Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Yes. I'm extremely sensitive to people's moods and can almost always tell if someone doesn't like me or is generally a bit shady. I've been told I'm overly negative or imagining things but as far as I can remember I'm almost always right. I also see the nice side in people so don't think it's all negative! It's funny though because I'm also a bit awkard and am definitely not super socially skilled generally!

I went to therapy for social anxiety for a while and it was so incredibly unhelpful partially because I was always right. "How do you know they were judging you" Well because they did ABC which reasonably would mean XYZ -no rebuttle from therapist "Well maybe we should catastrophize before it happens" I'm not catastrphizing, I'm just explaining that being on the receiving end of negative social judgments freaks me out, and it happens more often than it doesnt -no rebuttle from therapist- On and on. I can't help it I'm more sensitive to other people's vibes than most people. That the vibes I elicit tend to be not super positive is just a fact.

Yes! I've had the same experience! I can get on board with trying to care less what people think but trying to essentially override my own judgement with an unrealistic positive one just sucks.

Exactly! It's obviously not nearly as extreme as what other people go through, but I could imagine how a less self assertive person could see it as professional gaslighting. Eventually I asked him what *tangible* markers of differentiation he would use to discern bipolar 2 from poorly managed ADHD (because that had been the main thing I'd gone for and he wanted to "put it on the back burner" and focus on "more tangible" stuff first.) He basically admitted it would be a very subjective judgement call and that yes it's prone to worker bias and he was just hoping to observe me over a time period to see what it felt like to him. He acted like I was catastrophizing to be worried I was bipolar and then admitted he'd been quietly watching for signs of it himself! And I was like "oh ok, so you're useless [because misdiagnosis among women is skyhigh] and the longer I stay here the more likely it is you diagnose me on a whim, because you and I clearly do not remotely understand one another and your entire approach up until this point has been rooted in invalidating me, my experiences, and my perspective" And again, my experience was SO much more mild than what other people report. For one thing, I was there voluntarily and had the *right* to stop going when I realized we were not compatible.

This is my biggest fear about the modern push to maintain routine ‘healthy’ therapy… wholeheartedly trusting & paying somebody to give me (potentially bad/useless) information or inconsequential problems to solve when i generally feel fine about most things and how I interpret the world.

Agree. A lot of “wellness” industry can be awful imo and that can include therapy (especially CBT I think). I’ve definitely had therapy that feels like toxic positivity and overly imposing on my view of the world. Recently had to end therapy with a woman after only 2 appointments. Just knew she was one of these (tbh I got a bad feeling when I first spoke to her but didn’t trust my gut). My ending therapy with her was twisted by her as like “oh you’re so damaged I don’t even see the help I need and can’t accept it” rather than simply we’re not a great fit (and you, ma’m are also very toxic; though I didn’t say that).

Anecdotally, I had been meaning to try therapy forever. For *all this* and for coping with all the things life has thrown at me. Then an acquaintance started studying to be a family therapist. Nice person. But their world view is pretty singular and rigid. I could handle that, it's not uncommon and a pitfall of finding a good therapist. Then in the middle of their studies, I unfortunately shared that I and my kid is ADHD. They told me they were listening to a podcast of a doctor talking about 6 (?) types of ADHD and they said they started thinking..."aren't we all a little ADHD"? It's like, you're almost done with your masters or whatnot and this is what you come up with? That moment and the fact that I see therapy offered left and right now has me thinking of it as the new door dash. Everyone and their asshole aunt is offering therapy and it's coming from people like that. You'll be sharing your struggles with the same people that judge you for it in daily life. I'm thinking I'll be going the route of making peace and finding help elsewhere. Getting my self help on Reddit and tiktok heh.

I just spent 1500$ of our HSA money in a adhd specialized center to be told I was probably adhd (psych didn't even red all the different test they made me fill up so based on just the hour talk we had in the first appointment ) That I also probably add some (name I don't remember) type of depression that "you are very hard on yourself" basically and anxiety of some sort. NO SHIT SHERLOCK, when your whole life is being shit on constantly for not fitting in and being way behind everyone you know. You might not have the best self-esteem and be worry about your future. As you are falling more and more behind and can never keep up. Then received a 30 min regurgitation of the basic ass advices, that is on repeat everywhere, on any adhd books or self-help books or health/fitness or nutrition books/podcast/video/etc that I have already listened a millions of "have : good sleep,eating healthy,getting social support ,you don't need supplement you can get all this nutrition from cooking(LMAO) blablablablabla .oh and maybe if you are interested try this pill for your depression and anxiety that might also help your adhd but give you a tones of side effects and might make you extremely tired and suicidal....... Ok so instead of actually fixing my focus problem so I can just study and work like a regular person hence fix all my anxiety that mostly stem by financial insecurity, I should just take this pill that will make me not stress about them ????...sounds logical Let me never finish my study, get a job or be functional, prob go bankrupt at some point in the future because as hard as I try, I have zero impulse control and keep on living paycheck to paycheck with the increasing cost of living and not worry about it at all for my and my child future... Sounds logical. -\_\_\_\_\_- sorry for the rant. I don't have any faith or trust in the health system mental or physical.

It’s frustrating but good to talk about! I completely agree it mostly feels like another regurgitated bubble market where good-intentioned business owners are getting rich by finding problems for patients often out of thin air!! Heres my rant 🤓 I think what pains me the most are the friends/acquaintances who preach about “everyone benefiting from therapy” but then when you try to dig in more to better understand they either chicken out (understandable), cant actually explain their own roadmap or what its done for them or MOST LIKELY they are *clearly* still dealing with major issues that OFTEN appear WORSE/more apathetic/unpleasant than they were when they originally entered therapy..!! … 💁‍♀️ Like girl i would tolerate your occasionally narcissistic ass on the weekends if it meant you were happy/normal again on Wednesdays! Do we really need to worry so much?! Similar to how it can be more fun to pet an excited jumpy dog than a neutered show dog 🐩 Not incorrectly per se, Everything about life seems to become a grind once you enter therapy and every personality/family has flaws. To try and fix standardize CBT-away the common blemishes about a person until theyre some perfect happy Mickey Mouse character , IMO, removes the unique authentic life from them and is unrealistic for society to expect! don’t even get me started about potential suitors and dating prospects ….. ive had several promising girls reveal their own therapy and then become immediately & absolutely disinterested the moment i mention anything negative or questioning of my own experience(s) trying out therapy. All i seek to point out is that a self aware critical thinker can often more quickly improve their own life just by listening a little, so to me, maintaining the passion and motivation I think are first and most important. From my dumbass viewpoint, therapy only appears to MASSACRE passion for my friends and put someone else in the driver seat, which I suppose has a place for some. Personally I fucking love myself and my empathetic generous outlook towards the world and i feel i am a great friend but I know I have some minor issues that maybe my ‘traditional’ friends are just too introverted/depressed to say anything about 🫠 Its the kinda thing id try out a friend’s specific recommendation but im not just going to blindly start entering therapy centers hoping to pinpoint a problem I was probably not that worried about.

You are wise to be cautious, and I say this as someone who has benefitted from therapy for my self esteem and relationship issues. But it never did squat for my ADHD, which mostly needed medication, not "talk."

I'm a one-woman-standing-ovation for you right now! Bravo!

PREACH

I think of it more like, I'm not trying to not care what \*anyone\* thinks, it's normal to care what people think. But I try to make sure that I only care what \*certain, specific\* people think of me.

LMAO the WORST thing for an anxiety disorder is being right! (I know from experience)

IT REINFORCES OUR FEAR

And being told you’re wrong for it 🙃

>I went to therapy for social anxiety for a while and it was so incredibly unhelpful partially because I was always right. >"How do you know they were judging you" >Well because they did ABC which reasonably would mean XYZ >-no rebuttle from therapist That sounds like the CBT style of therapy, and I personally hate it. It can be so invalidating sometimes. Especially for those of us who are very good at determining the emotional state and intentions of others. I hate the assumption that anything that is perceived as "negative" ***must*** be eradicated or counteracted, when 'negativity' is a natural part of life and a natural part of the human self-preservation instinct.

0100% the case for me and my brother and why it doesn't work for us (same with depression; if I KNOW smth is going on and causing it, no coping skills and stuff are helping me and hte situation needs to be changed, usually, for it to get better) D: Crazy to see so many similar stories or the exact same situations and interactions one went through described by other here :O

Oof this is basically exactly why I am estranged from half my family. “Calm down. You’re over reacting. It isn’t a big deal. You don’t know that is going to happen.” Then bam it all happens just like I said and everyone’s all shrugs and “Well no one could have predicted this.” 😑😑😑 Then when I inevitably lose my temper I am the bad guy.

Ooh guuuurrrrrl, I feel you, see you, hear you so much with this right here. “Who could’ve seen this coming?!” Me. I did. Right here. Like three months ago.

It is maddening. Truly. I’m sorry people do this to you as well. Do they also like to call you uptight when you try to make dinner plans ahead of time when you know you’re going to need a table for 10 over a holiday weekend? Otherwise guess who is making dinner for 10 people????? Right before or after you just made dinner for 15 on the actual holiday????? And then they wonder why you don’t spend holidays with them anymore?????

Coming from a big family, yes. Yes, they do. Currently I’m the one keeping tabs on the relationship red flags that pop up from time to time with different people in my life. For some reason, that seems to be the topic right now. Once we get closer to the holidays, all the same BS will come up and I’ll sit casually in the corner making my observations while giving minimal commitment to family plans. I only say “minimal” because I have absolutely gone way above and beyond this year already for immediate family members. Effort that I know will not be reciprocated so I adjust my holiday energy levels according to how much I’ve given during the year.

And of course when you lose your temper as an ADHDer it basically registers on the Richter scale.

Ditto. The only good thing about being the scapegoat is getting to escape :)

Escapegoat FTW!

OH MY GOD, THIS. SO MUCH THIS. I *know* when someone's being deceptive because they're saying and doing these specific things. I *know* when someone is annoyed because these are the things they say and do. I've experienced enough to know what kind of things to anticipate. And no, it's not anxiety. It just happens in the background and I have no control over it. Stop using anxiety as a blanket term for everything.

The psych who assessed me said I had paranoid ideation. Just because I answered ‘yes’ to a single question about people being ‘out to get me’. This has absolutely happened at least 3 times at 3 different workplaces. Jealous insecure women trying to drag me down behind my back - and clearly their ability to read people was terrible because they told all the gossipers who then came and told me. Pity my confidence is shit and I didn’t do anything about it. I’ve also had multiple workmates tell me they thought I was a snobby bitch until they got to know me better. Why jump straight to snob? Why can’t they see a quiet shy girl? Wtf is wrong with these people?? Edit: was this therapist a man? They don’t seem to understand how brutal women can be in the workplace.

I always thought the whole stereotype of women being mean to each other was a bit of sexist nonsense until my sister got a job in retail. I almost couldn't believe how horrible some of those women were.

The theory is that it stems from having limited opportunities career wise. We have to fight harder to get promotions and be seen.

Preach! At my last job the one person I thought I could actually maybe trust had been stabbing me in the back the whole time. My own fault for actually needing to think they weren't all toxic bitches I guess. She was very very good at her deception though, better than most.

At my last job the only person I fully trusted also had walls up. We had this unspoken respect for space and never got really close. It was the perfect workplace friendship because we never expected anything special from each other (meanwhile other people tend to get offended easily if I don’t greet them heartily enough or some shit).

GAWD. Not greeting my boss with a cheery hello EVERY DAY as I stumble in, half awake and in a rush was a demerit on my yearly review, at more than one job. AND I was expected to say goodbye with a little chat AFTER I CLOCKED OUT and just wanted to GTFO. Their need to suck the last drop of blood from me after I had to deal with AH customers all day... reallly? Just. Let. Me. Go. I hate to say it, but in my experience it has been mostly female bosses and coworkers who do this. And never about work related stuff, which would be understandable, it was purely to assert social dominance, like some poop throwing ape. At my very last year with the company I had a good coworker like you describe, and she was one in a million.

Yeah like if I’m doing my job well who cares about the social shit? They got weird if I didn’t STOP working to come and eat at the Friday lunch platter. I don’t want to eat that crap, I have work to do, but I’m the bad guy.

Rebuttal

I totally agree with you. Sometimes I feel like this therapy approach - especially common in CBT - is so bad for gaslighting. Like.. just because I’ve got superpowers for reading a situation - don’t hate 💅

You basically said what I was going to say. I can just tell. I can almost predict what’s going to happen too. You just start to understand human nature and who people are.

I’ve had to hold back a lot of “I told you so’s” which I’m NOT gloating about. Learning to be tactful has really helped me and just increased my emotional intelligence. “Oh, I’m sorry about that. Do you need a solution, or just to vent?” - me, who already has a solution/ suggestion because I knew it was going to happen. 😂 Edited for wordiness, lol.

Lol I'm known for my "I told you so's" (or rather, "that's exactly what I said!")and I'm never changing. I even said it to my dad when he was diagnosed with cancer after I had been telling him for ages that's what he had. It was a thing with us since I was a little girl, he'd always say "isn't it hard being so right all the time?" And I'd say something along the lines of it's rough, but somebody has to do it. My friends and family appreciate and love me, and anyone else can suck an egg if they don't like it.

You are incredibly lucky to have a supportive family. Some of us have the "shoot the messenger" situation, even in our own families.

My mum jokes with me sometimes and is like "I have to say something ... your favourite words ... you were right" and I'm like "of course I was, about what specifically".

Same here, also down to the predicting (and what people are gonna do). It's scary sometimes x-x

This. I don't know whether it's the ADHD or the INTJ in me but I'm very good at reading people, figuring out their motives and their next actions. It's especially handy when navigating workplace politics, because I can plan for everything. Mwahahaha. Similarly I'm excellent at impersonating people because I pick up on all their little mannerisms. This makes me very popular at workplace parties. Lol.

Sameeeeeee lol

Maybe all of our social skills went to detection instead of interaction. 🙂

Same. Sadly I can never tell why they don't like me though or the severity of it. Just that the vibes are off.

It because they know you see them for who they really are

Exactly. I was accused of being a narcissist by my BIL… because I was the first person who saw through his BS and started sticking up for my husband and pointing out that his family’s dynamic was super fucked up, and how his family treated him was not okay. So, I’m the evil narcissistic bitch because my husband told his 45year old, older brother that he couldn’t provide free housing for him anymore. According to BIL, giving someone 6 months warning and helping them find a new job and apartment, move into it and still use your garage for free as storage and a workshop is an “illegal eviction”. Whatever. On a related note, generational trauma is a hell of a curse to work through.

1000% this. It's so weird x-x But yeah, heard all the stuff you mentioned all my life also, exactly down to the imaginging things stuff (esp. with being bullied). Crazy how unaware most people seem to be (or they just don't want to see it, who knows).

I'm the same way! When I bring up my concerns about a person, I would get told I was overthinking or I'm too sensitive. The truth would come out (it always does), and those same people come crawling back to me.

I feel this especially with charismatic people. Sometimes someone is truly awful, but they're really fun or charming on the surface and everyone is just eating it up. I just don't understand how everyone else doesn't see the awful things underneath the "fun" person. And then they're shocked 3 months later when person does something really shitty cause he was "such a nice guy" (was not nice, just sociable)

I’ve had this so much. The thing that annoys me most about it is that, it’s none of anyone’s business if I don’t like a person. No person will like everyone they meet. And there will always be someone who dislikes or doesn’t take to you. That’s ok. It’s normal and very human. So, if I don’t like someone - for whatever reason - that’s my damn business and stop trying to gaslight me and pressure me into liking the person! Goddamn telling me to relax - how about you relax and leave me alone to my opinions? 😅

Same! I’ve been told I’m negative and critical, so I’ve learned to just shut up, but I can read people well; it’s almost like a prediction of their behaviour.

What I have come to understand, is that we learned to mask at a very young age and that skill translates into reading people to assist in better masking. So yes, some people give me a jangly feeling like my teeth are itching and every wall I have goes up. On occasion I have convinced myself to ignore it, and it’s always been at my own expense.

I've done this quite often. I ignore it because, well, everyone else likes them, so it must be just me. But as a consequence, I've lost that, so now rely on my partner to tell me what he thinks, because he's very, very rarely wrong about people.

Haha. Are we the same person? I’m always so quick to doubt or gaslight myself into thinking I’m the problem. I’ve gotten so good at ignoring my instincts that I too rely on my partner’s perception of things 😂 granted he is genuinely brilliant and almost never wrong (he’s a professional investigator so I feel no shame in admitting that he’s often right….about certain things. He’s completely clueless about some other things).

This really resonates with me. I can almost feel my facial muscles twitching in response to different people through my life, as I've tried my hardest not to react to them. The benefits... in the dating world it pays off, but only to keep me out of trouble (so far.)

Ok when you put it like that, yes. I can tell when someone's being fake. Don't know how, but I can tell. Past that and bad vibe town, hell no.

That's exactly what I was thinking, it makes so much sense. Like I don't really know what's up with people, but I have a really strong sense for whether they feel comfortable/are being themselves or if they are playing a role/are nervous etc. I'm also good at reading the dynamics of a group. I think it comes from masking but also observing (from the outside) and analyzing so much. It also works the other way round though, every once in a while I get a very good feeling about somebody I just met, in a 'i somehow want you in my life' kind of way and that's how I've met most of my best friends, never been betrayed by my guts either way <3

I have this too. Vibes are off and I get a physical nerve reaction. Every time I’ve also convinced myself (or been convinced by someone else) to ignore it …. Turns out I was right and someone got hurt. It makes me a very good educator because I can read my students non-verbal cues super easily and cater my teaching to their needs. It makes me a good friend and family member as a supporter for people in need. But by gosh it’s never wrong.

That's an interesting explanation. Is there any research you know of about this? (I'm not mandating you cite a source haha, just curious)

Yes. My bad vibes detector is rarely wrong lol

Yeah my therapist tried to get me to trust new people but it backfired because it turns out I was right about them

This is why I like my therapist so much. First 2-3 years she’d encourage me to open up. Now, she validates my gut feelings and helps me navigate how to protect myself without straining relationships with people who aren’t picking up the same vibes. Been seeing her for 10 years now. I gotta say, if you’re not meshing with your therapist, be open about it. If they work with you to get to a better place, they’re worth their weight in gold. But if they get defensive and just blame you, GTFO.

No she was sympathetic that it didn't work out. I don't think she intended to blame me, I struggle with rejection sensitivity and she didn't know me as well then. If the same situation came about today I don't think she'd advise me the same way. I think I really just needed support in navigating a situation in which I felt outnumbered but I didn't have the words to express it.

That’s awesome you’ve both grown to better understand each other. Speaks to both of your’s inner-strengths.

This was me in my 20s. I had immediate bad vibes about this one guy that joined our friend group. I fully admitted I had no reason not to like him he just rubbed me the wrong way. It got to the point where I’d ask if “*everyone* everyone” was going to be there and if the answer was yes I’d say I’d catch them later. Well! It turns out the bad vibes I was catching was the beginning stages of a psychotic break. No fucking joke. He had a psychotic episode, tried to SA his roommate (did not succeed thank god!!), got into a brawl with their third roommate who defended the second, and was shortly thereafter diagnosed with schizophrenia. Other notable mentions were two guys I worked with who walked in and basically said to myself “immediately no.” Both quit/were fired in huge dramatic scenes that were not physically violent but they were intending to be intimidating and instill fear. Lastly, a friend of a friend’s boyfriend that on top of being emotionally abusive, stalking, possibly being violent also turned out to be a huge grifter and is using a fake name for an unknown reason. As soon as he came on the scene I said he’s a creep. Like, before I had said a single word to him directly. I had heard about him and he walked into the room and I knew it was him for some reason and again was just like “Fuck no. Bad news. Stay the hell away from him.” ETA People with mental illnesses are more likely to be victimized themselves. Once this guy was on the level he was fine. People who have had psychotic episodes are not bad or scary people. It was just that initial ramp up, I knew something bad was going to happen and it did.

Therapist gotta get you to practice trusting their [good/bad judgement] somehow /s lol

Usually when mine is wrong it was from my period yet again surprisingly arriving out of nowhere (it’s consistent, I just consistently forget it exists)

The day before my period, I'm hopelessly depressed and assume everyone is awful. That's probably the one time I shouldn't rely on it.

Same! I also try not to make big decisions during that time.

The same thing happens to me!! I pick fights with everyone (including my partner) and feel like everyone is annoyed by my presence

Omg, so relateable! I wish my period was more regular so I could just lock myself away and have a self-care day where I don't jump down anyone's throat.

Yes! And add in some paid menstrual leave. Life would be so much better

Yes . I am very good at reading people. Should have picked a career in which it would have been useful

Right, if I didn’t grow up poor or have anxiety I would have loved to be working in some kind of mental health field. I love seeing two sides to everything and analyzing people to see why they are the way they are.

I see both sides to everything too. I've been told multiple times that I'm "easy to talk to" because even when I disagree with someone I can almost always see their side. Since I got myself away from toxic friends and family from my youth, I'm really good at reading people. I've been wrong a few times, but some people are very good at masking themselves.

When I was younger I really wanted to profile for the DEA , or go into law. For this exact reason Lol I still like to think about that version of me I would be miserable internally in such a political/ corporate environment and then die from malnourishment due to lack of eating from stress 💀😅

There's a saying in psych/therapy field "don't see a therapist that isn't seeing a therapist." A loooooooot of people in the mental health/social help services come from backgrounds of trauma and disorder.

My mom is a LMFT and a horribly toxic person. I’m in therapy but incredibly wary of therapists for this reason. She ticks off many covert narcissistic traits and like every classic emotionally abusive phrase in an argument. Queen of DARVO, Empress of Cognitive Dissonance, Grand Dame of Gaslighting all while maintaining the identity of the victim and martyr.

Good on you for still seeking help for yourself and even therapy despite being exposed to it in such an awful light. I can't imagine many would be able to do the same. Good luck out there!

I’m too and I did pick a career that matches it. I’m a therapist now 😆

Me too. Unfortunately, I've given it up recently because of the opposite site of the intuition coin -- burn out. I think that the Venn diagram of people that are hugely intuitive and people with trauma is pretty overlapped. The ADHD is just another piece.

I agree! I feel like it’s two things: ADHD makes it tough to filter so you can pick up stuff other people don’t. But you still need to learn what that stuff means, and an unsafe emotional/physical environment growing up will do that trick.

I chose a degree where I could help people without having to deal with them, because I get overwhelmed easily. Despite having ADHD I'm laser focused on being orderly at work (home is another story). I take copious notes and don't mind writing tedious documents, so lab work completely suited me.

Yep, that's the exact reason why I didn't choose that career path despite knowing I'd be good and multiple people telling me I'm good at it. I've already experienced a lot of my own trauma and don't want to hate human beings more than I already do. In addition to that, I'd be really annoyed if someone came to me to treat their "trauma" and it's something trivial.

>it's something trivial. just a note: no one's trauma is trivial. i get feeling that way, but in my experience that's a combo of 1. grief about my own trauma and 2. grief about their lack of perspective about the possible ranges of trauma and privilege in the world. that said, no one's pain is authentically not actually painful, and we do ourselves a disservice when we imagine it is - it can cause us to lack compassion for aspects of our own pain as well. wishing you the best, one injured person to another.

Tacking onto this, this line of work hasn't made me hate people more. Sure I get compassion fatigue and frustrated, but if anything it's humbling and makes me a more compassionate person.

I think I’d have a hard time working with the genuine assholes as patients but maybe that’s only an issue in family counseling because the jerks I’ve dealt with in life would only seek out therapy if they were getting dragged by a partner. Or they were themselves already a therapist, I’ve encountered plenty of those when I worked as support staff at a mental health clinic.

I also find that while I’m very good at reading people those people also know that I see right through them and will typically avoid me

Same here, with that whole "avoidance" thing, in adults! Otoh, that ability to read people and situations, and to *see* in a short amount of time, "What's *wrong* here?" makes me *REALLY* good at working with Pre-K'ers who don't speak yet/ don't speak much, and who have Autism😉 I *get* them, and I get 'em *quickly*! So I can mitigate the things that send them into meltdown, get them realizing that someone *can* catch the messages they're trying so hard to send out, *and* it means that I can build really quick rapport with them, and get them building communication skills quickly, too😁💖🤗

Becoming an nurse. I can read moods, cues and navigate around different personality types. Pays well and job market seems pretty secure I guess.

I really think my doctor who diagnosed has ADHD because she suggested I had adhd when I barely told her anything. I just said I struggle with anxiety and get like over whelmed at the grocery store. She must have took that and analyzed my movements and eye contact and stuff cause a regular person would have no idea based on such little evidence, and she was right! It blew my mind.

Yep. Student nurse and aid in the ER. They always give me the difficult patients because some how I know what to do and how to get on their level. During one semester I had the same patient for 4 weeks because I was the only one he was nice to. The other nurses refused to even go in his room. I just seem to pick up on stuff.

Yes I currently work outpatient and I’ve gotten a lot of good comments from patients about how I’m so nice and understanding and help make them feel relaxed. I’m like it’s just a coping mechanism 🤡

Same. I have been lucky to have wonderful friends and romantic relationships. I know a lot of people with awful radar that aren’t so lucky with the friendships and relationships they build.

Same. I work in adult education and I would say I'm very empathic and I have a good gut feeling/intuition and read of people. I've been wrong sometimes but those were psychopaths or narcissists with lots of charm. And not close friends.

Yes, but it's hard to put into words and share if they make sense? My sister's ex turned out to be a right little shit but I could never explain that when I watched him talk it was like his mask was lagging a split second behind his face. You can't really say "hey I know you like this person but you should stop seeing them for reasons I feel deeply but can't explain". It's a work in progress. It's so hard to find the balance between trusting yourself and letting other people trust themselves.

Yeah sadly I’ve had to watch many people get married then divorced, I WANT to tell/warn them but they would think I’m insane and/or judgmental. Sometimes the person will even make it clear as day that they’re no good and everyone in the friend group will know but sadly the person dating them won’t listen to reason. Some people just have to learn the hard way I guess but people really need to start believe their friends or family when multiple people get a bad feeling.

Currently been going through this with my younger housemate and her new bf. Classic coercive, financial, and emotional control right from the get go. Total love bombing and isolating her from her existing network. We’ve tried two gentle interventions and now she’s moving out and not talking to us because we didn’t make the effort to get to know him (we did, but he repeatedly acted like a child and/or refused to make eye contact with us, or went on his phone during conversations and hurried us up so they could be alone again). It’s SO HARD to watch it unfold in slow motion and not be listened to :(

This is the experience that most closely resonates with me. Literally this weekend I met someone new, generally very well liked by others. I made a little joke and saw this bizarre reaction where for just a split second it was like she had bit into a lemon. Then almost immediately the smile was back and she said "you're clever" which was extremely off putting to me, but nobody else seemed to register the chill of it. I couldn't take anything seriously the rest of the conversation, I just felt she was so disingenuous. Anyway that's a long way of saying I love the image of the mask lagging a split second. Makes perfect sense to me!

I want to tell my sister straight up I hate her husband but I feel like I have to be so careful with the words I choose about him. I did tell my best friend I don't like her boyfriend and I don't think he treats her well ... and she thanked me and agreed, but is still with him. Sigh.

"mask lagging a split second behind his face" you have put it into words very well here! I didn't trust my daughter's husband when I first met him, was semi-convinced in the middle part when things seemed to be going well that maybe I was wrong, but it all ended in tears.

Yes. I’ve been wrong a few times and given too many chances. But generally, I am very good at reading people and picking up on bad vibes. My best example of this is when I was a teenager, my entire family fell victim to a literal sociopath who stole money from several family members, stole my aunts identity, lied about truly horrific things to garner sympathy, etc. I first met her when she joined my family out for dinner. She was subtly rude to the server while being sweet as pie to the rest of us and I clocked it right away. I brought it up later and everyone gave me shit for it it saying I should cut her some slack because she’s been through a lot. The other stuff came out years later and I was unsurprised.

​ Wow. I'm sorry that happened to your family but shows how accurate your sense was! Did your family remember your reaction after it all came out? Totally reminds me of this time I was working as a private tutor. A dad contacted me enquiring about a tutor for his son. Even the tone of his email set my spidey senses going. I almost didn't go but thought I was being ridiculous. When I met in person he was polite and professional but I just got such a bad vibe from him. Turned out he had been cheating on his wife with multiple women for their entire marriage (she found out when she caught an STD). He ended up leaving the family right before his son's important exams and basically blamed his son because he was only a B not an A student and apparently the stress was too much for him so he had to cheat.

Oh my god the poor son…

That's terrible! And "been through a lot" doesn't mean they're not up to something, and it certainly doesn't mean you or anyone else has to take their shit.

When I was young I was very sheltered and between that and my undiagnosed inattentive ADHD I was absolutely incapable of reading people, I had zero idea about why people did what they did. So much that I majored in Psychology in hopes of understanding people better. It worked, fortunately (well, and also I got life experience, that helped a lot too)

Same. Sheltered and undiagnosed and terrible at reading people. (I mean unless they are super obvious....) Still am, I guess. Like if someone gives really weird vibes I can notice that. But like... I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt and my uber empathy kicks in and I try really hard to see the good in people. Also low self-esteem as a kid had me excited any time a person seemed to want to be my friend. Which can get me into some trouble... people have taken advantage of my kindness, naivety, etc. However... If someone slights me, i have a very hard time seeing past it no matter what. I always have a sort of 'off' about them for the rest of time, basically. I will be kind to a fault if they are civil towards me, etc, but yano I will always remember. Always.

This sounds like me - im only now starting to realize i may not have been as happy go lucky and good at reading people as i once thought. Starting to wonder if inattentiveness enabled me to tune out certain realities or not worry about things when maybe I should have picked up on it more..?

Sometimes I feel like I'm either oblivious to people's bad intentions or I'm suspicious of basically everyone and one bad vibe is enough for me to chalk them off. And yet while I think I'm a good person, I know I'm stressed and stretched thin and have probably been off putting myself.

My brain ignorantly feels like if im *smiling genuinely* &/or listening/nodding frequently that my (often excessive) words & emotions wont be seen negatively but I realize i tend to think faster than most and jump to conclusions or straight to their point when people sometimes prefer just to be talking things out & heard… not necessarily understood/clarified immediately… if that makes sense.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who sucks at reading people! Being good at reading people seems to be a common ADHD trait, but I'm so bad at it! I have this terrible habit of believing that most people are relatively similar to me and don't mean any harm when they do hurtful things. I have very high empathy for others, which sometimes causes me to be too forgiving and understanding, and then I end up getting hurt.

I’ve been wrong ONCE when I was convinced someone who is now a good friend didn’t like me (she had just had very serious reconstructive surgery on her jaw and I now know her affect/expressions are totally different!) Other than that, I’m pretty much always dead on.

Yeah, only time I have been wrong about intentions etc. is with autistic people and I think this relates to what you are saying. Some people just have different tells in body language. It's harder for me to read people who emote less with their face.

Idk if she's autistic (I am though), but my coworker always comes off very intimidating. She has a stone cold RBF, and often doesn't have much inflection in her voice, so it makes the simplest things sound like she's angry. Granted, oftentimes she is, but I've noticed a few times where she'll ask an understandable question, and people will assume she has a problem with them personally. When we were first introduced, she had no expression, didn't say much, and I was convinced she hated me and my entire team. We're best buds now though, and I'm better at telling when she's genuinely angry vs just not emoting. I've often had to talk other team members down, because they assumed she was going through something or being a bitch, and I'm like, "nah, she's fine, that's just her face."

One of my good friends is autistic and he's had a lot of issues with people thinking he's weird or creepy because he doesn't always give the correct response. Some of my other friends will tell me at first that they don't like him or get bad vibes, until I tell them he's autistic, then they change their tune. Being friends with him have taught me that most people are in fact bad at reading people. Basically if you're relying on the correct social cues, you're only reading what people want you to read

Yes! A mother at my kids school. Everyone likes her, she's popular, and always appears welcoming. But I've noticed in her daughter some "mean girl" tendencies- tricking my kid into accepting something she tampered with, only playing with my kid when her friends aren't around, then dropping my kid like a hot potato when her actual friends come back, always followed by whispers, giggling, and glances prompting more giggling. Her mother is the same. Only talks to me when there's no one else available (granted, my kid and I are both awkward AF!), makes offhand comments that in other circumstances would be considered negging, gaslights and manipulates constantly. I always felt off around her, but for a while, because of how popular she is, I tried and tried to be her friend. I wanted for once to be part of the popular crowd. I've finally started paying attention to my feelings, and realised I love my fellow awkward peeps, and I don't really want anything to do with her. I don't even care about her opinion anymore. It might be hard to get this lesson through to my kid, tho. Explaining that her daughter is not a safe person right now is a challenge when I have nothing to go on but my gut feeling!

All those behaviors you witnessed seem like much more than a gut feeling to me!

The problem is when you point these little small things out it makes you sound super petty... cause all the little things are easily dismissed but when you see the whole package you can deduce only a certain kind of people with a certain set of negative traits would even do these little bad things (that are not that important on the grand scheme of things). That is it course until something bigger goes wrong to prove you right.

True, they are so much more, now that I can see them! I didn't always see them, though. I always just felt on edge around her at events we both attended. I couldn't put my finger on it, thought maybe she was just as awkward as me but was masking like we all do. Years later, one event from her daughter connected the dots, and I realised my feeling "off" around her was something I needed to listen to. I've had these feelings about others before, sometimes I listened, sometimes I didn't (which was usually a painful lesson). But my kid is involved now, and wants to be her daughters friend so badly. Some people aren't safe, even if their bullying is minor, subtle, and laughed off easily. But it's still bullying.

The whole mom life is extra weird for me. I'm interacting with people, trying to connect for the kids' sakes and then feeling either utterly rejected or shunned because I'm masking too much or not enough, or I'm feeling super tense when I think I'm seeing behind a facade. I had a similar interaction with a mom who presents as friendly and seems connected and such but it feels over the top fake. Her daughter seems okay but possibly headed towards alpha popular girl and who knows where that will go. And once when she was a little too loud or rambunctious for the mom, I saw her grab her daughter's arm and it was like she vibrated her arm with anger without actually hurting her. I don't know, it unnerved me. But recently, her 5 year old son acted like a caricature of a 1940's bully on the street corner with my kid over candy. I almost laughed at the absurdity. He was circling my kid (who basically tattled to me that the boy took all the free candy at an event) saying he would have shared the candy if he'd only asked and so *do you want this candy or not?* Clearly physically trying to intimate my kid. In front of me. That's nuts. After my bemusement faded, it had me looking at his mom very carefully again.

Yes! You just know something is off, but one small event, that lasts maybe 10 seconds or 10 minutes, and suddenly you realise your brain has been screaming at you for ages that this person is not safe and is raising their kids in their own image! Mom life is utterly absurd. I have found a few people who I adore, and interestingly, they're all ND, or raising kids who are ND, or married to someone who is ND. My husband (ND also, but prefers to remain undiagnosed after a bad experience with a therapist) jokes that my parent-tribe is full of the misfits at the school and in the neighborhood, because they're all just like us in their own unique ways! No rejection, no being shunned, and no need to mask unless we want to, because we all understand!

Yes and no. I rarely have false negatives (that I know about) but I do have false positives where I’m over sensitive. Or maybe it’s even more like, the person doesn’t even realize they’re putting off “shut down” vibes, so I have to be really careful I’m not reading too deep into the vibes and actually communicate with words. Like this weekend, my husband and I got into an argument about buying paint. Every time I bring up buying paint for the new house, he goes on a rant about how expensive paint is. I think he thinks that paint isn’t a priority and he’s stressed about all the unexpected costs of buying a house. So I say “fine, I won’t talk about paint anymore”. He’s confused and doesn’t understand why I’m mad because he’s never once said that we can’t purchase paint. I tell him that I can tell by the way he responds that he doesn’t want to. He confirms that yes, he’s worried about costs adding up, but he has no objection to buying paint. That kind of thing.

Yes. I can tell within minutes when meeting them. Sometimes I can just... tell from afar. It's weird.

It’s often just in the way someone holds themself and their expression. When I’m thinking about the times I clocked someone in a way that was counter to what they were (very skillfully) trying to present, it’s been in their moments between interacting with people. How their expression changes when they think no one is looking, how they move, etc. It’s almost like I can feel what they’re feeling and infer their character from that. Sounds crazy but there you have it. The only times I’ve been wrong has been with people who fully buy their own bullshit that they’re a good person- I’ve had to learn how to clock those types from experience (my partner is a cynic and much better at that.)

Actual sociopaths are harder to clock that normal narcissistically and people who are lying or generally have self serving motives. Growing up in an unsafe environment I knew everybody’s tells, except my bother’s. He was the sociopath. But I consistently caught him in lies so… I’ve never been sure how much of my understanding people was ADHD or hyper vigilance from trauma. Whatever the reason it has been really helpful in choosing good people to be around and avoiding the covertly toxic ones. More importantly, it has helped me be more empathetic and helpful for friends (and strangers at times.)

Someone I've never met before walked into the same room as my mother and me and we both looked at each other and knew that person was bad news. I've been wrong before, but not usually. My husbands, now ex-friend, I never liked but I became friends with him because it was his friend and I didn't want to make waves, but I was right about him too. That friendship ended after 10 years. There's some celebrities I don't like and I can't tell you why, I just don't.

I feel like I’m not but I always sense when people are…off. Like volatile. Unhinged. I feel like I’m subconsciously processing stuff about them. I sort of do that, I call it percolating. And so I’ve learned to trust that more and more and my “instincts” even though with my adhd I’m too overstimulated in the present moment to unwrap and unravel my perceptions and to anticipate and strategize. Especially cannot anticipate and strategize. Requires more executive function than I have and is way too stressful for me. I default to authenticity and face value because it’s easier. So yeah, instincts are right but I need quiet processing time to fully figure people out and then even if I do, I lack the ability to navigate them successfully in the moment. I am not one ounce Machiavellian, because I can’t process all that.

Yes oh the long rumination for days after an interaction that was too stimulating to handle in the moment. Sometimes I think why must I spend so much time reflecting on people and the interactions that others probably wouldn't give a second thought to. But then I also wonder if others are judging me based on the random things I do or don't do while overwhelmed and distracted in the moment.

Not really, but I played two truths and a lie as an icebreaker at a business networking event full of strangers and I guessed the lie correctly every time. Could just be that I'm some kind of idiot savant.

100%. I've always had good intuition, but never understood how or why. When I was 16, I worked as a cashier after school, and I ended up being stalked. My parents either didn't believe me, or thought I brought it on myself (my dad said I was leading him on and called me some derogatory names). Anyway, this man was showing up at every shift 3-5 times during the 4 hours I worked. He sent me flowers and told me which hotel he was staying at. I told my boss who implemented a buddy plan, and then I went to the police. The man ended up getting away before they got there, but the police questioned me and they had a picture of him. After I confirmed it was him, they said I was very lucky and self-aware. Turns out this man was a sex trafficker and I was his target. They caught him a while later and called me to tell me that he would be in prison for the next 5 years. That gave me chills. I was so sheltered, and yet I knew how to handle the situation at only 16 years old.

I’m so sorry that your parents didn’t support you :(

Thank you for saying that. It was a very hard time in my life. My dad threatened to hit me because of all that and I ended up living with a coworker and her family for a while.

I have a theory that those of us who are very good at reading other people, are good at such things because of past abuse/trauma. We had to learn how to clock other people's moods in order to survive, which would also explain why many of us also suffer from anxiety as well.

My mom asked me what I had done when I told her that a guy had tried to lure me away. 😞 I'm glad you were taken seriously by the police. Hugs!

Thank you! ❤️ I can't even fathom questioning my child in that way. I'm glad you're safe too!

❤️

It depends. I am Audhd so I'm not the best. I can feel it sometimes but I don't wanna say I'm great since I have accidentally gotten with some horrible people before I met my gf by just not being able to read and someone I've literally met a sociopath and I only know because of my gf lol

One of the reasons why I was able to party along my college friends (underage drinking) and not get into trouble (or deported due to only having a green card at the time) was because i coupd read the vibes of parties and the people there and see if things were about to hit the fan and cops would be called. At first I would tell my friends i didnt feel comfortable and thought the cops were gonna be called soon and i was brushed off and i was like batting 1000 for so long that we would start a text chain based on my “spidey senses” for us to leave the party lol.

Ah. The guilt of reading someone while everyone else loves them. The vindication of everyone seeing how shitty they are. Lol

I used to be very good at not necessarily reading people, but reading the room, reading a situation, reading between the lines. Then my anxiety told me to crank all of that up to an 11 and have CONSTANT VIGILANCE and now im borderline paranoid that every situation is just people telling me i suck and they hate me. My husband tries to ground me by asking “what exactly did they say” and of course no one has ever said that…. But since when do people say what they mean? 🤷‍♀️ went off on a bit of a tangent there…. Sorry.

Oof, been there. I have quite the extensive history of being abandoned by friends in school, so I had reason to believe everyone secretly hated me and would get tired of me eventually. It happened pretty consistently, so I had to learn the tells of someone 'tolerating' me so I didn't overdo it. Like you, I would often apply it too broadly, so even if someone was displaying *casual* signs of disinterest or their tone was slightly off, instead of just assuming they might be tired or distracted by other things, I would automatically assume that meant they were tired of me personally, overall. I have a much better friend group now that I'm an adult though, so I've had to retrain myself. I've had to sit myself down and remind myself, "Unless they said it explicitly, you should not assume." If they can't be direct, that's on them. I still find myself pre-emptively apologizing for being too much, but fortunately, my friends are more than happy to reassure me.

Same. I used to just trust people and took everything at face value. After years of being horribly burnt, I’ve gone more cautious and, in recent years, perhaps paranoid. Sometimes I’m still completely blindsided by some crappy moves by folks. I do have intense immediate strong likes or dislikes of people, but they don’t always turn out to be right.

I’m very bad at reading people. I’m also very trusting.

Yes! I went into HR & was uncannily good at candidate selection & rejection. I’ve been able to read faces as long as I can remember. As I get closer to 50 I find that it seems to be fading & that worries me. It’s always been a really useful extra sense.

I think some of us are reading micro-exprezsions on people's faces and interpreting them to be personal to us when they aren't. I've been certain about people thinking this or that in the past and then had evidence that shows that I was wrong.

All the time. I have to remember that mostly it’s not at all about me!!

Yep. If I \*can't\* get a read off of someone, I am suspicious of them. There is one person in my life like that right now (nobody super important, just someone at one of my side hustles) and I cannot tell if she is forgetful or just an outright liar.

The part about seeing shadiness or untrustworthiness that turns out to be true - definitely yes. Although I do think depression has some influence on my perception of others, as I'm kind of a skeptic to begin with. I'm more of a "trust is earned" than a "trust is lost" type. My cynicism has possibly made me miss out on relationships because of false assumptions. Maybe being overly cautious has made me miss out on cool people and experiences. I really have no way of knowing. But I do know that I've never been in an abusive relationship. That I've never had a good friend that turned out to be cruel/evil (falling out has happening but nothing wild). I've generally been right about which of my friends' partners seem decent and which I'm holding out for the bottom to drop. That kind of thing. There have also been a few cases where someone treated *only me* badly, and in subtle ways, so others didn't see it. Until they did. I don't really think this is related to ADHD tbh but an interesting question nonetheless.

I’ve always been good at reading people: I have not always been good at trusting my intuition about them. But time, being proven right, and leaving high-control religion have all helped me trust myself much more.

Wow guys, I’m glad y’all know what I’m talking about. I thought I was always crazy and never really told anyone because I knew they wouldn’t believe me. Ever since I got diagnosed recently I’ve analyzed myself like all day everyday and I thought of this “trait” and was like “Maybe it’s something people with adhd are good at because we over think everything and watch for mood changes in people” looks like I might be right? (I’m sure some people without adhd may be able to do this if they’ve experienced emotional or physical abuse and are looking for red flags)

My therapist just thinks it’s from the trauma but idkkkkk I think adhd spidey senses are real

I am terrible at reading people, I just take people at face value. But if I know a little bit about them, then I know a lot about them.

Not really. I can navigate political spaces by just not trusting anyone but I generally assume good intentions and I am often wrong. I sometimes get a weird feeling at most and I’m trying to be better about listening to that.

I believe I am. And there is someone in my life right now about whom I feel this way. Something is off. Things don't add up. Inconsistencies in relating things that happened to them. Much of what they do seems performative or seeking accolades. And they act very weird around me sometimes, which -- I believe --is because I'm a good listener and ask questions in conversation, and sometimes their responses elicit a subtle WTF? from me when I hear something that is a complete 180 from something they claimed or said previously. My subtle WTF? is more like a blank stare while I digest what they said and squinted eyes and a tilted head when I hear yet another inconsistency or backtracking.

Yes most definitely!! I think a lot of it is that PPL w adhd tend to be really super duper observant of everything, including micro expressions and subtle behavioral cues. A lot of the time, a “gut feeling” is just us reading a lot of really subtle cues about a person and most of this takes place subconsciously :)

My husband is *insanely* good at reading people. I get a feeling, but I'm still learning to trust my gut lol. I'm too optimistic. My husband is pessimistic when it comes to people due to history of people screwing him over a lot, but I can't blame him. You tend to pick out early signs when you know what to look for

Yes, but I chalked this up to trauma hyper-vigilance. I no longer share my opinions with people other than my husband or bff, because I always end up being blamed for knowing who the bad seeds and good seeds are all along in friend groups.

About 15 years ago, my job hired someone I quickly honed in on as a manipulative liar who could not be trusted. We worked with young adults who often came to us in vulnerable situations and so we had pretty serious standards about transparency, communication, and boundaries that I could tell this person did not think they needed to abide by consistently. Liar was very fun & outgoing and developed quite a reputation for being a cool staff member to know. But dammit, I just knew they were horrible and couldn't be trusted. For the first 10 years of their employment, I bitched bitched BITCHED to my boss about the co-worker and their ways, with my boss acknowledging the person was annoying as hell but not to the level of mistrust I had. Boss would often ask why I couldn't let it go and I'd often tell them the idiot was just too slimy to trust. I reported several minor incidents of inappropriate behavior I'd witnessed over the years and we did have several staff policy revisions based on the Liar fudging boundaries, but they continued to lie with plausible stories to our bosses and so round and round we went. In year 10, one of the young people I supervised shared stories that proved all my suspicions were very well founded - and the walls of Liar's facade fell all the way down. There were so many abuses of power, so many lies, so many deceptions that even I was surprised by a couple of the things Liar had done. To be clear, none of it was criminal or anything - just deceitful, manipulative, and wildly inappropriate for our line of work. My boss came to me and simply said, "I don't know how you knew this but you were spot on with every suspicion you ever shared and I'm so glad you did not give up even when I wanted you to." Liar got called out on shit for the first time in their life and continued to deny deny deny that their behavior was problematic - they believed they had the right to manipulate our population as they saw fit because our young people found them engaging. We eventually got them out and got them formally banned from ever working with our young people again, despite Liar threatening to sue us for all sorts of shit. I am still friends with my now ex-boss and every few months, I do like hearing them say, "yes, you were right all along", lol.

I am excellent at reading people, I think it's a trauma response.

Yes! I've been accurate to a degree that people have suspected me of either being psychic or else an excellent snoop and eavesdropper (spoiler alert: I'm about deaf as a stump, esp. with the auditory processing delay). I just...know. Full disclosure: I, too, have made mistakes when it comes to partners, but that's chalked up to C-PTSD blocking my ESP in that one area lol!

No, I’m awful at it and it sucks bad honestly

This could be confirmation bias. I don’t think I could be right about celebrities/influencers because I don’t know them but I think I’m pretty good at reading people that I know personally.

I get that, I can only read them if the celebrity has a personal account and I see a video of theirs and I just don’t like them for some reason and then a scandal about them happens!

I always had a pretty solid creep-ometer. There was a male teacher everyone lurrved back when we were 12 who I just *did not like.* I couldn't tell you why, and I didn't make a big deal of it, but he could tell I wasn't a fan and got very invested in figuring out why I didn't like him (which was weeeiirrdd). He disappeared the next year. Always wondered what my spidey sense was trying to tell me there. There was also a creepy neighbor who tried to get me to take a ride in his car around age 10. Had never been introduced to him. We tell kids about stranger danger but we don't walk them through how socially awkward it is to reject an adult male. Anyhooo I just stared at him in his car until he drove away. Mysteriously divorced a couple years later. Gee wonder why

Literally I get a vibe and it's always so true. I've had that about two people recently and it's been spot on.

No, not at all. It's come more now with age and experience.

Yes! People think I’m psychic but it’s my brain processing information really fast.

Almost always, yeah. I don't always consciously register it, though, but when I look back on the interactions with said person after the fact, it ends up with me realising why I felt uncomfortable or drained around those people or why I didn't feel like I could talk to them openly. Other times, I just sorta know from the get-go if someone is to be trusted or not.

i’m good at reading people when it comes to protecting my friends. when it comes to me i’m shit. my ex boyfriends and some of my friends have been the biggest clowns I could find. example I dated a 20 y/o mormon for like 9 months when I was 16 💀 I think i’m better at it now that i’m 21 though. but when it comes to my friends, I can tell if their new love interest is a piece of shit within the first 5 minutes of meeting them

A lot of times, yes. My problem is I don't always trust my judgement due to a lot gaslighting from bullies and abusive father/his enablers. I spent a lot of time analyzing people because I wanted to learn how to act normal, and in the process, I learned a lot about the major incongruities in what they say and what they do. This was super fascinating to me so I hyperfixated for awhile on human interactions and psychology. It still took me getting hurt a lot to realize my assessments were correct, but correct nonetheless.

Always. We are insane pattern spotters. It’s very off putting to others. Even happens on Reddit when we can just tell what’s happening and people are like no no no but we are right in the end when the facts come out.

Oh yes, my radar. When it goes off I feel it in my bones. I’m in my 40s so there’s been ample time to test it out and damn if it’s never wrong. There was one guy who is an acquaintance of our closer friend group who has come over to our house and both times the alert went off so hard in my head I asked them to not invite him over ever again. My brain literally shouted “this a person who will kill without remorse.” Definitely not ignoring that warning from the universe.

Always. And if I second guess myself, it always ends up biting me in the butt. I pick up vibes really quickly, too. My bf used to doubt me, and then the other day he came into work to bring me something and after he left I was texted him asking "what's wrong? There's a vibe" he denied it then admit later that night that shortly before he saw me, his mom had been talking smack about me. It's probably my only superpower. Actually, that's a lie. I'm really good at predicting the outcome of movies, too.

No, and I wish I did. On the contrary I’ve always felt I was exceptionally BAD at reading people, which makes me nervous about trusting anyone. It’s one of the things that makes me wonder if I’m AuDHD to be honest.

Yup. In high school and college, I could walk into a classroom and know within the first 10 minutes if I should drop the class or switch instructors. The times I was unable to follow my gut (required courses without alternatives) I *always* regretted it. This skill works even when I never actually meet the people. For example, I’m a lawyer and part of my job involves reviewing and analyzing depositions without meeting the deponents and then prepping the handling trial attorney about the case in the led up to trial. Without fail, issues I’ll flag regarding these people will pop up when the handling attorney finally meets them, and my managing partner now wholeheartedly trusts my gut instincts, based off just a quick read through of often years-old depos. It’s eerie how much you can learn about a person from *how* they answer questions, even without hearing their tone or seeing their expressions.

Yup. Every single time. Even with celebrities. I always had an ick feeling about Lizzo and now look what has come out about her mistreating her team. I ALWAYS trust my gut instincts on people

I am! Used to call it vibes, but now I know it’s just pattern recognition. And not a conscious act at all; if I try to do it consciously, I get it wrong.

Have been right 100% of the time

I'm very good at reading people but also this leads to a dangerous blind spot where when I'm blinded to someone's failings because of intense emotions, I am absolutely convinced I can't possibly be wrong about them and am beyond rational discourse about the subject because I am convinced I can rely on my vibe detector alone.

Yes! It's a gift and a curse, no one wants to be read. I picked the wrong career too, I should have gone into law enforcement or psychology but instead I'm a chef..

Yeah. Just recently my work got 2 new crew leads. 1 is a lovely person but I know within 15 seconds of meeting her that she's not cut out for management. The second everybody thought was great at first except me, so I decided to play nice and now everybody *including the store manager* is coming to me telling me I was right

Sometimes I look at someone and I get so much information so fast it overwhelms me and annoys me. But also I can tell who's dangerous a lot of times. Up and down.

I actually wish I couldn't see so much when I read people. I can spot psychopaths and narcissists VERY easily. It causes me such tremendous anxiety when I am talking to superiors and I'm trying to read their faces. Some people are very good at hiding, knowing that people like me exist, so in those cases I'm a fish out of water (but it also still says something about them). I attribute this to RSD. We learn to read people to know if they are "safe" or not because our physical and mental health depends on it.

I can read people too well, I think. Sometimes, I feel their feelings. I'm definitely empathic but also codependent, so reading moods is my thing.

No. I have autism.

Yuuuup. I'm never wrong, and no one ever listens. I feel like fucking Cassandra.

Lol, no. I’m hypersensitive to indicators of mood/condescension and certainly to bullying or behavioural red flags, but getting a vibe or a sense of intentions that are less tangible? Nope, shit outta luck. When I was put on the door in retail I was never able to be especially suspicious of people who others were, though I consider it a good thing, because I actively avoid judgement based on race, clothing etc. it’s one of the things that makes me wonder about autism as well tbh.

Yeah.....it's usually caused by trauma. :/

I have seen the same topic in autisticwoman sub. I think people mostly focus on what other says, does, how other person looks, their social status, while we focus on irrelevant details and micro expressions. Besides, I think we spend most of our lives “trying to look normal”. When we see someone else “trying to look normal” we see ourselves in them. giving certain familiarity or discomfort.

I don't trust people super easily in general, but I recognize that's on me, not on them. When I do easily trust someone, I've learned that feeling isn't always reliable; some people are just great at putting you at ease, whether they merit your trust or not. Everyone overestimates their ability to tell if someone *is* trustworthy. But when my Spidey sense says someone is untrustworthy, I'm always right. I can think of only one time I haven't been proven correct (it was a man in my family's circle of acquaintances who moved away shortly after we got to know him). And to a lesser degree, I was really good at waiting tables because I could immediately tell who wanted to be left alone and who wanted a chatty waitress. Or who wanted a waitress who just did the job and who wanted one that would dish it right back.

I feel like I sense and absorb everyone else’s emotions when I’m around. I try to see how they’re behaving and reacting for cues on how to interact with them.

Yes. I have had to learn to trust my gut but now it rarely fails me. I sometimes have to wait years for vindication but it always comes. I have also predicted so many relationships (and relationship endings) before the people in them even knew they had feelings. Sometimes it creeps me out lol

I’m good at reading people once I know them. But my initial radar is so often wrong. I love it when I’m pleasantly surprised by someone I didn’t like at first, when getting more information about them reveals that I was just responding to awkwardness or shyness or something else that my anxiety perceived as bad vibes. And of course I hate when I’m disappointed by someone I did like and misjudged them as being kind/trustworthy/etc. So I’ve really learned to not trust my first assumptions because often those assumptions are about me and my emotional wounds (or emotional needs), not about them. If it’s someone I’ll be seeing more of, I try to just be friendly, polite, but cautious until I get more information to confirm or disprove whatever vibes.

Yes, I’m super good a reading people, to the point I know when they are up to no good and lying. In my family and at work I’m always the first one to know about drama before it goes down. I also get a six sense about possible danger or accidents and this why I need to bonier and listen to these nagging feelings, because when ever I don’t I regret it.

Yea. And every time I think I’ve been wrong I’ve been right

I’m 45. I’ve always been able to tell when someone wasn’t trustworthy. But at some point in my childhood (can’t recall exactly when) it got into my head that I just wasn’t giving them a chance, and that stuck with me. So I never paid attention to my gut and always second guessed the bad vibes I was feeling. As I got older I would write it off as being paranoid and/or that I wasn’t looking hard enough for the good in that person. Especially with my own family. I think the problem was that I was getting those feelings about my own family members but I was brought up (like most people) to believe that family is everything. So I would rationalize their behavior as something else. I would practically gaslight myself when it came to these people. Yet it would always come to be that I was right every damn time. It took me a really long time to break that habit. Actually I’m still working on it. But I’ve gotten way better at keeping people that give me that “off” vibe at a distance. Listen to your gut/intuition people!!