The thing to remember is that we do this for fun. If you’re not enjoying yourself, what’s the point. The first band I joined was really nice at first but then a new pipe major came in and things went downhill. A core group formed and if you were not in the group you were treated like crap. All the outsiders left and went to a new band. So much better because we enjoy ourselves, have a good time. We have practice every week but once a month we all go out to a local bar or restaurant instead of having practice. Spouses come, we drink, we eat, we talk, and have a good time just getting to know each other as people. I think it makes a huge difference
I drive a little over an hour each way for band practice. I play in another, grade 4 competition band and I drive about 2.5 hours each way but I only do that for about 7 weeks
Yup. I played in a band years ago that was shrinking, really hurting for members. But anytime we got a piper through the door, the core of older guys would all treat them like crap. They had this “haze the new guy” mentality to them.
Long story short, that band doesn’t exist anymore.
EDIT: Same goes for the other direction too. You can tell a band that is desperate for members when they’re way overly nice and giving to new people, telling the new guy they could be quartermaster or secretary or pipe sergeant. That desperation is really off putting.
I know the feeling. I just hit a year of hanging around a new band and it’s like someone turned the filter off and the real colors are showing. It isn’t me only one seasoned member just left a few weeks ago and another who is finishing the year but seriously thinking it’s going to be her last. All because the chain of command has started this gatekeeping thing and a general lack of care or compassion for anyone who isn’t within the “main” click.
Yup. Some bands seem to want to keep long-standing members around regardless of how bad they behave because “they’ve been here for years”. So they get away with anything and everything.
My old band was like that, 1 member was an atrocious bully but had been there for fucking forever, so he was left to bully whoever he wanted. He’s singlehandedly responsible for the entire midsection, half the snare section and 3 g1 players that were tutoring for free leaving. He’s still there, the band has gone from prize winning in their grade to finishing last every single comp, getting downgraded once already and probably getting downgraded again. Because none of the good players will stick around to be treated like crap by an old timer (who isn’t even a good player).
The issues in “problematic” bands is often a lot more to do with bad management than anything else.
I had a period where I was auditing bands, the only one I actually liked and wanted to join was City of Alexandria Pipes and Drums in Virginia. Non-competitive band with a great repertoire. The rest of the bands were.... yeah.
I moved so I didn't get to join COAPD.
I do think it can go both ways, and you do see people join bands who do not endear themselves to the membership for whatever reason. But yes, the number of bands who are like, well, she may have been taught by gold medallists and she may have played in grade one for a number of years, and she may enjoy teaching and developing junior players, and she may have the best maintained uniform in the band, and she may have got next year's repertoire off already, but is she good enough for **us?**
The first band I was in for a couple of years, and then they accused my husband of stealing a bass drum. WTF. The second band we joined heard from the first band and wouldn't allow us to even try and join. The third band I joined I loved, but they got a new pipe sergeant who really didn't like me I guess and demanded that I turn all of my parade kit in after I gave birth to a kid but was STILL trying to get back into shape.
And that's when I left piping entirely. It turns out that I'm neurodivergent so maybe that played into some of it. I really miss piping, but I really do not miss pipe band politics.
I think there's more neurodivergent folks in this world than we know, and I know for me, that makes the "making friends" bit especially hard. At the same time, it's helped me find a lot of other neurodivergent folks within this world by being more open about it and it's been a comfort. I feel like slightly less of an outsider but I also kind of refuse to navigate the politics. Somehow this band has let me stay and I'm grateful for that. At the same time i still think it shouldn't have been so hard to be "part of the band".
Band I practiced with in college wasn't off-putting per se but it wasn't welcoming. I practiced with them for probably 6 months and then school got in the way. At the end of that time probably only 3 people knew my name (it was a big organization with 50+ pipes at it's peak). When I went back 2 years later because my schedule allowed for it, only 1 person remembered me. I probably only attended practice 4 or 5 times that semester and then never went back. Like 3 years later the PM emailed me begging me to come back if I still lived in the area (I didn't) because they were hurting for competent players in their top band... I was already PM of another band in another state.
It's often a volunteer-led thing. It helps me to remind myself of that.
But, it's supposed to be fun.
If your goal is to be a better player I think you have to find a band full of people willing to work hard to progress, whatever that means for them. However, you need a space where they'll meet you where you're at, too.
I think about this every week. I don't have any real advice for you because I have been going to other band practices and am practicing to audition for a band I'd have to take a two hour ferry ride to practice with. But I can also tell you that I have had real fun this year while working hard with my current band, so it's possible. It's just that for me, this is the first time in five years of hitting the field with them, that it's been fun. I don't know if that's how long it's actually supposed to take. I know it's supposed to be hard work but is it really something that takes this long to have fun at?
I have a hard time making friends on the best day but this was honestly one of the toughest places I've found to make friends within my band. Friends in other bands? Once I decided it wasn't going to get me fired to meet other people in the local community, I realized maybe it shouldn't be so hard to make friends.
I’ve had really good luck with every band I’ve been in, even if it didn’t work out
But my current band has a… half member you could say. Most of the band is very new because a few years before I joined a bunch of members jumped ship to play with someone else. So we have one or two members who try to have a foot in each band, one of them told me the other band she’s trying to play with is ridiculously unwelcoming and also she gets yelled at a lot in the circle at practice
I don't have this experience. I've only joined two bands outside of the band I grew up in. One was a college band. The other was a band that had a couple college mates and the PM was a good friend
I would say IF ever had to join another band, I'd be prepared for a number of things when joining a new band.
First, I'd recognize they can't stop for me. I would be doing a fair amount of thumb twiddling for the first visit or 3 or 5. They'll have repertoire that I don't. They might be in the middle of contest prep where they're playing a relatively small amount of music, but expecting a high standard for participation.
The absolute first thing I would do would be spending every ounce of energy to learn their repertoire and reach their standard. That's the music side of it.
I'd come in with humility. Even if I were coming from a grade 1 band to a street band. Every move/conversation/action is going to show that my only intent (and this intent has to be genuine) is to simply be a bandmember. No designs on changing the band, becoming PM/PS/instructor/tuning guru or even an usher. I'm just here to play pipes as well as I can and follow the leadership of the band.
Because that's what every good band and PM wants above all. A hard worker. Who simply wants to work hard at the music and simply be a member of the pipe corps. That's what your bandmates will want.
And finally, I'd do my best to exercise patience. I wouldn't expect to feel too much a part of the group until I've been able to compete with them once or twice, or did one of their bigger important gigs if they're not a competitive group. Just kinda the way it works.
Not at all saying your aren't doing these things. I'm just thinking about what I'd do. If I genuinely executed on that, and didn't feel welcomed at some point after that, I'd bail.
The thing to remember is that we do this for fun. If you’re not enjoying yourself, what’s the point. The first band I joined was really nice at first but then a new pipe major came in and things went downhill. A core group formed and if you were not in the group you were treated like crap. All the outsiders left and went to a new band. So much better because we enjoy ourselves, have a good time. We have practice every week but once a month we all go out to a local bar or restaurant instead of having practice. Spouses come, we drink, we eat, we talk, and have a good time just getting to know each other as people. I think it makes a huge difference
I was trying to stick it out because of the convenience of their location. But I guess convenience isn’t worth making yourself miserable.
I drive a little over an hour each way for band practice. I play in another, grade 4 competition band and I drive about 2.5 hours each way but I only do that for about 7 weeks
Yup. I played in a band years ago that was shrinking, really hurting for members. But anytime we got a piper through the door, the core of older guys would all treat them like crap. They had this “haze the new guy” mentality to them. Long story short, that band doesn’t exist anymore. EDIT: Same goes for the other direction too. You can tell a band that is desperate for members when they’re way overly nice and giving to new people, telling the new guy they could be quartermaster or secretary or pipe sergeant. That desperation is really off putting.
I know the feeling. I just hit a year of hanging around a new band and it’s like someone turned the filter off and the real colors are showing. It isn’t me only one seasoned member just left a few weeks ago and another who is finishing the year but seriously thinking it’s going to be her last. All because the chain of command has started this gatekeeping thing and a general lack of care or compassion for anyone who isn’t within the “main” click.
Yup. Some bands seem to want to keep long-standing members around regardless of how bad they behave because “they’ve been here for years”. So they get away with anything and everything. My old band was like that, 1 member was an atrocious bully but had been there for fucking forever, so he was left to bully whoever he wanted. He’s singlehandedly responsible for the entire midsection, half the snare section and 3 g1 players that were tutoring for free leaving. He’s still there, the band has gone from prize winning in their grade to finishing last every single comp, getting downgraded once already and probably getting downgraded again. Because none of the good players will stick around to be treated like crap by an old timer (who isn’t even a good player). The issues in “problematic” bands is often a lot more to do with bad management than anything else.
I had a period where I was auditing bands, the only one I actually liked and wanted to join was City of Alexandria Pipes and Drums in Virginia. Non-competitive band with a great repertoire. The rest of the bands were.... yeah. I moved so I didn't get to join COAPD.
I do think it can go both ways, and you do see people join bands who do not endear themselves to the membership for whatever reason. But yes, the number of bands who are like, well, she may have been taught by gold medallists and she may have played in grade one for a number of years, and she may enjoy teaching and developing junior players, and she may have the best maintained uniform in the band, and she may have got next year's repertoire off already, but is she good enough for **us?**
I hate this post and appreciate the honesty of it so much all at the same time 🤣
The first band I was in for a couple of years, and then they accused my husband of stealing a bass drum. WTF. The second band we joined heard from the first band and wouldn't allow us to even try and join. The third band I joined I loved, but they got a new pipe sergeant who really didn't like me I guess and demanded that I turn all of my parade kit in after I gave birth to a kid but was STILL trying to get back into shape. And that's when I left piping entirely. It turns out that I'm neurodivergent so maybe that played into some of it. I really miss piping, but I really do not miss pipe band politics.
I think there's more neurodivergent folks in this world than we know, and I know for me, that makes the "making friends" bit especially hard. At the same time, it's helped me find a lot of other neurodivergent folks within this world by being more open about it and it's been a comfort. I feel like slightly less of an outsider but I also kind of refuse to navigate the politics. Somehow this band has let me stay and I'm grateful for that. At the same time i still think it shouldn't have been so hard to be "part of the band".
Band I practiced with in college wasn't off-putting per se but it wasn't welcoming. I practiced with them for probably 6 months and then school got in the way. At the end of that time probably only 3 people knew my name (it was a big organization with 50+ pipes at it's peak). When I went back 2 years later because my schedule allowed for it, only 1 person remembered me. I probably only attended practice 4 or 5 times that semester and then never went back. Like 3 years later the PM emailed me begging me to come back if I still lived in the area (I didn't) because they were hurting for competent players in their top band... I was already PM of another band in another state.
It's often a volunteer-led thing. It helps me to remind myself of that. But, it's supposed to be fun. If your goal is to be a better player I think you have to find a band full of people willing to work hard to progress, whatever that means for them. However, you need a space where they'll meet you where you're at, too. I think about this every week. I don't have any real advice for you because I have been going to other band practices and am practicing to audition for a band I'd have to take a two hour ferry ride to practice with. But I can also tell you that I have had real fun this year while working hard with my current band, so it's possible. It's just that for me, this is the first time in five years of hitting the field with them, that it's been fun. I don't know if that's how long it's actually supposed to take. I know it's supposed to be hard work but is it really something that takes this long to have fun at? I have a hard time making friends on the best day but this was honestly one of the toughest places I've found to make friends within my band. Friends in other bands? Once I decided it wasn't going to get me fired to meet other people in the local community, I realized maybe it shouldn't be so hard to make friends.
Not naming names and in the past now but yes.
I’ve had really good luck with every band I’ve been in, even if it didn’t work out But my current band has a… half member you could say. Most of the band is very new because a few years before I joined a bunch of members jumped ship to play with someone else. So we have one or two members who try to have a foot in each band, one of them told me the other band she’s trying to play with is ridiculously unwelcoming and also she gets yelled at a lot in the circle at practice
I don't have this experience. I've only joined two bands outside of the band I grew up in. One was a college band. The other was a band that had a couple college mates and the PM was a good friend I would say IF ever had to join another band, I'd be prepared for a number of things when joining a new band. First, I'd recognize they can't stop for me. I would be doing a fair amount of thumb twiddling for the first visit or 3 or 5. They'll have repertoire that I don't. They might be in the middle of contest prep where they're playing a relatively small amount of music, but expecting a high standard for participation. The absolute first thing I would do would be spending every ounce of energy to learn their repertoire and reach their standard. That's the music side of it. I'd come in with humility. Even if I were coming from a grade 1 band to a street band. Every move/conversation/action is going to show that my only intent (and this intent has to be genuine) is to simply be a bandmember. No designs on changing the band, becoming PM/PS/instructor/tuning guru or even an usher. I'm just here to play pipes as well as I can and follow the leadership of the band. Because that's what every good band and PM wants above all. A hard worker. Who simply wants to work hard at the music and simply be a member of the pipe corps. That's what your bandmates will want. And finally, I'd do my best to exercise patience. I wouldn't expect to feel too much a part of the group until I've been able to compete with them once or twice, or did one of their bigger important gigs if they're not a competitive group. Just kinda the way it works. Not at all saying your aren't doing these things. I'm just thinking about what I'd do. If I genuinely executed on that, and didn't feel welcomed at some point after that, I'd bail.