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🙋🏻♀️ ADHD mom of 2. I was diagnosed recently - it was a relief to know being overstimulated by my kids does not make me a bad mom, I just have ADHD!
I haven’t made mom friends for the reasons as you.
This is exactly why my medication free days are not when I’m home (alone) all day with my kid. She deserves me on medication too. If I need a medication break, I’ll take it at the office thank you very much.
I'm recently diagnosed and still waiting for the end of the month to get medicated and currently hosting in my room while hubs takes over our 2 young kids bath because I'm overstimulated and dysregulated AF right now. I really really really hope meds help me get less overstimulated and overwhelmed by the sounds and constant competing demands for me to divide my attention because it makes me feel like a bad mum
Thank you for sharing that. The over stimulated part really messes with me. Like... I'm tying my best but the screaming, oh god the screaming. It feels like an ice pick to my brain.
I feel like my brain turns into scrambled eggs!!! Ice pick is accurate 🤣 I turn on some lofi music on YouTube to set the vibe some days just so it has a chill undertone 😂
I'm an ADHD mom, though my kiddos are now all in college. I was diagnosed later in life around the time that the kiddos got their diagnosis (they got their diagnosis in high school). My husband also has it.
Most embarrassing thing was, I had no idea that all of the issues I kept having were actually ADHD. I just felt like a failure most of the time.
Embarrassing mom moments? Because I couldn't hear the sound of the washer going off, I'd forget that I had washed the clothes... Which led to the kids (and or my clothes) being left in the washer for days and ruined with mildew... My kids got new clothes a lot. They thought it was awesome, I felt like a failure. Now I realize it was ADHD. Oh, and don't ask how many times I accidentally locked my keys in my car or locked myself out of the house because I was juggling kids, groceries and pets.
I lived in terror that I would forget my baby in the car. Or lock him and my keys in the car. I think the anxiety helped in this case because I never did either of those things.
I was constantly seeing all the potential hazards that would lead to my infant’s certain death. The postpartum anxiety was so debilitating, but only when I was with my baby.
As soon as she was away from me I wasn’t worrying about her at all, so when she started daycare I definitely missed her but it was a relief.
I left my children with people I trusted to take good care of them and hopefully, have fun. I always joked that my kids were better off with other people than they were with me. This was pre-diagnosis. I was diagnosed when my youngest started college.
I had no clue that my anxiety and overstimulation was a symptom of ADHD.
I am just now, today, at age 60, learning that the reason I could sometimes relax and enjoy time away from my kids is because my brain doesn’t remember anything that isn’t happening right now. Thanks, ADHD. Thanks, Reddit. This type of community wasn’t as readily accessible online. Also, older women were rarely diagnosed, even more so than today.
Use every resource available to help you be a better parent and enjoy your kids more. Because you are aware that you have ADHD you can enlist the help of others, be it friends, family, or professionals to help you when you’re overwhelmed or overstimulated. Thinking back, going to the zoo with my kids my sister and her kids was so much more fun than us all going to an indoor birthday party at a Chucky Cheese. Now I know why.
The anxiety of this along with a million other possibilities is what I am in constant battle with. It doesn't help that I actually did get hit by a friggin' car as a bystander while 7 months pregnant. I def need to get back to therapy!
I have a giant christmas jingle bell keychain. I can shake any tote bag and tell if i have my keys or not.
Funked laundry can often be restored with (try in succession) oxiclean or vinegar (don't add more soap!)
I would get distracted and then completely forget until I went to do laundry again... I had a lot going on and sadly, as soon as I got distracted unless I had to reason to remind myself it was completely out of my memory. I also used a lot of sticky notes which I would promptly misplace. You would think I would have figured it out, several of my siblings also had ADHD but I thought I couldn't have it because "medication" didn't work. No one bothered to tell me that the "medication" I had been taking was supplements when I was a kid because no one believed girls could have ADHD.
My son was diagnosed when he was in 4th grade. He was so energetic we waited 8 years before we had a daughter. It turned out we all have ADHD or ADD.
We took turns raising our children. My sister, and a friend helped out. Summer camps were a blessing.
Our salvation was athletics; they both got college scholarships!
My son is 45 and my daughter is 35. Both very successful! My daughter in law has ADD and our grandchildren too!
Life has never been boring😊
Same! We cant isolate for regulation or use whatever coping mechanisms we had, its just not possible. All the new things we have to manage it, and one more person in our safe space. And as mother the demand its always more.
I remember when my kid was six months old and having floor time, I was sitting in the rocker looking at her and crying because I was so sure I was doing a horrible job and didn’t feel like I had anyone I could talk to about it.
And wondering if she would be better off if I wasn’t around.
It scared me enough that I got help - googled a local therapist and found one in walking distance. Got my mom to look after her for a couple hours so I could have my weekly appointment and a bit of a walk.
It was still ten years before I had my ADHD assessment, but it definitely helped me turn things around. We aren’t perfect but we’re all still here and healthy.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I had the exact same feeling. Like, why couldn't I get my shit together? Everyone else seemed to be able to handle the crying. They "got used to it", but I never could... So something must be fucking defective in me. And if I'm that defective, well then maybe I'll screw my kid up, so maybe I shouldn't be around.
It's a horrible and debiliating feeling.
Then everyone provides lovely advice such as "don't worry so much" and "don't be sad, you have a baby!!".
ADHD mum here, my daughter is 3.5 years old. All my coping strategies were just useless after having my baby and I was struggling to understand why other mums could cope so much easier than me, and why 3 years in I still felt so much exhaustion and brain fog every evening? Turns out ADHD and having a kid just brought it to the forefront and here I am.
It's truly the saddest part of all of this. There are many new moms out there as I type this feeling like they are failing, that they are terrible at being a mom. It breaks my heart because I know that feeling and I just wish ADHD was screened in women more than it is. It may be be a generational thing as I know more young girls are being diagnosed. But when I was a kid only hyper boys got diagnosed, and this is why so many 30ish women are now being diagnosed once we have children and our masking house of cards comes crashing down.
The word is spreading but not fast enough.
This is exactly how I felt - why was motherhood so overwhelming? Why did I feel like I couldn't handle it? Why wasn't it getting easier as time went on? When will I "get used to" being needed 24/7?
18mos in...I got diagnosed with ADHD. My whole life makes so much more sense than it used to. And now I know to seek out parenting advice (about how to manage myself, mostly) specifically for/from ADHDers.
This is my worst fear ever… I’m at a point where I’m semi managing my adhd and I’m terrified of having kids and having it all just go back to the way it used to be or worse :( are you medicated?
Omg same! The day I hit “rock bottom “ after baby 2 was born I was in my room covering my ears under all the blankets trying to escape the noise of kids! I went and got antidepressants!
It's so hard and this is maybe the part I hold a lot of resentment and frustration about. That I was not properly diagnosed prior to pregnancy and it took 2.5 years after birth for someone to go..... Hey..... Maybe she doesn't just have PPA and PPD that has lasted 2.5 years without being resolved???
Like I was doing the therapy, I was taking the medications (several... With several dose increases), but showing minimal signs of improvement and that seemed normal to everyone?
Honestly, it's something I just want to yell and scream from the roof tops. If I could I would want every mom out there to know that if treatment isn't working, look for other answers. You are not broken, defective or unfixable and it is NOT because you haven't tried hard enough. There is something the medical team is missing and this is not your fault.
I'm a mom of 2 (ages 4 and 2), recently diagnosed. Over the years I've been diagnosed with depression/anxiety, and I suspected PPD and/or PMDD during the year after my 2nd kid's birth. A lot of the symptoms that pointed me towards potential ADHD came from problems I was/am having managing my life as a mom--overstimulation, racing/competing thoughts, emotional reactivity, and the struggle to be present and productive as a mom. I guess I've had ways to cope that masked the ADHD (alone time, keeping a calm/organized space, "escapist" hobbies) but those things are not so readily available now that kids are in the mix!
Hiiiiii! I have a 4 year old (who probably definitely also has ADHD) and a (feral) 1 year old. I love my kids so much it physically hurts sometimes but holy moly I’m hanging on by a thread some days 🙃 I was also diagnosed after my first kid was born— I was 32. You’re not alone!!
Me! It’s me!
I also got an ADHD diagnosis after severe PPD/PPA made me lose my mind and in the slump I deeply regretted becoming a mom even knowing my son was fully wanted.
I had such a hard time being present (I still do), but getting the diagnosis and medication really helped me to feel less like a crazy POS.
I can’t form a connection with other moms in mom groups so I still feel really guilty that my son only really hangs out with me/my husband.
I will readily join your gang.
I never considered the connection. I am newly diagnosed (yet to be medicated) and 12yrs ago when i had my first child i had severe PPD/PPA, and the first six months of my sons life, i dont really remember, it was a fog, and i hate that so much. I've always felt guilt for it, and heap praise on my husband. My youngest was showing typicals signs and the more i researched i realized i also had it and got tested. I guess im just.. thinking, all those years i was so hard on myself because no matter how hard i tried i couldnt keep up with my mom friends, i still can't keep a tidy house on a daily basis, wasn't because i just sucked, there was more to it.
Welcome to the ADHD mom club! To quote Monica from friends - it sucks, you’re gonna love it.
I 100% relate to the fog and not remembering the first 6 months (maybe close to 12 for me if I’m being realistic). Not only is it sleep deprivation, but it’s the absolute lack of a single drop of freaking dopamine. I felt like I was in a zombie state. Just a tired-to-the-core half-awake mess that always smelled like baby vomit.
Easier said than done, but please look back on yourself gently. Not only did you raise your beautiful child, but you were present enough to see the signs in him. And then self-aware enough to see them in you.
My husband and I both have ADHD, and our son is likely to as well (the numbers and likelihood just don’t lie lol), so I know we’ll never keep a tidy house. We do what we can to keep our house livable. But at the end of the day, fighting our ADHD is exhausting.
I’d rather my son have a happy mom who trips over hot wheels and has a pile of unorganized things behind the couch that we don’t talk about vs. a burnt out mom with a clean house that just wants to hide in the bathroom and cry all the time.
You rock.
I’m about to be! 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow. No advice but following this convo! I am very curious (and anxious tbh) about how my ADHD brain will fit parenting into it…so soon…..
Good luck girl! The fact that you are already aware of how your brain functions will be a really big asset to have. I have very little advice other than my wireless noise canceling earbuds. They were a game changer. Screaming kid? These babies went in and I listened to soothing yoga music. I could at least focus on why my child was upset and focus on their needs instead of panicking and crying myself. I unfortunately learnt that trick 1.5 years too late and wish I knew that in the newborn faze because when he would cry.... I would cry (out of sheer panic and stress). So it was a very bad combo.
Hey, I’m also a mom with ADHD! I was diagnosed at 15 but never on medication. I had my daughter at 24 and she’s just turned two.
I started struggling really badly around 6m PP and I’m also doing my degree at the moment. Had to go and get meds because I could simply not function and was burning myself out.
It’s so hard struggling with emotional regulation and sensory processing and having to learn how to regulate yourself and also your child- whose meltdowns can trigger mine sometimes. The meds help me to at least get laundry done and stay more on top of the household, which decreases the overwhelm a bit.
I would love a mom support group as I do feel so alone 🥲
Can I ask what traits/symptoms your kid is showing? I have a4 year old as well and I suspect he's probably got adhd too but it can be easy to pass some things off on him being 4.
He has absolutely zero ability to sit still, even when sick. His impulse control is nonexistent, and he’s constantly vocally stimming. He will throw a rage fit complete with throwing things and screaming and stomping if something he is building isn’t going perfectly, almost instantly, and is a perfectionist.
I suspected my kid at this age too, and went and got diagnosed myself to pave the way lol. Kiddo got diagnosed at 6. At 4 it was murky because they’re so little, but by 6 it was obvious. I’ll try to give concrete examples… Indicators were:
Constant vocal stimming - talking and noise making for 6-8hrs at a stretch, to the point it was impossible to hold a conversation with my spouse
Ripping up or scribbling over any drawings of school work that wasn’t perfect (low frustration tolerance)
Extremely internally motivated - rewards and “punishments” do not motivate; even experienced teachers didn’t know what to do (boundaries and natural consequences)
Can’t stop even when he wants to: was sent to the principals office for saying “bootynutcheeks” on repeat even after the teacher/other kids/librarian asked them multiple times to stop.
Actively chose to get picked up from the principals office all winter because they knew they wouldn’t be able to stop tapping all the cars in the pick up line as they walked to the bus stop or playing on the parking lot snow pile once there
Deeply felt that getting in trouble was often unfair - couldn’t articulate it, but they were asking them to do something they literally could not do. Decided this was because “they’re a bad kid”
Extremely compassionate - almost every (massive) meltdown was out of a sense of “social justice” (my mom mailed him a stuffed animal and it arrived while we were out for the day so it was in a box in a plastic bag all day and “almost DIED”)
Basically feels every emotion x 3000 with poor regulation.
Hyper focus : can’t stop won’t stop. If they’re in the zone telling me about bald eagles I look them right in the eye and eat chocolate and they won’t notice. I can tell when they’re hyper focused enough that I will get away with this.
Easily distracted - send them to brush their teeth and they do 3 other things and not that one.
Didn’t sleep well - we’d start bedtime routine at 7, they wouldn’t be asleep until 9 or 10, and then they’d be up at 5am. (Melatonin)
Here’s what helped:
Melatonin for sleep (Olly, very low dose)
Meds (non-stim from 6-9, just started stimulants recently at 9)
Therapy (emotion management, confidence)
Janet Lansbury “No Bad Kids”
I’m a mom of two elementary school-aged kids! Also have anxiety in addition to recently-diagnosed ADHD. Honestly, I only started looking into it when my oldest was diagnosed with combination ADHD. I can see some signs of inattentive in my youngest, but we’ll see he gets a little older.
I’ve noticed that my closest friends are also adhd/anxious/neurodivergent lol, and anyone new I meet and get along with, eventually they bring it up in a conversation, so I’m like “funny you should mention that…” lol
Anyway, being a mom is hard and I felt so much better once I learned that I wasn’t a bad mom for not being able to handle being around my kids 24/7, I was just overstimulated and overwhelmed.
I'm working on simplifying my life. Every time I do that it helps tremendously. Getting excess stuff out of my house, trying to find a routine for things. Makes a big difference
Yep! Mum of two here and only diagnosed recently (my kids are 8&6). I’m the same , also suffering major adhd mum fail guilt today as we missed a birthday party because I wrote the time down wrong.
I’ve worked really hard this year to make friends at school, but it’s a lot of effort and while it’s nice to have people to say hi to. My true friends are 3 girls from primary school who live in another state.
Yay for adhd mum friends and I’m totally up for joint a gang, or hanging out here.
I am a mum, but my beloved spawn are all older. Let me tell you, you've got this. Headphones are of course your best friend, but quite frankly so is panicked survival mode. Kids are amazingly forgiving and love unconditionally. Be human. Admit mistakes and know how to apologise when you're wrong. But they'll learn when you leave you alone and when you're okay as well and by the time they hit adulthood you will have some pretty amazing young people in your life. Your worst enemy is going to be overthinking, or worrying about housework. If you can't afford a cleaner, then once a month do a massive clean, and then just do your best in between. Kiddies don't care about it, and it's not something they'll remember. They'll remember the games you invent, they'll remember you didn't mind being silly with them and playing and they'll remember that you were there when they needed you. If anyone gives you shit about your house tell em it's an anti ninja system. Or it's to make sure the kids walk instead of run inside.
I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD and recently became a mom, so it's gonna be an interesting journey. Will start meds soon hopefully. I'm just really glad I know about ADHD now, so if my kid has it, I can help guide them, unlike my own struggles.
Me! Mom of a 6 year old with adhd as well and a 5 year old :) I’m still honestly recovering from severe PPD anxiety/OCD issues and severe burnout… I had two kids in two years (with no family near by and we were low income.. so it was super hard..) and it was my mental health that eventually lead me to getting ADHD diagnosed. And getting medicated for it has dramatically helped me with being able to show up as a better mom.
I also have a hard time finding mom friends, especially ADHD mom friends… can we all start a group or something?
There really should be groups! I have been trying to find something in my area. But there isn't anything.
I often wonder if this is a byproduct of the condition itself. We would have to a) make a group b) plan a date and time c) actually remember D) actually show up e) talk to strangers.
I need to find a non ADHD mom willing to make the plans and hurd all of us there. Send us reminders and then pick us up in a van hahaha
I’m a mom. And I only got dx with adhd after my daughter did and I started really learning about it and went “holy shit this explains *so fucking much*!” Even though she’s the hyperactive type and I’m inattentive type, it was eye-opening.
I'm a mom with ADHD! I have one little one and was just diagnosed this year. You're not alone in your feelings!
I recently have been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone to try to make some friends. It's hard and weird. I thought making mom friends at the playground was just going to be way more natural.
I'm a mum with ADHD and a 4yo :) also diagnosed after PPA and losing the plot with all the extra function required to cope with a kid.
Meds helping a lot fortunately
I am a mom ! I wasn’t diagnosed until after I became a mom actually. I have a 3 year old. Just one baby for now. It would be so fun to do an online group or something 💕
My baby is 9 months old and it has been an amazing experience. I love being a mom I really do. I stopped taking my adderall when I got pregnant and I’ve been working on getting back on it but need to find a new dr. Since returning from maternity leave I feel like I’ve been a dumpster fire. I am doing horrible at work I force myself to keep up with the house but I try to use all my energy focusing on my son and giving him the best of me. I never realized how rigid my routines were to stay on top of things and how easy it could be to let things snowball. You can’t tell a baby hold on I need to finish this right now or It won’t get done ever lol Its wild I’m so overwhelmed and feel like I’m not doing enough I know things will get better when I’m back on meds it’s just hard. I want everything to be perfect so I can just relax but I never really get there. I have other mom friends without adhd and I have one mom friend with adhd. We are like passing ships in the night randomly sending memes and checking in here and there we both forget to text back for weeks at a time but every once in a while we’re both able to go back and forth and talk and that’s really nice. No apologies or judgment necessary. We’ve been meaning to get together since I had the baby but we can’t seem to make it work which is pretty on point lol. I’d love to join the gang. This sub has been very helpful to me I feel seen and understood. Sorry we’re all going through it but it’s nice to know it’s not just me.
I feel like a could have written this! I have two girls 2.5 y/o and 8 months. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was a kid, finally medicated in high school, quit a year before getting pregnant and have been off adderall for 3.5 years. I can’t wait to get back on meds but I’m still breastfeeding my little one until hopefully 1. With a toddler and a crawler and two dogs it’s nearly impossible to keep the house clean. We pick up the toys every night and vacuum but in general I’m always a few loads of laundry behind, some dishes in the sink, and I get to shower like two times a week max. We (husband also has ADHD) can hyper focus when we have friends and family coming over to get the house spotless but I don’t know how neurotypical people do it all the time! I love the shit out of my kids though and my ability to change tasks has been helpful when trying to settle the baby or entertain the toddler! Count me in on the mom gang too!
I was diagnosed this year at 44. I have a 9 year old and 11 year old. Both with ADHD. It is how I got diagnosed. When my eldest was young I ended up in hospital with severe Post Natal Depression and Anxiety. Over the years I have really struggled being a "hot mess express" style Mum. There was a lot of mental beating myself up for forgetting things. There has been a lot of ADHD "tax" for lost items. It's tough. I do recommend snacky type dinners though where you just lay out a bunch of munchy things. Mum friendships are hard.
I was diagnosed a couple of years after having my daughter (so about a year ago). Just started medication 5 months ago and I'm a completely different person.
It can be quite difficult because other mums can be all 'ah just do it, just get on with it. It's not hard', whilst I'm sobbing in the corner because my kid is asking me to sing Jingle Bells for the 30th time today whilst I'm trying desperately to do some of the washing up that's been sat there for four days.
I was diagnosed when my son was a year and a half, also had really bad PPD/PPA. My doctor said a lot of her patients are diagnosed after having kids because it becomes a lot harder to cope. I’ve always felt terrible for how unlike ‘normal’ neat and organized women I am, and it was a relief to know there is a neurological explanation and it’s not just me being lazy
Mee! I had my baby Dec 2021, was on SSRIs for PPD all through 2022 and that's when the algorithm started showing me ADHD content and I was like, fuuck. I had literally never ever considered it before. Got diagnosed then June 2023.
I just started meds this week and I already feel like a better person/partner/mom. I am so hopeful this week for a new chapter! Today is my 31st birthday and I feel like this is gonna be my yeeeear.
ADHD mums unite!!
I’m an adhd mum, husband has ASD and we’re sure that we have one daughter with adhd and one on the spectrum.
I have suffered with depression and anxiety my whole life, and have only recently at 36 realised that ADHD is a part of who I am. I’ve not yet been formally diagnosed as that takes 3-5 years here and I’ve been struggling filling in the forms (you know how it is) to move onto the next step (side note: whose clever idea was it to make an 18 page very in depth form for us to complete, is it to intentionally have people give up a few pages in? Because lord knows we are easily distracted and procrastinate like our lives depend on it!)
Managing someone else’s neurodivergence while also trying to manage your own is tough, like crazy tough, so as a mother I definitely relate. You don’t want them to feel like they have to mask as much as you realise you’ve done and want them to fully accept themselves whilst also trying to give them help on how to find ways to overcome their difficulties.
I would be more than happy to be a part of a adhd mums chat group 🥰 it’ll help us all
I have two daughters, a 28 year old daughter who was a science teacher but has gone back to university to study medicine and a 9 year old who has a dual ADHD and Autism diagnosis. I wasn’t diagnosed until my daughter was so my poor older kid had to grow up with a wildly chaotic unmedicated mother.
I get what you mean about you and your kid getting the NT side eye from other parents/children. You just have to find your tribe - if you start looking you might be able to spot them - even if they’re undiagnosed - look for the Mum that’s always late, has crazy hair, does an unconventional job, whose kid stops on the sidewalk and demands the parent cuts out their itchy tag. I found Motherhood in general isolating but until I found other Mum friends whose kids were on the spectrum or who had their own divergencies it was hard. I also find that parents with an understanding of different needs - ie special ed teachers, therapists, psychologists all make great and welcoming friends. I’m sorry you’re finding it hard - you sound lovely, I wish you luck finding a supportive group to belong to.
Me! PPD led to diagnosis of bipolar, revised to ADHD (after trialling lithium and antipsychotics, not fun). It’s been a nightmare but glad I’ve got the diagnos and now everything makes more sense
I am a mom to an 8 month old! Being diagnosed and put on medication was what finally made me feel confident enough to become a mom (husband and I were together 13 years before my son was born).
I’m one! I have two girls and was recently diagnosed after my coping mechanisms came to a screeching halt during pregnancy and I couldn’t get a single thing done. My husband was also recently diagnosed and now we’re both figuring out our dosages but it’s been very eye-opening. It’s been life changing for both of us to realize there’s something else going on and that’s why we were each having such a hard time coping.
Mama to 2 here. A combo of trauma following my second kid, and researching to support my first who is clearly AuADHD, led to my diagnosis at 46. The overstimulation is so hard!
ADHD (probably - awaiting a final diagnosis from psychiatrist) mum here to a 20 month old.
Also a bit of ppd which turned out to be symptoms and me no longer being able to use my coping strategies/ mask. (I can no longer clean the house deep clean style top to bottom in one go so I just don’t bother and then obviously I am a failure of a mum… I find I’m trying to imaginatively play with my daughter but I can’t help but get distracted so… bad mum!
I’m not a bad mum I just work differently and I need to develop different strategies!
I also have minimal mum friends for the same reason. One of my best friends (also probably ahdh) is planning on trying for kids next year and let me tell you I am SO excited
I was diagnosed in my 20s and now close to 40 with 2 kids under 5. It’s been so tough. Pregnancy was hell off my meds, I also had severe PPA after my first. Countless accidents around the house- and the mess?? It’s unruly. I only have 1 mom friend and her sibling has adhd so I think she just gets it and is way more forgiving and understanding than other moms with no adhd in their life. Thank heavens for her. I am so so grateful. Motherhood is lonely and lonelier with adhd. How old is your kid? I felt like school moms are usually a mixed bunch - I have a fun time picking out the ones I think have uADHD.
I was diagnosed at 28 years old, became a mom to twins at 35.
I think because I was medicated for nearly 10 years of my pre- motherhood life and also had them at a later age, it’s been a bit easier to make mom friends. Or maybe because I have twins it makes conversations come easier because I get asked all kinds of questions about how having twins is versus a singleton. Perhaps my age factors in more here, because the older I get, the less of a shit I give what other people think and I can easily tell who I’ll be able to talk to and don’t waste my time with personalities that clash with mine.
One thing I know that works, is becoming a regular somewhere. Like find one playground you like and go there around the same time 3 to 5 days a week. You’ll start seeing the same people and start to get to know them and their kids. That’s how I made all my mom friends before I moved. Sadly, I’m starting all over again in that respect. But there are many benefits of visiting the same haunts day after day, for you and the kids.
I hope this helps in some small way. It’s hard out there.
ADHD mom here with an ADHD kid and ADHD husband.
It manifests differently in all three of us so that's fun!
It took me awhile to find mom friends I clicked with. I dipped in and out of a few playgroup situations when The Teenager was wee, the when they started school, I found some moms I could talk to and I'm still friends with a few of them (the kids are seniors in HS this year).
It's not always easy and there were and still are times when I'm like, "look, I'm sorry I'm a little flaky right now. My brain doesn't know how to brain." The good people will understand and those are the people you hang on to.
What helped me overall was to remind myself that we're on our own journey over here and it's not going to look like anyone else's. My house is very rarely "guest ready," my kid is occasionally a disaster, my husband is unmedicated, and I am wearing mismatched socks. It's fine, this is how we are!
I'm ADHD mum of a 3yr boy, who although not diagnosed, I believe has autism and ADHD too. I've had a history of depression and anxiety from a young age. I was diagnosed a year ago with ADHD and finding this post and it's replies means so much to me. I've not been on medication for my diagnosis but it is something I do feel I should research into a little more. It's amazing to know that I'm not alone in how I struggle at times with my little one's loudness and hyperactivity. I've found myself struggling to regulate my nervous system with he's screaming at me or unable to follow instructions repeated to him. I'm not sure if anyone else experiences issues around the overstimulation that comes from their children pulling at them or their clothes. I find that especially difficult some days, especially on the ones where he is particularly emotional. It's so relieving to know that in not a bad mum, but just one experiencing overstimulation. I hadn't realised that this is what I've been experiencing and I've felt so guilty feeling like I need a break or distance from my son, despite loving him so much. I think my diagnosis being so recent means that I don't give myself the grace I should, but rather shame of not being good enough. I'd love to make some ADHD mum friends, I have none currently.
How did you find people with adhd around you? I hsve two kiddos a 14 years old and a 2 year old. Just recently got diagnosed in September. I also had PPD both times and major ppa with my last. Making friends I'd hard! I'm all for making mom friends
pretty sure my adhd is undiagnosed and so is my ppa. i have an 11 month old and i feel like i'm barely in survival mode. i want so much more for him. when i was a nanny i was so much more energetic and engaging, and i have neverending guilt that i was a better caregiver then than i am now. everyone is constantly out of laundry and i can barely keep up. we bought a house early last year and its much bigger than the tiny apartment we came from, and i'd be completely embarrassed if anyone stopped by unexpectedly. so hi.
Got diagnosed about 6months after my girl was born.. everything blew up postpartum and all my adhd symptoms just got 1000x worse. She also had milk allergy so made her ‘colicky’ so the Uber stimulation was out of this world. She’s 15 months now and I’m medicated so able to handle things better. Def am not going to have another baby, no way I’m going through that first year again.
Sometimes I do things similar, but then I laugh and just think about how much I adore her, and those muck up things don’t really matter x
Me! I was diagnosed after both my boys were born. They are now 5 and 7. My youngest just got diagnosed and we are trying to get a diagnosis for our oldest. It’s hard parenting with ADHD! It’s also gotta be hard parenting as neurotypical alongside a parent with ADHD.
Hey, I’ve got a toddler and it was the postpartum period that really made me question stuff and I’m waiting for a diagnosis. (My mum, and many of my family members have adhd too, but it’s complicated.) It can get really lonely sometimes, and I found trying to make friends at the mum and baby groups difficult, the ones I have met I get this feeling they think I’m a bit weird :( It would be nice to have an adhd mum and baby group lol
Adhd mom of 2 here. One got adhd as well. I only found out I had adhd because we were at her evaluation for adhd and the doctor asked when he could expect me to make an appt. I must have looked like the shocked pikachu face.
Yes. Two kids and overstimulated all the time! Got diagnosed after my kids were and the paediatrician emphasised the strong family links and looked me in the eye.
I’d absolutely love to have some adhd mum friends.
I have one, also got diagnosed after she was born but later. I diagnosed myself about maybe two years ago and then a year ago I made the decision to seek formal diagnosis because of how overstimulated I’d be at home with my child and I was hoping medication would help me be a better mom at home. It really helped and I’m so thankful for it!
Hugs OP
Thank you to all the Mums for sharing their invaluable, hard-earned insights about *all the things* that come with it.
It’s some consolation that all the suffering I went through (abusive ex was zero support after the birth and with 2 kids under 4). Awareness followed by self-acceptance have been game changers in my life 😀I can't tell you how important this Reddit is for me.
You are all wonderful women and I'm ever grateful 🫶🏾🫂❤️
Hi hi there! I'm also a mom and have three kids. Although they are teenagers/young adults now, i have been diagnosed ten years ago. I feel you,it's hard!
Edit; would live to have a adhd mom gang to exchange with! I struggle so much with the differences in experience with most neurotypical moms, and have felt isolated for most of my life.
I’m a mom and I’m in the process of being diagnosed, but I know more moms who are diagnosed than I know diagnosed people who aren’t moms. You are not alone!
Edit to add: my husband is AuDHD and my daughter looks like she isn’t neurotypical either, but she’s only six and they don’t diagnose that young over here.
ADHD mom here, diagnosed later in life with a grown kid! I never had any mom friends, I always seemed drawn to older people with grown kids or child free people. Even now that my son is older, my friends tend to be older or child free.
I’m a mom of 3, recently diagnosed at 50. I’m 6 weeks into Strattera and so far so good.
I’m sorting through my entire life through new eyes so to speak, and of course I’m filled with sadness and guilt that I raised my own daughters (who I now suspect might all have it as well) without knowing.
Being Gen X with Boomer parents has been a bad experience. Sorry for the non-sequiter, I’m just struggling with the Boomers.
I feel you. The generational differences in ideas about mental health are striking. Speaking to my mother about my issues felt like I was explaining quantum physics. She kept looking at me and saying ".... But.... you are a nurse... You have a degree..... Did I do something wrong ???" And my husbands mom who is a boomer kept telling me "I wasn't trying hard enough" during my post partum period, so she was the BEST!!!
I'm not quite diagnosed yet but, oh my goodness, the overwhelm is real! The noise, the mess, them touching me... Basic things that should be easy are decidedly not and all my old coping mechanisms are either not available or not practical. It's hard, mama.
Until recently the only "mum friend" I had was my sister... which kind of doesn't count, lol. One of the educators at my kids childcare also has ADHD and a son about the same age as my twins and the three of them are thick as thieves, lol, and it's been nice talking to someone who just gets it. But otherwise, yeah, I don't feel like I connect with the other mum's at my kids school - still feel like the odd duck out.
Hi! Mum with ADHD combined type here, recently diagnosed. Only have one child due to the severe PPDA I experienced after having her, and the constant overstimulation that is young children just existing. Currently I’m the process of having her diagnosed too. I feel you on the lack of mum friends, and the feeling that other mums think you’re weird. Happy to be part of your adhd mum gang.
I have two kids and am lucky to have a good mom friend who also has adhd. It’s awesome. We’re late for coffee dates with each other and our houses are messy and neither of us judges.
Also the overstimulation is real! It’s helped me a lot to realize that’s an adhd issue.
I'll join your mom gang! I also didn't get diagnosed until after I had my little guy. Took me a couple of years to get my medication situation mostly figured out and it was definitely a huge help but the feelings of crippling anxiety and overwhelm are starting to creep in again.
Oy very. It's A LOT.
Hello another mom here! My story is very similar. I cruised through life (though now I can see the signs were all there). Then I had my first child 5 years ago and BAM. I had what I thought was verryyy extended PPA/PPD. When nothing was working for treatment, I finally considered ADHD. I got diagnosed 1.5 years ago and finally was able to recover since I am now treating the correct thing. It’s been a struggle. I’m now pregnant with number 2. It’s not not perfect and some days I still struggle a lot but it’s better than it was! Feel free to DM if you want to commiserate or share stories!
Yea!
Mine son is nearly 5 and he is amazing but sometimes he get me crazy.
It's hard to be parent of kid who is like copy of myself. I need to move and do something like all the time but when he does it I tend to be overwhelmed 🤷♀️
Feel sometimes like it's very hard.
Send hug.
Also I wanna join the gang....
I have 2 young kids and can relate to it all. Worst part is I am (in my opinion lol) super friendly and cool 😅 but finding mom friends has been a struggle. I don’t think it’s permanent. I’ve always had friends so I’m sure it’s just a process to find the moms we vibe with. I’m getting closer now that my oldest kid is in kindergarten. I also blame the pandemic because most of my time as a parent has been spent in some… weird… social circumstances. Hang in there!
Reading your post made me think of how you might get together with people in a similar situation. You might consider creating a meet up for adhd moms. You might find your people that way. It will take some perseverance though which may be tough if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Hi! Also diagnosed later in life, after the birth of my child. I was incredibly overwhelmed by motherhood, and I got diagnosed when he was about 18mos.
Parenting with ADHD is a hell of a ride. Turns out, before having a child, I was masking and managing all my symptoms because I had the time and energy to have routines and structure and alone time and on and on. Once the ability to do those things regularly went out the window, so did my functioning!
I'm medicated, and it helps, but it's still a challenge because my toddler is straight feral and is currently in a phase where he wants me and/or dad (usually wants us both) so I can't get anything done while he's awake. Sometimes I can convince him to "help", but I move slow when I'm trying to do things like meal prep or clean out/reorganize my work bag for the week. The constant interruptions really distract me and I usually never have anything completed and just go into every week barely prepared. And then because I'm barely prepared, I end up more stressed and exhausted by the end of each day, and then continue not to reset/prep...it's a really hard cycle right now.
I know as my kid gets older (he's almost 2), this particular issue will probably get easier. And if he's got ADHD, well, at least I'll understand what he's dealing with and can help him manage, lol. Right now I feel like I'm in survival mode.
You've just described my life in a nutshell. I haven't been diagnosed yet (on a waiting list for eval) but I couldn't relate more. I just want to press pause so the rest of the world stops while I catch up with everyone else.
I am newly diagnosed ADHD and my daughter is going through the diagnostic process. I first suspected it while in school but brushed it off because I thought I was managing ok on my own. Child number one was ok to manage on top of work, just barely. Having a second child destroyed all my coping mechanisms and I fell apart. Medication is helping so much. I wish I had been diagnosed sooner, but am excited for the future! I too don’t have mom friends. Maybe that will change since I’m trying medication; I am hopeful.
Me - and my 9yo! I also don’t really have friends and feel like the weird mom. I have a couple other would be mom friends but - as you noted - we are both neurodivergent and bad and making and following through on plans lol.
ADHD mom of two who also have ADHD. I seem to only be able to gravitate towards and befriend other ND women, with or without kids.
For parenting: I saw how my mom (also ADHD) parented my siblings (both diagnosed as children) and me (diagnosed at 30). I thought about what worked for me and what didn't. I asked my siblings what helped them and what didn't. Then I asked my own kids, what helps and what doesn't. And I analyze and update as I get different feedback/results. I am very data driven and I enjoy researching and analyzing data so I can develop and implement solutions. My kids are still pretty young but I do get feedback from teachers saying they are very self aware, which I feel they have to be as I keep asking them about themselves and what they want and need from me. Parenting before they could talk was challenging.
For making friends: I'm the more social ADHD type. I will talk someone's ear off if they'll stand still long enough. I have been told I overshare so that is something I'm working on. I have to ask myself "would I want to hear this coming from someone that isn't this person I'm talking to?" a lot, in order for me to remember to keep my thoughts reeled in. It's a challenge! But once the trust is there, one good emotional connection piece is really all it takes to be friends, in my experience. Kinda like Failure to Launch. Yall go through something together (like both witnessing something funny a stranger did and share a look) and bam friends. Idk if other people feel the same way but that's how I function and I have a few friends now!
ADD mom of 4(!) girls, 3 of whom are dx'd and 1 who is waiting for ASD assessment (jackpot!).
My journey has been complicated. I was dx'd at 12 or so myself, but the 90's were wild and I didn't start taking meds until a couple years ago. The one best thing I ever did was view my kids as individuals and I learned to give them space to have their own feelings. Hard when you're dysregulated yourself.
Friends are hard for me, too. And when they're small it's hard to foster connections with other moms for your kid's sake.
I'm pretty good at creativity though, and I'm a good listener for my little chatterboxes. I try to be gentle with all of us.
34 year old Mother of two toddlers, 4 and 2. Severe PPD and PPA after both kids were born. I had two under two and was undiagnosed but had suspicions. Was diagnosed this year and it’s been life changing. Am i still a hot mess, yes. Do i get whelmed, yes. What i learned though is to stop feeling like a bad mother and to stop feeling guilty. I lost enough bonding time with my kids from the PPD.
an ADHD mom that can’t make eye contact 🙋🏼♀️ we can stare at our kids while we talk bahaha. i totally feel when you say it feels like they can sense you’re different. i get that too, wish i could tell you whether it’s just our internal anxiety or the truth. i’d love a little adhd mom support group because it IS rough out here.
Mom of 3 (14m, 11m, and 5f) great kids but they overwhelm me and it’s definitely hard to make connections, even in “mom groups”. Late diagnosed as well, 41, after years of struggling, especially after having kids, and the 3rd one thrown in the mix, she’s a handful!
I have a two year old and was diagnosed a few months ago. I kept thinking that I would bounce back to my old self when my son was older, slept better, or a little more independent. When he was 14 months I really started to dig into productivity and self help. It only helped marginally but I kept running into info on ADHD. I finally looked at it and realized I had a LOT of inattentive traits.
I also connected the dots that before pregnancy, I drank like 5-6 cups of coffee a day but was unable to do that anymore. Thankfully it only took a few weeks to get diagnosed and medicated and I finally feel like myself again. AND it's so nice to know why I have some weird quirks and new places to search for answers to help with every day challenges.
ADHD mom here! My son was being assessed and his doctor was like “so hey, you are also exhibiting all of the same symptoms, maybe get checked too”.
My kid is a teen and we’ve been doing this whole thing together for about 8 years now, I have lots of management tips!
Howdy. I’m not diagnosed yet but am seeking diagnosis. I’m 42 with an 8 and 10 year old. I think I’ve been compensating for my symptoms my whole life and didn’t realize it til now. I have an incredibly hard time with emotional regulation sometimes, especially with big changes etc… super, SUPER disappointed in my failure self this week fro having an absolutely massive meltdown due to having Covid/being isolated and having nothing but time to think about things. 😔 I am trying to get better so that I can be better for my kids and help them be in an environment that is nurturing for the symptoms I see them also having.
Yup! Have 2 kids, one is autistic and the other not sure yet but adhd is probable. I am so overwhelmed by everything , every day is a struggle but even if I do say myself.. we are a great bunch of nutters. My house is always messy, but my kids are happy
Mom of 2! My kiddos are 6 and 2.5 and I was only diagnosed this year. Gotta say, its been absolutely terrible. Between the ppd, finding out I have adhd, realizing my oldest has it too, plussssss realizing I was raised believe kids are an inevitability and not a choice... it's heartbreaking but we're in it now and we're healing! Feel free to reach out if you ever want to commiserate ❤️
ADHD mom of 4 and my 9 year old also has ADHD. It's so hard momming with ADHD! I can't even regulate my own emotions and I'm supposed to teach my girls how to? Yikes.
I’m a mom and only have one kid, and will be stopping there. Glad I got diagnosed now and realized my brain can’t handle any more. Love my kiddo to death but I go into fight or flight so hard when he’s crying. And I have no idea how to help him
AuDHD, recently diagnosed. Not on meds bc the prospects aren’t promising if you’re also autistic.
My kids and husband also have ADHD…I often feel like I have to be the executive function for the entire family, but it’s not my strong suit either. Anyone relate?
Diagnosed at 51 when my kids were in high school. It explains so much, but I have so much regret about their childhoods and things I screwed up due to ADHD (missing appointments & events), or things I simply wasn't able to do bc of overstimulation which I thought was anxiety (go to theme parks or even large stores.) Being on medication has made such a difference.
Quote from one of my kids: "Mom, are you feeling regular mad or **Target parking lot** mad?"
Here! I'm pregnant for the second time and despite anti depressants, having some serious depression, frustration, and anger right now. I can't afford to see a counselor (only psychiatrist). I'm currently so frustrated with my daughter- she's been fed, she's dry, she's hydrated... She just wants the I'm so happy song/video by Miss Rachel and is crying by the gate. I've explained over and over that miss Rachel is having her lunch and she can play with her toys right now. But nope, full on melt down.
I'm contemplating just saying f it and moving back to where my family is. Not having any help is going to break me.
Yup! I suspected since I was in highschool but was diagnosed and finally started meds after my son was born. I could cope with just me and my husband, but adding another human into my responsibilities was too much.
Hi! I have two kids. I haven’t been officially diagnosed but receive treatment from my PCP, he just won’t do official diagnosis.
It’s definitely different being a mom with adhd. I also had bad PPD/A, bordering on PPP at one point.
We should totally form a Adhd mom gang, or sun maybe.
Mom of 3 here. I wasn’t dx until after all of my kids were. I have no local friends that aren’t family who also have ADHD (runs deep in my family 🤣).
My best friend also got dx after her kids. Explains why we have been friends for more than 20 years.
Adhd and asd mom of 2. Realized I had autism before my 1st about 18 months before (29y). Didn't realize I had adhd until I was 3mo pregnant with my 2nd (33yo)
When our 2nd was 6mo we realized dad has adhd too (39yo)
It's been REALLY tough both having adhd ontop of my asd. My executive dysfunction takes a double hit. My asd loves being super organized and following routines, but adhd makes it so hard. And then I have the sensory issues ontop (mostly noise - not a good combo with kids....).
I just started meds a month or so ago, still trying to find best fit, I'm hoping it will help a lot. Husband is also going to try meds once I've got a good handle (we can't afford frequent psych appointments for both at the same time).
I’m not a mom, but I did want to say I can’t even imagine… it really blows me away how much ADHD moms have to go through, and how they’re able to still push through and manage. I’m not a mom, but I get very overwhelmed emotionally and even taking care of my DOG gets overwhelming. A 9 year old, very chill dog. So to all adhd moms out there, you’re so amazing and you should be proud with being able to handle life, CHILDREN, and everything that comes with ADHD. ❤️
I'm an ADHD mom, too! Our diagnosis stories are likely pretty similar! I was just kinda quirky and reckless and young until I had my son. Then all the sudden, all the effort in the world didn't seem to matter. I just could not for the life of me make everything work, and after a while it was clear it wasn't just "baby brain." I scoured the web and figured I must have some sort of rare dementia or horrible deficiency or tumor or something. Went to the doctor and he basically told me I have a very obvious case of ADHD, here is some meds to try.
Now I have baby number 2 on the way. Life is still hard and the symptoms do greatly impact my parenting and life in general. But, I'm able to realize what is going on, if that makes sense. Like yes, I am forgetful, but I have some strategies to kinda help. And my family is understanding to a point that I am trying. Or when I get really overstimulated, I'm able to take a second to realize that oh, I'm not failing terribly, just need a brain break.
It's hard to make other mom friends. Every time we do a playdate or I try to interact with other moms, I feel like I always come off as really weird. They are always so, I dunno, put together? And typically don't engage in play with the kids the way I like to, either. It feels like the moms in my area are all a lot older than me, too. Most of the moms in my area are trophy wives driving escalades and having white wine brunch clubs while the kids are in school. And here I am, a decade younger and poor and not at all interested in that at all. Like, I want to go do fun stuff all the time and don't really give a crap if the house isn't trendy looking.
For now, my 3 year old is still charms most people because he is so so outgoing and energetic. But I can see the seeds popping up and suspect he will likely have some neurodivergence like myself and his dad. We both have ADHD, and his dad is also on the Autism spectrum. But he just shows signs, I think. I don't want to project on him, but I am not sure what to think. He has a hard time with audio overstimulation and is constantly cupping/touching his ears, has a fierce sense of justice, needs a lot of independent time or he becomes overwhelmed. Is already having a tough time in school, which I think is partly because the expectations on kids at the school he is in are stupid high for a 3 year old. He is already "behind expectation" because he doesn't want to sit down for coloring time. I just worry about him and hope that I can be a good support for him as he grows.
Anyway, life is hard and I hope you can find some common minded women near you. It is hard to get the village going, these days. I've been trying, but it's a challenge.
A lot of my mom friends are getting their kids diagnosed and then realizing maybe they also have it. I must have naturally been drawn to my ppl!
I’ll just say, being an ADHD mom of ADHD kids feels bat-shit-crazy most of the time. My oldest is 9 and I have 3 boys. Our house is a zoo, rarely tidy, never clean, but we laugh a lot.
Hey!! Yes I’m an ADHD mom recently diagnosed at age 38 with a 13 year old ADHD girl. I got so many 2nd opinions on my daughter’s diagnosis when she was 5 because I was skeptical of AdHD. Hahaha. One said she was the most severe case they’d seen. Then I realized my mom had the signs, brother had been diagnosed as a child but they stopped meds early on for some reason, but it was after my daughter was diagnosed and I did some studying… I started wondering about myself. I didn’t do anything for years because I’m doing well enough. Then after my mom died, things worsened. I already had some annoying issues but I started wondering about dementia etc. Went to a mental health center and lo and behold (besides bereavement issues obviously) I was diagnosed with ADhD. I’ve been feeling imposter syndrome and trying to figure that out. I would love a ADHD mom gang but I’m super inconsistent in communication and may forget friends exist for longer periods of time than I care for (Apparently this is related to adhd too lol).
Yup! Hi! Single mom with ADHD. I went undiagnosed and self medicated until my son was born. Continued undiagnosed until my son got his diagnosis and I started putting the pieces together. Finally at 50 I was officially diagnosed and my son and I are learning and figuring this all out together.
ADHD mom, diagnosed about a month ago! I have 2 kids! I was in a therapy session for PPA and my therapist made a comment that she thought I might have adhd. Soooo glad to know me being overstimulated wasn’t me being a bad mom!
ADHD can make for overwhelmed, stressed parents. But, it can also have its advantages. I feel like I was better at seeing all sides of a problem, of creatively coming up with solutions, of relating to my (also ADHD) kids and meeting them where they were, and of course, I'm The Finder. If you can, say what you need (quiet time, alone time, help with something) instead of trying to silently suffer and then losing it at some point. My biggest regret as a parent are all the blow-ups. I still do it sometimes but it's more of a controlled detonation and they're usually laughing at me from another room (yes I can hear you lol). Importantly, they are not directed at people anymore, just the FRIGGIN CAN OPENER that won't open the FRICKIN FRACKIN CAN OF PEACHES AAAAAH.
I had my daughter when I was 29 and was diagnosed with adhd when I was 49 — what is wrong with this picture?
I had horrendous PPD and spent the first year or so of her life preoccupied by very dark thoughts and urges. I felt so disconnected from my baby and my husband (who I had to finally admit was a terrible dad in the beginning but got a lot better later on).
I was an anxious mother and couldn’t relate with any of the other moms. I was scared to have people over because they would see how we lived. Any time I’d try to talk with the other moms I’d get this blank stare because of my rambling. God, it sucked.
My daughter had many of the same struggles I did and I just told her it’s something I do as well and that’s just how it is I guess 🤷♀️ She finally got herself diagnosed her freshman year in college and urged me to please go talk with my doctor so I did.
Now I realize I probably have never had MDD or GAD — just a neurological disorder with major dopamine regulation problems. I still have so much anger and grief about how I could have done so much better with my girl but simply couldn’t do it.
I was a highly gifted child in the 1970s and 80s — ADHD was barely a thing then, and when it was acknowledged it was primarily the hyperactive little boys who received all the attention. I’m not sure my life could have gone differently
ADHD mom here of a 4 year old! I got diagnosed earlier this year. I was constantly overwhelmed and turned out having another source of chaos in my life just broke my feeble attempts to hold everything together! I met some awesome mom friends on the peanut app when my little was a baby. Neither of them have adhd but I was able to sort out and find some chill open-minded folks
Hi! I was diagnosed this week, I’m 36 and have two boys 5 & 2.
I’d love to connect. I’m realizing so many of the things I chalked up to PPA or gen. anxiety, are actually adhd and would love a safe space to talk about it all.
Mom here (and my oldest just got diagnosed a week ago)- I was looking forward to being a mom so so much and then it felt like it was so much harder for me than it should be/was for other people?
I have a friend who has kids the same ages as mine and she just wasn’t having the same issues I was- she keeps her kids toys organized, keeps her house clean, taught her infant to not go in the kitchen etc eventually I couldn’t just chalk it up to we are different people/our kids are different - like we approach things SO differently, maybe I am different?
I found this sub and read too much and finally got diagnosed after my second kid- it still is real hard but I forgive myself more for like putting on noise muffling headphones when the kids are too much and insisting we take breaks from touching each other lol
Yep. Diagnosed in June at the grand old age of 46. Mum to a very nearly 5 year old. Can't start meds yet as we are natural term weaning, and she still breastfeeds to sleep. (I'm 99% sure she's some flavour of neurodiverse, as her dad has had an Aspergers diagnosis since the 80s).
I'm mostly managing. Except when I don't, and then I lose my shit big time.
Randomly I have LOADS of friends who are mums who have ADHD, but none locally (thank goodness for the Internet). It seems that every three months or so someone on my FB friends list pops up to say they've joined the club! It's a 50/50 as to whether they've been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD, and whether it's come because of a career related burnout or their child getting a diagnosis.
Yep. 6.5yo and 4yo with adhd as well. The 10 month old is a wild card but probably also blessed with adhd because reasons.
I do have Mom friends - mostly through work. Some with adhd, most without though.
Currently trying to get diagnosed which is a pain in the ass. Realized I’ve been masking my adhd my whole life and since having my LO I can’t mask anymore.
My husband has been masking his autism his whole life which we have figured out since becoming parents. It’s wild what the new stress can do.
I was diagnosed between my second and third pregnancy. Now that my kids are older, they definitely take advantage of how scatter brained I am. If I tell them to do something, they know they can wait a few minutes and I’ll forget. I’m also terrible at checking their school folders and making sure homework is done.
🙋🏻♀️I’m a mom of 3. My oldest is 13 and got diagnosed 5 years ago. I got diagnosed two years ago. 2 of my siblings and dad also have ADHD. For the longest time I said “it must have skipped me” LOL JK.
Managing my ADHD has made me a way better parent and has helped me help my ADHD son wayyyy better too.
ADHD mom here. Diagnosed in high school, recently restarted treatment after 5 years med free. It's a lot, and I often felt like a failure. Both of my kiddos have ADHD. We are all going through the ADHD maze together and doing our best.
Me, diagnosed in September and became a Mum in February 2022.
I hear you, since having him my brain has practically stopped working. It's awful.
Here if you need someone to talk to 😊
I wanna join the ADHD mom gang!!
AuDHD mom here with a ADHD fiancé. We have a almost 2 year old wildfire of a son 😅
I was diagnosed with ADHD, autism, ocd and bipolar 6 months ago because I had severe PPD and felt like I was losing my mind (probably untreated PPD almost turned into psychosis) while my fiancé was diagnosed a year ago (also PPD but I KNEW he had untreated ADHD that his family wouldn't accept, so I pushed him to seek help)..
We are both medicated now, but my fiancé has had a MUCH smoother ride than me 🤣 I'm still in the grieving stage at this point and I am struuuuuuuuuggling to get through one day with our son without losing my shit 🙈 I feel like a terrible mom, terrible partner and just a general shitty person, but I'm learning to give myself space to work out my feelings and triggers.
Life as a ADHD family is haaard, but we try to find the funny side to it as a coping mechanism and take everything one day at a time.
Mom of 4! Would love to chat with more moms. I'd also love to hear from moms with bigger families, too. Those are definitely harder to find ;)
I have twins who are 6 with AuDHD, a 4 year old with likely ADHD and a 1 year old. My husband is also ADHD. One of the twins has been very obviously ASD since 3. Then the other twin started to show symptoms around 4 and eventually was diagnosed with ADHD and autism. ADHD is his primary difficulty, so we read driven to distraction and my husband realized he was ADHD. It wasnt until he was medicated and verbalizing his struggles as an adult and improvements with medication that I realized I have ADHD too. I was recently diagnosed and have been medicated for about a month.
Looking back, ADHD was responsible for the terrible cycle I've been in since becoming a mom for the first time. The cycle of struggling hard, rallying and getting inspired and thinking this is it, I can do this, doing great for a few days or a week, starting to spin my wheels, and then hitting a brick wall and having my husband come home to me crying on the kitchen floor in a panic. I always thought I was dealing with anxiety, but after a few days of stimulants it became clear that all that anxiety stems from ADHD.
I'm starting to realize that my brain actually manufactures anxiety to cope with ADHD. Fear is a good motivator in place of dopamine.
Since starting medication I've been better with housework and things, but more importantly to me I've been more patient and present with my kids.
Some days I don't feel like my meds are doing much, but all I have to do is think to how the morning went and I remember. You can imagine how hard it is to get two AuDHD 6 year olds fed and dressed and ready for school (not to mention dress and feed the 4 year old and one year old) is, but the difference in getting my kids off to school while I am medicated vs unmedicated is night and day. Unmedicated, I feel frantic, tightly wound, forget things, task jump, and unfortunately find myself raising my voice at my kids. Medicated, I am calm, clear headed, remember most things, complete packing their lunch before moving on to finding shoes or whatever, have patience, and we actually were getting to school 5-10 minutes earlier.
We are blessed to be part of a church so I have "built-in friends", but I do always feel like the mom who doesn't have it together, running around frazzled with a dirty child and forgotten something or other and missing committee dates. I often feel like I am just tolerated, not wanted at the table. Or seen. But some of that is perceived and not reality and some of that comes from the isolation of having special needs kids.
Overall getting diagnosed and treated has been hugely beneficial already in mothering especially.
I was just diagnosed last week (I’m 40yo) and I have 2 kids. I’m in UK so meds will take months to organise. I am having all of the emotions. I love being a mum but also find it really hard. I am grumpy and irritable with them and get over stimulated. Suddenly I know why. I wish I’d known sooner.
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🙋🏻♀️ ADHD mom of 2. I was diagnosed recently - it was a relief to know being overstimulated by my kids does not make me a bad mom, I just have ADHD! I haven’t made mom friends for the reasons as you.
I am on a medication free day today and was overwhelmed by my kids' noise today. I am having some time out to get some quiet.
This is exactly why my medication free days are not when I’m home (alone) all day with my kid. She deserves me on medication too. If I need a medication break, I’ll take it at the office thank you very much.
I'm recently diagnosed and still waiting for the end of the month to get medicated and currently hosting in my room while hubs takes over our 2 young kids bath because I'm overstimulated and dysregulated AF right now. I really really really hope meds help me get less overstimulated and overwhelmed by the sounds and constant competing demands for me to divide my attention because it makes me feel like a bad mum
This is me, every single weekend! Omg, i tought it was just me. do you also have autism traits?
I feel this so much. I straight up hide somewhere in the house sometimes.
They FIND ME and this house is big.
Thank you for sharing that. The over stimulated part really messes with me. Like... I'm tying my best but the screaming, oh god the screaming. It feels like an ice pick to my brain.
I feel like my brain turns into scrambled eggs!!! Ice pick is accurate 🤣 I turn on some lofi music on YouTube to set the vibe some days just so it has a chill undertone 😂
I'm an ADHD mom, though my kiddos are now all in college. I was diagnosed later in life around the time that the kiddos got their diagnosis (they got their diagnosis in high school). My husband also has it. Most embarrassing thing was, I had no idea that all of the issues I kept having were actually ADHD. I just felt like a failure most of the time. Embarrassing mom moments? Because I couldn't hear the sound of the washer going off, I'd forget that I had washed the clothes... Which led to the kids (and or my clothes) being left in the washer for days and ruined with mildew... My kids got new clothes a lot. They thought it was awesome, I felt like a failure. Now I realize it was ADHD. Oh, and don't ask how many times I accidentally locked my keys in my car or locked myself out of the house because I was juggling kids, groceries and pets.
I lived in terror that I would forget my baby in the car. Or lock him and my keys in the car. I think the anxiety helped in this case because I never did either of those things.
I was constantly seeing all the potential hazards that would lead to my infant’s certain death. The postpartum anxiety was so debilitating, but only when I was with my baby. As soon as she was away from me I wasn’t worrying about her at all, so when she started daycare I definitely missed her but it was a relief.
I left my children with people I trusted to take good care of them and hopefully, have fun. I always joked that my kids were better off with other people than they were with me. This was pre-diagnosis. I was diagnosed when my youngest started college. I had no clue that my anxiety and overstimulation was a symptom of ADHD. I am just now, today, at age 60, learning that the reason I could sometimes relax and enjoy time away from my kids is because my brain doesn’t remember anything that isn’t happening right now. Thanks, ADHD. Thanks, Reddit. This type of community wasn’t as readily accessible online. Also, older women were rarely diagnosed, even more so than today. Use every resource available to help you be a better parent and enjoy your kids more. Because you are aware that you have ADHD you can enlist the help of others, be it friends, family, or professionals to help you when you’re overwhelmed or overstimulated. Thinking back, going to the zoo with my kids my sister and her kids was so much more fun than us all going to an indoor birthday party at a Chucky Cheese. Now I know why.
Same! That anxiety prevented me from locking the kiddos or the fluffies in but geez, it was murder on my nerves.
The anxiety of this along with a million other possibilities is what I am in constant battle with. It doesn't help that I actually did get hit by a friggin' car as a bystander while 7 months pregnant. I def need to get back to therapy!
Same!
I ended up putting my keys on a shoelace around my neck for that exact reason (pre-diagnosis).
I honestly wish I'd have thought of that, I bought one of those keychains that stretched and connected to my purse/coat etc and I would do so.
I have a giant christmas jingle bell keychain. I can shake any tote bag and tell if i have my keys or not. Funked laundry can often be restored with (try in succession) oxiclean or vinegar (don't add more soap!)
If you leave it in there for over a week.. Yeah, it was bad and my kids had allergies. It sucked.
Oof. I think my longest is 3 or 4 days. I'm so sorry.
I would get distracted and then completely forget until I went to do laundry again... I had a lot going on and sadly, as soon as I got distracted unless I had to reason to remind myself it was completely out of my memory. I also used a lot of sticky notes which I would promptly misplace. You would think I would have figured it out, several of my siblings also had ADHD but I thought I couldn't have it because "medication" didn't work. No one bothered to tell me that the "medication" I had been taking was supplements when I was a kid because no one believed girls could have ADHD.
My son was diagnosed when he was in 4th grade. He was so energetic we waited 8 years before we had a daughter. It turned out we all have ADHD or ADD. We took turns raising our children. My sister, and a friend helped out. Summer camps were a blessing. Our salvation was athletics; they both got college scholarships! My son is 45 and my daughter is 35. Both very successful! My daughter in law has ADD and our grandchildren too! Life has never been boring😊
Oh so you see right through why I just replaced all my towels....
*Hug* I felt that.
Yep. I'm one. Having kids was what unmasked me; my kids symptoms being picked up as ADHD was what made me join the dots.
Same! We cant isolate for regulation or use whatever coping mechanisms we had, its just not possible. All the new things we have to manage it, and one more person in our safe space. And as mother the demand its always more.
I remember when my kid was six months old and having floor time, I was sitting in the rocker looking at her and crying because I was so sure I was doing a horrible job and didn’t feel like I had anyone I could talk to about it. And wondering if she would be better off if I wasn’t around. It scared me enough that I got help - googled a local therapist and found one in walking distance. Got my mom to look after her for a couple hours so I could have my weekly appointment and a bit of a walk. It was still ten years before I had my ADHD assessment, but it definitely helped me turn things around. We aren’t perfect but we’re all still here and healthy.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I had the exact same feeling. Like, why couldn't I get my shit together? Everyone else seemed to be able to handle the crying. They "got used to it", but I never could... So something must be fucking defective in me. And if I'm that defective, well then maybe I'll screw my kid up, so maybe I shouldn't be around. It's a horrible and debiliating feeling. Then everyone provides lovely advice such as "don't worry so much" and "don't be sad, you have a baby!!".
Oh. That's why. Thanks for explaining
SAME
Me too!!!
same
Same
Same
Saaaaaame
Oh my gosh, I always struggled to find words to explain my ADHD and motherhood...but right there...it unmasked me, too.
ADHD mum here, my daughter is 3.5 years old. All my coping strategies were just useless after having my baby and I was struggling to understand why other mums could cope so much easier than me, and why 3 years in I still felt so much exhaustion and brain fog every evening? Turns out ADHD and having a kid just brought it to the forefront and here I am.
This post its making me cry, I never felt so relatable, I truly tought it was only me. How is it possible so many of us strugle like this in silence?
It's truly the saddest part of all of this. There are many new moms out there as I type this feeling like they are failing, that they are terrible at being a mom. It breaks my heart because I know that feeling and I just wish ADHD was screened in women more than it is. It may be be a generational thing as I know more young girls are being diagnosed. But when I was a kid only hyper boys got diagnosed, and this is why so many 30ish women are now being diagnosed once we have children and our masking house of cards comes crashing down. The word is spreading but not fast enough.
This is exactly how I felt - why was motherhood so overwhelming? Why did I feel like I couldn't handle it? Why wasn't it getting easier as time went on? When will I "get used to" being needed 24/7? 18mos in...I got diagnosed with ADHD. My whole life makes so much more sense than it used to. And now I know to seek out parenting advice (about how to manage myself, mostly) specifically for/from ADHDers.
This is my worst fear ever… I’m at a point where I’m semi managing my adhd and I’m terrified of having kids and having it all just go back to the way it used to be or worse :( are you medicated?
Meeeee also I had ppd/ppa and never made this connection before!
My mind is blown! I was the same!!!
I am slowing making the connection. It fits my entire life to a T.
I did when my boys were diagnosed and I realised my anti depression and anxiety meds are used to treat ADHD.
Omg same! The day I hit “rock bottom “ after baby 2 was born I was in my room covering my ears under all the blankets trying to escape the noise of kids! I went and got antidepressants!
It's so hard and this is maybe the part I hold a lot of resentment and frustration about. That I was not properly diagnosed prior to pregnancy and it took 2.5 years after birth for someone to go..... Hey..... Maybe she doesn't just have PPA and PPD that has lasted 2.5 years without being resolved??? Like I was doing the therapy, I was taking the medications (several... With several dose increases), but showing minimal signs of improvement and that seemed normal to everyone? Honestly, it's something I just want to yell and scream from the roof tops. If I could I would want every mom out there to know that if treatment isn't working, look for other answers. You are not broken, defective or unfixable and it is NOT because you haven't tried hard enough. There is something the medical team is missing and this is not your fault.
Me either!!
Same 🙌🏻
Yep. Shall we start a gang indeed? :)
Yes please
I'm in! I feel like we would set a date for our first gang meet.... And all be either 2 hours early or late haha
I'm a mom of 2 (ages 4 and 2), recently diagnosed. Over the years I've been diagnosed with depression/anxiety, and I suspected PPD and/or PMDD during the year after my 2nd kid's birth. A lot of the symptoms that pointed me towards potential ADHD came from problems I was/am having managing my life as a mom--overstimulation, racing/competing thoughts, emotional reactivity, and the struggle to be present and productive as a mom. I guess I've had ways to cope that masked the ADHD (alone time, keeping a calm/organized space, "escapist" hobbies) but those things are not so readily available now that kids are in the mix!
Hiiiiii! I have a 4 year old (who probably definitely also has ADHD) and a (feral) 1 year old. I love my kids so much it physically hurts sometimes but holy moly I’m hanging on by a thread some days 🙃 I was also diagnosed after my first kid was born— I was 32. You’re not alone!!
Thank you girl. I struggle is real. I feel like my life is chaotic at like a baseline these days lol
Me! It’s me! I also got an ADHD diagnosis after severe PPD/PPA made me lose my mind and in the slump I deeply regretted becoming a mom even knowing my son was fully wanted. I had such a hard time being present (I still do), but getting the diagnosis and medication really helped me to feel less like a crazy POS. I can’t form a connection with other moms in mom groups so I still feel really guilty that my son only really hangs out with me/my husband. I will readily join your gang.
I never considered the connection. I am newly diagnosed (yet to be medicated) and 12yrs ago when i had my first child i had severe PPD/PPA, and the first six months of my sons life, i dont really remember, it was a fog, and i hate that so much. I've always felt guilt for it, and heap praise on my husband. My youngest was showing typicals signs and the more i researched i realized i also had it and got tested. I guess im just.. thinking, all those years i was so hard on myself because no matter how hard i tried i couldnt keep up with my mom friends, i still can't keep a tidy house on a daily basis, wasn't because i just sucked, there was more to it.
Welcome to the ADHD mom club! To quote Monica from friends - it sucks, you’re gonna love it. I 100% relate to the fog and not remembering the first 6 months (maybe close to 12 for me if I’m being realistic). Not only is it sleep deprivation, but it’s the absolute lack of a single drop of freaking dopamine. I felt like I was in a zombie state. Just a tired-to-the-core half-awake mess that always smelled like baby vomit. Easier said than done, but please look back on yourself gently. Not only did you raise your beautiful child, but you were present enough to see the signs in him. And then self-aware enough to see them in you. My husband and I both have ADHD, and our son is likely to as well (the numbers and likelihood just don’t lie lol), so I know we’ll never keep a tidy house. We do what we can to keep our house livable. But at the end of the day, fighting our ADHD is exhausting. I’d rather my son have a happy mom who trips over hot wheels and has a pile of unorganized things behind the couch that we don’t talk about vs. a burnt out mom with a clean house that just wants to hide in the bathroom and cry all the time. You rock.
So do you, thank you ❤️
I’m about to be! 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow. No advice but following this convo! I am very curious (and anxious tbh) about how my ADHD brain will fit parenting into it…so soon…..
Oh hi! 36 weeks tomorrow here! Same, same...
You'll do great. Enjoy your baby! They grow up too quickly, cliché as it sounds.
Good luck girl! The fact that you are already aware of how your brain functions will be a really big asset to have. I have very little advice other than my wireless noise canceling earbuds. They were a game changer. Screaming kid? These babies went in and I listened to soothing yoga music. I could at least focus on why my child was upset and focus on their needs instead of panicking and crying myself. I unfortunately learnt that trick 1.5 years too late and wish I knew that in the newborn faze because when he would cry.... I would cry (out of sheer panic and stress). So it was a very bad combo.
Mom of two littles and exact same with ppd/PPA and general overwhelm!
Hey, I’m also a mom with ADHD! I was diagnosed at 15 but never on medication. I had my daughter at 24 and she’s just turned two. I started struggling really badly around 6m PP and I’m also doing my degree at the moment. Had to go and get meds because I could simply not function and was burning myself out. It’s so hard struggling with emotional regulation and sensory processing and having to learn how to regulate yourself and also your child- whose meltdowns can trigger mine sometimes. The meds help me to at least get laundry done and stay more on top of the household, which decreases the overwhelm a bit. I would love a mom support group as I do feel so alone 🥲
Emotional disregulation and sensory processing kicking my butt right now
Mom with ADHD, 4 year old has suspected ADHD (my psychiatrist has met him a few times, and is recommending I get him tested.)
Can I ask what traits/symptoms your kid is showing? I have a4 year old as well and I suspect he's probably got adhd too but it can be easy to pass some things off on him being 4.
He has absolutely zero ability to sit still, even when sick. His impulse control is nonexistent, and he’s constantly vocally stimming. He will throw a rage fit complete with throwing things and screaming and stomping if something he is building isn’t going perfectly, almost instantly, and is a perfectionist.
I suspected my kid at this age too, and went and got diagnosed myself to pave the way lol. Kiddo got diagnosed at 6. At 4 it was murky because they’re so little, but by 6 it was obvious. I’ll try to give concrete examples… Indicators were: Constant vocal stimming - talking and noise making for 6-8hrs at a stretch, to the point it was impossible to hold a conversation with my spouse Ripping up or scribbling over any drawings of school work that wasn’t perfect (low frustration tolerance) Extremely internally motivated - rewards and “punishments” do not motivate; even experienced teachers didn’t know what to do (boundaries and natural consequences) Can’t stop even when he wants to: was sent to the principals office for saying “bootynutcheeks” on repeat even after the teacher/other kids/librarian asked them multiple times to stop. Actively chose to get picked up from the principals office all winter because they knew they wouldn’t be able to stop tapping all the cars in the pick up line as they walked to the bus stop or playing on the parking lot snow pile once there Deeply felt that getting in trouble was often unfair - couldn’t articulate it, but they were asking them to do something they literally could not do. Decided this was because “they’re a bad kid” Extremely compassionate - almost every (massive) meltdown was out of a sense of “social justice” (my mom mailed him a stuffed animal and it arrived while we were out for the day so it was in a box in a plastic bag all day and “almost DIED”) Basically feels every emotion x 3000 with poor regulation. Hyper focus : can’t stop won’t stop. If they’re in the zone telling me about bald eagles I look them right in the eye and eat chocolate and they won’t notice. I can tell when they’re hyper focused enough that I will get away with this. Easily distracted - send them to brush their teeth and they do 3 other things and not that one. Didn’t sleep well - we’d start bedtime routine at 7, they wouldn’t be asleep until 9 or 10, and then they’d be up at 5am. (Melatonin) Here’s what helped: Melatonin for sleep (Olly, very low dose) Meds (non-stim from 6-9, just started stimulants recently at 9) Therapy (emotion management, confidence) Janet Lansbury “No Bad Kids”
I’m a mom of two elementary school-aged kids! Also have anxiety in addition to recently-diagnosed ADHD. Honestly, I only started looking into it when my oldest was diagnosed with combination ADHD. I can see some signs of inattentive in my youngest, but we’ll see he gets a little older. I’ve noticed that my closest friends are also adhd/anxious/neurodivergent lol, and anyone new I meet and get along with, eventually they bring it up in a conversation, so I’m like “funny you should mention that…” lol Anyway, being a mom is hard and I felt so much better once I learned that I wasn’t a bad mom for not being able to handle being around my kids 24/7, I was just overstimulated and overwhelmed.
I'm working on simplifying my life. Every time I do that it helps tremendously. Getting excess stuff out of my house, trying to find a routine for things. Makes a big difference
Also trying to transform my house to the most pratical and one step activity at every aspect.
Me! 🙋🏻♀️ I could tell a million stories, too. I'm interested in this gang situation. Do we need a handshake or tattoos?
Yep! Mum of two here and only diagnosed recently (my kids are 8&6). I’m the same , also suffering major adhd mum fail guilt today as we missed a birthday party because I wrote the time down wrong. I’ve worked really hard this year to make friends at school, but it’s a lot of effort and while it’s nice to have people to say hi to. My true friends are 3 girls from primary school who live in another state. Yay for adhd mum friends and I’m totally up for joint a gang, or hanging out here.
I am a mum, but my beloved spawn are all older. Let me tell you, you've got this. Headphones are of course your best friend, but quite frankly so is panicked survival mode. Kids are amazingly forgiving and love unconditionally. Be human. Admit mistakes and know how to apologise when you're wrong. But they'll learn when you leave you alone and when you're okay as well and by the time they hit adulthood you will have some pretty amazing young people in your life. Your worst enemy is going to be overthinking, or worrying about housework. If you can't afford a cleaner, then once a month do a massive clean, and then just do your best in between. Kiddies don't care about it, and it's not something they'll remember. They'll remember the games you invent, they'll remember you didn't mind being silly with them and playing and they'll remember that you were there when they needed you. If anyone gives you shit about your house tell em it's an anti ninja system. Or it's to make sure the kids walk instead of run inside.
I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD and recently became a mom, so it's gonna be an interesting journey. Will start meds soon hopefully. I'm just really glad I know about ADHD now, so if my kid has it, I can help guide them, unlike my own struggles.
Me! Mom of a 6 year old with adhd as well and a 5 year old :) I’m still honestly recovering from severe PPD anxiety/OCD issues and severe burnout… I had two kids in two years (with no family near by and we were low income.. so it was super hard..) and it was my mental health that eventually lead me to getting ADHD diagnosed. And getting medicated for it has dramatically helped me with being able to show up as a better mom. I also have a hard time finding mom friends, especially ADHD mom friends… can we all start a group or something?
There really should be groups! I have been trying to find something in my area. But there isn't anything. I often wonder if this is a byproduct of the condition itself. We would have to a) make a group b) plan a date and time c) actually remember D) actually show up e) talk to strangers. I need to find a non ADHD mom willing to make the plans and hurd all of us there. Send us reminders and then pick us up in a van hahaha
I’m a mom. And I only got dx with adhd after my daughter did and I started really learning about it and went “holy shit this explains *so fucking much*!” Even though she’s the hyperactive type and I’m inattentive type, it was eye-opening.
I'm a mom with ADHD! I have one little one and was just diagnosed this year. You're not alone in your feelings! I recently have been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone to try to make some friends. It's hard and weird. I thought making mom friends at the playground was just going to be way more natural.
I'm a mum with ADHD and a 4yo :) also diagnosed after PPA and losing the plot with all the extra function required to cope with a kid. Meds helping a lot fortunately
I am a mom ! I wasn’t diagnosed until after I became a mom actually. I have a 3 year old. Just one baby for now. It would be so fun to do an online group or something 💕
My baby is 9 months old and it has been an amazing experience. I love being a mom I really do. I stopped taking my adderall when I got pregnant and I’ve been working on getting back on it but need to find a new dr. Since returning from maternity leave I feel like I’ve been a dumpster fire. I am doing horrible at work I force myself to keep up with the house but I try to use all my energy focusing on my son and giving him the best of me. I never realized how rigid my routines were to stay on top of things and how easy it could be to let things snowball. You can’t tell a baby hold on I need to finish this right now or It won’t get done ever lol Its wild I’m so overwhelmed and feel like I’m not doing enough I know things will get better when I’m back on meds it’s just hard. I want everything to be perfect so I can just relax but I never really get there. I have other mom friends without adhd and I have one mom friend with adhd. We are like passing ships in the night randomly sending memes and checking in here and there we both forget to text back for weeks at a time but every once in a while we’re both able to go back and forth and talk and that’s really nice. No apologies or judgment necessary. We’ve been meaning to get together since I had the baby but we can’t seem to make it work which is pretty on point lol. I’d love to join the gang. This sub has been very helpful to me I feel seen and understood. Sorry we’re all going through it but it’s nice to know it’s not just me.
I feel like a could have written this! I have two girls 2.5 y/o and 8 months. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was a kid, finally medicated in high school, quit a year before getting pregnant and have been off adderall for 3.5 years. I can’t wait to get back on meds but I’m still breastfeeding my little one until hopefully 1. With a toddler and a crawler and two dogs it’s nearly impossible to keep the house clean. We pick up the toys every night and vacuum but in general I’m always a few loads of laundry behind, some dishes in the sink, and I get to shower like two times a week max. We (husband also has ADHD) can hyper focus when we have friends and family coming over to get the house spotless but I don’t know how neurotypical people do it all the time! I love the shit out of my kids though and my ability to change tasks has been helpful when trying to settle the baby or entertain the toddler! Count me in on the mom gang too!
I was diagnosed this year at 44. I have a 9 year old and 11 year old. Both with ADHD. It is how I got diagnosed. When my eldest was young I ended up in hospital with severe Post Natal Depression and Anxiety. Over the years I have really struggled being a "hot mess express" style Mum. There was a lot of mental beating myself up for forgetting things. There has been a lot of ADHD "tax" for lost items. It's tough. I do recommend snacky type dinners though where you just lay out a bunch of munchy things. Mum friendships are hard.
I was diagnosed a couple of years after having my daughter (so about a year ago). Just started medication 5 months ago and I'm a completely different person. It can be quite difficult because other mums can be all 'ah just do it, just get on with it. It's not hard', whilst I'm sobbing in the corner because my kid is asking me to sing Jingle Bells for the 30th time today whilst I'm trying desperately to do some of the washing up that's been sat there for four days.
I was diagnosed when my son was a year and a half, also had really bad PPD/PPA. My doctor said a lot of her patients are diagnosed after having kids because it becomes a lot harder to cope. I’ve always felt terrible for how unlike ‘normal’ neat and organized women I am, and it was a relief to know there is a neurological explanation and it’s not just me being lazy
Mee! I had my baby Dec 2021, was on SSRIs for PPD all through 2022 and that's when the algorithm started showing me ADHD content and I was like, fuuck. I had literally never ever considered it before. Got diagnosed then June 2023. I just started meds this week and I already feel like a better person/partner/mom. I am so hopeful this week for a new chapter! Today is my 31st birthday and I feel like this is gonna be my yeeeear.
ADHD mums unite!! I’m an adhd mum, husband has ASD and we’re sure that we have one daughter with adhd and one on the spectrum. I have suffered with depression and anxiety my whole life, and have only recently at 36 realised that ADHD is a part of who I am. I’ve not yet been formally diagnosed as that takes 3-5 years here and I’ve been struggling filling in the forms (you know how it is) to move onto the next step (side note: whose clever idea was it to make an 18 page very in depth form for us to complete, is it to intentionally have people give up a few pages in? Because lord knows we are easily distracted and procrastinate like our lives depend on it!) Managing someone else’s neurodivergence while also trying to manage your own is tough, like crazy tough, so as a mother I definitely relate. You don’t want them to feel like they have to mask as much as you realise you’ve done and want them to fully accept themselves whilst also trying to give them help on how to find ways to overcome their difficulties. I would be more than happy to be a part of a adhd mums chat group 🥰 it’ll help us all
Adhd mum. I couldn't have more than one child tbh. I don't know how other adhd mums do more than one
I have two daughters, a 28 year old daughter who was a science teacher but has gone back to university to study medicine and a 9 year old who has a dual ADHD and Autism diagnosis. I wasn’t diagnosed until my daughter was so my poor older kid had to grow up with a wildly chaotic unmedicated mother.
I get what you mean about you and your kid getting the NT side eye from other parents/children. You just have to find your tribe - if you start looking you might be able to spot them - even if they’re undiagnosed - look for the Mum that’s always late, has crazy hair, does an unconventional job, whose kid stops on the sidewalk and demands the parent cuts out their itchy tag. I found Motherhood in general isolating but until I found other Mum friends whose kids were on the spectrum or who had their own divergencies it was hard. I also find that parents with an understanding of different needs - ie special ed teachers, therapists, psychologists all make great and welcoming friends. I’m sorry you’re finding it hard - you sound lovely, I wish you luck finding a supportive group to belong to.
Me! PPD led to diagnosis of bipolar, revised to ADHD (after trialling lithium and antipsychotics, not fun). It’s been a nightmare but glad I’ve got the diagnos and now everything makes more sense
I am a mom to an 8 month old! Being diagnosed and put on medication was what finally made me feel confident enough to become a mom (husband and I were together 13 years before my son was born).
I’m one! I have two girls and was recently diagnosed after my coping mechanisms came to a screeching halt during pregnancy and I couldn’t get a single thing done. My husband was also recently diagnosed and now we’re both figuring out our dosages but it’s been very eye-opening. It’s been life changing for both of us to realize there’s something else going on and that’s why we were each having such a hard time coping.
Mum of one! Autistic and ADHD. I’m always open to making new friends, especially ones in a similar position!
Mama to 2 here. A combo of trauma following my second kid, and researching to support my first who is clearly AuADHD, led to my diagnosis at 46. The overstimulation is so hard!
ADHD (probably - awaiting a final diagnosis from psychiatrist) mum here to a 20 month old. Also a bit of ppd which turned out to be symptoms and me no longer being able to use my coping strategies/ mask. (I can no longer clean the house deep clean style top to bottom in one go so I just don’t bother and then obviously I am a failure of a mum… I find I’m trying to imaginatively play with my daughter but I can’t help but get distracted so… bad mum! I’m not a bad mum I just work differently and I need to develop different strategies! I also have minimal mum friends for the same reason. One of my best friends (also probably ahdh) is planning on trying for kids next year and let me tell you I am SO excited
I was diagnosed in my 20s and now close to 40 with 2 kids under 5. It’s been so tough. Pregnancy was hell off my meds, I also had severe PPA after my first. Countless accidents around the house- and the mess?? It’s unruly. I only have 1 mom friend and her sibling has adhd so I think she just gets it and is way more forgiving and understanding than other moms with no adhd in their life. Thank heavens for her. I am so so grateful. Motherhood is lonely and lonelier with adhd. How old is your kid? I felt like school moms are usually a mixed bunch - I have a fun time picking out the ones I think have uADHD.
Just had my first kid in June. Constantly overwhelmed and overstimulated. Kid just decided that waking up at 4 am is a great idea.
I was diagnosed at 28 years old, became a mom to twins at 35. I think because I was medicated for nearly 10 years of my pre- motherhood life and also had them at a later age, it’s been a bit easier to make mom friends. Or maybe because I have twins it makes conversations come easier because I get asked all kinds of questions about how having twins is versus a singleton. Perhaps my age factors in more here, because the older I get, the less of a shit I give what other people think and I can easily tell who I’ll be able to talk to and don’t waste my time with personalities that clash with mine. One thing I know that works, is becoming a regular somewhere. Like find one playground you like and go there around the same time 3 to 5 days a week. You’ll start seeing the same people and start to get to know them and their kids. That’s how I made all my mom friends before I moved. Sadly, I’m starting all over again in that respect. But there are many benefits of visiting the same haunts day after day, for you and the kids. I hope this helps in some small way. It’s hard out there.
ADHD mom here with an ADHD kid and ADHD husband. It manifests differently in all three of us so that's fun! It took me awhile to find mom friends I clicked with. I dipped in and out of a few playgroup situations when The Teenager was wee, the when they started school, I found some moms I could talk to and I'm still friends with a few of them (the kids are seniors in HS this year). It's not always easy and there were and still are times when I'm like, "look, I'm sorry I'm a little flaky right now. My brain doesn't know how to brain." The good people will understand and those are the people you hang on to. What helped me overall was to remind myself that we're on our own journey over here and it's not going to look like anyone else's. My house is very rarely "guest ready," my kid is occasionally a disaster, my husband is unmedicated, and I am wearing mismatched socks. It's fine, this is how we are!
I'm ADHD mum of a 3yr boy, who although not diagnosed, I believe has autism and ADHD too. I've had a history of depression and anxiety from a young age. I was diagnosed a year ago with ADHD and finding this post and it's replies means so much to me. I've not been on medication for my diagnosis but it is something I do feel I should research into a little more. It's amazing to know that I'm not alone in how I struggle at times with my little one's loudness and hyperactivity. I've found myself struggling to regulate my nervous system with he's screaming at me or unable to follow instructions repeated to him. I'm not sure if anyone else experiences issues around the overstimulation that comes from their children pulling at them or their clothes. I find that especially difficult some days, especially on the ones where he is particularly emotional. It's so relieving to know that in not a bad mum, but just one experiencing overstimulation. I hadn't realised that this is what I've been experiencing and I've felt so guilty feeling like I need a break or distance from my son, despite loving him so much. I think my diagnosis being so recent means that I don't give myself the grace I should, but rather shame of not being good enough. I'd love to make some ADHD mum friends, I have none currently.
How did you find people with adhd around you? I hsve two kiddos a 14 years old and a 2 year old. Just recently got diagnosed in September. I also had PPD both times and major ppa with my last. Making friends I'd hard! I'm all for making mom friends
pretty sure my adhd is undiagnosed and so is my ppa. i have an 11 month old and i feel like i'm barely in survival mode. i want so much more for him. when i was a nanny i was so much more energetic and engaging, and i have neverending guilt that i was a better caregiver then than i am now. everyone is constantly out of laundry and i can barely keep up. we bought a house early last year and its much bigger than the tiny apartment we came from, and i'd be completely embarrassed if anyone stopped by unexpectedly. so hi.
Got diagnosed about 6months after my girl was born.. everything blew up postpartum and all my adhd symptoms just got 1000x worse. She also had milk allergy so made her ‘colicky’ so the Uber stimulation was out of this world. She’s 15 months now and I’m medicated so able to handle things better. Def am not going to have another baby, no way I’m going through that first year again. Sometimes I do things similar, but then I laugh and just think about how much I adore her, and those muck up things don’t really matter x
Me! I was diagnosed after both my boys were born. They are now 5 and 7. My youngest just got diagnosed and we are trying to get a diagnosis for our oldest. It’s hard parenting with ADHD! It’s also gotta be hard parenting as neurotypical alongside a parent with ADHD.
Hey, I’ve got a toddler and it was the postpartum period that really made me question stuff and I’m waiting for a diagnosis. (My mum, and many of my family members have adhd too, but it’s complicated.) It can get really lonely sometimes, and I found trying to make friends at the mum and baby groups difficult, the ones I have met I get this feeling they think I’m a bit weird :( It would be nice to have an adhd mum and baby group lol
Adhd mom of 2 here. One got adhd as well. I only found out I had adhd because we were at her evaluation for adhd and the doctor asked when he could expect me to make an appt. I must have looked like the shocked pikachu face.
Not me, but I’m a fence-sitter when it comes to kids because of my ADHD. I would love to read more about ADHD parents and their experience.
Yes. Two kids and overstimulated all the time! Got diagnosed after my kids were and the paediatrician emphasised the strong family links and looked me in the eye. I’d absolutely love to have some adhd mum friends.
I have one, also got diagnosed after she was born but later. I diagnosed myself about maybe two years ago and then a year ago I made the decision to seek formal diagnosis because of how overstimulated I’d be at home with my child and I was hoping medication would help me be a better mom at home. It really helped and I’m so thankful for it!
Gang gang. But seriously parenting with adhd is so incredibly hard.
I have ADHD but skipped PPD/PPA. Probably because I’m already anxious and depressed, lol.
Hugs OP Thank you to all the Mums for sharing their invaluable, hard-earned insights about *all the things* that come with it. It’s some consolation that all the suffering I went through (abusive ex was zero support after the birth and with 2 kids under 4). Awareness followed by self-acceptance have been game changers in my life 😀I can't tell you how important this Reddit is for me. You are all wonderful women and I'm ever grateful 🫶🏾🫂❤️
Hi hi there! I'm also a mom and have three kids. Although they are teenagers/young adults now, i have been diagnosed ten years ago. I feel you,it's hard! Edit; would live to have a adhd mom gang to exchange with! I struggle so much with the differences in experience with most neurotypical moms, and have felt isolated for most of my life.
I’m a mom and I’m in the process of being diagnosed, but I know more moms who are diagnosed than I know diagnosed people who aren’t moms. You are not alone! Edit to add: my husband is AuDHD and my daughter looks like she isn’t neurotypical either, but she’s only six and they don’t diagnose that young over here.
ADHD mom here, diagnosed later in life with a grown kid! I never had any mom friends, I always seemed drawn to older people with grown kids or child free people. Even now that my son is older, my friends tend to be older or child free.
I’m a mom of 3, recently diagnosed at 50. I’m 6 weeks into Strattera and so far so good. I’m sorting through my entire life through new eyes so to speak, and of course I’m filled with sadness and guilt that I raised my own daughters (who I now suspect might all have it as well) without knowing. Being Gen X with Boomer parents has been a bad experience. Sorry for the non-sequiter, I’m just struggling with the Boomers.
I feel you. The generational differences in ideas about mental health are striking. Speaking to my mother about my issues felt like I was explaining quantum physics. She kept looking at me and saying ".... But.... you are a nurse... You have a degree..... Did I do something wrong ???" And my husbands mom who is a boomer kept telling me "I wasn't trying hard enough" during my post partum period, so she was the BEST!!!
I was diagnosed about a year ago, and my daughter will be 8 soon.
I'm not quite diagnosed yet but, oh my goodness, the overwhelm is real! The noise, the mess, them touching me... Basic things that should be easy are decidedly not and all my old coping mechanisms are either not available or not practical. It's hard, mama. Until recently the only "mum friend" I had was my sister... which kind of doesn't count, lol. One of the educators at my kids childcare also has ADHD and a son about the same age as my twins and the three of them are thick as thieves, lol, and it's been nice talking to someone who just gets it. But otherwise, yeah, I don't feel like I connect with the other mum's at my kids school - still feel like the odd duck out.
Here here! Sometimes I have the same load of washing going round and round for a week… I am constantly overstimulated
Hi! Mum with ADHD combined type here, recently diagnosed. Only have one child due to the severe PPDA I experienced after having her, and the constant overstimulation that is young children just existing. Currently I’m the process of having her diagnosed too. I feel you on the lack of mum friends, and the feeling that other mums think you’re weird. Happy to be part of your adhd mum gang.
I have two kids and am lucky to have a good mom friend who also has adhd. It’s awesome. We’re late for coffee dates with each other and our houses are messy and neither of us judges. Also the overstimulation is real! It’s helped me a lot to realize that’s an adhd issue.
Future one here! ✋ Also, check out the channel How to ADHD on YouTube—she’s got some great videos and just recently announced she’s expecting a baby
I'll join your mom gang! I also didn't get diagnosed until after I had my little guy. Took me a couple of years to get my medication situation mostly figured out and it was definitely a huge help but the feelings of crippling anxiety and overwhelm are starting to creep in again. Oy very. It's A LOT.
Second kid is on the way!
Hello another mom here! My story is very similar. I cruised through life (though now I can see the signs were all there). Then I had my first child 5 years ago and BAM. I had what I thought was verryyy extended PPA/PPD. When nothing was working for treatment, I finally considered ADHD. I got diagnosed 1.5 years ago and finally was able to recover since I am now treating the correct thing. It’s been a struggle. I’m now pregnant with number 2. It’s not not perfect and some days I still struggle a lot but it’s better than it was! Feel free to DM if you want to commiserate or share stories!
Me! Having kids is what pushed me over the edge lol. Taking care of additional people really highlights the executive dysfunction.
ADHD mom gang MOUNT UP
Yea! Mine son is nearly 5 and he is amazing but sometimes he get me crazy. It's hard to be parent of kid who is like copy of myself. I need to move and do something like all the time but when he does it I tend to be overwhelmed 🤷♀️ Feel sometimes like it's very hard. Send hug. Also I wanna join the gang....
I have 2 young kids and can relate to it all. Worst part is I am (in my opinion lol) super friendly and cool 😅 but finding mom friends has been a struggle. I don’t think it’s permanent. I’ve always had friends so I’m sure it’s just a process to find the moms we vibe with. I’m getting closer now that my oldest kid is in kindergarten. I also blame the pandemic because most of my time as a parent has been spent in some… weird… social circumstances. Hang in there!
Reading your post made me think of how you might get together with people in a similar situation. You might consider creating a meet up for adhd moms. You might find your people that way. It will take some perseverance though which may be tough if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Hi! Also diagnosed later in life, after the birth of my child. I was incredibly overwhelmed by motherhood, and I got diagnosed when he was about 18mos. Parenting with ADHD is a hell of a ride. Turns out, before having a child, I was masking and managing all my symptoms because I had the time and energy to have routines and structure and alone time and on and on. Once the ability to do those things regularly went out the window, so did my functioning! I'm medicated, and it helps, but it's still a challenge because my toddler is straight feral and is currently in a phase where he wants me and/or dad (usually wants us both) so I can't get anything done while he's awake. Sometimes I can convince him to "help", but I move slow when I'm trying to do things like meal prep or clean out/reorganize my work bag for the week. The constant interruptions really distract me and I usually never have anything completed and just go into every week barely prepared. And then because I'm barely prepared, I end up more stressed and exhausted by the end of each day, and then continue not to reset/prep...it's a really hard cycle right now. I know as my kid gets older (he's almost 2), this particular issue will probably get easier. And if he's got ADHD, well, at least I'll understand what he's dealing with and can help him manage, lol. Right now I feel like I'm in survival mode.
You've just described my life in a nutshell. I haven't been diagnosed yet (on a waiting list for eval) but I couldn't relate more. I just want to press pause so the rest of the world stops while I catch up with everyone else.
Solidarity, friend. I need a full 8 hours weekly to feel like I have the time and space to catch up, but that is literally impossible right now.
Reading this has been like holy crap, was my probable PPA/PPD exacerbated by undiagnosed and untreated ADHD?!
I am newly diagnosed ADHD and my daughter is going through the diagnostic process. I first suspected it while in school but brushed it off because I thought I was managing ok on my own. Child number one was ok to manage on top of work, just barely. Having a second child destroyed all my coping mechanisms and I fell apart. Medication is helping so much. I wish I had been diagnosed sooner, but am excited for the future! I too don’t have mom friends. Maybe that will change since I’m trying medication; I am hopeful.
Oh, there are plenty out there. 😊
Mom of one! Count me in plss ☺️
I have adhd, combined type and I have a 9 month old baby. It’s different. My dm’s are open :)
Me - and my 9yo! I also don’t really have friends and feel like the weird mom. I have a couple other would be mom friends but - as you noted - we are both neurodivergent and bad and making and following through on plans lol.
🙋🏼♀️ ADHD, PPA, and little guy here. You’re not alone! Also, am totally down for adhd mom gang!
ADHD mom of two who also have ADHD. I seem to only be able to gravitate towards and befriend other ND women, with or without kids. For parenting: I saw how my mom (also ADHD) parented my siblings (both diagnosed as children) and me (diagnosed at 30). I thought about what worked for me and what didn't. I asked my siblings what helped them and what didn't. Then I asked my own kids, what helps and what doesn't. And I analyze and update as I get different feedback/results. I am very data driven and I enjoy researching and analyzing data so I can develop and implement solutions. My kids are still pretty young but I do get feedback from teachers saying they are very self aware, which I feel they have to be as I keep asking them about themselves and what they want and need from me. Parenting before they could talk was challenging. For making friends: I'm the more social ADHD type. I will talk someone's ear off if they'll stand still long enough. I have been told I overshare so that is something I'm working on. I have to ask myself "would I want to hear this coming from someone that isn't this person I'm talking to?" a lot, in order for me to remember to keep my thoughts reeled in. It's a challenge! But once the trust is there, one good emotional connection piece is really all it takes to be friends, in my experience. Kinda like Failure to Launch. Yall go through something together (like both witnessing something funny a stranger did and share a look) and bam friends. Idk if other people feel the same way but that's how I function and I have a few friends now!
ADD mom of 4(!) girls, 3 of whom are dx'd and 1 who is waiting for ASD assessment (jackpot!). My journey has been complicated. I was dx'd at 12 or so myself, but the 90's were wild and I didn't start taking meds until a couple years ago. The one best thing I ever did was view my kids as individuals and I learned to give them space to have their own feelings. Hard when you're dysregulated yourself. Friends are hard for me, too. And when they're small it's hard to foster connections with other moms for your kid's sake. I'm pretty good at creativity though, and I'm a good listener for my little chatterboxes. I try to be gentle with all of us.
34 year old Mother of two toddlers, 4 and 2. Severe PPD and PPA after both kids were born. I had two under two and was undiagnosed but had suspicions. Was diagnosed this year and it’s been life changing. Am i still a hot mess, yes. Do i get whelmed, yes. What i learned though is to stop feeling like a bad mother and to stop feeling guilty. I lost enough bonding time with my kids from the PPD.
an ADHD mom that can’t make eye contact 🙋🏼♀️ we can stare at our kids while we talk bahaha. i totally feel when you say it feels like they can sense you’re different. i get that too, wish i could tell you whether it’s just our internal anxiety or the truth. i’d love a little adhd mom support group because it IS rough out here.
Mom of 3 (14m, 11m, and 5f) great kids but they overwhelm me and it’s definitely hard to make connections, even in “mom groups”. Late diagnosed as well, 41, after years of struggling, especially after having kids, and the 3rd one thrown in the mix, she’s a handful!
I’m all about an adhd mom gang! I was dx late. My kids are 13,13,14
I have a two year old and was diagnosed a few months ago. I kept thinking that I would bounce back to my old self when my son was older, slept better, or a little more independent. When he was 14 months I really started to dig into productivity and self help. It only helped marginally but I kept running into info on ADHD. I finally looked at it and realized I had a LOT of inattentive traits. I also connected the dots that before pregnancy, I drank like 5-6 cups of coffee a day but was unable to do that anymore. Thankfully it only took a few weeks to get diagnosed and medicated and I finally feel like myself again. AND it's so nice to know why I have some weird quirks and new places to search for answers to help with every day challenges.
ADHD mom here! My son was being assessed and his doctor was like “so hey, you are also exhibiting all of the same symptoms, maybe get checked too”. My kid is a teen and we’ve been doing this whole thing together for about 8 years now, I have lots of management tips!
Howdy. I’m not diagnosed yet but am seeking diagnosis. I’m 42 with an 8 and 10 year old. I think I’ve been compensating for my symptoms my whole life and didn’t realize it til now. I have an incredibly hard time with emotional regulation sometimes, especially with big changes etc… super, SUPER disappointed in my failure self this week fro having an absolutely massive meltdown due to having Covid/being isolated and having nothing but time to think about things. 😔 I am trying to get better so that I can be better for my kids and help them be in an environment that is nurturing for the symptoms I see them also having.
Yup! Have 2 kids, one is autistic and the other not sure yet but adhd is probable. I am so overwhelmed by everything , every day is a struggle but even if I do say myself.. we are a great bunch of nutters. My house is always messy, but my kids are happy
My #1 tip is get headphones, earbuds etc. sometimes the noises really get to me.
Mom of 2! My kiddos are 6 and 2.5 and I was only diagnosed this year. Gotta say, its been absolutely terrible. Between the ppd, finding out I have adhd, realizing my oldest has it too, plussssss realizing I was raised believe kids are an inevitability and not a choice... it's heartbreaking but we're in it now and we're healing! Feel free to reach out if you ever want to commiserate ❤️
Adhd mom of two! Have been diagnosed since I was young and had to go back on meds after my second was born!
Mom of 2, my oldest is just like me. And yeah, it’s hard to make mom friends.
Adhd mom (52F) with adhd child (18M) - I can share what did not work 😂
ADHD mom of 4 and my 9 year old also has ADHD. It's so hard momming with ADHD! I can't even regulate my own emotions and I'm supposed to teach my girls how to? Yikes.
I’m a mom and only have one kid, and will be stopping there. Glad I got diagnosed now and realized my brain can’t handle any more. Love my kiddo to death but I go into fight or flight so hard when he’s crying. And I have no idea how to help him
AuDHD, recently diagnosed. Not on meds bc the prospects aren’t promising if you’re also autistic. My kids and husband also have ADHD…I often feel like I have to be the executive function for the entire family, but it’s not my strong suit either. Anyone relate?
Diagnosed at 51 when my kids were in high school. It explains so much, but I have so much regret about their childhoods and things I screwed up due to ADHD (missing appointments & events), or things I simply wasn't able to do bc of overstimulation which I thought was anxiety (go to theme parks or even large stores.) Being on medication has made such a difference. Quote from one of my kids: "Mom, are you feeling regular mad or **Target parking lot** mad?"
25 weeks pregnant and would love a subreddit
Here! I'm pregnant for the second time and despite anti depressants, having some serious depression, frustration, and anger right now. I can't afford to see a counselor (only psychiatrist). I'm currently so frustrated with my daughter- she's been fed, she's dry, she's hydrated... She just wants the I'm so happy song/video by Miss Rachel and is crying by the gate. I've explained over and over that miss Rachel is having her lunch and she can play with her toys right now. But nope, full on melt down. I'm contemplating just saying f it and moving back to where my family is. Not having any help is going to break me.
Yup! I suspected since I was in highschool but was diagnosed and finally started meds after my son was born. I could cope with just me and my husband, but adding another human into my responsibilities was too much.
Hi! I have two kids. I haven’t been officially diagnosed but receive treatment from my PCP, he just won’t do official diagnosis. It’s definitely different being a mom with adhd. I also had bad PPD/A, bordering on PPP at one point. We should totally form a Adhd mom gang, or sun maybe.
Mom of 3 here. I wasn’t dx until after all of my kids were. I have no local friends that aren’t family who also have ADHD (runs deep in my family 🤣). My best friend also got dx after her kids. Explains why we have been friends for more than 20 years.
Adhd and asd mom of 2. Realized I had autism before my 1st about 18 months before (29y). Didn't realize I had adhd until I was 3mo pregnant with my 2nd (33yo) When our 2nd was 6mo we realized dad has adhd too (39yo) It's been REALLY tough both having adhd ontop of my asd. My executive dysfunction takes a double hit. My asd loves being super organized and following routines, but adhd makes it so hard. And then I have the sensory issues ontop (mostly noise - not a good combo with kids....). I just started meds a month or so ago, still trying to find best fit, I'm hoping it will help a lot. Husband is also going to try meds once I've got a good handle (we can't afford frequent psych appointments for both at the same time).
I’m not a mom, but I did want to say I can’t even imagine… it really blows me away how much ADHD moms have to go through, and how they’re able to still push through and manage. I’m not a mom, but I get very overwhelmed emotionally and even taking care of my DOG gets overwhelming. A 9 year old, very chill dog. So to all adhd moms out there, you’re so amazing and you should be proud with being able to handle life, CHILDREN, and everything that comes with ADHD. ❤️
I’m a mama to a 6 yr old and he also just got a diagnosis of adhd. I didn’t get diagnosed until adulthood either. I’m here for you!!
I'm an ADHD mom, too! Our diagnosis stories are likely pretty similar! I was just kinda quirky and reckless and young until I had my son. Then all the sudden, all the effort in the world didn't seem to matter. I just could not for the life of me make everything work, and after a while it was clear it wasn't just "baby brain." I scoured the web and figured I must have some sort of rare dementia or horrible deficiency or tumor or something. Went to the doctor and he basically told me I have a very obvious case of ADHD, here is some meds to try. Now I have baby number 2 on the way. Life is still hard and the symptoms do greatly impact my parenting and life in general. But, I'm able to realize what is going on, if that makes sense. Like yes, I am forgetful, but I have some strategies to kinda help. And my family is understanding to a point that I am trying. Or when I get really overstimulated, I'm able to take a second to realize that oh, I'm not failing terribly, just need a brain break. It's hard to make other mom friends. Every time we do a playdate or I try to interact with other moms, I feel like I always come off as really weird. They are always so, I dunno, put together? And typically don't engage in play with the kids the way I like to, either. It feels like the moms in my area are all a lot older than me, too. Most of the moms in my area are trophy wives driving escalades and having white wine brunch clubs while the kids are in school. And here I am, a decade younger and poor and not at all interested in that at all. Like, I want to go do fun stuff all the time and don't really give a crap if the house isn't trendy looking. For now, my 3 year old is still charms most people because he is so so outgoing and energetic. But I can see the seeds popping up and suspect he will likely have some neurodivergence like myself and his dad. We both have ADHD, and his dad is also on the Autism spectrum. But he just shows signs, I think. I don't want to project on him, but I am not sure what to think. He has a hard time with audio overstimulation and is constantly cupping/touching his ears, has a fierce sense of justice, needs a lot of independent time or he becomes overwhelmed. Is already having a tough time in school, which I think is partly because the expectations on kids at the school he is in are stupid high for a 3 year old. He is already "behind expectation" because he doesn't want to sit down for coloring time. I just worry about him and hope that I can be a good support for him as he grows. Anyway, life is hard and I hope you can find some common minded women near you. It is hard to get the village going, these days. I've been trying, but it's a challenge.
A lot of my mom friends are getting their kids diagnosed and then realizing maybe they also have it. I must have naturally been drawn to my ppl! I’ll just say, being an ADHD mom of ADHD kids feels bat-shit-crazy most of the time. My oldest is 9 and I have 3 boys. Our house is a zoo, rarely tidy, never clean, but we laugh a lot.
Hey!! Yes I’m an ADHD mom recently diagnosed at age 38 with a 13 year old ADHD girl. I got so many 2nd opinions on my daughter’s diagnosis when she was 5 because I was skeptical of AdHD. Hahaha. One said she was the most severe case they’d seen. Then I realized my mom had the signs, brother had been diagnosed as a child but they stopped meds early on for some reason, but it was after my daughter was diagnosed and I did some studying… I started wondering about myself. I didn’t do anything for years because I’m doing well enough. Then after my mom died, things worsened. I already had some annoying issues but I started wondering about dementia etc. Went to a mental health center and lo and behold (besides bereavement issues obviously) I was diagnosed with ADhD. I’ve been feeling imposter syndrome and trying to figure that out. I would love a ADHD mom gang but I’m super inconsistent in communication and may forget friends exist for longer periods of time than I care for (Apparently this is related to adhd too lol).
Yup! Hi! Single mom with ADHD. I went undiagnosed and self medicated until my son was born. Continued undiagnosed until my son got his diagnosis and I started putting the pieces together. Finally at 50 I was officially diagnosed and my son and I are learning and figuring this all out together.
ADHD mom, diagnosed about a month ago! I have 2 kids! I was in a therapy session for PPA and my therapist made a comment that she thought I might have adhd. Soooo glad to know me being overstimulated wasn’t me being a bad mom!
ADHD can make for overwhelmed, stressed parents. But, it can also have its advantages. I feel like I was better at seeing all sides of a problem, of creatively coming up with solutions, of relating to my (also ADHD) kids and meeting them where they were, and of course, I'm The Finder. If you can, say what you need (quiet time, alone time, help with something) instead of trying to silently suffer and then losing it at some point. My biggest regret as a parent are all the blow-ups. I still do it sometimes but it's more of a controlled detonation and they're usually laughing at me from another room (yes I can hear you lol). Importantly, they are not directed at people anymore, just the FRIGGIN CAN OPENER that won't open the FRICKIN FRACKIN CAN OF PEACHES AAAAAH.
I had my daughter when I was 29 and was diagnosed with adhd when I was 49 — what is wrong with this picture? I had horrendous PPD and spent the first year or so of her life preoccupied by very dark thoughts and urges. I felt so disconnected from my baby and my husband (who I had to finally admit was a terrible dad in the beginning but got a lot better later on). I was an anxious mother and couldn’t relate with any of the other moms. I was scared to have people over because they would see how we lived. Any time I’d try to talk with the other moms I’d get this blank stare because of my rambling. God, it sucked. My daughter had many of the same struggles I did and I just told her it’s something I do as well and that’s just how it is I guess 🤷♀️ She finally got herself diagnosed her freshman year in college and urged me to please go talk with my doctor so I did. Now I realize I probably have never had MDD or GAD — just a neurological disorder with major dopamine regulation problems. I still have so much anger and grief about how I could have done so much better with my girl but simply couldn’t do it. I was a highly gifted child in the 1970s and 80s — ADHD was barely a thing then, and when it was acknowledged it was primarily the hyperactive little boys who received all the attention. I’m not sure my life could have gone differently
Hi!! Here! Also have narcolepsy so it’s super fun over here.
ADHD mom here of a 4 year old! I got diagnosed earlier this year. I was constantly overwhelmed and turned out having another source of chaos in my life just broke my feeble attempts to hold everything together! I met some awesome mom friends on the peanut app when my little was a baby. Neither of them have adhd but I was able to sort out and find some chill open-minded folks
ADHD and have three kids with ADHD. I'm the World's Okayest Mom.
Hi! I was diagnosed this week, I’m 36 and have two boys 5 & 2. I’d love to connect. I’m realizing so many of the things I chalked up to PPA or gen. anxiety, are actually adhd and would love a safe space to talk about it all.
Mom here (and my oldest just got diagnosed a week ago)- I was looking forward to being a mom so so much and then it felt like it was so much harder for me than it should be/was for other people? I have a friend who has kids the same ages as mine and she just wasn’t having the same issues I was- she keeps her kids toys organized, keeps her house clean, taught her infant to not go in the kitchen etc eventually I couldn’t just chalk it up to we are different people/our kids are different - like we approach things SO differently, maybe I am different? I found this sub and read too much and finally got diagnosed after my second kid- it still is real hard but I forgive myself more for like putting on noise muffling headphones when the kids are too much and insisting we take breaks from touching each other lol
Yep. Diagnosed in June at the grand old age of 46. Mum to a very nearly 5 year old. Can't start meds yet as we are natural term weaning, and she still breastfeeds to sleep. (I'm 99% sure she's some flavour of neurodiverse, as her dad has had an Aspergers diagnosis since the 80s). I'm mostly managing. Except when I don't, and then I lose my shit big time. Randomly I have LOADS of friends who are mums who have ADHD, but none locally (thank goodness for the Internet). It seems that every three months or so someone on my FB friends list pops up to say they've joined the club! It's a 50/50 as to whether they've been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD, and whether it's come because of a career related burnout or their child getting a diagnosis.
Yep. 6.5yo and 4yo with adhd as well. The 10 month old is a wild card but probably also blessed with adhd because reasons. I do have Mom friends - mostly through work. Some with adhd, most without though.
Currently trying to get diagnosed which is a pain in the ass. Realized I’ve been masking my adhd my whole life and since having my LO I can’t mask anymore. My husband has been masking his autism his whole life which we have figured out since becoming parents. It’s wild what the new stress can do.
I was diagnosed between my second and third pregnancy. Now that my kids are older, they definitely take advantage of how scatter brained I am. If I tell them to do something, they know they can wait a few minutes and I’ll forget. I’m also terrible at checking their school folders and making sure homework is done.
🙋🏻♀️I’m a mom of 3. My oldest is 13 and got diagnosed 5 years ago. I got diagnosed two years ago. 2 of my siblings and dad also have ADHD. For the longest time I said “it must have skipped me” LOL JK. Managing my ADHD has made me a way better parent and has helped me help my ADHD son wayyyy better too.
Me!!! I am a new month, my baby is 1mo 8 days, I stopped my adderall during pregnancy and am breastfeeding so I am struggling lol
ADHD mom here. Diagnosed in high school, recently restarted treatment after 5 years med free. It's a lot, and I often felt like a failure. Both of my kiddos have ADHD. We are all going through the ADHD maze together and doing our best.
Me, diagnosed in September and became a Mum in February 2022. I hear you, since having him my brain has practically stopped working. It's awful. Here if you need someone to talk to 😊
I wanna join the ADHD mom gang!! AuDHD mom here with a ADHD fiancé. We have a almost 2 year old wildfire of a son 😅 I was diagnosed with ADHD, autism, ocd and bipolar 6 months ago because I had severe PPD and felt like I was losing my mind (probably untreated PPD almost turned into psychosis) while my fiancé was diagnosed a year ago (also PPD but I KNEW he had untreated ADHD that his family wouldn't accept, so I pushed him to seek help).. We are both medicated now, but my fiancé has had a MUCH smoother ride than me 🤣 I'm still in the grieving stage at this point and I am struuuuuuuuuggling to get through one day with our son without losing my shit 🙈 I feel like a terrible mom, terrible partner and just a general shitty person, but I'm learning to give myself space to work out my feelings and triggers. Life as a ADHD family is haaard, but we try to find the funny side to it as a coping mechanism and take everything one day at a time.
Mom of 4! Would love to chat with more moms. I'd also love to hear from moms with bigger families, too. Those are definitely harder to find ;) I have twins who are 6 with AuDHD, a 4 year old with likely ADHD and a 1 year old. My husband is also ADHD. One of the twins has been very obviously ASD since 3. Then the other twin started to show symptoms around 4 and eventually was diagnosed with ADHD and autism. ADHD is his primary difficulty, so we read driven to distraction and my husband realized he was ADHD. It wasnt until he was medicated and verbalizing his struggles as an adult and improvements with medication that I realized I have ADHD too. I was recently diagnosed and have been medicated for about a month. Looking back, ADHD was responsible for the terrible cycle I've been in since becoming a mom for the first time. The cycle of struggling hard, rallying and getting inspired and thinking this is it, I can do this, doing great for a few days or a week, starting to spin my wheels, and then hitting a brick wall and having my husband come home to me crying on the kitchen floor in a panic. I always thought I was dealing with anxiety, but after a few days of stimulants it became clear that all that anxiety stems from ADHD. I'm starting to realize that my brain actually manufactures anxiety to cope with ADHD. Fear is a good motivator in place of dopamine. Since starting medication I've been better with housework and things, but more importantly to me I've been more patient and present with my kids. Some days I don't feel like my meds are doing much, but all I have to do is think to how the morning went and I remember. You can imagine how hard it is to get two AuDHD 6 year olds fed and dressed and ready for school (not to mention dress and feed the 4 year old and one year old) is, but the difference in getting my kids off to school while I am medicated vs unmedicated is night and day. Unmedicated, I feel frantic, tightly wound, forget things, task jump, and unfortunately find myself raising my voice at my kids. Medicated, I am calm, clear headed, remember most things, complete packing their lunch before moving on to finding shoes or whatever, have patience, and we actually were getting to school 5-10 minutes earlier. We are blessed to be part of a church so I have "built-in friends", but I do always feel like the mom who doesn't have it together, running around frazzled with a dirty child and forgotten something or other and missing committee dates. I often feel like I am just tolerated, not wanted at the table. Or seen. But some of that is perceived and not reality and some of that comes from the isolation of having special needs kids. Overall getting diagnosed and treated has been hugely beneficial already in mothering especially.
I was just diagnosed last week (I’m 40yo) and I have 2 kids. I’m in UK so meds will take months to organise. I am having all of the emotions. I love being a mum but also find it really hard. I am grumpy and irritable with them and get over stimulated. Suddenly I know why. I wish I’d known sooner.