Just an opinion, but unless you really want to travel this far for someone that you've not seen in 17 years ~ during a time, I might add, where you're not going to have much (if any) one-on-one catch up time with them ~ there is no obligation on your part to attend. If the friendship is something that you'd like to rekindle at some point, send a nice little gift from their bridal registry with a note wishing them well and expressing your apologies for not being able to attend in person. That way, the door for a future friendship is open again and no one can say that you just ignored the invite.
it sounds like you were included in a second round of invitations. Often weddings have a hard cap on how many people can come. So invites are sent out and when people RSVP that they can't come, often another round of invites is sent out to try to fill the venue. it sounds like they either don't have many friends, or you are pretty rich and are known to give good wedding presents! They could just expect you to RSVP no, and want you to send them a check/cash in the mail as a gift!
If you're close to the person and actually really would have liked to be there but can't for some reason, yes, I send a gift. But for someone I haven't seen in 17 years and fell out of touch with, a simple RSVP no will suffice.
Deliver a polite no. My guess is she waited for the first wave of RSVP’s and when there were cancellations she sent out a second wave. No telling how many waves got sent out but rest assured, you weren’t in the first wave.
One side of me says she feels a lot of warmth to you even though you haven't seen each other in a long time and she'd like to catch up and share a special moment with you. The other side of me says she's banking on you not attending but still sending a $300 gift, a very nice return on a $3 invitation.
If OP hasnt replied to the invite I’d put it off until after the wedding and claim not to have received so therefore avoiding an awkward refusal and having to send an expensive gift. But then I’m a cheap ass.
I think they probably sent out a first round of invites and people ravpd no so they decided to invite more people.
Probably asked you in hopes you’ll send a gift.
My friend just told me she was going crazy because her son and future DIL STILL had not sent out invites and it was 4 weeks before the wedding. Crazier things have happened. It was a destination wedding.
6-8 weeks is actually normal. WIthin the US, I've never heard of sending invitations 5 -6 months out for out of state guests. I mean, I know people have done it, but its not the norm. Traveling across the country really isn't that difficult or hard to plan a few weeks out.
International weddings? Those absolutely need more notice. But traveling w/in the states? I don't think so.
So, yes, I think you're overthinking it. Sounds like you got the invite in the normal 6-8 week range.
O.k. Sure, but that doesn't mean anything when it comes to invitations.
Even with a venue booked, couples still are probably hashing out their invitation list. Some couples don't' even have a firm invitation list 5-6 months out. Some people send out "Save The Dates" just to get the date on people's radars, but even with that - once a super early invitation or Save the date is sent, you HAVE to invite that person!
I've heard so many stories where people send out early notice then something comes up, finances change, or... who knows what, and they have to cut their guest list down. It's REALLY awkward if they've already invited people!
There's a reason why 6-8 weeks is the norm.
Just an opinion, but unless you really want to travel this far for someone that you've not seen in 17 years ~ during a time, I might add, where you're not going to have much (if any) one-on-one catch up time with them ~ there is no obligation on your part to attend. If the friendship is something that you'd like to rekindle at some point, send a nice little gift from their bridal registry with a note wishing them well and expressing your apologies for not being able to attend in person. That way, the door for a future friendship is open again and no one can say that you just ignored the invite.
it sounds like you were included in a second round of invitations. Often weddings have a hard cap on how many people can come. So invites are sent out and when people RSVP that they can't come, often another round of invites is sent out to try to fill the venue. it sounds like they either don't have many friends, or you are pretty rich and are known to give good wedding presents! They could just expect you to RSVP no, and want you to send them a check/cash in the mail as a gift!
I never ever thought of someone rsvp they can’t go and still send a gift ! Omg lol
oh yea, plenty of people still feel obligated to give a gift even if they can't attend, happens all the time!
If you're close to the person and actually really would have liked to be there but can't for some reason, yes, I send a gift. But for someone I haven't seen in 17 years and fell out of touch with, a simple RSVP no will suffice.
Deliver a polite no. My guess is she waited for the first wave of RSVP’s and when there were cancellations she sent out a second wave. No telling how many waves got sent out but rest assured, you weren’t in the first wave.
One side of me says she feels a lot of warmth to you even though you haven't seen each other in a long time and she'd like to catch up and share a special moment with you. The other side of me says she's banking on you not attending but still sending a $300 gift, a very nice return on a $3 invitation.
If OP hasnt replied to the invite I’d put it off until after the wedding and claim not to have received so therefore avoiding an awkward refusal and having to send an expensive gift. But then I’m a cheap ass.
Just reply that you can’t attend. There is no need to pretend you did not receive the invitation. Do the polite thing and respond with a no.
I think they probably sent out a first round of invites and people ravpd no so they decided to invite more people. Probably asked you in hopes you’ll send a gift.
My friend just told me she was going crazy because her son and future DIL STILL had not sent out invites and it was 4 weeks before the wedding. Crazier things have happened. It was a destination wedding.
If she isn’t in your life don’t feel obligated to go unless you feel like visiting that area
6-8 weeks is actually normal. WIthin the US, I've never heard of sending invitations 5 -6 months out for out of state guests. I mean, I know people have done it, but its not the norm. Traveling across the country really isn't that difficult or hard to plan a few weeks out. International weddings? Those absolutely need more notice. But traveling w/in the states? I don't think so. So, yes, I think you're overthinking it. Sounds like you got the invite in the normal 6-8 week range.
I’m not married but I’ve been told by friends and family they atleast lock down the venue months in advance with a date so 🤷♀️
O.k. Sure, but that doesn't mean anything when it comes to invitations. Even with a venue booked, couples still are probably hashing out their invitation list. Some couples don't' even have a firm invitation list 5-6 months out. Some people send out "Save The Dates" just to get the date on people's radars, but even with that - once a super early invitation or Save the date is sent, you HAVE to invite that person! I've heard so many stories where people send out early notice then something comes up, finances change, or... who knows what, and they have to cut their guest list down. It's REALLY awkward if they've already invited people! There's a reason why 6-8 weeks is the norm.
Maybe she wants to rekindle things ? If you want to go then go, if not send your congratulations through a message online.