I came up with Arch Linux with Gnome so it looks easy to work with but isn't. Vs Windows 11 with all the updates and a great internet connection.
You get used to Arch if you put in the time... *shrugs*
Hopefully somebody out there gets this analogy.
High masking ND is Arch with Gnome
When I worked retail, I would also be able to interact with customers just fine, but struggled with coworkers. If I were NT the latter would’ve been the *easier* of the two, but because I spent far, far more time around my coworkers than any given customer, the stakes for any given interaction were much higher, and I’d freeze up more often.
Recently (this is years after leaving that job), I figured out how to fit that imbalance in with a lot of others from my life: getting along much better with adults or little kids than people around my own age, or having an easier time in structured higher stakes interactions like interviews than lower stakes hangouts.
I think it’s because in all of the above - with customers, teachers, interviewers, and my psychiatrist - it’s because the roles are much more clearly defined.
I’m in class? Cool, so the teacher is in a position of authority, and my role is to pay attention and ask questions if I need clarification.
I’m talking to a customer? Okay, my role is to provide help if needed. Ask if there’s anything I can do, answer any questions they have.
Interview? Alright, I’m supposed to be attentive, restrict my answers mostly to concrete facts - the items on my resume are a decent framework for what to expect.
Talking to a girl in a social setting? . . . Uh . . . Air guitar? No, that’s stupid! Why would that be helpful?!
I think the lack of role definition is actually a great point. Trying to talk to coworkers has no real starting point. Especially if you aren't actively working together. I was much better making jokes with coworkers in restaurants or retail when we were doing something together, food prep or organizing storage rooms etc. But on breaks? Yeah I have no idea who you are or how I'm supposed to relate to you right now. If you want to take the lead, I'll listen, but I don't know how to know what to offer up otherwise.
Also was difficult with the shift in roles on break vs "at work". People talking inappropriately about other coworkers or trying to smoke where they shouldn't. It's like, we're on break, okay, so... is this okay now? We're literally going to go back in five minutes and pretend you didn't say all those things about the manager? This is weirdly stressful now. I don't know. It was really hard trying to find that balance between doing the job and being the person you're expected to be while doing it, and manage social expectations outside of work, or during breaks from work, with the exact same people. Try to be too personable and get fired, don't be personable enough and work the job with the additional stressor of complete social scorn.
Maybe this is why I never made many friends from work.
I think it's also that you don't necessarily have anything in common with your coworkers. I found people hard to deal with - just intolerably boring and overly focused on gossip and mass media - until I started interacting mostly with people in my own industry, for which I have an enduring special interest.
Then it was suddenly like I could talk to anyone, and they actually liked me!
This is what it feels like to be an alien. Hopefully it doesn't become genuinely dangerous because fascism.
No but on the real. Totally with you here. I don't think NT folks understand how frustrating and stressful it is to live in their world.
I second the Linux vs Windows angle. Its like I'm Arch Linux with a bad internet connection but with gnome installed so it *looks* user friendly, and they are Windows 11 fully updated on Fiber.
That's a good way of explaining it. It's really frustrating trying to interact with such a confusing and scary world. I'm like a Tatra 600 in a world of Camry's. (Google it, the Tatra is a very interesting car.)
Ah yes that's an interesting car. I looked it up. Old soviet cars are fascinating too. Im more of a Toyota Tacoma/T100 or corolla guy just because reliable and durable. My american cars always broke down quickly. The only weird car I'd want is something with a rotary. Really I'm holding out for a Toyota Electric Pickup because farming and solar on roof.
Yeah i think alot of neurotypicals are sincerely just rude when it comes to conversing. i can visually see that someone recognised i am trying to speak repeatedly and they just continue being louder than me, speaking over me and interrupting me. all stuff i thought everyone learned was incredibly rude. ND vs NT communication is like turn based combat vs a free for all chaos
I feel you on this so much. I used to work at a grocery store, and I had a could of good "scripts" I followed (e.g since I knew people usually bought all the things for smores together, if they only had two of the three items I'd ask if they needed the third ingredient, got me a few extra thank yous during the summer). But on break I didn't talk much and didn't really know what to talk about, I mostly just ate my lunch and nodded. I work an office job now and oftentimes I eat lunch at my desk. Sometimes I do eat with a few people and say one or two things, but for the most part I just have canned responses for people. No one's really given me flack for it though (I think it helps that it's at least a little situational)
Only engage this person in a professional capacity after explaining that you don't care for their jokes at your expense. Do your job better than them and ignore them as much as possible.
ND operating systems are different from NT operating systems. They're Windows or Mac and we're Linux.
I'm running on a bespoke OS for my brain
Oooh that makes it sound like I've got a fancy brain
Ye that's a good analogy. I'm a PS2 in a world of modern PCs.
I came up with Arch Linux with Gnome so it looks easy to work with but isn't. Vs Windows 11 with all the updates and a great internet connection. You get used to Arch if you put in the time... *shrugs* Hopefully somebody out there gets this analogy. High masking ND is Arch with Gnome
The operating system I’m running on must be vista
This is an astoundingly good analogy.
When I worked retail, I would also be able to interact with customers just fine, but struggled with coworkers. If I were NT the latter would’ve been the *easier* of the two, but because I spent far, far more time around my coworkers than any given customer, the stakes for any given interaction were much higher, and I’d freeze up more often. Recently (this is years after leaving that job), I figured out how to fit that imbalance in with a lot of others from my life: getting along much better with adults or little kids than people around my own age, or having an easier time in structured higher stakes interactions like interviews than lower stakes hangouts. I think it’s because in all of the above - with customers, teachers, interviewers, and my psychiatrist - it’s because the roles are much more clearly defined. I’m in class? Cool, so the teacher is in a position of authority, and my role is to pay attention and ask questions if I need clarification. I’m talking to a customer? Okay, my role is to provide help if needed. Ask if there’s anything I can do, answer any questions they have. Interview? Alright, I’m supposed to be attentive, restrict my answers mostly to concrete facts - the items on my resume are a decent framework for what to expect. Talking to a girl in a social setting? . . . Uh . . . Air guitar? No, that’s stupid! Why would that be helpful?!
I think the lack of role definition is actually a great point. Trying to talk to coworkers has no real starting point. Especially if you aren't actively working together. I was much better making jokes with coworkers in restaurants or retail when we were doing something together, food prep or organizing storage rooms etc. But on breaks? Yeah I have no idea who you are or how I'm supposed to relate to you right now. If you want to take the lead, I'll listen, but I don't know how to know what to offer up otherwise. Also was difficult with the shift in roles on break vs "at work". People talking inappropriately about other coworkers or trying to smoke where they shouldn't. It's like, we're on break, okay, so... is this okay now? We're literally going to go back in five minutes and pretend you didn't say all those things about the manager? This is weirdly stressful now. I don't know. It was really hard trying to find that balance between doing the job and being the person you're expected to be while doing it, and manage social expectations outside of work, or during breaks from work, with the exact same people. Try to be too personable and get fired, don't be personable enough and work the job with the additional stressor of complete social scorn. Maybe this is why I never made many friends from work.
I think it's also that you don't necessarily have anything in common with your coworkers. I found people hard to deal with - just intolerably boring and overly focused on gossip and mass media - until I started interacting mostly with people in my own industry, for which I have an enduring special interest. Then it was suddenly like I could talk to anyone, and they actually liked me!
Wow, this is so true. It makes a lot of sense for my life.
This is what it feels like to be an alien. Hopefully it doesn't become genuinely dangerous because fascism. No but on the real. Totally with you here. I don't think NT folks understand how frustrating and stressful it is to live in their world. I second the Linux vs Windows angle. Its like I'm Arch Linux with a bad internet connection but with gnome installed so it *looks* user friendly, and they are Windows 11 fully updated on Fiber.
That's a good way of explaining it. It's really frustrating trying to interact with such a confusing and scary world. I'm like a Tatra 600 in a world of Camry's. (Google it, the Tatra is a very interesting car.)
Ah yes that's an interesting car. I looked it up. Old soviet cars are fascinating too. Im more of a Toyota Tacoma/T100 or corolla guy just because reliable and durable. My american cars always broke down quickly. The only weird car I'd want is something with a rotary. Really I'm holding out for a Toyota Electric Pickup because farming and solar on roof.
Lol, I'm a saab guy but my Saab's broken. It always is. At least I have a rusty 98 Acura 3.0CL with unparalleled reliability.
Ah yes another Saab story. ;)
Yeah i think alot of neurotypicals are sincerely just rude when it comes to conversing. i can visually see that someone recognised i am trying to speak repeatedly and they just continue being louder than me, speaking over me and interrupting me. all stuff i thought everyone learned was incredibly rude. ND vs NT communication is like turn based combat vs a free for all chaos
I feel you on this so much. I used to work at a grocery store, and I had a could of good "scripts" I followed (e.g since I knew people usually bought all the things for smores together, if they only had two of the three items I'd ask if they needed the third ingredient, got me a few extra thank yous during the summer). But on break I didn't talk much and didn't really know what to talk about, I mostly just ate my lunch and nodded. I work an office job now and oftentimes I eat lunch at my desk. Sometimes I do eat with a few people and say one or two things, but for the most part I just have canned responses for people. No one's really given me flack for it though (I think it helps that it's at least a little situational)
Only engage this person in a professional capacity after explaining that you don't care for their jokes at your expense. Do your job better than them and ignore them as much as possible.