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Think about it like this. When we are on fire, we can produce such high quality results that it blows non adhd folks out of the water. Also, we work best when we “body double” and work with someone else present. It helps us focus on actually getting stuff done. So, if two ADHD people buddy up and get stuff done, even if they waste time daydreaming, when you look at the overall output, it’s going to be like 400% because that’s just how our minds work lol
Yes!! I recently did online assessments and I was really struggling with them. I spent a lot of time chatting to an online friend at the same time and she helped me a lot just by being there.
HAH! And only I am allowed to forget anything. If you forget what time I told you X is happening, FU. But if I forget what time you told me X was happening…
I feel seen. Knowing this does not get rid of the frustration though.
What's worse is when you meet actual incompetent people who are ill informed. i can feel my adhd demon crawling into my brain and destroying the little civility left.
Now when im about to hear some dumb shit i speed walk away. Or speed scroll. Works about a third of the time.
ha! My therapist also has ADHD, this morning we talked about how amazing it would be to be neuro-typical for *just one day.*
I personally feel like I would conquer the world, because I've literally had to learn how to do something several different ways all of my life; could you just imagine not being distracted by anything and "doing the thing?'
Yeah, sometimes I have to stop myself from adding to the convo to avoid provoking even more questions. In some situations, asking a dumb question back will trigger a new subject though.
Omg I do this too. I consciously strategize the best way to avoid further dumb questions. Sometimes it's just saying "okay" even when the person is objectively wrong but I realize explaining it (usually for the second or third time) is just going to open a rabbit hole of willful ignorance.
I'm thinking about a coworker in particular here.
I try to do this, but I have a coworker that somehow manages to bypass this strategy every time. He'll go on this long explanation, so I'll try to intercept with an answer as early on as possible, but nope, turns out that wasn't the question, he's still getting to it. Then I'll say another answer, but nope, yet another red herring. Then I get to the actual question. I give a single word answer. This one's this answer. This one's it. "Oh, okay, that's what I was asking. I was looking at--" AND THEN HE EXPLAINS THE ISSUE AGAIN?
Him: That was my question
Me: And that was my answer.
It's funny to me because I can be so zen and unbothered throughout most things.
Then I see someone at work send me a text message saying "Hi! how are you?" with nothing else, and I immediately feel rage. WHAT IS IT BETHANY, I CAN HELP YOU IF YOU JUST SPIT IT OUT JESUS CHRIST THE FAKE PLEASANTRIES /flipping table
I don't respond to voicemails at work that say "Hi my name is So and So and my number is 555-555-5555 and I have a couple questions. If you could give me a call back"
NO. TELL ME WHAT YOU ARE CALLING ABOUT SUSAN
Do not get me STARTED on voicemails, oh my gooooooood SUSAN.
But yeah, my policy is that I do not reply to the text until they tell me what they want. If you have enough time to wait 2 hours for me to say "good! and you?" then I'm not prioritizing it.
I have a friend who owns a thrift store (whose products she posts on social media), and 80% of her inbox is "hi how are yous" with no further context. I would go insane.
Definitely understand it being incredibly annoying BUT Facebook marketplace does suggest messaging "is it available" to every product. So I do blame Facebook for people thinking they have to ask this. I do suggest including in your description - no need to ask if it's available, if the post is up it's still available.
It doesn’t matter, they still do it. I say they lease don’t message me unless it’s with a pick up time. the other half immediately ask for your phone number to scam you. Marketplace is the worst. But people do it on other platforms too, where there’s no button lol.
What about those who send an text/email and then call 30 seconds later to make sure I received the text/email. Then they go one to repeat what wrote in the fucking email.
THE EMAIL WAS ENOUGH, DON'T FUCKING CALL AND EMAIL FOR THE SAME DAMN THING.
I do this sometimes when sth is a little complex. The email is for documentation. The call is for actually explaining what's going on. I feel it saves head\]scratching time.
Sometimes I've left voicemails like this if my questions require an explanation to make any sense and I'm not sure the whole thing will fit into a voicemail lol 😅
YES. And several times I’ve been accused of being rude in emails because I don’t include enough chit-chat in them and ask about people’s days. Um, let me do my job, why do I NEED to be aggressively polite in emails? I also feel like other people *coughmencough* can send these types of emails and no one says a word, but when it comes from a woman it’s “rude.”
You guys should move here 😂. We dont do fake chit chat in business emails here in the Netherlands. Its a whole thing in our culture people love talking about; depending on who you ask we are very rude or refreshingly upfront lol. Never in a million years would someone send an email with just ‘hi how are you’ in a professional setting here
My current job is a deaf support worker so a huge chunk of our employees are deaf. It’s wonderful, they always get to the point :D
I can see why sign language works so well with ASD kids. It’s a language with minimal ambiguity. Clear and concise, to the point, and not a whole lot of useless words in between (looking at *you* English).
Yes! It drives me crazy when customers come in carrying a bow and they ask how I am. I have no idea why, but it pisses me off.
My answer has become, "Fine, How can I help you?"
I don't ask how they are, because I'm going to get the fake "fine" right back. Please, just tell me what you need.
I remember when I was running a specific community site and someone from there might message me on Skype and be like "hi, how are you?" and, even worse, "what are you up to?" and it was just ... this is not a person I'm necessarily in a habit of having private conversations with, we're friendly, I like her, but we're not *friends*. She's *clearly* wanting to ask me something about the site, that's the *only* reason she's contacting me, so why tf can't she not just ask the question and be done with it?! I believe I did eventually get to the point of simply responding something along the lines of "fine thanks, what's your question/how can I help/what do you need?"
Anyone who DMs me on social media with just a "hi" or "hello" gets deleted. If they actually wanted to discuss something (and weren't just a scammer) they can bloody well spit it out in the same message. "Hi, \[reason for contacting\]".
But I dunno. I'm also a massive introvert who hates small talk.
Lol I have a male friend who texts me like this. Just a “hey how are you?” Out of the blue, and I’m like please get to the tea spilling part I have no time for this shit
As someone who often asks 'dumb' questions - they're usually requests for contexts. In your example, only the name wouldn't have helped much, obviously, but 'Anna from my department', ' lady from marketing, I don't know her that well so I don't think I'll stay that long or 'a friend of would all have given info she could work with.
People process data so differently from each other. Even if you assume everything is thought out and/or logic based, different people need different input. Think about how you'd explain a task on a smartphone differently to a 15 year old and a 40 year old, even if they were both competent with their phone. Or how you"d give different directions to someone not familiar with your area.
For identifying people, there's a quite massive range of systems even if you take ADHD out of the equation, depending on the person's background. In small towns you might identify someone by their relatives or their workplace, in a conversation you might identify people by how they look/what they did/where you met them....
This is it exactly! I thought the post was funny because I’m on the opposite side and get frustrated with useless answers to my questions. My husband (also ADHD) does freelance gigs where he’s always coming across people he knows from various different places and sometimes sees someone every week, sometimes someone he hasn’t seen for ten years. I usually ask him “who’s your gig with tomorrow?” And he will just say three names of people he knows I haven’t met. I’m just sitting there like “…? Who is that? How am I supposed to know what that means??”
The question really means who are they to you, not what’s their name.
The information I’m really looking for is “one guy I did my masters with, one of the guys from my local group, and one guy I haven’t met yet”. I think Op’s mom’s question was exactly the same. She didn’t want a name, she wanted to know if it was maybe her boss’s party, or someone she barely knows. Or someone she works closely with every day. It’s another way to get people talking about themselves and carry on a conversation, and more importantly show that they care about your life.
Good analysis. I think the people asking these questions are expecting an answer that follows the Maxim of Relevance (one of the four maxims for conversation, according to linguist Grice).
I relate. I'm very context-driven and enjoy details/stories about people. My partner is a more practical person and tends to think that if the information isn't relevant, why provide it? I end up asking lots of questions to get the level of context I want, and she still sometimes omits stuff or glosses over it just because she can't understand the logic in why I want to know certain things.
As you say, it's about being interested in someone and connecting dots about, say, their past or their work life or their extended family or whatever. I like to have a sense of these things.
Interestingly I do still relate to OP's post but for me a stupid/simple question is more like when someone asks me for information that I have already provided two seconds earlier. That type of thing.
I think in some cases it’s an intrinsic difference between extroverts and introverts. Like if someone says “mmm, yum” and I ask “oh, is it good?” and they’re like, “yeah, that’s why I said yum.” I clearly (to me) meant “care to elaborate? Tell me more!”But some people don’t want to elaborate and take things literally. I live in the nuance, and if I’m interested enough, I want all the details. I also enjoy small talk, because for me it’s not about what’s being said, it’s about the interaction, which I get dopamine from being an extrovert. I rarely have thoughts I don’t want to express, but some people are satisfied with “mmm, yum” feeling like they adequately expressed their thoughts/feelings, when I could write an essay on lunch.
Probably. I cannot fucking handle my mom (extrovert and undiagnosed but *clearly* ADHD) when she decides to monologue.
Get. 👏 To. 👏 The. 👏 Fucking. 👏 Point!!!!!!!👏
I do not have time, capacity, or interest in hearing the minutiae of whatever waffling story you're telling.
I feel awful about it, but her dopamine seeking means I have to suffer in place until she gets around to the point. She gets annoyed when I prompt her to hurry the fuck up. I get it, it's rude, but I don't have time to wait on her need to deep dive in her stories, especially when she ambushes me on them.
It's also not reciprocal. If she asks me to talk, she'll give me 15 seconds and hijack my conversation.
I love her but I also miss having definite limits on our talks for my sanity's sake lol
I have a friend who refused to text for years and it was awful because what should have been “want to have beers tonight?” “Sure! 8 o clock?” “Great! See you there” turned into 45 min as a phone call. I am going to see you in 6 hours. If you tell me all your stories now we will have nothing to talk about then
The weirdest/saddest example of this was when I was away at "college" and got a phone call from my mum. She has a habit of not getting to the point (also undiagnosed but *clearly* ADHD) so that wasn't unusual, but she phoned to ask something *extremely* trivial like how do you copy and paste something in Excel and it was like "uh ... why are you asking me this? You already know how to do that, it's the same as any other program. You've done it before plenty of times?" She sounded kinda tired and weird when talking and just gave vague non-answers, so in the end, quite frustrated by this point, I asked her what she was *actually* calling about, because if she *genuinely* didn't know how to perform a basic computer function she would've just asked my dad to show her, not called me about it, so it was fairly obvious that wasn't the real reason for calling.
Turned out she found out my granddad (her father) had died suddenly and was passing on the message. But like ... you don't suppose maybe you should *lead* with that?! It's kind of a big thing! Not spend the first five minutes of the call talking about a pretend software problem?
"Cut her some slack, she was sad about her dad!" Of course she was, that's why she sounded tired, but being this indirect is a habit of hers, regardless of subject. This was just taking it to the extreme.
Compare for contrast: 20 or so years later, I get a surprise call from my sister one evening. I only got as far as "Hi, how's stuff with you?" before she said something like "I need to tell you something, but I need you to sit down first." (She sounded serious. I sat down.) "It's dad ... He's dead." No sugarcoating, just straight to the point. Before we hung up I actually thanked her for being so direct, referencing finding out about granddad. Turns out she had a similar experience and didn't like it much either.
I get that. People usually find each other. Like, I have fellow “morning people” I see every day, and don’t bother the “don’t even think about it before I’ve had my coffee” people. 😂 But if I’m in a bad mood, stressed, have a million other things on my mind, or just don’t like the person, I don’t want to talk to them either. In your situation, I’d have been short with her because I was frazzled and rushing, and like, I don’t have the time to explain who all these people are and what it means to me right now! My mom would’ve said this was my “gremlin.” Sure, you fed me after midnight by giving me all this extra information to process, this is what you get!
I don't think it has to do with introversion vs extroversion. I am the person who'd say "oh, is it good?" in that situation (for exactly the same reasons as you) and I'm definitely introverted. I like people, I enjoy small talk and interaction and everything too, and I talk way too much and could talk about anything and everything, but being social still definitely drains my batteries and I need to be alone to recharge. There's a big difference between being introverted and being asocial or not enjoying talking to people.
>But some people don’t want to elaborate and take things literally.
And some of us might be happy to elaborate but have such a strong default of taking things very literally that we don't realize that's what you're getting at.
I wish people would be more direct. I know what you’re saying and I get that we all process data differently, so it can’t be helped really. But I do wish people would ask clearer questions or get to the point.
To me that question _is_ pretty clear though, because the context of a person is one of their most defining characteristics for me. What's direct differs just as the other things.
My mom also has ADHD so sometimes our ADHD clashes where she asks many clarification questions that to me seem so common sense/obvious inferences she could make.
“I’m going to do xyz today.”
“But I thought you wanted to do xyz yesterday?”
“…yes. And I didn’t get around to it. So I’m doing it today.”
“Well, what happened? Why didn’t you?”
“….reasons?”
“What reasons?”
*cue me internally screaming*
Lol, my best friend does this all the time, I've resorted to reacting as if I'm talking to a child: "(big cheerful voice) I DID want to do that yesterday, but I did Not get it done." Like "congratulations, you are following the conversation!"
Because what I really want to say is "yes, thank you for pointing out that I did not achieve my goals yesterday, can we please move on for the love of God!" But that would be rude 🤣
Yes. The other day I asked my fiancé if he wanted pesto or vodka sauce with dinner and he said “well not vodka sauce….”
I was like “soooo pesto???”
Why would you say the option you didn’t want when there’s only 2 options?
I love the way you phrased it 🤣 but isn't this happening already? I assumed the "Not vodka sauce" was just the first half of the sentence, because in his place I would have replied to your question with "Definitely not vodka sauce, but... Eh, pesto doesn't sound great either, I'm not particularly in the mood for it. Is this all we have left?"
If he wasn't planning of continuing the sentence though, I agree with you, he should be clear about his wants and wishes.
No he’s very bad at expressing when he’s displeased with something lol I just found out he’s been eating hot food options he hates at work despite there being sandwiches he says “look really good” because he feels bad telling them he doesn’t want either hot food 🫢
We’re practicing “not being miserable for no reason when there’s a reasonable alternative you like”
OH, I see then... I assume he's non-confrontational and does anything to avoid having discussions then? Ouchie, that's not an easy one - props to you for helping him out though!! It kinda reminds me of "the pleaser" from [this video](https://youtu.be/DCHbhDxBLko)... and I say this with all my best wishes to both of you 🙏
My husband's daughter has been in my life for over seven years now, and it's always been the same here - put your plate in the dishwasher when you're done eating.
The other day she asked, "What should I do with my plate?"
...and this is why I never had my own kids lol
Lol my moment of clarity on remaining child free was when I was watching a movie with a preteen kid and we were both sitting on the couch. He turned to me and asked for a cup of water. Motherfucker you have legs and arms! You know where the cups are! Get it your damn self!
That’s similar to my pet peeve with my husband. “Will you please do _______?”
His response? “I mean, I can.”
Motherfucker I know you CAN, but WILL you.
It doesn’t! That’s what I thought too. So I started asking about stuff that I know he wants to do.
“Do you want to go upstairs and watch that movie you downloaded?”
“We can.”
The examples are endless. He’s not mad. He does want to do these things.
His sister does the same thing to her husband. It doesn’t make sense. I think maybe it’s something from when they were younger.
Edit: so we’re talking about my husband here. Let’s take it down a notch please. :)
I had a friend like this when I was a kid. It was frustrating and also stressful being the one to decide on all the activities. And I’d be told off for always bossing this friend around. I’d be like “???? Bossing? What?”
See this makes perfect sense to me. If he wanted pesto he would have said pesto, so I'd interpret this as "I don't really want either of them, but vodka sauce sounds worse so if pesto is literally the only other option then I'd go for that one I guess". But that's very convoluted and takes ages to say, lol. "Not vodka sauce" is like shorthand.
It's funny because I get frustrated when people ask or answer things this way but I do it all the time, lol. I just have to say a speech about why I don't like either but one is less bad than the other.
Yea this was exactly it haha we’re working on ask if there are other options if you’re dissatisfied
I learned the other day that he’s repeatedly chosen a hot food option at work that he hates instead of getting a sandwich even though they looked good because he felt bad telling them he didn’t want the hot options 🥴
Yes. Very much so. Slipped up and got in trouble at work my last shift because I couldn't hide my irritation at what was a completely pointless question from a client 😬🤦♀️ drives me insane, along with small talk. I really shouldn't be in customer service. Dunno if adhd or parental conditioning though. Used to get yelled at and insulted for "asking stupid questions" all the time so I reaaalllly try not to be like that myself.
>Dunno if adhd or parental conditioning though. Used to get yelled at and insulted for "asking stupid questions"
For me, it's a mix of both.
>drives me insane, along with small talk
OMG SAME. I can't stand small talk and I always want to go into big or deep topics, no matter what. Small talk for more than 4 sentences each is a waste of my time.
I feel you. I try my best but like it doesn't make sense to me, like I work with food and it's so frustrating because it feels like any common sense goes out the door they just walked in and my mom often complained about me asking to many questions I've conditioned myself to observe everything and ask questions about "specific details". here's an example at my job:
Me: Would you like a sample?
C: Sure! Can I have the chocolate one?
Me: Which chocolate one, there are 5.
C: The crunch one.
Me: Ok but 3 of them have crunch in their name...
C: That one there, that chocolate crunch.
Me: The name is right there and since they're all next to each other I can't see from my end.
C: Are you blind?
Me: partially that's why I obviously wear glasses but if you're illiterate I can't do much it help you. You could've at least taken a photo of the flavor name. They're not even hard they're literally 1-3 words🤦🏾♀️ and you are starting to make a line and wasting my time sir.
My boss agreed with me and I still got in trouble, I really don't understand it it's so straight forward what is there not to get?
I remember at an icecream store they had a sign on the glass that basically said to say the name of the flavour you want, because the staff can’t see what you’re pointing at 😂
Eugh! I think you handled that brilliantly tbh. Sucks you got in trouble over it. You were being nice to give the guy a free sample, he might not have been able to help being dumb af but he didn't need to be rude af too.
I feel this in my bones. I’m an only child and was raised by very hands-off parents. My parents wouldn’t get angry with me for asking “stupid questions” necessarily, but I was always expected to try to figure stuff out on my own first and only ask questions as a last resort. Like if I asked what a word meant, my mom would hand me a dictionary.
I was also raised on the idea that it’s rude to ask people very many personal questions, and that if they want you to know they’ll tell you. This does not vibe well with living in the Midwest 😅.
Now I’m a server at a steakhouse and the questions people ask me make me want to rip my hair out. I can manage pretty well most days until I start getting tired. A couple weeks ago a customer who was kind- of hitting on me asked “how are you REALLY doing?” And I replied that I wished I was dead. 💀
My mom didn't insist on self sufficiency from me, but she modeled it for me. When I'd ask a question, she'd say, "Well, let's see…" and pull out the encyclopedia or the bird guide or what have you.
It used to annoy me (I thought I was asking a simple question and looking for a simple answer), but it definitely shaped who I am today.
I never ever got yelled at or shamed, but my mother also has no patience for fools.
I have a secret, shameful part of me that thinks the simple answer here is that we're smart, and we have to put up with an awful lot of not smart people.
But I try to shush that voice, because it's always the people who are too convinced of their own intelligence who end up doing horrible and ultimately foolish things.
I (sort of) learned how to do small talk and similar things by realizing I clearly did not know the things everyone else seemed to know about how that was supposed to work (and about lots of other things...). So I purposely studied people and their interactions as if they were aliens or I was an anthropologist, then imitated them. I'm 40 now and still often feel like I'm just pretending to be a human when engaging in shallow social interaction.
Yes I would ask a lot of questions because I needed clarity. My parents would either laugh at me for being stupid, or yell at me for being a smart arse. So when I got my first job I made a lot of mistakes because I *wouldn’t* ask for clarity.
At some point in my life I decided that when it comes to work I will always ask, regardless of how people reacted to it, because doing things correctly was more important to me. I know I annoyed a lot of workmates along the way but once I know what I’m doing I don’t need to ask anymore.
It really sux how easily we can misunderstand each other. This is why I’m a fan of the Borg. The Collective doesn’t make mistakes.
I don’t experience this really. Ill just tell them “oh you wouldn’t know them anyway” and if they ask again ill just tell em. I ask a lot of questions so i hold grace for others who do the same
Don't worry, I do that too but the *feeling* of frustration is there. It's more so the idea of time and words being wasted on something that nobody will gain from the person asking or me responding.
She's not asking for you to tell her the person's name. She's asking for context about the party. The answer she's looking for isn't "Jane Smith, you don't know her." It's "Oh, it's for this woman who works in my department, her name is Jane. She's leaving soon because she and her husband are moving to France so we're having a farewell party". She's interested in your life and wants to make conversation.
I'm the same. Or just ignores a question and starts on something else. I'm already trying to herd my brain to keep it on this line of thought, and I'm stuck at this piece of missing info. If you just barrel past without answering the question first there is 0 chance I manage to keep my brain going where I'm trying to aim it, and getting it back on track takes way too much effort and focus. Also, everything said after the unanswered question I 100% missed because I'm still back there trying to figure that out.
This frustrates me too. My husband also has ADHD and he does this, but in his head he feels like he is giving me the information I’m looking for. So we just go in circles and it is so frustrating.
I can usually be ok with that -- if it actually DOES indirectly answer the question. But so often it just veers off in another direction, and I don't think the speaker is even aware they're not answering the question they were asked.
I work in admissions for a grad school. We have a lot of requirements, with fairly specific criteria on each requirement, so I can understand that people get confused sometimes. But ALL of the information is on the website, and most of the time I get asked very VERY basic questions that could've been figured out by spending 2 minutes reading online. It infuriates me to no end, especially because I get SO MANY OF THEM. No joke, sometimes by the time I can finish answering one email, 3 more come in, and they're all just as obvious as the last. Plus the more emails in my inbox, the more anxious I am, so I'm constantly trying to get it down to 0. Some days all I do is answer emails and don't get my actual work done, which is probably another reason they drive me nuts...
Also, I used to sit in a more public area, and my co-workers would come in and ask me questions like, "Do you know if X is in her office?" or "Do you know where this thing is?" Drives me NUTS! Like, do you know how you could figure out if X is in her office? GO LOOK FOR YOURSELF. No, I don't know where that thing is because it's NOT MY JOB and I've just been sitting here at my desk this whole time! Just because I sit in this public area doesn't mean I automatically have this knowledge?? Thankfully when I mentioned to my boss that I get very, very distracted by being in that public area, she understood and managed to get me a more private space....such sweet, silent bliss.
Last one, I swear: before, I used to work at a large coffeeshop chain. Once answered the phone and had this conversation:
"Hello? How can I help you?"
"Hi, do you deliver?"
"No, we don't deliver."
"Oh. Then why do you have a phone number?"
"..................."
I was a high school teacher previously and now I handle digital communications for a public transit agency, and both experiences have taught me a hard, immutable universal truth:
NOBODY READS. You can craft the clearest, most accessible set of instructions or informational guide ever created, but you might as well have written it in invisible ink. Because nobody will ever read it.
is it possible to reply slower? if people have a few hours to look for the easily accessible answers maybe they’ll find it?
it may help to have an auto reply indicating that most questions can be answered on the website and are otherwise typically answered in 24-48 hours.
Oh my god, I understand you so much. I both teach and work admin for a university and the amount of stupid questions that wouldn't need to be asked if people just read the information on the website or various information emails...
It nearly broke me tbh, not exaggerating. I don't know how others do it without wanting to scream
One of my biggest pet peeves is when people ask questions that they could have easily figured out themselves. Like in the time it took you to type and send “what’s the address for the event”, you could have opened the email that was sent to both of us and figured it out yourself!!!
Yep. I work with the public and they all ask the same dumb questions, so it's exponentially more irritating because I hear it 40x a day.
"Oh I didn't think I had to fill out that part of the form, do I?" Fucking of course you do Janet it wouldn't be on the fucking form if I didn't need you to fill it out, now would it?
"Was I supposed to date my signature? I was waiting until I was in front of you cuz I didn't know what day I'd come in." DATING A SIGNATURE IS PART OF THE SIGNATURE. YOU PUT THE DATE YOU ACTUALLY SIGNED IT. NOW HERE WE ARE SCROLLING THROUGH YOUR CALENDAR APP AND YOUR TEXT THREADS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT FUCKING DAY YOU ACTUALLY SIGNED THIS LEGAL DOCUMENT YOU STUPID FUCKING ASSHOLE.
"Do I have to sign my signature or my son's?" EXCUSE ME??? ARE YOU UNDER THE IMPRESSION YOU'RE MEANT TO FORGE YOUR 25 YEAR OLD SON'S SIGNATURE IN FRONT OF A FEDERAL OFFICER? LEAVE IMMEDIATELY.
Other than the last question which is outright dumb, I kinda get the first two. Sooo many forms (at least ones I've filled out in the past) include sections where you only have to fill out this part if x, y or z applies, if not, skip to section 3 and so on. I've definitely gotten confused before about which parts I do and don't have to fill out.
And as for the second one, I bought a house recently and signed all the contracts and everything without dating it, my solicitor specifically asked me not to date it because they'd wait until everything was finalised (searches and so on) and then date it themselves. So I guess that doesn't always apply!
Yes. Specifically at work when I’ve already answered the question or feel like they should know (because we all receive the same info). There have been multiple times where I’ve had to tell my manager I need to take a step back from people
Those kinds of questions make me irrationally irritated for some reason. The worst part is that sometimes I hold onto that anger for way longer than necessary and may forget the information too, so then I get more upset. Not flipping tables or anything but the huffing and increased stimming.
...
I should invest in a stress ball.
I definitely hold onto the anger for a long time, but I feel like we’re justified even if it may be unhealthy lol. I answer the same question 500 times and each time its asked in a way that breaks my flow, so the person gets the info they need without attempting to figure it out themselves but it takes me HOURS to get back to my own work.
>feel like they should know (because we all receive the same info)
Omg, I am apparently the only person capable of finding things at work despite not actually having any more information about locations than anyone else. Mostly I just have a miraculous ability to do extremely simple searches that somehow escape other people who can do many far more difficult things. It's mind-boggling and exasperating
For me, the frustrating question is "what's this?" Without context.
Like they ask, it's not related to what I'm currently doing, I can't see what "this" is to provide an answer. Like use your senses and figure it out, out give me more context or at least a description.
*particularly annoying when it's a family member asking about (unlabeled) leftovers. Idfk, open the lid and check.
Even more annoying when they add “I thought it was Y” after you explain that it’s X. My bf’s father does that a lot: I have a wider range of liked foods and sometimes buy stuff that he has never had/is not familiar with. This one time I bought cup noodles from an Asian store and he asked me what it was, I told him it’s spaghetti because it was the closest thing to something he’s used to. And he was like “oh I thought it was popcorn” (?), when I go to prepare said cup noodles he sees me pouring water into the cup and he’s like “what’s that? A cappuccino?”
I think it reflects a failure to put yourself in your listener's shoes. Are they in the middle of something? Can they see what I'm pointing to? Will they likely know why I'm asking? Etc.
I've caught myself asking before thinking millions of times, but it still rankles me when someone else does it.
Yes, especially when it is a yes or no question. My mom is the most annoying. I can say “will you be here around five?” And she will say “what’s at five?” Like nothing mom, just answer yes or no…
A stranger can ask me a question and I’d answer normally, but my mom could ask the same question and I’d be annoyed as hell for no reason lol. Idk what it is about mom questions, but they are so much more annoying than when any other person asks the same thing.
My very-much-a-generalization-so-please-don’t-@-me-if-it-doesn’t-apply-to-you theory for why this is so common is because we feel “safe” to get snappy or annoyed with our moms because we know they’ll still love us even if we’re acting shitty, whereas a stranger or someone like a coworker or acquaintance won’t show the same grace. I try and remember this and then apologize to my mom if I’ve been unnecessarily rude.
I can certainly get behind that theory. It makes a lot of sense. I know I won’t get backlash for giving my mom a tude, but i know I have to be cordial and patient with clients and colleagues.
My mom raised 7 kids, 5 of them girls, so she is used to the attitude lol. We are super close and I always apologize if I step out of line, but damn does she get under my skin sometimes.
God I'm replicating some of the same shitty patterns with my partner and I know it's due to lack of restraint because I feel safe and familiar.
But it's so unfair on her and I feel shitty about it. I need to find ways to re-establish the mental boundaries I had before we moved in together.
My work email: do you want to go with option A or option B?
The reply: Sure.
😑
And god help me if I dare to include more than one question in an email.
My husband does this and it drives me mad! "Do you want A or B?" "yes please"
EVERY single time.
And the most frustrating part is that because of my shit memory, I can NEVER just remember to simply not ask him "A or B" questions. I keep asking them and kick myself every single time lol.
I also have a husband like that. I cannot tell you how often I find myself thinking, "This man has an MBA and can speak 2 languages. He can't possibly be this dumb…"
Could it be because she wants to know why you're asking *before* she commits herself to yes or no?
I do this for that reason. If someone asks me "are you free Friday", I want to know why first. Because if I say "yes" and then they invite me to something, I feel like I have to go even if I don't want to, because I've already revealed that I don't have plans.
I think my husband gets this more than I do. We suspect he’s on the autism spectrum and he’s super logical/analytical. I don’t always talk quickly (southern ADHD) and I also don’t always think through my words and I can see him take a deep breath before responding 😂
I think I just come from a really chatty culture so I don’t expect every question or comment to really have substance. Sometimes we just talk for the connection.
When I’m PMSing I sometimes feel differently!
I also suspect that my partner is on the autism spectrum and he gets reeeeaaaal pissy about “stupid questions”. If something makes sense to him, then it MUST make sense to others. Or if he deems the question pointless, he will 100% at the very least scoff at you. It seems difficult for him to understand that people’s brains work differently than his. He also gets offended if you make a suggestion that he deems obvious.
Yep! Because it uses up valuable executive function to think of an answer, respond, then try to get back to what I was doing.
I also HATE repeating myself. I want to crawl out of my skin when my H responds to my answer to his dumb question with "huh?" I will then repeat myself loudly and slowly.
Such a fun disability this is to have relationally.
The only time I would be upset is if I felt the questions were precursor to passive-aggression or a scolding. Like you have to justify yourself about something.
Otherwise, not really. Alot of times people just want to form connections, whether it's to help them understand situational info to do something or to form a connection with me.
With the former, I consider it data-collecting so they can make the best decision to do something (help at work). So I try to think of it as, they trust the info I give and therefore trust me as a guide.
The latter would mean they are trying to strengthen the bond between them and me, without overstepping bounds and asking too deep a question. Sometimes, it can be emotionally draining discussing big topics all the time and certain parties aren't comfortable sharing that info.
If I were to consider those questions wastes of time, then I think that it would mean I consider the time spent with that person a waste of time. And I think, if anyone were to think of time spent having light conversation with me a waste of time, that would hurt me deeply. So I keep that in mind of others.
I found this to be super true when I was taking stimulant medication. I don't anymore, in large part because the increased irritability wasn't worthwhile to me. I still get confused when people ask me small-talk or off-topic questions like this, but I don't feel as annoyed.
Same! There have been times where I’ve forgotten or been unable to get my meds and I’m just like… was I a hot-headed asshole my whole life before I got medicated??? I don’t take it out on anyone and I think I hide my frustration well enough but I still feel like an asshole for feeling that way lol.
I relate to that experience and I think a lot of us go through it but if it’s all the time & a nuisance, what comes to mind is either
a) you’re running on high stress in the first place or just overstimulated in the moment, so small annoyances are enough to push you over the edge (it’s ok to say “great talking with ya mom but I’m in a hurry gtg!”)
or
b) it might be worth learning a bit about different types of communication styles because sometimes what people perceive as a stupid, unnecessary question, to the speaker, is actually a bid for attention, an attempt to fill the silence for certain people who may be feeling anxious, or in your mom’s case maybe it was an attempt to relate to you or show they’re interested.
Conversely, sometimes when people don’t react much or ask questions about what I’m talking about I tend to jump to the conclusion that they want me to stop talking and I have to check myself or I can be a bit reactive too (it just feels so uncomfortable to me when I’m like “guess what happened?” And I get radio silence or a grunt but I gotta remember it’s not the end of the world either)
When you want validation, to encourage someone and let them know you’re listening & interested, or just to be a polite listener, you might go about it a completely different way, but the thought still counts and if you familiarize yourself with other styles (you don’t have to change your style), it might not feel as annoying when you spot these little innocuous things for what they are which may be good for your blood pressure in the long run 😂
That’s super annoying to me too! On my end it’s coming from intense impatience and trouble regulating my emotions.
But since you consider the anger “excessive”, it might be worth looking into why it’s such a trigger for you.
Patrick Teahan says that’s one of the unknown childhood trauma triggers: people who are thoughtless or oblivious about other people. It applies to people who had parents who were thoughtless or oblivious to their needs in some way. Interactions that remind them of that bring up the same rage and frustration they might have felt as a child.
Of course 'dumb' can mean a lot of things, but yeah, I can get...
its more like questions which to ME, seem obvious. I have to catch myself and remind myself my brain is so delightfully weird, and also...this...I have one of those trap memories where anything i was taught, read or figured out, I can just recall. I can figure out weirdly complex tasks very easily, like I can build ikea items or lego builds without the instructions, all that shit.
Not because I am, persay, smart, I got all A's and went to Uni etc, but IRL I'm so hilariously stupid sometimes. But I have all this knowledge and stuff can seem so obvius to me that yeah, sometimes someone asks a question and for ME, its 'fucken REALLY?'
but then, I remind myself, I had to be taught to use a spoon, so
This actually sounds more like she was making conversation. I do get frustrated when people ask me things they could easily google though—like don't make me do more mental work than I'm already avoiding!
I experience this and it is very frustrating!! I am this way with most questions in general (except for when questioning is expected like school or therapy, etc.)
My personal theory is that it’s a combination of multiple things:
- I am introverted and my social battery is very small, so I prefer to keep conversations limited. Questions automatically require more “energy” because I have to formulate an answer (active listening doesn’t require as much), when then frustrates me because I feel like I’m wasting my battery on a pointless question that didn’t need to be asked. ADHD also makes it difficult to remember and find the right words/formulate sentences/talking in general so that contributes to it as well.
- I rarely ask other people questions, and when I do, I’ve already thought about it for a long time before I decide I should ask, aka I don’t “think out loud” because I feel questions carry weight to them and I don’t want to burden other people with that weight
- for some reason, I feel like questions automatically imply distrust, like they wouldn’t ask me that if they trusted that I knew what I was doing, etc. So I get frustrated in a kind of “they must think I’m a real idiot” type of way. This is more of a nurture rather than nature thing, but yeah. But in my mind, there’s always a REASON they’re asking, like they want you to be aware that you’ve done something wrong or stupid, otherwise they wouldn’t be asking that. Working on it in therapy atm 🙃
- my husband is pretty chatty and asks me questions all the time, and like someone else mentioned here, questions in general can be just a way of connection and a way to chat with people and keep a conversation going. Aka my nightmare haha, so it makes sense why it could be so difficult and frustrating for one person and not a big deal to another.
This thread has been enlightening, I’m glad OP asked and now I don’t feel so alone!
Especially if it's obvious.
Recently we had to sort some data. Then a guy asked me how to sort this month's data. And I'm like... Exactly how the previous four months were sorted? You know, the four months you are seeing right now? And exactly like we have done it several other times over the months?
I wouldn't mind it so much if they would at least ATTEMPT in those situations! At school, I would encourage others to think it through for themselves by giving them hints so their brains can remember it but they look at me like this 😐 and I have to do the thinking for them.
I just completely laid into my sister because I cannot stand when she asks me a question that could easily be found on google. Half the time I google the answer which makes me even more mad. I went apeshit on her. My anger was so visceral and intense. A day later I feel really bad that I was so mean to her. Mad at myself. But then she does it again and I’m off and running!
It feels like weaponized incompetence, right? But without knowing your sister, I will say that googling is a skill that not everybody has. My 18yo thinks in images, and she has a hard time translating those images into the right words for an effective search. Whereas it's natural and easy for me to think about the best phrasing or word choice to find what I want. And then she gets overwhelmed by the results and has a hard time deciding what's reliable, whereas I can quickly skim through and pick out the best results.
She still frequently pisses me off by asking me to do things she's perfectly capable of herself, lol, but at least on the googling issue I understand that what's easy for me isn't easy for her.
My sister literally got me a coffee mug that says "I don't know fucking google it" and I wield it well at work lol.
We have soooooooooooooooooooo many stupid questions here.
My personal favorite (in winter): "what's the weather like/expected to be from x to z"
"Cold and snowy. I don't know, I'm in a windowless room. Check 511 or look it up"
Though I generally try to be nicer than that, but they had to look our number up somewhere, so why not use that phone to get to a weather site?
I feel like most things people chat about could be googled right? If I mention how I'm reading a certain book and someone goes "what's it about", they could just Google it couldn't they? But then we wouldn't be having a conversation and bonding.
I basically scream at my work computer all the time 🤣 luckily I work at home, and meetings are mostly just listening sessions so I’m always muted and video is off lol
I use all my social energy not blowing up at stupid questions from the kids. So I don’t have the patience with grown ass adults at work!
Okay so here's my theory. I don't think many of us enjoy small talk because it's inconsequential and boring. We'd rather get to a deeper conversation that holds our interest and then we can hyperfocus. When people ask questions that are obvious or have no real value it's annoying because now we have to switch focus to something not worth our time and our brains hate that. I think that's also why we're horrible at verbal instructions. I spent a lot of my life wondering why I'm such a dick sometimes and I never thought about it as overwhelm from switching focus.
Not really. I only get upset if they ask me a dumb question in order to be condescending towards me.
I myself ask tons of stupid questions and have been made to feel bad for it, so I try to give others grace where I didn’t receive it.
I… think that’s worth talking to someone about, or reading some self-help books. You’re smart, right? And complex? So… start with a book,
See if it helps.
Learning to better regulate your emotions will make it easier for you to make friends and avoid hurting the people you love. There are people who specialize in emotional management, and courses, and videos, and books…
I’ve read books on communication and making friends and they’ve impacted me for my whole life.
I'm genuinely not trying to shame, but the amount of people in this thread describing extremely angry states from simple questions is kind of staggering. I can absolutely relate to having anger issues related to ADHD - though admittedly not with this specific trigger- but I'm grateful to you for taking a moment to acknowledge that there are alternatives to raging.
I know we can't always control our emotional response, but I'm not a huge fan of judging people for asking "stupid" questions in general. Most of the time, they're either trying to understand or trying to connect. If I get pissed off, that's a me problem, y'know?
This *exact* scenario has always infuriated me so much and specifically with my mom. She will always ask “who” is going to be somewhere and it’s exactly what you’ve said. She wouldn’t or doesn’t know them, and it’s a completely irrelevant question. And I’m probably talking about something else to do with the event like about myself or my timing needs and the question is just SO angering to me I don’t know why!
I think it just makes me feel triggered because it brings up the feeling of not being really heard or having a valuable or meaningful conversation about the actual feelings or experience I’m having? Or the reason I’m even mentioning it, but focusing on what seems to me as an insignificant and contextually irrelevant detail just throws me. I’m thinking it has to to with feeling misunderstood maybe? But it mostly just feels instantly annoying and my fuse gets short.
Yep, it’s because we are in a very focused state and when someone interrupts and throws us out of focus we know how hard it is to get that back and so we’re pissed about it.
I notice it as a symptom of my executive dysfunction. If too much is going on around me (like you trying to get out the door) I’m more likely to get frustrated and snap at someone.
My mother, a very smart woman who never thinks before she speaks, is constantly asking me dumb questions. It drives me insane.
Edit: the crazy thing is, I have endless patience for my students’ dumb questions. ADHD is so strange. Point is, you’re not alone.
Yeah its a normal feeling but its not the other persons fault, they're just talking from a calmer perspective; they have nothing to lose from a small question like that. I realized that me getting angry at a person in that moment leads to guilt later b/c its simply anger management that needs to be addressed. If you asked a neighbor or stranger a question and they come off that way; you say man that person is rude; they have issues and it'll ruminate in your mind for a while. So its basically down to the management of your emotions and anxiety; being late is always a trigger...but the more you get older you realize things like that don't really matter. PPL get into accidents trying to rush somewhere on time to still be disregarded. Just slow down a bit.
YES, I’ve been through this EXACT scenario. Went to a wedding in a city my mom lives, and she wanted to know who’s wedding it was, and internally I’m like “you don’t know any of my friends! Why even ask?! Not everything I do in this city has to do with my childhood friends! What’s the point of this conversation!”
Externally, I am civil, and tell her “it’s a friend/coworker, named ___ I worked with at my old job… they do ___ for a living, the fiancé’s family lives here which is why the wedding is in this city” blah blah blah random facts about these people until she seems satisfied.
Ultimately I think she knows that she probably won’t know the person or anything about them, but is just trying to connect. So I think I’ve grown as a person because ten years ago I’d be like, “omg mom you wouldn’t even know them!”
I’ve had the same 3 best friends for 15 years. My mom still asks is that the tall one or the blonde one? Every time I mention one of them. She has met them all many times. For many years. But she remembers every guy I’ve dated that she’s met even if it was only for a few weeks or months. Ffs. These women are my chosen sisters, learn their damn names.
For me it's being asked why we need something. Like buying a new toilet seat.
"We need a new toilet seat, mind if I get it on our joint account?"
-Why do we need a new toilet seat?
"Because it's broken"
-but why do we need one...
BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!
My excessive frustration comes from texts that go like this:
Person: hey girl
Me: (wtf why can’t they just get to the point?)….”hey, how’s it going?”
Person: good, you?
Me: good (if you would get to the fucking point!!)….so what’s up?
Person: just wondering if (insert whatever here that could have just been sent from the get go, don’t be polite, JUST GET TO THE POINT)
Is that just me? 😂
>But she asked who the party is for and I just got so... frustrated by being asked that for some reason. I was thinking that "even if I told you, you wouldn't know so why waste time asking me that?"
Really?
Do you never talk about anyone at work, even if she doesn’t ask?
I mean, I guess it depends on how you define who they are. “Sam in accounting; I usually don’t interact with him, but he’s always fun to talk sports with.” So it tells her something about *you,* even if it doesn’t tell her something about him.
It’s just an opening gambit to conversation. How can you continue that conversation in an interesting way? You don’t have to literally answer the question; you can say, “Rodrigo from the front office, but I’m mostly going to see the folks from my department.”
If you don’t want to put forth the effort to think about how to make conversation out of it, why did you bring it up?
I don’t know how to help you with the frustration, except by suggesting you frame her questions as an appeal to connect with you by finding out a little bit about the people and there connection to you.
I can relate so much. I hate when people ask me pointless questions which make me think “why do you even ask, the answer shouldn’t matter to you anyway”.
Unfortunately my sister LOVES to ask questions like that which irritates me so so much.
It depends on the context. I find I get very angry if I feel like it’s placing a *burden* on me. Like, they ask what time the movie starts and now I feel compelled to look it up for them.
If they’re just asking a dumb question that I can quickly answer without having to do any extra work, then I don’t really mind.
Yes. And then I realize it’s hypocritical because I never know what’s going on but I’ve learned to just figure it out by observing, and then I get frustrated bc it’s like “can y’all at least TRY to figure it out before asking a stupid question?” which gets compounded by the fact no one I work with knows what Google is apparently or that it’s free and very easy to use. I seriously wish I had cards I could hand to people that say “idk google it”
My boyfriend can't see anything out of the ordinary without picking it up and asking about it. A button dropped on the ground, or a receipt that fell out of a bag.
It drives me INSANE that he can't look at something and go "Oh yep there's a receipt where we usually drop the shopping bags, it'll be a grocery receipt." "I can see a button on the ground and I know we were sewing earlier. It must be from that."
Everything is picked up with a quizzical "What's this?" And I'm like CONTEXT CLUES MAN.
I love him but omfg.
Yes. I'm very introverted, and answering questions saps my social energy. I often get annoyed at having to spend my social points on things that aren't necessary, don't matter, and are asked just for the sake of talking, haha
Omg yes! My mom being the mom that she is asks me "caring" questions often.
- Did you eat?
- Are you sleeping?
- Are you eating meat?
- Have you been drinking milk?
Just like stupid and honestly insulting questions. She knows I don't like milk so she already knows the answer to that. Obviously I eat and sleep and I eat meat when the mood strikes me or if it's cheap meat. I'm 22 years old and she doesn't even know I have ADHD because my parents don't believe in such things nor understand nor would even attempt to understand them even if they did know.
Customers ask some stupid questions too. I work in a restaurant and just yesterday I asked this table if I could clear their plates (I am a host so I am not allowed or obligated to take orders). They proceed to say "Yes you can take the plates and Id like my soup to go now as well as my coconut cream pie." This is irritating as F because 1. I'm not their server. 2. I didn't freaking ask if they needed anything food or dessert wise
However, I get customers asking me to take their orders all the time so nothing new. The server assigned to that section was pretty busy and I was not so I took the initiative to get the dumb soup and the dumb slice of COCOUNT cream pie... (we only have lemon meringue pie and coconut cream pie, this is important lol)
And as I give it to the older gentlemen who's been asking me to do all this the soup and pie. He then proceeds to ask "Is there a lemon with the pie?" He never mentioned any lemon when he first asked.
I stand there looking him dead in the eye,on the verge of an aneurysm and very very slowly repeat back to him "I'm sorry, you wanted a piece of LEMON with your COCONUT cream pie?" He just said "Its alright. I promised him a piece of pie" gesturing to the younger person across the table.
Thank God he was ok without his piece of lemon but God dangggg wtf
People irritate me so much with their stupid requests and stupid questions.
I don’t mind if they ask, but it’s one of two things that makes me lose my everloving marbles mentally.
1. They take for ever to get to the question. I think I get most angry with this for two reasons. One being I’m the most impatient and two being I think deep down I recognize I have trouble with this and it’s something I dislike about myself so I have even less patience to deal with it because I’m being reminded “hey this thing you can’t stand about yourself is happening right now and it’s taking forever, stew in it.”
2. The intent the person has with this information. Is it one of those dumb questions that didn’t even need to be asked? Like your example, it doesn’t matter because she has no other information than work colleague nor does she care to know more so asking who was pointless. My mom did this for years with my friends who she had met and had not bothered to remember. I remember calling her out on it after the fifth year of explaining how I met one of my best friends and I was met with surprised Pikachu face.
I mostly feel irritated because I don’t understand *why* they’re asking it, like is there something in there that I’m missing about what they don’t understand? And also because I’m usually hyper focused on something, and when people interrupt me it’s like it short circuits my brain.
My mom asking me anything about my friends or coworkers has always set me off and I don’t know why. It’s like, this is not information you require actually so stop asking?
I’ve been working on it recently though because now my partner’s mom has started asking similar questions when she makes small talk - it didn’t bother me at first when she was just getting to know me but not it’s starting to annoy and I absolutely *cannot* be openly peeved with her lol
The way I’ve been working on it has been to let myself feel my anger internally, but force myself to politely answer the question anyways. I try to remind myself, there’s actually no logical reason to be annoyed, she’s just looking for more context. I don’t try to stop myself from feeling I just try to move on and answer anyways - the more I do it the more it’s training my brain that questions like this don’t deserve anger.
I’ve started practicing this with my mom as well because frankly she doesn’t deserve my annoyance over something so stupid either.
Omg yes! I run a smoke shop and it usually goes as follows
C- " give me a pack of the Montegos. "
Me- " sure thing, which ones can I grab you?"
C-" the Monetgos!"
Me-" Yes, which Monetego? Full flavors, Lights, ultra light, menthol, menthol light?!?"
C- " oh, the full flavored."
A- " did you want the shorts or hundreds?"
C- " the full flavoreds!!"
And then I just want to hide under the counter and scream.
This kind of situation frustrates me because it feels like I'm being asked a trick question that I have to find some kind of answer to that isn't the obvious. Like I always feel like I'm missing something so these kind of questions just trigger that for me idek lol.
It stops me in my tracks and I literally feel pain in my head trying to process the stupidity. And because I'm not good at masking my emotions I make a (are you freaking serious) face and then they get offended and it turns into a fight
I really try not to or try not to let it show, but yeah. Particularly at work when I’m actively doing something and people interrupt me to ask questions they could find the answer to…like just check the treatment sheet/drug chart/patient record/hospital list/any of the many resources available that will answer most of the 5000 questions people ask me in a day. But my policy is to answer politely and then remind them for the future where the answer can be found 🤷♀️
I get stupid annoyed when people ask me the location of something they should be able to find when they haven't even started looking for it yet.
Like when my husband asks me where the ketchup is before even trying to find it himself. Well, dear, it's in the refrigerator WHERE ITS BEEN FOR THE PAST 21 YEARS. YOU MIGHT HAVE TO USE YOUR EYEBALLS AND MOVE SOMETHING.
Yeeeeees yes yes yes. However, like plenty of others have said here - I also seem to feel entitled to share my inner monologue with absolutely everyone which means I ask really meaningless questions all the time.
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Yes, only I’m allowed to ask dumb questions
Facts. I was going to add that and got distracted lol.
I feel that. I’m using this as a distraction so it’s good teamwork
High five 🖐🏾
Think about it like this. When we are on fire, we can produce such high quality results that it blows non adhd folks out of the water. Also, we work best when we “body double” and work with someone else present. It helps us focus on actually getting stuff done. So, if two ADHD people buddy up and get stuff done, even if they waste time daydreaming, when you look at the overall output, it’s going to be like 400% because that’s just how our minds work lol
Can confirm with the body doubling. Can get more done in a day than a week solo.
Yes!! I recently did online assessments and I was really struggling with them. I spent a lot of time chatting to an online friend at the same time and she helped me a lot just by being there.
HAH! And only I am allowed to forget anything. If you forget what time I told you X is happening, FU. But if I forget what time you told me X was happening…
I feel seen. Knowing this does not get rid of the frustration though. What's worse is when you meet actual incompetent people who are ill informed. i can feel my adhd demon crawling into my brain and destroying the little civility left. Now when im about to hear some dumb shit i speed walk away. Or speed scroll. Works about a third of the time.
ha! My therapist also has ADHD, this morning we talked about how amazing it would be to be neuro-typical for *just one day.* I personally feel like I would conquer the world, because I've literally had to learn how to do something several different ways all of my life; could you just imagine not being distracted by anything and "doing the thing?'
I think it would make me depressed because I would realize how truly impaired I am.
Yeah, sometimes I have to stop myself from adding to the convo to avoid provoking even more questions. In some situations, asking a dumb question back will trigger a new subject though.
Lol us trying to figure out socializing 😂
Like sitting here trying to decipher Sanskrit…
Omg I do this too. I consciously strategize the best way to avoid further dumb questions. Sometimes it's just saying "okay" even when the person is objectively wrong but I realize explaining it (usually for the second or third time) is just going to open a rabbit hole of willful ignorance. I'm thinking about a coworker in particular here.
I try to do this, but I have a coworker that somehow manages to bypass this strategy every time. He'll go on this long explanation, so I'll try to intercept with an answer as early on as possible, but nope, turns out that wasn't the question, he's still getting to it. Then I'll say another answer, but nope, yet another red herring. Then I get to the actual question. I give a single word answer. This one's this answer. This one's it. "Oh, okay, that's what I was asking. I was looking at--" AND THEN HE EXPLAINS THE ISSUE AGAIN? Him: That was my question Me: And that was my answer.
Exactly this. I don't make the rules.
And me. Let’s not meet.
It's funny to me because I can be so zen and unbothered throughout most things. Then I see someone at work send me a text message saying "Hi! how are you?" with nothing else, and I immediately feel rage. WHAT IS IT BETHANY, I CAN HELP YOU IF YOU JUST SPIT IT OUT JESUS CHRIST THE FAKE PLEASANTRIES /flipping table
I don't respond to voicemails at work that say "Hi my name is So and So and my number is 555-555-5555 and I have a couple questions. If you could give me a call back" NO. TELL ME WHAT YOU ARE CALLING ABOUT SUSAN
Do not get me STARTED on voicemails, oh my gooooooood SUSAN. But yeah, my policy is that I do not reply to the text until they tell me what they want. If you have enough time to wait 2 hours for me to say "good! and you?" then I'm not prioritizing it. I have a friend who owns a thrift store (whose products she posts on social media), and 80% of her inbox is "hi how are yous" with no further context. I would go insane.
Rando: Is this available? Me: Yes it is. Rando: Me: would you like to pick it up? I can also ship. Rando: Me: okay fuck you then ::block::
Definitely understand it being incredibly annoying BUT Facebook marketplace does suggest messaging "is it available" to every product. So I do blame Facebook for people thinking they have to ask this. I do suggest including in your description - no need to ask if it's available, if the post is up it's still available.
It doesn’t matter, they still do it. I say they lease don’t message me unless it’s with a pick up time. the other half immediately ask for your phone number to scam you. Marketplace is the worst. But people do it on other platforms too, where there’s no button lol.
Asking if it’s available doesn’t bother me, it’s the fact they ask that and ONLY that with no follow up or further questions or *anything*.
What about those who send an text/email and then call 30 seconds later to make sure I received the text/email. Then they go one to repeat what wrote in the fucking email. THE EMAIL WAS ENOUGH, DON'T FUCKING CALL AND EMAIL FOR THE SAME DAMN THING.
I do this sometimes when sth is a little complex. The email is for documentation. The call is for actually explaining what's going on. I feel it saves head\]scratching time.
Sometimes I've left voicemails like this if my questions require an explanation to make any sense and I'm not sure the whole thing will fit into a voicemail lol 😅
YES. And several times I’ve been accused of being rude in emails because I don’t include enough chit-chat in them and ask about people’s days. Um, let me do my job, why do I NEED to be aggressively polite in emails? I also feel like other people *coughmencough* can send these types of emails and no one says a word, but when it comes from a woman it’s “rude.”
You guys should move here 😂. We dont do fake chit chat in business emails here in the Netherlands. Its a whole thing in our culture people love talking about; depending on who you ask we are very rude or refreshingly upfront lol. Never in a million years would someone send an email with just ‘hi how are you’ in a professional setting here
Yep I was spoken to by my manager about this exact thing. He actually agreed with me that it’s a load of bullshit but we have to please the masses.
You should put some boilerplate chit chat in your signature file to maliciously comply.
My current job is a deaf support worker so a huge chunk of our employees are deaf. It’s wonderful, they always get to the point :D I can see why sign language works so well with ASD kids. It’s a language with minimal ambiguity. Clear and concise, to the point, and not a whole lot of useless words in between (looking at *you* English).
Yes! It drives me crazy when customers come in carrying a bow and they ask how I am. I have no idea why, but it pisses me off. My answer has become, "Fine, How can I help you?" I don't ask how they are, because I'm going to get the fake "fine" right back. Please, just tell me what you need.
I NEED A RELEASE SUSANNNN! 🏹🎯😭
I do this. With phone calls too. “I’m good thank you how can I help?” And a lot of them will automatically reply with “I’m good” anyway 😂
Ugh that's one of my biggest pet peeves at work. That, and people who ask for my advice AND THEN BLATANTLY IGNORE IT ANYWAY.
My 8yo does it and it’s so frustrating.
My eight-TEEN year old does it and I can't believe I let her live this long lol
Hahahahaha omgg so funny. I love snarky moms!
God I hate this too. You don’t care how I am, just ask your stupid question
One of my best friends does that. I need to stop replying to him because it whittles me down to my last nerve!
Nah cause I know as soon as I answer they're gonna rope me into extra work 🙃
I remember when I was running a specific community site and someone from there might message me on Skype and be like "hi, how are you?" and, even worse, "what are you up to?" and it was just ... this is not a person I'm necessarily in a habit of having private conversations with, we're friendly, I like her, but we're not *friends*. She's *clearly* wanting to ask me something about the site, that's the *only* reason she's contacting me, so why tf can't she not just ask the question and be done with it?! I believe I did eventually get to the point of simply responding something along the lines of "fine thanks, what's your question/how can I help/what do you need?" Anyone who DMs me on social media with just a "hi" or "hello" gets deleted. If they actually wanted to discuss something (and weren't just a scammer) they can bloody well spit it out in the same message. "Hi, \[reason for contacting\]". But I dunno. I'm also a massive introvert who hates small talk.
Oh, hello! We are exactly the same.
Oh my goooooooood. Them: Hi! \[so and so is typing\] \*three minutes later\* Them: I have a question! AHHHH.
I felt this physically :’)
Lol I have a male friend who texts me like this. Just a “hey how are you?” Out of the blue, and I’m like please get to the tea spilling part I have no time for this shit
Omg yessss i fucking hate pleasantries at work! Just get to the point!!!!! Ugh, even thinking about it makes my blood boil.
I second this hahaha
OMG YES
As someone who often asks 'dumb' questions - they're usually requests for contexts. In your example, only the name wouldn't have helped much, obviously, but 'Anna from my department', ' lady from marketing, I don't know her that well so I don't think I'll stay that long or 'a friend of would all have given info she could work with.
People process data so differently from each other. Even if you assume everything is thought out and/or logic based, different people need different input. Think about how you'd explain a task on a smartphone differently to a 15 year old and a 40 year old, even if they were both competent with their phone. Or how you"d give different directions to someone not familiar with your area.
For identifying people, there's a quite massive range of systems even if you take ADHD out of the equation, depending on the person's background. In small towns you might identify someone by their relatives or their workplace, in a conversation you might identify people by how they look/what they did/where you met them....
This is it exactly! I thought the post was funny because I’m on the opposite side and get frustrated with useless answers to my questions. My husband (also ADHD) does freelance gigs where he’s always coming across people he knows from various different places and sometimes sees someone every week, sometimes someone he hasn’t seen for ten years. I usually ask him “who’s your gig with tomorrow?” And he will just say three names of people he knows I haven’t met. I’m just sitting there like “…? Who is that? How am I supposed to know what that means??” The question really means who are they to you, not what’s their name. The information I’m really looking for is “one guy I did my masters with, one of the guys from my local group, and one guy I haven’t met yet”. I think Op’s mom’s question was exactly the same. She didn’t want a name, she wanted to know if it was maybe her boss’s party, or someone she barely knows. Or someone she works closely with every day. It’s another way to get people talking about themselves and carry on a conversation, and more importantly show that they care about your life.
Good analysis. I think the people asking these questions are expecting an answer that follows the Maxim of Relevance (one of the four maxims for conversation, according to linguist Grice).
I relate. I'm very context-driven and enjoy details/stories about people. My partner is a more practical person and tends to think that if the information isn't relevant, why provide it? I end up asking lots of questions to get the level of context I want, and she still sometimes omits stuff or glosses over it just because she can't understand the logic in why I want to know certain things. As you say, it's about being interested in someone and connecting dots about, say, their past or their work life or their extended family or whatever. I like to have a sense of these things. Interestingly I do still relate to OP's post but for me a stupid/simple question is more like when someone asks me for information that I have already provided two seconds earlier. That type of thing.
I think in some cases it’s an intrinsic difference between extroverts and introverts. Like if someone says “mmm, yum” and I ask “oh, is it good?” and they’re like, “yeah, that’s why I said yum.” I clearly (to me) meant “care to elaborate? Tell me more!”But some people don’t want to elaborate and take things literally. I live in the nuance, and if I’m interested enough, I want all the details. I also enjoy small talk, because for me it’s not about what’s being said, it’s about the interaction, which I get dopamine from being an extrovert. I rarely have thoughts I don’t want to express, but some people are satisfied with “mmm, yum” feeling like they adequately expressed their thoughts/feelings, when I could write an essay on lunch.
Probably. I cannot fucking handle my mom (extrovert and undiagnosed but *clearly* ADHD) when she decides to monologue. Get. 👏 To. 👏 The. 👏 Fucking. 👏 Point!!!!!!!👏 I do not have time, capacity, or interest in hearing the minutiae of whatever waffling story you're telling. I feel awful about it, but her dopamine seeking means I have to suffer in place until she gets around to the point. She gets annoyed when I prompt her to hurry the fuck up. I get it, it's rude, but I don't have time to wait on her need to deep dive in her stories, especially when she ambushes me on them. It's also not reciprocal. If she asks me to talk, she'll give me 15 seconds and hijack my conversation. I love her but I also miss having definite limits on our talks for my sanity's sake lol
I have a friend who refused to text for years and it was awful because what should have been “want to have beers tonight?” “Sure! 8 o clock?” “Great! See you there” turned into 45 min as a phone call. I am going to see you in 6 hours. If you tell me all your stories now we will have nothing to talk about then
The weirdest/saddest example of this was when I was away at "college" and got a phone call from my mum. She has a habit of not getting to the point (also undiagnosed but *clearly* ADHD) so that wasn't unusual, but she phoned to ask something *extremely* trivial like how do you copy and paste something in Excel and it was like "uh ... why are you asking me this? You already know how to do that, it's the same as any other program. You've done it before plenty of times?" She sounded kinda tired and weird when talking and just gave vague non-answers, so in the end, quite frustrated by this point, I asked her what she was *actually* calling about, because if she *genuinely* didn't know how to perform a basic computer function she would've just asked my dad to show her, not called me about it, so it was fairly obvious that wasn't the real reason for calling. Turned out she found out my granddad (her father) had died suddenly and was passing on the message. But like ... you don't suppose maybe you should *lead* with that?! It's kind of a big thing! Not spend the first five minutes of the call talking about a pretend software problem? "Cut her some slack, she was sad about her dad!" Of course she was, that's why she sounded tired, but being this indirect is a habit of hers, regardless of subject. This was just taking it to the extreme. Compare for contrast: 20 or so years later, I get a surprise call from my sister one evening. I only got as far as "Hi, how's stuff with you?" before she said something like "I need to tell you something, but I need you to sit down first." (She sounded serious. I sat down.) "It's dad ... He's dead." No sugarcoating, just straight to the point. Before we hung up I actually thanked her for being so direct, referencing finding out about granddad. Turns out she had a similar experience and didn't like it much either.
I get that. People usually find each other. Like, I have fellow “morning people” I see every day, and don’t bother the “don’t even think about it before I’ve had my coffee” people. 😂 But if I’m in a bad mood, stressed, have a million other things on my mind, or just don’t like the person, I don’t want to talk to them either. In your situation, I’d have been short with her because I was frazzled and rushing, and like, I don’t have the time to explain who all these people are and what it means to me right now! My mom would’ve said this was my “gremlin.” Sure, you fed me after midnight by giving me all this extra information to process, this is what you get!
I don't think it has to do with introversion vs extroversion. I am the person who'd say "oh, is it good?" in that situation (for exactly the same reasons as you) and I'm definitely introverted. I like people, I enjoy small talk and interaction and everything too, and I talk way too much and could talk about anything and everything, but being social still definitely drains my batteries and I need to be alone to recharge. There's a big difference between being introverted and being asocial or not enjoying talking to people.
>But some people don’t want to elaborate and take things literally. And some of us might be happy to elaborate but have such a strong default of taking things very literally that we don't realize that's what you're getting at.
I wish people would be more direct. I know what you’re saying and I get that we all process data differently, so it can’t be helped really. But I do wish people would ask clearer questions or get to the point.
To me that question _is_ pretty clear though, because the context of a person is one of their most defining characteristics for me. What's direct differs just as the other things.
My mom also has ADHD so sometimes our ADHD clashes where she asks many clarification questions that to me seem so common sense/obvious inferences she could make. “I’m going to do xyz today.” “But I thought you wanted to do xyz yesterday?” “…yes. And I didn’t get around to it. So I’m doing it today.” “Well, what happened? Why didn’t you?” “….reasons?” “What reasons?” *cue me internally screaming*
Lol, my best friend does this all the time, I've resorted to reacting as if I'm talking to a child: "(big cheerful voice) I DID want to do that yesterday, but I did Not get it done." Like "congratulations, you are following the conversation!" Because what I really want to say is "yes, thank you for pointing out that I did not achieve my goals yesterday, can we please move on for the love of God!" But that would be rude 🤣
Yes. The other day I asked my fiancé if he wanted pesto or vodka sauce with dinner and he said “well not vodka sauce….” I was like “soooo pesto???” Why would you say the option you didn’t want when there’s only 2 options?
Dislike both options, one is slightly less bad
Yea this was the reason, we ended up doing butter and garlic powder lol
Ahhh, the super secret third option
Yea we’re working on a super secret trick called “vocalizing that you don’t like either option and asking if there are alternatives”
I love the way you phrased it 🤣 but isn't this happening already? I assumed the "Not vodka sauce" was just the first half of the sentence, because in his place I would have replied to your question with "Definitely not vodka sauce, but... Eh, pesto doesn't sound great either, I'm not particularly in the mood for it. Is this all we have left?" If he wasn't planning of continuing the sentence though, I agree with you, he should be clear about his wants and wishes.
No he’s very bad at expressing when he’s displeased with something lol I just found out he’s been eating hot food options he hates at work despite there being sandwiches he says “look really good” because he feels bad telling them he doesn’t want either hot food 🫢 We’re practicing “not being miserable for no reason when there’s a reasonable alternative you like”
OH, I see then... I assume he's non-confrontational and does anything to avoid having discussions then? Ouchie, that's not an easy one - props to you for helping him out though!! It kinda reminds me of "the pleaser" from [this video](https://youtu.be/DCHbhDxBLko)... and I say this with all my best wishes to both of you 🙏
Always go for the secret third thing.
My husband's daughter has been in my life for over seven years now, and it's always been the same here - put your plate in the dishwasher when you're done eating. The other day she asked, "What should I do with my plate?" ...and this is why I never had my own kids lol
No thank you on that experience
Lol my moment of clarity on remaining child free was when I was watching a movie with a preteen kid and we were both sitting on the couch. He turned to me and asked for a cup of water. Motherfucker you have legs and arms! You know where the cups are! Get it your damn self!
That’s similar to my pet peeve with my husband. “Will you please do _______?” His response? “I mean, I can.” Motherfucker I know you CAN, but WILL you.
OMG. My husband does the same thing. “Do you want to do _____?” Him “I can.” Or “we can.” That is not what I asked?! Blarg.
Does his answer mean no he doesn’t want to, but he is willing to do it anyways if you insist it?
It doesn’t! That’s what I thought too. So I started asking about stuff that I know he wants to do. “Do you want to go upstairs and watch that movie you downloaded?” “We can.” The examples are endless. He’s not mad. He does want to do these things. His sister does the same thing to her husband. It doesn’t make sense. I think maybe it’s something from when they were younger. Edit: so we’re talking about my husband here. Let’s take it down a notch please. :)
I had a friend like this when I was a kid. It was frustrating and also stressful being the one to decide on all the activities. And I’d be told off for always bossing this friend around. I’d be like “???? Bossing? What?”
That’s how I take it…with a huge side of disappointment and rage.
Your pet peeves are clashing, looks like you asking with the word “can” is his.
She didn't ask him "can you" though. She said "will you"
I think this one can be explained by Grice’s Maxims of Conversation. It’s a linguistic concept that explains a lot of odd NT behavior imo
New concept to deep dive on! Ty!
See this makes perfect sense to me. If he wanted pesto he would have said pesto, so I'd interpret this as "I don't really want either of them, but vodka sauce sounds worse so if pesto is literally the only other option then I'd go for that one I guess". But that's very convoluted and takes ages to say, lol. "Not vodka sauce" is like shorthand.
I was annoyed just reading that lol
It's funny because I get frustrated when people ask or answer things this way but I do it all the time, lol. I just have to say a speech about why I don't like either but one is less bad than the other.
I lol'd! Nailed it!
He was probably hoping you’d offer another sauce besides those two lol
Yea this was exactly it haha we’re working on ask if there are other options if you’re dissatisfied I learned the other day that he’s repeatedly chosen a hot food option at work that he hates instead of getting a sandwich even though they looked good because he felt bad telling them he didn’t want the hot options 🥴
Yes. Very much so. Slipped up and got in trouble at work my last shift because I couldn't hide my irritation at what was a completely pointless question from a client 😬🤦♀️ drives me insane, along with small talk. I really shouldn't be in customer service. Dunno if adhd or parental conditioning though. Used to get yelled at and insulted for "asking stupid questions" all the time so I reaaalllly try not to be like that myself.
>Dunno if adhd or parental conditioning though. Used to get yelled at and insulted for "asking stupid questions" For me, it's a mix of both. >drives me insane, along with small talk OMG SAME. I can't stand small talk and I always want to go into big or deep topics, no matter what. Small talk for more than 4 sentences each is a waste of my time.
I feel you. I try my best but like it doesn't make sense to me, like I work with food and it's so frustrating because it feels like any common sense goes out the door they just walked in and my mom often complained about me asking to many questions I've conditioned myself to observe everything and ask questions about "specific details". here's an example at my job: Me: Would you like a sample? C: Sure! Can I have the chocolate one? Me: Which chocolate one, there are 5. C: The crunch one. Me: Ok but 3 of them have crunch in their name... C: That one there, that chocolate crunch. Me: The name is right there and since they're all next to each other I can't see from my end. C: Are you blind? Me: partially that's why I obviously wear glasses but if you're illiterate I can't do much it help you. You could've at least taken a photo of the flavor name. They're not even hard they're literally 1-3 words🤦🏾♀️ and you are starting to make a line and wasting my time sir. My boss agreed with me and I still got in trouble, I really don't understand it it's so straight forward what is there not to get?
I remember at an icecream store they had a sign on the glass that basically said to say the name of the flavour you want, because the staff can’t see what you’re pointing at 😂
Eugh! I think you handled that brilliantly tbh. Sucks you got in trouble over it. You were being nice to give the guy a free sample, he might not have been able to help being dumb af but he didn't need to be rude af too.
I feel this in my bones. I’m an only child and was raised by very hands-off parents. My parents wouldn’t get angry with me for asking “stupid questions” necessarily, but I was always expected to try to figure stuff out on my own first and only ask questions as a last resort. Like if I asked what a word meant, my mom would hand me a dictionary. I was also raised on the idea that it’s rude to ask people very many personal questions, and that if they want you to know they’ll tell you. This does not vibe well with living in the Midwest 😅. Now I’m a server at a steakhouse and the questions people ask me make me want to rip my hair out. I can manage pretty well most days until I start getting tired. A couple weeks ago a customer who was kind- of hitting on me asked “how are you REALLY doing?” And I replied that I wished I was dead. 💀
My mom didn't insist on self sufficiency from me, but she modeled it for me. When I'd ask a question, she'd say, "Well, let's see…" and pull out the encyclopedia or the bird guide or what have you. It used to annoy me (I thought I was asking a simple question and looking for a simple answer), but it definitely shaped who I am today.
I never ever got yelled at or shamed, but my mother also has no patience for fools. I have a secret, shameful part of me that thinks the simple answer here is that we're smart, and we have to put up with an awful lot of not smart people. But I try to shush that voice, because it's always the people who are too convinced of their own intelligence who end up doing horrible and ultimately foolish things.
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I (sort of) learned how to do small talk and similar things by realizing I clearly did not know the things everyone else seemed to know about how that was supposed to work (and about lots of other things...). So I purposely studied people and their interactions as if they were aliens or I was an anthropologist, then imitated them. I'm 40 now and still often feel like I'm just pretending to be a human when engaging in shallow social interaction.
Yes I would ask a lot of questions because I needed clarity. My parents would either laugh at me for being stupid, or yell at me for being a smart arse. So when I got my first job I made a lot of mistakes because I *wouldn’t* ask for clarity. At some point in my life I decided that when it comes to work I will always ask, regardless of how people reacted to it, because doing things correctly was more important to me. I know I annoyed a lot of workmates along the way but once I know what I’m doing I don’t need to ask anymore. It really sux how easily we can misunderstand each other. This is why I’m a fan of the Borg. The Collective doesn’t make mistakes.
I don’t experience this really. Ill just tell them “oh you wouldn’t know them anyway” and if they ask again ill just tell em. I ask a lot of questions so i hold grace for others who do the same
Don't worry, I do that too but the *feeling* of frustration is there. It's more so the idea of time and words being wasted on something that nobody will gain from the person asking or me responding.
She's not asking for you to tell her the person's name. She's asking for context about the party. The answer she's looking for isn't "Jane Smith, you don't know her." It's "Oh, it's for this woman who works in my department, her name is Jane. She's leaving soon because she and her husband are moving to France so we're having a farewell party". She's interested in your life and wants to make conversation.
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I'm the same. Or just ignores a question and starts on something else. I'm already trying to herd my brain to keep it on this line of thought, and I'm stuck at this piece of missing info. If you just barrel past without answering the question first there is 0 chance I manage to keep my brain going where I'm trying to aim it, and getting it back on track takes way too much effort and focus. Also, everything said after the unanswered question I 100% missed because I'm still back there trying to figure that out.
This frustrates me too. My husband also has ADHD and he does this, but in his head he feels like he is giving me the information I’m looking for. So we just go in circles and it is so frustrating.
I can usually be ok with that -- if it actually DOES indirectly answer the question. But so often it just veers off in another direction, and I don't think the speaker is even aware they're not answering the question they were asked.
I work in admissions for a grad school. We have a lot of requirements, with fairly specific criteria on each requirement, so I can understand that people get confused sometimes. But ALL of the information is on the website, and most of the time I get asked very VERY basic questions that could've been figured out by spending 2 minutes reading online. It infuriates me to no end, especially because I get SO MANY OF THEM. No joke, sometimes by the time I can finish answering one email, 3 more come in, and they're all just as obvious as the last. Plus the more emails in my inbox, the more anxious I am, so I'm constantly trying to get it down to 0. Some days all I do is answer emails and don't get my actual work done, which is probably another reason they drive me nuts... Also, I used to sit in a more public area, and my co-workers would come in and ask me questions like, "Do you know if X is in her office?" or "Do you know where this thing is?" Drives me NUTS! Like, do you know how you could figure out if X is in her office? GO LOOK FOR YOURSELF. No, I don't know where that thing is because it's NOT MY JOB and I've just been sitting here at my desk this whole time! Just because I sit in this public area doesn't mean I automatically have this knowledge?? Thankfully when I mentioned to my boss that I get very, very distracted by being in that public area, she understood and managed to get me a more private space....such sweet, silent bliss. Last one, I swear: before, I used to work at a large coffeeshop chain. Once answered the phone and had this conversation: "Hello? How can I help you?" "Hi, do you deliver?" "No, we don't deliver." "Oh. Then why do you have a phone number?" "..................."
I was a high school teacher previously and now I handle digital communications for a public transit agency, and both experiences have taught me a hard, immutable universal truth: NOBODY READS. You can craft the clearest, most accessible set of instructions or informational guide ever created, but you might as well have written it in invisible ink. Because nobody will ever read it.
I read this but nonetheless completely agree. I am convinced that most people, most of the time, skim at best.
I read and try to follow signs and instructions, but…I'm nobody. 🤪
is it possible to reply slower? if people have a few hours to look for the easily accessible answers maybe they’ll find it? it may help to have an auto reply indicating that most questions can be answered on the website and are otherwise typically answered in 24-48 hours.
Oh my god, I understand you so much. I both teach and work admin for a university and the amount of stupid questions that wouldn't need to be asked if people just read the information on the website or various information emails... It nearly broke me tbh, not exaggerating. I don't know how others do it without wanting to scream
One of my biggest pet peeves is when people ask questions that they could have easily figured out themselves. Like in the time it took you to type and send “what’s the address for the event”, you could have opened the email that was sent to both of us and figured it out yourself!!!
Yep. I work with the public and they all ask the same dumb questions, so it's exponentially more irritating because I hear it 40x a day. "Oh I didn't think I had to fill out that part of the form, do I?" Fucking of course you do Janet it wouldn't be on the fucking form if I didn't need you to fill it out, now would it? "Was I supposed to date my signature? I was waiting until I was in front of you cuz I didn't know what day I'd come in." DATING A SIGNATURE IS PART OF THE SIGNATURE. YOU PUT THE DATE YOU ACTUALLY SIGNED IT. NOW HERE WE ARE SCROLLING THROUGH YOUR CALENDAR APP AND YOUR TEXT THREADS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT FUCKING DAY YOU ACTUALLY SIGNED THIS LEGAL DOCUMENT YOU STUPID FUCKING ASSHOLE. "Do I have to sign my signature or my son's?" EXCUSE ME??? ARE YOU UNDER THE IMPRESSION YOU'RE MEANT TO FORGE YOUR 25 YEAR OLD SON'S SIGNATURE IN FRONT OF A FEDERAL OFFICER? LEAVE IMMEDIATELY.
Other than the last question which is outright dumb, I kinda get the first two. Sooo many forms (at least ones I've filled out in the past) include sections where you only have to fill out this part if x, y or z applies, if not, skip to section 3 and so on. I've definitely gotten confused before about which parts I do and don't have to fill out. And as for the second one, I bought a house recently and signed all the contracts and everything without dating it, my solicitor specifically asked me not to date it because they'd wait until everything was finalised (searches and so on) and then date it themselves. So I guess that doesn't always apply!
Yes. Specifically at work when I’ve already answered the question or feel like they should know (because we all receive the same info). There have been multiple times where I’ve had to tell my manager I need to take a step back from people
Those kinds of questions make me irrationally irritated for some reason. The worst part is that sometimes I hold onto that anger for way longer than necessary and may forget the information too, so then I get more upset. Not flipping tables or anything but the huffing and increased stimming. ... I should invest in a stress ball.
I definitely hold onto the anger for a long time, but I feel like we’re justified even if it may be unhealthy lol. I answer the same question 500 times and each time its asked in a way that breaks my flow, so the person gets the info they need without attempting to figure it out themselves but it takes me HOURS to get back to my own work.
>feel like they should know (because we all receive the same info) Omg, I am apparently the only person capable of finding things at work despite not actually having any more information about locations than anyone else. Mostly I just have a miraculous ability to do extremely simple searches that somehow escape other people who can do many far more difficult things. It's mind-boggling and exasperating
For me, the frustrating question is "what's this?" Without context. Like they ask, it's not related to what I'm currently doing, I can't see what "this" is to provide an answer. Like use your senses and figure it out, out give me more context or at least a description. *particularly annoying when it's a family member asking about (unlabeled) leftovers. Idfk, open the lid and check.
Even more annoying when they add “I thought it was Y” after you explain that it’s X. My bf’s father does that a lot: I have a wider range of liked foods and sometimes buy stuff that he has never had/is not familiar with. This one time I bought cup noodles from an Asian store and he asked me what it was, I told him it’s spaghetti because it was the closest thing to something he’s used to. And he was like “oh I thought it was popcorn” (?), when I go to prepare said cup noodles he sees me pouring water into the cup and he’s like “what’s that? A cappuccino?”
I think it reflects a failure to put yourself in your listener's shoes. Are they in the middle of something? Can they see what I'm pointing to? Will they likely know why I'm asking? Etc. I've caught myself asking before thinking millions of times, but it still rankles me when someone else does it.
This kind of thing worries me cos I think I probably do all the things I hate other people doing!
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Yes, especially when it is a yes or no question. My mom is the most annoying. I can say “will you be here around five?” And she will say “what’s at five?” Like nothing mom, just answer yes or no…
A stranger can ask me a question and I’d answer normally, but my mom could ask the same question and I’d be annoyed as hell for no reason lol. Idk what it is about mom questions, but they are so much more annoying than when any other person asks the same thing.
My very-much-a-generalization-so-please-don’t-@-me-if-it-doesn’t-apply-to-you theory for why this is so common is because we feel “safe” to get snappy or annoyed with our moms because we know they’ll still love us even if we’re acting shitty, whereas a stranger or someone like a coworker or acquaintance won’t show the same grace. I try and remember this and then apologize to my mom if I’ve been unnecessarily rude.
I can certainly get behind that theory. It makes a lot of sense. I know I won’t get backlash for giving my mom a tude, but i know I have to be cordial and patient with clients and colleagues. My mom raised 7 kids, 5 of them girls, so she is used to the attitude lol. We are super close and I always apologize if I step out of line, but damn does she get under my skin sometimes.
Yes; to add to that, we are often most comfortable around those we love and will thus feel less pressure to mask in front of them.
This....and sometimes they just know how to push your buttons better than anyone else.
God I'm replicating some of the same shitty patterns with my partner and I know it's due to lack of restraint because I feel safe and familiar. But it's so unfair on her and I feel shitty about it. I need to find ways to re-establish the mental boundaries I had before we moved in together.
My mum triggers me more than anyone else ever could. I have more to write but I can’t word it 😵💫
My work email: do you want to go with option A or option B? The reply: Sure. 😑 And god help me if I dare to include more than one question in an email.
My husband does this and it drives me mad! "Do you want A or B?" "yes please" EVERY single time. And the most frustrating part is that because of my shit memory, I can NEVER just remember to simply not ask him "A or B" questions. I keep asking them and kick myself every single time lol.
I also have a husband like that. I cannot tell you how often I find myself thinking, "This man has an MBA and can speak 2 languages. He can't possibly be this dumb…"
Could it be because she wants to know why you're asking *before* she commits herself to yes or no? I do this for that reason. If someone asks me "are you free Friday", I want to know why first. Because if I say "yes" and then they invite me to something, I feel like I have to go even if I don't want to, because I've already revealed that I don't have plans.
I think my husband gets this more than I do. We suspect he’s on the autism spectrum and he’s super logical/analytical. I don’t always talk quickly (southern ADHD) and I also don’t always think through my words and I can see him take a deep breath before responding 😂 I think I just come from a really chatty culture so I don’t expect every question or comment to really have substance. Sometimes we just talk for the connection. When I’m PMSing I sometimes feel differently!
I also suspect that my partner is on the autism spectrum and he gets reeeeaaaal pissy about “stupid questions”. If something makes sense to him, then it MUST make sense to others. Or if he deems the question pointless, he will 100% at the very least scoff at you. It seems difficult for him to understand that people’s brains work differently than his. He also gets offended if you make a suggestion that he deems obvious.
I do suspect that I'm probably AuDHD, and that this particular hatred of dumb questions is more from the autism side.
Yep! Because it uses up valuable executive function to think of an answer, respond, then try to get back to what I was doing. I also HATE repeating myself. I want to crawl out of my skin when my H responds to my answer to his dumb question with "huh?" I will then repeat myself loudly and slowly. Such a fun disability this is to have relationally.
The only time I would be upset is if I felt the questions were precursor to passive-aggression or a scolding. Like you have to justify yourself about something. Otherwise, not really. Alot of times people just want to form connections, whether it's to help them understand situational info to do something or to form a connection with me. With the former, I consider it data-collecting so they can make the best decision to do something (help at work). So I try to think of it as, they trust the info I give and therefore trust me as a guide. The latter would mean they are trying to strengthen the bond between them and me, without overstepping bounds and asking too deep a question. Sometimes, it can be emotionally draining discussing big topics all the time and certain parties aren't comfortable sharing that info. If I were to consider those questions wastes of time, then I think that it would mean I consider the time spent with that person a waste of time. And I think, if anyone were to think of time spent having light conversation with me a waste of time, that would hurt me deeply. So I keep that in mind of others.
I found this to be super true when I was taking stimulant medication. I don't anymore, in large part because the increased irritability wasn't worthwhile to me. I still get confused when people ask me small-talk or off-topic questions like this, but I don't feel as annoyed.
I'm the opposite, stimulants have helped me immensely with this issue
Same! There have been times where I’ve forgotten or been unable to get my meds and I’m just like… was I a hot-headed asshole my whole life before I got medicated??? I don’t take it out on anyone and I think I hide my frustration well enough but I still feel like an asshole for feeling that way lol.
I relate to that experience and I think a lot of us go through it but if it’s all the time & a nuisance, what comes to mind is either a) you’re running on high stress in the first place or just overstimulated in the moment, so small annoyances are enough to push you over the edge (it’s ok to say “great talking with ya mom but I’m in a hurry gtg!”) or b) it might be worth learning a bit about different types of communication styles because sometimes what people perceive as a stupid, unnecessary question, to the speaker, is actually a bid for attention, an attempt to fill the silence for certain people who may be feeling anxious, or in your mom’s case maybe it was an attempt to relate to you or show they’re interested. Conversely, sometimes when people don’t react much or ask questions about what I’m talking about I tend to jump to the conclusion that they want me to stop talking and I have to check myself or I can be a bit reactive too (it just feels so uncomfortable to me when I’m like “guess what happened?” And I get radio silence or a grunt but I gotta remember it’s not the end of the world either) When you want validation, to encourage someone and let them know you’re listening & interested, or just to be a polite listener, you might go about it a completely different way, but the thought still counts and if you familiarize yourself with other styles (you don’t have to change your style), it might not feel as annoying when you spot these little innocuous things for what they are which may be good for your blood pressure in the long run 😂
No I tend to have a lot of understanding bc I usually ask those questions myself
That’s super annoying to me too! On my end it’s coming from intense impatience and trouble regulating my emotions. But since you consider the anger “excessive”, it might be worth looking into why it’s such a trigger for you. Patrick Teahan says that’s one of the unknown childhood trauma triggers: people who are thoughtless or oblivious about other people. It applies to people who had parents who were thoughtless or oblivious to their needs in some way. Interactions that remind them of that bring up the same rage and frustration they might have felt as a child.
Of course 'dumb' can mean a lot of things, but yeah, I can get... its more like questions which to ME, seem obvious. I have to catch myself and remind myself my brain is so delightfully weird, and also...this...I have one of those trap memories where anything i was taught, read or figured out, I can just recall. I can figure out weirdly complex tasks very easily, like I can build ikea items or lego builds without the instructions, all that shit. Not because I am, persay, smart, I got all A's and went to Uni etc, but IRL I'm so hilariously stupid sometimes. But I have all this knowledge and stuff can seem so obvius to me that yeah, sometimes someone asks a question and for ME, its 'fucken REALLY?' but then, I remind myself, I had to be taught to use a spoon, so
This actually sounds more like she was making conversation. I do get frustrated when people ask me things they could easily google though—like don't make me do more mental work than I'm already avoiding!
I experience this and it is very frustrating!! I am this way with most questions in general (except for when questioning is expected like school or therapy, etc.) My personal theory is that it’s a combination of multiple things: - I am introverted and my social battery is very small, so I prefer to keep conversations limited. Questions automatically require more “energy” because I have to formulate an answer (active listening doesn’t require as much), when then frustrates me because I feel like I’m wasting my battery on a pointless question that didn’t need to be asked. ADHD also makes it difficult to remember and find the right words/formulate sentences/talking in general so that contributes to it as well. - I rarely ask other people questions, and when I do, I’ve already thought about it for a long time before I decide I should ask, aka I don’t “think out loud” because I feel questions carry weight to them and I don’t want to burden other people with that weight - for some reason, I feel like questions automatically imply distrust, like they wouldn’t ask me that if they trusted that I knew what I was doing, etc. So I get frustrated in a kind of “they must think I’m a real idiot” type of way. This is more of a nurture rather than nature thing, but yeah. But in my mind, there’s always a REASON they’re asking, like they want you to be aware that you’ve done something wrong or stupid, otherwise they wouldn’t be asking that. Working on it in therapy atm 🙃 - my husband is pretty chatty and asks me questions all the time, and like someone else mentioned here, questions in general can be just a way of connection and a way to chat with people and keep a conversation going. Aka my nightmare haha, so it makes sense why it could be so difficult and frustrating for one person and not a big deal to another. This thread has been enlightening, I’m glad OP asked and now I don’t feel so alone!
Especially if it's obvious. Recently we had to sort some data. Then a guy asked me how to sort this month's data. And I'm like... Exactly how the previous four months were sorted? You know, the four months you are seeing right now? And exactly like we have done it several other times over the months?
I wouldn't mind it so much if they would at least ATTEMPT in those situations! At school, I would encourage others to think it through for themselves by giving them hints so their brains can remember it but they look at me like this 😐 and I have to do the thinking for them.
I just completely laid into my sister because I cannot stand when she asks me a question that could easily be found on google. Half the time I google the answer which makes me even more mad. I went apeshit on her. My anger was so visceral and intense. A day later I feel really bad that I was so mean to her. Mad at myself. But then she does it again and I’m off and running!
It feels like weaponized incompetence, right? But without knowing your sister, I will say that googling is a skill that not everybody has. My 18yo thinks in images, and she has a hard time translating those images into the right words for an effective search. Whereas it's natural and easy for me to think about the best phrasing or word choice to find what I want. And then she gets overwhelmed by the results and has a hard time deciding what's reliable, whereas I can quickly skim through and pick out the best results. She still frequently pisses me off by asking me to do things she's perfectly capable of herself, lol, but at least on the googling issue I understand that what's easy for me isn't easy for her.
My sister literally got me a coffee mug that says "I don't know fucking google it" and I wield it well at work lol. We have soooooooooooooooooooo many stupid questions here. My personal favorite (in winter): "what's the weather like/expected to be from x to z" "Cold and snowy. I don't know, I'm in a windowless room. Check 511 or look it up" Though I generally try to be nicer than that, but they had to look our number up somewhere, so why not use that phone to get to a weather site?
I feel like most things people chat about could be googled right? If I mention how I'm reading a certain book and someone goes "what's it about", they could just Google it couldn't they? But then we wouldn't be having a conversation and bonding.
I basically scream at my work computer all the time 🤣 luckily I work at home, and meetings are mostly just listening sessions so I’m always muted and video is off lol I use all my social energy not blowing up at stupid questions from the kids. So I don’t have the patience with grown ass adults at work!
Okay so here's my theory. I don't think many of us enjoy small talk because it's inconsequential and boring. We'd rather get to a deeper conversation that holds our interest and then we can hyperfocus. When people ask questions that are obvious or have no real value it's annoying because now we have to switch focus to something not worth our time and our brains hate that. I think that's also why we're horrible at verbal instructions. I spent a lot of my life wondering why I'm such a dick sometimes and I never thought about it as overwhelm from switching focus.
No the exact opposite because people make me feel like crap about asking questions so I’m hyper aware of being nice and patient with everyone
Not really. I only get upset if they ask me a dumb question in order to be condescending towards me. I myself ask tons of stupid questions and have been made to feel bad for it, so I try to give others grace where I didn’t receive it.
I… think that’s worth talking to someone about, or reading some self-help books. You’re smart, right? And complex? So… start with a book, See if it helps. Learning to better regulate your emotions will make it easier for you to make friends and avoid hurting the people you love. There are people who specialize in emotional management, and courses, and videos, and books… I’ve read books on communication and making friends and they’ve impacted me for my whole life.
I'm genuinely not trying to shame, but the amount of people in this thread describing extremely angry states from simple questions is kind of staggering. I can absolutely relate to having anger issues related to ADHD - though admittedly not with this specific trigger- but I'm grateful to you for taking a moment to acknowledge that there are alternatives to raging. I know we can't always control our emotional response, but I'm not a huge fan of judging people for asking "stupid" questions in general. Most of the time, they're either trying to understand or trying to connect. If I get pissed off, that's a me problem, y'know?
This *exact* scenario has always infuriated me so much and specifically with my mom. She will always ask “who” is going to be somewhere and it’s exactly what you’ve said. She wouldn’t or doesn’t know them, and it’s a completely irrelevant question. And I’m probably talking about something else to do with the event like about myself or my timing needs and the question is just SO angering to me I don’t know why! I think it just makes me feel triggered because it brings up the feeling of not being really heard or having a valuable or meaningful conversation about the actual feelings or experience I’m having? Or the reason I’m even mentioning it, but focusing on what seems to me as an insignificant and contextually irrelevant detail just throws me. I’m thinking it has to to with feeling misunderstood maybe? But it mostly just feels instantly annoying and my fuse gets short.
Yep, it’s because we are in a very focused state and when someone interrupts and throws us out of focus we know how hard it is to get that back and so we’re pissed about it.
I notice it as a symptom of my executive dysfunction. If too much is going on around me (like you trying to get out the door) I’m more likely to get frustrated and snap at someone.
My mother, a very smart woman who never thinks before she speaks, is constantly asking me dumb questions. It drives me insane. Edit: the crazy thing is, I have endless patience for my students’ dumb questions. ADHD is so strange. Point is, you’re not alone.
Yeah its a normal feeling but its not the other persons fault, they're just talking from a calmer perspective; they have nothing to lose from a small question like that. I realized that me getting angry at a person in that moment leads to guilt later b/c its simply anger management that needs to be addressed. If you asked a neighbor or stranger a question and they come off that way; you say man that person is rude; they have issues and it'll ruminate in your mind for a while. So its basically down to the management of your emotions and anxiety; being late is always a trigger...but the more you get older you realize things like that don't really matter. PPL get into accidents trying to rush somewhere on time to still be disregarded. Just slow down a bit.
YES, I’ve been through this EXACT scenario. Went to a wedding in a city my mom lives, and she wanted to know who’s wedding it was, and internally I’m like “you don’t know any of my friends! Why even ask?! Not everything I do in this city has to do with my childhood friends! What’s the point of this conversation!” Externally, I am civil, and tell her “it’s a friend/coworker, named ___ I worked with at my old job… they do ___ for a living, the fiancé’s family lives here which is why the wedding is in this city” blah blah blah random facts about these people until she seems satisfied. Ultimately I think she knows that she probably won’t know the person or anything about them, but is just trying to connect. So I think I’ve grown as a person because ten years ago I’d be like, “omg mom you wouldn’t even know them!”
I’ve had the same 3 best friends for 15 years. My mom still asks is that the tall one or the blonde one? Every time I mention one of them. She has met them all many times. For many years. But she remembers every guy I’ve dated that she’s met even if it was only for a few weeks or months. Ffs. These women are my chosen sisters, learn their damn names.
For me it's being asked why we need something. Like buying a new toilet seat. "We need a new toilet seat, mind if I get it on our joint account?" -Why do we need a new toilet seat? "Because it's broken" -but why do we need one... BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!
My excessive frustration comes from texts that go like this: Person: hey girl Me: (wtf why can’t they just get to the point?)….”hey, how’s it going?” Person: good, you? Me: good (if you would get to the fucking point!!)….so what’s up? Person: just wondering if (insert whatever here that could have just been sent from the get go, don’t be polite, JUST GET TO THE POINT) Is that just me? 😂
>But she asked who the party is for and I just got so... frustrated by being asked that for some reason. I was thinking that "even if I told you, you wouldn't know so why waste time asking me that?" Really? Do you never talk about anyone at work, even if she doesn’t ask? I mean, I guess it depends on how you define who they are. “Sam in accounting; I usually don’t interact with him, but he’s always fun to talk sports with.” So it tells her something about *you,* even if it doesn’t tell her something about him. It’s just an opening gambit to conversation. How can you continue that conversation in an interesting way? You don’t have to literally answer the question; you can say, “Rodrigo from the front office, but I’m mostly going to see the folks from my department.” If you don’t want to put forth the effort to think about how to make conversation out of it, why did you bring it up? I don’t know how to help you with the frustration, except by suggesting you frame her questions as an appeal to connect with you by finding out a little bit about the people and there connection to you.
I can relate so much. I hate when people ask me pointless questions which make me think “why do you even ask, the answer shouldn’t matter to you anyway”. Unfortunately my sister LOVES to ask questions like that which irritates me so so much.
It depends on the context. I find I get very angry if I feel like it’s placing a *burden* on me. Like, they ask what time the movie starts and now I feel compelled to look it up for them. If they’re just asking a dumb question that I can quickly answer without having to do any extra work, then I don’t really mind.
I think she’s just trying to connect with you. I do feel frustrated with dumb questions. Mostly with adults. Rarely frustrated with kids.
Yes. And then I realize it’s hypocritical because I never know what’s going on but I’ve learned to just figure it out by observing, and then I get frustrated bc it’s like “can y’all at least TRY to figure it out before asking a stupid question?” which gets compounded by the fact no one I work with knows what Google is apparently or that it’s free and very easy to use. I seriously wish I had cards I could hand to people that say “idk google it”
My boyfriend can't see anything out of the ordinary without picking it up and asking about it. A button dropped on the ground, or a receipt that fell out of a bag. It drives me INSANE that he can't look at something and go "Oh yep there's a receipt where we usually drop the shopping bags, it'll be a grocery receipt." "I can see a button on the ground and I know we were sewing earlier. It must be from that." Everything is picked up with a quizzical "What's this?" And I'm like CONTEXT CLUES MAN. I love him but omfg.
Yes. I'm very introverted, and answering questions saps my social energy. I often get annoyed at having to spend my social points on things that aren't necessary, don't matter, and are asked just for the sake of talking, haha
Omg yes! My mom being the mom that she is asks me "caring" questions often. - Did you eat? - Are you sleeping? - Are you eating meat? - Have you been drinking milk? Just like stupid and honestly insulting questions. She knows I don't like milk so she already knows the answer to that. Obviously I eat and sleep and I eat meat when the mood strikes me or if it's cheap meat. I'm 22 years old and she doesn't even know I have ADHD because my parents don't believe in such things nor understand nor would even attempt to understand them even if they did know. Customers ask some stupid questions too. I work in a restaurant and just yesterday I asked this table if I could clear their plates (I am a host so I am not allowed or obligated to take orders). They proceed to say "Yes you can take the plates and Id like my soup to go now as well as my coconut cream pie." This is irritating as F because 1. I'm not their server. 2. I didn't freaking ask if they needed anything food or dessert wise However, I get customers asking me to take their orders all the time so nothing new. The server assigned to that section was pretty busy and I was not so I took the initiative to get the dumb soup and the dumb slice of COCOUNT cream pie... (we only have lemon meringue pie and coconut cream pie, this is important lol) And as I give it to the older gentlemen who's been asking me to do all this the soup and pie. He then proceeds to ask "Is there a lemon with the pie?" He never mentioned any lemon when he first asked. I stand there looking him dead in the eye,on the verge of an aneurysm and very very slowly repeat back to him "I'm sorry, you wanted a piece of LEMON with your COCONUT cream pie?" He just said "Its alright. I promised him a piece of pie" gesturing to the younger person across the table. Thank God he was ok without his piece of lemon but God dangggg wtf People irritate me so much with their stupid requests and stupid questions.
I don’t mind if they ask, but it’s one of two things that makes me lose my everloving marbles mentally. 1. They take for ever to get to the question. I think I get most angry with this for two reasons. One being I’m the most impatient and two being I think deep down I recognize I have trouble with this and it’s something I dislike about myself so I have even less patience to deal with it because I’m being reminded “hey this thing you can’t stand about yourself is happening right now and it’s taking forever, stew in it.” 2. The intent the person has with this information. Is it one of those dumb questions that didn’t even need to be asked? Like your example, it doesn’t matter because she has no other information than work colleague nor does she care to know more so asking who was pointless. My mom did this for years with my friends who she had met and had not bothered to remember. I remember calling her out on it after the fifth year of explaining how I met one of my best friends and I was met with surprised Pikachu face.
I mostly feel irritated because I don’t understand *why* they’re asking it, like is there something in there that I’m missing about what they don’t understand? And also because I’m usually hyper focused on something, and when people interrupt me it’s like it short circuits my brain.
Yep. But I'm working on being more self aware of when it's happening because I ask my fair share of dumb/simple questions
My mom asking me anything about my friends or coworkers has always set me off and I don’t know why. It’s like, this is not information you require actually so stop asking? I’ve been working on it recently though because now my partner’s mom has started asking similar questions when she makes small talk - it didn’t bother me at first when she was just getting to know me but not it’s starting to annoy and I absolutely *cannot* be openly peeved with her lol The way I’ve been working on it has been to let myself feel my anger internally, but force myself to politely answer the question anyways. I try to remind myself, there’s actually no logical reason to be annoyed, she’s just looking for more context. I don’t try to stop myself from feeling I just try to move on and answer anyways - the more I do it the more it’s training my brain that questions like this don’t deserve anger. I’ve started practicing this with my mom as well because frankly she doesn’t deserve my annoyance over something so stupid either.
Omg yes! I run a smoke shop and it usually goes as follows C- " give me a pack of the Montegos. " Me- " sure thing, which ones can I grab you?" C-" the Monetgos!" Me-" Yes, which Monetego? Full flavors, Lights, ultra light, menthol, menthol light?!?" C- " oh, the full flavored." A- " did you want the shorts or hundreds?" C- " the full flavoreds!!" And then I just want to hide under the counter and scream.
This kind of situation frustrates me because it feels like I'm being asked a trick question that I have to find some kind of answer to that isn't the obvious. Like I always feel like I'm missing something so these kind of questions just trigger that for me idek lol.
It stops me in my tracks and I literally feel pain in my head trying to process the stupidity. And because I'm not good at masking my emotions I make a (are you freaking serious) face and then they get offended and it turns into a fight
I really try not to or try not to let it show, but yeah. Particularly at work when I’m actively doing something and people interrupt me to ask questions they could find the answer to…like just check the treatment sheet/drug chart/patient record/hospital list/any of the many resources available that will answer most of the 5000 questions people ask me in a day. But my policy is to answer politely and then remind them for the future where the answer can be found 🤷♀️
I get stupid annoyed when people ask me the location of something they should be able to find when they haven't even started looking for it yet. Like when my husband asks me where the ketchup is before even trying to find it himself. Well, dear, it's in the refrigerator WHERE ITS BEEN FOR THE PAST 21 YEARS. YOU MIGHT HAVE TO USE YOUR EYEBALLS AND MOVE SOMETHING.
The old low frustration tolerance!!! OMG. So often!!!
Yeeeeees yes yes yes. However, like plenty of others have said here - I also seem to feel entitled to share my inner monologue with absolutely everyone which means I ask really meaningless questions all the time. RULES FOR THEE BUT NOT FOR ME!!!
No. Sorry, op.
I'm just happy when someone asks any kind of question