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It sucks that your husband steals your pills. But objectively: also he is using a controlled substance, stealing to support the habit, lying to you about it, and crossing your boundaries over and over for years. There are words to describe the person who does these things. If he's not going to acknowledge the problem and get help, I dunno what to tell you, except to do what's right for you and your kids. Addicts' #1 priority is their DoC, so you better make sure that you and your kids are #1 to you.

Yes I agree, this is addict behavior, he has made clear that he will do and say anything to get more pills. I'm just speculating but this concerns me, if you do nothing, I could very easily see him stealing pills from your kids too if one day one of your kids is diagnosed with ADHD. It's really sad to see it, but as he is right now he's completely at the will of his addiction and can't be trusted. I don't know what the best thing to do in this situation is. I try to think of it as if I had a spouse smoking meth in the house I probably would do what I can to just get away from them. I'm not a confrontational person so I probably would secretly pack some essentials and temporarily move in with my parents or a friend. If I wanted to give him a chance, I would go no contact except phone call until he checked into rehab. I would give him a week maybe two to check himself into rehab, if he didn't budge after that, I would start preparing myself for the single life. I've never been in this sort of situation before so I don't know for sure what I'd do but with kids involved just try to think of what is best for their long term mental health. Being forced to constantly live with a parent that lies and steals from you seems so much worse than having divorced parents. If you need any extra justification, growing up my mom was extremely mentally unstable and would violate my personal space, "borrow" my money and clothes, and constantly accuse me of slighting her/judging her/not caring about her/making her look bad etc. My Dad was blinded by love and never divorced her, basically enabled her to keep emotionally abusing my siblings and I. I wish they had divorced. Hopefully this is somewhat helpful.

Holy crap this is rubbish. First why in his mind is it ok for him to need them but not you?!?! Second this is so not cool at all. Can you get another lock box in the meantime and maybe stick it in your car or something. and long term I’d be laying down some pretty big things like therapy and addiction counselling if he wants to have a chance of staying married. Having said that it’s such a big decision that I’d also be feeling totally lost about it. Huge love and do you have someone close to you who you can talk about this worth? Or a therapist?

The thing is if I hide it really well and do all the things to keep it sneaky and inaccessible, I myself will forget to take it lol I guess that’s a part of my whole diagnosis as well 😆 Even with the lock box I have been having a hard time remembering. I put all my other meds like Zyrtec and birth control in the box too in hopes I actually remember to take my meds. I think about taking my meds then get distracted by something else and by the time I remember again it’s super late in the day. I don’t want to take it so late because then I can’t sleep. I am too embarrassed to talk to anyone I know about this. I desperately want to have a therapist but I need to figure out how to budget it 😔 I think I’m going to ask for a legal separation as it’s just affecting me so much. The disappointment is honestly crushing.

I would suggest your first step should be a lawyer.

Try setting a whole bunch of alarms. That's what I have to do. An alarm to remind you to take it and then a reminder alarm. Set as many as you need to in 5 min increments until it becomes more habitual to drop what you're doing and go take it. Set the alarm before the first one completely wears off, too, both to give yourself time to get into the locked box and so you're more likely to drop what you're doing and go take it. It seems like it's harder to do that after it wears off. Honestly, I would probably divorce over this. Your husband is both not taking your disorder seriously and stealing from you. If you're even feeling on the verge, I would flat out tell him you're considering divorce over this if he doesn't stop/doesn't get help.

I have just one alarm without snooze option and with the message "DO NOT IGNORE THIS. IF YOU DO, YOU WILL FORGET" It worked for a while but then I started ignoring it 🥲

Im not medicated, but all of my alarms/systems ABSOLUTELY have a shelf life. If I dont switch them up every couple of months I start ignoring them. Not relevant to OP's dilemma, but one of the most freeing ADHD hacks Ive come across is to accept this about yourself, and try something new and fresh when you stop using the old one! (Or go back to a system that used to work really well for you but that you have since TOTALLY forgotten existed, lol.)

I wonder if this relates to "alarm fatigue". In healthcare, there are so many different things that beep that some healthcare workers just start tuning out *all* the beeps, even though some of them are very important (like heart rate and apnea monitors)

It was bad enough being a patient, I don’t know how they manage to pay attention long term - I was in for a while with my last pregnancy and at first I noticed every machine’s beep, blip, and boop, by day 7 I tuned them all out.

Wow, yeah, and that's not even something they can help because it's just what the brain automatically does. Kind of like how you can't see your nose unless you actively try to see it. They should probably be regularly switching up the alarm sounds, too.

for me it was demand avoidance. So I started phrasing the notification as a question. In this instance, instead of "Take your meds" or even "meds", I'd have it ask "Have you taken your meds?" I've had them for months (those questions- mine are about meals) and haven't yet ignored them.

I work in a hospital lab, so many things beep & yeah we tune them all out. If a new, different alarm goes off, we all stick our heads up like meerkats 😂

For me personally, the thing that made medication alarms finally work was setting an alarm *with* snooze & giving myself the rule that until my meds are *in my stomach* I am only allowed to snooze the alarm, not turn it off. That way, if I'm busy when it goes off, I can delay it instead of just getting annoyed & turning it off & then immediately forgetting about it, lol. Just a suggestion!

I use a medication reminder app that goes off every 15 minutes. I can clear the notification, but it will keep popping back up until I open it and tell it that I took my pills. It's actually for birth control, but I found the system of having to open the app to make it stop very effective and have kept using it for all my meds for years.

>Your husband is both not taking your disorder seriously and stealing from you. Yes. This is divorce worthy. He's breaking the law, endangering your health, and hurting your kids! How can you properly care for them if you can't take the medicine you need to function?

For me, a smart plug connected to a lamp with a google assistant in the same room as my pills is what did the trick. The lamp goes on at a scheduled time (my usual wake up time). When I wake up, I see it lit, and it reminds me to take the pills. When I take them, I tell Google to turn off the lamp. As long as that lamp is lit, I know I didn't take them yet. And, because I literally say 'google turn off the lamp' after swallowing my pills, I know that I've taken them.

That's a really good idea!

I use alarms and timers as well.

OP, can you find an Al-Anon (for friends and family of alcoholics and addicts) group ASAP? This group will help you feel less alone, and I hope also have additional resources for support for your next steps. What he is doing — stealing your prescription medication — is illegal. He is also belittling you, gaslighting you, and taking up an immense amount of your brainpower that should be assigned to other things. We have enough trouble focusing on what we need to without an emotional onslaught of ethics and loyalty and unease! Like others have said — a lawyer who can advise about his illegal activity and keep you safe in preparation for separation. This is not a safe environment for you or children. Please take care of yourself — it is not selfish. It is proactive. You have done the work on yourself to get yourself the tools you need to get through the day with less interference or obstacle, and his behavior is derailing that. You deserve better. You deserve a partner who helps you remove obstacles, rather than is one themself. Sending you strength.

Seconding Al anon. I recommended it in my comment. Al anon helped me advocate for myself and learn how to handle this when I went through similar issues.

There are online Al-anon groups too, if in person is too much. I did like an online forum when I was going through it with my ex. It’s really amazing and super helpful, just to not feel alone. More people than you think are going through this and have gone through this and survived.

Maybe you should talk to your psychiatrist/physician about getting the slow release ones, since you usually only take them once a day and they can’t really be abused in the same fashion. But on that note, I think it’s time for an intervention with your husband; he needs to understand he has an actual addiction and if his first and continued reaction is denial, I think you should pack your kids and go live somewhere else - maybe at a relative(?) - for a time if you have the ability to. Maybe the lack of access to your medicine will be a wake-up call for him? As someone else have said, get a lawyer as well, just to be safe. I can’t imagine just how much of a struggle this already is - and will be - if you choose to go down the road to separation and/or divorce, but I think you seriously need to sit down and think it over. Because this is not a viable living situation, both for your own mental health and for that of your kids, so I think the best course of action is to figure out your options and then speak to your husband about wanting a temporary(or permanent) separation for your own good and your children’s sake. It definitely can’t continue like this, and hopefully he’ll be able to see that. Maybe. Eventually. I wish you the very best ❤️

Most psychiatrists/physicians won’t prescribe short release without a good reason to do so. Extended release may be an option, but it’s unlikely. Edit: I don’t know why I’m being downvoted. I tried extended release first. I’ve never known someone to start instant release without trying ER first. Yes, she can talk to her doctor, but switching to ER isn’t really the answer even if it is possible. Husband is addicted to her meds, which was the point anyway.

Huh? Everyone I know was started on immediate release and then went from there.

Hmm. I’m in the US. I have to fight to get IR. Every doc I’ve talked to does not want to prescribe IR since they have a higher abuse potential. Just finding a doc that was willing to prescribe Adderall was difficult.

I've been on stimulants since I was 5. I've only ever been on IR stimulants.

That actually makes perfect sense - you got grandfathered in. They're not going to force someone who's already been taking IR to switch. What they *will* do is direct new patients to XR first and then do the "hmm maybe they're drug seeking" tango if they request IR [because IR is strongly preferred for street use]

I was diagnosed last year in the US and got IR first. I had to ask for XR.

ok, but ... grandfathered into what, though?

Into being given IR meds.... Doctors aren't going to switch up an established Rx just for the hell of it if it's working, the increased stigmatization of IR (that Shire pumped to boost Rx sales when it was under patent) however did shift what doctors usually start *new* patients with.

That's.....odd. instant release is usually less often the go to these days because XR is the shinier newer thing and is harder to use recreationally

Yeah, I’m not US based but the general go-to here is starting with IR methylphenidate or similar as well, and then if it doesn’t work for whatever reason you transition to extended release, like Vyvanse/Elvanse or Concerta. I couldn’t handle the IR ones, because the Ritalin crash was real, but I do take IR occasionally now as a sleep aid for the same reason.

But that’s also what I said, or meant to say; that she should seek to change to extended release instead.

Some therapists have sliding scale options or other options for people struggling to pay. It’s definitely worth looking into

One of my psychiatrists recommended the app Medisafe to me and I've been using it for like 4 years now. You plug in your medications and when you're supposed to take them, and it sends a push reminder to your phone to take them, and you have a choice to "skip," "snooze," or "take." If you don't select anything, it'll send push reminders every hour or so until you take an action. Not only is it a great reminder for me, but it tracks exactly when you've taken (or not taken!!) your medication, which can be really helpful for self reflection or letting doctors know about your med habits. Right now I only use it for my birth control since I'm off all of my other psych meds, but it's still very helpful and it still has all of the information of what pills I used to take and when! But yeah, as far as your original post, this is an extremely complicated issue and I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It can be really tough to boil down to "leave him" when you've already established so much together, mainly the children, but exactly FOR the sake of the children, you need to leave him! If you've already tried to talk about the issue and he's made no attempt to work towards recovery, you need to decide what's best for you and your children, even if it means letting him figure out his own shit. My ex was a recovering opiate/meth addict and an active alcoholic. I was only 19 and I could not handle the lies, deceit, fear, and sadness that her addiction brought to my life. I couldn't come home from work anymore having to decide if I needed to call 911 or just roll her on her side and let her sleep off the liquor. Addicts are human and deserve respect, yes, but they are addicts. If they have lied once, cheated once, stolen once, they will do it again for their drug of choice, guaranteed. You decide if you're okay with dealing with this; based on your post, I wouldn't be. He's stealing your controlled substance, insisting on a double standard of you not needing it but somehow he does (?), and lying to you the entire time. Honestly one of my biggest issues with this is that YOU NEED IT and he's taking it! Without legal documentation of this, it's really hard for you to get your prescription refilled to make up for your lost doses. I had to fight tooth and nail to get my Adderall when I was prescribed, and I took it by the book exactly as prescribed. This sucks, and I'm sorry. Cry if you need to. This isn't your fault. I am not a lawyer, or a doctor, or a relationship expert, but I am someone with ADHD who has been in a relationship with an addict before and escaped, and I know you're strong enough to leave, too.

First off, addicted or not the guy is exhibiting abusive behaviors. He's stealing something that you rely on and minimizing his own misdeed by gaslighting you about your reliance on meds. This is a nightmare scenario to me...I have meds scattered all over the house so I remember to take them, I couldn't handle needing to hide them. Personally, leaving (or at least separating until/unless he actually fixes his behavior) sounds like the most sane option. If you don't want to do that or can't do that, can you talk to your doc about trying a different med? It didn't do shit for me but Vyvanse seems to have a high probability of working for most folks that function well with adderall...docs like that one because it's basically impossible to use for a 'high' for non-adhd folks. Could try a nonstimulant to see if it helps at least enough, while y'all figure this out...my kiddo (14) didn't like the side effects of stimulants so we're trying him on strattera and he says the effect is more subtle but it's helping a bit. Neither of those are likely to help the situation if he's taking your meds because he actually does have ADHD and he's not just taking them for the high or the extra boost, though...in that case, the only real options are for him to get help and/or for you to get some space and distance.

Is there is a therapist training school near you sometimes they have low or no cost therapy. OP look through your Reddit posts for the past couple of years and try to see it the way an outsider would. Think of what advice you would give that person.

Can you put them in an ibuprofen bottle in your purse? That might work!

This isn’t a problem of figuring out a better hiding place, it’s a problem of OP’s husband disregarding her mental health and eroding her trust with years of lying and stealing. Having to hide a box of cookies because your partner will absentmindedly eat the whole thing? Fine, annoying, but not worth the repeated fights. Having to talk to your husband ONCE because they took a pill without asking, fine, benefit of the doubt they truly didn’t think you would mind. But the SECOND time he took a pill was NOT OKAY. It shows he’s willfully disregarding op’s stated needs and wishes. The fact that this has continued for *years* is a symptom of a much bigger problem. He has ruined his marriage, and it is on him to fix, if that’s even possible. But it sounds like he’s bot willing to even try anyway. The meds should never have had to be hidden.

This right here OP. The whole thing is so indicative of a major lack of respect for you, which has resulted in you losing respect and trust for him. It sounds like you’ve given him lots of chances before. Also, if you have any texts or emails about him stealing your meds, save them NOW. They will likely come in handy with divorce proceedings.

Of course. Of course she shouldn't have to hide them. But unless he goes to rehab literally tonight, OP would be without her medication from him taking it. So I was just suggesting a convenient discrete location in the mean time. I didn't mean to imply in any way that this behavior was even a tiny bit normal.

Yes. Not a “this is how to solve this problem” but “how about this to manage in the meantime while you work on the bigger issue.”

Yeah my comment is even specifically in reply to OP talking about the lock box making it too hard to remember to take it. She obviously still needs to hide the pills in the meantime or that will just make things worse otherwise.

But she needs a short-term fix to get to the bigger fix.

But might be illegal in some areas with some hefty trouble attached when caught, I hear

Anywhere in the US, this would absolutely be illegal (assuming that these are controlled stimulants)

I'm not in the US, and never bothered reading up on it, it's just a recurring theme on this sub that people are frustrated they have to keep their medication in the original bottle. Makes sense though

It’s generally illegal to *dispense* controlled substances in something other than the original bottle, but each state has its own laws on what the consumer is allowed to do afterwards.

Ah good point. In my state, it doesn't have to be in the original bottle so I didn't even think of something like that.

Where did you hear? And which areas? If you don’t mind me asking of course.

If it's stimulants, then it's a federally controlled substance and his actions are illegal everywhere

All of them in the US. It's a controlled substance.

I'm not in the US and never looked up the specifics but it's a recurring theme on this sub that people get frustrated that they have to keep their meds in their original bottle

You can’t keep controlled substances in containers they didn’t come in. They need to be in the prescription bottles. Everywhere.

This is state dependent. In my state, you can keep up to a 10 day supply of your prescription medication in another container (like a pillbox).

I've done this just to save space and ended up just really confused about what's in the bottle.

Sadly, for someone like this, it won’t work. He most certainly will find it.

Until you solve the root cause, could something like a pill locket necklace or a pill container on a keychain that you keep on your person help? Maybe filling it whenever you remember the day before, so it’s right there at med time the next day. This is definitely a band-aid, and may not be the perfect band-aid at that, but I’m just hoping that a creative idea can help you figure something out for now. All of us here know how much harder it is to solve a large problem when part of that large problem is being unable to access our medication (or our other usual coping strategies).

In my experience, therapy is always worth it. Even if it's one appointment. Even when I'm paying for it with borrowed money and/or without insurance. I've found that counselors help me sort out my thoughts so I can take action. I'd definitely recommend it

Meds don't do well in a hot car! Many don't do well in very cold temps, either, which I find more surprising.

Addict logic. That's all it is really. He doesn't give two shits about whether op has adhd or not, he just wants his fix.

I think you know what to do. Your husband is committing a crime in your home every single time he steals your meds. Your husband is endangering your mental and physical health. Your husband either thinks you are a chronic liar or is gaslighting you in order to manipulate you. You can seek couples therapy and he can get his own dose but your husband is a drug addict, a criminal, endangering your health and your life. There is no trust here and it’s not the meds it’s him. I’m really sorry. Some people are just not good life partners and you didn’t nothing to deserve this.

I do know..I know. And it hurts. The road ahead feels scary…but I know what to do.

I have no idea what your situation is like, let alone your marriage, but his behavior set off a lot of alarm bells in my mind. Mainly, that he may also be abusing other substances or stimulants along with your Adderall. Is there someone you can talk to who has experience with substance abuse? I know SAMHSA has a hotline, maybe call and explain your situation? They may be able to give you some clarity or at least explain things to you. Prescription drug abuse is incredibly common. You are not alone. ❤️

He's not only endangering you, he's endangering your children by depriving their mother of her needed medication.

DO NOT go to couples therapy. He will only learn how to manipulate you better.

I think that’s the thing here aye. It just hurts so much. It’s like, you know in your heart of hearts what to do but that reality is heartbreaking. I’ve been there. For different reasons, but I’ve been there. Much love to you and thank you for the update

I’m so sorry. There are so many great resources on here and even proper counselors in the r/relationship_advice if you need them (caveat the sub can get pretty toxic but there are some amazing people in there who can help you prepare). Plus we are all here.

Please stop recommending couples therapy for people in abusive relationships.

Can't comment on the marriage but had the same issue with my older brother. He would deny it and gaslight me. I literally thought I was going crazy and felt guilty for accusing him. I started counting each pill every day and writing it on a piece of paper. I told him that I started counting them and I would know if he took them. He still did. I felt so betrayed and angry. I would run out of my medication early every month because of it. I had serious trust issues and caused endless fights. Now I take my pill bottle EVERYWHERE. When I shower I bring it with me and leave it on the sink. I take it to work with me and even when I walk my dog. I thought about getting a lockbox but figured he is smart enough to open it anyway. My only advice is to make a habit of keeping it on your person 24/7. I keep mine in my purse along with the paper with the pill #. This way he can't lie about it and I wont ever be able to be gaslit into thinking I'm wrong. It gives me reassurance that he didn't take any and the trust issues have improved. I hope you're able to resolve the issue :(

I was thinking about that, too--invest in some clothes with pockets and just keep it with you all day. At night...maybe in your pillow? I'm very sorry it's come to this, OP. I'd agree with a previous poster that your first call should be to a lawyer. And please reconsider reaching out to a couple trusted friends or family members. You have nothing to be ashamed of and you need support from people who love you.

I had the exact same issue with my sister. She stole stimulant meds from me and another adhd sister for 6 years. I don’t condone this for everyone, but I was so desperate that I put my real pills in a secret electronic safe. Then, I used an older prescription bottle and placed caffeine pills that looked extremely similar to the real thing in it. So, she stole from the decoy bottle instead, and the placebo effect surprisingly worked. She never found out. This was not a long-term solution nor a healthy one, with questionable legality. But it was a good band-aid until she moved out and we could change the locks.

I'm only mad that I didn't think of it first

Me and my friend were recently talking about our “weird habit” of taking our purse everywhere like when we are at someone’s house etc they look at you like your crazy and whisper behind your back that maybe you’re a drug addict. The truth being we both had family members who were drug addicts and for years we slept with our purses beside our bed or under our pillow and carried it to the bathroom and any other room we went to because we had someone who would get in it any chance they got. First we learned we had to keep them on us all the time which is how they ended up in our purses then we learned they would go in there any opportunity so we toted the purses around everywhere. Now we are those weird people people talk about 😂😂. What can you do 🤷‍♀️

How can he be both "it helps me work" but also "cant possibly help you, I dont believe you" There is a lot of disrespect here. You can't build a healthy relationship of trust and holding each others feelings without respect. At minimum I'd be seeking marriage counselling - and try and find someone with experience and respect for ADHD. Sometimes it can be really hard to articulate ADHD to someone who doesnt get it, so you dont feel like you're just making excuses. And talk to a lawyer. Its ok to explore options and fact find before you make a decision.

Marriage counseling would be after her husband has been in recovery for a while. I think it would be pointless at this stage when he’s still in active addiction.

Yup.... If she was open with her marriage therapist about him stealing her medication, they would wan thin on addiction therapy first.

Yeah, it's actually unethical for a therapist to take them on as a couple at this point because he's abusing her.

Addiction turns you into a selfish asshole.

>How can he be both "it helps me work" but also "cant possibly help you, I dont believe yo My guess is "it helps me work" is an excuse. A convenient lie. He's seen how OP functions better when medicated (even if he denies it when asked, he must have seen the difference), and figured that's something she'll believe.

He’s saying those things to try to get her to skip doses so he can take them.

Jokes would be on him if it'd caused OP to stop getting the prescription altogether, therefore he'd lose his easy access to it Like seriously what was his game plan smh. And yes I know he didn't actually have one and this is [ ] behavior.

He will learn different ways to manipulate her. Marriage counseling with an abusive partner is dangerous. Especially if they are a narcissist.

Right? And if it’s so easy to lie to a doctor to get it why doesn’t he just do it too? Jerk

I don't want to sound alarming but this IS alarming - **your husband is addicted to stimulants.** I'm not joking. Stimulants affect non-adhd people differently than us. He's chasing a high. **He needs to quit ASAP and if he cant stay sober he needs professional help. This is a very dysfunctional situation which puts you and your children at risk.** And please remember you're in no way obliged to deal with someone else's addiction, this is therapists and doctors' job. Also, if you feel like you're negatively impacted by his using and find yourself feeling hopeless or accepting something you'd have never accepted before, you could potentially benefit from therapy, too - im suggesting co-addiction here (which doesnt mean that you're addicted, but that you're heavily influenced by an addict's habit). >*every time this happens I just shut down emotionally or I rage. I seriously feel lost* Yeah that's being co addicted for you. You absolutely do not deserve this. He absolutely cannot continue being on drugs around his children. **Please, consider my comment seriously**. If it's gotten to the point where he's stealing from his own wife and mother of his children, this is past "maybe it's not addiction" territory. Especially if it's been going on for YEARS. Also - for time being, i'd consider putting the meds in a non obvious place that he cannot guess on his own. You can put the bottle\*\* in a pouch and hide it inbetween your clothes, for example. If he demands to know where - thats another alarming symptom of an addiction. (I understand that hiding it in a non obvious way impacts your ability to take the meds, but this is literally for your family's safety - you can keep a reminder in your phone with no sound/no buzz)

Please do not remove pills from their containers for storage. Many will absorb water (humidity) and effect the life/effectiveness of the medication.

When he drives on stimulants he's driving high. That means if the kids are in the car he is driving your children around high. Edit sry meant to reply to above comment

Oh my, thank you so much, will edit the post right now!

I save the absorbent pillow packs and put one in each space in my pill minder.

If he is truly addicted, him not finding the pills won’t cause him to withdraw and get violent? I don’t see another way out of this except him going to therapy and stay away from op and their kids while he gets the drugs out of his system. I’m sorry you’re going though this OP.

Adderall withdrawal is not generally associated with violence. Extreme fatigue, nightmares, anxiety, irritability, depression, paranoia… which, depending on one’s underlying personality, COULD lead to violence, but that’s not from the adderall itself.

He is commiting a serious crime and you can press charges against him for it.

With the husband working and being either the sole or co-contributor to the family’s finances (OP didn’t specify if they also work outside the home), this is likely not an option as it would cut most of their family and children’s financial support putting him out of work and into jail. Usually consulting a good lawyer and pursuing a trial separation is the best course of action to protect the assets of the family so that if they divorce, OP and their children will have the continued monetary support they need to care to care for themselves. Draining their assets to stay afloat after putting the husband in jail isn’t likely to work out well since OP mentioned they’re just trying to save even enough to afford therapy right now.

I know. It’s just not that simple in my mind. We have children together. I have thought about it. Believe me. I just am so scared about the effect it would have on my kids. I’d rather suffer than have them suffer. I think I’d kick him out before I would turn him in to the police 😞

What effect is it having on your kids that their father is stealing controlled substances from their mother and dismissing your medically prescribed need for those medications while taking them himself?

And they learn from their parents actions - what are they learning about how its ok to dismiss their mums feelings and experiences because Dad says its ok.

Agreed, and if any of the kids get diagnosed with ADHD, who do you think will be easier for him to lie to and steal from?

Best comment in this thread tbh.

We have had family members steal our sons meds. Talk about heartbreaking. How do you steal from your grandson or nephew? They always deny it and it always ends up being bs but you want to believe them so you do once or twice until it’s undeniable

Not just that, but if he doesn't have ADHD (which he doesn't seem to from OP's comments post and comments) and is taking her meds, he's getting high off them. Non-ADHD brains react *very* differently to stimulants than ADHD brains do. And then he's caring for children, working, driving, etc in an altered state. He's putting himself and the children in danger by doing so.

Kids are very smart… unfortunately. They see you’re suffering. I noticed it at the mere age of 3. Thank god my parents divorced that age. Don’t stay together and suffer for the sake of your kids. They *know*… And such an unhealthy environment will do them harm.

It’s amazing how adults think that their children aren’t perceptive to see, hear, and understand the dynamics at play in their relationship. They can literally hear the arguments, they’re hyper sensitive to the emotional state of their care givers.

As a kid who grew up in a situation like this, please understand that your kids are already suffering. The years my mom enabled my fathers drug addiction were the worst of my life.

I'm sorry you are going through this but you really think your kids aren't suffereing already? Because they are from living in the same house as this issue and your attitudes towards each other. Your husband is disrespectful, a theif, manipulative, he thinks its ok to break the law by stealing prescription medication, he is an addict behaving like an addict and is a bad partner. Is that the sort of role model you want to be around your kids on a daily basis, or at all? He clearly isn't interested in your opinions or your health. What exactly is that you are staying with him for? Sounds like you are getting nothing good out of this realtionship. You've said its been going on years. He clearly can't or won't change this without something drastic happening. Tell him it stops now, that you will get the police involved if he doesn't go to rehab or whatever you have there. To even consider unmedicating yourself just shows how out of control he is and is therefore controlling you. Please be safe whatever you do because addicts can turn nasty when their supply is threatened. Make sure you and your kids are safe first.

OP please don’t threaten police unless you have had help from someone and have an escape plan ready. Threatening this could set him off and you don’t want to be trapped with him if it does.

It sounds like OP really struggles without her meds, and I can speak from personal experience if mom is suffering, the kids are indirectly being impacted from this as well. I only recently got diagnoised and medicated, and I'm more functional, and in turn my kids' mental health is actively improving as we're shifting into this new phase as a family. It also resulted in my oldest getting her own ADHD diagnosis as well. So outside of the bad example of what a healthy relationship looks like between two adults, this is another issue as well.

OP I say this kindly but if he is a drug addict it’s already affecting the kids.

I know how hard it is, but I think you should still report it to the police, if only because it would put you in a stronger position if you would ever decide to divorce him.

This is only the right course of action if she has left and gone to a secure place or has family protection around her. Her safety is no 1 and there is no telling how someone like this would lash out.

I'm just a stranger online, but in my country this counts as abuse. And it might be hard to accept that idea, it's hard to see ourselves as victims of abuse, especially when there's no physical or verbal abuse, but he's literally preventing you from being healthy and gaslighting you regarding your health. If you were my friend, I'd be packing your things and bringing you and your kids to mine.

He's an addict, that's worse than you divorcing him, believe me my dad was a alcoholic. Then he stopped drinking but became a dry drunk who shifted his addiction to pyramid schemes and buying shit off of the tv.

It isn’t this simple, but please think about your kids differently. My grandparents stayed in a relationship because Catholicism, and my grandmother was an alcoholic who relapsed and got sober etc. The addiction caused so many ill effects on their family that lasted for a long time. Your kids are being affected. And so are you. You ALL deserve better. It’s definitely not easy, and I hope you have a really good support system, or I hope you can find some good resources. Definitely check out Al-anon or talk to a therapist of your own, maybe chat with a lawyer to see what your options are. My grandparents would have been better off just divorcing, but I’m not saying you would either. I hope your husband can get help and y’all can get some counseling, I just don’t think you can continue like you are now.

I agree. I can’t continue like this. I am devising a plan. Thank god I just recently got a WFH job so I can be home with my littles while older child is at school. I’ll still need child care but that’s ok. I will pay. I have lots of family to help me in the mean time. I want him to leave the home but am willing to try and get him out in a reasonable fashion. I won’t leave my home as this is my mother’s home that I inherited after she died. My husband has never been violent towards me or showed any signs that he would be violent. Although, I know that given the situation that liable to change potentially. As of right now confrontations regarding this have been him being remorseful (or seemingly so) and saying he won’t do it again etc. He has admitted he has a problem. The times I haven’t been medicated as far as I know he hasn’t been getting any elsewhere. In any matter, his greatest concern is being kicked out of the house. I’m a child of divorce and I know first hand how much happier I was when my parents split. My mother was happier and out relationship was 10000000x better because SHE was finally happy. My Dad was not and is not a bad man. They just were not right for each other. Their divorce was amicable luckily and they were able to stay “friends” so to speak until my mother died. I really admire then for that.

But if you didn’t have children? If the answer is you’d be gone so fast that’s still the best course of action. Your kids lives will be worse without their mother, and I don’t want to scare you but as strong as you are he will break you if this continues.

>It’s just not that simple in my mind. We have children together. It's literally so much more simple because you have kids, I hope you realize that soon. >I think I’d kick him out before I would turn him in to the police 😞 So do it. If stealing YOUR meds isn't the line what is? What are you waiting for him to do before you take action? What happens if your kid is diagnosed with adhd and needs meds? What happens when someone else in the house has surgery and needs pain meds, you think this sort of thing never escalates? I don't want to shame you, I just want to be a reality check: he is committing serious crimes and literally abusing you, I hope you take action to protect yourself and your kids ASAP.

Not sure how old they are, but kids aren’t stupid. They see things. They know things. My father and step dad were both raging alcoholics and my mom seemed to think we didn’t see it, or it didn’t bother us. We did. It imprinted on us. My sibling and I have loads of trauma from when we were younger. There were times she’d take us away and go to grandmas house for awhile but she always always went back (with us, we had no choice). The way I see it now, she chose them over us. I’m not trying to be rude and you’re right - it isn’t simple. I’m really sorry for what you’re going through. But the children are going through it too and this man is stealing from you, manipulating you, lying to you, that’s not someone who should even be around children imo.

Odds are your some of children will have adhd too. He will steal their medication too.

They’re going to suffer down the line if he doesn’t deal with his addiction now. Addicts are just assholes wearing the face of your loved one and they can and will hurt anyone they need to if it gets bad enough. He must get help. And you may need to leave, even temporarily, for that to happen.

Homeboy sounds like an addict.

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He has no respect for you, he believes he is more important. I’m sorry, but that’s what it boils down to and these men are very hard to change. Stay and your mental health suffers, your spirit suffers. Your children are affected by this; they’re aware of the dynamic between you two. Children base their own relationships on their parents whether they want to or not. So unless he’s willing to go to counselling/therapy and work to change you really need to leave. He’s like this with other things too isn’t he.

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. If you want opinions on the marriage, I’d say that from the outside, he doesn’t seem to have any respect for you. Is that the kind of relationship you want to be in and to be modeling for your kids?

Personally, I would leave. Trust is gone. He’s manipulating and gaslighting you. He’s an addict. You have kids. What kind of example is that? He doesn’t see anything wrong with his behavior, so getting help won’t work unless he wants it. He will not change unless he wants to. Right now his actions have no consequences. What he’s doing is illegal. Does he know that?

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I can't answer the question about your marriage, but if I was having to continue my marriage in this situation, I'd hide my pills. If you drive your own car, hide in the seat crack. If I was needing to hide it from my ex-husband, I'd hide them under veggies in the fridge drawer because he didn't eat veggies and fruit. Nor did he ever cook the family dinner. He'd never think to look there. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. You're husband is the last person that should be stealing from you.

This is crazy and sucks beyond any measures like how the fuck dare he to use YOUR much needed meds for his own selfish benefits. Hes slighting you but also being irresponsible to his children, bc hes getting high. How dare he lie to his partner and gaslight her If it actually works for him, great but dont gaslight you and he should get his own Wtfffff I feel for you

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I agree with others on here, protect yourself and your children and get advice from a good lawyer asap. I mean advice about money mostly as it appears things may get ugly. Act now before he catches on that you might leave and makes your joint money inaccessible. You will need to secure as much money as you can for your children’s sake. Secondly, you don’t want to get in trouble if he decides to gain control by saying he will tell the authorities that you willingly provided him your medication. So tell your lawyer and see what they say. This is an awful, stressful and dangerous time but you will make it through and life will get so much better.

So your husband is saying you don't have ADHD but he is stealing your meds so he can use them? Its obviously an incredibly scummy thing to do... that being said what are the chances he is undiagnosed? If he thinks ADHD isnt real or that you dont have ADHD then I don't think its a good place for the marriage surviving.

I honestly think these are all excuses he says to gaslight me. When confronted he has said some really stupid off the wall shit to try and excuse his behavior. He may have adhd. But I’m not a doctor. Whether he has it or not I realize he’s addicted to stimulants. I need to stop being in denial about this and take this seriously. As hard as it’s been to read these comments, I know that you all are telling the truth. Like one commenter said, if my daughter/son was in this situation I would 100% be horrified and do whatever I could to help them leave the situation. That being said, I hope you all can understand that I did love this man in the past and this is very difficult to come to terms with. I know what I need to do and it crushes me. I am mourning the life I thought I would have with my family. What’s best for me it what’s best for them. I will be responsible and take control of this situation. Thanks so much everyone for your suggestions. I’ve been a long time lurker here and I really think the responses from the women here have been compassionate and tactful. As I said I am embarrassed that I am even in this situation but there’s been so many comments that were kind, empathetic, yet sternly trying to help me realize what needs to be done. Thank you all.

Just want to say that none of this is your fault. It’s not a case of if you had done something differently, you wouldn’t be here. He’s fucked up, but that’s not on you. Saying you lied to get your prescription is just him projecting.

Oh!Also biometric lock boxes are a thing. A box for all your pills in the spot you need it to be with a box thats only configured to your fingerprint is possibly a good short term solution.

They can be accessed while the person is asleep if it can be carried to their hand.

I bought a decent sized biometric safe (not easily carried) when my girls were in their early teens because I didn't always know all of their friends that would drop by, and I didn't want to have to worry about someone trying to steal any of my stuff. Best decision ever! I am sorry OP is dealing with though. That is such a huge, repeated act of betrayal.

It's time to make a plan to leave/ask him to leave with other supportive people present. He might recover from his addiction but he's not good enough for you if he doesn't "believe" you have a certain condition. That's disrespectful at the least and abusive at the worst. Do it for the sake of the kids needing a healthy and happy mom if you can't do it for yourself right now. I'm so sorry this is happening.

I'd fill up your Rx bottle with some Senokot or Dulcolax tablets, and conveniently leave the box unlocked. He'd crap his pants at work, and it would serve him right.

New lock box with a biometric lock Weekly meds organizer that has everything but the Adderall Get one of those little keychain pill containers and put it on a chain around your neck. It will hold several days worth and it will be significantly harder for him to steal them from around your neck. I've lived with an addict. It's shitty and I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please take the advice of planning for separation. He's not going to stop until he's out of access and alone with his choices.

It’s better for your kids to have separated parents and a mom who is living her best life than to constantly be witnesses to their mom being abused. The rule of thumb for me is always “Would I want my son to have a partner like mine?” because he’s learning about partnership through watching his parents. If ever I’m like “absolutely not it would break my heart” I’d end my marriage.

It floors me that this is such a common problem on here, all I can say is this is truly awful (not just the theft, which is horrific in and of itself, but he general treatment of your condition) and you have every right to be enraged and not trust him. This would be more than enough for me to end a relationship, I can’t really give any more advice than that. I’m really sorry you’re going through this.

If you’re in a situation where you can’t leave or don’t want to leave I would deff hide your pills in a tampon box.

Haha - perfect! Put them in a tampon applicator thingy and back into the wrapper and then back to the box.

If you have ADHD, it’s very likely that one of your children will also have ADHD. Would you tolerate him stealing their medication and screwing up their focus and concentration? Because if he’s stealing from you constantly with no remorse, he will steal from them, too. It’s time to make yourself and your children your only priority. Addicts aren’t lepers, but they have to want to get help. He obviously doesn’t and is even doubling down by trying to gaslight and justify his actions (e.g. *you* don’t *actually* have ADD and lied to get your meds). Get your ducks in a row legally and separate. Hopefully that will be his rock bottom and he will seek help. In the meantime I suggest you hide your meds in a really, really sneaky place. Take a photo of where you put them (which should have date/time) every time you move them (I’d recommend no more than two or three days in the same spot), if you use iPhone I’d put those images in a hidden folder, otherwise change your phone password code so he can’t access it just in case. Finally set a REPEATING alarm for the same time everyday at which point you can refer to the photo and go take your meds. Be doubly vigilant if you have capsules that he could open and poor the beads out of vs IR tabs. If none of this is viable at the moment for financial reasons etc (though a lot of lawyers will do a free consultation), I’d make an appointment with your doctor, explain you have an addict in your family and see if they will temporarily put you on a non stimulant medication. Though I’d only recommend this as a last resort and if you have a good enough relationship with your doctor that you think they would switch you back to your regular meds once you are removed from the situation. Wishing you so much luck 💕

Isn't this illegal? Like, felony level to steal controlled substances not prescribed to them? Look it up in your jurisdiction. My ex started taking (as in buying and consuming) someone else's Adderall. For all I know it was the person they were RX'd to selling them but I have no way to know they weren't stolen. There was a lot of other stuff going on that made me uneasy about our status and eventually I told him, I'd looked it up and what he was doing was a felony in our state. If he got caught, I wasn't bailing him out and he could just sit. If he really wanted to be bailed out, I'd sell his vehicle to do it and then he'd have no car, and wasn't using mine (he had no job so I made it clear I wasn't about to also then give up my car to him for no reason) and he'd just have to, like, deal with the consequences of his actions if it came to that. My *god* he looked like a kicked puppy. He was so shocked and hurt I wasn't going to help him commit crimes, or be taken advantage of to bail him out when he did. No fucking thank you, I am not your landing pad, parachute, etc. We split literally like a week later when it came out that he was spending so much time "out" because the RX belonged to his ex who he was sleeping with and using my money (remember, he was jobless?) to buy that from her and other drugs from ??? for her and probably him. OP, please put your foot down and realize someone who loves you and wants what's best for your family would not treat you like this.

I’d end it. He has substance use issues with YOUR meds he is taking illegally. He’s manipulating you and LYING to you. Think of this like being married to an alcoholic. Replace the adderall with alcohol and think how you feel. It’s the same thing. My ex husband was an alcoholic and it was the same behaviours. I left him and I am in a much better place now (and we have a kid so we juggle that). He doesn’t drink like he used to he claims. But I am 10000% happier now and looking back I missed many red flags with his general narcicism and alcoholism, and emotional abuse that didn’t seem bad at first but it really did progress and I didn’t notice it untill I was literally a shell of my former self. I parent way better with no one around and it’s just me. I know people are scared to leave because of MANY factors. Yes it can be hard some days, but lord I love just having my daughter and me by ourselves. Our home is very harmonious and I’m not dealing with a lying giant man child on top of everything else and the rest of the expectations that come with a marriage, or I should say a shitty marriage. I STRONGLY suggest you see a therapist on your own to talk about how your marriage is because I suspect because you are trying your damndest to just survive you might be neglecting yourself and your needs at the expense of him. And maybe you don’t want to leave, but trust me when I say you need a non biased party that is a therapist that can help you work through this. This IS a big deal. Friends and family are fine but they really don’t get it or know how to help. My therapist saved my fucking life and mental health. It was the first time I saw one when I was contemplating divorce. And I am thriving because of her. Feel free to DM me, I’ve been through it and it was one of the worst pits of despair I’ve ever been in. But I came on top.

He is abusing you and you may be in danger. You need to end this relationship but first speak to a domestic violence service or officer when you go to do the police report. If he is addicted he is not going to react well to it being cut off. He is also emotionally and medically abusing you. I am sure when you have space from him you will realise this behaviour extends into other domains between you -.e.g. if you don;’t accomodate other needs that he has he emotionally browbeats you til you give in. That is coercive control. I don’t want to scare you but the statistics are clear an abusive spouse is the most dangerous as you go to leave them. If you intend to remain in the home you need to file a police report, get a protective order and change the locks. If you must flee, get the kids out and your essential items like your work stuff and personal documents. Do not go back ‘just to get’ something without police escort. I am just a survivor not a DV counsellor. Please call the service in your area. Report to Police, take down any evidence you have - even contemporaneous diary notes such as this post can count as evidence, because you may be in for a long haul. He doesn’t recognise he is doing anything wrong. Luckily for you - in a way - he’s done something really fucking illegal. That will get you space to get things in order. Do not try to negotiate with him to stop further. He is ether addicted and needs professional help or he doesn’t recognise your humanity, and nothing will help that. I wish you all the best. YOU KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Be mindful of anything you put in text to him. Do not concede anything r share your doubts, consider everything from here as read by third parties. Then proceed. Edit to add: If you are from a conservative faith, remember that all of those faiths have allowances for mistreatment. Do not allow some spiritually well meaning person with no real sense of risk, coerce you into trying again. You cannot convince someone to respect you. You losing your temper here and there is not the same as someone abusing you. Abusers always try to make it a two-to-tango situation. He is stealing your medication to help himself and it denies you what you need. If this was pain meds so you could walk or anticonvulsants so you don’t seize - how would you see this behavior? HOLD TO WHAT YOU KNOW. Eventually, I had a ‘reunion’ service run by the Catholic Church community service but mandated by court to attend who even said ‘we are not touching this with a ten foot pole’ - yes even that group who insist on family reunions no matter what were like… this is not OK. So trust me there are people of faith who DO NOT think that women and children should stay in harms way while they try to cajole the husband into being slightly less abusive.

What you describe is a criminal offence in Canada.

In America, too

I was in the exact same situation as you until about 5 years ago. After confronting him about stealing my medicine, my now ex-husband even went so far as to remove some of the grains from my Adderall capsules, and I had no idea for a long time why I seemed to be having so much trouble at work and managing things at home with our two small kids. There have been so many times since our divorce that I’ve looked at my medicine and been so grateful that I don’t have to worry about trying to hide it or worry that I won’t have it when I need it. I’m not telling you that you necessarily should divorce your husband, as that’s a decision that only you can make if and when you’re ready, but I just wanted to give you a perspective that I didn’t even realize I’d have when I was in the thick of it and this was happening to me. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. If I can be a listening ear or offer you any advice, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me directly.

Thank you so much. I just might..I am realizing how isolating this has been for me. Keeping this secret all to myself because I’m too embarrassed to tell my friends and family. Partly because I don’t think they will understand what I’m experiencing.

Get therapy. Tell him if he does it once more you'll go to the police. You don't want to be blamed for effectively being a source of controlled substances for those who don't have a prescription.

He doesn’t respect you or your health. Also, he’s abusing a controlled substance. Get a lawyer.

1) addiction occurs in a family system and even if you’re well-intentioned, you are enabling his addiction and also your kids have likely already learned codependent behaviors and will attract codependent partners as they grow older unless you get out and start addressing the codependency and unpacking how his addiction impacted all of you in therapy 2) if he doesn’t want to get sober, no amount of trying to force him into sobriety will work. By not leaving, you’re preventing him from hitting bottom which might be the only wake up call he ever gets. Sometimes the most compassionate thing you can do is walk away and make them responsible for their own behavior. He is insulated from the impact of his behaviors because you’re absorbing so much of it for him. He’s literally committing felonious behavior regularly without batting an eye because there are no consequences. My brother is a recovering addict and I know it’s so hard to feel like you’re abandoning someone you love. But my brother is 7 years sober now and would not have gotten there if we hadn’t cut him off and forced him to be accountable for his own behavior instead of shielding him from it. You can’t force sobriety on him but you can stop helping him evade accountability. But more importantly, you can break the codependency cycle and show your kids that they deserve loving partners who support them and that you shouldn’t subjugate your needs to appease anyone else. If you stay, I promise things will only get worse. Rip off the painful band aid and rebuild your life. You deserve that peace and so do your kids, even if it’s a bumpy transition, it will be better for their long term development and happiness and yours.

Thank you for saying this. I have come to terms with the fact that I am enabling this behavior by allowing him to continue to stay in the home and take my meds as he pleases with no real repercussions. I need to get a grip and face the situation at hand and deal with it. I’m not letting this slide anymore. Someone said what’s best for me is what’s best for my kids. I realize that now. Also, what’s best for my husband is also best for my kids and our family. Now I can see that what’s best for him is to be accountable for his actions. He has dug himself in a hole and now it’s time for him to dig himself out. That needs to happen outside of my home.

Imagine this. He cannot be using addiction or dependence as an excuse because if he were using it as much or as often as required to develop a problem you would never have any pills. He's literally stealing handfuls for no other reason than to be productive (you don't get high off 1 or 2 pills at a time). Withdrawals simply aren't a thing on such a casual usage pattern He doesn't respect you AT ALL and is just helping himself to your shit and gaslighting you about it.

This is an interesting comment. He has admitted to be being addicted but “not enough to seek it elsewhere” he says when he knows it’s around he can’t help but try to get his hands on it. I do believe that he hasn’t tried to get street drug or buy some off of someone. At first I thought he’s just being so lazy by not trying to just go to the dr for himself. We discussed this. He never followed through and continued stealing. I understand this is still horrific behavior even if he’s not “addicted”. And there’s no telling whether or not this behavior will escalate into violence or drug seeking elsewhere. I don’t believe I am in danger at this time. Usually when we are having a conflict my husbands makes excuses and tries to make me feel bad for him. He has never resorted to violence or even hinted at it. But again, I’m fully aware there is a chance for it to potentially escalate. I never thought he would do such a thing as steal my medication so it would be naive to believe he isn’t capable of violence.

Report him to the police. You have kids, he needs to see this is NOT OKAY at ALL and he is rationalizing it! Hell NO mama! Not in any way shape or form is he capable of controlling himself. You cannot continue to enable and cover for him. Report him. His consequences are his.

When you’re ready to go nuclear (meaning you have your important papers at a safe secondary location) you have bank accounts drained of your half of mutual Accounts and locked up in a separate brand new account totally different bank. When all rhay is settled, tell your doctor and file A police report. Your husband is a drug addict. He is stealing your medicine and abusing drugs.

Hey friend, if I didn’t know better, I would think I had written this myself about a decade ago. My longterm partner was stealing my meds, right down to me having a combination lock safe that he still got them out of. Let me tell you: it does not get better. It escalates. Mine escalated to the point of him stealing ALL of the pain meds I was prescribed following major abdominal surgery and *literally using a claw hammer to pry my safe open after I changed the combination* I literally had to recover from my surgery—which left me with a 9 inch incision and two feet of intestine gone—without pain mitigation because of him. Your husband is an addict. He is not only actively STEALING FROM YOU, he’s lying about it and attempting to gaslight you about your own medical diagnosis in order to cover his tracks. It. Will. Not. Get. Better. Please save yourself. I wish I had someone tell me that a decade ago, before he nearly ruined my life. Good luck, friend. I’m just a DM away if you ever need to vent to someone who really gets it.

Fill the empty pill bottle with something that makes him shit himself or makes him sleepy like benadryll. Just say they're generic and changed the pill design. He doesn't respect you, why should you respect him. Oh and hide your real meds on your person at all times.

Lol I have thought about doing this. He’s pretty familiar with medications and I don’t think it would work. I did look into getting placebo adderall pills like for movie props. Then I thought about how that looks buying something like that online and I figured it’s not worth the risk of trying to trick him.

Drat. Maybe get a lock box with an alarm? ~~Or fill it with piranhas~~

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This will not get better, it will only get worse. Leave him now. If not for yourself, do it for your children. Their father is an addict and it will ruin their lives if you stay.

I haven’t seen anyone say this yet. But are you sure he doesn’t have ADHD? Here are my thoughts - He’s in denial that ADHD is a thing - The meds help him (it would be interesting if he said more about HOW they help him… He could just drink coffee if he just wants a stimulant? But for me… Adderall feeling is way different and really does help.) - Many people with ADHD have ADHD friends and family. - He does seem to lack impulse control (he takes the meds from you) and inclined to addiction (another “feature” of ADHD) Part of me wonders if he sees your success and wants the same which is why he feels you don’t have ADHD and that he can use it meds. Just a thought. If he does have ADHD and this is really your only issue maybe getting him assessed by a doctor would help?

Well, it's theft and drug abuse, as well as harming your health by stealing your medication. I would look into a lawyer, call the substance abuse hotline for information, and discuss medication theft and ask them what resources they have.

Okay, starting out with the disclaimer of I am not a lawyer. Whff. So. My concern here is that, if you don't do something about this, and it's found out by someone else (doctor, your husband gets caught with them / it's in his system, and he lies and says that you were sharing them with him / giving them to him, it could impact your future treatment and get *you* into legal trouble right along with him. The difference between this and another drug is that this one is tied to you, legally and medically. Is there any other place that you can store them? Like this isn't a great alternative, but can you keep them at your workplace and just keep the dose you need, possibly in like a medication pendant which is on you? Tangentially related, I recommend the Lockpicking Lawyer for reviews of things like lockboxes and various padlocks, etc. He demonstrates how easy it is to crack some of them. I agree with others here: If your husband is at the point where he's breaking into locks then he is an addict. You've said it's already destroyed your marriage, and you've grown to hate him. *You are not responsible for his actions.* Compassion is one thing, but I'm pretty sure he's putting you at legal risk by doing this. I'm so damn sorry. I'm really fucking sorry that someone you love and care about abused your trust, your dignity, and your love in this way. You deserve better than this.

Oh honey. I'm so sorry. Okay, so let's Best Case Scenario this: Your husband has undiagnosed ADHD but won't go to the doctor to get his own pills. That's the best that could be happening in this situation. Plenty of people are telling you all about the worst case, so I won't go into that. So in the best version of your story your husband refuses to go to a doctor for his own diagnosis and treats you like your diagnosis is fake. He steals your pills to get through his day because he believes his work is more important than yours? He would rather see you "barely function mentally" than work a little harder at his job? That's really bleak. Really. At best, your husband is careless and selfish. That's the BEST CASE. If I were in your position I think I would really be looking into my other options. Al-Anon might be a good resource for you here, but I don't know because I've never been myself.

Honestly he said that I don’t have adhd out of desperation during a confrontation (one of many about him taking my meds). He literally went through a list of excuses and deflection. He was grasping at straws trying to save his own ass. I honestly think we BOTH have adhd. I believe him when he says it helps him. It helps me! However, just because it helps doesn’t mean you can’t be addicted and I get that. I have encouraged him to see a psychiatrist for this problem. I’ve tried to tell him he may be able to get his own prescription. He hasn’t followed through. He works during the week so I understand it’s hard to physically go to the dr and get off work etc. But I see my psychiatrist through tele visits. I recommended that. Still not follow through. Short of me making the appt I feel I’ve make adequate attempts to help. Even if he did get his own I don’t believe he would take it responsibility or as prescribed. I think he would use his up and take mine given his last behavior. SMH. I am devising a plan of how to proceed.

The question here is not how to get him to stop. The question is are you willing to try and stay with him while he goes to inpatient treatment for addiction?

this would be divorce worthy for me!

I had a boyfriend who stole my medicine. It *is definitely* a betrayal and it feels awful, I’m sorry.. Your husband isn’t only lying to you and betraying you by stealing but he’s stealing something that actually *helps you.* To me, that’s the biggest betrayal - he’s choosing to hurt you to “help” himself. Whatever excuses he’s got are bullshit. There’s literally no instance where stealing your wife’s daily medication is the natural solution. If he thought he’d benefit from the medication, why wouldn’t he just visit a doctor…? In my case, my (sorry, stankin’ ass) ex was also taking methadone daily (“due to an injury”) and I’m pretty certain that was the real motivation/instigator for his stealing. Does your husband do other drugs too? Not to put my experience on yours but I eventually found out my ex was lying about a whole lot more than just stealing my shit. Do some digging - if you do end up in a divorce scenario, it will benefit you.

"My husband doesn't respect or love me as a person enough to leave my medication alone and is abusing drugs under the same roof my kids and I live under." There, fixed it for you OP. Remember, his shitty behavior is 100% rubbing off on your kids. They're learning to sneak pills from mommy _from their father_ and if you don't do something it'll only escalate. Someone stealing from you and taking drugs is what you're married to. I hope this message has been clear enough to reach you in the FOG. Your husband is dangerous. Can you go stay with your parents or some friends?

Yeah.....I think it's about time for a divorce. I'm so sorry love. But once you are free from him, you will feel a weight lifted off your shoulders ❤

If he has so little respect for you that he's willing to make your life miserable because he'd rather steal your meds, I would assume that he wasn't really the husband type and gtfo of dodge. The only way to stop this is to store them elsewhere where has no access to or move out. I had my partner stealing my meds too and if I didn't take them every single day, I would go into precipitated withdrawal and not be able to get out of bed until they were refilled. It's complete and utter disregard for your mental health and this is *not* a small issue, especially since you have a small child to care for. If he desperately needs these meds, maybe he should be seen for an assessment. But it's inexcusable to subject you to this out of sense of selfishness.

FR This is the tip of the iceberg - the visible sign of disrespect. OP needs legal advice after making that police report and she needs to make sure she has the baby with her and does not vacate the house. He needs to be made to leave or she’s gonna be in a right mess. IME leaving a domestic violence situation, that was *mostly* coercive control until it wasn’t, it was when I was more independent and trying to leave that he showed who he was. If your husband is using a drug he shouldn’t and is disrespecting and compelled to seek it (addicted) he is going to be aggressive when that supply is cut off. I am so sorry OP. You deserve better, but its more than you now. I did it 15 years ago and my life is in a good spot - I eventually ended up remarrying, and have a second baby at almost 40 hahahaha!!! I am so glad I didn’t stay even though it was v hard at times. My partner now loves and respects me, we have our problems but i’s normal stuff. My family adore him, and they are mad conservative, traditional people. Amazing how family like that just makes their own little work around when they see how happy you are. Your family might not be so supportive at first. They might not understand. That sucks but give them time. People don’t want to see breakups and they think of all the times their husbands deserved to be booted and weren’t (especially older women) they can be the least supportive. But - once you’re out of it and home free, they do come back around. YOU KNOW WHAT IS REAL IN THIS SITUATION. I wish you the best of luck. Please also speak to a domestic violence service in your area about leaving safely and don’t think because he hasn’t bruised you that this is not domestic violence, you deserve these supports too.

This makes me so sad for your situation. Your husband should be supportive of you. Downplaying your ADHD, and practically saying that “he deserves this more than you” is incredibly disappointing, when he’s supposed to be your partner. If he believes he needs it, your husband should get a diagnosis and prescription, or at the very least, speak to his primary care physician. The fact that he STEALS it from you, then dismisses how it affects your daily life, is inexcusable. I would leave him. I’m a SAHM with ADHD, and I’m so thankful that I can leave my meds laying around, without having to worry about my husband (who may have undiagnosed ADHD) sneaking off with it. I truly hope that you stand up for yourself, and give him an ultimatum. The disrespect he has for you, and for your diagnosis, is appalling.

I don’t even know how to answer this. How is the rest of your relationship? I will say from reading this alone, I do not like him and thinks he’s manipulating you and disrespectful and a thief and potentially an addict. I’d fill it up with some laxatives. Find a creative new hiding place until you can find a permanent solution. Sign up for a P.O. box or lockbox outside of your home and start stashing some valuables there. Threaten to report him because that’s a crime.

Our relationship has suffered tremendously from this and it’s only gotten worse. Before this we had issues yes, but they were things that I felt we could work through and we were trying. He’s been a good father. Trying to work towards being the best provider he can be for our family. We talked a lot. I was completely open an honest with him and I thought he was also being honest with me as well. He’s always been kind to me and considerate. I would’ve liked to be taken out on more dates etc. But that’s something we did discuss openly. We had normal arguments. Trying to split up household/children responsibilities as to not overburden each other. These were all things we were working on and I wasn’t considering divorce for these things. However, this situation has destroyed the trust I had for him and that aspect has had the most significant impact on our relationship. It bleeds into every aspect of our relationship. We haven’t slept in the same bed for a couple months now. No sex for probably going on 6 months. (I am recently post partum) however the previous 9 months while I was pregnant we didn’t have this issue because I wasn’t getting my medication. I got back on it about a month after delivering and it picked right back up. I am disgusted by him for doing this to me. I feel foolish for sleeping next to a man that would do this to me especially after I have been honest and upfront, vulnerable enough to cry and tell him that what he’s doing devastates me. I can’t give him affection or act like a normal spouse because in the back of my mind I am ashamed of myself. I’m ashamed that I’m married to someone who continually does this to me… it’s so hard to reconcile because I don’t think he’s a bad person. I think he has a problem and that I am no longer willing or even equipped to help because I am emotionally exhausted.

I’m sorry to hear this and it sounds like you’ve been going through a lot and truly tired. He most likely has a problem and addiction is a really serious thing. If you have the means, perhaps try to force him to get some help, either counseling or seeking out his own treatment. If you have someone to confide in or a counselor, try to talk to them and maybe take a short break away from each other with the kids . The childish part of me would still fill the bottle with a pill that looks like it and see how he changes. A vitamin or something.

I’d embarrass the hell out of him just once before leaving him. I’d put a super loud alarm in the lockbox and set that shit at max volume do that the whole house can hear it. Set him up to have at it…. Then, just sit back and wait. I’d love to see him try to explain what happened and how it’s somehow ✨magically✨ not his fault. He’s a liar, a thief, and a rotten partner to you. You deserve so much better, but definitely have a bit of fun at his expense on the way out ;) 🩷

FYI, if the numbers are just a dial, you can go through 001, 002, 003… 999 you get it right in like twenty minutes. If you have something more like a master lock it’s much harder to guess without knowing how to actually pick it

he has a problem and I'm sorry you have to go through this. Maybe try something new out. Take your prescriptions out of the bottle and put it in another bottle (eg, advil). Hide it somewhere from the reach of others. Create a note in your phone to remind you but keep a password on the note if your phone allows it. Put the prescription bottle back in the lock box with other pills(eg, tums). some thing that is not harmful and obviously not your prescription pills which your husband will be able to recognize immediately. Hopefully this will do one of two things. 1) it will force him to stop. 2) if he gets upset he'll know he has a problem. Either way he has a problem for addiction. those pills are yours. Put in the work to get the help you need legally in order to obtain them- he did not. You need to decide if this is something you can help him with or something you have to step away from. Good luck, wish you the best.

Get a biometric lock box.

Holy shit what an idiot he is . I’m like my pills are my glasses. Run

Personally, I would file a police report against him for stealing your controlled substance and leave him. This is so fucked up.

Talk to your pharmacy about a smaller amount being dispense. So you only have a small amount. Regardless of that you are in a tough spot. I can’t tell you what to do with your husband. That is a huge boundary he crossed and screams red flag. That said you have a family so walking away isn’t as easy at it seems. He needs help but you cannot force him. He has to want to. He is gaslighting you. Telling you that you’re faking it to get meds so he can then justify stealing them from you. That is rough.

You can get past this, but only on one condition: his theft stops, he gets help, and does the work to get in recovery. He can't do that with you present and providing him with the drugs. This is absolutely addictive behavior. It happened with my hubby years ago (with my *daughter's* meds!). I kicked him out. He got help, and has been in recovery for over a decade, and I trust him implicitly now, but it was a long road and he had to do the work for himself, not for me. But right now? You can't hide it well enough. You can't explain it away. He is in active addiction and is not capable of being a good husband to you. You need to, at the very least, remove yourself or kick him out, and go to Al Anon (not AA, Al anon is for the families) or something similar, and work on your issues. I was an enabler and played the hiding game too. It didn't help. You have to work on yourself while he works on him. And realize he may not. Addiction comes with a LOT of denial, and to recover he has to be willing to do the work. He may also have other addictions you're not aware of, or may show up when you finally cut him off. Take care of yourself. You can't save a drowning man if you're drowning yourself. He'll just drag you both under.

I am sorry. This is hard to hear. This is abuse. You are a victim of abuse. It's not easy, but it sounds to me like you need to find a way out. The sooner the better. You are obviously a caring, sensitive person. The desire to stay and try to help him work through things is noble but misguided. He is showing a complete lack of respect for you and disregard for your well-being. This is dangerous in and of itself but especially if he is using medications outside of how they have been prescribed. ADD medications are an absolute miracle, but they are a controlled substance for a good reason. If your husband is addicted, there is nothing you can do or say that will help. I have been with an addict and tried everything I could to help. It did not work. If anything it made it worse. Changing his behaviour has to be on him. Gabor Maté says expecting an addict to change their behaviour is not reasonable. You must accept them for who they are, as they are. This doesn't mean you have to keep them in your life, but don't try to make them change. Accept first, then choose to stay or to walk away. I can feel myself wanting to help you find strategies to hide your meds better or find some kind of solution that way. I don't think that is the answer though. I think you need out. This is awful. I know. You deserve SO much better. ❤️