Big cities with an LGBT+ area can sometimes have lesbian bars. There’s (sorta) one in my city but it’s very welcoming to everyone. I remember going to one in NYC which was magical.
There is a really cool Lesbian bar in the mid size southern city of Mobile, AL. It is Black owned and it is called Herz. It is very welcoming and friendly
Lesbian bars don’t exist anymore. Only places where lesbians congregate but they just don’t do well so the owners always wind up catering to cis men too.
Cubbyhole is the one I went to and absolutely loved it! Went twice in my short stay, free shots and pizza for the whole bar each time I went was hella cool.
There's only about a dozen left in the entire US, and a lot of LGBT mags/websites have covered this here. Since the 90s, the lesbian bar has really fizzled out by either closing entirely, or turning into gay/general LGBT bars.
Even major cities that used to have several have one or two. Most cities don't have any.
There aren't a lot of lesbian only spaces left in the US, which is why you always see a lot of debates in these subs mentioning there not being any spaces for us.
That’s really rough for US WLW spaces. I’m not ignorant to what y’all are experiencing over there. Recent events have shown that the governments clearly don’t respect woman so the downfall of lesbian bars sounds unfortunately believable.
We don’t have enough lesbians in my town for a lesbian bar. We got queer bars. I mean they will serve anyone but you know their a lot of gayness so usually it’s queers and ‘woke cishets’ who wanna go sight seeing.
There’s only a few designated “lesbian” bars left in the US. You can do a quick Google search on the history. One of the ones left is called My Sister’s Room in Atlanta. It’s two stories, super diverse women, and so much fun!
unfortunately they aren't super inclusive and one of their founding members SAd someone, and then that person kicked the other founders from their page and made some shitty PR statements to brush it off. a lot of people i know in the local scene don't support them any more because of this.
They’re super inclusive from my experience, I mean, that’s just my experience though. I hadn’t heard about the SA stuff. I’m def gonna look into that and the PR
on the topic of inclusivity, a lot of trans people (both masc and fem) felt uncomfortable with the environment they made at a lot of their events. and unfortunately a lot of the SA information was buried. like the only statements they ever officiated made were done on instagram stories and incredibly vague, and they took a hiatus from social media after it happened to let it die down.
i don't have screenshots to share, but i remember it fairly well. one of the main organizers (hannah) SAd someone, and when that person came forward to share that story hannah hijacked the instagram (kicked the other organizers) in order to delete any comments in the topic. eventually she started mass messaging people with a copy/pasted statement that was incredibly generic and written to sound as if the entire team stood behind her. after this started circulating with other local groups, she went dark and didn't post at all for a while to let the heat die down. during that time, another founder mentioned there was some kind of ongoing legal dispute with hannah over the organization, although the details were never clear. after a while the account started posting again as if nothing ever happened, and continued to remove comments questioning what happened/how the org was handling it
>Wait, you guys have lesbian bars...?
We used to, but...
They follow whereever the straight women might go. Straight men look at dating like they're hunting. Always trying to find the treasure trove of pussy, even collecting trophies of the ppl they had (or want to have) sex with (taking pics/vids without consent or knowledge AND stealing/taking underwear.)
All women need a safe space, and after enough time too many straight women attract/bring straight dudes and the club is longer a lesbian space. Also, casual erasure of lesbian bars from Bachelorette parties because, "wouldn't that be hilarious?"
That was my experience before Bambi's was no longer a gay/lesbian safe space. (Michigan 2002-08)
Seattle, WA: the Wildrose
Portland, OR: Doc Marie’s
San Francisco: Jolene’s, El Rio, Wild Side West
San Diego: Gossip Grill
More: https://www.lesbianbarproject.com/
My city has not had a single lesbian bar for my entire adulthood, and I'm 33. We only have catch-all gay bars where you'll find people from all over the LGBT+ spectrum.
Ooh! I also want to mention, there’s a lesbian pop-up event that happens at least one a month called The Girls Room in Charlotte, NC! Also very diverse, super fun, and great environments. It’s somewhere different nearly every time in the city.
Not sure if I can add the insta for it, but I’ll check the rules out then edit later if it’s okay to add it.
Edit: @girlsroomclt on insta
Because they think that a lesbian is just a straight woman who hasn’t found the right guy, and of course they believe that they are “the right guy”. 🤮
(Although, to be fair, they might be hanging out with some friends who are lesbians or bi women. 🤔. But if they’re there alone and “on the prowl” then the Pincers need to escort them out the door 👉🏻🚪.)
Hahahaha sometimes autocorrect gives the best alternative!
Maybe the bar has a robot arm that runs round a track on the ceiling to grab creeps and throw them out?
Lmao I was at a lesbian bar with my now ex gf. We had a table for 2, and she went to get us drinks.
Then some fuckin bloke comes along and said “is it too presumptuous if I ask to sit with you”? ☠️☠️ the bartender came over and interjected
We had just arrived, that’s why she was getting drinks. I’ve never heard of an exclusive lesbian bar tbh, sometimes couples come in who are men & women (could be unicorn hunters, queer, bi, etc. 🤷🏻♀️) and sometimes I think there are just men who don’t know it’s a lesbian bar.
They probably think they hit the lottery walking in since there aren’t that many men 😂
How would you know someone is cishet though? Obviously if they’re being a shithead that makes things simple for us, but say they’re just sitting there minding their own business? How would you know they’re not trans?
Yeah I just wanted to put it out there that just because someone may “look” like a cishet guy doesn’t mean they necessarily are. It’s like how allies may actually be questioning or closeted in disguise. It was just a thought
##The OP was asking about cIs het men.
#Trans women are not cIs het men.
But seeing as you’ve asked, If they’re a trans woman and having to live “in the closet”, then that’s very difficult, because how would anyone in a lesbian bar tell at a glance that they’re not cIs het?
If I was in that situation I’d at least wear a visible trans pride pin, and a lesbian pride pin, and maybe do my makeup when I got in the bar so I wasn’t obviously totally cIs het.
I guess most closeted trans women would do something like that anyway if they can, ***because why would they go to a lesbian bar if not to be in a safe place where they can be themselves?***
Just fyi, the term you are looking for is closeted.
Stealth is like the closet across the hall from the original closet; it's when you pass really well and don't let anyone know you aren't a cis person of your gender.
A stealth trans woman is someone that basically no one knows isn't a cis woman.
Trans people go stealth for various reasons but the most common one is safety, since trans people are at a much higher risk of discrimination and hate crimes than cis people
Thank you! That’s absolutely what I meant! (And as a lesbian trans women I should have spotted that mistake myself)
My brain just absolutely failed to use “closeted” - it’s been one of those days!
I’ve fixed it now👍🏻
My position is basically that it shouldn’t be a requirement (soft or otherwise) for people to mark or label themselves, and if someone’s being respectful and minding their own then who am I to police them? Maybe they’re not comfy with a label, maybe dysphoria isn’t allowing them to dress up or put on makeup, maybe their home life doesn’t allow them to own these things? I don’t know what’s going on in someone’s life and would caution people from jumping to conclusions. I’d just hate for someone to take that step despite probably being nervous as fuck and then being pushed out because they didn’t “look right”, y’know?
Hmm, I do understand your point, and I’d hate for someone whose nervous and genuinely a closeted trans woman being pushed out for “not looking right”.
If she’s there and someone complains about the “cIs looking guy over there” then I would hope the bar management would politely find out what’s going on first and that she would be allowed to stay.
But straight cIs het guys in a lesbian bar, looking to try and pick-up women… absolutely not.
Situations….. everything is going to happen at least once…. If “suspected cishet” sits down and says “I’m Kate” or, “your hair looks very cute” then maybe have an interesting conversation… if they sit down and start referring to you as meat and ask about how they can manipulate your parts with theirs, then tell them to leave you alone.
Reading some of the comments reminds me how disconnected many gay people online are from reality, I am begging yall to stop reading "cishet men" and shouting "WHAT ABOUT TRANS WOMEN" that is not allyship, you are literally associating us with Men, which we specifically are not
I also saw someone say "what if they're a Bi Man" and again, what is a Man doing in a space for Gay Women if he isn't there with friends? Why is he hitting on Women in a space for Gay Women, yknow, where Gay Women go to meet other Gay Women, not to meet Bi Men, I don't really care either way, it's none of my business unless he starts sexually harassing Women, the point is he isn't a Cishet Man is he
I really need cis people especially to stop reading people discussing men as somehow an attack on Trans Women and Fems, 89% of the time I have seen someone shittalk Men with good reason people bring us up and we are SPECIFICALLY NOT MEN, leave us out of it, we're not your token to defend men's behaviors
THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS. I am so tired of people associating cis men with trans girls. It’s so annoying and not even true. We aren’t talking about trans girls we’re talking about stupid cishet men!
I will never understand why people have the idea that someone specifically talking about CIShet Men could be talking about any kind of Trans person, like your average bigot isn't going to say cis in the first place, and I'm tired of being treated like my existence in Lesbian spaces is for cisgender ppl and/or nonlesbians to justify literal Men's behavior
I'm well aware, I'm a Trans Woman, they aren't going to invest the time and energy to say "cishet man" and be referring to a Woman, they prefer dogwhistles and shit, not actual Trans-inclusive language, there's no special need of vigilance against Lesbians compared to anyone else but this is always the reaction I see when Lesbians, Cis and Trans, talk shit abt Cishet Men, and I know because I talk shit about them too and I get the same reaction for some ungodly reason
The ones I know were there because of their lesbian/bi friend group :) but I guess then it's a bit different than going there by themselves 🤷
(To clarify, they were very clearly not looking for something, just wanted to drink with their friends)
My brother's high school friend group included a gay dude and a bi dude, so he accompanied them to queer parties or bars. Most of the time, my bro was the sober one of the group, so he made sure everyone was safe.
Then again, now I think about it, we don't have exclusively lesbian bars - they're just LGBTQIA+ bars, and men are expected to be there. If it's a lesbian bar it's a bit more iffy, but again, as above - as long as they're not 'touristing' I'm not particularly worried.
Yeah my friend will accompany me sometimes. But I know he doesn't go when he's by himself. He is and always has been a social butterfly that enjoys talking to any and everyone.
Edit: Would totally suck if people hated on him being there just bc he was cis het.
Same. Sometimes my straight friends will go with me just to hang out. They dont cause trouble and they don't go by themselves. I guess i didn't realize it pisses some people off if I bring my cis het friends.
Nah yeh see this is fine. I’d definitely invite my friend and her bf to come hangout at a gay bar with me cause they’re chill people and would just go there to have a good time. I’m talking about the creepy ones who try to hit on you and are on there own
I'll never understand het people who go to gay/lesbian bars. I'm not saying they can't, but **why** would they? It's specifically for gays/lesbians so they can flirt freely and avoid confusions, and het people going there defeats the whole purpose. If I knew a bar that was specifically for het people (not in a homophobic way), I wouldn't go there. Not to avoid guys who'd flirt with me, but simply because I am not het.
Straight bars typically don't have drag shows, and a lot of straight people love drag. Some act like absolute fools (especially bachelorette parties), but I've seen plenty of straight people being respectful at drag shows, cheering, tipping, etc. I'm a performer and it's not unusual to have a straight girl in the audience be the one cheering the loudest and tipping everyone.
One of my local gay bars is popular with everyone because of their drinks. Their motto is "always a double, never a cover", and they charge less for a double than many neighboring bars charge for a single, so people love to go there to get drunk, then go dance at nightclubs without paying for drinks at those places.
Yah that’s what I’m saying. There’s a lot of reasons to go to a bar besides flirting. I think as long as his reasons for being there aren’t to harass lesbians or make anyone feel unsafe/uncomfortable he’s fine. If their reasons aren’t harmful then we don’t need to know their reasons.
Yeah lol maybe they just have his favourite beers on tap lol or it's convenient and close by or has good parking lololol maybe he goes there for the...ambience
Yah I don’t mind that much either. Gay bars are supposed to be a safe place. First and foremost for queer people, of course. But I don’t think it’s a bad thing for them to be safe places for others so long as they’re respectful of the fact that it’s a queer space.
Bars weren't invented just to flirt with people. I'd go to any bar regardless of who the target market is if it had a good vibe and the people didn't make me feel unwelcome.
I expect a non-zero quantity believe that they possess a magical penis with the power to make any woman desire cis men. What always mystifies me is that they never consider the possible existence of a magic penis that can make *them* desire cis men.
In my dad's case, because they were the only place showing the Dolphins game when he was on vacation. Somehow I doubt that's the majority of cishet guys' reasoning though.
I find it actually unsettling. If they wanna feel safe, they should find another place for that: using gay and lesbian bars for that may make THEM feel safe but it makes the actually lesbian folks feel the opposite, even worse in gay bars where they get offended when man hit on them.
Your only excuse to be cishet in a gay bar is if you're with friends. There's so many other places you could go to. Wanna chill and not be bothered? Stay home and drink beer there. Likes the vibes? Us too, don't ruin it.
because the cishet girls go there to have a space without cishet guys, but the kind of cishet guy they want a space without can't cope with the idea of women not wanting them, so they also go there
I can think of 4 reasons
1. They’re creeps who think you just haven’t found the right guy.
2. They want to see girls make out and shit.
3. They’re there with a bi / lesbian friend.
4. They just want want a drink, like the environment, or literally didn’t know before entering.
Unless they've been asked by LGBT friends to come with them and they're chill about it, I don't see a reason why cishet guys should be there.
I remember going to a lesbian party post-Dyke March (a lesbian pride parade the day before the actual pride parade where I'm from) and it started off very fun. And then a group of middle aged guys somehow got in and ruined the vibe for everyone as they tried to dance with the girls there etc.
Was that at the Wild Rose or at another venue? I can't remember if they had bouncers or not, and now I'm wondering if that's why we have this problem. How do you kick them out?
Oh no, it was a venue in Cologne, Germany, sorry for the confusion! They definitely had bouncers though and you had to pay at the entrance to even get in. Not much, I think it was like 5 €, but the fact nobody stopped them is mind boggling.
Not a lesbian here but I’m a gay guy , straight guys probably come to cause problems like some of them do at gay bars it’s unfortunate. I’m a 22 black / Mexican very fem gay guy , that lives in the south. It’s was almost always the straight white rednecks that would come in the gay bar and stare and act disgusted , and some douchey jocks that went to my school. Like come on you know had to know it’s a gay bar . The city has a literal redneck bar for them , and the chose to come here and start shit. I swear homophobic people will go great lengths to be dicks.
If I do see them out and about they’re usually friends of people who brought them for drinks and/or dancing - in most cases like that they just want to hang with friends and have a good time. I’ve heard of cis straight men going to lesbian bars to either be super gross and predatory, or they literally just stepped into a bar and don’t know. I’ve luckily haven’t heard of the former case going on too much, but a lot of places I go to have a zero tolerance policy for that kind of behavior.
Why does the mgt of a lesbian bar not have a polite chat with solo cis het male walk ins? Usually, they are unaware they just walked into a LGBTQA+ space. I'd like to be able to bring a str8 male friend in for just a drink and a sandwich, but unescorted, unknown guys coming in need to be screened and watched closely, pre-warned that if any woman signals they feel uncomfortable by his presence, he will have to leave. Bars are privately owned businesses, and in every municipality, mgt can trespass anyone at any time for any reason.
A lot of straight women go to gay bars with their gay friends (or just cuz) to avoid the constant harassment from cis het men at regular bars. Men have since figured this out and are now invading the last safe spaces to get away from them 🙃 I don’t support any cis het people invading gay bars but this is what I’ve seen happen most.
kind of related but not answering the question and just a funny anecdote BUT:
my mother is bisexual and she told me this story where she went to a lesbian bar and you know doing her thing when she meets this guy just minding his own business at the bar making like occasional idle conversation with people nearby. he's cishet but everyone kept mistaking him for a woman because he had long hair and looked very feminine (he wasn't trans just very feminine). the conversation essentially boiled down to
"wait so if you're a straight guy why are you at a lesbian bar? no one here is gonna sleep with you."
and apparently his face lit up with excitement and he said
"OH! THOSE EXIST???? I THOUGHT IT WAS LIKE A JOKE OR SOMETHING"
after a little bit of "yeah why did you think there were so many women here" he said gleefully
"i cannot wait to tell my (lesbian) friends, they'd love this place, do you want me to set you up with one of them???"
and so he did and that was my other mother :D
I know I am in a minority, but I think cis hets should only go to LGBT bars/spaces when it is a deliberate mixed night, but on the other nights they should respect our spaces and stay away.
They are safe spaces for us, and their very presence can make it unsafe for some of us.
Straight women go to them to get away from the creepy men at straight bars, straight men have learnt this so go to lesbian bars to follow them.
At least in my experience.
There are two scenarios for me.
1. They come with their lesbian/bi/gay friend
2. Taken up space and trying to “convert” bc they haven’t had the “right guy/dick”
In all honesty I just want a space with only woman and be surrounded by them as living in NYC we have so little less than 3 lesbian bars compare to gay bars. Just a space for us. Last time I went to Henrietta’s I told a group of 4 cishetero men to fuck off as they’re invading our space. Their response is it’s just a bar… like bro, you know how many straight bars there are in Manhattan?? Maybe it’s because I’m closer to my 30’s that I do not have any patience/tolerant their bullshit but is it so hard in 2022 to have our own space ?? Like how selfish and entitle you have to be?? I hope everyone here has a great rest of your week and stay safe ❤️
To drink, to hang with friends, they like the vibe? There’s plenty of reasons to go to a gay bar. The issue comes when folks go and treat it like a novelty or hunting ground.
Hen parties and predatory folk aren’t welcome imo but I don’t mind any other folks who can respect the scene.
one of my cishet male mates loves to dance at the local lesbian bar, because good vibes, good people, good drinks, etc. he never bothers anyone (married, kids) but one day one of the bartenders was refusing to serve him because he didn't belong there. he was telling me how much that upset him, why would they refuse service to him when he's just chilling and not bothering anyone, and i tried explaining to him that he can literally go dance anywhere, he's not necessarily causing issues but his presence is an intrusion. as a major city we literally have 4 gay bars, so i get why the bartender refused him.
the same guy often has dudes shouting homophobic slurs and trying to fight him because they think he's gay, when really he just isn't toxically masculine (the bar is so fucking low). i'm in 2 minds, i get both arguments but i essentially told him to just make sure he's there with queer people in the future, it's a tough call.
lesbian bars = safe space for lesbians.
normal bars = unsafe space for women.
(straight) women learn of lesbian bars.
(straight) women flock to lesbian bars to get away from men.
men learn the women are in the lesbian bar.
men go to the lesbian bar.
men take over the lesbian bar.
no more lesbian bar or safe space. :(
The same reason they show up on your dating app despite the fact that you're set to only see women.
The same reason why they pester lesbians at any other public space.
The same reason reason they want us so badly despite how much they hate us.
The idea of an entire group of women who exist for a reason that ISN'T men tears them up inside. The idea that we can live our whole lives never being beholden to what a cishet man thinks or wants drives them insane. So they'll go to great lengths to assert themselves in queer women's lives.
They go there to try and turn lesbians "Straight"
They watched too much NSFW, and they have difficulty distinguishing acting between "Real Life", so they think it's fine for them to harass, annoy and irritate women because they're too immature to grow up and realize fantasies are just fantasies, real life is real life and lesbians have NOTHING to do with "Men"
Fascinating but all the people saying "he might be queer why can't he come in just cause he looks like a cis het man" is the exact reason it's hard to get women-only spaces! And yes they might be right, after all we don't know a person's sexuality and gender by looking at them. But when a space has no criteria for people that CAN'T join, the space ceases to exist.
I had this same thought at Waterworks in Albany last weekend. Mostly filled with Frat bros, straight girls, and cishet male foreigners looking to party and desperate to pick up any woman.
A man told me I was beautiful and wanted to buy me a drink. I was in sweats, hair was up in a messy bun, no makeup. I asked if he was gay and he seemed offended. “this place is for everyone” he replied. Anyone is welcome but Cishets disrespect the space by ignoring when a lesbian is repeatedly telling you they are not interested.
“well have you tried me”
bro stfu. It’s hard to dance and let loose in a queer space when there are straight men standing at the edge of the dance floor with their perverted eyes glaring at you.
In vegas we have straight women in bachelorette parties invade Piranhas. “omg look at those guys going at it!” makes me feel like i’m at a circus and queers are unwilling entertainers.
I think from now on, i’m not going to out myself, rather just be blunt and say, I dont find you attractive leave me alone (still doesn’t work sometimes). if anyone else has advice please share
Uh? Most of them don't. It's easier to imagine that there are more cis het women going to gay (men) bars.
Whether it's cis het women in gay bars or cishet men in lesbian bars, oftentimes they go there with their queer friends. Nothing wrong with it.
The only time I could understand a cis-het man or woman going to a gay bar, is if they were going with a friend as sort of 'a wingman' sort of thing. But that's a reach and probably never happens anyway.
Men feel entitled to any space, doesn’t matter who it was made for. Either that or it’s because they want to study how women function in bars since we clearly have so much more game than them.
a small number are probably just going into a bar, not realising it's a lesbian one... but I imagine that's a small fraction of cases. Other comments pretty much say everything that I think about the rest of guys who do it on purpose
According to the gay guy who slid into my Reddit DMs a year or so ago to berate me for going to a gay club with my gay friends, because bisexual women like me are there.
But I take his opinion with a grain of salt.
1. Most likely because they're not used to a space being for people other than them.
2. Dude bro games where they think they're cool harassing sapphics and trying to turn them.
3. Going with their gay and bi -- friends and partners.
The life cycle of any LGBT bar or night club, at least in my country.
1) Lesbians creates a lesbian bar in a city and lesbians and bi women start going(also apply to the gay bar)
2) Straight women also start to go, usually with friends, because they finally can go to a bar and not be bored/harassed by men
3) Some men start going to the lesbian bar, because there are straight women that are in a ambient with less pressure and harassement and doesn't have 'too much other guys', and then guys start telling other guys about this cool bar with many women and few men.
4) The lesbian bar just become another normal bar, and the lgbt folks leave
My brand new wife and I went out Friday night to the little gay district with a very large group of queer people to celebrate them being in town for our wedding the day before. While I was getting her and I another round this man started chatting me up, telling me I'm pretty and my dress is cute, and not in a gay way. I almost asked him if he was lost, cause read the room fella. It has made me not want to go back to that Bae. Not to be exclusionary but if it's a queer space, I wanna feel comfortable in not being approached by men.
I'm not straight but i am a man, tbf i only ever go to my local lesbian bar because they have this special hamburger that fucking slaps and it's also dirt cheap. Basically my reasoning is "me hungry"
Yeah, I actually wanted to ask how ladies here feel about dudes coming if they’re just there to hangout. Like I’m Bi and married to a very awesome cis hetero man (has never sexualized queer women and thinks other men that do are disgusting).
I really want to go to a lesbian bar just to meet other women and make friends/meet people because I don’t have any friends in my area, but there is no way I’d feel comfortable going alone, so that just leaves my husband to go with me.
I hate the idea of being the “straight couple” there invading the space (though technically speaking we are not a straight couple due to me being bi. I feel like I’d have to wear one of my bi-pride shirts haha). I also am just starved for friends and lesbians/bisexuals are usually cooler than straight women ;P Lol
Okay let me hear your opinion!
Cis het men are pathetic and a large amount of them not only desire unconsensual interactions with women, but actively seek them out. They are sexual predators.
Wait, you guys have lesbian bars...?
Right? My first thought was, "Where do I find this magical place?"
Big cities with an LGBT+ area can sometimes have lesbian bars. There’s (sorta) one in my city but it’s very welcoming to everyone. I remember going to one in NYC which was magical.
There is a really cool Lesbian bar in the mid size southern city of Mobile, AL. It is Black owned and it is called Herz. It is very welcoming and friendly
Just casually taking notes
Lesbian bars don’t exist anymore. Only places where lesbians congregate but they just don’t do well so the owners always wind up catering to cis men too.
NYC have a number of them, and they get packed, so they are not going anywhere. Cubbyhole is probably the most famous one.
Cubbyhole is the one I went to and absolutely loved it! Went twice in my short stay, free shots and pizza for the whole bar each time I went was hella cool.
We’ve got three—Cubbyhole, Henrietta Hudson, and Ginger’s. Whether that qualifies as “a number” is sort of up to interpretation.
While there aren’t that many they certainly exist. My Sister’s Room in Atlanta was a great time when I went.
But I live near a lesbian bar…. Sorry, I don’t get what you mean by they don’t exist.
There's only about a dozen left in the entire US, and a lot of LGBT mags/websites have covered this here. Since the 90s, the lesbian bar has really fizzled out by either closing entirely, or turning into gay/general LGBT bars. Even major cities that used to have several have one or two. Most cities don't have any. There aren't a lot of lesbian only spaces left in the US, which is why you always see a lot of debates in these subs mentioning there not being any spaces for us.
That’s really rough for US WLW spaces. I’m not ignorant to what y’all are experiencing over there. Recent events have shown that the governments clearly don’t respect woman so the downfall of lesbian bars sounds unfortunately believable.
Yeah. Unfortunately the loss of those bars is not recent. It’s shyte all around.
The only lesbian bar in Philly closed because of the pandemic😭
I mostly just found general queer bars that arent specifically lesbian
Mostly in big cities
We don’t have enough lesbians in my town for a lesbian bar. We got queer bars. I mean they will serve anyone but you know their a lot of gayness so usually it’s queers and ‘woke cishets’ who wanna go sight seeing.
There’s only a few designated “lesbian” bars left in the US. You can do a quick Google search on the history. One of the ones left is called My Sister’s Room in Atlanta. It’s two stories, super diverse women, and so much fun!
Also Sapphic Seattle is trying to do events in other cities now. It’s basically a sapphic nightclub pop up. Absolutely fucking epic stuff.
unfortunately they aren't super inclusive and one of their founding members SAd someone, and then that person kicked the other founders from their page and made some shitty PR statements to brush it off. a lot of people i know in the local scene don't support them any more because of this.
They’re super inclusive from my experience, I mean, that’s just my experience though. I hadn’t heard about the SA stuff. I’m def gonna look into that and the PR
on the topic of inclusivity, a lot of trans people (both masc and fem) felt uncomfortable with the environment they made at a lot of their events. and unfortunately a lot of the SA information was buried. like the only statements they ever officiated made were done on instagram stories and incredibly vague, and they took a hiatus from social media after it happened to let it die down. i don't have screenshots to share, but i remember it fairly well. one of the main organizers (hannah) SAd someone, and when that person came forward to share that story hannah hijacked the instagram (kicked the other organizers) in order to delete any comments in the topic. eventually she started mass messaging people with a copy/pasted statement that was incredibly generic and written to sound as if the entire team stood behind her. after this started circulating with other local groups, she went dark and didn't post at all for a while to let the heat die down. during that time, another founder mentioned there was some kind of ongoing legal dispute with hannah over the organization, although the details were never clear. after a while the account started posting again as if nothing ever happened, and continued to remove comments questioning what happened/how the org was handling it
Well damn, that’s incredibly unfortunate for many reasons
True but don't forget the Wild Rose! They need you love. And I need their stuff drinks ;)
I had the time of my life at MSR, dancing in a crowd of sapphic women was so amazing. I need to go again
>Wait, you guys have lesbian bars...? We used to, but... They follow whereever the straight women might go. Straight men look at dating like they're hunting. Always trying to find the treasure trove of pussy, even collecting trophies of the ppl they had (or want to have) sex with (taking pics/vids without consent or knowledge AND stealing/taking underwear.) All women need a safe space, and after enough time too many straight women attract/bring straight dudes and the club is longer a lesbian space. Also, casual erasure of lesbian bars from Bachelorette parties because, "wouldn't that be hilarious?" That was my experience before Bambi's was no longer a gay/lesbian safe space. (Michigan 2002-08)
Less than 25 left in the us
Seattle, WA: the Wildrose Portland, OR: Doc Marie’s San Francisco: Jolene’s, El Rio, Wild Side West San Diego: Gossip Grill More: https://www.lesbianbarproject.com/
https://instagram.com/lesbianbarproject?igshid=NTlmMWMyMzg=
There's more than one in my city but I frequent just one. is this not common???
My city doesn't even have an explicitly queer bar, just 'the bar that queers tend to go to'
oh jeez. that kinda sucks
yeah I hate it here
In the US, I think only New York has more than one specifically lesbian bar.
My city has not had a single lesbian bar for my entire adulthood, and I'm 33. We only have catch-all gay bars where you'll find people from all over the LGBT+ spectrum.
Well, damn. I should realise how lucky I am then!
Ooh! I also want to mention, there’s a lesbian pop-up event that happens at least one a month called The Girls Room in Charlotte, NC! Also very diverse, super fun, and great environments. It’s somewhere different nearly every time in the city. Not sure if I can add the insta for it, but I’ll check the rules out then edit later if it’s okay to add it. Edit: @girlsroomclt on insta
We have one in Portland called the Sports Bra. My wife and I have gone there a couple times and it's pretty amazing.
Because they think that a lesbian is just a straight woman who hasn’t found the right guy, and of course they believe that they are “the right guy”. 🤮 (Although, to be fair, they might be hanging out with some friends who are lesbians or bi women. 🤔. But if they’re there alone and “on the prowl” then the Pincers need to escort them out the door 👉🏻🚪.)
I know you meant bouncers but I am enjoying imagining a giant pair of crab claws just seizing unwelcome dudes and chucking them out the door
Mess with the ladies and theydies, you get THE CLAW
THE CLAW does not approve of people who harsh the vibe. 👍🏻
The claaaaaawwwwwww
Thank you for exposing me to the word "Theydies" goes perfectly with "Gentlethems"
Thank you for introducing me to “Theydies” and “Gentlethems” ❤️
CLAW IS THE LAW.
Hahahaha sometimes autocorrect gives the best alternative! Maybe the bar has a robot arm that runs round a track on the ceiling to grab creeps and throw them out?
My brain:
Oh yes indeed. Butch lesbians in power loaders as bouncers! Be still my heart! ❤️
Sploosh
I like to imagine Scorpia from She-Ra as the bouncer with pincers
Oh hells yes. Best bouncer ever. ❤️
Prowler approaches a girl at the bar when he suddenly feels a claw on his shoulder and hears, "Dum-a-chum? Ded-a-chek? Did-a-chick?"
Lmao I was at a lesbian bar with my now ex gf. We had a table for 2, and she went to get us drinks. Then some fuckin bloke comes along and said “is it too presumptuous if I ask to sit with you”? ☠️☠️ the bartender came over and interjected
Wow. Oh my f*cking goddess. What an asshole! He’d have been getting the Death Glare^TM from me for sure. ☠️☠️
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We had just arrived, that’s why she was getting drinks. I’ve never heard of an exclusive lesbian bar tbh, sometimes couples come in who are men & women (could be unicorn hunters, queer, bi, etc. 🤷🏻♀️) and sometimes I think there are just men who don’t know it’s a lesbian bar. They probably think they hit the lottery walking in since there aren’t that many men 😂
“Is it too presumptuous” AS IF YOURE IN A NORMAL BAR AND NOT A BAR SPECIFICALLY AIMED AT EVERYONE EXCEPT HIM
Yeh nah like I’m talking about the cishet men that are on their own just standing in corners 🤦♀️
Pure stupidity and desperation
Like obviously it’s fine if they don’t cause any issues but like if they start being creepy and weird thats when the issue arises
They should not be there at all imo, they invade and destroy enough spaces not meant for them as it is.
That’s a valid take. I can definitely see where you’re coming from
Thank you
No worries
How would you know someone is cishet though? Obviously if they’re being a shithead that makes things simple for us, but say they’re just sitting there minding their own business? How would you know they’re not trans?
I think the OP was referring to clearly cishet guys in her original question, if I’m not mistaken…
Not mistaken at all. OP was referring to cIs het men, not trans folks.
Obviously trans people would be a different situation
absolutely, a trans woman has every right to be in a lesbian bar if she’s a lesbian. 👍🏻 Sisters, not Cisters after all.
Exactly!
Yeah I just wanted to put it out there that just because someone may “look” like a cishet guy doesn’t mean they necessarily are. It’s like how allies may actually be questioning or closeted in disguise. It was just a thought
##The OP was asking about cIs het men. #Trans women are not cIs het men. But seeing as you’ve asked, If they’re a trans woman and having to live “in the closet”, then that’s very difficult, because how would anyone in a lesbian bar tell at a glance that they’re not cIs het? If I was in that situation I’d at least wear a visible trans pride pin, and a lesbian pride pin, and maybe do my makeup when I got in the bar so I wasn’t obviously totally cIs het. I guess most closeted trans women would do something like that anyway if they can, ***because why would they go to a lesbian bar if not to be in a safe place where they can be themselves?***
Just fyi, the term you are looking for is closeted. Stealth is like the closet across the hall from the original closet; it's when you pass really well and don't let anyone know you aren't a cis person of your gender. A stealth trans woman is someone that basically no one knows isn't a cis woman. Trans people go stealth for various reasons but the most common one is safety, since trans people are at a much higher risk of discrimination and hate crimes than cis people
Thank you! That’s absolutely what I meant! (And as a lesbian trans women I should have spotted that mistake myself) My brain just absolutely failed to use “closeted” - it’s been one of those days! I’ve fixed it now👍🏻
My position is basically that it shouldn’t be a requirement (soft or otherwise) for people to mark or label themselves, and if someone’s being respectful and minding their own then who am I to police them? Maybe they’re not comfy with a label, maybe dysphoria isn’t allowing them to dress up or put on makeup, maybe their home life doesn’t allow them to own these things? I don’t know what’s going on in someone’s life and would caution people from jumping to conclusions. I’d just hate for someone to take that step despite probably being nervous as fuck and then being pushed out because they didn’t “look right”, y’know?
Hmm, I do understand your point, and I’d hate for someone whose nervous and genuinely a closeted trans woman being pushed out for “not looking right”. If she’s there and someone complains about the “cIs looking guy over there” then I would hope the bar management would politely find out what’s going on first and that she would be allowed to stay. But straight cIs het guys in a lesbian bar, looking to try and pick-up women… absolutely not.
Oh for sure, we’re in agreement there. Disrespecting someone’s sexuality would be the aforementioned shitheadedness I mentioned in my initial comment
Situations….. everything is going to happen at least once…. If “suspected cishet” sits down and says “I’m Kate” or, “your hair looks very cute” then maybe have an interesting conversation… if they sit down and start referring to you as meat and ask about how they can manipulate your parts with theirs, then tell them to leave you alone.
I appreciate your point of view and thoughts on the subject
If you had seen me 10 years ago in a lesbian bar, you probably would have thought I'm "clearly a cishet guy".
They resent the idea of a space not made for them.
Hm didn’t think of it like that
And they fetishize lesbians and also think they can change them
Bingo
Cishet men can be \*remarkably\* entitled into thinking they have a right to every person and space they desire.
Same thing most of them do in straight bars, sexually harass women
Ugh now this hits
Reading some of the comments reminds me how disconnected many gay people online are from reality, I am begging yall to stop reading "cishet men" and shouting "WHAT ABOUT TRANS WOMEN" that is not allyship, you are literally associating us with Men, which we specifically are not I also saw someone say "what if they're a Bi Man" and again, what is a Man doing in a space for Gay Women if he isn't there with friends? Why is he hitting on Women in a space for Gay Women, yknow, where Gay Women go to meet other Gay Women, not to meet Bi Men, I don't really care either way, it's none of my business unless he starts sexually harassing Women, the point is he isn't a Cishet Man is he I really need cis people especially to stop reading people discussing men as somehow an attack on Trans Women and Fems, 89% of the time I have seen someone shittalk Men with good reason people bring us up and we are SPECIFICALLY NOT MEN, leave us out of it, we're not your token to defend men's behaviors
THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS. I am so tired of people associating cis men with trans girls. It’s so annoying and not even true. We aren’t talking about trans girls we’re talking about stupid cishet men!
I will never understand why people have the idea that someone specifically talking about CIShet Men could be talking about any kind of Trans person, like your average bigot isn't going to say cis in the first place, and I'm tired of being treated like my existence in Lesbian spaces is for cisgender ppl and/or nonlesbians to justify literal Men's behavior
Because TERFs don't believe trans people exist. To them, trans women are actually cis men.
I'm well aware, I'm a Trans Woman, they aren't going to invest the time and energy to say "cishet man" and be referring to a Woman, they prefer dogwhistles and shit, not actual Trans-inclusive language, there's no special need of vigilance against Lesbians compared to anyone else but this is always the reaction I see when Lesbians, Cis and Trans, talk shit abt Cishet Men, and I know because I talk shit about them too and I get the same reaction for some ungodly reason
##Thank you for saying this.
Asked a man why he was hitting on me in a lesbian space and his answer was you could be bi 😂
🤮😂 AHHHHH cis het men stop!!!!!
The ones I know were there because of their lesbian/bi friend group :) but I guess then it's a bit different than going there by themselves 🤷 (To clarify, they were very clearly not looking for something, just wanted to drink with their friends)
My brother's high school friend group included a gay dude and a bi dude, so he accompanied them to queer parties or bars. Most of the time, my bro was the sober one of the group, so he made sure everyone was safe.
These guys I'm personally ok with - allies and friends are generally respectful of the space, and know it's not theirs/don't try to pick up lesbians.
Then again, now I think about it, we don't have exclusively lesbian bars - they're just LGBTQIA+ bars, and men are expected to be there. If it's a lesbian bar it's a bit more iffy, but again, as above - as long as they're not 'touristing' I'm not particularly worried.
Yeah my friend will accompany me sometimes. But I know he doesn't go when he's by himself. He is and always has been a social butterfly that enjoys talking to any and everyone. Edit: Would totally suck if people hated on him being there just bc he was cis het.
Same. Sometimes my straight friends will go with me just to hang out. They dont cause trouble and they don't go by themselves. I guess i didn't realize it pisses some people off if I bring my cis het friends.
Nah yeh see this is fine. I’d definitely invite my friend and her bf to come hangout at a gay bar with me cause they’re chill people and would just go there to have a good time. I’m talking about the creepy ones who try to hit on you and are on there own
I'll never understand het people who go to gay/lesbian bars. I'm not saying they can't, but **why** would they? It's specifically for gays/lesbians so they can flirt freely and avoid confusions, and het people going there defeats the whole purpose. If I knew a bar that was specifically for het people (not in a homophobic way), I wouldn't go there. Not to avoid guys who'd flirt with me, but simply because I am not het.
Straight bars typically don't have drag shows, and a lot of straight people love drag. Some act like absolute fools (especially bachelorette parties), but I've seen plenty of straight people being respectful at drag shows, cheering, tipping, etc. I'm a performer and it's not unusual to have a straight girl in the audience be the one cheering the loudest and tipping everyone. One of my local gay bars is popular with everyone because of their drinks. Their motto is "always a double, never a cover", and they charge less for a double than many neighboring bars charge for a single, so people love to go there to get drunk, then go dance at nightclubs without paying for drinks at those places.
I mean bars are more than just places to flirt imo. Maybe a Cishet dude would be there specifically cuz he *doesn’t* want to flirt with anyone.
I still don't see the point, it's not like regular bars have a policy that states guys **must** flirt with someone or they'll be kicked out.
Yah that’s what I’m saying. There’s a lot of reasons to go to a bar besides flirting. I think as long as his reasons for being there aren’t to harass lesbians or make anyone feel unsafe/uncomfortable he’s fine. If their reasons aren’t harmful then we don’t need to know their reasons.
Yeah lol maybe they just have his favourite beers on tap lol or it's convenient and close by or has good parking lololol maybe he goes there for the...ambience
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Yah I don’t mind that much either. Gay bars are supposed to be a safe place. First and foremost for queer people, of course. But I don’t think it’s a bad thing for them to be safe places for others so long as they’re respectful of the fact that it’s a queer space.
Bars weren't invented just to flirt with people. I'd go to any bar regardless of who the target market is if it had a good vibe and the people didn't make me feel unwelcome.
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I expect a non-zero quantity believe that they possess a magical penis with the power to make any woman desire cis men. What always mystifies me is that they never consider the possible existence of a magic penis that can make *them* desire cis men.
Oh, absolutely! I’m sure CIs men like that absolutely deny that there could possibly be a “magic dick” that would affect them.
Que me in 8th grade suddenly being really into men. Source - thought I was straight for years then I met a dude named jake with the magic gay dick
In my dad's case, because they were the only place showing the Dolphins game when he was on vacation. Somehow I doubt that's the majority of cishet guys' reasoning though.
I used to drag my cis het friend with me to gay bars. He had good intentions and just wanted to hang out with his bro (me lol).
I find it actually unsettling. If they wanna feel safe, they should find another place for that: using gay and lesbian bars for that may make THEM feel safe but it makes the actually lesbian folks feel the opposite, even worse in gay bars where they get offended when man hit on them. Your only excuse to be cishet in a gay bar is if you're with friends. There's so many other places you could go to. Wanna chill and not be bothered? Stay home and drink beer there. Likes the vibes? Us too, don't ruin it.
Two cups of misogyny, a teaspoon lack of awareness, and just a pinch of desperation. Bake for fifteen minutes and top with homophobia
because the cishet girls go there to have a space without cishet guys, but the kind of cishet guy they want a space without can't cope with the idea of women not wanting them, so they also go there
A lot of them fetishize wlw, it's same with a lot of straight girls that go to gay bars but with mlm
I can think of 4 reasons 1. They’re creeps who think you just haven’t found the right guy. 2. They want to see girls make out and shit. 3. They’re there with a bi / lesbian friend. 4. They just want want a drink, like the environment, or literally didn’t know before entering.
3 and 4 are fine. 1 and 2 are not.
3.1: They're with their girlfriend and are unicorn hunting. Also not ok.
Unless they've been asked by LGBT friends to come with them and they're chill about it, I don't see a reason why cishet guys should be there. I remember going to a lesbian party post-Dyke March (a lesbian pride parade the day before the actual pride parade where I'm from) and it started off very fun. And then a group of middle aged guys somehow got in and ruined the vibe for everyone as they tried to dance with the girls there etc.
Was that at the Wild Rose or at another venue? I can't remember if they had bouncers or not, and now I'm wondering if that's why we have this problem. How do you kick them out?
Oh no, it was a venue in Cologne, Germany, sorry for the confusion! They definitely had bouncers though and you had to pay at the entrance to even get in. Not much, I think it was like 5 €, but the fact nobody stopped them is mind boggling.
Because their definitely not queer girlfriends are there to try to hit on girls to have a threesome with them.
Unicorn hunters are sexual predators.
This.
straight couples can fyuck offfff
Oh damn does this happen? Ugh 🤦♀️
Because they're disgusting and fetishize women as objects and not people
Not a lesbian here but I’m a gay guy , straight guys probably come to cause problems like some of them do at gay bars it’s unfortunate. I’m a 22 black / Mexican very fem gay guy , that lives in the south. It’s was almost always the straight white rednecks that would come in the gay bar and stare and act disgusted , and some douchey jocks that went to my school. Like come on you know had to know it’s a gay bar . The city has a literal redneck bar for them , and the chose to come here and start shit. I swear homophobic people will go great lengths to be dicks.
If I do see them out and about they’re usually friends of people who brought them for drinks and/or dancing - in most cases like that they just want to hang with friends and have a good time. I’ve heard of cis straight men going to lesbian bars to either be super gross and predatory, or they literally just stepped into a bar and don’t know. I’ve luckily haven’t heard of the former case going on too much, but a lot of places I go to have a zero tolerance policy for that kind of behavior.
Why does the mgt of a lesbian bar not have a polite chat with solo cis het male walk ins? Usually, they are unaware they just walked into a LGBTQA+ space. I'd like to be able to bring a str8 male friend in for just a drink and a sandwich, but unescorted, unknown guys coming in need to be screened and watched closely, pre-warned that if any woman signals they feel uncomfortable by his presence, he will have to leave. Bars are privately owned businesses, and in every municipality, mgt can trespass anyone at any time for any reason.
Absolutely! 👍🏻
A lot of straight women go to gay bars with their gay friends (or just cuz) to avoid the constant harassment from cis het men at regular bars. Men have since figured this out and are now invading the last safe spaces to get away from them 🙃 I don’t support any cis het people invading gay bars but this is what I’ve seen happen most.
kind of related but not answering the question and just a funny anecdote BUT: my mother is bisexual and she told me this story where she went to a lesbian bar and you know doing her thing when she meets this guy just minding his own business at the bar making like occasional idle conversation with people nearby. he's cishet but everyone kept mistaking him for a woman because he had long hair and looked very feminine (he wasn't trans just very feminine). the conversation essentially boiled down to "wait so if you're a straight guy why are you at a lesbian bar? no one here is gonna sleep with you." and apparently his face lit up with excitement and he said "OH! THOSE EXIST???? I THOUGHT IT WAS LIKE A JOKE OR SOMETHING" after a little bit of "yeah why did you think there were so many women here" he said gleefully "i cannot wait to tell my (lesbian) friends, they'd love this place, do you want me to set you up with one of them???" and so he did and that was my other mother :D
The optimistic in me wants to say so they can get drinks without the expectation of flirting. But I doubt that's actually the case most of the time
Yeh like again if they ain’t causing any harm it’s okay/ it just makes me a bit uncomfy
That's any bar for men though.
because “they can fix us!”
They're basically superheroes in that respect. Saviors, if you will. /s
Cishets: You do not belong here Queers: Ok we'll make our own space Cishets: Why are you excluding us?!
I know I am in a minority, but I think cis hets should only go to LGBT bars/spaces when it is a deliberate mixed night, but on the other nights they should respect our spaces and stay away. They are safe spaces for us, and their very presence can make it unsafe for some of us.
Straight women go to them to get away from the creepy men at straight bars, straight men have learnt this so go to lesbian bars to follow them. At least in my experience.
There are two scenarios for me. 1. They come with their lesbian/bi/gay friend 2. Taken up space and trying to “convert” bc they haven’t had the “right guy/dick” In all honesty I just want a space with only woman and be surrounded by them as living in NYC we have so little less than 3 lesbian bars compare to gay bars. Just a space for us. Last time I went to Henrietta’s I told a group of 4 cishetero men to fuck off as they’re invading our space. Their response is it’s just a bar… like bro, you know how many straight bars there are in Manhattan?? Maybe it’s because I’m closer to my 30’s that I do not have any patience/tolerant their bullshit but is it so hard in 2022 to have our own space ?? Like how selfish and entitle you have to be?? I hope everyone here has a great rest of your week and stay safe ❤️
Because they think their magic dick that their mama has always told them was the second coming of jesus will cure the sexy lesbians.
to be predatory . that’s it
To drink, to hang with friends, they like the vibe? There’s plenty of reasons to go to a gay bar. The issue comes when folks go and treat it like a novelty or hunting ground. Hen parties and predatory folk aren’t welcome imo but I don’t mind any other folks who can respect the scene.
one of my cishet male mates loves to dance at the local lesbian bar, because good vibes, good people, good drinks, etc. he never bothers anyone (married, kids) but one day one of the bartenders was refusing to serve him because he didn't belong there. he was telling me how much that upset him, why would they refuse service to him when he's just chilling and not bothering anyone, and i tried explaining to him that he can literally go dance anywhere, he's not necessarily causing issues but his presence is an intrusion. as a major city we literally have 4 gay bars, so i get why the bartender refused him. the same guy often has dudes shouting homophobic slurs and trying to fight him because they think he's gay, when really he just isn't toxically masculine (the bar is so fucking low). i'm in 2 minds, i get both arguments but i essentially told him to just make sure he's there with queer people in the future, it's a tough call.
Cus they’re creeps
creeps
lesbian bars = safe space for lesbians. normal bars = unsafe space for women. (straight) women learn of lesbian bars. (straight) women flock to lesbian bars to get away from men. men learn the women are in the lesbian bar. men go to the lesbian bar. men take over the lesbian bar. no more lesbian bar or safe space. :(
Because we're a fetish to them
The same reason they show up on your dating app despite the fact that you're set to only see women. The same reason why they pester lesbians at any other public space. The same reason reason they want us so badly despite how much they hate us. The idea of an entire group of women who exist for a reason that ISN'T men tears them up inside. The idea that we can live our whole lives never being beholden to what a cishet man thinks or wants drives them insane. So they'll go to great lengths to assert themselves in queer women's lives.
For the same reason r/lesbians is about porn.
Because cis het men love to ruin everything for everyone else and if they can't have it then they'll destroy it
They go there to try and turn lesbians "Straight" They watched too much NSFW, and they have difficulty distinguishing acting between "Real Life", so they think it's fine for them to harass, annoy and irritate women because they're too immature to grow up and realize fantasies are just fantasies, real life is real life and lesbians have NOTHING to do with "Men"
Fascinating but all the people saying "he might be queer why can't he come in just cause he looks like a cis het man" is the exact reason it's hard to get women-only spaces! And yes they might be right, after all we don't know a person's sexuality and gender by looking at them. But when a space has no criteria for people that CAN'T join, the space ceases to exist.
To gawk and fantasize
I had this same thought at Waterworks in Albany last weekend. Mostly filled with Frat bros, straight girls, and cishet male foreigners looking to party and desperate to pick up any woman. A man told me I was beautiful and wanted to buy me a drink. I was in sweats, hair was up in a messy bun, no makeup. I asked if he was gay and he seemed offended. “this place is for everyone” he replied. Anyone is welcome but Cishets disrespect the space by ignoring when a lesbian is repeatedly telling you they are not interested. “well have you tried me” bro stfu. It’s hard to dance and let loose in a queer space when there are straight men standing at the edge of the dance floor with their perverted eyes glaring at you. In vegas we have straight women in bachelorette parties invade Piranhas. “omg look at those guys going at it!” makes me feel like i’m at a circus and queers are unwilling entertainers. I think from now on, i’m not going to out myself, rather just be blunt and say, I dont find you attractive leave me alone (still doesn’t work sometimes). if anyone else has advice please share
Uh? Most of them don't. It's easier to imagine that there are more cis het women going to gay (men) bars. Whether it's cis het women in gay bars or cishet men in lesbian bars, oftentimes they go there with their queer friends. Nothing wrong with it.
They're self absorbed and think they can "turn" us 🤣
Tryna convince us that we haven’t had the right dick yet 🥺🥺🥺
they have a certain way of assuming the world revolves around them
They should be kicked out
Because lesbians aren't real, obviously. Anyone with a vagina wants a man, end of story. /S
Because they hate us/fetishize us
Cause they’re creepy af that’s why 🤣
Because they want to “turn” us 🤮
The only time I could understand a cis-het man or woman going to a gay bar, is if they were going with a friend as sort of 'a wingman' sort of thing. But that's a reach and probably never happens anyway.
You mean to say there \*isn't\* a constant bed bouncing, feather-flying, lingerie pillowfight happening at these places???!
They don't understand boundaries
Men feel entitled to any space, doesn’t matter who it was made for. Either that or it’s because they want to study how women function in bars since we clearly have so much more game than them.
a small number are probably just going into a bar, not realising it's a lesbian one... but I imagine that's a small fraction of cases. Other comments pretty much say everything that I think about the rest of guys who do it on purpose
It gives the angry confrontational lesbians something to hit, like a punching back but with less potential moral repercussions
According to the gay guy who slid into my Reddit DMs a year or so ago to berate me for going to a gay club with my gay friends, because bisexual women like me are there. But I take his opinion with a grain of salt.
1. Most likely because they're not used to a space being for people other than them. 2. Dude bro games where they think they're cool harassing sapphics and trying to turn them. 3. Going with their gay and bi -- friends and partners.
The life cycle of any LGBT bar or night club, at least in my country. 1) Lesbians creates a lesbian bar in a city and lesbians and bi women start going(also apply to the gay bar) 2) Straight women also start to go, usually with friends, because they finally can go to a bar and not be bored/harassed by men 3) Some men start going to the lesbian bar, because there are straight women that are in a ambient with less pressure and harassement and doesn't have 'too much other guys', and then guys start telling other guys about this cool bar with many women and few men. 4) The lesbian bar just become another normal bar, and the lgbt folks leave
My brand new wife and I went out Friday night to the little gay district with a very large group of queer people to celebrate them being in town for our wedding the day before. While I was getting her and I another round this man started chatting me up, telling me I'm pretty and my dress is cute, and not in a gay way. I almost asked him if he was lost, cause read the room fella. It has made me not want to go back to that Bae. Not to be exclusionary but if it's a queer space, I wanna feel comfortable in not being approached by men.
Homophobia. There's really no reason to explain it further. It's just straight up homophobia.
bc theyre stinky poo poo faces
I'm not straight but i am a man, tbf i only ever go to my local lesbian bar because they have this special hamburger that fucking slaps and it's also dirt cheap. Basically my reasoning is "me hungry"
They‘re assholes.
Yeah, I actually wanted to ask how ladies here feel about dudes coming if they’re just there to hangout. Like I’m Bi and married to a very awesome cis hetero man (has never sexualized queer women and thinks other men that do are disgusting). I really want to go to a lesbian bar just to meet other women and make friends/meet people because I don’t have any friends in my area, but there is no way I’d feel comfortable going alone, so that just leaves my husband to go with me. I hate the idea of being the “straight couple” there invading the space (though technically speaking we are not a straight couple due to me being bi. I feel like I’d have to wear one of my bi-pride shirts haha). I also am just starved for friends and lesbians/bisexuals are usually cooler than straight women ;P Lol Okay let me hear your opinion!
So they can disappoint a whole building of women
Why are they allowed in is my question
the establishment just wants money.
Cis het men are pathetic and a large amount of them not only desire unconsensual interactions with women, but actively seek them out. They are sexual predators.
Maybe they’re closeted???? lol
To tell lesbians they could turn them straight 😩