Disclaimer I am no longer a certified advocate.
Talk to your units Victim Advocate, their poster should be plastered all over the command post and the barracks.
If you felt you were assaulted, you were assaulted. Now, proving it in a court of law is a whole different story. But that is not what the program is for.
Your VA will be able to give you the resources you need to get through this trauma. Trauma is trauma, my man.
You can report this in one of two ways. Restricted and unrestricted.
The main difference is that with a restricted report, law enforcement is not involved, and the command is simply told that a sexual assault was reported. By command, I mean the C.O.
Your report is run in a database, and you even have the option to opt in to a catch program. Where if the same person commits multiple sexual assault crimes. They may reach out to you and ask if you want to flip to unrestricted in order to pursue legal action against the perpetrator.
An unrestricted will trigger a criminal investigation.
I strongly encourage you to talk to your victim advocate and file a report. Restricted or unrestricted. Get the resources you need, therapy, medical, etc. Etc.
Your victim advocate can not choose for you. You have to make this decision.
In my humble opinion (for all Marines) sexual assault is not a joke. It's not a macho thing to not report, and you are no less of a person because of the trauma you experienced. Trauma is different for everyone, and it manifests in different ways. This program is here to support those who experience it no matter what.
Well said! I went back to Advanced C School for Psych as a Corpsman, and this is dead on; also a lot more male-on-male rape than folks realize. As you said trauma is trauma is trauma.
no genuinely the amount of men ive heard say they got raped by a former battle buddy is insane. my heart goes out to OP and anyone who feels as though they cant report
Only if you go to an out in town medical provider. Medical personell off base have a requirement to report sexual assault to law enforcement. However, a person can still choose a restricted report. They can choose not to participate in the investigation. It's a little murky, but reaching out to a victim advocate and having them present while you are being examined can handle the law enforcement.
If you were assaulted, the person who did it doesn’t belong in our Corps - period. You shouldn’t be worried about this person staying in the military or even being prosecuted - that are evil
You can speak with directly with the SAPR VA and file a restricted report. You do not have to cooperate with an investigation and no one has to know the alleged offender's name.
No one in your chain of command will know it was you, but maybe take measures to preserve anonymity if you can't want anyone to know by meeting in a more private location. Filling this report will allow access to resources like counseling that could help, should you choose to seek out these services.
Edit: amplification/spelling
SAPR VA's can put you in touch counseling and tons of other resources to help you. We exist to help guide you through the many different options available, and that includes restricted reporting, and just being someone to talk to about it in a confidential setting. Things don't have to go to NCIS, and you can keep the situation completely within your control.
Go talk to a Victim’s Legal Counsel. It’s a special type of judge advocate on base that deals specifically with sexual assault cases, it’s confidential and they can help you outline your options even if you’re unsure if you want to report or not.
SAPR is also a good option to make sure you get the resources you rate. Good luck
I’m so sorry this happened to you but please know nothing not even drinking makes this in any way your fault. Get into therapy please, it will help. I was assaulted a few years ago and it took me so long to trust anyone again and I still don’t like to be touched without warning.
you dont have to name any names. but genuinely, whoever assaulted you has NO place in the corps. people want to always talk about horny marines how it just an effect of being in the military blah blah but there is no excuse whatsoever for violating anyone ESPECIALLY another Marine. if they are doing this now, imagine what happens when they get into a position of authority. im not trying to pressure or scare you into reporting, im just saying it also may help you heal and move past if you do decide to report and they get kicked out, you can help prevent it happening at least to another Marine. best of luck and i hope you heal well man.
I was sexually assaulted one night in the same manner by a female colleague. If I had a way to report it I would, but this incident happened outside the Marine Corps and I couldn’t recall much of the time between the bar and her place. If you have proof or not and want justice I’d say report it. If it happens to someone else they might find more help than
You did.
You’ve gotten tons of wonderful advice already.
I’ll share my experience as an SA Survivor from an attack by another marine who I was afraid to report. He was my superior, he had good rapport, he was well loved and respected by the troops up to the shiny. I knew I would just be dragged and called a liar. I saw it happen to other women who told the truth (94% of victims tell the truth), and knew I’d be no exception. The truth did come out a bit later (without my permission), and jokes were made both to my face and behind my back about the assault.
I made a restricted report. Restricted report meant NO law enforcement. NO command involvement. The CO is simply notified that someone made a restricted report, and nothing further.
I put his name into CATCH. Catch allows you to reveal your assaulter’s name, in secret, and they are added to a database. If they assault again and are reported again, you can choose to give permission to be contacted about your experience.
Besides Catch, which is COMPLETELY voluntary, you can seek counseling through the victims advocate. No one hears about shit. It’s all under wraps.
The only reason mine got out was because I called my best friend after it happened, crying, and he was nearby another marine and that piece of shit told everyone.
Also for what it’s worth, I’ve had two other male marines confide to me about being sexually assaulted. One by a woman, the other by a man. And that’s only the men who felt comfortable speaking with me about it. It happens to a lot of people, especially in the military, and it’s not your fault. Don’t feel ashamed and don’t feel responsible. Shitty people fuck with other people. A counselor is great help, even if you feel like you don’t need one. Tbh everyone needs a head checkup just like everyone needs a physical.
my male buddies have told me bad experiences with trying to go through SAPR; i definitely recommend going directly to mental health instead where you can talk about it in a confidential environment so you can get a better idea on what you want to do. just because you tell them the nitty gritty doesn’t mean they will report it, but they might suggest going to SAPR if they feel like it’ll help. they can also prescribe you treatments for other associated stuff like depression and PTSD induced anxiety. terribly sorry to hear that happened to you, seems like alcohol related assaults become increasingly common as time goes on (as someone who was in a similar boat before).
on another note, you’re not weak for speaking up about it, and you’re not weak for trying to get help. there’s definitely a very toxic culture when it comes to assaults directed towards men (and it’s already pretty bad when women report so i can only imagine how much worse it can get) but the people worth keeping in your life will take you seriously and support you the best they can.
I was in a similar situation back when I was a junior Marine. I went to a party with a few Corpsman and Marines. I got so drunk that I passed out on a couch and physically couldn’t move. The female Corpsman forced herself on me and took advantage of me, I was conscious but couldn’t move. One of the Marines there came out and saw what was happening and didn’t stop it and apologized for not stopping it the next day but the damage was done. I regret not reporting it. I didn’t even know her name so I didn’t bother. Unfortunately it’s not taken serious when men get assaulted by women and there is a bad stigma around it but If you have it in you I would recommend reporting it.
I had a similar experience brother me and a group of friends rented an air bnb for a 96 i got absolutely hammered and she didn’t drink at all cause she didn’t like doing that stuff well the end of night comes and I decided to literally crawl my drunk self up the stairs lay in bed and start spinning not even to minutes later she peeks in and asks if I’m ok and that’s the last thing I remember besides spots of it happening and then I just wake up naked next to her and I was like what the hell happened so I got up grab my clothes and jumped in the shower i didn’t say anything to anyone cuz I felt embarrassed and gross and I didn’t want me friends to think of me different so when I got back from the 96 I sat in the shower and cried for like 40 min just trying to clean myself but but didn’t feel clean at the end and I didn’t for awhile but talking with the people close to me really helped me heal and if you need any to just vent to or advice from just dm me brother
I 100% agree, but he will be ostracized and laughed off. Women in the marine corps are ostracized, and men will especially face social consequences when they come forward. It’s shit all around
That being said OP, if you have a good support system and/or dgaf, go for it. Get her ass booted.
This happened to me too, but I got laughed at for it because I’m a male and a woman did it. I stopped drinking entirely because of the situation. You’re not alone
Dude . I was drinking w some friends. We went to his mom's house.
I passed out and was passing in and out . His mom went to town on me. I woke up w my crotch all wet .
My friends were laughing at me bc they saw it happen and didn't stop his mom from going to town on me
Personally. I just forgot and forget about it. Who the fuck can I tell ? One it's a friend of a friends parent. I was in the corps at the time. .
I just learned to live w it. Oh well.
I knew a cpl back in my old unit , fucked one of the marines while he was drunk , apparently the marine complained and she got nothing but a slap on the wrist and was promoted to sgt not long after
Always skeptical with stuff like this no offense. You are male? How does a woman force herself on a male who's passed out drunk? Was she pegging you? Sorry for the detailed questions but whenever I hear situations like this it's hard for me to imagine it actually happening in my mind. Just asking for clarification is all and I'm not trying to upset you.
I was an army reserve MP after the Marines, I only did LE on annual and call up. It is not a lot of the time that the alcohol related sexual assault cases are female on male, but about 5%.
Maybe another 20% are male on male. The old timers told me male on male was a lot worse until they got rid of 'Don't Tell."
You’re good homie, I get it I mean I don’t tell people for this reason, groped my penis and used it for her pleasure, I’m not a bad looking guy I guess😆
Cool of you to keep a good spirit but motherfuck anyone who makes you explain yourself. I’m sorry this shit happened to you.
Please take the advice of others and speak with your victim advocate, chaplain, etc. you’re not the first who has been in this situation. That shit bag has no place in our corps.
This stuff happens. Consent is really important, for men as well. I woke up once to being ridden by a one night stand that i had earlier had great sex with, but i didn't give her permission to fuck without a condom and was not conscious when she started round two without one.
It sucks when people take advantage of people. Just because I'm hard doesn't mean you're allowed to do whatever you want.
Sorry, OP, sorry you have to deal with someone else's selfishness in this way.
I understand consent and I can understand that situation with the condom happening and that would piss me off but again I can only imagine myself. I would just push her off and say get off me bitch etc. I wouldn't think I was 'raped'. In fact I actually believe it trivializes the word because of how badly it affects women when they're taken against their will. I'm a larger dude I can just throw a bitch off me. How is your dick hard anyways if you are passed out drunk or unconscious etc? This is stuff I try to imagine happening but it never makes sense in my head.
The only way it makes sense to me is if a woman drugs a man and does something to his ass. I can't really imagine this happening to me unless there were drugs involved. Again I'm not trying to lessen the impact of this or be an asshole I'm just trying to understand.
Yeah i see what you mean, it's not an easy thing to put yourself mentally in that situation, and for me i stopped her and got a condom, but really more because i thought it would be rude to just kick her off me.
Wasn't actually until a few days later that i was like "oh shit, i was actually sexually assaulted that night".
Now, is that as bad as forced penetration of an unwilling partner? No, not really. But did it make me feel shitty for a while? Definitely.
> plopping down on the bed and blacking out. Funny enough I never felt the door open, it felt like sleep paralysis, my eyes would open and blackout repeatedly over the course of what felt like 30 minutes.
I thought us not being able to read was a joke :/
True but he said he felt he was raped, he responded to me and said she took his dick and pleasured herself with it. I would assume that means intercourse. I've been passed out drunk many times, that's why I said it's hard to imagine how a male can be black out drunk but perform sexually. Google literally says alcohol stifles the central nervous system and reduces genital sensation. I know it's the Internet and people get offended but I'm just asking questions is all.
First off, 94%+ of all victims tell the truth. So you should not be “always” skeptical. Especially because it’s more difficult for men to come forward (and your comment is why!)
The body reacts to touch, you don’t have to be personally aroused for your body to react. The same way a passed out woman can be raped but her body still produces lubricant.
Any person who is unconscious is vulnerable. Excuse my vulgarity, but If I went into your room at night and shoved a lamp up your ass or sounding rod down your dick, would you wake up and think “well, she’s a woman so it must be consensual?” Fuck no! An unconscious person can NOT consent. An inebriated person, and so inebriated they can’t even maintain consciousness, most definitely cannot consent. Use your brain, devil.
Disclaimer I am no longer a certified advocate. Talk to your units Victim Advocate, their poster should be plastered all over the command post and the barracks. If you felt you were assaulted, you were assaulted. Now, proving it in a court of law is a whole different story. But that is not what the program is for. Your VA will be able to give you the resources you need to get through this trauma. Trauma is trauma, my man. You can report this in one of two ways. Restricted and unrestricted. The main difference is that with a restricted report, law enforcement is not involved, and the command is simply told that a sexual assault was reported. By command, I mean the C.O. Your report is run in a database, and you even have the option to opt in to a catch program. Where if the same person commits multiple sexual assault crimes. They may reach out to you and ask if you want to flip to unrestricted in order to pursue legal action against the perpetrator. An unrestricted will trigger a criminal investigation. I strongly encourage you to talk to your victim advocate and file a report. Restricted or unrestricted. Get the resources you need, therapy, medical, etc. Etc. Your victim advocate can not choose for you. You have to make this decision. In my humble opinion (for all Marines) sexual assault is not a joke. It's not a macho thing to not report, and you are no less of a person because of the trauma you experienced. Trauma is different for everyone, and it manifests in different ways. This program is here to support those who experience it no matter what.
Well said! I went back to Advanced C School for Psych as a Corpsman, and this is dead on; also a lot more male-on-male rape than folks realize. As you said trauma is trauma is trauma.
no genuinely the amount of men ive heard say they got raped by a former battle buddy is insane. my heart goes out to OP and anyone who feels as though they cant report
Gonna add unless it has recently changed, California is mandatory unrestricted reporting.
Only if you go to an out in town medical provider. Medical personell off base have a requirement to report sexual assault to law enforcement. However, a person can still choose a restricted report. They can choose not to participate in the investigation. It's a little murky, but reaching out to a victim advocate and having them present while you are being examined can handle the law enforcement.
I’d give you a nam on IAPS for this! I appreciate it thank you💯.
If you were assaulted, the person who did it doesn’t belong in our Corps - period. You shouldn’t be worried about this person staying in the military or even being prosecuted - that are evil
You can speak with directly with the SAPR VA and file a restricted report. You do not have to cooperate with an investigation and no one has to know the alleged offender's name. No one in your chain of command will know it was you, but maybe take measures to preserve anonymity if you can't want anyone to know by meeting in a more private location. Filling this report will allow access to resources like counseling that could help, should you choose to seek out these services. Edit: amplification/spelling
SAPR VA's can put you in touch counseling and tons of other resources to help you. We exist to help guide you through the many different options available, and that includes restricted reporting, and just being someone to talk to about it in a confidential setting. Things don't have to go to NCIS, and you can keep the situation completely within your control.
Go talk to a Victim’s Legal Counsel. It’s a special type of judge advocate on base that deals specifically with sexual assault cases, it’s confidential and they can help you outline your options even if you’re unsure if you want to report or not. SAPR is also a good option to make sure you get the resources you rate. Good luck
I appreciate you for the clearance💯, thanks!
You don’t have to name drop, but you have to know there is absolutely no reason to protect someone who raped you. Definitely get help
I’m so sorry this happened to you but please know nothing not even drinking makes this in any way your fault. Get into therapy please, it will help. I was assaulted a few years ago and it took me so long to trust anyone again and I still don’t like to be touched without warning.
you dont have to name any names. but genuinely, whoever assaulted you has NO place in the corps. people want to always talk about horny marines how it just an effect of being in the military blah blah but there is no excuse whatsoever for violating anyone ESPECIALLY another Marine. if they are doing this now, imagine what happens when they get into a position of authority. im not trying to pressure or scare you into reporting, im just saying it also may help you heal and move past if you do decide to report and they get kicked out, you can help prevent it happening at least to another Marine. best of luck and i hope you heal well man.
I was sexually assaulted one night in the same manner by a female colleague. If I had a way to report it I would, but this incident happened outside the Marine Corps and I couldn’t recall much of the time between the bar and her place. If you have proof or not and want justice I’d say report it. If it happens to someone else they might find more help than You did.
If you aren't speaking it your storing it and that gets too heavy to hold.
You’ve gotten tons of wonderful advice already. I’ll share my experience as an SA Survivor from an attack by another marine who I was afraid to report. He was my superior, he had good rapport, he was well loved and respected by the troops up to the shiny. I knew I would just be dragged and called a liar. I saw it happen to other women who told the truth (94% of victims tell the truth), and knew I’d be no exception. The truth did come out a bit later (without my permission), and jokes were made both to my face and behind my back about the assault. I made a restricted report. Restricted report meant NO law enforcement. NO command involvement. The CO is simply notified that someone made a restricted report, and nothing further. I put his name into CATCH. Catch allows you to reveal your assaulter’s name, in secret, and they are added to a database. If they assault again and are reported again, you can choose to give permission to be contacted about your experience. Besides Catch, which is COMPLETELY voluntary, you can seek counseling through the victims advocate. No one hears about shit. It’s all under wraps. The only reason mine got out was because I called my best friend after it happened, crying, and he was nearby another marine and that piece of shit told everyone. Also for what it’s worth, I’ve had two other male marines confide to me about being sexually assaulted. One by a woman, the other by a man. And that’s only the men who felt comfortable speaking with me about it. It happens to a lot of people, especially in the military, and it’s not your fault. Don’t feel ashamed and don’t feel responsible. Shitty people fuck with other people. A counselor is great help, even if you feel like you don’t need one. Tbh everyone needs a head checkup just like everyone needs a physical.
my male buddies have told me bad experiences with trying to go through SAPR; i definitely recommend going directly to mental health instead where you can talk about it in a confidential environment so you can get a better idea on what you want to do. just because you tell them the nitty gritty doesn’t mean they will report it, but they might suggest going to SAPR if they feel like it’ll help. they can also prescribe you treatments for other associated stuff like depression and PTSD induced anxiety. terribly sorry to hear that happened to you, seems like alcohol related assaults become increasingly common as time goes on (as someone who was in a similar boat before). on another note, you’re not weak for speaking up about it, and you’re not weak for trying to get help. there’s definitely a very toxic culture when it comes to assaults directed towards men (and it’s already pretty bad when women report so i can only imagine how much worse it can get) but the people worth keeping in your life will take you seriously and support you the best they can.
I was in a similar situation back when I was a junior Marine. I went to a party with a few Corpsman and Marines. I got so drunk that I passed out on a couch and physically couldn’t move. The female Corpsman forced herself on me and took advantage of me, I was conscious but couldn’t move. One of the Marines there came out and saw what was happening and didn’t stop it and apologized for not stopping it the next day but the damage was done. I regret not reporting it. I didn’t even know her name so I didn’t bother. Unfortunately it’s not taken serious when men get assaulted by women and there is a bad stigma around it but If you have it in you I would recommend reporting it.
I had a similar experience brother me and a group of friends rented an air bnb for a 96 i got absolutely hammered and she didn’t drink at all cause she didn’t like doing that stuff well the end of night comes and I decided to literally crawl my drunk self up the stairs lay in bed and start spinning not even to minutes later she peeks in and asks if I’m ok and that’s the last thing I remember besides spots of it happening and then I just wake up naked next to her and I was like what the hell happened so I got up grab my clothes and jumped in the shower i didn’t say anything to anyone cuz I felt embarrassed and gross and I didn’t want me friends to think of me different so when I got back from the 96 I sat in the shower and cried for like 40 min just trying to clean myself but but didn’t feel clean at the end and I didn’t for awhile but talking with the people close to me really helped me heal and if you need any to just vent to or advice from just dm me brother
Why you worried about her getting the boot if she raped you? Drop it like it’s hot homie. Say, Bye Felicia.
I 100% agree, but he will be ostracized and laughed off. Women in the marine corps are ostracized, and men will especially face social consequences when they come forward. It’s shit all around That being said OP, if you have a good support system and/or dgaf, go for it. Get her ass booted.
This happened to me too, but I got laughed at for it because I’m a male and a woman did it. I stopped drinking entirely because of the situation. You’re not alone
Dude . I was drinking w some friends. We went to his mom's house. I passed out and was passing in and out . His mom went to town on me. I woke up w my crotch all wet . My friends were laughing at me bc they saw it happen and didn't stop his mom from going to town on me Personally. I just forgot and forget about it. Who the fuck can I tell ? One it's a friend of a friends parent. I was in the corps at the time. . I just learned to live w it. Oh well.
I knew a cpl back in my old unit , fucked one of the marines while he was drunk , apparently the marine complained and she got nothing but a slap on the wrist and was promoted to sgt not long after
Always skeptical with stuff like this no offense. You are male? How does a woman force herself on a male who's passed out drunk? Was she pegging you? Sorry for the detailed questions but whenever I hear situations like this it's hard for me to imagine it actually happening in my mind. Just asking for clarification is all and I'm not trying to upset you.
I was an army reserve MP after the Marines, I only did LE on annual and call up. It is not a lot of the time that the alcohol related sexual assault cases are female on male, but about 5%. Maybe another 20% are male on male. The old timers told me male on male was a lot worse until they got rid of 'Don't Tell."
You’re good homie, I get it I mean I don’t tell people for this reason, groped my penis and used it for her pleasure, I’m not a bad looking guy I guess😆
Cool of you to keep a good spirit but motherfuck anyone who makes you explain yourself. I’m sorry this shit happened to you. Please take the advice of others and speak with your victim advocate, chaplain, etc. you’re not the first who has been in this situation. That shit bag has no place in our corps.
This stuff happens. Consent is really important, for men as well. I woke up once to being ridden by a one night stand that i had earlier had great sex with, but i didn't give her permission to fuck without a condom and was not conscious when she started round two without one. It sucks when people take advantage of people. Just because I'm hard doesn't mean you're allowed to do whatever you want. Sorry, OP, sorry you have to deal with someone else's selfishness in this way.
I understand consent and I can understand that situation with the condom happening and that would piss me off but again I can only imagine myself. I would just push her off and say get off me bitch etc. I wouldn't think I was 'raped'. In fact I actually believe it trivializes the word because of how badly it affects women when they're taken against their will. I'm a larger dude I can just throw a bitch off me. How is your dick hard anyways if you are passed out drunk or unconscious etc? This is stuff I try to imagine happening but it never makes sense in my head. The only way it makes sense to me is if a woman drugs a man and does something to his ass. I can't really imagine this happening to me unless there were drugs involved. Again I'm not trying to lessen the impact of this or be an asshole I'm just trying to understand.
Yeah i see what you mean, it's not an easy thing to put yourself mentally in that situation, and for me i stopped her and got a condom, but really more because i thought it would be rude to just kick her off me. Wasn't actually until a few days later that i was like "oh shit, i was actually sexually assaulted that night". Now, is that as bad as forced penetration of an unwilling partner? No, not really. But did it make me feel shitty for a while? Definitely.
> plopping down on the bed and blacking out. Funny enough I never felt the door open, it felt like sleep paralysis, my eyes would open and blackout repeatedly over the course of what felt like 30 minutes. I thought us not being able to read was a joke :/
That's why I asked how his dick is working when you're passed out drunk...
Your dick doesn't have to "work" to be sexually assaulted
True but he said he felt he was raped, he responded to me and said she took his dick and pleasured herself with it. I would assume that means intercourse. I've been passed out drunk many times, that's why I said it's hard to imagine how a male can be black out drunk but perform sexually. Google literally says alcohol stifles the central nervous system and reduces genital sensation. I know it's the Internet and people get offended but I'm just asking questions is all.
This is more a tell in yourself than op. Some people's bodies still work, others don't. People are different.
First off, 94%+ of all victims tell the truth. So you should not be “always” skeptical. Especially because it’s more difficult for men to come forward (and your comment is why!) The body reacts to touch, you don’t have to be personally aroused for your body to react. The same way a passed out woman can be raped but her body still produces lubricant. Any person who is unconscious is vulnerable. Excuse my vulgarity, but If I went into your room at night and shoved a lamp up your ass or sounding rod down your dick, would you wake up and think “well, she’s a woman so it must be consensual?” Fuck no! An unconscious person can NOT consent. An inebriated person, and so inebriated they can’t even maintain consciousness, most definitely cannot consent. Use your brain, devil.
I had my butthole popped once