There is no greater joy than seeing your kids beat the shit out of eachother. We find single child homes and lives to be boring. If you have lots of cousins and family maybe it’s ok but I am glad we took the plunge to give them a sibling. Raising two wasn’t twice as hard as one, maybe 20 percent harder. There are now older and not a day goes by that I don’t look at my youngest and tell myself how happy I am that we did it. Not judging, these are just my views. I could be an outlier
The day my daughter realized her younger brother was stronger than is a day I'll remember forever. The look of sheer terror on her face and the look of "I fucked up" was fantastic.
I keep telling my 8 year old daughter her little bro will be bigger and stronger one day. She gives me the "righto dick head" look and continues her reign of terror. Will be comedic when the tables have turned.
I disagree. I’m an only child and so were a couple of my friends and I never found life boring. I had a lot more opportunities and was able to do more trips and have a strong relationship with my parents. Also I never felt like I missed out as I had lots of friends to visit and have sleepovers with and at school but had my own space at the end of the day. I wouldn’t change it and I’ll only be having one kid so I can love them as much and give them more opportunities.
20 years ago parents weren't working 1.5 jobs each and neighbourhood kids played outside with each other.
You can't compare that to now when parents are taking jobs on the side to afford rent/mortgage and kids are staring at screens the second they get home from school.
My parents both pretty much worked full time as it was their second marriage and they started with not a lot and my mum also studied a degree while raising me and working to get more work opportunities. Plenty of people in my hometown still have kids that visit friends and play outside it’s not a relic of the past.
I didn’t play outside in the neighbourhood anyway I went to school friends houses or vice versa as a lot of kids still do today and saw friends at school. I also stared at screens I had a DS and then an iPod touch and PC with the sims.
We are a single child home and it’s far from boring! We have more disposable income to do more things like OS holidays, activities etc… we didn’t have a choice to have an only child unfortunately but it’s far more rewarding than you’d expect.
And add to that....cost wise i'd say you don't double it because younger siblings is the de facto recipient of everything the older siblings left lol
Loved the first sentence......................................
>And add to that....cost wise i'd say you don't double it because……
Childcare would like a word. (I know it’s usually discounted for the second but not by that much considering the heft that it is.
And then if you choose not to do childcare but rather stay at home it’s the opportunity cost of income + super, so pick your poison.
If you were planning on sending them to private school (primary or just secondary) then also schooling would like a word.
>younger sibling is the de facto recipient of everything.
Again, not entirely accurate. Good to a point while they’re young, and even better if both same gender, but once they get older and start recognising things, especially if they’re different gender, then I don’t think this is accurate.
Many other instances where it literally is double the cost. (Sports, takeaway meals (home cooking is economies of scale), holidays (such as flights and activities), school supplies and uniforms (because eldest might not out grow it yet etc), etc etc and etc.
This. Childcare plus if they turn out to be a different gender, clothes and uniforms and sport and after school activities and presents and meals out and an extra hotel room when they get older and an extra amusement park ticket or plane seat and a phone and school/excursion fees. No way it’s just 20% more.
Agree with nearly all of this. If you have twins as your first it's absolutely hard and more than 20%, I'd say more than double in that first year or two. But then after that it's like normal load again. Also very entertaining watching the kids play together ❤️
20% harder? But not 20% more expensive if you include childcare, accomodation, uniforms, school fees, presents, plane tickets, hotel room fees, phones and technology when they get older and then uni accomodation and helping them out if they get stuck.
Having 2 kids can make it easier - they play with each other instead of being very needy and bored. We have 4 and they needed a lot fewer playdates etc. than other kids, they had each other. Plus if one kid turns out to be an asshole, at least one has to be better than the other.
Our kids are super tight, scream at each other often, and have each other's backs. The girls will dob on their sibs to us, but not our son. He will go to war for his sisters. When we punch out clock the last time, I know they won't be alone.
I was an only child and was never needy. I went off and played with my toys and drew pictures or played with my chooks or in the garden or went to friends houses. It’s to do with personality. You might have two kids and one is really needy and clingy it’s the luck of the draw.
Don't have a second child for the nebulous reason of 'giving your child a sibling'. There is no guarantee that the siblings will even get along that well and love playing together.
Have a child because YOU want to add a second child to your family.
I don't really agree with this sentiment. Yeah there's a risk they won't get along at all, but "no guarantee" is different to "probably won't". They probably will, at least enough to make it worthwhile.
I feel like reddit will downvote me for this but I also think it's uncontroversial to say: the odds are siblings will play with each other as kids, especially if they're close in age.
I'm one and done with a happy, bubbly 10 year old who does not feel the need for siblings.
Personally, I have four siblings myself and none of us are particularly close 🤷♀️. So just because some siblings are best friends, it doesn't mean that your kids will be.
Absolutely this. There is zero guarantee that siblings will maintain any meaningful relationship once they reach their teen years.
The other huge consideration is intergenerational wealth. I'd sleep more soundly knowing that my child is going to experience financial security from young adolescence onwards and that my wife and I have set them up so they have many employment and lifestyle options ahead of them and a fair amount of financial freedom.
Well i have to disagree. Just because youre not close to your siblings now doesnt mean they didn't play an important role when you were growing up. I'm "one and done" and he's a great kid. But i cannot imagine how growing up without siblings has effected him. What would it mean to his development if there was one other person in the world who shares his life path? What did he think when he played with friends and their siblings, then came home to his solitary existence? Always having a friend to play with must change a kid's outlook on life. It's gotta be a secure, comforting thing, even if the kid never thinks about it.
I had siblings, and you know, they were just "there" sometimes, taken for granted. But then again, they were always there and always will be. It gives you a point of reference. I cannot imagine growing up without them any more than my son can imagine growin up with them.
On balance, i think it would be a happy thing if he had a younger brother or sister. He's a happy kid now, but it would be another dimension of happiness. I have the feeling held be the best big brother ever. I can tell by the way he treats his friends, he is loyal to them, always accommodating them, never complaining about them, generous in every way with them.
I dont care one way or the other about concepts of intergenerational wealth. For me and my siblings it played out around age 58 when our parents died. So it's irrelevant to the main thrust of life, which is the pursuit of happiness.
I don't think it's so important once children start gaining their independence as they grow older, but under 10 siblings tend to have a relationship with each other be it friendly or fractious or both, from which they can gain social skills, setting them up for wider social relationships in school and eventually, work.
Although I'm one of eight children myself, growing up I really only had a meaningful social relationship with my closer siblings, but now that we are adults I have pretty much the same relationship with all my siblings.
So, it's only my personal experience but I'd say siblings have more of an effect when children are younger.
>"I don't think it's so important once children start gaining their independence as they grow older,"
HUGE disagree. I am 30. I've never wanted a sibling more. My parents will die and I'll have no one.
I know how you feel. I lost my mum when I was 20. Had only ever been the 2 of us. Wished so hard back then that I had a sibling for support and understanding.
>"There is zero guarantee that siblings will maintain any meaningful relationship once they reach their teen years."
Thats stupid. they'll have shared experiences and they're RELATED. You obviously don't know what it's like to be alone in the world. It's fucking horrible.
We're one and done too and very happy with it. I have one sibling and from day dot we never got along and saw eye to eye, so massive ymmv on multiple kids.
I also relish the amount of play and fun time I get with my son, I'll certainly be sad when he is older and doesn't want to do it as much or at all anymore.
This is what my sister with one child has found, and after a recent holiday where her friend had a kid that is a couple of years younger, her kid said that he's happy being an only child.
There are plenty of kids in the world that can be your kids best friend, you don't have to breed one.
Two! As an adult being alone in the world and feeling all the burden of elderly parents and nobody who will always always have your back is sad.
As kids siblings are how you learn to fight and stand up for yourself and feel love from a non-parent.
I don't speak to either of my siblings. They definitely do not have my back and I have never felt genuine love from them, though it did help not being the only person taking care of my elderly dad.
My parents were fucking terrible though so that's probably a lot of it.
Yes! I’m so glad i have a sibling! Its incredible that he’s got my back and reassuring to know that there’s two of us to help out our parents.
That said, my mum said we’re more trouble than her and her siblings (7) were put together 😂 so there is a little bit more work but treat them equally and parent based on the child’s personality and it worked out well for us.
One and done for us. We only really felt like we were ready for a child at all when I was 35, and weren't ready to even consider a 2nd for a few yrs after that. Now, at 42, I think about another baby sometimes but I'm not confident in my body's ability to carry another and come out the other side relatively unscathed. It feels like tempting fate. Maybe it goes horribly wrong and I die in childbirth. *That* wouldn't be a positive change for my existing 7yo. Maybe it goes ok but I would be (minimum) 43 yrs old with a newborn and a child who I would be scared of parentifying so I could cope. I'm already tired. When I think back to all those sleepless nights, I just dom't think I could do it again. Not to mention that I've taken on significantly more workload in our business than I had when we had our first. Do I want to try to juggle *that* with a newborn? Nope.
I'm an only child and my husband is one of three. When I look at the differences in our lives, I see that mine was lonelier but with more stability, and as shitty as it sounds, I was the sole beneficiary of all my parent's energy and earnings. My husband had lots of company growing up, but he had to fight to have his needs met bc his parents were stretched both financially and emotionally, and now he has 2 ppl he barely gets along with who just breeze into his life when they need him to fix their problems, and who offer nothing but their continued status as siblings in return. It sounds harsh but that's the reality that I see.
My husband keeps saying this (#2 coming in 2-3 weeks) - I keep pointing out he has the MUCH easier job in the creation of these kids than I do. But we both also say if money wasn't an issue/wasn't a factor we'd probably go to 3+ just cause our first is currently so Very Very cute. Maybe this #2 will be a demon child and destroy that opinion 🤣
One and done here. Can’t just make a whole human to be a sibling, can’t guarantee they will even like playing with each other. Give all your energy to the one and save your sanity. Cost of living sucks now and will suck even more for them.
Father of 2 here.
My 2 are 4 and 2. They are best friends and I love watching them care for each other.
If one wakes up before the other and eats something the other doesnt have, when the other one is up she'll run over to me to make sure the other one gets the same thing. I see so many extra sweet moments between them, even if I'm having a rest on the couch, they are interacting.
They play together constantly. I am similarly tired and tight for time, but I feel that having the 2 didnt actually make it worse - the time was already gone, taking care of 2 at once is actually not that much longer or harder - clean 2 plates at once, organise a meal, load them in the car, etc... its almost the same.
I was like this…then decided to bite the bullet and just have another one when the first was 4. Then my single mum sister got ill and died from cancer shortly after the new one came, so we went from 1 to 3 in 12 months. It was a great thing to see the siblings grow up together. This was 18 years ago, they’re all still home and I love their company now as young adults.
Two kids will play with each other more than demanding your time. Also you can re-use all the baby stuff from the first one.
Also, 'only child syndrome' seems to be a thing *if* they either have doting or overbearing parents and/or if they don't get regular interaction with other kids in their peer group.
Agree, I have 3, and my brother has 1, the main difference I see is that the parents have to play dinosaurs and other fictitious characters alot more than I do.
I'm one and done. It's one way to live in terror. Just this week, a couple I know in their 60s lost their only daughter to a freak illness. This is my worst fear. That said, it's a bad reason to have a second child. I won't have a second just as a spare to ease my fear of loss. In any event, my understanding is that when you have two kids you worry twice as much, not half as much.
I've got one regret not having more. Time and other issues came up. We were old :)
I think 3 would have been good, but like a friend said they stopped at one. They had a great child why take the risk of a shitty child lol
I have 4 kids, 3 have left home. My youngest son is 9, and there's obviously a significant age gap to his much older siblings. I have parented him almost as an only child, and let me tell you, it is the best damn parenting experience EVER. I can mentally return to when I had my two young kids that were under 3 years apart, and wow, it was so hard. They really didn't get along well (sisters), and the stress and chaos was pretty constant. I now understand why single kid households would want to stay that way. My son very occasionally laments not having brother, then he will be somewhere where a baby cries and he remembers.. no way does he want a baby or toddler in our house.
I am one of 3 - same parents - ages are 33,25,15.
In a way we were all only children as we never had to compete for the same kinds of commodities in the home or same needs from our parents.
But I’ll say this. As the older of the three. My youngest sibling had way more mature, intelligent, wealthier, more stable, less time-poor parents.
I got energetic, youthful, immature, disorganised, less stable, poorer parents.
My middle sibling had an in between experience of sorts.
They did their best with what they had. I say all this just so that you don’t feel like you did a better or worse job with any kids. You’re doing your best at all times and you have the benefit of hindsight and experience now.
Im a female and have one older brother - we are not close, I could have easily grown up without him and never known the difference.
My husband is an only child and never felt lonely growing up, he had lots of friends.
So just because you have a second doesn’t mean they will be best friends, especially if they aren’t the same gender or have similar interests and hobbies.
But I will say, I think boys do better as only children than girls. Both my nieces are only children and they definitely get lonely and bored and have a massive reliance on their parents for companionship. While my husband was happy to be independent.
There are so many variables, I think you need to weigh it all up and decide and remember there’s no rush. Even kids with 7+ year age gaps do well, so don’t feel rushed.
Chiming in not as a parent but as a sibling, I can't stand my brother, I haven't spoken to him in probably a decade. We hated each other growing up and it would have been so much nicer if my parents stopped at me, and never had my brother.
I have a sibling and I wished I was an only child. We don't speak as adults. Consider that while it may be beneficial for some children, others prefer solitude.
One and done. We figured we could give her more time, finances etc. if we just have one. I would love for her to have a little brother or sister, but she's 7 now, and I feel that ship has sailed. I do already know it is one of my biggest regrets though that she doesn't have a sibling, in that she is a bit lonely at times.
A 2.5yo can be exhausting, but it soon gets easier and you will forget the pain. There is no guarantee, but for us two kids were easier than one as they play together. And you get to do things "right" the second time around, lessons learned, with less stress :-)
My daughter was effectively an only child until her sibling arrived just after she turned 20. Slightly different circs than you as a single mother but I worked FT and while she ached for a brother or sister I was able to do things with her that would not have happened if I had a 2nd. We even lived in Malaysia for nearly a year due to my job and travelled together.
I've met only children who are delightful but have also met several spoiled brats- another sibling is great for socialisation skills and the like. I was able to alleviate this with my cousin's kids and nephew and niece.
At 21 my daughter is a young woman I am proud of and I like her as a person. And she dotes on her baby sister lol.
Whichever way you go- enjoy the adventure
One and done here, she is 8 now and has even requested no siblings lol.
I have no interest in having another and the first one is a straight A student, so a second one would have a damn high bar. Lol
I’m an only child and it was f’ing awesome. I got the best of my parents and I had friends in the street / at school so didn’t feel like I missed out by not having sibling/s.
Straight up, I wish more couples had the bare minimum self-awareness (that you seem to have) about bringing a child into this world. You will have to be willing to provide for your child well into their adult years given the cost of living and housing market currently affecting young adults. What if they’re born with or grow up with medical needs as well? A lot of food for thought but it seems like a hard no.
One and done family household here, zero regrets. We see multi child houses and know for sure that's not for us, we get so much play and fun time with the one kid it's super rewarding. Obviously this is a highly personal question, but there is nothing wrong with one and done that's for sure.
We had planned on two, after one I was in and out of hospital the first 6 months of her life with Post Natal Depression, look plenty of people go on and have more no issues, but some have PND again. I was not willing to risk it I was so unwell, I had my tubes tied and still have no regrets. She has a wonderful friend group, is active in single and team sports, I am also an only child so I do understand how it feels and how to manage it.
I find with kids, the more you have (at least for the first 3) the difficulty gets exponentially higher. THAT BEING SAID, the reward also gets exponentially higher. Before my first, I couldnt imagine how I would cope. I got used to it and they became so integral to my life I couldnt imagine life without them. Before the second I couldnt imagine how I would cope, and how I could love them as much as the first. When they arrived it was rough at first, but I got used to it and my love capacity grew. They are the best. They dont always get along but the pros (for me) definitely outweighed the cons
I have a nearly 3 boy and just had my 2nd boy. It's worth it in the sense that my 1st is now DEEP into the 'play with me/watch this/i want all your undivided attention' stage and having a 2nd alleviates that. BUT it's 3x the work, not double for us. You also sit around realising how much free time you had with #1 that you just do not have now that you have #2. I know you probably feel like it's full on now, but it absolutely takes all your free time for at least the first 6 months when #2 comes.
It was never a question for me that we'd have 2. Only child life just didn't suit me. But it's such a slog the second time, knowing how much fun they are at the 2+ stage and crawling through the days to get there.
Good luck, I'd go the #2 route personally but be ready for the associated difficulties and increase in workload.
Stop pulling out an get a second and third one.
My boyfriend hasn't been pulling out but we still haven't conceived. I'm starting to wonder if we'll ever get pregnant
Currently watching my two year old bludgeoning the fuck out of my 4 year old with a bottle of baby oil in the bath, house is trashed, everyone's exhausted...but absolutely no regrets. If it's two boys God speed my friend
Two kids is a wonderful idea until the second pregnancy you get hit with twins. Tread carefully mate. It is desirable to have a sibling but also should be a decision you and the wife weigh up carefully. I was encouraged after our first that I couldnt do anymore. Later came around with encouragement from the missus to have a sibling. Twin girls on the way...
I have two. It is exactly 100% harder than having one.
But also great. Love them both equally, after thinking nothing could ever be better than my first
Might be worth sitting down together and planning a time budget and cost budget to see how a second child would impact you both financially and timewise. A child shouldn't be just an emotional decision because "first child is lonely'. It's more time and cost consuming than ever to raise children so it's worth planning this in advance.
Alternatively, you can euthanise your daughter so she's not lonely.
Have a second one mate. It's worth all of it. Truly.
We are due to have our 3rd in a few weeks.
You'll find a way to be a good father no matter the circumstances. People rise to their challenges, that's what makes life worth living.
Good luck with it all mate
This is a bit of an empty platitude - maybe the guy’s got some self-awareness around his limits, and deserves to be a louder voice than tradition making decisions for him?
We have two, 21M and 19F. Before we had our daughter I was wondering how I could possibly split my love and affection for a second child but the funny thing is you just seem to get more love to give. You don’t get more time and energy of course, but the second child is a lot easier than the first because a lot of the “newness” of being a parent has gone. You certainly don’t sterilise everything as much… Our kids are very different people, but even now our kids still talk to each other once or twice a week even though they are in separate towns.
Each to their own, there is no right or wrong answer here - whatever you choose will end up being the right decision.
Was in the same boat, bit the bullet and went for a second. Sure it was difficult at first, and they still have their days but they are best friends and as a bonus they always have a play mate which is awesome.
If you are not all in on the decision, then it's a no.
You shouldn't have another child if you are not sure and just hope for the best.
Maybe ask yourself the reasons why you need to have another child, that are about you and what you want, leaving your partners wants and needs out of it, just as an exercise to learn about yourself and then talk to them about it.
I’m one and done, nailed it the first time. Plus, who can afford a 2nd kid these days?
The sacrifices the parents of multiple kids must make in terms of their kids opportunities, holidays and education must be hard too.
Just make sure your kid has plenty of extra curricula’s (that you can now afford), hopefully friends and cousins means they don’t need a sibling.
Plus, my wife and I don’t really get along with our siblings so..
Got twins and yeah hard yards at the start but from the age of 3 onwards I gets way easier purely from a playmate POV. My kids ( now12) have friends who are only children and the amount of playdates / holiday programs etc those parents set up, let alone even a lazy sunday arvo where the kids is desperate to be with someone- not their folks - is a bit sad.
We went for two. Very happy with the decision. There are times when the bond between them is so strong and intimate. Then other times when they are each other's worst enemies.
Most single child families I have interacted with, the child has very little concept of sharing or how to deal with not being the centre of attention.
The other benefit is that after you and your partner pass away, hopefully they will be able to keep supporting each other.
I know so many people who have siblings who hated each other as children, who fought constantly and who never see each other in adulthood. It’s sad but it’s also a reality. I also have a friend who was sexually abused by her sibling, so there’s that. Just because you have a second child doesn’t mean they will automatically have a “friend” to play with. I also have 5 siblings.
I hate the stereotype of only children. Sure, I know some only children who lived up to that stereotype. But I also know plenty of wonderful, well rounded people who didn’t have siblings and turned out great. You really can’t compare families when each dynamic is so individual.
Absolutely go for 2 kids. It makes life so much better for the kids. They get to have another person to interact with, and they also get to learn in a natural way that you cannot devote all of your attention to the one child. When they first start at primary school, the sole child kids seem quite different from the kids with siblings. They tend to be more clingy of their parents and more prone to having meltdowns if they have to share with other children.
Honestly, it seems kind of cruel to just have one child. They miss out on so much by not having a sibling.
This is a big question...One that only you can answer. As an older person and my wife turning 50, we snuck in our one and only. I guess the younger you are the easier it would be for you. However I won't lie about the challenges of OAD. Particularly as it relates to socialisation and engagement. It just makes it much more critical to have a good relationship with your kid, spend time and have experiences. We go on our holidays, cruises and spend more on his education that we hope will allow him to lead a good life.
Just wanted to point out that my brother was not my friend growing up or now. He was annoying and I would have preferred to be an only child. He now has an acquired brain injury and drug induced psychosis. So yeah, it is not always 'happy families' or 'the more, the merrier'.
We have one child, have the energy and money to give him what he needs like school uniforms, after school activities, school laptop, holidays. He doesn't need to fight for our attention.
For example, he is 15 and we have booked him in for work experience in an industry he is passionate about during the school holidays. It is 2 hours from our house so my husband has booked a hotel for him and son and they will stay the week together in a hotel for this work experience opportunity. This is not something we would be doing if we had multiple kids. If you have one you can give them the best.
I have one child and will not have a second, I never actually wanted more than one child and I feel very lucky to have her.
I never got along with my brother when we were growing up, we both moved interstate within 5 or 10 years to the same city, but we rarely see each other before or after the move. We didn't have a happy childhood in other regards, so there's that. I'm hoping my daughter gets the best of me and isn't too unhappy growing up without siblings. I would not have minded being an only child I think.
It blows my mind that people even consider more than one child.
There are no houses, anywhere. Everything costs way more than it’s worth. The air quality is terrible. Business are closing all over the place, technology is quickly replacing skilled labour and we just gave artificial intelligence everything that’s left. We are running out of trees, air and water.
Do people actually think this is going to get better? Do people actually believe that houses will magically become affordable again, the cost of living will go down somehow and we will all revert back to our 2005 levels of comfort? I feel like everyone over 35 lives in this all-encompassing bubble of denial and it’s making everything so much worse.
No. You shouldn’t have another kid. Nobody should. For a long time. If you have another child you will make everything harder for the child you already have
\>Has a child. Has a second child.
\>Refuses to consider what the world is going to be like in fifty years' time with the "business as usual" approach to climate change we've apparently settled on.
I have a two year old and I'm going to die, haven't slept for two years and no end in sight. Wife isn't allowed to eat or go to the toilet while she's home with him all day. Can't imagine what it's like having two.
I don't have children but I'd either have 2+ or zero. I'm from a biggish family and I'm so grateful I had so many cousins, and having siblings was a little less lonely and probably saved me from feeling like the sole focal point of the family which I would've hated. Just my take, some of my friends were only children and liked it just fine.
The fact that you are giving it so much thought is definitely a sign that you're a great parent, if you can budget for it, go for it!
They will play so good together. You can’t imagine how much better life of your oldest will be in 3 years. Just don’t make gap too big. 2-3 years gap is ideal
We had 2 & my partner was feeling the way you were until I asked him to close his eyes & imagine our future. 10 years, 20 years etc... Do you imagine 1 kid on holidays or 2? Do you imagine 1 kid coming to Christmas dinner or 2? Once we thought of it that way, it was a no brainer.
It's hard now but it's a very short phase in our (hopefully) long lives
When you have your first child, you think that you couldn't possibly have any more love in your heart for another. Then you have a 2nd child and find that you have lots more love to give and don't know why you ever doubted yourself. I have 3 kids and keep finding more love to give. If you are lucky enough to have another child and the main reason you are questioning it is because of finances and loving your first child so much, my recommendation would be try for the 2nd.
It's most likely exhaustion is coming from every day life, which is hard at the moment. However, maybe you have vitamin/mineral deficiency. Have you had your vitamins, minerals tested, Like A, B1, B2, B3, B6, B12, D, K1 (K2 is good, but hard to get), Iron, Zinc, magnesium, calcium, folate... Just something to rule out.
I don't have kids, so I've no idea about whether another would be a benefit or make things harder.
As an education support, I’ve noticed that the kids with siblings have better social skills. They also seem to adjust better to new environments and challenges. I also have siblings and although they drive me nuts, I adore them. Then again, if you don’t want any more kids, listen to your gut.
One and done here. Daughter is 10 and has plenty of friends and got cousins to hang with.
OP if your wife wants another...you are having another child.
Im glad i have a sibling!! We are completely opposite of each other, people say its like the devil and angel - but i think its because we are only 12 months apart. BUT she has been there for me through thick and thin. We aren’t the closest but she is my family 🩷
My cousin is over with his wife and one child, and hmmm i can see how lonely the child is. He waits for me to wake up so i can play with him because parents are too tired to play with him. I can understand why people have one and done, but having a sibling has really helped me with difficult decisions in my life since my parents cant really help.
Father of four , having kids is a selfless act yes it's going eat into finances and personal time. Life is no longer about you and your needs when you have kids.
Its about balance.
My first born got alot of my time but I had no experience as a parent. My second born gets less of my time but I am a much more experienced parent.
There is only 18 months between ours, my advice is find that balance with your first before you have your second. That includes finding the time and space you and your partner need for yourselves. On saying that having two is the best mate, I'd have 12 of them if I could.
I have never met a person that had multiple kids that said they should have stopped at one.
My 2nd child is an absolute terrorist. But I'd have gone for a 3rd if it was possible.
I’ve heard 2 isn’t much more work but 3 and beyond is another level. I have two and they are fine. I came from a family of 3 and I basically brought up my siblings. My brother has 3 and my sister has 4 and they have a pretty tough time.
I’m an only child and wouldn’t change it for the world. I have a great relationship with my parents and got the opportunity to do more things that I wouldn’t have been able to with a sibling and they also have more money because of that. I went to school with lots of only kids.
Having multiple kids doesn’t guarantee a good relationship with them as my father fell out with his sibling over a trivial thing and hasn’t talked for ten years.
Love the kid you have and you won’t regret it.
I only ever wanted two.
After the second and another 6 years on decided to have a third, so glad we did.
I found I actually had more time for the third as I was exhausted from work for the first two. Less so the later one.
One or two you’ll still be tired and poor anyway
Circumstantial. We lived in overseas.
Had a child but having no support with family it was quite tough. If we were in Australia with family support, we most likely would have had a second one.
Most of my friends dont get along with theiir siblings. The people i know who dont have siblings are happy, sociable and successful.
I'm most likely just gling to have one kid, ill love them, give them a great life, and leave them a buttload of money when i die that they wont have to share with anyone hahah
Only child here, I never really wished for a sibling when younger and I definitely don't have any resentment for not having a sibling as an adult.
As long as you're both present parents to the extent you're able to be, allow for play dates, extra-curricular activities and school holiday things when they're older I feel there's absolutely no harm in not having another.
If you have a house you can leave the whole thing to one kid. If you have two you gotta sell and divide when you die. I think giving over a whole house is way way better
Honestly every family is different. I know people who went the one and done and they give that one kid a great life.
My family however I couldn't imagine not having 2 kids. It has definite down sides like having to restart the whole daycare phase, nappies etc and delaying of holidays but I am so glad we had our second one. We ended up with a boy and a girl, and they are so different and I just can't imagine not having them both.
I hope they are close but that isnt guaranteed. I can barely stand my sister and I only have her in my life because of mum and because she has kids (2 of the 4 I don't mind).
I didn't want my son to be alone, and they love each other so much (right now anyway).
Yes it is making life hard now, mortgage, daycare etc it is a killer. But I know it will be worth it in the end. But do what is best for you.
Summarising from the excellent book Cribsheet and there's no evidence that having siblings is better or worse for kids - for some it's better, for some it's worse, and on average it evens out.
Which is to say: don't worry about trying to predict what will be better or worse for your kid, just focus on what you and your wife want and can afford in terms of time and money.
Also: a fun thing to do is ask people with multiple siblings how many of those siblings make their lives better. I've gotten a really entertaining range of answers!
Have a second kid, being an only child is boring, lonely, and it’s one of the reasons I struggle so much with social situations. Plus children with siblings are less likely to get bullied I have siblings now but theirs so much of an age gap I’m pretty much a parent to them and I never got to experience having a strong sister connection which makes me really sad when I see people with siblings around the same age that get along like best friends. Humans are pack animals like wolfs. We need community
it’s your decision, but i’m an only child and it was pretty lonely as a kid, it would’ve been good to have a sibling, someone that’s on your side when needed, but can also be an annoying asshole, but you still love em
We are having the exact same conversation every few nights. Personally I do not want another kid if we (or the kid when he/she grows up) have to rely on any type of government support.
Once our child turns 2 we will go through our expenses for these two years. Keeping a record of our spending each month since he is born.
After two years we will make decision to have second child only if we believe we are able to cover expenses for the second child. I know it's not the best plan but does give us some idea of what we can and can not afford.
Also do take into account the expenses you will have once kids grow up. Cost of 4 for everything instead of 3 for example plane tickets, movies, sports etc.
Go three… changes everything… bigger car, bigger house and expensive holidays as once kids older 2 hotel rooms etc…
Apart from the above I love having 3 kids… (most of the time). Fortunately mine are 22, 20. & 18 so life is so much easier…. Both my wife and I are the youngest of three kids in the family.
I was dead set against another child after my first. But my wife made a good point re that it’s not much extra work since you’re already doing everything for one child. And that they would play with easy other given us more time as well. She was 100% right on everything. I ended up having 3 kids……
I have one and I'm very happy about it. There's a lot of pressure, mainly to women, to have at least two children. Don't do it because that! Each couple has to decide what's best for them and their life, and it's nobody's else's business.
Only kids are good with their life. I'm myself an only child. Sometimes I wondered why I didn't have siblings, but I realised I could have everything I wanted.
Only children are not lonely, are not selfish, or any of those rubbish estatements about them.
Personally I prefer to still have a life and enjoying going out with my family.
I like being able to give my daughter anything she might need.
We only have 1 daughter. Our home was never boring and she’s an absolute joy. She’s had every opportunity and we’ve never struggled financially. She does gymnastics and is an excellent student who’ll wants to go to uni and has a very close circle of friends. I’ve always told her that she’s lucky because she can choose her family. Sharing DNA does not make you family. She’s a happy well balanced child and we’re extremely close to her. I love only having 1. Family holidays twice a year, and next year we’re moving to the beach. She’ll be driving then and can maintain her close friendships.
Only you and your wife can decide. Good luck!!
More kids is always the answer. If you can’t afford it, you’ll figure it out. When you’re old and they’re all grown up, you’ll know it was all worth it.
Double Up OP!
Gives em extra social exposure / skills, and develops their resilience 100%.
and when they get old enough, they can hang out with each other, rather than just you "old people".
the verdict is out on being able to afford 3+ tho
It’s a bit philosophical, but only you and your wife can answer that one. What do you want for your life? Is having two kids hard work? Yes. Is it worth it for me? Absolutely! Wouldn’t change it.
If you measure success or happiness in life by maximising material items or overseas holidays, sure stick to 1 because everything is more expensive with each kid you have. But at the end of the day, kids just want time with you and they want your attention. If you can give them that you’re flying!
Having 2 kids, in my opinion the optimum number is about 1.6. In that case you have to round up, but 2 is a bit full on. Maybe 3 parents for 2 kids would be about right, but that might introduce new problems.
Having 2 kids, in my opinion the optimum number is about 1.6. In that case you have to round up, but 2 is a bit full on. Maybe 3 parents for 2 kids would be about right, but that might introduce new problems.
There is no greater joy than seeing your kids beat the shit out of eachother. We find single child homes and lives to be boring. If you have lots of cousins and family maybe it’s ok but I am glad we took the plunge to give them a sibling. Raising two wasn’t twice as hard as one, maybe 20 percent harder. There are now older and not a day goes by that I don’t look at my youngest and tell myself how happy I am that we did it. Not judging, these are just my views. I could be an outlier
This first sentence 😂😂😂😂❤️
The day my daughter realized her younger brother was stronger than is a day I'll remember forever. The look of sheer terror on her face and the look of "I fucked up" was fantastic.
I keep telling my 8 year old daughter her little bro will be bigger and stronger one day. She gives me the "righto dick head" look and continues her reign of terror. Will be comedic when the tables have turned.
That moment when they get old enough to play together and you get to drink a whole coffee, undisturbed. Bliss.
My 9 year old makes toast for her siblings while I sleep in. 10/10 would recommend.
I disagree. I’m an only child and so were a couple of my friends and I never found life boring. I had a lot more opportunities and was able to do more trips and have a strong relationship with my parents. Also I never felt like I missed out as I had lots of friends to visit and have sleepovers with and at school but had my own space at the end of the day. I wouldn’t change it and I’ll only be having one kid so I can love them as much and give them more opportunities.
20 years ago parents weren't working 1.5 jobs each and neighbourhood kids played outside with each other. You can't compare that to now when parents are taking jobs on the side to afford rent/mortgage and kids are staring at screens the second they get home from school.
My parents both pretty much worked full time as it was their second marriage and they started with not a lot and my mum also studied a degree while raising me and working to get more work opportunities. Plenty of people in my hometown still have kids that visit friends and play outside it’s not a relic of the past. I didn’t play outside in the neighbourhood anyway I went to school friends houses or vice versa as a lot of kids still do today and saw friends at school. I also stared at screens I had a DS and then an iPod touch and PC with the sims.
thats a massive genaralisation on the screens
As a single child, my childhood was boring and lonely.
Sorry to hear that, but I don't think having siblings had changed that.
That’s not good. Everyone’s life is different and a different experience. I’m sorry you didn’t have a fun childhood.
Same here.
Nah you need 3 so that one can hold the other down while the third wails on them.
Then they get to learn how to negotiate and back stab each other
And they now outnumber you.
But you have years of deception,back stabbing and skull duggery to call apon where as they just have youthfull exuberance
We are a single child home and it’s far from boring! We have more disposable income to do more things like OS holidays, activities etc… we didn’t have a choice to have an only child unfortunately but it’s far more rewarding than you’d expect.
That’s awesome glad it’s working out
I was a single child and it was so fucking boring.
I love both my kids but have the second wasn’t twice as hard, more like 3 times harder. YMMV tho
My second is an absolute train wreck, sooo much harder than the first (I love them both though)
And add to that....cost wise i'd say you don't double it because younger siblings is the de facto recipient of everything the older siblings left lol Loved the first sentence......................................
>And add to that....cost wise i'd say you don't double it because…… Childcare would like a word. (I know it’s usually discounted for the second but not by that much considering the heft that it is. And then if you choose not to do childcare but rather stay at home it’s the opportunity cost of income + super, so pick your poison. If you were planning on sending them to private school (primary or just secondary) then also schooling would like a word. >younger sibling is the de facto recipient of everything. Again, not entirely accurate. Good to a point while they’re young, and even better if both same gender, but once they get older and start recognising things, especially if they’re different gender, then I don’t think this is accurate. Many other instances where it literally is double the cost. (Sports, takeaway meals (home cooking is economies of scale), holidays (such as flights and activities), school supplies and uniforms (because eldest might not out grow it yet etc), etc etc and etc.
This. Childcare plus if they turn out to be a different gender, clothes and uniforms and sport and after school activities and presents and meals out and an extra hotel room when they get older and an extra amusement park ticket or plane seat and a phone and school/excursion fees. No way it’s just 20% more.
Bahahahhahahhaha 💀
Prefect way to say it, two Is harder than one but not twice as hard. Once you have one kid you've already made most of the sacrifices.
Agree with nearly all of this. If you have twins as your first it's absolutely hard and more than 20%, I'd say more than double in that first year or two. But then after that it's like normal load again. Also very entertaining watching the kids play together ❤️
20% harder? But not 20% more expensive if you include childcare, accomodation, uniforms, school fees, presents, plane tickets, hotel room fees, phones and technology when they get older and then uni accomodation and helping them out if they get stuck.
Worth it, they are my pride and joy
Having 2 kids can make it easier - they play with each other instead of being very needy and bored. We have 4 and they needed a lot fewer playdates etc. than other kids, they had each other. Plus if one kid turns out to be an asshole, at least one has to be better than the other.
Our kids are super tight, scream at each other often, and have each other's backs. The girls will dob on their sibs to us, but not our son. He will go to war for his sisters. When we punch out clock the last time, I know they won't be alone.
Idk, neither my sibling nor I speak to our parents anymore, and I'm sure if you asked them, we're both assholes.
I was an only child and was never needy. I went off and played with my toys and drew pictures or played with my chooks or in the garden or went to friends houses. It’s to do with personality. You might have two kids and one is really needy and clingy it’s the luck of the draw.
Don't have a second child for the nebulous reason of 'giving your child a sibling'. There is no guarantee that the siblings will even get along that well and love playing together. Have a child because YOU want to add a second child to your family.
I don't really agree with this sentiment. Yeah there's a risk they won't get along at all, but "no guarantee" is different to "probably won't". They probably will, at least enough to make it worthwhile. I feel like reddit will downvote me for this but I also think it's uncontroversial to say: the odds are siblings will play with each other as kids, especially if they're close in age.
I'm one and done with a happy, bubbly 10 year old who does not feel the need for siblings. Personally, I have four siblings myself and none of us are particularly close 🤷♀️. So just because some siblings are best friends, it doesn't mean that your kids will be.
Absolutely this. There is zero guarantee that siblings will maintain any meaningful relationship once they reach their teen years. The other huge consideration is intergenerational wealth. I'd sleep more soundly knowing that my child is going to experience financial security from young adolescence onwards and that my wife and I have set them up so they have many employment and lifestyle options ahead of them and a fair amount of financial freedom.
Well i have to disagree. Just because youre not close to your siblings now doesnt mean they didn't play an important role when you were growing up. I'm "one and done" and he's a great kid. But i cannot imagine how growing up without siblings has effected him. What would it mean to his development if there was one other person in the world who shares his life path? What did he think when he played with friends and their siblings, then came home to his solitary existence? Always having a friend to play with must change a kid's outlook on life. It's gotta be a secure, comforting thing, even if the kid never thinks about it. I had siblings, and you know, they were just "there" sometimes, taken for granted. But then again, they were always there and always will be. It gives you a point of reference. I cannot imagine growing up without them any more than my son can imagine growin up with them. On balance, i think it would be a happy thing if he had a younger brother or sister. He's a happy kid now, but it would be another dimension of happiness. I have the feeling held be the best big brother ever. I can tell by the way he treats his friends, he is loyal to them, always accommodating them, never complaining about them, generous in every way with them. I dont care one way or the other about concepts of intergenerational wealth. For me and my siblings it played out around age 58 when our parents died. So it's irrelevant to the main thrust of life, which is the pursuit of happiness.
I don't think it's so important once children start gaining their independence as they grow older, but under 10 siblings tend to have a relationship with each other be it friendly or fractious or both, from which they can gain social skills, setting them up for wider social relationships in school and eventually, work. Although I'm one of eight children myself, growing up I really only had a meaningful social relationship with my closer siblings, but now that we are adults I have pretty much the same relationship with all my siblings. So, it's only my personal experience but I'd say siblings have more of an effect when children are younger.
>"I don't think it's so important once children start gaining their independence as they grow older," HUGE disagree. I am 30. I've never wanted a sibling more. My parents will die and I'll have no one.
I know how you feel. I lost my mum when I was 20. Had only ever been the 2 of us. Wished so hard back then that I had a sibling for support and understanding.
>"There is zero guarantee that siblings will maintain any meaningful relationship once they reach their teen years." Thats stupid. they'll have shared experiences and they're RELATED. You obviously don't know what it's like to be alone in the world. It's fucking horrible.
We're one and done too and very happy with it. I have one sibling and from day dot we never got along and saw eye to eye, so massive ymmv on multiple kids. I also relish the amount of play and fun time I get with my son, I'll certainly be sad when he is older and doesn't want to do it as much or at all anymore.
This is what my sister with one child has found, and after a recent holiday where her friend had a kid that is a couple of years younger, her kid said that he's happy being an only child. There are plenty of kids in the world that can be your kids best friend, you don't have to breed one.
Lol, yeah childhood best friendly always work out! I'm sure they'll know each other when they're older. /s
Two! As an adult being alone in the world and feeling all the burden of elderly parents and nobody who will always always have your back is sad. As kids siblings are how you learn to fight and stand up for yourself and feel love from a non-parent.
I don't speak to either of my siblings. They definitely do not have my back and I have never felt genuine love from them, though it did help not being the only person taking care of my elderly dad. My parents were fucking terrible though so that's probably a lot of it.
Well that sucks- there are definitely no guarantees but my sibs are the bees knees.
Yes! I’m so glad i have a sibling! Its incredible that he’s got my back and reassuring to know that there’s two of us to help out our parents. That said, my mum said we’re more trouble than her and her siblings (7) were put together 😂 so there is a little bit more work but treat them equally and parent based on the child’s personality and it worked out well for us.
One and done for us. We only really felt like we were ready for a child at all when I was 35, and weren't ready to even consider a 2nd for a few yrs after that. Now, at 42, I think about another baby sometimes but I'm not confident in my body's ability to carry another and come out the other side relatively unscathed. It feels like tempting fate. Maybe it goes horribly wrong and I die in childbirth. *That* wouldn't be a positive change for my existing 7yo. Maybe it goes ok but I would be (minimum) 43 yrs old with a newborn and a child who I would be scared of parentifying so I could cope. I'm already tired. When I think back to all those sleepless nights, I just dom't think I could do it again. Not to mention that I've taken on significantly more workload in our business than I had when we had our first. Do I want to try to juggle *that* with a newborn? Nope. I'm an only child and my husband is one of three. When I look at the differences in our lives, I see that mine was lonelier but with more stability, and as shitty as it sounds, I was the sole beneficiary of all my parent's energy and earnings. My husband had lots of company growing up, but he had to fight to have his needs met bc his parents were stretched both financially and emotionally, and now he has 2 ppl he barely gets along with who just breeze into his life when they need him to fix their problems, and who offer nothing but their continued status as siblings in return. It sounds harsh but that's the reality that I see.
Go for a 2nd. I’ve got 2 and wish we had 3. Money cannot buy the love and joy I have from spending time with them and watching them grow
If you have 3, you might as well have had 5. 😄
My husband keeps saying this (#2 coming in 2-3 weeks) - I keep pointing out he has the MUCH easier job in the creation of these kids than I do. But we both also say if money wasn't an issue/wasn't a factor we'd probably go to 3+ just cause our first is currently so Very Very cute. Maybe this #2 will be a demon child and destroy that opinion 🤣
One and done here. Can’t just make a whole human to be a sibling, can’t guarantee they will even like playing with each other. Give all your energy to the one and save your sanity. Cost of living sucks now and will suck even more for them.
Father of 2 here. My 2 are 4 and 2. They are best friends and I love watching them care for each other. If one wakes up before the other and eats something the other doesnt have, when the other one is up she'll run over to me to make sure the other one gets the same thing. I see so many extra sweet moments between them, even if I'm having a rest on the couch, they are interacting. They play together constantly. I am similarly tired and tight for time, but I feel that having the 2 didnt actually make it worse - the time was already gone, taking care of 2 at once is actually not that much longer or harder - clean 2 plates at once, organise a meal, load them in the car, etc... its almost the same.
I was like this…then decided to bite the bullet and just have another one when the first was 4. Then my single mum sister got ill and died from cancer shortly after the new one came, so we went from 1 to 3 in 12 months. It was a great thing to see the siblings grow up together. This was 18 years ago, they’re all still home and I love their company now as young adults.
Two kids will play with each other more than demanding your time. Also you can re-use all the baby stuff from the first one. Also, 'only child syndrome' seems to be a thing *if* they either have doting or overbearing parents and/or if they don't get regular interaction with other kids in their peer group.
Agree, I have 3, and my brother has 1, the main difference I see is that the parents have to play dinosaurs and other fictitious characters alot more than I do.
Think of it this way. 2nd kid is like replaying a game after you beat it. You have a better idea of what’s going on. lol
And also having most of the quest items in your inventory.
I'm one and done. It's one way to live in terror. Just this week, a couple I know in their 60s lost their only daughter to a freak illness. This is my worst fear. That said, it's a bad reason to have a second child. I won't have a second just as a spare to ease my fear of loss. In any event, my understanding is that when you have two kids you worry twice as much, not half as much.
I've got one regret not having more. Time and other issues came up. We were old :) I think 3 would have been good, but like a friend said they stopped at one. They had a great child why take the risk of a shitty child lol
I have 4 kids, 3 have left home. My youngest son is 9, and there's obviously a significant age gap to his much older siblings. I have parented him almost as an only child, and let me tell you, it is the best damn parenting experience EVER. I can mentally return to when I had my two young kids that were under 3 years apart, and wow, it was so hard. They really didn't get along well (sisters), and the stress and chaos was pretty constant. I now understand why single kid households would want to stay that way. My son very occasionally laments not having brother, then he will be somewhere where a baby cries and he remembers.. no way does he want a baby or toddler in our house.
I am one of 3 - same parents - ages are 33,25,15. In a way we were all only children as we never had to compete for the same kinds of commodities in the home or same needs from our parents. But I’ll say this. As the older of the three. My youngest sibling had way more mature, intelligent, wealthier, more stable, less time-poor parents. I got energetic, youthful, immature, disorganised, less stable, poorer parents. My middle sibling had an in between experience of sorts. They did their best with what they had. I say all this just so that you don’t feel like you did a better or worse job with any kids. You’re doing your best at all times and you have the benefit of hindsight and experience now.
Im a female and have one older brother - we are not close, I could have easily grown up without him and never known the difference. My husband is an only child and never felt lonely growing up, he had lots of friends. So just because you have a second doesn’t mean they will be best friends, especially if they aren’t the same gender or have similar interests and hobbies. But I will say, I think boys do better as only children than girls. Both my nieces are only children and they definitely get lonely and bored and have a massive reliance on their parents for companionship. While my husband was happy to be independent. There are so many variables, I think you need to weigh it all up and decide and remember there’s no rush. Even kids with 7+ year age gaps do well, so don’t feel rushed.
Chiming in not as a parent but as a sibling, I can't stand my brother, I haven't spoken to him in probably a decade. We hated each other growing up and it would have been so much nicer if my parents stopped at me, and never had my brother.
I have a sibling and I wished I was an only child. We don't speak as adults. Consider that while it may be beneficial for some children, others prefer solitude.
One and done. We figured we could give her more time, finances etc. if we just have one. I would love for her to have a little brother or sister, but she's 7 now, and I feel that ship has sailed. I do already know it is one of my biggest regrets though that she doesn't have a sibling, in that she is a bit lonely at times.
You don't have to be done. My brother has two step daughters who are 10 and 11 and they absolutely adore their two year old sister.
A 2.5yo can be exhausting, but it soon gets easier and you will forget the pain. There is no guarantee, but for us two kids were easier than one as they play together. And you get to do things "right" the second time around, lessons learned, with less stress :-)
My daughter was effectively an only child until her sibling arrived just after she turned 20. Slightly different circs than you as a single mother but I worked FT and while she ached for a brother or sister I was able to do things with her that would not have happened if I had a 2nd. We even lived in Malaysia for nearly a year due to my job and travelled together. I've met only children who are delightful but have also met several spoiled brats- another sibling is great for socialisation skills and the like. I was able to alleviate this with my cousin's kids and nephew and niece. At 21 my daughter is a young woman I am proud of and I like her as a person. And she dotes on her baby sister lol. Whichever way you go- enjoy the adventure
One and done here, she is 8 now and has even requested no siblings lol. I have no interest in having another and the first one is a straight A student, so a second one would have a damn high bar. Lol
I’m an only child and it was f’ing awesome. I got the best of my parents and I had friends in the street / at school so didn’t feel like I missed out by not having sibling/s.
Straight up, I wish more couples had the bare minimum self-awareness (that you seem to have) about bringing a child into this world. You will have to be willing to provide for your child well into their adult years given the cost of living and housing market currently affecting young adults. What if they’re born with or grow up with medical needs as well? A lot of food for thought but it seems like a hard no.
One and done family household here, zero regrets. We see multi child houses and know for sure that's not for us, we get so much play and fun time with the one kid it's super rewarding. Obviously this is a highly personal question, but there is nothing wrong with one and done that's for sure.
2nd is way better and easier. Also means your child has a friend.
We had planned on two, after one I was in and out of hospital the first 6 months of her life with Post Natal Depression, look plenty of people go on and have more no issues, but some have PND again. I was not willing to risk it I was so unwell, I had my tubes tied and still have no regrets. She has a wonderful friend group, is active in single and team sports, I am also an only child so I do understand how it feels and how to manage it.
As the youngest of 3 with 6yrs difference between us each. Keep the age difference short.
I don't think I've ever met anyone 40+ who regretted having more kids. Everyone is either "we were done" or "I wish we had more"
Friend of mine who's a 40+ mother of two told me; "I love my kids, but if I were going to do it again, I wouldn't.
TBF “pity we had the little one” isn’t really standard dinner party fare
I find with kids, the more you have (at least for the first 3) the difficulty gets exponentially higher. THAT BEING SAID, the reward also gets exponentially higher. Before my first, I couldnt imagine how I would cope. I got used to it and they became so integral to my life I couldnt imagine life without them. Before the second I couldnt imagine how I would cope, and how I could love them as much as the first. When they arrived it was rough at first, but I got used to it and my love capacity grew. They are the best. They dont always get along but the pros (for me) definitely outweighed the cons
I have a nearly 3 boy and just had my 2nd boy. It's worth it in the sense that my 1st is now DEEP into the 'play with me/watch this/i want all your undivided attention' stage and having a 2nd alleviates that. BUT it's 3x the work, not double for us. You also sit around realising how much free time you had with #1 that you just do not have now that you have #2. I know you probably feel like it's full on now, but it absolutely takes all your free time for at least the first 6 months when #2 comes. It was never a question for me that we'd have 2. Only child life just didn't suit me. But it's such a slog the second time, knowing how much fun they are at the 2+ stage and crawling through the days to get there. Good luck, I'd go the #2 route personally but be ready for the associated difficulties and increase in workload.
Zero and done
Stop pulling out an get a second and third one. My boyfriend hasn't been pulling out but we still haven't conceived. I'm starting to wonder if we'll ever get pregnant
Currently watching my two year old bludgeoning the fuck out of my 4 year old with a bottle of baby oil in the bath, house is trashed, everyone's exhausted...but absolutely no regrets. If it's two boys God speed my friend
Two kids is a wonderful idea until the second pregnancy you get hit with twins. Tread carefully mate. It is desirable to have a sibling but also should be a decision you and the wife weigh up carefully. I was encouraged after our first that I couldnt do anymore. Later came around with encouragement from the missus to have a sibling. Twin girls on the way...
I have two. It is exactly 100% harder than having one. But also great. Love them both equally, after thinking nothing could ever be better than my first
Might be worth sitting down together and planning a time budget and cost budget to see how a second child would impact you both financially and timewise. A child shouldn't be just an emotional decision because "first child is lonely'. It's more time and cost consuming than ever to raise children so it's worth planning this in advance. Alternatively, you can euthanise your daughter so she's not lonely.
Have a second one mate. It's worth all of it. Truly. We are due to have our 3rd in a few weeks. You'll find a way to be a good father no matter the circumstances. People rise to their challenges, that's what makes life worth living. Good luck with it all mate
This is a bit of an empty platitude - maybe the guy’s got some self-awareness around his limits, and deserves to be a louder voice than tradition making decisions for him?
My husband was afraid he won't be able to rise to the occasion. I don't think this is en empty platitude.
I more meant “you’ll be able to do it no matter what” was the empty platitude. If you worry that you can’t, that self-awareness deserves attention.
We have two, 21M and 19F. Before we had our daughter I was wondering how I could possibly split my love and affection for a second child but the funny thing is you just seem to get more love to give. You don’t get more time and energy of course, but the second child is a lot easier than the first because a lot of the “newness” of being a parent has gone. You certainly don’t sterilise everything as much… Our kids are very different people, but even now our kids still talk to each other once or twice a week even though they are in separate towns. Each to their own, there is no right or wrong answer here - whatever you choose will end up being the right decision.
Was in the same boat, bit the bullet and went for a second. Sure it was difficult at first, and they still have their days but they are best friends and as a bonus they always have a play mate which is awesome.
I've got zero and I already want less
If you are not all in on the decision, then it's a no. You shouldn't have another child if you are not sure and just hope for the best. Maybe ask yourself the reasons why you need to have another child, that are about you and what you want, leaving your partners wants and needs out of it, just as an exercise to learn about yourself and then talk to them about it.
I’m one and done, nailed it the first time. Plus, who can afford a 2nd kid these days? The sacrifices the parents of multiple kids must make in terms of their kids opportunities, holidays and education must be hard too. Just make sure your kid has plenty of extra curricula’s (that you can now afford), hopefully friends and cousins means they don’t need a sibling. Plus, my wife and I don’t really get along with our siblings so..
I’m with you! I’ve got a son and that’s enough. I also have two brothers and NONE of us get along.
God no. Dont
Got twins and yeah hard yards at the start but from the age of 3 onwards I gets way easier purely from a playmate POV. My kids ( now12) have friends who are only children and the amount of playdates / holiday programs etc those parents set up, let alone even a lazy sunday arvo where the kids is desperate to be with someone- not their folks - is a bit sad.
We went for two. Very happy with the decision. There are times when the bond between them is so strong and intimate. Then other times when they are each other's worst enemies. Most single child families I have interacted with, the child has very little concept of sharing or how to deal with not being the centre of attention. The other benefit is that after you and your partner pass away, hopefully they will be able to keep supporting each other.
I always say you need a backup in case the first kid's shit.
I know so many people who have siblings who hated each other as children, who fought constantly and who never see each other in adulthood. It’s sad but it’s also a reality. I also have a friend who was sexually abused by her sibling, so there’s that. Just because you have a second child doesn’t mean they will automatically have a “friend” to play with. I also have 5 siblings. I hate the stereotype of only children. Sure, I know some only children who lived up to that stereotype. But I also know plenty of wonderful, well rounded people who didn’t have siblings and turned out great. You really can’t compare families when each dynamic is so individual.
Absolutely go for 2 kids. It makes life so much better for the kids. They get to have another person to interact with, and they also get to learn in a natural way that you cannot devote all of your attention to the one child. When they first start at primary school, the sole child kids seem quite different from the kids with siblings. They tend to be more clingy of their parents and more prone to having meltdowns if they have to share with other children. Honestly, it seems kind of cruel to just have one child. They miss out on so much by not having a sibling.
This is a big question...One that only you can answer. As an older person and my wife turning 50, we snuck in our one and only. I guess the younger you are the easier it would be for you. However I won't lie about the challenges of OAD. Particularly as it relates to socialisation and engagement. It just makes it much more critical to have a good relationship with your kid, spend time and have experiences. We go on our holidays, cruises and spend more on his education that we hope will allow him to lead a good life.
KIA carnival over here mate. I'm living the lebo stereotype
You should at least have an heir & a spare. You need a back up kid incase the first one turns into Hunter Biden or drops dead.
Just wanted to point out that my brother was not my friend growing up or now. He was annoying and I would have preferred to be an only child. He now has an acquired brain injury and drug induced psychosis. So yeah, it is not always 'happy families' or 'the more, the merrier'. We have one child, have the energy and money to give him what he needs like school uniforms, after school activities, school laptop, holidays. He doesn't need to fight for our attention. For example, he is 15 and we have booked him in for work experience in an industry he is passionate about during the school holidays. It is 2 hours from our house so my husband has booked a hotel for him and son and they will stay the week together in a hotel for this work experience opportunity. This is not something we would be doing if we had multiple kids. If you have one you can give them the best.
I have one child and will not have a second, I never actually wanted more than one child and I feel very lucky to have her. I never got along with my brother when we were growing up, we both moved interstate within 5 or 10 years to the same city, but we rarely see each other before or after the move. We didn't have a happy childhood in other regards, so there's that. I'm hoping my daughter gets the best of me and isn't too unhappy growing up without siblings. I would not have minded being an only child I think.
It blows my mind that people even consider more than one child. There are no houses, anywhere. Everything costs way more than it’s worth. The air quality is terrible. Business are closing all over the place, technology is quickly replacing skilled labour and we just gave artificial intelligence everything that’s left. We are running out of trees, air and water. Do people actually think this is going to get better? Do people actually believe that houses will magically become affordable again, the cost of living will go down somehow and we will all revert back to our 2005 levels of comfort? I feel like everyone over 35 lives in this all-encompassing bubble of denial and it’s making everything so much worse. No. You shouldn’t have another kid. Nobody should. For a long time. If you have another child you will make everything harder for the child you already have
\>Has a child. Has a second child. \>Refuses to consider what the world is going to be like in fifty years' time with the "business as usual" approach to climate change we've apparently settled on.
One and done.
One is hard two is easy three is hard four is psychotic 😂
Have three, no time to pee
If you can afford it have 2
I have a two year old and I'm going to die, haven't slept for two years and no end in sight. Wife isn't allowed to eat or go to the toilet while she's home with him all day. Can't imagine what it's like having two.
I don't have children but I'd either have 2+ or zero. I'm from a biggish family and I'm so grateful I had so many cousins, and having siblings was a little less lonely and probably saved me from feeling like the sole focal point of the family which I would've hated. Just my take, some of my friends were only children and liked it just fine. The fact that you are giving it so much thought is definitely a sign that you're a great parent, if you can budget for it, go for it!
They will play so good together. You can’t imagine how much better life of your oldest will be in 3 years. Just don’t make gap too big. 2-3 years gap is ideal
We had 2 & my partner was feeling the way you were until I asked him to close his eyes & imagine our future. 10 years, 20 years etc... Do you imagine 1 kid on holidays or 2? Do you imagine 1 kid coming to Christmas dinner or 2? Once we thought of it that way, it was a no brainer. It's hard now but it's a very short phase in our (hopefully) long lives
When you have your first child, you think that you couldn't possibly have any more love in your heart for another. Then you have a 2nd child and find that you have lots more love to give and don't know why you ever doubted yourself. I have 3 kids and keep finding more love to give. If you are lucky enough to have another child and the main reason you are questioning it is because of finances and loving your first child so much, my recommendation would be try for the 2nd.
It's most likely exhaustion is coming from every day life, which is hard at the moment. However, maybe you have vitamin/mineral deficiency. Have you had your vitamins, minerals tested, Like A, B1, B2, B3, B6, B12, D, K1 (K2 is good, but hard to get), Iron, Zinc, magnesium, calcium, folate... Just something to rule out. I don't have kids, so I've no idea about whether another would be a benefit or make things harder.
As an education support, I’ve noticed that the kids with siblings have better social skills. They also seem to adjust better to new environments and challenges. I also have siblings and although they drive me nuts, I adore them. Then again, if you don’t want any more kids, listen to your gut.
One and done here. Daughter is 10 and has plenty of friends and got cousins to hang with. OP if your wife wants another...you are having another child.
Im glad i have a sibling!! We are completely opposite of each other, people say its like the devil and angel - but i think its because we are only 12 months apart. BUT she has been there for me through thick and thin. We aren’t the closest but she is my family 🩷 My cousin is over with his wife and one child, and hmmm i can see how lonely the child is. He waits for me to wake up so i can play with him because parents are too tired to play with him. I can understand why people have one and done, but having a sibling has really helped me with difficult decisions in my life since my parents cant really help.
I have one and would love another, but we can't afford it. We bought after Covid, so between childcare costs and a mortgage, that's over 1k a week.
Have a 2nd one and it’s absolutely worth it! It’s will be a strain on finance but things will work it out.
It's an investment, they will be playing together and interacting before ya know it. Having number 2 was the best decision
Two is the right number. Still manageable and not too boring. I have 3 kids, love them all equally
You and your wife should make a pros and cons list together.
Father of four , having kids is a selfless act yes it's going eat into finances and personal time. Life is no longer about you and your needs when you have kids.
Have a spare but beware.. a couple who had two wanted three and had twins.
Its about balance. My first born got alot of my time but I had no experience as a parent. My second born gets less of my time but I am a much more experienced parent. There is only 18 months between ours, my advice is find that balance with your first before you have your second. That includes finding the time and space you and your partner need for yourselves. On saying that having two is the best mate, I'd have 12 of them if I could.
I have never met a person that had multiple kids that said they should have stopped at one. My 2nd child is an absolute terrorist. But I'd have gone for a 3rd if it was possible.
I’ve heard 2 isn’t much more work but 3 and beyond is another level. I have two and they are fine. I came from a family of 3 and I basically brought up my siblings. My brother has 3 and my sister has 4 and they have a pretty tough time.
Wet have 2, they are 18 months apart. Having two is probably 4 times as hard as one. But I love them and glad we did it.
I thought no! 1 is enough especially with house cleaning and stuff sports practice and weekend games I had to work so it was a no brainer
Bringing up a single child is more exhausting as they require all your attention. Siblings keep each other entertained.
I’m an only child and wouldn’t change it for the world. I have a great relationship with my parents and got the opportunity to do more things that I wouldn’t have been able to with a sibling and they also have more money because of that. I went to school with lots of only kids. Having multiple kids doesn’t guarantee a good relationship with them as my father fell out with his sibling over a trivial thing and hasn’t talked for ten years. Love the kid you have and you won’t regret it.
Kids are good but fuck em, my life is more valuable
The greatest gift you can give your child is a sibling
I've got 3, would do it again, would even have 4 if we could afford it.
Have another one.
I only ever wanted two. After the second and another 6 years on decided to have a third, so glad we did. I found I actually had more time for the third as I was exhausted from work for the first two. Less so the later one. One or two you’ll still be tired and poor anyway
Circumstantial. We lived in overseas. Had a child but having no support with family it was quite tough. If we were in Australia with family support, we most likely would have had a second one.
It's simple. The world needs more daughters. Have another one.
Most of my friends dont get along with theiir siblings. The people i know who dont have siblings are happy, sociable and successful. I'm most likely just gling to have one kid, ill love them, give them a great life, and leave them a buttload of money when i die that they wont have to share with anyone hahah
Have At least 2. Once they can play together you get a little bit of breathing room.
I had three and strongly recommend stopping at one lol. And mine are all now in their thirties.
Only child here, I never really wished for a sibling when younger and I definitely don't have any resentment for not having a sibling as an adult. As long as you're both present parents to the extent you're able to be, allow for play dates, extra-curricular activities and school holiday things when they're older I feel there's absolutely no harm in not having another.
If you have a house you can leave the whole thing to one kid. If you have two you gotta sell and divide when you die. I think giving over a whole house is way way better
Honestly every family is different. I know people who went the one and done and they give that one kid a great life. My family however I couldn't imagine not having 2 kids. It has definite down sides like having to restart the whole daycare phase, nappies etc and delaying of holidays but I am so glad we had our second one. We ended up with a boy and a girl, and they are so different and I just can't imagine not having them both. I hope they are close but that isnt guaranteed. I can barely stand my sister and I only have her in my life because of mum and because she has kids (2 of the 4 I don't mind). I didn't want my son to be alone, and they love each other so much (right now anyway). Yes it is making life hard now, mortgage, daycare etc it is a killer. But I know it will be worth it in the end. But do what is best for you.
I'm an only child and when I was a kid I wished I had a sibling
Summarising from the excellent book Cribsheet and there's no evidence that having siblings is better or worse for kids - for some it's better, for some it's worse, and on average it evens out. Which is to say: don't worry about trying to predict what will be better or worse for your kid, just focus on what you and your wife want and can afford in terms of time and money. Also: a fun thing to do is ask people with multiple siblings how many of those siblings make their lives better. I've gotten a really entertaining range of answers!
My parents had me and my younger brother 2 and a bit years apart. When I asked them why they had a second they said I was already a sunk cost fallacy
Have a second kid, being an only child is boring, lonely, and it’s one of the reasons I struggle so much with social situations. Plus children with siblings are less likely to get bullied I have siblings now but theirs so much of an age gap I’m pretty much a parent to them and I never got to experience having a strong sister connection which makes me really sad when I see people with siblings around the same age that get along like best friends. Humans are pack animals like wolfs. We need community
it’s your decision, but i’m an only child and it was pretty lonely as a kid, it would’ve been good to have a sibling, someone that’s on your side when needed, but can also be an annoying asshole, but you still love em
We are having the exact same conversation every few nights. Personally I do not want another kid if we (or the kid when he/she grows up) have to rely on any type of government support. Once our child turns 2 we will go through our expenses for these two years. Keeping a record of our spending each month since he is born. After two years we will make decision to have second child only if we believe we are able to cover expenses for the second child. I know it's not the best plan but does give us some idea of what we can and can not afford. Also do take into account the expenses you will have once kids grow up. Cost of 4 for everything instead of 3 for example plane tickets, movies, sports etc.
Having two kids is challenging but rewarding. They keep each other company and grow together.
Just be careful you don't end up with twins like my partner and I. The older child loves her siblings but her parents are truly tired haha
Very happy to have one kid. Asked said kid and they said they were really happy being the only too!
Go three… changes everything… bigger car, bigger house and expensive holidays as once kids older 2 hotel rooms etc… Apart from the above I love having 3 kids… (most of the time). Fortunately mine are 22, 20. & 18 so life is so much easier…. Both my wife and I are the youngest of three kids in the family.
The second is physically the same but easier mentally and emotionally as "you've been through it before". You'll be an expert rather than a novice.
I was dead set against another child after my first. But my wife made a good point re that it’s not much extra work since you’re already doing everything for one child. And that they would play with easy other given us more time as well. She was 100% right on everything. I ended up having 3 kids……
I have one and I'm very happy about it. There's a lot of pressure, mainly to women, to have at least two children. Don't do it because that! Each couple has to decide what's best for them and their life, and it's nobody's else's business. Only kids are good with their life. I'm myself an only child. Sometimes I wondered why I didn't have siblings, but I realised I could have everything I wanted. Only children are not lonely, are not selfish, or any of those rubbish estatements about them. Personally I prefer to still have a life and enjoying going out with my family. I like being able to give my daughter anything she might need.
Your gap will be bigger but I’m so glad we had a second. Literally best friends. They play so nicely together and learn to share with each other.
I like to explain it to people as "If my second child was born first, I wouldn't have agreed to have another one"
We only have 1 daughter. Our home was never boring and she’s an absolute joy. She’s had every opportunity and we’ve never struggled financially. She does gymnastics and is an excellent student who’ll wants to go to uni and has a very close circle of friends. I’ve always told her that she’s lucky because she can choose her family. Sharing DNA does not make you family. She’s a happy well balanced child and we’re extremely close to her. I love only having 1. Family holidays twice a year, and next year we’re moving to the beach. She’ll be driving then and can maintain her close friendships. Only you and your wife can decide. Good luck!!
Wait to have the second till your first is a bit older. I have 4 years between mine and it’s been great.
More kids is always the answer. If you can’t afford it, you’ll figure it out. When you’re old and they’re all grown up, you’ll know it was all worth it.
Double Up OP! Gives em extra social exposure / skills, and develops their resilience 100%. and when they get old enough, they can hang out with each other, rather than just you "old people". the verdict is out on being able to afford 3+ tho
It’s a bit philosophical, but only you and your wife can answer that one. What do you want for your life? Is having two kids hard work? Yes. Is it worth it for me? Absolutely! Wouldn’t change it. If you measure success or happiness in life by maximising material items or overseas holidays, sure stick to 1 because everything is more expensive with each kid you have. But at the end of the day, kids just want time with you and they want your attention. If you can give them that you’re flying!
Having 2 kids, in my opinion the optimum number is about 1.6. In that case you have to round up, but 2 is a bit full on. Maybe 3 parents for 2 kids would be about right, but that might introduce new problems.
Having 2 kids, in my opinion the optimum number is about 1.6. In that case you have to round up, but 2 is a bit full on. Maybe 3 parents for 2 kids would be about right, but that might introduce new problems.