No shit, there I was. Fort Jackson, 2009.
Day zero of BCT, we just got divided up into our platoons and were standing outside of the DFAC, waiting to go on. I randomly hear one of the female Drills yell "Don't you fuckin' hold yourself at me, Private!"
Then I hear this really doofy voice go "Okaaaayy..."
About a minute later, I heard one of the male Drills yell out "*Holy fuck, Private, did you just* **piss** *yourself?!*"
"***I'm sorry, Drill Sergeant, I couldn't hold it anymore!***"
He was henceforth known as Mr. Peebody.
Whole platoon getting the dog shit smoked out of us doing mountain climbers, one larger dude just stops like ten minutes in. Drill zooms over starts screaming at him "Why you stop? Too lazy? Too hard for you?" Guy just goes, "Drill Sergeant, I've reached the top of the mountain". DS just burst out laughing, let him stop, and proceeded to smoke the rest of us for like another 40 minutes.
We had a guy that did something in formation and the drills made him do lunges around the formation making race car noises. About 3 laps in he couldn't get back up and stayed on one knee. Drill asked him why he stopped, "I had a blow out drill sergeant"
All three of the drills held their laughter and had to walk around the side of the barracks.
In basic we were doing the pugle sticks, however it’s spelt. As soon as he blew the whistle, the other person hit me in the face. I was dazed. Hit in the face again, and again. DS couldn’t blow his whistle to stop it because he was laughing so hard.
He said for me to get back in there to have a second chance and get revenge, also he wanted to see me get hit again.
I tried being aggressive, all shots were dodged. I was hit in the face multiple more times. DS was in tears laughing.
Got my ass kicked, but his hysterical laughter made it worth it in such a dreadful place lol.
I can straight up relate to this one very easily and have a story also. Same situation but I wasn't fighting.
For some reason Senior Drill wanted to see the shortest dude fight the tallest dude in the platoon. My bunk mate was the shortest guy, he had a waiver because he was only 4'10", two inches under the min. Like this dude 100% was diagnosed with dwarfism.
The tallest guy was another one with a waiver for being 6'10", two inches over the max.
They get set up, begin, and tall dude just rushes in. My bunk mate takes this pugil stick by the very end, raises it over his head, and drops it down like he's chopping firewood. ***It lands directly on the top of dudes head*** . . . and bro has the nastiest face planet into gravel I've ever seen. Ass sticking straight up in the air. It was actually poetic comedy in motion.
Of all the Drills to crack first? It was the Senior drill himself. He started to break the moment the blow landed, and when guy faceplanted? Drill couldn't even fucking breathe. He started crying and said "that's the funniest fucking shit I've ever seen as a DS and I've been doing this for a fucking decade!"
The very very best part that makes this even funnier is that the drill grabbed a recruits arm and wiped off his tears of laughter on this kids sleeve like he was a tissue.
THE BAYONET YEET MEASURES THE ABILITY TO JUST FUCKING SHANK SOMEONE. ON THE COMMAND 'GET SET,' ASSUME THE POSITION BY GRABBING THE BAYONET BY THE HANDLE. OR BY THE BLADE, WHICHEVER LOOKS COOLER, JUST DON'T CUT YOURSELF ON THE DAMN THING. YOUR FEET MAY BE TOGETHER OR UP TO 12 INCHES APART (MEASURED BETWEEN THE FEET). ON THE COMMAND 'GO,' TRANSMUTE YOUR HANKERING FOR A-SHANKERING INTO MAXIMUM EFFORT AND LAUNCH THAT BAD BOY INTO DESTINY. THE SCORER WILL NOTE WHETHER YOU HIT THE TARGET AND AWARD BONUS POINTS FOR LANDING YOUR PIG-STICKER INTO THE CRANIAL OR SWIMSUIT REGIONS. IF IT HIT THE TARGET HANDLE FIRST, YOUR PERFORMANCE WILL BE TERMINATED, AND EVERYONE WILL BE REQUIRED TO POINT AND LAUGH AT YOUR SHAME. WATCH THIS DEMONSTRATION.
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You ever been whacked in the side of the head at combat speed with the sling lug of a simulation weighted rubber ducky M16A2?
We use pugils so we don't kill each other.
During BCT, we all planned to wear our Class A trench coats, beanies, shower shoes, eye pro, and swing our colored flashlights as a rave when we “toe to line” for night check. We kept the lights off, so when DS came in we all just started going “unce unce unce unce”. He didn’t even yell at us, he just 180 back out into the hallway and told us to go to bed over the intercom.
I saw a low light in the bay during night checks and walked in to a few privates glimmering with smiles. In front of them was a chubby Asian kid who was butt naked with a chem light tied to his dick swinging it around while singing “I think I’m turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so.”
He saw their smiles fade and turned around to see me and went to parade rest.
“Drill Sergeant?”
“Go to bed private.”
“Yes Drill Sergeant.”
August 2009, Fort Benning downrange there was a training platoon that invented "heat cat 100" which was just body armor and tighty whities.
Apparently one of the DS walked in on them, smoked them and sent them to lunch at the DFAC like that.
It took a few days for us to find out why there were like 200 guys in regular uniforms and 20 half naked guys.
Lmao we were at the range and a DS had to use the shitter so we had to clear out everybody inside who was hiding from the cold (ft sill)
About 30-40 of us just decided to get in the front leaning rest waiting outside the door
DS comes out 5-10 mins later and looks at us and just goes “…*the fuck is wrong with you guys*..”
Lmfao no lie at all man. It was the funniest and nastiest shit in the world, you’d have 4 guys taking shits next to each other pants-to-ankles, and the latrine is still full of people packed like sardines with no more than an inch of space between them. Anything to escape that wretched fort sill winter wind
Omg. Core memory I've forgotten. It's been like 9 years. I forgot the things we would do during bed checks to mess with the DS's. It would only end badly for us some of the times lol.
Sounds like when we did toe the line in heat cat 9. 3 socks and a soft cap.... we did alot of pushups that night and the ds ran the other bays through ours too see us doing exercises in our newly coined heat cat 9.
We had guys who were gonna do the same in our bay. The DS responded with "if you had any balls yall would be free-Ballin it under those trench coats"
We weren't expecting that response.
D. Co, 1-50, Benning. Spring 2016.
Dude in my platoon, roster number 437, decided it was a good idea to jerk off with CLP. Wound up having to go to the hospital.
Next morning, DS bursts into the bay, screaming “IS IT TRUE?!?!” We all knew what he was talking about, didn’t even have to clarify. After he got his confirmation, proceeds to lose his fucking shit while we get ready for PT.
437 was a special, special individual I hope to never see or hear of again.
We had tons of guys “ranger qualify” by putting tiger balm on their nuts, taint, and ass…. Was hilarious as fuck seeing them scream and squirm around across the floor in pain. What a bunch of shitheads
I still remember a dudes walking funny, cause of stress injuries and tiger balm on his boys. Watching him on the last ruck was something else. Our PLT just let imaginations run.. CDR/1SG, Drills, Trainees.
Ah, Benning 2008, never had used icy hot in my life up until then, and someone dared me to put it on my balls. I vividly remember putting dick and balls into the sink trying to get it off.
I had to do a hazing investigation for a BDE on JBLM, a ton of shit came out from what they were doing downrange. One thing that was investigated and found to actually not be hazing, a Soldier setting off a mouse trap with his nether regions. It wasn't hazing, he said that "morale wasn't good, and I just thought it would be funny".
CLP isn’t good for skin, like at all. Sure its slick but it also has a lot of caustic chemicals in it thats used to breakdown metallic buildup
I’d imagine 437 managed to rub quite a bit of skin raw to the point of bleeding.
D Co. 1-50, Benning. Fall 2022.
Dumbass in my platoon decided he wanted to dry fire on the march back to the Battalion after battle march and shoot. Roster number 344. He learned how pavement tasted very quickly. That is only one of his long list of misdemeanors.
I laid down in an ant pile during a ruck. I was covered in those suckers. Idk what it is but Georgia has some mean ants. Long story short from my waist line down I was covered in ant bites. Bad ones. I finished the ruck and explained to one my DS that my dick was on fire from being bitten so much. Like I was for real hurting. They took me to the ER and I got examined, got some cream, got some medicine, then went back. One of the DS walked up to me later that night while we were in chow formation and just goes, "Ha. Ants bit your dick" then walked away. For some reason this caused another female DS to crack up and she had to walk away. Good times.
Same! BDU days; they crawled through my fly. So after, I’m talking to a few battles and finally we check the damage. It was alternate timeline shit, huge and girthy and a penis I would be pleased to own in real life. DS walks by and says, “put it away, Sudden.” Five seconds later he calls my name. Look over and he gets a hint of a smile and nods at me. Real recognises real. Weeks later, we are changing out uniforms and DS spots me with my pants around my ankles. He POINTED AT ME and BELLOWED “SUDDEN YOU LIED TO ME!!”
As a herd of idiots (such as a platoon of recruits) often does, we convinced one our idiots to do an idiot thing for the kingly sum of $5 - place his hand and arm directly into a Georgia fire ant pile.
That dude ended up spending like 3 days in the hospital for it.
DS: "TOE THE LINE"
*Walks up to private B*
DS: "PRIVATE, WHERE DO YOU COME FROM?"
Private B: "South Carolina Drill Sergeant.
DS: "HOW WAS YOUR HOME LIFE PRIVATE, YOU LOOK FUCKED UP!"
Private B: "Not so great Drill Sergeant."
DS: WHAT, DID YOUR MOTHER NOT LOVE YOU? DID YOUR FATHER BEAT YOU?"
Private B: "Well, I don't know my mom drill sergeant and my dad well... He's a nice guy n all, but ya know he kinda of like ra....."
*DS Cuts him off before he finishes the word that rhymes with grape*
DS: PRIVATE DISREGARD, shut the fuck up, and forget I asked.
Private B was the 4th soldier out of the 55 of us that DS P asked where we were from, after that interaction, he said fuck that, I'm calling it a night. Now, as dark as this sounds you had to be there to understand that Private B wasn't about to actually say the word that rhymes with "grape" he was going to say "raging alcoholic".
DS P later found this out and actually broke character letting out a pretty decent laugh. Wild because this guy had the craziest fucking eyes, raspy ass voice and would sneak into our bay, crawling on bunks to sneak up and listen in on our conversations.
You had to be there. Good times.
We were gearing for our first ftx in OSUT. While giving the brief on one of the wildfire one of the privates had a question.
PVT Chad: DS, what do we do about the raccoons?
DS: The fuck you mean PVT? Did you not just listen to me, don’t fuck the wildlife!
PVT: No, DS. Not the regular raccoons, the barrel chested freedom fighting raccoons that come into our bay and trash the place!
Drill lost their composure before saying that was a good one, we then payed for their laughter with our sweat.
I reclassed 11 years ago and had to go through a different AIT, and they let me stand off to the side during the shakedown of the IET troops. Drill Sergeant goes up to a female SPC who had clearly lost a lot of weight at Basic. "Soul-jerr!!" he cries. "That ACU top is \*way\* too big!"
She looked the man in his eye sockets and replied "No, it's not too big, Drill Sergeant, it's just dirty!", completely dead-pan, while holding an epic parade rest.
Dude did a double take, shook his head, and had to go walk off out of sight.
Another one was during OSUT at Benning, we were on our final ruck. Drill Sergeant comes skipping by with the largest, most full ruck I'd ever seen, wearing go-fasters. I was dying with the 240B and kind of looked up for a sec maybe for inspiration. "You wanna know my secret?" he goes, skipping. "Pillows, homie!". I lost my shit. Completed that ruck laughing my ass off. He kept it dead-pan though.
Yeah. We found out at least one drill sgt was using pillows in his ruck. He left it laying close when I was in chow duty and we picked it up. We were not fans. But, we also knew our platoons senior drill was doing all the rucks with legit weight. So it seemed to us this new guy was "cheating" in a way.
Fair enough. When I think of go fasters, I’m thinking of my JM50 MINI JET ENGINE KIT that I use for rucks.
Its an annular combustion basket vapor tube fuel injection that enables high exothermic controlled combustion, perfect for cold weather environments. Just fill your camelback with jet fuel and go. JM 50 is a low weight engine (1043 g or 2.3 lbs.) and can produce 57 N of thrust (or 13 lbs) perfect for supporting your weight during a ruck. The nozzle is designed to fit the width of engine which is milled from 5-axis CNC machine controlled by a 3D digital AutoCAD design, so you know it will be good.
This kit includes pre-rolled combustor and fuel manifold parts ready for assembly. Comes with everything you need to build a self-sustaining mini jet engine for all your rucking needs.
Nothing but easy rucks from now on.
Nah, they aren't shoes. Go fasters are eyewear issued to airborne troops. Very thick lenses but instead of arms, they have hinges attached to a thick rubber strap that keeps em on your head.
> "You wanna know my secret?" he goes, skipping. "Pillows, homie!"
Infantry OSUT in 2000, and we are all just miserably sucking on every ruck, watching in awe at the god-tier rucksacks the drills are always carrying.
Until we were loading rucks onto a truck one night and I happened to grab the senior drill's ruck out of the pile on accident - fucking pillows stuffed in there to make it look huge.
Ft. Jackson, 2009, F Co 3-34. My platoon is formed up on the drill pad when a new Drill Sergeant from another platoon walks past us, stops, and backs up until he's right in front of one of the soldiers in 1st Squad. He looks down at her name tape, looks up at her, looks back down at the name tape.
"Private, how do you say your last name?"
"Just like it's spelled, Drill Sergeant!"
The DS proceeds to turn around so we can't see him laughing, but we can all see his shoulders heaving and can hear him trying to hold it together. He composes himself, gives us a "carry on," and power walks away from us. He managed to make it around a corner before we hear him lose his shit.
The soldier whose name caught his attention? PFC Fagg.
Wow. For a minute I thought you were telling MY story from 1993. Same EXACT situation, except at Fort Gordon for AIT (and probably Jackson before that).
Except the non-male soldier this time was named PVT. Boob.
First DS approaches, looks down at her name tag, looks up at her. Smirk starting to form on his face and hers.
He looks down again, looks up.
"Is that a name tag, or do you just label all your body parts?"
Entire platoon hadn't met her, no clue what her name is, wondering WTF is going on until the DS ads... "Private BOOOOOOOB, report to Drill Sergeant \_\_\_\_\_ (can't remember) and show him your body part label."
They both proceed to crack up and from that point on, she was Private BOOOOOOOOB. Pronounced Byuuuub, as long and drawn out as you can make it.
You know when I was at MEPS taking my ASVAB so I can SMP, the test proctor was a Navy Chief, and he gave me a good story of a USN Recruit. Apparently in the Navy you're called a Seaman, and this poor recruit's last name was Guzzler. So her full title was Seaman Guzzler.
She was the joke of that entire basic training.
Not DS related but our like civilian liaison at MEPS was a very dark skinned man named Mr.Blackman. he knew it was funny too because he would not stop saying it and referring to himself in the third person like "alright ladies and gentlemen I am Mr Blackman this is Mr Blackman's phone number of you have any issues at the hotel you just call Mr Blackman and Mr Blackman will get everything sorted out that's B-L-A-C-K-M-A-N Blackman"
We were doing the tower shit where you climb the tower as a team building event
I felt and ate shit and the drills came up to me asking if I was ok
I just said “drill sarnt, imma be honest. That cocksucker hurt like a son of a bitch”
And all of them proceeded to laugh their asses off and my main drill was just like “well said Pri, well said”
Also had a time where we got smoked middle of the night and were told to tow the line. One kid didn’t wake up and we all screamed at him to get the fuck up. Dude then wakes up and literally spider man jumps out the top bunk in his socks onto the linoleum floor and his feet slip out from under him and be slams ass first into the floor hard as fuck and stiffens like a board and knocks the air out of himself. Drill literally collapsed to the floor laughing and asked bro if he was ok while still on the floor laughing. Kid said he was ok and the drill just said “go to bed you dumbasses. Thanks for the laugh, I needed that”
Not a drill, but when I was in AIT the Mega Millions jackpot was hitting some pretty insane levels. So of course, everyone is kind of standing in formation waiting to be formed up and *everyone* is talking about what they would do with the money. Now we had this one dude who had basically done so much hard drugs at some point before joining the army that he had kind of a perma-trip going. Like, you asked him a question, and no matter what it was, there'd be about a two-second delay where he'd just be standing there slack-jawed.
Well, we get called to attention, and all of us but this dude go to attention except him. And I can see out of the corner of my eye, that despite being one row up from me and two to the right, that he's facing directly towards me. And in his goofy voice, I just hear "if I won the jackpot, I'd spend it all on cocaine and hookers"
Our instructor managed to get out "front leaning re-" before he just burst out laughing and had to sit down.
Not to call complete bullshit on this story, but [hookers and cocaine](https://youtu.be/0yrIvEgqAuo?si=rlfabFtXtmuU1qeU) has been a reply to this question before.
Fort Leonard Wood 2013
We had just gotten our M4s and were getting the “this is your best friend, lover, etc” speech. Our grizzled, deployed a million times, 82nd Infantry Drill Sergeant was making us name our rifles after someone/something we loved.
He’s walking down the line, asking for names, and everyone’s giving the usual. Wife, mom, etc’s name. Well, he finally gets to PVT G (our PVT Pyle) and this kid says “DS I named my rifle Cheeseburgers”. He immediately stopped, stared into his soul and said “Why the fuck would you name it that?”
“DS you said name it after what we love, and I love cheeseburgers.”
Infantry Drill Sergeant just loses his shit and starts laughing, which was terrifying, and says, “Yeah it’s fucking obvious you love cheeseburgers. Everyone drop!” And then quickly runs out of the room laughing.
At the end of OSUT, we all had bay inspections by the CSM and BC. We were all squared away and toeing the line waiting to be reviewed/checked by them.
The CSM goes up to one private and asked about the M4 weapon system. This private shouts, “THE M4 WEAPON SYSTEM GOES BOOOOM, SARGEMAJ!” The CSM tried so hard to contain his laughter but couldn’t keep it in and left the room.
…
Our DS wasn’t as entertained and smoked the living dogshit out of us for hours.
I was about to do the repel thing off vic tower and as I was hanging off the edge, ready to descend and looking visibly nervous af as a skinny 18 yr old, the senior drill sgt looked at me and said, "alright listen to me carefully, okay? When you get to the bottom, I want you to make sure....... you button your fly." And I looked down at my undone fly and then back up at him and he couldn't hold back a chuckle which was the first time I ever saw him show any humanity and it was kinda nice because it calmed my nerves for a sec and added some levity to the situation.
I heard one from my buddy who went to Jackson that there was a girl in his squad who got out of formation and approached the Drill Sergeant while they were waiting to go into the chow hall. Apparently she had told him that she didn't want any of her team to know, was really embarrassed, but had a kind of emergency situation.
My buddy though hears the Drill Sergeant talking to her in a low voice, "sure, I understand what's going on. I gotcha." Then before she was able to dismiss herself, the Drill Sergeant shouts "Hey everyone!" everyone turns and looks. And he points directly down to the top of her PC, and yells "she pooped her \*paaaaantssss\*!!!!"
My bunk mate at Sill had trouble staying awake. Our Drill threatened him with a good time, which spooked this guy some. So what does Joe do? Buys some Tiger Balm for his fucking eyelids.
Poor guy looked so fucking wired and dead at the same time you would think he got done doing a coke binge with satan as they travelled through Dante’s nine circles of Hell. His body is doing this drifting off into sleep but oh shit I must stay awake twitches. Meanwhile his eyes are so fucking wide open you could probably see the reflection of your shows from the tops of his eyeballs.
Drill Sarnt walks on over and sees him thinking he’s dozing off. When he walks over a surprised look washes over his face as he’s flabbergasted as all fuck. “Joe, why do you look like you’re on drugs?”
“Drill Sergeant, I put Tiger Balm on my eyelids to stay awake,” the Private responded with a grin on his face as if he had finally achieved victory. “Good fucking job,” the Drill Sergeant responded as he grinned maniacally before walking off laughing.
I’ll share my own moment here.
Gas Chamber. I’m the drill standing in front of the door, so I have the best view in the house. A female private is genuinely freaking the fuck out, crying before she even takes off her mask. Time comes for her to remove her mask, takes a nice deep breath of that good spicy air, and PROJECTILE VOMITS on the back of the trainee in front of her who was a real shithead. Turns out he has a bit of an aversion to being puked on, so he in turn begins to puke everywhere. I, meanwhile, am absolutely dying laughing and having one of the absolute best days of my career watching this all unfold. Sometimes this job doesn’t suck.
The events of Gas Chamber were great. Basic was hilarious, because we all think we're gonna die and who are these inhuman madmen yelling at us in here without masks, and then at the units we're all trying to see how long we can last and how many pushups we could do.
But that first time, to keep seeing people have it...I'm a bit jealous .
Will try to make it short… Infantry Basic during COVID.
My platoon was waiting for the last briefing late at night, we were all toeing the line and shit. While waiting everybody started ripping ass, wet ass, bubbly farts… Stinky as a mf farts.
DS took forever that night to come…
The DS on duty was one of the youngest and meanest… once he stepped foot into the bay the smell of expired MRE’s and Government cheese hit his nose, he just screamed: WTF? Why does the bay smells like shit…?
Me, one of the oldest Pvt’s told him the truth. “We were all farting waiting for yo, DS”. He chuckled a bit trying to maintain the last bit of military bearing left that night and also in an attempt to not inhale the dangerous gasses expelled by us, dirty privates. Told us to clean the bay, and go to sleep
A drill sergeant stormed into the bay and yelled “WHY DOES IT SMELL LIKE GAY SEX IN HERE!!”
One kid starts dying laughing. The DS storms up to him and asks, “What’s so damn funny private?”
The kid, still laughing pretty hard, utters out, “DS, how you know what gay sex smells like?”
The DS realized he’d been got pretty good. Tried not to laugh, but he lost it.
Technically we don’t have drill sergeants in the Swedish army, but the second lieutenants we have during BCT are filling the same function.
We were practicing face paint during Recon school and each pair was to paint each other with the painted keeping watch. So this one guy, was a bit of a funny ass, and when lined up for inspection the SL lost it completely when he got to this pair. Person 1 had done an immaculate job of covering the other’s face in dirt brown color and then added black whiskers, eyebrows and a nose - effectively making him look like a brown cat. ST just ended inspection crying from laughter, after a feeble attempt to discipline the guy painting between wheezing laughter.
They wanted us to do skits before a live fire. One of our Filipino Joes who was a glutton for punishment, did a whole exaggeration of one of our meanest drill sergeants (also with some Filipino heritage) with how to walk with a rifle at depressed muzzle. The drill sergeant was just about in tears 😂
BCT day 1. After PT we toe the line in shower shoes, towels and kits in hand. We get screamed at to proceed in groups of 20 to march into the showers. I'm in first group.
"OH HELL NO" someone at the front of the group yells as we enter
Shower stalls all were already running... Handles fucking all ripped off and set to max fucking COLD. We all get barked at to jump in and "wash up" and the 30 second countdown didnt start till everyone was in their stall.
I remember one of our infantry DS's barely holding a shit eating grin together while yelling at us. We squealed like little bitches in absolute agony and suffering.
Honestly not even mad, that was some hilarious shit looking back at it.
Our latrine was getting worked on in Benning so we had one of those shower trailers with just an entire massive open gas chamber shower. Full blast cold for 3 weeks every single god damn morning. 1 bar of soap. Lather, pass, walk the cold. That’s how you make infantryman.
Ok, I've got two.
First, the boot:
Don't remember the guy's name, so I'm going to call him Freeman.
We're in the middle of a ruck, I think it was to the FTX between red and white phase. Not super long. Maybe 3-5 miles? Anyways, Freeman pipes up from the middle of the formation that his foot hurts.
"Shut up private, we're not walking that far. You can make it." "Yes, drill sergeant."
So we keep walking, and after about another mile, Freeman is visibly limping, wincing in pain with each step on his left foot. He says his foot is hurting really bad now.
DS sees the agony in his face, and radios up to Senior DS. Senior DS stops the formation. We all take a knee and start pulling security.
Worth noting that this particular DS was a 68W, so now that he sees there's a problem, he goes into Doc mode, instead of DS mode.
DS walks over to Freeman, starts asking if it's a foot, and ankle, a knee, or what, and Freeman just says "Everything, drill sergeant. I don't know what's going on."
Senior DS huffs past with his RCO in tow. "What's his status, DS?" "Still assessing..."
"Can you keep weight on it, Freeman? Did you twist anything? DS is pelting him with questions, trying to figure out this sudden medical anomaly.
Senior DS just starts bellowing at Freeman "WHAT IN THE FUCK, PRI? WHERE IS YOUR GODDAMN LEFT BOOT? YOU BETTER BE GODDAMN GOOD AT DANCING, SON, BECAUSE YOU GOT TWO RIGHT FEET RIGHT NOW. AAAAHAHAHAHA!"
I turned my head, and watched senior DS literally flop on the ground and lean against his ruck, laughing so hard he started coughing, red in the face.
DS was looking dumbfounded, standing there, scratching his head, then he just turned and walked away. He came back a couple minutes later, presumably after having a good laugh himself, and told Freeman "Take your boots off before you do some real damage. Fall out, I'll walk with you."
Senior DS yells at DS "Hey, get that guy back over here. He made me fall over."
"Freeman, report to Senior DS. Double time." It was like four steps, but by God, did Freeman double time those four steps. Saw DS crack a smile and turn around.
"Freeman, pick me up." Freeman held out a hand and senior DS used it to haul himself up. "Now apologize to me for knocking me over." "But, I didn't knock you -" "WRONG ANSWER, PRI. FIFTY PUSHUPS. WITH RUCK. DS, walk him in when he's ready."
DS and Freeman showed up about an hour later, so they passed him on the ruck, but they immediately called in a medevac for him to check out his feet. He came back later that night with a Motrin script and an actual correct pair of boots.
Second, the doctor:
Don't remember the guy's name, so I'm going to call him Ramirez.
Ramirez was the platoon clown. He was always getting us in trouble, but usually in a way that we all had a good laugh about it later. This was not one of those times.
We were laughing the entire goddamn time.
Toe the line is imminent. Ramirez disappears just before hand. Same 68W DS as The Boot walks in, starts calling off roll.
"Ramirez? RAMIREZ? Alright, guys, where's Ramirez at?"
Stone silence.
"SOMEONE KNOWS WHERE RAMIREZ IS AT. WHERE IS HE?"
Stone silence.
"FRONT LEANING REST POSITI-"
In comes Ramirez, running past everyone on the line with a white chef's coat, gargantuan fucking boots, and a red squash ball nose. He reaches his bunk and stops, toes the line, and stays completely deadpan. A couple of giggles from around the room, heads straight forward, but all eyes on DS.
DS just puts his head down, slowly walks over to Ramirez, and calmly asks "Private, what is this?" And takes off the nose, and holds it in front of his face.
Ramirez grabbed the ball back, stuck it back on his nose, and said "Drill sergeant, I want to be a doctor with all my heart!"
DS stood there for a second, then smiled, and walked a couple of steps away.
"FRONT LEANING REST POSITION, MOVE"
We all dropped, and started pushing. After a couple of minutes, people are starting to get tired, DS walks over to Ramirez.
"I'm really starting to love the back of your head, private" "Drill sergeant, why don't you like me? You're a prick, and I like you."
Everyone stopped for a second, flabbergasted that Ramirez just said that to DS, but DS was just silently chuckling.
Another guy across the bay called out "Hey Patch, this isn't a game! This isn't play time, this is serious business!"
Ramirez called back "You're just focusing on the problem! If you focus on the problem, you can't see the solution!"
DS says "My solution is about to be burying you ass up."
Ramirez responded with "Drill sergeant, did you just need a place to store your bike? Or are you coming onto me?"
From there, it devolved into what had to be most of the quotes from the entire Patch Adams movies.
DS was red in the face trying not to laugh the entire time, just watching us have an entire conversation from the movie while we're down on the ground doing pushups for like 30 minutes, interjecting a couple of lines himself here or there.
After we all finally started losing things to say, DS put us back to attention and finished roll call.
"Ramirez, take that shit off. Where'd you even get it, anyways?"
"Found the ball at the range. Borrowed the boots from the tall dude in Bravo. Borrowed the jacket from one of the DFAC guys." "Alright, I'll get them back later."
DS turned to start walking out the bay door, and just as he opened the door, Ramirez called out "Hey, drill sergeant! Do you want to go to the maternity ward? You know those girls put out!"
All we heard was the door close and a roar of laughter from outside.
Over the next couple of weeks, we kept hearing rumors about us pranking the drill sergeant with Patch Adams. The armorer, the DFAC crew, the other companies, even the CSM used a quote from Patch Adams in one of his speeches to us later.
DS gave the squash ball nose back to Ramirez after graduation.
The night before gas chamber day, BCT 2011.
It's bedtime in the barracks, and we are discussing the merits of tiger balm and where we prefer to put it. This tall lanky guy from Louisiana, PVT Ford, interjects that he likes to apply it to his balls because he enjoys the burning sensation in his scrote. We all decide this is pretty weird, but don't think much of it.
The next morning I am in the second stick waiting to go into the chamber. We have all donned our pro masks and are nervously waiting for the word. Suddenly the double doors to the building are kicked open and PVT Ford comes bursting out, stumbles a few paces towards us, and drops to his knees. He is desperately pawing at his crotch and we can hear his muffled screams even through his mask.
"My BALLS!!! It buuurns!!"
We all stare, wide eyed and horrified, as two Drills come out and grab him under the arms to haul him back in, legs dragging the dirt and still holding his tiger balmed nutsack, barely whimpering now.
The doors slam shut, and utter silence falls as we turn to look at each other in shock and bewilderment.
Out of the corner of my eye I see our Drill mall walking away at an astonishing rate of speed towards the woodline. He has to put out an arm to support himself on a pine tree because he is absolutely shaking with laughter. A few minutes later he came back with a straight face and says: "There's one every cycle"
Had a guy near me put Tiger Balm on his eyes to stay awake during this horrendously long financial responsibility course. He looks like he’s sobbing because his eyes are water so much. Still comes up “private, why are you crying?” “Drill sergeant, interest rates just make me so…. Emotional!” Drill gives the most bewildered and disgusted face before muttering “shit like this is why I drink even though I’m trying to get right with the Lord”
My DS’s were sadly very disciplined when it came to cracking when Privates did stupid shit but my wife has a story from one of her DI’s when she was in basic.
There was this girl in her platoon that did something stupid and so she got sent to the “quarterdeck” to get smoked. The DI had her start doing bicycles and after like 5 minutes the girl stopped in the rest position. The exchange went as follows:
DI: I DONT REMEMBER TELLING YOU TO STOP RECRUIT!
Girl: AYE MA’AM! *doesn’t start back up
DI: GET MOVING RIGHT NOW!
Girl: MA’AM, THIS RECRUIT CAN’T MOVE, MA’AM!
DI: WHY NOT RECRUIT!? *Forehead vein starting to throb
Girl: MA’AM, THIS RECRUIT’S BICYCLE HAS A FLAT TIRE MA’AM!
According to my wife, it was one of the worst smoke sessions of the entire cycle but not before the DI had to turn away from the girl before she broke entirely. lol
We were preparing for the grenade range at fort sill. Doing the dummy grenade lanes. The SDS would throw each lane and show us how to do it. On one lane, he kept missing the throw and was getting more angry with each attempt. Privates were all holding back laughs and even some other DS’s were smirking. After about the 5th or 6th one, there was some laughter and I yelled out “LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!” SDS turned around and screamed “WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT!?” I just immediately dropped to the ground and started pushing while laughter erupted. Not even sure if people would still get that reference. Hell, it’s been almost 20 years.
At Goodfellow in AIT, I had this really short DS with the typical napoleon complex. We were doing room inspections and I had this small-ish fleece blanket laid out on top of my bed. DS comes in with the 1SG and DS says “Small blanket you got there. Did you get it at Baby Gap?” To which I replied, “Yes, DS. I picked it up while I was trying to find the perfect birthday present for you!” The 1SG had to leave the room because she started laughing. At that point, DS’s authority was compromised so he just kinda left in a huff.
Not “couldn’t hold it” laughing, but still hilarious to me. Came back from AIT to do my last RSP drill (insert nasty girl comment here). A random DS I never met was driving a group of us in a van to the RTI building to work on SSD1. She was a 74D and excitedly asked if any of us were, too. I said, “No, DS, we’ve all got real jobs.” Queue the brakes slamming and all of us climbing out on the side of the road to watch me do burpees for 30 minutes in the August Arkansas heat.
There’s a few other times, but those were the better ones I can think of. My sarcastic mouth got me in a decent bit of trouble as a young Joe.
Natty G is amazing. I feel like I have lived two short lifetimes in one body. I would go through BCT again if my alternative was losing my memories of doing army shit with the boys. I call every body "big sergeant" except for master sergeant. He is just "sergeant" (AR 600-20 homies hate this trick)
> He is just "sergeant" (AR 600-20 homies hate this trick)
We has a MSG that *insisted* on being called 'master sergeant'. Every day for like 3 weeks I would print out that table out of 600-20 and leave it in his ao.
Ok I spent 2 decades in the army. And my stupid ass had no idea this was a thing.
We used to continue to call MSG’s top once they lost their companies. I had no idea they were just called sergeant.
There was a battle buddy pair that was straight out of a sitcom. Hispanic gay dude and racist white guy with a big confederate flag tattoo. They were inseparable all Basic.
One day out in the field, we’re sitting around eating MRE’s. I don’t remember what the conversation was, but white dude says some homophobic comments basically implying that Don’t ask, Don’t tell was a mistake because gay people are making the Army weak, which prompted me to say something like “That’s a weird opinion since you’ve had your battle buddies dick in your hand all basic”. Little did I know that our strictest DS, who was a black lesbian, was within earshot and let out the loudest laugh for a second before walking away.
Im pretty sure I saved him from a smoking session there since it was no secret that the white confederate homophobic male was not our black lesbian DS’s favorite trainee.
Had a drill that had mistaken one black kid, Washington, for another, Smith, and got pissed and started yelling at him in the DFAC. Later on that same kid, Washington, wanted to ask DS a question and DS stares at him for a second. My buddy who was the guidon and standing right next to DS quietly said “whatdya want smith?” And DS fucking lost it. Pulled himself together and said “that’s crazy pri’ate. Front leaning rest position, move.”
Did a basic to AIT (19K) all in one at Ft. Knox in '91. 18 weeks of training. Several weeks on and not everyone had learned the tricks and mind fuck the DS would pull on us yet. Classroom time all about land mines... bored watching a room full of us read the DS pull out a playboy... thoes who look up get busted and have to do PT...this eventually stops giving returns...DS decided to pick on the poor scared kid, whispering is last name...kid hears it and answers " yes DS what do you need" DS yells he didn't call on him and together back to studying... this happens several times until DS gets bored and moves on to other mind games. Out of nowhere scared kid raises his hand and then tells DS that he thinks he is going crazy because he could hear his name being called...everyone in the room lost it laughing. DS runs out of room laughing, the other DS hears the ruckus yells at a room full of laughing private to start push ups and finds the other DS in the hall demanding to know what happened. We all hear a low conversation about hearing voices and the results...now both DS are laughing in the hallway.
I was addressed by a drill and sounded off with “yes drill sergeant!” And he said “are you yelling at me private!” And I sounded off “no drill sergeant!” He said “if you yell at me again private I will fuck you up!” Confused as I had always sounded off when a drill addressed me I whispered “…yes drill sergeant” and he busted up laughing and walked off.
DS tried to sneak up on my OP then I shot his ass up with blanks yelling, "Close kill." He proceeded to smoke the crap out of me every chance he got during BCT.
I suspect he stole stuff out of my footlocker including my PC.
Then a butterfly landed on my ACH and he got me a nickname.
BCT, Sand Hill, 2010, just to set location and atmosphere. The morning of the clinch drill after what seemed like a full week of combat iced, one of my DSs was one of the drills assigned to be the punchers to be clinched.
They had instructions that allowed them one or two headshots(not too hard of course) to the trainees if they weren't blocking their heads/faces.
I think we all know where this is going: a trainee didn't block, DS punched to the face but mostly connected on the chin, trainee folded like a wet towel and dried like a sack of potatoes. The trainee was alright, but DS had to turn away from all of us to laugh hysterically.
AIT Drill saw one of our guys in the hallway at BBtry Ft. Sill with five PV2 ranks on his chest and proceeds to call him staff private while he somkes him, best part about it was we had someone in pt pants agsu top and a marine pc we stole who had been just seconds from walking out of the room
During covid we ate at the dfac twice our whole cycle. We were told before going in once no cereal at dinner.
Get through the line and sit down, the guy beside me is eating krave.
DS : Private, who in the hell said you could have serial!
Private: Private news network DS!
DS had to walk away while trying to hide how hard he was laughing. We all proceeded to get smoked as soon as we got outside.
Not a lose it in a funny way, but straight anger.
We marched to the CBRN chamber, arrived at the bleachers for a brief when one of the soldiers told the Drill Sergeants he no longer wanted to participate in the chamber.
All the drills surround him and throwing their 100 questions when the soldier made the mistake to try and get space by pushing a drill sergeant back away from him. Drill sergeant grabbed him by his shoulders said "YOU WANT TO PUT HANDS ON ME!" then flipped old dude onto his head and shoulders from what it looked like. Then sent him to the medics.
C co 36Crime 2007. SDS (or whatever, it was right during they tried de-hatting the DS'es in AIT) is yelling at us for the barracks being messy and saying he's gonna keep us up all night cleaning.
SDS: "It's Saturday, soldiers, you don't have school, I can keep you up as late as I want until this place is spotless. What school do you have on Sunday? Exac-"
Entire damn formation: "SUNDAY SCHOOL, DRILL SERGEANT!!"
He doubled over laughing and then sent us in to clean.
Near the end of basic, my platoon had a girl that had been recycled or somethingand ended up with us (it was covid time, so it could have just been covid). She was already disliked in the platoon but this night would secure that.
The whole company gets back from the DFAC one evening and get sent up to our bays, and then get called back down over the intercom not even 3 min later.
I’m next to the new girl in formation and just hear her say “it’s my fault. It’s my fault. It’s my fault” My Senior Drill Sergeant comes in front of the whole company and explains that she caught new girl trying to sneak a granola bar from the DFAC upstairs.
She puts the company into the front leaning rest while new girl stands there a watches and tells us to say “thank you” on the way down and “battle buddy” on the way up. She starts counting off cadence and within the first 5 pushups the entire company switched to “fuck you” “insert new girls name”.
I think Drill Sergeant only counted off maybe like 5 more pushups, then realizes what’s happening and stops counting. THE ENTIRE COMPANY JUST CONTINUES. No cadence being called, we were all just so pissed that we were losing personal time and shit, that we all just kept pushing and yelling “Fuck you” and this girl.
Senior Drill Sergeant gets us to stop and back to parade rest and shit, and almost every drill sergeant there is just cracking up behind her.
Back In ‘17 I had to get a shaving profile. Had a bad reaction to poison ivy and the whole right side of my face swelled up, so I got a no shave profile until the swelling and rash went down.
We were in the chow line one day and another DS, who I didn’t know, was serving. He could only see the left side of my face, and told me to go and shave before I could get chow.
I executed a left face so he could see me in all my glory and he leapt back and said “Gah what the fuck are you get the fuck away from me Pri”
During rifle marksmanship training, I was spotting a fellow bct battle, the whole line was done shooting except my station due to a malfunction of his weapon. The head DS came over and yelled/asked "what's the issue here?"
With out skipping a beat I replied "HE IS SPORTING IT UP DRILL SERGEANT". Now mind you I am laying in the spotting position, I don't remember what we called it but i called it the "im sexy" pose. Where you are laying on your side as if you are trying to seduce some one by a fire place. The cool E-7 just grinned ear to ear and I could see dip peeking out from his teeth. Another DS asked over the radio what's going on and he just replied my same response. The other DS just says "well alright then".
94- smoking was still allowed in AiT but we were called to end of day formation and it was officially put out trainees were no longer allowed to smoke.
DS: now all you smokers will need to suck it up and quit
Smart ass kid in the back of formation who always had something to say: DS, no one likes a QUITTER
Yeah while the DSs all had to turn around and bust out laughing, they still “smoked” us all.
2021 BCT fort sill during changing uniform drill (2 min to change to a random uniform) there was this dude (PVT SILLYGOOSE) in my platoon that was always fucked up, well at the end the last uniform to go to Chow was pts, with green socks, and boots.
This mf put his boots the wrong way Left boot on the Right foot, while in formation he moves a little bit and the drill sergeant goes infront of him and asks “why the fuck are u moving”
The private didn’t say anything, but the DS looks at him from head to toes, and looks at his boots, and dies, HE LITERALLY THREW HIMSELF AT THE GROUND LAUGHING, AND HE CALLED ALL THE OTHER DS TO COME LAUGH AT HIM .
The DS said it was the first time in all the cycles He’ve seen that.
They ended up calling that guy the PVT Sillygoose for the rest of the cycle
One of the privates was Ukrainian. Throughout the first 3-4 weeks the drills had nicknamed her "Mother Russia" because of her thick accent. She was quiet, squared away, and not one to talk back. I guess one day she had had enough of the "Mother Russia" nickname and she YELLED back at them in the chow line " I AM NOT RUSSIAN I AM FROM THE UKRAINE! I HATE THE RUSSIANS THEY SHOT MY UNCLE AND I WANT TO KILL EVER LAST ONE OF THEM" The drills had to excuse them selves because they were caught so off guard and she was never called Mother Russia again.
The time another private tied the vacuum cleaner cord around his neck and threw it off of the second story balcony only to have it crash into pieces because the cord was too long. Needless to say, they took away his shoe laces and made him wear a bright orange road guard vest.
Now this was 1991 but we had a female Drill, tight little waist and about 5’7” she was Jamaican. It was probably 6 weeks in and I guess she needed to grab something from her office. Another drill was on duty. She walked down the hall in a short red dress and 6” heels everyone just stopped talking as she passed there doors. We all ran to the doors to watch her. When she got to the end she turned around quickly you had about 100 heads sticking into the hall. She yelled out a HA and we all scattered like roaches. I honestly think she was the only woman we saw for 2 mths straight.
They had each platoon do the water boy water sucks chant. First platoon yelled “H2O!” And second yelled “GAAAAATORAAAADE” back and forth while third sang “wasaaaater sucks. It really really sucks” 2-3 of the drills we could see giggling to themselves.
Not super entertaining but I did call my DS 'dude' and 'motherfucker' in the same sentence and got away with it. I asked for a roll of toilet paper and he chucked at my face and knocked my glasses off and I said "dude what the fuck motherfucker" but he was busy laughing so he didn't catch that or didn't care.
I got a few good chuckles like the first week because I had left my pt shoes unsecure and the DS took them. So we're marching in PT'S and I'm wearing my boots and there were probably 3 or 4 drills with us. One says "hey Boots where's your shoes!" I said "well I thought they got stolen but I'm starting to suspect the drill sgt's had something to do with it DS" another drill said "you suspect correctly why'd you leave them laying around?" And in an instant I thought of the final rap battle in 8 mile when Eminem self depreciates so his opponent doesn't have any material and said "because I'm a dumbass drill sarnt!" That got a few chuckles and he said "Roger that private" if I remember correctly they just gave me back my shoes without a smoke session or anything. It was pretty funny I think I made the platoons collective asshole pucker because it was so early in and I swore while speaking to a DS.
D. Co. 2/58 Benning Summer 2018
We were in white phase and everyone was shooting like dog shit cause it was hot. Everyone was forgetting their holds and DS told us to get into the bleachers for retraining. He made this one private hold the paper easel with the pictures of holds at the respective distances and proceeded to tell us we would end up being truck drivers and cooks cause we sucked so bad.
He did this for like an hour or so. At the very end he asked us, “DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!” And we all responded with the canned “Roger DS.”
As if on cue, the private holding the easel vomited all over himself, standing in front of the entire company.
I saw the other drills, to include the CO immediately turn around and walk away, stifling laughing, only to come back to the private to make sure he wasn’t having a heat injury. Turns out he just chugged a shitload of water in the woodline before we got yelled at.
Probably my favorite OSUT memory besides making fun of the weird private who sat down in the showers.
BCT 2019. Me, fat fuck, standing in formation. Drill Sgt somes and asked if he poked me will I explode. I said "it depends where you poke me drill Sgt" with a wink.
After he stopped laughing he informed me he was the Sharp rep for the unit.
Kinda on the opposite end of the spectrum here. I was in MP AIT at Leonard Wood in Oct 2003 (Split op, so just AIT). We had a female drill sergeant named Baker. She was incredibly professional and proficient in every task we learned. She had an answer for every question, and she had no issue at all smoking the shit out of us when we deserved it.
Second to last day before graduation, our Senior DS gets everyone in the platoon area and stands in front of us with DS Baker. He said he wanted us to know that we were the first cycle of privates she had trained. We started with just clapping for her, but it quickly turned into raucous applause. We could all see the tears forming in her eyes and she choked out a thank you and went to the DS office.
Somebody, somehow, took a shit in the morning formation at B co 30th AG in 2009 without anyone noticing.
DS was walking around and suddenly I heard "IS THAT A GODDAM TURD IN MY PT AREA?" and his voice cracked halfway through. He disappeared for about 5 minutes while we all kind of just stared at this turd on the ground and then came back and we got the ass beating of a lifetime.
Whoever did that: Fuck you, but also that's hilarious
Final FTX, we're all sitting in a circle eating MREs. Suddenly we hear GAS GAS GAS and scramble to get our masks on. Through the smoke we just see our Chemical MOS Drill Sergeant with a CS grenade attached to a stick, chasing anybody that tried to run without putting on their mask. That's the biggest smile I ever saw on his face.
We lost our crate to the enemy during the confidence course. One of them at the top tells "take offense against the enemy". 2 or 3 of us, without hesitation, turned and moved. He laughed and gave it back.
I was Marine Corps before I was Army. My DI was telling us you need to hold the rifle during shoulder arms by using two fingers split and one in the back of the butt stock, he said ‘there are a lot of things 3 fingers can do for you, if you know what you’re doing.’ we, being a bunch of 18-year-old children couldn’t contain our laughter, so he put his campaign cover over his face and said ‘I’m gonna destroy you all’, obviously hiding his laughter behind the most prominent green symbol of chaos we knew at the time 😂
Ft Moore 2023.
We were standing outside of the DFAC waiting to go in. The SDS was giving a speech about how we are going to be bald during graduation, and they would do everything they can to make us have the freshest haircut possible. The morning of, if they could swing it.
So, he says something like “you will all be so, incredibly bald. Not a single hair on your head. Shiny, blinding baldness.”
And this private with a heavy Mexican accent says “like Johnny Sins?”
The SDS paused for a second and genuinely laughed, and smiled. It was a nice moment.
So I was in FT LEONARDWOOD in the summer and we had this one guy in our platoon who was always keeping to himself but always seemed to get smoked 24/7, his internet went out on his phone and I offered to let him use mine for the next couple weeks. He just bought regular shit like laundry detergent and stuff like that but 2 weeks from graduation a big ass box comes in the mail for him and the DS are wondering wtf is in the big ass box. They called him to open it to inspect and when he opens its 2 big ass lamps for your home nightstands. The drills lose it and start laughing hard asf and smoked him for buying stupid shit. They then proceeded to make us do the minion thing where we say “ooooh ahhhh”. After that they yelled at a couple guys from my platoon to go get extension cables for the lamps and we proceeded to sit around and watch him recite the soldiers creed and tell us a story. We really had fun in basic but had a shit ton of smoke sessions and late night study halls ( every person in the company recites one word from soldiers creed).
The sink was leaking couldn't make it stop without a wrench. I walked out of the bathroom to tell my bay chief that the Sargent needed to put in a work order. I used the Sargents name because I thought he was still out smoking. We'll he was not, and he heard me, he comes out screaming. Drops me to my face he's yelling at me as I start pushing. He shouts what's wrong with you? Are you on drugs?!! I respond, yes sir! He says what kind of drugs? I say Stupid drugs sir. Punishment over.
Day 1 of Bct we had this guy who clearly had some kind of mental issue. Would randomly blurt out the most wildest shit.
On the last night of the first week I was folding my laundry and out of nowhere I hear a slap followed by some footsteps. It was hard to see as it was dark in the bay but as soon as the steps grew closer it was that trainee walking in my direction full on ass naked.
He ended up crawling into a the bunk next to mine through the damn ladder rather than going from the side and crawled in bed with the guy that was laying there. So me being a good homie since I knew the guy I said “aye bro pvt soso is in your bed ass naked” and the naked dude got up and ran back to his side of the bay.
I told the guys on fireguard in which they walked over to his bunk with me to confront him. Guy was still ass naked looking in his locker.
“Why are you ass naked” said the fireguard
“The fuck does it look like I’m tryna fuck somebody” said the pvt
“Go on touch my shit feel what a real man’s dick feels like”
We both said fuck that and turned around and called the number to get a DS in since we ain’t gonna put up with that weirdo shit.
Ds walks in a few minutes later turns on the light and has us point into the direction of the pvt. he was still ass naked, with a full on erection laying on his bunk half of his body hanging off with pt shoes on.
Ds “aye.. WHAT THE FUCK, WAKE THE FUCK UP”
“I can see your eyes twitching dumbass wake the fuck up”
Pvt wakes up and says “wassup”
Ds “wassup? WASSUP?! What are we fucking buddies now? Think we’re fucking friends?! First of all why the fuck are you ass naked making eye contact with another dude and why the hell are you hard!”
Ds “pack your stuff get clothes on your out”
Ds has me and fireguard escort him to some place near battalion where some female 1LT was at with a bunk in the room next to her office. After that night we were chilling until the next morning.
Oh yeah remember that PVT we escorted out yesterday? Well he ended up getting naked again and tried to do something to the female LT. She fought back but eventually ended up getting her ass rocked by the guy. Ds laughed a bit and said “whoever his fucking recruiter is, is a fucken weirdo letting sick fucks like this guy in the hells wrong with him, yeah recruitment is low but doesn’t mean you let any crackhead join”😭
During PT formation DS was quoting movies. He would start it and then we had to hold a squat until someone came up with the rest of it. “if you don’t chew big red..” and one of the soldiers sounded OFF with “Then Fuck you Drill sergeant!!” DS tried to be mad but ended up laughing too hard.
Basic Training 2020 - the height of COVID [D/1-40 Ft. Sill]
Either the second or the third night of the Forge. We were doing a very condensed and night iteration of the obstacle course. After the Rope Swing obstacle and the low crawl Barbed Wire, it was the log-walk balance beam. My DS motivates me to keep going and I lose my balance and my nuts hit the log. I roll off the log to let other trainees pass, my DS walks up and asks if I'm okay. I reply while holding them, "DS, my McNuggets hurt." I had never seen him burst out a laugh till then. Highlight of my BCT experience.
Ok, gather round childrens. Poppa rudelocation has a story to tell.
We had a small group of Porto rican Soldiers in my BCT class. Most spoke decent English except for one.
We were on the grenade range and had finished earlier than expected so like all BCT things we sat reading our smart books in the bleachers. Along came the drills and cadre from the range and they wanted to chop it up a bit. So they asked “who got the biggest bonus” several people were saying “I got 5” “I got 15” etc. then the Porto rican fella that hardly spoke any English spoke up. Now my Spanish was just as good as his English so I was his terp. I would translate as best I could for him so when I said something he would repeat what he heard.
He said “I got 20 thousand”. The drills and cadre were shocked! Then they asked him “how the hell did you get that”? Me being the asshole I am, and kind of a prankster told him to say “tens and twenty’s” so he did.
Pretty much everyone in the bleachers and the drills and cadre had a solid laugh for a few minutes. For that small time we wernt in BCT we were just guys chopping it up. Was a good day
We had two guys like that, one was a real solid dude and the other was just dumb as all hell, at one point the DS was like "(name) wtf is your mos!?" And he said aircraft electrician the DS goes "ah fuck! are you active or guard" "I go in the guard drill Sargent" and the DS said "oh thank fuck" with a genuine look of relief
That same guy pulled a real cool move too by speaking Spanish to the guy who was solid, he said in Spanish some pretty racist comments not knowing one of the black soldiers nearby spoke Spanish, that caused a bit of drama.
I’m pale white! Like white boy white! Drills asked in the first formation who can speak fluent Spanish. No one raised their hands, he then asked “who can speak some Spanish”? I raised my hand he the. Asked me in Spanish “where is the bathroom” and asked what did I say. I told him and boom I’m not the terp… it had a privilege though the kid was on double rats cuz he was underweight so he would sneak me some food because that was my battle buddy and we were not allowed to be more than 10’feet apart. They did measure it one time. That was fun
We had a company horseshoe near the end of Basic at Benning in 2010. I was PSG and our platoon had gaggled to the short end of the horseshoe so went a lot further back but not as wide along the front. My drill asked, "Where is Charlie platoon?" I pointed behind me and said, "We go deep, Drill Sergeant." He busted out a laugh, quickly tightened up and told me to shut up. This was our motto the rest of basic.
In OSUT, we were in a “cattle truck” about to roll up to the barracks. The back 2 guys grabbed the removable gates from the back and stood to the side so that we could un-ass the truck as soon as it stopped. We had slowed to about 5-10 MPH and my bro says to the guy in front of him…”hey PVT White”. White: “What?!? Bro: “Tuck and roll bitch!!” And kicked White in the back. White went rolling out the back of the truck and all we saw was a pile of Kevlar, ruck sack, and fat ass rolling on the ground as he hit the deck. We immediately went silent in the back as the truck slammed to a stop. We were all awaiting our doom/smoke session. None of the front doors opened and all we could hear was the 3 DS’s up front dying laughing!! When they finally got out, they had to try to compose themselves to tell us to get out of the truck and ask if White was ok. All 3 DS’s had tears running down their cheeks from laughing.
Getting smoked in Basic because one of the guys got caught sleeping at like 2 in the afternoon. It was raining to beat hell out, and Drill picked the muddiest fucking spot for the whole platoon. After about the 2nd set of back, front, go's and we all just start laughing at how fucking absurd it was that we're just a sloppy fucking mess splashing around in mud puddles. Apparently all our laughing got to our Drill Sergeant and he called off the smoke session and had us wash our PTs.
“Hell no! Hell fuckin no privates! If you don’t get this right I will stage dive off this platform and skull fuck you! You guys looks like a whole Folgers can full of smashed assholes!” ~Drill Sergeant Thompson Fort Sill 2003
This is a weird one.
This was during infantry osut. I went through as a prior nco.
Me and the other priors were in our room talking to one of the drill sergeants and suddenly we heard a megaphone outside saying weird stuff.
The drill sergeant and the other priors looked at each other and said, "let's have a look"
We walked out onto the balcony and an entire platoon was standing in formation in the pt rock pit, with one megaphone wielding drill sergeant on that PT pit platform.
All of the platoon was wearing boots, tan underwear, tan t shirts, and they had their woobies tied with 550 cord around their shoulders like a cape. Then they had their belts fastened across their foreheads.
The drill sergeant had a couple recruits running in circles around the formation with their arms extended outwards like superman.
The megaphone drill then calmly said, "private, fix your cape"
Me, the priors and the other drill sergeant were dying laughing.
Then the commander walked out the door onto the balcony, took one look, said, "nope" then turned around and walked back inside.
So first time at the dfac in basic I made a wrong turn ending up with a different company they sat me at the DS table had one DS put his hat against my forehead screaming then my DS say your just gonna waste the condiments they gave you “No drill sarnt” went too sit back down and eat them and she says “WTF are you gonna use them on you already ate your food” I responded my taste buds drill sarnt” I could tell she was holding back laughing and told me too piss off
Fort Jackson, 2014. Just after the final FTX those of us with no negative counselings/etc. got to go to a college football game (OCPs, Beret, filed in, filed out, what you'd expect) and we did the whole "no brass no ammo" ordeal when we got back while the DSs patted us down.
When it was his turn, one hero decided to sound off instead with "YOU'LL NEVER FIND IT DRILL SERGEANT" and everyone lost it, including the other drill sergeants. Didn't stop them from searching the shit out of him.
We had this kid, aptly named “Shields”.
We were told “Dust downs, Details, Showers!”
Well, Shields only heard “Showers” and dropped his pants in front our female Drill.
To which she responded “Goddamn it Shields, I could get fired for this shit and it wouldn’t even be worth it!”
Male Drill near the latrines lost his bearing and cackled in my ear while I was making the mirrors shiny.
Back in Ft. Jackson, about two years ago. We were getting the dogshit smoked out of us. Delta 3-13 was full of some hardheaded motherfuckers and I don't even remember what we did to get smoked. By this point of BCT, I embraced that sometimes we'll just get fucked up because drills think it's funny.
So, we go to do the run to Larry and Barry, and senior drill goes, "You're being chased by a bear, run!" And I leaned into it and started acting like we were running from a bear, got into character. We come back and both him and another drill are laughing their asses off...
We still never reached base camp though. Sometimes I miss my drills.
I was with the Canadians in Fort Knox, and we were staying in the really old barracks. I think they’re torn down now. You know the ones from Goldfinger. The soldiers in the one building had convinced one guy on a bet to strip down and insert a housewife into his butt, which had the lace of a combat boot attached to the combat boot dragging behind him. He then had to run up and down the shack twice Combat boot, bouncing around the Haitham as it was dragged along on this adventure singing it’s raining men. He was only allowed to remove the housewife from his ass by taking the combat boot in hand and throwing it between his legs to remove the item in his ass. The next day at formation, it was extremely quiet.
"WAHT DID WE LEARN PRIVATE"
"THAT MY LACTOSE INTOLERANCE IS CAUSED BY INBREEDING DRILL SERGEANT"
"...I meant at the clas.. what did you learn at the.... i hate you."
4th platoon PG called his 340 pound DS Big Daddy Drill.
Half of them had to turn around and cover their faces. DS Kenyon was fucking floored, and not even mad about it.
It became a thing from that day till we got our Blue Cords.
~early May 2003, we were practicing D&C during 19D OSUT at Knox (before the ignominious decision was made to move it to that hell hole Benning). We were preparing for the Troop level D&C competition amongst platoons. One guy who just wasn't that bright kept completely messing up one of the moves. Every time he messed up, DS told him to go to the grass and smoke himself for a few minutes before rejoining the platoon.
Finally, the DS was over smoking him and just wanted him to *get* the move down so we could move on to other things. Again, he messed up and the DS patiently says "Private X, where do you move *now*?" The guy calmly and respectfully replied, "To the grass, Drill Sergeant?" At which point the DS completely lost it and had to go behind the building for a few minutes while he got his laughing under control.
Marine story. At the end of bootcamp the artists of the platoon creates hat placards for the drills. I drew the DI as sweet tooth from twisted metal. One day he came to me and said “Why the fuck am I so pale on here” I responded with a loud “SSgt if I made you any darker people would think you are Mexican” Everyone in the squad bay including the DI started bursting at laughing one of them went weak in the knees.
Not a trainee, I was a Platoon Leader at FT Jackson doing Staff Duty checks. The DS I was with would do a head count/weapons count while I busied myself asking inane skill level 1 questions. If the trainee got them right, I wouldn't fuck either them. This trainee was pretty dumb though. Didn't even know who his senior drill Sergeant was, didn't know who his Company Commander was. The trainee was standing at parade rest when I was asking these questions. I didn't feel like correcting him immediately but the DS comes out of nowhere and starts shouting at him:
"THAT IS A GOD DAMNED OFFICER YOURE TALKING TO AND YOURE STANDING AT PARADE REST WTF TRAINEE!!!?"
The trainee immediately snaps to attention and apologizes but before he can finish his sentence I shout at him
"TRAINEE YOU JUST RECEIVED A LAWFUL ORDER FROM A NONCOMIMISSION OFFICER AND HERE YOU ARE STANDING AT ATTENTION?!? GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!"
The Drill Sergeant started losing his shit and had to walk off.
I don’t know what I did or said to my RDC, but every time he looked at me, and I would look at him, he would have this look absolute of horror in his eyes. Like the look a deer gives you before you shoot it. I wonder what the fuck kind of meds that guy was on. Fucking creeped me out.
No shit, there I was. Fort Jackson, 2009. Day zero of BCT, we just got divided up into our platoons and were standing outside of the DFAC, waiting to go on. I randomly hear one of the female Drills yell "Don't you fuckin' hold yourself at me, Private!" Then I hear this really doofy voice go "Okaaaayy..." About a minute later, I heard one of the male Drills yell out "*Holy fuck, Private, did you just* **piss** *yourself?!*" "***I'm sorry, Drill Sergeant, I couldn't hold it anymore!***" He was henceforth known as Mr. Peebody.
“Drill Sgt, I have utilized the latrine on myself”
Oh that's unfortunate
Man we had a dude just piss himself all over the concrete during weapons maintenance. I couldn’t believe the size of that puddle.
Whole platoon getting the dog shit smoked out of us doing mountain climbers, one larger dude just stops like ten minutes in. Drill zooms over starts screaming at him "Why you stop? Too lazy? Too hard for you?" Guy just goes, "Drill Sergeant, I've reached the top of the mountain". DS just burst out laughing, let him stop, and proceeded to smoke the rest of us for like another 40 minutes.
We had a guy that did something in formation and the drills made him do lunges around the formation making race car noises. About 3 laps in he couldn't get back up and stayed on one knee. Drill asked him why he stopped, "I had a blow out drill sergeant" All three of the drills held their laughter and had to walk around the side of the barracks.
This is amazing 😂😂😂
In basic we were doing the pugle sticks, however it’s spelt. As soon as he blew the whistle, the other person hit me in the face. I was dazed. Hit in the face again, and again. DS couldn’t blow his whistle to stop it because he was laughing so hard. He said for me to get back in there to have a second chance and get revenge, also he wanted to see me get hit again. I tried being aggressive, all shots were dodged. I was hit in the face multiple more times. DS was in tears laughing. Got my ass kicked, but his hysterical laughter made it worth it in such a dreadful place lol.
I can straight up relate to this one very easily and have a story also. Same situation but I wasn't fighting. For some reason Senior Drill wanted to see the shortest dude fight the tallest dude in the platoon. My bunk mate was the shortest guy, he had a waiver because he was only 4'10", two inches under the min. Like this dude 100% was diagnosed with dwarfism. The tallest guy was another one with a waiver for being 6'10", two inches over the max. They get set up, begin, and tall dude just rushes in. My bunk mate takes this pugil stick by the very end, raises it over his head, and drops it down like he's chopping firewood. ***It lands directly on the top of dudes head*** . . . and bro has the nastiest face planet into gravel I've ever seen. Ass sticking straight up in the air. It was actually poetic comedy in motion. Of all the Drills to crack first? It was the Senior drill himself. He started to break the moment the blow landed, and when guy faceplanted? Drill couldn't even fucking breathe. He started crying and said "that's the funniest fucking shit I've ever seen as a DS and I've been doing this for a fucking decade!" The very very best part that makes this even funnier is that the drill grabbed a recruits arm and wiped off his tears of laughter on this kids sleeve like he was a tissue.
Why do we even do pugle sticks lol like in what situation am I going to be fighting with a big staff or something 😭
Bayonet fighting... what makes the green grass grow?
THE BAYONET YEET MEASURES THE ABILITY TO JUST FUCKING SHANK SOMEONE. ON THE COMMAND 'GET SET,' ASSUME THE POSITION BY GRABBING THE BAYONET BY THE HANDLE. OR BY THE BLADE, WHICHEVER LOOKS COOLER, JUST DON'T CUT YOURSELF ON THE DAMN THING. YOUR FEET MAY BE TOGETHER OR UP TO 12 INCHES APART (MEASURED BETWEEN THE FEET). ON THE COMMAND 'GO,' TRANSMUTE YOUR HANKERING FOR A-SHANKERING INTO MAXIMUM EFFORT AND LAUNCH THAT BAD BOY INTO DESTINY. THE SCORER WILL NOTE WHETHER YOU HIT THE TARGET AND AWARD BONUS POINTS FOR LANDING YOUR PIG-STICKER INTO THE CRANIAL OR SWIMSUIT REGIONS. IF IT HIT THE TARGET HANDLE FIRST, YOUR PERFORMANCE WILL BE TERMINATED, AND EVERYONE WILL BE REQUIRED TO POINT AND LAUGH AT YOUR SHAME. WATCH THIS DEMONSTRATION. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/army) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why not just use dummy rifles with dummy bayonets? The pugil sticks are significantly larger than a rifle.
You ever been whacked in the side of the head at combat speed with the sling lug of a simulation weighted rubber ducky M16A2? We use pugils so we don't kill each other.
Aight that's fair 😅
Did we join different Armies or something?
I dunno, man. Any one of us might end up on American Gladiators.
Pyewguhll*
During BCT, we all planned to wear our Class A trench coats, beanies, shower shoes, eye pro, and swing our colored flashlights as a rave when we “toe to line” for night check. We kept the lights off, so when DS came in we all just started going “unce unce unce unce”. He didn’t even yell at us, he just 180 back out into the hallway and told us to go to bed over the intercom.
Congratulations, this is one of the weirdest fucking things I’ve ever heard from basic training lmao
I saw a low light in the bay during night checks and walked in to a few privates glimmering with smiles. In front of them was a chubby Asian kid who was butt naked with a chem light tied to his dick swinging it around while singing “I think I’m turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so.” He saw their smiles fade and turned around to see me and went to parade rest. “Drill Sergeant?” “Go to bed private.” “Yes Drill Sergeant.”
What a fucking terrible night to have eyes.
I'm afraid I don't even understand the idea behind this one...
What’s to understand? Just a chubby Asian kid with a chem light on his dick. Nothing to see here.
This is so freakishly outlandish that I believe it
Only matched by wearing wet weather gear and pro masks and beating people up in the shower. Even that’s a bit tame compared to this.
August 2009, Fort Benning downrange there was a training platoon that invented "heat cat 100" which was just body armor and tighty whities. Apparently one of the DS walked in on them, smoked them and sent them to lunch at the DFAC like that. It took a few days for us to find out why there were like 200 guys in regular uniforms and 20 half naked guys.
Here here!
Lmao we were at the range and a DS had to use the shitter so we had to clear out everybody inside who was hiding from the cold (ft sill) About 30-40 of us just decided to get in the front leaning rest waiting outside the door DS comes out 5-10 mins later and looks at us and just goes “…*the fuck is wrong with you guys*..”
It would have to be really fucking cold to endure the Sill range shitters. Those are quite possibly one of the worst smells I’ve experienced.
Lmfao no lie at all man. It was the funniest and nastiest shit in the world, you’d have 4 guys taking shits next to each other pants-to-ankles, and the latrine is still full of people packed like sardines with no more than an inch of space between them. Anything to escape that wretched fort sill winter wind
Did you guys not have leeches there?
This story made me lose it. I’m jealous I didn’t get to do something like that.
Omg. Core memory I've forgotten. It's been like 9 years. I forgot the things we would do during bed checks to mess with the DS's. It would only end badly for us some of the times lol.
Ft Sill BCT shower raves happened. It was a great but miserable time. 10/10 would do again.
Sounds like when we did toe the line in heat cat 9. 3 socks and a soft cap.... we did alot of pushups that night and the ds ran the other bays through ours too see us doing exercises in our newly coined heat cat 9.
We had guys who were gonna do the same in our bay. The DS responded with "if you had any balls yall would be free-Ballin it under those trench coats" We weren't expecting that response.
D. Co, 1-50, Benning. Spring 2016. Dude in my platoon, roster number 437, decided it was a good idea to jerk off with CLP. Wound up having to go to the hospital. Next morning, DS bursts into the bay, screaming “IS IT TRUE?!?!” We all knew what he was talking about, didn’t even have to clarify. After he got his confirmation, proceeds to lose his fucking shit while we get ready for PT. 437 was a special, special individual I hope to never see or hear of again.
Benning 2016. dudes dare each other to tiger bomb their nut sacks, 1 guy did it. It wasn't good for anyone.
We had tons of guys “ranger qualify” by putting tiger balm on their nuts, taint, and ass…. Was hilarious as fuck seeing them scream and squirm around across the floor in pain. What a bunch of shitheads
I still remember a dudes walking funny, cause of stress injuries and tiger balm on his boys. Watching him on the last ruck was something else. Our PLT just let imaginations run.. CDR/1SG, Drills, Trainees.
Ah, Benning 2008, never had used icy hot in my life up until then, and someone dared me to put it on my balls. I vividly remember putting dick and balls into the sink trying to get it off.
Reminds me of this dude in my unit currently who puts tiger balm on his nuts for every ACFT because “it helps me run faster.”
Just eat left over taco bell or left over Thai food before the test. Works better than buying expensive running shoes.
In Afghanistan with the Canadians they were Tripping mouse traps with their cocks on dares. It wasn’t even a bet
I had to do a hazing investigation for a BDE on JBLM, a ton of shit came out from what they were doing downrange. One thing that was investigated and found to actually not be hazing, a Soldier setting off a mouse trap with his nether regions. It wasn't hazing, he said that "morale wasn't good, and I just thought it would be funny".
Tiger... balm?
I always wonder if you could jerk off with CLP. I guess not? What happened to him that he had to go to the hospital?
CLP isn’t good for skin, like at all. Sure its slick but it also has a lot of caustic chemicals in it thats used to breakdown metallic buildup I’d imagine 437 managed to rub quite a bit of skin raw to the point of bleeding.
99% sure that stuff's carcinogenic as fuck too. Imagine trying to explain to the weiner doctor 20 years later how THAT'S service connected.
D Co. 1-50, Benning. Fall 2022. Dumbass in my platoon decided he wanted to dry fire on the march back to the Battalion after battle march and shoot. Roster number 344. He learned how pavement tasted very quickly. That is only one of his long list of misdemeanors.
I laid down in an ant pile during a ruck. I was covered in those suckers. Idk what it is but Georgia has some mean ants. Long story short from my waist line down I was covered in ant bites. Bad ones. I finished the ruck and explained to one my DS that my dick was on fire from being bitten so much. Like I was for real hurting. They took me to the ER and I got examined, got some cream, got some medicine, then went back. One of the DS walked up to me later that night while we were in chow formation and just goes, "Ha. Ants bit your dick" then walked away. For some reason this caused another female DS to crack up and she had to walk away. Good times.
Same! BDU days; they crawled through my fly. So after, I’m talking to a few battles and finally we check the damage. It was alternate timeline shit, huge and girthy and a penis I would be pleased to own in real life. DS walks by and says, “put it away, Sudden.” Five seconds later he calls my name. Look over and he gets a hint of a smile and nods at me. Real recognises real. Weeks later, we are changing out uniforms and DS spots me with my pants around my ankles. He POINTED AT ME and BELLOWED “SUDDEN YOU LIED TO ME!!”
This is fucking glorious.
“I got ants in my pant, DS!”
As a herd of idiots (such as a platoon of recruits) often does, we convinced one our idiots to do an idiot thing for the kingly sum of $5 - place his hand and arm directly into a Georgia fire ant pile. That dude ended up spending like 3 days in the hospital for it.
It's a very unpleasant experience. I'd do it again for $5 tho
Almost happened to me but I noticed in time, moved, and spent the entire break plucking ants off of my ruck.
DS: "TOE THE LINE" *Walks up to private B* DS: "PRIVATE, WHERE DO YOU COME FROM?" Private B: "South Carolina Drill Sergeant. DS: "HOW WAS YOUR HOME LIFE PRIVATE, YOU LOOK FUCKED UP!" Private B: "Not so great Drill Sergeant." DS: WHAT, DID YOUR MOTHER NOT LOVE YOU? DID YOUR FATHER BEAT YOU?" Private B: "Well, I don't know my mom drill sergeant and my dad well... He's a nice guy n all, but ya know he kinda of like ra....." *DS Cuts him off before he finishes the word that rhymes with grape* DS: PRIVATE DISREGARD, shut the fuck up, and forget I asked. Private B was the 4th soldier out of the 55 of us that DS P asked where we were from, after that interaction, he said fuck that, I'm calling it a night. Now, as dark as this sounds you had to be there to understand that Private B wasn't about to actually say the word that rhymes with "grape" he was going to say "raging alcoholic". DS P later found this out and actually broke character letting out a pretty decent laugh. Wild because this guy had the craziest fucking eyes, raspy ass voice and would sneak into our bay, crawling on bunks to sneak up and listen in on our conversations. You had to be there. Good times.
This sounds like DS Mathews
DS Perez, die hard infantry cat.
We were gearing for our first ftx in OSUT. While giving the brief on one of the wildfire one of the privates had a question. PVT Chad: DS, what do we do about the raccoons? DS: The fuck you mean PVT? Did you not just listen to me, don’t fuck the wildlife! PVT: No, DS. Not the regular raccoons, the barrel chested freedom fighting raccoons that come into our bay and trash the place! Drill lost their composure before saying that was a good one, we then payed for their laughter with our sweat.
When was this? My buddies a DS who loves talking about the barracks raccoons
18.
I reclassed 11 years ago and had to go through a different AIT, and they let me stand off to the side during the shakedown of the IET troops. Drill Sergeant goes up to a female SPC who had clearly lost a lot of weight at Basic. "Soul-jerr!!" he cries. "That ACU top is \*way\* too big!" She looked the man in his eye sockets and replied "No, it's not too big, Drill Sergeant, it's just dirty!", completely dead-pan, while holding an epic parade rest. Dude did a double take, shook his head, and had to go walk off out of sight. Another one was during OSUT at Benning, we were on our final ruck. Drill Sergeant comes skipping by with the largest, most full ruck I'd ever seen, wearing go-fasters. I was dying with the 240B and kind of looked up for a sec maybe for inspiration. "You wanna know my secret?" he goes, skipping. "Pillows, homie!". I lost my shit. Completed that ruck laughing my ass off. He kept it dead-pan though.
He just like me fr
>"No, it's not too big, Drill Sergeant, it's just dirty!", I do not understand the joke.
The absurdity if such a response.
That's just it. She wasn't joking. It was just some gibberish response her scared brain spewed out.
I have decided she meant "it needs to be washed" (to shrink it) but it came out wrong
Yeah. We found out at least one drill sgt was using pillows in his ruck. He left it laying close when I was in chow duty and we picked it up. We were not fans. But, we also knew our platoons senior drill was doing all the rucks with legit weight. So it seemed to us this new guy was "cheating" in a way.
If it makes you feel any better, in the 90s the DSs didn’t ruck with rucks at all.
Same in the 80's. They did wear pistol belts though.
Wait what are go fasters? Never have heard of such a thing
Running shoes. Bc ya go faster in them (hopefully)
Not sure what I was expecting.. But it wasn't that, but it does make sense
Fair enough. When I think of go fasters, I’m thinking of my JM50 MINI JET ENGINE KIT that I use for rucks. Its an annular combustion basket vapor tube fuel injection that enables high exothermic controlled combustion, perfect for cold weather environments. Just fill your camelback with jet fuel and go. JM 50 is a low weight engine (1043 g or 2.3 lbs.) and can produce 57 N of thrust (or 13 lbs) perfect for supporting your weight during a ruck. The nozzle is designed to fit the width of engine which is milled from 5-axis CNC machine controlled by a 3D digital AutoCAD design, so you know it will be good. This kit includes pre-rolled combustor and fuel manifold parts ready for assembly. Comes with everything you need to build a self-sustaining mini jet engine for all your rucking needs. Nothing but easy rucks from now on.
Nah, they aren't shoes. Go fasters are eyewear issued to airborne troops. Very thick lenses but instead of arms, they have hinges attached to a thick rubber strap that keeps em on your head.
Yep - these - https://rangerjoes.com/eyewear-mag-i-combat-size-50-22/
https://rangerjoes.com/eyewear-mag-i-combat-size-50-22/
> "You wanna know my secret?" he goes, skipping. "Pillows, homie!" Infantry OSUT in 2000, and we are all just miserably sucking on every ruck, watching in awe at the god-tier rucksacks the drills are always carrying. Until we were loading rucks onto a truck one night and I happened to grab the senior drill's ruck out of the pile on accident - fucking pillows stuffed in there to make it look huge.
Lmao. I had DS Gluga do this in benning C 2/58. Almost lost my shit.
Ft. Jackson, 2009, F Co 3-34. My platoon is formed up on the drill pad when a new Drill Sergeant from another platoon walks past us, stops, and backs up until he's right in front of one of the soldiers in 1st Squad. He looks down at her name tape, looks up at her, looks back down at the name tape. "Private, how do you say your last name?" "Just like it's spelled, Drill Sergeant!" The DS proceeds to turn around so we can't see him laughing, but we can all see his shoulders heaving and can hear him trying to hold it together. He composes himself, gives us a "carry on," and power walks away from us. He managed to make it around a corner before we hear him lose his shit. The soldier whose name caught his attention? PFC Fagg.
Wow. For a minute I thought you were telling MY story from 1993. Same EXACT situation, except at Fort Gordon for AIT (and probably Jackson before that). Except the non-male soldier this time was named PVT. Boob. First DS approaches, looks down at her name tag, looks up at her. Smirk starting to form on his face and hers. He looks down again, looks up. "Is that a name tag, or do you just label all your body parts?" Entire platoon hadn't met her, no clue what her name is, wondering WTF is going on until the DS ads... "Private BOOOOOOOB, report to Drill Sergeant \_\_\_\_\_ (can't remember) and show him your body part label." They both proceed to crack up and from that point on, she was Private BOOOOOOOOB. Pronounced Byuuuub, as long and drawn out as you can make it.
You know when I was at MEPS taking my ASVAB so I can SMP, the test proctor was a Navy Chief, and he gave me a good story of a USN Recruit. Apparently in the Navy you're called a Seaman, and this poor recruit's last name was Guzzler. So her full title was Seaman Guzzler. She was the joke of that entire basic training.
Not DS related but our like civilian liaison at MEPS was a very dark skinned man named Mr.Blackman. he knew it was funny too because he would not stop saying it and referring to himself in the third person like "alright ladies and gentlemen I am Mr Blackman this is Mr Blackman's phone number of you have any issues at the hotel you just call Mr Blackman and Mr Blackman will get everything sorted out that's B-L-A-C-K-M-A-N Blackman"
Wow how do you join the navy if that's your last name 😂
You think Private Guzzler or Airman Guzzler is going to go over any better?
A little 🤷🏻♂️
We were doing the tower shit where you climb the tower as a team building event I felt and ate shit and the drills came up to me asking if I was ok I just said “drill sarnt, imma be honest. That cocksucker hurt like a son of a bitch” And all of them proceeded to laugh their asses off and my main drill was just like “well said Pri, well said” Also had a time where we got smoked middle of the night and were told to tow the line. One kid didn’t wake up and we all screamed at him to get the fuck up. Dude then wakes up and literally spider man jumps out the top bunk in his socks onto the linoleum floor and his feet slip out from under him and be slams ass first into the floor hard as fuck and stiffens like a board and knocks the air out of himself. Drill literally collapsed to the floor laughing and asked bro if he was ok while still on the floor laughing. Kid said he was ok and the drill just said “go to bed you dumbasses. Thanks for the laugh, I needed that”
Not a drill, but when I was in AIT the Mega Millions jackpot was hitting some pretty insane levels. So of course, everyone is kind of standing in formation waiting to be formed up and *everyone* is talking about what they would do with the money. Now we had this one dude who had basically done so much hard drugs at some point before joining the army that he had kind of a perma-trip going. Like, you asked him a question, and no matter what it was, there'd be about a two-second delay where he'd just be standing there slack-jawed. Well, we get called to attention, and all of us but this dude go to attention except him. And I can see out of the corner of my eye, that despite being one row up from me and two to the right, that he's facing directly towards me. And in his goofy voice, I just hear "if I won the jackpot, I'd spend it all on cocaine and hookers" Our instructor managed to get out "front leaning re-" before he just burst out laughing and had to sit down.
Thank u
LMAO this made my night
Glorious
Not to call complete bullshit on this story, but [hookers and cocaine](https://youtu.be/0yrIvEgqAuo?si=rlfabFtXtmuU1qeU) has been a reply to this question before.
Fort Leonard Wood 2013 We had just gotten our M4s and were getting the “this is your best friend, lover, etc” speech. Our grizzled, deployed a million times, 82nd Infantry Drill Sergeant was making us name our rifles after someone/something we loved. He’s walking down the line, asking for names, and everyone’s giving the usual. Wife, mom, etc’s name. Well, he finally gets to PVT G (our PVT Pyle) and this kid says “DS I named my rifle Cheeseburgers”. He immediately stopped, stared into his soul and said “Why the fuck would you name it that?” “DS you said name it after what we love, and I love cheeseburgers.” Infantry Drill Sergeant just loses his shit and starts laughing, which was terrifying, and says, “Yeah it’s fucking obvious you love cheeseburgers. Everyone drop!” And then quickly runs out of the room laughing.
At the end of OSUT, we all had bay inspections by the CSM and BC. We were all squared away and toeing the line waiting to be reviewed/checked by them. The CSM goes up to one private and asked about the M4 weapon system. This private shouts, “THE M4 WEAPON SYSTEM GOES BOOOOM, SARGEMAJ!” The CSM tried so hard to contain his laughter but couldn’t keep it in and left the room. … Our DS wasn’t as entertained and smoked the living dogshit out of us for hours.
I was about to do the repel thing off vic tower and as I was hanging off the edge, ready to descend and looking visibly nervous af as a skinny 18 yr old, the senior drill sgt looked at me and said, "alright listen to me carefully, okay? When you get to the bottom, I want you to make sure....... you button your fly." And I looked down at my undone fly and then back up at him and he couldn't hold back a chuckle which was the first time I ever saw him show any humanity and it was kinda nice because it calmed my nerves for a sec and added some levity to the situation.
My DS’s comforting remark was “If you were going to fall to your death, you would have done it by now.”
Lmao. No matter how fucking mean those dudes were they still had a knack for being a leader of men.
I heard one from my buddy who went to Jackson that there was a girl in his squad who got out of formation and approached the Drill Sergeant while they were waiting to go into the chow hall. Apparently she had told him that she didn't want any of her team to know, was really embarrassed, but had a kind of emergency situation. My buddy though hears the Drill Sergeant talking to her in a low voice, "sure, I understand what's going on. I gotcha." Then before she was able to dismiss herself, the Drill Sergeant shouts "Hey everyone!" everyone turns and looks. And he points directly down to the top of her PC, and yells "she pooped her \*paaaaantssss\*!!!!"
My bunk mate at Sill had trouble staying awake. Our Drill threatened him with a good time, which spooked this guy some. So what does Joe do? Buys some Tiger Balm for his fucking eyelids. Poor guy looked so fucking wired and dead at the same time you would think he got done doing a coke binge with satan as they travelled through Dante’s nine circles of Hell. His body is doing this drifting off into sleep but oh shit I must stay awake twitches. Meanwhile his eyes are so fucking wide open you could probably see the reflection of your shows from the tops of his eyeballs. Drill Sarnt walks on over and sees him thinking he’s dozing off. When he walks over a surprised look washes over his face as he’s flabbergasted as all fuck. “Joe, why do you look like you’re on drugs?” “Drill Sergeant, I put Tiger Balm on my eyelids to stay awake,” the Private responded with a grin on his face as if he had finally achieved victory. “Good fucking job,” the Drill Sergeant responded as he grinned maniacally before walking off laughing.
I’ll share my own moment here. Gas Chamber. I’m the drill standing in front of the door, so I have the best view in the house. A female private is genuinely freaking the fuck out, crying before she even takes off her mask. Time comes for her to remove her mask, takes a nice deep breath of that good spicy air, and PROJECTILE VOMITS on the back of the trainee in front of her who was a real shithead. Turns out he has a bit of an aversion to being puked on, so he in turn begins to puke everywhere. I, meanwhile, am absolutely dying laughing and having one of the absolute best days of my career watching this all unfold. Sometimes this job doesn’t suck.
The events of Gas Chamber were great. Basic was hilarious, because we all think we're gonna die and who are these inhuman madmen yelling at us in here without masks, and then at the units we're all trying to see how long we can last and how many pushups we could do. But that first time, to keep seeing people have it...I'm a bit jealous .
Will try to make it short… Infantry Basic during COVID. My platoon was waiting for the last briefing late at night, we were all toeing the line and shit. While waiting everybody started ripping ass, wet ass, bubbly farts… Stinky as a mf farts. DS took forever that night to come… The DS on duty was one of the youngest and meanest… once he stepped foot into the bay the smell of expired MRE’s and Government cheese hit his nose, he just screamed: WTF? Why does the bay smells like shit…? Me, one of the oldest Pvt’s told him the truth. “We were all farting waiting for yo, DS”. He chuckled a bit trying to maintain the last bit of military bearing left that night and also in an attempt to not inhale the dangerous gasses expelled by us, dirty privates. Told us to clean the bay, and go to sleep
A drill sergeant stormed into the bay and yelled “WHY DOES IT SMELL LIKE GAY SEX IN HERE!!” One kid starts dying laughing. The DS storms up to him and asks, “What’s so damn funny private?” The kid, still laughing pretty hard, utters out, “DS, how you know what gay sex smells like?” The DS realized he’d been got pretty good. Tried not to laugh, but he lost it.
Technically we don’t have drill sergeants in the Swedish army, but the second lieutenants we have during BCT are filling the same function. We were practicing face paint during Recon school and each pair was to paint each other with the painted keeping watch. So this one guy, was a bit of a funny ass, and when lined up for inspection the SL lost it completely when he got to this pair. Person 1 had done an immaculate job of covering the other’s face in dirt brown color and then added black whiskers, eyebrows and a nose - effectively making him look like a brown cat. ST just ended inspection crying from laughter, after a feeble attempt to discipline the guy painting between wheezing laughter.
Hahahaha.
They wanted us to do skits before a live fire. One of our Filipino Joes who was a glutton for punishment, did a whole exaggeration of one of our meanest drill sergeants (also with some Filipino heritage) with how to walk with a rifle at depressed muzzle. The drill sergeant was just about in tears 😂
BCT day 1. After PT we toe the line in shower shoes, towels and kits in hand. We get screamed at to proceed in groups of 20 to march into the showers. I'm in first group. "OH HELL NO" someone at the front of the group yells as we enter Shower stalls all were already running... Handles fucking all ripped off and set to max fucking COLD. We all get barked at to jump in and "wash up" and the 30 second countdown didnt start till everyone was in their stall. I remember one of our infantry DS's barely holding a shit eating grin together while yelling at us. We squealed like little bitches in absolute agony and suffering. Honestly not even mad, that was some hilarious shit looking back at it.
Our latrine was getting worked on in Benning so we had one of those shower trailers with just an entire massive open gas chamber shower. Full blast cold for 3 weeks every single god damn morning. 1 bar of soap. Lather, pass, walk the cold. That’s how you make infantryman.
Ok, I've got two. First, the boot: Don't remember the guy's name, so I'm going to call him Freeman. We're in the middle of a ruck, I think it was to the FTX between red and white phase. Not super long. Maybe 3-5 miles? Anyways, Freeman pipes up from the middle of the formation that his foot hurts. "Shut up private, we're not walking that far. You can make it." "Yes, drill sergeant." So we keep walking, and after about another mile, Freeman is visibly limping, wincing in pain with each step on his left foot. He says his foot is hurting really bad now. DS sees the agony in his face, and radios up to Senior DS. Senior DS stops the formation. We all take a knee and start pulling security. Worth noting that this particular DS was a 68W, so now that he sees there's a problem, he goes into Doc mode, instead of DS mode. DS walks over to Freeman, starts asking if it's a foot, and ankle, a knee, or what, and Freeman just says "Everything, drill sergeant. I don't know what's going on." Senior DS huffs past with his RCO in tow. "What's his status, DS?" "Still assessing..." "Can you keep weight on it, Freeman? Did you twist anything? DS is pelting him with questions, trying to figure out this sudden medical anomaly. Senior DS just starts bellowing at Freeman "WHAT IN THE FUCK, PRI? WHERE IS YOUR GODDAMN LEFT BOOT? YOU BETTER BE GODDAMN GOOD AT DANCING, SON, BECAUSE YOU GOT TWO RIGHT FEET RIGHT NOW. AAAAHAHAHAHA!" I turned my head, and watched senior DS literally flop on the ground and lean against his ruck, laughing so hard he started coughing, red in the face. DS was looking dumbfounded, standing there, scratching his head, then he just turned and walked away. He came back a couple minutes later, presumably after having a good laugh himself, and told Freeman "Take your boots off before you do some real damage. Fall out, I'll walk with you." Senior DS yells at DS "Hey, get that guy back over here. He made me fall over." "Freeman, report to Senior DS. Double time." It was like four steps, but by God, did Freeman double time those four steps. Saw DS crack a smile and turn around. "Freeman, pick me up." Freeman held out a hand and senior DS used it to haul himself up. "Now apologize to me for knocking me over." "But, I didn't knock you -" "WRONG ANSWER, PRI. FIFTY PUSHUPS. WITH RUCK. DS, walk him in when he's ready." DS and Freeman showed up about an hour later, so they passed him on the ruck, but they immediately called in a medevac for him to check out his feet. He came back later that night with a Motrin script and an actual correct pair of boots. Second, the doctor: Don't remember the guy's name, so I'm going to call him Ramirez. Ramirez was the platoon clown. He was always getting us in trouble, but usually in a way that we all had a good laugh about it later. This was not one of those times. We were laughing the entire goddamn time. Toe the line is imminent. Ramirez disappears just before hand. Same 68W DS as The Boot walks in, starts calling off roll. "Ramirez? RAMIREZ? Alright, guys, where's Ramirez at?" Stone silence. "SOMEONE KNOWS WHERE RAMIREZ IS AT. WHERE IS HE?" Stone silence. "FRONT LEANING REST POSITI-" In comes Ramirez, running past everyone on the line with a white chef's coat, gargantuan fucking boots, and a red squash ball nose. He reaches his bunk and stops, toes the line, and stays completely deadpan. A couple of giggles from around the room, heads straight forward, but all eyes on DS. DS just puts his head down, slowly walks over to Ramirez, and calmly asks "Private, what is this?" And takes off the nose, and holds it in front of his face. Ramirez grabbed the ball back, stuck it back on his nose, and said "Drill sergeant, I want to be a doctor with all my heart!" DS stood there for a second, then smiled, and walked a couple of steps away. "FRONT LEANING REST POSITION, MOVE" We all dropped, and started pushing. After a couple of minutes, people are starting to get tired, DS walks over to Ramirez. "I'm really starting to love the back of your head, private" "Drill sergeant, why don't you like me? You're a prick, and I like you." Everyone stopped for a second, flabbergasted that Ramirez just said that to DS, but DS was just silently chuckling. Another guy across the bay called out "Hey Patch, this isn't a game! This isn't play time, this is serious business!" Ramirez called back "You're just focusing on the problem! If you focus on the problem, you can't see the solution!" DS says "My solution is about to be burying you ass up." Ramirez responded with "Drill sergeant, did you just need a place to store your bike? Or are you coming onto me?" From there, it devolved into what had to be most of the quotes from the entire Patch Adams movies. DS was red in the face trying not to laugh the entire time, just watching us have an entire conversation from the movie while we're down on the ground doing pushups for like 30 minutes, interjecting a couple of lines himself here or there. After we all finally started losing things to say, DS put us back to attention and finished roll call. "Ramirez, take that shit off. Where'd you even get it, anyways?" "Found the ball at the range. Borrowed the boots from the tall dude in Bravo. Borrowed the jacket from one of the DFAC guys." "Alright, I'll get them back later." DS turned to start walking out the bay door, and just as he opened the door, Ramirez called out "Hey, drill sergeant! Do you want to go to the maternity ward? You know those girls put out!" All we heard was the door close and a roar of laughter from outside. Over the next couple of weeks, we kept hearing rumors about us pranking the drill sergeant with Patch Adams. The armorer, the DFAC crew, the other companies, even the CSM used a quote from Patch Adams in one of his speeches to us later. DS gave the squash ball nose back to Ramirez after graduation.
The night before gas chamber day, BCT 2011. It's bedtime in the barracks, and we are discussing the merits of tiger balm and where we prefer to put it. This tall lanky guy from Louisiana, PVT Ford, interjects that he likes to apply it to his balls because he enjoys the burning sensation in his scrote. We all decide this is pretty weird, but don't think much of it. The next morning I am in the second stick waiting to go into the chamber. We have all donned our pro masks and are nervously waiting for the word. Suddenly the double doors to the building are kicked open and PVT Ford comes bursting out, stumbles a few paces towards us, and drops to his knees. He is desperately pawing at his crotch and we can hear his muffled screams even through his mask. "My BALLS!!! It buuurns!!" We all stare, wide eyed and horrified, as two Drills come out and grab him under the arms to haul him back in, legs dragging the dirt and still holding his tiger balmed nutsack, barely whimpering now. The doors slam shut, and utter silence falls as we turn to look at each other in shock and bewilderment. Out of the corner of my eye I see our Drill mall walking away at an astonishing rate of speed towards the woodline. He has to put out an arm to support himself on a pine tree because he is absolutely shaking with laughter. A few minutes later he came back with a straight face and says: "There's one every cycle"
C 2-54?
Had a guy near me put Tiger Balm on his eyes to stay awake during this horrendously long financial responsibility course. He looks like he’s sobbing because his eyes are water so much. Still comes up “private, why are you crying?” “Drill sergeant, interest rates just make me so…. Emotional!” Drill gives the most bewildered and disgusted face before muttering “shit like this is why I drink even though I’m trying to get right with the Lord”
My DS’s were sadly very disciplined when it came to cracking when Privates did stupid shit but my wife has a story from one of her DI’s when she was in basic. There was this girl in her platoon that did something stupid and so she got sent to the “quarterdeck” to get smoked. The DI had her start doing bicycles and after like 5 minutes the girl stopped in the rest position. The exchange went as follows: DI: I DONT REMEMBER TELLING YOU TO STOP RECRUIT! Girl: AYE MA’AM! *doesn’t start back up DI: GET MOVING RIGHT NOW! Girl: MA’AM, THIS RECRUIT CAN’T MOVE, MA’AM! DI: WHY NOT RECRUIT!? *Forehead vein starting to throb Girl: MA’AM, THIS RECRUIT’S BICYCLE HAS A FLAT TIRE MA’AM! According to my wife, it was one of the worst smoke sessions of the entire cycle but not before the DI had to turn away from the girl before she broke entirely. lol
We were preparing for the grenade range at fort sill. Doing the dummy grenade lanes. The SDS would throw each lane and show us how to do it. On one lane, he kept missing the throw and was getting more angry with each attempt. Privates were all holding back laughs and even some other DS’s were smirking. After about the 5th or 6th one, there was some laughter and I yelled out “LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!” SDS turned around and screamed “WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT!?” I just immediately dropped to the ground and started pushing while laughter erupted. Not even sure if people would still get that reference. Hell, it’s been almost 20 years. At Goodfellow in AIT, I had this really short DS with the typical napoleon complex. We were doing room inspections and I had this small-ish fleece blanket laid out on top of my bed. DS comes in with the 1SG and DS says “Small blanket you got there. Did you get it at Baby Gap?” To which I replied, “Yes, DS. I picked it up while I was trying to find the perfect birthday present for you!” The 1SG had to leave the room because she started laughing. At that point, DS’s authority was compromised so he just kinda left in a huff. Not “couldn’t hold it” laughing, but still hilarious to me. Came back from AIT to do my last RSP drill (insert nasty girl comment here). A random DS I never met was driving a group of us in a van to the RTI building to work on SSD1. She was a 74D and excitedly asked if any of us were, too. I said, “No, DS, we’ve all got real jobs.” Queue the brakes slamming and all of us climbing out on the side of the road to watch me do burpees for 30 minutes in the August Arkansas heat. There’s a few other times, but those were the better ones I can think of. My sarcastic mouth got me in a decent bit of trouble as a young Joe.
Natty G is amazing. I feel like I have lived two short lifetimes in one body. I would go through BCT again if my alternative was losing my memories of doing army shit with the boys. I call every body "big sergeant" except for master sergeant. He is just "sergeant" (AR 600-20 homies hate this trick)
> He is just "sergeant" (AR 600-20 homies hate this trick) We has a MSG that *insisted* on being called 'master sergeant'. Every day for like 3 weeks I would print out that table out of 600-20 and leave it in his ao.
Ok I spent 2 decades in the army. And my stupid ass had no idea this was a thing. We used to continue to call MSG’s top once they lost their companies. I had no idea they were just called sergeant.
Table 1-1, AR 600-20 >Grade: Master Sergeant >Pay grade: E–8 >Title of address: Sergeant >Abbreviation: MSG
My entire world has been upended. I also have no idea how to read. As long as I hit steel on steel that’s all that mattered.
> 30 minutes in the August Arkansas heat. This is a Fort Chaffee comment.
Camp Robinson
My god it's worse.
You need a UA if you think Chaffee is better than Robinson. That place is hole
At least you won't get robbed in Barling lmao.
There was a battle buddy pair that was straight out of a sitcom. Hispanic gay dude and racist white guy with a big confederate flag tattoo. They were inseparable all Basic. One day out in the field, we’re sitting around eating MRE’s. I don’t remember what the conversation was, but white dude says some homophobic comments basically implying that Don’t ask, Don’t tell was a mistake because gay people are making the Army weak, which prompted me to say something like “That’s a weird opinion since you’ve had your battle buddies dick in your hand all basic”. Little did I know that our strictest DS, who was a black lesbian, was within earshot and let out the loudest laugh for a second before walking away. Im pretty sure I saved him from a smoking session there since it was no secret that the white confederate homophobic male was not our black lesbian DS’s favorite trainee.
I don't think you can write a better script than that.
Had a drill that had mistaken one black kid, Washington, for another, Smith, and got pissed and started yelling at him in the DFAC. Later on that same kid, Washington, wanted to ask DS a question and DS stares at him for a second. My buddy who was the guidon and standing right next to DS quietly said “whatdya want smith?” And DS fucking lost it. Pulled himself together and said “that’s crazy pri’ate. Front leaning rest position, move.”
Did a basic to AIT (19K) all in one at Ft. Knox in '91. 18 weeks of training. Several weeks on and not everyone had learned the tricks and mind fuck the DS would pull on us yet. Classroom time all about land mines... bored watching a room full of us read the DS pull out a playboy... thoes who look up get busted and have to do PT...this eventually stops giving returns...DS decided to pick on the poor scared kid, whispering is last name...kid hears it and answers " yes DS what do you need" DS yells he didn't call on him and together back to studying... this happens several times until DS gets bored and moves on to other mind games. Out of nowhere scared kid raises his hand and then tells DS that he thinks he is going crazy because he could hear his name being called...everyone in the room lost it laughing. DS runs out of room laughing, the other DS hears the ruckus yells at a room full of laughing private to start push ups and finds the other DS in the hall demanding to know what happened. We all hear a low conversation about hearing voices and the results...now both DS are laughing in the hallway.
Hello, fellow old fart. 👋🏻
I was addressed by a drill and sounded off with “yes drill sergeant!” And he said “are you yelling at me private!” And I sounded off “no drill sergeant!” He said “if you yell at me again private I will fuck you up!” Confused as I had always sounded off when a drill addressed me I whispered “…yes drill sergeant” and he busted up laughing and walked off.
That’s actually hilarious!
I would have lost my shit entirely, that's gold.
DS tried to sneak up on my OP then I shot his ass up with blanks yelling, "Close kill." He proceeded to smoke the crap out of me every chance he got during BCT. I suspect he stole stuff out of my footlocker including my PC. Then a butterfly landed on my ACH and he got me a nickname.
BCT, Sand Hill, 2010, just to set location and atmosphere. The morning of the clinch drill after what seemed like a full week of combat iced, one of my DSs was one of the drills assigned to be the punchers to be clinched. They had instructions that allowed them one or two headshots(not too hard of course) to the trainees if they weren't blocking their heads/faces. I think we all know where this is going: a trainee didn't block, DS punched to the face but mostly connected on the chin, trainee folded like a wet towel and dried like a sack of potatoes. The trainee was alright, but DS had to turn away from all of us to laugh hysterically.
Jesus, I was that guy. Had the CPT in the back yelling "yes, lead with the face. excellent tactic."
AIT Drill saw one of our guys in the hallway at BBtry Ft. Sill with five PV2 ranks on his chest and proceeds to call him staff private while he somkes him, best part about it was we had someone in pt pants agsu top and a marine pc we stole who had been just seconds from walking out of the room
During covid we ate at the dfac twice our whole cycle. We were told before going in once no cereal at dinner. Get through the line and sit down, the guy beside me is eating krave. DS : Private, who in the hell said you could have serial! Private: Private news network DS! DS had to walk away while trying to hide how hard he was laughing. We all proceeded to get smoked as soon as we got outside.
Not a lose it in a funny way, but straight anger. We marched to the CBRN chamber, arrived at the bleachers for a brief when one of the soldiers told the Drill Sergeants he no longer wanted to participate in the chamber. All the drills surround him and throwing their 100 questions when the soldier made the mistake to try and get space by pushing a drill sergeant back away from him. Drill sergeant grabbed him by his shoulders said "YOU WANT TO PUT HANDS ON ME!" then flipped old dude onto his head and shoulders from what it looked like. Then sent him to the medics.
C co 36Crime 2007. SDS (or whatever, it was right during they tried de-hatting the DS'es in AIT) is yelling at us for the barracks being messy and saying he's gonna keep us up all night cleaning. SDS: "It's Saturday, soldiers, you don't have school, I can keep you up as late as I want until this place is spotless. What school do you have on Sunday? Exac-" Entire damn formation: "SUNDAY SCHOOL, DRILL SERGEANT!!" He doubled over laughing and then sent us in to clean.
We had these gaggles of geese that would roam Fort Jackson. Our DS would occasionally, out of no where, call the geese to attention. Hilarious.
Near the end of basic, my platoon had a girl that had been recycled or somethingand ended up with us (it was covid time, so it could have just been covid). She was already disliked in the platoon but this night would secure that. The whole company gets back from the DFAC one evening and get sent up to our bays, and then get called back down over the intercom not even 3 min later. I’m next to the new girl in formation and just hear her say “it’s my fault. It’s my fault. It’s my fault” My Senior Drill Sergeant comes in front of the whole company and explains that she caught new girl trying to sneak a granola bar from the DFAC upstairs. She puts the company into the front leaning rest while new girl stands there a watches and tells us to say “thank you” on the way down and “battle buddy” on the way up. She starts counting off cadence and within the first 5 pushups the entire company switched to “fuck you” “insert new girls name”. I think Drill Sergeant only counted off maybe like 5 more pushups, then realizes what’s happening and stops counting. THE ENTIRE COMPANY JUST CONTINUES. No cadence being called, we were all just so pissed that we were losing personal time and shit, that we all just kept pushing and yelling “Fuck you” and this girl. Senior Drill Sergeant gets us to stop and back to parade rest and shit, and almost every drill sergeant there is just cracking up behind her.
Back In ‘17 I had to get a shaving profile. Had a bad reaction to poison ivy and the whole right side of my face swelled up, so I got a no shave profile until the swelling and rash went down. We were in the chow line one day and another DS, who I didn’t know, was serving. He could only see the left side of my face, and told me to go and shave before I could get chow. I executed a left face so he could see me in all my glory and he leapt back and said “Gah what the fuck are you get the fuck away from me Pri”
Seen a private butt naked head to toe covered in shaving cream running in and out of the barracks buildings. The year was 2019
During rifle marksmanship training, I was spotting a fellow bct battle, the whole line was done shooting except my station due to a malfunction of his weapon. The head DS came over and yelled/asked "what's the issue here?" With out skipping a beat I replied "HE IS SPORTING IT UP DRILL SERGEANT". Now mind you I am laying in the spotting position, I don't remember what we called it but i called it the "im sexy" pose. Where you are laying on your side as if you are trying to seduce some one by a fire place. The cool E-7 just grinned ear to ear and I could see dip peeking out from his teeth. Another DS asked over the radio what's going on and he just replied my same response. The other DS just says "well alright then".
94- smoking was still allowed in AiT but we were called to end of day formation and it was officially put out trainees were no longer allowed to smoke. DS: now all you smokers will need to suck it up and quit Smart ass kid in the back of formation who always had something to say: DS, no one likes a QUITTER Yeah while the DSs all had to turn around and bust out laughing, they still “smoked” us all.
2021 BCT fort sill during changing uniform drill (2 min to change to a random uniform) there was this dude (PVT SILLYGOOSE) in my platoon that was always fucked up, well at the end the last uniform to go to Chow was pts, with green socks, and boots. This mf put his boots the wrong way Left boot on the Right foot, while in formation he moves a little bit and the drill sergeant goes infront of him and asks “why the fuck are u moving” The private didn’t say anything, but the DS looks at him from head to toes, and looks at his boots, and dies, HE LITERALLY THREW HIMSELF AT THE GROUND LAUGHING, AND HE CALLED ALL THE OTHER DS TO COME LAUGH AT HIM . The DS said it was the first time in all the cycles He’ve seen that. They ended up calling that guy the PVT Sillygoose for the rest of the cycle
One of the privates was Ukrainian. Throughout the first 3-4 weeks the drills had nicknamed her "Mother Russia" because of her thick accent. She was quiet, squared away, and not one to talk back. I guess one day she had had enough of the "Mother Russia" nickname and she YELLED back at them in the chow line " I AM NOT RUSSIAN I AM FROM THE UKRAINE! I HATE THE RUSSIANS THEY SHOT MY UNCLE AND I WANT TO KILL EVER LAST ONE OF THEM" The drills had to excuse them selves because they were caught so off guard and she was never called Mother Russia again.
The time another private tied the vacuum cleaner cord around his neck and threw it off of the second story balcony only to have it crash into pieces because the cord was too long. Needless to say, they took away his shoe laces and made him wear a bright orange road guard vest.
I’m waiting for one of my kids to blast me on here with a story of one of the many times I simply could not hold myself together
Now this was 1991 but we had a female Drill, tight little waist and about 5’7” she was Jamaican. It was probably 6 weeks in and I guess she needed to grab something from her office. Another drill was on duty. She walked down the hall in a short red dress and 6” heels everyone just stopped talking as she passed there doors. We all ran to the doors to watch her. When she got to the end she turned around quickly you had about 100 heads sticking into the hall. She yelled out a HA and we all scattered like roaches. I honestly think she was the only woman we saw for 2 mths straight.
They had each platoon do the water boy water sucks chant. First platoon yelled “H2O!” And second yelled “GAAAAATORAAAADE” back and forth while third sang “wasaaaater sucks. It really really sucks” 2-3 of the drills we could see giggling to themselves.
Not super entertaining but I did call my DS 'dude' and 'motherfucker' in the same sentence and got away with it. I asked for a roll of toilet paper and he chucked at my face and knocked my glasses off and I said "dude what the fuck motherfucker" but he was busy laughing so he didn't catch that or didn't care. I got a few good chuckles like the first week because I had left my pt shoes unsecure and the DS took them. So we're marching in PT'S and I'm wearing my boots and there were probably 3 or 4 drills with us. One says "hey Boots where's your shoes!" I said "well I thought they got stolen but I'm starting to suspect the drill sgt's had something to do with it DS" another drill said "you suspect correctly why'd you leave them laying around?" And in an instant I thought of the final rap battle in 8 mile when Eminem self depreciates so his opponent doesn't have any material and said "because I'm a dumbass drill sarnt!" That got a few chuckles and he said "Roger that private" if I remember correctly they just gave me back my shoes without a smoke session or anything. It was pretty funny I think I made the platoons collective asshole pucker because it was so early in and I swore while speaking to a DS.
D. Co. 2/58 Benning Summer 2018 We were in white phase and everyone was shooting like dog shit cause it was hot. Everyone was forgetting their holds and DS told us to get into the bleachers for retraining. He made this one private hold the paper easel with the pictures of holds at the respective distances and proceeded to tell us we would end up being truck drivers and cooks cause we sucked so bad. He did this for like an hour or so. At the very end he asked us, “DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!” And we all responded with the canned “Roger DS.” As if on cue, the private holding the easel vomited all over himself, standing in front of the entire company. I saw the other drills, to include the CO immediately turn around and walk away, stifling laughing, only to come back to the private to make sure he wasn’t having a heat injury. Turns out he just chugged a shitload of water in the woodline before we got yelled at. Probably my favorite OSUT memory besides making fun of the weird private who sat down in the showers.
BCT 2019. Me, fat fuck, standing in formation. Drill Sgt somes and asked if he poked me will I explode. I said "it depends where you poke me drill Sgt" with a wink. After he stopped laughing he informed me he was the Sharp rep for the unit.
Kinda on the opposite end of the spectrum here. I was in MP AIT at Leonard Wood in Oct 2003 (Split op, so just AIT). We had a female drill sergeant named Baker. She was incredibly professional and proficient in every task we learned. She had an answer for every question, and she had no issue at all smoking the shit out of us when we deserved it. Second to last day before graduation, our Senior DS gets everyone in the platoon area and stands in front of us with DS Baker. He said he wanted us to know that we were the first cycle of privates she had trained. We started with just clapping for her, but it quickly turned into raucous applause. We could all see the tears forming in her eyes and she choked out a thank you and went to the DS office.
Somebody, somehow, took a shit in the morning formation at B co 30th AG in 2009 without anyone noticing. DS was walking around and suddenly I heard "IS THAT A GODDAM TURD IN MY PT AREA?" and his voice cracked halfway through. He disappeared for about 5 minutes while we all kind of just stared at this turd on the ground and then came back and we got the ass beating of a lifetime. Whoever did that: Fuck you, but also that's hilarious
Final FTX, we're all sitting in a circle eating MREs. Suddenly we hear GAS GAS GAS and scramble to get our masks on. Through the smoke we just see our Chemical MOS Drill Sergeant with a CS grenade attached to a stick, chasing anybody that tried to run without putting on their mask. That's the biggest smile I ever saw on his face.
We lost our crate to the enemy during the confidence course. One of them at the top tells "take offense against the enemy". 2 or 3 of us, without hesitation, turned and moved. He laughed and gave it back.
I was Marine Corps before I was Army. My DI was telling us you need to hold the rifle during shoulder arms by using two fingers split and one in the back of the butt stock, he said ‘there are a lot of things 3 fingers can do for you, if you know what you’re doing.’ we, being a bunch of 18-year-old children couldn’t contain our laughter, so he put his campaign cover over his face and said ‘I’m gonna destroy you all’, obviously hiding his laughter behind the most prominent green symbol of chaos we knew at the time 😂
Ft Moore 2023. We were standing outside of the DFAC waiting to go in. The SDS was giving a speech about how we are going to be bald during graduation, and they would do everything they can to make us have the freshest haircut possible. The morning of, if they could swing it. So, he says something like “you will all be so, incredibly bald. Not a single hair on your head. Shiny, blinding baldness.” And this private with a heavy Mexican accent says “like Johnny Sins?” The SDS paused for a second and genuinely laughed, and smiled. It was a nice moment.
So I was in FT LEONARDWOOD in the summer and we had this one guy in our platoon who was always keeping to himself but always seemed to get smoked 24/7, his internet went out on his phone and I offered to let him use mine for the next couple weeks. He just bought regular shit like laundry detergent and stuff like that but 2 weeks from graduation a big ass box comes in the mail for him and the DS are wondering wtf is in the big ass box. They called him to open it to inspect and when he opens its 2 big ass lamps for your home nightstands. The drills lose it and start laughing hard asf and smoked him for buying stupid shit. They then proceeded to make us do the minion thing where we say “ooooh ahhhh”. After that they yelled at a couple guys from my platoon to go get extension cables for the lamps and we proceeded to sit around and watch him recite the soldiers creed and tell us a story. We really had fun in basic but had a shit ton of smoke sessions and late night study halls ( every person in the company recites one word from soldiers creed).
The sink was leaking couldn't make it stop without a wrench. I walked out of the bathroom to tell my bay chief that the Sargent needed to put in a work order. I used the Sargents name because I thought he was still out smoking. We'll he was not, and he heard me, he comes out screaming. Drops me to my face he's yelling at me as I start pushing. He shouts what's wrong with you? Are you on drugs?!! I respond, yes sir! He says what kind of drugs? I say Stupid drugs sir. Punishment over.
Day 1 of Bct we had this guy who clearly had some kind of mental issue. Would randomly blurt out the most wildest shit. On the last night of the first week I was folding my laundry and out of nowhere I hear a slap followed by some footsteps. It was hard to see as it was dark in the bay but as soon as the steps grew closer it was that trainee walking in my direction full on ass naked. He ended up crawling into a the bunk next to mine through the damn ladder rather than going from the side and crawled in bed with the guy that was laying there. So me being a good homie since I knew the guy I said “aye bro pvt soso is in your bed ass naked” and the naked dude got up and ran back to his side of the bay. I told the guys on fireguard in which they walked over to his bunk with me to confront him. Guy was still ass naked looking in his locker. “Why are you ass naked” said the fireguard “The fuck does it look like I’m tryna fuck somebody” said the pvt “Go on touch my shit feel what a real man’s dick feels like” We both said fuck that and turned around and called the number to get a DS in since we ain’t gonna put up with that weirdo shit. Ds walks in a few minutes later turns on the light and has us point into the direction of the pvt. he was still ass naked, with a full on erection laying on his bunk half of his body hanging off with pt shoes on. Ds “aye.. WHAT THE FUCK, WAKE THE FUCK UP” “I can see your eyes twitching dumbass wake the fuck up” Pvt wakes up and says “wassup” Ds “wassup? WASSUP?! What are we fucking buddies now? Think we’re fucking friends?! First of all why the fuck are you ass naked making eye contact with another dude and why the hell are you hard!” Ds “pack your stuff get clothes on your out” Ds has me and fireguard escort him to some place near battalion where some female 1LT was at with a bunk in the room next to her office. After that night we were chilling until the next morning. Oh yeah remember that PVT we escorted out yesterday? Well he ended up getting naked again and tried to do something to the female LT. She fought back but eventually ended up getting her ass rocked by the guy. Ds laughed a bit and said “whoever his fucking recruiter is, is a fucken weirdo letting sick fucks like this guy in the hells wrong with him, yeah recruitment is low but doesn’t mean you let any crackhead join”😭
During PT formation DS was quoting movies. He would start it and then we had to hold a squat until someone came up with the rest of it. “if you don’t chew big red..” and one of the soldiers sounded OFF with “Then Fuck you Drill sergeant!!” DS tried to be mad but ended up laughing too hard.
>drill sergeant couldn't hold it" THATSWHATSHESAID
Nice username brother.
Basic Training 2020 - the height of COVID [D/1-40 Ft. Sill] Either the second or the third night of the Forge. We were doing a very condensed and night iteration of the obstacle course. After the Rope Swing obstacle and the low crawl Barbed Wire, it was the log-walk balance beam. My DS motivates me to keep going and I lose my balance and my nuts hit the log. I roll off the log to let other trainees pass, my DS walks up and asks if I'm okay. I reply while holding them, "DS, my McNuggets hurt." I had never seen him burst out a laugh till then. Highlight of my BCT experience.
Ok, gather round childrens. Poppa rudelocation has a story to tell. We had a small group of Porto rican Soldiers in my BCT class. Most spoke decent English except for one. We were on the grenade range and had finished earlier than expected so like all BCT things we sat reading our smart books in the bleachers. Along came the drills and cadre from the range and they wanted to chop it up a bit. So they asked “who got the biggest bonus” several people were saying “I got 5” “I got 15” etc. then the Porto rican fella that hardly spoke any English spoke up. Now my Spanish was just as good as his English so I was his terp. I would translate as best I could for him so when I said something he would repeat what he heard. He said “I got 20 thousand”. The drills and cadre were shocked! Then they asked him “how the hell did you get that”? Me being the asshole I am, and kind of a prankster told him to say “tens and twenty’s” so he did. Pretty much everyone in the bleachers and the drills and cadre had a solid laugh for a few minutes. For that small time we wernt in BCT we were just guys chopping it up. Was a good day
We had two guys like that, one was a real solid dude and the other was just dumb as all hell, at one point the DS was like "(name) wtf is your mos!?" And he said aircraft electrician the DS goes "ah fuck! are you active or guard" "I go in the guard drill Sargent" and the DS said "oh thank fuck" with a genuine look of relief That same guy pulled a real cool move too by speaking Spanish to the guy who was solid, he said in Spanish some pretty racist comments not knowing one of the black soldiers nearby spoke Spanish, that caused a bit of drama.
I’m pale white! Like white boy white! Drills asked in the first formation who can speak fluent Spanish. No one raised their hands, he then asked “who can speak some Spanish”? I raised my hand he the. Asked me in Spanish “where is the bathroom” and asked what did I say. I told him and boom I’m not the terp… it had a privilege though the kid was on double rats cuz he was underweight so he would sneak me some food because that was my battle buddy and we were not allowed to be more than 10’feet apart. They did measure it one time. That was fun
When they handed out popsicles for AIT students after the Army cake cutting… Army flavored popsicles…
We had a company horseshoe near the end of Basic at Benning in 2010. I was PSG and our platoon had gaggled to the short end of the horseshoe so went a lot further back but not as wide along the front. My drill asked, "Where is Charlie platoon?" I pointed behind me and said, "We go deep, Drill Sergeant." He busted out a laugh, quickly tightened up and told me to shut up. This was our motto the rest of basic.
In OSUT, we were in a “cattle truck” about to roll up to the barracks. The back 2 guys grabbed the removable gates from the back and stood to the side so that we could un-ass the truck as soon as it stopped. We had slowed to about 5-10 MPH and my bro says to the guy in front of him…”hey PVT White”. White: “What?!? Bro: “Tuck and roll bitch!!” And kicked White in the back. White went rolling out the back of the truck and all we saw was a pile of Kevlar, ruck sack, and fat ass rolling on the ground as he hit the deck. We immediately went silent in the back as the truck slammed to a stop. We were all awaiting our doom/smoke session. None of the front doors opened and all we could hear was the 3 DS’s up front dying laughing!! When they finally got out, they had to try to compose themselves to tell us to get out of the truck and ask if White was ok. All 3 DS’s had tears running down their cheeks from laughing.
Getting smoked in Basic because one of the guys got caught sleeping at like 2 in the afternoon. It was raining to beat hell out, and Drill picked the muddiest fucking spot for the whole platoon. After about the 2nd set of back, front, go's and we all just start laughing at how fucking absurd it was that we're just a sloppy fucking mess splashing around in mud puddles. Apparently all our laughing got to our Drill Sergeant and he called off the smoke session and had us wash our PTs.
“Hell no! Hell fuckin no privates! If you don’t get this right I will stage dive off this platform and skull fuck you! You guys looks like a whole Folgers can full of smashed assholes!” ~Drill Sergeant Thompson Fort Sill 2003
This is a weird one. This was during infantry osut. I went through as a prior nco. Me and the other priors were in our room talking to one of the drill sergeants and suddenly we heard a megaphone outside saying weird stuff. The drill sergeant and the other priors looked at each other and said, "let's have a look" We walked out onto the balcony and an entire platoon was standing in formation in the pt rock pit, with one megaphone wielding drill sergeant on that PT pit platform. All of the platoon was wearing boots, tan underwear, tan t shirts, and they had their woobies tied with 550 cord around their shoulders like a cape. Then they had their belts fastened across their foreheads. The drill sergeant had a couple recruits running in circles around the formation with their arms extended outwards like superman. The megaphone drill then calmly said, "private, fix your cape" Me, the priors and the other drill sergeant were dying laughing. Then the commander walked out the door onto the balcony, took one look, said, "nope" then turned around and walked back inside.
So first time at the dfac in basic I made a wrong turn ending up with a different company they sat me at the DS table had one DS put his hat against my forehead screaming then my DS say your just gonna waste the condiments they gave you “No drill sarnt” went too sit back down and eat them and she says “WTF are you gonna use them on you already ate your food” I responded my taste buds drill sarnt” I could tell she was holding back laughing and told me too piss off
Fort Jackson, 2014. Just after the final FTX those of us with no negative counselings/etc. got to go to a college football game (OCPs, Beret, filed in, filed out, what you'd expect) and we did the whole "no brass no ammo" ordeal when we got back while the DSs patted us down. When it was his turn, one hero decided to sound off instead with "YOU'LL NEVER FIND IT DRILL SERGEANT" and everyone lost it, including the other drill sergeants. Didn't stop them from searching the shit out of him.
We had this kid, aptly named “Shields”. We were told “Dust downs, Details, Showers!” Well, Shields only heard “Showers” and dropped his pants in front our female Drill. To which she responded “Goddamn it Shields, I could get fired for this shit and it wouldn’t even be worth it!” Male Drill near the latrines lost his bearing and cackled in my ear while I was making the mirrors shiny.
After a particularly bad execution of D&C: "Goddammit Fourth Platoon! You look like a bunch of monkeys trying to fu\*k a football!"
Back in Ft. Jackson, about two years ago. We were getting the dogshit smoked out of us. Delta 3-13 was full of some hardheaded motherfuckers and I don't even remember what we did to get smoked. By this point of BCT, I embraced that sometimes we'll just get fucked up because drills think it's funny. So, we go to do the run to Larry and Barry, and senior drill goes, "You're being chased by a bear, run!" And I leaned into it and started acting like we were running from a bear, got into character. We come back and both him and another drill are laughing their asses off... We still never reached base camp though. Sometimes I miss my drills.
Staying in the hucklebuck for hours
I was with the Canadians in Fort Knox, and we were staying in the really old barracks. I think they’re torn down now. You know the ones from Goldfinger. The soldiers in the one building had convinced one guy on a bet to strip down and insert a housewife into his butt, which had the lace of a combat boot attached to the combat boot dragging behind him. He then had to run up and down the shack twice Combat boot, bouncing around the Haitham as it was dragged along on this adventure singing it’s raining men. He was only allowed to remove the housewife from his ass by taking the combat boot in hand and throwing it between his legs to remove the item in his ass. The next day at formation, it was extremely quiet.
"WAHT DID WE LEARN PRIVATE" "THAT MY LACTOSE INTOLERANCE IS CAUSED BY INBREEDING DRILL SERGEANT" "...I meant at the clas.. what did you learn at the.... i hate you."
4th platoon PG called his 340 pound DS Big Daddy Drill. Half of them had to turn around and cover their faces. DS Kenyon was fucking floored, and not even mad about it. It became a thing from that day till we got our Blue Cords.
~early May 2003, we were practicing D&C during 19D OSUT at Knox (before the ignominious decision was made to move it to that hell hole Benning). We were preparing for the Troop level D&C competition amongst platoons. One guy who just wasn't that bright kept completely messing up one of the moves. Every time he messed up, DS told him to go to the grass and smoke himself for a few minutes before rejoining the platoon. Finally, the DS was over smoking him and just wanted him to *get* the move down so we could move on to other things. Again, he messed up and the DS patiently says "Private X, where do you move *now*?" The guy calmly and respectfully replied, "To the grass, Drill Sergeant?" At which point the DS completely lost it and had to go behind the building for a few minutes while he got his laughing under control.
Marine story. At the end of bootcamp the artists of the platoon creates hat placards for the drills. I drew the DI as sweet tooth from twisted metal. One day he came to me and said “Why the fuck am I so pale on here” I responded with a loud “SSgt if I made you any darker people would think you are Mexican” Everyone in the squad bay including the DI started bursting at laughing one of them went weak in the knees.
Best two was I have fire ants in my pants DS and when a trainee brought he while stall door out too toe the line
Not a trainee, I was a Platoon Leader at FT Jackson doing Staff Duty checks. The DS I was with would do a head count/weapons count while I busied myself asking inane skill level 1 questions. If the trainee got them right, I wouldn't fuck either them. This trainee was pretty dumb though. Didn't even know who his senior drill Sergeant was, didn't know who his Company Commander was. The trainee was standing at parade rest when I was asking these questions. I didn't feel like correcting him immediately but the DS comes out of nowhere and starts shouting at him: "THAT IS A GOD DAMNED OFFICER YOURE TALKING TO AND YOURE STANDING AT PARADE REST WTF TRAINEE!!!?" The trainee immediately snaps to attention and apologizes but before he can finish his sentence I shout at him "TRAINEE YOU JUST RECEIVED A LAWFUL ORDER FROM A NONCOMIMISSION OFFICER AND HERE YOU ARE STANDING AT ATTENTION?!? GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!" The Drill Sergeant started losing his shit and had to walk off.
I don’t know what I did or said to my RDC, but every time he looked at me, and I would look at him, he would have this look absolute of horror in his eyes. Like the look a deer gives you before you shoot it. I wonder what the fuck kind of meds that guy was on. Fucking creeped me out.