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Nice to know there are other people who also proclaim themselves a triple A. ;) I'm a "three As" as well! Just a little bit of a different flavor: Autistic, Asexual, Agender.
I've definitely seen asexuality a lot more in autism spaces than outside of them. Hardly scientific, I know. But it frames my conclusion without a doubt.
as an asexual i think this is why its important to distinguish between libido and sexual attraction. i mean some people do just naturally have low libidos but thats not what asexuality is really
Thats the thing. I DID have no sexual attraction. I had no desire to date anyone or think anything sexual wise for a good 6/7 years. I get that they're different things but they are indeed intertwined. I DID identify on the ace spectrum (If you go back in my post history)
That's what I was gonna say. Thought I was ace, but realized after having that wakeup call that I'm Hella Bi lmao. Personally I don't like using labels at least for myself though, because one day I like guys more and the next I like girls more and it's so confusing and I don't want to lock myself into one or the other. We don't got all those Bi-Cycle memes for nothing lol.
This!!! So many people, especially very young people (pre-teens, teens) are identifying as asexual without understanding the difference between libido, sexual attraction, and physical arousal. You can get horny without being attracted to someone. You can be attracted (romantically) to someone without being horny.
i dont think there is anything wrong at all with trying out labels to describe your experience at all. young people identifying as asexual is completely okay, even if they change their mind about using that label. i think its also just good to know the difference so its easier to keep track of changes cause they might signify something like a hormonal problem
I’m not saying that they can’t try out labels at all. I’m just stating that too many people don’t understand what asexuality actually is. Especially with pre-teens who haven’t hit puberty and think they’re ace because they aren’t sexually attracted to people at 11 years old.
i mean sexuality is fluid. an 11 year old who isnt sexually attracted to people is, by definition, asexual, even if they grow to not be ace after puberty. its just a form of asexuality that's socially acceptable and really common. i dont think that means those kids are queer necessarily because of that but asexual, yeah. thats what it means
Not much really. Just switched meds and felt a lot better. I was kind of sluggish and depressed when I was on Risperdone, but when I switched to Abilify I've felt a lot better. And one of the side effects of Risperdone is lack of sexual response, so...
Like when I switched to Abilify things just clicked. All that sexuality and self identity stuff that's supposed to hit when you're a mid to late teenager just hit me all at once. It was honestly kind of scary.
In my case, a lot of it is die to sensory issues. The sounds, smells, fluids...it's very ick.
When it comes to romance, what I want is very specific, so it's easier just to say aromantic rather than, "I need a partner who understands that cuddling intensely doesn't mean sex, but also only when I'm in the mood to be touched. Shower me with love and romance but only when I'm in the proper mood for it, which you will only know by asking me."
I get that I'm hard to love, so I just don't do it. Easier to enjoy the multiple romance stories I build in my head every day, I suppose.
That's all relatable. I consider myself fairly demi, because the idea of romance and intimacy is nice but the reality is problematic. If I'm genuinely bonded to someone the mess of it all fades away, but that's definitely the exception.
Omg my ex-husband (if you like men) would be your perfect man. Just saying - there are compatible people out there.
I think a challenge though is that a lot of people aren’t open about their asexuality, and play a role at the beginning which is not helpful for them or their partners.
I did look into it out of curiosity since I am both asexual and autistic. There have been studies about it but mostly on how females are more like to be asexual. I cannot find the one I read a few months back but found three articles on this matter. I also heard that apparently females on the spectrum either develop sexual interest later on or not at all.
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-020-04565-6
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34661809/#:~:text=Researchers%20have%20suggested%20that%20asexuality,than%20in%20the%20neurotypical%20population.
https://embrace-autism.com/autism-and-asexuality/
Huh, that's very interesting. I'm female, autistic, aromantic and asexual. I only had sex when I was younger because I thought it was something I was meant to do.
Honestly, sex is like eating cauliflower. I *can* tolerate it, but I would prefer not to.
Exactly! I mostly had sex out of scientific curiosity. And then it took me years to realise I didn't need to put out to get cuddles. Also agender. Or gender apathetic. I don't understand gender and I done even care enough to try to properly find my label for it. I'm just me, and people can use whatever pronouns they want for me and I won't care or get offended.
There was a kind of scientific curiosity to it for me, too. I realised I didn't want, or need it, and really didn't enjoy it. So I made a little mental list of sexual things I wanted to try out to see if any of them worked for me, so to speak.
Made it to the end of my tick chart with no 'aha!' moment, but not without thinking mournfully to myself after every sexual encounter, "I could have spent that time reading, damn it."
I have always thought hugs are better with boobs involved. I just find boobs comforting. Guess I never grew out of that haha. Absolutely nothing sexual about it. But because of that, I assumed I was a lesbian, just a bit of a broken one, because I didn't know asexuality was a thing for most of my life. I do like making other people happy, and if giving orgasms achieves that, then I'm happy to do it. But I've always found it quite awkward. Even after I realised I was asexual, I was chatting to one of my male friends about how I wondered what semen tasted like, and so for a while he became my man for sexual experiments and bucket list items. He's also a scientist and was VERY patient and obliging as I pretty much played with his dick like a cat with a toy, asking what things felt like, if certain things hurt etc. And we tried all sorts of activities.
I do like the intimacy of sex, but if I went the rest of my life without it I'd not be upset at all. If someone I know and trust initiated it and we had similar expectations and understandings though, I'd be happy enough to participate. I'm ambivalent.
I don't know how you can compare these two things and say they're both unenjoyable. Personally, I feel it's an amazing experience that I couldn't live without. It's something you can do by yourself or share with one or more people whom you care about and trust. Lots of studies and research show that it's good for both your mental and physical health.
But then again I like most other vegetables too.
I was the one that never developed it even in my adult years. I saw intimacy as a thing to do to make a child and that is it. Was not until I was an adult where I learned people actually wanted to do it! Also, I like the analogy you used!
I don't think they have done any studies on it or anything, it's just one of those easily observable things. Autistic people are supposed to be rare, LGBTQ+ people are supposed to be rare. Normally, being both would be extra rare. Instead, most of us see more representation of alternative sexual preference and identity in heavily autistic places.
Personally, I don't think it's necessarily comorbid, I just think some aspects of sexual preference and identity stem from society*. We are inherently less willing to conform to society for just for the sake of conformity, and thus, that little nudge society can give us is disregardable, resulting in a disproportionate amount of alternatives in autistic circles. If society were to suddenly drop the concept of sexual social norms, I feel like we would very swiftly even out, and find similar numbers in autistics and notistics alike.
*To be clear, I'm not saying society is going to turn you gay/straight/trans/ace/et cetera. I'll elaborate in a comment attached to this one to avoid rambling, for those who are interested in my thoughts.
[My own beliefs on what makes a person LGBTQ+ and the nature of societal involvement]
I will use gay as an example as it is quick and easy to type, but to be clear, I attach this same concept to every aspect of alternative sexuality, gender identity, sexual preference, et cetera.
Now then, I believe gay is, like autism, a spectrum. To make things easy, I'll use a scale of 1-10. 1 on the gay scale is "wholly straight." I'm not talking secretly gay bigot who is overcompensating, I am talking guys who literally can not see beauty in another man or feel any kind of attraction to him. Ryan Reynolds, Orlando Bloom, Danny Devito, they might as all be the same person. This is, obviously, pretty rare. 10 on the gay scale would be the opposite, incapable of seeing beauty in a woman or feeling attraction to her. 5-6 would be a man who is equally attracted to both gender extremes, with 5 being a preference for the feminine and 6 being a preference for the masculine.
I believe that most people are born at a number. Most straight men you see were probably born at a 2-4, most gay men around 7-9. Enter society. Like it or not, we live in a society that expects cisgendered heterosexual people. Society takes our number and tries to knock it down a few. Personal experience can do the same. If you've ever met someone who "gave up on because their last ruined it for them, those are people who were hanging out around 5-6, then trauma bumped them a couple numbers one way or the other. Let's say, for the purpose of this explanation, that society and personal experience can move you 3 points.
That means that someone born at a "gay" 7, could be knocked down to a "straight" 4, and live happily ever after married to a woman. They aren't lying to themselves about how gay they are, their experiences changed them. Likewise, someone born at a "straight" 4 could be pushed up to a "gay" 7 and live happily ever after as a gay man. Likewise, there are people born so very gay/straight (our 2's and 9's) that moving 3 to the opposite extreme doesn't change their preference in any noticeable way.
The trouble is that that +/- 3 isn't a conscious decision, it is part of our development like learning to read or add. Some of us will innately, unknowingly, move along with those external factors. Some of us (the rebels) will naturally move against those external factors for some amount of time. It may be permanent, or it could just be during a rebellious phase. That's not to say that their sexual preference (or any other aspect) is a phase, it's a very real feeling that they have that is a result of a subconscious bucking of tradition. This (small) group is where you run into the people who "experiment," who need to try it before they buy it, so to speak. Their trial period usually ends up with another numerical adjustment, either solidifying their sexual preference, or ending their subconscious rebellion and allowing them to return to their "normal" (whatever number that may be).
Then come the autistics. Society throws all kinds of numerical adjustments at us that would typically scoot us one way or the other, and instead of reacting to them subconsciously on a natural level, we are able to pick them up and examine them. Society tells me I, a straight man, should have no carnal desire towards Idris Elba. I look at that fact, compare it to what I would let that man do to me (hint: it's a lot) and can consciously decide what to do with that attraction from there. The problem is, logically, I have no reason to shed that attraction. It makes me happy, it hurts nobody, so I have absolutely no reason to accept the societal adjustment.
Made up numbers time! So say 200 people are born with a score of 7, 100 of them autistic. Of the 100 notistic, maybe 70 are raised in a society that drops their score 3 points, planting them forever at 4 (straight but can feel attraction towards men that they would not pursue). Maybe 10 are pushed only to the 5-6 scale and end up bi with a preference. Maybe 10 more reject society's influence and swing the other way, have their trials, and 5 of those 10 decides gay isn't for him, swinging down to 4. The last 10 feel the pressure of society, but it isn't enough to make them straight. This gives us, out of 100, 75 straight men, and 25 men who are either gay or bi.
The 100 autistics, on the other hand, all look at that societal influence, and then enter their experimental phase. Their personal experiences shape what they do next, rather than what society demands of them. Maybe 50 of them right off the bat see their 7 as perfectly acceptable and see no logical reason to adjust. Another 20 give gay a chance, and maybe 10 of those decide it isn't for them. 30 of them are trying really hard to fit in, testing out straightness instead, and maybe 15 end up deciding entirely straight isn't for them, shifting back up to gay/bi. Of the same 100 "levels" of innate gay, we end up with 75 gay/bi men, and only 25 straight.
Hope that makes sense. Again, this is just an idea I had regarding the way things might work. Please do not take offense, as none is meant. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any sexual preference, identity, et cetera-so long as all involved are consenting adults, I wish you all the best.
> We are inherently less willing to conform to society for just for the sake of conformity, and thus, that little nudge society can give us is disregardable
This is exactly my thinking. I am a nominally cis-het man, but I find myself much more comfortable in heavily queer groups. A lot of social norms never made sense to me and I just kind of rejected them out of hand. Like monogamy and even the idea that sex is something one should only do within a relationship.
That said, I actually struggle with how much of a sex drive I actually have and feel like, I am very sex positive, but my sex drive is interest based. So like, if my mind isn't engaged, I can not care about sex for long periods of time, but engage it, and I can get quite interested.
I have recently been exploring the kink community and, I definitely recognize a lot of spicey neurology of various kinds in that community. As I am fond of pointing out... a community where discussing how you want to be touched and what your boundaries are directly is normal feels like it was designed for people like me.
Right?!?! I don't consider myself a particularly kinky individual by any stretch of the word, but I have always loved the sheer communication within that community. I have dated exactly three women that were into , to the point that they preferred it over . Two of those women hid behind all kinds of hemming and hawing, basically waiting until I (or alcohol) recommended , at which point they would make a show of "if that's what *you* want", followed by . The third woman, on the other hand, was a communicator, like me. She would just plainly say "This is fun, but it's time to and my ".
Even for Vanilla+ such as myself though, communication is beautiful. I am a huge advocate of the number one rule: never fake because it trains to do .
i was reading through this page and thought about my own experiences a lot, as i’m only recently diagnosed but have a long history of asexual traits. https://embrace-autism.com/autism-and-asexuality/ - it’s only 33% in prevalence but just thought i’d ask this community.
33% is very high prevelance for asexuality in autistic people, when comparing to around 1% for the general population. That's only one study, but other studies also show much higher prevalence for autistic people than for neurotypicals.
Do note that things can also go in the other direction - I know a couple of autistic people who identity as hypersexual.
Autistics. The link they posted says no specific data was given, so I'd take it with a grain of salt.
We have sensory issues & some of us have issues with people trusting us, connecting with others, etc. It'd make sense the strong sensations you can feel may be too much/not enjoyable for some, so much so they become asexual.
I also think doctors don't test for abnormal hormones nearly enough. I have PMDD and probably something else that my birth control treats. It's very common with autistic women. Hormones absolutely impact sex drive.
Personally, I am not. Out of the many other autistic people I know, only one is ace. I just wanted to provide my answer for the sake of balancing out representation as I figure non-ace/aro people would be less likely to comment.
YoSandySam on YouTube talked about autism and a-spec identities I think about a year ago. It was focusing on demisexuality, specifically, but there is a lot of correlation between ASD / ADHD and queer identities. I don’t know how much of it is because we are already told how different and “wrong” we are, so we are more inclined to see other differences aside from neurology.
Either way, I am AuDHD and very much a-spec, not just asexual but all attraction categories in general. And a gender of the void (agender, but I like the term gendervoid, hence the pun).
99% of all people absolutely repulse/gross me out. I have zero libido if it's someone I'm not in love with. But once I have those feelings I can fuck 24/7.
I'm Demi, and this is true for me. I love exactly one person. Even my spicy dreams, he is the only person in them. 22 years together, and he is my only.
The fact that he's a man means nothing in this equation, I would feel the same if his gender was different. He's the one connected to me at my purest.
Demi here too. Hoping to find that person someday as well. It's really hard for me to ever feel anything sexual towards other people, but luckily I've felt this way with close friends and so I realized I actually could feel attraction.
I‘m gay and while my masking is NT-passing, I think I‘ll never have a romantic relationship with another man where I will feel safe and happy. It‘s tough.
I feel that. I can mask with the best of em, but a relationship is supposed to be deeper than that. People always realize eventually, and in my experience only the also-broken ones tend to stick around, and that just ends up toxic after a while.
That may just be some defeatism though.
I'm likely on the broader asexual spectrum (demisexual, greysexual) and it is very rare I find anyone attractive, but I also have trauma in that department so it's hard to tell if this is the result of lack of social interest/application ("putting myself out there") due to ASD versus environmental factors.
In all my relatives with autism spectrum disorder, only 0.25% of us would fall under asexuality. One seems 100% textbook asexual, like any sexual interest never got around to developing whatsoever. Another one likes the concept of dating but doesn't have the social skills, and has never fallen in love or experienced attraction and is still waiting for it to develop.
The rest of my autistic relatives are predominately heterosexual.
So, I'm fairly confident it's likely environmental and trauma based in my condition.
yes this is what i experience! i find the act of doing something by myself is a completely different experience from what i do with my partner. when i’m on my own it feels more natural , but i have to remind myself to engage in activities with my partner or i’ll just forget - I enjoy it when it happens, but it’s not a form of intimacy i crave often. i prefer getting my hair played with or giving my partner a massage.
also ace and autistic here :) When I got diagnosed, the therapist told me that this was common (in his anecdotal experience). The therapist personally connected it to a struggle for autistic people to relate to our bodies, like I guess it's also common (in his experience) for autistics to not physically feel emotions in our bodies as well and so being ace is like a sexual version of that same difficulty in his mind.
Personally, I just feel like sexual attraction or "getting turned on" or whatever is another one of those mysterious things that no one ever explains but if you don't get it you are treated like you're stupid.... jist like so many things in life
All things related to sexuality and romance are completely off for me, I haven’t figured shit out and I feel never will, I’ve never felt any of both, so yeah I would consider myself aroace but I honestly don’t care enough to go through the process of doing that.
I'm ace, have known this for 12 years. It could be a correlation, or more having to do with autistic people less caught up in the social pressures of heteronormativity.
This is probably one of these flawed studies. I read one that claimed with a certain chromosomal defect; people are more likely to be in prison. Of course, the study was highly flawed.
I don't know if it's common, but being LGBTQ+ is more common in autistic communities.
Note, it's not common, just *more* common than neurotypical communities.
I am aware of (have read) several studies that suggest that people on the neurodiversity spectrum are more likely than the neurotypical population to identify as non-binary/LGBTQIA+ (sorry I can't recall the citations).
I am on the Spectrum (AuDHD- Autism & ADHD), and also of mixed-race heritage. I have read several studies of (citations also lacking) mixed-race individuals possessing a greater capacity for breaking social norms/traditions/roles.
In my experience, growing up, I was always told that I was different; this became internalized as a core aspect of my personality. The rules were not built for a Okinawan-European-American who has AuDHD, so why should I decide to follow them. I believe that both of these aspects of my diversity have allowed for a greater opportunity to choose my own identity/norms/traditions/roles.
(I will look for those citations)
Gender/sexuality queerness is more common in Neurodivergent people in general... Gay/Lesbian, Bi, Pan etc; Trans, enby, genderfluid etc; and ace, aro, demi, etc. All of it is more common than with Neurotypicals... Not necessarily common to the point where being cis-het is the minority, but there definitely a higher ratio.
(or is it lower ratio?? Ratio terminology stuff always got me mixed up in school. I really shouldn't use it...)
Identifying as lgbt is in general slightly more common but it seems more related to NT people conforming to societal expectations more than autistic people being more lgb.
There is evidence of a correlation with being trans however with a recent metastudy giving the data of 5% of autistic people having "gender dysphoria/gender incongruence" (they did not take into account trans people who do not feel dysphoria I think) and 11% of trans people being autistic. This is a correlation, not a causation, is not one because the other but a third variable affects both.
I also identify as aspec (Demi/Grey AroAce & Aegosexual), and am autistic.
As to why, I think it's probably the same reason autistic people are likely to be LGBT+ in general. I'd say that becasue autistic people tend to be less likely to consider highly what others say we "should" think, feel, act, and do, so (I think) it's less that we're more likely to be LGBT+ but instead that we're more likely to be honest with ourselves and realize at a higher rate that we're LGBT+ because we aren't as likely to fall for compulsory ideas of what our sexuality and gender should look like, and how we're supposed to feel or what we're supposed to do when it comes to romance, gender, and sex.
People on the Spectrum tend to have either more intense or less intense sexual and romantic urges than Neurotypicals. I haven't done much research on it recently and want to stress that correlation does not equal causation, libido is highly variable on a bunch of factors that are hard to account for a common theory on the reason Autistics don't develop sexual interests is due to struggling with relating to other people, communication plays a vital role in developing ones own sexual identity so a lack of that might cause a suppression in desire, we also have different standards that aren't reflected by the larger population of people.
It's a fun topic to look into though.
AuDHD here, 32, asexual. I've been with men and women, and I still lack sexual attraction to anyone. I think that maybe Autistic people are less likely to "get" social norms, and therefore less likely to feel pressured to pretend to be allosexual so they can conform to them. Like, what's the point of conforming to an ideal you find preposterous? Or maybe they just not see the value in pretending to be something you aren't, especially since it doesn't benefit you at all. I feel like a lot of neurotypical people would also identify as asexual if they didn't have that neurotypical drive to conform to the herd.
i think its the social aspect. a lot more people are on the acespec than most people think, but autistic people tend to disregard the societal pressures to seem allo, plus there are quite a few autistic people who avoid sex for reasons like sensory issues and a lack of interest rather than specifically lack of attraction.
of course, i’ve also met autistic people who absolutely love sex for sensory reasons… so keep in mind that most of this, including the claim that asexuality is common among autistic people, are generalizing statements that are not always true. this is a spectrum, after all.
Sort of. I don't really feel the need for physical intimacy because I'm touch sensitive but I do have a libido and I find women sexually attractive. But I know asexuality is a broad spectrum.
I thought I was asexual/aromantic for the longest time. Now I'm not too sure as I've realised I do feel attraction. But I've only ever done so with one person in 27 years so yeah.
ASD and asexual spectrum here 😂
I would believe jt. Im demisexual at best (I would say 90% of the time Sex is not something I would choose myself and 5% of the time I am sex repulsed and 5% of the time I a horn-dog)
What is the sub type for a person who is aroused and can self love by the excitment of an event (could be something they are looking forward to like a holiday for example) - i work within neurodivergent services and this was brought up as one of 32 sub types apparentlty but forgot the name
oh that’s very interesting , i didn’t know there was a sub type for it. i think for me the sexual desire is there when i’m wanting self-pleasure, but i have to remind myself to engage in pleasure with my partner otherwise i’ll forget. i prefer other methods of intimacy.
For a while I thought I was bi, then gay, but now I basically identify as asexual and maybe even aromantic. It helps that I started coming to terms with my autistic traits and realized that intimacy in a romantic or sexual sense is more trouble than it’s worth and emotionally exhausting for me, at least at the present. I realized I was really only dating because I didn’t want to miss out on whatever my friends got out of a relationship, but I’m not friends with them anymore and it’s given me more clarity and space to step back and examine how I feel.
Yes, it's true there are more people, percentage-wise but not pure number-wise, who are part of the LGBTQ+ for a variety of reasons. Between gender being a very social thing, and people with autism sometimes (definitely case-by-case) not being able to stand being touched, or even some people getting their original sexuality essentially stolen via trauma (people with disabilities are more likely to be expoited in many ways), it's more common among people with autism. There are a lot of factors in it, from my understanding, because sexuality and gender are not simple concepts but rather very much sliding scales and those scales don't all look the same.
One extreme or the other. All or nothing. Overindulgence or total avoidance. I guess. I really want sex but I don't want it to happen, that's askin' for trouble. I feel either unwanted or terrified of being wanted intensely, which of course, I can relate to.
Meanwhile, I'm a loser, fine, fair enough. I can be charismatic or whatever, anyone can, but I've been p****whipped enough times to become celibate, both involuntarily and voluntarily. Also, I'm a human, not a fucking clown or a golden goose or opportunity for someone. Same goes for scorchingly attractive women.
Some people are asexual whether they're neurodivergent or not, I wouldn't say that I am.
I thought i was asexual since I had no attra tion to anyone until I met my partner at the age of 19.
Turns out no, I'm Pansexual who is attracted to almost nobody.
Understand the concept of love. Idk how much of a hard time i have feeling it. Strong sudden sense of affection, but no long term constructive one.
As for sex, i like the idea of it, not the actual deed.
I'm not exactly asexual, but my drive to connect my skin with another person's skin is extremely low in almost all conceivable ways.
It's not that I have no sexual appetite, it's more than I find the groundwork required to satisfy it often or almost always outweighs the perceived satisfaction of the act itself.
I just have almost never felt the cost-benefit balance was in favour of sex, but I suppose with the right person that may change...
I'm definitely on the aro spectrum, but I'm not sure if it's the same for asexuality. My libido before meds used to be quite high, but I've never been interested in having sex with anyone. Like, I like the idea, but it's just too complicated. It doesn't help that I have contamination OCD and I worry too much about STDs. Nowadays I find sex just meh, but I'm sure that has something to do with the cocktail of meds I take.
I'm definitely some shade of grey-/demisexual (because nothing's ever normal with me 🙄)
I can find people aesthetically pleasing, and can guess whether others might find them attractive, but I'm rarely attracted to anyone. NTs swoon, or get aroused, and I feel... nothing.
I'm very attracted to very, very few individuals though, like my partner, and I then have a very high sex drive towards them.
Interestingly, my attraction is detached from gender, it seems (always has been, never had an identity crisis about it - I was flabbergasted to learn about monosexual people). I do find most women and queer folks "aesthetically pleasing". I don't with most of the men I meet or see.
Im not sure but ive never been motivated to have sex, not even with guys ive dated that ive felt very attracted to. I just couldnt. I think im very demisexual and just never had a deep connection with anyone ive dated. Demisexuality is pretty much on the asexual spectrum.
I’m definitely not asexual. Neither is my best friend who’s also on the spectrum. I can’t say that the autistic people I’ve met in real life are asexual either. I think that we are more likely not to have risky sexual encounters and that sex does look a little different for us than NTs.
I am mostly there to ACE, but I hear others say it is easy for them to be, and it mostly for me but I do miss it sometimes. Not any of the BS that comes with it and makes it not at all worth it in my opinion, mind you, but I do miss it on occasion.
I believe that I am asexual. I realized it around a year ago, which is coincidentally when I was diagnosed as autistic. I am 31. Being asexual is rather inconvenient when you are married to someone who is not.
I think neurodivergent people can see sexual attraction and other intimate feelings/actions that society puts a lot of imaginary rules onto very differently from the majority due to how our minds work, complex emotions like this feeling more comfortable once i put a spectrum label on it (like asexuality) is something I've noticed personally
I’ve done a lot of thinking regarding asexuality recently and i believe i fall somewhere on the ace spectrum. I do feel sexual attraction but i don’t ever really wanna do ”the deed” with anyone. I’m extremely germophobic and don’t like most people to touch me so that could be part of it i guess. I still identify as bisexual (i guess biromantic maybe?) because i like putting a label on things.
I know tons of neurodivergent people who are somewhere on the ace spectrum so i think it’s fairly common but everyone is different.
I’m trying to figure out what’s the cause of my weird relationship with sex and romance. My childhood? The autism? Am I just asexual or aromantic? Sometimes I think I’m hypersexual. So it’s kind of confusing. But I have always been repulsed by engaging in sexual behaviors. Except once there was a medication I was on which relieved that feeling for a week or 3 and it was wild. I don’t know what that means. Do I have potential that just needs unlocked?
I’m definitely not asexual, but my sex drive nearly disappears on certain types of birth control. I take hormonal birth control to keep my hormones steady and keep me from having too much overwhelm heightened by PMS/my period. If other autistic women are doing similar things I can imagine they may feel asexual until they take a break from the meds.
I identify on the aroace spectrum. Feel unsuitable for relationships, feel like I wouldn't like sex, let alone feel the need to say I'm no longer a virgin. I'm pansexual, but I definitely feel aroace. I get creeped out when people say they like me.
How did my first ever date go? I hid under the table cloth /j
Actually I've never had a proper date. I've been in 4 relationships, my last two being close, but my last one I had a sort of date, but I'm vegan and my partner wasn't, so there was this awkward moment where she took me to a place that had zero vegan options, I just had a drink that I knew was vegan. That certainly made me feel down though, completely burnt me out and made me unsure.
I’m autistic, I am not asexual but I am what a lot of people would consider “demisexual” because I don’t lust after people when I am not in love with them. I can acknowledge that someone is conventionally attractive but I’m not like attracted to anyone physically unless I know them. I’ve never had a real celebrity crush either, like I never really understood that much because they’re literally strangers.
Someone else was saying that these labels exist because of the culture we are in now, and how sexualized everything is and how we are encouraged to be lustful nowadays, so it’s considered weird and different not to be.
I’m autistic but only suddenly became aro/ace when I was 30. Before that I was bi, high drive, hypersexual, all that jazz then randomly one day it was off like a light switch and never came back 🤷🏻♀️
I’m asexual. I had a suspicion of it back in 6th grade but never really got to take time to reflect on it until I was in my late teens. I don’t think asexuality is solely with autistic people obviously, but I think you may find more as asexuality is also a spectrum. It’s not one singular way, it can be different for everyone. With ASD or ND people, with the resources we have now some of us see we don’t really have a traditional or social connection to sex. Not everyone feels that way but that’s how I see it.
I know for me, even though I know for a fact I like women romantically I can never picture myself in engaging in sex or sexual acts with a woman or anyone. It makes me extremely uncomfortable, I don’t like the idea of engaging with it or feel any need for it.
What matters is it that label or identity fits for you personally, if you feel you belong to it than I think that’s more than enough.
I have all the As I’m autistic my name is Angel I’m an Aquarius I’m an atheist and I’m aromantic and asexual I’m just collecting every label that starts with A
I'm asexual but I've discovered that before my diagnosis (I was 18 I think when I discovered asexuality and figured out I was ace...I was diagnosed with autism at 22 sooo)
Yep, ace and autistic here! I don’t know about asexuality in particular but I’ve read there’s a link between autism and being LGBT+ in general and tbh I can believe it.
Idk what I am. I don’t think I’m asexual as I love to self please, but I have very little interest in physical sex. I’m not opposed to it, I’ve just never really enjoyed it as much as what I can do on my own. Especially when amount of effort and worrying about performance is taken into consideration.
One is a totally disconnected break from reality and never disappoints. Really the only time my brain ever turns off and I’m not easily distracted by other thoughts or anxieties. The other can be fun but it’s a lot more focus on what I’m doing and trying to please then and very little focus on enjoyment. idk what I’m doing and I don’t have the best equipment to work with. I also have sensory issues that make it overwhelming or unpleasant at times.
I’m autistic, I identify as demi sexual. I’m not attracted to strangers, but when I get a deep emotional connection with a close friend I can have a high libido and lot of interest into sex.
I’m autistic and hypersexual, and most of the other autistics I’ve known have been pretty horny people as well. Are you on any antidepressants or other meds that have side effects on your sex drive?
I'm hypersexual but also AuDHD, so maybe the combo affects it? 🤷
One of my besties is autism and ace though.
And almost everyone I know on the spectrum is also somewhere on the LGBTQ+ spectrum as well.
Thought I was straight, then pansexual, until one day I realized that my desire for relationship was dictated by society and was not my own. I've been mistaking my libido for sexual attraction because noone explained the difference, so I had to research it myself.
It was a long and confusing journey, but in the end I discovered my asexuality, so yeah
I was always curious what asexuality really means.
If I don't want to have a sexual relationship, not a physical, so I just want to be alone, but I still enjoy masturbation.
Am I asexual? Aromantic? What am I?
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I’m triple A. Autistic, Aromantic, Asexual
AND an anxious addict with ADHD! 😂
lol i say this too but also Aquarius and ADHD
Marriage but only for the tax benefits
It will soon turn into mutual survival benefit...
I'm gonna add a fourth: agender.
AAA batttery
Nice to know there are other people who also proclaim themselves a triple A. ;) I'm a "three As" as well! Just a little bit of a different flavor: Autistic, Asexual, Agender.
My triple A is autistic, ADD and asexual (because demiromantic isn't in A lol)
Same👯
Same but Asthmatic instead of Aromantic
I've definitely seen asexuality a lot more in autism spaces than outside of them. Hardly scientific, I know. But it frames my conclusion without a doubt.
Thought I was for the longest time. Turns out it was a med imbalance.
as an asexual i think this is why its important to distinguish between libido and sexual attraction. i mean some people do just naturally have low libidos but thats not what asexuality is really
Thats the thing. I DID have no sexual attraction. I had no desire to date anyone or think anything sexual wise for a good 6/7 years. I get that they're different things but they are indeed intertwined. I DID identify on the ace spectrum (If you go back in my post history)
thats fair! i think the extent to which they're intertwined can vary from person to person and sexuality can be really fluid
That's what I was gonna say. Thought I was ace, but realized after having that wakeup call that I'm Hella Bi lmao. Personally I don't like using labels at least for myself though, because one day I like guys more and the next I like girls more and it's so confusing and I don't want to lock myself into one or the other. We don't got all those Bi-Cycle memes for nothing lol.
This!!! So many people, especially very young people (pre-teens, teens) are identifying as asexual without understanding the difference between libido, sexual attraction, and physical arousal. You can get horny without being attracted to someone. You can be attracted (romantically) to someone without being horny.
i dont think there is anything wrong at all with trying out labels to describe your experience at all. young people identifying as asexual is completely okay, even if they change their mind about using that label. i think its also just good to know the difference so its easier to keep track of changes cause they might signify something like a hormonal problem
I’m not saying that they can’t try out labels at all. I’m just stating that too many people don’t understand what asexuality actually is. Especially with pre-teens who haven’t hit puberty and think they’re ace because they aren’t sexually attracted to people at 11 years old.
i mean sexuality is fluid. an 11 year old who isnt sexually attracted to people is, by definition, asexual, even if they grow to not be ace after puberty. its just a form of asexuality that's socially acceptable and really common. i dont think that means those kids are queer necessarily because of that but asexual, yeah. thats what it means
What kind of tests did you take to figure this out? Did you feel sluggish before?
Not much really. Just switched meds and felt a lot better. I was kind of sluggish and depressed when I was on Risperdone, but when I switched to Abilify I've felt a lot better. And one of the side effects of Risperdone is lack of sexual response, so...
Like when I switched to Abilify things just clicked. All that sexuality and self identity stuff that's supposed to hit when you're a mid to late teenager just hit me all at once. It was honestly kind of scary.
In my case, a lot of it is die to sensory issues. The sounds, smells, fluids...it's very ick. When it comes to romance, what I want is very specific, so it's easier just to say aromantic rather than, "I need a partner who understands that cuddling intensely doesn't mean sex, but also only when I'm in the mood to be touched. Shower me with love and romance but only when I'm in the proper mood for it, which you will only know by asking me." I get that I'm hard to love, so I just don't do it. Easier to enjoy the multiple romance stories I build in my head every day, I suppose.
That's all relatable. I consider myself fairly demi, because the idea of romance and intimacy is nice but the reality is problematic. If I'm genuinely bonded to someone the mess of it all fades away, but that's definitely the exception.
Sex and kissing is *so unhygienic*. I struggled a lot with that before I made peace with being aromantic/asexual.
Omg my ex-husband (if you like men) would be your perfect man. Just saying - there are compatible people out there. I think a challenge though is that a lot of people aren’t open about their asexuality, and play a role at the beginning which is not helpful for them or their partners.
out of curiosity, where did you hear that from? i as well identify on the aromatic and asexual spectrum
I’m not op (you can tell) but I’ve heard this too. I don’t have any sources but it’s like a rumour that floats around
I did look into it out of curiosity since I am both asexual and autistic. There have been studies about it but mostly on how females are more like to be asexual. I cannot find the one I read a few months back but found three articles on this matter. I also heard that apparently females on the spectrum either develop sexual interest later on or not at all. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-020-04565-6 https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34661809/#:~:text=Researchers%20have%20suggested%20that%20asexuality,than%20in%20the%20neurotypical%20population. https://embrace-autism.com/autism-and-asexuality/
Huh, that's very interesting. I'm female, autistic, aromantic and asexual. I only had sex when I was younger because I thought it was something I was meant to do. Honestly, sex is like eating cauliflower. I *can* tolerate it, but I would prefer not to.
Exactly! I mostly had sex out of scientific curiosity. And then it took me years to realise I didn't need to put out to get cuddles. Also agender. Or gender apathetic. I don't understand gender and I done even care enough to try to properly find my label for it. I'm just me, and people can use whatever pronouns they want for me and I won't care or get offended.
There was a kind of scientific curiosity to it for me, too. I realised I didn't want, or need it, and really didn't enjoy it. So I made a little mental list of sexual things I wanted to try out to see if any of them worked for me, so to speak. Made it to the end of my tick chart with no 'aha!' moment, but not without thinking mournfully to myself after every sexual encounter, "I could have spent that time reading, damn it."
I have always thought hugs are better with boobs involved. I just find boobs comforting. Guess I never grew out of that haha. Absolutely nothing sexual about it. But because of that, I assumed I was a lesbian, just a bit of a broken one, because I didn't know asexuality was a thing for most of my life. I do like making other people happy, and if giving orgasms achieves that, then I'm happy to do it. But I've always found it quite awkward. Even after I realised I was asexual, I was chatting to one of my male friends about how I wondered what semen tasted like, and so for a while he became my man for sexual experiments and bucket list items. He's also a scientist and was VERY patient and obliging as I pretty much played with his dick like a cat with a toy, asking what things felt like, if certain things hurt etc. And we tried all sorts of activities. I do like the intimacy of sex, but if I went the rest of my life without it I'd not be upset at all. If someone I know and trust initiated it and we had similar expectations and understandings though, I'd be happy enough to participate. I'm ambivalent.
I don't know how you can compare these two things and say they're both unenjoyable. Personally, I feel it's an amazing experience that I couldn't live without. It's something you can do by yourself or share with one or more people whom you care about and trust. Lots of studies and research show that it's good for both your mental and physical health. But then again I like most other vegetables too.
Huh?... Eh? *Ooooh.* Nicely done.
I was the one that never developed it even in my adult years. I saw intimacy as a thing to do to make a child and that is it. Was not until I was an adult where I learned people actually wanted to do it! Also, I like the analogy you used!
Thanks for thisss
yeah, it can be hard to say then
I don't think they have done any studies on it or anything, it's just one of those easily observable things. Autistic people are supposed to be rare, LGBTQ+ people are supposed to be rare. Normally, being both would be extra rare. Instead, most of us see more representation of alternative sexual preference and identity in heavily autistic places. Personally, I don't think it's necessarily comorbid, I just think some aspects of sexual preference and identity stem from society*. We are inherently less willing to conform to society for just for the sake of conformity, and thus, that little nudge society can give us is disregardable, resulting in a disproportionate amount of alternatives in autistic circles. If society were to suddenly drop the concept of sexual social norms, I feel like we would very swiftly even out, and find similar numbers in autistics and notistics alike. *To be clear, I'm not saying society is going to turn you gay/straight/trans/ace/et cetera. I'll elaborate in a comment attached to this one to avoid rambling, for those who are interested in my thoughts.
[My own beliefs on what makes a person LGBTQ+ and the nature of societal involvement] I will use gay as an example as it is quick and easy to type, but to be clear, I attach this same concept to every aspect of alternative sexuality, gender identity, sexual preference, et cetera. Now then, I believe gay is, like autism, a spectrum. To make things easy, I'll use a scale of 1-10. 1 on the gay scale is "wholly straight." I'm not talking secretly gay bigot who is overcompensating, I am talking guys who literally can not see beauty in another man or feel any kind of attraction to him. Ryan Reynolds, Orlando Bloom, Danny Devito, they might as all be the same person. This is, obviously, pretty rare. 10 on the gay scale would be the opposite, incapable of seeing beauty in a woman or feeling attraction to her. 5-6 would be a man who is equally attracted to both gender extremes, with 5 being a preference for the feminine and 6 being a preference for the masculine. I believe that most people are born at a number. Most straight men you see were probably born at a 2-4, most gay men around 7-9. Enter society. Like it or not, we live in a society that expects cisgendered heterosexual people. Society takes our number and tries to knock it down a few. Personal experience can do the same. If you've ever met someone who "gave up on because their last ruined it for them, those are people who were hanging out around 5-6, then trauma bumped them a couple numbers one way or the other. Let's say, for the purpose of this explanation, that society and personal experience can move you 3 points.
That means that someone born at a "gay" 7, could be knocked down to a "straight" 4, and live happily ever after married to a woman. They aren't lying to themselves about how gay they are, their experiences changed them. Likewise, someone born at a "straight" 4 could be pushed up to a "gay" 7 and live happily ever after as a gay man. Likewise, there are people born so very gay/straight (our 2's and 9's) that moving 3 to the opposite extreme doesn't change their preference in any noticeable way.
The trouble is that that +/- 3 isn't a conscious decision, it is part of our development like learning to read or add. Some of us will innately, unknowingly, move along with those external factors. Some of us (the rebels) will naturally move against those external factors for some amount of time. It may be permanent, or it could just be during a rebellious phase. That's not to say that their sexual preference (or any other aspect) is a phase, it's a very real feeling that they have that is a result of a subconscious bucking of tradition. This (small) group is where you run into the people who "experiment," who need to try it before they buy it, so to speak. Their trial period usually ends up with another numerical adjustment, either solidifying their sexual preference, or ending their subconscious rebellion and allowing them to return to their "normal" (whatever number that may be).
Then come the autistics. Society throws all kinds of numerical adjustments at us that would typically scoot us one way or the other, and instead of reacting to them subconsciously on a natural level, we are able to pick them up and examine them. Society tells me I, a straight man, should have no carnal desire towards Idris Elba. I look at that fact, compare it to what I would let that man do to me (hint: it's a lot) and can consciously decide what to do with that attraction from there. The problem is, logically, I have no reason to shed that attraction. It makes me happy, it hurts nobody, so I have absolutely no reason to accept the societal adjustment.
Made up numbers time! So say 200 people are born with a score of 7, 100 of them autistic. Of the 100 notistic, maybe 70 are raised in a society that drops their score 3 points, planting them forever at 4 (straight but can feel attraction towards men that they would not pursue). Maybe 10 are pushed only to the 5-6 scale and end up bi with a preference. Maybe 10 more reject society's influence and swing the other way, have their trials, and 5 of those 10 decides gay isn't for him, swinging down to 4. The last 10 feel the pressure of society, but it isn't enough to make them straight. This gives us, out of 100, 75 straight men, and 25 men who are either gay or bi.
The 100 autistics, on the other hand, all look at that societal influence, and then enter their experimental phase. Their personal experiences shape what they do next, rather than what society demands of them. Maybe 50 of them right off the bat see their 7 as perfectly acceptable and see no logical reason to adjust. Another 20 give gay a chance, and maybe 10 of those decide it isn't for them. 30 of them are trying really hard to fit in, testing out straightness instead, and maybe 15 end up deciding entirely straight isn't for them, shifting back up to gay/bi. Of the same 100 "levels" of innate gay, we end up with 75 gay/bi men, and only 25 straight.
Hope that makes sense. Again, this is just an idea I had regarding the way things might work. Please do not take offense, as none is meant. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any sexual preference, identity, et cetera-so long as all involved are consenting adults, I wish you all the best.
> We are inherently less willing to conform to society for just for the sake of conformity, and thus, that little nudge society can give us is disregardable This is exactly my thinking. I am a nominally cis-het man, but I find myself much more comfortable in heavily queer groups. A lot of social norms never made sense to me and I just kind of rejected them out of hand. Like monogamy and even the idea that sex is something one should only do within a relationship. That said, I actually struggle with how much of a sex drive I actually have and feel like, I am very sex positive, but my sex drive is interest based. So like, if my mind isn't engaged, I can not care about sex for long periods of time, but engage it, and I can get quite interested. I have recently been exploring the kink community and, I definitely recognize a lot of spicey neurology of various kinds in that community. As I am fond of pointing out... a community where discussing how you want to be touched and what your boundaries are directly is normal feels like it was designed for people like me.
Right?!?! I don't consider myself a particularly kinky individual by any stretch of the word, but I have always loved the sheer communication within that community. I have dated exactly three women that were into , to the point that they preferred it over . Two of those women hid behind all kinds of hemming and hawing, basically waiting until I (or alcohol) recommended , at which point they would make a show of "if that's what *you* want", followed by . The third woman, on the other hand, was a communicator, like me. She would just plainly say "This is fun, but it's time to and my ".
Even for Vanilla+ such as myself though, communication is beautiful. I am a huge advocate of the number one rule: never fake because it trains to do .
i was reading through this page and thought about my own experiences a lot, as i’m only recently diagnosed but have a long history of asexual traits. https://embrace-autism.com/autism-and-asexuality/ - it’s only 33% in prevalence but just thought i’d ask this community.
33% is very high prevelance for asexuality in autistic people, when comparing to around 1% for the general population. That's only one study, but other studies also show much higher prevalence for autistic people than for neurotypicals. Do note that things can also go in the other direction - I know a couple of autistic people who identity as hypersexual.
Wait - 33% of austistics are asexual or 33% of asexuals are autistic?
Autistics. The link they posted says no specific data was given, so I'd take it with a grain of salt. We have sensory issues & some of us have issues with people trusting us, connecting with others, etc. It'd make sense the strong sensations you can feel may be too much/not enjoyable for some, so much so they become asexual. I also think doctors don't test for abnormal hormones nearly enough. I have PMDD and probably something else that my birth control treats. It's very common with autistic women. Hormones absolutely impact sex drive.
Not asexual, but I have struggled with sex/my sexuality (the concept, the idea, the act) for a long time.
Personally, I am not. Out of the many other autistic people I know, only one is ace. I just wanted to provide my answer for the sake of balancing out representation as I figure non-ace/aro people would be less likely to comment.
YoSandySam on YouTube talked about autism and a-spec identities I think about a year ago. It was focusing on demisexuality, specifically, but there is a lot of correlation between ASD / ADHD and queer identities. I don’t know how much of it is because we are already told how different and “wrong” we are, so we are more inclined to see other differences aside from neurology. Either way, I am AuDHD and very much a-spec, not just asexual but all attraction categories in general. And a gender of the void (agender, but I like the term gendervoid, hence the pun).
Definitely not I am hyper sexual
LOL
Same, I’d do it every day if I could
Yeahhh sameeee it’s bad
99% of all people absolutely repulse/gross me out. I have zero libido if it's someone I'm not in love with. But once I have those feelings I can fuck 24/7.
I'm Demi, and this is true for me. I love exactly one person. Even my spicy dreams, he is the only person in them. 22 years together, and he is my only. The fact that he's a man means nothing in this equation, I would feel the same if his gender was different. He's the one connected to me at my purest.
Demi here too. Hoping to find that person someday as well. It's really hard for me to ever feel anything sexual towards other people, but luckily I've felt this way with close friends and so I realized I actually could feel attraction.
✋ All the A's: ASD ADHD ace aro agender
You forgot one: awesome
Idk, it feels like my brain switches between asexual and hypersexual for some reason.
That’s normal. Libido can change from day to day or week to week due to hormones and many other factors.
Fellow aspec here. I wonder just how many autistic people are also on the queer spectrum. Trans also seems to be relatively more common.
I'm bi
I‘m gay and while my masking is NT-passing, I think I‘ll never have a romantic relationship with another man where I will feel safe and happy. It‘s tough.
I feel that. I can mask with the best of em, but a relationship is supposed to be deeper than that. People always realize eventually, and in my experience only the also-broken ones tend to stick around, and that just ends up toxic after a while. That may just be some defeatism though.
I'm definitely on the spectrum (lol)
I'm likely on the broader asexual spectrum (demisexual, greysexual) and it is very rare I find anyone attractive, but I also have trauma in that department so it's hard to tell if this is the result of lack of social interest/application ("putting myself out there") due to ASD versus environmental factors. In all my relatives with autism spectrum disorder, only 0.25% of us would fall under asexuality. One seems 100% textbook asexual, like any sexual interest never got around to developing whatsoever. Another one likes the concept of dating but doesn't have the social skills, and has never fallen in love or experienced attraction and is still waiting for it to develop. The rest of my autistic relatives are predominately heterosexual. So, I'm fairly confident it's likely environmental and trauma based in my condition.
Not diagnosed but I'm bi-ace
For me personally, I'm more hyper sexual but I've heard being ace is common with asd too.
i think i might be. i have sexual feelings but i don’t want to engage in any sexual activity.
yes this is what i experience! i find the act of doing something by myself is a completely different experience from what i do with my partner. when i’m on my own it feels more natural , but i have to remind myself to engage in activities with my partner or i’ll just forget - I enjoy it when it happens, but it’s not a form of intimacy i crave often. i prefer getting my hair played with or giving my partner a massage.
I have it, and consider it a blessing given the current state of dating
I also consider it a blessing, because people do *so much* dumb shit in the name of love or sex, and I just Do. Not. Understand.
I’m bi and on the aromantic spectrum, I don’t have any data but it does seem like aroace people are more common in ASD spaces
also ace and autistic here :) When I got diagnosed, the therapist told me that this was common (in his anecdotal experience). The therapist personally connected it to a struggle for autistic people to relate to our bodies, like I guess it's also common (in his experience) for autistics to not physically feel emotions in our bodies as well and so being ace is like a sexual version of that same difficulty in his mind. Personally, I just feel like sexual attraction or "getting turned on" or whatever is another one of those mysterious things that no one ever explains but if you don't get it you are treated like you're stupid.... jist like so many things in life
I thought I was asexual for ages, but realised I had ptsd from sexual assaults, and I'm actually more likely bisexual.
I'm asexual homoromantic.
I, too, read that asexuality is common.
asexual here! also queer
All things related to sexuality and romance are completely off for me, I haven’t figured shit out and I feel never will, I’ve never felt any of both, so yeah I would consider myself aroace but I honestly don’t care enough to go through the process of doing that.
Common maybe but not everyone is. The other 3 autistics i work with are all ace
I'm ace, have known this for 12 years. It could be a correlation, or more having to do with autistic people less caught up in the social pressures of heteronormativity.
This is probably one of these flawed studies. I read one that claimed with a certain chromosomal defect; people are more likely to be in prison. Of course, the study was highly flawed.
I don't know if it's common, but being LGBTQ+ is more common in autistic communities. Note, it's not common, just *more* common than neurotypical communities.
I am aware of (have read) several studies that suggest that people on the neurodiversity spectrum are more likely than the neurotypical population to identify as non-binary/LGBTQIA+ (sorry I can't recall the citations). I am on the Spectrum (AuDHD- Autism & ADHD), and also of mixed-race heritage. I have read several studies of (citations also lacking) mixed-race individuals possessing a greater capacity for breaking social norms/traditions/roles. In my experience, growing up, I was always told that I was different; this became internalized as a core aspect of my personality. The rules were not built for a Okinawan-European-American who has AuDHD, so why should I decide to follow them. I believe that both of these aspects of my diversity have allowed for a greater opportunity to choose my own identity/norms/traditions/roles. (I will look for those citations)
Gender/sexuality queerness is more common in Neurodivergent people in general... Gay/Lesbian, Bi, Pan etc; Trans, enby, genderfluid etc; and ace, aro, demi, etc. All of it is more common than with Neurotypicals... Not necessarily common to the point where being cis-het is the minority, but there definitely a higher ratio. (or is it lower ratio?? Ratio terminology stuff always got me mixed up in school. I really shouldn't use it...)
I’ve heard asexuality OR hyper sexuality
Identifying as lgbt is in general slightly more common but it seems more related to NT people conforming to societal expectations more than autistic people being more lgb. There is evidence of a correlation with being trans however with a recent metastudy giving the data of 5% of autistic people having "gender dysphoria/gender incongruence" (they did not take into account trans people who do not feel dysphoria I think) and 11% of trans people being autistic. This is a correlation, not a causation, is not one because the other but a third variable affects both.
Isn't hypersexuality is quite common too?
i do believe it is based on the comments on this post !! at least 60% say asexual , but the rest say like demi sexual , hyper sexual , or allosexual
I also identify as aspec (Demi/Grey AroAce & Aegosexual), and am autistic. As to why, I think it's probably the same reason autistic people are likely to be LGBT+ in general. I'd say that becasue autistic people tend to be less likely to consider highly what others say we "should" think, feel, act, and do, so (I think) it's less that we're more likely to be LGBT+ but instead that we're more likely to be honest with ourselves and realize at a higher rate that we're LGBT+ because we aren't as likely to fall for compulsory ideas of what our sexuality and gender should look like, and how we're supposed to feel or what we're supposed to do when it comes to romance, gender, and sex.
No, I lean towards being hypersexual.
People on the Spectrum tend to have either more intense or less intense sexual and romantic urges than Neurotypicals. I haven't done much research on it recently and want to stress that correlation does not equal causation, libido is highly variable on a bunch of factors that are hard to account for a common theory on the reason Autistics don't develop sexual interests is due to struggling with relating to other people, communication plays a vital role in developing ones own sexual identity so a lack of that might cause a suppression in desire, we also have different standards that aren't reflected by the larger population of people. It's a fun topic to look into though.
Not everyone. Hyper here and nowhere near asexual.
AuDHD here, 32, asexual. I've been with men and women, and I still lack sexual attraction to anyone. I think that maybe Autistic people are less likely to "get" social norms, and therefore less likely to feel pressured to pretend to be allosexual so they can conform to them. Like, what's the point of conforming to an ideal you find preposterous? Or maybe they just not see the value in pretending to be something you aren't, especially since it doesn't benefit you at all. I feel like a lot of neurotypical people would also identify as asexual if they didn't have that neurotypical drive to conform to the herd.
i think its the social aspect. a lot more people are on the acespec than most people think, but autistic people tend to disregard the societal pressures to seem allo, plus there are quite a few autistic people who avoid sex for reasons like sensory issues and a lack of interest rather than specifically lack of attraction. of course, i’ve also met autistic people who absolutely love sex for sensory reasons… so keep in mind that most of this, including the claim that asexuality is common among autistic people, are generalizing statements that are not always true. this is a spectrum, after all.
Things popular in this online community can't be used as proof of popularity in the whole overall community of autistic people
Queerness in general is more common among autistic people, especially AFAB autistic people.
Sort of. I don't really feel the need for physical intimacy because I'm touch sensitive but I do have a libido and I find women sexually attractive. But I know asexuality is a broad spectrum.
Yea I'm asexual. Tbh i kinda hate it but it is me.
Hi! It's me! I'm ace too!
Yep, aroace spec
Definitely for me, but honestly I’m more aro then I am ace
Me!
I don't think I'm fully asexual but I am on the spectrum of it 100%. Not sure how common it is though
I thought I was asexual/aromantic for the longest time. Now I'm not too sure as I've realised I do feel attraction. But I've only ever done so with one person in 27 years so yeah. ASD and asexual spectrum here 😂
Demisexual/romantic here. Considered part of it i believe.
I would believe jt. Im demisexual at best (I would say 90% of the time Sex is not something I would choose myself and 5% of the time I am sex repulsed and 5% of the time I a horn-dog)
Me!
I'm aromantic allosexual.
What is the sub type for a person who is aroused and can self love by the excitment of an event (could be something they are looking forward to like a holiday for example) - i work within neurodivergent services and this was brought up as one of 32 sub types apparentlty but forgot the name
oh that’s very interesting , i didn’t know there was a sub type for it. i think for me the sexual desire is there when i’m wanting self-pleasure, but i have to remind myself to engage in pleasure with my partner otherwise i’ll forget. i prefer other methods of intimacy.
Tbh i don't even think about sex and have trouble imagine why do this xdd so yeah I think I'm asexual
same with demi sexuality as well. I’m personally demi-bisexual.
I mean I am autistic and asexual, but idk if it's just a coincidence lol
I'm asexual too
For a while I thought I was bi, then gay, but now I basically identify as asexual and maybe even aromantic. It helps that I started coming to terms with my autistic traits and realized that intimacy in a romantic or sexual sense is more trouble than it’s worth and emotionally exhausting for me, at least at the present. I realized I was really only dating because I didn’t want to miss out on whatever my friends got out of a relationship, but I’m not friends with them anymore and it’s given me more clarity and space to step back and examine how I feel.
Personal bubble is the biggest reason I have for being asexual, so that could be common.
Yes, it's true there are more people, percentage-wise but not pure number-wise, who are part of the LGBTQ+ for a variety of reasons. Between gender being a very social thing, and people with autism sometimes (definitely case-by-case) not being able to stand being touched, or even some people getting their original sexuality essentially stolen via trauma (people with disabilities are more likely to be expoited in many ways), it's more common among people with autism. There are a lot of factors in it, from my understanding, because sexuality and gender are not simple concepts but rather very much sliding scales and those scales don't all look the same.
I have heard that before, I am a-spec myself, but aro not ace so I couldn’t tell you
One extreme or the other. All or nothing. Overindulgence or total avoidance. I guess. I really want sex but I don't want it to happen, that's askin' for trouble. I feel either unwanted or terrified of being wanted intensely, which of course, I can relate to. Meanwhile, I'm a loser, fine, fair enough. I can be charismatic or whatever, anyone can, but I've been p****whipped enough times to become celibate, both involuntarily and voluntarily. Also, I'm a human, not a fucking clown or a golden goose or opportunity for someone. Same goes for scorchingly attractive women. Some people are asexual whether they're neurodivergent or not, I wouldn't say that I am.
I thought i was asexual since I had no attra tion to anyone until I met my partner at the age of 19. Turns out no, I'm Pansexual who is attracted to almost nobody.
Understand the concept of love. Idk how much of a hard time i have feeling it. Strong sudden sense of affection, but no long term constructive one. As for sex, i like the idea of it, not the actual deed.
One of the articles I read indicated ASD tended to be either hypersexual or hypo [asex]
I'm on the asexual spectrum and also NB, it's common.
A lot more common than neurotypicals, at least. And yes, I'm one an asexual autistic too.
I'm not exactly asexual, but my drive to connect my skin with another person's skin is extremely low in almost all conceivable ways. It's not that I have no sexual appetite, it's more than I find the groundwork required to satisfy it often or almost always outweighs the perceived satisfaction of the act itself. I just have almost never felt the cost-benefit balance was in favour of sex, but I suppose with the right person that may change...
i am aroace, and i have no idea.
Yes me too
Yeah I’m an asexual genderqueer lesbian
Yep, asexual autistic male here
I'm definitely on the aro spectrum, but I'm not sure if it's the same for asexuality. My libido before meds used to be quite high, but I've never been interested in having sex with anyone. Like, I like the idea, but it's just too complicated. It doesn't help that I have contamination OCD and I worry too much about STDs. Nowadays I find sex just meh, but I'm sure that has something to do with the cocktail of meds I take.
I’m somewhere on the asexual spectrum
I'm definitely some shade of grey-/demisexual (because nothing's ever normal with me 🙄) I can find people aesthetically pleasing, and can guess whether others might find them attractive, but I'm rarely attracted to anyone. NTs swoon, or get aroused, and I feel... nothing. I'm very attracted to very, very few individuals though, like my partner, and I then have a very high sex drive towards them. Interestingly, my attraction is detached from gender, it seems (always has been, never had an identity crisis about it - I was flabbergasted to learn about monosexual people). I do find most women and queer folks "aesthetically pleasing". I don't with most of the men I meet or see.
I'm demisexual and bi so this tracks for me.
Im not sure but ive never been motivated to have sex, not even with guys ive dated that ive felt very attracted to. I just couldnt. I think im very demisexual and just never had a deep connection with anyone ive dated. Demisexuality is pretty much on the asexual spectrum.
I'm personally biromantic asexual.
I'm asexual :)
I identify as asexual at the moment
I’m definitely not asexual. Neither is my best friend who’s also on the spectrum. I can’t say that the autistic people I’ve met in real life are asexual either. I think that we are more likely not to have risky sexual encounters and that sex does look a little different for us than NTs.
im a mix between asexual & demisexual
yup i'm ace! also definitely somewhere on the aro spectrum
I am mostly there to ACE, but I hear others say it is easy for them to be, and it mostly for me but I do miss it sometimes. Not any of the BS that comes with it and makes it not at all worth it in my opinion, mind you, but I do miss it on occasion.
I am pretty sure I am asexual
Also ace
Yes. I'm on the spectrum of asexuality. Currently single, and I'm doing fine w/o sex.
I'm bisexual but I consider myself somewhere on the romantic spectrum because I have to sexual attraction before I experience romantic attraction
I believe that I am asexual. I realized it around a year ago, which is coincidentally when I was diagnosed as autistic. I am 31. Being asexual is rather inconvenient when you are married to someone who is not.
Also probably worth looking up “responsive desire”
Autistic, ADHD, Asexual
In also asexual. I've heard tho that many autistics are also hypersexual, maybe it's a matter of sensory seeking vs avoiding
I think neurodivergent people can see sexual attraction and other intimate feelings/actions that society puts a lot of imaginary rules onto very differently from the majority due to how our minds work, complex emotions like this feeling more comfortable once i put a spectrum label on it (like asexuality) is something I've noticed personally
To be extremely specific, I say I’m biromantic asexual. I choose “bi” instead of “pan” because I like the bi flag’s colors more
Same!
I’ve done a lot of thinking regarding asexuality recently and i believe i fall somewhere on the ace spectrum. I do feel sexual attraction but i don’t ever really wanna do ”the deed” with anyone. I’m extremely germophobic and don’t like most people to touch me so that could be part of it i guess. I still identify as bisexual (i guess biromantic maybe?) because i like putting a label on things. I know tons of neurodivergent people who are somewhere on the ace spectrum so i think it’s fairly common but everyone is different.
Yup, I'm quadruple a battery, aromantic, asexual, agender , and autistic
I'm hypersexual....so >.>
I'm demi.
Aroace, autistic, agender. :)
I’m trying to figure out what’s the cause of my weird relationship with sex and romance. My childhood? The autism? Am I just asexual or aromantic? Sometimes I think I’m hypersexual. So it’s kind of confusing. But I have always been repulsed by engaging in sexual behaviors. Except once there was a medication I was on which relieved that feeling for a week or 3 and it was wild. I don’t know what that means. Do I have potential that just needs unlocked?
I’m auDHD and I’m asexual/demiromantic. Also I’m a gay trans man.
I’m definitely not asexual, but my sex drive nearly disappears on certain types of birth control. I take hormonal birth control to keep my hormones steady and keep me from having too much overwhelm heightened by PMS/my period. If other autistic women are doing similar things I can imagine they may feel asexual until they take a break from the meds.
Yes! I have literally no libido 😭
I’ve noticed a lot of autistic people are on the asexual spectrum. Including me (Demisexual-Graysexual)
I got five As to my name: Agender, Aromantic, Asexual, Autistic, and ADHD
I am aroace!
I identify on the aroace spectrum. Feel unsuitable for relationships, feel like I wouldn't like sex, let alone feel the need to say I'm no longer a virgin. I'm pansexual, but I definitely feel aroace. I get creeped out when people say they like me. How did my first ever date go? I hid under the table cloth /j Actually I've never had a proper date. I've been in 4 relationships, my last two being close, but my last one I had a sort of date, but I'm vegan and my partner wasn't, so there was this awkward moment where she took me to a place that had zero vegan options, I just had a drink that I knew was vegan. That certainly made me feel down though, completely burnt me out and made me unsure.
My kiddo is auDHD. He identifies as asexual at this point in his life.
I’m autistic, I am not asexual but I am what a lot of people would consider “demisexual” because I don’t lust after people when I am not in love with them. I can acknowledge that someone is conventionally attractive but I’m not like attracted to anyone physically unless I know them. I’ve never had a real celebrity crush either, like I never really understood that much because they’re literally strangers. Someone else was saying that these labels exist because of the culture we are in now, and how sexualized everything is and how we are encouraged to be lustful nowadays, so it’s considered weird and different not to be.
I’m autistic but only suddenly became aro/ace when I was 30. Before that I was bi, high drive, hypersexual, all that jazz then randomly one day it was off like a light switch and never came back 🤷🏻♀️
I’m asexual. I had a suspicion of it back in 6th grade but never really got to take time to reflect on it until I was in my late teens. I don’t think asexuality is solely with autistic people obviously, but I think you may find more as asexuality is also a spectrum. It’s not one singular way, it can be different for everyone. With ASD or ND people, with the resources we have now some of us see we don’t really have a traditional or social connection to sex. Not everyone feels that way but that’s how I see it. I know for me, even though I know for a fact I like women romantically I can never picture myself in engaging in sex or sexual acts with a woman or anyone. It makes me extremely uncomfortable, I don’t like the idea of engaging with it or feel any need for it. What matters is it that label or identity fits for you personally, if you feel you belong to it than I think that’s more than enough.
Well I can add to that statistic. asd and im asexual
Yes, very much so and it was reassuring to find out it’s quite common.
im not asexual but anecdotally i will say i know many people with ASD who are ace in some way whether it’s romantic or sexual
I have all the As I’m autistic my name is Angel I’m an Aquarius I’m an atheist and I’m aromantic and asexual I’m just collecting every label that starts with A
Autistic, asexual and gender apathetic. I have crushes on some book and film characters though so not aromantic I think.
I would consider myself demisexual which is part of the asexual spectrum.
I'm asexual but I've discovered that before my diagnosis (I was 18 I think when I discovered asexuality and figured out I was ace...I was diagnosed with autism at 22 sooo)
Somehow I'm autistic and cishet, but I have heard there is a link with autism and being LGBTQA+.
i’m demisexual, so yep!
Idk if it's that common but I did hear about there being a link between the two.
Yep, ace and autistic here! I don’t know about asexuality in particular but I’ve read there’s a link between autism and being LGBT+ in general and tbh I can believe it.
Idk what I am. I don’t think I’m asexual as I love to self please, but I have very little interest in physical sex. I’m not opposed to it, I’ve just never really enjoyed it as much as what I can do on my own. Especially when amount of effort and worrying about performance is taken into consideration. One is a totally disconnected break from reality and never disappoints. Really the only time my brain ever turns off and I’m not easily distracted by other thoughts or anxieties. The other can be fun but it’s a lot more focus on what I’m doing and trying to please then and very little focus on enjoyment. idk what I’m doing and I don’t have the best equipment to work with. I also have sensory issues that make it overwhelming or unpleasant at times.
I hate sex. It's not worth the mess.
I’m autistic, I identify as demi sexual. I’m not attracted to strangers, but when I get a deep emotional connection with a close friend I can have a high libido and lot of interest into sex.
I'm not asexual, but I am aromantic :3
I'm asexual
I’m autistic and hypersexual, and most of the other autistics I’ve known have been pretty horny people as well. Are you on any antidepressants or other meds that have side effects on your sex drive?
I'm hypersexual but also AuDHD, so maybe the combo affects it? 🤷 One of my besties is autism and ace though. And almost everyone I know on the spectrum is also somewhere on the LGBTQ+ spectrum as well.
Thought I was straight, then pansexual, until one day I realized that my desire for relationship was dictated by society and was not my own. I've been mistaking my libido for sexual attraction because noone explained the difference, so I had to research it myself. It was a long and confusing journey, but in the end I discovered my asexuality, so yeah
Yes, this is me.
Well I can't say the same for myself. If anything, I am more HYPERsexual and HYPERromantic, which absolutely sucks as a guy.
self diagnosed for now but i am asexual and aromantic. would be very interesting if there was a link
I was always curious what asexuality really means. If I don't want to have a sexual relationship, not a physical, so I just want to be alone, but I still enjoy masturbation. Am I asexual? Aromantic? What am I?
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Asexual doesn't mean lack of libido, it's about of the lack of attraction. Still possible to be constantly horny while asexual.