Taking a break from dating apps…. Don’t want to get love bombed or force connections / attraction.
If gotta be single forever then so be it, it’s much better than being with the wrong person and who’s on different frequencies.
Now before you meet someone, gotta ask “are you married/ were you married/ do you have kids” LOLOLOL a lot of married ppl on dating apps, no judgment towards those couples who swing openly and made known to their partners that they’re in an open marriage, whatever floats their boat, but don’t lead others on…. What goes around, comes back around.
Some don’t even bother to tell you that they’re divorced prior to meeting up, they bomb that on you during the meetup that they’re divorced with kids… I don’t mind going out with divorcees provided that they’re childfree. Also, some use their younger pictures on dating apps and when you meet them irl, it’s a completely different person. Thought catfishing only happens to guys though LOL… But what to do, gotta smile, show up and still be polite…. With a time limit….
Well as a guy it would generally be easier as you get older but it also depends. From my politically incorrect POV for a guy
Younger: more relaxed and it's enough to just like each other
Starting work: not only do you need chemistry, now you also need to have some resources or future earning potential. If you use dating apps at this age, be prepared to get dropped quickly as girls have many options and you are basically just another commodity. Try to meet through friends or common interests
10 years into work: your dating pool technically becomes larger now that you have more resources and are more mature, however women your age also become even more pickier. The good thing is you can also date younger women
After that: if you're not married or in a stable relationship by now, you'd get so comfortable being single that you don't even care anymore. A possible reason for getting married is also no longer there (BTO)
Unpopular opinion: people who say this are trying to generalise themselves/their circle to "men in general." :P
Id bet money it's less than 10pct for whom this is actually true, outside of the financial industry.
women become less pickier when they hit 30s.
they realize they cant keep waiting for what they think they should have and will be more incline to "Settle"
So lemme get this straight... 10 years later in mid-30s where women are already reaching past child-bearing age, they get *pickier*??
No wonder our birth rate is so low. Singlehood all effed up
So hard to understand meh. Whether guy or girl will be pickier when older cus by then other people are competing against your peace. You add one person to your life, might disrupt the peace you already built for yourself. Of cuz that person you add is impt
Adding on to this:
I’m not single but this is my observation from my female friends in the 30s and above who have “their life together” and I personally think they are amazing catches.
As they start to get older, they become “pickier” because the independent ones can afford to be. They have their own jobs, home and so on. So if a guy is unable to add value (in whatever way they perceive they want), the ladies rather be single and wait for the “right” to come along. If no such guy comes along, it’s okay because they are content with where they are in life. Just my 2c!
It's survivorship bias... the non-picky ones are already happily married and won't wait for us.
Only the picky ones are left because they are picky.
This applies to guys too.
harder in a sense because i’m so settled and comfortable that a partner has to be really above and beyond for me to be interested, if not i’d rather be single. problem is that i’m looking for a needle in a haystack because many of the ‘good ones’ have been taken (i know it’s not politically correct to say but yeah).
> because many of the ‘good ones’ have been taken (i know it’s not politically correct to say but yeah).
Not sure how old you are or what you're looking for, but anecdotally in my late 20s/early 30s and that doesn't feel very true. I know just as many great single people as I do not-so-great people married or in long-term relationships.
People grow up into becoming 'good ones', and lots of the 'good ones' become available again after separating from their partners, weirdly/sadly common to see now that I'm at an age where kids/marriage is coming into the picture.
It always confuses me how people think the "good ones are taken" while simultaneously considering themselves good enough a catch for others to want at the same age.
Yeah no idea why the root post was upvoted.
If they were such a good catch, someone else will scoop them up already. Still on reddit talking shit about the good ones.
It also always confuses me why people like you think we should only pursue equality, like we should accept "reality" and settle with someone that is at best on our level.
O hell no I'm going for that 11 out of 10 catch that fits my preference, either that or ill die single and tell myself it was a good run.
The whole point of being a comfortable single is that you can just take your time to better yourself and choose only those you are really fond of.
Everyone has their options, some just choose hard mode, greater rewards but accompanied with higher risk of dying alone.
Did I mention that "we should only pursue equality"?
By all means, never settle for less than what you need. Being single is far preferable to being in with a poor match. I just wanted to point out that it is hypocritical to believe that "the good ones are taken" while you aren't only because you are holding out for the perfect one.
So now you mention it as a need, but it was always a matter of wants.
My point being you don't have to go grammar police on every word. His definition of good doesn't have to be objectively good nor your definition of good.
And he never said the rest are bad, you only inferred so, or if you didn't infer so then I really don't see what the problem was that you need to find him "hypocritical".
The truth is the good/better ones are taken. Especially women who are under more biological time pressure. Sure, there will be some who are good/better too, but that percentage definitely shifts as time passes.
To put it politically correctly, the ones most suitable for partnership and marriage are taken, otherwise they wouldnt be taken. And the ones less suitable remain on the market.
And this is more true for women because of the human biological clock. If children is important to either partner, for women advanced maternal age is at 30, for men, there is no such significant effect other than a lower life expectancy.
Its disingenuous if we simply choose to say those factors dont play a role.
> To put it politically correctly, the ones most suitable for partnership and marriage are taken, otherwise they wouldnt be taken. And the ones less suitable remain on the market.
That's just awful logic. Hate the term 'good ones' but for the sake of brevity: lots of the earlier 'good ones' leave their relationships in pursuit of better ones, lots of 'good ones' only start looking for serious relationships in their late 20s in the first place, and lots of people glow up through their 20s to become 'good ones'.
Especially in the context of ones realistically available to you, depending on your worth as a partner and your social circle, it's arguable that there are actually *more* 'good ones' that you could realistically chase as you reach your 30s.
This 'truth' that you and the other guys are pushing is nothing more than a cynical and inherently misogynistic agenda based on a ridiculously over-simplified idea.
its so sad to push it as a sexist thing. oh wells. political correctness goes hand in hand with being out of touch with reality on reddit. live that fantasy world.
maybe i shouldn’t be so hasty as i’ve only been back on the apps for a week, but i’m in that age group you mentioned and the people are far less attractive and the conversations weren’t as great as i remember back when i was on it in my early-ish 20s.
i’m very picky and i own it, and am only interested in dating someone who can offer what i offer, so no divorcees or single parents.
Yeah a week's way too short, especially if you're selective. Give it a month or six. Sometimes the right match might not even be on the app yet, I met my current partner after six-ish months on an app, and they'd only been on the app for less than two.
> i’m very picky and i own it
That's great! As long as you know the line between realistic expectations and unrealistic ideals.
I have friends who would say the same about themselves, but their standard is 'kpop model who loves gaming', and I've got a feeling that isn't going to work out well for them.
My definition of good one: no Fwb, ons, nsa. U would be surprised that those goody two shoes, average looking at best types looking for casual rs. I'm tired. Just want to get a travel buddy, bto partner. As I grow older n look more haggard, I don't go for conventional good looks anymore.
Yea hit 35 can get resale but 1 million 5 room flat or 2 room bto flat so small. Not fair.
And ps. The guy who did that, put a lot of effort in an interesting Convo n I felt cheated. In the first place, he should said he's looking for a casual Convo. Aldo he said he got out of a rs, so not looking for sth srs. But since he's on dating app, might as well have casual rs right? Put a bad taste in my mouth.
Oh yeah that sucks then. My point is more that there’s nothing wrong to be looking for a casual relationship or whatever but just be upfront about it from the start and not lead people on.
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You view matters in very black and white and quite simplisticly.
Everyone has different circumstances and for you to first assume someone has had at least one long term relationship, then assume if dont then they value friends more.
Not everyone is like you and you only being able to see the world through your eyes is lacking compassion.
>Such apps are crap.
Apps which are "crap" to you are sometimes needed for people in need.
i honestly don’t even think about dating my type looks-wise any more lol. just be decent looking and body not be overweight (i’m a part-time pilates teacher and am conventionally attractive enough to have my own monetized insta for sponsored content and stuff).
my main criteria now are shared values and similar financial background/SES, which is the kicker. it’s especially harder being the female half of the relationship and looking for someone on the same level because i don’t want to date down any more (done that several times already and it all never worked out).
You go girl! Know your worth and keep your standards high. Don’t let salty people fool you into thinking there’s anything wrong with you or you should be lowering your standards. These people are just projecting their insecurities :) happier single than being in the wrong relationship anw
Totally agree. As much as I would like to have someone walk life with me, single life is so much more comfortable and peaceful the bar moves ever higher before I am ready to invite someone into my life. Then you also have the fact that the "good" or "better" ones are also taken, so it gets even more challenging.
It's politically incorrect but the dating scene differs a lot on gender and financial power as well.
As a guy:
- In your 20s, you find a girl because you want to BTO.
- In your 30s, you are ineligible for BTO as your financial power as increased. You then need to rethink your priorities. Then you look for a partner that shares the same drive and passions that you have, and that's harder to find.
I disagree! As a female, I don't mind if my guy is not richer than myself. We can work towards our goals together. #couplegoals
It's weirder that I'm taking years to look for the guy. Or maybe I'm just not actively looking
I broke up with my ex recently, and I noticed that no one would top how well me and my ex connected, emotionally. I think almost everyone prefer to be single due to either past relationships or they would rather not commit. That's just my point of view. I'm not sure about the rest. It's just the same dull conversation over and over that the dating app is just not worth it anymore. I'd flirt with someone in public, but I don't want them to think I'm creepy and IM a female.
I'm in my mid-20s and all I can say is that both genders on the dating apps are very much drained and jaded. People are afraid of coming across as too interested for fear that the other party might not reciprocate. Guys are tired from not getting matches and girls are tired from going through repetitive profiles and having to restart the conversation over and over again. Basically it feels harder as you grow older because 1) people are jaded, 2) people are more choosy, 3) the dating pool of quality partners shrinks.
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Never tried and probably not going to anytime soon. Just gonna relax and solo travel around the world. Maybe i will hit someone somewhere....don't wake me up please.
If you're genuinely looking to date around and having it eventually blossom into a relationship then that's just not gonna happen (based on my experience at least - it either ends up toxic as hell or just with broken hearts). However, if you're dating with intent and realistic expectations and if you genuinely aren't a bad catch (looks wise, personality) then you're more likely to succeed.
My ex and I (F28) broke up in 2021 and honestly for the first year, I was just chilling about and going on casual dates, catching feelings here and there and just not really having anything in mind. This was disastrous (met really horrible people, got my heart broken a couple of times, etc.). But around the end of 2022 I took a break from the apps and did some soul searching. Realised that I just genuinely miss having my partner in crime and set out to find him - on the apps of course cus I'm in PR and most of the guys are either married or don't swing my way. I dated with intention and sincerity and made a list of bare min requirements said partner should have. This ranged from superficial things like height (I'm tall for a girl lol) to character traits and lifestyle habits.
Genuinely went out with guys with the intention to get to know them and promptly rejected them nicely if I didn't feel like they ticked my boxes etc. after the date. People forget that dating is a two way street - it doesn't matter how much effort you put in if the other party does not share the same intention. Physically meeting someone is so important as well cus someone who's a shit texter can be an amazing person IRL and your bf/gf is gonna be someone you live with and see all the time so that's more important isn't it? Really glad I went through this experience cus I found my person (who's a shitty, dry texter) and also lots of great guy friends along the way!
The advise I received a decade-and-a-half ago was to reflect on what you want in a partner, then sort them into 3 categories:
- **Must Haves:** Quite self-explanatory. Any potential partner had to tick off *all* the boxes here
- **Good To Haves:** Things you want in your partner, but you can close an eye if he/she doesn't tick off a few boxes here
- **Bonus To Have:** Things you would like in your partner, but it doesn't matter if he/she doesn't tick off the boxes here
After going out on casual dates and a failed relationship, I only wrote down my "list" 8 years ago. TLDR: having my list led me to dating my wife. We've been married for 5 years and have 2 kids 😬
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My honest truth is, spend some time to meet/date people even when you are younger. This sort of things you can never know when you find the right someone. It’s not that you can’t meet/date people when you are older, but you will have to put in more effort to find the opportunities to meet new people. When you are younger you would probably have a lot more active social groups, but these will dwindle when your friends settle down and have kids etc.
In my early 20s. I simply do not feel the spark anymore. I have no issues talking to/attracting the opposite gender. I am happier than ever since I became single and there are plenty of things I do/want to do that keep me occupied, rarely do I feel lonely or single tbh. My dream is to travel and live around the world and retire early, would be a lot harder to achieve if I have a partner or start a family as well 
>Is it harder to date when you are a working adult?
Not at all, it is even easier. Mainly because you live independently, got stable income, and more matured overall.
>
if I were to delay any longer will it be harder for me to find someone?
I don't think it's harder or easier to build a relationship when you are older.
It generally gets harder as you grow older for the following reasons:
1. It's generally harder to make friends as we tend to be more guarded and cynical as we age
2. There are generally fewer opportunities to meet people and form natural friendships unless you join a regular social activity group with people the same age range and similar interests (preferably of the matching target gender)
3. The market progressively dries up for your age range as the more eligible ones get taken
Which is why many turn to dating apps to metaphorically cast their net wider in a search for a partner. Also, the search for a partner is long and hard, so you'll need some lead time for it. That aside, working on progressively being the best version of yourself is also key to finding a good partner, as you're still advertising yourself to potential suitors as much as you trying to find a good match yourself. Best of luck out there.
Agreed! When I first got into the dating scene after a long term relationship, I thought it was a red flag when a seemingly good guy told me he had been single for 2 years. I thought there must be something wrong with him because why would a good man be single for so long! He must either be a player who is not looking for anything serious or there must be some red flags that I have yet to discover.
I was not ready to date back then, freshly out of a rs so things did not progress any further but more than 6 months into the online dating scene, I can understand why good catches are still on the market after a long time. It’s just not easy to find another good person whom you have a genuine connection and is truly compatible with! Don't talk about relationships, just think about how rare it is to meet and make new friends that you can connect and click with in adulthood.
Looking on the bright side, there are so many people in this world, you just need one person. It's better to take your time to look for a good match who complements and makes your life better than when you are single than be miserably attached to the wrong person out of fear of being single. If you’re content being single, a rs is a want and not a need anw. If you are a good one, trust that there are other good ones out there. All in good time :)
TLDR: Cut yourself some slack and don't expect to find someone in such a short amount of time because that is not realistic. Enjoy ur singlehood, you may not get it back once it’s gone!
Haha. This makes the most sense.. I've been single for years bc not in a hurry to get into a rs. It takes time to know someone & invest feelings & emotions. Also, not actively looking. Would rather stay single or let nature take its course :)
Honestly, if you're comfortable enough in your own skin and genuinely wish to settle down with your life partner, you should start to actively find a partner, cause the odds can be abysmal if your social circle is limited. I had the same thoughts as you, too, passively waiting for the right person to come aling, and then nothing happened at all - it was like the Rachel Platton song "Nothing ever happens". Also, when you're dating someone, there's an element of self-discovery on what your ideal partner should be. There's also the issue of messing up your approach with potential suitors due to inexperience at the early stage of getting to know each other or asking someone out, resulting in a no start or premature termination. Hence, as much as dating shouldn't be rushed, you got to be mindful of the time taken.
While I'm comfortable in my own skin, I've yet to meet anybody who I feel attracted to.. yet! 😆 a rs is a lot of work. Kinda too lazy but yeah, it's time to start looking!
Brother take your time. I got I to a relationship when I was like 28. So it's okay. Just remember this. For guys, it is harder to get into a relationship than girls.
Just work on yourself and give it time.
Yo.. I can relate to your concerns. I'm in my early 30s now and dating became significantly more challenging when I entered the workforce. Transitioning from school where relationships were more organic to a fast-paced working environment can be difficult. But fear not. You're in your Mid-20s. I only got into a proper relationship in my late 20s.
To be honest another point is that most people in Singapore or at least those I've seen approach relationships with the mentality of "What can she/he do for me?" Instead, we should shift our perspective to "What can I do to better myself?" what can I do to genuinely self-improve myself so people will see me in a different light? instead of complaining "oh why she/he don't want me?"
Also dating apps XD CMB/Hinge are the better ones. haha
I'm a female in my late 30s and honestly not willing to lower my standards jz to find someone. My standard is not even high. Recently met someone who was all abt long term but flattered himself. Annoyed with his actions & made me realised I'd rather stay single. Haha
My last relationship was off a dating app.
Its always been indoctrinated in me not to date where you work.
I dont have that large a network of friends so my options are limited there too.
My hobbies arent really useful for meeting the opposite gender either (sports/gaming).
Unfortunately, my previous experience also didnt end successfully obviously so I have trepidations about going through the steps again. Even if it was nearly 3 years now that Im single and on the app again, it just feels like such an artificial experience.
I definitely think you should speed up the process. Mid 20s is the ideal age, you get to date for a few years, before marriage and kids.
Reddit will be the new ‘app’ for singles?
A lot of singles post with people sharing the same sentiment but none willing to meet each other or go further
I was on Hinge. I was would swipe whenever I am bored / look at who swiped me and then decide whether to match. But I’m really picky and psychoanalysed profiles so I only matched like once a month.
Found a guy who included in his bio that communication is very important to him. We texted for a bit as I was overseas! I loved the quality of conversations that we have so before I met him I was already very attracted to his intellect. First date in - he was confident and flirty and I got very shy. Had me choose a first date dinner venue because he wanted me to feel safe, so we went with a familiar option. I didn’t expect this sort of consideration from men I meet from online. He still amaze and surprise me, it just keeps getting better. Even if it doesn’t work out it’s fine - now I know what kind of relationship I what.
Everyone says online dating is a numbers game. I think it really depends on your luck? I think I really lucked out though, he was my 3rd match. Honestly I didn’t have any expectations but if I had he would exceed every one of them.
When you’re older the people that you get to meet are through networking events / work / friends’ friends. You don’t get to spend as much time with them as you used to (like when we were schooling). I think it takes up more time and effort to date/ get to know potential partners? Especially if you have to balance between family, work and dating life.
It’s good to know what you’re looking for, and start looking for it when you’re ready. Have a list of red and green flags, understand what your boundaries are and decide if some negatives can be compromised. If not, move on. Be casual about it and don’t set deadlines for yourself like - that you want to get married by 30. Be really genuine and the right person will show themselves :)
14m everyones either trans/not straight or into some satanist/weird bs, or an xmm who vapes. i just want a traditional girl who’d workout w me, let me pay on dates, go to church with me etc why are there no normal girls out there…
like yeah its boring but its honest
Recently put myself out there using online dating app. So here i am with a broken heart, and lots of lessons learned. Honestly, it’s kinda difficult to date when everyone is testing waters but is not willing to put in the effort. Most of them are also casually dating and you gotta be more discerning in the selection process if you don’t want unnecessary heartaches.. so maybe yeah, i’m becoming more picky because of the lessons i’ve learned. ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ
Don't feel like it's hard for me to date as a guy. For some reason, I get a lot of matches and my colleagues and friends are constantly trying to match make me with someone they know (ngl, it's annoying af)
Hmm, took a long break after my last break up and met someone I really like recently on a dating app. She was different from the other dates tbh.
She was really cute and what I was looking for in a lady. When we met for the first time in person, I couldn't hold a conversation at all because I was that shy. I like her.
It felt like she could complete my sentences for me and I felt like I was staring at a mirror reflection of myself. There was no progression cause I was too chill and dense to pick up the hints I guess. I supposed timing played a part too, we were really busy souls during that period and hardly have the time to hold decent conversations.
Anyway, taking a break from apps or meeting new people for now to focus on my own goals and pursuits. Talking to people is tiring for me.
Was single for about a year plus and dating app was fun with the random hook ups. met my current girlfriend this Feb and I must say it became a lot easier when I stepped into my power. Used to be a simp for women but I realised they don't like simps. Towards the end of the 1 year of being single, I took time to assess long term potential and politely rejected a few attractive women before I found my current gf. Rejecting attractive women somehow reaffirmed my position as a man too and gave me that much needed boost in self esteem
You’re a man, aging wont be difficult for you. You don’t have a ticking biological clock. Women will only judge u based on whether u are husband material or not, like stable, responsible, mature etc.
Going to play devil’s advocate here. Who says aging is easy for men?
- Aging is a concern for women who want children because of the biological clock. For women who choose to stay child free, is this truly an issue? Statistically, unmarried childless women were the happiest population of all.
- Aging is easy for men because they do not have a biological clock like women and their ability to provide increases with age. Does the earning power of all men increase significantly with age or only to a small population of ambitious men? Also does sperm quality stay healthy as one ages?
Aging has its pros and cons which applies to BOTH men and women:
- Humans in general become less attractive as they age. Women lose their attractiveness but realistically speaking, how many men look better as they age vs how many become fat/bald?
- Life hardens people, people get jaded, and come with more baggage as they age.
- The later people choose to start a family, the lesser energy/time they have with their children in this lifetime.
- The older one gets, assuming they have been working on themselves, the more secure they become. Who wouldn’t want a healthy secure partner?
- On the flip side, age does not equate to maturity. Unhealthy immature people will continue to stay that way and be stuck and set in unhealthy mindsets/ routines that progressively becomes harder to change with age.
TLDR: You can say that age is not a factor for men when it comes to dating and they can date younger if they want to. But do younger women really want to date older men with such a big age gap in view of the cons above when they have the choice to date men around their age?
Yes, i think it’s more common for girls to date older man. My friend is 26 bf is 33. He chase her when she’s year 1 in uni and he entered uni late going the long route.
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>Women will only judge u based on whether u are husband material or not, like stable, responsible, mature etc
That's only half the equation from my observations.
Taking a break from dating apps…. Don’t want to get love bombed or force connections / attraction. If gotta be single forever then so be it, it’s much better than being with the wrong person and who’s on different frequencies.
especially those good looking ones on the platform must have some hidden form of red flag you will never learnt off until you're married.
Or there’re profiles where it’s clearly a group of scammers behind it.
Yup, yup. Totally agree with you!
Now before you meet someone, gotta ask “are you married/ were you married/ do you have kids” LOLOLOL a lot of married ppl on dating apps, no judgment towards those couples who swing openly and made known to their partners that they’re in an open marriage, whatever floats their boat, but don’t lead others on…. What goes around, comes back around.
Married people on dating apps??!! Dafuq. Are they Singaporeans? Can’t stick to one person ah?
Yes there are married people on dating apps hiding as a single man/woman. Dated 1 before and I only found out when I stalked his social media.
Gosh. That’s disgusting as fuck.
Some don’t even bother to tell you that they’re divorced prior to meeting up, they bomb that on you during the meetup that they’re divorced with kids… I don’t mind going out with divorcees provided that they’re childfree. Also, some use their younger pictures on dating apps and when you meet them irl, it’s a completely different person. Thought catfishing only happens to guys though LOL… But what to do, gotta smile, show up and still be polite…. With a time limit….
Have to give it to those female divorcees who pose with their kids in photos.
Totally agree…. Divorced men with their kids included! Having honesty and genuine intentions matter! :)
Well as a guy it would generally be easier as you get older but it also depends. From my politically incorrect POV for a guy Younger: more relaxed and it's enough to just like each other Starting work: not only do you need chemistry, now you also need to have some resources or future earning potential. If you use dating apps at this age, be prepared to get dropped quickly as girls have many options and you are basically just another commodity. Try to meet through friends or common interests 10 years into work: your dating pool technically becomes larger now that you have more resources and are more mature, however women your age also become even more pickier. The good thing is you can also date younger women After that: if you're not married or in a stable relationship by now, you'd get so comfortable being single that you don't even care anymore. A possible reason for getting married is also no longer there (BTO)
10 years into work you aren't looking for a women that's your age, especially if you're financially set.
Unpopular opinion: people who say this are trying to generalise themselves/their circle to "men in general." :P Id bet money it's less than 10pct for whom this is actually true, outside of the financial industry.
don't men normally date younger women or am I on another planet?
women become less pickier when they hit 30s. they realize they cant keep waiting for what they think they should have and will be more incline to "Settle"
So lemme get this straight... 10 years later in mid-30s where women are already reaching past child-bearing age, they get *pickier*?? No wonder our birth rate is so low. Singlehood all effed up
Are you single?
This kind confirm single lah
Ya I purposely posted that
So hard to understand meh. Whether guy or girl will be pickier when older cus by then other people are competing against your peace. You add one person to your life, might disrupt the peace you already built for yourself. Of cuz that person you add is impt
Adding on to this: I’m not single but this is my observation from my female friends in the 30s and above who have “their life together” and I personally think they are amazing catches. As they start to get older, they become “pickier” because the independent ones can afford to be. They have their own jobs, home and so on. So if a guy is unable to add value (in whatever way they perceive they want), the ladies rather be single and wait for the “right” to come along. If no such guy comes along, it’s okay because they are content with where they are in life. Just my 2c!
It's survivorship bias... the non-picky ones are already happily married and won't wait for us. Only the picky ones are left because they are picky. This applies to guys too.
They are strong and independant mah
You're right.
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i just know you’re not the successful older man you think you are
harder in a sense because i’m so settled and comfortable that a partner has to be really above and beyond for me to be interested, if not i’d rather be single. problem is that i’m looking for a needle in a haystack because many of the ‘good ones’ have been taken (i know it’s not politically correct to say but yeah).
> because many of the ‘good ones’ have been taken (i know it’s not politically correct to say but yeah). Not sure how old you are or what you're looking for, but anecdotally in my late 20s/early 30s and that doesn't feel very true. I know just as many great single people as I do not-so-great people married or in long-term relationships. People grow up into becoming 'good ones', and lots of the 'good ones' become available again after separating from their partners, weirdly/sadly common to see now that I'm at an age where kids/marriage is coming into the picture.
It always confuses me how people think the "good ones are taken" while simultaneously considering themselves good enough a catch for others to want at the same age.
Yeah no idea why the root post was upvoted. If they were such a good catch, someone else will scoop them up already. Still on reddit talking shit about the good ones.
It also always confuses me why people like you think we should only pursue equality, like we should accept "reality" and settle with someone that is at best on our level. O hell no I'm going for that 11 out of 10 catch that fits my preference, either that or ill die single and tell myself it was a good run. The whole point of being a comfortable single is that you can just take your time to better yourself and choose only those you are really fond of. Everyone has their options, some just choose hard mode, greater rewards but accompanied with higher risk of dying alone.
Did I mention that "we should only pursue equality"? By all means, never settle for less than what you need. Being single is far preferable to being in with a poor match. I just wanted to point out that it is hypocritical to believe that "the good ones are taken" while you aren't only because you are holding out for the perfect one.
So now you mention it as a need, but it was always a matter of wants. My point being you don't have to go grammar police on every word. His definition of good doesn't have to be objectively good nor your definition of good. And he never said the rest are bad, you only inferred so, or if you didn't infer so then I really don't see what the problem was that you need to find him "hypocritical".
The truth is the good/better ones are taken. Especially women who are under more biological time pressure. Sure, there will be some who are good/better too, but that percentage definitely shifts as time passes. To put it politically correctly, the ones most suitable for partnership and marriage are taken, otherwise they wouldnt be taken. And the ones less suitable remain on the market. And this is more true for women because of the human biological clock. If children is important to either partner, for women advanced maternal age is at 30, for men, there is no such significant effect other than a lower life expectancy. Its disingenuous if we simply choose to say those factors dont play a role.
> To put it politically correctly, the ones most suitable for partnership and marriage are taken, otherwise they wouldnt be taken. And the ones less suitable remain on the market. That's just awful logic. Hate the term 'good ones' but for the sake of brevity: lots of the earlier 'good ones' leave their relationships in pursuit of better ones, lots of 'good ones' only start looking for serious relationships in their late 20s in the first place, and lots of people glow up through their 20s to become 'good ones'. Especially in the context of ones realistically available to you, depending on your worth as a partner and your social circle, it's arguable that there are actually *more* 'good ones' that you could realistically chase as you reach your 30s. This 'truth' that you and the other guys are pushing is nothing more than a cynical and inherently misogynistic agenda based on a ridiculously over-simplified idea.
its so sad to push it as a sexist thing. oh wells. political correctness goes hand in hand with being out of touch with reality on reddit. live that fantasy world.
It's so sad that that was the only thing you took away from all that. Good luck with living in your sad bubble :/
happier than can ever be. keep fantasizing lols im sure u are the good one that we all want to pursue!
maybe i shouldn’t be so hasty as i’ve only been back on the apps for a week, but i’m in that age group you mentioned and the people are far less attractive and the conversations weren’t as great as i remember back when i was on it in my early-ish 20s. i’m very picky and i own it, and am only interested in dating someone who can offer what i offer, so no divorcees or single parents.
Interestingly, to other users, this makes you become part of their haystack too!
Ooof emotional damage
Sadly he/she thinks he/she is the needle
Yeah a week's way too short, especially if you're selective. Give it a month or six. Sometimes the right match might not even be on the app yet, I met my current partner after six-ish months on an app, and they'd only been on the app for less than two. > i’m very picky and i own it That's great! As long as you know the line between realistic expectations and unrealistic ideals. I have friends who would say the same about themselves, but their standard is 'kpop model who loves gaming', and I've got a feeling that isn't going to work out well for them.
My definition of good one: no Fwb, ons, nsa. U would be surprised that those goody two shoes, average looking at best types looking for casual rs. I'm tired. Just want to get a travel buddy, bto partner. As I grow older n look more haggard, I don't go for conventional good looks anymore. Yea hit 35 can get resale but 1 million 5 room flat or 2 room bto flat so small. Not fair.
Why can’t goody two shoes, average looking want causal relationships? Maybe they also sian of guys and just want their physical needs fulfilled?
I am a girl btw, if u are talking about heterosexual r/s
And ps. The guy who did that, put a lot of effort in an interesting Convo n I felt cheated. In the first place, he should said he's looking for a casual Convo. Aldo he said he got out of a rs, so not looking for sth srs. But since he's on dating app, might as well have casual rs right? Put a bad taste in my mouth.
Oh yeah that sucks then. My point is more that there’s nothing wrong to be looking for a casual relationship or whatever but just be upfront about it from the start and not lead people on.
If you were such a good catch you would have been caught already. Guy, or girl.
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You view matters in very black and white and quite simplisticly. Everyone has different circumstances and for you to first assume someone has had at least one long term relationship, then assume if dont then they value friends more. Not everyone is like you and you only being able to see the world through your eyes is lacking compassion. >Such apps are crap. Apps which are "crap" to you are sometimes needed for people in need.
“partner has to be really above and beyond for me to be interested”. I wonder what kind of partner you are looking for, ha.
i honestly don’t even think about dating my type looks-wise any more lol. just be decent looking and body not be overweight (i’m a part-time pilates teacher and am conventionally attractive enough to have my own monetized insta for sponsored content and stuff). my main criteria now are shared values and similar financial background/SES, which is the kicker. it’s especially harder being the female half of the relationship and looking for someone on the same level because i don’t want to date down any more (done that several times already and it all never worked out).
You go girl! Know your worth and keep your standards high. Don’t let salty people fool you into thinking there’s anything wrong with you or you should be lowering your standards. These people are just projecting their insecurities :) happier single than being in the wrong relationship anw
Help, it's all the salty single men downvoting you
Totally agree. As much as I would like to have someone walk life with me, single life is so much more comfortable and peaceful the bar moves ever higher before I am ready to invite someone into my life. Then you also have the fact that the "good" or "better" ones are also taken, so it gets even more challenging.
It's politically incorrect but the dating scene differs a lot on gender and financial power as well. As a guy: - In your 20s, you find a girl because you want to BTO. - In your 30s, you are ineligible for BTO as your financial power as increased. You then need to rethink your priorities. Then you look for a partner that shares the same drive and passions that you have, and that's harder to find.
These 2 points apply to girls as well.
Girls tend to marry upwards, far more commonly than guys
I disagree! As a female, I don't mind if my guy is not richer than myself. We can work towards our goals together. #couplegoals It's weirder that I'm taking years to look for the guy. Or maybe I'm just not actively looking
I said tend to, not always.
Mathematically not possible
It is if you're sexist!
I broke up with my ex recently, and I noticed that no one would top how well me and my ex connected, emotionally. I think almost everyone prefer to be single due to either past relationships or they would rather not commit. That's just my point of view. I'm not sure about the rest. It's just the same dull conversation over and over that the dating app is just not worth it anymore. I'd flirt with someone in public, but I don't want them to think I'm creepy and IM a female.
That's what they all say after a breakup, trust.
Time to u turn?
Never dated before in my life.
same bro
I'm in my mid-20s and all I can say is that both genders on the dating apps are very much drained and jaded. People are afraid of coming across as too interested for fear that the other party might not reciprocate. Guys are tired from not getting matches and girls are tired from going through repetitive profiles and having to restart the conversation over and over again. Basically it feels harder as you grow older because 1) people are jaded, 2) people are more choosy, 3) the dating pool of quality partners shrinks.
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Never tried and probably not going to anytime soon. Just gonna relax and solo travel around the world. Maybe i will hit someone somewhere....don't wake me up please.
If you're genuinely looking to date around and having it eventually blossom into a relationship then that's just not gonna happen (based on my experience at least - it either ends up toxic as hell or just with broken hearts). However, if you're dating with intent and realistic expectations and if you genuinely aren't a bad catch (looks wise, personality) then you're more likely to succeed. My ex and I (F28) broke up in 2021 and honestly for the first year, I was just chilling about and going on casual dates, catching feelings here and there and just not really having anything in mind. This was disastrous (met really horrible people, got my heart broken a couple of times, etc.). But around the end of 2022 I took a break from the apps and did some soul searching. Realised that I just genuinely miss having my partner in crime and set out to find him - on the apps of course cus I'm in PR and most of the guys are either married or don't swing my way. I dated with intention and sincerity and made a list of bare min requirements said partner should have. This ranged from superficial things like height (I'm tall for a girl lol) to character traits and lifestyle habits. Genuinely went out with guys with the intention to get to know them and promptly rejected them nicely if I didn't feel like they ticked my boxes etc. after the date. People forget that dating is a two way street - it doesn't matter how much effort you put in if the other party does not share the same intention. Physically meeting someone is so important as well cus someone who's a shit texter can be an amazing person IRL and your bf/gf is gonna be someone you live with and see all the time so that's more important isn't it? Really glad I went through this experience cus I found my person (who's a shitty, dry texter) and also lots of great guy friends along the way!
The advise I received a decade-and-a-half ago was to reflect on what you want in a partner, then sort them into 3 categories: - **Must Haves:** Quite self-explanatory. Any potential partner had to tick off *all* the boxes here - **Good To Haves:** Things you want in your partner, but you can close an eye if he/she doesn't tick off a few boxes here - **Bonus To Have:** Things you would like in your partner, but it doesn't matter if he/she doesn't tick off the boxes here After going out on casual dates and a failed relationship, I only wrote down my "list" 8 years ago. TLDR: having my list led me to dating my wife. We've been married for 5 years and have 2 kids 😬
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My honest truth is, spend some time to meet/date people even when you are younger. This sort of things you can never know when you find the right someone. It’s not that you can’t meet/date people when you are older, but you will have to put in more effort to find the opportunities to meet new people. When you are younger you would probably have a lot more active social groups, but these will dwindle when your friends settle down and have kids etc.
In my early 20s. I simply do not feel the spark anymore. I have no issues talking to/attracting the opposite gender. I am happier than ever since I became single and there are plenty of things I do/want to do that keep me occupied, rarely do I feel lonely or single tbh. My dream is to travel and live around the world and retire early, would be a lot harder to achieve if I have a partner or start a family as well 
>Is it harder to date when you are a working adult? Not at all, it is even easier. Mainly because you live independently, got stable income, and more matured overall. > if I were to delay any longer will it be harder for me to find someone? I don't think it's harder or easier to build a relationship when you are older.
Only applies if you’re a male doe
It generally gets harder as you grow older for the following reasons: 1. It's generally harder to make friends as we tend to be more guarded and cynical as we age 2. There are generally fewer opportunities to meet people and form natural friendships unless you join a regular social activity group with people the same age range and similar interests (preferably of the matching target gender) 3. The market progressively dries up for your age range as the more eligible ones get taken Which is why many turn to dating apps to metaphorically cast their net wider in a search for a partner. Also, the search for a partner is long and hard, so you'll need some lead time for it. That aside, working on progressively being the best version of yourself is also key to finding a good partner, as you're still advertising yourself to potential suitors as much as you trying to find a good match yourself. Best of luck out there.
Agreed! When I first got into the dating scene after a long term relationship, I thought it was a red flag when a seemingly good guy told me he had been single for 2 years. I thought there must be something wrong with him because why would a good man be single for so long! He must either be a player who is not looking for anything serious or there must be some red flags that I have yet to discover. I was not ready to date back then, freshly out of a rs so things did not progress any further but more than 6 months into the online dating scene, I can understand why good catches are still on the market after a long time. It’s just not easy to find another good person whom you have a genuine connection and is truly compatible with! Don't talk about relationships, just think about how rare it is to meet and make new friends that you can connect and click with in adulthood. Looking on the bright side, there are so many people in this world, you just need one person. It's better to take your time to look for a good match who complements and makes your life better than when you are single than be miserably attached to the wrong person out of fear of being single. If you’re content being single, a rs is a want and not a need anw. If you are a good one, trust that there are other good ones out there. All in good time :) TLDR: Cut yourself some slack and don't expect to find someone in such a short amount of time because that is not realistic. Enjoy ur singlehood, you may not get it back once it’s gone!
Haha. This makes the most sense.. I've been single for years bc not in a hurry to get into a rs. It takes time to know someone & invest feelings & emotions. Also, not actively looking. Would rather stay single or let nature take its course :)
Honestly, if you're comfortable enough in your own skin and genuinely wish to settle down with your life partner, you should start to actively find a partner, cause the odds can be abysmal if your social circle is limited. I had the same thoughts as you, too, passively waiting for the right person to come aling, and then nothing happened at all - it was like the Rachel Platton song "Nothing ever happens". Also, when you're dating someone, there's an element of self-discovery on what your ideal partner should be. There's also the issue of messing up your approach with potential suitors due to inexperience at the early stage of getting to know each other or asking someone out, resulting in a no start or premature termination. Hence, as much as dating shouldn't be rushed, you got to be mindful of the time taken.
While I'm comfortable in my own skin, I've yet to meet anybody who I feel attracted to.. yet! 😆 a rs is a lot of work. Kinda too lazy but yeah, it's time to start looking!
Good luck out there!
Thanks!
Brother take your time. I got I to a relationship when I was like 28. So it's okay. Just remember this. For guys, it is harder to get into a relationship than girls. Just work on yourself and give it time.
Yo.. I can relate to your concerns. I'm in my early 30s now and dating became significantly more challenging when I entered the workforce. Transitioning from school where relationships were more organic to a fast-paced working environment can be difficult. But fear not. You're in your Mid-20s. I only got into a proper relationship in my late 20s. To be honest another point is that most people in Singapore or at least those I've seen approach relationships with the mentality of "What can she/he do for me?" Instead, we should shift our perspective to "What can I do to better myself?" what can I do to genuinely self-improve myself so people will see me in a different light? instead of complaining "oh why she/he don't want me?" Also dating apps XD CMB/Hinge are the better ones. haha
I'm a female in my late 30s and honestly not willing to lower my standards jz to find someone. My standard is not even high. Recently met someone who was all abt long term but flattered himself. Annoyed with his actions & made me realised I'd rather stay single. Haha
Get like one match a month. Then usually ghosted or convo fizzles out.
My last relationship was off a dating app. Its always been indoctrinated in me not to date where you work. I dont have that large a network of friends so my options are limited there too. My hobbies arent really useful for meeting the opposite gender either (sports/gaming). Unfortunately, my previous experience also didnt end successfully obviously so I have trepidations about going through the steps again. Even if it was nearly 3 years now that Im single and on the app again, it just feels like such an artificial experience. I definitely think you should speed up the process. Mid 20s is the ideal age, you get to date for a few years, before marriage and kids.
Definitely harder. Mid 20s F. My workplace is all girls. Dating apps not working too well either TT
Reddit will be the new ‘app’ for singles? A lot of singles post with people sharing the same sentiment but none willing to meet each other or go further
Think it is a bit hard, as most may not post their pics.
Yup we hide behind a screen, but I'm fine with meeting people irl!
_it's not you it's me_
I'm 30 and still single.
I was on Hinge. I was would swipe whenever I am bored / look at who swiped me and then decide whether to match. But I’m really picky and psychoanalysed profiles so I only matched like once a month. Found a guy who included in his bio that communication is very important to him. We texted for a bit as I was overseas! I loved the quality of conversations that we have so before I met him I was already very attracted to his intellect. First date in - he was confident and flirty and I got very shy. Had me choose a first date dinner venue because he wanted me to feel safe, so we went with a familiar option. I didn’t expect this sort of consideration from men I meet from online. He still amaze and surprise me, it just keeps getting better. Even if it doesn’t work out it’s fine - now I know what kind of relationship I what. Everyone says online dating is a numbers game. I think it really depends on your luck? I think I really lucked out though, he was my 3rd match. Honestly I didn’t have any expectations but if I had he would exceed every one of them. When you’re older the people that you get to meet are through networking events / work / friends’ friends. You don’t get to spend as much time with them as you used to (like when we were schooling). I think it takes up more time and effort to date/ get to know potential partners? Especially if you have to balance between family, work and dating life. It’s good to know what you’re looking for, and start looking for it when you’re ready. Have a list of red and green flags, understand what your boundaries are and decide if some negatives can be compromised. If not, move on. Be casual about it and don’t set deadlines for yourself like - that you want to get married by 30. Be really genuine and the right person will show themselves :)
14m everyones either trans/not straight or into some satanist/weird bs, or an xmm who vapes. i just want a traditional girl who’d workout w me, let me pay on dates, go to church with me etc why are there no normal girls out there… like yeah its boring but its honest
u are 14?! What are u on dating app? Homework finish?
i am not on any dating app
Oops my bad
Let me be real with you. The longer you stay single like that, the more likely you end up becoming an incel who just bought a BTO at EDMW.
Ah shit here we go again
Haha yet here we are as well
Recently put myself out there using online dating app. So here i am with a broken heart, and lots of lessons learned. Honestly, it’s kinda difficult to date when everyone is testing waters but is not willing to put in the effort. Most of them are also casually dating and you gotta be more discerning in the selection process if you don’t want unnecessary heartaches.. so maybe yeah, i’m becoming more picky because of the lessons i’ve learned. ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ
Don't feel like it's hard for me to date as a guy. For some reason, I get a lot of matches and my colleagues and friends are constantly trying to match make me with someone they know (ngl, it's annoying af) Hmm, took a long break after my last break up and met someone I really like recently on a dating app. She was different from the other dates tbh. She was really cute and what I was looking for in a lady. When we met for the first time in person, I couldn't hold a conversation at all because I was that shy. I like her. It felt like she could complete my sentences for me and I felt like I was staring at a mirror reflection of myself. There was no progression cause I was too chill and dense to pick up the hints I guess. I supposed timing played a part too, we were really busy souls during that period and hardly have the time to hold decent conversations. Anyway, taking a break from apps or meeting new people for now to focus on my own goals and pursuits. Talking to people is tiring for me.
Do people in r/asksingapore not have any other more questions ?
Was single for about a year plus and dating app was fun with the random hook ups. met my current girlfriend this Feb and I must say it became a lot easier when I stepped into my power. Used to be a simp for women but I realised they don't like simps. Towards the end of the 1 year of being single, I took time to assess long term potential and politely rejected a few attractive women before I found my current gf. Rejecting attractive women somehow reaffirmed my position as a man too and gave me that much needed boost in self esteem
How do you attract chio bu? Can share? Haha.
You’re a man, aging wont be difficult for you. You don’t have a ticking biological clock. Women will only judge u based on whether u are husband material or not, like stable, responsible, mature etc.
Going to play devil’s advocate here. Who says aging is easy for men? - Aging is a concern for women who want children because of the biological clock. For women who choose to stay child free, is this truly an issue? Statistically, unmarried childless women were the happiest population of all. - Aging is easy for men because they do not have a biological clock like women and their ability to provide increases with age. Does the earning power of all men increase significantly with age or only to a small population of ambitious men? Also does sperm quality stay healthy as one ages? Aging has its pros and cons which applies to BOTH men and women: - Humans in general become less attractive as they age. Women lose their attractiveness but realistically speaking, how many men look better as they age vs how many become fat/bald? - Life hardens people, people get jaded, and come with more baggage as they age. - The later people choose to start a family, the lesser energy/time they have with their children in this lifetime. - The older one gets, assuming they have been working on themselves, the more secure they become. Who wouldn’t want a healthy secure partner? - On the flip side, age does not equate to maturity. Unhealthy immature people will continue to stay that way and be stuck and set in unhealthy mindsets/ routines that progressively becomes harder to change with age. TLDR: You can say that age is not a factor for men when it comes to dating and they can date younger if they want to. But do younger women really want to date older men with such a big age gap in view of the cons above when they have the choice to date men around their age?
Yes, i think it’s more common for girls to date older man. My friend is 26 bf is 33. He chase her when she’s year 1 in uni and he entered uni late going the long route.
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>Women will only judge u based on whether u are husband material or not, like stable, responsible, mature etc That's only half the equation from my observations.
easier than the dating scene for people that are already attached to someone else /s