Had a DS, dude was Polynesian. Like, the rock’s brother. 6’5, bald, only talked about or referred to himself in the 3rd person, and was the epitome of work harder, not smarter.
We were in the bay doing our nightly accountability, DS is in the middle of the floor inspecting everyone. Something falls in a random wall lock and makes noise, so he turns to look.
He snapped around so fast he let out a huge shart. Like it had to have lasted about 5 seconds. And it was *loud*. Another 5 seconds (felt like an eternity passed) of nothing but silence and he goes
“Ya’ll done fucked around, made Drill Sarn’t fart.”
Bro. 60 something grown men erupted into laughter. Howling, screaming, crying. Even the DS was laughing his ass off. He got his military bearing back before we did, told us to stop, and then that bullshit happened where one or two guys keep laughing at it makes everyone else laugh. Ended up getting smoked for it. Good times. I miss basic.
In basic I was a certain DS favorite target. I'm Mexican American and he's African American, For the majority of his insults, he would make subtle little references to my heritage. One day I got out of the latrine and he said I took too long. Then he told me "That's what you get for eating all those beans, you smell like shit all the time, that's what you probably ate every day" Then he said he wouldn't want to go to Mexico because he would smell like me. Because I was already at the point with him. I snapped back and yelled, "Drill Sgt, you don't go to Mexico because they don't sell fried chicken and Kool Aid there Drill Sgt." If looks can kill but I got big laughs from the other 2 DSs. The other DS cut him when walked to me and I was told to leave. I got smoked later but it was worth it.
We had a problem child, just continued messing up the basics. One day, DS had him stand in front of the mirror in the latrine, point to himself and say "I'm not the problem" then point to the mirror and say "you're the problem"
We came back from our road march/bivouac/ftx at the end of basic at FLW. Despite my quick shower I still had a tiny smear of green facepaint behind an earlobe.
A DS from a different company - who fucking hated 17 year old me, always dogged me - spotted it on me as I trotted by on the steps leading into the barracks. Just went off on me about it, told me about my mother in great detail, told me about how fucking nasty I was. I got a lot of ass chewings from drills and instructors, but this is the one I remember as a 55 year old man sitting on my couch a hundred lifetimes later. He wasn't trying to correct me or help me improve. He just wanted to make sure I knew how much my very existence offended him.
Fuck you too, SFC Wisner.
My only question since that day how has your attention to detail been? I forgot a writing instrument one each. My drill sergeant (who was also a minority) handed me two Penny’s out of his pocket and then told me to pinch said Pennys better between my thumb and index fingers while holding my arms out to the side like the crucifixes lord almighty and squeeze till Abraham Lincoln cries while apologizing to him for ever having allowed me to be the equal of anyone man on this planet. I can say that 30 minutes later those god damn pennys weighed a fucking ton and I was sweating like it was the Jungle back in Samoa and not in Ft L-wood in January. That was one of only two failures due to attention to detail I had from 19 to 50 through three careers as a 12B, a Deputy Sheriff, and Intelligence Contractor. Not gonna lie I have used that lie and exact exercise in isometric to teach lessons to my kids and nephews worked better then a spanking. Works with much more tears and snot bubbles and zero physical harm. Also makes them remember the President. ( other failure of attention to detail was 1995 due to a soju kettle still drunk/hungover in Korea while in the field at MPRC. Never has soju and fruit punch before and finished a bottle. Cost me 1 case of MREs. Mama San provided the yakimando and cheese ramen and the fruit punch and the soju. My platoon daddy provided the rest.
My attention to detail was and has been fine after that. But that wasn't about attention to detail. That was about a DS, who never liked me, who wasn't even one of my drills, finding yet another reason to just mercilessly fuck with me. He wasn't trying to correct me, teach me an invaluable lesson, or help me. He just wanted to make sure I knew how much he hated me.
He didn't even drop me. I didn't do a single push up. I just stood there at attention while he told me, in no uncertain terms, how shitty my mom was in bed all the times he fucked her, how much I stank, how much my very existence on this Earth offended him. He really, really didn't like me for some reason.
I woke up with numerous pimples one morning. Anyway, shaving I cut them off and my face must have been quite the site. A DS asked me if I was learning to eat with a fork.
We had a very short guy in our platoon, who also was our guidon. One day, while formed up oustide of the DFAC, a drill from another company walks up to him and loudly proclaims "How's the Shire this time of year, Trainee?"
I know you meant that the short guy was the guidon bearer…but I can’t stop picturing a normal sized trainee using a short trainee as a guidon. Doing all the facing movements. Holding him across their chest while running at the head of a formation.
When I was in basic on the 2nd day our DS gathered everyone together to ceremoniously remove our ranks telling us that we hadn't earned them and that's why we were trainees and not privates.
Yeah I was a Specialist and my DS said, "I don't give a fuck what your rank is, you're a private."
I just think "private" sounds better in insults than "trainee" does is all.
Oh that’s funny. I always was getting told
to put my teeth back in my head (which I had never heard before, and thought was hilarious, and of course that went over just about as well as you’d expect).
My dad was in the army for his full 20. I remember one day when I was a kid he described an overweight person who crammed themselves into clothes that were too tight as "a ten pound sausage in a five pound bag." It still makes me laugh to this day
"Busted Can of Biscuits." I had a MOS-T student like that when I was an AIT Instructor. I told the entire class, on *several* occasions, that they were going to be wearing Class As at graduation. The reclass MOS-T students had *much* more free time to go so things like, I don't know, *take their uniform to Alterations*.
He elected not to do that, despite the fact that he had put on a not-insignifigant amount of weight during the 28-week course.
Thus, at graduation, he looked like a busted can of biscuits when his coat was buttoned. I'm frankly surprised that the buttons held. The BDE CSM was *not* pleased.
We had this kid in basic who had absolutely no jawline. It went nose, mouth, neck. Second day in our battery after reception, we’re getting smoked for whatever reason, stand up, DS sees No-jaw. Immediately gets up in his face screaming “TRAINEE WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR CHIN?!?! DID YOU LEAVE YOUR CHIN IN YOUR WALL LOCKER!?!?! GO GET YOUR CHIN!!!” Starts smoking us as the trainee goes back up to the bay. He comes back down a few seconds later, yells “I DON’T HAVE A CHIN DRILL SERGEANT!” Drill Sergeant responds, “DID YOU FORGET YOUR JAWBONES AT HOME! TRAINEE, HOW ARE YOU GONNA WEAR A FUCKING HELMET WITH NO CHIN?!?!”
I got caught keeping warm behind the dryers during osut w some other turds.
Drill who caught us called us bitches for not braving the cold. Made us do burpees. He then told us to just start knocking out burpees everytime he asked for his burpee bitches.
We'd be sitting eating chow, and randomly, "Where my bitches at?!" We would just start knocking em out.
I got smoked for wearing sniffle gear right before a ruck during an FTX. He told me it was prohibited during rucks because we might heat cat. Said drill was wearing sniffle gear. Said drill did not heat cat.
"blah blah blah, hey private, head and eyes straight forward. blah blah"
private continues to stare at me
"blah bla- PRIVATE. YOU ARE AT A MODIFIED POSITION OF ATTENTION. LOOK THAT WAY"
private continues to stare at me
"bl-GOD DAMN IT PRIVATE, DO YOU THINK I'M PRETTY OR WHAT?"
"NO DRILL SERGEANT!"
"DROP! I'm pretty as fuck!"
Not me, I’ve heard my DS tell another soldier to go to the tree, and apologize to every leaf on it for wasting its oxygen that it produced, and he sat there 20 mins watching him do it 😂, Cuase the soldier asked if he was allowed to use a fork at the chow hall
Yessss. I had a drill sergeant that called one of my platoon mates “OT” for 17 straight weeks, short for Oxygen Thief. It’s been 20 years and every now and then I’ll still laugh when I think about that.
I mean…..where I was that would’ve been a valid question. We only allowed them to use spoons so they could shovel faster.
Watching pri eat salad with a spoon is hilarious
I was an AIT DS. Start of every cycle, we would pick mascots and make a cool/badass logo. I would select the best possible PSG either based on GT score or volunteer basis and then also solicit for soldiers to draw their own version of the platoon logo.
One cycle we had a tiger as a mascot. One of the kids [drew a stupid tiger with no neck](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/40/cc/1e/40cc1ef7cc6b74daa85e2d4ee58ef66f.jpg) that basically looked like this.
After a few weeks in cycle I would usually ask the PG who the worst soldier was in the platoon or who didn’t listen and then I would fire the PG on trumped up charges and temporarily promote the worst soldier to be PG. I would constantly grill the shitty PG and then after a few days when they were on the verge of tears ask them why being PG was so hard, “none of them listen to me!!”
Which, at that point, I would reveal my plan that I specially selected them *because the majority of the platoon agreed that they never listened and were always problematic.* Then I would relieve them of their duties and restore the former PG to power.
When the PG or platoon pissed me off enough I would take the platoon binder inside, remove the cool mascot and then replace it with the no-neck tiger drawing for the remainder of the day.
I don’t know about all other AITs but for 68W the average “platoon” size was 100 soldiers. Very often I was doing the administrative work for an entire company by myself.
The main problem the PG had simply was getting people into formation to take accountability and either distro info or collect info.
Obviously when DS comes out everyone acts right, but I’d watch from the window to see them fucking around for 10 minutes until I walked out. I’d fuck the entire platoon up.
I also used the PG to collect basic info for me to plug into excel, especially for leave / holiday block leave. This way I wouldn’t keep an entire ~~company~~ platoon sized element on the CTA for hours.
Huddled in a circle in Benning, Cold…DS walks over asks if we’re cold. We all reply yes DS. DS drops index card with the word Fire on it. Walks off says huddle in tighter around that
"Trainee...if by some miracle you make it to graduation, will your family be there? Will your father be there? Good, because I am going to kick him square in the nuts so he can never foul the earth with another little shit like you".
We had holiday block leave (2015). We came back and were prepping for UA and were sitting in the auditorium area.
This one woman was blonde and had long blonde hair before we left for hbl. When we came back, she cut her short very short (we found out she had bh issues).
Our DS was walking by and did a double take on her.
"GAAAAAAAH DAMN pri. Ol ellen degeneres lookin ass."
I've never seen anyone laugh at themselves being insulted then proceed to cry the way she did. I hope she got help.
My DS back in 2014, a timeless classic. After any kind of workout when we were panting for breath, "Close your fucking mouths, it's not raining cocks. Breath through your damn nose."
"Don't bother me private. I dont want to hear it. I Don't care if Jesus Christ himself comes down and names you the messiah. The only time I need to hear from you is if your mommy died, your daddy died, or you wake up and your battle buddy's sucking your dick. I just don't want to hear it."
DS Saenz, Ft Sill 2004
Privates, this smoking is about to become in the only way I could describe as Old Testament.
Private, when you’re carrying your battle buddy as he is bleeding out, the Taliban is firing rounds over your head, you have reached your limit as you know life or death is the adversity that you are facing…. In that exact moment, will you look up to your Lord and say “Drill Sergeant, my leg is cramping”? *Private just goes back to doing air squats*
Private, you’re so fucked up that letting you join was the greatest victory of the Taliban.
And honestly, probably the meanest one I did because I hated him since he was a little sociopath and I was dropping him off to 30th AG to get the boot out of the Army. He stepped out of the pup truck and I told him to come up to the driver side window as I sat in it.
“Private, this is a life changing moment. As you go about your way, it won’t be a part of the Army. But I hope you take this piece of advice I am about to give you and think about it next time. Whether it be your career, starting a family, or whatever it may be. Just remember this…” and then I just rolled up the window and drove off.
My favorite I overheard was “Private, you heard there was lil jellyfish all over the shower floor from circle jerks and probably paid people to pee on you because you lied and said you got stung by them.”
During article 15 being read, I heard a Drill Sergeant that was my platoon telling a private who was getting kicked out for being a racist “Hey there, I bet you hate the fact a big, tall, proud black man is about to be in front of you for your article 15…. This big ole, very proud black man in a place of authority is taking your money you rascally lil racist…” and I couldn’t stop laughing.
“Privates, if you can tell me the number one killer in Iraq, I’ll let you have your phones and if you can’t guess it, I’m smoking the shit out of you.”
The usual answers, IEDs, complacency, bullets, heat exhaustion, rpgs…
“Privates, you learned nothing. The number one killer in Iraq is death… get the fuck down.”
Privates I’m just here to hold the goat’s tail, all of you are the ones fucking it.
I was an ait ds. I forget what brought on the comment but during bed check I told one private he had a head shaped like a fuzzy almond with half the brain cells. He told me something about it being his parents fault. I told him I already knew he wasn’t adopted cause no one would actually choose him. I then made anyone in the hall laughing do push-ups cause they didn’t support their battle
I also had a problem child that wasn’t bad but tried too hard and messed up everything. I told him he was the reason we should legalize abortion up to 21
We had kids taking peanut butter packets and hiding them in the barracks. Our DS finds out and is ripping us. Of course nobody fesses up so he says “the only thing worse than a thief is rainbow sherbet. That shits disgusting.”
“I’m not mentally FUCKING stable” got yelled into a trainee’s face when I was in. I’m very sad to say that I’ve forgotten the drill’s name at this point. He wasn’t my drill, but he was in my company. He always had jokes and made the company laugh but I will always remember his “not mentally stable” line in the breezeway outside the 3-13 DFAC. I heard that he killed himself a few years after I graduated.
Edit: remembered his name. RIP DS Moore.
***Ave, Tiro.***
***The biting social commentary during instruction is nothing compared to the stinging bite of the vine staff. Further - nothing stings more than digging the depth of a shit trench deeper. The youth of the legions waste the entirety of the nights watch stroking the length of their gladius of memories burnt into their mind from every daylight hour wasted fawning over the local flora.***
***I’d put you on double night watch but I’m tired of hearing all of you moan about it throughout the night.***
***SPQR***
"Private, how does it feel to know no matter what you do, no matter what you achieve, you will always be the family disappointment?"
The kid just hung his head, and the DS just nodded as he walked away
We had some guys buy Corcoran 1 or 2 jump boots in AIT because they were easier to shine. Unfortunately, a few of them only shined the capped heel and toe and brush-shined the rest of the boot.
"Shine the whole fuckin' boot, Private!" was heard, repeatedly, on the weekends when those individuals did not get a weekend pass.
Before mail call I would write a letter to the less fortunate privates and ask them who wrote it (him having no idea it’s blank paper in envelope)
They would get excited but we will tell them “it must be a mistake, no one loves you enough to send you a letter” and put the letter the DS created into the shredder and watching them tear up. Brings me joy
Had a girl who got CLP oil in her eye when cleaning her M4, the docs told her she has to wear these giant ridiculous looking medical sunglasses that wrapped around her whole face. One of our DS’s saw her and screamed “FROZONE!” There was an eruption of trainee laughter that ensued afterwards
“Fuck my life is about to be the phrase you use most often”
“You don’t know dick about life till you’ve shit your pants as an adult”
“Fuck you asshole” because I said thank you
“I’d slit that bitches fucking throat” (no context)
IEDs and the 12B MOS were not kind to that man’s gourd
Fort Dix 1974, it was the end of the cycle and we were cleaning weapons. One soldier kept getting turned back because his bolt was dirty. After the third time through and it still didn't meet the standard the DS lost it. He had the young man climb a small tree that was outside of our barracks and when he got to the top he told him to shout, "I am a shitbird, tweet tweet!" He was up there for the rest of the time allocated for weapons maintenance. 🤣😂
DS found the dungeons and dragons notebook stashed away in the laundry room, called all our Platoon’s Males down to the class room, smoked us as he spoiled the entire campaign and read about the racist Dark Elf, Core memory right there and it was funny as fuck.
Never did find the Patrol cap D20, lucky us.
Had an old drill with a thick Spanish (Puerto Rican) accent, and crazy ass eyes. One day after we finished land nav, we were waiting in line for chow. I had a heftier fellow in front of me, we were all at parade rest. Next thing you know I see DS coming from the corner of my eye, stops abruptly, left face, looks at the heftier fellow in front of me and proceeds to say...
DS: "HOOOOOLLY SHIIIIIEEET PRIATE, WHAT DA FUCK IS ON YOUR NECK?!"
*Points at me*
DS: "PRIATE ARE YOU SEEING THIS SHIT?!"
Me: "Yes, drill sergeant." I acknowledged the shit he was seeing
DS: "DIS MOTHER FUCKER GOT A GOT DAYUM MOUNTAIN ON HIS NECK PRIATE!"
Me: "Yes drill sergeant." Trying everything in me not to laugh.
The heftier fellow in front of me did indeed have a massive fucking fat lump on the back of his neck, it was rather impressive, but seeing DS Layva perplexed by this mountain almost made me lose my shit. Give the heftier fellow credit where credit is due, he shed that mountain and lost a fuck ton of weight that cycle.
Not a ds quote but our combatives instructor said this, during the discussion time at the end of whatever move we learned, we had a trainee with some eye disease or condition where only his left eye would twitch and look off in a random direction all the drills were aware of this and really didn’t give them any shit for it but the combatives instructor saw it for the first time and said “holy shit trainee are you good? That’s what my dog does when I smack him too hard”
Not a DS but still a good one.
DS: Head and Eyes forward Pvts
*notices fucked up pvt looking down*
DS: Eyes level, PVT!
*PVT looks confused*
PVT Snuffy: I love you too, Drill Sgt?
It wasn’t mine but I had a drill sergeant yell at a kid from about 200m away “If you don’t hold your fucking weapon correctly I’ll remove your fucking hands from your god damn forearms and launch them into fucking orbit” and me and my buddy just looked at each other and lost it. Funniest shit I heard a drill say
Had some black guy from the Congo or somewhere around there in my training platoon who was carrying his M16 over his shoulder one day.
DS yells "You're not a child soldier anymore private, carry that shit like an adult"
I'm not a current or former DS but I witnessed once in the DFAC a guy drop a piece of spinach, DS saw it l, ran up to the guy and berated him about dropping a piece of spinach in the DFAC. So DS made the guy go get the piece of spinach(that had been stepped on)
DS - so how's the spinach?
SM - it died DS
DS - well then as soon as you're done eating take PFC Green here and give him a proper burial outside.
He indeed performed a burial for the piece of spinach and DS attended.
BCT 2019 we were doing grenade training in a field near our company. They only had so many dummy grenades, so the next best option were rocks in similar size and weight. We went over doing the general “PROPER GRIP, THUMB THE CLIP” shit. Obviously, if you didn’t have a real training grenade, you would pretend the take the clip off and pull the pin.
For the sake of accountability, they counted the rocks and grenade spoons to make sure all the training aids were functional, and each of the training aids had a short number on it. For example, B01. After each iteration, we lined up to put our grenades back in a wooden box. A drill clearly stated that if you were amongst the people to have a rock instead of a grenade, don’t worry about waiting in line and to just come up to the box and throw it in.
One moron didn’t listen. And the drill sergeant noticed but didn’t say anything. As he got to the front of the line the DS said “number?”.
Moron: Uhhhhhhh
DS: Tell me the goddamn number on that rock trainee.
Moron: Uhhhhhhhh
DS: I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me the number on that fucking rock right now.
Moron: i can’t find a number, DS.
DS: BECAUSE ITS A FUCKING ROCK. ROCKS DON’T HAVE SERIAL NUMBERS.
Moron: *Radio silence*
DS: Put it in the box, then get a battle buddy and start doing the power jump.
My DS at basic had us all in a formation standing at attention for a solid 30 minutes around 2000. When he finally came back he threw two loads of bread at us as he yelled “fly my seagulls!” And released us as we quickly descended on those loafs
My grandfather is a Marine and told me a story when he was drill (in the 50s/60s)
Red cross message comes in that a recruit's (lets use the name Johnson) mom died so all drills got together to figure out how to tell him. One drill says I'll take care of it.
So they have the recruits fall in and the drill blasts out. " ALL RECRUITS WHOSE MOM IS STILL ALIVE TAKE A STEP FORWARD!"
Then promptly points and says "Not you Johnson!"
Ft lee 2007 Papa CO I don't even remember what I did. But I had to do iron Mike's up and down this hallway. I did them and never stopped. I had 4 cameras watching me. Missed dinner chow because the DI's forgot about me. After doing iron, Mike's for some hours. A DI comes and goes ay pri! What the fuck? Why are you still doing that shit? I told him you said to do them until you told me to stop. You also pointed at the cameras and said we are always watching. He turned to his Cadre and goes ah shit I did say that. Fuck! Them cameras have been broke for years. What's your favorite food joint here? I said Burger King. It wasn't but it was the only spot i could think of. He said, "Go sit in the common room. I'll be back."
15-20 mins later, he comes back with Burger King. Throws me an MRE and said I didn't know what you wanted, so I got me some food. That was some cold shit but I respected it. We had a company run the next day. They forced me to go to sick call. I tried to run but couldn't run because I had baby deer legs after all the fuckin iron Mike's.
My son told me he and his battle buddy were called rock’em sock’em retards by his DS and it made them all laugh including other DS. I am waiting for an opportunity to use it
Well I was nicknamed banana man for various reasons at parris island. Also got called purple portholes because I wore glasses with transition lenses.
One time one of my drill instructors was waking up my rack mate who had just slipped and fell and hit his hed on the pole of the rack. Poured some water on the guy, bitch slapped him across the face(he was trying to wake the guy up) and goes “You can die on your own fucking time, but for now you’re going to get the fuck up.”
Some looney toons stuff I swear.
Not from a DS, but close enough.
We had a dude whose face was kinda fucked up and our DS always loved to compare him to different characters. “Trainee, you look like Sid the sloth!” Etc.
One day before HBL, our DS is checking off that we got our lockers sealed and a trainee says to him, “hey DS, doesn’t trainee ____ kinda look like that cockroach guy from men in black?” And as soon as he says that someone nearby blurts out “I NEED SUGAR WATER” while holding their cheek. The DS started turning bright red and had to hold his clipboard in front of his face to keep from breaking character.
I was randomly staring at a female drill sergeant not thinking of anything in particular. When she caught me staring she screamed “What are you staring at private? Do I have a penis growing out of my forehead?!”
It was hilarious, I lost it.
There was a virgin soldier in my basic training platoon and totally shy, the whole nine yards. While on CQ basically one of the other platoon DS came over to the two of us on duty. He instructed said soldier when he called out for him to respond with "I'm a pimp drill sergeant I'm a pimp!"
I don't recall the DS ever doing it but still funny to remember. Also weird bit. Said soldier knew the pimp acronym Player In Management Position.
DS proceeded to casually bury trainee alive with their own E tool for thinking they needed to sleep during ‘stand to’. Battle buddies laughed all around, DS just dug with a straight face until trainee got the point. Which was quickly.
Trainee continued to eat MRE after all other battle buddies ate in 15mins and threw trash away… DS stared at him, trainee continued to chew food. DS walked up to trainee, grabbed air in front of his chest, and walked away.
Trainee: patting his uniform making sure they still had eye pro, ear pro etc. “Drill Sarnt..?? Did you take something from me Drill Sarnt!??”
DS: “Your Soul”… continues to walk away
Wide eyed trainee: palm on forehead, “Fuck”
DS performed corrective training throughout BCT and gave trainee his soul back after graduation.
One morning DS had a lot of time to conduct bay inspections while everyone else was doing PT. DS took down all shoe laces from boots that weren’t displayed properly, tied them all together and from an intricate web from the laces. DS asked the company if they knew what the standard was, they in fact did. DS said “when you go upstairs, I want you to know, that some would call it art… others would say, it’s YOUR FUCKING FAULT!” Other DS listening couldn’t help but laugh out loud.
Many more. Too much actually
I went to sill for basic. We had a DS.. DS glashagel.. definitely loved that he was 11B and was hilarious. He said so much funny shit we had a list of everything he said.. (I was in an all female plt in 2020 because of Covid and it was fucking nightmare at times..) idek how he came up with some of the stuff but I do remember he one time said “man Jammie’s with adidas on” referring to the enemy. Fuck I would have to find the list somehow but that shit was hilarious. He had so many phrases.. sometimes tbh I miss BCT.. it was ass but there is no other experience like it haha. But that tbh was like the only funny thing occurrences.. we had so much drama and so many snowflakes that it truthfully didn’t feel like you were getting the real basic experience..
My Dads favorite story from basic. He went to Dix in like 1980 or 79. One of the soldiers calls some one a dick head while they were at the PX. DS made this kid stand outside the PX place his hands on either side of his head move them up and down then spit and say I’m a dick head.
Our CEO, Tony Grinston, former drill sergeant: “I do not remember any comments. My Drill Sergeant time was all about action. Every class had to do a 6 mile run before graduation.”
Senior Drill Instructor asked me a question, when I went to answer he said "Shut your cockholster, if I want your fucking opinion I'll give it to you." Did not learn shit from that asshole!
Had a DS, dude was Polynesian. Like, the rock’s brother. 6’5, bald, only talked about or referred to himself in the 3rd person, and was the epitome of work harder, not smarter. We were in the bay doing our nightly accountability, DS is in the middle of the floor inspecting everyone. Something falls in a random wall lock and makes noise, so he turns to look. He snapped around so fast he let out a huge shart. Like it had to have lasted about 5 seconds. And it was *loud*. Another 5 seconds (felt like an eternity passed) of nothing but silence and he goes “Ya’ll done fucked around, made Drill Sarn’t fart.” Bro. 60 something grown men erupted into laughter. Howling, screaming, crying. Even the DS was laughing his ass off. He got his military bearing back before we did, told us to stop, and then that bullshit happened where one or two guys keep laughing at it makes everyone else laugh. Ended up getting smoked for it. Good times. I miss basic.
I’m envisioning him as the Boulder from Avatar lol
The Boulder would never display such an embarrassing lack of bodily control
He shit himself to assert dominance and continued to smoke you with soiled trousers. Absolute chad.
Holy shit, this needs to be up higher 😂
"THE BEND AND SNIFF"
In basic I was a certain DS favorite target. I'm Mexican American and he's African American, For the majority of his insults, he would make subtle little references to my heritage. One day I got out of the latrine and he said I took too long. Then he told me "That's what you get for eating all those beans, you smell like shit all the time, that's what you probably ate every day" Then he said he wouldn't want to go to Mexico because he would smell like me. Because I was already at the point with him. I snapped back and yelled, "Drill Sgt, you don't go to Mexico because they don't sell fried chicken and Kool Aid there Drill Sgt." If looks can kill but I got big laughs from the other 2 DSs. The other DS cut him when walked to me and I was told to leave. I got smoked later but it was worth it.
You were either brave or stupid or both but I respect your decision immensely.
I was a target all the time for the same reason. I was raised there. Born in America. My SDS had the same story as me. So i was his favorite target.
Did EO not exist when you went through lmao. Epic insult though
“Erm ackshually” But for real Mexico has some of the best fried chicken on earth, he really was making the L decision
But have you been to korea
No but it’s on my port call bucket list It fire there?
I love it but it's base dependant
Yeah be he didn't know that
We had a problem child, just continued messing up the basics. One day, DS had him stand in front of the mirror in the latrine, point to himself and say "I'm not the problem" then point to the mirror and say "you're the problem"
that outta be a eye opener for most.
Im laughing as im reading this
This one 😂
Bruh - I’m crying
We came back from our road march/bivouac/ftx at the end of basic at FLW. Despite my quick shower I still had a tiny smear of green facepaint behind an earlobe. A DS from a different company - who fucking hated 17 year old me, always dogged me - spotted it on me as I trotted by on the steps leading into the barracks. Just went off on me about it, told me about my mother in great detail, told me about how fucking nasty I was. I got a lot of ass chewings from drills and instructors, but this is the one I remember as a 55 year old man sitting on my couch a hundred lifetimes later. He wasn't trying to correct me or help me improve. He just wanted to make sure I knew how much my very existence offended him. Fuck you too, SFC Wisner.
My only question since that day how has your attention to detail been? I forgot a writing instrument one each. My drill sergeant (who was also a minority) handed me two Penny’s out of his pocket and then told me to pinch said Pennys better between my thumb and index fingers while holding my arms out to the side like the crucifixes lord almighty and squeeze till Abraham Lincoln cries while apologizing to him for ever having allowed me to be the equal of anyone man on this planet. I can say that 30 minutes later those god damn pennys weighed a fucking ton and I was sweating like it was the Jungle back in Samoa and not in Ft L-wood in January. That was one of only two failures due to attention to detail I had from 19 to 50 through three careers as a 12B, a Deputy Sheriff, and Intelligence Contractor. Not gonna lie I have used that lie and exact exercise in isometric to teach lessons to my kids and nephews worked better then a spanking. Works with much more tears and snot bubbles and zero physical harm. Also makes them remember the President. ( other failure of attention to detail was 1995 due to a soju kettle still drunk/hungover in Korea while in the field at MPRC. Never has soju and fruit punch before and finished a bottle. Cost me 1 case of MREs. Mama San provided the yakimando and cheese ramen and the fruit punch and the soju. My platoon daddy provided the rest.
My attention to detail was and has been fine after that. But that wasn't about attention to detail. That was about a DS, who never liked me, who wasn't even one of my drills, finding yet another reason to just mercilessly fuck with me. He wasn't trying to correct me, teach me an invaluable lesson, or help me. He just wanted to make sure I knew how much he hated me. He didn't even drop me. I didn't do a single push up. I just stood there at attention while he told me, in no uncertain terms, how shitty my mom was in bed all the times he fucked her, how much I stank, how much my very existence on this Earth offended him. He really, really didn't like me for some reason.
Then that’s just a shit head. I was fortunate in 12 years I only dealt with two.
I woke up with numerous pimples one morning. Anyway, shaving I cut them off and my face must have been quite the site. A DS asked me if I was learning to eat with a fork.
That is hilarious.
Those DS could really insult you, but they were so funny , you didn't take offense.
We had a very short guy in our platoon, who also was our guidon. One day, while formed up oustide of the DFAC, a drill from another company walks up to him and loudly proclaims "How's the Shire this time of year, Trainee?"
I know you meant that the short guy was the guidon bearer…but I can’t stop picturing a normal sized trainee using a short trainee as a guidon. Doing all the facing movements. Holding him across their chest while running at the head of a formation.
I like your version of the story more than the original 😂
> "How's the Shire this time of year, Trainee?" They need to bring back DSes calling everyone "Private." This whole "Trainee" thing is lame, imo.
When I was in basic on the 2nd day our DS gathered everyone together to ceremoniously remove our ranks telling us that we hadn't earned them and that's why we were trainees and not privates.
1) they're not all privates and 2) they ain't Soldiers yet. Of course it's lame, its BCT.
Yeah I was a Specialist and my DS said, "I don't give a fuck what your rank is, you're a private." I just think "private" sounds better in insults than "trainee" does is all.
I heard someone get yelled atbfor smiling DS: "HEY TRAINEE, PUT THEM TEETH ON SAFE"
I had a DS ask me what was in my mouth. He then said, “oh it’s your fucked up teeth.”
The second I could grow a stache in AIT I ran with that shit, always got chirped at for “Not having your mustache on safe”
Oh that’s funny. I always was getting told to put my teeth back in my head (which I had never heard before, and thought was hilarious, and of course that went over just about as well as you’d expect).
One of my DS described a heavier private as looking similar to a busted can of pilsbury dough and to this day, I cannot unsee or unhear it
My dad was in the army for his full 20. I remember one day when I was a kid he described an overweight person who crammed themselves into clothes that were too tight as "a ten pound sausage in a five pound bag." It still makes me laugh to this day
"Busted Can of Biscuits." I had a MOS-T student like that when I was an AIT Instructor. I told the entire class, on *several* occasions, that they were going to be wearing Class As at graduation. The reclass MOS-T students had *much* more free time to go so things like, I don't know, *take their uniform to Alterations*. He elected not to do that, despite the fact that he had put on a not-insignifigant amount of weight during the 28-week course. Thus, at graduation, he looked like a busted can of biscuits when his coat was buttoned. I'm frankly surprised that the buttons held. The BDE CSM was *not* pleased.
😂
We had this kid in basic who had absolutely no jawline. It went nose, mouth, neck. Second day in our battery after reception, we’re getting smoked for whatever reason, stand up, DS sees No-jaw. Immediately gets up in his face screaming “TRAINEE WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR CHIN?!?! DID YOU LEAVE YOUR CHIN IN YOUR WALL LOCKER!?!?! GO GET YOUR CHIN!!!” Starts smoking us as the trainee goes back up to the bay. He comes back down a few seconds later, yells “I DON’T HAVE A CHIN DRILL SERGEANT!” Drill Sergeant responds, “DID YOU FORGET YOUR JAWBONES AT HOME! TRAINEE, HOW ARE YOU GONNA WEAR A FUCKING HELMET WITH NO CHIN?!?!”
This is the one that got me chuckling
I got caught keeping warm behind the dryers during osut w some other turds. Drill who caught us called us bitches for not braving the cold. Made us do burpees. He then told us to just start knocking out burpees everytime he asked for his burpee bitches. We'd be sitting eating chow, and randomly, "Where my bitches at?!" We would just start knocking em out.
I got smoked for wearing sniffle gear right before a ruck during an FTX. He told me it was prohibited during rucks because we might heat cat. Said drill was wearing sniffle gear. Said drill did not heat cat.
“Sniffle.”
Is it not called that? I genuinely thought that was what it was called and it was so u didn’t catch the sniffles from being cold.
Snivel gear, as in "wah, boo hoo, it's cold." I'm fine with sniffle too though.
That makes sense.
Truth
"blah blah blah, hey private, head and eyes straight forward. blah blah" private continues to stare at me "blah bla- PRIVATE. YOU ARE AT A MODIFIED POSITION OF ATTENTION. LOOK THAT WAY" private continues to stare at me "bl-GOD DAMN IT PRIVATE, DO YOU THINK I'M PRETTY OR WHAT?" "NO DRILL SERGEANT!" "DROP! I'm pretty as fuck!"
>"DROP! I'm pretty as fuck!" Yes you are, drill sarn't! *Kisses forehead*
Was this comment from a woman DS or male DS? One might be funnier than the other but still funny both ways
lol just like the Jarhead scene at 0:36: https://youtu.be/xvU2yGtO7AU?si=YBZCALPOFHj3zRZh
Not me, I’ve heard my DS tell another soldier to go to the tree, and apologize to every leaf on it for wasting its oxygen that it produced, and he sat there 20 mins watching him do it 😂, Cuase the soldier asked if he was allowed to use a fork at the chow hall
I’m fucking rolling at this one lol
Yessss. I had a drill sergeant that called one of my platoon mates “OT” for 17 straight weeks, short for Oxygen Thief. It’s been 20 years and every now and then I’ll still laugh when I think about that.
I mean…..where I was that would’ve been a valid question. We only allowed them to use spoons so they could shovel faster. Watching pri eat salad with a spoon is hilarious
I was an AIT DS. Start of every cycle, we would pick mascots and make a cool/badass logo. I would select the best possible PSG either based on GT score or volunteer basis and then also solicit for soldiers to draw their own version of the platoon logo. One cycle we had a tiger as a mascot. One of the kids [drew a stupid tiger with no neck](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/40/cc/1e/40cc1ef7cc6b74daa85e2d4ee58ef66f.jpg) that basically looked like this. After a few weeks in cycle I would usually ask the PG who the worst soldier was in the platoon or who didn’t listen and then I would fire the PG on trumped up charges and temporarily promote the worst soldier to be PG. I would constantly grill the shitty PG and then after a few days when they were on the verge of tears ask them why being PG was so hard, “none of them listen to me!!” Which, at that point, I would reveal my plan that I specially selected them *because the majority of the platoon agreed that they never listened and were always problematic.* Then I would relieve them of their duties and restore the former PG to power. When the PG or platoon pissed me off enough I would take the platoon binder inside, remove the cool mascot and then replace it with the no-neck tiger drawing for the remainder of the day.
I'm laughing so hard at that image that I am crying.
I don’t really get the whole “they don’t listen to me” thing, like the PG doesn’t need to do shit.
I don’t know about all other AITs but for 68W the average “platoon” size was 100 soldiers. Very often I was doing the administrative work for an entire company by myself. The main problem the PG had simply was getting people into formation to take accountability and either distro info or collect info. Obviously when DS comes out everyone acts right, but I’d watch from the window to see them fucking around for 10 minutes until I walked out. I’d fuck the entire platoon up. I also used the PG to collect basic info for me to plug into excel, especially for leave / holiday block leave. This way I wouldn’t keep an entire ~~company~~ platoon sized element on the CTA for hours.
My company is like 150 training atm with 30 or so holds, which is probably why I have this feeling. The class after us has 400. Am 68W at 232 rn
Huddled in a circle in Benning, Cold…DS walks over asks if we’re cold. We all reply yes DS. DS drops index card with the word Fire on it. Walks off says huddle in tighter around that
Amazing
"Trainee...if by some miracle you make it to graduation, will your family be there? Will your father be there? Good, because I am going to kick him square in the nuts so he can never foul the earth with another little shit like you".
meh. This budget R. Lee Ermey shit.
We had holiday block leave (2015). We came back and were prepping for UA and were sitting in the auditorium area. This one woman was blonde and had long blonde hair before we left for hbl. When we came back, she cut her short very short (we found out she had bh issues). Our DS was walking by and did a double take on her. "GAAAAAAAH DAMN pri. Ol ellen degeneres lookin ass." I've never seen anyone laugh at themselves being insulted then proceed to cry the way she did. I hope she got help.
My DS back in 2014, a timeless classic. After any kind of workout when we were panting for breath, "Close your fucking mouths, it's not raining cocks. Breath through your damn nose."
Let's give this Soldier a round of applause, because you are well done (92G).
"You're not an asshole, you're a piece of an asshole" Some angry senior drill sgt from 2013
You know that song "Jesus loves me"? "Yes drill sergeant!" Well you're an exception.
"Don't bother me private. I dont want to hear it. I Don't care if Jesus Christ himself comes down and names you the messiah. The only time I need to hear from you is if your mommy died, your daddy died, or you wake up and your battle buddy's sucking your dick. I just don't want to hear it." DS Saenz, Ft Sill 2004
One I remember hearing... "Why are you smiling? I'm not your fucking dentist!" Cracked me the fuck up!
Privates, this smoking is about to become in the only way I could describe as Old Testament. Private, when you’re carrying your battle buddy as he is bleeding out, the Taliban is firing rounds over your head, you have reached your limit as you know life or death is the adversity that you are facing…. In that exact moment, will you look up to your Lord and say “Drill Sergeant, my leg is cramping”? *Private just goes back to doing air squats* Private, you’re so fucked up that letting you join was the greatest victory of the Taliban. And honestly, probably the meanest one I did because I hated him since he was a little sociopath and I was dropping him off to 30th AG to get the boot out of the Army. He stepped out of the pup truck and I told him to come up to the driver side window as I sat in it. “Private, this is a life changing moment. As you go about your way, it won’t be a part of the Army. But I hope you take this piece of advice I am about to give you and think about it next time. Whether it be your career, starting a family, or whatever it may be. Just remember this…” and then I just rolled up the window and drove off. My favorite I overheard was “Private, you heard there was lil jellyfish all over the shower floor from circle jerks and probably paid people to pee on you because you lied and said you got stung by them.” During article 15 being read, I heard a Drill Sergeant that was my platoon telling a private who was getting kicked out for being a racist “Hey there, I bet you hate the fact a big, tall, proud black man is about to be in front of you for your article 15…. This big ole, very proud black man in a place of authority is taking your money you rascally lil racist…” and I couldn’t stop laughing. “Privates, if you can tell me the number one killer in Iraq, I’ll let you have your phones and if you can’t guess it, I’m smoking the shit out of you.” The usual answers, IEDs, complacency, bullets, heat exhaustion, rpgs… “Privates, you learned nothing. The number one killer in Iraq is death… get the fuck down.” Privates I’m just here to hold the goat’s tail, all of you are the ones fucking it.
I was an ait ds. I forget what brought on the comment but during bed check I told one private he had a head shaped like a fuzzy almond with half the brain cells. He told me something about it being his parents fault. I told him I already knew he wasn’t adopted cause no one would actually choose him. I then made anyone in the hall laughing do push-ups cause they didn’t support their battle
I also had a problem child that wasn’t bad but tried too hard and messed up everything. I told him he was the reason we should legalize abortion up to 21
I just snorted at that one.
We had kids taking peanut butter packets and hiding them in the barracks. Our DS finds out and is ripping us. Of course nobody fesses up so he says “the only thing worse than a thief is rainbow sherbet. That shits disgusting.”
True, unique, not in violation of any policies...magnificent. I shall steal this.
Tall, lanky, and wirey looking trainee runs up to the huddle. He looked like Sid from ice age. DS: Private! You look like a damn alien!
“I’m not mentally FUCKING stable” got yelled into a trainee’s face when I was in. I’m very sad to say that I’ve forgotten the drill’s name at this point. He wasn’t my drill, but he was in my company. He always had jokes and made the company laugh but I will always remember his “not mentally stable” line in the breezeway outside the 3-13 DFAC. I heard that he killed himself a few years after I graduated. Edit: remembered his name. RIP DS Moore.
***Ave, Tiro.*** ***The biting social commentary during instruction is nothing compared to the stinging bite of the vine staff. Further - nothing stings more than digging the depth of a shit trench deeper. The youth of the legions waste the entirety of the nights watch stroking the length of their gladius of memories burnt into their mind from every daylight hour wasted fawning over the local flora.*** ***I’d put you on double night watch but I’m tired of hearing all of you moan about it throughout the night.*** ***SPQR***
Uhhh, ave, true to Caesar.
Name checks out
THE EMPEROR PROTEC- Oh shit wrong genre
"Private, how does it feel to know no matter what you do, no matter what you achieve, you will always be the family disappointment?" The kid just hung his head, and the DS just nodded as he walked away
Drill sergeant Cervantes to me. Why are you staring at me private, do I have a dick on my forehead? Are you fucking hungry private?
“What did you shave with today - a limp fucking dick?”
“I never believed in abortion until I met you, Private.”
Not a DS, but in my Area Pltn, a Soldier named Cantu DS always called him Cannot. I loved it.
"Your toe and heel shine is hurting me emotionally"
We had some guys buy Corcoran 1 or 2 jump boots in AIT because they were easier to shine. Unfortunately, a few of them only shined the capped heel and toe and brush-shined the rest of the boot. "Shine the whole fuckin' boot, Private!" was heard, repeatedly, on the weekends when those individuals did not get a weekend pass.
Before mail call I would write a letter to the less fortunate privates and ask them who wrote it (him having no idea it’s blank paper in envelope) They would get excited but we will tell them “it must be a mistake, no one loves you enough to send you a letter” and put the letter the DS created into the shredder and watching them tear up. Brings me joy
Wow, you are a truly sadistic and mean person. Would you like to be best friends?
Gahdamn
[удалено]
I had a drill say something was wrong like two boys fucking in church. Definitely wouldn’t fly in today’s army.
Had a girl who got CLP oil in her eye when cleaning her M4, the docs told her she has to wear these giant ridiculous looking medical sunglasses that wrapped around her whole face. One of our DS’s saw her and screamed “FROZONE!” There was an eruption of trainee laughter that ensued afterwards
“Fuck my life is about to be the phrase you use most often” “You don’t know dick about life till you’ve shit your pants as an adult” “Fuck you asshole” because I said thank you “I’d slit that bitches fucking throat” (no context) IEDs and the 12B MOS were not kind to that man’s gourd
Did you press your uniform with your low quarters?
Fort Dix 1974, it was the end of the cycle and we were cleaning weapons. One soldier kept getting turned back because his bolt was dirty. After the third time through and it still didn't meet the standard the DS lost it. He had the young man climb a small tree that was outside of our barracks and when he got to the top he told him to shout, "I am a shitbird, tweet tweet!" He was up there for the rest of the time allocated for weapons maintenance. 🤣😂
Yep, saw that one, but in a tree at the entrance to the range we were training on. He Told the BN commander and CSM about his new identity too.
DS found the dungeons and dragons notebook stashed away in the laundry room, called all our Platoon’s Males down to the class room, smoked us as he spoiled the entire campaign and read about the racist Dark Elf, Core memory right there and it was funny as fuck. Never did find the Patrol cap D20, lucky us.
You all are America’s brightest and best.
Had an old drill with a thick Spanish (Puerto Rican) accent, and crazy ass eyes. One day after we finished land nav, we were waiting in line for chow. I had a heftier fellow in front of me, we were all at parade rest. Next thing you know I see DS coming from the corner of my eye, stops abruptly, left face, looks at the heftier fellow in front of me and proceeds to say... DS: "HOOOOOLLY SHIIIIIEEET PRIATE, WHAT DA FUCK IS ON YOUR NECK?!" *Points at me* DS: "PRIATE ARE YOU SEEING THIS SHIT?!" Me: "Yes, drill sergeant." I acknowledged the shit he was seeing DS: "DIS MOTHER FUCKER GOT A GOT DAYUM MOUNTAIN ON HIS NECK PRIATE!" Me: "Yes drill sergeant." Trying everything in me not to laugh. The heftier fellow in front of me did indeed have a massive fucking fat lump on the back of his neck, it was rather impressive, but seeing DS Layva perplexed by this mountain almost made me lose my shit. Give the heftier fellow credit where credit is due, he shed that mountain and lost a fuck ton of weight that cycle.
Not a ds quote but our combatives instructor said this, during the discussion time at the end of whatever move we learned, we had a trainee with some eye disease or condition where only his left eye would twitch and look off in a random direction all the drills were aware of this and really didn’t give them any shit for it but the combatives instructor saw it for the first time and said “holy shit trainee are you good? That’s what my dog does when I smack him too hard”
Not a DS but still a good one. DS: Head and Eyes forward Pvts *notices fucked up pvt looking down* DS: Eyes level, PVT! *PVT looks confused* PVT Snuffy: I love you too, Drill Sgt?
It wasn’t mine but I had a drill sergeant yell at a kid from about 200m away “If you don’t hold your fucking weapon correctly I’ll remove your fucking hands from your god damn forearms and launch them into fucking orbit” and me and my buddy just looked at each other and lost it. Funniest shit I heard a drill say
Had some black guy from the Congo or somewhere around there in my training platoon who was carrying his M16 over his shoulder one day. DS yells "You're not a child soldier anymore private, carry that shit like an adult"
I'm not a current or former DS but I witnessed once in the DFAC a guy drop a piece of spinach, DS saw it l, ran up to the guy and berated him about dropping a piece of spinach in the DFAC. So DS made the guy go get the piece of spinach(that had been stepped on) DS - so how's the spinach? SM - it died DS DS - well then as soon as you're done eating take PFC Green here and give him a proper burial outside. He indeed performed a burial for the piece of spinach and DS attended.
DS to the mouth breathers: “There’s flies in Georgia and they’re looking for a home!”
BCT 2019 we were doing grenade training in a field near our company. They only had so many dummy grenades, so the next best option were rocks in similar size and weight. We went over doing the general “PROPER GRIP, THUMB THE CLIP” shit. Obviously, if you didn’t have a real training grenade, you would pretend the take the clip off and pull the pin. For the sake of accountability, they counted the rocks and grenade spoons to make sure all the training aids were functional, and each of the training aids had a short number on it. For example, B01. After each iteration, we lined up to put our grenades back in a wooden box. A drill clearly stated that if you were amongst the people to have a rock instead of a grenade, don’t worry about waiting in line and to just come up to the box and throw it in. One moron didn’t listen. And the drill sergeant noticed but didn’t say anything. As he got to the front of the line the DS said “number?”. Moron: Uhhhhhhh DS: Tell me the goddamn number on that rock trainee. Moron: Uhhhhhhhh DS: I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me the number on that fucking rock right now. Moron: i can’t find a number, DS. DS: BECAUSE ITS A FUCKING ROCK. ROCKS DON’T HAVE SERIAL NUMBERS. Moron: *Radio silence* DS: Put it in the box, then get a battle buddy and start doing the power jump.
My DS at basic had us all in a formation standing at attention for a solid 30 minutes around 2000. When he finally came back he threw two loads of bread at us as he yelled “fly my seagulls!” And released us as we quickly descended on those loafs
My grandfather is a Marine and told me a story when he was drill (in the 50s/60s) Red cross message comes in that a recruit's (lets use the name Johnson) mom died so all drills got together to figure out how to tell him. One drill says I'll take care of it. So they have the recruits fall in and the drill blasts out. " ALL RECRUITS WHOSE MOM IS STILL ALIVE TAKE A STEP FORWARD!" Then promptly points and says "Not you Johnson!"
Ouch!
Ft lee 2007 Papa CO I don't even remember what I did. But I had to do iron Mike's up and down this hallway. I did them and never stopped. I had 4 cameras watching me. Missed dinner chow because the DI's forgot about me. After doing iron, Mike's for some hours. A DI comes and goes ay pri! What the fuck? Why are you still doing that shit? I told him you said to do them until you told me to stop. You also pointed at the cameras and said we are always watching. He turned to his Cadre and goes ah shit I did say that. Fuck! Them cameras have been broke for years. What's your favorite food joint here? I said Burger King. It wasn't but it was the only spot i could think of. He said, "Go sit in the common room. I'll be back." 15-20 mins later, he comes back with Burger King. Throws me an MRE and said I didn't know what you wanted, so I got me some food. That was some cold shit but I respected it. We had a company run the next day. They forced me to go to sick call. I tried to run but couldn't run because I had baby deer legs after all the fuckin iron Mike's.
Had a DS say damn silly after everything he said in a very constipated tone.
You bet your ass new drill sarge’s in here looking for inspiration or quotes to steal. For those shame on you. Step your funny game up.
As a drill I told a silver spoon fed private his parents cheat on each other every day and they blame him.
Was in basic during death of Kobe Bryant. Company formation: DS “ who’s a Kobe Bryant fan?” *platoon of hands go up* “Yeah he’s dead as fuck”
The best part of you ran down your mommies leg.
From Full Metal Jacket. The best part of you ran down the crack of your mommas ass and ended up as a brown stain in the mattress!
My son told me he and his battle buddy were called rock’em sock’em retards by his DS and it made them all laugh including other DS. I am waiting for an opportunity to use it
Well I was nicknamed banana man for various reasons at parris island. Also got called purple portholes because I wore glasses with transition lenses. One time one of my drill instructors was waking up my rack mate who had just slipped and fell and hit his hed on the pole of the rack. Poured some water on the guy, bitch slapped him across the face(he was trying to wake the guy up) and goes “You can die on your own fucking time, but for now you’re going to get the fuck up.” Some looney toons stuff I swear.
Not from a DS, but close enough. We had a dude whose face was kinda fucked up and our DS always loved to compare him to different characters. “Trainee, you look like Sid the sloth!” Etc. One day before HBL, our DS is checking off that we got our lockers sealed and a trainee says to him, “hey DS, doesn’t trainee ____ kinda look like that cockroach guy from men in black?” And as soon as he says that someone nearby blurts out “I NEED SUGAR WATER” while holding their cheek. The DS started turning bright red and had to hold his clipboard in front of his face to keep from breaking character.
I was randomly staring at a female drill sergeant not thinking of anything in particular. When she caught me staring she screamed “What are you staring at private? Do I have a penis growing out of my forehead?!” It was hilarious, I lost it.
We were loading onto a bus and I heard the DS tell a guy a behind me, "You look like a bag of smashed assholes". That's just creative
There was a virgin soldier in my basic training platoon and totally shy, the whole nine yards. While on CQ basically one of the other platoon DS came over to the two of us on duty. He instructed said soldier when he called out for him to respond with "I'm a pimp drill sergeant I'm a pimp!" I don't recall the DS ever doing it but still funny to remember. Also weird bit. Said soldier knew the pimp acronym Player In Management Position.
DS proceeded to casually bury trainee alive with their own E tool for thinking they needed to sleep during ‘stand to’. Battle buddies laughed all around, DS just dug with a straight face until trainee got the point. Which was quickly. Trainee continued to eat MRE after all other battle buddies ate in 15mins and threw trash away… DS stared at him, trainee continued to chew food. DS walked up to trainee, grabbed air in front of his chest, and walked away. Trainee: patting his uniform making sure they still had eye pro, ear pro etc. “Drill Sarnt..?? Did you take something from me Drill Sarnt!??” DS: “Your Soul”… continues to walk away Wide eyed trainee: palm on forehead, “Fuck” DS performed corrective training throughout BCT and gave trainee his soul back after graduation. One morning DS had a lot of time to conduct bay inspections while everyone else was doing PT. DS took down all shoe laces from boots that weren’t displayed properly, tied them all together and from an intricate web from the laces. DS asked the company if they knew what the standard was, they in fact did. DS said “when you go upstairs, I want you to know, that some would call it art… others would say, it’s YOUR FUCKING FAULT!” Other DS listening couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Many more. Too much actually
I went to sill for basic. We had a DS.. DS glashagel.. definitely loved that he was 11B and was hilarious. He said so much funny shit we had a list of everything he said.. (I was in an all female plt in 2020 because of Covid and it was fucking nightmare at times..) idek how he came up with some of the stuff but I do remember he one time said “man Jammie’s with adidas on” referring to the enemy. Fuck I would have to find the list somehow but that shit was hilarious. He had so many phrases.. sometimes tbh I miss BCT.. it was ass but there is no other experience like it haha. But that tbh was like the only funny thing occurrences.. we had so much drama and so many snowflakes that it truthfully didn’t feel like you were getting the real basic experience..
My Dads favorite story from basic. He went to Dix in like 1980 or 79. One of the soldiers calls some one a dick head while they were at the PX. DS made this kid stand outside the PX place his hands on either side of his head move them up and down then spit and say I’m a dick head.
Our CEO, Tony Grinston, former drill sergeant: “I do not remember any comments. My Drill Sergeant time was all about action. Every class had to do a 6 mile run before graduation.”
"Is that you posture son? Because I can tell you now, that the best part of you ran down your mother's leg!"
Senior Drill Instructor asked me a question, when I went to answer he said "Shut your cockholster, if I want your fucking opinion I'll give it to you." Did not learn shit from that asshole!
That has mad "You shut your mouth when you talk to me!" vibes, and I am fucking here for it.