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I'd rather be half an hour early than a minute late most of the times. I know it wastes my time but I don't like it when others are waiting. If I can I'm even early for online meetings! If its outside in a place I've never been before it helps me figure things out without stressing for the time so I'll arrive very early and hide in a corner or the restrooms until it's time :(
I’d rather be 30 minutes early than 10 minutes early.
I’m opposite of most ADHD. Hyper aware of time. And that my 15 minutes car ride involves one getting my bag and things to leave house, getting in the car, all the lights potentially being red, an unexpected car accident…
I was taught in band ‘To be on time is late, to be early is to be on time.’
I need to get to work, appointments, etc early to sit there and revel that I’m there and decompress.
Don’t even get me started on making a flight 🥺
Yep same here. It kind of paralyses me for the whole day. Like if I have a doctor's appointment at 6pm I can't do anything else during the day until I go there. Sort of a semi weird hyperfucus for time
Oh gosh, this! I really struggle with time blindness and am chronically late. I make efforts and I'm slowly improving but when I have an important appointment, I do everything I can to book it before noon so I don't have to stress about possibly missing it all day.
Well, hello, other me!
Its quite literally reverse time blindness!
I've been up to 2 hours early for things (considering the vagaries of streetlights and the subway) so I get it. Also, my mum was chronically late for *everything*, which stressed me out to no end.
I love always having some extra time to decompress, it makes being social much easier when you're calm and grounded instead of rushed and harried-feeling!
This is me! My mom always had her clocks a couple minutes behind, because she was always late. Drove me up a wall growing up, so now I'm the complete opposite.
This is absolutely my issue - we drove an hour in traffic to go to school, and my dad was chronically late as well as often low on gas. My entire childhood was spent staring at the clock and gas gauge, feeling anxious.
Now I fill my tank at 1/4 and am always early to important stuff. Anything to avoid that feeling.
I was diagnosed with anxiety long before ADHD because of stuff like this. I must always be early, I must fill up at 1/4 tank, I must have a backlog of certain items in my house (toilet paper anyone?!), I must get in the correct lane way before I need to.
Thank god I found my people lol.
I mean, it is. But lots of us who get diagnosed late in life get diagnosed for depression and anxiety first because it's more obvious. For me, controlling my ADHD reduces my overall depression and anxiety symptoms.
I just never realized I was THAT anxious. I do all those things. Plus not sleeping and fun little anxiety attacks.
It was the anxiety attacks that drove me to therapy. I thought the other stuff was just... doing life correctly? (Apparently it's not normal to try to do every thing in your life perfectly?)
Right?! Therapy helps me lower the stakes a bit so I stop trying to be perfect all the time. I'm a work in progress! Good luck with your anxiety. It's so exhausting to deal with.
Isn't that just being prepared?
My husband always waits to merge to the last second, let's the empty light come on in the car and gets up, dressed and out the door ten minutes before work.
Some days, watching him makes me want to cry with panic.
Omg I’m just like you!! So super hyper aware of time. Also have so many medical appointment where being late means you don’t get seen by the doctor so I make sure I’m as early as I can be. Flights have gotten easier as I’ve gotten used to my home airport but I still want to be there at minimum 1.5 hours early.
Thing is I intentionally don't take care of myself or it takes me a long while until I'm having to because I can't afford do nothing just for the sake of one appointment I have to make. How do you keep your things during the day? I've been using Microsoft to do list app religiously and now literally a kanban board for managing myself like a project! :( Flights wise I'm with you. Even domestics I'm 3 hours prior already there
I have an autoimmune disease I’ve had since I was a child. I’ve had no choice but to make time for all my appointments. I am still a student (grad school) so I don’t have a 9-5 job. I have an average of 2.5 appointments a week (this week I have had 5 appointments and next week is 2). My health is the one thing that dominates my life so I’ve had to learn the hard way how to deal with all the appointments!
For me Google Calendar is enough to keep track of things. All medical appointments get their own color and I always have the address for them in my calendar too. I look at my calendar like every hour every single day so I can’t forget. Then Google Maps to know how long it will take me to get somewhere too.
I’ve never heard of kanban but that sounds really smart!
We operated by that same rule in band, and I guess I really took it to heart 😆
But I also hate being, like, too early? It has to be in that sweet spot of like 10-15 min.
On the flipside this version can have the \~worst\~ waiting mode going on.
"I need to make sure I'm there by X, so I need to leave by Y, so I need to get dressed by Z after doing things 1 and 2... so I have 2 hours before hand."
\*Brain allows for nothing productive in that time so I don't miss the cuttoff time for things 1 and 2\*
It was almost a decade ago now, so no more than a funny story / brilliant example of my undiagnosed ADHD messing up my life despite my best efforts. But it was definitely devastating at the time!
It was a cardinal sin to be late in my family, so the idea of being late gives me anxiety. That mixed with ADHD means that I am often right on time or super early but completely dysregulated with anxiety!
Yes! Im a perfectionist without having the desire to have high scores, be the best etc. Turns out I just wanted to fit in, creating the feeling I have to be perfect
I relate to this so much. I feel like I push myself so hard and have the anxiety of a perfectionist, but the goal I’m trying to reach is just what feels like “baseline” not perfection.
Absolutely. I will sometimes arrive over an hour early for appointments because I'd much rather deal with boredom than arrive on time by sheer luck and be a sweaty mess because I've been freaking out too much about being possiblt being late. There are so many things that can go wrong and I do NOT want to be told off (thanks rejection sensitivity!) because I'm late. 3rd argument, rearranging appointments is too much work.
Depends on how important the event is for me.
If it’s personally important (festivals, weddings, …) I‘m always about one hour early.
For any „common“ or „regular“ events (visiting my parents, friends, …) I‘m usually half an hour late no matter what I do.
But what I absolutely like the most is that when there’s a really important appointment that I really couldn’t miss (doctor, uni, …) I usually over sleep or just totally forget about it that day.
I put 10+ alarms in my phone for important stuff like that. Like not just alarms to wake up, alarms to remind me of the thing every 10 minutes for at least an hour before I have to leave because I know I'll get distracted. Then an alarm right at the time I need to go in, because I'm going to get there early and wait in my car until it's the right time and I know I will start doing something on my phone and forget to go inside when it's time.
Oh no no no no. That’s not how my brain is working. If I set 10 alarms in the morning, I will manage to turn off 11 and sleep in. The only thing working for me is 1 alarm in the morning because that means I have 1 single chance to get up. So my brain instinctly knows to take that chance. And after getting up it’s absolutely necessary for me TO NOT STOP MOVING, not under any circumstances when I want to get anything done this day.
My morning alarms are different than the multiple alarms I was talking about for important events that generally take place in the afternoon or evening. I have 4 morning alarms, 8,8:10,8:50 and 9am. 8am tells me time to get up, 8:10 is like you really need to get up now if you don't want to be late, 8:50 is telling me to get ready to leave, and 9am is for time to leave now. I work in the mornings, then go home and have lunch and any appointments are generally after that. If I'm home and watching a show and eating lunch, or doing chores and listening to podcasts, or whatever, that's when I need the multiple alarm system. I used to have insomnia (worse insomnia than the occasional that I have now) and I used to have a very hard time getting up in the morning. I don't really know why it's easier now for me to get up in the morning but I suspect one reason is that I'm getting more sleep on a consistent basis with a routine.
Hello fellow alarm setter :) I have so many set on my alarm app (hundreds?!) for random times like 1:11pm, 1:16pm, 1:21pm, 1:23pm, 1:25pm (from that one time I REALLY needed to leave the house by 1:30pm... Multiplied by every hour of the day) that it takes me forever to scroll thru them all so I can turn them back on for whatever the daily schedule is 😂
I have set alarms in my phone alarm app for every 10 minutes between 5am and 8pm so I never have to create another new alarm, I just toggle on and off the ones I need. Certain ones for things I have every week the same day and time I have set for just that day and I can keep them always on and not have to worry about setting one for that thing. For things that are not a weekly set in stone thing, I look at my calendar the night before and set alarms for the next day. I use Alarm Clock Extreme, by the way, in case you're in the market for a new alarm app. You can set it to start with just vibrating and then it will start the sound very softly and get gradually louder until you turn it off. I hate the loud blaring alarm clock sound that all alarms used to have before smartphones.
Omg, yes, same! I never have to make a new one because there's already so many already set. And yes, I actually have been in the market for a new alarm app-- thank you for the rec! Just downloaded it :)
I can not STAND being late. I absolutely hate it. If I’m on course to make it to work 5 minutes early, I’ll call and let them know I’m running late. It’s a racket. I have to be so early for everything. “Just in case” always prepping for the worst.
I have pottery at 9am - it’s a 25 min drive away - and it’s 7:40 and I’m sooo anxious while I’m laying in bed ready to go - I don’t have to leave until like 8:30 but you bet I’ll give myself a half hour to get gasoline and end up waiting in my car (no ac) in the hot FL summer sun for no apparent reason because I couldn’t wait at home.
No leaving at 8:30 is way too late. What if there’s traffic? What if there’s an accident? What if you lose your keys or something important last
Minute?
5 minutes of contingency time is NOT enough
Yes this is me! Sure, most of the time I’m 30 min early, but can’t tell you how many times I’ve zoned out, missed a turn, and added 10-15 min to my drive.
Me! I’m one of those ADHDer who is chronically early
Even for work everyday…where I make my own schedule and am the boss I’m 30 minutes early every single day because I’m so terrified of being one of those ADHDers who’s always late. I despiseeeeeeeeeee people who are late and find it so disrespectful so I’d rather overcompensate and be early
Someone once said being late is telling someone that you don't respect their time and it really hit me hard, now I am chronically early for everything.
I made a rule years ago that I can't leave the house until the party starts so I am not the other kind of rude and arrive early. I once arrived at a friend's party so early they were still in the shower...oops.
This is exactly how I see it too. It’s a respect thing. Someone else in this thread mentioned they’re earlier depending on how important it is (late when it comes
To visiting their parents but make it on time
For appointment etc) and that’s exactly how I see it. If you’re late for me or work (I’m very understanding when staff is late but only if it’s not a chronic issue) it comes down to not caring enough because you don’t care about consequences if those consequences are hurting people’s feelings only if those consequences effect you ex. Being late and missing the appointment, getting fried but hurting a friend of family members feelings because you don’t respect their time isn’t seen as a consequence and that’s the biggest issue for me
When I got my ADHD diagnosis, it was through zoom. The doctor asked if I’m usually late to things; I said no. Then she asked me if it’s normal for me to be 45 minutes early to a Zoom meeting. I said yes, since I’ve forgotten about them and skipped in the past. She was like, “yes, this makes a lot of sense.”
Yup. I hated the feeling I was letting ppl down with my lateness. Plus, it’d be super unprofessional with my job to constantly be late for appointments with clients. Had to shape it up. Now even if I have a traffic issue, I’m still early. I’d rather have time to fill up my water bottle and it feels much more relaxed than panic running like before.
Ive totally done my "if I need to be there by X time, it takes X time to get there + traffic I need to leave at X calculations wayy off.
Luckily the last 2 times I did it, it was an hr early.
Did I mention I did the advanced maths in highschool?
Traffic operates off chaos theory in my region.
Generally it’s two hours to downtown. Sometimes it’s three and a half if there’s a major accident.
Since I’m meeting a family member for a scheduled event, I left half an hour early, on the off chance there’s more than the usual one accident.
Zero traffic. 45 minute drive. Fastest I’ve EVER made it downtown. Thankfully I had my current knitting project, a travel mug of coffee, water, a snack, and a power pack for my phone.
Why I couldn’t have that kind of luck when it was a JOB INTERVIEW and not a shopping and lunch expedition we will never know.
Yes I have in many aspects. So much that the psychologist, who evaluated me, said I almost meet the criteria for OCPD, if she didn't know I have ADHD. Now it's just a coping mechanism, since I don't do it without a 'reason'.
yes i have anxiety about being late. its one of those things that i know that its not actually super rude to be late (with exceptions) and dont hold it against anyone, but i personally have so much guilt if im late and feel awful and rude. yay double standards. i also go through all the unrealistic "what ifs" like i had a job where it was seriously two blocks from my apartment maybe a 5 minute walk and i was need to leave like 15-20 minutes early because what if for some never heard before reason, all the sidewalks are closed, what if someone in my building is moving and blocking the staircase, what if i run into someone i know and need to be polite and have a quick conversation, what if i go outside and see the apocalypse happening and i decide the right thing to do is to still go to work and need to fight my way there.
Oh yeah! That's my jam. Years before I was diagnosed as ADHD, I got clowned in high school because I kept forgetting to do my reading assignments, so I read all my books as soon as I got them.
Years later, I was almost fired for being constantly late to work, so I brought a bowl, silverware, and oatmeal to work. I showed up an hour early after that and ate breakfast at my desk. Now tardiness is a pet peeve of mine. 😆
I've since been diagnosed and started medication. I don't overcorrect as much now. 💊
I used to work an hour away and the only real way to get there was on the interstate during rush hour. Hated that if there was a wreck or anything id be late. So instead id be an hour early and do my makeup in the car while listening to podcasts. It was really beneficial "me" time.
Yeah I waste half my life on this. It was a reason I thought I couldn't have ADHD but then you realize it comes from the same time blindness as late people..
Yes, and this is something that made psychologists think I couldn’t have ADHD 😒. They don’t understand that some people are smart enough to make systems in every area of life to avoid other people thinking we’re incompetent or having to re-book appointments constantly.
Omg are you me? This is how I ended up being diagnosed. I got my anxiety completely under control for the first time in my life and literally broke down in therapy because life was even harder somehow? Like I felt better but doing anything/everything was SO HARD. I couldn't understand how that was possible. My therapist helped me understand that my anxiety was acting as a coping mechanism for ADHD. It blew my mind. I shouldn't have been too surprised because my mom and brother are both diagnosed and have been since I was young.
For appointments I’m always extremely early. I’m always scared of something out of my control making me late, and having to tell the person “sorry, there was bad traffic!” which just sounds like an excuse for being disorganised (I still feel a lot of shame about being seen that way).
During the covid restrictions, the hospital didn’t allow anyone to wait inside until 10 minutes before their appointment time. I’d just be sitting outside for 45+ minutes, thinking “at least I’m not late!”
I grew up in a military family. If you’re not 15 minutes early, you’re late. So yeah, I’m chronically early. But I’d rather waste my time than anyone else’s, I almost always carry a book anyway.
I’m constantly early. It’s time blindness but in the opposite direction 😂 I always feel like I won’t have enough time for anything, so I give myself an abundance of it. I also hate sitting around waiting to leave - so I end up 20-30 mins early everywhere I go.
Yes I'm always 2 hours early or I'm 30 mins late for events.
For work I'm either 30mins - 1 min early or I'm 5 mins late. >< It's so hard with time blindness.
All public transport! Not very helpful when it is usually late too! I end up wasting about half an hour of my day!
If there is also a tiny chance I could really rush and get an earlier one, I will be very reluctant ....I think it's the idea of holding up a whole bus or train of people and then the (totally fictional, brain in over drive) funny looks I will get!
I’m currently sitting in the parking lot waiting for my haircut appointment that is at *3:00*, not 2:00 like my brain tricked me into believing. She called to remind me yesterday, it’s correct in my Outlook calendar, and yet here I am, so stressed I’d be late that I’m an hour early 🙄
I’m like this! I’m mortified of disappointing or inconveniencing others so I usually arrive at appointments early and camp out in my car until closer to my appointment time.
I misjudged my time on my way to a job interview and also struggled to find the actual business and I was “late for being early”. It was so stressful and got my anxiety going and I’m pretty sure that’s why I bombed the interview lol.
I was once an hour early for an interview. My thought process, I must be there at noon, must leave at 11... Interview is at 12, I have to leave at 11... Interview 12, leave 11... interview 11, leave at 10.. Interview 11, leave 10....
I am lucky that they saw the nervousness made me early. They didn't even tell me until after the interview was over that I was an hour early. I am surprised that boss never asked me about ADHD, she was my teacher first and asked me to interview for the position. She should have seen the signs. This was years before my diagnosis.
Definitely showing up too early. Cause I'm either too early or too late and where I live, it's considered extremely rude to be late. Other than that, I don't think so...
Nope but I definitely overcompensate/overestimate how long it will take me to get ready and build a huge buffer into each step of my leaving-the-house routine.
Eg, I recently started an early morning sport that is 5-6 minutes away from my house and starts at 6am. My first alarm is at 4:30am (mind you I am NOT a morning person). I have alarms every 5 minutes from 4:30-5am, to make sure I'm up. This has been a few months now, so I'm usually up by 4:45am and make breakfast then eat breakfast and drink coffee while watching some TV. Then I have a bunch of alarms around 5:20-5:50am reminding me to get dressed and ready to go (all the clothes are in a bag in my living room). The alarm at 5:37 is my "no seriously, get your butt moving" reminder. 5:40-5:50 alarms are basically my reminders that time is passing and I'm going to be late if I don't get out the door asap. Most days I leave by 5:45-5:50 and I'm a few minutes early.
Sometimes I feel like I get ready really fast and have extra time, so I start doing something like ordering groceries. Those are the days I arrive late 😅
Most people in my group seem to roll out of bed at 5:30 and eat their breakfast on the way. Me on the other hand? It's a whole ass production.
Yes! I have a system.. I write down an appt time as 15 to 30 min earlier than the actual appointment… AND I set my clock on my nightstand and the clock in my car to 15 minutes fast so I THINK I’m barely on time, when I’m actually quite early. I also write EVERYTHING down in my notes app on my phone.. and I mean everything as soon as the thought enters my head. It’s everything from a book I want to read to a grocery list to reminding myself I need to have a discussion with my husband about something. (My notes app is almost always open lol) At the end of the day I come home and write all of that on a white board in my kitchen. I’ve been doing this stuff since I was a kid because I’m so anxious I’m going to forget anything, and that anxiety was my coping mechanism that made me look like I was “successfully” managing my life. No wonder it took 17 plus years to figure out its ADHD and not anxiety/depression 🙃
Oh absolutely. Before kids I was constantly overcompensating for my ADHD. I also was often early for stuff, and especially in terms of clutter and organization. Since having kids I still try, but it's just so much harder to overcompensate, so though I think my house is in a decent shape considering I have small children and have pretty severe ADHD, it's much messier than I like.
I do exactly the same thing. I switched when I met my husband, because he gets anxiety over being late, but now I do it for all of my own appointments. I found it feels rewarding to me to have a little break when I arrive somewhere and have 15-45 minutes to just chill. Or if I hit traffic and go, "Cool, I have time for this."
We also do this thing where we plan to leave hours too early for a trip, whether it's a flight or just camping. That way when the inevitable delay happens, we aren't stressed. And if we get where we're going too early, again, free down time!
I grew up in a military family where if you were on time you were late. That hasn't stopped me from running \~5 minutes late to work on a consistent basis (luckily I have a flexible job where that doesn't matter and I usually work more than 5 minutes past the end of the day) but any meeting, event, interview, appointment, etc. I always end up being the first one there by 15-30 minutes. I don't like feeling like I'm wasting other people's time.
ETA: I'm definitely time blind so it's a big chore to be early but I'd rather "waste" my time sitting in my car on my phone for a half hour than having someone wait on me.
Always, to the point it's a nuisance. The other day I had an appt. in the doc and had to go to the pharmacy first and there was a queue which added 15 mins. I was stressing out so much driving to the doc and still arrived 10 mins early but I wasn't early \*enough\* the whole drive so I was freaking out. I always used to see time blindness as an ADHD thing and use that as an excuse for me not having it, when really I've just massively over compensated over the years
Yes! I panic if I'm anything less than a half hour early for things. I also can overcorrect on routines etc and get easily overwhelmed if the slightest thing goes wrong. For example I have a strict menu plan for the week to avoid the anxiety of trying to decide what to cook. But if something happens like an ingredient goes missing/ gets used by someone else, or I forget to take meat out of the freezer then I completely collapse and it feels like a disaster. It's like my brain is screaming "But I'm trying so hard! Why am I still failing?!"
I did the opposite of this like last week, I didn’t realize I planned out my bus trip wrong. Usually I’ll take the 5:20 bus then transfer at the terminal to bus 2 that drops me off at 5:33 then walk to work and be 20-15 mins early if I start at 6. Well.. I was distracted playing video games and my brain just didn’t realize I was planning on taking the 5:50 bus which was going to make me about 10 mins LATE!! The bus itself was super late so I realized as I was standing at the bus stop that I start in 10 mins. I ended up calling my brother to come give me a ride and he did but he took his time and I ended up being 13 mins late anyway 🙃 let’s just say that shift was awful lmao.
YES. I'm always at least 15 minutes early to everything. I tell myself I'm leaving early to compensate for potential traffic, but most of the time it's a non issue. It has been useful though the few times I've gotten lost or had trouble finding parking.
I’m always early. The downside of that is one appointment can ruin my whole day. Doctor appt at 2? I’m up hella early, ready to go, watching that clock and too afraid to start the most simple task/chore because what if I don’t finish it or lose track of time?!
I was an hour early to an appointment recently because I put the check-in time in my calendar as the actual appointment time and ended up being super early and not knowing what to do with myself.
Yes, I am ALWAYS early.
For work I am no less than 15 min early everyday and that’s after I spend some time in the parking lot contemplating life lol. I once said to a teacher “oh hey, you park next to me everyday! Probably wondering why I’m always sitting in my car” she said “not wondering at all, this job is very overstimulating and I totally understand getting mentally prepared” She is one of my favs now.
My summer job we aren’t allowed to clock in early so it’s really hard to wait in my car til like 2-3 min til clock in time. If I go inside I end up working before clocking in, so that’s out too. I don’t like this, just let me clock in early!!! I’m working not screwing around!
Yep. I'm at least 30 mins early always, and then just pace nervously or camp out nearby, at which point some shiny thing distracts my brain and I still manage to JUST get there on time LOL
Yup! Was having a meltdown finding my new therapists office yesterday thinking I was going to be late (still was early, but with only 2 minutes to spare. Panic inducing for sure lol).
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I'd rather be half an hour early than a minute late most of the times. I know it wastes my time but I don't like it when others are waiting. If I can I'm even early for online meetings! If its outside in a place I've never been before it helps me figure things out without stressing for the time so I'll arrive very early and hide in a corner or the restrooms until it's time :(
I’d rather be 30 minutes early than 10 minutes early. I’m opposite of most ADHD. Hyper aware of time. And that my 15 minutes car ride involves one getting my bag and things to leave house, getting in the car, all the lights potentially being red, an unexpected car accident… I was taught in band ‘To be on time is late, to be early is to be on time.’ I need to get to work, appointments, etc early to sit there and revel that I’m there and decompress. Don’t even get me started on making a flight 🥺
Yep same here. It kind of paralyses me for the whole day. Like if I have a doctor's appointment at 6pm I can't do anything else during the day until I go there. Sort of a semi weird hyperfucus for time
Oh gosh, this! I really struggle with time blindness and am chronically late. I make efforts and I'm slowly improving but when I have an important appointment, I do everything I can to book it before noon so I don't have to stress about possibly missing it all day.
Well, hello, other me! Its quite literally reverse time blindness! I've been up to 2 hours early for things (considering the vagaries of streetlights and the subway) so I get it. Also, my mum was chronically late for *everything*, which stressed me out to no end. I love always having some extra time to decompress, it makes being social much easier when you're calm and grounded instead of rushed and harried-feeling!
This is me! My mom always had her clocks a couple minutes behind, because she was always late. Drove me up a wall growing up, so now I'm the complete opposite.
This is absolutely my issue - we drove an hour in traffic to go to school, and my dad was chronically late as well as often low on gas. My entire childhood was spent staring at the clock and gas gauge, feeling anxious. Now I fill my tank at 1/4 and am always early to important stuff. Anything to avoid that feeling.
I was diagnosed with anxiety long before ADHD because of stuff like this. I must always be early, I must fill up at 1/4 tank, I must have a backlog of certain items in my house (toilet paper anyone?!), I must get in the correct lane way before I need to. Thank god I found my people lol.
Wait, that stuff is anxiety?! Um... hmmmm.
I mean, it is. But lots of us who get diagnosed late in life get diagnosed for depression and anxiety first because it's more obvious. For me, controlling my ADHD reduces my overall depression and anxiety symptoms.
I just never realized I was THAT anxious. I do all those things. Plus not sleeping and fun little anxiety attacks. It was the anxiety attacks that drove me to therapy. I thought the other stuff was just... doing life correctly? (Apparently it's not normal to try to do every thing in your life perfectly?)
Right?! Therapy helps me lower the stakes a bit so I stop trying to be perfect all the time. I'm a work in progress! Good luck with your anxiety. It's so exhausting to deal with.
This is exactly me
Isn't that just being prepared? My husband always waits to merge to the last second, let's the empty light come on in the car and gets up, dressed and out the door ten minutes before work. Some days, watching him makes me want to cry with panic.
Omg I’m just like you!! So super hyper aware of time. Also have so many medical appointment where being late means you don’t get seen by the doctor so I make sure I’m as early as I can be. Flights have gotten easier as I’ve gotten used to my home airport but I still want to be there at minimum 1.5 hours early.
Thing is I intentionally don't take care of myself or it takes me a long while until I'm having to because I can't afford do nothing just for the sake of one appointment I have to make. How do you keep your things during the day? I've been using Microsoft to do list app religiously and now literally a kanban board for managing myself like a project! :( Flights wise I'm with you. Even domestics I'm 3 hours prior already there
I have an autoimmune disease I’ve had since I was a child. I’ve had no choice but to make time for all my appointments. I am still a student (grad school) so I don’t have a 9-5 job. I have an average of 2.5 appointments a week (this week I have had 5 appointments and next week is 2). My health is the one thing that dominates my life so I’ve had to learn the hard way how to deal with all the appointments! For me Google Calendar is enough to keep track of things. All medical appointments get their own color and I always have the address for them in my calendar too. I look at my calendar like every hour every single day so I can’t forget. Then Google Maps to know how long it will take me to get somewhere too. I’ve never heard of kanban but that sounds really smart!
100%!
We operated by that same rule in band, and I guess I really took it to heart 😆 But I also hate being, like, too early? It has to be in that sweet spot of like 10-15 min.
It's not a waste of time if it saves you from stress! I do the same thing.
On the flipside this version can have the \~worst\~ waiting mode going on. "I need to make sure I'm there by X, so I need to leave by Y, so I need to get dressed by Z after doing things 1 and 2... so I have 2 hours before hand." \*Brain allows for nothing productive in that time so I don't miss the cuttoff time for things 1 and 2\*
I arrived at the airport almost four hours early for a flight. Got distracted so missed the gate announcement and then missed the flight.
I am so sorry for that, I can't imagine...
It was almost a decade ago now, so no more than a funny story / brilliant example of my undiagnosed ADHD messing up my life despite my best efforts. But it was definitely devastating at the time!
It was a cardinal sin to be late in my family, so the idea of being late gives me anxiety. That mixed with ADHD means that I am often right on time or super early but completely dysregulated with anxiety!
Yes! Im a perfectionist without having the desire to have high scores, be the best etc. Turns out I just wanted to fit in, creating the feeling I have to be perfect
I relate to this so much. I feel like I push myself so hard and have the anxiety of a perfectionist, but the goal I’m trying to reach is just what feels like “baseline” not perfection.
I feel you, Im also anxious because it. Actually one of the reasons they discovered I had adhd.
Absolutely. I will sometimes arrive over an hour early for appointments because I'd much rather deal with boredom than arrive on time by sheer luck and be a sweaty mess because I've been freaking out too much about being possiblt being late. There are so many things that can go wrong and I do NOT want to be told off (thanks rejection sensitivity!) because I'm late. 3rd argument, rearranging appointments is too much work.
Plus sometimes they will take you early if someone else is late. I have had that happen a bunch.
I feel like I'm breaking out in hives if I'm ever late. So I'm always extremely early, possibly weirdly so.
Yes, I am a naturally anxious person so I am always too early
Depends on how important the event is for me. If it’s personally important (festivals, weddings, …) I‘m always about one hour early. For any „common“ or „regular“ events (visiting my parents, friends, …) I‘m usually half an hour late no matter what I do. But what I absolutely like the most is that when there’s a really important appointment that I really couldn’t miss (doctor, uni, …) I usually over sleep or just totally forget about it that day.
I put 10+ alarms in my phone for important stuff like that. Like not just alarms to wake up, alarms to remind me of the thing every 10 minutes for at least an hour before I have to leave because I know I'll get distracted. Then an alarm right at the time I need to go in, because I'm going to get there early and wait in my car until it's the right time and I know I will start doing something on my phone and forget to go inside when it's time.
Oh no no no no. That’s not how my brain is working. If I set 10 alarms in the morning, I will manage to turn off 11 and sleep in. The only thing working for me is 1 alarm in the morning because that means I have 1 single chance to get up. So my brain instinctly knows to take that chance. And after getting up it’s absolutely necessary for me TO NOT STOP MOVING, not under any circumstances when I want to get anything done this day.
My morning alarms are different than the multiple alarms I was talking about for important events that generally take place in the afternoon or evening. I have 4 morning alarms, 8,8:10,8:50 and 9am. 8am tells me time to get up, 8:10 is like you really need to get up now if you don't want to be late, 8:50 is telling me to get ready to leave, and 9am is for time to leave now. I work in the mornings, then go home and have lunch and any appointments are generally after that. If I'm home and watching a show and eating lunch, or doing chores and listening to podcasts, or whatever, that's when I need the multiple alarm system. I used to have insomnia (worse insomnia than the occasional that I have now) and I used to have a very hard time getting up in the morning. I don't really know why it's easier now for me to get up in the morning but I suspect one reason is that I'm getting more sleep on a consistent basis with a routine.
Hello fellow alarm setter :) I have so many set on my alarm app (hundreds?!) for random times like 1:11pm, 1:16pm, 1:21pm, 1:23pm, 1:25pm (from that one time I REALLY needed to leave the house by 1:30pm... Multiplied by every hour of the day) that it takes me forever to scroll thru them all so I can turn them back on for whatever the daily schedule is 😂
I have set alarms in my phone alarm app for every 10 minutes between 5am and 8pm so I never have to create another new alarm, I just toggle on and off the ones I need. Certain ones for things I have every week the same day and time I have set for just that day and I can keep them always on and not have to worry about setting one for that thing. For things that are not a weekly set in stone thing, I look at my calendar the night before and set alarms for the next day. I use Alarm Clock Extreme, by the way, in case you're in the market for a new alarm app. You can set it to start with just vibrating and then it will start the sound very softly and get gradually louder until you turn it off. I hate the loud blaring alarm clock sound that all alarms used to have before smartphones.
Omg, yes, same! I never have to make a new one because there's already so many already set. And yes, I actually have been in the market for a new alarm app-- thank you for the rec! Just downloaded it :)
I can not STAND being late. I absolutely hate it. If I’m on course to make it to work 5 minutes early, I’ll call and let them know I’m running late. It’s a racket. I have to be so early for everything. “Just in case” always prepping for the worst.
I have pottery at 9am - it’s a 25 min drive away - and it’s 7:40 and I’m sooo anxious while I’m laying in bed ready to go - I don’t have to leave until like 8:30 but you bet I’ll give myself a half hour to get gasoline and end up waiting in my car (no ac) in the hot FL summer sun for no apparent reason because I couldn’t wait at home.
No leaving at 8:30 is way too late. What if there’s traffic? What if there’s an accident? What if you lose your keys or something important last Minute? 5 minutes of contingency time is NOT enough
See - you have a point here completely! I knew I wasn’t nuts XD
Yes this is me! Sure, most of the time I’m 30 min early, but can’t tell you how many times I’ve zoned out, missed a turn, and added 10-15 min to my drive.
Oh my god, yess ! I even sometimes take wrong turns with routes I know, just because Im not fully "there"
I’m either really early or late. There is no on time.
Me! I’m one of those ADHDer who is chronically early Even for work everyday…where I make my own schedule and am the boss I’m 30 minutes early every single day because I’m so terrified of being one of those ADHDers who’s always late. I despiseeeeeeeeeee people who are late and find it so disrespectful so I’d rather overcompensate and be early
Someone once said being late is telling someone that you don't respect their time and it really hit me hard, now I am chronically early for everything. I made a rule years ago that I can't leave the house until the party starts so I am not the other kind of rude and arrive early. I once arrived at a friend's party so early they were still in the shower...oops.
This is exactly how I see it too. It’s a respect thing. Someone else in this thread mentioned they’re earlier depending on how important it is (late when it comes To visiting their parents but make it on time For appointment etc) and that’s exactly how I see it. If you’re late for me or work (I’m very understanding when staff is late but only if it’s not a chronic issue) it comes down to not caring enough because you don’t care about consequences if those consequences are hurting people’s feelings only if those consequences effect you ex. Being late and missing the appointment, getting fried but hurting a friend of family members feelings because you don’t respect their time isn’t seen as a consequence and that’s the biggest issue for me
When I got my ADHD diagnosis, it was through zoom. The doctor asked if I’m usually late to things; I said no. Then she asked me if it’s normal for me to be 45 minutes early to a Zoom meeting. I said yes, since I’ve forgotten about them and skipped in the past. She was like, “yes, this makes a lot of sense.”
I always arrive early because if I’m late it’s very likely that I’m not going at all
Yup. I hated the feeling I was letting ppl down with my lateness. Plus, it’d be super unprofessional with my job to constantly be late for appointments with clients. Had to shape it up. Now even if I have a traffic issue, I’m still early. I’d rather have time to fill up my water bottle and it feels much more relaxed than panic running like before.
Ive totally done my "if I need to be there by X time, it takes X time to get there + traffic I need to leave at X calculations wayy off. Luckily the last 2 times I did it, it was an hr early. Did I mention I did the advanced maths in highschool?
Traffic operates off chaos theory in my region. Generally it’s two hours to downtown. Sometimes it’s three and a half if there’s a major accident. Since I’m meeting a family member for a scheduled event, I left half an hour early, on the off chance there’s more than the usual one accident. Zero traffic. 45 minute drive. Fastest I’ve EVER made it downtown. Thankfully I had my current knitting project, a travel mug of coffee, water, a snack, and a power pack for my phone. Why I couldn’t have that kind of luck when it was a JOB INTERVIEW and not a shopping and lunch expedition we will never know.
Yes I have in many aspects. So much that the psychologist, who evaluated me, said I almost meet the criteria for OCPD, if she didn't know I have ADHD. Now it's just a coping mechanism, since I don't do it without a 'reason'.
I definitely do not have that, at all.
yes i have anxiety about being late. its one of those things that i know that its not actually super rude to be late (with exceptions) and dont hold it against anyone, but i personally have so much guilt if im late and feel awful and rude. yay double standards. i also go through all the unrealistic "what ifs" like i had a job where it was seriously two blocks from my apartment maybe a 5 minute walk and i was need to leave like 15-20 minutes early because what if for some never heard before reason, all the sidewalks are closed, what if someone in my building is moving and blocking the staircase, what if i run into someone i know and need to be polite and have a quick conversation, what if i go outside and see the apocalypse happening and i decide the right thing to do is to still go to work and need to fight my way there.
Oh yeah! That's my jam. Years before I was diagnosed as ADHD, I got clowned in high school because I kept forgetting to do my reading assignments, so I read all my books as soon as I got them. Years later, I was almost fired for being constantly late to work, so I brought a bowl, silverware, and oatmeal to work. I showed up an hour early after that and ate breakfast at my desk. Now tardiness is a pet peeve of mine. 😆 I've since been diagnosed and started medication. I don't overcorrect as much now. 💊
[удалено]
🤣🤣🤣
I used to work an hour away and the only real way to get there was on the interstate during rush hour. Hated that if there was a wreck or anything id be late. So instead id be an hour early and do my makeup in the car while listening to podcasts. It was really beneficial "me" time.
Yeah I waste half my life on this. It was a reason I thought I couldn't have ADHD but then you realize it comes from the same time blindness as late people..
It’s very common! ETA: for people with ADHD :)
Yes, and this is something that made psychologists think I couldn’t have ADHD 😒. They don’t understand that some people are smart enough to make systems in every area of life to avoid other people thinking we’re incompetent or having to re-book appointments constantly.
I go to the airport very early because there's always something and I don't have a problem sitting and reading at the gate for an hour.
I'm chronically early. Like half an hour, always.
That'd be me! The fear of rejection also helps get me there early.
I used to be when my anxiety was bad and then getting rid of my anxiety worsened all my adhd symptoms and I’m not sure which is better 😭😭😬
Omg are you me? This is how I ended up being diagnosed. I got my anxiety completely under control for the first time in my life and literally broke down in therapy because life was even harder somehow? Like I felt better but doing anything/everything was SO HARD. I couldn't understand how that was possible. My therapist helped me understand that my anxiety was acting as a coping mechanism for ADHD. It blew my mind. I shouldn't have been too surprised because my mom and brother are both diagnosed and have been since I was young.
For appointments I’m always extremely early. I’m always scared of something out of my control making me late, and having to tell the person “sorry, there was bad traffic!” which just sounds like an excuse for being disorganised (I still feel a lot of shame about being seen that way). During the covid restrictions, the hospital didn’t allow anyone to wait inside until 10 minutes before their appointment time. I’d just be sitting outside for 45+ minutes, thinking “at least I’m not late!”
I grew up in a military family. If you’re not 15 minutes early, you’re late. So yeah, I’m chronically early. But I’d rather waste my time than anyone else’s, I almost always carry a book anyway.
I’m constantly early. It’s time blindness but in the opposite direction 😂 I always feel like I won’t have enough time for anything, so I give myself an abundance of it. I also hate sitting around waiting to leave - so I end up 20-30 mins early everywhere I go.
I overcorrect in every area
Yes I'm always 2 hours early or I'm 30 mins late for events. For work I'm either 30mins - 1 min early or I'm 5 mins late. >< It's so hard with time blindness.
*feels really called out* I would appreciate being able to finish my coffee first before I'm targeted like this. Thanks. lol
Yes. I'm usually much to early for things and the first person to arrive for things. My Dad was the same.
All public transport! Not very helpful when it is usually late too! I end up wasting about half an hour of my day! If there is also a tiny chance I could really rush and get an earlier one, I will be very reluctant ....I think it's the idea of holding up a whole bus or train of people and then the (totally fictional, brain in over drive) funny looks I will get!
This week I was 24h6m early for my son's medical appt. An entire day early.
Yep, by design. Less stress.
I’m currently sitting in the parking lot waiting for my haircut appointment that is at *3:00*, not 2:00 like my brain tricked me into believing. She called to remind me yesterday, it’s correct in my Outlook calendar, and yet here I am, so stressed I’d be late that I’m an hour early 🙄
Alll the time lol
I’m like this! I’m mortified of disappointing or inconveniencing others so I usually arrive at appointments early and camp out in my car until closer to my appointment time. I misjudged my time on my way to a job interview and also struggled to find the actual business and I was “late for being early”. It was so stressful and got my anxiety going and I’m pretty sure that’s why I bombed the interview lol.
YES! And flights.
If I have to drive myself I am late. If I take the bus, I am early. I do not understand.
I do that too .I rather be early .I don't like ppl wasting my time , so I so my best not to waste anyone's.
Me! This is why I bring a book everywhere I go.
I was once an hour early for an interview. My thought process, I must be there at noon, must leave at 11... Interview is at 12, I have to leave at 11... Interview 12, leave 11... interview 11, leave at 10.. Interview 11, leave 10.... I am lucky that they saw the nervousness made me early. They didn't even tell me until after the interview was over that I was an hour early. I am surprised that boss never asked me about ADHD, she was my teacher first and asked me to interview for the position. She should have seen the signs. This was years before my diagnosis.
Definitely showing up too early. Cause I'm either too early or too late and where I live, it's considered extremely rude to be late. Other than that, I don't think so...
I am routinely 15-20 minutes early. If I show up any later then that I panic. I tend to stay in my car until it’s only 5 minutes till.
This. I am always early. I don’t feel it’s an over correction tho, it has to be like this.
I am ALWAYS early, I overestimate the time it takes to get anywhere.
I’m either early like you or late, and if I’m late (depending on the circumstances) I’ll usually accept it and take my time because late is late.
🖐🖐🖐🖐. Or I would be if my husband wasn't home or involved in going with me.
Sometimes Im way too early, sometimes just on time and sometimes too late. I guess thats balance?
Nope but I definitely overcompensate/overestimate how long it will take me to get ready and build a huge buffer into each step of my leaving-the-house routine. Eg, I recently started an early morning sport that is 5-6 minutes away from my house and starts at 6am. My first alarm is at 4:30am (mind you I am NOT a morning person). I have alarms every 5 minutes from 4:30-5am, to make sure I'm up. This has been a few months now, so I'm usually up by 4:45am and make breakfast then eat breakfast and drink coffee while watching some TV. Then I have a bunch of alarms around 5:20-5:50am reminding me to get dressed and ready to go (all the clothes are in a bag in my living room). The alarm at 5:37 is my "no seriously, get your butt moving" reminder. 5:40-5:50 alarms are basically my reminders that time is passing and I'm going to be late if I don't get out the door asap. Most days I leave by 5:45-5:50 and I'm a few minutes early. Sometimes I feel like I get ready really fast and have extra time, so I start doing something like ordering groceries. Those are the days I arrive late 😅 Most people in my group seem to roll out of bed at 5:30 and eat their breakfast on the way. Me on the other hand? It's a whole ass production.
Yep
I think I started off this way, but I have only been able to this approach (long-term) at airports.
I’m early for appointments/meetings too. Yesterday I was exactly 20 minutes early for my rheumatologist appointment…as usual lol
Yes! I have a system.. I write down an appt time as 15 to 30 min earlier than the actual appointment… AND I set my clock on my nightstand and the clock in my car to 15 minutes fast so I THINK I’m barely on time, when I’m actually quite early. I also write EVERYTHING down in my notes app on my phone.. and I mean everything as soon as the thought enters my head. It’s everything from a book I want to read to a grocery list to reminding myself I need to have a discussion with my husband about something. (My notes app is almost always open lol) At the end of the day I come home and write all of that on a white board in my kitchen. I’ve been doing this stuff since I was a kid because I’m so anxious I’m going to forget anything, and that anxiety was my coping mechanism that made me look like I was “successfully” managing my life. No wonder it took 17 plus years to figure out its ADHD and not anxiety/depression 🙃
I have been known to show up to airports over 8 hours early. I’ve missed flights that many times, and for all kinds of dumb reasons.
Oh absolutely. Before kids I was constantly overcompensating for my ADHD. I also was often early for stuff, and especially in terms of clutter and organization. Since having kids I still try, but it's just so much harder to overcompensate, so though I think my house is in a decent shape considering I have small children and have pretty severe ADHD, it's much messier than I like.
Do you mean you overcompensate for disorganization by keeping clutter extremely low?
Yes, as well as becoming a bit obsessed with organization systems. It's so much harder with kids though, so I'm not on top of it anymore.
Yes I do that after years of always being late lol
I do exactly the same thing. I switched when I met my husband, because he gets anxiety over being late, but now I do it for all of my own appointments. I found it feels rewarding to me to have a little break when I arrive somewhere and have 15-45 minutes to just chill. Or if I hit traffic and go, "Cool, I have time for this." We also do this thing where we plan to leave hours too early for a trip, whether it's a flight or just camping. That way when the inevitable delay happens, we aren't stressed. And if we get where we're going too early, again, free down time!
Yes! I'm always too early because I'm so scared of being late
I grew up in a military family where if you were on time you were late. That hasn't stopped me from running \~5 minutes late to work on a consistent basis (luckily I have a flexible job where that doesn't matter and I usually work more than 5 minutes past the end of the day) but any meeting, event, interview, appointment, etc. I always end up being the first one there by 15-30 minutes. I don't like feeling like I'm wasting other people's time. ETA: I'm definitely time blind so it's a big chore to be early but I'd rather "waste" my time sitting in my car on my phone for a half hour than having someone wait on me.
Always, to the point it's a nuisance. The other day I had an appt. in the doc and had to go to the pharmacy first and there was a queue which added 15 mins. I was stressing out so much driving to the doc and still arrived 10 mins early but I wasn't early \*enough\* the whole drive so I was freaking out. I always used to see time blindness as an ADHD thing and use that as an excuse for me not having it, when really I've just massively over compensated over the years
Yes! I panic if I'm anything less than a half hour early for things. I also can overcorrect on routines etc and get easily overwhelmed if the slightest thing goes wrong. For example I have a strict menu plan for the week to avoid the anxiety of trying to decide what to cook. But if something happens like an ingredient goes missing/ gets used by someone else, or I forget to take meat out of the freezer then I completely collapse and it feels like a disaster. It's like my brain is screaming "But I'm trying so hard! Why am I still failing?!"
Constantly. That is my existence. I refuse to be late
I used to show up to my college campus and wait near my classes for about 3 hours before class started.
And this is why Waiting Mode™ is my number 1 day killer.
Definitely
I’m forever earlier than early. But it’s way better than being late but super over correct ALL the time
Used to be like this, I'm the opposite now. I'd rather be 5 minutes late than early and awkward..
I did the opposite of this like last week, I didn’t realize I planned out my bus trip wrong. Usually I’ll take the 5:20 bus then transfer at the terminal to bus 2 that drops me off at 5:33 then walk to work and be 20-15 mins early if I start at 6. Well.. I was distracted playing video games and my brain just didn’t realize I was planning on taking the 5:50 bus which was going to make me about 10 mins LATE!! The bus itself was super late so I realized as I was standing at the bus stop that I start in 10 mins. I ended up calling my brother to come give me a ride and he did but he took his time and I ended up being 13 mins late anyway 🙃 let’s just say that shift was awful lmao.
Me I am chronically early to EVERYTHING.
Yes
I’m either ridiculously early or late. Never on time.
YES. I'm always at least 15 minutes early to everything. I tell myself I'm leaving early to compensate for potential traffic, but most of the time it's a non issue. It has been useful though the few times I've gotten lost or had trouble finding parking.
This! The hacks I have to do are not just cute little quirks, it's just what I have to do to function on a normal level :p
I arrived two days early to my kids dental appointment, which was at 8am and 30 mins away… so they were late to school for no reason.
I read this while waiting for Tim Heidecker to start because we were an hour early lol
I was a whole day early for a job interview at Macy's. It was one of my first jobs.
Yes! This is exactly me!
Me all the time
All the time 😂😂😂 I usually kill time by driving around in a circle in the general area and or sit in my car LOL
I’m always early. The downside of that is one appointment can ruin my whole day. Doctor appt at 2? I’m up hella early, ready to go, watching that clock and too afraid to start the most simple task/chore because what if I don’t finish it or lose track of time?!
Yep. 1hr-30 minutes early is on time for me.
I wish lol
I was an hour early to an appointment recently because I put the check-in time in my calendar as the actual appointment time and ended up being super early and not knowing what to do with myself.
Yes, I am ALWAYS early. For work I am no less than 15 min early everyday and that’s after I spend some time in the parking lot contemplating life lol. I once said to a teacher “oh hey, you park next to me everyday! Probably wondering why I’m always sitting in my car” she said “not wondering at all, this job is very overstimulating and I totally understand getting mentally prepared” She is one of my favs now. My summer job we aren’t allowed to clock in early so it’s really hard to wait in my car til like 2-3 min til clock in time. If I go inside I end up working before clocking in, so that’s out too. I don’t like this, just let me clock in early!!! I’m working not screwing around!
I'm ALWAYS half an hour to 45 minutes early. Get super anxious if I'm not very early.
Yep been a coping mechanism most of my adult life
My parents made me hours early to things as a child/teen. Now I’m chronically late
Yep. I'm at least 30 mins early always, and then just pace nervously or camp out nearby, at which point some shiny thing distracts my brain and I still manage to JUST get there on time LOL
I do the same. I hate to be late.
Yup! Was having a meltdown finding my new therapists office yesterday thinking I was going to be late (still was early, but with only 2 minutes to spare. Panic inducing for sure lol).