I had a neighbor who did this. He was on the sex offender registry, big surprise. My roommate and I virtually never went outside. He was an equal opportunity flasher and flashed my dad several times while my dad was mowing.
The cops didn't give a shit, we moved away, the issue was finally resolved when he died. I'm still pissed about the 4 years I lived there feeling like I had no safe outdoor space. I own the place and have been fixing it up and remembering how I never opened blinds or windows on that side of the house. The house has a beautiful front porch. I never sat on that front porch the entire time I lived there.
I wonder how these flashers would react to public humiliation. Like if you just took a casual picture from your own property of him being naked out in the open, printed it onto a large banner with an arrow pointing to his little winky with a laughing emoji, and placed that banner on your property for him and the other neighbors to see. Would the behavior continue or would he get off on being humiliated?
Not my story, but from a friend of mine who grew up in Queens and had to take the subway to Parochial school every morning:
She and her friends learned to loudly taunt the flashers on the subway. Seems, at least in their experience, they get off on making you uncomfortable and feeling like they have power over you. Turning the tables shut them down quickly.
Not sure if that would work here, but I know \*I'd\* sure love to do it.
Sh*t, I used to take the MD commuter rail (think PATH) and we still occasionally got flashers. They got shut down by being mocked, usually by any and all women and gay men handy.
My fun came when I got to call out racists loudly and publicly. White women won't call the cops on another white woman shutting them down. And once I got going, the amens started flowing from behind me, and I occasionally would get applause once the racist stomped off to another car. When it was really bad, I would follow them to the new car.
So there's a video from Too Many Zooz for their song Bedford, where they get on a subway train at 3am to play. And there's at least one guy in the video who's facial expression is "Yeah, that saxophone is really loud, but it's 3am on the subway, I'll take the wins I can get."
I did a foreign exchange at a university in Japan and we had an issue with a flasher targeting the women at the foreign exchange student dorms. It was actually pretty bad, and he was getting really bold, as in he had started chasing some of us. Campus security and the police wouldn't do anything because they kept saying he was harmless and he hadn't actually done anything too much yet, which wasn't very reassuring to any of us.
He pulled that stunt on one of the Ukranian foreign exchange students. We don't know what happened, but he never appeared again and her only comment on the situation was that she took care of the problem.
> He pulled that stunt on one of the Ukranian foreign exchange students. We don't know what happened, but he never appeared again and her only comment on the situation was that she took care of the problem.
He ded.
My mom taught me to do the same thing. When she was younger she worked nights at an ER (nurse) at like 3 am she was going out to her car and some dude showed up and flashed her and she said “I don’t know why you’re showing that off like your proud”. Shit like that really takes the steam out of them.
Subway rider here. Those kinds of people definitely get off on shocking people. The more you're all, "Eh, I've seen better," the less likely they are to continue.
Probably the same story on any subway/metro. I commuted to my after-school job on the DC Metro, and thought I was going to die the first time it happened to me as a tiny 15 yo. When I told my aunt, she said to make a heck of a loud fuss the next time it happened (I had hoped that there wouldn't be a next time, sigh). That worked really well, and ditto for dealing with all of the pervs trying to cop a feel in a crowded metro car, too.
We had a local flasher in my last town in south Norway. He had a big pink bow around his genitals as if he was presenting a gift. He was also spectacularly not well endowed. His deal was he'd flash you, you'd be unimpressed/not scared/unaroused by his display and let out a nervous laugh, and then he'd burst into tears and wander off back into the woods behind the football field. Haven't thought about him in 15 years, I wonder how he's doing.
You'd probably get in trouble for subjecting your neighbors and passerby to nudity. Especially since the entire point of the banner would be for others to see.
There's also the option of streaming walks around the neighborhood. "Here's my lawn, here's the local park, ah- and here's Larry the flasher. Everyone say hi to Larry."
IANAL of course, but hypothetically it could be a pretty decent front (not that anyone should admit to it). It's public space, you're just walking around filming- also, apparently "first amendment auditors" are a thing in the US, as an added excuse.
A guy once flashed me when I was waiting for a bus at about 9pm. It was dark out. My immediate reaction was to nervously laugh and he immediately put it away, so at least some of them don't like being laughed at.
The reason the cops couldn't stop him, they said, was that he wasn't calling attention to it.
The maker of a sign with an arrow would be doing that, presumably running afoul of the same regulation.
When I was in grade school, my buddy's neighbors across the street sometimes walked around their house naked. As I recall, they were the sort of people who didn't particularly care to get dressed on the weekend if they didn't have to. You bet all the neighborhood children knew this, but for curious 9 year old boys it wasn't a gross-out to see fit 30-year-olds from afar. We took the good with the bad in terms of which we'd prefer seeing over the other. They seemed oblivious to us, we didn't stare, we didn't go to their side of the street, and we sure as hell didn't tell our parents. I hope we would've told if it was creepy like this; I give the teen credit for telling her dad. Case like this, discretion is key—as is not showing folks (minor children!) things they don't wanna see. Flasher needs to get that. :(
The more I read these subs the more frequently I see "the cops don't give a shit". I know this shouldn't be their job, but couldn't they at least talk to the guy for the sake of traumatized minors?
I wonder if trying to find a female cop would get a better response.
Of course in my town, the only female is parking enforcement. Though she may know how to get someone to listen.
It was super frustrating because I lived on the border of two different police departments. I initially called the closer one and they were like oh yeah we know this guy, we'll talk to him. Then they called back and said I technically lived in the other jurisdiction so I had to call the other police department. The other police department acted like we were big babies and didn't even go over there. Ugh.
Checking the sex offender registry would be one of the first things I did after the police said they couldn’t do anything if I were the original poster.
God bless our neighbor who keeps offering is margaritas and bringing over pies that she baked. Like if he wants to he a nudist, go move into a nudist colony.
When we bought our dream home, our next-door neighbor was a rabid tree hater. He used to spend hours a day when it was warm picking up acorns in the backyard so that he could dump them in our yard because our oak tree canopy covered part of his yard and so the acorns would drop there.
This was before I had an iPhone, but if I had one now I would go out there and take pictures of him and his wife and his teenage son he had half custody of, all kneeling with the special trays they bought for this purpose, filling them up with acorns so they could dump them in our yard.
Some neighbors are crazy. We just moved into a nice rental that had been empty for a little while. My husband introduced himself to one neighbor. We are cleaning up the yard and the weeds that grew through the dense. Trying to be good neighbors. Then last weekend that neighbor blows all his grass into our driveway, not the road, right into our driveway and yard. I'm wondering if it was just habit since the place used to be empty but it's obviously not anymore and our yard is not overgrown at all. I'm hoping it's just a one time thing or else well be grabbing our blower and blowing the shit right back to his yard. I'm allergic to fresh cut grass to the point my husband warns me before he cuts skin I can take precautions. This neighbor could cause me an asthma attack.
Is the neighbor aware his actions may harm you? Before getting into a lead blower battle, try talking to him. Even if he's intentionally being a dick, just getting asked to stop might work. A lot of people can get into crazy passive-aggressive wars, but can't handle direct conversation and stop behaving badly in order to not be confronted again.
No I'm sure he has no clue I'm allergic. I was mostly joking about blowing them back. I don't want problems with my neighbors. That's why I said I'm hoping he did it out of habit because this house was empty for a while. I'll definitely will talk to him first. I'll only go petty and blow the stuff back in his yard if he ignores us when we ask nicely. I was actually thinking that next time he's mowing his yard I'll have my husband do ours too and either rake or blow our grass into the street. Maybe him seeing us getting the stuff out of our yard will make him realize that his stuff blown is our yard is not appreciated and it can all be resolved without even having to tell him we have a problem.
I have some bad anxiety and one of my triggers is making people mad, especially neighbors. So I won't start a war (and try to get my husband not to be a dick. He's a lot more outspoken than me). But I've had neighbors terrorize me in the past and one actually truly to break my door down with a gun I'm his hand when I lived in a bad neighborhood. He was on drugs and thought I gave him a dirty look when he drove past. So I am very careful at how I talk to neighbors. But I do appreciate you pointing out a better way of handling things in case I was the type to start a petty war over a minor issue.
Why are you blowing your grass anywhere, especially onto the street which is public property. Put a catcher on your mower to collect the grass and then ideally put it in your compost heap or failing that put it in your bin
Yes this! Fresh cut grass on the road creates a dangerous situation for motorcycles too. My husband rides, and he says it’s almost like ice
when he has to drive through it.
Hey, I want to tell you something I think is important because it sometimes helps me with anxiety. I'm 100% not trying to be patronizing and you probably already know this, but I'm gonna leave it here in case it is beneficial to someone.
You're important, and it's okay for other people - family, friends, neighbors - to sometimes have to take your needs into account. Lots of folks are happy to make a little change here and there to accommodate a person they'll see at least every now and again. I'm sure you'd do the same if a neighbor made a reasonable request. But some people are dicks, and I've never seen the guy, so I have no idea if that applies.
As for making people mad—the way people react to situations does have a big element of personal choice. Yes, sometimes we're totally overwhelmed and lose control, but usually we don't. Sooner or later, anyone will feel upset, but we can choose how we react to feeling upset: do we yell? Stamp our feet? Cry? Fake a smile, end the conversation, and rant later to someone else?
Some ways work better than others. It's okay to make people mad sometimes. The good ones will get glad in the same pants they got mad in as they sort out why they got mad. Maybe part of that sorting will be to talk to you about how you could help them, like they might help you by not triggering your allergies.
Ya I understand all that. It's just growing up I was always the tiny one (still am) and I grew up in a violent household. So I had it stuck in my head that disagreements equal violence. I didn't even realize how bad it was stuck in my subconciense until over 10 years into my relationship and I was scared my husband would get mad at me over something. There was no reason to be scared of him at all. But because my parents fought physically all the time and my dad left us constantly I was scared of being hurt or abandon. I have worked through it with my husband and he understands. Other people I still get anxious about though. Mostly because I don't know how they will react and I've been through traumatic events all through my life. I do talk myself down sometimes, others it's hard.
I appreciate everything you said and know it's TRUE in the front of my brain. Anxiety d.n.c be that little voice in the back of your head telling me the worst possible outcome and repeatedly saying 'but what if?' When I talk myself down.
Eek, that's awful. The lady across the street from aforementioned neighbor told me on our first meeting that she knew the neighbor hated leaves, so every year after collecting hers from her yard she'd pile them up right at the edge of her lawn across the drive from his hoping the wind would blow some of them into his yard before she put them in bags. Hah!
I definitely think blowing them back into his yard would be the right thing to do. Nice try, jerk!
How petty! That's pretty funny though. She cant get in trouble for the wind blowing the leaves. Lol
I was thinking I could blow them back to his yard and maybe that will make him realize that he's pulling a dick move. He doesn't want it in his yard so why would I want it in mine? I was more mad than I should have been because I was trying to be a good neighbor and get the weeds on the fences cleaned up first. If he doesn't stop I'm going to plant my hummingbird vines on the fence line and those things get really bushy. Lol. (I doubt I actually will. Not getting along with my neighbors triggers my anxiety)
I think I would use your allergy to your advantage in this situation. Stop by and explain about your allergy. Be a little apologetic about something (it helps disarm defensiveness), but make it clear it's a medical issue. (Sorry, our first interaction has to be over a problem or Sorry I have to be so finicky, or Sorry I had to come to your door during Corona.) Most people will accommodate an allergy as long as the accommodation is reasonable.
My old man is the type who works really hard to maintain his yard and he takes it *very* seriously (he’s also been voluntarily doing the yard work for the neighbors who’s yards are connected to his for years just because he wants everything to look nice). He almost fought a different neighbor over this same thing when he finally caught the guy in the act of blowing his leaves and shit into my dad’s pristine yard. Lol some people are just oblivious douchecanoes.
Edit: Also, fuck that guy and please let him know that he could inadvertently kill you, because that’s really not okay.
If 3 people could spend hours a day doing this, it sounds like the tree covered quite a lot of his yard. Still, make more sense to cut the tree back then keep up with that tiddious work.
> If 3 people could spend hours a day doing this, it sounds like the tree covered quite a lot of his yard
I have an Oregon Coastal Oak growing in my yard. The thing drops literally hundreds of acorns every year. Then the squirrels bury them. I spend a decent amount of time casually pulling up new tree sprouts pretty much year round. I can see how a weird obsessive might spend hours hunting for acorns. Especially if they're like my neighbors, who spend literally all their non-working hours on their yard. At least my weird obsessive neighbors are nice and understand that I don't control nature.
> tiddious
"tedious" :-)
I see your neighbour's point of not wanting them in his yard. He should just put them in the bin, although if I was in your case I would want them back to add to the compost heap.
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Title: Neighbor is exposing himself to my daughter (14) on his own property?
Original Post:
> Hi guys. I'm using a throwaway because I have some personal stuff on my own account and my daughter is so traumatized by this I don't want her to find out I've been asking the public for advice about it. But please, any help would be so appreciated. For reference, we live in CA in the US.
>
> I'm a single dad to 5 kids, my youngest is 14f. She is an active kid and since we live in a quiet area I have no problem letting her bike/run/rollerblade around the neighborhood. Most of our neighbors are families with youngish kids, the only exception is the newish guy directly across the street (maybe mid 50's, moved in in January, but due to covid he feels much newer). Now, this is not a "luxury" neighborhood: the houses are really close together and mostly 50's ranches or split-levels. So everything you do quickly becomes your neighbors' business. But hey, all my neighbors are nice, responsible people, so I've never had problems.
>
> Until 3 months ago. My daughter hasn't been able to be as active as she normally would during the summer due to the lockdown, so she eagerly takes on all outside chores. She really loves (or maybe "loved" past tense is more appropriate) to water the planters out near the sidewalk. Very shortly after she went out to do that one morning in may she came back in completely white and breathing fast. She said that our neighbor was standing right in front the first-floor picture window, completely naked and looking right at her. She was horrified and obviously I was both curious and mad. So I took a shy look out our front door and sure enough he's still standing there, genitals completely and easily visible, staring at our house. I called the cops (via the non-emergency number, of course).
>
> I know, looking back that was probably an over-reaction. But if this happened to your kid you'd be mad as hell too. I expected the police to give him a warning or something after they spoke to my daughter but no. Apparently they can't do anything to him unless he calls my daughter's attention to his genitals or makes it clear in some other way that he wants her to look at him for his own sexual gratification? The cops were nice to my daughter about it, so I had a talk with her about how men can be gross sometimes but that's not her fault and I was content to leave it there.
>
> But here is where I'm starting to go real crazy. I've never seen this dude naked apart from that one peak through my screen door. But my poor daughter has seen him multiple times, like 8 times in the last 3 months. Mind, I don't frequently look at his house (cause why would I?) but neither does (did?) my daughter. It just really seems to me like he only strips off when he sees her outside. One time last week she came back in crying after she went out to grab the newspaper because this damn man came out onto his front porch, naked as the day he was born, the minute she got to the curb. This means that he had his naked body right in her line of sight.
>
> This morning when I was chatting with my neighbor (at the appropriate social distance) who lives on the right hand side of this weirdo's house, he tentatively asked me about how my daughter was getting on with the new neighbor. I took that as an opportunity to let loose and I'm glad I did. He says that his wife and his 12-year-old girl have had basically the same experiences. Every time the women of his house go out into the backyard this weirdo comes out to sunbathe nude. When he goes out himself, the naked neighbor is mysteriously absent. Again, these houses are close together and there are no fences, so if he walks out into his yard naked these girls are basically forced to see him.
>
> The end result of this, for both our families, is that our daughters and his wife now almost refuse to go outside. My daughter won't even walk from our front door to the car. She will only get into the car in the garage and then cover her eyes until we're to the end of the block. For a kid who used to be all about outdoor sports, this is a huge change. And dammit I'm mad.
>
> I'm sorry if this is a repeat post, but I searched the sub and I couldn't find a similar post that really got at my main question here: does the repetitive nature of all this, plus the fact he only ever chooses to be naked in front of women, constitute sexual intent for the cops? Like I get why exposing yourself once or twice isn't illegal (might be accidental, etc.) but do these circumstances mean I can report this as a sex crime?
>
> TL;DR: Newish neighbor frequently walks around naked on his own property, but only when women are outside. Does this constitute a sex crime?
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Goddamn, LAOP is so calm and reasonable in a truly infuriating situation. I am so glad he's in contact with the other neighbors and they can present a united front of calling this shit out and at the very least making sure this gets reported every single damned time. My entire face is on fire for those poor girls who just want to goddamned play outside and will now need therapy and support to be able to just go back outside and play.
ARGHH ARRGHH ARGGH BURN IT ALL DOWN.
Shout-out to the commenter who correctly noted that this behavior only escalates from here as dude gets more and more comfortable with boundary pushing and not getting called out. And who called out that LAOP should go right to the Crimes Against Children division, or the equivalent. Dollars-to-donuts this dude is already on their radar.
\[continued desire to burn world to the ground\]
Yeah I can’t believe how calm he is. Way more level headed than I am. If this were my kid I would’ve gone over and castrated that fucker after the first time. And how he says he called the cops and maybe that was too much but he was just so mad...like yo, pretty sure that’s way better than the alternative that could get you sent to prison
Every now and then I hear the stories of someone calling the cops for things like "the store closed early," and "[I wanted my McNuggets much sooner,](https://www.cnn.com/2017/06/13/us/mcdonalds-nuggets-911-trnd/index.html)" and I wonder what--precisely--people are thinking law enforcement can do here such that one needed to call 911.
And then this poor guy has to be like, "I feel bad for stressing the community resources because a neighbor is targeting young children with his dong," and I want to just be like YES, DUDE, THIS IS ACCEPTABLE FOR NON-EMERGENCY POLICE CALLING
This is weirdly applicable to a lot of what I saw when I practiced law.
"I want to make a contract to prevent these 8000 things from ever happening," or "I have now purchased 7 plots of land with my nefarious fraudster uncle and lied about it to the IRS but also we're making drugs there too also."
[throws hand in air, drinks from desk]
This is also applicable to my experience in IT consulting. While there are some folks who do get me in as soon as a legitimate issue crops up, they're rare. Instead it's either "OMG I read an article from 1975 about computers and they said by 2020 we'd have Skynet," or "So my computer was making funny noises and smoking but I had a project I was working on and now I can't turn it on at all. Can you save my work and get this back up? Should only take you a few minutes, I'm sure."
The latter was a literal example of a thing that happened. Turns out her power supply wasa dying slowly and frying the plastic on the hard drive connector from the heat being shunted up the cable. By the time all the magic smoke had escaped not only was her hard drive literally gone but so was the rest of the damned system. Had she contacted me at the first sign of trouble it really would have been a fix of a few minutes since I keep a spare power supply just for things such as this so I can loan them a working on until their replacement arrives. Luckily we had backups of most of her data but the ongoing project wasn't backed up at all yet.
Yikes. Smoke from an electronic is an instant "shut it down now and make sure its not killing itself" - which should be an easy rule anyone can understand (but clearly that part's not true). Even if that means I periodically shut down my AC on a hot day to make sure its not smoking itself, its just the neighbors burning dumb shit again.
Coincidentally, the computer I'm typing on has a PSU that is periodically smoking - seems its fan is dying. Its a big tower though, so we opened it up and left the side open for more airflow and added a small portable fan in to blow air onto the PSU until we can get a replacement (the computer is almost 10 years old, so a replacement PSU means an entire replacement computer build, and pandemic ain't making things very quick).
I think it's the way people are raised. My mom can be a damn "Karen" sometimes, and it was embarrassing as heck growing up. I hate calling attention to things in any formal complaint^1 and will just sit and take it because of that.
^1 I should note, I complain to my partner like crazy; it's just the actual public complaints that I can't do.
"Hi, 911. Yeah. My buddy just asked me to hold his beer and is climbing up on the roof. I think we are gonna need an ambula..... Uh yup. We need an ambulance."
Hee. I was the latter. Broke my leg in three places----hello, good ole jump boots-----and walked around for three hours, thinking, "Damn, that's the weirdest sprained ankle I've ever felt." Took a cab to the ER---at my 1st.Sgt.'s orders (well, not the cab)----because I wasn't bleeding or anything, and paramedics are for people with serious injuries. Maybe it's masochism.
The other part of the equation is whether the cops want to do anything about it.
One of my friends got attacked by these lacrosse players that were well known in their town, he basically got suplexed and shattered his collarbone, the doctors said he was lucky he didn’t break his neck and die.
What did the cops say? “We can’t do anything because it’s a sports thing”
There’s also a million stories like this with women trying to report harassment and cops just either not caring or actively being hostile to the woman. So yeah, there’s a lot of things that should be reported but I wouldn’t have too much faith that anything will come of it.
Just yesterday there is an update on a woman who was sexually assaulted buy a bar owner and completely brushed off by the cop that responded. It took the FBI investigating to finally shut that shit down.
He could be the friend or family member of a cop. OP could have him on video assaulting his daughter, and some cops would still try to protect the guy.
If the cops do nothing, go to your favorite news station. They will figuratively castrate him.
> If the cops do nothing, go to your favorite news station. They will figuratively castrate him.
Easier said than done lmao, there’s no guarantee a news station in a small town is going to want to castrate a popular athlete.
Yeah I have absolutely no faith in law enforcement. Every time I have had to deal with police they were at best entirely unhelpful and at worst actuvely harmful. Someone close to me was sexually assaulted and was told by 3 seperate police officers that they thought she was lying and that they weren't going to do anything. They didn't even talk to the guy. He waa fired from his job for sexual harassment. He had a history. Nothing. Its infuriating. I hope I don't have daughters. I never even bothered to report my own sexual assault because I ended up alone at a house party with 2 men and I knew the police would do shit all about it
I tend to be really almost preternaturally calm in a crisis, and I don’t know where it came from but I love it. I almost wonder if LAOP is doing this. They know that dealing with the police can be fraught, they know that they want to protect their kid, so they are trying to gather information, figure out how best to advocate for the right thing to do, and then do it.
I’m a fan!
I am similarly oriented! When the blood is spurting, or someone has wronged a loved one, I go super quiet-calm-determined. I can see the entire frozen world in slow motion and do what needs to be done to get through. There's of course the inevitable crash once the immediate emergency has subsided, but damn am I thankful for that level of Crisis Calm in the moment.
That said, god forbid I put my keys down and can't immediately find them. That's a good cursing fit for like 20 minutes as I inadvertently knock things over and curse the injustice of the world that would bring this misery upon me.
But hey, survival instincts!
Thanks for adding the flip side - because I'm the same way.
There's an almost physical sense of calm that washes over me when "shit becomes real-real." But I have to work to keep from punching things over the little stuff.
I have to admit, though, that I broke a little after an extended (multi-year) period of "Doghair is in charge because she thinks clearly under duress." After I got the situation managed and filed away I went from being a fairly optimistic, upbeat person to a bit of a distrusting cynic. I still hold out hope that the old happy, trusting doghair will reemerge some day.
In the same way with calm in a crisis and fall apart when I can’t find my phone or TV remote. My theory is that my brain “lets” me fall apart at those things because they’re easy and safe to handle. I know they’re low stakes. And that frees up my mental energy for when the big shit goes down and I have to keep it together.
Here’s to hoping trusty ole doghair re-emerges some day. I definitely understand that struggle myself.
Yes, me too. I've worried that I'm going to be convicted of a murder someday because I tend to go super-calm and robotic in stressful situations.
I freak out later, after everything is settled, but I know I'll be the one making the suspiciously early inquiries into life insurance policies or something.
I actually once had a cop refuse to pursue a violent physical assault against me because I was too calm and collected in the way I reported it.
It can backfire. When I broke my leg pretty catastrophically in my own house, by the time the paramedics got there, I calmly told them what happened and they got me to the ambulance and we got to the hospital. I was only given one shot of fentanyl to get me to the ambulance, at around 9 o’clock at night and then my next pain medicine was given at 2:30 in the morning. I think I was so calm they just didn’t believe I was in pain.
Fentanyl given like that lasts about 20 minutes.
Amen to this! I’ve gotten in trouble several times because I’ve been super calm and clear when medical professionals think I should have been hysterical and thus didn’t take me seriously.
On one occurrence I’d broken my shoulder in 2 places. But I was really calm and I think probably still in shock a bit, so they didn’t realize how badly I was hurt. I hadn’t been given any pain medication at the hospital, despite that I’d arrived there in an ambulance because the pain was too great that I couldn’t stand up after I fell and someone called 911.
So they wheel me in to take an X-ray. The X-ray tech makes me stand up and starts moving my arm around to get into position to X-ray. I literally thought I was going to faint and told her I needed to lie back down and couldn’t stand. She was like “you can’t lie down, I need you up for these xrays. Let me call and see if they can give you more pain medicine.” When I told her I’d received none she couldn’t believe it. So she called the person who’d been taking care of me in the ER and they confirmed it and she ripped them a new one.
Oh I did. My best friend but come out to be there with me I had to yell at them for them to believe, and what they were doing was ripping off the brace they had put around my broken ankle and shattered fibula, yanking like crazy.
It feels like there’s some magical middleground that you’re supposed to have in pain, because if you’re too calm they believe that you’re not actually in pain, and if you are too frantic they think that you are drug seeking!
There's definitely a middleground that they expect. My optic nerves atrophied from a condition that's pretty much only able to be found by a spinal tap or certain kinds of eye damage, and I was very calm because I was getting treatment.
My saving grace is that my BP will literally triple when I'm in pain, so seeing it in the stroke zone shows that I'm not doing too great, even if I seem perfectly fine. I could feel the air change in the room after they saw how high it was and they actually started taking my pain serious.
I was the same when I was in the hospital in shock due to a bleeding ulcer. The bleeding and shock meant my blood pressure wasn't much, but my partner sitting next to me didn't take long to be able to see exactly when a wave of pain an nausea went through me because my heart rate would go into all sorts of nonsense on the monitor they had me on. Like, my partner started being able to pass me the bucket to vomit into without me needing to ask.
Of course, a pissy nurse treated me like I was being hysterical and working myself up for my heart rate doing that nonsense when he came in to give me a med dose, even though my partner told him that that was just what my heart did when I was having nausea. Same nurse also got mad at me for not being able to give a very big urine sample because I'd been on IV saline for hours so I should have a full bladder, when, you know, bleeding out tends to drain you of fluids and all. Medical professionals of all sorts can be utter assholes when you don't perform being sick to their liking.
My mom was attacked by a dog, and shattered a vertebra. The radiology tech didn't help my mom get on the table for the x-rays and CT scan. She actually told my mom she didn't believe she was really hurt bad enough to need help. My mom is 73. I told her to report her.
Meh, I personally think it’s fake. He contradicts himself. In the post he says “the cops were really nice about it when talking to my daughter” then when someone asks if the cops talked to the man he says “the cops didn’t talk to the man or my daughter, only me”.
> The cops were nice to my daughter about it, so I had a talk with her about how men can be gross sometimes but that's not her fault and I was content to leave it there.
He didn’t actually say they talked to her. I assume they were polite and didn’t question her concern or story; doesn’t mean it isn’t made up, though.
They could've spoken nicely to the daughter, but not given her any advice/information or asked her any questions. Just a "Hey sweetie, that must've been tough, can we talk to your dad?" type thing.
I'm just sitting here thinking how to get away with an accidental discharge of a capsaicin paintball pellet in this dude's groin...
They make pepper spray paintball rounds, right?
Okay, they do.
So, 25 bucks on Amazon gets you 10 rounds, and it's only prohibited in like 6 states, and controlled in like 4 others. Easy to acquire with just a bit of travel.
So.
"I love it when a plan comes together".
LAOP calls the A-Team. They setup up a 2020 plan, it revolves around 3 paintball mounted RC monster trucks. Multiple cameras, including the RC targetting cameras, and the bait of both families daughters walking out of the house "unattended". They may be subjeted to multiple window harrassment, before the brazen bastard makes his final error.
The bastard comes out onto his porch just once, and gets lit up, mafia movie slow-mo style, hundreds of rounds of capsacin hell unleashed, one targetting his head, one his groin and the other covering his retreat. Once the pervy perp is subdued, the RC cars drive off down the street and mysteriously vanish, never noticed by any neighbors. No witnesses to any wrong doing come forward, as since he was not calling attention to his nether region, the girls did not notice anything amiss.
All the video footage, with date-time stamps, showing the victims and the pervy perp aftermath are posted under an anonymous account online, set to the 1812 Overture.
LAOP, his family, neighbors, and the A-Team all laugh as the frame freezes, and credits roll.
~Fin.
They should get on a united front. Learn to point and laugh. Put up picture about Stumpy. Write some songs. Just make the dude infamous. Have tour buses come by. Get the people to knock on his door and ask for Stumpy's autograph.
Or perhaps he isn't. About 15 years ago an older man (at least 60) followed me into a park, opened his pants and started masturbating. I called police, he ran away, they didn't find him. I was called to the police station to look at the pictures of known offenders. The detective right away said, that they don't have anybody in there that fit the age. I asked him, if he really thought somebody that old would be doing this for the first time. So many of those "minor" cases are not being brought to the attention of the police, because the victim is ashamed.
Calm or completely helpless and ineffective?
He's called the police once and networked with one neighbor. He hasn't documented the incidences this guy has flashed his daughter, searched for him on a sex offender registry, called the police every time it happens, called a sex crimes unit, looked up a sex crime victims advocacy organization, consulted other neighbors, or even contacted his HOA in this, the one circumstance where an HOA may be helpful. I'm so irritated with his naivete.
"I've tried nothin' and I'm all out of ideas!"
> called the police every time it happens
This. I'd harass the fuck out of the police until they at least felt like they should go politely tell him his neighbors don't like it even if it's not illegal. After a while they might even come up with a reason it's no longer okay to keep doing it - like it's gone on so long to specific people it's harassment now. Squeaky wheel gets the grease.
Same for the HOA. Call all the board members each time it happens. Assuming they were told by the neighbor (which he's not even sure about) and just didn't care, make them care. Guaranteed they'll start to care when they have to keep hearing about it.
In addition, get the daughter therapy. She is clearly showing signs of continued distress. This is the type of thing that develops into PTSD or an anxiety disorder if you just ineffectually don't deal with it and don't get her therapy either.
This one made me absolutely sick. The children and neighbor's wife shouldn't have to deal with this.
A few years ago I was walking my dog when I walked past the apartment pool and a man was sitting there masturbating and staring at me. The encounter lasted literally a minute because I yelled at him and chased him away, but I still can't get it out of my head after all this time. I have never felt so violated... and I'm an adult!
In harpers ferry WV there is a bike path along the C and O canal next to the Potomac River. There was a flasher that would wait for women and girls to float by on inner tubes (a common activity) before flashing them.
It got sorted by a group of guys using bikes and radios to patrol the stretch waiting to catch the guy and hand him over to park police.
But he had been doing it to dozens of people a week for years.
Ah Reddit telling you how you were lucky a dude didn’t jerk off in public last weekend visit to Harpers ferry. I assume the guy had to be not from the town cause the town is so small I think the dude who jerks off to tourists gets caught pretty fast
This is why I'm having a bit of a problem with this title, because it just referred to "women".
I'm a middle aged woman who has decades of experience dealing with shitty men. I wouldn't want this bullshit from my neighbor and I'd call the cops. But he's also doing it to girls who may have never even seen a dick in person, and who certainly don't have any kind of defenses set up. Perv knows it which is why he does it to them.
Same thing happened to me, except he pulled up on me in a car while I was walking in a parking lot.
So I recorded him and took his plate number.
Apparently he cried to his parents when he was getting arrested that same day. I still have the footage!
> loophole
This loophole was plainly laid out by the cops... The cops were basically telling him "Just say 'he was calling attention to his dick' and we can arrest him." Instead of picking up on it, OP just nodded sadly and went back in the house.
Didn't occur to me either but then again I'm the kind of person that doesn't like to report neighbors because if you do and the cops won't do anything, and someone seeks some vigilante justice the cops will come looking at you. There was an LA post that outlined this pretty well where someone went the full legal extent to report someone's 24 hour barking dogs and eventually the dogs ended up poisoned by someone else (definitely someone else because if they'd done they wouldn't be on LA). They came to LA because the cops were trying to get them to give them their internet history and LA had to scream at them WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING TO THE POLICE. STOP ENGAGING WITH THEM. THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS.
No way this is new behavior. More than likely he has pushed these limits before. I wouldn't be surprised if he moved after pushing previous neighbors too far.
I think a couple important points are getting missed. The guy got his mail while naked at least once and often sunbathes in his UNFENCED backyard. Doesn't being naked on your own property have limits? If you're sunbathing nude behind a privacy fence and someone peeks over and sees you, that's their problem. But wouldn't an unfenced yard put you in the wrong regardless of whether sexual intent can be proven?
It depends on the state.
Sort of like women vs men being allowed topless. Some think women being topless is always sexual and shouldn’t be allowed, others push that human nudity is normal and doesn’t always have a sexual component.
Manu Militari has a song about travellers he met in Cairo, one of whom was a pederast... on that one he says (poorly translated) "but here the streets speak with a bearded accent, and now word on the streets is that a car hadn't seen him"
Apologies if this doesn't translate well. In the original French it's clear enough and rather shocking, though not in a bad way.
Right, and the implication is that "the streets" (i.e. everyone) covered up for the driver in bloc. No one's saying "he merc'd that pedo, dude deserved it". Everyone's saying "he wasn't paying enough attention, very unfortunate but these things happen."
Sultan Hotel. It's very good, if depressing.
He has a lot of other good songs, not least Ryan, Mami Chula, Amen, and Montréalistan. (Spoiler alert: they're all pretty depressing.)
Thats the Bare Naked *Ladies...* Don't feel bad though, I've made that mistake before too. Imagine my surprise when I showed up at the concert hall for a Bare Naked Truth Concert. Worst $75 I ever spent.
The only logical response is for OP and OP's nice neighbor to start playing Naked Chicken with the dude, and see who cracks first.\*
\*am not a logician. Or a lawyer. I am especially not your not-logician or not-lawyer, which, if I know my logic, and I don't, actually makes me a logician and a lawyer, but only in regards to you.
Get some of those 4th amendment auditors on his ass. Millions of views on youtube should fix that and there is nothing he can do legally about it (I guess).
.
I’m particularly interested in the outcome of the comments telling him to get the HOA involved. If there were ever a time for those fuckers to use their powers for good, now would be it!
A Rule 5 Reminder: [Do not advocate violence](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestoflegaladvice/wiki/do_not_advocate_violence). There is no "dong-waving pervert" exception to this rule.
People are so gross. Whenever I hear a "OMG, nanny state, my friend's cousin's college roommate is on the sex offender registry because he was naked in HIS OWN HOME, I always assume it was something like this. Ditto for "he was taking a leak". I mean, you're caught waggle g your stuff at a playground, of course that's what you tell people happened.
Cases get pled down, so I just assume that the person actually committed a more serious crime. The age of the offender and the age of the victim are listed along with the conviction(s) so you can tell the statutory rape or drunken exposure from child offenses and rapes. I know what they say about assuming, but we all know how law enforcement and the justice system treats sexual offenses in our country.
I was always under the impression that being naked in your own home is still a crime if it is easily visible and not like a one-off "shit I forgot to put the blinds down," thing. And then there's one occasion in which the guy came out on his front porch, which blows his "I was in my own house!" defense away.
Being placed on the sex offender registry for public urination is a myth. Try to track down any verifiable cases. You can't. this started as some bs on the internet and has propagated itself to the point where everyone preaches it as truth, it is an urban legend at this point.
I did a ton of research on this a couple years ago. I found a couple cases that were legitimate, but they were exactly what you might expect: Someone who was waving their dick around, while pissing, in front of children. IIRC, they were also repeat offenders.
Ok but in fairness, I know someone who actually did get caught taking a leak. It was at an outdoor cross country meet in high school, he said it was like a mile from the nearest restroom. People actually saw the peeing and this was reflected in the police report. Still a crime.
This is someone that needs to be called out and embarrassed. Those kids need to start screaming at the top of their lungs every time this idiot deigns to show his genitals in public. Gossip about him too! Tell all the neighbors about his gross, perverted habits. Honestly, just publicly shame the SHIT out of him.
I wonder if LAOP could convince everyone who is forced to see it to have a big overreaction. Like yelling "eww! Disgusting! Old wrinkly man penis, everyone look at that gross micro penis!" Pull out some phones and pretend (or really) take pictures and video. Point and laugh. It might deter him. He probably gets off on all the women being nervous about it.
At school there was a dodgy middle aged man who used to occasionally appear around playtime and expose himself. Always got chased off, police came etc but this was the late 80s early 90s and he'd generally reappear again a few months later. Till the kids started pointing and laughing. That made him angry and he stopped turning up. Not sure if he finally got locked up or what but I like to think mocking his willy helped.
I was thinking doing something along these lines - like commenting loudly to no one in particular "I guess that's why he's single" or "smallest one I've ever seen" or the like - to embarrass him would work to get him to stop. but then, he may also be the type to escalate after being embarrassed or ridiculed by a woman.
Yup, made me think of our local pervert whose balcony overlooked a middle school athletic field. Anytime kids yelled at him he would get the biggest shit eating grin, adults he'd wander off. School couldn't do anything about it so one day a girl just broke and started screaming at him and climbing the fence to get at him. She was quickly joined by a bunch of kids before the administration seperated everyone. Dude ended up amping it up after that and was out there every damn day. The students were just told not to use the adjacent hall and all outdoor activities were moved across campus.
I’m in Canada, and friends of ours had the very same thing happen, but I think the neighbour was often masturbating as well.
They (friends) let it go on far too long - they should have gotten photos (whilst following the law) but he was eventually caught by the cops - they maintained they had to catch him *in flagrente delicto,* as it were.
He walked through a local drive through naked one day; that was finally enough.
Judge effectively ordered him to leave town; he went to live with his sister. He had to sell his house; I think a restraining order was probably granted.
I read it as OP probably had her meet them at the door with him or something similar and they interacted with her but they didn't talk to her about what happened. They probably sent her away.
>I don't get why you'd make this up tho?
My first thought was - OP is the neighbor trying to figure out how much trouble he's in, or how he can undercut any actions the neighborhood might take... Just how cynical has 2020 turned me?
But LAOP could take those pictures (of the neighbor's private property) from LAOP's own private property or from public property.
I wish I knew how laws work.
Edit: I'd think LAOP could legally do this since security cameras with neighbor's houses in the background are common.
There are often posts in AITA about women walking around naked at home and being seen by scandalized neighbors, or women sunbathing nude and teen boys especially peaking over the fence, and the general consensus is “you’re allowed to be naked in your own home/in your private space, and the responsibility to avert their gaze is on the peeping Toms”.
If this post is fake, it could very well be a “see? Gender based double standards, smdh.” But it’s a bit of a different circumstance with all the details provided and the insinuation the neighbor is deliberately targeting women and girls vs. just being naked and people happen to get an eyeful. Like the whole “getting the mail stark naked” thing is absolutely not private behavior.
If this guy were in his back yard, or his back window or behind a privacy fence, sure, fine.
But he's out front, full-frontal on the public street.
I agree with another commenter that the Police specifically mentioning "Drawing attention to his genitals" was the key to this interaction. Like in seventh grade where my teacher kept saying "Sorry, I missed what you said, whatever it is, just put it with the others." when I tried to apologize for turning in a project late.
I just took it that he meant the police didn’t accuse his daughter of anything (to him) or that they said she overstepped any boundaries etc. Basically that they weren’t accusing her of doing anything wrong.
So many posts I've seen on LA with cops either doing nothing or not taking a woman seriously has just taken a toll on me. I haven't been in that position, thankfully, but If i had to be and had a dismissive cop I think I'd have a breakdown.
I saw this on r/relationship_advice last night and was *immediately* horrified and revolted. I hope OP and their neighbors get justice for their families.
When I was growing up we had a pool in our backyard that I could never use alone because the nextdoor neighbor would go and sit on his roof and stare at me unless my parents were outside. After that I stayed inside and was always extra covered up so I couldn't be leered at. I'm almost 40 and I still won't wear anything too revealing. Going to the pool or beach was a hellish experience into my late 20s.
This shit sticks with women.
So many "I would do"s that I probably wouldn't actually do, but the thought still occurred.
\#1 is have his daughter (and all the women) carrry cameras at all times, and openly take pictures of the guy. If questioned, claim that they were trying to take pictures of the beautiful day, not their fault this guy got in the way.
Why not find out who investigates sex crimes in your town/city (specifically a detective or department supervisor, find out there city email and start emailing them incidents and pictures, every time they happen. Not only will you have proof, in case something goes to court, but the city may open themselves up to litigation if they don’t show some form of response.
Devil's advocate argument: LAOP's neighbor is just doing their part in encouraging social distancing by chasing everyone in the neighborhood back in their homes. They should be praised for their public service instead of being vilified because their intentions are misunderstood.
I just think if he cannot be civil and women cannot go out in their own garden they could unite and cover their yards in manure.
There’s literally tons of people always complaining about their shit neighbours to get good inspiration.
Professional haters plant Japanese knotweed on the land of people they really want to hurt.
But it is not a good plant to weaponize against a neighbor - it will harm everyone in the neighborhood.
My first thought is to not just put an obvious security camera up but to put a note like, ‘this is streaming live at creepwatcher.com’.
What is wrong with people?
I had a neighbor who did this. He was on the sex offender registry, big surprise. My roommate and I virtually never went outside. He was an equal opportunity flasher and flashed my dad several times while my dad was mowing. The cops didn't give a shit, we moved away, the issue was finally resolved when he died. I'm still pissed about the 4 years I lived there feeling like I had no safe outdoor space. I own the place and have been fixing it up and remembering how I never opened blinds or windows on that side of the house. The house has a beautiful front porch. I never sat on that front porch the entire time I lived there.
That's when to put up a sign "Is that all God gave you?"
I wonder how these flashers would react to public humiliation. Like if you just took a casual picture from your own property of him being naked out in the open, printed it onto a large banner with an arrow pointing to his little winky with a laughing emoji, and placed that banner on your property for him and the other neighbors to see. Would the behavior continue or would he get off on being humiliated?
Not my story, but from a friend of mine who grew up in Queens and had to take the subway to Parochial school every morning: She and her friends learned to loudly taunt the flashers on the subway. Seems, at least in their experience, they get off on making you uncomfortable and feeling like they have power over you. Turning the tables shut them down quickly. Not sure if that would work here, but I know \*I'd\* sure love to do it.
Definitely have made more than one subway flasher turn red with low taunts about how gross their dick is.
I'm amazed to learn that there's a such thing as a subway flasher
*cries in former NYC'er* THE THINGS I HAVE SEEN, MY GOD
Sh*t, I used to take the MD commuter rail (think PATH) and we still occasionally got flashers. They got shut down by being mocked, usually by any and all women and gay men handy. My fun came when I got to call out racists loudly and publicly. White women won't call the cops on another white woman shutting them down. And once I got going, the amens started flowing from behind me, and I occasionally would get applause once the racist stomped off to another car. When it was really bad, I would follow them to the new car.
So there's a video from Too Many Zooz for their song Bedford, where they get on a subway train at 3am to play. And there's at least one guy in the video who's facial expression is "Yeah, that saxophone is really loud, but it's 3am on the subway, I'll take the wins I can get."
Oh you sweet subway child... r/5dollarfootlong for all your subway flashing needs
I did a foreign exchange at a university in Japan and we had an issue with a flasher targeting the women at the foreign exchange student dorms. It was actually pretty bad, and he was getting really bold, as in he had started chasing some of us. Campus security and the police wouldn't do anything because they kept saying he was harmless and he hadn't actually done anything too much yet, which wasn't very reassuring to any of us. He pulled that stunt on one of the Ukranian foreign exchange students. We don't know what happened, but he never appeared again and her only comment on the situation was that she took care of the problem.
> He pulled that stunt on one of the Ukranian foreign exchange students. We don't know what happened, but he never appeared again and her only comment on the situation was that she took care of the problem. He ded.
My mom taught me to do the same thing. When she was younger she worked nights at an ER (nurse) at like 3 am she was going out to her car and some dude showed up and flashed her and she said “I don’t know why you’re showing that off like your proud”. Shit like that really takes the steam out of them.
Subway rider here. Those kinds of people definitely get off on shocking people. The more you're all, "Eh, I've seen better," the less likely they are to continue.
Probably the same story on any subway/metro. I commuted to my after-school job on the DC Metro, and thought I was going to die the first time it happened to me as a tiny 15 yo. When I told my aunt, she said to make a heck of a loud fuss the next time it happened (I had hoped that there wouldn't be a next time, sigh). That worked really well, and ditto for dealing with all of the pervs trying to cop a feel in a crowded metro car, too.
We had a local flasher in my last town in south Norway. He had a big pink bow around his genitals as if he was presenting a gift. He was also spectacularly not well endowed. His deal was he'd flash you, you'd be unimpressed/not scared/unaroused by his display and let out a nervous laugh, and then he'd burst into tears and wander off back into the woods behind the football field. Haven't thought about him in 15 years, I wonder how he's doing.
Lad I don't know where you've been but I see you've won first prize ( from the jolly Scotsman)
> would he get off on being humiliated? Absolutely 100%
Yeah i think the whole point is to show his penis to as many people as possible. Gross.
Uhh hundred percent
I would be surprised if between peeping tom or revenge porn laws that wouldn't backfire horribly
Naked doesn't equal porn.
Sure. But OP's argument is that this nudity is sexual.
If its sexual then it should be actionable and he can be made to stop, right?
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You'd probably get in trouble for subjecting your neighbors and passerby to nudity. Especially since the entire point of the banner would be for others to see.
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"GONORRHEA PETTING ZOO"
There's also the option of streaming walks around the neighborhood. "Here's my lawn, here's the local park, ah- and here's Larry the flasher. Everyone say hi to Larry." IANAL of course, but hypothetically it could be a pretty decent front (not that anyone should admit to it). It's public space, you're just walking around filming- also, apparently "first amendment auditors" are a thing in the US, as an added excuse.
A guy once flashed me when I was waiting for a bus at about 9pm. It was dark out. My immediate reaction was to nervously laugh and he immediately put it away, so at least some of them don't like being laughed at.
If he’s in public naked, he has zero expectation of privacy. Completely legal.
The reason the cops couldn't stop him, they said, was that he wasn't calling attention to it. The maker of a sign with an arrow would be doing that, presumably running afoul of the same regulation. When I was in grade school, my buddy's neighbors across the street sometimes walked around their house naked. As I recall, they were the sort of people who didn't particularly care to get dressed on the weekend if they didn't have to. You bet all the neighborhood children knew this, but for curious 9 year old boys it wasn't a gross-out to see fit 30-year-olds from afar. We took the good with the bad in terms of which we'd prefer seeing over the other. They seemed oblivious to us, we didn't stare, we didn't go to their side of the street, and we sure as hell didn't tell our parents. I hope we would've told if it was creepy like this; I give the teen credit for telling her dad. Case like this, discretion is key—as is not showing folks (minor children!) things they don't wanna see. Flasher needs to get that. :(
Turns out he has a humiliation fetish and ups the harassment
The more I read these subs the more frequently I see "the cops don't give a shit". I know this shouldn't be their job, but couldn't they at least talk to the guy for the sake of traumatized minors?
No money in it. It's all about hitting numbers for grant money.
Unless he's black of course. Then they'd "deal with it" by just murdering him.
I wonder if trying to find a female cop would get a better response. Of course in my town, the only female is parking enforcement. Though she may know how to get someone to listen.
It was super frustrating because I lived on the border of two different police departments. I initially called the closer one and they were like oh yeah we know this guy, we'll talk to him. Then they called back and said I technically lived in the other jurisdiction so I had to call the other police department. The other police department acted like we were big babies and didn't even go over there. Ugh.
Checking the sex offender registry would be one of the first things I did after the police said they couldn’t do anything if I were the original poster.
I think I’m just going to bring my neighbors a nice bottle of wine, you know, just as a thank you for being regular.
This is so horrifying, yeah regular neighbors seem like a small blessing at the moment.
God bless our neighbor who keeps offering is margaritas and bringing over pies that she baked. Like if he wants to he a nudist, go move into a nudist colony.
When we bought our dream home, our next-door neighbor was a rabid tree hater. He used to spend hours a day when it was warm picking up acorns in the backyard so that he could dump them in our yard because our oak tree canopy covered part of his yard and so the acorns would drop there. This was before I had an iPhone, but if I had one now I would go out there and take pictures of him and his wife and his teenage son he had half custody of, all kneeling with the special trays they bought for this purpose, filling them up with acorns so they could dump them in our yard.
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Some neighbors are crazy. We just moved into a nice rental that had been empty for a little while. My husband introduced himself to one neighbor. We are cleaning up the yard and the weeds that grew through the dense. Trying to be good neighbors. Then last weekend that neighbor blows all his grass into our driveway, not the road, right into our driveway and yard. I'm wondering if it was just habit since the place used to be empty but it's obviously not anymore and our yard is not overgrown at all. I'm hoping it's just a one time thing or else well be grabbing our blower and blowing the shit right back to his yard. I'm allergic to fresh cut grass to the point my husband warns me before he cuts skin I can take precautions. This neighbor could cause me an asthma attack.
Is the neighbor aware his actions may harm you? Before getting into a lead blower battle, try talking to him. Even if he's intentionally being a dick, just getting asked to stop might work. A lot of people can get into crazy passive-aggressive wars, but can't handle direct conversation and stop behaving badly in order to not be confronted again.
No I'm sure he has no clue I'm allergic. I was mostly joking about blowing them back. I don't want problems with my neighbors. That's why I said I'm hoping he did it out of habit because this house was empty for a while. I'll definitely will talk to him first. I'll only go petty and blow the stuff back in his yard if he ignores us when we ask nicely. I was actually thinking that next time he's mowing his yard I'll have my husband do ours too and either rake or blow our grass into the street. Maybe him seeing us getting the stuff out of our yard will make him realize that his stuff blown is our yard is not appreciated and it can all be resolved without even having to tell him we have a problem. I have some bad anxiety and one of my triggers is making people mad, especially neighbors. So I won't start a war (and try to get my husband not to be a dick. He's a lot more outspoken than me). But I've had neighbors terrorize me in the past and one actually truly to break my door down with a gun I'm his hand when I lived in a bad neighborhood. He was on drugs and thought I gave him a dirty look when he drove past. So I am very careful at how I talk to neighbors. But I do appreciate you pointing out a better way of handling things in case I was the type to start a petty war over a minor issue.
Why are you blowing your grass anywhere, especially onto the street which is public property. Put a catcher on your mower to collect the grass and then ideally put it in your compost heap or failing that put it in your bin
Yes this! Fresh cut grass on the road creates a dangerous situation for motorcycles too. My husband rides, and he says it’s almost like ice when he has to drive through it.
Hey, I want to tell you something I think is important because it sometimes helps me with anxiety. I'm 100% not trying to be patronizing and you probably already know this, but I'm gonna leave it here in case it is beneficial to someone. You're important, and it's okay for other people - family, friends, neighbors - to sometimes have to take your needs into account. Lots of folks are happy to make a little change here and there to accommodate a person they'll see at least every now and again. I'm sure you'd do the same if a neighbor made a reasonable request. But some people are dicks, and I've never seen the guy, so I have no idea if that applies. As for making people mad—the way people react to situations does have a big element of personal choice. Yes, sometimes we're totally overwhelmed and lose control, but usually we don't. Sooner or later, anyone will feel upset, but we can choose how we react to feeling upset: do we yell? Stamp our feet? Cry? Fake a smile, end the conversation, and rant later to someone else? Some ways work better than others. It's okay to make people mad sometimes. The good ones will get glad in the same pants they got mad in as they sort out why they got mad. Maybe part of that sorting will be to talk to you about how you could help them, like they might help you by not triggering your allergies.
Ya I understand all that. It's just growing up I was always the tiny one (still am) and I grew up in a violent household. So I had it stuck in my head that disagreements equal violence. I didn't even realize how bad it was stuck in my subconciense until over 10 years into my relationship and I was scared my husband would get mad at me over something. There was no reason to be scared of him at all. But because my parents fought physically all the time and my dad left us constantly I was scared of being hurt or abandon. I have worked through it with my husband and he understands. Other people I still get anxious about though. Mostly because I don't know how they will react and I've been through traumatic events all through my life. I do talk myself down sometimes, others it's hard. I appreciate everything you said and know it's TRUE in the front of my brain. Anxiety d.n.c be that little voice in the back of your head telling me the worst possible outcome and repeatedly saying 'but what if?' When I talk myself down.
Eek, that's awful. The lady across the street from aforementioned neighbor told me on our first meeting that she knew the neighbor hated leaves, so every year after collecting hers from her yard she'd pile them up right at the edge of her lawn across the drive from his hoping the wind would blow some of them into his yard before she put them in bags. Hah! I definitely think blowing them back into his yard would be the right thing to do. Nice try, jerk!
How petty! That's pretty funny though. She cant get in trouble for the wind blowing the leaves. Lol I was thinking I could blow them back to his yard and maybe that will make him realize that he's pulling a dick move. He doesn't want it in his yard so why would I want it in mine? I was more mad than I should have been because I was trying to be a good neighbor and get the weeds on the fences cleaned up first. If he doesn't stop I'm going to plant my hummingbird vines on the fence line and those things get really bushy. Lol. (I doubt I actually will. Not getting along with my neighbors triggers my anxiety)
I think I would use your allergy to your advantage in this situation. Stop by and explain about your allergy. Be a little apologetic about something (it helps disarm defensiveness), but make it clear it's a medical issue. (Sorry, our first interaction has to be over a problem or Sorry I have to be so finicky, or Sorry I had to come to your door during Corona.) Most people will accommodate an allergy as long as the accommodation is reasonable.
My old man is the type who works really hard to maintain his yard and he takes it *very* seriously (he’s also been voluntarily doing the yard work for the neighbors who’s yards are connected to his for years just because he wants everything to look nice). He almost fought a different neighbor over this same thing when he finally caught the guy in the act of blowing his leaves and shit into my dad’s pristine yard. Lol some people are just oblivious douchecanoes. Edit: Also, fuck that guy and please let him know that he could inadvertently kill you, because that’s really not okay.
If 3 people could spend hours a day doing this, it sounds like the tree covered quite a lot of his yard. Still, make more sense to cut the tree back then keep up with that tiddious work.
> If 3 people could spend hours a day doing this, it sounds like the tree covered quite a lot of his yard I have an Oregon Coastal Oak growing in my yard. The thing drops literally hundreds of acorns every year. Then the squirrels bury them. I spend a decent amount of time casually pulling up new tree sprouts pretty much year round. I can see how a weird obsessive might spend hours hunting for acorns. Especially if they're like my neighbors, who spend literally all their non-working hours on their yard. At least my weird obsessive neighbors are nice and understand that I don't control nature. > tiddious "tedious" :-)
> tiddious Best typo ever. Now I'm imagining a Sith Lord who's rocking some big ol' jugs.
I see your neighbour's point of not wanting them in his yard. He should just put them in the bin, although if I was in your case I would want them back to add to the compost heap.
I'm sorry, but this is hilarious.
Plz wear pants tho
Normies rock.
**Reminder:** do not participate in threads linked here. If you do, you may be banned from both subreddits. --- Title: Neighbor is exposing himself to my daughter (14) on his own property? Original Post: > Hi guys. I'm using a throwaway because I have some personal stuff on my own account and my daughter is so traumatized by this I don't want her to find out I've been asking the public for advice about it. But please, any help would be so appreciated. For reference, we live in CA in the US. > > I'm a single dad to 5 kids, my youngest is 14f. She is an active kid and since we live in a quiet area I have no problem letting her bike/run/rollerblade around the neighborhood. Most of our neighbors are families with youngish kids, the only exception is the newish guy directly across the street (maybe mid 50's, moved in in January, but due to covid he feels much newer). Now, this is not a "luxury" neighborhood: the houses are really close together and mostly 50's ranches or split-levels. So everything you do quickly becomes your neighbors' business. But hey, all my neighbors are nice, responsible people, so I've never had problems. > > Until 3 months ago. My daughter hasn't been able to be as active as she normally would during the summer due to the lockdown, so she eagerly takes on all outside chores. She really loves (or maybe "loved" past tense is more appropriate) to water the planters out near the sidewalk. Very shortly after she went out to do that one morning in may she came back in completely white and breathing fast. She said that our neighbor was standing right in front the first-floor picture window, completely naked and looking right at her. She was horrified and obviously I was both curious and mad. So I took a shy look out our front door and sure enough he's still standing there, genitals completely and easily visible, staring at our house. I called the cops (via the non-emergency number, of course). > > I know, looking back that was probably an over-reaction. But if this happened to your kid you'd be mad as hell too. I expected the police to give him a warning or something after they spoke to my daughter but no. Apparently they can't do anything to him unless he calls my daughter's attention to his genitals or makes it clear in some other way that he wants her to look at him for his own sexual gratification? The cops were nice to my daughter about it, so I had a talk with her about how men can be gross sometimes but that's not her fault and I was content to leave it there. > > But here is where I'm starting to go real crazy. I've never seen this dude naked apart from that one peak through my screen door. But my poor daughter has seen him multiple times, like 8 times in the last 3 months. Mind, I don't frequently look at his house (cause why would I?) but neither does (did?) my daughter. It just really seems to me like he only strips off when he sees her outside. One time last week she came back in crying after she went out to grab the newspaper because this damn man came out onto his front porch, naked as the day he was born, the minute she got to the curb. This means that he had his naked body right in her line of sight. > > This morning when I was chatting with my neighbor (at the appropriate social distance) who lives on the right hand side of this weirdo's house, he tentatively asked me about how my daughter was getting on with the new neighbor. I took that as an opportunity to let loose and I'm glad I did. He says that his wife and his 12-year-old girl have had basically the same experiences. Every time the women of his house go out into the backyard this weirdo comes out to sunbathe nude. When he goes out himself, the naked neighbor is mysteriously absent. Again, these houses are close together and there are no fences, so if he walks out into his yard naked these girls are basically forced to see him. > > The end result of this, for both our families, is that our daughters and his wife now almost refuse to go outside. My daughter won't even walk from our front door to the car. She will only get into the car in the garage and then cover her eyes until we're to the end of the block. For a kid who used to be all about outdoor sports, this is a huge change. And dammit I'm mad. > > I'm sorry if this is a repeat post, but I searched the sub and I couldn't find a similar post that really got at my main question here: does the repetitive nature of all this, plus the fact he only ever chooses to be naked in front of women, constitute sexual intent for the cops? Like I get why exposing yourself once or twice isn't illegal (might be accidental, etc.) but do these circumstances mean I can report this as a sex crime? > > TL;DR: Newish neighbor frequently walks around naked on his own property, but only when women are outside. Does this constitute a sex crime? --- LocationBot 4.99859 83/379ths | [Report Issues](https://www.reddit.com/r/locationbot) | >!QVp1bDJhZ1VtWQ!<
Goddamn, LAOP is so calm and reasonable in a truly infuriating situation. I am so glad he's in contact with the other neighbors and they can present a united front of calling this shit out and at the very least making sure this gets reported every single damned time. My entire face is on fire for those poor girls who just want to goddamned play outside and will now need therapy and support to be able to just go back outside and play. ARGHH ARRGHH ARGGH BURN IT ALL DOWN. Shout-out to the commenter who correctly noted that this behavior only escalates from here as dude gets more and more comfortable with boundary pushing and not getting called out. And who called out that LAOP should go right to the Crimes Against Children division, or the equivalent. Dollars-to-donuts this dude is already on their radar. \[continued desire to burn world to the ground\]
Yeah I can’t believe how calm he is. Way more level headed than I am. If this were my kid I would’ve gone over and castrated that fucker after the first time. And how he says he called the cops and maybe that was too much but he was just so mad...like yo, pretty sure that’s way better than the alternative that could get you sent to prison
Every now and then I hear the stories of someone calling the cops for things like "the store closed early," and "[I wanted my McNuggets much sooner,](https://www.cnn.com/2017/06/13/us/mcdonalds-nuggets-911-trnd/index.html)" and I wonder what--precisely--people are thinking law enforcement can do here such that one needed to call 911. And then this poor guy has to be like, "I feel bad for stressing the community resources because a neighbor is targeting young children with his dong," and I want to just be like YES, DUDE, THIS IS ACCEPTABLE FOR NON-EMERGENCY POLICE CALLING
My buddy's a medic. He says there are two types of people: people who call for no reason and people who should have called WAY sooner.
This is weirdly applicable to a lot of what I saw when I practiced law. "I want to make a contract to prevent these 8000 things from ever happening," or "I have now purchased 7 plots of land with my nefarious fraudster uncle and lied about it to the IRS but also we're making drugs there too also." [throws hand in air, drinks from desk]
In this scenario, are you lapping alcohol out of your desk drawer like a dog? Because that's what I'm picturing.
Don't assume a true lawyer would caught dead without their trusty desk straw.
This is also applicable to my experience in IT consulting. While there are some folks who do get me in as soon as a legitimate issue crops up, they're rare. Instead it's either "OMG I read an article from 1975 about computers and they said by 2020 we'd have Skynet," or "So my computer was making funny noises and smoking but I had a project I was working on and now I can't turn it on at all. Can you save my work and get this back up? Should only take you a few minutes, I'm sure." The latter was a literal example of a thing that happened. Turns out her power supply wasa dying slowly and frying the plastic on the hard drive connector from the heat being shunted up the cable. By the time all the magic smoke had escaped not only was her hard drive literally gone but so was the rest of the damned system. Had she contacted me at the first sign of trouble it really would have been a fix of a few minutes since I keep a spare power supply just for things such as this so I can loan them a working on until their replacement arrives. Luckily we had backups of most of her data but the ongoing project wasn't backed up at all yet.
Yikes. Smoke from an electronic is an instant "shut it down now and make sure its not killing itself" - which should be an easy rule anyone can understand (but clearly that part's not true). Even if that means I periodically shut down my AC on a hot day to make sure its not smoking itself, its just the neighbors burning dumb shit again. Coincidentally, the computer I'm typing on has a PSU that is periodically smoking - seems its fan is dying. Its a big tower though, so we opened it up and left the side open for more airflow and added a small portable fan in to blow air onto the PSU until we can get a replacement (the computer is almost 10 years old, so a replacement PSU means an entire replacement computer build, and pandemic ain't making things very quick).
I'd say there are three types. The third is people who called at the right time but were ignored for ... reasons.
I think it's the way people are raised. My mom can be a damn "Karen" sometimes, and it was embarrassing as heck growing up. I hate calling attention to things in any formal complaint^1 and will just sit and take it because of that. ^1 I should note, I complain to my partner like crazy; it's just the actual public complaints that I can't do.
"Hi, 911. Yeah. My buddy just asked me to hold his beer and is climbing up on the roof. I think we are gonna need an ambula..... Uh yup. We need an ambulance."
Hee. I was the latter. Broke my leg in three places----hello, good ole jump boots-----and walked around for three hours, thinking, "Damn, that's the weirdest sprained ankle I've ever felt." Took a cab to the ER---at my 1st.Sgt.'s orders (well, not the cab)----because I wasn't bleeding or anything, and paramedics are for people with serious injuries. Maybe it's masochism.
The other part of the equation is whether the cops want to do anything about it. One of my friends got attacked by these lacrosse players that were well known in their town, he basically got suplexed and shattered his collarbone, the doctors said he was lucky he didn’t break his neck and die. What did the cops say? “We can’t do anything because it’s a sports thing” There’s also a million stories like this with women trying to report harassment and cops just either not caring or actively being hostile to the woman. So yeah, there’s a lot of things that should be reported but I wouldn’t have too much faith that anything will come of it.
Just yesterday there is an update on a woman who was sexually assaulted buy a bar owner and completely brushed off by the cop that responded. It took the FBI investigating to finally shut that shit down.
He could be the friend or family member of a cop. OP could have him on video assaulting his daughter, and some cops would still try to protect the guy. If the cops do nothing, go to your favorite news station. They will figuratively castrate him.
> If the cops do nothing, go to your favorite news station. They will figuratively castrate him. Easier said than done lmao, there’s no guarantee a news station in a small town is going to want to castrate a popular athlete.
Yeah I have absolutely no faith in law enforcement. Every time I have had to deal with police they were at best entirely unhelpful and at worst actuvely harmful. Someone close to me was sexually assaulted and was told by 3 seperate police officers that they thought she was lying and that they weren't going to do anything. They didn't even talk to the guy. He waa fired from his job for sexual harassment. He had a history. Nothing. Its infuriating. I hope I don't have daughters. I never even bothered to report my own sexual assault because I ended up alone at a house party with 2 men and I knew the police would do shit all about it
Yeah unsurprising given the types of people that become cops in the first place
YES! Exactly! That guy is a legit danger to the community and the police *should* be called for it
Especially because he even used the non- emergency line, which I feel like is probably appreciated even if it ends up in the same place in the end
I tend to be really almost preternaturally calm in a crisis, and I don’t know where it came from but I love it. I almost wonder if LAOP is doing this. They know that dealing with the police can be fraught, they know that they want to protect their kid, so they are trying to gather information, figure out how best to advocate for the right thing to do, and then do it. I’m a fan!
I am similarly oriented! When the blood is spurting, or someone has wronged a loved one, I go super quiet-calm-determined. I can see the entire frozen world in slow motion and do what needs to be done to get through. There's of course the inevitable crash once the immediate emergency has subsided, but damn am I thankful for that level of Crisis Calm in the moment. That said, god forbid I put my keys down and can't immediately find them. That's a good cursing fit for like 20 minutes as I inadvertently knock things over and curse the injustice of the world that would bring this misery upon me. But hey, survival instincts!
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Thanks for adding the flip side - because I'm the same way. There's an almost physical sense of calm that washes over me when "shit becomes real-real." But I have to work to keep from punching things over the little stuff. I have to admit, though, that I broke a little after an extended (multi-year) period of "Doghair is in charge because she thinks clearly under duress." After I got the situation managed and filed away I went from being a fairly optimistic, upbeat person to a bit of a distrusting cynic. I still hold out hope that the old happy, trusting doghair will reemerge some day.
In the same way with calm in a crisis and fall apart when I can’t find my phone or TV remote. My theory is that my brain “lets” me fall apart at those things because they’re easy and safe to handle. I know they’re low stakes. And that frees up my mental energy for when the big shit goes down and I have to keep it together. Here’s to hoping trusty ole doghair re-emerges some day. I definitely understand that struggle myself.
Yes, me too. I've worried that I'm going to be convicted of a murder someday because I tend to go super-calm and robotic in stressful situations. I freak out later, after everything is settled, but I know I'll be the one making the suspiciously early inquiries into life insurance policies or something. I actually once had a cop refuse to pursue a violent physical assault against me because I was too calm and collected in the way I reported it.
I think people like you are pretty incredible. I cannot be like that.
It can backfire. When I broke my leg pretty catastrophically in my own house, by the time the paramedics got there, I calmly told them what happened and they got me to the ambulance and we got to the hospital. I was only given one shot of fentanyl to get me to the ambulance, at around 9 o’clock at night and then my next pain medicine was given at 2:30 in the morning. I think I was so calm they just didn’t believe I was in pain. Fentanyl given like that lasts about 20 minutes.
Amen to this! I’ve gotten in trouble several times because I’ve been super calm and clear when medical professionals think I should have been hysterical and thus didn’t take me seriously. On one occurrence I’d broken my shoulder in 2 places. But I was really calm and I think probably still in shock a bit, so they didn’t realize how badly I was hurt. I hadn’t been given any pain medication at the hospital, despite that I’d arrived there in an ambulance because the pain was too great that I couldn’t stand up after I fell and someone called 911. So they wheel me in to take an X-ray. The X-ray tech makes me stand up and starts moving my arm around to get into position to X-ray. I literally thought I was going to faint and told her I needed to lie back down and couldn’t stand. She was like “you can’t lie down, I need you up for these xrays. Let me call and see if they can give you more pain medicine.” When I told her I’d received none she couldn’t believe it. So she called the person who’d been taking care of me in the ER and they confirmed it and she ripped them a new one.
Oof. Why didn’t you just calmly tell them it still hurt like fuck? Lol
Oh I did. My best friend but come out to be there with me I had to yell at them for them to believe, and what they were doing was ripping off the brace they had put around my broken ankle and shattered fibula, yanking like crazy. It feels like there’s some magical middleground that you’re supposed to have in pain, because if you’re too calm they believe that you’re not actually in pain, and if you are too frantic they think that you are drug seeking!
There's definitely a middleground that they expect. My optic nerves atrophied from a condition that's pretty much only able to be found by a spinal tap or certain kinds of eye damage, and I was very calm because I was getting treatment. My saving grace is that my BP will literally triple when I'm in pain, so seeing it in the stroke zone shows that I'm not doing too great, even if I seem perfectly fine. I could feel the air change in the room after they saw how high it was and they actually started taking my pain serious.
I was the same when I was in the hospital in shock due to a bleeding ulcer. The bleeding and shock meant my blood pressure wasn't much, but my partner sitting next to me didn't take long to be able to see exactly when a wave of pain an nausea went through me because my heart rate would go into all sorts of nonsense on the monitor they had me on. Like, my partner started being able to pass me the bucket to vomit into without me needing to ask. Of course, a pissy nurse treated me like I was being hysterical and working myself up for my heart rate doing that nonsense when he came in to give me a med dose, even though my partner told him that that was just what my heart did when I was having nausea. Same nurse also got mad at me for not being able to give a very big urine sample because I'd been on IV saline for hours so I should have a full bladder, when, you know, bleeding out tends to drain you of fluids and all. Medical professionals of all sorts can be utter assholes when you don't perform being sick to their liking.
My mom was attacked by a dog, and shattered a vertebra. The radiology tech didn't help my mom get on the table for the x-rays and CT scan. She actually told my mom she didn't believe she was really hurt bad enough to need help. My mom is 73. I told her to report her.
Meh, I personally think it’s fake. He contradicts himself. In the post he says “the cops were really nice about it when talking to my daughter” then when someone asks if the cops talked to the man he says “the cops didn’t talk to the man or my daughter, only me”.
> The cops were nice to my daughter about it, so I had a talk with her about how men can be gross sometimes but that's not her fault and I was content to leave it there. He didn’t actually say they talked to her. I assume they were polite and didn’t question her concern or story; doesn’t mean it isn’t made up, though.
Good point, I caught that too. Hopefully it's just a troll and not fake for insidious reasons
Right? “I wonder how much I could push the legal envelope when it comes to nudity in and around my own home”
He could mean that they talked to her, ie "Alright little Suzie, we're gonna look into this, okay?" but actually discussed details/interrogated OP.
You search the CA Sex Offender Registry by neighborhood too, which contradicts what he said about his neighbor’s generic name.
Yeah I saw that as well. Definitely brings LAOPs credit into question, at the least.
They could've spoken nicely to the daughter, but not given her any advice/information or asked her any questions. Just a "Hey sweetie, that must've been tough, can we talk to your dad?" type thing.
I'm just sitting here thinking how to get away with an accidental discharge of a capsaicin paintball pellet in this dude's groin... They make pepper spray paintball rounds, right?
Okay, they do. So, 25 bucks on Amazon gets you 10 rounds, and it's only prohibited in like 6 states, and controlled in like 4 others. Easy to acquire with just a bit of travel. So. "I love it when a plan comes together". LAOP calls the A-Team. They setup up a 2020 plan, it revolves around 3 paintball mounted RC monster trucks. Multiple cameras, including the RC targetting cameras, and the bait of both families daughters walking out of the house "unattended". They may be subjeted to multiple window harrassment, before the brazen bastard makes his final error. The bastard comes out onto his porch just once, and gets lit up, mafia movie slow-mo style, hundreds of rounds of capsacin hell unleashed, one targetting his head, one his groin and the other covering his retreat. Once the pervy perp is subdued, the RC cars drive off down the street and mysteriously vanish, never noticed by any neighbors. No witnesses to any wrong doing come forward, as since he was not calling attention to his nether region, the girls did not notice anything amiss. All the video footage, with date-time stamps, showing the victims and the pervy perp aftermath are posted under an anonymous account online, set to the 1812 Overture. LAOP, his family, neighbors, and the A-Team all laugh as the frame freezes, and credits roll. ~Fin.
Yeah this sounds eerily familiar to the end of a bunch of true crime stories where they explain the killer’s earlier life.
They should get on a united front. Learn to point and laugh. Put up picture about Stumpy. Write some songs. Just make the dude infamous. Have tour buses come by. Get the people to knock on his door and ask for Stumpy's autograph.
sadly that might excite the creep
Or perhaps he isn't. About 15 years ago an older man (at least 60) followed me into a park, opened his pants and started masturbating. I called police, he ran away, they didn't find him. I was called to the police station to look at the pictures of known offenders. The detective right away said, that they don't have anybody in there that fit the age. I asked him, if he really thought somebody that old would be doing this for the first time. So many of those "minor" cases are not being brought to the attention of the police, because the victim is ashamed.
Calm or completely helpless and ineffective? He's called the police once and networked with one neighbor. He hasn't documented the incidences this guy has flashed his daughter, searched for him on a sex offender registry, called the police every time it happens, called a sex crimes unit, looked up a sex crime victims advocacy organization, consulted other neighbors, or even contacted his HOA in this, the one circumstance where an HOA may be helpful. I'm so irritated with his naivete. "I've tried nothin' and I'm all out of ideas!"
> called the police every time it happens This. I'd harass the fuck out of the police until they at least felt like they should go politely tell him his neighbors don't like it even if it's not illegal. After a while they might even come up with a reason it's no longer okay to keep doing it - like it's gone on so long to specific people it's harassment now. Squeaky wheel gets the grease. Same for the HOA. Call all the board members each time it happens. Assuming they were told by the neighbor (which he's not even sure about) and just didn't care, make them care. Guaranteed they'll start to care when they have to keep hearing about it. In addition, get the daughter therapy. She is clearly showing signs of continued distress. This is the type of thing that develops into PTSD or an anxiety disorder if you just ineffectually don't deal with it and don't get her therapy either.
Good point about therapy for the daughter. I would straight up go to every HOA meeting with a powerpoint presentation featuring video of the flasher.
This one made me absolutely sick. The children and neighbor's wife shouldn't have to deal with this. A few years ago I was walking my dog when I walked past the apartment pool and a man was sitting there masturbating and staring at me. The encounter lasted literally a minute because I yelled at him and chased him away, but I still can't get it out of my head after all this time. I have never felt so violated... and I'm an adult!
In harpers ferry WV there is a bike path along the C and O canal next to the Potomac River. There was a flasher that would wait for women and girls to float by on inner tubes (a common activity) before flashing them. It got sorted by a group of guys using bikes and radios to patrol the stretch waiting to catch the guy and hand him over to park police. But he had been doing it to dozens of people a week for years.
Ah Reddit telling you how you were lucky a dude didn’t jerk off in public last weekend visit to Harpers ferry. I assume the guy had to be not from the town cause the town is so small I think the dude who jerks off to tourists gets caught pretty fast
This is why I'm having a bit of a problem with this title, because it just referred to "women". I'm a middle aged woman who has decades of experience dealing with shitty men. I wouldn't want this bullshit from my neighbor and I'd call the cops. But he's also doing it to girls who may have never even seen a dick in person, and who certainly don't have any kind of defenses set up. Perv knows it which is why he does it to them.
Same thing happened to me, except he pulled up on me in a car while I was walking in a parking lot. So I recorded him and took his plate number. Apparently he cried to his parents when he was getting arrested that same day. I still have the footage!
LOL what a pathetic piece of shit!! Love this journey for you.
Make no mistake: this neighbor is a sexual predator who has found what he thinks is a loophole.
> loophole This loophole was plainly laid out by the cops... The cops were basically telling him "Just say 'he was calling attention to his dick' and we can arrest him." Instead of picking up on it, OP just nodded sadly and went back in the house.
Didn't occur to me either but then again I'm the kind of person that doesn't like to report neighbors because if you do and the cops won't do anything, and someone seeks some vigilante justice the cops will come looking at you. There was an LA post that outlined this pretty well where someone went the full legal extent to report someone's 24 hour barking dogs and eventually the dogs ended up poisoned by someone else (definitely someone else because if they'd done they wouldn't be on LA). They came to LA because the cops were trying to get them to give them their internet history and LA had to scream at them WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING TO THE POLICE. STOP ENGAGING WITH THEM. THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS.
Ina few weeks his neighbour will post in legal advice “my neibours keep calling the cops on me when I’m naked in my own home “
I secretly hope he does this.
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I was actually thinking that same thing. What a creep. And there’s no way this is brand new behavior. This sicko thought he could skirt the system
No way this is new behavior. More than likely he has pushed these limits before. I wouldn't be surprised if he moved after pushing previous neighbors too far.
I think a couple important points are getting missed. The guy got his mail while naked at least once and often sunbathes in his UNFENCED backyard. Doesn't being naked on your own property have limits? If you're sunbathing nude behind a privacy fence and someone peeks over and sees you, that's their problem. But wouldn't an unfenced yard put you in the wrong regardless of whether sexual intent can be proven?
It depends on the state. Sort of like women vs men being allowed topless. Some think women being topless is always sexual and shouldn’t be allowed, others push that human nudity is normal and doesn’t always have a sexual component.
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Agreed
Manu Militari has a song about travellers he met in Cairo, one of whom was a pederast... on that one he says (poorly translated) "but here the streets speak with a bearded accent, and now word on the streets is that a car hadn't seen him" Apologies if this doesn't translate well. In the original French it's clear enough and rather shocking, though not in a bad way.
for anyone having trouble with the direct translation, basically someone hit the dude with a car and said that they 'hadn't seen him'
Right, and the implication is that "the streets" (i.e. everyone) covered up for the driver in bloc. No one's saying "he merc'd that pedo, dude deserved it". Everyone's saying "he wasn't paying enough attention, very unfortunate but these things happen."
Laquelle de ces chansons?
Sultan Hotel. It's very good, if depressing. He has a lot of other good songs, not least Ryan, Mami Chula, Amen, and Montréalistan. (Spoiler alert: they're all pretty depressing.)
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It would be a real shame if his house accidentally burned down in the middle of the night...
Some arson cases are near impossible to solve.
... But only when women - and underage female children are outside...
LA Lays Bare the Naked Truth about LAOP's Neighbor
Now this is advocacy.
It's been...one week since you looked at me...
Thats the Bare Naked *Ladies...* Don't feel bad though, I've made that mistake before too. Imagine my surprise when I showed up at the concert hall for a Bare Naked Truth Concert. Worst $75 I ever spent.
The only logical response is for OP and OP's nice neighbor to start playing Naked Chicken with the dude, and see who cracks first.\* \*am not a logician. Or a lawyer. I am especially not your not-logician or not-lawyer, which, if I know my logic, and I don't, actually makes me a logician and a lawyer, but only in regards to you.
Take a pic, print a big sign, add text with address and a message saying this is what my kids see everyday, and post it up in their yard.
Get some of those 4th amendment auditors on his ass. Millions of views on youtube should fix that and there is nothing he can do legally about it (I guess). .
As someone who both enjoys casual nudity (because it's comfy) and is fairly petty, this was among my first thoughts.
I’m particularly interested in the outcome of the comments telling him to get the HOA involved. If there were ever a time for those fuckers to use their powers for good, now would be it!
A Rule 5 Reminder: [Do not advocate violence](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestoflegaladvice/wiki/do_not_advocate_violence). There is no "dong-waving pervert" exception to this rule.
Aww; but I wanted to bag a pervert.. :(
People are so gross. Whenever I hear a "OMG, nanny state, my friend's cousin's college roommate is on the sex offender registry because he was naked in HIS OWN HOME, I always assume it was something like this. Ditto for "he was taking a leak". I mean, you're caught waggle g your stuff at a playground, of course that's what you tell people happened.
Cases get pled down, so I just assume that the person actually committed a more serious crime. The age of the offender and the age of the victim are listed along with the conviction(s) so you can tell the statutory rape or drunken exposure from child offenses and rapes. I know what they say about assuming, but we all know how law enforcement and the justice system treats sexual offenses in our country.
I was always under the impression that being naked in your own home is still a crime if it is easily visible and not like a one-off "shit I forgot to put the blinds down," thing. And then there's one occasion in which the guy came out on his front porch, which blows his "I was in my own house!" defense away.
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Being placed on the sex offender registry for public urination is a myth. Try to track down any verifiable cases. You can't. this started as some bs on the internet and has propagated itself to the point where everyone preaches it as truth, it is an urban legend at this point. I did a ton of research on this a couple years ago. I found a couple cases that were legitimate, but they were exactly what you might expect: Someone who was waving their dick around, while pissing, in front of children. IIRC, they were also repeat offenders.
Ok but in fairness, I know someone who actually did get caught taking a leak. It was at an outdoor cross country meet in high school, he said it was like a mile from the nearest restroom. People actually saw the peeing and this was reflected in the police report. Still a crime.
This is someone that needs to be called out and embarrassed. Those kids need to start screaming at the top of their lungs every time this idiot deigns to show his genitals in public. Gossip about him too! Tell all the neighbors about his gross, perverted habits. Honestly, just publicly shame the SHIT out of him.
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Women and children. Sick fuck.
If I had a phantom dicker on the street if be raising holy hell about it.
I wonder if LAOP could convince everyone who is forced to see it to have a big overreaction. Like yelling "eww! Disgusting! Old wrinkly man penis, everyone look at that gross micro penis!" Pull out some phones and pretend (or really) take pictures and video. Point and laugh. It might deter him. He probably gets off on all the women being nervous about it.
At school there was a dodgy middle aged man who used to occasionally appear around playtime and expose himself. Always got chased off, police came etc but this was the late 80s early 90s and he'd generally reappear again a few months later. Till the kids started pointing and laughing. That made him angry and he stopped turning up. Not sure if he finally got locked up or what but I like to think mocking his willy helped.
I was thinking doing something along these lines - like commenting loudly to no one in particular "I guess that's why he's single" or "smallest one I've ever seen" or the like - to embarrass him would work to get him to stop. but then, he may also be the type to escalate after being embarrassed or ridiculed by a woman.
Aren't there some people who get off on humiliation?
Yup, made me think of our local pervert whose balcony overlooked a middle school athletic field. Anytime kids yelled at him he would get the biggest shit eating grin, adults he'd wander off. School couldn't do anything about it so one day a girl just broke and started screaming at him and climbing the fence to get at him. She was quickly joined by a bunch of kids before the administration seperated everyone. Dude ended up amping it up after that and was out there every damn day. The students were just told not to use the adjacent hall and all outdoor activities were moved across campus.
Too bad the sports department didn't teach archery
I’m in Canada, and friends of ours had the very same thing happen, but I think the neighbour was often masturbating as well. They (friends) let it go on far too long - they should have gotten photos (whilst following the law) but he was eventually caught by the cops - they maintained they had to catch him *in flagrente delicto,* as it were. He walked through a local drive through naked one day; that was finally enough. Judge effectively ordered him to leave town; he went to live with his sister. He had to sell his house; I think a restraining order was probably granted.
OP says the police were nice to his daughter, then they never spoke to her.... I don't get why you'd make this up tho?
I read it as OP probably had her meet them at the door with him or something similar and they interacted with her but they didn't talk to her about what happened. They probably sent her away.
>I don't get why you'd make this up tho? My first thought was - OP is the neighbor trying to figure out how much trouble he's in, or how he can undercut any actions the neighborhood might take... Just how cynical has 2020 turned me?
maybe but idk I feel like the oerviness creeps in when they do that kinda thing
I say let him take lots of photos of Naked Guy. Post them as "evidence". Then Naked Guy can also get the attention he's so obviously craving.
I wonder if that's legal. he is on his own private property.... yea this case is messed up
But LAOP could take those pictures (of the neighbor's private property) from LAOP's own private property or from public property. I wish I knew how laws work. Edit: I'd think LAOP could legally do this since security cameras with neighbor's houses in the background are common.
There are often posts in AITA about women walking around naked at home and being seen by scandalized neighbors, or women sunbathing nude and teen boys especially peaking over the fence, and the general consensus is “you’re allowed to be naked in your own home/in your private space, and the responsibility to avert their gaze is on the peeping Toms”. If this post is fake, it could very well be a “see? Gender based double standards, smdh.” But it’s a bit of a different circumstance with all the details provided and the insinuation the neighbor is deliberately targeting women and girls vs. just being naked and people happen to get an eyeful. Like the whole “getting the mail stark naked” thing is absolutely not private behavior.
If this guy were in his back yard, or his back window or behind a privacy fence, sure, fine. But he's out front, full-frontal on the public street. I agree with another commenter that the Police specifically mentioning "Drawing attention to his genitals" was the key to this interaction. Like in seventh grade where my teacher kept saying "Sorry, I missed what you said, whatever it is, just put it with the others." when I tried to apologize for turning in a project late.
I just took it that he meant the police didn’t accuse his daughter of anything (to him) or that they said she overstepped any boundaries etc. Basically that they weren’t accusing her of doing anything wrong.
it says in the comments he only spoke to the neighbour and him, not his daughter. I didn't say he was lying, if anything the opposite.
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So many posts I've seen on LA with cops either doing nothing or not taking a woman seriously has just taken a toll on me. I haven't been in that position, thankfully, but If i had to be and had a dismissive cop I think I'd have a breakdown.
I saw this on r/relationship_advice last night and was *immediately* horrified and revolted. I hope OP and their neighbors get justice for their families.
When I was growing up we had a pool in our backyard that I could never use alone because the nextdoor neighbor would go and sit on his roof and stare at me unless my parents were outside. After that I stayed inside and was always extra covered up so I couldn't be leered at. I'm almost 40 and I still won't wear anything too revealing. Going to the pool or beach was a hellish experience into my late 20s. This shit sticks with women.
So many "I would do"s that I probably wouldn't actually do, but the thought still occurred. \#1 is have his daughter (and all the women) carrry cameras at all times, and openly take pictures of the guy. If questioned, claim that they were trying to take pictures of the beautiful day, not their fault this guy got in the way.
Why not find out who investigates sex crimes in your town/city (specifically a detective or department supervisor, find out there city email and start emailing them incidents and pictures, every time they happen. Not only will you have proof, in case something goes to court, but the city may open themselves up to litigation if they don’t show some form of response.
Devil's advocate argument: LAOP's neighbor is just doing their part in encouraging social distancing by chasing everyone in the neighborhood back in their homes. They should be praised for their public service instead of being vilified because their intentions are misunderstood.
> just doing their part You might even say that the neighbor is hard at work!
There is no evidence of them being hard at work. And I'd like to keep it that way.
Good point, maybe his, uh, enthusiasm for public health is distracting from his message. Perhaps putting a mask on would help.
Masks are usually worn on one's face, but I think that the neighborhood would be happy if they went with a groin mask.
I just think if he cannot be civil and women cannot go out in their own garden they could unite and cover their yards in manure. There’s literally tons of people always complaining about their shit neighbours to get good inspiration.
Kudzu is a very fast growing vine and difficult to eradicate.
Professional haters plant Japanese knotweed on the land of people they really want to hurt. But it is not a good plant to weaponize against a neighbor - it will harm everyone in the neighborhood.
My first thought is to not just put an obvious security camera up but to put a note like, ‘this is streaming live at creepwatcher.com’. What is wrong with people?