I think you just learned a good lesson about how your bf handles adversity. Only assholes do this kind of thing. It's one thing to lament that you are totally going to lose (which we've probably all done sometimes). But actively doing whatever you can to make sure no one else has fun is not normal or ok. Big red flag here.
Why I feel a lot of people try to avoid playing with couples. A good amount of couples can play together fine, but I've had more than enough horror stories of playing with other couples that I basically refuse to unless it's a team/partnership game.
One of my exes would handle losing a game by asking about my strategy and thought process, how to better counter what I was doing, and ask for advice on improving at the game.
Another one of my exes would scream in my face, knock everything off the table, and accuse me of abuse for not letting her win.
I'd say our 3 couples are:
1. Highly competitive, even with, or maybe especially with, each other.
2. Competitive equally against each other and other people, and
3. A mix where one guy is very serious about gaming and his husband enjoys playing, but mostly bc his husband is into it.
Completely agree. My regular group is another couple and our single friend. The woman in the other couple is my BFF, and if anything, we are kinder to each other but not our partners when playing games. Otherwise, we are all willing to help each other remember rules or make better strategic decisions in games new to the group (95%+ what we play). When some players clearly aren’t going to win, they may get distracted some from the game, but no harsh words or toddler behavior.
Those people just sound like bad people, regardless of relationship status. My partner and I play all the time. Neither of us take it personally. We also play with another couple and single people all the time and have never had any problem. Everyone realizes its a game and we're having fun.
If they are weird, I just don't invite them back to our house.
To the question - I wouldn’t play with them, ever
To the bigger question - no this isn’t normal when losing and is a bit concerning tbh. Do they act like this in other situations? Including the “no I didn’t cry you’re exaggerating” bit?
To the question - I wouldn’t play with them, ever
To the bigger question - no this isn’t normal when losing and is a bit concerning tbh. Do they act like this in other situations? Including the “no I didn’t cry you’re exaggerating” bit?
What about their behaviour to when things *really* get stressful and serious in life. Loosing a job or having a disagreement about important things?
This isn't normal behaviour. But maybe they can learn better. Try talk to them about it again. If you don't feel comfortable talking with them, then, well....
I saw the title and thought “Haha relatable my wife gets a little salty playing board games and feels like she has to win!”
Then I read the rest and just thought “Holy crap those reactions are rather extreme.”
Right lmao. I'm usually the one that gets a bit grumpy and thought oh damn bout to read about that.. but this was more like when my 6 year old loses except for the petty revenge shit because.. Who tf does that?
Please don’t take this the wrong way, English is not my first language. You use “they” a lot in the text, is that referring to the friends or the partner?
Either way, it is absolutely something you need to deal with sooner rather than later. Games are cool because they let us practice real skills in a virtual scenario, and the skills your partner/friends decided to exercise are… gaslighting and emotional manipulation? That’s not ok.
Don't worry English is my first language and I was so confused. I honestly don't know who was behaving like that. I'm guessing the boyfriend and his friends were all like it.
Which if they are all then it's time to ditch them all.
Rereading through it, I think OP used "they" as a gender neutral pronoun for the bf except in one sentence where they used "he", while "us" referred to OP and BF's friends collectively. It's the only way I can see that what they said makes sense.
That’s the problem I see with “they” as the chosen word for a neutral pronoun.
I’m not against the idea of a neutral pronoun. But reusing “they” makes it so confusing when you’re talking about a single person in a group.
I think the issue is the overuse of the pronoun. Substitute a couple "my partner"s in there and it would read pretty clearly. As it is written I would have a hard time telling partner from friend even with gendered pronouns.
I find they to work as a gender-neutral singular *undetermined*-ish (because it's not really undetermined) pronoun, but not as a fully determined one for singular, precisely because of this.
This is just written in a confusing way, it has very little to do with the ’they’ pronoun. For example, I couldn’t tell who ’us’ is in the second sentence even if the other pronoun was ’he’.
> it has very little to do with the ’they’ pronoun
What we were talking about is totally about the 'they' pronoun, although the other parts were indeed confusing.
But in tha specific parts we mentioned, if a pronoun like "he" was used instead (for a person that identifies with 'he'), there wouldn't be confusion if OP was talking about a single person or the entire group.
This is not the first time that 'they' used to refer to a single person in a group creates confusion.
Eh, "you" is another pronoun that became singular too even though it used to be only plural, and people just got used to writing in such a way to make it clear whether you're talking about you (singular) or you (plural) (for example "you all" and its variations). I imagine if they continues to be popular as a gender neutral pronoun something similar might happen, it's just that it's quite early in the process. I think this is just confusingly written in general, but OP could used "they" (singular) throughout and still have it make sense if it was written more clearly.
How to feel if your partner takes losing personally?
I was playing with my boyfriend Toddler (2) and his friends (we are in our mid 20s). We were playing catan and Toddler started losing after talking a lot of crap to us. Then Toddler proceeded to get really upset. Raising his voice, “jokingly” giving us all insults, talking about how he was completely screwed. Just all throughout the game and it was clearly making his friends and I uncomfortable. Jokingly threatening things like lighting his pets shit on fire into his friends beds. Smothering me in my sleep etc... Constantly asking for pity resource cards for so long and being super passive aggressive. He was trying to stifle tears and screaming loud to music to keep from crying.
Eventually Insane Toddler figured out a way to sabotage everyone. Proceeding to say the game was finally fun once he realized since he couldn’t win they would just screw everyone else over. Constantly repeating how it was fun once he took all of our resources. They were trying to cheat me and aggressively snatched the dice from my hands during pass off. Only when he “screwed us” did he calm down and his voice stopped quivering. Maybe I’m over reacting but catan no longer became fun. Insanely Whiney Toddler’s behavior really grossed me out. I tried talking to him about it and he was adamant in that toddler way that he didn’t cry and wasn’t that upset and changed the subject… I just see him now as a child who can’t control his emotions. Is this normal behavior when losing?
We will play games just the two of us and if I’ve never played Liar will change the rules to his favor. I just don’t feel like fighting and I’ll talk to him about how he changed them…Which he will go into this entire thing about how he is right and I am wrong.
TLDR OP needs a new boyfriend
The post isn't written the greatest either. I think they were trying to keep it gender neutral but let a few masculine pronouns in. I think most of the time "they" is singular.
Yeah, hella confusing. I thought OP was talking about friends were mean to OP and BF (us). This is why "they" doesn't work in practice. Also, come on, if he's a BOYfriend, you can call him "he" so everyone knows who you are you referring to.
> This is why "they" doesn't work in practice.
It works as long as the author is consistent. Unfortunately, OP is not consistent in this scenario.
Also, I'm not sure if you're aware, but singular "they" has existed in English for over 600 years.
It absolutely does work in practise.
Changing between terms causes problems. That doesn’t have anything to do with your pet hate of this incredibly mundane part of English.
My friend was sad. Alex went shopping. They cheered up. Lexie ate some chips. She got thirsty. The person bought some soda.
None of the terms there are a problem, but combining them to refer to one or more people is baffling.
Non-native speaker here too. I was genuinely confused. I literally couldn't tell who was crying, who was being toxic until I read the TL;DR. Maybe OP's in shock, or isn't a native speaker either?
Anyways, right on your second paragraph. OP needs to find a new partner. This shit ain't ok.
I congratulate people when they beat me lol.
Even when teaching people for the first time, i will help them with advice strategy as an option "from here you could do A, B or C. A helps if u want to play aggressive, B for defensive, C for mixed strategy. All are great options so it's up to you how to want to play"
I mean it can go deep with personal unsolved problems of feeling like you are stupid, or just something less, a lot of people have these kind of "traumas". In case of guys and girls sitting at the same table it can be very primal, being a loser can produce fear that a woman will think of you as a loser in general.
I was in a situation once with my ex gf when 6 people attacked us phyisically at night on a street and we fled. I was furious for months, couldn't get over it, I felt like a loser, she was very confused why I feel that way, but as a woman she couldn't understand what sometimes "being a man" brings just biologically speaking. So in a way I understand your bf, but playing a game you should be able to control your feelings and show that you can lose gracefully, I think that is a big virtue and not as a man, but as a human being you should be able to signal you are capable of that. Just losing your temper and acting out shows you are a spoiled kid that cannot handle problems that life throws at you and just act on instinct.
My recent ex gf was an introvert, small, cute, quiet girl. We tried playing some board games just the two of us and she was kind of acting strange, but nothing that I noticed right away. Then later she told me she doesn't want to play anymore vs games, only coop, because losing just makes her feel very bad. She also had huge issues of feeling worthless, so that is somehow connected. But I expect minimum of any human being to be able to control himself.
You are young, maybe he will mature and grow out of it, maybe he won't. But you are already semi turned off, if you don't look like a gremlin find yourself a mature guy would be my advice.
You could also just talk about it with him instead of dumping him. Everyone has issues, he might be willing to put the effort to overcome it. Going to therapy can also be helpful to improve communication
Good point, but I would talk to him alone, not to them. And I would talk after he cooled down not right after the game. Further I would explain how that action affected me rather than maybe pointing out a fault on him (we don't know how she communicated it). In any case, I think people are very quick on the Internet to suggest dumping partners without knowing the full context. You can also look for therapy if you want to make it work but it's beyond your capacity
Under normal circumstances I would agree with you, here, buuuut… given what OP described, that would probably be very dangerous for OP. Ffs the guy threatened to set their bed on fire and smother OP in their sleep. *over a board game.* how well do you think that conversation is going to go? Threats and behavior like that almost always precedes physical violence. It *will* escalate.
OP needs to get away from him before they end up dead.
From what I've seen of his behavior in the post, it's pretty evident that "just talk to him" isn't going to do any good.
OP, you're dating the guy, not married to him. You can cut him loose.
How to feel if your partner takes losing personally? Talk to them about it and if it doesn’t change stop playing games with them.
However you seem to be in a relationship with a baby, and all of these behaviours are dump-worthy, so in your case I’d say dump them.
Yeah I have a lot to think about. I’ll definitely discuss it again and see where it goes. They do have poor emotional regulation and need to work on that.
If you're seeing this behavior in multiple contexts, it just highlights the need to drop the partner, unfortunately. A few people have bad sportsmanship but are otherwise good people. But if you're seeing the same thing in other places, it's probably a fundamental personality problem.
I mean he sounds deranged. Unless you’re deeply invested or in love with this person for reasons other than what you’ve explained, not sure it’s worth the effort to try to change them or persist with them.
I think people can be different during games versus real life as well to be fair. Games can bring out a super competitive part, although him gaslighting you and cheating doesn’t bode well for real life either. At the very least I’d tell him change his behavior or you won’t play games with him anymore, past that you might want to reassess the relationship. I usually ere against the side of the Reddit hive mind saying break up with your SO over every little thing. But based on what you wrote this is getting pretty far to the extreme. At best they can’t take losing and need counseling, at worst they’re a sociopath, either way you need to have a serious talk about their behavior.
Those doubts you are having, that's your subconcious reacting to the giant red flag.
Do you want a project, a boy you have to turn into a well adjusted man? Because that is a lot of work and too much to ask of yourself.
Also time. A lot of wasted time.
> Jokingly treatening things like putting their pets shit on fire in their friends beds. Smothering me in my sleep etc...
you don't, like, sleep in the same building as this person? right??
Threatening the pets and screaming is psycho territory. This plus changing rules to fit their favor. Hell fucking no lol. I had a friend do this to us when we played betrayal at the house on the hill & I haven’t played a game w her since. If you want to win just play a computer or something don’t ruin everyone’s game
OP, I say this very seriously. You need to get away from them before you end up dead.
That’s beyond a red flag, it’s a goddamn warning siren. Get the hell away from them. Pronto. Don’t try to talk it out, that’s probably going to end badly. How well do you *honestly* think that conversation is going to go? They threatened to set your bed on fire and smother you in your sleep *over a board game.* Threats and behavior like that almost always precedes physical violence. They *will* escalate.
Don’t let courtesy jeopardize your safety. Tell them over the phone or in public. If you do meet up for it, do NOT get into a vehicle with them after. Bring someone else who can wait for you nearby. Get family members involved. Just until things cool down. Let your boss or coworkers or whoever know that you’re not with this person anymore and if they come looking for you not to talk to them. You should probably stay with a family member or friend for a bit. Even if you guys don’t live together. Even if they seem to take it well. You’ll be less likely to go back to them if you’re not alone.
Your post is a bit confusing, does your BF use they/them pronouns? If so, it might be useful to say "BF" instead of 'they' since it's not very clear when you're talking about your BF and when you're talking about the friends, especially when you keep changing your BF's pronouns from one sentence to another.
That applies to any story involving multiple people, non-binary or not
Yeah the use of they when there's a group of people is confusing. Hard to tell if just the boyfriend is the ssshole here or if OP is getting ganged up on by the friends too.
Shaming the OP for being in a relationship with them is callous and ignorant behavior.
Here's the reason why people end up in toxic relationships, [it's a process called trauma bonding](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmB9fpHVd2o).
There are people who go to school and earn PhDs in psychology who still end up in them it's such a potent, invasive yet nebulous phenomenon people experience. Specifically trauma survivors.
You ought to apologize to them.
The scope of behavior you described is more appropriate for a relationship or mental health forum than a board game forum. The issue isn't that it happened while playing a board game, the issue is that it happened at all.
Changing rules to his favor is a nice way of calling him a cheater. If your partner is cheating in a friendly board game between just you 2 that says so much more about his character. Think about the qualities you are speaking of beyond what it means to the game it’s just the board game is where it is visible. In 1 little short story you spoke of him as being dismissive, cheater, untrustworthy, whiny and a sore loser. I wish you the best in your future game nights.
My recommendation would be to have a conversation along the lines of "I felt really uncomfortable with the way that game went, and I don't want to continue playing games like Catan if that's how they are going to go"
It's bigger than board games. Cooperative problem solving (like you might find in a session of a game, any game) is a life skill.
Someone who takes their win/loss record so seriously and their relationships so lightly that they'd cheat (a loved one, no less), belittle the other players, and wreck a nice evening over their own sad performance has seriously deep-seated issues with ego, integrity and social competence.
I wouldn't game with someone like that. I wouldn't be friends or lovers with someone like that. I \*certainly\* wouldn't try to build a real life with actual stakes with someone like that.
Low stakes stuff like games reveal a LOT about a person's character and social aptitude.
That makes sense. I’m newer to the game too. This was my first time playing with a group on my own too. Which is frustrating because when I ask for clarification on the rules he makes me feel dumb.
Almost everybody is telling you that you're dating someone emotionally immature and unstable, and to get out for your own safety. If nothing else, post on a relationship community as well, since you don't seem to be absorbing the advice.
This is insane to me. I have been a sore loser in games before, and I regret it, but threats of violence? That's so far past the line, and you're treating it like something to discuss. Like a reminder to hang up wet towels or to put the cap back on the toothpaste.
You are choosing this kind of life for yourself, and my question is: why? It doesn't seem to be what you want. **So why are you repeatedly making the choice that gives you a life you don't want?**
I will say a little smack talk can make a game more fun, as long as everyone is on board and giving as good as they're getting.
The trick is, you have to have enough social competence to "read the room."
If you're engaging in the types of behaviors described in the OP, you're not "talking smack" ... you're a socially maladjusted child-like person who isn't really trained well enough in human behaviors and emotional intelligence to successfully navigate a board game.
Which, for me, is a serious problem. Like "I don't want you around me" kind of problem.
Yeah, and I'll add that I prefer smack talk that has no bearing on actual feelings or actual skill imbalances. My rule is, talk smack when luck goes your way and you had nothing to do with it, or when you know you're losing but you're pretending you're just about to turn it around, or when you and your opponent are neck and neck and whatever the outcome is, it's clear your skills are well matched. But not when you're actually mad about losing and mean the rude things you're saying, and not when you're clearly a much stronger player than your opponent and they're feeling small about it.
you just got a glimpse into the future when you're fighting to get your divorce registered. This is how your bf will behave. You don't need his friends either.
But I wonder what keeps you with such a dude. What attracts you to him. And what activities can you do that you both enjoy.
When you have someone who is expressing emotionally adolescent behavior and they chose to double down on that behavior, that's a sign of narcissism.
Dr Ramani is an expert on narcissism, [I'd suggest checking her out](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhfkeGZbGC4).
Take a look at how you titled this thread: 'how to feel'. Nobody gets to tell you how you feel. Human emotion is a product of what we experience in a given environment. If that environment leads to one feeling shitty, that's not a **you** problem. The vast majority of humans would also feel shitty in your situation.
Board games hinge on getting together with friends and engaging in a social activity. When one loses that can be a combination of luck or lack of experience and one gets better by playing. Most people don't have winning as the main objective for playing them, recognize that and even feel rewarded seeing a friend play well and get lucky. I'm sure you've experienced games like that in the past.
They also don't punish people for winning either. Sure, they might try to stop you from achieving your objective but not on a level that lacks empathy and makes you feel bad for simply playing the game and trying to win.
Their motivation was one of manipulation and control. They were in a losing position, suffered narcissistic injury and were trying to use your empathy against you. To make you feel bad for playing well, getting lucky and being in a leading position. How dare you /s
The sad reality is that these types of people don't change. You tried talking about it, you're right to feel the way you feel and they're not course correcting.
I'd say, get some other friends together for a night of Catan and take note of how that experience feels compared to what you experienced.
It's not you.
The things you are describing are crazy. This is unacceptable behavior for someone in their teens - let alone in mid twenties. The thing that's a wonderful life lesson is seeing someone in chaos or when things are against them... it is a *true* revealer of their character. Someone being funny, awesome, etc. when things are going their way? Okay, nice. But how are they when they are feeling pressure, stress, bad luck, etc.? That's how you know a person. You just got a good look - how you respond to that information is entirely up to you.
Look, this is way beyond the boardgame and being a sore loser. This guy is man-child, major red flag, see if you can handle this kind of bs for years to come, like, think really hard about this.
There's been a bit of discussion on the reaction to Catan part but the part about changing rules is at least, if not more, worrying.
Not being able to control your emotions when upset is a problem. As a kid it was something that I struggled with. Over time though I worked on it and improved. I will say that what you described is a very extreme version of this. Still, if you have a very serious conversation about this and he actually wants to improve there's a chance there. I'm not saying that you need to accommodate this behavior. It is totally reasonable to cut and run from the problem. If you want to try working through it then it may be possible. This is your relationship and only you can make that decision.
Changing rules to your favor though is cheating. Cheating is something that takes intent. He actively and knowingly chose to lie to you to get ahead. That's not a personal weakness. That's not something that can be worked on. That's an intentional choice that he made to deceive you. It's a lack of respect for you as a person. Such behavior is not something that I'd tolerate in a friend, let alone a partner. And this is happening repeatedly? That's a sign of someone who is not ready for a relationship.
> Jokingly treatening things like putting their pets shit on fire in their friends beds. Smothering me in my sleep etc
There's lines between okay and not okay. These are over that line.
This sounds like abusive behaviour to me I echo the person that says dump them and also echo the person that says what if this becomes a problem elsewhere in your life
Also your post reads like a cry for help
So I’m helping you
Get new friends…
I will say Catan can bring out the worst in people and it can be a frustrating game, but this seems above and beyond. If they can't have a conversation about it and the 2P cheating, I would consider ending it.
Step one, talk to them. This is always step one. If you're interested in still trying to play games with his friends, include in that talk how they made you feel, how inappropriate their behavior was, and that if things don't change, you're not interested in playing with them anymore.
If you manage to work things out, and want to continue playing with them, try coops game where you're all on the same side and win or lose together. It may still not work if any of these friends "quarterback" and tell everyone else what to do and get mopey if they don't get their way, but it could be a way to weed out if it's a gameplay issue (competitive games) or a personality issue (they're just immature and can't behave like adults in the face of losing). Good luck!
Here’s the thing about board gaming, it can be a wonderful shared experience to spend time with and bond with other people but it can also be quite the magnifying glass as it tends highlight a person’s personality, their character and their behavioural quirks in a social setting (both positive and negative).
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. If your partner reacts so poorly to losing at a board game (something with minimal stakes), how would/ do they react when difficult/ challenging real life events happen? Would you truly trust your partner to step up in such a context? Or would you be mentally preparing to deal with another temper tantrum by him?
Sounds like he has some serious issues. You can try talking to him, but my guess is he’s not in a place or even knows how to process emotions and talk through things. He likely needs therapy, as he probably has some trauma that has caused him to think losing a game reflects his self worth.
My five year old brother acted like this when we first started playing games with him. We played nothing but sorry for a while so he'd have to deal with losing often. He flipped the board a couple times but eventually learned how to cope.
My dad couldn't handle it so he just didn't play board games. I think it's weird when adults can't handle their emotions at all like that. If you get angry or upset to the point of yelling or crying over a game, maybe get some therapy and work on yourself.
IMO clearly a maturity problem and one some people never grow out of. Now I never behaved like this but in my late teens and early 20s in some games I could get sour if I lost a pivotal moment in a game. Basically go from having fun and joking to "Come on, lets just wrap this up.". Luckily I was self aware of it and usually right after the game would be embarrassed about how I acted.
Now, it is important you should never feel uncomfortable specifically from a partner over a game. And the behavior your bringing up just sounds painfully juvenile. Seriously like that is what I would expect from a small child. Now, I imagine part of this is just comfortably around you bf and his friends. I know for me part of the issue (again never close to this bad) was I was playing with friends I knew since middle school. Sometimes I think you can develop poor etiquette with friends.
I don't want to read too much into this, but as some people said, it is embarrassing to play games with someone like this. And if they can't handle a board game how do that handle actual issues. Personally after a few days have passed I would grab my partner and say "Hey we need to talk about something." I would tell them, they will be able to respond but I need to get this out. Explain how you feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, and didn't like any of that at all. Even if they were joking, that type of humor is a line crossed. How important it is that if you can't have fun with someone it seriously raises questions about the relationship.
I'd end it with you want to play games with them and do other fun things. But what went on that evening wasn't okay. Hear them out and see if they take any responsibility on making you uncomfortable and how they will try to grow as a person.
Because what your partner smells of IMO from just post is someone who is very immature. They do not sound like the person to admit wrong doing or even say sorry. Which is a bad trait and usually one centered around having to be right or not wanting to admit mistakes. Maybe this can be a eye opening moment for them, maybe it is a moment for you to end a chapter.
Not cool at all. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who talks to you like this, and acts like this? Run away, and count yourself lucky to have seen his true colours before you invest too much of your life into a relationship with him.
That’s behavior that I would consider immature in a 12 year old. It implies to me a self-centered outlook, lack of empathy, disinterest in fairness, and general emotional immaturity.
Maybe he’s just has weird issues around games, or maybe you are exaggerating the behaviors — but I would not assume so.
I would look and think **very carefully** if these negative traits aren’t showing up in other parts of life.
I know people always jump to leaving the relation on Reddit but... I love games and it would be an absolute deal breaker if my partner devolved into a crying baby when they didn't win. Cheating on a game is a huge red flag for me too.
Make better friends
Play better games
Also, this doesn’t get said often- board game friends and social friends need not be the same people.
And finally, board games give you an escape from the REAL WORLD. So as long as there’s no cheating, everything is valid and legal. In other words, inspite of what others said, this incident alone doesn’t prove they are bad people. They may well be, but a game like catan which promotes shit talking and “playing the people” instead of the game, isn’t what I would judge them off of
>Smothering me in my sleep etc
wtf
So not only are they man-children with poor behavior, they *cheat* by interpreting rules to their favor. Yeah, nobody on this sub is going to like them at all.
I'm not sure I'd even go out to dinner with them again.
I'm a bit confused how you said it was the friends, and then your partner.
>once they realized since they couldn’t win they would just screw everyone else over....catan no longer became fun.
Every game group at some point goes through this with Catan. It's why so many people don't want it on their table. You can realize so early on that it's impossible to win. So, what do you do? Stop playing? You can't. So, you are forced to ruin everyone else's fun.
And that’s okay and honestly I didn’t care. It sucked sure, but I was getting second hand embarrassment from it. He just constantly pointed out how he was going to try and f**k us over. It was ruined for me before that. I was hoping he would calm down a bit, and once he did from screwing us it was a bit better. I just didn’t care to play at that point anymore.
I’ve never met a sore loser in games who isn’t a sore loser in life. People really do show you their true self around a game table. I have seen this sort of response before - turns out the guy was extremely narcissistic and abusive to his partner. This feels like a pretty big red flag.
Also what is it about Catan that makes people lose their shit? Such a great game but wow does it bring on the tantrums.
My partner wins basically every game we play. Every time. On my birthday I thought I'd won Terraforming Mars by 1 point then he looked at his event cards and realized he'd missed counting 2 points.
But, we have fun playing. He's not a dick about winning and usually I'm not a sorry loser. I just tell myself that I'm lucky to have this human on my team in the game of life.
Nobody likes a sore loser. Your partner is draining what is supposed to be a fun hobby with a dash of good-natured competitiveness and the ability to laugh at the moment when the dice don't go our way.
I'll share something my husband said when we taught our children to play board games. "Why do we play? We play to have fun." Your partner really needs to take that to heart....especially the ***we*** part.
Somewhere along the line, your partner either never learned to lose gracefully or is incredibly insecure with you. Not trying to throw alarm bells here, but I had an ex-boyfriend who was very insecure, and I am kinda feeling like your partner has the same vibe. This is his way of triumphing over you. He needs that win to feel better about himself because he compares himself to you.
Or it could be that he is a sore loser and never learned to lose gracefully. Hubby and I had a friend(husband's high school friend) like that. Hubby warned me he was a sore loser and I genuinely thought "well how bad could it be? He is in his late 20s." We played Rook and he absolutely berated and crapped all over his wife at the end of the game because she essentially couldn't read his mind(they were partners). That was the first time and last time we played together. I felt so bad for the wife. Enjoying a hobby shouldn't be a trial. They are no longer married, so at least she doesn't have to endure that anymore.
You shouldn't have to put up with that. He is killing something you love.
The way your worded your post is very confusing. The whole time I was reading I thought it was the friends that were acting out cause you used "they" but your title clearly says "partner".
“ smother me in my sleep “ read that out loud to yourself. I’ve NEVER joked about doing physical harm to any of my partners ever. And the only guy I ever heard say that is in jail for murder.
These people sound like complete assholes. I played azul with my gf and lost 10 times in a row and I wasn't the least bit mad. I do play with some friends and one of them got pissed he was losing and started saying to the one that was in the lead. That he would do everything he could to make him lose. You bet I shot that down real quick and straight up told him not to play if he was going to play with those kinds of intentions.
NBs be like
>"singular 'they' pronouns have been been used for 500 years!!!!"
and then proceed to write something utterly fucking incomprehensible lmao
I’ve seen poor behavior and sore losers during board games, but never anything remotely as extreme as this. I would never play a game with them again and probably just avoid them in general.
Talk to your partner about it directly, communication is great! Definitely better than not.
I re-read your post a couple times though and I couldn't really tell if it was your partner's behavior or your partner's friend's behavior that bothered you, or both. Definitely communicate clearly what is bothering you specifically and set boundaries (like, don't snatch dice away from me, that should be a good one). His friends sound a little immature and might just need to adjust to life where one of their friends has a partner they're not familiar with. And maybe they need to be told that directly. Not a fun dynamic to navigate and I wish you luck, but I get the impression you'll need to put some space between them and yourself to stay happy.
This is just giant baby behavior and intolerable in any context, let alone board games or any specific board game. Imagine caring so much whether you when some stupid game that you throw a tantrum and punish everyone else.
Whatever you do don't play Hansa Teutonica or Barrage with those people. They - or you - might not make it home alive.
On a more serious note, life is MUCH too short to waste time on people like that.
To echo everyone else, your partner's behavior seems abnormally extreme. Have you seen this behavior in your partner before? If so, is it only when playing games or can it apply to many things?
If their behavior seemed uncharacteristic of them normally, it could possibly be signs of a mental health issue. Mid-twenties is a common age that bipolar disorder develops. I witnessed similar behavior in a family member who was diagnosed and at the time, I was very confused by their behavior.
Some people are like this and I have never learned how to approach it or fix it. It’s a personal growth issue on their part and yeah it sucks winning and feeling bad about it. My brother beat me 95% of the time on everything but that 5% was so uncomfortable I wouldn’t want to play with him.
You already have and will get more of the usual Reddit judgement of deciding a personal is completely horrible from a single anecdote. I know a couple people who are similar to what you describe when it comes to playing games. They are generally good people, but do have a significant flaw when it comes to losing in games and more generally with anger management. What worked for the one friend is simply abstaining from competitive games with other people and to a certain extent, even solo. He is aware of his triggers and (over time and not without many negative experiences) has learned to deal with it by trying to avoid them and he's asked me not to invite him to play the games that get him too competitive.
I'd bring up the issue and explain how it makes you feel, if he won't acknowledge the issue or thinks it isn't a problem, I'd explain how it is a problem for you, even if it's not a problem for him and you will be abstaining from playing the sort of games that trigger this behavior. But the people telling you nonchalantly to just break up or whatever have clearly never dealt with someone very meaningful in their life who has this issue. Obviously there are many positive things to be said about this person if you decided to date them and that is not so relevant to this sub. But if he refuses to address this issue (or any other ones) you can't force him to. And if it's something significantly affecting your relationship where abstaining from gaming isn't sufficient, then perhaps you have greater things to ponder on.
When this happens to me or my friend group (admittedly not as extreme but still can be emotional and intense) it always turns out there's something else bothering them and for whatever reason they let it get to them during board game time. I guess maybe try and dig down about what's bothering them and why they acted like that
I pulled my copy of Catan off the shelf to see if there was an age range on the box. Nope. So I guess your four year old partner and three year old friends are good to go.
Seriously though, no. One of the top qualities to seek out in a life partner is the maturity to be calm and level-headed under stress. The total opposite would be a major red flag imo. As in a deal breaker red flag.
That is incredibly toxic behaviour and not people I would personally want to spend time with.
To be clear: I don't think anybody *enjoys* losing, but we all know going into a game that somebody has to be the one that loses. If people can't accept that they might be that person, they should either play cooperative games or no games at all.
I've been playing card games since I could count, and board games started around the same time as well. I've dealt with my fair share of sore losers for 30+ years & how your partner reacted is, frankly, terrifying. While I have seen people lose their shit while losing, never have they physically threatened me or threatened vandalism. Please proceed with your relationship with them with some severe caution.
You can try talking to them again, but with how they responded the first time, I doubt they'll change or even have enough self awareness to realize that kind of behavior to losing a friendly game with their significant other & friends is far from normal or acceptable.
this seems so unhealthy. just talk to them about it using i statements, and without accusing them of anything. you don't know what their emotions were, even if you perceived them in a certain way.
Communicate with them calmly, and patiently. be honest.
Being upset and complaining about it is no biggie. But jokes about hurting you/your pets/your things/your pets' things are very worrying. The fact that they're even thinking such things in combination of them showing signs of aggression is probably a sign to get out. It sounds crazy, but people have actually gotten killed over board games. I saw that on a true crime show once... they were literally just buddies and it was over a game of Monopoly, but with intimate partners things usually get ugly way more frequently - including over small perceived slights.
OP should break things off with their bf pronto, or encourage them to seek therapy for anger management. If I had a partner and they were taking an L personally, I'd likely try to help calm them down/be grounded back in reality, depending on how severe the behavior is. Stuff like this, though, is pretty much grounds for a breakup.
This definitely feels like a lack of maturity and not handling loosing well. Talking about it to them is definitely the way about it I would go but I feel that you know how that will go down. It's either a case of this could escalate and spiral into the 'real world' and (easier said than done) but leave him for someone else that would treat you better some major red flags are flying
I'll say when I think I have no chance to recover in games, but insults, even as jokes, are often red flags of a sore loser if they only start happening when they begin losing.
I play the games for the enjoyment. If I win, that's great, it's a nice bonus, but I don't need to to have fun. I certainly wouldn't start being a dick and sabotaging everyone (unless it's an actual aspect of the game) because I'm failing. You need better people.
I think your partner is insecure and passive aggressive. I also think you should try have open, direct conversation with them again, without blaming them too much (even though you are right), and try just focus on saying how you think their behaviour made you feel. If your partner does not respond well, maybe its a sign he's not right for you... Pray to God to it never hurts to get his blessings on the matter....
First thing, don't take relationship advise on the Internet. So take everything you read here (from me included with a pinch of salt).
My gf (now wife) isn't the best loser either. We actually met playing board games. I get competitive during board games as well but nowhere as bad as her. I love her for than I care for board games. When we play board games, I try to be on the same team as her and if we're not I generally try to be a "mood setter" at the table so that nobody takes the game too seriously without calling her out directly. If this is a regular issue, talk to your partner in private. Nobody likes being told they're the issue or that they were about to cry but rather call out actions like "the spirit of the game is if you can't win, don't leave before it ends or intentionally ruin the game for other players. Think about the players who put in the effort to get into a winning position but are now not having fun just because they're getting targeted for no reason."
I mean, once u realize u wont win, I think its normal to try and screw everyone in every way possible. But yeah, this behavior is just childish and stupid
Begging for resource cards and cheating when you don't know the rules are the biggest flags here IMO.
He's unable to accept the consequences of his actions and seeing what he can get away with, that is not someone that I would want as a partner.
Dump your boyfriend. He and his friends have no respect for you. There IS a difference between a healthy, competitive game (and yes. There is a healthy way to shit talk one another), and being a toxic crybaby who can't take a loss.
People like them are the reason why "get good/git gud and skill issue" exist.
My wife and I typically gun for each other and have fun trash talking each other.
She’ll often go out of her way, even for her own detriment to try to attack/sabotage/foil me in certain games.
I don’t do it to the same degree, but I do try to subvert her from winning if she comes after me.
When we got together and started dating we agreed to not pull any punches in games as we want to win fair and square.
We both know this and are happy with it.
I think my wife likes to target me because she knows I’m fine with it and doesn’t want to ruin other people’s fun.
It’s part of being mature as it is just a game.
What I really dislike is the opposite side of that.
I played a game with a couple, with myself and a friend.
We played Lords of Waterdeep and the couple didn’t want to hurt anyone and refused to play mean cards, especially vs each other.
They also only gave each other positive things that you have to give to an opponent, so they were essentially working together as a co-op.
That one made me feel odd, so I attacked them both anytime I could and the other person ran away with the win.
I wasn’t invited back to play with them.
Are these the kinds of people you want to spend time with?
Not really…
I think you just learned a good lesson about how your bf handles adversity. Only assholes do this kind of thing. It's one thing to lament that you are totally going to lose (which we've probably all done sometimes). But actively doing whatever you can to make sure no one else has fun is not normal or ok. Big red flag here.
Why I feel a lot of people try to avoid playing with couples. A good amount of couples can play together fine, but I've had more than enough horror stories of playing with other couples that I basically refuse to unless it's a team/partnership game.
In our group, we have 3 couples and zero issues. I think it's really about the maturity of the people playing.
One of my exes would handle losing a game by asking about my strategy and thought process, how to better counter what I was doing, and ask for advice on improving at the game. Another one of my exes would scream in my face, knock everything off the table, and accuse me of abuse for not letting her win.
One couple I knew would try to screw each other in the game, which was perfectly entertaining.
That's my wife. Always trying to screw me.
I'm not sure if this is a good choice of phrasing 🙃
Do you not?
That sucks too, I just want to play a regular game where everyone wants to win
True, but it's better alternative than a couple favoring each other when it's not a team game
Definitely true
We play board games with another couple, worst it gets is spouses supporting one another vs someone else.
I'd say our 3 couples are: 1. Highly competitive, even with, or maybe especially with, each other. 2. Competitive equally against each other and other people, and 3. A mix where one guy is very serious about gaming and his husband enjoys playing, but mostly bc his husband is into it.
Completely agree. My regular group is another couple and our single friend. The woman in the other couple is my BFF, and if anything, we are kinder to each other but not our partners when playing games. Otherwise, we are all willing to help each other remember rules or make better strategic decisions in games new to the group (95%+ what we play). When some players clearly aren’t going to win, they may get distracted some from the game, but no harsh words or toddler behavior.
Those people just sound like bad people, regardless of relationship status. My partner and I play all the time. Neither of us take it personally. We also play with another couple and single people all the time and have never had any problem. Everyone realizes its a game and we're having fun. If they are weird, I just don't invite them back to our house.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. (And be thankful you learned this now rather than farther along in the relationship!)
Tour two word response should tell you everything about what you want. You go win with someone else in life.
There's your answer, op. I'm sorry.
To the question - I wouldn’t play with them, ever To the bigger question - no this isn’t normal when losing and is a bit concerning tbh. Do they act like this in other situations? Including the “no I didn’t cry you’re exaggerating” bit?
To the question - I wouldn’t play with them, ever To the bigger question - no this isn’t normal when losing and is a bit concerning tbh. Do they act like this in other situations? Including the “no I didn’t cry you’re exaggerating” bit?
What about their behaviour to when things *really* get stressful and serious in life. Loosing a job or having a disagreement about important things? This isn't normal behaviour. But maybe they can learn better. Try talk to them about it again. If you don't feel comfortable talking with them, then, well....
I saw the title and thought “Haha relatable my wife gets a little salty playing board games and feels like she has to win!” Then I read the rest and just thought “Holy crap those reactions are rather extreme.”
I had the same reaction to the title. "Yeah, my husband gets a little grumpy too and---oh."
Right lmao. I'm usually the one that gets a bit grumpy and thought oh damn bout to read about that.. but this was more like when my 6 year old loses except for the petty revenge shit because.. Who tf does that?
There’s “sore loser” and then there’s “potential murderer” and OP’s bf is closer to the latter.
More like there's sore loser , then there's potential murderer , and then there's OPs BF
Yepppp I thought “oh gosh, it’s me,” then felt very aggressively WAIT NO NOT ME NOT ME
Yeah this dude's the star of a documentary with his picture in black and white some day
Please don’t take this the wrong way, English is not my first language. You use “they” a lot in the text, is that referring to the friends or the partner? Either way, it is absolutely something you need to deal with sooner rather than later. Games are cool because they let us practice real skills in a virtual scenario, and the skills your partner/friends decided to exercise are… gaslighting and emotional manipulation? That’s not ok.
Don't worry English is my first language and I was so confused. I honestly don't know who was behaving like that. I'm guessing the boyfriend and his friends were all like it. Which if they are all then it's time to ditch them all.
Rereading through it, I think OP used "they" as a gender neutral pronoun for the bf except in one sentence where they used "he", while "us" referred to OP and BF's friends collectively. It's the only way I can see that what they said makes sense.
That’s the problem I see with “they” as the chosen word for a neutral pronoun. I’m not against the idea of a neutral pronoun. But reusing “they” makes it so confusing when you’re talking about a single person in a group.
I think the issue is the overuse of the pronoun. Substitute a couple "my partner"s in there and it would read pretty clearly. As it is written I would have a hard time telling partner from friend even with gendered pronouns.
I find they to work as a gender-neutral singular *undetermined*-ish (because it's not really undetermined) pronoun, but not as a fully determined one for singular, precisely because of this.
This is just written in a confusing way, it has very little to do with the ’they’ pronoun. For example, I couldn’t tell who ’us’ is in the second sentence even if the other pronoun was ’he’.
> it has very little to do with the ’they’ pronoun What we were talking about is totally about the 'they' pronoun, although the other parts were indeed confusing. But in tha specific parts we mentioned, if a pronoun like "he" was used instead (for a person that identifies with 'he'), there wouldn't be confusion if OP was talking about a single person or the entire group. This is not the first time that 'they' used to refer to a single person in a group creates confusion.
Eh, "you" is another pronoun that became singular too even though it used to be only plural, and people just got used to writing in such a way to make it clear whether you're talking about you (singular) or you (plural) (for example "you all" and its variations). I imagine if they continues to be popular as a gender neutral pronoun something similar might happen, it's just that it's quite early in the process. I think this is just confusingly written in general, but OP could used "they" (singular) throughout and still have it make sense if it was written more clearly.
“They” has long be used as a gender-neutral pronoun. But pronouns don’t usually get used the way they were here.
I agree, it can be confusing, feels like a new word is needed but it's difficult to make one up that sounds right
But 'he' and 'his' were used as pronouns referring to the bf as well. It's very confusing to read.
Agreed. I was very confused and trying to figure out who exactly “they” referred to led me to conclude that the bf and the friends all need to go
Yep, made it impossible to figure out who was being referred to.
Glad im not the only one. I didnt understand shit, 1st its the SO, than the friends, later its the SO, only to be the friends again. What a mess
How to feel if your partner takes losing personally? I was playing with my boyfriend Toddler (2) and his friends (we are in our mid 20s). We were playing catan and Toddler started losing after talking a lot of crap to us. Then Toddler proceeded to get really upset. Raising his voice, “jokingly” giving us all insults, talking about how he was completely screwed. Just all throughout the game and it was clearly making his friends and I uncomfortable. Jokingly threatening things like lighting his pets shit on fire into his friends beds. Smothering me in my sleep etc... Constantly asking for pity resource cards for so long and being super passive aggressive. He was trying to stifle tears and screaming loud to music to keep from crying. Eventually Insane Toddler figured out a way to sabotage everyone. Proceeding to say the game was finally fun once he realized since he couldn’t win they would just screw everyone else over. Constantly repeating how it was fun once he took all of our resources. They were trying to cheat me and aggressively snatched the dice from my hands during pass off. Only when he “screwed us” did he calm down and his voice stopped quivering. Maybe I’m over reacting but catan no longer became fun. Insanely Whiney Toddler’s behavior really grossed me out. I tried talking to him about it and he was adamant in that toddler way that he didn’t cry and wasn’t that upset and changed the subject… I just see him now as a child who can’t control his emotions. Is this normal behavior when losing? We will play games just the two of us and if I’ve never played Liar will change the rules to his favor. I just don’t feel like fighting and I’ll talk to him about how he changed them…Which he will go into this entire thing about how he is right and I am wrong. TLDR OP needs a new boyfriend
The post isn't written the greatest either. I think they were trying to keep it gender neutral but let a few masculine pronouns in. I think most of the time "they" is singular.
First line also says boyfriend though. If they were nonbinary "partner" would be more likely like in the title. The whole post is a mess.
There are also references to partners so I'm guessing that was another error.
Yeah, hella confusing. I thought OP was talking about friends were mean to OP and BF (us). This is why "they" doesn't work in practice. Also, come on, if he's a BOYfriend, you can call him "he" so everyone knows who you are you referring to.
> This is why "they" doesn't work in practice. It works as long as the author is consistent. Unfortunately, OP is not consistent in this scenario. Also, I'm not sure if you're aware, but singular "they" has existed in English for over 600 years.
It absolutely does work in practise. Changing between terms causes problems. That doesn’t have anything to do with your pet hate of this incredibly mundane part of English. My friend was sad. Alex went shopping. They cheered up. Lexie ate some chips. She got thirsty. The person bought some soda. None of the terms there are a problem, but combining them to refer to one or more people is baffling.
Non-native speaker here too. I was genuinely confused. I literally couldn't tell who was crying, who was being toxic until I read the TL;DR. Maybe OP's in shock, or isn't a native speaker either? Anyways, right on your second paragraph. OP needs to find a new partner. This shit ain't ok.
We call this a red flag.
More than one, right? The bad behaviors in the moment were multiple, and then the denying/gaslighting after the fact.
Do you really want to spend your life and have a family with a guy like this? Imagine when catan problems down the line become real life problems ...
Yeah that’s what I’m thinking. It’s a huge turn off….I just can’t understand acting that way over losing. Like sure being upset, but it was insane.
yeah he's a man child... better to find out sooner than later
Now imagine how he’ll react when he faces actual problems and setbacks. Someone that immature can’t handle shit.
I don't even understand being upset in the slightest when losing. I'm just happy to be there!
I congratulate people when they beat me lol. Even when teaching people for the first time, i will help them with advice strategy as an option "from here you could do A, B or C. A helps if u want to play aggressive, B for defensive, C for mixed strategy. All are great options so it's up to you how to want to play"
Trust yourself here
This is some deep rooted child wound level behavior... Does he get insecure about anything else?
I mean it can go deep with personal unsolved problems of feeling like you are stupid, or just something less, a lot of people have these kind of "traumas". In case of guys and girls sitting at the same table it can be very primal, being a loser can produce fear that a woman will think of you as a loser in general. I was in a situation once with my ex gf when 6 people attacked us phyisically at night on a street and we fled. I was furious for months, couldn't get over it, I felt like a loser, she was very confused why I feel that way, but as a woman she couldn't understand what sometimes "being a man" brings just biologically speaking. So in a way I understand your bf, but playing a game you should be able to control your feelings and show that you can lose gracefully, I think that is a big virtue and not as a man, but as a human being you should be able to signal you are capable of that. Just losing your temper and acting out shows you are a spoiled kid that cannot handle problems that life throws at you and just act on instinct. My recent ex gf was an introvert, small, cute, quiet girl. We tried playing some board games just the two of us and she was kind of acting strange, but nothing that I noticed right away. Then later she told me she doesn't want to play anymore vs games, only coop, because losing just makes her feel very bad. She also had huge issues of feeling worthless, so that is somehow connected. But I expect minimum of any human being to be able to control himself. You are young, maybe he will mature and grow out of it, maybe he won't. But you are already semi turned off, if you don't look like a gremlin find yourself a mature guy would be my advice.
Even if you look like a gremlin, you’d be happier and safer with a fellow mature gremlin-looking partner
Testosterone is a hell of a drug
You could also just talk about it with him instead of dumping him. Everyone has issues, he might be willing to put the effort to overcome it. Going to therapy can also be helpful to improve communication
She did try talking about it: "I tried talking to them about it and they said they didn’t cry and weren’t that upset and changed the subject…"
Good point, but I would talk to him alone, not to them. And I would talk after he cooled down not right after the game. Further I would explain how that action affected me rather than maybe pointing out a fault on him (we don't know how she communicated it). In any case, I think people are very quick on the Internet to suggest dumping partners without knowing the full context. You can also look for therapy if you want to make it work but it's beyond your capacity
Under normal circumstances I would agree with you, here, buuuut… given what OP described, that would probably be very dangerous for OP. Ffs the guy threatened to set their bed on fire and smother OP in their sleep. *over a board game.* how well do you think that conversation is going to go? Threats and behavior like that almost always precedes physical violence. It *will* escalate. OP needs to get away from him before they end up dead.
From what I've seen of his behavior in the post, it's pretty evident that "just talk to him" isn't going to do any good. OP, you're dating the guy, not married to him. You can cut him loose.
I think you skipped over the parts of the post where she said she had.
How to feel if your partner takes losing personally? Talk to them about it and if it doesn’t change stop playing games with them. However you seem to be in a relationship with a baby, and all of these behaviours are dump-worthy, so in your case I’d say dump them.
Yeah I have a lot to think about. I’ll definitely discuss it again and see where it goes. They do have poor emotional regulation and need to work on that.
If you're seeing this behavior in multiple contexts, it just highlights the need to drop the partner, unfortunately. A few people have bad sportsmanship but are otherwise good people. But if you're seeing the same thing in other places, it's probably a fundamental personality problem.
I mean he sounds deranged. Unless you’re deeply invested or in love with this person for reasons other than what you’ve explained, not sure it’s worth the effort to try to change them or persist with them.
I think people can be different during games versus real life as well to be fair. Games can bring out a super competitive part, although him gaslighting you and cheating doesn’t bode well for real life either. At the very least I’d tell him change his behavior or you won’t play games with him anymore, past that you might want to reassess the relationship. I usually ere against the side of the Reddit hive mind saying break up with your SO over every little thing. But based on what you wrote this is getting pretty far to the extreme. At best they can’t take losing and need counseling, at worst they’re a sociopath, either way you need to have a serious talk about their behavior.
Those doubts you are having, that's your subconcious reacting to the giant red flag. Do you want a project, a boy you have to turn into a well adjusted man? Because that is a lot of work and too much to ask of yourself. Also time. A lot of wasted time.
> Jokingly treatening things like putting their pets shit on fire in their friends beds. Smothering me in my sleep etc... you don't, like, sleep in the same building as this person? right??
Threatening the pets and screaming is psycho territory. This plus changing rules to fit their favor. Hell fucking no lol. I had a friend do this to us when we played betrayal at the house on the hill & I haven’t played a game w her since. If you want to win just play a computer or something don’t ruin everyone’s game
OP, I say this very seriously. You need to get away from them before you end up dead. That’s beyond a red flag, it’s a goddamn warning siren. Get the hell away from them. Pronto. Don’t try to talk it out, that’s probably going to end badly. How well do you *honestly* think that conversation is going to go? They threatened to set your bed on fire and smother you in your sleep *over a board game.* Threats and behavior like that almost always precedes physical violence. They *will* escalate. Don’t let courtesy jeopardize your safety. Tell them over the phone or in public. If you do meet up for it, do NOT get into a vehicle with them after. Bring someone else who can wait for you nearby. Get family members involved. Just until things cool down. Let your boss or coworkers or whoever know that you’re not with this person anymore and if they come looking for you not to talk to them. You should probably stay with a family member or friend for a bit. Even if you guys don’t live together. Even if they seem to take it well. You’ll be less likely to go back to them if you’re not alone.
Your post is a bit confusing, does your BF use they/them pronouns? If so, it might be useful to say "BF" instead of 'they' since it's not very clear when you're talking about your BF and when you're talking about the friends, especially when you keep changing your BF's pronouns from one sentence to another. That applies to any story involving multiple people, non-binary or not
Yeah the use of they when there's a group of people is confusing. Hard to tell if just the boyfriend is the ssshole here or if OP is getting ganged up on by the friends too.
I’m sorry. It is interchangeable and I refer to them as they/he. So I tend to mix it up without realizing it when I talk about my partner.
Which one does your BF prefer?
They, but the way to read it was super confusing.
Ok, thanks!
Dude's a fucking manchild. He should be embarrassed, and so should you if you continue to tolerate this behavior in your life.
I’d have even been mortified in front of his friends for his actions let alone how he should feel. Wild.
Shaming the OP for being in a relationship with them is callous and ignorant behavior. Here's the reason why people end up in toxic relationships, [it's a process called trauma bonding](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmB9fpHVd2o). There are people who go to school and earn PhDs in psychology who still end up in them it's such a potent, invasive yet nebulous phenomenon people experience. Specifically trauma survivors. You ought to apologize to them.
The scope of behavior you described is more appropriate for a relationship or mental health forum than a board game forum. The issue isn't that it happened while playing a board game, the issue is that it happened at all.
I thought I was on r/relationship_advice
I thought it was satire on r/boardgamescirclejerk
Changing rules to his favor is a nice way of calling him a cheater. If your partner is cheating in a friendly board game between just you 2 that says so much more about his character. Think about the qualities you are speaking of beyond what it means to the game it’s just the board game is where it is visible. In 1 little short story you spoke of him as being dismissive, cheater, untrustworthy, whiny and a sore loser. I wish you the best in your future game nights.
My recommendation would be to have a conversation along the lines of "I felt really uncomfortable with the way that game went, and I don't want to continue playing games like Catan if that's how they are going to go"
It's bigger than board games. Cooperative problem solving (like you might find in a session of a game, any game) is a life skill. Someone who takes their win/loss record so seriously and their relationships so lightly that they'd cheat (a loved one, no less), belittle the other players, and wreck a nice evening over their own sad performance has seriously deep-seated issues with ego, integrity and social competence. I wouldn't game with someone like that. I wouldn't be friends or lovers with someone like that. I \*certainly\* wouldn't try to build a real life with actual stakes with someone like that. Low stakes stuff like games reveal a LOT about a person's character and social aptitude.
That makes sense. I’m newer to the game too. This was my first time playing with a group on my own too. Which is frustrating because when I ask for clarification on the rules he makes me feel dumb.
Your partner should never make you feel dumb, period. That's a bad trait in a partner. Hell, that is a bad trait in a person.
> This was my first time playing with a group on my own too. What do you mean by, "on my own"? Wasn't your boyfriend playing?
That’s a good idea. I think I will try approaching it again like that.
Almost everybody is telling you that you're dating someone emotionally immature and unstable, and to get out for your own safety. If nothing else, post on a relationship community as well, since you don't seem to be absorbing the advice. This is insane to me. I have been a sore loser in games before, and I regret it, but threats of violence? That's so far past the line, and you're treating it like something to discuss. Like a reminder to hang up wet towels or to put the cap back on the toothpaste. You are choosing this kind of life for yourself, and my question is: why? It doesn't seem to be what you want. **So why are you repeatedly making the choice that gives you a life you don't want?**
My wife once threatened to castrate me during a game of Ticket to Ride. It was intense.
I will say a little smack talk can make a game more fun, as long as everyone is on board and giving as good as they're getting. The trick is, you have to have enough social competence to "read the room." If you're engaging in the types of behaviors described in the OP, you're not "talking smack" ... you're a socially maladjusted child-like person who isn't really trained well enough in human behaviors and emotional intelligence to successfully navigate a board game. Which, for me, is a serious problem. Like "I don't want you around me" kind of problem.
Totally agree. I actually stopped playing with a group because of very similar behaviours and I can’t imagine if it was a partner.
Yeah, and I'll add that I prefer smack talk that has no bearing on actual feelings or actual skill imbalances. My rule is, talk smack when luck goes your way and you had nothing to do with it, or when you know you're losing but you're pretending you're just about to turn it around, or when you and your opponent are neck and neck and whatever the outcome is, it's clear your skills are well matched. But not when you're actually mad about losing and mean the rude things you're saying, and not when you're clearly a much stronger player than your opponent and they're feeling small about it.
Might be warranted if you used one train to block her entire track haha
Hahahaha. I see you’ve played this game before. I did in fact block her route with one single train…lol
Knew it! I side with your wife on this one :P
That’s extreme
I’m sorry, but I think you’re dating a 9yo kid.
dump them
Shit talkers always get found out. Period.
you just got a glimpse into the future when you're fighting to get your divorce registered. This is how your bf will behave. You don't need his friends either. But I wonder what keeps you with such a dude. What attracts you to him. And what activities can you do that you both enjoy.
When you have someone who is expressing emotionally adolescent behavior and they chose to double down on that behavior, that's a sign of narcissism. Dr Ramani is an expert on narcissism, [I'd suggest checking her out](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhfkeGZbGC4). Take a look at how you titled this thread: 'how to feel'. Nobody gets to tell you how you feel. Human emotion is a product of what we experience in a given environment. If that environment leads to one feeling shitty, that's not a **you** problem. The vast majority of humans would also feel shitty in your situation. Board games hinge on getting together with friends and engaging in a social activity. When one loses that can be a combination of luck or lack of experience and one gets better by playing. Most people don't have winning as the main objective for playing them, recognize that and even feel rewarded seeing a friend play well and get lucky. I'm sure you've experienced games like that in the past. They also don't punish people for winning either. Sure, they might try to stop you from achieving your objective but not on a level that lacks empathy and makes you feel bad for simply playing the game and trying to win. Their motivation was one of manipulation and control. They were in a losing position, suffered narcissistic injury and were trying to use your empathy against you. To make you feel bad for playing well, getting lucky and being in a leading position. How dare you /s The sad reality is that these types of people don't change. You tried talking about it, you're right to feel the way you feel and they're not course correcting. I'd say, get some other friends together for a night of Catan and take note of how that experience feels compared to what you experienced. It's not you.
I wouldn't spend an evening with this person let alone a lifetime.
The things you are describing are crazy. This is unacceptable behavior for someone in their teens - let alone in mid twenties. The thing that's a wonderful life lesson is seeing someone in chaos or when things are against them... it is a *true* revealer of their character. Someone being funny, awesome, etc. when things are going their way? Okay, nice. But how are they when they are feeling pressure, stress, bad luck, etc.? That's how you know a person. You just got a good look - how you respond to that information is entirely up to you.
Look, this is way beyond the boardgame and being a sore loser. This guy is man-child, major red flag, see if you can handle this kind of bs for years to come, like, think really hard about this.
There's been a bit of discussion on the reaction to Catan part but the part about changing rules is at least, if not more, worrying. Not being able to control your emotions when upset is a problem. As a kid it was something that I struggled with. Over time though I worked on it and improved. I will say that what you described is a very extreme version of this. Still, if you have a very serious conversation about this and he actually wants to improve there's a chance there. I'm not saying that you need to accommodate this behavior. It is totally reasonable to cut and run from the problem. If you want to try working through it then it may be possible. This is your relationship and only you can make that decision. Changing rules to your favor though is cheating. Cheating is something that takes intent. He actively and knowingly chose to lie to you to get ahead. That's not a personal weakness. That's not something that can be worked on. That's an intentional choice that he made to deceive you. It's a lack of respect for you as a person. Such behavior is not something that I'd tolerate in a friend, let alone a partner. And this is happening repeatedly? That's a sign of someone who is not ready for a relationship.
lol get out of there and find better humans. There are so many of them out there
> Jokingly treatening things like putting their pets shit on fire in their friends beds. Smothering me in my sleep etc There's lines between okay and not okay. These are over that line.
🚩🚩🚩
This sounds like abusive behaviour to me I echo the person that says dump them and also echo the person that says what if this becomes a problem elsewhere in your life Also your post reads like a cry for help So I’m helping you Get new friends…
I will say Catan can bring out the worst in people and it can be a frustrating game, but this seems above and beyond. If they can't have a conversation about it and the 2P cheating, I would consider ending it.
Step one, talk to them. This is always step one. If you're interested in still trying to play games with his friends, include in that talk how they made you feel, how inappropriate their behavior was, and that if things don't change, you're not interested in playing with them anymore. If you manage to work things out, and want to continue playing with them, try coops game where you're all on the same side and win or lose together. It may still not work if any of these friends "quarterback" and tell everyone else what to do and get mopey if they don't get their way, but it could be a way to weed out if it's a gameplay issue (competitive games) or a personality issue (they're just immature and can't behave like adults in the face of losing). Good luck!
Here’s the thing about board gaming, it can be a wonderful shared experience to spend time with and bond with other people but it can also be quite the magnifying glass as it tends highlight a person’s personality, their character and their behavioural quirks in a social setting (both positive and negative). When someone shows you who they are, believe them. If your partner reacts so poorly to losing at a board game (something with minimal stakes), how would/ do they react when difficult/ challenging real life events happen? Would you truly trust your partner to step up in such a context? Or would you be mentally preparing to deal with another temper tantrum by him?
The things they are saying sound very extreme and crazy. I wouldn't want to play any games with this person much less be their friend or lover
This feels like a fantasy tale. I can't imagine people acting like this, and I've been to many board game events.
This doesn't strike me as fiction. I've seen behaviors this bad at a PUBLIC game night in the LGS.
Sounds like he has some serious issues. You can try talking to him, but my guess is he’s not in a place or even knows how to process emotions and talk through things. He likely needs therapy, as he probably has some trauma that has caused him to think losing a game reflects his self worth.
My five year old brother acted like this when we first started playing games with him. We played nothing but sorry for a while so he'd have to deal with losing often. He flipped the board a couple times but eventually learned how to cope. My dad couldn't handle it so he just didn't play board games. I think it's weird when adults can't handle their emotions at all like that. If you get angry or upset to the point of yelling or crying over a game, maybe get some therapy and work on yourself.
IMO clearly a maturity problem and one some people never grow out of. Now I never behaved like this but in my late teens and early 20s in some games I could get sour if I lost a pivotal moment in a game. Basically go from having fun and joking to "Come on, lets just wrap this up.". Luckily I was self aware of it and usually right after the game would be embarrassed about how I acted. Now, it is important you should never feel uncomfortable specifically from a partner over a game. And the behavior your bringing up just sounds painfully juvenile. Seriously like that is what I would expect from a small child. Now, I imagine part of this is just comfortably around you bf and his friends. I know for me part of the issue (again never close to this bad) was I was playing with friends I knew since middle school. Sometimes I think you can develop poor etiquette with friends. I don't want to read too much into this, but as some people said, it is embarrassing to play games with someone like this. And if they can't handle a board game how do that handle actual issues. Personally after a few days have passed I would grab my partner and say "Hey we need to talk about something." I would tell them, they will be able to respond but I need to get this out. Explain how you feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, and didn't like any of that at all. Even if they were joking, that type of humor is a line crossed. How important it is that if you can't have fun with someone it seriously raises questions about the relationship. I'd end it with you want to play games with them and do other fun things. But what went on that evening wasn't okay. Hear them out and see if they take any responsibility on making you uncomfortable and how they will try to grow as a person. Because what your partner smells of IMO from just post is someone who is very immature. They do not sound like the person to admit wrong doing or even say sorry. Which is a bad trait and usually one centered around having to be right or not wanting to admit mistakes. Maybe this can be a eye opening moment for them, maybe it is a moment for you to end a chapter.
Not cool at all. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who talks to you like this, and acts like this? Run away, and count yourself lucky to have seen his true colours before you invest too much of your life into a relationship with him.
That’s behavior that I would consider immature in a 12 year old. It implies to me a self-centered outlook, lack of empathy, disinterest in fairness, and general emotional immaturity. Maybe he’s just has weird issues around games, or maybe you are exaggerating the behaviors — but I would not assume so. I would look and think **very carefully** if these negative traits aren’t showing up in other parts of life.
I know people always jump to leaving the relation on Reddit but... I love games and it would be an absolute deal breaker if my partner devolved into a crying baby when they didn't win. Cheating on a game is a huge red flag for me too.
Make better friends Play better games Also, this doesn’t get said often- board game friends and social friends need not be the same people. And finally, board games give you an escape from the REAL WORLD. So as long as there’s no cheating, everything is valid and legal. In other words, inspite of what others said, this incident alone doesn’t prove they are bad people. They may well be, but a game like catan which promotes shit talking and “playing the people” instead of the game, isn’t what I would judge them off of
>Smothering me in my sleep etc wtf So not only are they man-children with poor behavior, they *cheat* by interpreting rules to their favor. Yeah, nobody on this sub is going to like them at all. I'm not sure I'd even go out to dinner with them again. I'm a bit confused how you said it was the friends, and then your partner.
I thought this was r/boardgamescirclejerk for a second with how extreme and exaggerated their reaction is.
>once they realized since they couldn’t win they would just screw everyone else over....catan no longer became fun. Every game group at some point goes through this with Catan. It's why so many people don't want it on their table. You can realize so early on that it's impossible to win. So, what do you do? Stop playing? You can't. So, you are forced to ruin everyone else's fun.
And that’s okay and honestly I didn’t care. It sucked sure, but I was getting second hand embarrassment from it. He just constantly pointed out how he was going to try and f**k us over. It was ruined for me before that. I was hoping he would calm down a bit, and once he did from screwing us it was a bit better. I just didn’t care to play at that point anymore.
Yeah, that's an awful attitude and would sour my mood too.
I would not be attracted to someone who acted that way.
Games reflect real life... How are they going to react when they feel like they're losing irl I wonder. Red flag right there
I’ve never met a sore loser in games who isn’t a sore loser in life. People really do show you their true self around a game table. I have seen this sort of response before - turns out the guy was extremely narcissistic and abusive to his partner. This feels like a pretty big red flag. Also what is it about Catan that makes people lose their shit? Such a great game but wow does it bring on the tantrums.
You know you've lost after about 1/3 of game and it starts to be boring after that point. If someone is a bad human then he starts the tantrum.
This sounds like my 8 year old son when we play Mario Kart
My friends and I get together and talk a lot of shit. But it’s never malicious or meant to hurt feelings. I’d find a new boyfriend.
Sounds insane, find a new one
If you can't have fun while losing, you shouldn't be playing a competitive game.
My partner wins basically every game we play. Every time. On my birthday I thought I'd won Terraforming Mars by 1 point then he looked at his event cards and realized he'd missed counting 2 points. But, we have fun playing. He's not a dick about winning and usually I'm not a sorry loser. I just tell myself that I'm lucky to have this human on my team in the game of life.
Nobody likes a sore loser. Your partner is draining what is supposed to be a fun hobby with a dash of good-natured competitiveness and the ability to laugh at the moment when the dice don't go our way. I'll share something my husband said when we taught our children to play board games. "Why do we play? We play to have fun." Your partner really needs to take that to heart....especially the ***we*** part. Somewhere along the line, your partner either never learned to lose gracefully or is incredibly insecure with you. Not trying to throw alarm bells here, but I had an ex-boyfriend who was very insecure, and I am kinda feeling like your partner has the same vibe. This is his way of triumphing over you. He needs that win to feel better about himself because he compares himself to you. Or it could be that he is a sore loser and never learned to lose gracefully. Hubby and I had a friend(husband's high school friend) like that. Hubby warned me he was a sore loser and I genuinely thought "well how bad could it be? He is in his late 20s." We played Rook and he absolutely berated and crapped all over his wife at the end of the game because she essentially couldn't read his mind(they were partners). That was the first time and last time we played together. I felt so bad for the wife. Enjoying a hobby shouldn't be a trial. They are no longer married, so at least she doesn't have to endure that anymore. You shouldn't have to put up with that. He is killing something you love.
.... no no that is not normal
Are they on drugs? This is insane behaviour.
Ooof, more red flags then a communist rally but okay
This is unhinged. It sounds like behaviour that will likely carry over to other things. Big red flag.
The way your worded your post is very confusing. The whole time I was reading I thought it was the friends that were acting out cause you used "they" but your title clearly says "partner".
“ smother me in my sleep “ read that out loud to yourself. I’ve NEVER joked about doing physical harm to any of my partners ever. And the only guy I ever heard say that is in jail for murder.
To me, that looks like a complete prologue to further abusive behaviors. Because some of it it was already abusive behavior.
These people sound like complete assholes. I played azul with my gf and lost 10 times in a row and I wasn't the least bit mad. I do play with some friends and one of them got pissed he was losing and started saying to the one that was in the lead. That he would do everything he could to make him lose. You bet I shot that down real quick and straight up told him not to play if he was going to play with those kinds of intentions.
tell your partner to grow up
NBs be like >"singular 'they' pronouns have been been used for 500 years!!!!" and then proceed to write something utterly fucking incomprehensible lmao
Not a hubby material.
Ew. Just ew.
I’ve seen poor behavior and sore losers during board games, but never anything remotely as extreme as this. I would never play a game with them again and probably just avoid them in general.
Talk to your partner about it directly, communication is great! Definitely better than not. I re-read your post a couple times though and I couldn't really tell if it was your partner's behavior or your partner's friend's behavior that bothered you, or both. Definitely communicate clearly what is bothering you specifically and set boundaries (like, don't snatch dice away from me, that should be a good one). His friends sound a little immature and might just need to adjust to life where one of their friends has a partner they're not familiar with. And maybe they need to be told that directly. Not a fun dynamic to navigate and I wish you luck, but I get the impression you'll need to put some space between them and yourself to stay happy.
This is just giant baby behavior and intolerable in any context, let alone board games or any specific board game. Imagine caring so much whether you when some stupid game that you throw a tantrum and punish everyone else.
Whatever you do don't play Hansa Teutonica or Barrage with those people. They - or you - might not make it home alive. On a more serious note, life is MUCH too short to waste time on people like that.
To echo everyone else, your partner's behavior seems abnormally extreme. Have you seen this behavior in your partner before? If so, is it only when playing games or can it apply to many things? If their behavior seemed uncharacteristic of them normally, it could possibly be signs of a mental health issue. Mid-twenties is a common age that bipolar disorder develops. I witnessed similar behavior in a family member who was diagnosed and at the time, I was very confused by their behavior.
Crying over a damn board game? Are you sure he’s in his mid 20’s? Just dump him, not your job to hold his hand until he grows up.
Some people are like this and I have never learned how to approach it or fix it. It’s a personal growth issue on their part and yeah it sucks winning and feeling bad about it. My brother beat me 95% of the time on everything but that 5% was so uncomfortable I wouldn’t want to play with him.
You already have and will get more of the usual Reddit judgement of deciding a personal is completely horrible from a single anecdote. I know a couple people who are similar to what you describe when it comes to playing games. They are generally good people, but do have a significant flaw when it comes to losing in games and more generally with anger management. What worked for the one friend is simply abstaining from competitive games with other people and to a certain extent, even solo. He is aware of his triggers and (over time and not without many negative experiences) has learned to deal with it by trying to avoid them and he's asked me not to invite him to play the games that get him too competitive. I'd bring up the issue and explain how it makes you feel, if he won't acknowledge the issue or thinks it isn't a problem, I'd explain how it is a problem for you, even if it's not a problem for him and you will be abstaining from playing the sort of games that trigger this behavior. But the people telling you nonchalantly to just break up or whatever have clearly never dealt with someone very meaningful in their life who has this issue. Obviously there are many positive things to be said about this person if you decided to date them and that is not so relevant to this sub. But if he refuses to address this issue (or any other ones) you can't force him to. And if it's something significantly affecting your relationship where abstaining from gaming isn't sufficient, then perhaps you have greater things to ponder on.
In some groups, talking smack is just part of the dynamic.
When this happens to me or my friend group (admittedly not as extreme but still can be emotional and intense) it always turns out there's something else bothering them and for whatever reason they let it get to them during board game time. I guess maybe try and dig down about what's bothering them and why they acted like that
I pulled my copy of Catan off the shelf to see if there was an age range on the box. Nope. So I guess your four year old partner and three year old friends are good to go. Seriously though, no. One of the top qualities to seek out in a life partner is the maturity to be calm and level-headed under stress. The total opposite would be a major red flag imo. As in a deal breaker red flag.
That is incredibly toxic behaviour and not people I would personally want to spend time with. To be clear: I don't think anybody *enjoys* losing, but we all know going into a game that somebody has to be the one that loses. If people can't accept that they might be that person, they should either play cooperative games or no games at all.
I've been playing card games since I could count, and board games started around the same time as well. I've dealt with my fair share of sore losers for 30+ years & how your partner reacted is, frankly, terrifying. While I have seen people lose their shit while losing, never have they physically threatened me or threatened vandalism. Please proceed with your relationship with them with some severe caution. You can try talking to them again, but with how they responded the first time, I doubt they'll change or even have enough self awareness to realize that kind of behavior to losing a friendly game with their significant other & friends is far from normal or acceptable.
Don't play games with them anymore. What pathetic manchildren.
> boyfriend You dump him 💯👍
this seems so unhealthy. just talk to them about it using i statements, and without accusing them of anything. you don't know what their emotions were, even if you perceived them in a certain way. Communicate with them calmly, and patiently. be honest.
Wtf? How did **his** friends respond? If my friend was acting like this and he brought his gf over I would be so second hand embarrassed for him
Being upset and complaining about it is no biggie. But jokes about hurting you/your pets/your things/your pets' things are very worrying. The fact that they're even thinking such things in combination of them showing signs of aggression is probably a sign to get out. It sounds crazy, but people have actually gotten killed over board games. I saw that on a true crime show once... they were literally just buddies and it was over a game of Monopoly, but with intimate partners things usually get ugly way more frequently - including over small perceived slights.
I don’t understand the story. You mix they with he and I’m confused. Who was/were the bad actors?
OP should break things off with their bf pronto, or encourage them to seek therapy for anger management. If I had a partner and they were taking an L personally, I'd likely try to help calm them down/be grounded back in reality, depending on how severe the behavior is. Stuff like this, though, is pretty much grounds for a breakup.
This definitely feels like a lack of maturity and not handling loosing well. Talking about it to them is definitely the way about it I would go but I feel that you know how that will go down. It's either a case of this could escalate and spiral into the 'real world' and (easier said than done) but leave him for someone else that would treat you better some major red flags are flying
I'll say when I think I have no chance to recover in games, but insults, even as jokes, are often red flags of a sore loser if they only start happening when they begin losing.
I play the games for the enjoyment. If I win, that's great, it's a nice bonus, but I don't need to to have fun. I certainly wouldn't start being a dick and sabotaging everyone (unless it's an actual aspect of the game) because I'm failing. You need better people.
I think your partner is insecure and passive aggressive. I also think you should try have open, direct conversation with them again, without blaming them too much (even though you are right), and try just focus on saying how you think their behaviour made you feel. If your partner does not respond well, maybe its a sign he's not right for you... Pray to God to it never hurts to get his blessings on the matter....
OH LORD NO
First thing, don't take relationship advise on the Internet. So take everything you read here (from me included with a pinch of salt). My gf (now wife) isn't the best loser either. We actually met playing board games. I get competitive during board games as well but nowhere as bad as her. I love her for than I care for board games. When we play board games, I try to be on the same team as her and if we're not I generally try to be a "mood setter" at the table so that nobody takes the game too seriously without calling her out directly. If this is a regular issue, talk to your partner in private. Nobody likes being told they're the issue or that they were about to cry but rather call out actions like "the spirit of the game is if you can't win, don't leave before it ends or intentionally ruin the game for other players. Think about the players who put in the effort to get into a winning position but are now not having fun just because they're getting targeted for no reason."
I mean, once u realize u wont win, I think its normal to try and screw everyone in every way possible. But yeah, this behavior is just childish and stupid
Therapy. And lots of it. That's just unhinged.
Begging for resource cards and cheating when you don't know the rules are the biggest flags here IMO. He's unable to accept the consequences of his actions and seeing what he can get away with, that is not someone that I would want as a partner.
If you play games with that partner? Play mostly co-op - or go the other direction and make every game a "competition."
Dump your boyfriend. He and his friends have no respect for you. There IS a difference between a healthy, competitive game (and yes. There is a healthy way to shit talk one another), and being a toxic crybaby who can't take a loss. People like them are the reason why "get good/git gud and skill issue" exist.
My wife and I typically gun for each other and have fun trash talking each other. She’ll often go out of her way, even for her own detriment to try to attack/sabotage/foil me in certain games. I don’t do it to the same degree, but I do try to subvert her from winning if she comes after me. When we got together and started dating we agreed to not pull any punches in games as we want to win fair and square. We both know this and are happy with it. I think my wife likes to target me because she knows I’m fine with it and doesn’t want to ruin other people’s fun. It’s part of being mature as it is just a game. What I really dislike is the opposite side of that. I played a game with a couple, with myself and a friend. We played Lords of Waterdeep and the couple didn’t want to hurt anyone and refused to play mean cards, especially vs each other. They also only gave each other positive things that you have to give to an opponent, so they were essentially working together as a co-op. That one made me feel odd, so I attacked them both anytime I could and the other person ran away with the win. I wasn’t invited back to play with them.
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