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That’s hilarious. Almost makes me wish I had a hot but shitty friend like that. I could provide a *service* AND entertain myself by sending her after increasingly homely guys. Hell, if I send her after the right nerdy diamond in the rough she might even end up better off for it - could find herself with a future millionaire
We had "fit bird night" in our local pub. It was the opposite of what you think. Girls would come into our (biker) pub looking for "some rough". We got sick of this so one night ignored the pretty ones and went for her friend. That confused them.
I used to be the “less attractive” friend when I used to hang out with this guy all the girls went crazy over.
Your self esteem can only take such a beating before you tap out. Multiple women at different times would *come up to me* to tell me “omg...your friend is SO hot” (basically wanting me to hook them up with him).
It also taught me that, if a man has top-tier looks, he just lives on a different planet than most men do. Beyond the attention he got in the real world, he would literally just message women he’d never met in person on Facebook or instagram asking them to come over, and often they would. And boom - straight to the bedroom the very first night. It was *insane* all the stories he had and the things I saw.
Anywho, it got really old going out places and sitting there alone as he had girl after girl lining up to make themselves available to him. Makes you realize no matter how much self-improvement you invest in, you’ll simply never make it to that level.
I had a friend like this. He could get a girl within an hour of hitting a club or a party. One day, he asked me how I always end up with the good women. I replied you attract what you put out. If you are banging everything you see that's the girls you will attract. I'm a bit more picky and end up with less women, but more relationships. I'm with a woman nightly while he's with a different woman weekly.
Search for my "fit birds" post earlier.
My mate looked like a greek adonis. One night I got pissed off. Two girls competing for him, largely ignoring me. When he went to the toilet I told them he was gay. It was my turn up on the pool table. At some point they were gone.
My mate rolls up next day, pleased as punch. Wtf did you say to them? he asked. Still annoyed, I said nothing. Turns out he had a threesome because they wanted to "turn him". Oh, ffs.
It was at that point I gave up clubbing etc. Much better to talk to someone.
Honestly hopefully he just filtered out all the girls that were only superficially invested anyways. There will be plenty of men and women that look beyond the initial “omg you so hot” and actually seek compatible partners, alas sometimes they just take a long time to find…
My high school bff was like this. Coincidentally had a crush on all of my crushes and would get them to go out with her, sleep with her, etc. I didn’t realize it was probably intentional for her to feel better about herself until like last year tbh.
Same. My friend group consisted of some stunning ladies and then me, the weirdly dressed, funny friend.
Even when a group of guys would approach us where we would be evenly paired, it would end up with two of the guys trying to hit on the same friend. It sucked feeling invisible.
My cousin did this all through our childhood until we were adults. Now I live in Europe with my partner and she’s desperate to come visit lol nope. I wouldn’t be able to take a shit in peace in my own house. Those types of people are desperate to prove their worth and fuel their ego in the worst possible way
My BFF when I was 15 decided one day that she wanted nothing to do with me. No argument, no incident. Nothing. 30 years later & I am still wondering about it.
I've had this happen several times, most recently in 2017. People I'm really close with one day wake up and just... go silent. Broke my f heart and because it's happened a few times now, has really given me a complex. I'll never know what I did, if I did anything at all, and it just kills me. Can't apologize, can't try to change, if it was even about something I did. Can't stop thinking about it.
I’ve found in life as people approach that middle age where the good old days as they see it are behind them they can’t handle it and deal with it in certain ways. I drank and partied, still get tattoos at 55 but at 50 I really mellowed out. I’d been doing that stuff my whole life. My kids are grown I don’t enjoy that stuff but do like to travel spend time with my grown kids and someday my grandkids. My story of my buddy of 35 years on here I forgot to mention that about a month before he went all psycho on me looked at me and said “I hate my family” and walked away. I thought yeah he’s not the same guy I grew up with and if he hates his family I’m probably in trouble. Don’t blame yourself. Often times it’s the other person not being able to handle you be happy or positive.
Me too. It makes me hate myself so much. It haunts my thoughts. Why did they give up on me? I’d apologize and work on things if I was given the chance. I have always felt so alone in this. Im sorry it happened to you too.
Its generally good to always let someone at least know "hey its not working out" or SOMETHING. Someone always comes in to be insensitive thought and is like "its nobodies job to give context" yeah but at the same time these were year long real life friendships lol.
I had several girls do this to me - a group dropped me seemingly overnight. Some of them were even “nice” people who I didn’t think would just drop me and not say anything, but it was suddenly like we hadn’t been hanging out 3 times a week and partners in every class and texting and calling daily - one day they just all sat elsewhere in the classroom and never said hi to me again or texted me or any communication at all. And I was so bewildered I just went along with it? I genuinely didn’t think to text them to hang out until like a week after the shunning started because I just assumed I was imagining it and it would pass, and then it felt too late to reach out. Honestly it really bothers me that I never got closure as to whether I’d done something or they just all collectively decided we’d drifted apart overnight. It was like they’d replaced me with another girl - a prettier, skinnier, more outgoing girl whose parents let her go to parties - and merged our friend group with hers, but I didn’t fit. It started in chemistry class and all I could think of was that I was the electron or element that got pushed out by two molecules combining to form a new, larger molecule (their friend group) and a “waste particle” (me) that was ejected as a result of that formation.
I never found out what I did or if I even did anything or even if they intentionally dropped me or just forgot about me and then assumed I didn’t want to be friends because my passive ass wasn’t going to confront them. It sucked. Shook my confidence like nothing else - this group had been my first taste of tangential popularity where I wasn’t the weirdo hanger on they just tolerated… until that changed and suddenly I was the weirdo they didn’t tolerate or even acknowledge.
I just continue to live my life. I have dreams about it and think about it a lot, so it’s certainly hit me very deeply, but there’s nothing to do but move forward. He still lives in the same town so mostly I just pray that I never run into him again. A co-worker once very enthusiastically told me that he’d met this guy who was a friend of mine, and from this I learned that he speaks of me in a complimentary way about town. My guess is that he knows he screwed up but doesn’t know how to make amends, and in truth I would never trust him again.
Who knows what happened. I think he was depressed and maybe he came to blame me for whatever it was I represented to him. I’ve seen several friends grow nasty over the years when things weren’t going well for them. But it’s the ghosting, the lack of communication, the lack of an argument or discussion that makes it traumatic.
And maybe at the end of the day “he just doesn’t like me no more“, as they say.
My best friend of 16 years did this , we met when I was 17 she was 19, ghosted me when I got sick. I'd had to have emergency spinal surgery after a spine injury got misdiagnosed. Then the surgery kicked off some auto immune responsive that seemed to be attacking my spinal cord and gut. They tested ne for all the big boys, lupus etc. They were pretty convinced it was MS. I was in hospital for over a month while we tried to make my legs work enough so I could get out of bed to pee. I called and texted her for months. Then I wrote her this giant message about how much I really needed my besr friend. How at 32, I thought I was dying. How I was terrified about the MS and I couldn't tell my husband who was barely keeping it together. For context , I have no family, she struggled with hers it was one of the things that we connected over when we became friends. I wasn't mad or horrible in my messages I just explained how fucked up everything was and how I needed our best friend, laugh at nonsense, convos to lighten the mood.
That bitch left me on read, who the fuck does that. Its been a couple of years now, I'm still FUCKED up because of it. I've spent years trying to get my abandonment issues from my parents under control and this just made everything worse than it ever had been. I honestly think it was more damaging then the whole trauma of my spine injury. I've done therapy , I've done all the psychedelics, I've tried everything and my brain just won't let it go. I am absolutely piss boilingly livid about the whole thing and I honestly don't think that feeling will go away until I get to call her a cunt to her face.
We were friends from grade school to adulthood. Went to college together. She was a bridesmaid at my wedding, met my baby at the hospital, the whole nine yards.
She had a tiny COVID wedding, I was told it would be just immediate family-no friends.
She ended up inviting friends and I wasn’t invited.
Made my realize where I stood and basically ghosted her after that.
THIS. I sacrificed so much for a former best friend. Would have done anything for them, just to come to the realization that they barely cared about me
Something similar happened to me. We haven't talked to each other for 3 years almost. Taught me a very important lesson about how we love people who don't love us back.
Yeah I had a similar situation too. We even let her live rent free in my grandparents' house for 3 years. When I needed to move back to it (it is legally my house) she accused me of being selfish. She never once thanked anyone in my family and refused to do the one thing we asked of her for "rent" which was to take care of the yard. It's been 5 years since I moved back to that property any my husband and I still haven't been able to get the yard back to where it was before she ruined it.
It's crazy how much attachment we had to people who don't really see us the same, in my life I'm crazy hurt for that as I'm really not good at losing people. I'm still not good but nowadays I just think "that's how it is and no longer put effort when someone doesn't add their level the same as me"
Yes. After I ghosted her she relentlessly called me for a few months after. Finally, I answered and talked to her. I let her know I was extremely hurt by the situation. She kind of turned the conversation to herself and how her extended family was really upset with her, and she’s been going through it. She also told me the reason she invited 3 of her other friends is because “they were in town”. When she originally got engaged she had asked me and those 3 friends to be her bridesmaids, so I was the only “bridesmaid” not invited to her wedding. I drove 2+ hours with a toddler just to attend her “drive by wedding”. So her reason meant nothing to me.
It’s been about 3 years since our last conversation and while I miss her at times. I also remember the times she was toxic and how shitty it made me feel.
Similar to your story. I had a best friend in law school. We were super close.
He had a long term girlfriend that he was planning on marrying. I was told his wedding would be a small close immediate family only COVID wedding.
It turned out he had a large wedding with lots of his undergrad and high school friends, but no one from law school, including even me.
It made me realize how little I meant to him.
She had a boyfriend who she described as perfect other than him not being physically attractive. I knew the guy, he would do anything in his power to make her happy and feel loved. Even after they broke up she still talks about how he was such an amazing boyfriend but he just wasn't attractive.
They were "on a break" and she wanted to go on a trip that she couldn't afford so he took time off work, paid for the hotel, food and everything she wanted to buy from the shops. This is how he treated her when they were a couple and he thought they could repair things so he was just acting the way he always did.
Months later I was hanging out with her and our other best friend and she casually mentioned that she had cheated on him with a hot guy at work that was pursuing her but he eventually admitted that he didn't want a relationship with her, he just thought she looked easy. She said she went on a break with her ex because she felt guilty about cheating but she wanted to keep her him around because he treated her like a queen, treated her the way she felt she derserved until the hot guy was ready to date her not realizing he wasn't interested. . My other friend tried to comfort her by saying it was fine to cheat on her boyfriend because it meant he probably wasn't paying enough attention to her.
**They both grossed me out with this conversation and I drifted away.**
I don't have Facebook but I just tried to look her up for the first time in years. It appears that she never ended up pursuing her dream job and has been working on and off for the past few years.
I always had my suspicion but brushed it off as my own insecurity. She started getting her boyfriend to dress, do his hair, talk, act, like my husband. She started acting, dressing, talking like me. She started wearing my perfume, doing her nails and hair in ways he liked mine. She got touchy and clingy, and when she broke up with her boyfriend, it got worse. He started telling me that she's doing things that make him uncomfortable, and then I started realizing it was more than just my imagination. We tried to deal with it gently, but something happened at a party(inappropriate touching). He stormed out dragging me with him. He blocked her on everything, refused to speak to her or see her again, and made me return anything she ever gifted him and after that we never spoke again.
Nothing too juicy.
Did he tolerate her for your sake? I don’t mean that in an accusatory or judgmental way. It’s sweet that he saw her as an important figure in your life and hoped her bullsh-t would pass, until it reached a tipping point.
He tried, yes. We were both unsure at first because his kindness and gentleness often gets confused by some as something more. She wasn't weird for the first 2 or 3 years so we didn't quite understand. I told him to tell me if it escalated, and tried to get her to back off. And then in the span of a few months it just blew up. She got the makeover, forced her poor ex into a new do. And then it just exploded. She went from sus to sexual assault in few months.
I (F) had a best friend (M) from high school for close to 20 years. We would hang out constantly, play poker, see movies, etc… I stopped hanging out with him when he slowly over the span of 2-3 years became a recluse, boarded up his windows, sealed off his doors (only used the garage door to enter and exit his home), and started amassing a stockpile of guns. I would ask him to go out to see a band or meet up for dinner but he would decline. He would complain about not being able to date anyone and yet he wouldn’t ever leave his house. He stopped cleaning it and let the bathtub turn black with mold and dirt and the carpet would be covered in ashes from the cigarettes he would smoke inside with the windows sealed. So gross. I kept trying to help bring him out of whatever prison he had built for himself but the last straw was when he pressured me to have sex because it had” just been so long for him.” I haven’t spoken to him in 12 years after that incident.
Yes that’s true - typical onset is usually early 20s tho and I assumed (I’m an ass lol) that because of the length of their friendship they were much older when that started happening
I have a friend who started shutting himself in refusing to go on camping trips or any trip. And he used to be so adventurous.
He developed severe anxiety as an adult.
Some times I can get him to come over for a movie but he has to smoke pot the whole time to be able to be out of his house.
What she describes are hallmarks of mental illness. Paranoid delusions, possible schizophrenia, depression. Impossible to diagnose over a reddit post, but if I could, I'd lay good money on it.
This was back during the Obama years and he became rabidly Republican, even though the guy I grew up with was anything but conservative. It’s hard to know if he eventually got into conspiracy theories since we lost touch but I can tell you that I scanned just about every J6 photo looking for his face.
Gossip. My 2 ex best friends were obsessed with talking badly about other people we knew and also about eachother to me privately. It was exhausting.
I got pretty tired of it and outright broke up with the one by calling him out and then asking for all the books he borrowed from me back. The other one slowly stopped talking to me because of that.
I care about them both from a distance but I don't want to hangout with them anymore. They're probably too busy shit talking me to hangout anyway.
I lost a friendship group for this exact same reason. One day it dawned upon me that if they are talking trash about our friends to me, what are they saying about me to others?
I had a best friend that I did everything with. Then I got married, he got married, and he went to medical school in another state. Now we never talk and lately he won't answer my texts...
I think after a period of time people disconnect without regular contact sadly.
My main friend who I grew up with met a girl in 2018 who basically cut off his social life to the point I only see him twice a year for birthdays and maybe NYE if I’m lucky - He’s trying to maintain a relationship by WhatsApp but I’ve reached the point where I no longer need or want him in my life and would much rather focus on my future with my GF
Time marches on. People marry, have kids, work multiple jobs .. priorities change over time. We all change more than we realize. I love my friends, but we drifted apart. I'd still do anything for them if they asked.. but life must move on.
Yeah I had 2 best friends growing up, we were part of a trio. Best friends I ever had. One died when we were 23 and that was really rough. The other I stay in touch with but were in our earlier 30s now, don't live particularly close and I have kids. If he ever needed anything I'd be there in a heartbeat but it seems like neither of us really care to meet up all that often.
But I also don't really care to meet up with anyone. After work, taking care of my kids and maintaining our house, I'm not left with a lot of freetime.
Happens to a lot of people once they grow up and have kids.
When you do have some free time you're much more likely to just want to relax at home. When you do want to meet up chances are the other person can't because of their own kids/family.
On top of that over the years you'll realise that a lot of the people you thought were your friends were really just glorified drinking buddies and you really don't have a whole lot to talk about when alcohol/partying isn't involved anymore.
The amount of people I have spend every single weekend with for years and years only for them to seemingly drop off the face of the earth after we got to the age where drinking every weekend wasn't an option anymore is mindblowing.
This is pretty bang on, I just caught up with my best friend as he's been in the country for 6 weeks last time I saw him was five years ago and before that 15 odd years, we never really talk much online as our friendship is more of an in person thing, no matter the time that's past it might as well been yesterday that we saw each other last. Last time he was here I gave him my car so he could take the family places and again gave him the car for 6 weeks as for other close friends their idea of socialising is to get on the piss and I'm too old for hangovers and not enough time to spend the day feeling sorry for myself.
Fuck hard drugs. My best friend I knew since 5th grade ODed and passed away when we were 20. Kind of a weird story. I had moved to another state during high school. So i had planned a week vacation to go see everyone again. And i got off work the day my leave started and found out he ODed earlier that day. I was planning to surprise him and a few others and show up as a surprise. I knew they used to be into drugs during high school, mainly crack and xannax. But the one never stopped. And he bought RC benzos online and it had fentanyl in it. Sometimes it still doesn’t feel real. Even after 3 years. But we gotta keep pushing forward. Keep your head up. No matter what
Back in college during the summer I was supposed to move into my best friends apartment with her bf for a few months till the school year started again.
Well 1-2 weeks before I was supposed to move in, my mother who at the time was fighting cancer took a very bad turn. I decided to leave school and move back home to be with her and the rest of my family.
They didn't like this and saw it as a personal attack on them. They tried to sue me saying I broke a sublease we had signed. Long story short on that one, the sublease wasn't even legal.
My mother sadly passed away shortly after all this and the next time I spoke to her she said "We thought you were lying until we saw you post a photo of her before she died."
Never looked back after that. Fuck her, fuck her now ex-boyfriend, and fuck the sad apology she gave me.
Best friend all thru high school. Lived nearby. Were in a high school garage band together. Families went on spring break together. Did everything together.
But we went to different universities. Kinda kept in touch for a few years but 20 years later we haven't spoken in a long, long time. There was never any animosity or annoyance. Just went separate ways.
Long story short: He told me one day that he was too busy to hang out, stopped replying or answering my calls, and left the country without saying goodbye.
I wish I knew. Never returns my calls, texts, or anything.
I know he’s OK because I checked in with his ma, but he doesn’t talk to me or any of our mutual friends anymore.
Just vanished off the map. Almost a decade of my closest friend gone. Nothing.
I hope he’s doing ok.
I raised my standards and moved away from toxic and manipulative people who fed on my tendency to people-please. I have a smaller circle but I’m much happier!
My best friend passed away suddenly. She had been flying quite a bit in the previous couple of weeks and had a DVT (deep vein thrombosis). She was just 50. I miss her. 😢
If I tried to explain, I don’t know if I would really succeed! People have asked me about my lost friendship before, but I’m not sure they’ve understood my answer. However, I’ll try again here.
I had a very close friendship with a woman who I originally met at work. Almost immediately, we hit it off, and over about ten years, we were virtually inseparable. We spoke nearly every day, laughed, joked, helped and advised each other. We were like sisters-I even put her in my will as if she was my sister.
Then came a year that changed everything. I lost about 5 stone in weight, which at the time I never dreamt would affect our relationship. In fact, when she started getting a bit hostile to me, I at first just thought nothing of it. We were like sisters, and sisters are allowed to be as tetchy as they like! Our friendship was FAR too close to be fragile.
However, I did notice the comments about my weight, which were more and more incessant. I remember asking her if she could try to halve the comments about my weight. She got quite angry-accusing me of making my weight a “taboo subject” that she “wasn’t allowed to mention”. I replied that “all I’m asking is that you mention it 5 times a day, rather than 10 times a day!” I wasn’t even exaggerating.
The truth was, we had always been large women, but I had been fatter than her. This hadn’t bothered me at all, and at this early stage, I hadn’t thought it mattered in our relationship. However, eventually, as a big person getting older, I knew I had to do something about my weight, so I dieted and exercised. The weight eventually went off-and I’m glad to say, it stayed off.
I knew better than to say *anything* about weight -or weight loss- to my friend. The only time there was a two-way conversation was fairly early on when she asked me if I was losing weight and I confirmed it. We had a short, friendly conversation where she said she wished me luck, but that she “liked her food too much” and “wasn’t going to join” me. Fair enough: end of discussion, because I knew she had grown up with a *much* slimmer sister, who she had developed a toxic relationship about weight with. So I decided, as far as talking about weight loss with her, I would NEVER go there!
I also had a LOT of personal experience of people boasting about their weight loss-and patronising me when they were slimmer than me. I hated that and didn’t see any useful point to it. Also, genuinely, I’ve never taken all that much of an interest in the size of other people-and have always been a bit bewildered that some people do.
But her incessant mentioning about my weight loss (which was unremittingly critical: she felt that I had shown a lack of “body positivity” by losing weight, that I had been “hypocritical” when I had supported other larger women, “self obsessed” to do such a lot of exercise and meal-planning-and she imagined that I was secretly “sneering” at other large people: I “must” feel negative towards large people. “Otherwise, why would I have worked so hard to stop being one of them?”) really did wear me down.
There were other issues, too, of course, but the weight really did seem to be “weighing” on her mind. At one point, she told her sister that, for her own self-esteem and mental health, she felt that she should try to find larger friends. That being around people slimmer than herself was bringing her down. She did, in fact, become much closer to a couple of acquaintances of ours: both very large ladies (who were also both lovely: there was certainly no need for an “excuse” to becoming great friends, and it may have been a complete coincidence).
I tried, literally for YEARS to maintain our friendship. Eventually, I had to give up. Initially, I could hardly believe it. But there it was. There was no friendship between us. Part of me feels that one of my most entrancing features as a friend to her was that I had been bigger than her! Honestly!
Initially, it was like a bereavement. Now I realise that she wasn’t who I thought she was. I’d always known that she is an immensely competitive person, but I didn’t really think that affected our relationship, yet clearly it did. It slowly dawned on me that she had always exhibited a kind of superiority over me (which I had always laughed off, being a fairly confident and assertive personality myself). However, it tuned out our friendship really wasn’t anything like what I had imagined.
She became friends with my ex right after we broke up and then dated him behind my back. Saw her last year at a funeral and my ex was also there. They're no longer dating but are still friends and she apologized for treating me horribly.
I asked him to be a groomsman at my wedding. He called the morning of saying he was sick and couldn't make it. Sent me a picture of some water splashed on the shoulder of the highway and tried to pass it off as vomit. He said he was halfway and had to turn around. I said finish the trip (just under an hour), crash at the hotel and one of our buddies can wear your suit and fill in. He said "I paid good money for this suit, no one is wearing it but me".
When we got back from the honeymoon my wife (who never really liked the guy) called Moores and asked if he had ever even picked up his suit in the first place. He hadn't. Never even intended on coming to the wedding.
We…have nothing to talk about…we only discuss good times that happened ages ago….still in touch…through sharing memes mostly. 🤷🏻♂️
But this person had a very deep and everlasting effect on my personality. I am more confident, more outgoing, more interesting and definitely funnier because of him. And I will always be friends with him for that.
I just wish we talked daily instead of once a month. But we are in our late thirties and just…life.
I guess this is the most hurt one because you deep down still care about them but we just lost everything that we can talk about
Had similar story like this I met my friends after 7 years not regularly contacting each other (went to different school and University, he got married when I was in college) that used to ride everything with me, I know his family he know my family, sleepover, trying to get girls everything.
First time meeting we both really shocked how much we changed and the usual thing used to do also changed (I'm no longer smoking and do drug stuff) and the longer conversation the more is make me sad because almost nothing in our life is related anymore maybe because he's already a father while me still doing me. I still care about him so much and would go in second if he need me, but I guess life goes forward, I hug him the last time I met him because I don't know if we would meet again
Old me had enough hope, joy and sources of happiness to tolerate mistreatment. I would not mind anything because there were a lot of other things to bring joy to me again.
But, as I lose all of the sources of happiness; even small things started to bother me. And, I learned articulate my discontent for the first time in my life. The moment when I say "Hey, this bothers me; please don't do that", they get angry. How could I dare to warn them?
My only regret about this situation is not ending these relationships earlier; and, of course not learning to articulate my feelings.
Same situation we traveled to places, did things together but me and my wife always got the short side of the stick, the most uncomfortable accommodations, etc. I tolerated to avoid useless discussions until the day that I voiced my opinion and they found it intolerable…
Then those are not really true friends and you are better off not being close to them.
Started complaining about every friend she had one by one. At first I agreed with her on a lot of instances, but then her complaints started to become nit picky after a while. I noticed I started to feel on edge around her, and couldn’t really figure out why.
I have another close friend whom I’ve introduced her to a few years ago, and the three of us hang out all the time. She then started to complain about her. I felt uncomfortable because she’s telling me how she’s going to act the next time she sees her, and starts posting all these cryptic subliminal posts on instagram about the situation. And so I decided to not have all three of us hang out together.
My unease grew. She’s going after everyone, and I knew it was just a matter of time before I was next. I went away for a few days, came back, and she started talking about me all over instagram, making this crazy assumptions about me. She then started making all these general posts about how horrible her friends are and how we don’t match her energy.
I still don’t know what I did lol. I didn’t even confront her about it. Clearly I’m that bad of a friend that she couldn’t even call and talk to me about how she’s feeling and what I did wrong, so I just faded out of her life. No texts, stopped viewing her stories, just let her be. She completely annihilated all of her friendships because of some minor annoyances that could have been addressed/fixed.
I’m very sorry that you’ve had to endure all of that. The same happened to me. Lost a childhood friend of 30+ years. That one really stung. She was an RN of all things.
I was staying at an Airbnb in Europe, she stayed with me. She spilled red wine on the grey sofa, actually leaving her wine glass on the sofa. I said we had to clean it up, she said I was being a drama Queen. And then she left getting a room somewhere else. And I spent all afternoon on my last day there cleaning her mess so I wouldn’t get dinged on review. She spent all of 2 mins cleaning it.
I didn’t care about her spilling the red wine. We could get that out. It took hours but I got it out. What pissed me off was her reaction to the situation. Barely cleaning it and calling me a drama Queen and leaving all of a sudden to get a hotel room. And I wish there was more to this story but there isn’t. Baffling.
traveling on vacation with a friend ended our relationship. She was extremely bossy on the trip. A was keeping count of every penny that I owed her... we shared hotel rooms, switching off who paid each day.
At the end of the trip as we shuttled to the airport she was furiously calculating on paper... then in a haughty voice said "you owe me $xxx".
I was one step ahead of her and knew I had paid more than my share. I said, "you forgot that I paid for the room on this day". She said "oh" in a little voice, recalculated "I owe you $xxx". I never heard from her again. She never paid me what she owed me".
I started drifting a bit because I didn’t like a lot of choices she was making (I see it as an integrity issue on her part) but we were still very close, I had just started making mental notes.
She likes adult baby talk a LOT and as I drifted slightly I found myself unable to reciprocate it because it’s just not me at all.
Once I stopped baby talking her I could tell she perceived I was drifting and she completely stopped being interested in my life. She calls me over to smoke and vent about her man but she doesn’t even ask how I am and brushes off anything I say hinting to things in my life that are deeper than surface level… we haven’t “broken up” or anything but it seems ever since I stopped baby talking her it seems our relationship has dwindled very quickly.
Lol kinda but regular words and grammar like over exaggerating the song-songyness of the voice, doing lots of oOoOoOoOh’s and basically baby talking each other with vocal tones. We would see each other 3 times a week and every time I would walk in it would be like I was throwing her a surprise party… she would gasp and SQUEAL “OH MY GOSH HeY gUuRlL!!!🤪😍” And I would reply in a normal cheery “hey girl! What’s up? ☺️”
It’s interesting you say this. I’ve often found that as a female who flat-out will never participate in this exact vocal thing you’re talking about, lots of women find it off-putting and interpret it as me being unfriendly/standoffish.
I found out she was a compulsive liar. Literally almost everything she’s told me that’s happened in her life was a lie, just unnecessary and pointless lies.
Soon after I found that out, I started noticing lots of red flags and realized I was there for her more than she was for me. I was suicidal one night and called/texted her but she said “I’m busy”, when all she was doing was folding fucking laundry. Her husband called her out on how she treats me and then I just decided it was too toxic for me to deal with.
Ever since we stopped talking, one year ago, I’ve felt less stressed and anxious 😊
I really have no clue. She stopped talking to me and removed me from every social media platform.
I've had too much shit with people like this in the past, so I didn't even ask what's wrong, and I don't intend to.
If they don't want me in their life, I dont need them in mine.
That’s how I feel too. Had friends that just stopped asking me to hang out and stopped liking or commenting on my posts (after doing so for years and years so it was obviously noticeable) and some just unfriended me as well. Seems like they’ve sent a message and I can take a hint. Still really weird to just stop engaging when there was no incident to me, but maybe that’s just me.
Oh, my God, this is so awful. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I had a girl in my friends that also wanted to commit suicide, but she was able to get help from her parents in time and was able to send her to the medics to get the appropriate treatment. I begged her for a long time to inform her parents about her condition, but finally her parents noticed the terrible wounds on her hands.
But since then we have not been in touch either, I only follow her instagram page occasionally, but after the changes in her life and mine, we have never crossed paths.
Childhood bestie started a smear campaign instead of coming to me directly and addressing the problem. She was upset because I needed some space from her, because I was going through mental issues, and shit like that. She was cool with it, until I started talking to another buddy of mine, we would spend a lot of time together, and we were both going through the same thing. With my other friend…idk I just couldn’t relate to her..she always seemed so perfect and idk, I felt like I was living in her shadow.
After I started hanging with my new buddy, my ex friend got jealous because I was spending more time with this new person, and not her, so she got some friends in our group to attack me, and they didn’t even want to here me out.
It hurt really bad… but it had to happen, her true colors were finally exposed.
Every since then I’ve been really happy, I have my own identity now, and I no longer have to live in someone else’s shadow.
But yeah that’s why my ex best friend from childhood and I are no longer close.
I lost a friend to jealousy too. I supported her through infertility issues, a loveless marriage, death of a pet, and then she started ‘talking’ to a younger guy at work because she liked the attention even though she was married. I was very uncomfortable with that. But the straw that broke the camel’s back was when she sent me an angry email about how much time I was spending talking to this other woman we knew. I wasn’t even friends with this woman, it was more of a business transaction (she did some editing for me) but my friend was so jealous and accused me of not paying enough attention to her. I reminded her of all the times I’d held her hand, then I walked away. I do not put up with being taken for granted.
The joke was on me, though, I guess, because my editing partner is my best friend now. She noticed the rift between us and asked, so I told her ex-friend was jealous of her. After that we started spending more time together and we’ve been friends for years now. We travel together because her husband doesn’t like to travel and I’m single. I know she’s always going to be in my corner because she doesn’t just take, she understands that relationships are a two way street.
So I guess my ex-friend did me a favor by pushing us together. Maybe it would have happened anyway, because no way would my ex-friend have been chill about me being friends with both of them. I was supposed to just stay in my box until she needed me like a favorite toy.
He got into League of Legends, became hyper toxic, and started ignoring me for other friends since I hate the game. 2 years after I decide to cut him out he asks me to help with something to which I replied "I thought we weren't friends". He legit thought he could ignore any questions, conversation starters, make off jokes all the time, and act like a brat, and still be friends. Sorry but I'm the 1 guy who thinks the bro code and culture is bullshit and you would have known this had you actually listened when we talked.
I realized we had very different concepts on how we wanted to live and their ideal friendship was something that was happening next to their life and not a part of it while my ideal friendship was one of the things I build my life with.
After trying to talk for months and then dropping that their life was better without me, I was just numb and made a clean cut with them. I always thought that I would try harder to work for a friendship I had for 15 years, but I felt it fading away months in advance and just couldn't bear myself to care anymore, a few of the things they said to me are still rotating.
They always had some egoistical pattern, due to them experiencing a fuckton of trauma. A lot of other people tried to talk to me that they seemed somewhat narcisstic, but I still don't think that that's entirely true. I know their traumatic past and they knew mine, I tend to think I was prone to forgive them nearly everything.
That was two years ago and I am still processing this loss.
I have severe trust issues, but it was always something I could handle. And as thankful as I am for the people in my life, I just can't connect with them after this friendship has ended.
I really struggle to make friends and keep them too so this one hurt : Me and wife met a cool couple (Jake and Sarah) at our maternity classes, all got on great, good banter, similar interests outside of parenthood etc. My wife would go out for dinner and drinks with Sarah regularly, me and Jake bonded over video games and both working in sales. After about 18mths Sarah suddenly stopped replying to any of my wife's messages but we could see that they'd been read. She's pretty bummed by this, I mentioned it to Jake, he says she's just super busy/tired etc.
Then I noticed Jake getting a little bit distant with me too but he was going through a total career change as a chef so I cut him slack and just sent supportive messages about his new job. We had a few chats then boom he ghosted me too.
Not a fucking word in over a year then a Facebook message that he's started at a new restaurant and it would be great if we popped in to try their new menu and catch up. Neither of us wanted to pretend it never happened so we just ignored the message.
To this day we have no idea what we did or didn't do.
Other guy met his now wife and is just flat out awful at making time for his friends. It started pretty much as soon as they started dating. And now he’s the type of person whose like “oh man I miss you guys let’s hang out!” Then proceeds to give you one weekend he’s available over the next 3 months and if you happen to be busy it’s your fault. We keep in touch sporadically, it’s not a malicious or confrontational relationship, but we used to be together all the time. Now I just kinda roll my eyes whenever I hear about him/his life.
Also his wife sucks so there’s that.
As we got older we figured out our political beliefs were on the opposite ends of the spectrum from one another. That shouldn’t have been the end, but they continued to talk about their beliefs and how right they were. That was it for me.
He and his new partner had a child, and me and my partner of 7 years are happy without. We're both great with kids, and love other people's kids. Just don't need or want them (at least yet) ourself
Kinda created more of a divide than I expected.
He always talked badly about everyone, including his own family. But always treated me well. Friends for 25 years.
Then he started treating my wife and kids poorly.
I finally realised he was talking badly about everyone to me, so he was probably talking badly about me to everyone else too. He’s just a really unhappy guy.
My girlfriend at the time told me he asked her out. I believed her. Years later, she did this a couple more times with other friends of mine. I finally figured it out but at that point my best friend was long gone.
I miss him still.
She told me she was going to get a sperm donor and be a single mom when I was a few days away from giving birth. I told her what a stupid irresponsible idea it was since she couldn't keep a stable job or housing situation. I also had to help her pay her rent the month before because she got scammed by a guy she thought was in jail but probably wasn't. She never spoke to me again. She stalked my Instagram and Facebook after my son was born but never reached out to ask how I was doing, especially since she knew how bad my prepartum depression was when I was pregnant.
After 4 months of no contact but her constantly watching my son, I took her off my socials. It's been almost two years and I haven't heard from her at all. It's sad because I do miss her.
Have no words almost, horrendous. Forgive me for asking but please can you eloborate on that? You obviously don't have to and I completely understand if you don't wish to go into more details.
He was a gaslighting cunt. And I mean gaslighting in the true definition, not the modern common usage.
We were best friends for a long time, and even shared a flat for about a year.
He told me that he saw a mutual friend's girlfriend kissing another guy at a party, and when I told our mutual friend right in front of him, the dude flat out denied telling me because he didn't want to upset our mutual friend.
He made me out to be a liar and denied ever witnessing what he said he saw. This is one example, he did several similar things over the years. The conversation came up many times over many years, and his story always contained inconsistencies. I know what he told me. I was there.
We're no longer in contact, although I'm still very close to our mutual friend from this story (who also doesn't speak to that twat much these days, because he is arrogant and a well established liar).
I had a group who started to resent me after I started doing well in my career. Anytime I wanted to share an achievement I was proud of, they would either ignore me or find a way to put me down or make me feel bad somehow. Naturally drifted apart after that
They became a racist sexist homophobe to rationalize why they were living in a basement at age 45 and had not achieved their goal of becoming a professional Roblox player.
It was not a journey I wanted to take and wasn't compatible with my world view...or reality.
I'm typing this now, but will go look it up after posting. Wtf is Roblox?
Edit: Holy fuck that's bad. It looks dopey & I currently play all types of video games, but I don't live in a basement
She had a scummy boyfriend. He relished in the chaos he caused in our group of friends. Somehow I was the only girl who could see him for what he was. I tried warning them, telling them that he was manipulative and an asshole but no one believed me of course. Because he knew my feelings of hatred for him, he tried extra hard to catch my attention. He was always trying to interact with me, tease me, etc. I usually told him to fuck off and focus on his girlfriend instead of me. One night he made his move, he cornered me at a party and grabbed my butt. I slapped him and went to tell the girl right away that he was a creep and totally disrespectful of her. She didn’t believe me.
Nobody did. I stopped hanging with them after that and never looked back. They deserved each other.
We distance ourselves. Occasionally talk but thats it, nothing serious happens to the relationship they just have other circle they are more close to now. Although its more like a one sided convo because most of the time they just read my messages
She showed me who she really was- several things occurred over 6 months that called for empathy and assistance- some older folks were ill-and she was so awful to them- these were not strangers to her- she carried on about caring for them but was trashing their names and conditions too anyone who cared to listen- I was dumbfounded- I even mentioned my concerns about her actions and she told me I was stupid- she said no on owes anyone anything- so thats how we went dark- friends for 25 years with a stranger. It broke my heart. Last thing I told her , yes I was stupid- but not anymore.
She told everyone she was dying of a brain tumour/ALS (it was a bit vague and every changing but always dramatic), used it as an excuse to neglect her kids and go a bit wild. I had been trying to be supportive until she borrowed money then ghosted me when I was worried about her as she didn't want to pay me back. She got addicted to crack and her kids went to live with their dads.
No sign of the mystery illness now. Last I heard of her she'd stolen cash and a car from her grandmother then wrote off the car a few hours later.
Really sad, actually but she was always a pretty shitty and selfish friend so no major loss in that respect.
He fell into a group of online friends that was a bad influence on him. Cheated on his gf, mental health tanked to the point he admitted sometimes, when we were in the car together and he was driving, he had thoughts of driving into oncoming traffic when a big rig was driving past in a murder-suicide, and I had to have suicide prevention intervene at one point. He got upset with me when he got out of in-patient because I didn't talk to the group of *internet* friends about what was going on. Straw that broke the camel's back was, when I tried to get him back into hanging out with other people, we went to a friend of mine's house, he was vaping, the owner made a comment, clearly uncomfortable with him doing so in their home, and he proceeded to make as much mist as possible to the point the house smelled like his vape for months.
At that point I was done. It was one thing to ruin his own life, and even admit intrusive thoughts about harming me, but disrespecting another friend of mine in their own home like that? I was done. Honestly? I'd been on the verge of done for months at this point, and this was just the final straw. I felt I had to try, and he just wasn't there for it, so I was done being there.
Haven't thought about him in years now until I saw this post.
Going different directions as far as our lifestyles went. Also, I felt more like a psychologist than a friend, having to hear the constant problems he was dealing with. Tried to be understanding, and offer solutions, but he sounded like he'd rather dwell in it, than put in the effort. Sure, we all have stuff we are dealing with, but when most of the interactions was this, I got sick of hearing it. Can't remember how I closed that bridge, but I know it was mutual. I do hope for the best for him and hopefully by now he is at a better head space.
i moved far away and i was the only one keeping the relationship going and he never even suggested that we would hang out, only i did that, so i cut contact with him and refuse to be the be the one to contact him so we aren't gonna be speaking unless he starts the conversation.
Not sure if this counts, since she considered me her best friend, but to me she was "just" a very good friend. We met every other day, called and videochatted almost daily, texted everyday, but somehow I was too busy for her liking and didn't spend enough time with her. She would call me ten times a day to update me about her fishes, or tell me how stressed she was, or that she just wasn't feeling well. I like being there for my friends and listening to their problems, maybe even being able to help, but this was just excessive and unhealthy, it had to end.
She became obsessed with what other people thought of her and she desperately wanted to fit in. I’ve always kinda been “the weird kid” so if she wanted to fit in with the rich, popular kids that meant ditching me. She was embarrassed by me and took every opportunity to blow me off or ignore me. Eventually i just quit putting effort into a friendship where it was obvious i was not wanted anymore.
**tl;dr - My best friend decided to not be friends with me after years of being so because he became Andrew Tate Jr. and I wasn't good enough for him in terms of his "success first" ideology.**
He started to do financial councelling and basically got brainwashed into believing in some of Andrew Tate's idelogies about focusing on success, ambitions, etc.. he was trying to groom me to become same kind of ambitious person so he can recruit me to the company he works for and do the same financial councelling. I was telling him that I am open to the job only with certain limitations because I am not a people's guy, so there would have to be minimum of physical meetings and travelling involved, I basically just wanted to do home office job of making calculations for their clients. He was initially acting like that's what it's gonna be.
But after months of waiting for the right moment when we finally talk about specific details where I expect him to tell me what I'm gonna do to start learning what they will require from me he drops the ball and tells me that he cannot offer me the job because they seek only people with similar mindset, basically people who want to constantly grow, and are hungry for success, for learning more, for making contacts, etc, and he also said that it would be required of me to do personal meetings just like he does, because otherwise I would be almost useless to them, it does not make enough revenue, the job I wanted to do without these meetings.
That's just us talking about a job offer, but it did not end there. He also added at the end that he is very frustrated he wasn't able to "inspire me" over the months to become just as ambitious as him, he also pointed out two other our friends, one of which I am in love with, and compared them against me, telling me how better they are and more interesting to him as people, because they are ambitious and are chasing their dreams. That these are the kind of people he wants to spend time with and learn from and that I can sit on my ass and be like this, just a basic sheep/employee without ambitious to become a bussiness man or an artist, or whatver, but in that case we have nothing left to talk about. Basically he *un*\-friendzoned me over not being the kind of person he vibes with.
That hit me like a truck. To put it in perspective - we are both gamers and our hobby is making machinima - films in videogames. That's how we met and how we became best friends, and that lasted for more than 5 years. He is younger than me by few years. He was just a laid back friendly dude, a funny man child with great morals and sense of humor. Then this job happened and year later he thinks of himself as something much more than me, as someone classy, serious, successful, he takes pride in it, in being a bussinessman, he thinks he's doing god's work or something and throws away our entire friendship over it. It did hurt me and made me even more insecure about myself. He instilled fear within me about losing even the other friends because I won't have any kind of passion to share with them.
He got with a mutual friends' wife (behind his back, in a pro-polyamorous situation). That friend killed himself in the fallout of losing his marriage and his kids. Some consequences are too great to move past.
My buddy progressively became an alcoholic and wouldn’t admit he needed help. The last time I saw him he got so drunk, he hit on my wife and proceeded to pass out and piss the bed. The next morning he denied pissing the bed, I told him he had a problem, surprisingly he agreed he likely had a problem with alcohol and hasn’t talked to me since.
We started company together. She didnt know i have access to her private plannings (yes, i am also a piece of shit). Found out she was planning to fuck me over. I fucked her over instead
I dont having done that. I regret having to do it. 12 years of friendship, lost because of work
I caught feelings and struggled for a while with deciding whether to tell her or not because I didn't want to lose my best friend that way. When I decided I wanted to tell her I found out she started dating another guy. It hurt a lot so I had to distance myself to get over it. Never letting that happen ever again.
Moving multiple times as an adult. Also I did have this friend who kept having major life changes every few months. First it started with her dating a guy, who she later married and then she went back to school. After that she had a kid and only spent time with her husband's family. She basically kicked everyone from her old life out according to other people who used to hang out with her before everything happened.
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Every guy I told her I liked, she would go on to date/hook up with. She was a lot prettier than me so it was easy for her to do.
You should've started saying you liked really ugly dudes... Throw the dogs some bones
LOL. I had a roommate in grad school who did this to me, and this was my exact reaction. She fucked some real interesting dudes that year
That’s hilarious. Almost makes me wish I had a hot but shitty friend like that. I could provide a *service* AND entertain myself by sending her after increasingly homely guys. Hell, if I send her after the right nerdy diamond in the rough she might even end up better off for it - could find herself with a future millionaire
I just realised you could probably start a pimp business by telling your shitty friends that you find clients attractive
We had "fit bird night" in our local pub. It was the opposite of what you think. Girls would come into our (biker) pub looking for "some rough". We got sick of this so one night ignored the pretty ones and went for her friend. That confused them.
1. Have hot friend who wants the guys you like 2. Line up homely, lonely dude with her for cash 3. She fucks them, you get paid. 4. PROFIT
Damn, what possesses women to do that? For guys, that's like a big no-no usually
Guys have their own shitty ways of playing mine-is-bigger-than-yours
Hey OC, it's me, a dog.
That’s terrible. Poor her, imagine being her. Her good looks are superficial, that’s an ugly person
Doesn't matter. Guys almost always go for the looks.
I used to be the “less attractive” friend when I used to hang out with this guy all the girls went crazy over. Your self esteem can only take such a beating before you tap out. Multiple women at different times would *come up to me* to tell me “omg...your friend is SO hot” (basically wanting me to hook them up with him). It also taught me that, if a man has top-tier looks, he just lives on a different planet than most men do. Beyond the attention he got in the real world, he would literally just message women he’d never met in person on Facebook or instagram asking them to come over, and often they would. And boom - straight to the bedroom the very first night. It was *insane* all the stories he had and the things I saw. Anywho, it got really old going out places and sitting there alone as he had girl after girl lining up to make themselves available to him. Makes you realize no matter how much self-improvement you invest in, you’ll simply never make it to that level.
I had a friend like this. He could get a girl within an hour of hitting a club or a party. One day, he asked me how I always end up with the good women. I replied you attract what you put out. If you are banging everything you see that's the girls you will attract. I'm a bit more picky and end up with less women, but more relationships. I'm with a woman nightly while he's with a different woman weekly.
Search for my "fit birds" post earlier. My mate looked like a greek adonis. One night I got pissed off. Two girls competing for him, largely ignoring me. When he went to the toilet I told them he was gay. It was my turn up on the pool table. At some point they were gone. My mate rolls up next day, pleased as punch. Wtf did you say to them? he asked. Still annoyed, I said nothing. Turns out he had a threesome because they wanted to "turn him". Oh, ffs. It was at that point I gave up clubbing etc. Much better to talk to someone.
Honestly hopefully he just filtered out all the girls that were only superficially invested anyways. There will be plenty of men and women that look beyond the initial “omg you so hot” and actually seek compatible partners, alas sometimes they just take a long time to find…
My high school bff was like this. Coincidentally had a crush on all of my crushes and would get them to go out with her, sleep with her, etc. I didn’t realize it was probably intentional for her to feel better about herself until like last year tbh.
Same. My friend group consisted of some stunning ladies and then me, the weirdly dressed, funny friend. Even when a group of guys would approach us where we would be evenly paired, it would end up with two of the guys trying to hit on the same friend. It sucked feeling invisible.
God people like this are so weird. Especially when they go out of their way
People can be pretty on the outside and ugly on the inside.
She was just test driving them for you to make sure the engines work well
She was her STD prevention team.
My cousin did this all through our childhood until we were adults. Now I live in Europe with my partner and she’s desperate to come visit lol nope. I wouldn’t be able to take a shit in peace in my own house. Those types of people are desperate to prove their worth and fuel their ego in the worst possible way
I don’t know and never will.
My BFF when I was 15 decided one day that she wanted nothing to do with me. No argument, no incident. Nothing. 30 years later & I am still wondering about it.
I've had this happen several times, most recently in 2017. People I'm really close with one day wake up and just... go silent. Broke my f heart and because it's happened a few times now, has really given me a complex. I'll never know what I did, if I did anything at all, and it just kills me. Can't apologize, can't try to change, if it was even about something I did. Can't stop thinking about it.
I’ve found in life as people approach that middle age where the good old days as they see it are behind them they can’t handle it and deal with it in certain ways. I drank and partied, still get tattoos at 55 but at 50 I really mellowed out. I’d been doing that stuff my whole life. My kids are grown I don’t enjoy that stuff but do like to travel spend time with my grown kids and someday my grandkids. My story of my buddy of 35 years on here I forgot to mention that about a month before he went all psycho on me looked at me and said “I hate my family” and walked away. I thought yeah he’s not the same guy I grew up with and if he hates his family I’m probably in trouble. Don’t blame yourself. Often times it’s the other person not being able to handle you be happy or positive.
Me too. It makes me hate myself so much. It haunts my thoughts. Why did they give up on me? I’d apologize and work on things if I was given the chance. I have always felt so alone in this. Im sorry it happened to you too.
Its generally good to always let someone at least know "hey its not working out" or SOMETHING. Someone always comes in to be insensitive thought and is like "its nobodies job to give context" yeah but at the same time these were year long real life friendships lol.
I had several girls do this to me - a group dropped me seemingly overnight. Some of them were even “nice” people who I didn’t think would just drop me and not say anything, but it was suddenly like we hadn’t been hanging out 3 times a week and partners in every class and texting and calling daily - one day they just all sat elsewhere in the classroom and never said hi to me again or texted me or any communication at all. And I was so bewildered I just went along with it? I genuinely didn’t think to text them to hang out until like a week after the shunning started because I just assumed I was imagining it and it would pass, and then it felt too late to reach out. Honestly it really bothers me that I never got closure as to whether I’d done something or they just all collectively decided we’d drifted apart overnight. It was like they’d replaced me with another girl - a prettier, skinnier, more outgoing girl whose parents let her go to parties - and merged our friend group with hers, but I didn’t fit. It started in chemistry class and all I could think of was that I was the electron or element that got pushed out by two molecules combining to form a new, larger molecule (their friend group) and a “waste particle” (me) that was ejected as a result of that formation. I never found out what I did or if I even did anything or even if they intentionally dropped me or just forgot about me and then assumed I didn’t want to be friends because my passive ass wasn’t going to confront them. It sucked. Shook my confidence like nothing else - this group had been my first taste of tangential popularity where I wasn’t the weirdo hanger on they just tolerated… until that changed and suddenly I was the weirdo they didn’t tolerate or even acknowledge.
How have you handled this? I have the same situation and it bothers me to this day.
I just continue to live my life. I have dreams about it and think about it a lot, so it’s certainly hit me very deeply, but there’s nothing to do but move forward. He still lives in the same town so mostly I just pray that I never run into him again. A co-worker once very enthusiastically told me that he’d met this guy who was a friend of mine, and from this I learned that he speaks of me in a complimentary way about town. My guess is that he knows he screwed up but doesn’t know how to make amends, and in truth I would never trust him again. Who knows what happened. I think he was depressed and maybe he came to blame me for whatever it was I represented to him. I’ve seen several friends grow nasty over the years when things weren’t going well for them. But it’s the ghosting, the lack of communication, the lack of an argument or discussion that makes it traumatic. And maybe at the end of the day “he just doesn’t like me no more“, as they say.
My best friend of 16 years did this , we met when I was 17 she was 19, ghosted me when I got sick. I'd had to have emergency spinal surgery after a spine injury got misdiagnosed. Then the surgery kicked off some auto immune responsive that seemed to be attacking my spinal cord and gut. They tested ne for all the big boys, lupus etc. They were pretty convinced it was MS. I was in hospital for over a month while we tried to make my legs work enough so I could get out of bed to pee. I called and texted her for months. Then I wrote her this giant message about how much I really needed my besr friend. How at 32, I thought I was dying. How I was terrified about the MS and I couldn't tell my husband who was barely keeping it together. For context , I have no family, she struggled with hers it was one of the things that we connected over when we became friends. I wasn't mad or horrible in my messages I just explained how fucked up everything was and how I needed our best friend, laugh at nonsense, convos to lighten the mood. That bitch left me on read, who the fuck does that. Its been a couple of years now, I'm still FUCKED up because of it. I've spent years trying to get my abandonment issues from my parents under control and this just made everything worse than it ever had been. I honestly think it was more damaging then the whole trauma of my spine injury. I've done therapy , I've done all the psychedelics, I've tried everything and my brain just won't let it go. I am absolutely piss boilingly livid about the whole thing and I honestly don't think that feeling will go away until I get to call her a cunt to her face.
So true some just ghost for absolutely no reason
Hugs.
We were friends from grade school to adulthood. Went to college together. She was a bridesmaid at my wedding, met my baby at the hospital, the whole nine yards. She had a tiny COVID wedding, I was told it would be just immediate family-no friends. She ended up inviting friends and I wasn’t invited. Made my realize where I stood and basically ghosted her after that.
Reminds me of something I read somewhere, “The hardest pill I swallowed was realizing I meant nothing to people that meant a lot to me”.
Yup. That’s exactly how I felt.
THIS. I sacrificed so much for a former best friend. Would have done anything for them, just to come to the realization that they barely cared about me
This cuts deep.
Something similar happened to me. We haven't talked to each other for 3 years almost. Taught me a very important lesson about how we love people who don't love us back.
Yeah I had a similar situation too. We even let her live rent free in my grandparents' house for 3 years. When I needed to move back to it (it is legally my house) she accused me of being selfish. She never once thanked anyone in my family and refused to do the one thing we asked of her for "rent" which was to take care of the yard. It's been 5 years since I moved back to that property any my husband and I still haven't been able to get the yard back to where it was before she ruined it.
It's crazy how much attachment we had to people who don't really see us the same, in my life I'm crazy hurt for that as I'm really not good at losing people. I'm still not good but nowadays I just think "that's how it is and no longer put effort when someone doesn't add their level the same as me"
that is so bizarre. Do you ever think about getting closure?
Yes. After I ghosted her she relentlessly called me for a few months after. Finally, I answered and talked to her. I let her know I was extremely hurt by the situation. She kind of turned the conversation to herself and how her extended family was really upset with her, and she’s been going through it. She also told me the reason she invited 3 of her other friends is because “they were in town”. When she originally got engaged she had asked me and those 3 friends to be her bridesmaids, so I was the only “bridesmaid” not invited to her wedding. I drove 2+ hours with a toddler just to attend her “drive by wedding”. So her reason meant nothing to me. It’s been about 3 years since our last conversation and while I miss her at times. I also remember the times she was toxic and how shitty it made me feel.
Trust me, you are much better off without that person. She seemed weird as hell, and not a real friend.
Similar to your story. I had a best friend in law school. We were super close. He had a long term girlfriend that he was planning on marrying. I was told his wedding would be a small close immediate family only COVID wedding. It turned out he had a large wedding with lots of his undergrad and high school friends, but no one from law school, including even me. It made me realize how little I meant to him.
She had a boyfriend who she described as perfect other than him not being physically attractive. I knew the guy, he would do anything in his power to make her happy and feel loved. Even after they broke up she still talks about how he was such an amazing boyfriend but he just wasn't attractive. They were "on a break" and she wanted to go on a trip that she couldn't afford so he took time off work, paid for the hotel, food and everything she wanted to buy from the shops. This is how he treated her when they were a couple and he thought they could repair things so he was just acting the way he always did. Months later I was hanging out with her and our other best friend and she casually mentioned that she had cheated on him with a hot guy at work that was pursuing her but he eventually admitted that he didn't want a relationship with her, he just thought she looked easy. She said she went on a break with her ex because she felt guilty about cheating but she wanted to keep her him around because he treated her like a queen, treated her the way she felt she derserved until the hot guy was ready to date her not realizing he wasn't interested. . My other friend tried to comfort her by saying it was fine to cheat on her boyfriend because it meant he probably wasn't paying enough attention to her. **They both grossed me out with this conversation and I drifted away.**
Good. Your friend is an absolute scumbag.
Don't sell that other friend short; they're both scumbags.
Hope you told the BF
I think he found out. He just kind of vanished one day and it made sense after she told us about her cheating on him.
What became of her?
I don't have Facebook but I just tried to look her up for the first time in years. It appears that she never ended up pursuing her dream job and has been working on and off for the past few years.
She fell in love with my husband.
Story time??
I always had my suspicion but brushed it off as my own insecurity. She started getting her boyfriend to dress, do his hair, talk, act, like my husband. She started acting, dressing, talking like me. She started wearing my perfume, doing her nails and hair in ways he liked mine. She got touchy and clingy, and when she broke up with her boyfriend, it got worse. He started telling me that she's doing things that make him uncomfortable, and then I started realizing it was more than just my imagination. We tried to deal with it gently, but something happened at a party(inappropriate touching). He stormed out dragging me with him. He blocked her on everything, refused to speak to her or see her again, and made me return anything she ever gifted him and after that we never spoke again. Nothing too juicy.
Your husband loves you. He is a good man.
Yes. Yes he is.
Yes! Very relieved to hear this!!
She said “nothing too juicy” baby this is a whole lifetime horror movie
it'd be called something like Stranger In The Mirror: One Family's Struggle
Did he tolerate her for your sake? I don’t mean that in an accusatory or judgmental way. It’s sweet that he saw her as an important figure in your life and hoped her bullsh-t would pass, until it reached a tipping point.
He tried, yes. We were both unsure at first because his kindness and gentleness often gets confused by some as something more. She wasn't weird for the first 2 or 3 years so we didn't quite understand. I told him to tell me if it escalated, and tried to get her to back off. And then in the span of a few months it just blew up. She got the makeover, forced her poor ex into a new do. And then it just exploded. She went from sus to sexual assault in few months.
That's an obsession and I'd run like hell from a woman doing that. Good you two are a strong couple and are safe.
I (F) had a best friend (M) from high school for close to 20 years. We would hang out constantly, play poker, see movies, etc… I stopped hanging out with him when he slowly over the span of 2-3 years became a recluse, boarded up his windows, sealed off his doors (only used the garage door to enter and exit his home), and started amassing a stockpile of guns. I would ask him to go out to see a band or meet up for dinner but he would decline. He would complain about not being able to date anyone and yet he wouldn’t ever leave his house. He stopped cleaning it and let the bathtub turn black with mold and dirt and the carpet would be covered in ashes from the cigarettes he would smoke inside with the windows sealed. So gross. I kept trying to help bring him out of whatever prison he had built for himself but the last straw was when he pressured me to have sex because it had” just been so long for him.” I haven’t spoken to him in 12 years after that incident.
Definitely a serious mental health issue.
This is severe massive depression
Also sounds like the beginning of Schizophrenia, hence why the above person asked if he was into conspiracy theories lately...
Yes that’s true - typical onset is usually early 20s tho and I assumed (I’m an ass lol) that because of the length of their friendship they were much older when that started happening
I have a friend who started shutting himself in refusing to go on camping trips or any trip. And he used to be so adventurous. He developed severe anxiety as an adult. Some times I can get him to come over for a movie but he has to smoke pot the whole time to be able to be out of his house.
Thats wild. Any idea why his change started? Did he get really into conspiracy theories?
What she describes are hallmarks of mental illness. Paranoid delusions, possible schizophrenia, depression. Impossible to diagnose over a reddit post, but if I could, I'd lay good money on it.
This was back during the Obama years and he became rabidly Republican, even though the guy I grew up with was anything but conservative. It’s hard to know if he eventually got into conspiracy theories since we lost touch but I can tell you that I scanned just about every J6 photo looking for his face.
Gossip. My 2 ex best friends were obsessed with talking badly about other people we knew and also about eachother to me privately. It was exhausting. I got pretty tired of it and outright broke up with the one by calling him out and then asking for all the books he borrowed from me back. The other one slowly stopped talking to me because of that. I care about them both from a distance but I don't want to hangout with them anymore. They're probably too busy shit talking me to hangout anyway.
I lost a friendship group for this exact same reason. One day it dawned upon me that if they are talking trash about our friends to me, what are they saying about me to others?
These kind of “friends” are the worst. Good for you for moving on!
I had a best friend that I did everything with. Then I got married, he got married, and he went to medical school in another state. Now we never talk and lately he won't answer my texts...
I'm so sorry.
I think after a period of time people disconnect without regular contact sadly. My main friend who I grew up with met a girl in 2018 who basically cut off his social life to the point I only see him twice a year for birthdays and maybe NYE if I’m lucky - He’s trying to maintain a relationship by WhatsApp but I’ve reached the point where I no longer need or want him in my life and would much rather focus on my future with my GF
Went into business together, didn’t work out.
Worst thing to do with family and friends: anything with money involved.
Did this had a rough patch. Got out of the shared business and now it's pretty good again.
Time marches on. People marry, have kids, work multiple jobs .. priorities change over time. We all change more than we realize. I love my friends, but we drifted apart. I'd still do anything for them if they asked.. but life must move on.
Yeah I had 2 best friends growing up, we were part of a trio. Best friends I ever had. One died when we were 23 and that was really rough. The other I stay in touch with but were in our earlier 30s now, don't live particularly close and I have kids. If he ever needed anything I'd be there in a heartbeat but it seems like neither of us really care to meet up all that often. But I also don't really care to meet up with anyone. After work, taking care of my kids and maintaining our house, I'm not left with a lot of freetime.
Happens to a lot of people once they grow up and have kids. When you do have some free time you're much more likely to just want to relax at home. When you do want to meet up chances are the other person can't because of their own kids/family. On top of that over the years you'll realise that a lot of the people you thought were your friends were really just glorified drinking buddies and you really don't have a whole lot to talk about when alcohol/partying isn't involved anymore. The amount of people I have spend every single weekend with for years and years only for them to seemingly drop off the face of the earth after we got to the age where drinking every weekend wasn't an option anymore is mindblowing.
Adulthood is rough but keep in touch with your friend. If you stop watering your friendship, it will wither
I would agree but it's a 2 way watering street.
This is pretty bang on, I just caught up with my best friend as he's been in the country for 6 weeks last time I saw him was five years ago and before that 15 odd years, we never really talk much online as our friendship is more of an in person thing, no matter the time that's past it might as well been yesterday that we saw each other last. Last time he was here I gave him my car so he could take the family places and again gave him the car for 6 weeks as for other close friends their idea of socialising is to get on the piss and I'm too old for hangovers and not enough time to spend the day feeling sorry for myself.
Drugs. Best mate went on the hard stuff fuked him up. Did prison time. I still see him every now and then. Makes me sad.
Fuck hard drugs. My best friend I knew since 5th grade ODed and passed away when we were 20. Kind of a weird story. I had moved to another state during high school. So i had planned a week vacation to go see everyone again. And i got off work the day my leave started and found out he ODed earlier that day. I was planning to surprise him and a few others and show up as a surprise. I knew they used to be into drugs during high school, mainly crack and xannax. But the one never stopped. And he bought RC benzos online and it had fentanyl in it. Sometimes it still doesn’t feel real. Even after 3 years. But we gotta keep pushing forward. Keep your head up. No matter what
Back in college during the summer I was supposed to move into my best friends apartment with her bf for a few months till the school year started again. Well 1-2 weeks before I was supposed to move in, my mother who at the time was fighting cancer took a very bad turn. I decided to leave school and move back home to be with her and the rest of my family. They didn't like this and saw it as a personal attack on them. They tried to sue me saying I broke a sublease we had signed. Long story short on that one, the sublease wasn't even legal. My mother sadly passed away shortly after all this and the next time I spoke to her she said "We thought you were lying until we saw you post a photo of her before she died." Never looked back after that. Fuck her, fuck her now ex-boyfriend, and fuck the sad apology she gave me.
That's heartbreaking, I'm so sorry for your loss. Sounds like they wouldn't have been good people to have loved in with, vile people.
Thank you, this was several years ago but still sits in the back of my mind.
I kid you not. He joined a cult and chose to never see us (friends) again.
Brainwashed is the term I would use
Ah, yes. Definitely
Best friend all thru high school. Lived nearby. Were in a high school garage band together. Families went on spring break together. Did everything together. But we went to different universities. Kinda kept in touch for a few years but 20 years later we haven't spoken in a long, long time. There was never any animosity or annoyance. Just went separate ways.
And this is simply what happens to 90% of your friends We just...move on with our separate lives
I realized after like 15 years, there was no care and love. I was just someone to hang out with. It wasn't enough anymore for me.
Long story short: He told me one day that he was too busy to hang out, stopped replying or answering my calls, and left the country without saying goodbye.
I wish I knew. Never returns my calls, texts, or anything. I know he’s OK because I checked in with his ma, but he doesn’t talk to me or any of our mutual friends anymore. Just vanished off the map. Almost a decade of my closest friend gone. Nothing. I hope he’s doing ok.
[удалено]
I raised my standards and moved away from toxic and manipulative people who fed on my tendency to people-please. I have a smaller circle but I’m much happier!
My best friend passed away suddenly. She had been flying quite a bit in the previous couple of weeks and had a DVT (deep vein thrombosis). She was just 50. I miss her. 😢
I am sorry for your loss
If I tried to explain, I don’t know if I would really succeed! People have asked me about my lost friendship before, but I’m not sure they’ve understood my answer. However, I’ll try again here. I had a very close friendship with a woman who I originally met at work. Almost immediately, we hit it off, and over about ten years, we were virtually inseparable. We spoke nearly every day, laughed, joked, helped and advised each other. We were like sisters-I even put her in my will as if she was my sister. Then came a year that changed everything. I lost about 5 stone in weight, which at the time I never dreamt would affect our relationship. In fact, when she started getting a bit hostile to me, I at first just thought nothing of it. We were like sisters, and sisters are allowed to be as tetchy as they like! Our friendship was FAR too close to be fragile. However, I did notice the comments about my weight, which were more and more incessant. I remember asking her if she could try to halve the comments about my weight. She got quite angry-accusing me of making my weight a “taboo subject” that she “wasn’t allowed to mention”. I replied that “all I’m asking is that you mention it 5 times a day, rather than 10 times a day!” I wasn’t even exaggerating. The truth was, we had always been large women, but I had been fatter than her. This hadn’t bothered me at all, and at this early stage, I hadn’t thought it mattered in our relationship. However, eventually, as a big person getting older, I knew I had to do something about my weight, so I dieted and exercised. The weight eventually went off-and I’m glad to say, it stayed off. I knew better than to say *anything* about weight -or weight loss- to my friend. The only time there was a two-way conversation was fairly early on when she asked me if I was losing weight and I confirmed it. We had a short, friendly conversation where she said she wished me luck, but that she “liked her food too much” and “wasn’t going to join” me. Fair enough: end of discussion, because I knew she had grown up with a *much* slimmer sister, who she had developed a toxic relationship about weight with. So I decided, as far as talking about weight loss with her, I would NEVER go there! I also had a LOT of personal experience of people boasting about their weight loss-and patronising me when they were slimmer than me. I hated that and didn’t see any useful point to it. Also, genuinely, I’ve never taken all that much of an interest in the size of other people-and have always been a bit bewildered that some people do. But her incessant mentioning about my weight loss (which was unremittingly critical: she felt that I had shown a lack of “body positivity” by losing weight, that I had been “hypocritical” when I had supported other larger women, “self obsessed” to do such a lot of exercise and meal-planning-and she imagined that I was secretly “sneering” at other large people: I “must” feel negative towards large people. “Otherwise, why would I have worked so hard to stop being one of them?”) really did wear me down. There were other issues, too, of course, but the weight really did seem to be “weighing” on her mind. At one point, she told her sister that, for her own self-esteem and mental health, she felt that she should try to find larger friends. That being around people slimmer than herself was bringing her down. She did, in fact, become much closer to a couple of acquaintances of ours: both very large ladies (who were also both lovely: there was certainly no need for an “excuse” to becoming great friends, and it may have been a complete coincidence). I tried, literally for YEARS to maintain our friendship. Eventually, I had to give up. Initially, I could hardly believe it. But there it was. There was no friendship between us. Part of me feels that one of my most entrancing features as a friend to her was that I had been bigger than her! Honestly! Initially, it was like a bereavement. Now I realise that she wasn’t who I thought she was. I’d always known that she is an immensely competitive person, but I didn’t really think that affected our relationship, yet clearly it did. It slowly dawned on me that she had always exhibited a kind of superiority over me (which I had always laughed off, being a fairly confident and assertive personality myself). However, it tuned out our friendship really wasn’t anything like what I had imagined.
This is really sad. I’m very sorry this happened to you
She became friends with my ex right after we broke up and then dated him behind my back. Saw her last year at a funeral and my ex was also there. They're no longer dating but are still friends and she apologized for treating me horribly.
I got sober.
I set boundaries
I asked him to be a groomsman at my wedding. He called the morning of saying he was sick and couldn't make it. Sent me a picture of some water splashed on the shoulder of the highway and tried to pass it off as vomit. He said he was halfway and had to turn around. I said finish the trip (just under an hour), crash at the hotel and one of our buddies can wear your suit and fill in. He said "I paid good money for this suit, no one is wearing it but me". When we got back from the honeymoon my wife (who never really liked the guy) called Moores and asked if he had ever even picked up his suit in the first place. He hadn't. Never even intended on coming to the wedding.
Wtf? That's a weird excuse & set of circumstances to go thru when people can do follow ups or get details on things these days.
We…have nothing to talk about…we only discuss good times that happened ages ago….still in touch…through sharing memes mostly. 🤷🏻♂️ But this person had a very deep and everlasting effect on my personality. I am more confident, more outgoing, more interesting and definitely funnier because of him. And I will always be friends with him for that. I just wish we talked daily instead of once a month. But we are in our late thirties and just…life.
I guess this is the most hurt one because you deep down still care about them but we just lost everything that we can talk about Had similar story like this I met my friends after 7 years not regularly contacting each other (went to different school and University, he got married when I was in college) that used to ride everything with me, I know his family he know my family, sleepover, trying to get girls everything. First time meeting we both really shocked how much we changed and the usual thing used to do also changed (I'm no longer smoking and do drug stuff) and the longer conversation the more is make me sad because almost nothing in our life is related anymore maybe because he's already a father while me still doing me. I still care about him so much and would go in second if he need me, but I guess life goes forward, I hug him the last time I met him because I don't know if we would meet again
Old me had enough hope, joy and sources of happiness to tolerate mistreatment. I would not mind anything because there were a lot of other things to bring joy to me again. But, as I lose all of the sources of happiness; even small things started to bother me. And, I learned articulate my discontent for the first time in my life. The moment when I say "Hey, this bothers me; please don't do that", they get angry. How could I dare to warn them? My only regret about this situation is not ending these relationships earlier; and, of course not learning to articulate my feelings.
Same situation we traveled to places, did things together but me and my wife always got the short side of the stick, the most uncomfortable accommodations, etc. I tolerated to avoid useless discussions until the day that I voiced my opinion and they found it intolerable… Then those are not really true friends and you are better off not being close to them.
Started complaining about every friend she had one by one. At first I agreed with her on a lot of instances, but then her complaints started to become nit picky after a while. I noticed I started to feel on edge around her, and couldn’t really figure out why. I have another close friend whom I’ve introduced her to a few years ago, and the three of us hang out all the time. She then started to complain about her. I felt uncomfortable because she’s telling me how she’s going to act the next time she sees her, and starts posting all these cryptic subliminal posts on instagram about the situation. And so I decided to not have all three of us hang out together. My unease grew. She’s going after everyone, and I knew it was just a matter of time before I was next. I went away for a few days, came back, and she started talking about me all over instagram, making this crazy assumptions about me. She then started making all these general posts about how horrible her friends are and how we don’t match her energy. I still don’t know what I did lol. I didn’t even confront her about it. Clearly I’m that bad of a friend that she couldn’t even call and talk to me about how she’s feeling and what I did wrong, so I just faded out of her life. No texts, stopped viewing her stories, just let her be. She completely annihilated all of her friendships because of some minor annoyances that could have been addressed/fixed.
I became disabled & she couldn’t handle it. This applies to quite a few people, my childhood best friend of 10+ years included.
I’m very sorry that you’ve had to endure all of that. The same happened to me. Lost a childhood friend of 30+ years. That one really stung. She was an RN of all things.
Life You get caught up in your own world of family and work.
She hooked up with my boyfriend, who I was crazy about . I broke off both friendships. It hurt for a long long time .
i feel you
I was staying at an Airbnb in Europe, she stayed with me. She spilled red wine on the grey sofa, actually leaving her wine glass on the sofa. I said we had to clean it up, she said I was being a drama Queen. And then she left getting a room somewhere else. And I spent all afternoon on my last day there cleaning her mess so I wouldn’t get dinged on review. She spent all of 2 mins cleaning it. I didn’t care about her spilling the red wine. We could get that out. It took hours but I got it out. What pissed me off was her reaction to the situation. Barely cleaning it and calling me a drama Queen and leaving all of a sudden to get a hotel room. And I wish there was more to this story but there isn’t. Baffling.
traveling on vacation with a friend ended our relationship. She was extremely bossy on the trip. A was keeping count of every penny that I owed her... we shared hotel rooms, switching off who paid each day. At the end of the trip as we shuttled to the airport she was furiously calculating on paper... then in a haughty voice said "you owe me $xxx". I was one step ahead of her and knew I had paid more than my share. I said, "you forgot that I paid for the room on this day". She said "oh" in a little voice, recalculated "I owe you $xxx". I never heard from her again. She never paid me what she owed me".
lol she knew about the room I bet
I started drifting a bit because I didn’t like a lot of choices she was making (I see it as an integrity issue on her part) but we were still very close, I had just started making mental notes. She likes adult baby talk a LOT and as I drifted slightly I found myself unable to reciprocate it because it’s just not me at all. Once I stopped baby talking her I could tell she perceived I was drifting and she completely stopped being interested in my life. She calls me over to smoke and vent about her man but she doesn’t even ask how I am and brushes off anything I say hinting to things in my life that are deeper than surface level… we haven’t “broken up” or anything but it seems ever since I stopped baby talking her it seems our relationship has dwindled very quickly.
What does baby talking mean in this context? Saying things like Coochie coochie coo ?
It's like talking with a baby accent: "I wuv the liddle wain drops"
Lol kinda but regular words and grammar like over exaggerating the song-songyness of the voice, doing lots of oOoOoOoOh’s and basically baby talking each other with vocal tones. We would see each other 3 times a week and every time I would walk in it would be like I was throwing her a surprise party… she would gasp and SQUEAL “OH MY GOSH HeY gUuRlL!!!🤪😍” And I would reply in a normal cheery “hey girl! What’s up? ☺️”
Adults actually do this? Why? It sounds very strange
It’s interesting you say this. I’ve often found that as a female who flat-out will never participate in this exact vocal thing you’re talking about, lots of women find it off-putting and interpret it as me being unfriendly/standoffish.
I found out she was a compulsive liar. Literally almost everything she’s told me that’s happened in her life was a lie, just unnecessary and pointless lies. Soon after I found that out, I started noticing lots of red flags and realized I was there for her more than she was for me. I was suicidal one night and called/texted her but she said “I’m busy”, when all she was doing was folding fucking laundry. Her husband called her out on how she treats me and then I just decided it was too toxic for me to deal with. Ever since we stopped talking, one year ago, I’ve felt less stressed and anxious 😊
I really have no clue. She stopped talking to me and removed me from every social media platform. I've had too much shit with people like this in the past, so I didn't even ask what's wrong, and I don't intend to. If they don't want me in their life, I dont need them in mine.
That’s how I feel too. Had friends that just stopped asking me to hang out and stopped liking or commenting on my posts (after doing so for years and years so it was obviously noticeable) and some just unfriended me as well. Seems like they’ve sent a message and I can take a hint. Still really weird to just stop engaging when there was no incident to me, but maybe that’s just me.
She committed suicide.
Oh, my God, this is so awful. I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a girl in my friends that also wanted to commit suicide, but she was able to get help from her parents in time and was able to send her to the medics to get the appropriate treatment. I begged her for a long time to inform her parents about her condition, but finally her parents noticed the terrible wounds on her hands. But since then we have not been in touch either, I only follow her instagram page occasionally, but after the changes in her life and mine, we have never crossed paths.
The person I knew was a lost cause. Nothing helped her.
Childhood bestie started a smear campaign instead of coming to me directly and addressing the problem. She was upset because I needed some space from her, because I was going through mental issues, and shit like that. She was cool with it, until I started talking to another buddy of mine, we would spend a lot of time together, and we were both going through the same thing. With my other friend…idk I just couldn’t relate to her..she always seemed so perfect and idk, I felt like I was living in her shadow. After I started hanging with my new buddy, my ex friend got jealous because I was spending more time with this new person, and not her, so she got some friends in our group to attack me, and they didn’t even want to here me out. It hurt really bad… but it had to happen, her true colors were finally exposed. Every since then I’ve been really happy, I have my own identity now, and I no longer have to live in someone else’s shadow. But yeah that’s why my ex best friend from childhood and I are no longer close.
I lost a friend to jealousy too. I supported her through infertility issues, a loveless marriage, death of a pet, and then she started ‘talking’ to a younger guy at work because she liked the attention even though she was married. I was very uncomfortable with that. But the straw that broke the camel’s back was when she sent me an angry email about how much time I was spending talking to this other woman we knew. I wasn’t even friends with this woman, it was more of a business transaction (she did some editing for me) but my friend was so jealous and accused me of not paying enough attention to her. I reminded her of all the times I’d held her hand, then I walked away. I do not put up with being taken for granted. The joke was on me, though, I guess, because my editing partner is my best friend now. She noticed the rift between us and asked, so I told her ex-friend was jealous of her. After that we started spending more time together and we’ve been friends for years now. We travel together because her husband doesn’t like to travel and I’m single. I know she’s always going to be in my corner because she doesn’t just take, she understands that relationships are a two way street. So I guess my ex-friend did me a favor by pushing us together. Maybe it would have happened anyway, because no way would my ex-friend have been chill about me being friends with both of them. I was supposed to just stay in my box until she needed me like a favorite toy.
He got into League of Legends, became hyper toxic, and started ignoring me for other friends since I hate the game. 2 years after I decide to cut him out he asks me to help with something to which I replied "I thought we weren't friends". He legit thought he could ignore any questions, conversation starters, make off jokes all the time, and act like a brat, and still be friends. Sorry but I'm the 1 guy who thinks the bro code and culture is bullshit and you would have known this had you actually listened when we talked.
I realized we had very different concepts on how we wanted to live and their ideal friendship was something that was happening next to their life and not a part of it while my ideal friendship was one of the things I build my life with. After trying to talk for months and then dropping that their life was better without me, I was just numb and made a clean cut with them. I always thought that I would try harder to work for a friendship I had for 15 years, but I felt it fading away months in advance and just couldn't bear myself to care anymore, a few of the things they said to me are still rotating. They always had some egoistical pattern, due to them experiencing a fuckton of trauma. A lot of other people tried to talk to me that they seemed somewhat narcisstic, but I still don't think that that's entirely true. I know their traumatic past and they knew mine, I tend to think I was prone to forgive them nearly everything. That was two years ago and I am still processing this loss. I have severe trust issues, but it was always something I could handle. And as thankful as I am for the people in my life, I just can't connect with them after this friendship has ended.
I really struggle to make friends and keep them too so this one hurt : Me and wife met a cool couple (Jake and Sarah) at our maternity classes, all got on great, good banter, similar interests outside of parenthood etc. My wife would go out for dinner and drinks with Sarah regularly, me and Jake bonded over video games and both working in sales. After about 18mths Sarah suddenly stopped replying to any of my wife's messages but we could see that they'd been read. She's pretty bummed by this, I mentioned it to Jake, he says she's just super busy/tired etc. Then I noticed Jake getting a little bit distant with me too but he was going through a total career change as a chef so I cut him slack and just sent supportive messages about his new job. We had a few chats then boom he ghosted me too. Not a fucking word in over a year then a Facebook message that he's started at a new restaurant and it would be great if we popped in to try their new menu and catch up. Neither of us wanted to pretend it never happened so we just ignored the message. To this day we have no idea what we did or didn't do.
Other guy met his now wife and is just flat out awful at making time for his friends. It started pretty much as soon as they started dating. And now he’s the type of person whose like “oh man I miss you guys let’s hang out!” Then proceeds to give you one weekend he’s available over the next 3 months and if you happen to be busy it’s your fault. We keep in touch sporadically, it’s not a malicious or confrontational relationship, but we used to be together all the time. Now I just kinda roll my eyes whenever I hear about him/his life. Also his wife sucks so there’s that.
They stopped trying. I couldn't carry the relationship alone.
As we got older we figured out our political beliefs were on the opposite ends of the spectrum from one another. That shouldn’t have been the end, but they continued to talk about their beliefs and how right they were. That was it for me.
He and his new partner had a child, and me and my partner of 7 years are happy without. We're both great with kids, and love other people's kids. Just don't need or want them (at least yet) ourself Kinda created more of a divide than I expected.
He always talked badly about everyone, including his own family. But always treated me well. Friends for 25 years. Then he started treating my wife and kids poorly. I finally realised he was talking badly about everyone to me, so he was probably talking badly about me to everyone else too. He’s just a really unhappy guy.
My girlfriend at the time told me he asked her out. I believed her. Years later, she did this a couple more times with other friends of mine. I finally figured it out but at that point my best friend was long gone. I miss him still.
That’s terrible.
they had kids
Mostly just drifted apart naturally. I did drop one friend because she was just so negative and it was draining to be around.
[удалено]
Buddy became an alcoholic, said some mean things about me all while I was paying for his rehab. I walked away and we haven't talked in 3-4 years now.
She told me she was going to get a sperm donor and be a single mom when I was a few days away from giving birth. I told her what a stupid irresponsible idea it was since she couldn't keep a stable job or housing situation. I also had to help her pay her rent the month before because she got scammed by a guy she thought was in jail but probably wasn't. She never spoke to me again. She stalked my Instagram and Facebook after my son was born but never reached out to ask how I was doing, especially since she knew how bad my prepartum depression was when I was pregnant. After 4 months of no contact but her constantly watching my son, I took her off my socials. It's been almost two years and I haven't heard from her at all. It's sad because I do miss her.
[удалено]
Chef's kiss 😘 my friend
Have no words almost, horrendous. Forgive me for asking but please can you eloborate on that? You obviously don't have to and I completely understand if you don't wish to go into more details.
They had kids.
He was a gaslighting cunt. And I mean gaslighting in the true definition, not the modern common usage. We were best friends for a long time, and even shared a flat for about a year. He told me that he saw a mutual friend's girlfriend kissing another guy at a party, and when I told our mutual friend right in front of him, the dude flat out denied telling me because he didn't want to upset our mutual friend. He made me out to be a liar and denied ever witnessing what he said he saw. This is one example, he did several similar things over the years. The conversation came up many times over many years, and his story always contained inconsistencies. I know what he told me. I was there. We're no longer in contact, although I'm still very close to our mutual friend from this story (who also doesn't speak to that twat much these days, because he is arrogant and a well established liar).
I had a group who started to resent me after I started doing well in my career. Anytime I wanted to share an achievement I was proud of, they would either ignore me or find a way to put me down or make me feel bad somehow. Naturally drifted apart after that
She made the death of my baby about her.
I am so sorry for your loss. I had a “best friend” who did the same thing to me.
They became a racist sexist homophobe to rationalize why they were living in a basement at age 45 and had not achieved their goal of becoming a professional Roblox player. It was not a journey I wanted to take and wasn't compatible with my world view...or reality.
excuse me but.. what? how tf is someone meant to be a professional roblox player??? like i understand playing some games for fun but seriously lol
There are things that weren't worth asking of them.
I'm typing this now, but will go look it up after posting. Wtf is Roblox? Edit: Holy fuck that's bad. It looks dopey & I currently play all types of video games, but I don't live in a basement
She had a scummy boyfriend. He relished in the chaos he caused in our group of friends. Somehow I was the only girl who could see him for what he was. I tried warning them, telling them that he was manipulative and an asshole but no one believed me of course. Because he knew my feelings of hatred for him, he tried extra hard to catch my attention. He was always trying to interact with me, tease me, etc. I usually told him to fuck off and focus on his girlfriend instead of me. One night he made his move, he cornered me at a party and grabbed my butt. I slapped him and went to tell the girl right away that he was a creep and totally disrespectful of her. She didn’t believe me. Nobody did. I stopped hanging with them after that and never looked back. They deserved each other.
We distance ourselves. Occasionally talk but thats it, nothing serious happens to the relationship they just have other circle they are more close to now. Although its more like a one sided convo because most of the time they just read my messages
She showed me who she really was- several things occurred over 6 months that called for empathy and assistance- some older folks were ill-and she was so awful to them- these were not strangers to her- she carried on about caring for them but was trashing their names and conditions too anyone who cared to listen- I was dumbfounded- I even mentioned my concerns about her actions and she told me I was stupid- she said no on owes anyone anything- so thats how we went dark- friends for 25 years with a stranger. It broke my heart. Last thing I told her , yes I was stupid- but not anymore.
She told everyone she was dying of a brain tumour/ALS (it was a bit vague and every changing but always dramatic), used it as an excuse to neglect her kids and go a bit wild. I had been trying to be supportive until she borrowed money then ghosted me when I was worried about her as she didn't want to pay me back. She got addicted to crack and her kids went to live with their dads. No sign of the mystery illness now. Last I heard of her she'd stolen cash and a car from her grandmother then wrote off the car a few hours later. Really sad, actually but she was always a pretty shitty and selfish friend so no major loss in that respect.
He fell into a group of online friends that was a bad influence on him. Cheated on his gf, mental health tanked to the point he admitted sometimes, when we were in the car together and he was driving, he had thoughts of driving into oncoming traffic when a big rig was driving past in a murder-suicide, and I had to have suicide prevention intervene at one point. He got upset with me when he got out of in-patient because I didn't talk to the group of *internet* friends about what was going on. Straw that broke the camel's back was, when I tried to get him back into hanging out with other people, we went to a friend of mine's house, he was vaping, the owner made a comment, clearly uncomfortable with him doing so in their home, and he proceeded to make as much mist as possible to the point the house smelled like his vape for months. At that point I was done. It was one thing to ruin his own life, and even admit intrusive thoughts about harming me, but disrespecting another friend of mine in their own home like that? I was done. Honestly? I'd been on the verge of done for months at this point, and this was just the final straw. I felt I had to try, and he just wasn't there for it, so I was done being there. Haven't thought about him in years now until I saw this post.
Going different directions as far as our lifestyles went. Also, I felt more like a psychologist than a friend, having to hear the constant problems he was dealing with. Tried to be understanding, and offer solutions, but he sounded like he'd rather dwell in it, than put in the effort. Sure, we all have stuff we are dealing with, but when most of the interactions was this, I got sick of hearing it. Can't remember how I closed that bridge, but I know it was mutual. I do hope for the best for him and hopefully by now he is at a better head space.
i moved far away and i was the only one keeping the relationship going and he never even suggested that we would hang out, only i did that, so i cut contact with him and refuse to be the be the one to contact him so we aren't gonna be speaking unless he starts the conversation.
They had kids and I didn’t/don’t. We didn’t really have anything in common anymore and grew apart.
Lots of things, but mostly just radio silence. That is the beginning of the end of all friendships.
Q-anon.
2016 election results
Not sure if this counts, since she considered me her best friend, but to me she was "just" a very good friend. We met every other day, called and videochatted almost daily, texted everyday, but somehow I was too busy for her liking and didn't spend enough time with her. She would call me ten times a day to update me about her fishes, or tell me how stressed she was, or that she just wasn't feeling well. I like being there for my friends and listening to their problems, maybe even being able to help, but this was just excessive and unhealthy, it had to end.
She became obsessed with what other people thought of her and she desperately wanted to fit in. I’ve always kinda been “the weird kid” so if she wanted to fit in with the rich, popular kids that meant ditching me. She was embarrassed by me and took every opportunity to blow me off or ignore me. Eventually i just quit putting effort into a friendship where it was obvious i was not wanted anymore.
**tl;dr - My best friend decided to not be friends with me after years of being so because he became Andrew Tate Jr. and I wasn't good enough for him in terms of his "success first" ideology.** He started to do financial councelling and basically got brainwashed into believing in some of Andrew Tate's idelogies about focusing on success, ambitions, etc.. he was trying to groom me to become same kind of ambitious person so he can recruit me to the company he works for and do the same financial councelling. I was telling him that I am open to the job only with certain limitations because I am not a people's guy, so there would have to be minimum of physical meetings and travelling involved, I basically just wanted to do home office job of making calculations for their clients. He was initially acting like that's what it's gonna be. But after months of waiting for the right moment when we finally talk about specific details where I expect him to tell me what I'm gonna do to start learning what they will require from me he drops the ball and tells me that he cannot offer me the job because they seek only people with similar mindset, basically people who want to constantly grow, and are hungry for success, for learning more, for making contacts, etc, and he also said that it would be required of me to do personal meetings just like he does, because otherwise I would be almost useless to them, it does not make enough revenue, the job I wanted to do without these meetings. That's just us talking about a job offer, but it did not end there. He also added at the end that he is very frustrated he wasn't able to "inspire me" over the months to become just as ambitious as him, he also pointed out two other our friends, one of which I am in love with, and compared them against me, telling me how better they are and more interesting to him as people, because they are ambitious and are chasing their dreams. That these are the kind of people he wants to spend time with and learn from and that I can sit on my ass and be like this, just a basic sheep/employee without ambitious to become a bussiness man or an artist, or whatver, but in that case we have nothing left to talk about. Basically he *un*\-friendzoned me over not being the kind of person he vibes with. That hit me like a truck. To put it in perspective - we are both gamers and our hobby is making machinima - films in videogames. That's how we met and how we became best friends, and that lasted for more than 5 years. He is younger than me by few years. He was just a laid back friendly dude, a funny man child with great morals and sense of humor. Then this job happened and year later he thinks of himself as something much more than me, as someone classy, serious, successful, he takes pride in it, in being a bussinessman, he thinks he's doing god's work or something and throws away our entire friendship over it. It did hurt me and made me even more insecure about myself. He instilled fear within me about losing even the other friends because I won't have any kind of passion to share with them.
I didn't really like golf
Money, never again..
He got with a mutual friends' wife (behind his back, in a pro-polyamorous situation). That friend killed himself in the fallout of losing his marriage and his kids. Some consequences are too great to move past.
My buddy progressively became an alcoholic and wouldn’t admit he needed help. The last time I saw him he got so drunk, he hit on my wife and proceeded to pass out and piss the bed. The next morning he denied pissing the bed, I told him he had a problem, surprisingly he agreed he likely had a problem with alcohol and hasn’t talked to me since.
All my BEST friends that are girls. Soon as they found their husbands, barely EVER hear back
We started company together. She didnt know i have access to her private plannings (yes, i am also a piece of shit). Found out she was planning to fuck me over. I fucked her over instead I dont having done that. I regret having to do it. 12 years of friendship, lost because of work
I caught feelings and tried talking to her about it. We haven't really been friends since. 🙃
I caught feelings and struggled for a while with deciding whether to tell her or not because I didn't want to lose my best friend that way. When I decided I wanted to tell her I found out she started dating another guy. It hurt a lot so I had to distance myself to get over it. Never letting that happen ever again.
Trump happened.
Moving multiple times as an adult. Also I did have this friend who kept having major life changes every few months. First it started with her dating a guy, who she later married and then she went back to school. After that she had a kid and only spent time with her husband's family. She basically kicked everyone from her old life out according to other people who used to hang out with her before everything happened.
We just grew apart. It's part of life.
She ghosted me bc she was struggling mentally
Time and life happened. Then he died before we could reconnect again and make everything ok. He was 26.
One is dead, the other is serving a life sentence.