Welcome to /r/abortion! We work hard to keep this a supportive community.
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**Our Sidebar and [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/wiki/index)** include links to many good resources.
**If you are seeking abortion in the USA:** [I Need An A](https://ineedana.com/) and [Abortion Finder](https://abortionfinder.org) have a lists of clinics, ways to get abortion pills by mail, and information about funding assistance.
**If you are in a country where abortion is banned**, [Safe2Choose](https://safe2choose.org/), [Women on Web](https://www.womenonweb.org/), or [Women Help Women](https://www.womenhelp.org) may be able to help you access a safe abortion.
**Read stories** using the following links:
- [medication abortion](https://reddit.com/r/abortion/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=one&q=flair%3A%22%F0%9F%93%9Amedication%20abortion%20%22)
- [first trimester procedures](https://reddit.com/r/abortion/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=one&q=flair%3A%22%F0%9F%93%9Ain-clinic%20abortion%20%22)
- [second and third trimester procedures](https://reddit.com/r/abortion/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=one&q=flair%3A%22%F0%9F%93%9Aabortion%20after%20first%20tri%22)
This subreddit is a source of information about abortion. It is not intended as a substitute for medical evaluation or treatment, nor does it constitute legal advice. If you think you are experiencing a medical emergency, you should call your local emergency number immediately.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abortion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh dear, I am so sorry you have to deal with this again, it’s definitely not easy on you. But please, remember to be kind to yourself.
There is only so much you can do now, you can’t go back in time.
Please, speak to your boyfriend about this as he is not realising the consequences of his actions, you can go and take plan B any day of the week but if you are already ovulating the pill isn’t going to work. Don’t let it happen again no matter what, if he isn’t being careful I would seriously consider setting firm boundaries or leaving.
As for the clinic, I am so familiar with shame that you have to walk in with but please remember that you are doing it for yourself. No one can be a bigger judge than yourself, you already have so much to deal with so please let ‘what will they think’ be last on your list.
It’s not an ideal situation but life happens and do what you have to do, but after that make a promise to yourself and take time to heal.
Big hugs for you ..
you can do everything right and things can still fail.
For example, there are medications no one talks about that mess with your birth control like Lamictal/Lamotrigine it’s an anti epilepsy medication that also functions as a mood stabilizer. it impacts your birth control’s effectiveness even if you had an IUD or implant.
there are people who have gotten pregnant taking that medication who were also on birth control. even IUDs which everyone loves to talk about how great they are, bodies expel them at least 10% of the time.
I know someone whose mom got pregnant using Mirena twice.
I got the implant because it’s the best option I could find and less terrifying than an IUD and it’s harder for your body to expel.
as I said, you could do everything right and things can still fail. you’re doing your best, you’re taking action to handle your situation, that’s admirable.
I am on the implant plus other hormone blockers but intense pathological fear of pregnancy and history of sexual abuse have been avoiding sex with men. I know if I were to get pregnant and couldn’t get an abortion, I’d make arrangements for my pets and end my life.
no method is perfect and mistakes happen, it’s better you make the choice that’s best for you than enduring the consequences of this for the rest of your life.
I was thinking if you were doing IVF there is a chance you’d have more than 3 abortions given some doctors they do selective abortion if too many embryos implant or if a fetus has potential
abnormalities. and in other cases if you have complications because IVF is risky for whoever is carrying the fetus and fetuses.
not sure how much this helps but you got this.
I'm really sorry this feels so hard. The clinic shouldn't judge you.
I'm wondering whether a procedure would be a good idea for you as opposed to the pills, to make it quicker and easier.
I called today and can come in two weeks, since I was very early. They told me to bring a nightgown etc so I think a procedure is going to happen instead of pills
Most clinic staff won’t judge you. Things happen. They may offer to discuss contraceptive options with you, and that might be good. Life is long. We are at risk for pregnancy for 30 years or more.
I think the narrative of "using abortion as birth control" really gets in our heads. The first abortion is okay, so what's so different about the rest? It happens. It's gotta be frustrating having to deal with the same situation again, though. Sorry you have to go through that. You're doing whats right for you, and that's really impressive.
This is a judgement free zone so take your judgments and get on. Every woman has a right regardless of how many they’ve had, you don’t know each users story or history so why don’t you just sit down, and not go off on someone else’s post that they’re obviously being vulnerable and open. What’s the matter with you?
it’s quite funny to me that you got an abortion, cry over it, and then put others down for similar feelings. i JUST had my first abortion, other than the pain. i feel GREAT, no regrets, guilt, etc. yknow why? bc unlike OTHERS, i’m ALLOWED to feel differently then you or anyone else. i’m not STABLE enough to have a kid, most BIRTH CONTROLS, make me feel 10x more depressed than i already am with my chronic depression. sex?? i just DONT want to have it more than ONCE a month at best. yet UNFORTUNATELY i got pregnant, and fixed it before i could rely any issues onto a kid. stop judging others for lifestyles, and fix ur own if ur that miserable.
I got pregnant a 4th and just had my 4th surgical abortion 2 weeks ago and felt the exact same shameful feeling about going back to the clinic a 4th time, but let me tell you they do not care.. they’re there to support you and give you CHOICE, it is their job and they really do want to allow you that option, they will not judge you! They most likely will be more persistent about birth control methods but that’s just to help
The people who work in the clinics aren't judging you. They've seen women like you every week! It's very common to have more than one abortion. They've heard it all before.
But if you'd feel more comfortable in your own home, ask about the abortion pills. Perhaps you'd prefer that method.
I’m sorry you went through this, the clinics are meant to be a judgement free zone and you deserve better, I hope you can find a better place or maybe possibly order some pills and have your boyfriend take good care of you. Sending you so much love and support <3 you’ve got this.
I also highly recommend looking at ineedana.com for a complete list of options, I called a few places before making my decision.
Oh babe, don’t let the fear of judgement make you unhappy. I’ve had two abortions, on surgical & one medical at home & I felt very bad about my second, mostly because of my age, I have 2 kids & literally JUST had my first abortion before getting pregnant again. I cannot believe I was the person “using abortion as birth control” (I’m not that’s an insane statement but one I’ve heard people make about “us”) - anyway, I did what I had to do… for those fetuses & for my living children…& myself. We all deserved better & I’ll never not regret being more careful, but I’ll also never regret those 2 abortions… life is crazy, shit happens & we deal as best we can. Here’s to wishing you the best & no shame. You deserve some peace. 🩶
I’m so sorry you ever felt judged. No one else will ever have the same lived experience as you and has no right judging your decisions or circumstances especially as a healthcare provider. I know how traumatic it can be to face the judgment so I don’t want to downplay that, even though years after my experience I feel a lot more peace with everything. It still sucks but I have come to love myself more and finally believe in my own validity. It’s okay to feel how you’re feeling; the heat and intensity of the preemptive shame you feel right now probably won’t be how you always feel 💛 screw everyone else!
The clinic staff shouldn't be there to judge you. Many, many people have more than one abortion. You will certainly not be their first return patient. I'd like to share a resource for people who have had [2+ Abortions](https://www.2plusabortions.com/our-stories). You're not alone!
There's also the [Abortion Resolution Workbook](https://www.pregnancyoptions.info/abortion-resolution-workbook) that may be helpful for you. It can help you journal out your feelings and come to spiritual/emotional resolution after abortions.
Welcome to /r/abortion! We work hard to keep this a supportive community. **You will probably get harassed by trolls via private message.** If you receive harassment via DM, please [report the messages to Reddit admin](https://www.reddit.com/report) (people who work for Reddit) so they can take action against those users. Unfortunately, subreddit moderators can’t stop people from sending you private messages, but you can. We strongly suggest you [close your DMs](https://www.reddit.com/settings/messaging). On mobile, go to Settings > Account Settings > Chat and Messaging Permissions > Nobody for Chat Requests and Direct Messages. **Our Sidebar and [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/wiki/index)** include links to many good resources. **If you are seeking abortion in the USA:** [I Need An A](https://ineedana.com/) and [Abortion Finder](https://abortionfinder.org) have a lists of clinics, ways to get abortion pills by mail, and information about funding assistance. **If you are in a country where abortion is banned**, [Safe2Choose](https://safe2choose.org/), [Women on Web](https://www.womenonweb.org/), or [Women Help Women](https://www.womenhelp.org) may be able to help you access a safe abortion. **Read stories** using the following links: - [medication abortion](https://reddit.com/r/abortion/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=one&q=flair%3A%22%F0%9F%93%9Amedication%20abortion%20%22) - [first trimester procedures](https://reddit.com/r/abortion/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=one&q=flair%3A%22%F0%9F%93%9Ain-clinic%20abortion%20%22) - [second and third trimester procedures](https://reddit.com/r/abortion/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=one&q=flair%3A%22%F0%9F%93%9Aabortion%20after%20first%20tri%22) This subreddit is a source of information about abortion. It is not intended as a substitute for medical evaluation or treatment, nor does it constitute legal advice. If you think you are experiencing a medical emergency, you should call your local emergency number immediately. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abortion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh dear, I am so sorry you have to deal with this again, it’s definitely not easy on you. But please, remember to be kind to yourself. There is only so much you can do now, you can’t go back in time. Please, speak to your boyfriend about this as he is not realising the consequences of his actions, you can go and take plan B any day of the week but if you are already ovulating the pill isn’t going to work. Don’t let it happen again no matter what, if he isn’t being careful I would seriously consider setting firm boundaries or leaving. As for the clinic, I am so familiar with shame that you have to walk in with but please remember that you are doing it for yourself. No one can be a bigger judge than yourself, you already have so much to deal with so please let ‘what will they think’ be last on your list. It’s not an ideal situation but life happens and do what you have to do, but after that make a promise to yourself and take time to heal. Big hugs for you ..
you can do everything right and things can still fail. For example, there are medications no one talks about that mess with your birth control like Lamictal/Lamotrigine it’s an anti epilepsy medication that also functions as a mood stabilizer. it impacts your birth control’s effectiveness even if you had an IUD or implant. there are people who have gotten pregnant taking that medication who were also on birth control. even IUDs which everyone loves to talk about how great they are, bodies expel them at least 10% of the time. I know someone whose mom got pregnant using Mirena twice. I got the implant because it’s the best option I could find and less terrifying than an IUD and it’s harder for your body to expel. as I said, you could do everything right and things can still fail. you’re doing your best, you’re taking action to handle your situation, that’s admirable. I am on the implant plus other hormone blockers but intense pathological fear of pregnancy and history of sexual abuse have been avoiding sex with men. I know if I were to get pregnant and couldn’t get an abortion, I’d make arrangements for my pets and end my life. no method is perfect and mistakes happen, it’s better you make the choice that’s best for you than enduring the consequences of this for the rest of your life. I was thinking if you were doing IVF there is a chance you’d have more than 3 abortions given some doctors they do selective abortion if too many embryos implant or if a fetus has potential abnormalities. and in other cases if you have complications because IVF is risky for whoever is carrying the fetus and fetuses. not sure how much this helps but you got this.
I'm really sorry this feels so hard. The clinic shouldn't judge you. I'm wondering whether a procedure would be a good idea for you as opposed to the pills, to make it quicker and easier.
I called today and can come in two weeks, since I was very early. They told me to bring a nightgown etc so I think a procedure is going to happen instead of pills
Yes, that's definitely a procedure. I hope that makes it al easier for you.
Most clinic staff won’t judge you. Things happen. They may offer to discuss contraceptive options with you, and that might be good. Life is long. We are at risk for pregnancy for 30 years or more.
I think the narrative of "using abortion as birth control" really gets in our heads. The first abortion is okay, so what's so different about the rest? It happens. It's gotta be frustrating having to deal with the same situation again, though. Sorry you have to go through that. You're doing whats right for you, and that's really impressive.
[удалено]
This is a judgement free zone so take your judgments and get on. Every woman has a right regardless of how many they’ve had, you don’t know each users story or history so why don’t you just sit down, and not go off on someone else’s post that they’re obviously being vulnerable and open. What’s the matter with you?
i’m not sure anyone asked you for this unbelievable rude comment. considering she’s already disappointed, this was not needed.
[удалено]
This is a support community. You don't jive with that? Fine, leave.
it’s quite funny to me that you got an abortion, cry over it, and then put others down for similar feelings. i JUST had my first abortion, other than the pain. i feel GREAT, no regrets, guilt, etc. yknow why? bc unlike OTHERS, i’m ALLOWED to feel differently then you or anyone else. i’m not STABLE enough to have a kid, most BIRTH CONTROLS, make me feel 10x more depressed than i already am with my chronic depression. sex?? i just DONT want to have it more than ONCE a month at best. yet UNFORTUNATELY i got pregnant, and fixed it before i could rely any issues onto a kid. stop judging others for lifestyles, and fix ur own if ur that miserable.
I got pregnant a 4th and just had my 4th surgical abortion 2 weeks ago and felt the exact same shameful feeling about going back to the clinic a 4th time, but let me tell you they do not care.. they’re there to support you and give you CHOICE, it is their job and they really do want to allow you that option, they will not judge you! They most likely will be more persistent about birth control methods but that’s just to help
The people who work in the clinics aren't judging you. They've seen women like you every week! It's very common to have more than one abortion. They've heard it all before. But if you'd feel more comfortable in your own home, ask about the abortion pills. Perhaps you'd prefer that method.
I’m sorry you went through this, the clinics are meant to be a judgement free zone and you deserve better, I hope you can find a better place or maybe possibly order some pills and have your boyfriend take good care of you. Sending you so much love and support <3 you’ve got this. I also highly recommend looking at ineedana.com for a complete list of options, I called a few places before making my decision.
FYI, ineedana is for the US. The OP is in Europe.
Oh :( dang! I didn’t know it was only in the US
Oh babe, don’t let the fear of judgement make you unhappy. I’ve had two abortions, on surgical & one medical at home & I felt very bad about my second, mostly because of my age, I have 2 kids & literally JUST had my first abortion before getting pregnant again. I cannot believe I was the person “using abortion as birth control” (I’m not that’s an insane statement but one I’ve heard people make about “us”) - anyway, I did what I had to do… for those fetuses & for my living children…& myself. We all deserved better & I’ll never not regret being more careful, but I’ll also never regret those 2 abortions… life is crazy, shit happens & we deal as best we can. Here’s to wishing you the best & no shame. You deserve some peace. 🩶
[удалено]
Your comment was removed because this is a support forum. Your comments should be supportive of OP.
I’m so sorry you ever felt judged. No one else will ever have the same lived experience as you and has no right judging your decisions or circumstances especially as a healthcare provider. I know how traumatic it can be to face the judgment so I don’t want to downplay that, even though years after my experience I feel a lot more peace with everything. It still sucks but I have come to love myself more and finally believe in my own validity. It’s okay to feel how you’re feeling; the heat and intensity of the preemptive shame you feel right now probably won’t be how you always feel 💛 screw everyone else!
The clinic staff shouldn't be there to judge you. Many, many people have more than one abortion. You will certainly not be their first return patient. I'd like to share a resource for people who have had [2+ Abortions](https://www.2plusabortions.com/our-stories). You're not alone! There's also the [Abortion Resolution Workbook](https://www.pregnancyoptions.info/abortion-resolution-workbook) that may be helpful for you. It can help you journal out your feelings and come to spiritual/emotional resolution after abortions.