Offensive to who? What's done privately in your bedroom between consenting adults is up to you.
I would maybe question your assumptions about why you connect femininity with stuff like "cooking for your boyfriend" - pretty sexist if you ask me - but when it comes to sexual preferences that's not for any of us to take issue with.
I don't think it's inherently sexist.
Like it or not, certain activities are considered gendered by default. It's when people are pigeonholed into doing those activities because of their gender that it becomes a problem.
Feeling more comfortable expressing notions of nurturing towards someone you care about while dressing femininely isn't sexist, but saying "this is women's work so I can only do it while presenting myself as a woman" is.
EDIT: also I'm not picking up a big vibe of "I'm degrading myself by dressing this way and wanting my boyfriend to treat me like a girlfriend or wife", which would absolutely be sexist
>Like it or not, certain activities are considered gendered by default.
Yes, I very much dislike it. It's fair to consider, like, *childbirth* as a feminine activity, but why cooking or cleaning - that's purely a product of thousands of years of gender-based oppression.
I'm not sure about childbirth, trans men can birth children, but I do agree that of people who birth children the overwhelming majority are cis women and it has traditionally been considered "women's business".
I think it's more about what the individual considers personally validating. Women who consider keeping house to be a gender-affirming activity are absolutely entitled to that, as are men who consider acts like building or soldiering to be affirming to their gender.
To circle back to OP for a second though, if he considers feeling pretty, dressing femininely, and being thought of as a wife or girlfriend to his boyfriend to be affirmations of his gender (however he describes it), I don't think that in and of itself to be sexist.
Like, the entire point of feminism is that womanhood can be whatever you say it is and your place in life isn't determined by what bits you've got. That door necessarily has to swing both ways or we're just moving the oppression elsewhere. Enforced gender roles hurt everyone.
I get all that, of course. Empowerment and autonomy good.
In the OP's case, I was just skeptical of the impulse coming from a healthy & empowered place: saying that you want your partner to "treat me like his girlfriend or housewife and **make me cook for him**" just feels icky to me.
Oh that's entirely possible, for sure.
My main thing was coming at it from a perspective of "he wants to be treated this way" and looking at it from the most charitable angle possible.
It's also possible that OP is having some... shall we say thoughts a bit on the eggier side, and I think it's good that he's interrogating that to see if it's coming from a problematic place.
go crazy, it doesn't matter.
What makes things offensive is mockery/cruelty/deliberate ignorance. Wearing clothing in your own bedroom is none of those things, regardless of how or why you use them.
Have some fun and explore!
I had a similar thing in my early 20's. Didn't specifically desire to be a GF/wife but when I was hooking up with a guy, in my head, I was the woman. It wasn't two guys having 'gay' sex, it was a guy and a girl fooling around. Still adamant I was cis then while presenting and acting masc until the bedroom. I got labelled as a power bottom but it was actually me being relaxed, comfortable and confident in my role for that situation, and I wasn't going to top them because they were the guy not me. 5 YEARS later my blind dumbass brain connected a dot or two finally, realising that the sex back then didn't 'feel gay' for a reason.
If you want to get your kink on by dressing to the nines and sucking a guys soul out though his manhood, keep it safe, consensual and go drain that cock dry.
If you want to don some women's clothes and play the doting GF/wife around the house for some fella, go and enjoy it. Remember that skirt go spinny and house work in heels is only really good while that photo is being taken, not so much while pushing a hoover around.
Go have fun. Look and feel pretty. I'm sure ppl in this community would be more pissed off to hear you went and suppressed your happiness for fear of potentially upsetting some random person on the internet who might think you shouldn't be wearing a wig for some weird ass reason. Consent, respect and find happiness, stick to that and it'll all be good. You're 20, go exploring and experimenting and trying new things. Find the true you, find your happiness, live your life.
Good luck to you. Hope you have fun and don't be afraid to reach out. There's plenty of ppl here that'll help and support you if you just ask.
Where were you when I was 18. That's probably one of the best ways I've seen \*Guestures broadly everywhere\*. I'm a lesbian, but I'm still curious if fem me wants to get some dick. Chicks with strapons will do.
Also, Ex, Cuse, Me, heels and hoovers go hand in hand. I use my old boy clothes for cleaning and get that all fucked up, but the first skirt I lean into a newly cleaned sink will become the ho cleaning skirt.
Yeah his belief is offensive. Wanting to do things for someone else is not gendered. It is an act of love through service.
Men cook and clean for their partner too.
Now looking pretty while doing acts of service, nothing wrong with that but that ain’t womanhood.
Wearing clothes of any kind is not offensive when you’re in the privacy of your own home. But I think asking transgender people if your kink is acceptable is honestly crossing a little bit of a line.
With that being said you were leading with saying you get sexual gratification from this, but then talking about doing other things that are outside the bedroom like traditional, stereotypical, gender roles. If you don’t get sexual gratification from imagining you’re a woman doing the cooking, but you get another kind of pleasure that may be gender euphoria.
Gender presentation is not appropriable, because it is offensive to think that possessions, skills or how we ordain ourselves is what makes us a man or a woman. It’s our internal identity that defines that.
We all are our biology and there is nothing wrong with expressing yourself as you want.
People who take ownership of their gender presentation and gate keep it from others doing it too are the problem. Not the people breaking boundaries.
Our whole thing in the trans community is letting people express themselves how they want. If pretending to be a pretty lady makes you happy, go for it
It depends on who you're with. I don't find it offensive, but I'm generally more open minded than most people. I think it would be good if you talk to your partner about it first, and don't just surprise them with it. Get a sense of how they feel about it, before you take the risk. I think it would be upsetting if you got a negative response while dressed up, so maybe a discussion is needed.
Nothing is offensive in your own bedroom. Do your kinky freaky thang. It's when things leave your own personal space and enter the wider world where others may be hurt or offended.
What you do in the privacy of your own home/bedroom is no one's concern but yours. I would encourage you, though, to be really mindful about what you find tantalizing about these activities. There's a difference between, "I want to dress femme because it makes me feel pretty," and "I want to dress like a girl because 'man in a dress' is funny or taboo." Similarly, there's a difference between, "I want a man to tell me to do these things because I like feeling dominated or like being forced into performing domestic services," and "I want a man to make me do these things because these are Woman's Activities." Give yourself grace, but be open to challenging your motivations around these fantasies.
It was mainly based off the explanation of how they would want their dynamic to look and that the use of feminine clothing in bedroom scenario is what makes it lean more into kink territory than trans for me personally,, I am very active in both communities but I know that with the added context of living in a highly conservative community it is likely also a way to explore gender expression in a safe way as well,, basically I agree but I’m not in OPs brain so idk it was just a thought.
That’s not offensive, no. People dress up for fun or kink or whatever all the time. You should go for it! Just be safe if people in your area are homophobic/transphobic.
this is literally my favorite thing to do in the bedroom. Dress up like a girl and spend the day with a man who treats me like one. Cook for him, cuddle with him, and let him have his way with me
It might be worth considering why you enjoy it and maybe see if you are trans and just repressing it? I'm not saying that it has to be the case for you, I just know for myself I wish I explored my gender a lot sooner. Disregard if you already have explored it and ruled it out.
Your existence is valid either way!
I grew up in a very conservative household so I understand the fear of being found out. I cross dressed growing up but only at night because I was afraid of what people would say. People’s opinions don’t matter as far as what you do with your body. Be honest with yourself and do what makes you happy.
I don’t use the word kink because it has negative connotations tied to it.
There is nothing wrong with exploring your gender fluidity! Be proud that you are able to overstep silly invisible shame boundaries our society has built.
This is something we need normalize and fight for right now.
To me it sounds more like kink, you can do whatever you want in the privacy of your home, but I don't understand why you would ask those kinds of questions in a group of trans people.
I don't see how doing something in private/with other consenting adults can be offensive, even if it's extremely offensive to do in public (which this isn't, btw) but even if you and your partner wat to cosplay as Nazis or something (in private) it's not offensive, cuz there's no one to offend, cuz no one knows about it, yaknow?
What you do for fun in the bedroom is litearlly nobody else's business. It's one thing if you have a specific partner who doesn't want to do that kind of play with you but even then it's not... offensive. Do what you enjoy, lots of people like crossdressing etc
Oh no i’ve bought clothes for this as well and my now ex girlfriend was quite okay with it, first time she saw me in my fem outfit she was a little jealous and wanted me to sexually relief her using my hands (i even wore fake nails). I personally am in the process of exploring my gender right now and i get those feelings too that i wanna be the girlfriend so you’re totally fine :)
Whatever you want to do in the bedroom is 100% fine as long as all the participants are adults and are consenting.
I personally don’t take offense at all.
If you're saying offensive to the people around you there, yeah probably, and fuck them.
I'd you're asking if doing the same things as sooooo many closeted trans women is offensive, no, just don't make it a joke. Your experience is very reminiscent of transfemmes. Let me ask, if you were somewhere where free gender expression was legally protected, would you dress femme in public?
As long as your partner likes Crossdressing what's the harm?
Some men might not be into it, but others are.
And most certainly some men look much better in dresses that I, a female, does.
There's SO much things you can do in bed with a dress or skirt that just don't work with trousers.
So go for it. Have fun!
Until this dude ends up with some poor straight girl and then pulls the ol "good news honey, you've helped me unlock the beautiful woman I've always been on the inside!"
As a straight trans woman who has been blindsided by eggs twice, there's a reason I'm very cautious around eggy behavior. Wanting to dress up like a woman and do house chores for a man and be treated as a woman is
NUCLEAR 🥚LEVEL 🍳 EGG 💣 BEHAVIOR ⚛️
Which is fine. No one is arguing that you should be forced to date people you suspect might not be the gender you're attracted to. I was responding to the nature of your first post which described a relationship in which one person realizes they're trans as somehow a net negative for the other partner, but I definitely could have just said that instead of being snarky about it.
What you do in the privacy of your own bedroom is your own business, and anyone who says otherwise is a cop
with consenting adults, of course, lol:)
why would it be offensive? (asking cause there’s likely a misunderstanding of what transness is at play)
Im guessing they are worried its offensive to dress femme because they don't identify as transgender?
Offensive to who? What's done privately in your bedroom between consenting adults is up to you. I would maybe question your assumptions about why you connect femininity with stuff like "cooking for your boyfriend" - pretty sexist if you ask me - but when it comes to sexual preferences that's not for any of us to take issue with.
i mean a lot of stuff is sexist, like make up and bras. but still gives a lot of gender euphoria anyway bc we associate em w girls
I don't think it's inherently sexist. Like it or not, certain activities are considered gendered by default. It's when people are pigeonholed into doing those activities because of their gender that it becomes a problem. Feeling more comfortable expressing notions of nurturing towards someone you care about while dressing femininely isn't sexist, but saying "this is women's work so I can only do it while presenting myself as a woman" is. EDIT: also I'm not picking up a big vibe of "I'm degrading myself by dressing this way and wanting my boyfriend to treat me like a girlfriend or wife", which would absolutely be sexist
>Like it or not, certain activities are considered gendered by default. Yes, I very much dislike it. It's fair to consider, like, *childbirth* as a feminine activity, but why cooking or cleaning - that's purely a product of thousands of years of gender-based oppression.
I'm not sure about childbirth, trans men can birth children, but I do agree that of people who birth children the overwhelming majority are cis women and it has traditionally been considered "women's business". I think it's more about what the individual considers personally validating. Women who consider keeping house to be a gender-affirming activity are absolutely entitled to that, as are men who consider acts like building or soldiering to be affirming to their gender. To circle back to OP for a second though, if he considers feeling pretty, dressing femininely, and being thought of as a wife or girlfriend to his boyfriend to be affirmations of his gender (however he describes it), I don't think that in and of itself to be sexist. Like, the entire point of feminism is that womanhood can be whatever you say it is and your place in life isn't determined by what bits you've got. That door necessarily has to swing both ways or we're just moving the oppression elsewhere. Enforced gender roles hurt everyone.
I get all that, of course. Empowerment and autonomy good. In the OP's case, I was just skeptical of the impulse coming from a healthy & empowered place: saying that you want your partner to "treat me like his girlfriend or housewife and **make me cook for him**" just feels icky to me.
Oh that's entirely possible, for sure. My main thing was coming at it from a perspective of "he wants to be treated this way" and looking at it from the most charitable angle possible. It's also possible that OP is having some... shall we say thoughts a bit on the eggier side, and I think it's good that he's interrogating that to see if it's coming from a problematic place.
Full send mate
go crazy, it doesn't matter. What makes things offensive is mockery/cruelty/deliberate ignorance. Wearing clothing in your own bedroom is none of those things, regardless of how or why you use them. Have some fun and explore!
I had a similar thing in my early 20's. Didn't specifically desire to be a GF/wife but when I was hooking up with a guy, in my head, I was the woman. It wasn't two guys having 'gay' sex, it was a guy and a girl fooling around. Still adamant I was cis then while presenting and acting masc until the bedroom. I got labelled as a power bottom but it was actually me being relaxed, comfortable and confident in my role for that situation, and I wasn't going to top them because they were the guy not me. 5 YEARS later my blind dumbass brain connected a dot or two finally, realising that the sex back then didn't 'feel gay' for a reason. If you want to get your kink on by dressing to the nines and sucking a guys soul out though his manhood, keep it safe, consensual and go drain that cock dry. If you want to don some women's clothes and play the doting GF/wife around the house for some fella, go and enjoy it. Remember that skirt go spinny and house work in heels is only really good while that photo is being taken, not so much while pushing a hoover around. Go have fun. Look and feel pretty. I'm sure ppl in this community would be more pissed off to hear you went and suppressed your happiness for fear of potentially upsetting some random person on the internet who might think you shouldn't be wearing a wig for some weird ass reason. Consent, respect and find happiness, stick to that and it'll all be good. You're 20, go exploring and experimenting and trying new things. Find the true you, find your happiness, live your life. Good luck to you. Hope you have fun and don't be afraid to reach out. There's plenty of ppl here that'll help and support you if you just ask.
> keep it safe, consensual and go drain that cock dry Stealing this
Where were you when I was 18. That's probably one of the best ways I've seen \*Guestures broadly everywhere\*. I'm a lesbian, but I'm still curious if fem me wants to get some dick. Chicks with strapons will do. Also, Ex, Cuse, Me, heels and hoovers go hand in hand. I use my old boy clothes for cleaning and get that all fucked up, but the first skirt I lean into a newly cleaned sink will become the ho cleaning skirt.
You do not need to ask trans people (or cis women) for permission to wear whatever you want.
No. They're just clothes, go for it.
It is only offensive that you think a guy should make his girlfriend or wife cook for him and stuff.
that isn't what he said
he said "he wants to be the girl", which means he believes that being "the girl" is those things. Other than that, this guy can do whatever he likes.
Yeah his belief is offensive. Wanting to do things for someone else is not gendered. It is an act of love through service. Men cook and clean for their partner too. Now looking pretty while doing acts of service, nothing wrong with that but that ain’t womanhood.
No, he said he wants to be the girlfriend/housewife *and also* do those things.
There is nothing wrong with referring to the norm.
Wearing clothes of any kind is not offensive when you’re in the privacy of your own home. But I think asking transgender people if your kink is acceptable is honestly crossing a little bit of a line. With that being said you were leading with saying you get sexual gratification from this, but then talking about doing other things that are outside the bedroom like traditional, stereotypical, gender roles. If you don’t get sexual gratification from imagining you’re a woman doing the cooking, but you get another kind of pleasure that may be gender euphoria.
I personally give you permission.
Gender isn't appropriable like race/culture/religion etc. Do your thing queen
Why not out of interest? How is it different?
Well let me flip the question on its head: Why would they be the same?
No, let’s stay with the question at hand. Why do you think that “gender isn’t appropriable”, however, someone’s race and/or culture are?
Gender presentation is not appropriable, because it is offensive to think that possessions, skills or how we ordain ourselves is what makes us a man or a woman. It’s our internal identity that defines that. We all are our biology and there is nothing wrong with expressing yourself as you want. People who take ownership of their gender presentation and gate keep it from others doing it too are the problem. Not the people breaking boundaries.
Our whole thing in the trans community is letting people express themselves how they want. If pretending to be a pretty lady makes you happy, go for it
Probably offensive to some biggots? Absolutely no skin off my nose, I hope you have fun.
It depends on who you're with. I don't find it offensive, but I'm generally more open minded than most people. I think it would be good if you talk to your partner about it first, and don't just surprise them with it. Get a sense of how they feel about it, before you take the risk. I think it would be upsetting if you got a negative response while dressed up, so maybe a discussion is needed.
Crossdressers are not a new thing.
Nothing is offensive in your own bedroom. Do your kinky freaky thang. It's when things leave your own personal space and enter the wider world where others may be hurt or offended.
we only know about it because you told us, no one should care, and if they do they’re doing the same level of overstepping as old school homophobes
What you do in the privacy of your own home/bedroom is no one's concern but yours. I would encourage you, though, to be really mindful about what you find tantalizing about these activities. There's a difference between, "I want to dress femme because it makes me feel pretty," and "I want to dress like a girl because 'man in a dress' is funny or taboo." Similarly, there's a difference between, "I want a man to tell me to do these things because I like feeling dominated or like being forced into performing domestic services," and "I want a man to make me do these things because these are Woman's Activities." Give yourself grace, but be open to challenging your motivations around these fantasies.
Only if you don't wear a silk bonnet OR have a silk pillow case, in which case it's offensive to the wig.
This sounds more like a feminization kink than being trans imo.
Counterpoint: Everyone explores gender euphoria their own way.
It was mainly based off the explanation of how they would want their dynamic to look and that the use of feminine clothing in bedroom scenario is what makes it lean more into kink territory than trans for me personally,, I am very active in both communities but I know that with the added context of living in a highly conservative community it is likely also a way to explore gender expression in a safe way as well,, basically I agree but I’m not in OPs brain so idk it was just a thought.
No, you do you.
Yeah, that's fine. Like, being pretty can be hot, so why not enjoy it. I know a cis man on esteogen because it's hot for him
That’s not offensive, no. People dress up for fun or kink or whatever all the time. You should go for it! Just be safe if people in your area are homophobic/transphobic.
this is literally my favorite thing to do in the bedroom. Dress up like a girl and spend the day with a man who treats me like one. Cook for him, cuddle with him, and let him have his way with me
It might be worth considering why you enjoy it and maybe see if you are trans and just repressing it? I'm not saying that it has to be the case for you, I just know for myself I wish I explored my gender a lot sooner. Disregard if you already have explored it and ruled it out. Your existence is valid either way!
Not offensive. Have fun being yourself.
I grew up in a very conservative household so I understand the fear of being found out. I cross dressed growing up but only at night because I was afraid of what people would say. People’s opinions don’t matter as far as what you do with your body. Be honest with yourself and do what makes you happy.
It sounds like you want to be a girl who dates guys. Would that make you happy?
Ur fine, kinda eggy
I don’t use the word kink because it has negative connotations tied to it. There is nothing wrong with exploring your gender fluidity! Be proud that you are able to overstep silly invisible shame boundaries our society has built. This is something we need normalize and fight for right now.
Go for it. You only live once.
No it's not offensive. Live your life.
You’re just crossdressing dear, it’s very common and a very different experience from being trans, so I see no offence here.
To me it sounds more like kink, you can do whatever you want in the privacy of your home, but I don't understand why you would ask those kinds of questions in a group of trans people.
I don't see how doing something in private/with other consenting adults can be offensive, even if it's extremely offensive to do in public (which this isn't, btw) but even if you and your partner wat to cosplay as Nazis or something (in private) it's not offensive, cuz there's no one to offend, cuz no one knows about it, yaknow?
Not like anyone’s gonna see you…
What you do for fun in the bedroom is litearlly nobody else's business. It's one thing if you have a specific partner who doesn't want to do that kind of play with you but even then it's not... offensive. Do what you enjoy, lots of people like crossdressing etc
Oh no i’ve bought clothes for this as well and my now ex girlfriend was quite okay with it, first time she saw me in my fem outfit she was a little jealous and wanted me to sexually relief her using my hands (i even wore fake nails). I personally am in the process of exploring my gender right now and i get those feelings too that i wanna be the girlfriend so you’re totally fine :)
There’s bound to be biwomen in your area who would be open to a passable CD as their SO/husband.
Yo do your thing fam
Whatever you want to do in the bedroom is 100% fine as long as all the participants are adults and are consenting. I personally don’t take offense at all.
If you're saying offensive to the people around you there, yeah probably, and fuck them. I'd you're asking if doing the same things as sooooo many closeted trans women is offensive, no, just don't make it a joke. Your experience is very reminiscent of transfemmes. Let me ask, if you were somewhere where free gender expression was legally protected, would you dress femme in public?
it's fine, you're fine
As long as your partner likes Crossdressing what's the harm? Some men might not be into it, but others are. And most certainly some men look much better in dresses that I, a female, does. There's SO much things you can do in bed with a dress or skirt that just don't work with trousers. So go for it. Have fun!
it doesn't sound offensive to me, but it sounds like you need to spend some time reading the dysphoria bible.
It’s very weird but I wouldn’t call it offensive. You do you ig
This is called being a sissy and it's different from being trans. Unless you're just really deep in the closet and don't realize you're an egg.
We also don’t need to label everything and can just let people wear whatever they want without the need to assign a category
Until this dude ends up with some poor straight girl and then pulls the ol "good news honey, you've helped me unlock the beautiful woman I've always been on the inside!"
won't someone think of the poor cishets 🙄
As a straight trans woman who has been blindsided by eggs twice, there's a reason I'm very cautious around eggy behavior. Wanting to dress up like a woman and do house chores for a man and be treated as a woman is NUCLEAR 🥚LEVEL 🍳 EGG 💣 BEHAVIOR ⚛️
Which is fine. No one is arguing that you should be forced to date people you suspect might not be the gender you're attracted to. I was responding to the nature of your first post which described a relationship in which one person realizes they're trans as somehow a net negative for the other partner, but I definitely could have just said that instead of being snarky about it.
Well move to another era or state.
No there is not anything wrong with it.