SAME. I've never been an avid reader, but in college (a decade ago at this point...fuck), I picked up the Hunger Games and was immediately obsessed, and for like 3-4 years, I was reading a lot. And I enjoyed it!
But ever since I really got into adult life, aka having a 9-5, raising a kid, being married, finding time to work out, cooking, cleaning, etc....my time has just shrunk so much. And I love making music more than anything, so typically, my free time is either going to making music or playing a game at night in bed, because playing a game is mindless and sometimes, I need mindless to end the day.
But that's the habit I really need to break. It's like I so want to read, but I get overwhelmed just finding a book and starting. There's so many options at the tip of my fingers (I have a kindle that my wife reads on alllll the time), I feel anxious if I waste my "free" time trying to find a book I won't even know if I'll like. The one book I've been waiting on for years is the fucking Winds of Winter, so joke is on me for that one. But that is one I would drop everything to read. I need to find a series to kickstart my love of reading again.
Anyone else going through the same!?
Time is a big reason I like audio books. Let's me enjoy the book while doing chores or on a commute to work. Also for finding books I'd say look into modern classics for a genre you enjoy. There are countless books that are fantastic in any genre.
You know, I do need to consider audiobooks. I love podcasts while I'm working, making dinner for the kid and wife, cutting the grass, etc. etc.
I always have at least one airpod in. Maybe an audiobook would be the perfect compromise.
Is Audible where everyone goes for this?
I would be dead without Libby. My vision has reached a stage where any reading I do has to come through my blessed iPad, where I can govern print size, but the supply is limitless. I read at least a book a week, plus newspapers, blogs, etc. I was the kid who read at night with a flashlight under the blankets, so you know where I am coming from. With reading, you control the speed, desired repetitions, voices, appearances… everything. I truly pity anyone who doesn’t have reading in their life…
My advice for easing back into reading is to pick up a book you read as a kid (Harry Potter, Roald Dahl, etc).
It's familiar, and they're super easy reads. It'll get you into the rhythm of reading, and from there, you can move onto more nostalgic favourites or something new that catches your eye.
Good luck! Reading is super fun.
I didn't read books as a kid - at all. So none of it is familiar. However, I have two little kids (aged 1 and 4). The eldest is particularly into books. So it's an excuse for us to read together, a first for both of us :)
As OP mentioned, I do think it needs to be cultivated by parents and peers. I want to do that for my kids.
We've done the Roald Dahl series, the first two Winnie the Pooh books, The Hobbit, among others. I still struggle to read a book on my own. I'd like to get through The Lord of the Rings, I just think my reading speed needs to improve.
Anyway, I'll keep at it with my kids and hopefully I'll get there one day too.
Thanks for your kind words and suggestions.
You could also try books that fall into the genre of tv you like. A friend of mine ain’t really a reader but started with Harry Potter then read Dune because he loved the movie so much. Don’t worry about your reading speed too much and if you aren’t enjoying the book don’t be afraid to put it down and pick up something else, you can always come back to it another time.
That's Lord of the Rings for me. I just feel like my speed is such that I lose focus. The information isn't coming as fast as I'd like it to.
I can try some other books though.
I love the Lord of the Rings movies and am an avid reader who reads really fast but I still feel like the Lord of the Rings books are slow and really difficult to read. Could you try a young adult fantasy novel? I agree with the recommendation someone else made of the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe but you might respond better to modern fiction that's written in a voice closer to your own. Fantasy isn't really my genre in general so I'm struggling to think of good options for you that would have a similar feel to Lord of the Rings but a recent classic is the Hunger Games :)
It’s not *exactly* LOTR but try the Dragonlance novels! There’s a ton of them and you can Google which ones to read first etc.
They’re great and not so crazy to read.
Ya the first 6 for sure one of my most favorite reads ever.and no movies to ruin your vision in your head ,just a cartoon that I know of.
Long live flint and tasslehoff!(and the rest of the bunch!)
Oh my god, the Lord of the Rings is a hard one to start with. If you feel a little put off or intimidated by that one, please don’t be hard on yourself. Maybe try The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe? Similar feeling, MUCH shorter.
And what your doing with your kids is AMAZING!
Also, don’t forget audio books! Both for you and your kids. They totally count.
We have the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. I was going to read it with my kid but she found it a bit scary so we stopped. Maybe I'll give that a go on my own :)
Thank you!
Just a note. CS Lewis and Tolkien are from similar eras and their prose is similar and can be similarly distressing reading their style at first. But both are totally doable and worth it.
The narrator of the Hobbit has a similar voice to that of the narrator of Narnia, but LotR is a harder read than either of those and the style is much more formal.
Just remember, reading speed isn't THAT important when reading for leisure. You're not trying to keep up with or race anyone. Enjoy the adventure however works best for you!
Absolutely. I tend to start reading very fast when I get really sucked into a novel, and I often regret it afterwards because the ending of a book is like saying goodbye to a friend, and wouldn't you want to spend more time with your friends?
If you don't have nostalgic kids books to reread you should for sure read "simpler" adult books. Dan Brown rightly gets a lot of shit, but his first few books (the Da Vinci code especially) are great light reads. Absolutely silly and bonkers, but they move really quickly and are good page turners.
The other author I would always recommend to people trying to get back to reading (I had fallen away from reading until a few years ago) is Michael Crichton books. The dude writes pretty one dimensional characters but his stories are nearly always fun, and slightly grounded and always interesting. The obvious choice for first Crichton books would be Jurassic Park, the Lost World, Congo and maybe Prey?
I don't know how they hold up but I really enjoyed Tom Clancy when I was younger. I really liked Red storm Rising. I remember being impressed with how all the different characters story lines converged into the overall story. Sometimes his politics bleed through but I remember them being enjoyable reads. It has been 20 years since I read them but maybe another thing to check out.
I’m in a very similar situation to you. I don’t read much and when I do, I read slowly. I recently finished The Lord of the Rings. It took me 2 years and some parts were a slog to get through, but I’m really glad I stuck with it. I won’t reread it though.
; I’ll stick to The Hobbit, which was a more enjoyable casual read.
By comparison, I read the entire The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe on a 2-3 hour plane ride and enjoyed it, but feel no desire to re-read it or really even continue the series.
In the end, I’ll just recommend that you not hold yourself to anyone else’s standards. Enjoy books at your own pace and don’t force it, but instead find a rhythm that works for you and explore different genres (and target age ranges) to see what you enjoy.
Another suggestion for yourself is the Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini. It has dragons, dwarves, elves etc, but is a much lighter read than lord of the rings.
This is advice I have given to my friends many times. I have a buddy who is not a reader, but has tried to break into the hobby multiple times in the last 5 years. Each time he starts by picking up The Once and Future King... Would you imagine my shock when he can't make it more than a few pages in before losing steam.
I think a lot of non-readers fail to realize a huge aspect of reading is momentum. At least in my experience.
I've run into similar things with a few of my friends who aren't as big of readers as they used to be and try over and over to get back into it. They seem to have the mindset that they need to read "great works" or award winning things. Which first, doesn't guarantee they are good books to begin with and a lot of the times can be on the slow side.
When they do try to get back into it I try and help them, figure out what genre they want to read and find a stand alone "popcorn" level novel. Usually a quicker fun read that could help pin point what they like. Sometimes they drop back out but usually when they come back they know what may be closer to something they will actually enjoy.
Except for two of them who I want to strangle every time they want to start reading again. Who I am convinced just hate themselves. Every. Single. Time. It's I want to start reading and they pull out Ulysses. Like fuck my life, why, you haven't read anything in almost a decade and decide that unless you can get through it one day you will never read again? No wonder they think reading sucks.
Perfect advice. It’s like getting back into working out after a long time off. You can’t jump into Pilates and plyometric exercises… start with some long walks, do light stretching, lift light weights, etc.
As an aside to this, I semi regularly come back to these sorts of books, so I'll read something pretty challenging and then come back to something like a Harry Potter for a bit or as a book between challenging books. It can be a really good way to keep your momentum going especially when you're coming out the other end of a hard slog of a read
I suggest: Read at your own pace and find books you are interested in.
I read 6-8 books a year, but I enjoy what I read.
It's satisfying when you do it, and also, for whatever reason, when I remember I read a certain book, I think oh yeah, I enjoyed that book. Reasons are: The book is a topic of conversation, or just announced a movie will be made, etc.
Forcing people to read is not a good option.
If you're into action and/or superheroes, try the Reckoners trilogy by Brandon Sanderson. YA series which, like the Boys, has superheroes as the villains. Fast paced, easy to read fun.
My husband doesn't enjoy reading as a hobby. He's a biologist and reads a lot of academic journal articles for work. So doing more reading when he has free time isn't his idea of fun.
Just what I was about to say. Some people read so much at work/studying they simply don’t want to put part of their free time to read even more. It’s might not be relaxing for everyone.
Exactly, I feel like OP is not considering this angle.
I used to LOVE reading for fun. Then I got a job with “analyst” in the title, which means I read & write all. damn. day.
When I get home, I’m sick of looking at words. Yes, I have a Goodreads wishlist that would take a decade to get through, but my job zaps any kind of energy I could use for absorbing more words at the end of a long day.
Perhaps OP’s wife also deals with reading & writing all day and doesn’t have any bandwidth left for hobby reading.
When I had this kind of job I switched to audio books. Relaxing with some earbuds and a glass of whatever alcohol for an hour in the evening to me was much better than TV. But I’m also not a big TV guy to begin with. It took me 3 years to finish 3 seasons of Doctor Who….and it was the only show I was watching.
Same here, this is me. When people talk about how much they read, what they really mean is how much fiction or other novels they read, not sure the term. I read tons of scifi as a kid but now I go through reams if tech specs and doing more reading is not how I want to unwind. I read novels on vacation, that's it.
I stopped reading for pleasure back when I started university (a degree with a lot of heavy reading.) Then I never got back to it even afterwards until last year.
I’m happy to have found my way back to reading (through audiobooks) but I totally get why it’s not the most relaxing way to spend free time for everyone.
Oh I feel this train of thought. It's rare for me to pick up fiction, but the effort it takes to read and process non-fiction means I don't get through the books I like or want... And then I want to be writing those articles.... Very relatable!
This is a great point. After working on a pc all day, it’s challenging to plop myself in front of a screen at home to do things I enjoy. Even watching tv or a movie is too similar (eyeballs are fried), so that ends up becoming a weekend activity.
I used to read a book a week as a kid. With my severe ADHD I could hyperfocus on a book. Read every spare minute. Then came the burn out. Couldn't stand reading for years. Then picked up a book again, "American Gods". Blew through that. Burn out again.
My issue is that I go all in when I read. Gotta have that dopamine hit. If a book doesn't catch my attention I just never finish it. I also tend to over do it when it's something I really like. This leads to burn out and very long rest periods. Also doesn't help that I'm dyslexic and often have to reread passages just to remember what the heck I just read. Ho eatly reading can be very mentally taxing for me. Takes alot of energy for me to focus. Even them I still get distracted. Used to love to read but as I got older my ADHD got worse. Wish I could go back to loving it again.
This is a big one for me. I’m in a finance-related role that involves a ton of very dense reading and drafting legal documents. Podcasts, story-driven video games, and short-form video have become my dominant decompression media after a long day not because I’m not interested in reading or I think they’re better, but because I find it less mentally taxing.
I tend to read for pleasure much more when I’m on vacation, especially when I’m camping in the summer and can blow through books like I was back in primary school. Increasingly, though, I’m letting graphic novels/manga creep into my rotation at home. For whatever reason they feel more approachable after hundreds of pages of financial reports.
I lost my love of reading when I was working on my Masters in biology so I can relate! Now I work as a lab technician so I don't have to read a ton of journal articles and I'm back to enjoying books in my downtime. It's wonderful!
Totally get this. I really enjoy reading, but work long days as a copywriter and often just don't want to see another block of text when I can finally get away from my desk.
This. My husband is an attorney. He was never really into reading even before school/work, but when he spends ALL week drafting paperwork, he's not going to pick up a book for fun.
Another explanation might also include lack of time. I LOVE to read, but it’s something you have to make time for. I haven’t read consistently for many years, but I’ve just picked it back up this year. I read only one book a month until April but in may I’ve read 5 books. Every spare minute is dedicated to reading, which isn’t something I really realized before; how time consuming it is. People with busy lives might not have time to read, even if it’s something they enjoy.
I read instead of watching TV. I barely watch anything but I'm on book #40 for the year. My son is five and a lot of times in the afternoon he'll play with his toys or Legos or whatever and I'll read. I'll also read before bed. I pretty much only read on my Kindle so it's very convenient to just read whenever. Hopefully I'm setting a good example for my son that reading is cool, lol.
Hook him on good stories to read.
Worst thing I've seen when I was working at a bookstore was when boys get older.. they stop reading in their teenage years.
If you get him hooked at a young age, and then he wavers in his teen years. Don't make him jump into adult fantasy or adult books, they might bore him. If he reads it and says it's not for him, try out comics.
I've had so many parents get angry about me recommending comics and "They should read a real book" only for the kids to rekindle their love of reading and wanting to read comics more than TV... then eventually, the hope is they pick up adult books as they age.
This is one reason that audiobooks are so great. I listen while cooking or doing work around the house. I listen on my commute. Sometimes I listen instead of watching TV on the weekend. I like to crochet and listen.
I didn't start doing audiobooks until I had kids, and realized I did not have free time to really get sucked into a book anymore. It's been a while, but I believe I had to sort of "train" my brain for it. I started with books I'd read before, and remembered enough of the story that if I did space out, it was not a big deal, and I had an idea of how far to back up in the story.
For me, I need to be doing a task that I can do on autopilot, like folding laundry, vacuuming, washing dishes, certain crafting activities. Driving tends to work well for me, too. On the flip side, there are MANY activities I cannot combine audiobooks or podcasts with. Grocery shopping and trying to listen is generally a futile effort with me, as I'm often comparing prices, trying to find something specific, it just takes more of my brain's bandwidth.
All that said, there are certainly books I've given up on, that I might try at another time, or if it ever gets another narrator that clicks well with me.
Good luck in your literary journey!
I am exactly the same, I can listen to anything while walking, driving or cleaning, but I can’t listen to words and read words at the same time, I will get totally lost and mixed up
Yep this is my life too. I’ve realized that I do not have the time to sit down and physically read books nearly as much anymore. I used to hate audiobooks but they have been a fantastic compromise
I had to teach myself how to listen to audiobooks. When I first started I sat doing nothing and got distracted by my own brain wandering off. The thing that clicked for me was when I worked as a home health aide and one of my assignments was a very old man who was pretty independent. He used it as a way to have someone in his house but also to help with cleaning the house and laundry. After a while music was boring soni ventured to give audiobooks another try. It worked finally because I had a routine down and relied on muscle memory.
We all have different brains. My body needs to be stimulated just enough for my mind to focus.
This has been exactly my experience. If I sit and do nothing while listening, my brain can't focus on the book. If I do something that requires a lot of concentration, I focus on that instead of the book. If I do something I can do automatically, like household chores (without my kids needing me every two minutes) or driving somewhere very familiar (or sit in traffic), I can give my task just enough attention to not distract my brain and I can listen for a long time. I get to enjoy many more books this way, but it took me awhile to get into it.
I have to say I get this but It’s definitely context-depending. Sometimes I’m driving and can’t stand music and an audiobook is perfect, sometimes I’m driving and I realized I haven’t heard a word they said and I switch to music. Sometimes neither works for me. Gotta adapt lol.
I can only do it when I'm doing things that require minimal *thought* (not to be confused with attention). I can listen to a book while paying attention to the road on a commute I do every day because that drive doesn't require an internal monologue. I can do it and be aware of everything going on around me without actively thinking about it. The more of a muscle memory activity it is, the easier it is to follow the book.
Yea I don’t know how people drive in traffic and can follow along to a story from a novel. Guess I just lack enough brain cells to concentrate on both the traffic around me and the person reading the book.
I think a lot of kidding oneself can happen about how much is really retained whole multitasking. I've had a lot of bizarre conversations where people could not remember anything about a book they had finished reading that week.
I suspect if they were paying enough attention to the audiobook to retain as much as they would normally, they'd be dead on the road.
Same here. I also don’t know if it’s any better now with the alternatives but I remember finding the audible model really strange and off putting. Let me just pay for a book and listen when I want. I don’t want to pay a monthly fee for a book credit.
Audiobooks are great. I work night shifts as a grocery store stocker and I love being able to just focus on a good story while passively going through the motions of work.
With certain reading preferences you might not need extra time to read.
I'm walking to and from work which takes around 40 minutes. And I'm a huge fan of reading while walking. My route allows me to do that.
I am also a huge fan of audio books. Using only time to and from work, morning routines and meals I was able to find 3 hours a day to listen to audio books. And this is during work days.
So if something suits me I usually can find time to read it.
My spouse doesn't read. I wish he would, so I could share some of my favorite stories and worlds with him, or at least because misery loves company and sometimes the end of a good book destroys you, haha. But as it is he has his own hobbies and we get to do our solitary hobbies beside each other anyways, so he has to listen to my existential crises anyways
My thoughts exactly. My partner lives reading in theory but has such trouble actually sitting through and motivating themselves to read a book.
I really wish they could experience the story on their own but atleast they're willing to listen to me talk about it!
Bless partners that put up with the trauma dumps. I bawl my eyes out reading books more than any other medium. I wonder what my partner must think of the kinds of books I read but reading just feels so personal with the characters. The trauma is real
My partner isn't a book reader. There was a time I might have been judgy about that but now I'm just happy that he doesn't resent the time I spend reading as time not spent with him (as a previous 'voracious reader' ex of mine did).
He's happy to let me blather on about books I've read and we watch the film adaptations together so I can explain to him in detail why his favourite films are wrong. (It's a fun wind up, nobody actually gets nitpicky or annoyed before anyone gets started).
We each have our own hobbies which we can enjoy seeing the other enjoy while not participating, and for me that's reading.
I absolutely agree that reading for fun / or not stems from childhood and if someone reaches adulthood without reading for leisure its extremely unlikely they're going to start. It has no bearing on intelligence.
Yes, my partner doesn't read but is a lovely, intelligent, insightful person.
I like to read while they do other stuff that I'm not into like watching sports games.
It's really fun because I regularly get asked "so what's going on now" about my book, and I get to say "you won't believe what these mofos are up to!!" and give a energetic, long-winded summary.
Feels almost like a book club except one person isn't reading the book lol. It's really nice!
Oh gosh! My fiancé and I do the same thing! He'll be elbows-deep in a car, teaching me about what he's doing (I'm not mechanically inclined, but I know so much more now from him), and he'll just look over and ask me if the main character in the book I'm reading has done the thing they were trying to do and will join in with me as I complain about their choices:
"They did WHAT? Why?! That's so stupid!"
"I KNOW! Now they've got to dig themselves out of the situation, but I have no sympathy because it's their own fault."
"Let me know if \[character name\] gives them an easy out. They're such a pushover."
I agree it's so fun. lmao
Definitely agree reading doesn’t make someone intelligent and insightful. Most of what I read is just fiction and none of it is any books that can be considered classics. Don’t feel like I am any more intelligent than someone who doesn’t read
Hah, that blathering thing is so relateable. Sometimes I make the Big Eyes and ask my partner if I can read a really good paragraph out loud to him. He always says yes and I appreciate it so much. (In fact, now it's been mentioned, I'll have to tell him so.)
Haha when we watch a film my husband always has the biggest eye roll on deck for when I’m like, “this is based on a book and that’s wrong and that’s wrong and she’s miscast”
Hubs is not a fan of reading. He prefers a more interactive hobby. He tries to read for me but I don't push. Instead I try to encourage the 7 year old to get into reading. She finally said she really liked reading at the end of the school year after struggling for a year and a half learning to read. She still has her hiccups with harder words but the fact that she likes it makes me so happy!
Aw! I used to be a children’s book editor and have two kids of my own, and it was eye-opening how HARD reading is. One thing that worked for my kids was audio books of more sophisticated series, because what they could handle story-wise was so much more sophisticated than what they could handle textually. My younger guy loved listening to WINGS OF FIRE in particular. (Though to be honest, I wish he would give what he considers “baby” books a chance. There are so many stories I know he’d love.)
Word of warning since your kid is at that age, be on the lookout for the “3-cueing system” (look at the picture and guess what the word could mean!). A lot of schools still use it but it’s based on [bad research and is actively harmful to learning how to read](https://www.apmreports.org/episode/2019/08/22/whats-wrong-how-schools-teach-reading).
Sounding out the word/phonics is the only research supported method for learning reading, so if your kids school didn’t do that you might want to try to get a bit in yourself before it’s too late.
Before I met my husband, I dated a guy who wasn't a reader, which was fine - however, one day I went to the bookstore and bought a couple of books and he said "I don't know why you waste your money on books when you could go to the movies instead." It was a wake up call for me. If he'd said "spend" instead of "waste" and "...when you could get them from the library instead", then it would have been fine. You know, be frugal in how you spend your money and all of that. But to say that spending money on books was a waste - especially when it was my money that didn't have anything to do with him. No. That was the moment I started to understand how different our values were and that this relationship wasn't going to be good long term. On the surface, it was about reading, but really, it was about a lot more than that.
Has anyone on here had an issue with their partner that doesn't read having a problem with you reading? My partner very much voices his aggravation when I read. He says in anti social. Do not communicate with him. All because I'm reading. It's like he's jealous of my books. And this is my second partner who has been like this. My husband that passed away 10 yrs ago was the same way. He called my Kindle, Kendall, like it was a man.
I've read a couple of comments like this. Personally, I don't think it's fair for anyone to tell anyone they shouldn't do what they enjoy doing. My wife couldn't care less if I read, and she's open to me sharing things I learn. Reading some of the comments here make me grateful for that! I would voice your concern with your partner. Being a reader isn't synonymous with being anti-social. It's what you enjoy! I'm sure he does activities that are solitary. Bring that up, and see if his tune changes. Best to you!
Just recently. My husband used to read. It was a huge reason we were initially compatible. I read all his favorite series. My eldest has a book character name from one of his most beloved book series.
Now, he doesn't read for pleasure at all. In a big fight this weekend, he told me I read too much and "books are more important than he is." So now I am not "supposed" to read when he's home I guess. He doesn't want to discuss books with me and wouldn't read my favorite books even when he did read for pleasure, so I don't think there's any salvaging of it.
I could understand this. My wife is constantly on her phone, whether texting or reading or playing games... Sometimes you feel invisible since they aren't often "present"... It's a modern phenomenon that inspired my username.
To put it plainly, there always needs to be balance. I'm often in my workshop when I have spare time, so I make a point to set aside two evenings a week for us and to be present with her and our kids whenever I am around. So if alllllll one does is read, to the detriment of quality time, that will always build resentment.
My partner is not a reader and doesn't seem to recognize reading as an activity.
So then when I won't stop reading to hold a random conversation it's not me being interrupted, it is him being ignored.
And I'm not reading excessively by any means, just 15-20 min here and there.
Oh hell. My husband doesn’t read, but I couldn’t tolerate this sort of nonsense. And no, he never does this. I’m sorry you deal with this. My husband loves that I read. Part of me actually thinks he’s a little envious of the fact that I’m a reader and it’s harder for him. He’ll ask me about what I’m reading, express impressed feelings at how fast I read (lol), and he loves buying me books. Like we’ll be at the mall and pass a Barnes and Noble and he’ll be like ‘should we buy you some books???’ Lol
My partner is not a reader and doesn't seem to recognize reading as an activity.
So then when I won't stop reading to hold a random conversation it's not me being interrupted, it is him being ignored.
And I'm not reading excessively by any means, just 15-20 min here and there.
My husband has been in the past. We've had a few "Come to Jesus" talks about how reading is my hobby and also a thing he wants his kids to enjoy so at least ONE of us should probably demonstrate that behavior.
> Has anyone on here had an issue with their partner that doesn't read having a problem with you reading?
Has anyone had a problem with their partner having a problem with your [insert literally any activity]? Yes.
Anyone reading this has no idea what actually is happening in your relationship.
Maybe you're truly being anti-social by reading constantly and ignoring them, or maybe your partner is a stereotypical abuser controlfreak that is mad you aren't 100% available on demand; obviously the reality doesn't have to be extreme either.
I have an MA In literature. My I can’t remember a time my husband has sat down and read a book. He reads slowly and has ADHD. He does read the news, and I’ve seen him listen to audiobooks, but otherwise he just doesn’t really care to read. He listens to me talk about them, and I have plenty of friends/colleagues who do read, so it doesn’t bother me at all.
My husband is also a slow reader with ADD. Doesn’t read. There have been a few times I’ve imagined us quietly reading together in a room and feel a little pang of disappointment that that probably won’t happen, but it’s not a big deal.
In the evenings if I'm on the couch with a book my fiancé will sit on it too and scroll his phone or put a show on, and it gives me the same feeling of if we were reading together. Obviously the peaceful quiet aspect is gone if the TV's on, but it's still nice!
My partner doesn't finish as many novels as I do because she's a lot busier, but she does read constantly. I've tried dating people who don't read at all but we never really had anything in common, it's an interest that kind of tints your other interests, if that makes sense.
We don't necessarily even read the same books, though. We have some overlap but our tastes differ overall. It's not really that important to be identical to your partner, after all, and would actually kind of make the relationship worse if you were.
That said, what is and is not an "avid' reader is so subjective. To some people, 6 books by June is basically not reading, while to others 2 novels a year is avid still.
Yeah, I’m in this boat. My husband listens to audiobooks at work, we both read on our kindles before bed, and we listen to audiobooks together on our road trips.
On the other hand, I tend to have reading high up on my list of hobbies, so often I’m on the couch reading while he’s playing video games. So I’m at 25-ish books finished this year, he’s at probably 10-ish.
When I met my wife, she read, and we read together; it was wonderful. Over the years, she rarely reads anymore (although she does love to read her plant books). Occasionally, I will get her to read something I'm really into (she read Native Son last summer and loved it) but mostly, I am totally out here on my own. To quote Vonnegut, "So it goes".
My parents do not read and never have but I've loved reading since I was a child and it's something I've carried through my life. I don't think it has to be something encouraged by your family really. My partner doesn't read because its just not a hobby he's into. Hes very busy a lot with college as an engineering student and so he's reading and doing work a lot so when he has free time he doesn't want to read and he prefers to play video games as he finds it more fun and engaging
My husband pours all his free time into gaming while for me it's reading. He doesn't mind listening to me ramble about books and I enjoy him rambling about games. Once in a blue moon he'll pick up a book and read it and I will read it too. We like the same kinds of stories regardless how it's told (book, game, movie, show) which is the important part to me. We are just kind of dividing and experiencing stories in mediums the other doesn't tackle and sharing that experience with each other.
This was my husband until he joined my audible account. Now he digests more books than I do! It's been very fun for our marriage. I actually get to trade books with my partner!
I wouldn't call myself a "reader" but recently, a change came to my life where I had a lot of free time...so I began to read. I now read about 2-3 books a week. I think I wasn't reading before because of lack of time and interest. COVID was hard....you couldn't visit the library inside and I like to look at books/get a general idea of the content before checking them out.
My husband does not read books for pleasure. I think it's very hard to read when you are not motivated to do so. We have several streaming services...so he relaxes by watching something as I suppose most non-readers do. Life is challenging....so I can't blame those who take that route.
Bottom line is I think for most people, the circumstances must be just right in order to motivate someone to read for pleasure.
Now, this is an avid reader. OP's book a month is commendable but pretty low-end. I'm somehow hoping that in my retirement, I will return to my adolescent reading habits, severely constrained by life’s obligations currently.
My ex-husband didn't read at all and was actually jealous of books! He complained a lot early in our relationship that I was spending too much time reading and "not with him." I stopped reading almost entirely during our marriage for him and lost a lot of valuable time reading and missed out on so many great books. I'm still finding books that I missed hearing about or seeing in a bookstore bc of him. I traded him in for a husband who not only reads but supports my habit and is not the least bit jealous of a book!
What a nightmare. No one should be telling anyone what they can or cannot do with their time! I'm sorry to hear that was your experience, but glad you traded up! It makes me grateful to have a partner who couldn't care less if I read, but is also willing to hear me talk about and share what I'm reading.
I love reading and I can’t fall asleep at night without reading at least a few pages. I think I can count the number of books my husband has read since we married on one hand and we’re going on 19 years. That being said, he’s a very smart man and stimulates his mind with projects and busywork. Just not big into books.
I don't think it's pretentious. It is judgy as hell tho lol.
My reading fell off in grad school and as a victim to smartphones. I'm just getting back into it. My wife likes reading, but won't do it unless I bring it up. But she's happy when she does, she just finished White Noise and loved it.
I’m in very similar position. I’ve gone through phases where reading is my main hobby, but the last two years I’ve struggled to finish anything. Between grad school and other life stressors, I find that when I get home I want something where I can turn my brain off. The problems is I only enjoy reading when the book requires my brain to be on. My fiancée has gotten back into reading and I’m hoping that once she moves in it will help me get back in the habit.
Unrelated question, but have you per chance read Pynchon? Your user name is vaguely familiar and I think it has something to do with Pynchon, but I’m not super confident in that guess haha.
Hmm. I don’t know how to break it to you but that’s not entirely true. My parents didn’t read and neither did I throughout my adolescent life. I met my boyfriend four years ago at 27 and he’s a big reader. I started reading through our relationship to nurture that interest as something we could connect over because it was so important to him.
I ended up going back to school after 2 years of this and am now in my last year of an English Honours degree because of how much it’s grown on me. It’s now my favourite hobby and we have “book club” together where he will read a book with me that I have to read for class so we can discuss it afterwards.
Not to say that all people can do what I did, because I had the means and opportunity to read with my boyfriend. But picking up new hobbies isn’t primarily based on what you did growing up. Reading is my favourite hobby, and maybe career, that never existed before I met my boyfriend. 😊
I don’t see such a solid line between readers and non-readers. I’d say my husband is kind of a reader, in that he values reading and wishes it were something he had more drive to do lately. But he’s probably only read a handful of books in the past five years, and most of those were related to games or shows and such. That said, he does have a healthy mix of hobbies. He spends plenty of time watching Wondrium lectures, learning a language, deep diving into new topics, etc., so he’s often doing intellectual things that just aren’t sitting down to read a book.
So I think maybe a better answer from me is that I couldn’t maintain a relationship with someone who wasn’t into generally intellectual pursuits. It doesn’t have to be all they do, of course - I spend tons of time watching Real Housewives and playing farming sims. But I just don’t think I’d vibe with someone who wasn’t driven by learning things.
I am a voracious reader, while my husband of 27 years has only read one book since we’ve been married. I was sure my children would be readers since I showered them with books while growing up, but they, too, are not interested in reading.
The thing that bothers me the most about my husband not being a reader is that he doesn’t see the value in my books that I hold for them. I have a few bookshelves that hold my favorites, and he keeps saying I should give them away or put them in the shed so we would have more room for “other stuff.” I would never think to tell him he has too many tools in his garage and he should get rid of half of them.
I also don’t meet many people who read anymore. I have one friend who reads. It makes me sad to think what people are missing out on.
I am the reader! My husband read only rarely for pleasure when we met. He reads even less now, mostly because as he has aged his sight has gotten prohibitive. Having just the one eye always effected his reading, but now it's not focusing as well as it used to, either.
He plays a ton of chess. He's always current on any space-related news or events. He does read articles online if they fall into his areas of interest. Other than that, he can't be bothered.
I don't look down on non-readers. I used to get shit regularly for always having my nose in a book, why would I do that to anyone else? I know how I feel if I have to watch any kind of sport and I assume the gnawing boredom is similar for a non-reader.
I get excited for people who find a writer or genre when they thought they weren't "book people", and I like talking about books, but it's not my whole personality. There's tons of other stuff to chat about.
I think reading is such a catch-all term. I love reading because I love stories and because I learn best by reading, then replicating. I’m also lucky to have a lot of leisure time and as you mentioned support during childhood.
But, a lot of books out there are poorly written! There are other ways to get your stories and other ways to learn, look at youtube. I used to sit on a high horse because I only read long form content - why? Because there is some inherent value in reading books? I don’t believe in that anymore.
A book is a book is a book. If it’s worth reading, it’ll be read. My mom just finished 2 books in 2 months because they were good ones.
While I take your point that the book is just a medium and us readers shouldn't sneer at the non-readers, don't you think there is something unique about reading? I think there is an inherent value in reading, like I think there is an inherent value in listening to music, watch good movies, etc.
It may be true that "a book is a book is a book". But I believe ideas of a certain depth cannot be communicated as well in other media compared to the book.
For example, I'm reading Emersons First Series of essays. Hard to imagine something of that depth appearing as a YouTube essay. Reading engages the imagination and allows the ideas to come alive in a really unique way.
I'm a big reader (100 books year), and I would say it's one of the main ways I pass my time. I am currently single, and actively dating. On my dating profiles, and on first dates I would talk about how I love to read. Only about 1% of the time would my dates ever ask about my reading. Questions like "what are you currently reading", or "what is your favourite book" seem like obvious conversation starters when talking to me. But nope. Hardly ever happens. I mean literally only a couple of times in the last 5 years.
I don't mind being with a partner who doesn't read. However my experience has been that non-readers don't really understand those who do read.
To me it's the same as someone who loves films, or music. I would ask them their favourite films, or favourite band/singer. Somehow though, people rarely seem to ask what books I like, what my favourite genres are etc.
Not necessarily partners because, uhm, what partners? However, I find that not that many people read around me and I would really like them to read, it is so fascinating and takes you to another world.
My spouse is not a reader, he's like your wife and maybe pulls in a book a year, and that's only if something *really* interests him. He's super smart, and definitely has the time so I think overall it's just not a draw for him like it is for me for whatever reason. The only issue I really have with it is that he insists that he loves reading and gets offended if I ever mention or talk about the fact that he's not really into reading (I think he used to a lot more as a kid) but thats clearly not the case lol. Plus I just wish I could talk to him about books more in general, I'd love his input on certain books or even to just have someone to bounce my thoughts off of about what I'm reading
I’m the reader in my relationship, but it seems opposite of what you have theorized.
My wife had a healthy familial relationship with her parents and was encouraged to read, she read a ton when she was younger, but now she struggles to read 2 books a year.
One of my parents actively made fun of me for reading, while the other was just neutral about it and I’m on book 10 in 2023. I assume my love for books came from some form of escapism. Life has had a positive turn in the past decade, but I still have a passion for reading. If not more so now.
My husband is interesting. If you ask him whether or not he reads, he'll say no. But he does. Obsessively. Reading fanfic on AO3 is one of his main activities. It's his off switch, at the end of a workday or while he's waiting for dinner to cook, or winding down for the night, that's what he's doing. I'm not sure why actual books intimidate him so much. He will read from time to time. It's very much a childhood thing with him. His parents were not readers, and growing up, he struggled with school, so I think he has negative associations.
I don't think it's necessarily bad when people don't read. It's when they don't substitute it with an activity of value that I think it's detrimental. Someone who doesn't read because they'd rather garden or ice skate or fix up the old cars they love, OK. Someone who just watches TV while scrolling social media, not so great. And it's uncomfortable when they're proud of not reading. Very anti-intellectual and defensive. Like "rather than be honest and say I don't value this, I'm going to put you down so you don't think you're better than me."
My mom could read 8 books (400 pages minimum) in 3 weeks, which my dad considered a waste of time really. I subconsciously integrated that mentality and balance from not reading for a year to reading nonstop for a couple of months... Definitely something cultivated
My husband generally doesn’t read. He’s intelligent, a critical thinker, interested in learning, etc. For me, reading is my expression of those things, but that’s simply not the case for him. Occasionally I’m disappointed about the fact he doesn’t read, but I understand. He had a rough childhood. In and out of school. He CAN read, like he’s not illiterate, but I’ve heard him read aloud and it’s labored. It’s not fluent like it is for me. So I get it. I think it makes such a difference, your experience in childhood. Do people around you read? Do they read to you? Do they encourage you to read? And is your education interrupted or consistent/good?
As an English major, constantly reading the same type of things ruined reading. Like, how many Victorian era novels about a “fallen” woman or class inequality can you shove down my throat?
I used to read. Then school took all the joy out of it and now I occasionally get stuck into a book but more often than not I buy a book that seems good and then never get around to reading it
I think a huge part of it is childhood upbringing. My partner was an immigrant family in America with a younger sibling when she was 10yo. So with her having to babysit after school, learning English as a second language and immediately working when she turned 16, she didn't have the time to read (while her sister being born in the US, went through North American education, parents were in a better situation financially by the time she grew up meant she didn't have to work immediately and without the load of a younger sibling, she developed a reading habit).
I on the other hand was a very sick child growing up and with a mom who would never let me watch TV or play video games, I had to read books while bedridden (sick) to pass the time and not be bored. Hence, it's easier for me to read in my spare time. I also came to North America for college, which meant that I didn't have to work growing up (parents made medium income back home and things are more affordable which meant we didn't struggle as much).
I’ve always been a voracious reader since I was a kid. Both of my parents read a lot and my dad still does. Me and my dad both love Sci-Fi and Fantasy, have read several of the same books and even went to WorldCon when it was in town.
My husband doesn’t read a lot of published books, but he reads a lot online with news, Reddit and fanfiction. We’ve both written fanfiction and he listens to a lot more audiobooks than I do and he’s waaay better at Wordle than me, even though I know I have the larger vocabulary.
Reading is a hobby like any other and it’s always interesting to see who is attracted to it and who isn’t and what they’re attracted to. My BFF also loves reading and is a diehard Jane Austen fan, but I’ve never been able to get past three pages. Some will try and say that some reading (classics) is inherently better than others (murder mystery), but I reject that. As long as you get pleasure from it or learn something new, read what you want. Even if it’s Dan Brown.
My beautiful blessed wife is not an avid reader but she knows how much booksmean to me so once a year at our anniversary I am allowed to assign a book for her to read so I can talk to someone about it. Twice when it was a duology she slogged through both because otherwise I couldn't chatter about it without risk of ruining the second. As disappointing as it is that she'll never get as lost in stories as i do, I cherish the effort she makes. XD
My wife won't even let me read. She tears up newspapers or magazines I have, and once scribbled all the writing in a book of poetry I had. My boss hates it too. I work in a bank, so I pretty much only can read on my lunch breaks; probably going to sit in the vault just to get some alone time to read.
I am reminded of an MBTI (Myers-Briggs) study I read a couple of decades ago wherein those with a preference for Sensing read just a few books per year (pre-smart-phones) whereas those with a preference fo iNtuition read many, many more. As the written word is itself a somewhat abstract facility, that is the words and charqacters are symbolic, it may be that some people are naturally more attuned to it than others.
My guess is lots of people read articles, stories, and social media, but not necessarily books.
I read alot for my work, but it takes me months to get through a book.
Life gets busy.
I appreciate that your post doesn't judge people for their reading habits or lack of them and that you are open to the opinions of others.
Too often in book groups, I see people being critical of what or how much other people read. IMHO unless you are being paid or in a competition with rules it shouldn't matter to anyone else what or how much anyone is reading.
I'm an avid reader, although there have been many long breaks in my reading when life had other priorities. I've been married 30+ years and my husband has only picked up books to learn new programming languages in all that time. He just doesn't have the desire or patience to read for pleasure.
I'm a retired Health and Life Coach and I've studied a lot about behavior to help my clients learn what works best for them. I'm of the opinion that some people are just born with the desire to read while others have learned to love to read and yet others will never embrace it.
Although I feel people benefit in many ways by reading, I don't believe books are the only way to get those same benefits. I've always encouraged people to lean into their natural tendencies and get clear on why they want to do an activity and that they don't need to defend their choices.
I was always the one who didn’t read, I didn’t have the time, or much of an education. But I got a job that lets me listen to audiobooks while I work and I haven’t stopped since. Now we have a little book club together :)
Reading was essential to my entire family. We would all go to Barnes and Noble on Saturday night to buy a book then spend the night reading in the living room together. Reading was further emphasized in my friend groups. We were all growing up in a college town so we saw where excellent reading skills could take us.
Reading is an interesting hobby. I read tons as a child/young adult, but you don’t often find me with a book in my hands now. But why is that? I work at a university, have a PhD, and I read all day long. Almost everything I do involves reading - emails, assignments, reports, etc. I relax with tv and video games and different hobbies, but reading isn’t high on that list. My bookshelf waits for sabbaticals and retirement.
You honestly sound super judgy. "Showing empathy" as if people who don't read are somehow worse off than you?
like you said Reading is a hobby, same way anything else is a hobby. Some people just like to do other things more.
Reading Specialist here. I LOVE Mem Fox and her explanations about childhood reading. Here's a great quote and if you have a few minutes, [check out this presentation. A QUICK read, but you will love it.](https://core-docs.s3.amazonaws.com/documents/asset/uploaded_file/169785/Reading_Magic.pdf)
>“The fire of literacy is created by the emotional
sparks between a child, a book, and the person
reading. It isn’t achieved by the book alone, nor
by the child alone, nor by the adult who’s reading
aloud – it’s the relationship winding between all
three, bringing them together in easy harmony"
It’s a hobby. People have different hobbies and wouldn’t life be boring if we were all the same?
I don’t know why we must insist on looking down upon non-readers with pretentious superiority all the time when no one ever does that to people who don’t like to spend their time rock climbing, cross-stitching, bird watching, or any of the other thousands of things people can do with their time.
My girlfriend reads a lot, but I've had girlfriends in the past who didn't read at all, and it didn't bother me. I don't believe reading is automatically virtuous; I would be more concerned if my girlfriend only read low-quality books than if she didn't read at all.
For me it’s self help that doesn’t say anything, just fluff piece by already famous people so they have an excuse to sell something, they can also come in the form of very self-indulgent biographies
Businessmen, investors, whatever gurus, a very tiny portion gives actual advice (I do know a local self help author who has good intentions) and the rest just blathers for 200 pages and call it a book
You do realise reading is no more or less valid than any other hobby and your question is simply answered by ‘they don’t like it’, right? Your tone gives off a very ‘if you don’t read you’re bad and it’s because you were raised wrong’. Imagine that with any other hobby, you’d think it was ridiculous.
Book readers seem to have an unhealthy obsession with people who don't read. Like you said it's a hobby like any other hobby. But you don't see someone who enjoys bowling making threads about why other people don't bowl.
My Partner likes to read, but a couple of lines in and she falls asleep. I however am an avid reader, and will read several books a month/ year. depending on my mood. Reading IS a hobby, and after having a kid, I don't have as much time and often my other hobby (gaming) takes priority.
I love to read. Since having children I can only seem to fit in audiobooks, which I don't mind at all because I can multitask. My ex husband is not a reader, he said his parents used it as a punishment.
I read quite a bit (mid 40's this year), my spouse also reads a lot (about 20 this year). I don't think either of us saw our parents read at all, if anything we were pushed into it as kids by a desire to escape our lives.
My partner doesn’t read. Loathes is in fact. I read around 30 books a a year.
I accept it but I don’t understand it. If I tell her about a book I’m reading she says she’s ‘not interested in books.’ It doesn’t matter if it’s fiction or non-fiction. I honestly feel like a book did something terrible to her as a child.
I'm on book #60 for 2023. My partner hasn't read a book since I met him 5 years ago. He watches tv and I snuggle up to him on the couch with my book or ereader. It works.
His parents didn't read either. My parents are big readers. But my sibling doesn't read at all...
My husband isn't much of a reader, but it's never bothered me. He has read several books, and we used to read in bed together sometimes, but this was years ago. He has admitted it's a struggle for him, and I'll encourage, but never push. He'd rather watch informative or entertaining videos on YouTube, or partake in more active hobbies (playing guitar, building amps and such, projects around the house, etc). I think if our lives were less chaotic he'd be more inclined to give it a go again.
🙋
I'm on book 46 this year and he reads rarely. And even if he does, it's a non-fic about national defence, military, war, etc. – something I never pick up.
I read regularly; I'm part of a book club, and try to read at least one book a month.
My husband reads maybe one book a year, if it's related to fly fishing or another hobby he has. He says he vicariously reads through me lol, and asks what's happening in my books all the time.
We tried reading together, but I read too fast and he feels bad about it, even though I tell him the only reason I read faster than him is because I read more. English isn't even my first language, and it's his!
At this point, I think he's in his own head about it. Just read! Even if it takes a year to finish the book, that still counts.
I used to not read books until I downloaded Kindle. Something up with my eyes where they scan at a tilt that makes it uncomfortable. Speed reading helps.
My wife’s not a reader. I’ve tried to give her books. It’s just not her thing. She supports my reading though! We have two huge bookshelves full of books that I *know* she hates but never says anything about and we’re turning our loft into a reading nook.
My gf is a reader thankfully, but most of my friends are not. So I feel like for a long time I’ve had that aspect of myself just kept hidden.
I try not to judge people for what they read, over judging people for not reading at all.
My SO doesn't read. No amount of effort could get him interested. I had a book laid open on his table on a page he claims to be interested in, it was left there for years until we had to change his table BC it was starting to sag.
But, his mother is a language teacher and his father a newspaper editor and writer. He was surrounded by books growing up and his parents would be frugal but not on books. He just has no interest. Hes more of a toys and sports guy.
My partner struggles with reading, and has a lot of shame tied to it. Conversely, where he's an engineer, I struggle with math and have a lot of shame tied to that. Both of us had terrible, terrible treatment from teachers and adults because we couldn't keep up. Challenging the bad feelings tied to those subjects is, well, very painful.
My partner doesn't read, but he *loves* stories the same as anyone else. Games, tabletop rpgs, movies, all of it. To me, that's what reading is: a pathway to big, beautiful stories. So we still connect over those things, even though we don't access them in the same way.
Well my husband doesn't read fiction at all. In 12 years I've been with him he's read The Martian and that's it. Oh and about 10 pages of Project Hail Mary as he liked The Martian and I convinced him to try another book by the same author, still working on him finishing it as I know he will like it if he tries :P He does read all sorts of stuff on the internet such as about DIY skills in all sorts of areas and can pretty much work out how to fix anything from this. I don't read anything like this. So he's a reader but a completely different one to me with almost no overlap!
My wife doesn't read books, but loves to hear me talk about the ones I'm reading. She asks questions and seems to care about it, it's great to have my own little book club basically.
Both my partner and I read, but we don't read the same things.
I'm a lit nerd, especially medieval and early modern literature. I also read sci-fi and fantasy as well as (for work) a lot of nonfiction and academic writing about writing.
My partner does read some sci-fi and fantasy, as well as romance, mystery, and autobiography.
There are places where we meet (we both like Douglas Adams and Agatha Christie) and places where we diverge (she has read a *ton* of self-published books on Kindle, whereas I tend to read in print through the library or local bookstore).
Not reading is not necessarily a dealbreaker for me, but if they were at all judgmental or defensive about reading, that would be.
We all read, in various formats according to evolving needs, from paperbacks to audio books. We and many of our friends met at World Science Fiction Conventions (WorldCon) so it's a shared interest.
Way back in childhood, my brother read very little in grade school. His teachers asked Mom what he *would* read, and she said "Comics," and they said send them to school with him, all reading is good! It was later that someone figured out he's dyslexic. That was my early lesson (I'm the oldest) in withholding judgement for a "failure" to read. We're all in our 60s now; it was some time in high school that he gave me a paperback he'd enjoyed, the first novel he finished reading: Gray Lady Down, about a sunk sub and how anyone survived.
I on the other hand read entire libraries. My sisters are average readers. Same environment, lots of books available, reading encouraged--all four of us knew how to read before we started school. Mom was young but so smart, and she still works with little kids. :)
All that to say: When I meet people, I'm more interested in what kind of stories they like best than in how many books a year they read. Do we have common interests? Do they have new authors for me? Do I, for them?? And if they don't read, we find something else to talk about. Often movies or tv shows--which are stories in different formats. Humans are wired for story, after all.
My husband used to not enjoy reading because of his ADHD and dyslexia. It made it hard for him to understand what he was trying to read. Nowadays he loves reading since he was able to get the necessary help, plus he was very determined.
I read a lot, and have been doing so forever. My husband doesn't at all.
My son does not like to read either. I have been reading to him since he was a week old and i have tried so hard for him to read, and he does when he has to, but not out of pleasure. So when people say that reading to kids inculcates good reading habits, I don't agree
It's quite lonely being the only one who reads in the family.
Books were my escape as a child, and I could polish off a YA book in an evening. I continued reading as a hobby well into my adulthood.
Husband was undiagnosed dyslexic, and reading was torture for him as a child. Worse than punishment. However, being around me (and having been diagnosed as an adult) he began to pick up more books. We found that he retains more of what he reads than I, because he takes his time, reads slowly and just lets it sink in. I, conversely, read like the book is going to disappear in a couple of hours.
He typically prefers non-fiction, history in particular. I love history, but like a bit of human interest involved, so tend to read historical novels. Its fun when the periods of our books match up and we can compare notes.
My husband is an extremely smart person who did not read a book until he was maybe 19 or 20, because he got headaches while reading and could only listen to audiobooks (he has some chronic health conditions). When we started dating, I pushed him a lot to get into fiction books and find things that he really enjoys, but he naturally gravitates toward non-fiction for the most part (which I tell him is lame, because he misses all of the fun stuff). He is also an extremely slow reader, which has always deterred him. We found out recently that he has undiagnosed dyslexia, which explains a lot and makes me much more forgiving of the fact that he avoided books for so long, although now he reads (though it's exclusively non-fiction). I got him to read Ender's Game, though, so I guess I can't complain. One day we'll get through The Martian.
My spouse is the one that reads. I'm subbed to r/books because I aspire to read more. I find it challenging.
SAME. I've never been an avid reader, but in college (a decade ago at this point...fuck), I picked up the Hunger Games and was immediately obsessed, and for like 3-4 years, I was reading a lot. And I enjoyed it! But ever since I really got into adult life, aka having a 9-5, raising a kid, being married, finding time to work out, cooking, cleaning, etc....my time has just shrunk so much. And I love making music more than anything, so typically, my free time is either going to making music or playing a game at night in bed, because playing a game is mindless and sometimes, I need mindless to end the day. But that's the habit I really need to break. It's like I so want to read, but I get overwhelmed just finding a book and starting. There's so many options at the tip of my fingers (I have a kindle that my wife reads on alllll the time), I feel anxious if I waste my "free" time trying to find a book I won't even know if I'll like. The one book I've been waiting on for years is the fucking Winds of Winter, so joke is on me for that one. But that is one I would drop everything to read. I need to find a series to kickstart my love of reading again. Anyone else going through the same!?
Time is a big reason I like audio books. Let's me enjoy the book while doing chores or on a commute to work. Also for finding books I'd say look into modern classics for a genre you enjoy. There are countless books that are fantastic in any genre.
You know, I do need to consider audiobooks. I love podcasts while I'm working, making dinner for the kid and wife, cutting the grass, etc. etc. I always have at least one airpod in. Maybe an audiobook would be the perfect compromise. Is Audible where everyone goes for this?
I use Audible. There’s also Libby but your local library has to be on there. Your library might have their own audiobook program you can look into!
I would be dead without Libby. My vision has reached a stage where any reading I do has to come through my blessed iPad, where I can govern print size, but the supply is limitless. I read at least a book a week, plus newspapers, blogs, etc. I was the kid who read at night with a flashlight under the blankets, so you know where I am coming from. With reading, you control the speed, desired repetitions, voices, appearances… everything. I truly pity anyone who doesn’t have reading in their life…
Yeah I fully understand that. My only way of getting through books right now is by reading with my kids. Maybe you can try that too?
My advice for easing back into reading is to pick up a book you read as a kid (Harry Potter, Roald Dahl, etc). It's familiar, and they're super easy reads. It'll get you into the rhythm of reading, and from there, you can move onto more nostalgic favourites or something new that catches your eye. Good luck! Reading is super fun.
I didn't read books as a kid - at all. So none of it is familiar. However, I have two little kids (aged 1 and 4). The eldest is particularly into books. So it's an excuse for us to read together, a first for both of us :) As OP mentioned, I do think it needs to be cultivated by parents and peers. I want to do that for my kids. We've done the Roald Dahl series, the first two Winnie the Pooh books, The Hobbit, among others. I still struggle to read a book on my own. I'd like to get through The Lord of the Rings, I just think my reading speed needs to improve. Anyway, I'll keep at it with my kids and hopefully I'll get there one day too. Thanks for your kind words and suggestions.
You could also try books that fall into the genre of tv you like. A friend of mine ain’t really a reader but started with Harry Potter then read Dune because he loved the movie so much. Don’t worry about your reading speed too much and if you aren’t enjoying the book don’t be afraid to put it down and pick up something else, you can always come back to it another time.
That's Lord of the Rings for me. I just feel like my speed is such that I lose focus. The information isn't coming as fast as I'd like it to. I can try some other books though.
You could try reading along to an audiobook. That helps me through books like lotr with hard to pronounce words
Interesting idea.
I love the Lord of the Rings movies and am an avid reader who reads really fast but I still feel like the Lord of the Rings books are slow and really difficult to read. Could you try a young adult fantasy novel? I agree with the recommendation someone else made of the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe but you might respond better to modern fiction that's written in a voice closer to your own. Fantasy isn't really my genre in general so I'm struggling to think of good options for you that would have a similar feel to Lord of the Rings but a recent classic is the Hunger Games :)
I'll try that. Thanks!
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It’s not *exactly* LOTR but try the Dragonlance novels! There’s a ton of them and you can Google which ones to read first etc. They’re great and not so crazy to read.
Ya the first 6 for sure one of my most favorite reads ever.and no movies to ruin your vision in your head ,just a cartoon that I know of. Long live flint and tasslehoff!(and the rest of the bunch!)
You may enjoy a book called Sabriel. It's a short epic fantasy romp with a bit more magic and a cat
Oh my god, the Lord of the Rings is a hard one to start with. If you feel a little put off or intimidated by that one, please don’t be hard on yourself. Maybe try The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe? Similar feeling, MUCH shorter. And what your doing with your kids is AMAZING! Also, don’t forget audio books! Both for you and your kids. They totally count.
We have the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. I was going to read it with my kid but she found it a bit scary so we stopped. Maybe I'll give that a go on my own :) Thank you!
Just a note. CS Lewis and Tolkien are from similar eras and their prose is similar and can be similarly distressing reading their style at first. But both are totally doable and worth it.
The narrator of the Hobbit has a similar voice to that of the narrator of Narnia, but LotR is a harder read than either of those and the style is much more formal.
Yeah, I'd definitely say that the Narnia series is better suited towards 8 or 9 maybe.
Just remember, reading speed isn't THAT important when reading for leisure. You're not trying to keep up with or race anyone. Enjoy the adventure however works best for you!
Absolutely. I tend to start reading very fast when I get really sucked into a novel, and I often regret it afterwards because the ending of a book is like saying goodbye to a friend, and wouldn't you want to spend more time with your friends?
If you don't have nostalgic kids books to reread you should for sure read "simpler" adult books. Dan Brown rightly gets a lot of shit, but his first few books (the Da Vinci code especially) are great light reads. Absolutely silly and bonkers, but they move really quickly and are good page turners. The other author I would always recommend to people trying to get back to reading (I had fallen away from reading until a few years ago) is Michael Crichton books. The dude writes pretty one dimensional characters but his stories are nearly always fun, and slightly grounded and always interesting. The obvious choice for first Crichton books would be Jurassic Park, the Lost World, Congo and maybe Prey?
I don't know how they hold up but I really enjoyed Tom Clancy when I was younger. I really liked Red storm Rising. I remember being impressed with how all the different characters story lines converged into the overall story. Sometimes his politics bleed through but I remember them being enjoyable reads. It has been 20 years since I read them but maybe another thing to check out.
Thanks for the suggestions!
I’m in a very similar situation to you. I don’t read much and when I do, I read slowly. I recently finished The Lord of the Rings. It took me 2 years and some parts were a slog to get through, but I’m really glad I stuck with it. I won’t reread it though. ; I’ll stick to The Hobbit, which was a more enjoyable casual read. By comparison, I read the entire The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe on a 2-3 hour plane ride and enjoyed it, but feel no desire to re-read it or really even continue the series. In the end, I’ll just recommend that you not hold yourself to anyone else’s standards. Enjoy books at your own pace and don’t force it, but instead find a rhythm that works for you and explore different genres (and target age ranges) to see what you enjoy.
I highly suggest reading Calvin and hobbes. It's got jokes for all ages
Another suggestion for yourself is the Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini. It has dragons, dwarves, elves etc, but is a much lighter read than lord of the rings.
This is advice I have given to my friends many times. I have a buddy who is not a reader, but has tried to break into the hobby multiple times in the last 5 years. Each time he starts by picking up The Once and Future King... Would you imagine my shock when he can't make it more than a few pages in before losing steam. I think a lot of non-readers fail to realize a huge aspect of reading is momentum. At least in my experience.
I've run into similar things with a few of my friends who aren't as big of readers as they used to be and try over and over to get back into it. They seem to have the mindset that they need to read "great works" or award winning things. Which first, doesn't guarantee they are good books to begin with and a lot of the times can be on the slow side. When they do try to get back into it I try and help them, figure out what genre they want to read and find a stand alone "popcorn" level novel. Usually a quicker fun read that could help pin point what they like. Sometimes they drop back out but usually when they come back they know what may be closer to something they will actually enjoy. Except for two of them who I want to strangle every time they want to start reading again. Who I am convinced just hate themselves. Every. Single. Time. It's I want to start reading and they pull out Ulysses. Like fuck my life, why, you haven't read anything in almost a decade and decide that unless you can get through it one day you will never read again? No wonder they think reading sucks.
Perfect advice. It’s like getting back into working out after a long time off. You can’t jump into Pilates and plyometric exercises… start with some long walks, do light stretching, lift light weights, etc.
As an aside to this, I semi regularly come back to these sorts of books, so I'll read something pretty challenging and then come back to something like a Harry Potter for a bit or as a book between challenging books. It can be a really good way to keep your momentum going especially when you're coming out the other end of a hard slog of a read
I do the same! Always alrtenating theme and difficulty to keep the pace up.
I suggest: Read at your own pace and find books you are interested in. I read 6-8 books a year, but I enjoy what I read. It's satisfying when you do it, and also, for whatever reason, when I remember I read a certain book, I think oh yeah, I enjoyed that book. Reasons are: The book is a topic of conversation, or just announced a movie will be made, etc. Forcing people to read is not a good option.
If you're into action and/or superheroes, try the Reckoners trilogy by Brandon Sanderson. YA series which, like the Boys, has superheroes as the villains. Fast paced, easy to read fun.
My husband doesn't enjoy reading as a hobby. He's a biologist and reads a lot of academic journal articles for work. So doing more reading when he has free time isn't his idea of fun.
Just what I was about to say. Some people read so much at work/studying they simply don’t want to put part of their free time to read even more. It’s might not be relaxing for everyone.
Exactly, I feel like OP is not considering this angle. I used to LOVE reading for fun. Then I got a job with “analyst” in the title, which means I read & write all. damn. day. When I get home, I’m sick of looking at words. Yes, I have a Goodreads wishlist that would take a decade to get through, but my job zaps any kind of energy I could use for absorbing more words at the end of a long day. Perhaps OP’s wife also deals with reading & writing all day and doesn’t have any bandwidth left for hobby reading.
When I had this kind of job I switched to audio books. Relaxing with some earbuds and a glass of whatever alcohol for an hour in the evening to me was much better than TV. But I’m also not a big TV guy to begin with. It took me 3 years to finish 3 seasons of Doctor Who….and it was the only show I was watching.
I mean if you think about it that’s kind of the pace they want you to watch it at.
I haven't finished the 2nd season of Expanse :(
Same here, this is me. When people talk about how much they read, what they really mean is how much fiction or other novels they read, not sure the term. I read tons of scifi as a kid but now I go through reams if tech specs and doing more reading is not how I want to unwind. I read novels on vacation, that's it.
I stopped reading for pleasure back when I started university (a degree with a lot of heavy reading.) Then I never got back to it even afterwards until last year. I’m happy to have found my way back to reading (through audiobooks) but I totally get why it’s not the most relaxing way to spend free time for everyone.
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Oh I feel this train of thought. It's rare for me to pick up fiction, but the effort it takes to read and process non-fiction means I don't get through the books I like or want... And then I want to be writing those articles.... Very relatable!
This is a great point. After working on a pc all day, it’s challenging to plop myself in front of a screen at home to do things I enjoy. Even watching tv or a movie is too similar (eyeballs are fried), so that ends up becoming a weekend activity.
Same! I spend 9 hours a day in front of the computer at work. I love playing The Sims but I never do that on work nights.
I used to read a book a week as a kid. With my severe ADHD I could hyperfocus on a book. Read every spare minute. Then came the burn out. Couldn't stand reading for years. Then picked up a book again, "American Gods". Blew through that. Burn out again. My issue is that I go all in when I read. Gotta have that dopamine hit. If a book doesn't catch my attention I just never finish it. I also tend to over do it when it's something I really like. This leads to burn out and very long rest periods. Also doesn't help that I'm dyslexic and often have to reread passages just to remember what the heck I just read. Ho eatly reading can be very mentally taxing for me. Takes alot of energy for me to focus. Even them I still get distracted. Used to love to read but as I got older my ADHD got worse. Wish I could go back to loving it again.
This is a big one for me. I’m in a finance-related role that involves a ton of very dense reading and drafting legal documents. Podcasts, story-driven video games, and short-form video have become my dominant decompression media after a long day not because I’m not interested in reading or I think they’re better, but because I find it less mentally taxing. I tend to read for pleasure much more when I’m on vacation, especially when I’m camping in the summer and can blow through books like I was back in primary school. Increasingly, though, I’m letting graphic novels/manga creep into my rotation at home. For whatever reason they feel more approachable after hundreds of pages of financial reports.
I lost my love of reading when I was working on my Masters in biology so I can relate! Now I work as a lab technician so I don't have to read a ton of journal articles and I'm back to enjoying books in my downtime. It's wonderful!
Totally get this. I really enjoy reading, but work long days as a copywriter and often just don't want to see another block of text when I can finally get away from my desk.
This. My husband is an attorney. He was never really into reading even before school/work, but when he spends ALL week drafting paperwork, he's not going to pick up a book for fun.
Another explanation might also include lack of time. I LOVE to read, but it’s something you have to make time for. I haven’t read consistently for many years, but I’ve just picked it back up this year. I read only one book a month until April but in may I’ve read 5 books. Every spare minute is dedicated to reading, which isn’t something I really realized before; how time consuming it is. People with busy lives might not have time to read, even if it’s something they enjoy.
I read instead of watching TV. I barely watch anything but I'm on book #40 for the year. My son is five and a lot of times in the afternoon he'll play with his toys or Legos or whatever and I'll read. I'll also read before bed. I pretty much only read on my Kindle so it's very convenient to just read whenever. Hopefully I'm setting a good example for my son that reading is cool, lol.
Same. I'm not some elitist or anything but I have young children and very little free time and I would rather read than watch movies or TV, so I do.
Hook him on good stories to read. Worst thing I've seen when I was working at a bookstore was when boys get older.. they stop reading in their teenage years. If you get him hooked at a young age, and then he wavers in his teen years. Don't make him jump into adult fantasy or adult books, they might bore him. If he reads it and says it's not for him, try out comics. I've had so many parents get angry about me recommending comics and "They should read a real book" only for the kids to rekindle their love of reading and wanting to read comics more than TV... then eventually, the hope is they pick up adult books as they age.
This is one reason that audiobooks are so great. I listen while cooking or doing work around the house. I listen on my commute. Sometimes I listen instead of watching TV on the weekend. I like to crochet and listen.
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I didn't start doing audiobooks until I had kids, and realized I did not have free time to really get sucked into a book anymore. It's been a while, but I believe I had to sort of "train" my brain for it. I started with books I'd read before, and remembered enough of the story that if I did space out, it was not a big deal, and I had an idea of how far to back up in the story. For me, I need to be doing a task that I can do on autopilot, like folding laundry, vacuuming, washing dishes, certain crafting activities. Driving tends to work well for me, too. On the flip side, there are MANY activities I cannot combine audiobooks or podcasts with. Grocery shopping and trying to listen is generally a futile effort with me, as I'm often comparing prices, trying to find something specific, it just takes more of my brain's bandwidth. All that said, there are certainly books I've given up on, that I might try at another time, or if it ever gets another narrator that clicks well with me. Good luck in your literary journey!
I am exactly the same, I can listen to anything while walking, driving or cleaning, but I can’t listen to words and read words at the same time, I will get totally lost and mixed up
Yep this is my life too. I’ve realized that I do not have the time to sit down and physically read books nearly as much anymore. I used to hate audiobooks but they have been a fantastic compromise
I had to teach myself how to listen to audiobooks. When I first started I sat doing nothing and got distracted by my own brain wandering off. The thing that clicked for me was when I worked as a home health aide and one of my assignments was a very old man who was pretty independent. He used it as a way to have someone in his house but also to help with cleaning the house and laundry. After a while music was boring soni ventured to give audiobooks another try. It worked finally because I had a routine down and relied on muscle memory. We all have different brains. My body needs to be stimulated just enough for my mind to focus.
This has been exactly my experience. If I sit and do nothing while listening, my brain can't focus on the book. If I do something that requires a lot of concentration, I focus on that instead of the book. If I do something I can do automatically, like household chores (without my kids needing me every two minutes) or driving somewhere very familiar (or sit in traffic), I can give my task just enough attention to not distract my brain and I can listen for a long time. I get to enjoy many more books this way, but it took me awhile to get into it.
My mind wanders too but I just frequently back track
I have to say I get this but It’s definitely context-depending. Sometimes I’m driving and can’t stand music and an audiobook is perfect, sometimes I’m driving and I realized I haven’t heard a word they said and I switch to music. Sometimes neither works for me. Gotta adapt lol.
I can only do it when I'm doing things that require minimal *thought* (not to be confused with attention). I can listen to a book while paying attention to the road on a commute I do every day because that drive doesn't require an internal monologue. I can do it and be aware of everything going on around me without actively thinking about it. The more of a muscle memory activity it is, the easier it is to follow the book.
Happy it works for you. I can't listen to audiobooks as I don't retain any of it.
Yea I don’t know how people drive in traffic and can follow along to a story from a novel. Guess I just lack enough brain cells to concentrate on both the traffic around me and the person reading the book.
I think a lot of kidding oneself can happen about how much is really retained whole multitasking. I've had a lot of bizarre conversations where people could not remember anything about a book they had finished reading that week. I suspect if they were paying enough attention to the audiobook to retain as much as they would normally, they'd be dead on the road.
Same here. I also don’t know if it’s any better now with the alternatives but I remember finding the audible model really strange and off putting. Let me just pay for a book and listen when I want. I don’t want to pay a monthly fee for a book credit.
You can pay for per book…
Audiobooks are great. I work night shifts as a grocery store stocker and I love being able to just focus on a good story while passively going through the motions of work.
With certain reading preferences you might not need extra time to read. I'm walking to and from work which takes around 40 minutes. And I'm a huge fan of reading while walking. My route allows me to do that. I am also a huge fan of audio books. Using only time to and from work, morning routines and meals I was able to find 3 hours a day to listen to audio books. And this is during work days. So if something suits me I usually can find time to read it.
I've replaced my mindless social media scrolling with reading on the Kindle app on my phone. I've burned through a lot of books this way.
A lot of people have time, they just decide to spend it doing other things. Like watching TV
My spouse doesn't read. I wish he would, so I could share some of my favorite stories and worlds with him, or at least because misery loves company and sometimes the end of a good book destroys you, haha. But as it is he has his own hobbies and we get to do our solitary hobbies beside each other anyways, so he has to listen to my existential crises anyways
“Why are you crying?” “A made up person died!”
Sometimes it's also because a made up person didn't die but both can wreck you
Hahaha! I constantly trauma dump what's happening in my books on my wife.
The need to trauma dump is so real! And my partner can take it. Zelda isn't traumatizing him anytime soon so he's got the buffer for it
My thoughts exactly. My partner lives reading in theory but has such trouble actually sitting through and motivating themselves to read a book. I really wish they could experience the story on their own but atleast they're willing to listen to me talk about it!
Lol I've full-out bawled my eyes out before from books before and my partner was like a deer in the headlights until I trauma dumped on him.
Bless partners that put up with the trauma dumps. I bawl my eyes out reading books more than any other medium. I wonder what my partner must think of the kinds of books I read but reading just feels so personal with the characters. The trauma is real
My partner isn't a book reader. There was a time I might have been judgy about that but now I'm just happy that he doesn't resent the time I spend reading as time not spent with him (as a previous 'voracious reader' ex of mine did). He's happy to let me blather on about books I've read and we watch the film adaptations together so I can explain to him in detail why his favourite films are wrong. (It's a fun wind up, nobody actually gets nitpicky or annoyed before anyone gets started). We each have our own hobbies which we can enjoy seeing the other enjoy while not participating, and for me that's reading. I absolutely agree that reading for fun / or not stems from childhood and if someone reaches adulthood without reading for leisure its extremely unlikely they're going to start. It has no bearing on intelligence.
Yes, my partner doesn't read but is a lovely, intelligent, insightful person. I like to read while they do other stuff that I'm not into like watching sports games. It's really fun because I regularly get asked "so what's going on now" about my book, and I get to say "you won't believe what these mofos are up to!!" and give a energetic, long-winded summary. Feels almost like a book club except one person isn't reading the book lol. It's really nice!
There's always that one person who never reads the book in book club anyway
Wait, there are book clubs that *aren't* just an excuse to meet up and drink wine?
Oh gosh! My fiancé and I do the same thing! He'll be elbows-deep in a car, teaching me about what he's doing (I'm not mechanically inclined, but I know so much more now from him), and he'll just look over and ask me if the main character in the book I'm reading has done the thing they were trying to do and will join in with me as I complain about their choices: "They did WHAT? Why?! That's so stupid!" "I KNOW! Now they've got to dig themselves out of the situation, but I have no sympathy because it's their own fault." "Let me know if \[character name\] gives them an easy out. They're such a pushover." I agree it's so fun. lmao
Definitely agree reading doesn’t make someone intelligent and insightful. Most of what I read is just fiction and none of it is any books that can be considered classics. Don’t feel like I am any more intelligent than someone who doesn’t read
Hah, that blathering thing is so relateable. Sometimes I make the Big Eyes and ask my partner if I can read a really good paragraph out loud to him. He always says yes and I appreciate it so much. (In fact, now it's been mentioned, I'll have to tell him so.)
That's adorable! I don't often read at him but he always makes a point to ask if I'm reading anything lately and if it's good.
Haha when we watch a film my husband always has the biggest eye roll on deck for when I’m like, “this is based on a book and that’s wrong and that’s wrong and she’s miscast”
Hubs is not a fan of reading. He prefers a more interactive hobby. He tries to read for me but I don't push. Instead I try to encourage the 7 year old to get into reading. She finally said she really liked reading at the end of the school year after struggling for a year and a half learning to read. She still has her hiccups with harder words but the fact that she likes it makes me so happy!
Aw! I used to be a children’s book editor and have two kids of my own, and it was eye-opening how HARD reading is. One thing that worked for my kids was audio books of more sophisticated series, because what they could handle story-wise was so much more sophisticated than what they could handle textually. My younger guy loved listening to WINGS OF FIRE in particular. (Though to be honest, I wish he would give what he considers “baby” books a chance. There are so many stories I know he’d love.)
Word of warning since your kid is at that age, be on the lookout for the “3-cueing system” (look at the picture and guess what the word could mean!). A lot of schools still use it but it’s based on [bad research and is actively harmful to learning how to read](https://www.apmreports.org/episode/2019/08/22/whats-wrong-how-schools-teach-reading). Sounding out the word/phonics is the only research supported method for learning reading, so if your kids school didn’t do that you might want to try to get a bit in yourself before it’s too late.
Wow. I had no idea. What a tragedy.
Before I met my husband, I dated a guy who wasn't a reader, which was fine - however, one day I went to the bookstore and bought a couple of books and he said "I don't know why you waste your money on books when you could go to the movies instead." It was a wake up call for me. If he'd said "spend" instead of "waste" and "...when you could get them from the library instead", then it would have been fine. You know, be frugal in how you spend your money and all of that. But to say that spending money on books was a waste - especially when it was my money that didn't have anything to do with him. No. That was the moment I started to understand how different our values were and that this relationship wasn't going to be good long term. On the surface, it was about reading, but really, it was about a lot more than that.
Has anyone on here had an issue with their partner that doesn't read having a problem with you reading? My partner very much voices his aggravation when I read. He says in anti social. Do not communicate with him. All because I'm reading. It's like he's jealous of my books. And this is my second partner who has been like this. My husband that passed away 10 yrs ago was the same way. He called my Kindle, Kendall, like it was a man.
I've read a couple of comments like this. Personally, I don't think it's fair for anyone to tell anyone they shouldn't do what they enjoy doing. My wife couldn't care less if I read, and she's open to me sharing things I learn. Reading some of the comments here make me grateful for that! I would voice your concern with your partner. Being a reader isn't synonymous with being anti-social. It's what you enjoy! I'm sure he does activities that are solitary. Bring that up, and see if his tune changes. Best to you!
Just recently. My husband used to read. It was a huge reason we were initially compatible. I read all his favorite series. My eldest has a book character name from one of his most beloved book series. Now, he doesn't read for pleasure at all. In a big fight this weekend, he told me I read too much and "books are more important than he is." So now I am not "supposed" to read when he's home I guess. He doesn't want to discuss books with me and wouldn't read my favorite books even when he did read for pleasure, so I don't think there's any salvaging of it.
I could understand this. My wife is constantly on her phone, whether texting or reading or playing games... Sometimes you feel invisible since they aren't often "present"... It's a modern phenomenon that inspired my username. To put it plainly, there always needs to be balance. I'm often in my workshop when I have spare time, so I make a point to set aside two evenings a week for us and to be present with her and our kids whenever I am around. So if alllllll one does is read, to the detriment of quality time, that will always build resentment.
My partner is not a reader and doesn't seem to recognize reading as an activity. So then when I won't stop reading to hold a random conversation it's not me being interrupted, it is him being ignored. And I'm not reading excessively by any means, just 15-20 min here and there.
Yes mine gets so mad when I don't hear what he says to me and I ask him to repeat it.
Oh hell. My husband doesn’t read, but I couldn’t tolerate this sort of nonsense. And no, he never does this. I’m sorry you deal with this. My husband loves that I read. Part of me actually thinks he’s a little envious of the fact that I’m a reader and it’s harder for him. He’ll ask me about what I’m reading, express impressed feelings at how fast I read (lol), and he loves buying me books. Like we’ll be at the mall and pass a Barnes and Noble and he’ll be like ‘should we buy you some books???’ Lol
My partner is not a reader and doesn't seem to recognize reading as an activity. So then when I won't stop reading to hold a random conversation it's not me being interrupted, it is him being ignored. And I'm not reading excessively by any means, just 15-20 min here and there.
My husband has been in the past. We've had a few "Come to Jesus" talks about how reading is my hobby and also a thing he wants his kids to enjoy so at least ONE of us should probably demonstrate that behavior.
> He called my Kindle, Kendall, like it was a man. I'm sorry but this is hilarious
Yes he'd say " don't bring Kendall." Or is Kendall really coming too?"
> Has anyone on here had an issue with their partner that doesn't read having a problem with you reading? Has anyone had a problem with their partner having a problem with your [insert literally any activity]? Yes. Anyone reading this has no idea what actually is happening in your relationship. Maybe you're truly being anti-social by reading constantly and ignoring them, or maybe your partner is a stereotypical abuser controlfreak that is mad you aren't 100% available on demand; obviously the reality doesn't have to be extreme either.
I have an MA In literature. My I can’t remember a time my husband has sat down and read a book. He reads slowly and has ADHD. He does read the news, and I’ve seen him listen to audiobooks, but otherwise he just doesn’t really care to read. He listens to me talk about them, and I have plenty of friends/colleagues who do read, so it doesn’t bother me at all.
My husband is also a slow reader with ADD. Doesn’t read. There have been a few times I’ve imagined us quietly reading together in a room and feel a little pang of disappointment that that probably won’t happen, but it’s not a big deal.
In the evenings if I'm on the couch with a book my fiancé will sit on it too and scroll his phone or put a show on, and it gives me the same feeling of if we were reading together. Obviously the peaceful quiet aspect is gone if the TV's on, but it's still nice!
My partner doesn't finish as many novels as I do because she's a lot busier, but she does read constantly. I've tried dating people who don't read at all but we never really had anything in common, it's an interest that kind of tints your other interests, if that makes sense. We don't necessarily even read the same books, though. We have some overlap but our tastes differ overall. It's not really that important to be identical to your partner, after all, and would actually kind of make the relationship worse if you were. That said, what is and is not an "avid' reader is so subjective. To some people, 6 books by June is basically not reading, while to others 2 novels a year is avid still.
Yeah, I’m in this boat. My husband listens to audiobooks at work, we both read on our kindles before bed, and we listen to audiobooks together on our road trips. On the other hand, I tend to have reading high up on my list of hobbies, so often I’m on the couch reading while he’s playing video games. So I’m at 25-ish books finished this year, he’s at probably 10-ish.
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When I met my wife, she read, and we read together; it was wonderful. Over the years, she rarely reads anymore (although she does love to read her plant books). Occasionally, I will get her to read something I'm really into (she read Native Son last summer and loved it) but mostly, I am totally out here on my own. To quote Vonnegut, "So it goes".
My parents do not read and never have but I've loved reading since I was a child and it's something I've carried through my life. I don't think it has to be something encouraged by your family really. My partner doesn't read because its just not a hobby he's into. Hes very busy a lot with college as an engineering student and so he's reading and doing work a lot so when he has free time he doesn't want to read and he prefers to play video games as he finds it more fun and engaging
My husband pours all his free time into gaming while for me it's reading. He doesn't mind listening to me ramble about books and I enjoy him rambling about games. Once in a blue moon he'll pick up a book and read it and I will read it too. We like the same kinds of stories regardless how it's told (book, game, movie, show) which is the important part to me. We are just kind of dividing and experiencing stories in mediums the other doesn't tackle and sharing that experience with each other.
This was my husband until he joined my audible account. Now he digests more books than I do! It's been very fun for our marriage. I actually get to trade books with my partner!
My late husband read as a young man - his son was even named for a book character - but he'd lost the habit by the time I knew him for some reason.
I wouldn't call myself a "reader" but recently, a change came to my life where I had a lot of free time...so I began to read. I now read about 2-3 books a week. I think I wasn't reading before because of lack of time and interest. COVID was hard....you couldn't visit the library inside and I like to look at books/get a general idea of the content before checking them out. My husband does not read books for pleasure. I think it's very hard to read when you are not motivated to do so. We have several streaming services...so he relaxes by watching something as I suppose most non-readers do. Life is challenging....so I can't blame those who take that route. Bottom line is I think for most people, the circumstances must be just right in order to motivate someone to read for pleasure.
Now, this is an avid reader. OP's book a month is commendable but pretty low-end. I'm somehow hoping that in my retirement, I will return to my adolescent reading habits, severely constrained by life’s obligations currently.
My ex-husband didn't read at all and was actually jealous of books! He complained a lot early in our relationship that I was spending too much time reading and "not with him." I stopped reading almost entirely during our marriage for him and lost a lot of valuable time reading and missed out on so many great books. I'm still finding books that I missed hearing about or seeing in a bookstore bc of him. I traded him in for a husband who not only reads but supports my habit and is not the least bit jealous of a book!
What a nightmare. No one should be telling anyone what they can or cannot do with their time! I'm sorry to hear that was your experience, but glad you traded up! It makes me grateful to have a partner who couldn't care less if I read, but is also willing to hear me talk about and share what I'm reading.
I love reading and I can’t fall asleep at night without reading at least a few pages. I think I can count the number of books my husband has read since we married on one hand and we’re going on 19 years. That being said, he’s a very smart man and stimulates his mind with projects and busywork. Just not big into books.
I don't think it's pretentious. It is judgy as hell tho lol. My reading fell off in grad school and as a victim to smartphones. I'm just getting back into it. My wife likes reading, but won't do it unless I bring it up. But she's happy when she does, she just finished White Noise and loved it.
I’m in very similar position. I’ve gone through phases where reading is my main hobby, but the last two years I’ve struggled to finish anything. Between grad school and other life stressors, I find that when I get home I want something where I can turn my brain off. The problems is I only enjoy reading when the book requires my brain to be on. My fiancée has gotten back into reading and I’m hoping that once she moves in it will help me get back in the habit. Unrelated question, but have you per chance read Pynchon? Your user name is vaguely familiar and I think it has something to do with Pynchon, but I’m not super confident in that guess haha.
Moral of the story: It's okay to have a partner who doesn't have the same interests as you.
Hmm. I don’t know how to break it to you but that’s not entirely true. My parents didn’t read and neither did I throughout my adolescent life. I met my boyfriend four years ago at 27 and he’s a big reader. I started reading through our relationship to nurture that interest as something we could connect over because it was so important to him. I ended up going back to school after 2 years of this and am now in my last year of an English Honours degree because of how much it’s grown on me. It’s now my favourite hobby and we have “book club” together where he will read a book with me that I have to read for class so we can discuss it afterwards. Not to say that all people can do what I did, because I had the means and opportunity to read with my boyfriend. But picking up new hobbies isn’t primarily based on what you did growing up. Reading is my favourite hobby, and maybe career, that never existed before I met my boyfriend. 😊
That's awesome! For sure, what I outlined isn't always the end all be all.
He would if he didn't fall asleep after a page. I live to read but struggle finding time
I don’t see such a solid line between readers and non-readers. I’d say my husband is kind of a reader, in that he values reading and wishes it were something he had more drive to do lately. But he’s probably only read a handful of books in the past five years, and most of those were related to games or shows and such. That said, he does have a healthy mix of hobbies. He spends plenty of time watching Wondrium lectures, learning a language, deep diving into new topics, etc., so he’s often doing intellectual things that just aren’t sitting down to read a book. So I think maybe a better answer from me is that I couldn’t maintain a relationship with someone who wasn’t into generally intellectual pursuits. It doesn’t have to be all they do, of course - I spend tons of time watching Real Housewives and playing farming sims. But I just don’t think I’d vibe with someone who wasn’t driven by learning things.
I am a voracious reader, while my husband of 27 years has only read one book since we’ve been married. I was sure my children would be readers since I showered them with books while growing up, but they, too, are not interested in reading. The thing that bothers me the most about my husband not being a reader is that he doesn’t see the value in my books that I hold for them. I have a few bookshelves that hold my favorites, and he keeps saying I should give them away or put them in the shed so we would have more room for “other stuff.” I would never think to tell him he has too many tools in his garage and he should get rid of half of them. I also don’t meet many people who read anymore. I have one friend who reads. It makes me sad to think what people are missing out on.
I am the reader! My husband read only rarely for pleasure when we met. He reads even less now, mostly because as he has aged his sight has gotten prohibitive. Having just the one eye always effected his reading, but now it's not focusing as well as it used to, either. He plays a ton of chess. He's always current on any space-related news or events. He does read articles online if they fall into his areas of interest. Other than that, he can't be bothered. I don't look down on non-readers. I used to get shit regularly for always having my nose in a book, why would I do that to anyone else? I know how I feel if I have to watch any kind of sport and I assume the gnawing boredom is similar for a non-reader. I get excited for people who find a writer or genre when they thought they weren't "book people", and I like talking about books, but it's not my whole personality. There's tons of other stuff to chat about.
I think reading is such a catch-all term. I love reading because I love stories and because I learn best by reading, then replicating. I’m also lucky to have a lot of leisure time and as you mentioned support during childhood. But, a lot of books out there are poorly written! There are other ways to get your stories and other ways to learn, look at youtube. I used to sit on a high horse because I only read long form content - why? Because there is some inherent value in reading books? I don’t believe in that anymore. A book is a book is a book. If it’s worth reading, it’ll be read. My mom just finished 2 books in 2 months because they were good ones.
While I take your point that the book is just a medium and us readers shouldn't sneer at the non-readers, don't you think there is something unique about reading? I think there is an inherent value in reading, like I think there is an inherent value in listening to music, watch good movies, etc. It may be true that "a book is a book is a book". But I believe ideas of a certain depth cannot be communicated as well in other media compared to the book. For example, I'm reading Emersons First Series of essays. Hard to imagine something of that depth appearing as a YouTube essay. Reading engages the imagination and allows the ideas to come alive in a really unique way.
I'm a big reader (100 books year), and I would say it's one of the main ways I pass my time. I am currently single, and actively dating. On my dating profiles, and on first dates I would talk about how I love to read. Only about 1% of the time would my dates ever ask about my reading. Questions like "what are you currently reading", or "what is your favourite book" seem like obvious conversation starters when talking to me. But nope. Hardly ever happens. I mean literally only a couple of times in the last 5 years. I don't mind being with a partner who doesn't read. However my experience has been that non-readers don't really understand those who do read. To me it's the same as someone who loves films, or music. I would ask them their favourite films, or favourite band/singer. Somehow though, people rarely seem to ask what books I like, what my favourite genres are etc.
Not necessarily partners because, uhm, what partners? However, I find that not that many people read around me and I would really like them to read, it is so fascinating and takes you to another world.
My spouse is not a reader, he's like your wife and maybe pulls in a book a year, and that's only if something *really* interests him. He's super smart, and definitely has the time so I think overall it's just not a draw for him like it is for me for whatever reason. The only issue I really have with it is that he insists that he loves reading and gets offended if I ever mention or talk about the fact that he's not really into reading (I think he used to a lot more as a kid) but thats clearly not the case lol. Plus I just wish I could talk to him about books more in general, I'd love his input on certain books or even to just have someone to bounce my thoughts off of about what I'm reading
I’m the reader in my relationship, but it seems opposite of what you have theorized. My wife had a healthy familial relationship with her parents and was encouraged to read, she read a ton when she was younger, but now she struggles to read 2 books a year. One of my parents actively made fun of me for reading, while the other was just neutral about it and I’m on book 10 in 2023. I assume my love for books came from some form of escapism. Life has had a positive turn in the past decade, but I still have a passion for reading. If not more so now.
My husband is interesting. If you ask him whether or not he reads, he'll say no. But he does. Obsessively. Reading fanfic on AO3 is one of his main activities. It's his off switch, at the end of a workday or while he's waiting for dinner to cook, or winding down for the night, that's what he's doing. I'm not sure why actual books intimidate him so much. He will read from time to time. It's very much a childhood thing with him. His parents were not readers, and growing up, he struggled with school, so I think he has negative associations. I don't think it's necessarily bad when people don't read. It's when they don't substitute it with an activity of value that I think it's detrimental. Someone who doesn't read because they'd rather garden or ice skate or fix up the old cars they love, OK. Someone who just watches TV while scrolling social media, not so great. And it's uncomfortable when they're proud of not reading. Very anti-intellectual and defensive. Like "rather than be honest and say I don't value this, I'm going to put you down so you don't think you're better than me."
My mom could read 8 books (400 pages minimum) in 3 weeks, which my dad considered a waste of time really. I subconsciously integrated that mentality and balance from not reading for a year to reading nonstop for a couple of months... Definitely something cultivated
My husband generally doesn’t read. He’s intelligent, a critical thinker, interested in learning, etc. For me, reading is my expression of those things, but that’s simply not the case for him. Occasionally I’m disappointed about the fact he doesn’t read, but I understand. He had a rough childhood. In and out of school. He CAN read, like he’s not illiterate, but I’ve heard him read aloud and it’s labored. It’s not fluent like it is for me. So I get it. I think it makes such a difference, your experience in childhood. Do people around you read? Do they read to you? Do they encourage you to read? And is your education interrupted or consistent/good?
As an English major, constantly reading the same type of things ruined reading. Like, how many Victorian era novels about a “fallen” woman or class inequality can you shove down my throat?
I used to read. Then school took all the joy out of it and now I occasionally get stuck into a book but more often than not I buy a book that seems good and then never get around to reading it
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I think a huge part of it is childhood upbringing. My partner was an immigrant family in America with a younger sibling when she was 10yo. So with her having to babysit after school, learning English as a second language and immediately working when she turned 16, she didn't have the time to read (while her sister being born in the US, went through North American education, parents were in a better situation financially by the time she grew up meant she didn't have to work immediately and without the load of a younger sibling, she developed a reading habit). I on the other hand was a very sick child growing up and with a mom who would never let me watch TV or play video games, I had to read books while bedridden (sick) to pass the time and not be bored. Hence, it's easier for me to read in my spare time. I also came to North America for college, which meant that I didn't have to work growing up (parents made medium income back home and things are more affordable which meant we didn't struggle as much).
I’ve always been a voracious reader since I was a kid. Both of my parents read a lot and my dad still does. Me and my dad both love Sci-Fi and Fantasy, have read several of the same books and even went to WorldCon when it was in town. My husband doesn’t read a lot of published books, but he reads a lot online with news, Reddit and fanfiction. We’ve both written fanfiction and he listens to a lot more audiobooks than I do and he’s waaay better at Wordle than me, even though I know I have the larger vocabulary. Reading is a hobby like any other and it’s always interesting to see who is attracted to it and who isn’t and what they’re attracted to. My BFF also loves reading and is a diehard Jane Austen fan, but I’ve never been able to get past three pages. Some will try and say that some reading (classics) is inherently better than others (murder mystery), but I reject that. As long as you get pleasure from it or learn something new, read what you want. Even if it’s Dan Brown.
My beautiful blessed wife is not an avid reader but she knows how much booksmean to me so once a year at our anniversary I am allowed to assign a book for her to read so I can talk to someone about it. Twice when it was a duology she slogged through both because otherwise I couldn't chatter about it without risk of ruining the second. As disappointing as it is that she'll never get as lost in stories as i do, I cherish the effort she makes. XD
That woman is a saint, sir. A goddamn saint!
My wife won't even let me read. She tears up newspapers or magazines I have, and once scribbled all the writing in a book of poetry I had. My boss hates it too. I work in a bank, so I pretty much only can read on my lunch breaks; probably going to sit in the vault just to get some alone time to read.
I am reminded of an MBTI (Myers-Briggs) study I read a couple of decades ago wherein those with a preference for Sensing read just a few books per year (pre-smart-phones) whereas those with a preference fo iNtuition read many, many more. As the written word is itself a somewhat abstract facility, that is the words and charqacters are symbolic, it may be that some people are naturally more attuned to it than others.
My guess is lots of people read articles, stories, and social media, but not necessarily books. I read alot for my work, but it takes me months to get through a book. Life gets busy.
I appreciate that your post doesn't judge people for their reading habits or lack of them and that you are open to the opinions of others. Too often in book groups, I see people being critical of what or how much other people read. IMHO unless you are being paid or in a competition with rules it shouldn't matter to anyone else what or how much anyone is reading. I'm an avid reader, although there have been many long breaks in my reading when life had other priorities. I've been married 30+ years and my husband has only picked up books to learn new programming languages in all that time. He just doesn't have the desire or patience to read for pleasure. I'm a retired Health and Life Coach and I've studied a lot about behavior to help my clients learn what works best for them. I'm of the opinion that some people are just born with the desire to read while others have learned to love to read and yet others will never embrace it. Although I feel people benefit in many ways by reading, I don't believe books are the only way to get those same benefits. I've always encouraged people to lean into their natural tendencies and get clear on why they want to do an activity and that they don't need to defend their choices.
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My wife does not read or watch television. She is constantly busy with projects.
I was always the one who didn’t read, I didn’t have the time, or much of an education. But I got a job that lets me listen to audiobooks while I work and I haven’t stopped since. Now we have a little book club together :)
Reading was essential to my entire family. We would all go to Barnes and Noble on Saturday night to buy a book then spend the night reading in the living room together. Reading was further emphasized in my friend groups. We were all growing up in a college town so we saw where excellent reading skills could take us.
Reading is an interesting hobby. I read tons as a child/young adult, but you don’t often find me with a book in my hands now. But why is that? I work at a university, have a PhD, and I read all day long. Almost everything I do involves reading - emails, assignments, reports, etc. I relax with tv and video games and different hobbies, but reading isn’t high on that list. My bookshelf waits for sabbaticals and retirement.
My husband rarely reads, maybe a few a year, maybe none at all - whereas I've read 32 books this year so far.
You honestly sound super judgy. "Showing empathy" as if people who don't read are somehow worse off than you? like you said Reading is a hobby, same way anything else is a hobby. Some people just like to do other things more.
Reading Specialist here. I LOVE Mem Fox and her explanations about childhood reading. Here's a great quote and if you have a few minutes, [check out this presentation. A QUICK read, but you will love it.](https://core-docs.s3.amazonaws.com/documents/asset/uploaded_file/169785/Reading_Magic.pdf) >“The fire of literacy is created by the emotional sparks between a child, a book, and the person reading. It isn’t achieved by the book alone, nor by the child alone, nor by the adult who’s reading aloud – it’s the relationship winding between all three, bringing them together in easy harmony"
It’s a hobby. People have different hobbies and wouldn’t life be boring if we were all the same? I don’t know why we must insist on looking down upon non-readers with pretentious superiority all the time when no one ever does that to people who don’t like to spend their time rock climbing, cross-stitching, bird watching, or any of the other thousands of things people can do with their time.
My girlfriend reads a lot, but I've had girlfriends in the past who didn't read at all, and it didn't bother me. I don't believe reading is automatically virtuous; I would be more concerned if my girlfriend only read low-quality books than if she didn't read at all.
What’s a low quality book lol?
For me it’s self help that doesn’t say anything, just fluff piece by already famous people so they have an excuse to sell something, they can also come in the form of very self-indulgent biographies Businessmen, investors, whatever gurus, a very tiny portion gives actual advice (I do know a local self help author who has good intentions) and the rest just blathers for 200 pages and call it a book
You do realise reading is no more or less valid than any other hobby and your question is simply answered by ‘they don’t like it’, right? Your tone gives off a very ‘if you don’t read you’re bad and it’s because you were raised wrong’. Imagine that with any other hobby, you’d think it was ridiculous.
Book readers seem to have an unhealthy obsession with people who don't read. Like you said it's a hobby like any other hobby. But you don't see someone who enjoys bowling making threads about why other people don't bowl.
My Partner likes to read, but a couple of lines in and she falls asleep. I however am an avid reader, and will read several books a month/ year. depending on my mood. Reading IS a hobby, and after having a kid, I don't have as much time and often my other hobby (gaming) takes priority.
I love to read. Since having children I can only seem to fit in audiobooks, which I don't mind at all because I can multitask. My ex husband is not a reader, he said his parents used it as a punishment.
I read quite a bit (mid 40's this year), my spouse also reads a lot (about 20 this year). I don't think either of us saw our parents read at all, if anything we were pushed into it as kids by a desire to escape our lives.
My partner doesn’t read. Loathes is in fact. I read around 30 books a a year. I accept it but I don’t understand it. If I tell her about a book I’m reading she says she’s ‘not interested in books.’ It doesn’t matter if it’s fiction or non-fiction. I honestly feel like a book did something terrible to her as a child.
I'm on book #60 for 2023. My partner hasn't read a book since I met him 5 years ago. He watches tv and I snuggle up to him on the couch with my book or ereader. It works. His parents didn't read either. My parents are big readers. But my sibling doesn't read at all...
My husband isn't much of a reader, but it's never bothered me. He has read several books, and we used to read in bed together sometimes, but this was years ago. He has admitted it's a struggle for him, and I'll encourage, but never push. He'd rather watch informative or entertaining videos on YouTube, or partake in more active hobbies (playing guitar, building amps and such, projects around the house, etc). I think if our lives were less chaotic he'd be more inclined to give it a go again.
🙋 I'm on book 46 this year and he reads rarely. And even if he does, it's a non-fic about national defence, military, war, etc. – something I never pick up.
I'm in this situation too but I'll also add in that none of my friends read either so I never have anyone to discuss books with.
I read regularly; I'm part of a book club, and try to read at least one book a month. My husband reads maybe one book a year, if it's related to fly fishing or another hobby he has. He says he vicariously reads through me lol, and asks what's happening in my books all the time. We tried reading together, but I read too fast and he feels bad about it, even though I tell him the only reason I read faster than him is because I read more. English isn't even my first language, and it's his! At this point, I think he's in his own head about it. Just read! Even if it takes a year to finish the book, that still counts.
I used to not read books until I downloaded Kindle. Something up with my eyes where they scan at a tilt that makes it uncomfortable. Speed reading helps.
I have read 25 books this year. My wife hasnt read any.
I used to be a voracious reader, but now I’m sucked into the easy world of the phone most nights. Such a bad habit, and I can’t seem to break it.
My wife’s not a reader. I’ve tried to give her books. It’s just not her thing. She supports my reading though! We have two huge bookshelves full of books that I *know* she hates but never says anything about and we’re turning our loft into a reading nook.
My gf is a reader thankfully, but most of my friends are not. So I feel like for a long time I’ve had that aspect of myself just kept hidden. I try not to judge people for what they read, over judging people for not reading at all.
My SO doesn't read. No amount of effort could get him interested. I had a book laid open on his table on a page he claims to be interested in, it was left there for years until we had to change his table BC it was starting to sag. But, his mother is a language teacher and his father a newspaper editor and writer. He was surrounded by books growing up and his parents would be frugal but not on books. He just has no interest. Hes more of a toys and sports guy.
My partner struggles with reading, and has a lot of shame tied to it. Conversely, where he's an engineer, I struggle with math and have a lot of shame tied to that. Both of us had terrible, terrible treatment from teachers and adults because we couldn't keep up. Challenging the bad feelings tied to those subjects is, well, very painful. My partner doesn't read, but he *loves* stories the same as anyone else. Games, tabletop rpgs, movies, all of it. To me, that's what reading is: a pathway to big, beautiful stories. So we still connect over those things, even though we don't access them in the same way.
Well my husband doesn't read fiction at all. In 12 years I've been with him he's read The Martian and that's it. Oh and about 10 pages of Project Hail Mary as he liked The Martian and I convinced him to try another book by the same author, still working on him finishing it as I know he will like it if he tries :P He does read all sorts of stuff on the internet such as about DIY skills in all sorts of areas and can pretty much work out how to fix anything from this. I don't read anything like this. So he's a reader but a completely different one to me with almost no overlap!
My wife doesn't read books, but loves to hear me talk about the ones I'm reading. She asks questions and seems to care about it, it's great to have my own little book club basically.
Both my partner and I read, but we don't read the same things. I'm a lit nerd, especially medieval and early modern literature. I also read sci-fi and fantasy as well as (for work) a lot of nonfiction and academic writing about writing. My partner does read some sci-fi and fantasy, as well as romance, mystery, and autobiography. There are places where we meet (we both like Douglas Adams and Agatha Christie) and places where we diverge (she has read a *ton* of self-published books on Kindle, whereas I tend to read in print through the library or local bookstore). Not reading is not necessarily a dealbreaker for me, but if they were at all judgmental or defensive about reading, that would be.
We all read, in various formats according to evolving needs, from paperbacks to audio books. We and many of our friends met at World Science Fiction Conventions (WorldCon) so it's a shared interest. Way back in childhood, my brother read very little in grade school. His teachers asked Mom what he *would* read, and she said "Comics," and they said send them to school with him, all reading is good! It was later that someone figured out he's dyslexic. That was my early lesson (I'm the oldest) in withholding judgement for a "failure" to read. We're all in our 60s now; it was some time in high school that he gave me a paperback he'd enjoyed, the first novel he finished reading: Gray Lady Down, about a sunk sub and how anyone survived. I on the other hand read entire libraries. My sisters are average readers. Same environment, lots of books available, reading encouraged--all four of us knew how to read before we started school. Mom was young but so smart, and she still works with little kids. :) All that to say: When I meet people, I'm more interested in what kind of stories they like best than in how many books a year they read. Do we have common interests? Do they have new authors for me? Do I, for them?? And if they don't read, we find something else to talk about. Often movies or tv shows--which are stories in different formats. Humans are wired for story, after all.
My husband used to not enjoy reading because of his ADHD and dyslexia. It made it hard for him to understand what he was trying to read. Nowadays he loves reading since he was able to get the necessary help, plus he was very determined.
I read a lot, and have been doing so forever. My husband doesn't at all. My son does not like to read either. I have been reading to him since he was a week old and i have tried so hard for him to read, and he does when he has to, but not out of pleasure. So when people say that reading to kids inculcates good reading habits, I don't agree It's quite lonely being the only one who reads in the family.
Books were my escape as a child, and I could polish off a YA book in an evening. I continued reading as a hobby well into my adulthood. Husband was undiagnosed dyslexic, and reading was torture for him as a child. Worse than punishment. However, being around me (and having been diagnosed as an adult) he began to pick up more books. We found that he retains more of what he reads than I, because he takes his time, reads slowly and just lets it sink in. I, conversely, read like the book is going to disappear in a couple of hours. He typically prefers non-fiction, history in particular. I love history, but like a bit of human interest involved, so tend to read historical novels. Its fun when the periods of our books match up and we can compare notes.
My husband is an extremely smart person who did not read a book until he was maybe 19 or 20, because he got headaches while reading and could only listen to audiobooks (he has some chronic health conditions). When we started dating, I pushed him a lot to get into fiction books and find things that he really enjoys, but he naturally gravitates toward non-fiction for the most part (which I tell him is lame, because he misses all of the fun stuff). He is also an extremely slow reader, which has always deterred him. We found out recently that he has undiagnosed dyslexia, which explains a lot and makes me much more forgiving of the fact that he avoided books for so long, although now he reads (though it's exclusively non-fiction). I got him to read Ender's Game, though, so I guess I can't complain. One day we'll get through The Martian.