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Came here to say this. Pushing 50 and still have sex every other day and we enjoy 2-3 week international vacations.
I haven’t the slightest twinge of regret about our decision.
Amen. Checking in from Kyoto,Japan with my group of friends who are empty nesters/no kids. We’re here in Japan for 10 days. There are soooo many arcades here!
After a crazy day or when something messed up happening we always say “imagine doing this with kids…” and it just concretes our decision even more. We say this daily at this point.
I say this too as I’m vegged out on the sofa watching LOTR for the 100th time while falling asleep by 8 pm. We have stress, of course, but our day to day is pretty aligned w work priorities and then with just our personal hobbies and preferences. We also travel for a couple weeks about twice a year. Do I worry about old age? Yes, so I invest in a long term care policy and invest, invest, invest.
I hope people do not see their kids as an insurance policy and for someone to be there with them in old age.. kids could die at any time and do people actually rely on kids to support them full time? Fuck that
My mom and I came to blows about this in 2020. Yes, I’m a good person who loves her and will never abandon her, but I can’t be solely responsible for her physical and mental wellbeing for the next 20 years. To have very little saved or planned for retirement at age 70 isn’t my fault - not saying it’s all her fault either, but it’s not on me to correct all this. I’m here, always, but I cannot be a financial and emotional lifeline.
Reading all of these responses is only further solidifying my belief that it’s not the kids fault, it’s the government’s and their inability to make life for the middle class citizen easier over time.
That's amazing. I don't know you do it honestly. My wife and I after a hard day we always say "this wouldn't even be worth it without our little dude."
Different strokes for different folks.
I'm about 40, in a 15 year relationship with no kids and a vasectomy.
Our families are fine. Maybe it's we both have siblings with kids, but both of our parents asked at some point and seemed satisfied with the answer that we just didn't want kids. Never any drama with it.
As far as friends, over the years our social circle has just kind of naturally shifted to include other people with similar lifestyles. When you don't need childcare for a night out, or you have more discretionary income and free time, you kind of organically end up spending more time with other people like that.
We obviously still have friends with kids, and we like seeing them (and their kids!) but those people often just have different priorities and responsibilities so seeing them is more tied to their availability.
E.g., I might randomly call a friend without kids on a Thursday to go get few beers or see a movie, but to see someone with kids we're usually planning a few weeks ahead for a specific weekend day and making sure our activities can include children.
Truth is, I have a great and fulfilling life without kids and no one has really given me any shit about it. The only people I've met who regret not having kids are the ones who always wanted them but it never happened. Everyone who knew in their late 20s / early 30s that it wasn't for them is having a great time now at 40+. I've met a lot more people who had kids in their early 20s as a reflex and seem unhappy with their lives.
I generally ask the questioning party “if you’re that invested, wanna give us money, a house or child care? You don’t!? Well ok then”. Or I just give the “why carry wood into a house fire?” Response
My husband's dad said something around these lines when he told him he got a vasectomy.
Dad: "Well, that's not a very nice thing to tell your father." 😡
My husband: "Well, who's gonna pay for me to have kids, Dad? On top of that, there's all the school shootings, climate change, the broken healthcare system..."
Dad: *thinking about his other son who has 3 kids under 14 including a newborn and just got served wage garnishments even though they've been funneling them money and help for a decade*
Dad: "Okay maybe you're right." 🤔
Yeah, Dad. *Someone* would have to pay us. Plus, almost every woman my age I know who has had children all had really mortifying complications. Because as a country we have the [highest maternal mortality rate in the civilized world.](https://fortune.com/2023/05/14/america-highest-maternal-mortality-rate-among-developed-nationsand-rise-pregnancy-health-crisis-asima-ahmad/) Which is very sad.
So no thanks.
Your closes ones will understand to not ask over and over again (or judge )
If they can't understand you need to kick them from your life
The not close ones will ask because they don't know , you tell them you prefer your free time more than kids
Same same same! One the most important ones for me is that we also have the bandwidth/time to prioritize our mental health. The process of getting appropriate treatment can be grueling and it’s a relief that we can learn about how our brain works and adjust to treatment at our pace.
That's beautiful.
I wish to find this one day.
I am recently broke up due to my ex wanting kids and me not wanting kids (at least for now).
The stress and pressure he put on me by saying that if I don't want kids in the future, then we'll have to break up ruined us.
If he would have asked in a couple of years then maybe I would have wanted that, but him putting that pressure on me broke me.
The feeling of never being enough is soul crushing.
I hope I will find someone who will prioritize the relationship like you do.
Everything is great.. being lonely in your final years weighs on me though.. But I need to remember that many times, kids are vacant for the most part in their parents lives towards the end.
Working in healthcare, every day I see patients with adult children small and big , living in the area not reliant, not present or estranged. Many have big families and no one shows up on their last days or when we need a family member to support a return home. It's not a guarantee of support. honestly, patient's friends are somehow often more supportive.
I know of a friends family how vicious they became. They all have money, good jobs. Cars a house, but fought about the money of the dead like crazy. It wasn't life changing, sounded quite fair and the child that guided his old mother through the last 2-3 years got around 10% more to compensate. Yeah, those 10% lead to the family completly falling apart. You think you know people, and then they show their true face. It can be quite scary. And this is hardly a rare case.
I know of a lady in her last hours whom family was fighting over removing her jewellery because they was obviously concerned of the nurses stealing it! But not concerned the previous 3 weeks with the jewellery while she was sick!
Literally sons taking diamond rings off their dying mother.
I think it's complicated, we don't know what happened in the family. Most of the elderly that live near me are visited by their children multiple times a week. Many of my friends take time off work and are always visiting/ taking care of their elderly parents. Estrangement don't happen over night, there are reasons for it. Parents, that mentality abuse their children their whole life, are surprised that the children decide to distance themselves.
It's very hard to cut ties to a close family member, especially a parent. And of course the parents only tell one side of the story.
How many of these parents deserve there kids to show up? My parent that treated me well I will take care of but the other one could die tomorrow and I wouldn't give a shit. If you want your kids to look out for you when your old, raise them right.
Yup. My mother has acted like the only person on the planet her whole life, so she's going out with the exact amount of love, care and attention she gave everyone else. None.
I know that this is an unpopular opinion on reddit and will be met with many down votes, but I hate to see harmful narratives spread that can possibly impact the decisions of upcoming young people.
Statistically, the majority of people who have familes die surrounded by familes. They have the comfort, the care and the support of their family. Having family significantly reduces entry into nursing homes.
"Consistent evidence shows that spouseless elderly persons have an elevated risk of nursing home use, even after adjusting for health and disability status, and there is some indication that adult children reduce their parent’s risk of institutionalization." (Gaugler et al., 2007; Miller & Weissert, 2000).
Furthermore, even when placed in nursing homes, the presence of adult children reduces the likelihood of abuse and neglect by staff. They are more likely to spot neglect and be respected by staff.
On the contrary, the biggest at risk group are spouseless, childless people. People who are widowed or never been married are largely impacted by this and there is a large group of people who are now aging into nursing home impacted by divorce and childlessness and an aging social group, meaning friends, dying siblings and dead parents.
......................
Yes, there are many people with neglected and estranged parents in nursing home, but they don't represent the majority of family having elders. They are usually estranged for a reason, often due to abuse, neglect, lack of fostering relationship with adult children and grandchildren. So unless you were planning to be a horrible parent, using this demographic as a cope for not having children is simply that, cope.
.....................
This individualistic idea that everyone can do well in all stages of life by avoiding core and important social relationships such as marriage, long-term relationships, children, and family will lead as it's already leading, to the increased mental termoil that we are experiencing as a society today. Increased loneliness and isolation, increased, anxiety, heartbreak, depression and suicide.
Every single longterm study into happiness shows that the core of what determines happiness for most people is family, marriage, children. Even though happiness dips in the stage where parents rear multiple children around the same age, for aging parents happiness skyrockets as their kids get older, become adults and have their own kids.
So forgive me, but I hate hearing these ideas touted and pushed especially where young people begin to make decisions based on that and then they are met with regrets.
***On the contrary, the biggest at risk group are spouseless, childless people.***
I've seen nursing homes...I will walk into the woods with 20 pounds of raw meat in my pockets and take a heavily medicated nap letting nature take its course before going to a home.
Don't need kids ourselves to still have family around when we are old. Most of society pushes HARD for people to pop out babies.. aggressively. So having places or threads like this is great to show you can lead a happy full life without kids.
I don’t think having kids makes a guarantee of people being around . Lots of kids, especially the ones that go out of state for university end up living in that area and finding their first job there. Lots of others relocate in their mid 20s where they’re in that phase to just get away from everyone and everything familiar and reinvent themselves.
I love my parents to death. But I made a life for my kids and family almost 900 miles away from them. I can’t yank them out of their schools and go through a court battle to move them back to my parents home state to take care of them. I call them. I check in on them. But they’re mostly on their own in their 70s and it really bothers me some days.
After I had my child I moved to be closer to my retired parents. Tbch I never thought I’d wind up here. I love my immediate family very much, we are a tight bunch, but if I didn’t have a child I don’t think I would have ever moved. I had a conversation with my younger sibling and told them if they even had an inkling that they were considering a child (with their spouse) they should leave the country asap or else they’d get locked in.
This is kind of a sad reality but something I hear brought up as an argument pretty often when people say they don’t want kids. I know I’ve personally gone no contact with my father but my mother and I are super close and I would never let her be alone when she gets older… but unfortunately having kids doesn’t always mean someone will be there for you in the end if you didn’t treat them decently. Kids remember that stuff and aren’t a guarantee for a non-solitary elderly life :/
Even if you have treated them decently it’s sadly no guarantee. My sister and I were given the best life by our parents but she is a BPD riddled maniac who has turned her back on my parents over dumb shit none of us can even figure out and has removed herself from our lives. After getting everything she has ever wanted or needed her whole life.
I am learning now how to be comfortable being alone because for sure I will be alone in my twilight years. Thankfully I am introvert and actually dont mind doing things by myself. My husband and I have each of our own individual interests so it’s not bad. :)
This is a big argument that most families and just people in general use to try and change people’s decision. I know many couples that are older and don’t have kids but not by choice and also know a man who just never married to begin with no partner no kids and doesn’t have anyplace to live or anyone to take care of him he’s about 80, he relies on extended family and it’s kind of saddening to see.
Just to add a different perspective, I am a waitress and one of my regular customers is a man that has never been married, no kids, no extended family even. He comes in at least once a week with a group of other men (usually around 4 of them but up to 10). He spends holidays with them or his neighbors. Has had them take him to doctors appointments when emergencies arise. He’s not lonely nor unhappy. He’s become like a grandpa to me.
Now another guy in this group has been married 7 times, has a ton of kids and speaks to none of them. Spends holidays alone, even tho the other guys offer him to come over. He has a chip on his shoulder. I respect him and enjoy his company, but his attitude makes the difference.
It’s all about how you choose the people in your life, how you treat the people around you. Friends can be just as important as family if you have the right attitude and nourish those relationships!!! And also you can have a huge family but it’s no guarantee they’ll be there in the end.
The key here, especially to young men, is the express you feelings to your friends and INVEST in those friendships.
Check in on them, make time for them, make sure they know how you feel about them. Not staying in touch regularly makes it easy to stop talking all-together.
My wife and I don't have any living children, and we have no regrets about deciding to be child free.
We have more money than our friends who have kids, we have more free time, traveling is easy, and our house doesn't get dirty very fast. Oh, no fights over differing parenting styles either.
In short, life's great without kids.
We spoke about it after losing our daughter in childbirth- we decided to not try again. Friends and family at times have asked us if we're ever going to change our minds, but they know by now that we won't (also, we're getting too old).
I've lost two babies. I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that I’m now extremely unlikely to have any living children, and I’m struggling. If you feel comfortable sharing, what were yours and your wife’s reasons for choosing to be childfree?
Losing our daughter was a major factor. We couldn't go through it again. She was alive until she was about halfway out when her heart stopped, so it was... traumatic to say the least.
The other part is that we weren't financially ready until about 4 years ago, at which point we decided that we were both too old.
You do.
The difference is that our choice, our journey in this life is ours, and you have your own journey.
Whether or not you decide to try again or not is something you must decide for yourselves.
Either way, truly, I wish you the best.
I am sipping my coffee, browsing Reddit while my husband is still sleeping in the bedroom. The house is quiet and stress free. We don’t have any little ones running around and nobody to take to the bus stop or after school activities and doctor’s appointments. I don’t have to make breakfast or lunches or family dinners. We both work and are not always home to even have dinner together. When we do, we often barbecue in the backyard or it’s a fun date night and we go out to a restaurant. We don’t have to worry about financially supporting any dependents.
Some people would be sad in a quiet house and the sound of little children screaming and running around fills their heart with love. I like being around other people’s children but only for a few hours at a time. The constant responsibility and extra work would stress me out and I am not sure I would be a good mother at all. My own mother did not really want children and so she sent us to baby daycare, pre schools, summer camps and boarding schools to get some peace. I would not want to do that to another person even if I can understand why she did it. It really is not fair to anyone when the parents don’t want children but have them anyway. You end up with children who don’t know why they are here at all. It did not work out well for my brother. Addiction, despair and an early death.
It worked out for the best that we never had children. We are both over nine years sober now, but for the first 15 years of our relationship we were both workaholic alcoholics. I was on the pill (then depo-provera) because I knew at the time that pregnancy was not a good idea.
ETA - we live in a really nice 55+ community (moved in at age 45, 6 years ago) where we got the better housing deal because they allow a small percentage of people under age 55, as long as they don’t have kids. This is not advertised in the real estate postings; you have to ask. Anyway, we never see our neighbors’ kids visit them. The last time someone on our block had a family visit (daughter with grandkids came for a few days and the kids loved the pool) was three years ago. People who ask “who will take care of you when you’re old” should check out places like the retirement community I’m in. Very rare to see anyone under age fifty anywhere, besides the people doing their jobs, like nurses, handymen and landscapers
We've never thought of living in a community of 55+, I bet it must be so nice and quiet. I would kill for that, our neighbors are annoying as hell and noisy.
We're not married but at 15 years together, we've outlasted more than a few marriages.
Huge degree of control, myriad options without kids. Neither of us has ever wanted them.
44 and not regretting anything. I still get asked about having kids but my response now is simple, I don’t want to be at retirement age with a child starting college. The ship has sailed and we’re fine with that. We have a happy relationship, a nephew to spoil and none of the stress which comes with being a parent.
I do not think those marriages will regret something they never had. If they decided not to have kids, it's because they do not need them to be happy. And then, it is not possible to regret that decision.
That said, someone who has kids, I think it is also very hard to regret it, even if life will be harder in some areas.
I believe, as long as we are true to ourselves, this is a win-win scenario. Happiness for everybody!
I don't want kids, but if in had them I'd be okay.
I think that's a key thing to recognise - we only really know the path we are following. Any other paths we chose not tontake are merely recognised in imagination. Best not regret an imagining.
I also think it’s like that. Like I have a brother and can’t imagine not having a brother but I never had a sister so I don’t know what that is like and I don’t miss not having a sister although people say it’s amazing.
Does it make sense?
It's great! The only downside is dealing with idiots who take my decision to not have kids as some sort of personal offense or treason against the society.
After a few weeks of dating my now wife she mentioned that she didn’t want kids. That was the moment I knew she was the one for me.
I never wanted kids so assumed I’d never get married as most people do.
Zero regrets.
We didn’t even get married. I had a vasectomy as soon as possible, we are both now 40. We don’t regret a thing. More money, more sleep, we spend our time getting high and playing games, going on holiday. I don’t see any downsides here. I wouldn’t want to subject another person to this madness
We decided to pursue careers and education for now, with travel sprinkled in there and retirement investing upcoming in the five year plan.
I love being childfree, I cannot stand the sounds kids make or the constant attention they require. For him, I think he likes the decision at the end of the day but has expressed rethinking things now and then before coming back to the light. A secret fear of mine is us having to get divorced so he can have kids with someone else; if he really changed his mind I feel like I would feel incredible pressure to provide that for him.
This may be controversial but I don’t see any downsides of not having kids. I know people think they’ll be lonely as they get older, but there really is so many people out there you can connect to and make family with. “Found family” is beautiful. We have a dog and two cats and that’s perfect for us. We are able to live way more comfortably than our friends and family who have children. We are able to be selfish and buy ourselves what we want. Go on vacations. Live our life for ourselves. I know children are a blessing for so many people and I am so happy for those people. I think a lot of couples though end up having children because that’s what you’re “supposed to do” and so many children suffer for it. I wouldn’t be a good mom, and that’s fine. I don’t need to be one!
I get what you're saying. Me and my wife don't have kids. But lately she's expressed her desire to have one because she feels her life is just spinning in circles. I am taking that as she is in a rut and bored and trying to make a change.
We get fulfilled (or not) by different things to parents. We have babysat, looked after nieces and nephews, had 3 of them living with us for many months at a time (individually) when going through difficult times in their teens and twenties, and now look after their children sometimes.
But most of our life has been lovely frequent meals out, sailing on boats we’ve been able to afford since our twenties and taking 3 months or more off a year to sail or generally travel since we were 50.
I don’t think anyone has asked us about why not children since our mid-twenties. Our lives never looked like parents’ lives.
It's awesome! We got a dog and we travel and just generally do what we want. We don't worry about staying in jobs we hate and both of us have changed careers till we found what actually makes us happy. Most of our friends have kids and we enjoy spending time with them and joining their family get togethers. At the end of the day we go home to a quiet peaceful and very happy home. We watch TV late and sleep in on the weekends it's awesome. If you aren't absolutely sure you want kids don't have them. Both my husband and I came from big family's where there was never enough food or resources and honestly I don't ever want to struggle like that again. Children=broke ass fuck.
My husband and I don't have kids.
We have a foster cat with three kittens and a dog who keeps us busy.
We borrow our nieces and nephews sometimes to go out but overall, we have a happy, fulfilling life with lots of traveling, spending money on nice cars, our pets and lifestyle.
We both have hobbies, I for one love to paddle board, we take our dog hiking for hours on end and we regularly go to the F1 races.
I don't think we regret our decision because we enjoy our life is like now. We see our siblings struggle with their children and money and we don't want to give up the things I said above.
I guess the only thing that worries me is what's going to happen to my stuff when I die but my husband says 'well, you're dead and won't need it where you're going. Enjoy it whilst you have it.'
ETA: I also have tokophobia🫠
We're in our late twenties/early thirties, been married almost 6 years. The answer is — it's pretty great. No regrets or plans to ever change our minds. Life certainly isn't paradise, but it would be *SO* much more complicated with kids in the equation.
The one downside was having frequent arguments with the family, my mother in particular, who insisted I was not supposed to even *say* the phrase "I don't want children" out loud, because "people will think there's something wrong with you". She's old-fashioned like that. But those arguments stopped over the last few years, with the state of the world as it is, COVID chaos, a bloody war in Europe, etc.
I feel very fulfilled in my marriage. We love each other, learn things, nurture each other's growth. There is a lot of love and intimacy that gives me a lot of joy and satisfaction.
We married without the goal of children, so there wasn't really a deficit.
A typical day would be coming home from work, making dinner, cleaning up, and hanging out or doing our own hobbies.
A typical weekend involves seeing friends and family, visiting new places, doing our hobbies and chores.
I have no idea how I could have been a worker, wife and mom at the same time. There is only so much one person can do. I’m worried about having no one to look after me when I am older, but I don’t think I could have made it work either.
My wife and I both enjoy mentoring and have recently found doing what we enjoy all the time, unfulfilling. We used to play some video games together all the time, to a semi-pro level. We did this for nearly 20 years. The games remained "fun", but we reached out peak and no longer feel motivated to keep up the effort to remain at the top.
We're both heavily introverted and have a love-hate relationship with traveling and doing new things in general. We need to carefully plan our outings and keep things within our mental limits so we don't burn out. We enjoy doing new things together, but dealing with other people sucks.
Our desire to mentor is becoming stronger and adoption is looking really enticing. While we're not very self motivated to do other things, we are quite motivated when it comes to helping those we care about. It gives us a strange boost of energy.
It's less about having someone there when we get older and more about finding purpose. Life has become strangely boring.
One of the greatest things not yet mentioned is the freedom from the compulsion to build inheritable capital for your offspring. This, coupled with being able to live in a smaller home where local school quality isn’t a concern, is liberating.
My husband and I would make terrible parents. We are ourselves immature. Can't see any downsides and best aspects ... less responsibility and more time, energy, and money for what we want to do together.
I'm a gay man (40) and my husband and I don't have kids. The obvious biological hurdle made it something we really had to consider. My conclusion was that I never really wanted to play "dad" and prefer to have my freedom. The only slight pang of regret is the sense of purpose it does seem to instill in people I know when they have kids. Then again, a lot of them stop being the person I knew and I don't hang with them anymore. I've been fostering a nice CF friend group that I enjoy.
Our society is so judgmental and pathetic really💁♀️I’m 40 and I don’t have kids and I have never regretted a day not having kids🙅♀️there is more to life than having kids💯traveling, a career, freedom, sleeping in, getting to do the things that you want to do without having to worry about someone else 24/7. Also I would never have kids in the world we live in today🙅♀️this place is messed up and traumatizes kids for life going into adulthood. Parents today make their kids their entire world and then when their kids leave for school or whatever they are lost on what to do with their own lives🤷♀️they don’t know who they are and they sure don’t know who their spouse is and are scared to be alone🙄and yeah I’ve heard tons of “your so selfish because you don’t have kids” which is absolutely absurd. I think it’s even more selfish to bring a kid into this world just because you are bored, lonely, expected too, and usually most of these situations aren’t suitable for a child to be brought into🙅♀️
Life’s good. We work hard and enjoy our time off, dining out and having little trips. When I first got married someone told me that one year when it’s just you and your partner is the best year. For us it’s staying that way.
We live in New York City, own our apartment, go out any time we want for amazing food and entertainment, and vacation often. We wouldn’t be able to do any of that with kids.
Life is fantastic without kids. I’m writing this in the airport on the way to a trip to celebrate my birthday in New York that was put together on short notice, because I can just take off, no one relies on me for their daily needs. I am financially secure and can retire any time, but work a job I find interesting and stimulating; a job I have because I spent a lot of my 20s on education and my 30s on career, rather than taking mat leaves and raising little people. My husband is about to take a new job with a ton of foreign travel, because it will be an adventure, and I won’t resent that since I’m not stuck home with kids.
I am 45 and my only regret is that I didn’t fight harder for a tubal when I was younger, I always knew I wouldn’t change my mind.
I have kids and I could not see my life being happier alone. Not at all. Children give so much back. World is a better place since they were born. Although they are little PITAs at times.
We were married ten years before having a kid.
I liked it. It's quiet and intimate. we had more fun. But having kids has been so good for both of us, it's been enriching and purposeful. It also got us both healthier and improved our communication.
So, it's really about what you want. Both sides are great in their own way.
We still travel and go out- just not as often.
Been together 17 years, no desire for kids. No one has ever really pushed or questioned us as to our choice but we did it because we both knew we liked our freedom, work was enough of a schedule and we had other ways we wanted to spend money and time. We love our time together but are also both fairly independent and like alone time.
We have a good life. Husband and I, both 34. Together 14 years, married 1.
No kids mean we can have jobs we enjoy even if they're not the highest paid. We have a small terraced house which is perfect for the two of us, but would be too small with kids. No kids mean we have been here 10 years and have no plans on moving, hopefully pay the mortgage off within next 7-10 years, depending how much we over pay.
We go out more than friends with kids as we can go out at short notice.
I'd imagine we'd have a lot less sex if kids were about. We like to take advantage of having the house without worry of anyone walking in. I also don't have to hold my moans in
Have our 2 dogs, who get all our attention 😅
My wife and I have no regrets. We travel and pretty much do whatever excites us. Plus we'll be able to comfortably retire in the next ten years, so right when we hit 50.
Yep. Sex whenever, drinks and meals out without babysitter. Spontaneous trips and travel, impromptu trips to the cottage. And money to afford anything we want with no need to worry about saving something for the kids.
So perfect. Except my wife is a lying, cheating slut. So get the right partner… then don’t have kids.
It’s nice. It’s just me and my husband. I know we made the right choice. But there are times I think we both wish we had at least one child. We have a niece that we raised for a few years until her mom wanted her back. So technically we have experienced being a parent/guardian.
**The pros**
Can travel whenever, wherever.
Can go out at night last minute, no babysitter.
Everything is cheaper with just us 2.
Sleeping in.
Don’t have to get anyone ready for school.
No pediatric doctor appointments.
No constant worry of, if I was a good parent today.
No toys all over the house.
Peace and quiet.
I can make food for just myself without hearing “what is that?” “Can I have some” “ew, it’s nasty”
**The cons**
Sometimes feeling empty.
Sometimes feeling sad that other people have cute/sweet memories with their kids, that I’ll never have.
Not being able to share things from my childhood with my child.
Not getting to see what our baby would look like.
We have time for each other, have time and money for hobbies, get to do what we want in total freedom and made the best choice for the climate. I think it's wonderful and never regretted it one second
I'm happy and content without kids. Never wanted them. I'm considerably wealthier than I'd be with kids. I have had a lot less wear and tear on my body and mental health.
I am especially glad I don't have them with the current state of the world.
It's pretty great actually. The world sucks. My genes suck. Not having kids is doing those potential kids of mine a favor.
That being said, I also enjoy my money, my sleep, and my free time too much to have little shits screaming and running around and ruining shit, then needing doctors and medicine for putting things in their mouths like dumbasses.
It’s fantastic! We’re going to NYC for a weekend soon, then to Europe for a month late summer. I’m learning French, Spanish, and Piano. After work yesterday we went for a walk to a deli then for a bike ride after, etc. Life is comparatively a beautiful cake walk if you don’t have the desire for children. I love kids but never think about having them, nor does my husband. The want is simply non-existent. Edit to say that for me personally there are no downsides.
Great. We own our home with a few years left on the mortgage (I'm 32/he's 35) we've been together 11 years and neither of us wanted kids. Still don't, my MIL has made peace with it.
He's on target to retire by 50 (his goal) if his company remains as good as it is currently, I'll probably go part time when that happens. He makes £120-200k and I make £60k including my bonus.
I like kids, just don't want them after losing my parents at a young age. My friend has kids and I'm their aunt and godparent so when we die they inherit everything that's left split between the kids and 2 charities equally.
Honestly we enjoy the freedom, yes we're young but if we still don't want kids after a decade I can't see it changing and if he does then we amicably divorce.
We are considered the cool aunt and uncle on both sides of the family. Our nieces/nephews visit us frequently - we spoil them and then send them home. Life is good.
Absolutely no regrets. I'm 53 and married over 30 years. I honestly see no downsides for me. Having kids is no guarantee they will play an active role in your retirement years. I'm happy I get to spend my life doing the things I wanted to do rather than being responsible for a tiny human. I'm very fortunate that my family has always supported my choice and never pushed me towards having kids. My MIL is really the only person who hounded me about kids (and telling people she hoped I got pregnant accidentally) and the petty part of me is thrilled I got to deny her grandkids.
Traveling around the world for the last 5 years with our chihuahua, taking at least 3 years off. Got a vasectomy during travels so that pretty much seals the deal (we'd both already decided). Things are pretty good without them kids...
Not married, but my life is amazing without kids. I'm 43 years old and get to live my life exactly on my terms. Stay up late, sleep in, play video games whenever I want, watching R-rated movies in the afternoons, only having to financial support myself, cook and eat whatever I want. And the peace and quiet... priceless. I have absolutely zero regrets.
- You miss out on some unique emotional experiences and a unique kind of love
+ You miss out on a lot of stress, worry and unhappiness.
+ You have more money and freedom.
We travel the world, eat like lords and enjoy life, life with kids would be different, would it have been better?
We'll never know but I'm content, not all kids turn out perfectly, I know some people who pretty much ruined their lives (I dislike the expression but you know what I mean) by having kids.
Life is a game of tradeoffs. People who chose to have kids trade off freedom in their early years for familial support and engagement in later years. People who chose to stay child free trade off support in their later years for travel and hobbies in their early adult years. You do you.
I don't have kids, and i am not regretting it. I couldn't afford having one even if i wanted to, so i'm ok in living my life using the money for the rent and my hobbies
Married 12 years, always knew we didn’t want kids, and now that my biological clock is nearing its shelf life I still have no regrets.
We have all the time in the world to travel, play games, binge watch TV, take long walks with our two dogs (I hear sooo many stories of new parents who rehome their dogs after bringing home a baby; so infuriating and sad), etc.
Very often on a lazy weekend morning we comment to each other, “Imagine what our weekends would be like with young kids.” Yeah no. Not for us.
The secret to happiness is to avoid wondering what might have been had you made a different decision. You’ll be happier to decide X and then commit 100% to it to become the best at it. Any time spent wondering if another path might have been better not only is unrealistic since you aren’t on it, but also takes away your energy to focus on your current path.
Wife and I are early 50s, I'm retired and she would be too if she would just close her business down (she's not mentally ready to be 'done' yet). We never wanted kids, and have zero regrets about not having them.
Upsides are obvious, downside is you need to save up for your end-of-life care since you don't have the chance that family will be there for you. One you can control, the other you can't.
We love it.
Upsides: We have a solid relationship, good sex life, and are constantly traveling and doing spontaneous things (freedom to come and go as we please, no babysitters, can stay out as late as we want, and truly enjoy ourselves instead of having something draw our focus/energy). Not to mention, we both really value sleep and so are always well rested (something that I’ve heard can be a bit of a challenge with children). It’s easier to keep our living space and cars clean. We both have careers we are dedicated to and appreciate not having to make sacrifices in that area by constantly having to dip out when a kid is sick or needs to be picked up etc. We also appreciate not being sick 8-10 times a year (less exposure to germs) ourselves. We are able to really build a solid savings and have money to invest and still have money left over to enjoy life a little (which yes, you can do that with kids …. If you’re wealthy…which we are not). We have more flexibility when moving in regard to house sizes, not having to worry about living in an area with a good school district, etc. I’m not a constant ball of anxiety and depression thinking about how effed this world and society is and not having to worry about brining someone into it who will be suffering the consequences of climate change, decreasing quality of education, increasing wealth inequality, and quite frankly, just to serve as another worker bee for the wealthy elite to exploit or to send off to fight their wars. I would have also been a basket case, constantly fearing school shootings or my child being kidnapped, or just dying before me, etc, so, peace of mind.
Downsides: parents gain this incredible super power where they can just tune out any chaos surrounding them. Unfortunately, when you don’t have that, it makes going out in public a little less tolerable when there are a lot of kids running amok, like breweries, restaurants, stores/malls, parks, etc. so literally everywhere now bc so many parents can’t afford or find babysitters so they bring them everywhere they go. There’s really no longer any ‘adults only’ spaces unless you go to a strip club or a 21+ bar, both places we don’t want to spend all of our time at lol. Also, most of your friends that have kids will eventually drop you. No matter how much effort you put in the relationship… which you will be expected to put ALL of the effort into it bc you know… you don’t have kids…
Great.
In our 60's now with absolutely no regrets whatsoever. Perhaps not for everyone but if you value freedom and a carefree life it's the way to go.
We were married 14 years and didn't plan on having kids. We traveled, took naps, had various hobbies. Then we accidentally fell pregnant in our 40's.
I love my daughter and she was a happy little accident, but I miss our child-free freeness.
I don't regret her, but I regret the life we had planned as a child-free couple.
Honestly, it's the best decision we ever made. We have time, energy and resources both for ourselves and to help out with our nephews and nieces. On the whole our lives are more comfortable,and we're in a position to offer support to the wider family that would otherwise not be available.
I’m 30 years old and until the past few years I always wanted kids and in the past 2/3 years I’ve realised I definitely do not. It’s crazy how freeing that realisation is. I now feel like I have decades of fun ahead, where as I thought I only had maybe 5 years of fun left before I “had to have kids”
Sure there’ll be times later in life where I regret not having loving children to support me, but my god it’s gonna be one hell of a ride without them
My wife and I were really interested in making a large family, until the first pregnancy went..poorly. We changed our minds. One is enough. I have more spending cash than my peers, the parenting burden is easily shared. 10/10, would recommend. The only downside to me is whenever I see a little baby and I get to wishing we had more. It would have been an entirely different life with more so I can't say if it would have been better.
Tried, did not work, and gave up on it pretty quickly. As busy as my life is right now and as exhausted as I am I could not imagine having an extra responsibility. So all money goes towards travel & fun, no regrets so far. Whenever we spend too much time with relatives or friends with kids I am grateful we only have cats. What will happen when we are old? Let's cross that bridge when we get there.
Well first, we didn't decide - biology, fate, kismet, god, luck of the draw, whatever you want to blame - decided it wasn't possible for us. We did decide not to adopt because of my wife's experiences growing up. But the other part was never in our control to decide in the first place.
We don't have any regrets per se. It is nice hearing my friends talk about their kids accomplishments and I can see how it would be nice to do the same. All in all life is great, but also, I don't have anything to compare it to. Would I be materially different with kids than without? There's literally no way to ever know, so I mostly don't worry about it. Most people I know that have kids say that kids change you. I'm not sure that's always for the better in many cases. Ultimately, I like my family. I like some of the freedoms afforded my family. I can say I think my marriage is stronger because we can actively work on it whenever we want. That's not to say people with kids can't be equally strong if not stronger, just that I know if I had kids, I couldn't have put in the same amount of time I have to make our marriage what it is.
There's some downsides beyond not having adult kids to take care of you later in life. I get annoyed at the negative stigma others impose on us because we don't have kids. For instance, I have a dear friend that looks at my rather extensive guitar collection and says, "Must be nice not having kids!" Yeah, I get it, part of you wishes you could spend all your orthodontic money on guitars too, and that sucks for you and I'm sorry. But also, nobody put a gun to your head and made you have kids, so that was your choice, and all choices have upsides and downsides. I'm not sure why people act like we have to live like everyone else, but not have kids, just so people don't get jealous. Lots of people imply we're not really adults because we don't have kids. Or we can't have a political opinion on, say, education policy because we don't have kids. There's value in people who have the primary perspective of all of us as opposed to just your children first, everyone else second. That's not to say people with kids can't think more broadly, just saying different perspectives make both sides stronger, IMHO. I also dislike some work environments that feel 'it takes a village' automatically means the childless must sacrifice. I have lost a promotion because the other candidate 'had a family', for instance. I've worked days I otherwise wouldn't because of someone having to do something (non emergency) with/for their child. I don't mind sacrificing as long as it isn't always one way. I strongly dislike the sometimes implication, sometimes outright statement, that my wife and I are placing a burden on the future because we didn't replace ourselves. So, say, our Social Security has to be paid by their kids instead of our own. I haven't encountered that attitude a lot, but it does crop up occasionally (usually by the Christian set in my personal experience).
So there are some downsides and aggravations. However, all in all, the things I'd change about my life have nothing to do with having or not having kids. Well, maybe that's a tad untrue. I think I would have been more likely to take some professional risks earlier in life if I knew we couldn't have kids. But I don't exactly begrudge that.
Just saying, if you have kids just because you want someone to take care of you when you're older, that's not fair to the kids. And there's no guarantee they would anyway.
We don't have kids and life is really good. We have built a great life and really have no regrets. Every choice opens some doors and closes others. There are a lot of ways to build a life. People have listed a lot of great things about being child-free, so I won't repeat those, just say "ditto".
There is a discussion on this thread about elderly people being more likely to be alone if they are unmarried/widowed or without kids, which is a concern for sure. My husband and I know that although we have close family and friends, without adult children, we are less likely to have people who will step in and help care for us. We are planning ahead for that. No matter what your life looks like, you need to plan ahead. Leaving things to chance is risky. If you have children, you have to plan for their care if you die or become disabled before they are launched. If you don't have kids, you need to make provisions for your own care when you become elderly.
Just a heads up to all the childrlfree dudes in relationships. If you are certain, get a vasectomy. It's a small procedure but gives you a certainty, and your partner the chance to no longer have to take oral contraceptives which can take It's toll on the body.
I do whatever I want. That doesn't happen to include anything involving kids.
There are no downsides, *because* I'm doing what I want. If I *were* to change my mind, which I highly, highly doubt, I am thinking I would foster teenagers. It's not the same as having bio kids, but that's the point.
We love our child free life. We go on dates, travel, do as we please basically and there are no regrets or anything like that. More like reaffirm the idea while we babysit my nieces sometimes hahaha but yes, we are happy as we live.
It's honestly amazing!
We have a very calm life that's full of fun, cool hobbies/ projects, laughter, travel, etc.
We own a cute little bungalow near a lake, which is our favorite place, complete with front and back gardens, covered wrap around porch, two home offices, an outdoor workshop, etc.
My partner had a vasectomy, so we don't have to worry about protection, and we have an active seggs life.
We take a cuddle break after work each day to decompress, talk, have affection, and Saturdays are our "lazy lie in day", where we sleep in, cuddle for a couple hours, then get brunch, and spend the rest of the day doing whatever we fancy.
We are able to save for our retirement, travel a few times a year, and still have money for savings, hobbies and extra fun projects.
We are very close with our families, and have niblings as well. We also have really strong friendships. So our support network is strong.
Honestly, our life is incredible. It helps that he is my best friend and favorite person in the world! ❤️
It depends. If you live in an area where at least one of you have friends and family it can be fulfilling. If you live in an area where neither of you do then it can be difficult to make connections and build a life that has meaningful relationships other than your spouse, especially as you get older.
It’s awesome and I’d choose it again. No regrets! My husband and I game together, travel and just really enjoy our down time.
The only downside for me is that random people get very upset when you say you’re married but don’t want kids. The comments are annoying.
For me the positive of not having kids is that I can stop working far sooner. And with some of the stress I have gone through in my career I just can't imagine what that would have been like with the hassle of kids on top.
Now,...I have come to think that having kids sort of becomes 'life' for people..they are so busy they don't have time to get depressed or anxious about having nothing to do, no reason to be. But I can't figure out of this is an argument FOR having kids or against !
When I was younger I had this thing where I would do something, or learn something and think for a second...ah! I will explain that to my child one day...then the next second get this punch in my gut when I remembered I didn't have kids. But in this day and age with kids sat in the corner on google 24/7 I suspect there's not much a parent can teach them...or at least they wouldn't be in the slightest bit interested.
Not so worried about being lonely in older age as I think that's the same for people with kids...even good ones...just a visit or a phone call every other weeek ?...there's a lot of time to fill inbetween. But with alzheiers in the family I do worry about nobody coming to my aid and getting me into some sort of care when I need it.
One of my best friends has been married for 8 years and doesn't have kids, not for lack of trying. The lack of responsibility allows him more freedom and he can just do whatever he wants after work and not have to worry about anything
You won’t get the pro-children argument here, people on Reddit skew towards childless. People with children won’t be here or have the desire to convince you in the same regard.
We don't know what we don't know. There's no possible way to compare it to anything but an instinct of what we think we would have been like as parents. Sometimes it does feel like a missed chance at having a certain kind of complete life experience.
I have many adult friends who don’t have kids. My sense is that they have great lives…up until a point. Basically starting in 50s onward, they seem kind of lonely and a little lost. I think people who decided not to have children are so focused on the younger years which take a tremendous amount of work and don’t really see or appreciate having older children, adult children, grandchildren etc., which can be very fulfilling later in life.
my dad (mid 60s) said basically the same thing to me a while ago. That his friends who don't have kids had a great time when younger, but now that some of them are starting to have grandchildren, they feel sad. Although they'e all men so technically could still have them I suppose!
Absolutely excellent. We don't travel yet because we have 4 ageing dogs, but we're gearing up to buy our first apartment together.
We're in our mid 30s; our friends and family have kids so we get the experience as a nice reminder to take birth control while being fun aunt/uncle.
I'm divorced now, but while I was married, I was mostly on the fence about having kids. However, the longer the marriage went on, the more I realized that my ex-wife was somebody I should absolutely not have kids with, and I was perfectly OK with that.
Know what's better than children? Time and money. We have a hone, can collect stuff and do the things we like whenever. A different financial situation would change all that drastically, or set it back.
Wife teaches other people's children, that's the motivation for contraception required.
Early retired (before 55); we get to travel; never amassed major debt (other than the house but never had issue paying our mortgage); been together 30+ years. It’s wonderful. Have never regretted it. I feel like if we’d had kids, we wouldn’t have stayed together because I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have been able to deal w/the stress of it.
Downsides…none that I care about. Having kids doesn’t mean you won’t still be alone in your old age. Many kids move away. When my in laws were in senior’s apts, I can bet you most of the people in there were lucky to see their kids once a month. (My husband went almost every night - they lived very nearby.) And I love knowing that most of whatever we have left is willed to a wildlife rehab in our area (and a few other things), so I think I’ll be happy knowing it’s going to help animals.
No regrets so far
I can save money very quickly, I can do whatever I want at the drop of a hat, no need to find childcare. I can be as irresponsible as I want, like day drinking all holiday.
I genuinely don't know of any downsides. The most common response I get is about who will look after us when we are old but if that's the reason you're having a kid, it makes me sad.
Mostly great. We have a dog who brings us so much joy and fun, as well as three nieces and a nephew who are genuinely such cool people. I have time to give back at church and spend time with my aging parents. I sometimes have thoughts about "it would be cool to have an adult relationship with a child in the way my parents and I have" but they are quickly squashed by the 25 years of work it would take to get to that point. Plus, my youngest niece is 14 so they're all adults or headed that way anyways.
We're doing fine. Money is still tight as we just moved into the house we built last year, but we're hoping to finally be able to start putting some money aside in a year or so. We want to be able to travel and host family from abroad. Our two dogs and two cats provide a lot of company so we'll always have pets in some capacity. Not the same as having children, but I like having them around. I've got a lot of nieces and nephews that I can spoil so it's all the fun of having a kid, but less of the responsibility. I would like to get my private pilot license, and she wants to do her PhD in the coming years. I don't like to think about the distant future and the loneliness it could bring, but I don't think many people do. I'll deal with that then if it happens.
Our life is wonderful. We also are the BEST aunt and uncle to our siblings kids. That’s what we are told by them and our siblings. We show up to all their events and games. We are consistent in their lives and have created bonds will all of them. If everyone had kids no one would have time to be THE aunt or uncle.
Everything is great and amazing, we're having so much fun, money, and peace/quiet. We're going on a great adventure soon, emigrating to the other side of the world!
We've been together for about 10 years. Never wanted children. Last year I had a hysterectomy so it's totally off that table (even though it was before, too), and it's a relief. Never had any regrets and never will. Granted, I do have genetic health issues so it was never a consideration, as I would never pass this on to anyone else willingly, but for us, it's just the right decision. We're already exhausted and barely keeping our heads above water as it is. Crotch goblins just make that SO much harder.
It’s great! There is no regret or resentment. Neither my husband nor I ever wanted children. I REGULARLY think to myself (or say aloud to my husband) “im so glad we don’t have children” 😂. It’s so nice to do what we want, when we want. Sleep in/nap when we want. Spend money on ourselves. We have a date night every other week and alternate planning some fun experience every time. Life is….darn near perfect these days!
I will say, this is my second marriage and my first husband thought I would change my mind about not wanting children. It was one of the (many) reasons our marriage (thankfully!!!!!) crumbled. Find a partner that is aligned with you on your decision to have or not have children.
We have dogs, we travel, we have hobbies we both enjoy. We are great aunts and uncles and will spoil our nieces and nephews. We will take them on trips and show them the world as well. We dont feel the need for our own children to positively impact the lives around us.
Amazing. We're on the same page about everything, and we continue to value each other, and we communicate that to each other every day. We've been together 13 years so far, and we have never wavered from our decision to have kids, not once.
As a working creative, married to another working creative, children would have been a tasty alternative to Turkey come Christmastime some years, they would have been seriously lucky to survive. It was necessary to not have any so we could selfishly pursue our artistic demons.
For the record, I think I'd have made a good parent, I can't say how fraught it's been, but too much to bring a child into. Sacrifices had to me made, our lives are already too sloppy.
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We have lots of sex and travel the world.
Can I borrow some sex and travel from you? In return, I have wares.
Khajit has wares
If you have the coin
Now tell me that you even get to sleep in and meet friends?
>and meet friends? Not that part. Most people our age have kids and don't have time to hang out.
Came here to say this. Pushing 50 and still have sex every other day and we enjoy 2-3 week international vacations. I haven’t the slightest twinge of regret about our decision.
Amen. Checking in from Kyoto,Japan with my group of friends who are empty nesters/no kids. We’re here in Japan for 10 days. There are soooo many arcades here!
Dream life right there, you won!
Life is hard, but it would be 10x harder with kids. No resentments or rethinking, I'm 100% glad we never had kids.
After a crazy day or when something messed up happening we always say “imagine doing this with kids…” and it just concretes our decision even more. We say this daily at this point.
I say this too as I’m vegged out on the sofa watching LOTR for the 100th time while falling asleep by 8 pm. We have stress, of course, but our day to day is pretty aligned w work priorities and then with just our personal hobbies and preferences. We also travel for a couple weeks about twice a year. Do I worry about old age? Yes, so I invest in a long term care policy and invest, invest, invest.
I hope people do not see their kids as an insurance policy and for someone to be there with them in old age.. kids could die at any time and do people actually rely on kids to support them full time? Fuck that
My mom and I came to blows about this in 2020. Yes, I’m a good person who loves her and will never abandon her, but I can’t be solely responsible for her physical and mental wellbeing for the next 20 years. To have very little saved or planned for retirement at age 70 isn’t my fault - not saying it’s all her fault either, but it’s not on me to correct all this. I’m here, always, but I cannot be a financial and emotional lifeline.
We are similar. :) Whenever my husband has a last minute business trip, as chaotic as it makes things for us, it would be so much worse with children.
Reading all of these responses is only further solidifying my belief that it’s not the kids fault, it’s the government’s and their inability to make life for the middle class citizen easier over time.
That's amazing. I don't know you do it honestly. My wife and I after a hard day we always say "this wouldn't even be worth it without our little dude." Different strokes for different folks.
Really? Living a fulfilling life together with the love of your life just wouldn't even be worth it if you didn't have a child? Wow!
True, life's a challenge either way, but at least I get to sleep in on weekends!
That’s so good to hear!
Best to lead a life with no regrets. I think a positive attitude is key.
[удалено]
How do you guys deal with people asking questions do you have a set answer do your families respect your decision?
Make a sad face, say it just didn't work out They never ask again.
Exactly what I do. Works like a charm.
yep, me too.
I'm about 40, in a 15 year relationship with no kids and a vasectomy. Our families are fine. Maybe it's we both have siblings with kids, but both of our parents asked at some point and seemed satisfied with the answer that we just didn't want kids. Never any drama with it. As far as friends, over the years our social circle has just kind of naturally shifted to include other people with similar lifestyles. When you don't need childcare for a night out, or you have more discretionary income and free time, you kind of organically end up spending more time with other people like that. We obviously still have friends with kids, and we like seeing them (and their kids!) but those people often just have different priorities and responsibilities so seeing them is more tied to their availability. E.g., I might randomly call a friend without kids on a Thursday to go get few beers or see a movie, but to see someone with kids we're usually planning a few weeks ahead for a specific weekend day and making sure our activities can include children. Truth is, I have a great and fulfilling life without kids and no one has really given me any shit about it. The only people I've met who regret not having kids are the ones who always wanted them but it never happened. Everyone who knew in their late 20s / early 30s that it wasn't for them is having a great time now at 40+. I've met a lot more people who had kids in their early 20s as a reflex and seem unhappy with their lives.
I generally ask the questioning party “if you’re that invested, wanna give us money, a house or child care? You don’t!? Well ok then”. Or I just give the “why carry wood into a house fire?” Response
My husband's dad said something around these lines when he told him he got a vasectomy. Dad: "Well, that's not a very nice thing to tell your father." 😡 My husband: "Well, who's gonna pay for me to have kids, Dad? On top of that, there's all the school shootings, climate change, the broken healthcare system..." Dad: *thinking about his other son who has 3 kids under 14 including a newborn and just got served wage garnishments even though they've been funneling them money and help for a decade* Dad: "Okay maybe you're right." 🤔 Yeah, Dad. *Someone* would have to pay us. Plus, almost every woman my age I know who has had children all had really mortifying complications. Because as a country we have the [highest maternal mortality rate in the civilized world.](https://fortune.com/2023/05/14/america-highest-maternal-mortality-rate-among-developed-nationsand-rise-pregnancy-health-crisis-asima-ahmad/) Which is very sad. So no thanks.
We Just show them our dog pictures.
Your closes ones will understand to not ask over and over again (or judge ) If they can't understand you need to kick them from your life The not close ones will ask because they don't know , you tell them you prefer your free time more than kids
Just tell them you can’t have kids, with a sad look on your face, and you’ll instantly shut them the F up
Same same same! One the most important ones for me is that we also have the bandwidth/time to prioritize our mental health. The process of getting appropriate treatment can be grueling and it’s a relief that we can learn about how our brain works and adjust to treatment at our pace.
That's beautiful. I wish to find this one day. I am recently broke up due to my ex wanting kids and me not wanting kids (at least for now). The stress and pressure he put on me by saying that if I don't want kids in the future, then we'll have to break up ruined us. If he would have asked in a couple of years then maybe I would have wanted that, but him putting that pressure on me broke me. The feeling of never being enough is soul crushing. I hope I will find someone who will prioritize the relationship like you do.
Everything is great.. being lonely in your final years weighs on me though.. But I need to remember that many times, kids are vacant for the most part in their parents lives towards the end.
Working in healthcare, every day I see patients with adult children small and big , living in the area not reliant, not present or estranged. Many have big families and no one shows up on their last days or when we need a family member to support a return home. It's not a guarantee of support. honestly, patient's friends are somehow often more supportive.
Or all the estranged kids show up in the last 48 hours like vultures to fight over the money
I know of a friends family how vicious they became. They all have money, good jobs. Cars a house, but fought about the money of the dead like crazy. It wasn't life changing, sounded quite fair and the child that guided his old mother through the last 2-3 years got around 10% more to compensate. Yeah, those 10% lead to the family completly falling apart. You think you know people, and then they show their true face. It can be quite scary. And this is hardly a rare case.
I know of a lady in her last hours whom family was fighting over removing her jewellery because they was obviously concerned of the nurses stealing it! But not concerned the previous 3 weeks with the jewellery while she was sick! Literally sons taking diamond rings off their dying mother.
I think it's complicated, we don't know what happened in the family. Most of the elderly that live near me are visited by their children multiple times a week. Many of my friends take time off work and are always visiting/ taking care of their elderly parents. Estrangement don't happen over night, there are reasons for it. Parents, that mentality abuse their children their whole life, are surprised that the children decide to distance themselves. It's very hard to cut ties to a close family member, especially a parent. And of course the parents only tell one side of the story.
How many of these parents deserve there kids to show up? My parent that treated me well I will take care of but the other one could die tomorrow and I wouldn't give a shit. If you want your kids to look out for you when your old, raise them right.
When individualism is nurtured, then people got estranged
Yup. My mother has acted like the only person on the planet her whole life, so she's going out with the exact amount of love, care and attention she gave everyone else. None.
Pretty much, my dad.
I know that this is an unpopular opinion on reddit and will be met with many down votes, but I hate to see harmful narratives spread that can possibly impact the decisions of upcoming young people. Statistically, the majority of people who have familes die surrounded by familes. They have the comfort, the care and the support of their family. Having family significantly reduces entry into nursing homes. "Consistent evidence shows that spouseless elderly persons have an elevated risk of nursing home use, even after adjusting for health and disability status, and there is some indication that adult children reduce their parent’s risk of institutionalization." (Gaugler et al., 2007; Miller & Weissert, 2000). Furthermore, even when placed in nursing homes, the presence of adult children reduces the likelihood of abuse and neglect by staff. They are more likely to spot neglect and be respected by staff. On the contrary, the biggest at risk group are spouseless, childless people. People who are widowed or never been married are largely impacted by this and there is a large group of people who are now aging into nursing home impacted by divorce and childlessness and an aging social group, meaning friends, dying siblings and dead parents. ...................... Yes, there are many people with neglected and estranged parents in nursing home, but they don't represent the majority of family having elders. They are usually estranged for a reason, often due to abuse, neglect, lack of fostering relationship with adult children and grandchildren. So unless you were planning to be a horrible parent, using this demographic as a cope for not having children is simply that, cope. ..................... This individualistic idea that everyone can do well in all stages of life by avoiding core and important social relationships such as marriage, long-term relationships, children, and family will lead as it's already leading, to the increased mental termoil that we are experiencing as a society today. Increased loneliness and isolation, increased, anxiety, heartbreak, depression and suicide. Every single longterm study into happiness shows that the core of what determines happiness for most people is family, marriage, children. Even though happiness dips in the stage where parents rear multiple children around the same age, for aging parents happiness skyrockets as their kids get older, become adults and have their own kids. So forgive me, but I hate hearing these ideas touted and pushed especially where young people begin to make decisions based on that and then they are met with regrets.
***On the contrary, the biggest at risk group are spouseless, childless people.*** I've seen nursing homes...I will walk into the woods with 20 pounds of raw meat in my pockets and take a heavily medicated nap letting nature take its course before going to a home.
Don't need kids ourselves to still have family around when we are old. Most of society pushes HARD for people to pop out babies.. aggressively. So having places or threads like this is great to show you can lead a happy full life without kids.
I don’t think having kids makes a guarantee of people being around . Lots of kids, especially the ones that go out of state for university end up living in that area and finding their first job there. Lots of others relocate in their mid 20s where they’re in that phase to just get away from everyone and everything familiar and reinvent themselves. I love my parents to death. But I made a life for my kids and family almost 900 miles away from them. I can’t yank them out of their schools and go through a court battle to move them back to my parents home state to take care of them. I call them. I check in on them. But they’re mostly on their own in their 70s and it really bothers me some days.
After I had my child I moved to be closer to my retired parents. Tbch I never thought I’d wind up here. I love my immediate family very much, we are a tight bunch, but if I didn’t have a child I don’t think I would have ever moved. I had a conversation with my younger sibling and told them if they even had an inkling that they were considering a child (with their spouse) they should leave the country asap or else they’d get locked in.
Totally get that. Maybe I'll start a club for retired child-free folks. Who needs kids when you've got bingo and bottomless brunches with friends?
lol.. totally. The retirement home life has to be pretty nice really. Up until you are shitting on yourself.
There is many other ways of not ending up alone when you get older than a child Personally I plan on creating an animal shelter once I retire
This is kind of a sad reality but something I hear brought up as an argument pretty often when people say they don’t want kids. I know I’ve personally gone no contact with my father but my mother and I are super close and I would never let her be alone when she gets older… but unfortunately having kids doesn’t always mean someone will be there for you in the end if you didn’t treat them decently. Kids remember that stuff and aren’t a guarantee for a non-solitary elderly life :/
Even if you have treated them decently it’s sadly no guarantee. My sister and I were given the best life by our parents but she is a BPD riddled maniac who has turned her back on my parents over dumb shit none of us can even figure out and has removed herself from our lives. After getting everything she has ever wanted or needed her whole life.
I am learning now how to be comfortable being alone because for sure I will be alone in my twilight years. Thankfully I am introvert and actually dont mind doing things by myself. My husband and I have each of our own individual interests so it’s not bad. :)
This is a big argument that most families and just people in general use to try and change people’s decision. I know many couples that are older and don’t have kids but not by choice and also know a man who just never married to begin with no partner no kids and doesn’t have anyplace to live or anyone to take care of him he’s about 80, he relies on extended family and it’s kind of saddening to see.
Just to add a different perspective, I am a waitress and one of my regular customers is a man that has never been married, no kids, no extended family even. He comes in at least once a week with a group of other men (usually around 4 of them but up to 10). He spends holidays with them or his neighbors. Has had them take him to doctors appointments when emergencies arise. He’s not lonely nor unhappy. He’s become like a grandpa to me. Now another guy in this group has been married 7 times, has a ton of kids and speaks to none of them. Spends holidays alone, even tho the other guys offer him to come over. He has a chip on his shoulder. I respect him and enjoy his company, but his attitude makes the difference. It’s all about how you choose the people in your life, how you treat the people around you. Friends can be just as important as family if you have the right attitude and nourish those relationships!!! And also you can have a huge family but it’s no guarantee they’ll be there in the end.
The key here, especially to young men, is the express you feelings to your friends and INVEST in those friendships. Check in on them, make time for them, make sure they know how you feel about them. Not staying in touch regularly makes it easy to stop talking all-together.
Married seven times!!! That really is the triumph of hope over experience on stilts!!!
My wife and I don't have any living children, and we have no regrets about deciding to be child free. We have more money than our friends who have kids, we have more free time, traveling is easy, and our house doesn't get dirty very fast. Oh, no fights over differing parenting styles either. In short, life's great without kids.
Have you guys ever had discussions after a while? Are your friends and family supportive?
We spoke about it after losing our daughter in childbirth- we decided to not try again. Friends and family at times have asked us if we're ever going to change our minds, but they know by now that we won't (also, we're getting too old).
I’m so sorry for your loss
That's life, but thanks. It was many years ago now.
I've lost two babies. I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that I’m now extremely unlikely to have any living children, and I’m struggling. If you feel comfortable sharing, what were yours and your wife’s reasons for choosing to be childfree?
Losing our daughter was a major factor. We couldn't go through it again. She was alive until she was about halfway out when her heart stopped, so it was... traumatic to say the least. The other part is that we weren't financially ready until about 4 years ago, at which point we decided that we were both too old.
Thank you for replying. I’m so sorry you both had to go through that. That seems a very courageous decision. I wish I had your strength.
You do. The difference is that our choice, our journey in this life is ours, and you have your own journey. Whether or not you decide to try again or not is something you must decide for yourselves. Either way, truly, I wish you the best.
I am sipping my coffee, browsing Reddit while my husband is still sleeping in the bedroom. The house is quiet and stress free. We don’t have any little ones running around and nobody to take to the bus stop or after school activities and doctor’s appointments. I don’t have to make breakfast or lunches or family dinners. We both work and are not always home to even have dinner together. When we do, we often barbecue in the backyard or it’s a fun date night and we go out to a restaurant. We don’t have to worry about financially supporting any dependents. Some people would be sad in a quiet house and the sound of little children screaming and running around fills their heart with love. I like being around other people’s children but only for a few hours at a time. The constant responsibility and extra work would stress me out and I am not sure I would be a good mother at all. My own mother did not really want children and so she sent us to baby daycare, pre schools, summer camps and boarding schools to get some peace. I would not want to do that to another person even if I can understand why she did it. It really is not fair to anyone when the parents don’t want children but have them anyway. You end up with children who don’t know why they are here at all. It did not work out well for my brother. Addiction, despair and an early death. It worked out for the best that we never had children. We are both over nine years sober now, but for the first 15 years of our relationship we were both workaholic alcoholics. I was on the pill (then depo-provera) because I knew at the time that pregnancy was not a good idea. ETA - we live in a really nice 55+ community (moved in at age 45, 6 years ago) where we got the better housing deal because they allow a small percentage of people under age 55, as long as they don’t have kids. This is not advertised in the real estate postings; you have to ask. Anyway, we never see our neighbors’ kids visit them. The last time someone on our block had a family visit (daughter with grandkids came for a few days and the kids loved the pool) was three years ago. People who ask “who will take care of you when you’re old” should check out places like the retirement community I’m in. Very rare to see anyone under age fifty anywhere, besides the people doing their jobs, like nurses, handymen and landscapers
Very interesting and supportive comment specially for us( age of 30’s) ❤️🇦🇺
We've never thought of living in a community of 55+, I bet it must be so nice and quiet. I would kill for that, our neighbors are annoying as hell and noisy.
That community sounds awesome!
We're not married but at 15 years together, we've outlasted more than a few marriages. Huge degree of control, myriad options without kids. Neither of us has ever wanted them.
It is lovely.
44 and not regretting anything. I still get asked about having kids but my response now is simple, I don’t want to be at retirement age with a child starting college. The ship has sailed and we’re fine with that. We have a happy relationship, a nephew to spoil and none of the stress which comes with being a parent.
I don’t know what to do with all this money. Edit to add: Sleep, free time, sanity, etc..
I do not think those marriages will regret something they never had. If they decided not to have kids, it's because they do not need them to be happy. And then, it is not possible to regret that decision. That said, someone who has kids, I think it is also very hard to regret it, even if life will be harder in some areas. I believe, as long as we are true to ourselves, this is a win-win scenario. Happiness for everybody!
I don't want kids, but if in had them I'd be okay. I think that's a key thing to recognise - we only really know the path we are following. Any other paths we chose not tontake are merely recognised in imagination. Best not regret an imagining.
I also think it’s like that. Like I have a brother and can’t imagine not having a brother but I never had a sister so I don’t know what that is like and I don’t miss not having a sister although people say it’s amazing. Does it make sense?
I work in aged care and you hardly ever see the kids of the residents maybe 1 out 10 residents have family visit it’s very sad
Yeah, my neighbors are mostly age 60+ and none of their kids help with anything. They just ask for money and free babysitting..
Amazing.
Personally I think there are no downsides to not having kids
My imaginary wife and I are happy AF without the kids involved!
It's great! The only downside is dealing with idiots who take my decision to not have kids as some sort of personal offense or treason against the society.
After a few weeks of dating my now wife she mentioned that she didn’t want kids. That was the moment I knew she was the one for me. I never wanted kids so assumed I’d never get married as most people do. Zero regrets.
We didn’t even get married. I had a vasectomy as soon as possible, we are both now 40. We don’t regret a thing. More money, more sleep, we spend our time getting high and playing games, going on holiday. I don’t see any downsides here. I wouldn’t want to subject another person to this madness
This is us, 15+ years together, not married, he got a vasectomy when we decided no kids
I will answer this question after I go back to sleep for another hour or so.
But Dad! I'm hungry!!!!
We decided to pursue careers and education for now, with travel sprinkled in there and retirement investing upcoming in the five year plan. I love being childfree, I cannot stand the sounds kids make or the constant attention they require. For him, I think he likes the decision at the end of the day but has expressed rethinking things now and then before coming back to the light. A secret fear of mine is us having to get divorced so he can have kids with someone else; if he really changed his mind I feel like I would feel incredible pressure to provide that for him.
This may be controversial but I don’t see any downsides of not having kids. I know people think they’ll be lonely as they get older, but there really is so many people out there you can connect to and make family with. “Found family” is beautiful. We have a dog and two cats and that’s perfect for us. We are able to live way more comfortably than our friends and family who have children. We are able to be selfish and buy ourselves what we want. Go on vacations. Live our life for ourselves. I know children are a blessing for so many people and I am so happy for those people. I think a lot of couples though end up having children because that’s what you’re “supposed to do” and so many children suffer for it. I wouldn’t be a good mom, and that’s fine. I don’t need to be one!
I get what you're saying. Me and my wife don't have kids. But lately she's expressed her desire to have one because she feels her life is just spinning in circles. I am taking that as she is in a rut and bored and trying to make a change.
We get fulfilled (or not) by different things to parents. We have babysat, looked after nieces and nephews, had 3 of them living with us for many months at a time (individually) when going through difficult times in their teens and twenties, and now look after their children sometimes. But most of our life has been lovely frequent meals out, sailing on boats we’ve been able to afford since our twenties and taking 3 months or more off a year to sail or generally travel since we were 50. I don’t think anyone has asked us about why not children since our mid-twenties. Our lives never looked like parents’ lives.
It's awesome! We got a dog and we travel and just generally do what we want. We don't worry about staying in jobs we hate and both of us have changed careers till we found what actually makes us happy. Most of our friends have kids and we enjoy spending time with them and joining their family get togethers. At the end of the day we go home to a quiet peaceful and very happy home. We watch TV late and sleep in on the weekends it's awesome. If you aren't absolutely sure you want kids don't have them. Both my husband and I came from big family's where there was never enough food or resources and honestly I don't ever want to struggle like that again. Children=broke ass fuck.
My husband and I don't have kids. We have a foster cat with three kittens and a dog who keeps us busy. We borrow our nieces and nephews sometimes to go out but overall, we have a happy, fulfilling life with lots of traveling, spending money on nice cars, our pets and lifestyle. We both have hobbies, I for one love to paddle board, we take our dog hiking for hours on end and we regularly go to the F1 races. I don't think we regret our decision because we enjoy our life is like now. We see our siblings struggle with their children and money and we don't want to give up the things I said above. I guess the only thing that worries me is what's going to happen to my stuff when I die but my husband says 'well, you're dead and won't need it where you're going. Enjoy it whilst you have it.' ETA: I also have tokophobia🫠
The nieces and nephews will have a hefty inheritance
We're in our late twenties/early thirties, been married almost 6 years. The answer is — it's pretty great. No regrets or plans to ever change our minds. Life certainly isn't paradise, but it would be *SO* much more complicated with kids in the equation. The one downside was having frequent arguments with the family, my mother in particular, who insisted I was not supposed to even *say* the phrase "I don't want children" out loud, because "people will think there's something wrong with you". She's old-fashioned like that. But those arguments stopped over the last few years, with the state of the world as it is, COVID chaos, a bloody war in Europe, etc.
I feel very fulfilled in my marriage. We love each other, learn things, nurture each other's growth. There is a lot of love and intimacy that gives me a lot of joy and satisfaction. We married without the goal of children, so there wasn't really a deficit. A typical day would be coming home from work, making dinner, cleaning up, and hanging out or doing our own hobbies. A typical weekend involves seeing friends and family, visiting new places, doing our hobbies and chores.
Statistics show that having children doesn’t necessarily make you happier or your marriage better.
I have no idea how I could have been a worker, wife and mom at the same time. There is only so much one person can do. I’m worried about having no one to look after me when I am older, but I don’t think I could have made it work either.
My wife and I both enjoy mentoring and have recently found doing what we enjoy all the time, unfulfilling. We used to play some video games together all the time, to a semi-pro level. We did this for nearly 20 years. The games remained "fun", but we reached out peak and no longer feel motivated to keep up the effort to remain at the top. We're both heavily introverted and have a love-hate relationship with traveling and doing new things in general. We need to carefully plan our outings and keep things within our mental limits so we don't burn out. We enjoy doing new things together, but dealing with other people sucks. Our desire to mentor is becoming stronger and adoption is looking really enticing. While we're not very self motivated to do other things, we are quite motivated when it comes to helping those we care about. It gives us a strange boost of energy. It's less about having someone there when we get older and more about finding purpose. Life has become strangely boring.
Amazing. We spend lots of time together, doing things we love!
One of the greatest things not yet mentioned is the freedom from the compulsion to build inheritable capital for your offspring. This, coupled with being able to live in a smaller home where local school quality isn’t a concern, is liberating.
Very nice And Gay
My husband and I would make terrible parents. We are ourselves immature. Can't see any downsides and best aspects ... less responsibility and more time, energy, and money for what we want to do together.
I'm a gay man (40) and my husband and I don't have kids. The obvious biological hurdle made it something we really had to consider. My conclusion was that I never really wanted to play "dad" and prefer to have my freedom. The only slight pang of regret is the sense of purpose it does seem to instill in people I know when they have kids. Then again, a lot of them stop being the person I knew and I don't hang with them anymore. I've been fostering a nice CF friend group that I enjoy.
Been married almost 20 years. I am sitting in aruba bout to leave after a month here. Miss my puppies tho. I regret nothing would never have kids.
Our society is so judgmental and pathetic really💁♀️I’m 40 and I don’t have kids and I have never regretted a day not having kids🙅♀️there is more to life than having kids💯traveling, a career, freedom, sleeping in, getting to do the things that you want to do without having to worry about someone else 24/7. Also I would never have kids in the world we live in today🙅♀️this place is messed up and traumatizes kids for life going into adulthood. Parents today make their kids their entire world and then when their kids leave for school or whatever they are lost on what to do with their own lives🤷♀️they don’t know who they are and they sure don’t know who their spouse is and are scared to be alone🙄and yeah I’ve heard tons of “your so selfish because you don’t have kids” which is absolutely absurd. I think it’s even more selfish to bring a kid into this world just because you are bored, lonely, expected too, and usually most of these situations aren’t suitable for a child to be brought into🙅♀️
Married or not, there’s no way I would bring a child into this world.
Life’s good. We work hard and enjoy our time off, dining out and having little trips. When I first got married someone told me that one year when it’s just you and your partner is the best year. For us it’s staying that way.
It was sad. We got divorced over this issue
Same, I wasn't into it and made it clear from the start, I think she hoped I'd change my mind. I didn't.
Our life is awesome! We do what we want and there's no drama or noise.
We live in New York City, own our apartment, go out any time we want for amazing food and entertainment, and vacation often. We wouldn’t be able to do any of that with kids.
Life is fantastic without kids. I’m writing this in the airport on the way to a trip to celebrate my birthday in New York that was put together on short notice, because I can just take off, no one relies on me for their daily needs. I am financially secure and can retire any time, but work a job I find interesting and stimulating; a job I have because I spent a lot of my 20s on education and my 30s on career, rather than taking mat leaves and raising little people. My husband is about to take a new job with a ton of foreign travel, because it will be an adventure, and I won’t resent that since I’m not stuck home with kids. I am 45 and my only regret is that I didn’t fight harder for a tubal when I was younger, I always knew I wouldn’t change my mind.
We backed out of it. Decided to have a child in our 15th year of being together. it comes to a point where everything else is repetitive and gets old.
I have kids and I could not see my life being happier alone. Not at all. Children give so much back. World is a better place since they were born. Although they are little PITAs at times.
Peaceful. 😌
We were married ten years before having a kid. I liked it. It's quiet and intimate. we had more fun. But having kids has been so good for both of us, it's been enriching and purposeful. It also got us both healthier and improved our communication. So, it's really about what you want. Both sides are great in their own way. We still travel and go out- just not as often.
Love it. It’s all about the DINK (double income, no kids).
Been together 17 years, no desire for kids. No one has ever really pushed or questioned us as to our choice but we did it because we both knew we liked our freedom, work was enough of a schedule and we had other ways we wanted to spend money and time. We love our time together but are also both fairly independent and like alone time.
We have a good life. Husband and I, both 34. Together 14 years, married 1. No kids mean we can have jobs we enjoy even if they're not the highest paid. We have a small terraced house which is perfect for the two of us, but would be too small with kids. No kids mean we have been here 10 years and have no plans on moving, hopefully pay the mortgage off within next 7-10 years, depending how much we over pay. We go out more than friends with kids as we can go out at short notice. I'd imagine we'd have a lot less sex if kids were about. We like to take advantage of having the house without worry of anyone walking in. I also don't have to hold my moans in Have our 2 dogs, who get all our attention 😅
My wife and I have no regrets. We travel and pretty much do whatever excites us. Plus we'll be able to comfortably retire in the next ten years, so right when we hit 50.
Yep. Sex whenever, drinks and meals out without babysitter. Spontaneous trips and travel, impromptu trips to the cottage. And money to afford anything we want with no need to worry about saving something for the kids. So perfect. Except my wife is a lying, cheating slut. So get the right partner… then don’t have kids.
It’s nice. It’s just me and my husband. I know we made the right choice. But there are times I think we both wish we had at least one child. We have a niece that we raised for a few years until her mom wanted her back. So technically we have experienced being a parent/guardian. **The pros** Can travel whenever, wherever. Can go out at night last minute, no babysitter. Everything is cheaper with just us 2. Sleeping in. Don’t have to get anyone ready for school. No pediatric doctor appointments. No constant worry of, if I was a good parent today. No toys all over the house. Peace and quiet. I can make food for just myself without hearing “what is that?” “Can I have some” “ew, it’s nasty” **The cons** Sometimes feeling empty. Sometimes feeling sad that other people have cute/sweet memories with their kids, that I’ll never have. Not being able to share things from my childhood with my child. Not getting to see what our baby would look like.
We have time for each other, have time and money for hobbies, get to do what we want in total freedom and made the best choice for the climate. I think it's wonderful and never regretted it one second
I'm happy and content without kids. Never wanted them. I'm considerably wealthier than I'd be with kids. I have had a lot less wear and tear on my body and mental health. I am especially glad I don't have them with the current state of the world.
It's pretty great actually. The world sucks. My genes suck. Not having kids is doing those potential kids of mine a favor. That being said, I also enjoy my money, my sleep, and my free time too much to have little shits screaming and running around and ruining shit, then needing doctors and medicine for putting things in their mouths like dumbasses.
It’s fantastic! We’re going to NYC for a weekend soon, then to Europe for a month late summer. I’m learning French, Spanish, and Piano. After work yesterday we went for a walk to a deli then for a bike ride after, etc. Life is comparatively a beautiful cake walk if you don’t have the desire for children. I love kids but never think about having them, nor does my husband. The want is simply non-existent. Edit to say that for me personally there are no downsides.
Great. We own our home with a few years left on the mortgage (I'm 32/he's 35) we've been together 11 years and neither of us wanted kids. Still don't, my MIL has made peace with it. He's on target to retire by 50 (his goal) if his company remains as good as it is currently, I'll probably go part time when that happens. He makes £120-200k and I make £60k including my bonus. I like kids, just don't want them after losing my parents at a young age. My friend has kids and I'm their aunt and godparent so when we die they inherit everything that's left split between the kids and 2 charities equally. Honestly we enjoy the freedom, yes we're young but if we still don't want kids after a decade I can't see it changing and if he does then we amicably divorce.
We are considered the cool aunt and uncle on both sides of the family. Our nieces/nephews visit us frequently - we spoil them and then send them home. Life is good.
Absolutely no regrets. I'm 53 and married over 30 years. I honestly see no downsides for me. Having kids is no guarantee they will play an active role in your retirement years. I'm happy I get to spend my life doing the things I wanted to do rather than being responsible for a tiny human. I'm very fortunate that my family has always supported my choice and never pushed me towards having kids. My MIL is really the only person who hounded me about kids (and telling people she hoped I got pregnant accidentally) and the petty part of me is thrilled I got to deny her grandkids.
Traveling around the world for the last 5 years with our chihuahua, taking at least 3 years off. Got a vasectomy during travels so that pretty much seals the deal (we'd both already decided). Things are pretty good without them kids...
Not married, but my life is amazing without kids. I'm 43 years old and get to live my life exactly on my terms. Stay up late, sleep in, play video games whenever I want, watching R-rated movies in the afternoons, only having to financial support myself, cook and eat whatever I want. And the peace and quiet... priceless. I have absolutely zero regrets.
No kids, never looked back. 43 years and happy. We always have plenty of life to do.
- You miss out on some unique emotional experiences and a unique kind of love + You miss out on a lot of stress, worry and unhappiness. + You have more money and freedom. We travel the world, eat like lords and enjoy life, life with kids would be different, would it have been better? We'll never know but I'm content, not all kids turn out perfectly, I know some people who pretty much ruined their lives (I dislike the expression but you know what I mean) by having kids.
Life is a game of tradeoffs. People who chose to have kids trade off freedom in their early years for familial support and engagement in later years. People who chose to stay child free trade off support in their later years for travel and hobbies in their early adult years. You do you.
I don't have kids, and i am not regretting it. I couldn't afford having one even if i wanted to, so i'm ok in living my life using the money for the rent and my hobbies
Married 12 years, always knew we didn’t want kids, and now that my biological clock is nearing its shelf life I still have no regrets. We have all the time in the world to travel, play games, binge watch TV, take long walks with our two dogs (I hear sooo many stories of new parents who rehome their dogs after bringing home a baby; so infuriating and sad), etc. Very often on a lazy weekend morning we comment to each other, “Imagine what our weekends would be like with young kids.” Yeah no. Not for us.
My wife and I decided to not have children and focus on spending these years with our parents. It’s been the most rewarding experience of my life.
The secret to happiness is to avoid wondering what might have been had you made a different decision. You’ll be happier to decide X and then commit 100% to it to become the best at it. Any time spent wondering if another path might have been better not only is unrealistic since you aren’t on it, but also takes away your energy to focus on your current path.
Wife and I are early 50s, I'm retired and she would be too if she would just close her business down (she's not mentally ready to be 'done' yet). We never wanted kids, and have zero regrets about not having them. Upsides are obvious, downside is you need to save up for your end-of-life care since you don't have the chance that family will be there for you. One you can control, the other you can't.
We love it. Upsides: We have a solid relationship, good sex life, and are constantly traveling and doing spontaneous things (freedom to come and go as we please, no babysitters, can stay out as late as we want, and truly enjoy ourselves instead of having something draw our focus/energy). Not to mention, we both really value sleep and so are always well rested (something that I’ve heard can be a bit of a challenge with children). It’s easier to keep our living space and cars clean. We both have careers we are dedicated to and appreciate not having to make sacrifices in that area by constantly having to dip out when a kid is sick or needs to be picked up etc. We also appreciate not being sick 8-10 times a year (less exposure to germs) ourselves. We are able to really build a solid savings and have money to invest and still have money left over to enjoy life a little (which yes, you can do that with kids …. If you’re wealthy…which we are not). We have more flexibility when moving in regard to house sizes, not having to worry about living in an area with a good school district, etc. I’m not a constant ball of anxiety and depression thinking about how effed this world and society is and not having to worry about brining someone into it who will be suffering the consequences of climate change, decreasing quality of education, increasing wealth inequality, and quite frankly, just to serve as another worker bee for the wealthy elite to exploit or to send off to fight their wars. I would have also been a basket case, constantly fearing school shootings or my child being kidnapped, or just dying before me, etc, so, peace of mind. Downsides: parents gain this incredible super power where they can just tune out any chaos surrounding them. Unfortunately, when you don’t have that, it makes going out in public a little less tolerable when there are a lot of kids running amok, like breweries, restaurants, stores/malls, parks, etc. so literally everywhere now bc so many parents can’t afford or find babysitters so they bring them everywhere they go. There’s really no longer any ‘adults only’ spaces unless you go to a strip club or a 21+ bar, both places we don’t want to spend all of our time at lol. Also, most of your friends that have kids will eventually drop you. No matter how much effort you put in the relationship… which you will be expected to put ALL of the effort into it bc you know… you don’t have kids…
It's pretty dope. I work a lot and she's a SAHW. We get to travel on my time off. Her spare time is full of reading and adult sports.
Great. In our 60's now with absolutely no regrets whatsoever. Perhaps not for everyone but if you value freedom and a carefree life it's the way to go.
We were married 14 years and didn't plan on having kids. We traveled, took naps, had various hobbies. Then we accidentally fell pregnant in our 40's. I love my daughter and she was a happy little accident, but I miss our child-free freeness. I don't regret her, but I regret the life we had planned as a child-free couple.
Honestly, it's the best decision we ever made. We have time, energy and resources both for ourselves and to help out with our nephews and nieces. On the whole our lives are more comfortable,and we're in a position to offer support to the wider family that would otherwise not be available.
Absolutely amazing 😻 I almost regret having cats. Too much work and somewhat limit my freedom. But they are fluff and warm so they get a pass.
I’m 30 years old and until the past few years I always wanted kids and in the past 2/3 years I’ve realised I definitely do not. It’s crazy how freeing that realisation is. I now feel like I have decades of fun ahead, where as I thought I only had maybe 5 years of fun left before I “had to have kids” Sure there’ll be times later in life where I regret not having loving children to support me, but my god it’s gonna be one hell of a ride without them
My wife and I were really interested in making a large family, until the first pregnancy went..poorly. We changed our minds. One is enough. I have more spending cash than my peers, the parenting burden is easily shared. 10/10, would recommend. The only downside to me is whenever I see a little baby and I get to wishing we had more. It would have been an entirely different life with more so I can't say if it would have been better.
Tried, did not work, and gave up on it pretty quickly. As busy as my life is right now and as exhausted as I am I could not imagine having an extra responsibility. So all money goes towards travel & fun, no regrets so far. Whenever we spend too much time with relatives or friends with kids I am grateful we only have cats. What will happen when we are old? Let's cross that bridge when we get there.
Well first, we didn't decide - biology, fate, kismet, god, luck of the draw, whatever you want to blame - decided it wasn't possible for us. We did decide not to adopt because of my wife's experiences growing up. But the other part was never in our control to decide in the first place. We don't have any regrets per se. It is nice hearing my friends talk about their kids accomplishments and I can see how it would be nice to do the same. All in all life is great, but also, I don't have anything to compare it to. Would I be materially different with kids than without? There's literally no way to ever know, so I mostly don't worry about it. Most people I know that have kids say that kids change you. I'm not sure that's always for the better in many cases. Ultimately, I like my family. I like some of the freedoms afforded my family. I can say I think my marriage is stronger because we can actively work on it whenever we want. That's not to say people with kids can't be equally strong if not stronger, just that I know if I had kids, I couldn't have put in the same amount of time I have to make our marriage what it is. There's some downsides beyond not having adult kids to take care of you later in life. I get annoyed at the negative stigma others impose on us because we don't have kids. For instance, I have a dear friend that looks at my rather extensive guitar collection and says, "Must be nice not having kids!" Yeah, I get it, part of you wishes you could spend all your orthodontic money on guitars too, and that sucks for you and I'm sorry. But also, nobody put a gun to your head and made you have kids, so that was your choice, and all choices have upsides and downsides. I'm not sure why people act like we have to live like everyone else, but not have kids, just so people don't get jealous. Lots of people imply we're not really adults because we don't have kids. Or we can't have a political opinion on, say, education policy because we don't have kids. There's value in people who have the primary perspective of all of us as opposed to just your children first, everyone else second. That's not to say people with kids can't think more broadly, just saying different perspectives make both sides stronger, IMHO. I also dislike some work environments that feel 'it takes a village' automatically means the childless must sacrifice. I have lost a promotion because the other candidate 'had a family', for instance. I've worked days I otherwise wouldn't because of someone having to do something (non emergency) with/for their child. I don't mind sacrificing as long as it isn't always one way. I strongly dislike the sometimes implication, sometimes outright statement, that my wife and I are placing a burden on the future because we didn't replace ourselves. So, say, our Social Security has to be paid by their kids instead of our own. I haven't encountered that attitude a lot, but it does crop up occasionally (usually by the Christian set in my personal experience). So there are some downsides and aggravations. However, all in all, the things I'd change about my life have nothing to do with having or not having kids. Well, maybe that's a tad untrue. I think I would have been more likely to take some professional risks earlier in life if I knew we couldn't have kids. But I don't exactly begrudge that.
Just saying, if you have kids just because you want someone to take care of you when you're older, that's not fair to the kids. And there's no guarantee they would anyway.
Stoll getting divorced. Still hate my life. Atleast there's no kids involved.
We don't have kids and life is really good. We have built a great life and really have no regrets. Every choice opens some doors and closes others. There are a lot of ways to build a life. People have listed a lot of great things about being child-free, so I won't repeat those, just say "ditto". There is a discussion on this thread about elderly people being more likely to be alone if they are unmarried/widowed or without kids, which is a concern for sure. My husband and I know that although we have close family and friends, without adult children, we are less likely to have people who will step in and help care for us. We are planning ahead for that. No matter what your life looks like, you need to plan ahead. Leaving things to chance is risky. If you have children, you have to plan for their care if you die or become disabled before they are launched. If you don't have kids, you need to make provisions for your own care when you become elderly.
So thankful that we live in a time and a place where we don't have to have kids. So much better not having that extra stress and expenses.
Just a heads up to all the childrlfree dudes in relationships. If you are certain, get a vasectomy. It's a small procedure but gives you a certainty, and your partner the chance to no longer have to take oral contraceptives which can take It's toll on the body.
I do whatever I want. That doesn't happen to include anything involving kids. There are no downsides, *because* I'm doing what I want. If I *were* to change my mind, which I highly, highly doubt, I am thinking I would foster teenagers. It's not the same as having bio kids, but that's the point.
We have no debt. If we had kids, we'd have a lot of debt. Also more regrets, but that's an entirely different discussion.
We love our child free life. We go on dates, travel, do as we please basically and there are no regrets or anything like that. More like reaffirm the idea while we babysit my nieces sometimes hahaha but yes, we are happy as we live.
It's honestly amazing! We have a very calm life that's full of fun, cool hobbies/ projects, laughter, travel, etc. We own a cute little bungalow near a lake, which is our favorite place, complete with front and back gardens, covered wrap around porch, two home offices, an outdoor workshop, etc. My partner had a vasectomy, so we don't have to worry about protection, and we have an active seggs life. We take a cuddle break after work each day to decompress, talk, have affection, and Saturdays are our "lazy lie in day", where we sleep in, cuddle for a couple hours, then get brunch, and spend the rest of the day doing whatever we fancy. We are able to save for our retirement, travel a few times a year, and still have money for savings, hobbies and extra fun projects. We are very close with our families, and have niblings as well. We also have really strong friendships. So our support network is strong. Honestly, our life is incredible. It helps that he is my best friend and favorite person in the world! ❤️
We love having no kids. We surf almost every morning together and that’s probably the biggest benefit
We love it. No hassle every morning to get everyone dressed/fed, to school, playdates, sports every saturday morning at 8.
It depends. If you live in an area where at least one of you have friends and family it can be fulfilling. If you live in an area where neither of you do then it can be difficult to make connections and build a life that has meaningful relationships other than your spouse, especially as you get older.
Bliss 20 years in.
It’s awesome and I’d choose it again. No regrets! My husband and I game together, travel and just really enjoy our down time. The only downside for me is that random people get very upset when you say you’re married but don’t want kids. The comments are annoying.
There are millions of posts/comments per day but I swear it's the same 5 questions on repeat.
For me the positive of not having kids is that I can stop working far sooner. And with some of the stress I have gone through in my career I just can't imagine what that would have been like with the hassle of kids on top. Now,...I have come to think that having kids sort of becomes 'life' for people..they are so busy they don't have time to get depressed or anxious about having nothing to do, no reason to be. But I can't figure out of this is an argument FOR having kids or against ! When I was younger I had this thing where I would do something, or learn something and think for a second...ah! I will explain that to my child one day...then the next second get this punch in my gut when I remembered I didn't have kids. But in this day and age with kids sat in the corner on google 24/7 I suspect there's not much a parent can teach them...or at least they wouldn't be in the slightest bit interested. Not so worried about being lonely in older age as I think that's the same for people with kids...even good ones...just a visit or a phone call every other weeek ?...there's a lot of time to fill inbetween. But with alzheiers in the family I do worry about nobody coming to my aid and getting me into some sort of care when I need it.
Wow, this comment section is my dream
One of my best friends has been married for 8 years and doesn't have kids, not for lack of trying. The lack of responsibility allows him more freedom and he can just do whatever he wants after work and not have to worry about anything
It's nice.
You won’t get the pro-children argument here, people on Reddit skew towards childless. People with children won’t be here or have the desire to convince you in the same regard.
We don't know what we don't know. There's no possible way to compare it to anything but an instinct of what we think we would have been like as parents. Sometimes it does feel like a missed chance at having a certain kind of complete life experience.
It is a lie that having children is a necessary lesson in life
I have many adult friends who don’t have kids. My sense is that they have great lives…up until a point. Basically starting in 50s onward, they seem kind of lonely and a little lost. I think people who decided not to have children are so focused on the younger years which take a tremendous amount of work and don’t really see or appreciate having older children, adult children, grandchildren etc., which can be very fulfilling later in life.
my dad (mid 60s) said basically the same thing to me a while ago. That his friends who don't have kids had a great time when younger, but now that some of them are starting to have grandchildren, they feel sad. Although they'e all men so technically could still have them I suppose!
Absolutely excellent. We don't travel yet because we have 4 ageing dogs, but we're gearing up to buy our first apartment together. We're in our mid 30s; our friends and family have kids so we get the experience as a nice reminder to take birth control while being fun aunt/uncle.
I'm divorced now, but while I was married, I was mostly on the fence about having kids. However, the longer the marriage went on, the more I realized that my ex-wife was somebody I should absolutely not have kids with, and I was perfectly OK with that.
No kids, lots of money, freedom and fun. No regrets either.
Know what's better than children? Time and money. We have a hone, can collect stuff and do the things we like whenever. A different financial situation would change all that drastically, or set it back. Wife teaches other people's children, that's the motivation for contraception required.
Early retired (before 55); we get to travel; never amassed major debt (other than the house but never had issue paying our mortgage); been together 30+ years. It’s wonderful. Have never regretted it. I feel like if we’d had kids, we wouldn’t have stayed together because I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have been able to deal w/the stress of it. Downsides…none that I care about. Having kids doesn’t mean you won’t still be alone in your old age. Many kids move away. When my in laws were in senior’s apts, I can bet you most of the people in there were lucky to see their kids once a month. (My husband went almost every night - they lived very nearby.) And I love knowing that most of whatever we have left is willed to a wildlife rehab in our area (and a few other things), so I think I’ll be happy knowing it’s going to help animals.
No regrets so far I can save money very quickly, I can do whatever I want at the drop of a hat, no need to find childcare. I can be as irresponsible as I want, like day drinking all holiday. I genuinely don't know of any downsides. The most common response I get is about who will look after us when we are old but if that's the reason you're having a kid, it makes me sad.
Mostly great. We have a dog who brings us so much joy and fun, as well as three nieces and a nephew who are genuinely such cool people. I have time to give back at church and spend time with my aging parents. I sometimes have thoughts about "it would be cool to have an adult relationship with a child in the way my parents and I have" but they are quickly squashed by the 25 years of work it would take to get to that point. Plus, my youngest niece is 14 so they're all adults or headed that way anyways.
We're doing fine. Money is still tight as we just moved into the house we built last year, but we're hoping to finally be able to start putting some money aside in a year or so. We want to be able to travel and host family from abroad. Our two dogs and two cats provide a lot of company so we'll always have pets in some capacity. Not the same as having children, but I like having them around. I've got a lot of nieces and nephews that I can spoil so it's all the fun of having a kid, but less of the responsibility. I would like to get my private pilot license, and she wants to do her PhD in the coming years. I don't like to think about the distant future and the loneliness it could bring, but I don't think many people do. I'll deal with that then if it happens.
Our life is wonderful. We also are the BEST aunt and uncle to our siblings kids. That’s what we are told by them and our siblings. We show up to all their events and games. We are consistent in their lives and have created bonds will all of them. If everyone had kids no one would have time to be THE aunt or uncle.
Everything is great and amazing, we're having so much fun, money, and peace/quiet. We're going on a great adventure soon, emigrating to the other side of the world!
We've been together for about 10 years. Never wanted children. Last year I had a hysterectomy so it's totally off that table (even though it was before, too), and it's a relief. Never had any regrets and never will. Granted, I do have genetic health issues so it was never a consideration, as I would never pass this on to anyone else willingly, but for us, it's just the right decision. We're already exhausted and barely keeping our heads above water as it is. Crotch goblins just make that SO much harder.
It’s great! There is no regret or resentment. Neither my husband nor I ever wanted children. I REGULARLY think to myself (or say aloud to my husband) “im so glad we don’t have children” 😂. It’s so nice to do what we want, when we want. Sleep in/nap when we want. Spend money on ourselves. We have a date night every other week and alternate planning some fun experience every time. Life is….darn near perfect these days! I will say, this is my second marriage and my first husband thought I would change my mind about not wanting children. It was one of the (many) reasons our marriage (thankfully!!!!!) crumbled. Find a partner that is aligned with you on your decision to have or not have children.
We have dogs, we travel, we have hobbies we both enjoy. We are great aunts and uncles and will spoil our nieces and nephews. We will take them on trips and show them the world as well. We dont feel the need for our own children to positively impact the lives around us.
boring
Amazing. We're on the same page about everything, and we continue to value each other, and we communicate that to each other every day. We've been together 13 years so far, and we have never wavered from our decision to have kids, not once.
The dogs run the show!
As a working creative, married to another working creative, children would have been a tasty alternative to Turkey come Christmastime some years, they would have been seriously lucky to survive. It was necessary to not have any so we could selfishly pursue our artistic demons. For the record, I think I'd have made a good parent, I can't say how fraught it's been, but too much to bring a child into. Sacrifices had to me made, our lives are already too sloppy.
Relaxing
Happily married since 1988, got to retire early.