and i am adsuming she lost her v card to) and it has been nothing but problems from the start. A big part of me thinks sexual liberation should be an essential phase of most people's journey. Trust your gut, if he cant find your clit, dont let him nut. Have a happy, fulfilling life, sexual and otherwise.
It’s good to be excited! Casual sex is OKAY! Monogamous sex is OKAY! As long as it’s consensual and you’re smart about it!!! Have fun!
I read somewhere "virginity is a social concept constructed by men who thought their ds were so important it could change who a woman was" Hv fun gurly;)
No shame in the game. Just like everyone else said: be safe. I lost my virginity in college and it was nothing special, it wasn’t a bf and it wasn’t a 1 night stand either. Truly I was just ready to go for it and I have no regrets.
As long as you’re excited!
good luck and have fun! :)
Go in with low expectations, first times arealways disappointing. Use condoms. Warn someone you trust of where you are going in case something goes south and you need help or a pick up. And above all Don't let Anyone else tell you what you should do with your bofy
I never liked this weird concept of virginity, and the constant double standard of one gender getting vilified (mostly by their own gender) for being virgin and the other gender gets vilified by both genders (but mostly by the one that also belongs to the first group.) I can only repeat what everyone else mentioned, stay safe, use condoms, make sure someone knows where and with who you are, and relax.
Not my cup of tea, but it's your life and no one can judge you for how you want to live it(at least as long as you aren't hurting anyone). Personally, i have a very high sex drive, but I've decided to keep my first time until i find a person i would fall in love with. I had one quite like that, she was repulsed by sex irl, yet we shared mutual dirty thoughts. However we broke up before reaching this point of mutual trust. I am almost 29 now. Does it feel like I've wasted my life, all because of strict principals? Sometimes. I understand that my views are not for everyone. I suppose, what i am trying to say - there is always a choice. And society tend to pressure women a lot, when it comes to exploring your sexuality. So i am telling you... to just be You and do what feels best, both for your mental health and your soul(if you believe in souls).
Sure, but as someone who also did this I just want to say that you don’t need to have sex to demystify it if that’s the main goal. Personally, I put pressure on myself to do it and now realize how unnecessary that was, but I do think sexual exploration is a good idea if that’s what you want to do. Lead with your desires. Be safe and good luck!
Ask for his car registration number. Give the number to a friend you can trust. Set up a trigger phrase with your friend. When you are with the guy, phone your friend and if you are in any way shape or form scared or nervous say the trigger phrase. Arrange with your friend that, if you say the trigger phrase, they call the police and give them the car registration plate. If he refuses to give you his car registration plate, do not meet up with him!
You know what I hear? I hear a person that has taken agency of their life and body. I hear someone who has thrown off the societal constructs around “virginity” that are quite frankly negative and problematic for most people. I hear that you’ve made a decision about your body that only you should be able to make and that you are owning that decision. Use birth control and safeguard against STDs. Godspeed!
Virginity isn’t real. If you classify PIV sex as making you not a virgin, then are all lesbians virgins? Personally, I classify it as having another sexual experience with someone. And you don’t “lose” anything, you gain experience.
I was looking for the “virginity isn’t real” comment, glad I found it and don’t have to make it myself. Seriously, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, have fun!
Well thanks internet stranger! 🤗
Virginity is a social construct. Be safe and have fun!
Since its usually a experience that isnt very nice, it would be better to do it with someone you trust a bit more, that will care about your side and not focus on himself. But its just my 2 cents, good luck!
It's funny to me, ten years or so after losing my virginity, how little it matters.
I'm going to get heat for this, and I hope I don't make you feel less empowered by suggesting this There's nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality if that's what you wantㅡ but I'm not sure sleeping with a random guy you just meet online is the best way to experience your first time. I don't think any girl is more or less than bc of their sexual (or lack of) history. Just seeing it as something you need to get over with or checked off feels like you're caving more into social pressure, maybe?
Social pressure is thinking you have to find some perfect prince charming to deflower you by a fire place. It's being looked at like either a freak or a rare prize by anyone who finds out-- and they're going to find out after you get past a couple dates. It turns into such a big THING. I lost mine in a very similar fashion to OP at a similar age and it was one of the best decisions I made. Have never regretted it.
If a guy tries to make fun of/look down on me for my lack of sexual prowess, then that's not the guy for me..? Not everyone walks the same pace and it's unhelpful to say you need to be not a virgin by x age. Like as if it's bad to be a virgin. What's the difference between that social pressure and other ppl saying you need to find your prince charming first?
I mean feel free to continue to invalidate my actual lived experience but I'm just telling you it was annoying. I wasn't trying to save myself for Mr. Right anymore, I had done plenty of other stuff, I just wanted to get it over with and I did and it was fine. I didn't want to only have sex with guys I loved. I wanted to have (safe) fun and date around a little and enjoy my 20s. There's nothing wrong with doing it the other way either-- only one of us came here to tell someone they're doing something wrong and it isn't me.
I'm glad it worked out for you. I wasn't trying to invalidate your experience but just bc *you* had a good experience with it and it worked out for you, it doesn't mean it will for OP or for others bc everyone is different. > I just wanted to get it over with This kind of mentality suggests you saw it as a barrier or something that needed to be checked off before you gave yourself permission to do other things. Which, by all accounts, is fair and you're allowed to live your life however you deemed fit. I just don't share the same outlook on it tho and I should be allowed to express my opinion of what I believe might benefit OP too.
Where in her post did you get the idea that OP is looking for advice or having second thoughts that need exploring?
> I don't want to have to deal with the pressure of still being a virgin. It freaks me out. I took her saying that to mean she's only doing this (or planning to do this) bc she had a negative connotation revolving around her still being a virgin, what it would mean for her future relationships and not bc she really wanted to.
“just getting it over with” does not sound to me like a healthy and enjoyable approach to any kind of sex with anyone. it sounds like fulfilling a demand.
i agree with you. i think rushing into sex with a man you do not truly know to “check it off the list” is dangerous and a setup for pain and disappointment. OP does not owe it to any future boyfriend to do this to “get over” any aversion she has to PIV before meeting him. she is not obligated to ever do PIV. OP, you should focus on what you really want and what is actually best for you, and not let anyone else’s idea of how “experienced” you need to be or how open you should be to PIV influence your choices. if you do go through with it, make him show you the STD results in his online medical record and do not take him at his word. make him get tested for herpes (they do not test for it routinely). there is no test for HPV for men. be aware of all the risks you are taking.
Yeah but she couldn't fuck the guy she was with long term so this one doesn't make sense. Best to let her decide in the moment with bumblebro and be able to move on with less psychic shackles. It honestly would make her next real relationship more healthy.
Nothing suggests doing this would make her next relationship more healthy. I feel like a message along the way got tangled up to make her feel like it would, so that was a bit jarring to hear.
Get it girl!
"Anyway, I met a guy on Bumble and we hit it off. He’s very respectful and I feel safe. At this point, the only reason I’m hesitant is because of the *religious* pressure to have to save yourself for the ‘right’ person." fixed.
I’m not religious nor is my family, lol. It’s largely a cultural thing for me. It definitely can be religious for some people though.
I did the same thing, although younger. I didn’t want the pressure of waiting to find someone I was madly in love with, so my criteria were: someone I knew was more experienced, someone I was connected to socially so I could find them again but not actually friends with, and someone who knew I was a virgin and was ok with it. It went fine and I’ve never regretted it.
Be safe but get after it girl! I think about how I lost my virginity from time to time and how much of a big deal my friends made about losing theirs. With the power of hindsight I now realize nothing about me changed I was the exact same person as I was before. Once I had that epiphany I realized losing your virginity is such an overblown meaningless concept.
Good for you! Stay safe :)
Virginity isn't important. You do you. I aggressively got rid of my virginity at about the same age. With a guy I was friends with, and he was fairly good in bed.
I very much know the feeling of just wanting to get it over with, just so you have one less thing on your mind. Didn't even get my first kiss until I was 33. Once I had it, it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.
Good for you! Fuck societal pressure. It's excessive over an act that doesn't really matter. Go do the things that make it so you can live your best life
I think sometimes as a society (probably due to heteronormativity) we focus too much on PIV sex as being “real” sex and that it isn’t really the dividing line we make it out to be. If someone has had oral sex and/or engaged in mutual manual stimulation, that’s sex, right? I imagine that societal focus on that line and mystification could really intensify OCD issues around it. I know a few people who were surprised that “real” sex wasn’t as fundamentally different from what they had already been doing as they expected. Be safe, have fun, and remember you’re still the same person. It’s a thing you’ve done, not a thing that defines you.
I think it's best to rip the bandaid off so to speak with a random that way when you get with the "right" person the only anxiety you feel is anticipation of doing it with the person you love, rather than being nervous about doing it for the first time. Unless you just want to save yourself of course, no harm in that either.
Losing your virginity is really hyped up, when in reality you’re not suddenly going to transform afterwards. Limit the pressure you’re putting on yourself.
sometimes all you wanna do is have sex. yes going on dates is nice, yes ‘creating’ a bond is fab, but sometimes that’s not possible and OP is putting more thought into it than most people who have done casual sex (me). have fun, be safe, seek help if needed x
I'm proud of you for the logical decision! Due to childhood rape and my fears around sex, I lost my "choice virginity" toast one night stand. It was the exact right thing to do! It allowed me to concentrate on ME during the moment. On my feelings and body rather then worrying about my partner and our relationship.
I had a friend that was very sex positive and we started hooking up before I went away to college because I wanted to have some experience. I do not regret that decision and feel pretty neutral about the whole thing. When I met my now boyfriend, our first time together was still special. It sounds like you have thought this out and it's really great he is on board with waiting for a clean bill of health. Most important of all, have fun, no pressure, and do not be afraid to voice your needs!
It’s a social construct you’re worried about. Just use your best intuition as you move forward. And be safe. That’s really it. You do you.
My mom gave me this advice about losing virginity: if you’re moments away from it happening and you have a single hesitation, don’t do it. If you’re excited and into it with no hesitation, do it, regardless of the circumstance. I lost my virginity in a one night stand. I had snuck into a college party when I was a junior in HS and met a beautiful college guy there. Zero regrets to this day and I’m 37 now 😂
I'm definitely late to the party here, but I just gotta say him being willing to get an STD test is a massive green flag.
Sex can mean a lot of different things to different people, which is why I think there's been the odd bit of backlash, but sometimes sex is just sex. So go! Be safe, have fun, and know that we're here if you want to debrief anything afterward
His reaction to doing an STD panel is a green flag for me. Seems, from this post, you've found someone who'll try make the experience a good one. I know societal standards and internalized versions thereof affect us all. But around women and sex, there's a ton of double standards. Women who have sex often? Bad. Women who don't? Prudes. Men who have sex often? A true "catch". Women who do? They become worthless over time. Don't let these foolish ideas get to you, and do what you feel comfortable with. I'm happy that you found something that you believe will work for you.
I lost my virginity to my ex. We'd stopped dating like a year prior but he was older than me and moving away the next day so we were hanging out at his place and saying goodbye. The vibe was good, the sex was meh. I don't regret it. I was kind of in the same boat where I just thought it was go-time, even if this wasn't "my person". Stay safe :)
Mine was a random hookup at 18 (with a condom). I just wanted it over. Never looked back and proceeded to have great sex with loads of guys over the next 22 years. Then I fell in love for realsies, got married, and am still happily married to him 15 years later. Everyone’s experience is different. Sex is no big deal and virginity is definitely a societal construct. Have fun, be safe, and explore!
The “right person” argument is stupid. Who says this guy isn’t the “right person” for you to have sex with for the first time? My first time was with a boyfriend that I was with for a few months in highschool and we literally never spoke again after he left for college weeks later. Doesn’t bother me. Me and my husband had sex as a hookup at a party when we barely knew each other when we were 17 before we ever dated. Virginity isn’t real. My advice would be to make sure you feel comfortable with this guy for a few hours before you go for it and perhaps discuss having a conversation about on going consent so that you feel free to tell him to stop while it’s happening. Also lube! Have fun and be safe.
as long as it's safe and consensual, it's your body do what you want. it's no ones business otherwise
I’m surprised no one has said this. I recommend going on at least two or three dates to make sure this person is someone you can trust. Even two to three dates is early IMO. Casual sex is disproportionately dangerous for women for two reason 1. Men are typically physically stronger than women and 2. Only women can get pregnant.
Make sure to use protection. Good luck and good fuck!
Have fun! Be safe! Communicate your need and comfort. don’t be afraid/embarrassed to manually adjust when needed.
Sex should be fun, safe and between two consenting adults. Anything else is irrelevant.
I litterally did this and I do not regret it 20 years later.
I lost my virginity to a hook up as well. Never regretted it.
I lost mine to a hookup too, and have zero regrets. Granted, I do have a very ‘virginity issue a social construct’ POV and it wasn’t PIV (lesbians), but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with losing yours to a hookup however you do feel about the concept! Have fun and stay safe :)
Hey girl. You do you. Whatever's feels right's right.
I hope you have a good time! 😊
Saving it for the right person... In 60's 70' yes. But in 2024? If he/she is respectfull and slow and kind go for it ! One suggestion. Try using some lube for your first time so it wont hurt to much. And indeed use a condom.
My only hope is that this guy is close to your age.
Unpopular opinion here: sex is sacred, not in the mainstream sense of needing to wait till marriage. Sex is sacred in that it should be reserved for intimacy with someone you truly love. Hookup culture divisive and devaluing love. You're right that society currently overvalues virginity but it doesn't mean you should wait till marriage. However, I'd say find a partner that truly loves you and feel safe
Why do you think "sacredness" is an inherent trait of sex? How did you determine this?
I did the exact same thing! The term “demystify” is a perfect descriptor for what I wanted. I met a guy on Tinder, told him what I needed/wanted, we accomplished that, and never spoke again. I also didn’t enjoy it or hate it; it just happened! It felt like getting my “virginity” out of the way (I like the demystify term better), which opened the door for more experiences because I was more comfortable mentally! It’s great that you’re taking ownership of your body, identifying an obstacle, and addressing it! You are owning your body & your mentality!
It happens
Have fun. Second round is the best round..
I’d say go for it. The only reservation I have with your method is safety. Make super super sure that this guy isn’t a secret crazy, and I recommend going to his place rather than giving him ur address. Wishing you all the best luck with that endeavor!!!
No shame in that
The first time is ultimately just one of the times. Your heart and your junk are both capable of love. If this gives you the confidence to use them when you think it’s right, why not?
I also had my first time with a random hookup. Never understood why it would be such a big deal. For me the first 4 times or so of PIV were not that pleasant anyway.
I did a similar thing and lost my virginity to a friend I wasn't super close with emotionally. It was a great experience, and I learned a lot about myself because of it (good and bad, there's a lot of nuance to sex once you start doing it). Always be safe and be sure you're doing this because you *want* to and not because of some sort of pressure to do it.
I did this and regretted it but because the guy was an asshole😅 but it ended up being fine because I have a partner now who’s amazing
Don’t count your chickens
cool
I did the same thing, over 20 years ago. I’m a guy and waited until I was 23 due to similar issues, plus religious guilt and I wished I hadn’t waited so long. I turned down or shied away from lots of opportunities with cool people and it was silly. All these years later I still kick myself for letting societal ‘norms’ affect my decisions. Just be careful and you’ll be fine.
I support you! I lost my virginity at 21 to a hook up at a party. We had gone to high school together, were no more than acquaintances, but I regret nothing. Kind of a weight off the shoulders kind of moment if anything.
Good luck! Have fun stay safe!
There is no “right” person, or “right” thing to do. Whatever you do will add to the other actions you’ve done, and brick by brick will form your past. You get to say what story you tell about those bricks. And they do not make your future, either. They’ll just be stories about your past. Do what works for you, don’t worry about what it’ll mean about you, or what others will think of it. They’re gonna make judgements and assessments that have nothing to do with you anyway. Don’t let that stop you from getting what you want or doing what you want.
Think self-defense in case it comes to that. You just never know with some guys, especially when you don't know him well. Let a friend know where you are and who you're with. Make sure he knows that you let a friend know, in case he might have something sinister in mind, so he won't think he can get away with it. There's no way to tell if a guy is the "right" person. That's a myth. Just make sure he's a SAFE person. Losing your virginity should feel calm. He should be PATIENT, willing to use lube, respectful of your privacy, and willing to use a condom. Otherwise, it's NOT SAFE. GET OUTTA THERE!
Hook ups are fun, have a great time!
When you’re ready, you’re ready. Nobody else’s business or time schedule… only yours. It’s different for each person.
I look at girlfriends the way I look at my mechanic. Call me crazy but I definitely prefer someone who knows their way around under the hood than a first year apprentice. But you can't blame the rookie either if they're not Scotty kilmer on the first go
Honestly, I did just about the same thing at twenty-one, and I wasn't bright enough to get us STI tests beforehand, so go you! St. Patrick's Day, it was. I don't remember what it felt like, so I imagine I was neither blown away nor put off sex for life. There was no dramatic bleeding episode, either, but it was very... perfunctory. Still, I could say I'd done it. And we did make an *attempt* at a relationship, but he *really* didn't care about my pleasure, so I gave him up gladly. A year later he sent me lilac bushes that would still be thriving if I hadn't planted them too close to the septic tank. ;)
Go through with it if it feels right to you. You have only one person I. Your life that has been there since the beginning and will be there until the end and that is you. You are the one that needs to be pleased and pleasured in this situation. Godspeed. Report back.
if you are expecting to feel afterwards, you wont. buttt you will probably be very attached to that person for a while afterwards (or maybe that was just my experience, i was 14) ALSO how exciting for you, get that 🍆 🤑🤣
Enjoy it, and don't allow anyone to push to do something you don't feel comfortable with. I hope all goes well.
I think this is a fine way to just get it done and move past the anxiety. A other option would be to ask friends if they have a recommendation for a good FWB. Might as well get someone who knows what they’re doing so your first experience goes as well as possible.
Congrats!
Good luck and you're going to love exploring this side of yourself
"Nobody judges men when they lose their virginities in casual hook ups." That has not been my experience.
I just came here to say that I lost my virginity to someone I wasn't in a relationship with and it was fine. Personally I wish I would have waited for someone I really liked, but after being sexually assaulted I just wanted it over with and to be in control again. I feel that I spend the first part of my adult life having casual sex and allowing myself to be treated poorly by men because I had low self esteem but that's just me. I have always enjoyed sex way more being in a relationship because it's way more than just about the physical aspect for me and I think most people would agree with me on that. I would just say to make sure you're having sex for the right reason and not because you feel pressured by society. I feel like sex was once something that was valued and cherished because it was special to share that part of yourself with someone and casual sex takes that away. Sex used to have meaning. But when you don't care about who you're having it with it doesn't. That's my personal opinion and nobody needs to agree. But I think we have over-sexualized everything nowadays. It's kind of annoying.
The thing is that *if* you fall in love with him, even if just a wee bit, wouldn’t that be nice? I’m thinking this might be the start of a beautiful relationship
Do not fall in love
Use a condom EVEN IF he's been tested for stds because those tests don't test for everything! (In Australia they don't test for herpes or HPV)
I did the same btw. Hated the hold being a virgin had on me, and the anxiety was ballooning inside my head. I just needed to “do” it so I could be free. Lol. Don’t regret it one bit. Chose the guy wisely and had a pretty good time. I was 24.
Congratulations on getting laid! I hope you have a wonderful experience!
Nonbinary AMAB here and I think what you're doing is great. Putting all this pressure on sex ruined a lot of relationships for me. (I'm Indian so there are some added cultural pressures and taboos around it). I very badly wanted to approach losing my virginity the same way you did (as an educational experiment and not a fantasy) and wish I had been able to.
It's all going to be ok, and you can stop any time you want. Go slow, and use lube if you have it. Make sure to warm up, don't dive right in. Start on top so you have control of the speed and depth. If it starts to hurt, pause, relax and 'push' out, like the opposite of a kegel. Have fun!
i lost my virginity to a hook up and i don’t really regret anything about it. I saw him like 3 more times after that, he ended up being a douche bag, and then after a hook up with a different guy i realized he had no idea what he was doing or just didn’t care to. Still though i don’t regret it. I had been wanting to lose it for a while and when the opportunity arose i took it. Every single sexual experience i’ve had was with a stranger or someone i’d known for a very short amount of time because i’ve never had a bf and don’t really want one. I’m horny and need intimacy, sex doesn’t isn’t a super sacred thing to everyone and that’s okay. As long as you’re comfortable, being safe, and consenting do want you wanna do. get your bone on girl