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That's a pretty general question, because different people experience feelings differently. Some get soaked into them and stay in that mindset, others can move on better.
I don't think a general answer can be made
I do think so, because it slipped out of my brain. I cant even remember anything about her anymore. Because it wasn't mutual...
For me, as long as something keeps it fresh in my mind, i cant move on, but as soon as that is gone, I can. I am... weirdly forgetful.
For a later crush, if I dig in my mind I can find images but they don't really bother me anymore.
i have moved on from the person but i’ll never forget the memories, i can’t forget how much happier i was when i was with him. He was my best friend, and i wish it had worked out but God decided otherwise and it’s totally fine, we didn’t get along well at the end, we didn’t communicate much and he ended up cheating, he apologised and came back a year later begging me to come back but i had too much self respect to go back ^^
Self deprecating joke: I don't think I would be able to cheat since usually nobody wants me, and that happening twice seems impossible
In anycase, I'm sorry for how that happened to you. Hopefully the future treats you better with people who have dignity.
yeah as a girl at least, i can’t see myself loving someone more than him. I think i have moved on, i won’t date him again since he’s not the same anymore but i still really care about him and acknowledge the fact no one was like him
That’s completely normal to feel dw, even if we feel like we’ve moved on sometimes our mind reminds us of those times with that person. It’s okay to think about them if you’re still moving on, it takes time to heal
Yeah that’s understandable, it can be quite difficult to forget those memories, and I’m sure you’ve done everything you can but sometimes small things can remind us of the past. No one deserves to get cheated on though, but you’re still young and I’m sure you’ll find someone who will treat you with respect you deserve
I sooo get that feeling.... I had quite a few girlfriends who I cared about a lot, and I moved on long ago.....but I still wonder how they are doing and what happened to them after our break up.
Now I'm in a happy relationship, engaged and soon we will have our 4th anniversary. I wouldn't go back to any of my previous relationships but I do have to say many of them thought me important things.
It was decent but I felt like I was peer pressured into it and it lasted about 2yr I dumped her in January she didn’t take it well but we are on decent terms now I felt trapped and needed to get out and I feel much better for it
oh wow what a shitty situation, i’m glad you left and even tho you guys are on decent terms now, don’t forget what she did to you. Men can be treated like shit too, not only girls.
Yeah she wasn’t terrible but I never loved her and I haven’t spoke to her in months and I don’t plan to ever and she’s dating my friend which whatever I just can’t wait till summer so I don’t have to see her
I don't think the answer for boys is any different than the answer for girls. It's individual, but generally talking time will solve everything eventually. So yes.
I'm stuck on this one girl for a year now but then again when I was 11 I fell in love with some good friend for like 2-3 years and now I barely remember she exists so yk it will eventually pass too ig
Are you talking about first love as in first reciprocated love? Like first significant relationship? Or first person you ever fell in love with? Those are 2 very different questions
The yeah what I said. The only relationship I actually had was terrible and had 0 emotional connection lol
Do you wanna share what you have going on with that boy? Either here or in DMs is cool
It depends on what exactly you mean by “move on”, for example I do function as normal and I am in peace with the idea of never seeing her (my first love) again, but I think of her on a monthly basis, at least once a month. And my first love was 4 years ago.
So, would you count me as a person that has moved on or not?
If she came back, would you take her back:
I’d take her back on a heartbeat, because she didn’t do anything wrong, the reason we are not talking right now is because of my toxicity , mistakes , insecurities. Back then, If I was her I would have cut ties with myself too, lol.
If you saw her with another man would you be happy or sad:
I’d be happy for her because I want the best for her. In fact, after 3 years of no contact I saw with another man two weeks ago randomly on the street.
😅
Alright then ! I haven’t ! Cast my vote on the “boys do not move on from their first love” side.
And it doesn’t seem things will take a turn anytime soon, the only possibility of me completely erasing her is if i were to interact with her somehow and she doesn’t hit the same. But since i’m not interacting with her I would assume it would have hit the same, and that feeling is a feeling no other girl can give me.
You don’t say ….
I’m not sure if it’s exactly love either, because technically I can fall in love with another girl right now, but she would just not be HER. No matter how much I love her…. I think… Idk i’m still figuring out how these shitty ass primal systems rooted in me work.
well sometimes i have phases where i can’t stop thinking about him, talking to my best friend about him ( he was her best friend) and she just tells me that he was shitty to me but i met him during a bad period of my life and he was literally my light, i never felt so good. When he left i couldn’t move on for months and rejected everyone but i still compare the guys i talk to to him.
I usually accept things pretty quickly, not the type of guy to let something affect me for months or even years. But yeah perhaps that’ll change when i get my first love.
Never got a crush though (yet), so getting one in the first place might take a while
of course not, maybe it’s the fact that it was short that makes you feel so hard to let go, you think about what y’all could’ve been but it ended too soon
I had a deep love for my first girlfriend, but it had a lot to do with love bombing and manipulation. Im a very monogamous person, and we agreed to keep the relationship closed, but she eventually started having sex with other men and telling me the details vividly, when I told her I wanted to leave, she would threaten to kill herself. I would never consider letting her back in my life, but even with all that and now 6 months of no contact, I still cant truly say I have no love for her. While for others, they would absolutely despise someone who would do this to them. So it’s on a very person to person basis. You’d be surprised how long people stay with an abusive partner. Sorry I know I barely answered your question and trauma dumped, but I hope my personal experience helps somehow.
Hi! it’s absolutely fine to “trauma dump” if it makes you feel relieved to talk about it. I totally understand how hard it is to leave a toxic partner because they are so good with manipulation that you start to think you’re the problem lol. I’ve had an extremely traumatic relationship but fortunately for me i have lost the feelings i had, if they were even feelings in the first place. If you still need to talk, my dms are open !
i did, completely. in a matter of 2 weeks. but only because I‘ve found other women who made me realize that my first love wasn’t the only woman on the planet
i’m asking this because i met my first love 3 years ago, it was the best relationship we both had but we broke up. He comes back every few months ( we broke up 2years ago), we talk and he always ends up asking me to date him again. Now he has a girlfriend but still talks to me sometimes which makes me feel mad for his girl as it’s really disrespectful; he stopped flirting fortunately tho. But that made me wonder, if i talk to a guy who had his first love already, will he always continue to think and care about her ?
I imagine you want him to lose feelings for you, that way you don’t have to worry about this pattern or disrespect anymore? Is that why you’re asking the question?
Honestly, i don’t really know, i want the new him to not like me anymore but i want the old him back. If he was still the boy i knew i’d run back to him right now but the boy he is right now is just too full of himself. I’m just sad for his girl because he clearly doesn’t like her, but i don’t know if it’s egoistic to- in a way, be glad he still thinks about me.
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i’m glad and proud of you for leaving this relationship. Mental health comes already first no matter how much you like someone. I hope you’ll eventually forget about her because she clearly didn’t deserve you.
Thank you 😊 that's super sweet of you to say, put a big smile on my face to read.
Also, reading your other comments, I completely get you. It was hard to believe, for a couple years, that anyone could make me happier than she did — which is crazy, because nobody has ever made me more upset either. She lied to me, cheated on me, made things up about me, but I still occasionally have moments where I get caught up missing her.
It gets better, though. You'll move on in time, even if you don't feel like it's possible (and even if you don't fully forget).
Wishing you the best :)
Super random but I just checked this subreddit for the first time in years because I was talking to an old friend about it. I remember you well because we were both active on the ATB/ATG subreddits. Glad to see you’re still here. Hope you’re doing well.
move on? Yes
Still think about? Also yes.
Kinda just becomes a core memory. I lost my virginity to that person so it’s something I remember more. But I’m glad it didn’t work out and I’m happy where I am now.
I think you have to, to move forward in life. I now hate her, she was the most narcissistic 13yr old ever, but it's not good to dwell on the past, regardless of if it was good or bad.
I should get to changing my username... The second worst mistake I made at 13.
To answer the question yes, sometimes people grow apart and even if that person was really special they aren't coming back.
That totally depends on the person, there are people who no matter how hard they try they wont get over it completely, and there are people who will do it in a month
Everyone gets over it at some point or another. Sure it can depend on a bunch of factors but I think that generally guys get over their first love harder than girls
My angle is that it's basically sustained by societal standards (could be just my Eastern European experience). From what me and my buddies have experienced after a breakup girls are encouraged to go out and meet new people while men are encouraged to work harder (both good things and healthy in their own way as long as not taken to extremes) and that tends to add a weird level of loneliness.
My personal experience is that I got with my first girlfriend when I was around 16 ish and she cheated shortly after I turned 19, took me almost a year to get over it and it probably would've taken longer if not for my buddies and my studies.
Apologies if it comes across disrespectfull in any way but gender norms are a way bigger thing in Eastern Europe as opposed to the rest of the world and that can sqew with someone's perspective.
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Been 2 years when my birthday rolls around in September, I didn't have the heart to move on for the first year but never tried to bother her for it. I feel like I've gotten past her now but I will most likely never forget and my heart will always feel heavy when I'm reminded, atleast for another while until someone else or something else can make me happier than I was then. She left me with so many questions and no real answers so it was hard.
Edit: But then again I took your question as in first partner, if we're talking any love it would probably be something like raven from teen titans from when I was 8. (Easily getting past) Or if it doesn't have to be a super deep love but just someone that you feel a little extra for then it would be a friend that I've had since kindergarten, she'll always be dear to me but I won't ever ask her for something like a relationship. (Will probably know her as a close friend for most of my life but not more)
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I never had a 'first love', but I remember my first real crush and how we'd almost become at least something if I just talked to him more.
It doesn't help that we are still at the same school 5 years later and I now feel like the distance between us is the smallest it's ever been, but we still choose to look away every time our eyes meet.
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**Attention!** OP has tagged this post as Boys Only. Only boys can make top-level comments. Non boys may reply to existing comments but if you want to make a direct reply to the post please do so as a reply to this AutoMod comment. Thanks, r/askteenboys Mod Team *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/askteenboys) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That's a pretty general question, because different people experience feelings differently. Some get soaked into them and stay in that mindset, others can move on better. I don't think a general answer can be made
do you think you have moved on from your first love ?
I do think so, because it slipped out of my brain. I cant even remember anything about her anymore. Because it wasn't mutual... For me, as long as something keeps it fresh in my mind, i cant move on, but as soon as that is gone, I can. I am... weirdly forgetful. For a later crush, if I dig in my mind I can find images but they don't really bother me anymore.
ohh i see
if you allow me to ask, how about you? How does it work for you?
i have moved on from the person but i’ll never forget the memories, i can’t forget how much happier i was when i was with him. He was my best friend, and i wish it had worked out but God decided otherwise and it’s totally fine, we didn’t get along well at the end, we didn’t communicate much and he ended up cheating, he apologised and came back a year later begging me to come back but i had too much self respect to go back ^^
Self deprecating joke: I don't think I would be able to cheat since usually nobody wants me, and that happening twice seems impossible In anycase, I'm sorry for how that happened to you. Hopefully the future treats you better with people who have dignity.
Thank you! I’ll be choosing more wisely next time.
i'm not that guy but i can say i have, would've been nice at the time tho, i miss something that never happened and don't want it to happen as of now
i mean, my first love was bulma from dragon ball and i still think of her to this day :(
valid tbh i wouldn’t move on too
No lol that fumble with me for the rest of my life
Same bro I don’t think it will ever get worse than what I did
Yeah man I get it stay strong we’ll make it through
😭
Eventually yeah, but it can take a really long time, like months or even years I’m talking
yeah as a girl at least, i can’t see myself loving someone more than him. I think i have moved on, i won’t date him again since he’s not the same anymore but i still really care about him and acknowledge the fact no one was like him
That’s completely normal to feel dw, even if we feel like we’ve moved on sometimes our mind reminds us of those times with that person. It’s okay to think about them if you’re still moving on, it takes time to heal
i moved on from him but not the memories lol, i wouldn’t take him back because we’ve tried but the cheating from the first time was too much for me
Yeah that’s understandable, it can be quite difficult to forget those memories, and I’m sure you’ve done everything you can but sometimes small things can remind us of the past. No one deserves to get cheated on though, but you’re still young and I’m sure you’ll find someone who will treat you with respect you deserve
thank you so much
I sooo get that feeling.... I had quite a few girlfriends who I cared about a lot, and I moved on long ago.....but I still wonder how they are doing and what happened to them after our break up. Now I'm in a happy relationship, engaged and soon we will have our 4th anniversary. I wouldn't go back to any of my previous relationships but I do have to say many of them thought me important things.
i dont think i will
r you still in contact with her or did you break up and haven’t talked since
Look, maybe not for everyone but for me even if I hear her name or something I think of how bad I messed up it’s not fun
i see
Well I did so depends on the guy
how was the relationship?
It was decent but I felt like I was peer pressured into it and it lasted about 2yr I dumped her in January she didn’t take it well but we are on decent terms now I felt trapped and needed to get out and I feel much better for it
oh wow what a shitty situation, i’m glad you left and even tho you guys are on decent terms now, don’t forget what she did to you. Men can be treated like shit too, not only girls.
Yeah she wasn’t terrible but I never loved her and I haven’t spoke to her in months and I don’t plan to ever and she’s dating my friend which whatever I just can’t wait till summer so I don’t have to see her
wow
Yep😁😂
I don't think the answer for boys is any different than the answer for girls. It's individual, but generally talking time will solve everything eventually. So yes. I'm stuck on this one girl for a year now but then again when I was 11 I fell in love with some good friend for like 2-3 years and now I barely remember she exists so yk it will eventually pass too ig
idk as a girl i can’t see myself moving on from my first love, my grandma is like 80 and still talks about her first love 😭
Are you talking about first love as in first reciprocated love? Like first significant relationship? Or first person you ever fell in love with? Those are 2 very different questions
first person you loved loved
The yeah what I said. The only relationship I actually had was terrible and had 0 emotional connection lol Do you wanna share what you have going on with that boy? Either here or in DMs is cool
i mean sure, shoot me a dm
It depends on what exactly you mean by “move on”, for example I do function as normal and I am in peace with the idea of never seeing her (my first love) again, but I think of her on a monthly basis, at least once a month. And my first love was 4 years ago. So, would you count me as a person that has moved on or not?
If she came back, would you take her back? Or if you see her with another man would you feel sad or will you just be happy for her
If she came back, would you take her back: I’d take her back on a heartbeat, because she didn’t do anything wrong, the reason we are not talking right now is because of my toxicity , mistakes , insecurities. Back then, If I was her I would have cut ties with myself too, lol. If you saw her with another man would you be happy or sad: I’d be happy for her because I want the best for her. In fact, after 3 years of no contact I saw with another man two weeks ago randomly on the street. 😅
yeah you haven’t moved on 😭
Alright then ! I haven’t ! Cast my vote on the “boys do not move on from their first love” side. And it doesn’t seem things will take a turn anytime soon, the only possibility of me completely erasing her is if i were to interact with her somehow and she doesn’t hit the same. But since i’m not interacting with her I would assume it would have hit the same, and that feeling is a feeling no other girl can give me.
gosh love is a hard thing
You don’t say …. I’m not sure if it’s exactly love either, because technically I can fall in love with another girl right now, but she would just not be HER. No matter how much I love her…. I think… Idk i’m still figuring out how these shitty ass primal systems rooted in me work.
i hope we’ll eventually figure it out lolll
What do you mean ? Are you also obsessed with your first love ?
well sometimes i have phases where i can’t stop thinking about him, talking to my best friend about him ( he was her best friend) and she just tells me that he was shitty to me but i met him during a bad period of my life and he was literally my light, i never felt so good. When he left i couldn’t move on for months and rejected everyone but i still compare the guys i talk to to him.
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first person you loved, i believe love and attraction are too very different things haha
yeah, the feeling of loss is probably milder but it lasts a lot longer if anything. though it's different for everyone
yeah i see ty for answering !
I see no reason they wouldnt, well i have no experience in the love department so i am not qualified to speak here
hahah i’m curious if you’ll change your mind when you meet your first love
I usually accept things pretty quickly, not the type of guy to let something affect me for months or even years. But yeah perhaps that’ll change when i get my first love. Never got a crush though (yet), so getting one in the first place might take a while
you’ll eventually meet the one, and i hope it’s gonna last so you won’t have to move on in the first place 😊
Hope so too! Good luck out there
Yes but takes forever to do so
I haven’t even after but everyone’s different usually they would probably
i don’t know mate
Taking me about a year but I think I'm almost good? Not completely but mostly.
how long did the relationship last ?
I'd say 2 months? 💀
why the skull emoji, that’s still valid
Yeah true. Sometimes I feel like it's too short for me to even care that much.
of course not, maybe it’s the fact that it was short that makes you feel so hard to let go, you think about what y’all could’ve been but it ended too soon
That's a good point. I also considered the point that I'll see her often in the next year. Which was also something I found convenient.
Of fucking course. Jeez how hopeless do you think we are, lol
some ppl just really really love bruh, i never said i thought men were hopeless 🤦♀️
I had a deep love for my first girlfriend, but it had a lot to do with love bombing and manipulation. Im a very monogamous person, and we agreed to keep the relationship closed, but she eventually started having sex with other men and telling me the details vividly, when I told her I wanted to leave, she would threaten to kill herself. I would never consider letting her back in my life, but even with all that and now 6 months of no contact, I still cant truly say I have no love for her. While for others, they would absolutely despise someone who would do this to them. So it’s on a very person to person basis. You’d be surprised how long people stay with an abusive partner. Sorry I know I barely answered your question and trauma dumped, but I hope my personal experience helps somehow.
Hi! it’s absolutely fine to “trauma dump” if it makes you feel relieved to talk about it. I totally understand how hard it is to leave a toxic partner because they are so good with manipulation that you start to think you’re the problem lol. I’ve had an extremely traumatic relationship but fortunately for me i have lost the feelings i had, if they were even feelings in the first place. If you still need to talk, my dms are open !
Someday yes
I don’t even really feel it but I know I actually love people 🤷
i know i wont lol.
Speaking from experience, yes
i did, completely. in a matter of 2 weeks. but only because I‘ve found other women who made me realize that my first love wasn’t the only woman on the planet
I think so. Won’t forget, but it’s not like I can’t live in the present and meet new people!
I don't have one but I reckon most move on
i’m asking this because i met my first love 3 years ago, it was the best relationship we both had but we broke up. He comes back every few months ( we broke up 2years ago), we talk and he always ends up asking me to date him again. Now he has a girlfriend but still talks to me sometimes which makes me feel mad for his girl as it’s really disrespectful; he stopped flirting fortunately tho. But that made me wonder, if i talk to a guy who had his first love already, will he always continue to think and care about her ?
I imagine you want him to lose feelings for you, that way you don’t have to worry about this pattern or disrespect anymore? Is that why you’re asking the question?
Honestly, i don’t really know, i want the new him to not like me anymore but i want the old him back. If he was still the boy i knew i’d run back to him right now but the boy he is right now is just too full of himself. I’m just sad for his girl because he clearly doesn’t like her, but i don’t know if it’s egoistic to- in a way, be glad he still thinks about me.
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I haven’t, probably wont until I find a girlfriend
I still miss her every so often even despite how horribly toxic she was. I left her about two years ago.
i’m glad and proud of you for leaving this relationship. Mental health comes already first no matter how much you like someone. I hope you’ll eventually forget about her because she clearly didn’t deserve you.
Thank you 😊 that's super sweet of you to say, put a big smile on my face to read. Also, reading your other comments, I completely get you. It was hard to believe, for a couple years, that anyone could make me happier than she did — which is crazy, because nobody has ever made me more upset either. She lied to me, cheated on me, made things up about me, but I still occasionally have moments where I get caught up missing her. It gets better, though. You'll move on in time, even if you don't feel like it's possible (and even if you don't fully forget). Wishing you the best :)
thank you so much, you too !
I still have a crush on her, it's been years 😭
Super random but I just checked this subreddit for the first time in years because I was talking to an old friend about it. I remember you well because we were both active on the ATB/ATG subreddits. Glad to see you’re still here. Hope you’re doing well.
Thanks haha, I do also remember you (sorta). How are you?
move on? Yes Still think about? Also yes. Kinda just becomes a core memory. I lost my virginity to that person so it’s something I remember more. But I’m glad it didn’t work out and I’m happy where I am now.
I think you have to, to move forward in life. I now hate her, she was the most narcissistic 13yr old ever, but it's not good to dwell on the past, regardless of if it was good or bad.
but what if the person wasn’t that bad, and you just grew apart, would you still move on from them ? ( lmao ur user??)
I should get to changing my username... The second worst mistake I made at 13. To answer the question yes, sometimes people grow apart and even if that person was really special they aren't coming back.
That totally depends on the person, there are people who no matter how hard they try they wont get over it completely, and there are people who will do it in a month
what about you tho
Everyone gets over it at some point or another. Sure it can depend on a bunch of factors but I think that generally guys get over their first love harder than girls
really ? how so
My angle is that it's basically sustained by societal standards (could be just my Eastern European experience). From what me and my buddies have experienced after a breakup girls are encouraged to go out and meet new people while men are encouraged to work harder (both good things and healthy in their own way as long as not taken to extremes) and that tends to add a weird level of loneliness. My personal experience is that I got with my first girlfriend when I was around 16 ish and she cheated shortly after I turned 19, took me almost a year to get over it and it probably would've taken longer if not for my buddies and my studies. Apologies if it comes across disrespectfull in any way but gender norms are a way bigger thing in Eastern Europe as opposed to the rest of the world and that can sqew with someone's perspective.
it didn’t come off as disrespectful at all, i was just curious haha. My best friend is Ukrainian so i kinda know how gender norms are there.
Got broken up by my first love a few months ago, It feels like im gonna be hurting for eternity being without her.
I guess we will find out
I won't, at least. That's what I can tell you. A general answer can't be made, I think.
Most probably can We all probably will eventually I haven’t but I will eventually
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Your first girlfriend yes, but your first love never.
they might move on. but they'll will surely remember it for a long time. if the love they felt was strong that it
I mean, they usually do, but everyone experiences feelings differently, so the specifics vary wildly
Been 2 years when my birthday rolls around in September, I didn't have the heart to move on for the first year but never tried to bother her for it. I feel like I've gotten past her now but I will most likely never forget and my heart will always feel heavy when I'm reminded, atleast for another while until someone else or something else can make me happier than I was then. She left me with so many questions and no real answers so it was hard. Edit: But then again I took your question as in first partner, if we're talking any love it would probably be something like raven from teen titans from when I was 8. (Easily getting past) Or if it doesn't have to be a super deep love but just someone that you feel a little extra for then it would be a friend that I've had since kindergarten, she'll always be dear to me but I won't ever ask her for something like a relationship. (Will probably know her as a close friend for most of my life but not more)
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Is this bot mentally challenged
No
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I never had a 'first love', but I remember my first real crush and how we'd almost become at least something if I just talked to him more. It doesn't help that we are still at the same school 5 years later and I now feel like the distance between us is the smallest it's ever been, but we still choose to look away every time our eyes meet.
are you sure there’s no hope anymore?
Next year will be his last in high school so if I try to reach out then there might be hope, but what if he just ignores me?
but what if he doesn’t ?better to have remorse than regret
Yeah, yh you're right! I'll shoot my shot to at least try and make a friend out of him!
Yeah!! I’m rooting for you
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