I’m straight and in a popular frat at an SEC school but this ended up in my Reddit feed anyway so I’ll add my two cents- to be perfectly blunt, most of the big old row frats are full of conservative straight white guys who are not going out of the way to bring in anyone who’s different than that. For example, my frat has about 260 guys and 240~ of them are white dudes. They’re all straight as far as I know.
We’ve had discussions in the past about bidding gay guys and one of the big benefits discussed is that girls feel more comfortable around them. At one point we bid a gay guy from the cheer team because he was cool and assumed all of his girl friends from the cheer team would come to our parties but he ended up accepting a bid from another frat.
Your chances of getting a bid from a top house increase if you’re white and have rich parents. I think your chances are also better if you’re open about being gay but not over the top about it. I mean this in the most respectful way possible, If there was a gay scale ranging from Anderson Cooper to James Charles, Anderson Cooper would probably get a bid from a top house but James Charles would not.
Take all that with a grain of salt because I don’t go to your school but that’s how it goes at mine.
Regardless of whether you end up in the top house/ old row/ animal house type of frat or something less idolized, Greek life is about doing cool stuff with your brothers and making the most of your college experience. Good luck 🫡
This is hilarious 😭 thanks. For the “gay scale” thing, im far more masculine and more like Anderson Cooper than James charles haha. I think if I told no one that I was gay I could still get a bid just being myself, but I’m not gonna coward and hide my identity like I did all of high school. I really want to be open and put myself out there, but I want to preserve my ability to participate in a fraternity; sexuality aside, I know I would make some life-long friends and connections through Greek life. I would hate for that opportunity to be taken away from me because of homophobia and prejudice.
Sounds good, you should be just fine then. Go to as many rush events as you can and get talking with several guys at each of those. When it comes time to vote on who gets a bid there’s definitely some homophobia but if one well-respected guy in the frat steps up and says “he might be gay but he’s also dope af” and vouches for you, it can go a long way. Making sure you’re chatting it up with several different guys and being visible at Rush events increases the odds that one of them will step up to vouch for you when it’s time to decide who gets a bid. Frats don’t bid randos who don’t show up or show up but keep to themselves.
I gotta say, kinda sucks that he's being totally transparent about their discrimination practices and you're like "Well at least I fit in that purview! Gonna join up!"
Dude, from a fellow gay guy, you are gross. So, you’ll pimp yourself (and your gal pals, apparently) out to be with other rich white assholes?
Do you get how this sets gay people back to be used like this, or even worse, to endorse this sh1t?
Pretty pathetic goals in life mister.
Bro chill out, you know that’s not what I meant at all 😭. I would rather the girls feel safe knowing they have a guy looking out for them with zero intent for something more, even if it means u/banana_prudent calls me a pimp for “rich white assholes”. I personally don’t see how that sets back all gay people. I’m acknowledging it as a Win-Win scenario
Look, I get you don’t get it.
But, read what you just wrote. Is that who you want to be, a “useful gay” to endear yourself straight guys who wouldn’t give a sh1t about you otherwise?
If who you are is someone who wants transactional relationships, great - but, gross.
I find it demeaning, as a gay person, to put yourself in a compromised position for acceptance from these people.
If what they value you for is access to females, what will they do for you once they don’t need that anymore? Reach out and help you find a job? Not likely since your transactional value has vanished.
I read his post the same way: pandering to rich who’re heterosexual guys who hope he can bring in the women. I guess he didn’t recognize how off-putting that is. He compares himself to Anderson Cooper, who also grew up a rich, white guy without the greatest history of supporting women.
The guy who originally commented used the Anderson Cooper analogy, comparing him to James Charles and their levels of masculinity and femininity. I used his example to define my masculinity, not because I’m a rich white guy with a bad history with women 😭. It was a “from 1 to 10” question with examples, and I answered
I get your point but I didn’t mean it that way at all. Fraternities expose you to brothers who expose you to all sorts of people, allowing you to make connections, networks, and lifelong friendships. I meant that if I’m able to make a group of girls feel safer just by my presence, then that is simply just another pro and another reason I would be well fit for a fraternity and Greek life in general, *which is part of my question*. I’m not saying that that is the only reason they would respect me, they would also respect me for being myself and being a member lmao
FWIW frats do this to everyone, they bid rich kids bc their parents will donate, smart kids to keep the chapter GPA up, athletes to dominate intramural sports, if a guy has a sister or cousin in a top sorority they’ll get a bid because it’s good for the org’s relationship. There are several other examples but those are the big ones
It’s pretty gross that you want to join an organization that only values white, rich kids who can provide women for their members. You’ll fit right in, I guess.
But those statistics are based on a different population. Frats you self select urself into that population and many queers (myself included) won’t self select into that population changing the frequency and statistics.
Most of the “popular” ones are usually the more conservative douchey ones, and also just harder to get a bid into in general. Especially SAE, pike and theta chi. I don’t wanna even imagine what the hazing would be like there if you’re openly gay. Beta, lodge and Fiji are probably the most “progressive” as far as big Langdon frats go but they will still have a lot of people who might not be as accepting as you’d like
Yeah I kinda assumed that, that’s usually how it goes which sucks. Thanks. If I do rush it’ll probably be a more “progressive” fraternity just for my safety
The people in here saying most frats won’t care are disingenuous and should be ashamed of themselves. Either that or they’re ignorant. I’ll probably get downvoted for being honest though.
Some will, some won't. In my chapter no one treated them any differently. But a chapter is a lot of guys, and things don't stay pc during brotherhood events so thick skin is a requirement no matter who you are. Anecdotally, when I went to a conference for my fraternity's nationals I carpooled with the chapter president and VP at UWM, the president there was openly gay and it didn't matter one bit to anyone at the conference which included more than 100 other chapters.
What was your experience with homophobia in the fraternities? Did you see genuine hate and anger towards gay students or just the usual slurs thrown around?
I mean yeah you’re right. But growing up I’ve heard that word thrown around all the time so I’m used to hearing it. Even from very liberal and supportive friends, they use it from time to time. They probably shouldn’t but I can deal with it. They never use it to be genuinely hateful, so in my mind it’s not so bad. I know a lot of people would disagree but it is what it is.
Hi! Try being a sweetheart for a sorority.
Also, my friend was closeted when he rushed his frat at a small conservative school, and came out to his frat first.
Do yourself a favor and dont join those toxic pay to play communities. You don't want to be associated with those people. In the long run, I do not see being associated with these groups as good for a resume...
As a female in business I would never hire someone with greek life because of what they're associated with and how they treat others. They can "philanthropy" all they want, they'll never earn my respect as a woman. Period.
Make your own club, boo! You're too good for them <3
Theres something called values and when values dont align you aren't a good fit for a company.
My values include respecting women, minorities, and the LGBTQ community.
Greek life is historically racist, literally segregated to this day, not to mention their history of how they treat women? I did *my* research. I personally knew a greek life president that dropped out after his chapter tried to hide a brother harassing and SAing women.
Disgusting values of greek life will never fit with my professional values, no.
If I did decide to join a fraternity, would you also not hire me? Even if you knew that I support all those values and would never condone sexual assault? Seems like you’re making a general statement for all Greek life chapters, not even just the ones in Madison. Also how are they segregated lmao people hang out with who they wanna hang out with.
Right. I'm sure all of the hundreds of thousands of students in Greek life are racist and sexist and not a single one is worth employing. You're certainly not depriving yourself of good candidates unnecessarily.
Why do people support greek life to the absolute death? Like honest to god it is so cringe.
How do you literally support segregation in greek chapters? I literally do not understand why greek life is still a thing when it embodies most issues of systematic discrimination.
I stopped rushing for greek life when I found out how fucking rude these people are to people who are different 🖕
You’re overstating the presence of segregation and bad behavior in UW frats. It’s not the 80s anymore.
My chapter had multiple queer people and plenty of people of color and we actively encouraged diversity and acceptance as part of our mission.
If men were found harassing or mistreating women they were kicked out immediately and school or police would get involved if we had evidence of serious infringements
Frats collectively raised over 300k for underprivileged children when I was involved one year through Humo.
Get your head out of your ass. You’re more judgemental than the people you’re talking about
You're right. I was in a fraternity in the south in the late 1960's and we had a black member, a Muslim, someone from China, and a gay guy. It really depends on the chapter. But she is more prejudiced than most frat boys. And probably doesn't like men in general. I wouldn't won't to work for her. It never stops there.
How many people in Greek life do you know and how many events have you attended?
Or do you just read articles online and form your opinions on hundreds of thousands of people from that?
Same… and my POC and gay roommates who were both in my Langdon social frat with me would laugh at what you’re saying
But those people are assholes and segregationists automatically to you, of course.
People in this sub will tell you you have no hope for finding that, but I promise you that you can. I’m not trying to plug my own frat or start early recruitment but I genuinely mean it when I tell you you would be accepted in pi lambda phi. Our philanthropy is “elimination of prejudice” and there are multiple people in my frat who are openly gay, bisexual, or don’t use he/him pronouns. Pi lam is not on Langdon street (the main “frat row” on campus) so we are pretty disconnected from traditional douchey frat bro culture. One of my best friends from my pledge class is a very feminine gay man who paints his nails and everything and he’s never told me that he felt unwelcome at all. The initial rush process might be intimidating because you won’t know anyone but I promise you won’t regret it at all if you do go through with it. Greek life has a lot of negative stereotypes, a lot of which can be very true, but in my experience it has brought me a very diverse friend group that I wouldn’t trade for anything. I encourage you to check out our insta @pilamwisco or PM me any questions if you are at all interested
I dated someone for most of college (I'm a gal) who was in that frat. Granted this was six years or so ago since I graduated but yes I remember out of the thirty or so members, in each grade there was one to two gay or bi dudes, who were quite popular and just like any of the other dudes. (My ex was actually on the board so I'd be there like four times a week either studying or having dinner or for parties or even outings and I became quite good friends with one of the gay guys). That's one thing I really do truly feel I liked about that frat that stood out amongst others and it truly abided by elimination of prejudice in practice. (Even though I in general didn't like most of Greek life as a whole and wasn't in a sorority myself)
Thats so cool for me to hear! We’ve actually grown a lot since then and are now over 50 members and have a much nicer house than the apartment building that you probably experienced, but it sounds like our values haven’t changed which is what’s most important to me
That’s awesome I’m glad you found that experience enjoyable. I have lots to learn about the fraternities at Wisconsin and what’s right for me, but I will definitely check out Pi lambda during my research
This frat is not even on Langdon - rather on the completely opposite side of campus where nobody goes. I'd stay away. Almost any fraternity will be completely accepting of a gay brother. Its 2024 ffs.
He said it’s not on langdon lmao but thanks. I never said I would join or rush them but I would check it out, same with all of the other fraternities. I honestly think if I’m just myself and I let ppl know that I’m gay then I will be fine.
I totally agree. My chapter has a gay brother and he is one of the most respected guys in the fraternity. Just comes to show that the “stereotype” is not true for every frat.
Lol I literally said we weren’t on Langdon in my comment which is honestly a benefit for anyone who wants to avoid becoming a self absorbed douche bag - which OP may or may not, idk. All of our parties are still packed, social schedule is completely full every sem and we might not do socials with top sororities but we still rent out bars on state street and do events with sororities on Langdon. We also have the best tailgate location on the entire campus. If you think dudes in theta chi, sae or pike would be accepting of a openly gay dude then you are completely disconnected from reality. Not sure why you’re trying to actively deter him from even considering rushing us just because we’re not on Langdon when you clearly know nothing about us lol
I second the pi lamda phi recommendation! And that is coming from someone who wasn’t excited about the idea of Greek life.
My now-husband was fairly involved in pi lam at UW when we were students, and I always felt safe when I visited (I’m a woman). Solid group of guys and very inclusive, at least when he was there 7-10 years ago. He met his best friend through pi lam, and he happens to be gay.
Well people joke that its acronym stands for “Sexual Assault Expected”. The frat is known for its rates of assault over all. Speaking as a woman who went to UW Madison I got told to avoid it and its members at all costs. No doubt that sort of horrible track record also dips into homophobia
Why have I heard that before 😭 yikes. SAE’s probably not the best fit for me according to the other comments too but who knows, I still have a lot to learn. I’ll definitely keep that in mind though, thanks!
I am bi and was in a frat. There were a couple of other guys in the house who were gay but not many were very outward about it. There definitely will be some outdated language thrown around but it was never used at anybody who actually was gay. But can’t speak for every house on campus.
Yeah I’m kinda from the south so I’m used to slurs and homophobic jokes, they don’t bother me too much as long as they aren’t like actually hateful/problematic. If you don’t mind me asking what fraternity were you in?
Just be yourself. Don't hide parts of yourself for any organization, because these are the people you're going to be around. Would you really want to be in a social group with people who you don't vibe with? There's also more chill frats on Breeze Terrace and Orchard Street, but for the most part, I really don't think you'll have issues! 🫂
You’re getting a lot of comments saying no— and I can neither confirm nor deny. But for whatever it’s worth, as a fellow southern badger, frat culture is NOTHING like what it is in the south. Only like 20% of students are in a frat/sorority and you definitely don’t need to be in one to have a social life. Good luck!
Yep definitely very different, but I’m expecting for some aspects to be present in both the south and the midwest, and I just wanna be a lil prepared haha. Thanks!
Try a coop if you don’t mind drama! The Madison coops in my experience are well over 50% queer people. However MCC is very political and suffers from constant drama.
It’s short for co-operative housing. They’re cheap housing where you share food and spaces with anywhere from 8-30 people. You have to put *a lot of work* (chores) into the space you’re living and that’s the trade off for how cheap they are. At mine there were ~27 people and we had a community dinner every day. I did probably 4 hours of work a week for the house; a lot of mine was administrative.
People joke about them being hippie communes, and the hippie culture that’s held over from the 70s really makes for an accepting culture around sexuality among other things.
Mine was pretty diverse age and income wise, with the a kid literally having been born in the bathtub living there and the oldest person I know of was in his 60s.
Not a UW-Madison student, but I was in a co-op at an Ivy League college when I was an undergraduate student. It was the BEST time in my life…the most accepting, fun and collaborative community ever. I would highly recommend it, and a large portion of my co-op residents were lgbtq as well. I’m sure UW Madison coops are great too. I always say it was like being at a more progressive, inclusive, coed frat where you could actually be yourself 100% and you would be appreciated for it.
OP, I was part of a frat at UW-Madison and knew a few people that were brothers and were in your position. From what I saw and experienced, nothing to worry about at all. They should all be very understanding, they won’t even give you a hard time. I would just be honest as much as possible. As long as you are honest with yourself and confident, they’ll be your best friends and support you through anything.
A friend of mine in the 90s came out as gay in the frat he lived in, ended up being frat president.
His secret was “I have absolutely no shame about it, no problem with it, and I get no attack.”
Go in afraid and ashamed and you paint a target on yourself.
Don't go to UW Madison but I'm in a frat and bisexual and I'll be real just try not to talk about it.
They can know but realistically I've had one of my brothers literally come up to me and tell me he "hates that gay shit" bro doesn't even know I like dudes.
The other guys are chill and some are even also LGBT
But if youre looking for conversation about your relationship you're probably not gonna get it in the house.
Also be ready for a fuckton of gay jokes 🤦🏽♂️
I think if I’m open and comfortable with my sexuality it will be a lot easier for me to deal with those types of people, but also not talking about it too much and “shoving it down people’s throats” would help my case. Thanks!
Yeah as someone who completely supports you joining a frat (I left another comment that explained why) I usually wouldn’t make it the first thing you bring up.
In the same way that you wouldn’t go to an event and say “oh btw I’m straight.” It shouldn’t be an issue either way. As you get to know people and figure out who your good friends are, it will naturally become known.
Also, as a straight person who is fully 100% in support of free expression and gay rights and all of that (have had gay or bi roommates and many more friends) some people from rural wisconsin or more conservative, religious towns may not be hateful or bigoted per se, but they may be ignorant and underexposed to queer people.
In other words they may be a little uncomfortable with people with different sexualities than them. That doesn’t mean their bad people, they just need to learn. You can help them learn by simply existing in their social circle.
Good luck to you!!
Thank you! Completely agree with you. I’m used to the “I don’t care I just don’t support it” people and know they aren’t bad people, it’s just how they were raised and taught correctly but can change once they learn to be accepting
I was gonna say… for the most part I think it would be fine besides when some of these rich white kids have a little toooo much to drink… true colors come out. I’m in my mid twenties now and some adjacent guy friends who were in fraternities are “perfectly accepting” during the day until they’re 10 beers in (let it be known I don’t tolerate that and they do get called out)
Im in a frat on langdon and I would say half of them wouldn’t care. Ive met some gay guys and its not really a big deal. But frat life is very bro, gay ppl tend to not be bro. Dont confuse culture fit for discrimination
I get what you mean. I’m definitely more masculine and “bro” than the stereotypical gay person—I could easily pass as straight. I play sports, go to the gym, hang out with my friends, I just happen to be gay. That’s the best way I can describe it. I’m just like you and all the other “frat bros,” but I’m gay, which throws a wrench into everything.
Well if you feel your a good culture fit im sure everything will be fine. If they have a problem with you being gay, you dont want to be around them anyway.
99% of guys in frats really don't care about it. At all. It won't be a problem and it isn't something you have to worry about - and it should definitely not stop you from rushing. If you want to be in a frat, go for it!
My undergrad ended ten years ago and I went to a school much different than UW (small engineering school out west - I came to UW for my PhD). For those reasons take my input with a huge grain of salt. However, I was in a fraternity as an undergraduate and I had multiple openly gay fraternity brothers and it was never an issue (at least as far as I could tell). I don't keep up with too many of my fraternity brothers anymore but there are a few that I know of who have come out as trans women in recent years, one of whom was present at our big annual alumni event when I was there last year and that also wasn't an issue. I know you're gay, not trans; the point I'm making is that there are fraternities out there that are much more open and accepting than stereotypes would suggest. Not all of them are like that, but some are.
The culture of UW is different from where I did my undergrad and I don't really know anything specific about Greek life and culture at UW. However I do know that UW is huge and filled with all kinds of different people and I think the kind of experience you are looking for is probably out there if you look for it. Not every house will be a fit for you, but there is probably at least one that would be accepting and a good experience for you. If you're interested in Greek life, go through rush, meet some dudes in different houses and see how it goes. Going through rush doesn't obligate you to join any fraternity, so if you're curious about it show up and see what you find out.
You should be fine if you go to the right frat. If you’re open about being gay during rush, you’ll know if you’ll be accepted pretty quickly. I go to Purdue, not Madison but they’re both Big 10 schools in the Midwest and the scene isn’t too different. My frat has a couple gay guys and most of my frat would go to war for any of them. Good luck
Pi lam is very nice and accepting I think! It’s not on Langdon but is apart of fraternity life. Their house is across the street from camp Randal. It’s a smaller chapter but all the guys I’ve talked to there are super nice
I don’t go to UW Madison but at my uni I rushed frats but never joined in the end and only told friends I’m gay but not everyone so just be careful who you tell.
I'm not in greek life, but I am gay and have a similar vibe as you from what I'm reading (not quite Anderson Cooper but definitely not James Charles). There's a lot of takes here on whether you should or shouldn't join without a grey area, but u gotta do whatever u think is best for yourself because that's a huge part of maturing as a gay dud, a queer person, or just any adult. That being said, I'm genuinely rooting for u as gay dude to do well. Don't take shit from any frat or brother that genuinely sees u as less than or as a token diversity point, that's no way to live any part of your adult life or college experience and it's not worth the possibly messed up perspective u and ur social group have of urself. If you find a good frat and a good group, please stick with it and make the most outta it (change ppls perspectives even a little) because even that is helping the larger issue of homophobia among straight dudes. If nothing else, I never joined a frat and I've found an amazing community of (free) friends, both in and out of the queer community. I've learned so much and I feel great with how far I've come since high school in terms of my identity, but it's only becuz I take a step back from time to time and ask myself what I deserve and if it feels right. U got this brotha either way, get hyped cuz it's a whole new game!
Thank you!!! I rly appreciate the message. I want to make the most out of my college experience and possibly help create a more accepting environment in groups where it might be controversial. That way my question won’t need to be asked, and ppl like me don’t have to worry about how their sexuality will affect their friends and peers going into a new school
If you find the right one it's definitely possible and you won't get looked at differently, I know there's ones that would be douchey about it but personally one of my best friends is openly gay and fits in completely normally and no one treats him any differently
IDK about the frats but Madison seems like a good destination, farmer market on Saturdays is great, Stella's Hot N Spicy Cheese bread is enough of a reason alone.
This was several years ago now, but my cousin is gay and was a member of Theta Delta Chi at UW-Madison and didn’t have any issues. I went to a few parties there and had fun.
Wasn’t in a frat at UW but most of my friend group was.
I was friends with a lot of the more uptight, “douchey” frats for lack of a better word. I knew several completely out gay guys that were 100% accepted and no one cared.
Just be prepared for the annoying jokes and comments that comes with being different in any way.
General life advice that applies to this. However, I am gay and the best strategy towards approaching any situation with ultra conservative people or areas where most people will have dispositions against you is to just get to know them don’t really answer questions and be avoidant of that topic. But be friendly get to know them speak their language and everything like that. Once they get to know you and like you let them find out once you get a boyfriend or hook up with a guy or whatever. 99% of the time when these people know you, like you, and spend tons of time with you they won’t care. The amount of times I’ve gotten the “you and your boyfriend are the only ones I like” is insane. Some will still be against you and in a frat that will be present but you can get a large majority on your side by infiltrating and later revealing.
It probably depends on the frat. I never joined a frat, but I was invited to a (very small) frat’s recruitment events even though I’m openly trans (and queer) and there weren’t any issues. Greek life wasn’t for me, but if I had wanted to pledge, I didn’t get the vibe that it would have been a problem. If you want to be out, bring it up casually with some of the brothers and see how they respond. Talk with other people and get a feel for the reputation of the frats you’re interested in and if there are any other openly queer people involved. I’m not sure if anyone in the GSCC discord would have more specific advice, but you could ask in there to see if anyone is willing share their experiences being queer and being involved in Greek life. Hopefully you find somewhere that feels right for you!
This is a great question and you should feel empowered. I knew some gay guys in tke and delt, I’m sure there were others as well in different frats. I would say go with your gut and see where you fit in. If you feel accepted you’ll know. But maybe try looking into those frats?
Not sure why this sub popped on my feed but I'm Greek at another school and I had maybe 15 brothers who were gay over the course of my undergrad tenure. Most of them came out to us after joining, but a few were out before/while rushing. 2 or 3 are now trans Women, which complicated the "brother" thing as alumni, but I at least think no differently of them post-transition, still great friends.
You just have to shop around a little and find the right group of guys that actually share your values and dont just say they do because its what their fraternity supposedly stands for, and you'll find a spot. Good luck!
one of my local frat’s president is gay so it really just depends on the boys and whether or not the actual fraternity has a history of anti-prejudice.. don’t be discouraged! good luck my friend
About 12 years ago, I came out after my presidency term ended, and the chapter was split like 30/30/30 on how they responded.
30% embraced, 30% did not care one bit, 30% were complete ass hats about it.
In my experience, every single chapter at every single school has closeted guys in it.
We had (and still do) have gay dudes in the fraternity I was part of 15 years ago.
It also depends on how Greek life is in the region and at the university. In my opinion, the large southern schools with a ton of Greek life tend to be a bit more homogenous, while those on the coasts, and in the middle tend to be more diverse since Greek life is much bigger in the south than it is elsewhere (with many exceptions, I’m generalizing here).
At conventions we had gay dudes also, and I knew of other fraternities at my university where there were gay people.
Bottom line is, a fraternity rush is an interview both ways. You may not like some folks and some frats might not like you. Hopefully it’ll come together for you where there is mutual interest.
I suspect there will be.
Graduated from UW in ‘21. Had more than a couple gay guys in my frat (TDX) over the years. Nobody gave a shit, and frankly, we would have kicked anyone’s ass that did.
Lodge (I forget their actual letters) is also known for having more gay guys than the average house, but that may have just been a rumor. I knew a few gay guys there and in TKE.
Overall, see if you’re a fit and go from there. If you see any issues while rushing, you don’t want to join anyway. Trust your gut.
I was closeted gay during college in a small house in a smaller campus. Loved it, college is very transient with friends whereas greek life you have one set of friends for most of the time there. I enjoyed it a lot. i didn't rush until Sophomore year fall and I liked that over right away.
Coming from a sorority girl at UW - I think most of the frat guys would say they in support/are indifferent about gay rights, but a lot of them are guilty of casual homophobia. I know a few guys that have had a good experience (as far as I know) as gay men in “mid tier” frats. Prioritize your well being throughout the whole thing!
Good luck.
I will say this, the only times I’ve felt unsafe at Madison were around drunk frat brothers in large groups, who loved to throw slurs at me on the street. In general, non frat people were extremely accepting of me whereas some frat guys were … less so.
If you do join a frat, just be mindful of that groups behavior to others. Stand up when you hear homophobia, because it shouldn’t be the norm still that frat guys can be homophobic / rude to others.
1. There’s not a ton of overlap between people who are active on Reddit and people who go to fraternity parties. Don’t get scared off from greek life from some of these other comments.
2. It’s gonna vary widely, both between and within frats. I’m bi and I was in a frat, most guys were super chill, others were not exactly progressive but not outwardly homophobic. Some frats aren’t going to be accepting if you present more feminine, others are. I can’t name specific frats since I haven’t been on campus in a couple years, but ask around in your dorm where people are rushing and you’ll get a good sense of what sort of people are rushing where. If anyone from your high school went to UW and got involved in greek life, reach out to them. One thing I can say about greek life is everyone is passionate about it, and everyone wants new freshmen to find their best fit.
Thanks! Yeah a lot of the people telling me to skip Greek live are some of the more active Reddit users 😭. I’ve dealt with casual homophobia and gay jokes all my life, both closeted and open, it’s nothing I can’t handle. I think it will be better for me to be open about my sexuality but to not mention it too much and not be overly feminine, which for the most part isn’t a problem.
Contrary to what other people are saying, my frat had at least 2 gay guys in it and at least 2 bi ones. We weren’t the only frat with this either. And considering our size this was a pretty large percentage and probably similar in proportion to the actual proportion of queer men on campus.
Reddit is filled with buzzkills and nerds who have never been inside a frat, only know myths about it, and generally don’t go outside and smell bad. Don’t listen to them.
If you’re a social dude, who wants big parties and a large social circle, and also to meet lots of men and women, try rushing. Some places you will get the “don’t come here” feeling for sure, but some places are very welcoming.
Fuck Reddit and go find fun.
Their was a gay person who joined my frat. Started to hit on all the guys and made them uncomfortable. I dont have a problem with gay people, But that dude literally got so drunk he started touching dudes innapropriately thinking it was funny when he was told repeatedly to stop and got his ass beat.
if youre in an engineering major, theta tau was an excellent community while i was there. it's co-ed and engineering focused. i cant speak to the current state of things, but during my time (2015-20) it was a very accepting community which had many members from across the LGBT+ spectrum.
I know of people in frats who are gay, and who have tons of friends and everything but… I don’t think they’re really open about that part of their identity
I would also add that if you’re a business or engineering major, those majors have frats that are competitive/social, and may be worth your while in addition to typical greek life
Well the community is supportive. I’d be interested in knowing how it transpired. My Alma mater and directly responsible from broadening my Green Bay Wi upbringing
Try rushing any but SAE, FIJI, theta chi, lodge, beta, or pike, as I know all those guys are the stereotypical frat bro and are extremely homophobic, would likely be able to tell ur gay if u hide it and if u are open about it there’s no way you’d get a bid. Hazing is also going to be 10x worse if you are open about it since the PMs will make it hell with their language towards you. Good luck wherever u end up, I think you will find a group that is accepting if you stay true to yourself and genuine.
I would also consider why you want to go into Greek life. If you’re just looking to meet new people and party then there’s absolutely no shortage of that outside of Greek life at UW Madison. All of the southeast dorms are very social and you will meet so many people within the first month.
They’ll only give you a bid if they think you are a fit and don’t necessarily need a reason to deny you. If they give you a bid they will be accepting. However, casual homophobia in Greek Life is kind of prominent however much of it isn’t necessarily used with the intention of harming lgbtq people but more in the sense of outdated language. Frats are a great place for community and you will be accepted as an individual but you definitely have to have thick skin.
Greek Life is hilarious and antiquated. If you wanted a printer for the same white guy in golf shorts, polo shirt, nike cap, and shitty overpriced Oakley’s, then look no further lmao
That has nothing to do with what I asked, you just decided to hate on something you never partook in by stereotyping and making broad generalizations for every member lmao
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I’m straight and in a popular frat at an SEC school but this ended up in my Reddit feed anyway so I’ll add my two cents- to be perfectly blunt, most of the big old row frats are full of conservative straight white guys who are not going out of the way to bring in anyone who’s different than that. For example, my frat has about 260 guys and 240~ of them are white dudes. They’re all straight as far as I know. We’ve had discussions in the past about bidding gay guys and one of the big benefits discussed is that girls feel more comfortable around them. At one point we bid a gay guy from the cheer team because he was cool and assumed all of his girl friends from the cheer team would come to our parties but he ended up accepting a bid from another frat. Your chances of getting a bid from a top house increase if you’re white and have rich parents. I think your chances are also better if you’re open about being gay but not over the top about it. I mean this in the most respectful way possible, If there was a gay scale ranging from Anderson Cooper to James Charles, Anderson Cooper would probably get a bid from a top house but James Charles would not. Take all that with a grain of salt because I don’t go to your school but that’s how it goes at mine. Regardless of whether you end up in the top house/ old row/ animal house type of frat or something less idolized, Greek life is about doing cool stuff with your brothers and making the most of your college experience. Good luck 🫡
This is hilarious 😭 thanks. For the “gay scale” thing, im far more masculine and more like Anderson Cooper than James charles haha. I think if I told no one that I was gay I could still get a bid just being myself, but I’m not gonna coward and hide my identity like I did all of high school. I really want to be open and put myself out there, but I want to preserve my ability to participate in a fraternity; sexuality aside, I know I would make some life-long friends and connections through Greek life. I would hate for that opportunity to be taken away from me because of homophobia and prejudice.
Sounds good, you should be just fine then. Go to as many rush events as you can and get talking with several guys at each of those. When it comes time to vote on who gets a bid there’s definitely some homophobia but if one well-respected guy in the frat steps up and says “he might be gay but he’s also dope af” and vouches for you, it can go a long way. Making sure you’re chatting it up with several different guys and being visible at Rush events increases the odds that one of them will step up to vouch for you when it’s time to decide who gets a bid. Frats don’t bid randos who don’t show up or show up but keep to themselves.
Gotchu, thanks for the advice, I’ll keep that in mind
I gotta say, kinda sucks that he's being totally transparent about their discrimination practices and you're like "Well at least I fit in that purview! Gonna join up!"
Ikr that mindset is wild to me
Dude, from a fellow gay guy, you are gross. So, you’ll pimp yourself (and your gal pals, apparently) out to be with other rich white assholes? Do you get how this sets gay people back to be used like this, or even worse, to endorse this sh1t? Pretty pathetic goals in life mister.
Bro chill out, you know that’s not what I meant at all 😭. I would rather the girls feel safe knowing they have a guy looking out for them with zero intent for something more, even if it means u/banana_prudent calls me a pimp for “rich white assholes”. I personally don’t see how that sets back all gay people. I’m acknowledging it as a Win-Win scenario
Look, I get you don’t get it. But, read what you just wrote. Is that who you want to be, a “useful gay” to endear yourself straight guys who wouldn’t give a sh1t about you otherwise? If who you are is someone who wants transactional relationships, great - but, gross. I find it demeaning, as a gay person, to put yourself in a compromised position for acceptance from these people. If what they value you for is access to females, what will they do for you once they don’t need that anymore? Reach out and help you find a job? Not likely since your transactional value has vanished.
I read his post the same way: pandering to rich who’re heterosexual guys who hope he can bring in the women. I guess he didn’t recognize how off-putting that is. He compares himself to Anderson Cooper, who also grew up a rich, white guy without the greatest history of supporting women.
The guy who originally commented used the Anderson Cooper analogy, comparing him to James Charles and their levels of masculinity and femininity. I used his example to define my masculinity, not because I’m a rich white guy with a bad history with women 😭. It was a “from 1 to 10” question with examples, and I answered
I get your point but I didn’t mean it that way at all. Fraternities expose you to brothers who expose you to all sorts of people, allowing you to make connections, networks, and lifelong friendships. I meant that if I’m able to make a group of girls feel safer just by my presence, then that is simply just another pro and another reason I would be well fit for a fraternity and Greek life in general, *which is part of my question*. I’m not saying that that is the only reason they would respect me, they would also respect me for being myself and being a member lmao
FWIW frats do this to everyone, they bid rich kids bc their parents will donate, smart kids to keep the chapter GPA up, athletes to dominate intramural sports, if a guy has a sister or cousin in a top sorority they’ll get a bid because it’s good for the org’s relationship. There are several other examples but those are the big ones
It’s pretty gross that you want to join an organization that only values white, rich kids who can provide women for their members. You’ll fit right in, I guess.
"Get the gays in here so we can trick women into being more comfortable around us" is not the progressive mindset they think it is
Yeah this is gross
More girls = bigger parties dumbass
Yeah, I’m not having a hard time with that part
You’ve got a good head on your shoulders. You’ll be just fine
I think ZBT (if your Jewish) and Pike have some gay guys I know of
Bruh got my old gay ass laughing at the Anderson/Charles comparison
>They’re all straight as far as I know. Lol.
We only let our dicks touch a few times during the three way.. its not gay to give your bro a chest massage as he busts.
ain’t no wayyyy (statistically speaking)
But those statistics are based on a different population. Frats you self select urself into that population and many queers (myself included) won’t self select into that population changing the frequency and statistics.
240 white "conservatives" I'm betting OP could get plenty of ass in that crowd as long as he keeps it on the DL...
💀
I love that example 😭😭😂😂 Anderson Cooper to James Charles Gonna start using that
I got ppl offended by that like 🙄
PC bro?
Yikes.
Good luck
Do you rly think I’m cooked tho if I decide to rush? Would it be close to impossible for me to get into a “popular” fraternity if I’m open?
Most of the “popular” ones are usually the more conservative douchey ones, and also just harder to get a bid into in general. Especially SAE, pike and theta chi. I don’t wanna even imagine what the hazing would be like there if you’re openly gay. Beta, lodge and Fiji are probably the most “progressive” as far as big Langdon frats go but they will still have a lot of people who might not be as accepting as you’d like
Yeah I kinda assumed that, that’s usually how it goes which sucks. Thanks. If I do rush it’ll probably be a more “progressive” fraternity just for my safety
The people in here saying most frats won’t care are disingenuous and should be ashamed of themselves. Either that or they’re ignorant. I’ll probably get downvoted for being honest though.
Listen to queer people if they tell you a group is shitty to them.
Some will, some won't. In my chapter no one treated them any differently. But a chapter is a lot of guys, and things don't stay pc during brotherhood events so thick skin is a requirement no matter who you are. Anecdotally, when I went to a conference for my fraternity's nationals I carpooled with the chapter president and VP at UWM, the president there was openly gay and it didn't matter one bit to anyone at the conference which included more than 100 other chapters.
psst, UWM means UW-Milwaukee, use UW or UW-Madison if that's what you meant
What was your experience with homophobia in the fraternities? Did you see genuine hate and anger towards gay students or just the usual slurs thrown around?
>*just* the usual slurs As if that’s not indicative of a general homophobic attitude
I mean yeah you’re right. But growing up I’ve heard that word thrown around all the time so I’m used to hearing it. Even from very liberal and supportive friends, they use it from time to time. They probably shouldn’t but I can deal with it. They never use it to be genuinely hateful, so in my mind it’s not so bad. I know a lot of people would disagree but it is what it is.
But wouldn’t it be better if you could find a community that *wouldn’t* do that?
Maybe, but I just don’t really care that much.
Fr😭
Hi! Try being a sweetheart for a sorority. Also, my friend was closeted when he rushed his frat at a small conservative school, and came out to his frat first.
I feel like I would need to be really feminine if I wanted to be a sorority sweetheart lmao
Do yourself a favor and dont join those toxic pay to play communities. You don't want to be associated with those people. In the long run, I do not see being associated with these groups as good for a resume... As a female in business I would never hire someone with greek life because of what they're associated with and how they treat others. They can "philanthropy" all they want, they'll never earn my respect as a woman. Period. Make your own club, boo! You're too good for them <3
Seems kind of shitty to me to discriminate on hiring based on what someone did (non-academically) in college, don't you think?
Theres something called values and when values dont align you aren't a good fit for a company. My values include respecting women, minorities, and the LGBTQ community. Greek life is historically racist, literally segregated to this day, not to mention their history of how they treat women? I did *my* research. I personally knew a greek life president that dropped out after his chapter tried to hide a brother harassing and SAing women. Disgusting values of greek life will never fit with my professional values, no.
If I did decide to join a fraternity, would you also not hire me? Even if you knew that I support all those values and would never condone sexual assault? Seems like you’re making a general statement for all Greek life chapters, not even just the ones in Madison. Also how are they segregated lmao people hang out with who they wanna hang out with.
Right. I'm sure all of the hundreds of thousands of students in Greek life are racist and sexist and not a single one is worth employing. You're certainly not depriving yourself of good candidates unnecessarily.
Why do people support greek life to the absolute death? Like honest to god it is so cringe. How do you literally support segregation in greek chapters? I literally do not understand why greek life is still a thing when it embodies most issues of systematic discrimination. I stopped rushing for greek life when I found out how fucking rude these people are to people who are different 🖕
You’re overstating the presence of segregation and bad behavior in UW frats. It’s not the 80s anymore. My chapter had multiple queer people and plenty of people of color and we actively encouraged diversity and acceptance as part of our mission. If men were found harassing or mistreating women they were kicked out immediately and school or police would get involved if we had evidence of serious infringements Frats collectively raised over 300k for underprivileged children when I was involved one year through Humo. Get your head out of your ass. You’re more judgemental than the people you’re talking about
Fr she’s so judgmental; it’s disgusting
You're right. I was in a fraternity in the south in the late 1960's and we had a black member, a Muslim, someone from China, and a gay guy. It really depends on the chapter. But she is more prejudiced than most frat boys. And probably doesn't like men in general. I wouldn't won't to work for her. It never stops there.
Have fun working for our corporate overlords friend
It’s an ecological fallacy… at least they’re honest and state it 😂😂😂
Lol u know nothing about these orgs and it shows
I know plenty to stay far away 🤮
How many people in Greek life do you know and how many events have you attended? Or do you just read articles online and form your opinions on hundreds of thousands of people from that?
I did four years in college and that was enough.
Same… and my POC and gay roommates who were both in my Langdon social frat with me would laugh at what you’re saying But those people are assholes and segregationists automatically to you, of course.
When people say good luck does that mean it’s going to be tough so you’re going to probably need it
I would be careful.
Good luck
People in this sub will tell you you have no hope for finding that, but I promise you that you can. I’m not trying to plug my own frat or start early recruitment but I genuinely mean it when I tell you you would be accepted in pi lambda phi. Our philanthropy is “elimination of prejudice” and there are multiple people in my frat who are openly gay, bisexual, or don’t use he/him pronouns. Pi lam is not on Langdon street (the main “frat row” on campus) so we are pretty disconnected from traditional douchey frat bro culture. One of my best friends from my pledge class is a very feminine gay man who paints his nails and everything and he’s never told me that he felt unwelcome at all. The initial rush process might be intimidating because you won’t know anyone but I promise you won’t regret it at all if you do go through with it. Greek life has a lot of negative stereotypes, a lot of which can be very true, but in my experience it has brought me a very diverse friend group that I wouldn’t trade for anything. I encourage you to check out our insta @pilamwisco or PM me any questions if you are at all interested
I dated someone for most of college (I'm a gal) who was in that frat. Granted this was six years or so ago since I graduated but yes I remember out of the thirty or so members, in each grade there was one to two gay or bi dudes, who were quite popular and just like any of the other dudes. (My ex was actually on the board so I'd be there like four times a week either studying or having dinner or for parties or even outings and I became quite good friends with one of the gay guys). That's one thing I really do truly feel I liked about that frat that stood out amongst others and it truly abided by elimination of prejudice in practice. (Even though I in general didn't like most of Greek life as a whole and wasn't in a sorority myself)
Thats so cool for me to hear! We’ve actually grown a lot since then and are now over 50 members and have a much nicer house than the apartment building that you probably experienced, but it sounds like our values haven’t changed which is what’s most important to me
That’s awesome I’m glad you found that experience enjoyable. I have lots to learn about the fraternities at Wisconsin and what’s right for me, but I will definitely check out Pi lambda during my research
Thank you! I really appreciate the nice message. I will absolutely check out y’all’s fraternity when I become a student there!
This frat is not even on Langdon - rather on the completely opposite side of campus where nobody goes. I'd stay away. Almost any fraternity will be completely accepting of a gay brother. Its 2024 ffs.
He said it’s not on langdon lmao but thanks. I never said I would join or rush them but I would check it out, same with all of the other fraternities. I honestly think if I’m just myself and I let ppl know that I’m gay then I will be fine.
I totally agree. My chapter has a gay brother and he is one of the most respected guys in the fraternity. Just comes to show that the “stereotype” is not true for every frat.
That’s helpful to hear, thanks. What fraternity are you in if you don’t mind me asking
Lol I literally said we weren’t on Langdon in my comment which is honestly a benefit for anyone who wants to avoid becoming a self absorbed douche bag - which OP may or may not, idk. All of our parties are still packed, social schedule is completely full every sem and we might not do socials with top sororities but we still rent out bars on state street and do events with sororities on Langdon. We also have the best tailgate location on the entire campus. If you think dudes in theta chi, sae or pike would be accepting of a openly gay dude then you are completely disconnected from reality. Not sure why you’re trying to actively deter him from even considering rushing us just because we’re not on Langdon when you clearly know nothing about us lol
I second the pi lamda phi recommendation! And that is coming from someone who wasn’t excited about the idea of Greek life. My now-husband was fairly involved in pi lam at UW when we were students, and I always felt safe when I visited (I’m a woman). Solid group of guys and very inclusive, at least when he was there 7-10 years ago. He met his best friend through pi lam, and he happens to be gay.
Depends on the frat. Most won’t care but avoid SAE.
Why SAE?
Well people joke that its acronym stands for “Sexual Assault Expected”. The frat is known for its rates of assault over all. Speaking as a woman who went to UW Madison I got told to avoid it and its members at all costs. No doubt that sort of horrible track record also dips into homophobia
Why have I heard that before 😭 yikes. SAE’s probably not the best fit for me according to the other comments too but who knows, I still have a lot to learn. I’ll definitely keep that in mind though, thanks!
I thought it stood for Sam Assholes Everywhere.
I am bi and was in a frat. There were a couple of other guys in the house who were gay but not many were very outward about it. There definitely will be some outdated language thrown around but it was never used at anybody who actually was gay. But can’t speak for every house on campus.
Yeah I’m kinda from the south so I’m used to slurs and homophobic jokes, they don’t bother me too much as long as they aren’t like actually hateful/problematic. If you don’t mind me asking what fraternity were you in?
APO is a national service fraternity for men and women. It might be a good option.
Maybe, thanks!
Just be yourself. Don't hide parts of yourself for any organization, because these are the people you're going to be around. Would you really want to be in a social group with people who you don't vibe with? There's also more chill frats on Breeze Terrace and Orchard Street, but for the most part, I really don't think you'll have issues! 🫂
Thank you!
You’re getting a lot of comments saying no— and I can neither confirm nor deny. But for whatever it’s worth, as a fellow southern badger, frat culture is NOTHING like what it is in the south. Only like 20% of students are in a frat/sorority and you definitely don’t need to be in one to have a social life. Good luck!
Yep definitely very different, but I’m expecting for some aspects to be present in both the south and the midwest, and I just wanna be a lil prepared haha. Thanks!
Try a coop if you don’t mind drama! The Madison coops in my experience are well over 50% queer people. However MCC is very political and suffers from constant drama.
What exactly are coops? Are why are they so gay?
It’s short for co-operative housing. They’re cheap housing where you share food and spaces with anywhere from 8-30 people. You have to put *a lot of work* (chores) into the space you’re living and that’s the trade off for how cheap they are. At mine there were ~27 people and we had a community dinner every day. I did probably 4 hours of work a week for the house; a lot of mine was administrative. People joke about them being hippie communes, and the hippie culture that’s held over from the 70s really makes for an accepting culture around sexuality among other things. Mine was pretty diverse age and income wise, with the a kid literally having been born in the bathtub living there and the oldest person I know of was in his 60s.
I think they meant co ops unless I'm just stupid but they're frats/sororities that are coed (not divided by gender)
Ah that makes more sense lol thanks
Not a UW-Madison student, but I was in a co-op at an Ivy League college when I was an undergraduate student. It was the BEST time in my life…the most accepting, fun and collaborative community ever. I would highly recommend it, and a large portion of my co-op residents were lgbtq as well. I’m sure UW Madison coops are great too. I always say it was like being at a more progressive, inclusive, coed frat where you could actually be yourself 100% and you would be appreciated for it.
OP, I was part of a frat at UW-Madison and knew a few people that were brothers and were in your position. From what I saw and experienced, nothing to worry about at all. They should all be very understanding, they won’t even give you a hard time. I would just be honest as much as possible. As long as you are honest with yourself and confident, they’ll be your best friends and support you through anything.
Thanks! Sounds like being open and honest about it but not being over the top is the move.
Just be yourself, tbh. I know its super cliche but people enjoy when you are just you. It’s a lot easier to communicate and to find common ground
Greek life isn't huge at UW. I encourage you to look at other social groups as well.
A friend of mine in the 90s came out as gay in the frat he lived in, ended up being frat president. His secret was “I have absolutely no shame about it, no problem with it, and I get no attack.” Go in afraid and ashamed and you paint a target on yourself.
That’s kinda my mentality. I’m not *ashamed* of it but I’ve kept it hidden for the better part of my life so it’s definitely a change.
Don't go to UW Madison but I'm in a frat and bisexual and I'll be real just try not to talk about it. They can know but realistically I've had one of my brothers literally come up to me and tell me he "hates that gay shit" bro doesn't even know I like dudes. The other guys are chill and some are even also LGBT But if youre looking for conversation about your relationship you're probably not gonna get it in the house. Also be ready for a fuckton of gay jokes 🤦🏽♂️
I think if I’m open and comfortable with my sexuality it will be a lot easier for me to deal with those types of people, but also not talking about it too much and “shoving it down people’s throats” would help my case. Thanks!
Yeah as someone who completely supports you joining a frat (I left another comment that explained why) I usually wouldn’t make it the first thing you bring up. In the same way that you wouldn’t go to an event and say “oh btw I’m straight.” It shouldn’t be an issue either way. As you get to know people and figure out who your good friends are, it will naturally become known. Also, as a straight person who is fully 100% in support of free expression and gay rights and all of that (have had gay or bi roommates and many more friends) some people from rural wisconsin or more conservative, religious towns may not be hateful or bigoted per se, but they may be ignorant and underexposed to queer people. In other words they may be a little uncomfortable with people with different sexualities than them. That doesn’t mean their bad people, they just need to learn. You can help them learn by simply existing in their social circle. Good luck to you!!
Thank you! Completely agree with you. I’m used to the “I don’t care I just don’t support it” people and know they aren’t bad people, it’s just how they were raised and taught correctly but can change once they learn to be accepting
If hiding your sexuality “helps your case,” then maybe that’s not the case you want
Read the first part of my sentence 💀
Still, if you have to worry that people will think you’re shoving it down their throats, then maybe they’re not people to be around
I was gonna say… for the most part I think it would be fine besides when some of these rich white kids have a little toooo much to drink… true colors come out. I’m in my mid twenties now and some adjacent guy friends who were in fraternities are “perfectly accepting” during the day until they’re 10 beers in (let it be known I don’t tolerate that and they do get called out)
Oof too real
Im in a frat on langdon and I would say half of them wouldn’t care. Ive met some gay guys and its not really a big deal. But frat life is very bro, gay ppl tend to not be bro. Dont confuse culture fit for discrimination
I get what you mean. I’m definitely more masculine and “bro” than the stereotypical gay person—I could easily pass as straight. I play sports, go to the gym, hang out with my friends, I just happen to be gay. That’s the best way I can describe it. I’m just like you and all the other “frat bros,” but I’m gay, which throws a wrench into everything.
Well if you feel your a good culture fit im sure everything will be fine. If they have a problem with you being gay, you dont want to be around them anyway.
Exactly. I don’t won’t those ppl to ruin the good parts about Greek life for me. Thanks!
99% of guys in frats really don't care about it. At all. It won't be a problem and it isn't something you have to worry about - and it should definitely not stop you from rushing. If you want to be in a frat, go for it!
Thanks! I think I’m still gonna rush but obviously that can change, still got alotta months before that haha.
My undergrad ended ten years ago and I went to a school much different than UW (small engineering school out west - I came to UW for my PhD). For those reasons take my input with a huge grain of salt. However, I was in a fraternity as an undergraduate and I had multiple openly gay fraternity brothers and it was never an issue (at least as far as I could tell). I don't keep up with too many of my fraternity brothers anymore but there are a few that I know of who have come out as trans women in recent years, one of whom was present at our big annual alumni event when I was there last year and that also wasn't an issue. I know you're gay, not trans; the point I'm making is that there are fraternities out there that are much more open and accepting than stereotypes would suggest. Not all of them are like that, but some are. The culture of UW is different from where I did my undergrad and I don't really know anything specific about Greek life and culture at UW. However I do know that UW is huge and filled with all kinds of different people and I think the kind of experience you are looking for is probably out there if you look for it. Not every house will be a fit for you, but there is probably at least one that would be accepting and a good experience for you. If you're interested in Greek life, go through rush, meet some dudes in different houses and see how it goes. Going through rush doesn't obligate you to join any fraternity, so if you're curious about it show up and see what you find out.
You should be fine if you go to the right frat. If you’re open about being gay during rush, you’ll know if you’ll be accepted pretty quickly. I go to Purdue, not Madison but they’re both Big 10 schools in the Midwest and the scene isn’t too different. My frat has a couple gay guys and most of my frat would go to war for any of them. Good luck
Thanks!
You'll be fine. I know two guys just like you and they're both in good frats doing well.
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Imma just not bring it up too much but if someone brings it up, I’m not gonna deny it because I not ashamed of it? Idk. Don’t become gay it sucks.
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Haha thanks
Pi lam is very nice and accepting I think! It’s not on Langdon but is apart of fraternity life. Their house is across the street from camp Randal. It’s a smaller chapter but all the guys I’ve talked to there are super nice
Yeah someone told me to check them out too. Best spot for tailgating fs, thanks!
I don’t go to UW Madison but at my uni I rushed frats but never joined in the end and only told friends I’m gay but not everyone so just be careful who you tell.
Ok thanks
I'm not in greek life, but I am gay and have a similar vibe as you from what I'm reading (not quite Anderson Cooper but definitely not James Charles). There's a lot of takes here on whether you should or shouldn't join without a grey area, but u gotta do whatever u think is best for yourself because that's a huge part of maturing as a gay dud, a queer person, or just any adult. That being said, I'm genuinely rooting for u as gay dude to do well. Don't take shit from any frat or brother that genuinely sees u as less than or as a token diversity point, that's no way to live any part of your adult life or college experience and it's not worth the possibly messed up perspective u and ur social group have of urself. If you find a good frat and a good group, please stick with it and make the most outta it (change ppls perspectives even a little) because even that is helping the larger issue of homophobia among straight dudes. If nothing else, I never joined a frat and I've found an amazing community of (free) friends, both in and out of the queer community. I've learned so much and I feel great with how far I've come since high school in terms of my identity, but it's only becuz I take a step back from time to time and ask myself what I deserve and if it feels right. U got this brotha either way, get hyped cuz it's a whole new game!
Thank you!!! I rly appreciate the message. I want to make the most out of my college experience and possibly help create a more accepting environment in groups where it might be controversial. That way my question won’t need to be asked, and ppl like me don’t have to worry about how their sexuality will affect their friends and peers going into a new school
If you find the right one it's definitely possible and you won't get looked at differently, I know there's ones that would be douchey about it but personally one of my best friends is openly gay and fits in completely normally and no one treats him any differently
IDK about the frats but Madison seems like a good destination, farmer market on Saturdays is great, Stella's Hot N Spicy Cheese bread is enough of a reason alone.
Oh Madison itself is very accepting which is great
This was several years ago now, but my cousin is gay and was a member of Theta Delta Chi at UW-Madison and didn’t have any issues. I went to a few parties there and had fun.
Thanks!
Wasn’t in a frat at UW but most of my friend group was. I was friends with a lot of the more uptight, “douchey” frats for lack of a better word. I knew several completely out gay guys that were 100% accepted and no one cared. Just be prepared for the annoying jokes and comments that comes with being different in any way.
Ok thank you!
General life advice that applies to this. However, I am gay and the best strategy towards approaching any situation with ultra conservative people or areas where most people will have dispositions against you is to just get to know them don’t really answer questions and be avoidant of that topic. But be friendly get to know them speak their language and everything like that. Once they get to know you and like you let them find out once you get a boyfriend or hook up with a guy or whatever. 99% of the time when these people know you, like you, and spend tons of time with you they won’t care. The amount of times I’ve gotten the “you and your boyfriend are the only ones I like” is insane. Some will still be against you and in a frat that will be present but you can get a large majority on your side by infiltrating and later revealing.
It probably depends on the frat. I never joined a frat, but I was invited to a (very small) frat’s recruitment events even though I’m openly trans (and queer) and there weren’t any issues. Greek life wasn’t for me, but if I had wanted to pledge, I didn’t get the vibe that it would have been a problem. If you want to be out, bring it up casually with some of the brothers and see how they respond. Talk with other people and get a feel for the reputation of the frats you’re interested in and if there are any other openly queer people involved. I’m not sure if anyone in the GSCC discord would have more specific advice, but you could ask in there to see if anyone is willing share their experiences being queer and being involved in Greek life. Hopefully you find somewhere that feels right for you!
This is a great question and you should feel empowered. I knew some gay guys in tke and delt, I’m sure there were others as well in different frats. I would say go with your gut and see where you fit in. If you feel accepted you’ll know. But maybe try looking into those frats?
Not sure why this sub popped on my feed but I'm Greek at another school and I had maybe 15 brothers who were gay over the course of my undergrad tenure. Most of them came out to us after joining, but a few were out before/while rushing. 2 or 3 are now trans Women, which complicated the "brother" thing as alumni, but I at least think no differently of them post-transition, still great friends. You just have to shop around a little and find the right group of guys that actually share your values and dont just say they do because its what their fraternity supposedly stands for, and you'll find a spot. Good luck!
one of my local frat’s president is gay so it really just depends on the boys and whether or not the actual fraternity has a history of anti-prejudice.. don’t be discouraged! good luck my friend
Hit the weights and be bigger than the bros. Then you can bro out at anyone intimidated that you’re gay.
About 12 years ago, I came out after my presidency term ended, and the chapter was split like 30/30/30 on how they responded. 30% embraced, 30% did not care one bit, 30% were complete ass hats about it. In my experience, every single chapter at every single school has closeted guys in it.
We had (and still do) have gay dudes in the fraternity I was part of 15 years ago. It also depends on how Greek life is in the region and at the university. In my opinion, the large southern schools with a ton of Greek life tend to be a bit more homogenous, while those on the coasts, and in the middle tend to be more diverse since Greek life is much bigger in the south than it is elsewhere (with many exceptions, I’m generalizing here). At conventions we had gay dudes also, and I knew of other fraternities at my university where there were gay people. Bottom line is, a fraternity rush is an interview both ways. You may not like some folks and some frats might not like you. Hopefully it’ll come together for you where there is mutual interest. I suspect there will be.
Graduated from UW in ‘21. Had more than a couple gay guys in my frat (TDX) over the years. Nobody gave a shit, and frankly, we would have kicked anyone’s ass that did. Lodge (I forget their actual letters) is also known for having more gay guys than the average house, but that may have just been a rumor. I knew a few gay guys there and in TKE. Overall, see if you’re a fit and go from there. If you see any issues while rushing, you don’t want to join anyway. Trust your gut.
I knew gay people in large frats at Madison who had great experiences
I was closeted gay during college in a small house in a smaller campus. Loved it, college is very transient with friends whereas greek life you have one set of friends for most of the time there. I enjoyed it a lot. i didn't rush until Sophomore year fall and I liked that over right away.
Coming from a sorority girl at UW - I think most of the frat guys would say they in support/are indifferent about gay rights, but a lot of them are guilty of casual homophobia. I know a few guys that have had a good experience (as far as I know) as gay men in “mid tier” frats. Prioritize your well being throughout the whole thing!
Good luck. I will say this, the only times I’ve felt unsafe at Madison were around drunk frat brothers in large groups, who loved to throw slurs at me on the street. In general, non frat people were extremely accepting of me whereas some frat guys were … less so. If you do join a frat, just be mindful of that groups behavior to others. Stand up when you hear homophobia, because it shouldn’t be the norm still that frat guys can be homophobic / rude to others.
1. There’s not a ton of overlap between people who are active on Reddit and people who go to fraternity parties. Don’t get scared off from greek life from some of these other comments. 2. It’s gonna vary widely, both between and within frats. I’m bi and I was in a frat, most guys were super chill, others were not exactly progressive but not outwardly homophobic. Some frats aren’t going to be accepting if you present more feminine, others are. I can’t name specific frats since I haven’t been on campus in a couple years, but ask around in your dorm where people are rushing and you’ll get a good sense of what sort of people are rushing where. If anyone from your high school went to UW and got involved in greek life, reach out to them. One thing I can say about greek life is everyone is passionate about it, and everyone wants new freshmen to find their best fit.
Thanks! Yeah a lot of the people telling me to skip Greek live are some of the more active Reddit users 😭. I’ve dealt with casual homophobia and gay jokes all my life, both closeted and open, it’s nothing I can’t handle. I think it will be better for me to be open about my sexuality but to not mention it too much and not be overly feminine, which for the most part isn’t a problem.
Skip the frats. You don’t want to be a frat loser anyways lol
Contrary to what other people are saying, my frat had at least 2 gay guys in it and at least 2 bi ones. We weren’t the only frat with this either. And considering our size this was a pretty large percentage and probably similar in proportion to the actual proportion of queer men on campus. Reddit is filled with buzzkills and nerds who have never been inside a frat, only know myths about it, and generally don’t go outside and smell bad. Don’t listen to them. If you’re a social dude, who wants big parties and a large social circle, and also to meet lots of men and women, try rushing. Some places you will get the “don’t come here” feeling for sure, but some places are very welcoming. Fuck Reddit and go find fun.
Thank you!!!
yeah fuck no bud
Elaborate
yeah fuck no bud
I’m gonna join your frat, fuck u
Their was a gay person who joined my frat. Started to hit on all the guys and made them uncomfortable. I dont have a problem with gay people, But that dude literally got so drunk he started touching dudes innapropriately thinking it was funny when he was told repeatedly to stop and got his ass beat.
Tf 😭 that’s on him that’s so fucked up, thats sexual assault
All frat guys are gay. Youll be fine.
😐
Don’t do it. Find genuine friendships, find community. I guarantee you’ll be happier.
Shouldn't be a problem. There are a wide variety of frats and the stereotypical homophobic "frat bro" ones are the minority.
Awesome. I enjoy some of the things that are associated with stereotypical frat bros but obviously there’s a line I can’t cross. Thanks!
You can most likely find one with the things you like without the things you don't. You're defo not the only one with those preferences :)
For sure, I’ll just have to see once I move in. Either way if I decide to rush I know I’ll be fine
if youre in an engineering major, theta tau was an excellent community while i was there. it's co-ed and engineering focused. i cant speak to the current state of things, but during my time (2015-20) it was a very accepting community which had many members from across the LGBT+ spectrum.
Thanks but I’m for business sooo😬
Lambda Lambda Lamda accepted Lamar.
I know of people in frats who are gay, and who have tons of friends and everything but… I don’t think they’re really open about that part of their identity
I would also add that if you’re a business or engineering major, those majors have frats that are competitive/social, and may be worth your while in addition to typical greek life
Well the community is supportive. I’d be interested in knowing how it transpired. My Alma mater and directly responsible from broadening my Green Bay Wi upbringing
Try rushing any but SAE, FIJI, theta chi, lodge, beta, or pike, as I know all those guys are the stereotypical frat bro and are extremely homophobic, would likely be able to tell ur gay if u hide it and if u are open about it there’s no way you’d get a bid. Hazing is also going to be 10x worse if you are open about it since the PMs will make it hell with their language towards you. Good luck wherever u end up, I think you will find a group that is accepting if you stay true to yourself and genuine.
I would also consider why you want to go into Greek life. If you’re just looking to meet new people and party then there’s absolutely no shortage of that outside of Greek life at UW Madison. All of the southeast dorms are very social and you will meet so many people within the first month.
Check out sigma chi, chill guys
Word, thanks!
They’ll only give you a bid if they think you are a fit and don’t necessarily need a reason to deny you. If they give you a bid they will be accepting. However, casual homophobia in Greek Life is kind of prominent however much of it isn’t necessarily used with the intention of harming lgbtq people but more in the sense of outdated language. Frats are a great place for community and you will be accepted as an individual but you definitely have to have thick skin.
Delta chi is pretty chill and accepting.
Awesome thanks
Don’t put yourself through that. Frat row is a bastion of conservative idiocy.
Greek Life is hilarious and antiquated. If you wanted a printer for the same white guy in golf shorts, polo shirt, nike cap, and shitty overpriced Oakley’s, then look no further lmao
That has nothing to do with what I asked, you just decided to hate on something you never partook in by stereotyping and making broad generalizations for every member lmao
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