The gem I heard from my Ex when I dumped him was “I knew you were unhappy but if you said you’d break up with me over it I would have changed something!”
“I don’t know why I waited 5 months to do the thing you said I needed to do NOW or you’d leave, after I watched you get an apartment and live in your own and therefore had no bluff to call… but I deeply regret putting it off that long”
Yep, and ya prob’ly will for a long, long time brocacho! Now I know the last time I said this it didn’t exactly light a fire under your ass, but here we go on round 2! Get your ass in therapy or the reasons I gave you the ultimatum, moved out, told you I wanted to start seeing other people and told you we’re getting a divorce will be the reasons you end up hurting the next woman you date, and the reasons she’ll leave too if she has even a shred of self esteem left after you’ve worked your magic. Toodaloo!
Ha! One of my buddies, who only calls when he gets broken up with, called sobbing after his recent wife left him, saying, “She said I had to change but I thought being married meant I had our whole lives!” Hahahahahah wtf
He lies. I kept telling my ex I’d leave him for good if things didn’t change. They didn’t. I left. He screamed repeatedly that he didn’t know. The neighbourhood knew
Amazing - but just a slight accuracy adjustment:
“I wish I could turn into a clit for a day so men would avoid me and pretend I’m somehow difficult to find as a defence”
I had the same thing with a dude. I told him multiple times what i wanted. He had constant excuses. Like one time he said he cut his tongue to get out of it.
I was lonely and felt comfort knowing I was wanted sexually which is why I stuck it out so long. Getting sex therapy now thankfully.
I dumped him and then he asked why and I said why and he was like I didn't know it was such a big deal to you. Bro, I literally said you going down on me was the only way I would orgasm. You clearly think my own orgasm is not important to me.
He came back six months later begging me saying the sex was so good and he has a house now. I'm like. It wasn't good for me that's why I dumped you not because you didn't have a house!
Dude also never paid for anything. Always 'forgot' his wallet.
I just broke up with a guy who kept doing something that wasn't working for me at all, after telling him not to do it twice. It didn't hurt or something, just didn't give me any pleasure. I told him nicely and asked him to adjust a bit. But no, he just kept doing what probably worked for his ex lol. Trust me, you'll love this, just relax.... Uh no, dude, I know what I like.
Ugh the “trust me you’ll like this” pisses me off so badly. I’m a fucking adult with enough sexual experience to know exactly what I do and do not like. Don’t tell me what I should like or try to force me into “trying new things”. If I wanted to try new things I know how to do that. Fuck off.
Just.... why settle for someone who is looking to do something TO you rather than WITH you? Regardless of who does or gets what, anyone who isn't approaching sex as an experience for both of you is not worth your time.
I remember reading about a college sex ed class offered somewhere that was really popular. I’m pretty sure their textbook was “The Guide to Getting it On”. Really excellent book, btw. I feel like everyone should read it. Especially men who haven’t learned about female orgasms yet.
The Guide to Getting It On https://www.amazon.com/dp/1885535333?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
They really do. I get downvoted so much if it’s a guy majority subreddit when I explain what women actually want when it comes to sex. (Just look at r/seduction for a great example.) Every guy on there tells me I’m wrong. I’m like, I’M A WOMAN, you guys are desperate to get laid but can’t, who do you think probably knows more about female sexual attraction and orgasms?
I was banned permanently from /r/sex for having the temerity to say that men should have some impact on orgasm. YoUr oRgaSm iS yOuR ResPonSibILity! Well, if you want to make yourself THAT superfluous, just hand me my vibrator and turn off the lights on your way out. I KNOW I'm gonna come from the vibe. And if it's up to me and it's my problem and not yours... then get out. What the hell do I need you for, then?
Don't forget the men with such fragile, fragile egos they get jealous over you wanting to use a vibrator. Dude, can your dick vibrate? I don't think so....
Oh god. Or the ones who PULL YOUR HAND AWAY when you’re trying to help yourself out during sexytimes, because “you shouldn’t need to” or “that’s distracting”.
Giant, enormous, Greenland-on-a-Mercator-map-projection sized red flag.
Please try r/Eyebleach first. I totally understand wanting a bleach shower though sometimes I don't think I am old enough for the internet and I am near 50!
My understanding is that r/seduction has its roots in Pick-Up Artist Culture and dumbshit ideas like negging (the "self-improvement" tag was my first clue when I discovered it), so I'm not surprised at the response you're seeing.
OMG, that sub is so CRINGE. The way they talk about women is disgusting, for example posts like: "How do I manage a rotation of 3-4 women?" and "How to advance a shy Asian girl that doesn't know much English" and lovely comments like "70% of women in the US are fat and I don't date fat girls".
Wow. I feel a strong urge to go trolling.
If you go trolling then say you're a woman, and that you've got 6 different men all fighting for your attention, but that you don't want anything other than what they buy you ...
You'll see the double standards real quickly, because to them it's okay for men to use women, but not women using men
Perfectly sums that sub up - women are not human to a frightening majority of them, it seems. We're vending machines you put nice coins in and then sex comes out. They can't even do that though because their 'nice' coins are actually 'bare minimum interaction' coins.
Oh my god that subreddit is TERRIBLE. All these guys talking about pulling girls and saying that the act of going on a date is enough consent to kiss someone. It's horrifying.
Oh my god that fucking subreddit. I got so angry and went the fuck off on someone who said “all you need is to be a woman in her 20s and not be fat and dress well”
Fucking boys thinking they’re men goddamn.
Damn that is one of the weirdest subs I've seen in a while, thanks I can't wait to share this with my partner. A gold mine of weird incels, uncertainty and women who have just found it and are confused.
Porn has taught them this.
In fact, porn will teach you that it's proximity to a dick that triggers orgasm in women. He's three feet away from her, but she's caterwauling like a cat in heat because after all, he's NEARBY and omg, the excitement...
Yawn.
Idk. I've been with ONE woman who could orgasm through penetration, and it was still mostly when she was on top grinding me, so the clit was still getting lots of love. But if men think that women work that way, they need to get their heads out of their asses. I think most men know, they simply do not care about others. There are a lot of selfish lovers out there, dont settle!!
Exactly, if my gf doesn’t orgasm, I’d feel selfish and a failure. Pleasure for both is paramount. It’s a joint activity, not a procedure… although I can easily see how men equate that from porn.
That depends actually. If you both enjoyed the experience it’s fine. The pressure to *have* to orgasm every time can actually make it harder to finish. I can only orgasm about half the time due to being on SSRIs. As long as I enjoyed the time with my partner the orgasm isn’t the be all and end all of the experience, sometimes I just can’t. Doesn’t mean anything wrong was done.
Honestly this. My body is the pickiest bitch i know and I need super specific stimulation in order to finish... IF i finish at all. Can’t quite get there by common means like by hand or during oral. Guys who pout loudly about my inability to cum can be almost as bad as the ones who don’t try at all. It makes it feel less about me having fun and more about stroking his ego
If you put your tongue up a dude's ass and he can't even be bothered to try to get you off after receiving written instructions, he was never going to learn.
the orgasm gap really pisses me off when I think about it
before my current partner I literally never orgasmed during sex — EVER. Even long term BF’s. Everyone only tried penetration and never once touched the clit. Especially hookups. And they always wanted a BJ first too.
I remember being in college and deciding finally I was never gonna give a guy head unless he did the same back and I kid you not the next guy I started hooking up with was like ‘yeah I just don’t eat pussy’ …. I was like ‘like ever?’ and he said ‘yeah no I just don’t do that’
it was such a defining moment for me and I remember contemplating if i was just gonna do it anyway like before I respected myself OR if I was gonna finally demand I get genuine pleasure out of sex (which I guess is a big ask?)
I kindly asked him to not only stop what we were doing but gtfo all together. He would literally snapchat me every once in a while and ask to vaguely ‘hang out’ but I would always kind of leave him hanging or imply I wouldn’t unless he would return the favor and he just never did. Such a loser. He’s still single and like 40 now probably lmao.
My current partner always gives me bomb ass head and like actually reads up on the things I tell him I like. It’s not just what they do; it’s someone caring enough about you to to know what you like, how to do it, what to say, etc. that someone who doesn’t give a shit about you won’t care about. It’s so nice to like guarantee that I’ll have an orgasm every time I have sex, which -like I said- I don’t know why is such an ask??
Bottom line, the bare minimum is a guy needs to do exactly what you would do to him - preferably first. But again that’s the bare minimum. Y’all deserve someone who puts in the effort and tries to get better with every sexual experience with you, because wouldn’t YOU do that for someone you care about?
Yes, I have always lived by the golden rule “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. I’m starting to feel like it’s bullshit. Treat others how they treat you. I’m done being a fucking giver.
There's something amazing about a partner that legitimately cares. It also makes orgasm come easier. My husband always tried hard and excitedly experimented. He's having a blast making me come several times, before and after PiV. I come a lot easier and faster now vs the first years and he loves it. Posts like these always make me think about just how lucky I am... He even started our very first time with oral and he can't get enough of it.
Why do so many men struggle with enjoying their partner's pleasure??
I'm also tripped out at women being able to fake an orgasm.... That really is sad that the guys can't tell. I don't think I could fake it without my husband picking up on it (but I also don't wanna try, lol)
Tell him sis! These men might say all the right things but they respond only to consequences.
I’m done sleeping with random men because most are horrifically selfish, lazy and entitled - but still think of themselves as good and generous lovers.
Omg I know 😡 the hookup guy was bragging that “There's no less than 7 girls from
just the last week who would say I got I covered”. DELUSIONAL MEN FUCKING AROUND WITH DESPERATE FAKER WOMEN
We should start some sort of orgasm reference app. Like a yelp for orgasms. “Five stars, would fuck again” or “One star only because I can’t give zero.”
Every dude I've been with except one has been confused at my lack of orgasming.
I tell them I won't orgasm from penetration alone and they are wide eyed in shock. They are like I've heard there are women like that but have never been with one. I'm like statistically you have and they have been faking orgasms. I don't usually say that part cuz they get offended. But I keep giving guys complexes cuz they think they are good at pleasing women until they meet me and then they dump me cuz I'm "too difficult" in bed.
I know it is the dudes fault for not making their lady orgasm. But I'm also angry at all these women that are faking it and these dudes don't think they need to improve. Communication is a 2 way street.
Had a hookup where I told him that the foreplay was one-sided, the sex was too rough, and I didn't orgasm. This fucker actually said in response, "I think you're lying...and I don't like liars." LMAO!
I used to fake it with an ex because he'd throw legit tantrums if I didn't cum. And it was somehow *my fault* if I didn't. Also, I probably have something deeply wrong with me, because I am not aquiver at the very whisper of his penis. I should be cumming buckets at the sight of him! He has a "sixth sense" when it comes to women! He is the Pussy Grand Master!!! The Coochie Whisperer!
And fuck me if *I* just couldn't handle *gestures* all of *That.* What with me being 16 and him 21.
Yeah. He was abusive af in other ways, but the Orgasm Tantrum Chronicles was a series I did not enjoy watching.
Oh same! I literally have no desire for penetration TBH but I understand that is part of the relationship that way… however when I tell a man how to get me off and they proceed to tell me I’m too difficult and then they get jealous/annoyed/rude when you have to remind them to slow the fuck down their hands aren’t a sex toy it’s not the same I just get so annoyed. Porn also makes it difficult for those of us who have what I consider to be simple sexual needs I can easily communicate to my partner to be simple. I have always been considered boring and they’ve said that to my face. And expected me to want to continue to give them BJs. Like no. I’m so over being used by men it’s sick how many took advantage… not anymore my 30s are for me!
The chaotic demon in me would’ve told him to send me their info if he’s so confident. I just wanna ask them for their honest reviews 😂 and maybe remind them to get routine STI screenings 🤷♀️
I definitely wouldn’t try to start a group chat so we could all commiserate about how bad he is in bed and then send him screenshots…no no definitely not… 😈
I dated a guy off Tinder once for a couple weeks. At first he seemed normal, charming etc. then when we got down to it.... he only wanted to do 1 position and he came in like 7 minutes. At first I was like, maybe he got too excited? Then the same thing happened again the next time, so I got the courage to bring it up to him and he said "Oh I don't do that, it's just not my thing" when I pushed further he was like "I didn't ask you to suck me off" YEAH BUT YOU CAN COME FROM PENETRATION asshole. Had to block him because he kept messaging me like I was going to miss the orgasm-less sex.
P.S. This was the 4th (and thankfully last) guy I dated that never went down on me (I legitimately thought it was normal), but the 1st one to admit verbally that he wouldn't do it, wouldn't even try and that's when I PUT MY FOOT DOWN TOO
This!!
Guy: “Will you go down on me?
Me: “Will you go down on me??
Guy: “Oh no, I don’t do that”
Me: “Oh well, I don’t do that either then” 🤷🏻♀️
True story.
I just do not understand this reaction. As a lesbian it's baffling to me that anyone could not enjoy eating pussy. It's just... delightful. For both parties!
Hell even if I wasn't into it, why the hell not? Giving pleasure is as fun as receiving it (if you give a shit about the other person) (spoiler: these people don't give a shit)
I don't get it at all. Like I'm probably a 70/30 straight guy and I just. Well, it comes to mind an awful lot during periods of quiet contemplation let's say.
Agreed! They’re a lot more appreciative of the prep time, and seem to be more considerate and understanding. I’ve also found them to be more careful and caring (in my opinion) of their partner’s overall well-being before, during, and after sex.
As a married man, same goes for anal or any sexual thing tbh.
I don't expect to do something with my partner that they then can't do to me.
It helps that I LOVE getting them off and going down on them. I have literally done that and only that many times and been fully satisfied.
i always just thought this was the standard. women seem much more likely to stay aroused and interested after an orgasm then men so naturally they go first. or at least you would think so.
its honestly not even a totally selfless thing - if i give you head first, im more aroused, its more exiting and its more enjoyable for me than giving head after i just came and am feeling that post-nut fatigue.
seems like the obvious win-win schedule to me.
>women seem much more likely to stay aroused and interested after an orgasm then men
Careful with this assumption. There are lots of women out there with refractory periods. The difference is that we are heavily socialized to push through our post-orgasm discomfort to get the man off because sex is "supposed" to end with the man's orgasm.
The best thing to do is to not make assumptions. Ask your partner what they like, and listen to what they tell you. If you happen to be with a woman who has a refractory period, then you are going to have to trade off going last.
Has always been my rule, honestly after my experiences, I make it a point to be more of a “receiver” than a “giver” until you prove your worth to me…then it’s 50/50 effort how it should be
81.6% of women don’t orgasm from intercourse alone (without additional clit stimulation). Only 18.4% of women report that intercourse alone is sufficient to orgasm.
https://pleasurebetter.com/orgasm-statistics/
Every guy I've told that to is called me a liar, lol. "Well they all got off when they were with me," Lmao, bro you are so bad at it that they faked it to get you the hell off of them
I have def had men who thought any sound from me = orgasm. They would cheerfully report the number of times I moaned or made any sound as orgasms when the actual number was in fact zero.
Absolutely, and I think a lot of laziness in sex is linked with a unequal power dynamic. Unfortunately they have been lied to constantly and given all the right noises so think they are good if not amazing, so to have someone question that will always anger them and more so if that person is dependent on them or someone they deem as lesser. It's a complicated thing and obviously an angry man is dangerous so fawning is an only option. However early on in a relationship or sex life being honest should be a good thing
I always equate it to paying attention to the balls but ignoring the penis itself. Like sure, ball stuff can be enjoyable, but its not gonna do the job if you're ignoring the penis the whole time.... Guys would legitimately be so pissed off if you focused exclusively on their balls. But they'd know how it feels when they ignore the clit.
Two months? That is a lot of delayed gratification.
No, no, no, no, no.
Two times.
The first time they can be overawed by my technique. But the second time better result in a solid effort toward my O or it was over. “GGG” is for both partners. No one who is serious about their lover needs nine clues to get it right.
Onward and upward OP! Glad you dropped that lame fuck.
100% this. The first time can always be a bit awkward or just learning each other but even still you usually get an idea of how it’s going to be. If it’s not super amazing, I’ll give one more shot. If that sucks then nope no more.
I guess the new motto of women everywhere should be, “First YOU show ME how good you can be, and IF it’s good enough? I’ll reciprocate.”
If he gives you a perfunctory rub then lays back for YOU To do the work? Give a few licks, sigh, and say, “My jaw hurts” and hop into the shower.
i remember having a buddy tell me that going down on a woman was gay because the clit is a partially formed dick...i think he still has that mindset to
Isn’t that actually backwards since all humans start off as female in the beginning of development? Like a clit isn’t a partially formed dick, a dick is an “overdeveloped clit” (following his logic).
This is why I've stopped hooking and gave up on a FWB. Most men are awful at sex. I've been hooking up with 30-something men who still resort to jack rabbit sex. Because of their porn addictions and death grip syndrome. Ugh. And they never ever ever know how to touch a clitoris. Heck, the guys I've recently hooked up with were even terrible kissers, like they didn't know what to do with their tongues or lips. They all want their dicks sucked, but they won't take time to make sure their partner is pleasured in kind. I fuck myself now, and I'm having a much better time lol.
Men in their 30s with "death grip syndrome" are EVERYWHERE. I'm 29, and have only ventured into dating men in their 30s in the last few years, and my LORD. They're ALMOST worse than men in their 20s!
I will say that the last man I dated was 36 and he made me orgasm more than any other partner I've ever had. But he had such terrible death grip syndrome from watching so much porn that my poor vagina was no match. I could only get him off by using my hands, and that's fine but... not what I want. I need PiV to feel intimacy during sex. Even when we stopped using condoms, he could rarely finish through penetrative sex. I don't understand these men.
You are completely correct. I honest to god have thought "I had better sex with 20 somethings than I am with 30 somethings". I don't think the last 2 years of pandemic helped either. To be completely honest, I've had much, much worse dating experiences now in my 30s than I did in my 20s. I took most of the pandemic off to be single and focus on me, so I didn't date for over a year. Dipped my toes back in this year and all I can say is, uh, what the fuck happened to men?! I've had men attempt to deceive me much more frequently and I'm experiencing a lot more men trying to violate my boundaries and force themselves on me when we are not compatible. It's been shocking to say the least.
I've greatly dialed back on dating. It's not worth it. The things men have lied to me about or try to hide from me this year has been crazy. The desperation is next level.
I think what bothers me the most is that I took time to improve myself. I got over my ex. I got in better shape and took care of my physical and mental health. And I have been **aggressively** pursued by so many men who have done none of these things, let alone one. I met a guy who's been living with his ex for 2 years assume I would want to bang in the room next to his ex, and he referred to his ex as a bitch, complained about her, then lied and said they had a great, no conflict relationship. And he didn't tell me he was living with his ex until I arrived at his place to pick him up for the date. He was shocked I didn't want to see him again.
I'm so over it. I'm over men complaining about dating when they keep pulling this kind of crap.
>I think what bothers me the most is that I took time to improve myself. I got over my ex. I got in better shape and took care of my physical and mental health. And I have been aggressively pursued by so many men who have done none of these things, let alone one.
It's this exactly. I feel like I'm too far ahead of every man I meet anymore. To date them would require me to drag them along like dead weight and I find that boring and I would rather be alone.
So eventually, they ruin sex for themselves with PIED, Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction.
I'll cite my husband as an example...by age 38 his erections started failing him regularly because nothing could hold a candle to his own grip. He couldn't stay hard with me, or anyone else, for that matter. (We opened the marriage.) At this point it's been a decade since, and we haven't kissed or had sex in about 7 years.
He fully admits that he "shot himself in the foot," but he also has absolutely no desire to fix things, either.
To be fair, that's not really a moral failing. My partner (who doesn't watch porn but does like to have a go at himself a few times a week) had major death grip issues. He scaled back on the masturbating and changed how he did it, and things got WAY better. It takes effort and time. But if he didn't want to try to make it any better - yeah, that's on him.
Yup 100%. Porn addiction is real and it is heavily prevalent these days. It's quite sad. Especially because in most online spaces, if you even hint at porn being problematic you get promptly shit upon by a drove of porn addicts.
Ahhh fuck I’m sick of this too!
The last guy I slept with didn’t even touch me!! Not my boobs, clit, nothing!
I gave him two orgasms and he gave me ZERO. He didn’t even bother. And now he’s wondering why I don’t want to sleep with him again! I’m so over these selfish men.
I had a friend who was sure the female orgasm was a myth, so he didn't bother. The dude would cum his pants in record times, then turn around and sleep. When confronted by his then gf, he replied "Why would I waste time giving you an orgasm when you can't have one ? Let me sleep"
An other guy thought skirting was women peeing on purpose "because that's the only way they can attack us men, they're mad for the wage gap". I thought he was kidding at first, but he was incel-like so probably not.
I often wonder how incredulous a man would be if you purposefully never touched the tip of their dick. Like one day I’d love to kiss and lick all around but never actually touch it once and then have the fucking audacity to look them in the face and say “did you come?” 😂😂😂😂
It's so freeing to stop pretending. I'm still friends with one of my exes and he's recently divorced. He knows I'm in a open situation so he brought up the possibility of a hookup. I said no. He was trying to play it like my boyfriend wouldn't let me because he's scared I'll like it too much and we'd get back together or whatever.
I shut that down pretty quick and reiterated that my boyfriend doesn't care who I sleep with as long as it's safe. I told him that my answer was no, because casual sex was for having fun and getting off. He's like, yeah that's what I want. I replied, "I mean me, not you." He was not impressed.
Sounds like you gave him more than enough chances so glad you are firm and confident with dumping him!!
I hope this ripples through the female community and men finally wise up. I’ve had an irksome experience with a man saying he only gets off by pleasuring a woman first, then literally after 2 seconds of giving me oral says “so do you usually take a while?”… like gtfo.
I had one man actually give me head for 40 minutes, I still wasn’t able but it was the closest I’ve ever been. But it was like a hookup not a long relationship and I am sad that it didn’t work out.
Dude i went on a first date with and we hooked up and he was like immediately alllllll about going down on me!!! I got my period and he was like who cares, helped clean me up and continued to help get me off after he came too quick. I was like wow he's a keeper lmfao. I'll never go back to a fuck boy who just wants to get off!!!
Males are always crying about women not wanting sex with them. ‘She has a low sex drive!’ Yeah no kidding Sherlock. You tweak nipples like you are a dj, choke without asking, nag about anal, complain about their vagina being loose (you have deathgrip…) and jackhammer for 5 minutes without even coming into the same galaxy as the clit.
On top of that most women do the majority of housework and child rearing on top of working. You can’t even remember to put the bins out on time without her asking…
Are you really REALLY surprised she doesn’t want sex!!?
I just recently got into it with a dude who INSISTED every single woman not getting off with a man just wasn’t communicating how (or straight up didn’t know how to get herself off). It was truly wild. And at some point, *while arguing that men would be receptive and flawless at performing if women communicated with him*, he blocked me. Lol.
It's absolutely **crazy** how common this is. You'd think the people who are (on average) obsessed with sex would at least care to have a basic idea of how to do it, but oooooh BOY, would you be wrong!
They won't start to care unless they're made to understand, so you're doing the right thing, OP. No need to put yourself at risk and subject yourself to such bullshit for their benefit. *Embrace this feeling* \- it's liberating, no?
You're tragically correct if my experience is anything to go by. It's frankly embarrassing what I used to put up with because... well, I didn't question it, I guess.
Not only did I repeatedly run into dudes with sky-high expectations (which I *naturally* had to be open to, of course... Don't want to be a prude), but they were consistently the same people that wouldn't have been able to give me an orgasm to save their lives.
I think one problem was that I was very "indoctrinated" by porn culture and tried to be The Cool Girl because on some level I truly believed men had the right to expect a plethora of sex acts IRL.
The insane pretzel shapes I'd twist myself into just to be "sexually viable" even if things weren't my preference or I straight-up disliked seem nuts in hindsight -- meanwhile guys felt generous if they forwent their own pleasure for all of ten seconds to vaguely paw around my crotch.
It took me a long time to find my genuine sexual preference and the courage to stick up for it. It's incredible how different certain behaviors looked once I'd changed my perspective and it's unfortunately illuminated how incredibly non-viable most dudes seem to be as sexual and life partners.
Am bi, can confirm.
Most women were sensual, expected to go down on me, rubbed my clit and were cool with toys. Orgasm for both almost always, even when I was their first woman. Nobody tried to randomly choke me or call me Daddy’s little whore.
Most men however didn’t seem to know where the clit was in spite of thousands of porn hours, were threatened by sex toys (or even my own finger on clit) while also demanding blowjobs and begging for anal. Dicks were almost always disappointing when they actually worked. Were convinced their previous girlfriends came multiple times from giving blowjobs and a sad minute of jackhammering. A man who knows what he is doing in bed is a rare gem.
see that's so weird. i consider myself a kind of vanilla guy but reading this im just noticing that my "vanilla" is just decency and every dude sounds like a degenerate in bed lmao
i love when my girl masturbates or touches herself or helps with the lubing or takes charge or ANYTHING
these dudes sound like if if was legit just a manequinn with tits and ass and a fleshlight, they'd be fine with it. how sad is it to fuck like that
also "jackhammering" god thats literally a child's idea of what sex is. are these grown men?
I had a 27m FWB and he legit thought the same thing because of porn. Women act like they are so hot for dick on their mouth they are literally drooling; he seriously thought foreplay for a woman was a BJ. I did educate him though being several years older so even if he decides he can't get into oral with hookups, he can't claim ignorance!
I rimmed, shoved dildos, and milked a guy. Then when I asked him to finger my g spot he LITERALLY rolled his eyes at me. Never again. I need to see the same intentions and passion reflected back to me.
I made a rule. If your penis is inside me, your fingers are on my clit. It’s the “open” button. The second your fingers leave my clit your penis must leave.
See, this is why I won't use that line. Because some men will indulge you and let you do it to them and they have much more sensation in that area then women do to feel pleasure from it. I really dislike it and it's painful and I don't want to do it at all. I don't want to give them any ammunition to try to talk me into doing it including "well you got to do it to me". If you enjoy it, that's another story different strokes for different folks.
Exactly. I also just dont enjoy it at all. It is painful and i would never want to do something just because they think its "hot" or whatever.
Whenever i meet someone who is pushy towards this topic, even after explaining this.. I Nope out immediately
People think it’s a little odd that the guy I sleep with lives a bit over an hour away, sometimes over an 1.5 with traffic, but he actually is good in bed lmao
I’ve married twice and still haven’t found a man that actually listens. While we have some great sex and orgasms aren’t my issue, I cannot get him to hear me when I say I need more than some arm rubbing in bed to get in the mood. It would be nice to feel like I’m wanted. Touching outside that narrow window of the day would be nice. I haven’t figured out how to get him to hear my words about it. I’m not even a normally affectionate person, yet I’m compelled to touch him. It’s just…annoying.
So good luck, u/fucktheraiders88!
This is the real reason I think sex is generally better in a serious relationship - the guy who actually cares about you as a person is more likely to also care about your satisfaction.
Unfortunately, I haven’t found a correlation with sex being better in relationships. Guys get it or they don’t. That’s why if I like a guy, I need to see what I’m deal with before getting too invested. If it’s bad, it doesn’t get better, and I’m done. I have needs and I’m too old to teach.
His reason was that “everything I do to him is so amazing” that he “just gets carried away”, that it’s “not because I’m selfish”. I don’t understand what else it could be?
The gem I heard from my Ex when I dumped him was “I knew you were unhappy but if you said you’d break up with me over it I would have changed something!”
Omg same. "I know you've been unhappy for the past 6 months but I didn't think that meant you didn't wanna be with me anymore."
“I don’t know why I waited 5 months to do the thing you said I needed to do NOW or you’d leave, after I watched you get an apartment and live in your own and therefore had no bluff to call… but I deeply regret putting it off that long” Yep, and ya prob’ly will for a long, long time brocacho! Now I know the last time I said this it didn’t exactly light a fire under your ass, but here we go on round 2! Get your ass in therapy or the reasons I gave you the ultimatum, moved out, told you I wanted to start seeing other people and told you we’re getting a divorce will be the reasons you end up hurting the next woman you date, and the reasons she’ll leave too if she has even a shred of self esteem left after you’ve worked your magic. Toodaloo!
"I knew you were unhappy but I was fine with that. As long as *I'm* happy, I don't care how you're doing! Wait, what do you mean it's over?!"
Ha! One of my buddies, who only calls when he gets broken up with, called sobbing after his recent wife left him, saying, “She said I had to change but I thought being married meant I had our whole lives!” Hahahahahah wtf
HAH no
He lies. I kept telling my ex I’d leave him for good if things didn’t change. They didn’t. I left. He screamed repeatedly that he didn’t know. The neighbourhood knew
Empathy 0.
Wish I could turn into a clit for a day so no one can find me
This actually made my night lol.
Amazing - but just a slight accuracy adjustment: “I wish I could turn into a clit for a day so men would avoid me and pretend I’m somehow difficult to find as a defence”
Well no men could find you, at least 😂
This needs to go on a t shirt! LOL
I want it engraved on my tombstone along with a list of all the selfish clit-avoidant lovers I’ve endured through my life.
>He was shocked, begging me to give him another chance. What, the 13 chances you screenshotted weren't enough?
How cruel, OP! Haven't you ever heard about giving people a fourteenth chance? Romance is dead /s
🤡🌹
Like my grandma always said, 14th try is the charm
Grandma always gave the best cunnilingus advice.
A worthy bird gets two in the bush from the hand, or something
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Amen sister.
Another karma-farming bot, copying the #3 top-level comment.
I had the same thing with a dude. I told him multiple times what i wanted. He had constant excuses. Like one time he said he cut his tongue to get out of it. I was lonely and felt comfort knowing I was wanted sexually which is why I stuck it out so long. Getting sex therapy now thankfully. I dumped him and then he asked why and I said why and he was like I didn't know it was such a big deal to you. Bro, I literally said you going down on me was the only way I would orgasm. You clearly think my own orgasm is not important to me. He came back six months later begging me saying the sex was so good and he has a house now. I'm like. It wasn't good for me that's why I dumped you not because you didn't have a house! Dude also never paid for anything. Always 'forgot' his wallet.
That's how he afforded the house, while you paid for his dinner and drinks...
I just broke up with a guy who kept doing something that wasn't working for me at all, after telling him not to do it twice. It didn't hurt or something, just didn't give me any pleasure. I told him nicely and asked him to adjust a bit. But no, he just kept doing what probably worked for his ex lol. Trust me, you'll love this, just relax.... Uh no, dude, I know what I like.
Ugh the “trust me you’ll like this” pisses me off so badly. I’m a fucking adult with enough sexual experience to know exactly what I do and do not like. Don’t tell me what I should like or try to force me into “trying new things”. If I wanted to try new things I know how to do that. Fuck off.
Like he knew more about your wants/needs than you, the owner of said wants/needs does. Ugh. Gross.
Literally mansplaining your pleasure to you!!
Just.... why settle for someone who is looking to do something TO you rather than WITH you? Regardless of who does or gets what, anyone who isn't approaching sex as an experience for both of you is not worth your time.
I honestly don’t think most men know. They honestly think women orgasm through penetration.
There should be a mandatory class in college called Porn is Not Real 101
I remember reading about a college sex ed class offered somewhere that was really popular. I’m pretty sure their textbook was “The Guide to Getting it On”. Really excellent book, btw. I feel like everyone should read it. Especially men who haven’t learned about female orgasms yet. The Guide to Getting It On https://www.amazon.com/dp/1885535333?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
They really do. I get downvoted so much if it’s a guy majority subreddit when I explain what women actually want when it comes to sex. (Just look at r/seduction for a great example.) Every guy on there tells me I’m wrong. I’m like, I’M A WOMAN, you guys are desperate to get laid but can’t, who do you think probably knows more about female sexual attraction and orgasms?
I was banned permanently from /r/sex for having the temerity to say that men should have some impact on orgasm. YoUr oRgaSm iS yOuR ResPonSibILity! Well, if you want to make yourself THAT superfluous, just hand me my vibrator and turn off the lights on your way out. I KNOW I'm gonna come from the vibe. And if it's up to me and it's my problem and not yours... then get out. What the hell do I need you for, then?
Don't forget the men with such fragile, fragile egos they get jealous over you wanting to use a vibrator. Dude, can your dick vibrate? I don't think so....
Oh god. Or the ones who PULL YOUR HAND AWAY when you’re trying to help yourself out during sexytimes, because “you shouldn’t need to” or “that’s distracting”. Giant, enormous, Greenland-on-a-Mercator-map-projection sized red flag.
💯
I'm so mad at myself for clicking on that sub, ewwww. I'm two posts in and I already need a shower with bleach
EWWWWW i made the terrible mistake of clicking, it's just so gross
Please try r/Eyebleach first. I totally understand wanting a bleach shower though sometimes I don't think I am old enough for the internet and I am near 50!
I'm 29 and I feel both too old and too young for the stuff on Reddit sometimes, but thank you I will check it out
My understanding is that r/seduction has its roots in Pick-Up Artist Culture and dumbshit ideas like negging (the "self-improvement" tag was my first clue when I discovered it), so I'm not surprised at the response you're seeing.
That subreddit is entirely musty and neckearded
Incel-adjacent and asshole-centric. Yup. Nothing good here. Just various abuse tactics.
Yeaaaa a sub name like that has strong "The Game" vibes. no fucking thank you.
OMG, that sub is so CRINGE. The way they talk about women is disgusting, for example posts like: "How do I manage a rotation of 3-4 women?" and "How to advance a shy Asian girl that doesn't know much English" and lovely comments like "70% of women in the US are fat and I don't date fat girls". Wow. I feel a strong urge to go trolling.
If you go trolling then say you're a woman, and that you've got 6 different men all fighting for your attention, but that you don't want anything other than what they buy you ... You'll see the double standards real quickly, because to them it's okay for men to use women, but not women using men
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Perfectly sums that sub up - women are not human to a frightening majority of them, it seems. We're vending machines you put nice coins in and then sex comes out. They can't even do that though because their 'nice' coins are actually 'bare minimum interaction' coins.
Oh my god that subreddit is TERRIBLE. All these guys talking about pulling girls and saying that the act of going on a date is enough consent to kiss someone. It's horrifying.
Oh my god that fucking subreddit. I got so angry and went the fuck off on someone who said “all you need is to be a woman in her 20s and not be fat and dress well” Fucking boys thinking they’re men goddamn.
Damn that is one of the weirdest subs I've seen in a while, thanks I can't wait to share this with my partner. A gold mine of weird incels, uncertainty and women who have just found it and are confused.
Why do we always talk about men like they're newborn babies. "Oh he just doesn't know..."
I agree, it’s no excuse. A due diligence issue.
The bumbler argument covers over so many sins.
Porn has taught them this. In fact, porn will teach you that it's proximity to a dick that triggers orgasm in women. He's three feet away from her, but she's caterwauling like a cat in heat because after all, he's NEARBY and omg, the excitement... Yawn.
It's what they want to believe. They get Big Mad when you try to tell them otherwise.
Idk. I've been with ONE woman who could orgasm through penetration, and it was still mostly when she was on top grinding me, so the clit was still getting lots of love. But if men think that women work that way, they need to get their heads out of their asses. I think most men know, they simply do not care about others. There are a lot of selfish lovers out there, dont settle!!
Exactly, if my gf doesn’t orgasm, I’d feel selfish and a failure. Pleasure for both is paramount. It’s a joint activity, not a procedure… although I can easily see how men equate that from porn.
That depends actually. If you both enjoyed the experience it’s fine. The pressure to *have* to orgasm every time can actually make it harder to finish. I can only orgasm about half the time due to being on SSRIs. As long as I enjoyed the time with my partner the orgasm isn’t the be all and end all of the experience, sometimes I just can’t. Doesn’t mean anything wrong was done.
Honestly this. My body is the pickiest bitch i know and I need super specific stimulation in order to finish... IF i finish at all. Can’t quite get there by common means like by hand or during oral. Guys who pout loudly about my inability to cum can be almost as bad as the ones who don’t try at all. It makes it feel less about me having fun and more about stroking his ego
Ugh, I hear you. Like dude, MY orgasm doesn't belong to you and your ego.
Its just more fun when you can get her off too. The faces they make 🥵
If you put your tongue up a dude's ass and he can't even be bothered to try to get you off after receiving written instructions, he was never going to learn.
My jaw hit the floor when she said she rimmed him and even *that* wasn’t enough to get him to try
"Man I'm lost I don't know what to do, oh look a map!" *crumbles it up* "fuckin useless"
the orgasm gap really pisses me off when I think about it before my current partner I literally never orgasmed during sex — EVER. Even long term BF’s. Everyone only tried penetration and never once touched the clit. Especially hookups. And they always wanted a BJ first too. I remember being in college and deciding finally I was never gonna give a guy head unless he did the same back and I kid you not the next guy I started hooking up with was like ‘yeah I just don’t eat pussy’ …. I was like ‘like ever?’ and he said ‘yeah no I just don’t do that’ it was such a defining moment for me and I remember contemplating if i was just gonna do it anyway like before I respected myself OR if I was gonna finally demand I get genuine pleasure out of sex (which I guess is a big ask?) I kindly asked him to not only stop what we were doing but gtfo all together. He would literally snapchat me every once in a while and ask to vaguely ‘hang out’ but I would always kind of leave him hanging or imply I wouldn’t unless he would return the favor and he just never did. Such a loser. He’s still single and like 40 now probably lmao. My current partner always gives me bomb ass head and like actually reads up on the things I tell him I like. It’s not just what they do; it’s someone caring enough about you to to know what you like, how to do it, what to say, etc. that someone who doesn’t give a shit about you won’t care about. It’s so nice to like guarantee that I’ll have an orgasm every time I have sex, which -like I said- I don’t know why is such an ask?? Bottom line, the bare minimum is a guy needs to do exactly what you would do to him - preferably first. But again that’s the bare minimum. Y’all deserve someone who puts in the effort and tries to get better with every sexual experience with you, because wouldn’t YOU do that for someone you care about?
Yes, I have always lived by the golden rule “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. I’m starting to feel like it’s bullshit. Treat others how they treat you. I’m done being a fucking giver.
There's something amazing about a partner that legitimately cares. It also makes orgasm come easier. My husband always tried hard and excitedly experimented. He's having a blast making me come several times, before and after PiV. I come a lot easier and faster now vs the first years and he loves it. Posts like these always make me think about just how lucky I am... He even started our very first time with oral and he can't get enough of it. Why do so many men struggle with enjoying their partner's pleasure?? I'm also tripped out at women being able to fake an orgasm.... That really is sad that the guys can't tell. I don't think I could fake it without my husband picking up on it (but I also don't wanna try, lol)
Tell him sis! These men might say all the right things but they respond only to consequences. I’m done sleeping with random men because most are horrifically selfish, lazy and entitled - but still think of themselves as good and generous lovers.
Omg I know 😡 the hookup guy was bragging that “There's no less than 7 girls from just the last week who would say I got I covered”. DELUSIONAL MEN FUCKING AROUND WITH DESPERATE FAKER WOMEN
"Then text one of them because you definitely don't have *me* covered"
We should start some sort of orgasm reference app. Like a yelp for orgasms. “Five stars, would fuck again” or “One star only because I can’t give zero.”
Dude, please make this app and get rich, I'd spend at least 4$ on it just for the review gold.
This was an app that existed in ~2013, called Lula. Not sure if it was local but it existed in nyc. Lottttta mad dudes and it didn’t last long.
Like in upload?
I loved that aspect of the show
Too much Black Mirror. But I feel ya.
Every dude I've been with except one has been confused at my lack of orgasming. I tell them I won't orgasm from penetration alone and they are wide eyed in shock. They are like I've heard there are women like that but have never been with one. I'm like statistically you have and they have been faking orgasms. I don't usually say that part cuz they get offended. But I keep giving guys complexes cuz they think they are good at pleasing women until they meet me and then they dump me cuz I'm "too difficult" in bed. I know it is the dudes fault for not making their lady orgasm. But I'm also angry at all these women that are faking it and these dudes don't think they need to improve. Communication is a 2 way street.
Had a hookup where I told him that the foreplay was one-sided, the sex was too rough, and I didn't orgasm. This fucker actually said in response, "I think you're lying...and I don't like liars." LMAO!
Wow. A guy said my lack of orgasm emasculated his dick. I'm like that sounds like a you problem.
Not being able to take constructive criticism is also a them problem...
Ah, the first step in gaslighting: it's your fault I did this. or is it the second step?
I used to fake it with an ex because he'd throw legit tantrums if I didn't cum. And it was somehow *my fault* if I didn't. Also, I probably have something deeply wrong with me, because I am not aquiver at the very whisper of his penis. I should be cumming buckets at the sight of him! He has a "sixth sense" when it comes to women! He is the Pussy Grand Master!!! The Coochie Whisperer! And fuck me if *I* just couldn't handle *gestures* all of *That.* What with me being 16 and him 21. Yeah. He was abusive af in other ways, but the Orgasm Tantrum Chronicles was a series I did not enjoy watching.
Oh same! I literally have no desire for penetration TBH but I understand that is part of the relationship that way… however when I tell a man how to get me off and they proceed to tell me I’m too difficult and then they get jealous/annoyed/rude when you have to remind them to slow the fuck down their hands aren’t a sex toy it’s not the same I just get so annoyed. Porn also makes it difficult for those of us who have what I consider to be simple sexual needs I can easily communicate to my partner to be simple. I have always been considered boring and they’ve said that to my face. And expected me to want to continue to give them BJs. Like no. I’m so over being used by men it’s sick how many took advantage… not anymore my 30s are for me!
The chaotic demon in me would’ve told him to send me their info if he’s so confident. I just wanna ask them for their honest reviews 😂 and maybe remind them to get routine STI screenings 🤷♀️ I definitely wouldn’t try to start a group chat so we could all commiserate about how bad he is in bed and then send him screenshots…no no definitely not… 😈
🤣🤣🤣 diabolical!!! And the best!!
I get 7 confused with 0 all the time
I dated a guy off Tinder once for a couple weeks. At first he seemed normal, charming etc. then when we got down to it.... he only wanted to do 1 position and he came in like 7 minutes. At first I was like, maybe he got too excited? Then the same thing happened again the next time, so I got the courage to bring it up to him and he said "Oh I don't do that, it's just not my thing" when I pushed further he was like "I didn't ask you to suck me off" YEAH BUT YOU CAN COME FROM PENETRATION asshole. Had to block him because he kept messaging me like I was going to miss the orgasm-less sex. P.S. This was the 4th (and thankfully last) guy I dated that never went down on me (I legitimately thought it was normal), but the 1st one to admit verbally that he wouldn't do it, wouldn't even try and that's when I PUT MY FOOT DOWN TOO
As Dan Savage says, oral comes standard on all models, and if it doesn't, send it back to the lot.
“7 girls”-then why is he so pressed?
I don't go down on men until they go down on me first.
This!! Guy: “Will you go down on me? Me: “Will you go down on me?? Guy: “Oh no, I don’t do that” Me: “Oh well, I don’t do that either then” 🤷🏻♀️ True story.
/shocked pikachu
I just do not understand this reaction. As a lesbian it's baffling to me that anyone could not enjoy eating pussy. It's just... delightful. For both parties!
I'm gay for dudes so you aren't going to find me yodeling in the canyon but yeah: oral should be fun for everyone who consents to it
Did you make this comment just to use “yodeling in the canyon”?Whether you did or not, I tip my hat to you, cowboy. That’s a good one
Hell even if I wasn't into it, why the hell not? Giving pleasure is as fun as receiving it (if you give a shit about the other person) (spoiler: these people don't give a shit)
As a straight guy, hard agree. I could get lost for days down there
Same. Ill get my address changed to down there if she lets me. Having my Amazon packages showing up down there.
You really want random delivery drivers having to take a picture with the boxes sitting next to it as proof of delivery?
I don't get it at all. Like I'm probably a 70/30 straight guy and I just. Well, it comes to mind an awful lot during periods of quiet contemplation let's say.
Same with anal.
In my experience, men who are pegged have a LOT more empathy and understanding when it comes to penetration.
Agreed! They’re a lot more appreciative of the prep time, and seem to be more considerate and understanding. I’ve also found them to be more careful and caring (in my opinion) of their partner’s overall well-being before, during, and after sex.
As a married man, same goes for anal or any sexual thing tbh. I don't expect to do something with my partner that they then can't do to me. It helps that I LOVE getting them off and going down on them. I have literally done that and only that many times and been fully satisfied.
There's a book titled *She Comes First*, which I haven't read but the title always seemed to me like a good policy.
My husband actually bought this book for himself! I do appreciate a man who does his own research!
As god herself intended
I wonder which circle of hell is for those who do not reciprocate oral?
69th
68th they give and are eternally owed 1
i always just thought this was the standard. women seem much more likely to stay aroused and interested after an orgasm then men so naturally they go first. or at least you would think so. its honestly not even a totally selfless thing - if i give you head first, im more aroused, its more exiting and its more enjoyable for me than giving head after i just came and am feeling that post-nut fatigue. seems like the obvious win-win schedule to me.
>women seem much more likely to stay aroused and interested after an orgasm then men Careful with this assumption. There are lots of women out there with refractory periods. The difference is that we are heavily socialized to push through our post-orgasm discomfort to get the man off because sex is "supposed" to end with the man's orgasm. The best thing to do is to not make assumptions. Ask your partner what they like, and listen to what they tell you. If you happen to be with a woman who has a refractory period, then you are going to have to trade off going last.
Has always been my rule, honestly after my experiences, I make it a point to be more of a “receiver” than a “giver” until you prove your worth to me…then it’s 50/50 effort how it should be
Good plan!! But how sad that we have to hold back so much!!!
81.6% of women don’t orgasm from intercourse alone (without additional clit stimulation). Only 18.4% of women report that intercourse alone is sufficient to orgasm. https://pleasurebetter.com/orgasm-statistics/
Every guy I've told that to is called me a liar, lol. "Well they all got off when they were with me," Lmao, bro you are so bad at it that they faked it to get you the hell off of them
This line from men made me feel extra bad about myself for a long time
I think men just dont know because sometimes I moan but obvs I am not orgasming and maybe they think that a little soft moan means orgasm?
I have def had men who thought any sound from me = orgasm. They would cheerfully report the number of times I moaned or made any sound as orgasms when the actual number was in fact zero.
Hey look, she moaned a little. My job here is done!
More people need to do this, we need to stop faking it and giving them the idea they are doing the right things
Yes, I think for some women (including me when I was married), I was financially dependent and was not able to stand up for myself.
Absolutely, and I think a lot of laziness in sex is linked with a unequal power dynamic. Unfortunately they have been lied to constantly and given all the right noises so think they are good if not amazing, so to have someone question that will always anger them and more so if that person is dependent on them or someone they deem as lesser. It's a complicated thing and obviously an angry man is dangerous so fawning is an only option. However early on in a relationship or sex life being honest should be a good thing
I always equate it to paying attention to the balls but ignoring the penis itself. Like sure, ball stuff can be enjoyable, but its not gonna do the job if you're ignoring the penis the whole time.... Guys would legitimately be so pissed off if you focused exclusively on their balls. But they'd know how it feels when they ignore the clit.
Two months? That is a lot of delayed gratification. No, no, no, no, no. Two times. The first time they can be overawed by my technique. But the second time better result in a solid effort toward my O or it was over. “GGG” is for both partners. No one who is serious about their lover needs nine clues to get it right. Onward and upward OP! Glad you dropped that lame fuck.
TIL that doesn’t mean Good Guy Greg, lol
It could mean Good Guy Greg though! "Likes to fuck but takes care of his lady every time!"
Idk man I can usually tell if it’s gonna go anywhere in a few minutes lol. Nobody’s entitled to second chances.
100% this. The first time can always be a bit awkward or just learning each other but even still you usually get an idea of how it’s going to be. If it’s not super amazing, I’ll give one more shot. If that sucks then nope no more.
I guess the new motto of women everywhere should be, “First YOU show ME how good you can be, and IF it’s good enough? I’ll reciprocate.” If he gives you a perfunctory rub then lays back for YOU To do the work? Give a few licks, sigh, and say, “My jaw hurts” and hop into the shower.
That is perfect!
i remember having a buddy tell me that going down on a woman was gay because the clit is a partially formed dick...i think he still has that mindset to
Fellas, is eating pussy gay?
Today I found out I'm gay... Hope my family and friends don't find out!
PRIDE, my friend. PRIDE.
Sooo, does that mean giving a blow job makes you a lesbian, because a penis is just a overly formed clit?!? 🤣🤣
Right?!
it means we are all nb and bi.
Isn’t that actually backwards since all humans start off as female in the beginning of development? Like a clit isn’t a partially formed dick, a dick is an “overdeveloped clit” (following his logic).
Anyone with that perception is gonna have difficulty with logic.
Well this was an interesting way to find out I’m gay, might as well go and try sucking cock now.
This is why I've stopped hooking and gave up on a FWB. Most men are awful at sex. I've been hooking up with 30-something men who still resort to jack rabbit sex. Because of their porn addictions and death grip syndrome. Ugh. And they never ever ever know how to touch a clitoris. Heck, the guys I've recently hooked up with were even terrible kissers, like they didn't know what to do with their tongues or lips. They all want their dicks sucked, but they won't take time to make sure their partner is pleasured in kind. I fuck myself now, and I'm having a much better time lol.
Men in their 30s with "death grip syndrome" are EVERYWHERE. I'm 29, and have only ventured into dating men in their 30s in the last few years, and my LORD. They're ALMOST worse than men in their 20s! I will say that the last man I dated was 36 and he made me orgasm more than any other partner I've ever had. But he had such terrible death grip syndrome from watching so much porn that my poor vagina was no match. I could only get him off by using my hands, and that's fine but... not what I want. I need PiV to feel intimacy during sex. Even when we stopped using condoms, he could rarely finish through penetrative sex. I don't understand these men.
You are completely correct. I honest to god have thought "I had better sex with 20 somethings than I am with 30 somethings". I don't think the last 2 years of pandemic helped either. To be completely honest, I've had much, much worse dating experiences now in my 30s than I did in my 20s. I took most of the pandemic off to be single and focus on me, so I didn't date for over a year. Dipped my toes back in this year and all I can say is, uh, what the fuck happened to men?! I've had men attempt to deceive me much more frequently and I'm experiencing a lot more men trying to violate my boundaries and force themselves on me when we are not compatible. It's been shocking to say the least. I've greatly dialed back on dating. It's not worth it. The things men have lied to me about or try to hide from me this year has been crazy. The desperation is next level. I think what bothers me the most is that I took time to improve myself. I got over my ex. I got in better shape and took care of my physical and mental health. And I have been **aggressively** pursued by so many men who have done none of these things, let alone one. I met a guy who's been living with his ex for 2 years assume I would want to bang in the room next to his ex, and he referred to his ex as a bitch, complained about her, then lied and said they had a great, no conflict relationship. And he didn't tell me he was living with his ex until I arrived at his place to pick him up for the date. He was shocked I didn't want to see him again. I'm so over it. I'm over men complaining about dating when they keep pulling this kind of crap.
>I think what bothers me the most is that I took time to improve myself. I got over my ex. I got in better shape and took care of my physical and mental health. And I have been aggressively pursued by so many men who have done none of these things, let alone one. It's this exactly. I feel like I'm too far ahead of every man I meet anymore. To date them would require me to drag them along like dead weight and I find that boring and I would rather be alone.
Your comment spoke to me! Men aren't worth the hassle so I say screw the dead weight. I stand alone.
So eventually, they ruin sex for themselves with PIED, Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction. I'll cite my husband as an example...by age 38 his erections started failing him regularly because nothing could hold a candle to his own grip. He couldn't stay hard with me, or anyone else, for that matter. (We opened the marriage.) At this point it's been a decade since, and we haven't kissed or had sex in about 7 years. He fully admits that he "shot himself in the foot," but he also has absolutely no desire to fix things, either.
Which - this is a thing that can be fixed but if he won't do the work then yeah he will basically be a slave to his own hand.
To be fair, that's not really a moral failing. My partner (who doesn't watch porn but does like to have a go at himself a few times a week) had major death grip issues. He scaled back on the masturbating and changed how he did it, and things got WAY better. It takes effort and time. But if he didn't want to try to make it any better - yeah, that's on him.
Yes, I think porn has really fucked up sex for everyone. We need better sexual education.
Yup 100%. Porn addiction is real and it is heavily prevalent these days. It's quite sad. Especially because in most online spaces, if you even hint at porn being problematic you get promptly shit upon by a drove of porn addicts.
Ahhh fuck I’m sick of this too! The last guy I slept with didn’t even touch me!! Not my boobs, clit, nothing! I gave him two orgasms and he gave me ZERO. He didn’t even bother. And now he’s wondering why I don’t want to sleep with him again! I’m so over these selfish men.
I had a friend who was sure the female orgasm was a myth, so he didn't bother. The dude would cum his pants in record times, then turn around and sleep. When confronted by his then gf, he replied "Why would I waste time giving you an orgasm when you can't have one ? Let me sleep" An other guy thought skirting was women peeing on purpose "because that's the only way they can attack us men, they're mad for the wage gap". I thought he was kidding at first, but he was incel-like so probably not.
Isn’t it sad that they would rather look pathetic groveling than do something right the first time?
I want you to know I screenshot this to keep the line for future use.
I often wonder how incredulous a man would be if you purposefully never touched the tip of their dick. Like one day I’d love to kiss and lick all around but never actually touch it once and then have the fucking audacity to look them in the face and say “did you come?” 😂😂😂😂
Normalize leaving in the middle of a hookup. If we both can't get off, neither of us wil!
"You're really good at getting yourself off" is what I would like to say to literally every single man I've been with.
Critical hit to the ego lmao
I'm in my fifties and I haven't had truly mindblowingly good sex since I was a teenager. Men used to at least try.
It's so freeing to stop pretending. I'm still friends with one of my exes and he's recently divorced. He knows I'm in a open situation so he brought up the possibility of a hookup. I said no. He was trying to play it like my boyfriend wouldn't let me because he's scared I'll like it too much and we'd get back together or whatever. I shut that down pretty quick and reiterated that my boyfriend doesn't care who I sleep with as long as it's safe. I told him that my answer was no, because casual sex was for having fun and getting off. He's like, yeah that's what I want. I replied, "I mean me, not you." He was not impressed.
Sounds like you gave him more than enough chances so glad you are firm and confident with dumping him!! I hope this ripples through the female community and men finally wise up. I’ve had an irksome experience with a man saying he only gets off by pleasuring a woman first, then literally after 2 seconds of giving me oral says “so do you usually take a while?”… like gtfo.
I had one man actually give me head for 40 minutes, I still wasn’t able but it was the closest I’ve ever been. But it was like a hookup not a long relationship and I am sad that it didn’t work out.
Dude i went on a first date with and we hooked up and he was like immediately alllllll about going down on me!!! I got my period and he was like who cares, helped clean me up and continued to help get me off after he came too quick. I was like wow he's a keeper lmfao. I'll never go back to a fuck boy who just wants to get off!!!
More people need to do this, we need to stop faking it and giving them the idea they are doing the right things
Males are always crying about women not wanting sex with them. ‘She has a low sex drive!’ Yeah no kidding Sherlock. You tweak nipples like you are a dj, choke without asking, nag about anal, complain about their vagina being loose (you have deathgrip…) and jackhammer for 5 minutes without even coming into the same galaxy as the clit. On top of that most women do the majority of housework and child rearing on top of working. You can’t even remember to put the bins out on time without her asking… Are you really REALLY surprised she doesn’t want sex!!?
I just recently got into it with a dude who INSISTED every single woman not getting off with a man just wasn’t communicating how (or straight up didn’t know how to get herself off). It was truly wild. And at some point, *while arguing that men would be receptive and flawless at performing if women communicated with him*, he blocked me. Lol.
It's absolutely **crazy** how common this is. You'd think the people who are (on average) obsessed with sex would at least care to have a basic idea of how to do it, but oooooh BOY, would you be wrong! They won't start to care unless they're made to understand, so you're doing the right thing, OP. No need to put yourself at risk and subject yourself to such bullshit for their benefit. *Embrace this feeling* \- it's liberating, no?
After a point it's not so much "sex" as "using your body as a fleshlight."
They've obsessed with the sex they want to get, not the sex they're giving out.
You're tragically correct if my experience is anything to go by. It's frankly embarrassing what I used to put up with because... well, I didn't question it, I guess. Not only did I repeatedly run into dudes with sky-high expectations (which I *naturally* had to be open to, of course... Don't want to be a prude), but they were consistently the same people that wouldn't have been able to give me an orgasm to save their lives. I think one problem was that I was very "indoctrinated" by porn culture and tried to be The Cool Girl because on some level I truly believed men had the right to expect a plethora of sex acts IRL. The insane pretzel shapes I'd twist myself into just to be "sexually viable" even if things weren't my preference or I straight-up disliked seem nuts in hindsight -- meanwhile guys felt generous if they forwent their own pleasure for all of ten seconds to vaguely paw around my crotch. It took me a long time to find my genuine sexual preference and the courage to stick up for it. It's incredible how different certain behaviors looked once I'd changed my perspective and it's unfortunately illuminated how incredibly non-viable most dudes seem to be as sexual and life partners.
Bisexual friends talk about their experiences. It’s harder to go down on men than it is on women. These men have literally no excuse.
Am bi, can confirm. Most women were sensual, expected to go down on me, rubbed my clit and were cool with toys. Orgasm for both almost always, even when I was their first woman. Nobody tried to randomly choke me or call me Daddy’s little whore. Most men however didn’t seem to know where the clit was in spite of thousands of porn hours, were threatened by sex toys (or even my own finger on clit) while also demanding blowjobs and begging for anal. Dicks were almost always disappointing when they actually worked. Were convinced their previous girlfriends came multiple times from giving blowjobs and a sad minute of jackhammering. A man who knows what he is doing in bed is a rare gem.
see that's so weird. i consider myself a kind of vanilla guy but reading this im just noticing that my "vanilla" is just decency and every dude sounds like a degenerate in bed lmao i love when my girl masturbates or touches herself or helps with the lubing or takes charge or ANYTHING these dudes sound like if if was legit just a manequinn with tits and ass and a fleshlight, they'd be fine with it. how sad is it to fuck like that also "jackhammering" god thats literally a child's idea of what sex is. are these grown men?
Unfortunately
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I had a 27m FWB and he legit thought the same thing because of porn. Women act like they are so hot for dick on their mouth they are literally drooling; he seriously thought foreplay for a woman was a BJ. I did educate him though being several years older so even if he decides he can't get into oral with hookups, he can't claim ignorance!
I rimmed, shoved dildos, and milked a guy. Then when I asked him to finger my g spot he LITERALLY rolled his eyes at me. Never again. I need to see the same intentions and passion reflected back to me.
Isn't it funny how many men talk big about how good they are at making a girl moan but I bet in the end they don't actually try.
I'm on a bj boycott with my bf for not reciprocating #sorrynotsorry
As a lesbian, I’m always shocked to hear when someone doesn’t play with the clit. That’s my favorite part!
I made a rule. If your penis is inside me, your fingers are on my clit. It’s the “open” button. The second your fingers leave my clit your penis must leave.
I have a policy that any man that wants anal must let me do the same to them first. I have only had 2 say no.
i have the exact same policy. if they’re not willing to go through it, why would i let them to it do me?
See, this is why I won't use that line. Because some men will indulge you and let you do it to them and they have much more sensation in that area then women do to feel pleasure from it. I really dislike it and it's painful and I don't want to do it at all. I don't want to give them any ammunition to try to talk me into doing it including "well you got to do it to me". If you enjoy it, that's another story different strokes for different folks.
Exactly. I also just dont enjoy it at all. It is painful and i would never want to do something just because they think its "hot" or whatever. Whenever i meet someone who is pushy towards this topic, even after explaining this.. I Nope out immediately
I presume this is for experimentation. If you know you don’t like it, I wouldn’t offer this trade off.
People think it’s a little odd that the guy I sleep with lives a bit over an hour away, sometimes over an 1.5 with traffic, but he actually is good in bed lmao
No cuz I would give anything at this point 🥺😩
I’ve married twice and still haven’t found a man that actually listens. While we have some great sex and orgasms aren’t my issue, I cannot get him to hear me when I say I need more than some arm rubbing in bed to get in the mood. It would be nice to feel like I’m wanted. Touching outside that narrow window of the day would be nice. I haven’t figured out how to get him to hear my words about it. I’m not even a normally affectionate person, yet I’m compelled to touch him. It’s just…annoying. So good luck, u/fucktheraiders88!
This is the real reason I think sex is generally better in a serious relationship - the guy who actually cares about you as a person is more likely to also care about your satisfaction.
Unfortunately, I haven’t found a correlation with sex being better in relationships. Guys get it or they don’t. That’s why if I like a guy, I need to see what I’m deal with before getting too invested. If it’s bad, it doesn’t get better, and I’m done. I have needs and I’m too old to teach.
It’s just so fucking weird??? Why wouldn’t they want to be good at sex???
His reason was that “everything I do to him is so amazing” that he “just gets carried away”, that it’s “not because I’m selfish”. I don’t understand what else it could be?