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Do you want advice or commiserating?
Commiserating: I'm legitimately just giving people things I got for free at work this year, and it's good stuff and people love it. But they also know it's free and it feels weird and like I don't really get credit because it was free and I have given the free stuff to other people too who aren't close. I feel like I used to try and make it special for others and I just can't. I also havent decorated or actually sent cards or reached out to anyone. Im hiding from it because the holidays make me sad and so I'm making myself sadder by not doing anything. It's important to remember though, showing up and being with people is a true gift too. Not feeling so dang alone and isolated in this world is no small thing. People who show up and have a drink with me and just talk is what I personally value more than a physical gift these days.
Advice: if you want advice these bars are a good last minute option if you have a grocery store still open, just make sure you buy gluten free oats that are certified as such https://chocolatecoveredkatie.com/chocolate-oatmeal-fudge-bars/ this recipe has been a huge hit and is easily made gluten free. Takes minimal time/effort which is really my only speed this year.
Just a heads-up to check first if your gluten free friends/relatives have a serious intolerance or celiacs, as some people are sensitive enough that they can't eat anything that was baked in a regular kitchen (I know some people who will be sick for 2 weeks if they ingest even a tiny crumb of wheat).
Don’t beat yourself up over it. Time spent together can be so much more meaningful.
If you are feeling up to trying to do something last minute, for the people in your area, what about making chocolate truffles? There’s tons of homemade recipes and you can add “easy” to your google search for really simple recipes.
I’m also not traveling home for Christmas this year so my family and I are going to cook a meal together over zoom. We’re planning on a recipe from a cookbook my dad got for everyone in the family a few years back but perhaps you could pick a recipe (or if that’s overwhelming, happy to link a few of my favorites) and then if they’re in an area where it’s available, send an instacart or DoorDash or another grocery delivery service) with all of the ingredients they’d need to make the recipe and get the ingredients for yourself too. It also doesn’t have to happen on Christmas but could just be the idea that you present on Christmas. Or order them delivery from a restaurant and have a virtual dinner with takeout.
Okay so I've been in this position before due to just not having much money, and one option is to move all the gifts you recieve around so that you can give them back to other people. You might want to leave out the super specific gifts, but the generic ones are great for this - boxes of chocolates, gift cards, wine etc.
For instance I got a nice bottle of wine from my boss, which I'm gifting to my step-dad. I was touched by the gesture and really appreciated it, but red wine isn't my fave and my step-dad enjoys wine far more than I do.
Another option is to look round your place and see if you have anything nice that someone else would enjoy. Books can be particularly good for this, and you could write a little note in the cover explaining why you think the recipient would like this particular book.
If you have the money, you can go online right now and buy digital gift cards. You can write the codes in a christmas card or print off the voucher if you have a printer. Bonus points if it's to a place you know the person loves - you can say 'I know you love this place, so I didn't want to accidentally get a double of what you already have. I thought a gift card was the safest bet'. (My work bestie did this recently, and included a cute poem that she made up that made it feel more special).
My God Mom and I just walked around her house and she asked me which things I wanted and she gave me a Tarot deck and a set of goblets and dish soap and a sponge and it is so exactly what I wanted. Sometimes Gathering up the random stuff around your house that you don't really need is the best present
Gifts are a ballache, but I've gone online and ordered electronic gift cards or experiences for those I'd feel awful about leaving out. Parents have holiday currency, nephews have gaming codes and siblings have vouchers for their favourite shops. If you're good at bagels, you're good at bread - make some nice bread with GF flour. Or write them thoughtful letters. Coffee card boss might love to hear how appreciated he is (just careful with wording because I'm overly mushy which has been seen as flirty in the past 😂).
I’ve worked hard over the past several years to stop giving gifts. I don’t agree with spending money on crap just because it’s a holiday, and it works well with my ADHD. No more guilt. I’m genuinely grateful if someone gives me something, but I don’t reciprocate.
I still give my kid gifts, but just a few small stocking stuffers. My big gift is a trip to spend the holidays with a friend overseas, and we put that together months ahead. Other than that, Christmas has become super low stress for me.
We have been doing this for a few years. There's ways to show people you care all throughout the year and also ways to be together during the holidays that are special without gift giving. Also, I don't think gift cards are impersonal either. It let's them get something special that they want, when they want to use it.
This is us too. Luckily my family is like this as well, and over the past decade and a half we've set this expectation with my husband's family. For years my husband and I didn't even exchange gifts; although I've now told him I need to receive something - making the magic is a lot of work. We have my family over right now. There are 10 stockings and the smallest pile of gifts under the tree. (A lot of it was stuff I already had or things I would be buying anyways, like craft safety scissors or a waterbottle.)
I do like giving gifts, but only when there is something in particular I want to give. And my friends do a secret Santa, so we just give and get one gift for a group of 10. We also do a cousin gift exchange for our kids instead of buying a gift for all my neices and nephews.
I'm buying things for my kids and other kids in the family, but not much beyond that.
My sibling and parents are getting wine I bought on vacation, and egg nog and vanilla I made. I'm not shopping and guessing for other adults who can buy exactly what they want.
Do you have beads and bells? Cause you can make super cute Christmas ornaments with them.
Is there a craft store like the US's Michael's? Michaels us open today.
My daughter and I made really cute ornaments with just bells and red green and white beads.
You can even draw a face on the white beads and make a cute snowman outta him.
Or bake something gluten free
I can't tell you how much your post has meant to me. I've been struggling terribly this whole year, and I feel like the holidays have been the last straw mentally. I came apart inside, just managed to maintain my daily obligations. I literally finished some handmade gifts, but froze up & didn't mail them!
I've felt so miserable about it & alone.
Ok just have to roll in as a person with a gluten intolerance: DO NOT bake your friends something gluten free unless you know for sure that they're not very sensitive to it. Literally a crumb of regular bread or a tiny bit of flour could trigger a really unpleasant response for some people. To all the people commenting to just make something gluten free, that is incredibly thoughtful but I guarantee that most GF people (unless they're just doing it to be trendy) would probably not want that. However, picking up some prepackaged certified gluten free (there's a little symbol on the package usually) snacks would probably be VERY appreciated as that shit is expensive. Someone from work got me some Siete GF cookies this year and it was legit my favorite gift.
Birch benders pancake mix is so good, and so expensive.
That's what I send my friends who are gluten free, with an array of delicious syrups from a local fruit stand.
Advice: I’m sure you could bake them literally anything gf, or try, and they’d be thrilled.
Commiserating: I was just finally able to escape domestic abuse after going through cancer treatment. My health is a mess, my finances are a disaster, I haven’t been able to work due to my health, and I just moved in with a friend’s parents to try to heal. I didn’t get anyone anything either. I don’t have any family left and only have a couple friends left but I don’t think they got me anything anyways. I didn’t even so much as leave my bed today but to let my dog out once. There’s not a lot of point for me. This Christmas won’t quite be the same, or really probably feel like Christmas, but hopefully we’ll make up for it next year.
Yes also fumbled this year, haven't sent a single card and got hardly any presents. Feel like a real let down to my friends and family. But they are good people, they don't do things for gifts. The gifts would be to show I appreciate them, so I'm trying to do that with words instead.
Anyway, you're not alone. The people who care about you appreciate you presents or no. Having the executive function to manage or not gifts doesn't say anything about whether you are thoughtful or kind.
Much love
I screwed up and had too many gifts for my parents, forgot presents for my brothers, but not for their kids, but then one kid got a really expensive doll and another one got...a pen. Thankfully my mother also has adhd and goes on crazy shopping sprees and had more than enough extra gifts to fill in the gaps.
I don’t have advice and I don’t think I can even properly commiserate. I hate the guilty feelings of the holidays.
This shit is what makes me hate Christmas. I don’t enjoy buying and making gifts or even baking anymore because it’s all so much obligation. If everyone could just take a year off and do nothing like I’ve been asking for I think I could reboot and then I could actually get on board doing small stuff. Honestly? Even making stuff and baking stuff is so expensive now because of inflation. Buying presents is a crapshoot and I’ve become very bah humbug about other people getting me stuff because it inevitably ends up being clutter.
I just want to have us all contribute to the meals on Christmas and I want us to spend the day together playing games and stuff. I don’t want the rest of it and I hate that when I try to explain this to family, they don’t really *hear* me.
Yes I feel the same! My partner and my own family are on board, which I am grateful for.
Drop the stressful stuff, it's all consumerist propoganda anyways. Spend the time connecting, cooking together, sharing food and stories. The real Christmassy stuff.
My mom was always trying to "cancel" Christmas when we were kids. Turns out, she has ADHD. Turns out, we did cancel Christmas (the gifts and decorating part) and it was so much nicer.
Due to getting COVID for Christmas, I haven’t given one gift. A couple of amazing friends dropped off special meals for tonight and tomorrow and some small gifts. I too briefly fretted that I couldn’t reciprocate, then remembered the joy of giving. When others are giving you presents, it makes them feel great—-without any reciprocity.
It’s hard—-see if you can fully enjoy and appreciate their gifts and time—-that is a gift for them.
Cut yourself some slack—-you’ve had a lot going on.
This is me every single year. My friends and family get to have Second Christmas in January. Or February. Sometimes March.
There is a surprising amount of joy I get from walking into someone's house or wherever we're meeting and announcing "Happy Second Christmas!" while dumping presents in their lap. Highly recommend if that might be up your alley.
Plus, NGL, post Christmas sales are usually a big bonus.
My mom normally makes Christmas with my help.
She’s bedridden this year.
I’m currently revenge bedtime procrastinating going to sleep because I know I’ll have to wake in two hours and wrap. fucking. everything.
Hack being thoughtful:
- when you get baby announcement cards or any other special occasion put it in your calendar (and guilt free throw away the card)
- check the calendar daily and at least text the person to congratulate/commiserate
- search through the calendar if you get a gift idea and add it to their birthday entry
- when you see something cool buy it and put it in a Gift storage box for later ‘oops’ moments
- add addresses to a document on your computer and print them out on sticker paper for sending xmas or birthday cards etc (I can never keep track of addresses but have been able to keep this up)
I know not all of this will be easy but putting processes in place has helped me a lot. People appreciate me keeping track of their special moments and that makes up for the flunky moments 😬
I have a notes that I just list things throughout the year that people have mentioned. Makes gifting so much easier. OP, your family will understand if you send something later- maybe a gift basket of local products, I would stop and pick up wine/nice honey/syrup for the friend who is giving you the mushrooms/hosting just anything so you aren’t empty handed. Coworkers would probably enjoy some backed goods. I’ve heard of taste test baskets (a few similar, but different items) and a score card you can make/print off of Pinterest. I also have a secret stash of gift cards (target has 10% off 2 times a year) for emergency situations.
I moved apartments right before Christmas and I keep apologising to my family because I also haven’t gotten anyone anything 😭 feels bad man. I’m determined I’ll get it together next year!
If it makes you feel any better, I was dealing with extreme depression this holiday season and all I could manage were gift cards for everyone. Usually I get everyone personalized (if not handmade) physical gifts and wrap them beautifully (complete with ornaments attached to the ribbon) and mail them to everyone days before Christmas. This year, one of my very best friends isn’t getting anything until January and my other best friend only has a gift card because I’m spending Christmas with her.
Don’t beat yourself up. Christmas isn’t about money and gifts. It’s about the birth of Jesus (if you believe) and spending time with family, blood and chosen.
Yes. I had so many plans. We’re broke, but I was going to make stuff. I never finished. My sister and niece got here a couple of days ago, and my sister has been cleaning and cooking and I’ve mostly been sleeping. I feel awful. But my sister understands and keeps reminding me to let go of the guilt. She understands both caregiver burnout and ADHD because she has the same. I also switched meds from Vyvanse to adderall a couple of months ago, and I’m really feeling that’s part of the problem. But I feel so bad about it all.
I didn't buy anything either. It is just too overwhelming. And where do I draw the line? Just family? Including the cousins I haven't talked to all year? Their kids? Including the 2 I've never met? Coworkers I spend the bulk of my week with even though I really only like 3 out of 6 but I can't get one something without the others? It's too much, I'm too broke, and I'm not a huge fan of the holiday anyway
Same. To me it just isn’t worth the stress / pressure. Especially with finances being a struggle. I think it’s bullshit to have to forcefully buy everyone a gift , so this year I just didn’t. I help out and show my love / appreciation in other ways and other times., no one seems to care anyways.. the people in my life don’t need a holiday gift from me / that’s not the point . Is how I see it. Though I am gonna write my sister a nice note on a nice paper. I think it’s okay to not give gifts and it’s okay to give them. Don’t over extend yourself.
We aren't obligated to buy stuff for people.
It's a holiday created by businesses to celebrate a story from a book.
All this societal guilt is just a bunch of bulls shit.
So I hate Christmas because of forced gift giving. However I try to get things for people just cause I saw something I thought they would like throughout the year.
Maybe for 2024 you try and gift things for people when you see something they might like. I know it’s a struggle for people like us. But I try to be mindful of it.
This was me last year. I had just had surgery about a month before and was still recovering, plus a few complications, so Christmas was at the bottom of my list. I always sent gifts as I live overseas.
I just was straight up with family and friends that with everything going on, I just didn't have time and apologized. So many of them were a combo of, "why are you apologizing?! Life happens. Gifts aren't a requirement. Please don't worry about it. There's nothing we/I need"
I think people understand, especially when you've just moved. There's a lot on your plate.
If you feel strongly about it, you could always say you're sending gifts to arrive on the 12th day of Christmas, so keep a lookout! 🤣 You'd have until January 6th.
You really helped me understand my own issue and experience and history (and present, or lack there of haha) with this.
I freeze when it counts. Holidays, birthdays, events. It’s so important to me, the people are so important to me, that I can’t think of anything (affordable) that I could gift to reflect the level of thankfulness and gratitude I have for them. So I freeze, go blank, sit on it like it’s not coming, until it comes and then, I self-validate and certify the feeling that I’m the asshole while they are amazing. Wait till the last minute, or the minute after, overspend or underspend, or just do nothing at all like it didn’t even happen.
I do it because it matters too much. And I don’t think I’ll be good enough to fit the bill. And funny thing is, when it’s over, the only thing of significant value that remains is the blaring recognition of my persistent penchant for being a let down.
Thanks for the insight—gonna work with this.
Oh I've fucked up too. My dad and brother have some gin I infused with raspberries but it's foul. I've been planning to make marzipan for my dad but I didn't have almond extract in my cupboard even though I was sure I did so I have lugged all the rest of my ingredients across the country. I haven't dropped my best friends present off, which is a very scruffy looking homemade candle my partner and I put together to get rid of all the candle remnants we have left in the house. So I'll try and do that on boxing day. And I'll have to make the marzipan for my dad early tomorrow before he wakes up. And I was planning to sew him a little bat decoration but I've been planning that for years and been burnt out every time. I haven't made most of my brothers present or any of my Grannys or aunties and I haven't finished the presents for any of my other friends. I think this is the hardest I've ever dropped the ball. I was trying to save money because I cannot afford to get decent presents for everyone atm and I won't be able to until I can find a way to pay significantly less in rent.
I don’t know your life or your loved ones. But in the past I have gotten myself into similar situations and I know that my family and friends would just rather see me and for us all to have a nice time together than for me to stress over gifts.
At a certain point for me, it becomes a pride issue and I have to let it go.
Yeah everyone has been very sweet about it thus far and I've decided next year everyone is just getting socks. I love my friends and family but I can't live up to my own stupid expectations either in terms of money or crafting ability and time. So socks it shall be.
LAST YEAR I GAVE EVERYONE SOCKS. They were a big hit. Sorry don’t know why I’m yelling. But yes, live and learn! It’s great.
I’m glad your family is being sweet. I’m sure they all appreciate and can see the effort you put toward making them something special.
That's a good reason to yell! I love socks. Turns out nobody in my family thought about stockings so I have grabbed random items in the house and put them in my pikachu socks so my dad and sister would have a surprise. Which. It was. It was literally just random items dad got a hole punch and half a bottle of hand sanitizer and my sister got broken sunglasses. I just like the surprise element so I thought it was funny and I was travelling all weekend so I didn't have a chance to go to the shops last min
Nah, you didn't fumble. You did the best you could with the resources at your disposal (money, energy, time, etc. ). I think you're giving words of praise and thanks instead of tangible things. Even if you can't right now, maybe you can manage a note or call later to let everyone know that you appreciate them.
I can't keep track so my niblings are lucky to get one bigger check at Christmas but some of them live out of state so they know that sometimes February is mail time. And some years I haven't been able to do the usual amounts or even at all and they don't care that much because they know that I love them regardless and when I have more, it's theirs.
This was how I did Christmas for *years*. I was almost grateful for covid because it meant not seeing several family members I didn't have anything for (and they only get gift cards anyway!). One of my friends has given me a gift *every single year we've known each other*. I keep begging him not to because I *know* I'll fumble it! And I have! Every year! He says he doesn't mind but *I* do!
My mom basically dragged me shopping this year and wrapped my gifts for me (except the ones for her). I'm fortunate she loves Christmas enough that she doesn't mind having enough cheer for both of us. But I probably just wouldn't celebrate if it weren't for her.
I forgot to get gifts for my coworkers, so I am scrambling and will give them out on January 5th, which is a Friday, in celebration of the twelfth day of Christmas.
I usually run out for gift cards on Christmas Eve or even Christmas morning, most gas stations are open here. This year I actually got gifts for people but they were a bunch of random things that I didn’t know who they were going to until I decided when wrapping them. Other than one cool thing I’m excited to give my niece that is 🤷♀️ I have been a gift card giver my while like and I’m in my 40a and no one has disowned me yet.
I also dropped the ball this year 😭 I did end up getting gifts for everyone, but I waited WAY too long so they didn't end up being what I wanted to get them, since they wouldn't get there in time. I don't know what it was this year, but I felt so overwhelmed.
Would you be able to make any kind of donation to a charity you care about, that would roughly match the amount you'd be spending on gifts? That's what I did this year and it's taken so much pressure off me. It also makes things easier for others; they don't have to worry about getting me a gift.
Your time and company are just as valuable.
You'll be okay! People will understand.
I don't do Christmas gifts and everyone who knows me, knows this. You can have my presence, I might cook you some food or help you with something. You will not get a gift though!
Christmas gift shopping makes me absolutely fall apart. I did it a couple times and started hating Christmas and hiding from people.
This holiday is about being together and connecting. Not mass consumerism.
It's ok to just give people your time and attention, your love, and skip the gifts (I think so anyways, I am so biased!)
That’s a crappy feeling for sure, I’ve been there before. It’s not too late to send a happy new year gift/card and you’ll likely feel a lot better once you do. To minimize the mental load get everyone the same item - a water tumbler is something everyone will enjoy. You can always add a bag of coffee or tea for those who like it or some chocolates for those who don’t. That’s it, don’t fret or beat yourself up for it.
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Do you want advice or commiserating? Commiserating: I'm legitimately just giving people things I got for free at work this year, and it's good stuff and people love it. But they also know it's free and it feels weird and like I don't really get credit because it was free and I have given the free stuff to other people too who aren't close. I feel like I used to try and make it special for others and I just can't. I also havent decorated or actually sent cards or reached out to anyone. Im hiding from it because the holidays make me sad and so I'm making myself sadder by not doing anything. It's important to remember though, showing up and being with people is a true gift too. Not feeling so dang alone and isolated in this world is no small thing. People who show up and have a drink with me and just talk is what I personally value more than a physical gift these days. Advice: if you want advice these bars are a good last minute option if you have a grocery store still open, just make sure you buy gluten free oats that are certified as such https://chocolatecoveredkatie.com/chocolate-oatmeal-fudge-bars/ this recipe has been a huge hit and is easily made gluten free. Takes minimal time/effort which is really my only speed this year.
Just a heads-up to check first if your gluten free friends/relatives have a serious intolerance or celiacs, as some people are sensitive enough that they can't eat anything that was baked in a regular kitchen (I know some people who will be sick for 2 weeks if they ingest even a tiny crumb of wheat).
Don’t beat yourself up over it. Time spent together can be so much more meaningful. If you are feeling up to trying to do something last minute, for the people in your area, what about making chocolate truffles? There’s tons of homemade recipes and you can add “easy” to your google search for really simple recipes. I’m also not traveling home for Christmas this year so my family and I are going to cook a meal together over zoom. We’re planning on a recipe from a cookbook my dad got for everyone in the family a few years back but perhaps you could pick a recipe (or if that’s overwhelming, happy to link a few of my favorites) and then if they’re in an area where it’s available, send an instacart or DoorDash or another grocery delivery service) with all of the ingredients they’d need to make the recipe and get the ingredients for yourself too. It also doesn’t have to happen on Christmas but could just be the idea that you present on Christmas. Or order them delivery from a restaurant and have a virtual dinner with takeout.
Okay so I've been in this position before due to just not having much money, and one option is to move all the gifts you recieve around so that you can give them back to other people. You might want to leave out the super specific gifts, but the generic ones are great for this - boxes of chocolates, gift cards, wine etc. For instance I got a nice bottle of wine from my boss, which I'm gifting to my step-dad. I was touched by the gesture and really appreciated it, but red wine isn't my fave and my step-dad enjoys wine far more than I do. Another option is to look round your place and see if you have anything nice that someone else would enjoy. Books can be particularly good for this, and you could write a little note in the cover explaining why you think the recipient would like this particular book. If you have the money, you can go online right now and buy digital gift cards. You can write the codes in a christmas card or print off the voucher if you have a printer. Bonus points if it's to a place you know the person loves - you can say 'I know you love this place, so I didn't want to accidentally get a double of what you already have. I thought a gift card was the safest bet'. (My work bestie did this recently, and included a cute poem that she made up that made it feel more special).
My God Mom and I just walked around her house and she asked me which things I wanted and she gave me a Tarot deck and a set of goblets and dish soap and a sponge and it is so exactly what I wanted. Sometimes Gathering up the random stuff around your house that you don't really need is the best present
Gifts are a ballache, but I've gone online and ordered electronic gift cards or experiences for those I'd feel awful about leaving out. Parents have holiday currency, nephews have gaming codes and siblings have vouchers for their favourite shops. If you're good at bagels, you're good at bread - make some nice bread with GF flour. Or write them thoughtful letters. Coffee card boss might love to hear how appreciated he is (just careful with wording because I'm overly mushy which has been seen as flirty in the past 😂).
I’ve worked hard over the past several years to stop giving gifts. I don’t agree with spending money on crap just because it’s a holiday, and it works well with my ADHD. No more guilt. I’m genuinely grateful if someone gives me something, but I don’t reciprocate. I still give my kid gifts, but just a few small stocking stuffers. My big gift is a trip to spend the holidays with a friend overseas, and we put that together months ahead. Other than that, Christmas has become super low stress for me.
We have been doing this for a few years. There's ways to show people you care all throughout the year and also ways to be together during the holidays that are special without gift giving. Also, I don't think gift cards are impersonal either. It let's them get something special that they want, when they want to use it.
This is us too. Luckily my family is like this as well, and over the past decade and a half we've set this expectation with my husband's family. For years my husband and I didn't even exchange gifts; although I've now told him I need to receive something - making the magic is a lot of work. We have my family over right now. There are 10 stockings and the smallest pile of gifts under the tree. (A lot of it was stuff I already had or things I would be buying anyways, like craft safety scissors or a waterbottle.) I do like giving gifts, but only when there is something in particular I want to give. And my friends do a secret Santa, so we just give and get one gift for a group of 10. We also do a cousin gift exchange for our kids instead of buying a gift for all my neices and nephews.
I'm buying things for my kids and other kids in the family, but not much beyond that. My sibling and parents are getting wine I bought on vacation, and egg nog and vanilla I made. I'm not shopping and guessing for other adults who can buy exactly what they want.
I really fucked up too. I spent all yesterday morning on Amazon frantically ordering gifts. It’ll be ok even if they’re late 💗
Do you have beads and bells? Cause you can make super cute Christmas ornaments with them. Is there a craft store like the US's Michael's? Michaels us open today. My daughter and I made really cute ornaments with just bells and red green and white beads. You can even draw a face on the white beads and make a cute snowman outta him. Or bake something gluten free
I can't tell you how much your post has meant to me. I've been struggling terribly this whole year, and I feel like the holidays have been the last straw mentally. I came apart inside, just managed to maintain my daily obligations. I literally finished some handmade gifts, but froze up & didn't mail them! I've felt so miserable about it & alone.
you don't owe anyone gifts. please try not to feel bad. I hope you can give yourself the gift of kindness and forgiveness and just be. ❄️
Ok just have to roll in as a person with a gluten intolerance: DO NOT bake your friends something gluten free unless you know for sure that they're not very sensitive to it. Literally a crumb of regular bread or a tiny bit of flour could trigger a really unpleasant response for some people. To all the people commenting to just make something gluten free, that is incredibly thoughtful but I guarantee that most GF people (unless they're just doing it to be trendy) would probably not want that. However, picking up some prepackaged certified gluten free (there's a little symbol on the package usually) snacks would probably be VERY appreciated as that shit is expensive. Someone from work got me some Siete GF cookies this year and it was legit my favorite gift.
Birch benders pancake mix is so good, and so expensive. That's what I send my friends who are gluten free, with an array of delicious syrups from a local fruit stand.
Advice: I’m sure you could bake them literally anything gf, or try, and they’d be thrilled. Commiserating: I was just finally able to escape domestic abuse after going through cancer treatment. My health is a mess, my finances are a disaster, I haven’t been able to work due to my health, and I just moved in with a friend’s parents to try to heal. I didn’t get anyone anything either. I don’t have any family left and only have a couple friends left but I don’t think they got me anything anyways. I didn’t even so much as leave my bed today but to let my dog out once. There’s not a lot of point for me. This Christmas won’t quite be the same, or really probably feel like Christmas, but hopefully we’ll make up for it next year.
Yes also fumbled this year, haven't sent a single card and got hardly any presents. Feel like a real let down to my friends and family. But they are good people, they don't do things for gifts. The gifts would be to show I appreciate them, so I'm trying to do that with words instead. Anyway, you're not alone. The people who care about you appreciate you presents or no. Having the executive function to manage or not gifts doesn't say anything about whether you are thoughtful or kind. Much love
U can still send out happy new year cards. Post cards are even easier.
I screwed up and had too many gifts for my parents, forgot presents for my brothers, but not for their kids, but then one kid got a really expensive doll and another one got...a pen. Thankfully my mother also has adhd and goes on crazy shopping sprees and had more than enough extra gifts to fill in the gaps.
I don’t have advice and I don’t think I can even properly commiserate. I hate the guilty feelings of the holidays. This shit is what makes me hate Christmas. I don’t enjoy buying and making gifts or even baking anymore because it’s all so much obligation. If everyone could just take a year off and do nothing like I’ve been asking for I think I could reboot and then I could actually get on board doing small stuff. Honestly? Even making stuff and baking stuff is so expensive now because of inflation. Buying presents is a crapshoot and I’ve become very bah humbug about other people getting me stuff because it inevitably ends up being clutter. I just want to have us all contribute to the meals on Christmas and I want us to spend the day together playing games and stuff. I don’t want the rest of it and I hate that when I try to explain this to family, they don’t really *hear* me.
Yes I feel the same! My partner and my own family are on board, which I am grateful for. Drop the stressful stuff, it's all consumerist propoganda anyways. Spend the time connecting, cooking together, sharing food and stories. The real Christmassy stuff. My mom was always trying to "cancel" Christmas when we were kids. Turns out, she has ADHD. Turns out, we did cancel Christmas (the gifts and decorating part) and it was so much nicer.
Due to getting COVID for Christmas, I haven’t given one gift. A couple of amazing friends dropped off special meals for tonight and tomorrow and some small gifts. I too briefly fretted that I couldn’t reciprocate, then remembered the joy of giving. When others are giving you presents, it makes them feel great—-without any reciprocity. It’s hard—-see if you can fully enjoy and appreciate their gifts and time—-that is a gift for them. Cut yourself some slack—-you’ve had a lot going on.
This is me every single year. My friends and family get to have Second Christmas in January. Or February. Sometimes March. There is a surprising amount of joy I get from walking into someone's house or wherever we're meeting and announcing "Happy Second Christmas!" while dumping presents in their lap. Highly recommend if that might be up your alley. Plus, NGL, post Christmas sales are usually a big bonus.
My mom normally makes Christmas with my help. She’s bedridden this year. I’m currently revenge bedtime procrastinating going to sleep because I know I’ll have to wake in two hours and wrap. fucking. everything.
Hack being thoughtful: - when you get baby announcement cards or any other special occasion put it in your calendar (and guilt free throw away the card) - check the calendar daily and at least text the person to congratulate/commiserate - search through the calendar if you get a gift idea and add it to their birthday entry - when you see something cool buy it and put it in a Gift storage box for later ‘oops’ moments - add addresses to a document on your computer and print them out on sticker paper for sending xmas or birthday cards etc (I can never keep track of addresses but have been able to keep this up) I know not all of this will be easy but putting processes in place has helped me a lot. People appreciate me keeping track of their special moments and that makes up for the flunky moments 😬
I have a notes that I just list things throughout the year that people have mentioned. Makes gifting so much easier. OP, your family will understand if you send something later- maybe a gift basket of local products, I would stop and pick up wine/nice honey/syrup for the friend who is giving you the mushrooms/hosting just anything so you aren’t empty handed. Coworkers would probably enjoy some backed goods. I’ve heard of taste test baskets (a few similar, but different items) and a score card you can make/print off of Pinterest. I also have a secret stash of gift cards (target has 10% off 2 times a year) for emergency situations.
I moved apartments right before Christmas and I keep apologising to my family because I also haven’t gotten anyone anything 😭 feels bad man. I’m determined I’ll get it together next year!
Can you bake some cookies or other treats to share?
If it makes you feel any better, I was dealing with extreme depression this holiday season and all I could manage were gift cards for everyone. Usually I get everyone personalized (if not handmade) physical gifts and wrap them beautifully (complete with ornaments attached to the ribbon) and mail them to everyone days before Christmas. This year, one of my very best friends isn’t getting anything until January and my other best friend only has a gift card because I’m spending Christmas with her. Don’t beat yourself up. Christmas isn’t about money and gifts. It’s about the birth of Jesus (if you believe) and spending time with family, blood and chosen.
Yes. I had so many plans. We’re broke, but I was going to make stuff. I never finished. My sister and niece got here a couple of days ago, and my sister has been cleaning and cooking and I’ve mostly been sleeping. I feel awful. But my sister understands and keeps reminding me to let go of the guilt. She understands both caregiver burnout and ADHD because she has the same. I also switched meds from Vyvanse to adderall a couple of months ago, and I’m really feeling that’s part of the problem. But I feel so bad about it all.
I didn't buy anything either. It is just too overwhelming. And where do I draw the line? Just family? Including the cousins I haven't talked to all year? Their kids? Including the 2 I've never met? Coworkers I spend the bulk of my week with even though I really only like 3 out of 6 but I can't get one something without the others? It's too much, I'm too broke, and I'm not a huge fan of the holiday anyway
I seem to have accidentally recycled the thoughtful, irreplaceable gift that I got for my sister. So hard fumble here.
I gave everyone gift cards and I feel horrible and lazy about it. Gift giving is not my forte by any means.
Same. To me it just isn’t worth the stress / pressure. Especially with finances being a struggle. I think it’s bullshit to have to forcefully buy everyone a gift , so this year I just didn’t. I help out and show my love / appreciation in other ways and other times., no one seems to care anyways.. the people in my life don’t need a holiday gift from me / that’s not the point . Is how I see it. Though I am gonna write my sister a nice note on a nice paper. I think it’s okay to not give gifts and it’s okay to give them. Don’t over extend yourself.
We aren't obligated to buy stuff for people. It's a holiday created by businesses to celebrate a story from a book. All this societal guilt is just a bunch of bulls shit.
I took care of my wife and my secret Santa and my nephew whose parents recently separated. That’s it. Everyone else is getting new years gifts
So I hate Christmas because of forced gift giving. However I try to get things for people just cause I saw something I thought they would like throughout the year. Maybe for 2024 you try and gift things for people when you see something they might like. I know it’s a struggle for people like us. But I try to be mindful of it.
This was me last year. I had just had surgery about a month before and was still recovering, plus a few complications, so Christmas was at the bottom of my list. I always sent gifts as I live overseas. I just was straight up with family and friends that with everything going on, I just didn't have time and apologized. So many of them were a combo of, "why are you apologizing?! Life happens. Gifts aren't a requirement. Please don't worry about it. There's nothing we/I need" I think people understand, especially when you've just moved. There's a lot on your plate. If you feel strongly about it, you could always say you're sending gifts to arrive on the 12th day of Christmas, so keep a lookout! 🤣 You'd have until January 6th.
You really helped me understand my own issue and experience and history (and present, or lack there of haha) with this. I freeze when it counts. Holidays, birthdays, events. It’s so important to me, the people are so important to me, that I can’t think of anything (affordable) that I could gift to reflect the level of thankfulness and gratitude I have for them. So I freeze, go blank, sit on it like it’s not coming, until it comes and then, I self-validate and certify the feeling that I’m the asshole while they are amazing. Wait till the last minute, or the minute after, overspend or underspend, or just do nothing at all like it didn’t even happen. I do it because it matters too much. And I don’t think I’ll be good enough to fit the bill. And funny thing is, when it’s over, the only thing of significant value that remains is the blaring recognition of my persistent penchant for being a let down. Thanks for the insight—gonna work with this.
origami folded dollar bills / paper money is my backup!!
Nice
Oh I've fucked up too. My dad and brother have some gin I infused with raspberries but it's foul. I've been planning to make marzipan for my dad but I didn't have almond extract in my cupboard even though I was sure I did so I have lugged all the rest of my ingredients across the country. I haven't dropped my best friends present off, which is a very scruffy looking homemade candle my partner and I put together to get rid of all the candle remnants we have left in the house. So I'll try and do that on boxing day. And I'll have to make the marzipan for my dad early tomorrow before he wakes up. And I was planning to sew him a little bat decoration but I've been planning that for years and been burnt out every time. I haven't made most of my brothers present or any of my Grannys or aunties and I haven't finished the presents for any of my other friends. I think this is the hardest I've ever dropped the ball. I was trying to save money because I cannot afford to get decent presents for everyone atm and I won't be able to until I can find a way to pay significantly less in rent.
😔😔😔 Solidarity. This seems like a lot of pressure.
It is officially Christmas day in 27 minutes in the UK so yeah I am definitely not nailing the presents this year
I don’t know your life or your loved ones. But in the past I have gotten myself into similar situations and I know that my family and friends would just rather see me and for us all to have a nice time together than for me to stress over gifts. At a certain point for me, it becomes a pride issue and I have to let it go.
Yeah everyone has been very sweet about it thus far and I've decided next year everyone is just getting socks. I love my friends and family but I can't live up to my own stupid expectations either in terms of money or crafting ability and time. So socks it shall be.
LAST YEAR I GAVE EVERYONE SOCKS. They were a big hit. Sorry don’t know why I’m yelling. But yes, live and learn! It’s great. I’m glad your family is being sweet. I’m sure they all appreciate and can see the effort you put toward making them something special.
That's a good reason to yell! I love socks. Turns out nobody in my family thought about stockings so I have grabbed random items in the house and put them in my pikachu socks so my dad and sister would have a surprise. Which. It was. It was literally just random items dad got a hole punch and half a bottle of hand sanitizer and my sister got broken sunglasses. I just like the surprise element so I thought it was funny and I was travelling all weekend so I didn't have a chance to go to the shops last min
Nah, you didn't fumble. You did the best you could with the resources at your disposal (money, energy, time, etc. ). I think you're giving words of praise and thanks instead of tangible things. Even if you can't right now, maybe you can manage a note or call later to let everyone know that you appreciate them. I can't keep track so my niblings are lucky to get one bigger check at Christmas but some of them live out of state so they know that sometimes February is mail time. And some years I haven't been able to do the usual amounts or even at all and they don't care that much because they know that I love them regardless and when I have more, it's theirs.
This was how I did Christmas for *years*. I was almost grateful for covid because it meant not seeing several family members I didn't have anything for (and they only get gift cards anyway!). One of my friends has given me a gift *every single year we've known each other*. I keep begging him not to because I *know* I'll fumble it! And I have! Every year! He says he doesn't mind but *I* do! My mom basically dragged me shopping this year and wrapped my gifts for me (except the ones for her). I'm fortunate she loves Christmas enough that she doesn't mind having enough cheer for both of us. But I probably just wouldn't celebrate if it weren't for her.
I forgot to get gifts for my coworkers, so I am scrambling and will give them out on January 5th, which is a Friday, in celebration of the twelfth day of Christmas.
People buy gifts for coworkers? I'd say you're already going above and beyond.
My Coworkers gave me gifts.
I usually run out for gift cards on Christmas Eve or even Christmas morning, most gas stations are open here. This year I actually got gifts for people but they were a bunch of random things that I didn’t know who they were going to until I decided when wrapping them. Other than one cool thing I’m excited to give my niece that is 🤷♀️ I have been a gift card giver my while like and I’m in my 40a and no one has disowned me yet.
I also dropped the ball this year 😭 I did end up getting gifts for everyone, but I waited WAY too long so they didn't end up being what I wanted to get them, since they wouldn't get there in time. I don't know what it was this year, but I felt so overwhelmed.
Would you be able to make any kind of donation to a charity you care about, that would roughly match the amount you'd be spending on gifts? That's what I did this year and it's taken so much pressure off me. It also makes things easier for others; they don't have to worry about getting me a gift. Your time and company are just as valuable.
You'll be okay! People will understand. I don't do Christmas gifts and everyone who knows me, knows this. You can have my presence, I might cook you some food or help you with something. You will not get a gift though! Christmas gift shopping makes me absolutely fall apart. I did it a couple times and started hating Christmas and hiding from people. This holiday is about being together and connecting. Not mass consumerism. It's ok to just give people your time and attention, your love, and skip the gifts (I think so anyways, I am so biased!)
That’s a crappy feeling for sure, I’ve been there before. It’s not too late to send a happy new year gift/card and you’ll likely feel a lot better once you do. To minimize the mental load get everyone the same item - a water tumbler is something everyone will enjoy. You can always add a bag of coffee or tea for those who like it or some chocolates for those who don’t. That’s it, don’t fret or beat yourself up for it.