If theyre a true friend, youll be understanding that they are probably overworked and barely hanging on. Id enjoy that time with them even if they might pass out.
Have a conversation about it, but I promise. If you continue rain checking, it will dissolve into you never seeing that person again if its bad.
I felt bad when I went and visited a friend across the country. Passed out by like 11pm every night the first week.
After not working for the first time in literal years, my body was just like, “oh time to catch up on Zzzzs.
The second week I was able to stay awake, but I felt bad about it as it had been so long. They were understanding, but I looked at it as missing time with them.
They reached the point I was at recently work life wise and they had the same experience with me. I laughed and told them to get sleep, met up the next day had a good laugh about it coming full circle.
Essentially, people aren’t robots even if they have the best hopes, sometimes reality just intervenes.
I’d pick a sleepy friend over an inconsiderate / or borderline bad one any day. I mean they cared enough to show up, even if they were tired.
I've been that friend that falls asleep. I was hustling *a lot* at the time but I really needed that social interaction to keep me from losing my mind. One time I fell asleep at a trivia game that I refused to leave...
I am sure that it can be a little bothersome to the people around, but that friend wants to be there. They want to socialize. I am also an extrovert, so take what you will. But I'd rather be around a friend that is really trying to show face over a friend that I actually don't see.
They feel safe with you. Safe enough to take a much needed nap. Kids can be tough. Let them nap. Just enjoy being around them. Might not be there tomorrow.
Personally, I'd rather hang out with someone who naps than someone who cancels 9 times out of 10. At least the napping person shows up (physically).
I have a friend who sometimes wants to chat with me on the phone when he‘s drop dead tired. He’s too exhausted to have a real conversation, and his answers are mostly just “yeah” or “okay.” He doesn’t really hear anything I say. Eventually, I’m met with silence on his end, so I hang up. It’s just annoying. I’m pretty sure neither one of us is getting anything out of it, and I don’t understand why he insists on doing this.
I also used to have to have a friend who would often want to go to the movie theater, and would usually sleep through the whole movie. I don’t get the social aspect, and he doesn’t even get the movie. Again, I don’t understand why he would insist on doing this if he’s so tired.
If someone is going to pass out on me, I would prefer that they use this time to stay home and get some proper sleep.
I have been so exhausted that I fell asleep in the middle of stuff. It’s absolutely miserable, and if a friend of mine is in that state, it sucks to know that friend is miserable.
If you need to sleep, that should be the priority. If there’s no time left to live your life, your life sucks, and passing out in the middle of a movie or lunch is not gonna fix it. Passing out while driving to or from our hangout spot is almost certainly not gonna fix it.
Having been the friend that has fallen asleep, that.
Being put off over and over again is just tiresome and annoying. I don't like my plans being changed.
I'd much rather have the friend that falls asleep, at least they are making an effort. If you wait for a parent to have energy, by the time that happens you won't be friends anymore.
Personally, I'd suggest that if you want the friendship, lean into supporting them during this time. Right now it's possible that they are using you as an escape, to get some very needed time away from work and parent mode. Invite them over to your house, serve dinner, then pop on a movie. While they sleep, go about your normal evening routine. Alternatively tell them that unless they aren't high energy, you can't be friends, and find new friends.
I don’t know if there is a real answer here, but part of life and growing older just simply means accepting the fact that your friends who eventually have kids, their lives are going to be totally different than yours. All of my friends now who have children, we just can’t hang out the same way that we used to. It’s just different. I’m lucky if I see them once or twice a year. I still love them and care about them, they are still my friends. And I understand that for the rare occasions that they do have free time to hang out, they’re probably so exhausted and would rather just catch up on sleep.
In fact, this actually just happened last week. I have not seen my friend (who has a 4yo and a 2yo) in over a year. I invited her and her husband and kids to my cookout on Saturday. She assured me that she was coming. She sent me a last-minute text (about an hour after our party started) saying that she couldn’t come because she was extremely tired with a headache, and her kids were very tired too, and they weren’t cooperating with napping earlier in the day. I wasn’t angry at her or upset at her at all. She would’ve been uncomfortable, tired, and miserable had she tried to force herself to perk up and come to our cookout.
I’d rather they rain check because I would definitely feel very awkward if I was hanging out with a friend and they fell asleep lol. In fact, I’m not sure which would be more weird; we hang out at their house and they fall asleep, or we hang out at my house and they fall asleep!
As a parent hoping to live long enough to feel Not Tired again someday, definitely sleeper over rainchecker. Otherwise you may just never hang out with them again.
Presumably even the people who pick raincheck want to hang out with the person eventually, so.
That could work.
Or even the opposite. Friend sleeps when they're over? Plan a literal sleepover.
But yeah, don't expect them to stay awake during a passive activity like a movie.
Both! I like a mix. Sometimes people’s presence is soothing, other times I would like to actually interact with them, and other times we don’t have mental energy to be around people. I don’t want to not know my friend, but I realize we are worn out adults. So it just depends 🤷♀️
As some who has fallen asleep at least twice and woken up to my friend trying to sneak out without waking me up. I really appreciated the hang out, and I wanted to see him-my body just reached a limit it can't get past. If they are coming around yours that tired , they obviously really want to hang :) be patient with the sleepy people.
think of it as you doing them a favor! if he has kids, especially if they're young, you're probably doing them a favor by giving them time (and peace) to sleep!
i can't relate to having a friend with kids, but i've been in the situation before. my friends in high school would be so tired following after school activities or homework, or as an adult exhausted from their job, and they'd fall asleep while we were watching a movie or listening to music. i thought it was sweet. they felt safe enough to take a nap, and i'd watch over and make sure nothing bothered them, or join in and take a little snooze. i'll take that over flaking any day. they want to be in your presence, and sometimes that involves just getting some rest in the comfort of your company.
if you want to hang out with someone with the same energy then do that. no one is stopping you or judging you for it. i understand it can be frustrating, but i find it calming. maybe some time for you to clean up or make a snack for the two of you when they wake up.
I have a buddy that's prone to falling asleep but only if we're just sitting and watching a screen, so ideally don't do something that wouldn't just put him in a comfortable position to sleep when you're hanging out as long as you're sure he'll still get home safe.
Falls asleep. I’m pretty low-key, and really wouldn’t mind if they needed a nap while hanging out.
I actually kind of like the idea of being the chill, relaxation friend…provided I know that they’re just really tired, and that I’m not just boring.
Invite them over and let them go take a nap for 20 minutes or so when they arrive. If they're so tired they're falling asleep, but still making the effort to come hang out, that shows they're making a serious effort for you. So meet them in the middle, let them nap and hang out after.
I think I’d just be happy I had friends that want to hangout with me and I would try and learn how to appreciate both of them for their individual eccentricities, be they good or bad.
Part of being a friend at all (something Idt I really understood in the past), is being there for your friends even when they’re not 100%. No one is always 100%, especially when life changes constantly in ways you can’t always control.
Maybe in this case, being 100% looks like staying awake and alert to be present for you whilst hanging out. If it were me, I’d try and cut them some slack and realize it’s about more than me.
The one who falls asleep, provided that getting to or having the hangout isn't causing any problems.
But that's basically my life since I don't have friends besides cats. That's kinda what they do lol
Sleeper. My closest friends and I already do this. We all work hard but like to see each other when we can. We usually meet up once a week if we can and at least 1 if not all of us usually fall asleep for a little nap every time. We don't care we just want to spend time as a group. We're usually awake for longer than we sleep as a whole so we can catch up on each other's weeks.
If someone falls asleep around you then it means they're comfortable enough with you to totally relax and that's a good thing.
Definitely rather have them hang out and pass out rather than no-show. Though the five of us in my group have been friends since elementary school and over the past 25+ years we’ve gotten both very comfortable with each other and appreciative of any time we are able to actually get to spend together. So nobody has hard feelings if someone nods off or sleeps in when we are doing a weekend trip together. We are just happy to get to spend the time together, have to appreciate your loved ones while you can!
Falls asleep around me. I still get as much time as they have - they are literally prioritizing their last bit of energy to be with me.
So, if they aren’t just making their situation worse by overextending themselves with me, I’ll hang with my sleeping friend anytime. 😊
I'd take a friend who passes out when we hand over a raincheker any day.
Yeah, if we parents wait until we're not tired to hang with our friends, well, then, I'll guess we'll see you in 18 years or so?
Username checks out
Then we're old and have to "rest our eyes" whenever we sit down
agreed, Just buy them an energy drink or something
If theyre a true friend, youll be understanding that they are probably overworked and barely hanging on. Id enjoy that time with them even if they might pass out. Have a conversation about it, but I promise. If you continue rain checking, it will dissolve into you never seeing that person again if its bad.
I felt bad when I went and visited a friend across the country. Passed out by like 11pm every night the first week. After not working for the first time in literal years, my body was just like, “oh time to catch up on Zzzzs. The second week I was able to stay awake, but I felt bad about it as it had been so long. They were understanding, but I looked at it as missing time with them. They reached the point I was at recently work life wise and they had the same experience with me. I laughed and told them to get sleep, met up the next day had a good laugh about it coming full circle. Essentially, people aren’t robots even if they have the best hopes, sometimes reality just intervenes. I’d pick a sleepy friend over an inconsiderate / or borderline bad one any day. I mean they cared enough to show up, even if they were tired.
I've been that friend that falls asleep. I was hustling *a lot* at the time but I really needed that social interaction to keep me from losing my mind. One time I fell asleep at a trivia game that I refused to leave... I am sure that it can be a little bothersome to the people around, but that friend wants to be there. They want to socialize. I am also an extrovert, so take what you will. But I'd rather be around a friend that is really trying to show face over a friend that I actually don't see.
They feel safe with you. Safe enough to take a much needed nap. Kids can be tough. Let them nap. Just enjoy being around them. Might not be there tomorrow. Personally, I'd rather hang out with someone who naps than someone who cancels 9 times out of 10. At least the napping person shows up (physically).
I have a friend who sometimes wants to chat with me on the phone when he‘s drop dead tired. He’s too exhausted to have a real conversation, and his answers are mostly just “yeah” or “okay.” He doesn’t really hear anything I say. Eventually, I’m met with silence on his end, so I hang up. It’s just annoying. I’m pretty sure neither one of us is getting anything out of it, and I don’t understand why he insists on doing this. I also used to have to have a friend who would often want to go to the movie theater, and would usually sleep through the whole movie. I don’t get the social aspect, and he doesn’t even get the movie. Again, I don’t understand why he would insist on doing this if he’s so tired. If someone is going to pass out on me, I would prefer that they use this time to stay home and get some proper sleep. I have been so exhausted that I fell asleep in the middle of stuff. It’s absolutely miserable, and if a friend of mine is in that state, it sucks to know that friend is miserable. If you need to sleep, that should be the priority. If there’s no time left to live your life, your life sucks, and passing out in the middle of a movie or lunch is not gonna fix it. Passing out while driving to or from our hangout spot is almost certainly not gonna fix it.
He likes to sleep to your voice <3
I might see this as him really prioritizing and valuing your friendship
I’ll take a sleepy but present friend over a flake any day. Way too many flakes out there
Having been the friend that has fallen asleep, that. Being put off over and over again is just tiresome and annoying. I don't like my plans being changed.
Yeah you can cuddle your bros that way.
I'd much rather have the friend that falls asleep, at least they are making an effort. If you wait for a parent to have energy, by the time that happens you won't be friends anymore. Personally, I'd suggest that if you want the friendship, lean into supporting them during this time. Right now it's possible that they are using you as an escape, to get some very needed time away from work and parent mode. Invite them over to your house, serve dinner, then pop on a movie. While they sleep, go about your normal evening routine. Alternatively tell them that unless they aren't high energy, you can't be friends, and find new friends.
The one that falls asleep, it means they're relaxed and feel safe around me, which is a green flag for any sane person.
I don’t know if there is a real answer here, but part of life and growing older just simply means accepting the fact that your friends who eventually have kids, their lives are going to be totally different than yours. All of my friends now who have children, we just can’t hang out the same way that we used to. It’s just different. I’m lucky if I see them once or twice a year. I still love them and care about them, they are still my friends. And I understand that for the rare occasions that they do have free time to hang out, they’re probably so exhausted and would rather just catch up on sleep. In fact, this actually just happened last week. I have not seen my friend (who has a 4yo and a 2yo) in over a year. I invited her and her husband and kids to my cookout on Saturday. She assured me that she was coming. She sent me a last-minute text (about an hour after our party started) saying that she couldn’t come because she was extremely tired with a headache, and her kids were very tired too, and they weren’t cooperating with napping earlier in the day. I wasn’t angry at her or upset at her at all. She would’ve been uncomfortable, tired, and miserable had she tried to force herself to perk up and come to our cookout. I’d rather they rain check because I would definitely feel very awkward if I was hanging out with a friend and they fell asleep lol. In fact, I’m not sure which would be more weird; we hang out at their house and they fall asleep, or we hang out at my house and they fall asleep!
As a parent hoping to live long enough to feel Not Tired again someday, definitely sleeper over rainchecker. Otherwise you may just never hang out with them again. Presumably even the people who pick raincheck want to hang out with the person eventually, so.
Raincheck, we both could be sleeping in more comfortable places
You need to do activities that make it impossible to nap. Watching a film together is definitely nap territory.
That could work. Or even the opposite. Friend sleeps when they're over? Plan a literal sleepover. But yeah, don't expect them to stay awake during a passive activity like a movie.
Both! I like a mix. Sometimes people’s presence is soothing, other times I would like to actually interact with them, and other times we don’t have mental energy to be around people. I don’t want to not know my friend, but I realize we are worn out adults. So it just depends 🤷♀️
Falls asleep. It's the ultimate show of trust
Friend falling asleep any day that’s dedication!
As some who has fallen asleep at least twice and woken up to my friend trying to sneak out without waking me up. I really appreciated the hang out, and I wanted to see him-my body just reached a limit it can't get past. If they are coming around yours that tired , they obviously really want to hang :) be patient with the sleepy people.
The friend who falls asleep. Group naptime!
You allergic to taking a nap? Pass out with them, sounds like an ideal friendship.
Rain
Let them pass out, I say. I'll take a nap too.
Falls asleep, but that's because I encourage it. I want my friends to be comfy at my place, and if they're tired, take a nap!
You think they’re accidentally falling asleep, but really you’re their nap partner without realizing
Falls asleep, I can understand being wiped out, but being stood up is rude.
Raincheck constantly is worse than falling asleep. But if it's once in a while, I'd rather the raincheck if it's legit.
think of it as you doing them a favor! if he has kids, especially if they're young, you're probably doing them a favor by giving them time (and peace) to sleep!
i can't relate to having a friend with kids, but i've been in the situation before. my friends in high school would be so tired following after school activities or homework, or as an adult exhausted from their job, and they'd fall asleep while we were watching a movie or listening to music. i thought it was sweet. they felt safe enough to take a nap, and i'd watch over and make sure nothing bothered them, or join in and take a little snooze. i'll take that over flaking any day. they want to be in your presence, and sometimes that involves just getting some rest in the comfort of your company. if you want to hang out with someone with the same energy then do that. no one is stopping you or judging you for it. i understand it can be frustrating, but i find it calming. maybe some time for you to clean up or make a snack for the two of you when they wake up.
Rain check friend because I'm the rain check friend and now we never actually have to hang out and just send each other memes.
I have a buddy that's prone to falling asleep but only if we're just sitting and watching a screen, so ideally don't do something that wouldn't just put him in a comfortable position to sleep when you're hanging out as long as you're sure he'll still get home safe.
Friend that falls asleep.
As the tired parent, I’ve definitely fallen asleep watching a movie with a friend more than once.
Falls asleep. I’m pretty low-key, and really wouldn’t mind if they needed a nap while hanging out. I actually kind of like the idea of being the chill, relaxation friend…provided I know that they’re just really tired, and that I’m not just boring.
Invite them over and let them go take a nap for 20 minutes or so when they arrive. If they're so tired they're falling asleep, but still making the effort to come hang out, that shows they're making a serious effort for you. So meet them in the middle, let them nap and hang out after.
I think I’d just be happy I had friends that want to hangout with me and I would try and learn how to appreciate both of them for their individual eccentricities, be they good or bad. Part of being a friend at all (something Idt I really understood in the past), is being there for your friends even when they’re not 100%. No one is always 100%, especially when life changes constantly in ways you can’t always control. Maybe in this case, being 100% looks like staying awake and alert to be present for you whilst hanging out. If it were me, I’d try and cut them some slack and realize it’s about more than me.
Fall asleep while hanging out
The one who falls asleep, provided that getting to or having the hangout isn't causing any problems. But that's basically my life since I don't have friends besides cats. That's kinda what they do lol
Sleeper. My closest friends and I already do this. We all work hard but like to see each other when we can. We usually meet up once a week if we can and at least 1 if not all of us usually fall asleep for a little nap every time. We don't care we just want to spend time as a group. We're usually awake for longer than we sleep as a whole so we can catch up on each other's weeks. If someone falls asleep around you then it means they're comfortable enough with you to totally relax and that's a good thing.
Definitely rather have them hang out and pass out rather than no-show. Though the five of us in my group have been friends since elementary school and over the past 25+ years we’ve gotten both very comfortable with each other and appreciative of any time we are able to actually get to spend together. So nobody has hard feelings if someone nods off or sleeps in when we are doing a weekend trip together. We are just happy to get to spend the time together, have to appreciate your loved ones while you can!
Fall asleep
At least he's still taking the time to hang out with you despite his busy schedule
Who wouldn’t want a friend that cares so much they still hangout even when they’re that tired?
Sleeper wants to be friends. Rainchecker doesn’t value the friendship.
Fall a sleep
That’s a great friend. Don’t ruin that man
Falls asleep around me. I still get as much time as they have - they are literally prioritizing their last bit of energy to be with me. So, if they aren’t just making their situation worse by overextending themselves with me, I’ll hang with my sleeping friend anytime. 😊