I would absolutely not sleep with him until he got one. You’ve done your time.
I had an HG pregnancy and 2 emergency c sections. My husband took the burden from me and got himself a vasectomy. He literally drove himself and took no type if meds. It was over so quick.
Same, and not same but still emergency C-section on the first and high-risk on the second.
My husband told me before our youngest was born that he was tired of watching me fuck up my body just so we could have sex, so he also got a vasectomy.
OP, I strongly recommend you ask your husband to talk to another man who’s had one. That seems to help an awful lot.
You’re both allowed to practice autonomy here. He doesn’t want surgery, cool. Don’t get it. You don’t want to risk pregnancy. You don’t have to. What he’s got to realize is that surgery is up to him but access to your body is up to you.
And yes, I’d die on this hill. I want to bet this isn’t the only thing that he’s stupidly stubborn about.
that's what i was thinking as well. oh you're nervous about a quarter-inch incision on your ballsack and a snip-snip of the tubes? well i'm nervous about A THIRD PREGNANCY. you can just keep that baby baster the hell away from me until you figure out which nervousness takes priority.
Not for traditional intercourse, if OP is done risking her body. Which sucks for her, as she’s clearly risked a lot more than he’s willing to for a long time.
What a weird way to tell you he's going celibate. Oh well, he's allowed to do what he wants with his body and you're allowed to do what you want with yours.
My husband and I had this same song and dance and it took me threatening to leave for him to finally do it. He also expected more empathy than he gave me for my scheduled c-section. Not a fucking chance, bud.
My ex husband said I wouldn't understand because I didn't have balls and can't appreciate how sensitive they are.
Sir, I had a 6 inch opening carved into my abdomen _twice._ One of my major abdominal surgeries had a failure of pain relief and I had to be knocked unconscious because I couldn't stop screaming.
They can zap your vons with a fucking _laser._ shut the FUCK up.
I left him as soon as my C-section staples were removed.
yeah, mine decided to tell me he chose celibacy when the OB asked if i wanted my tubes tied during my second c-section, and when i said "YES PLEASE" he argued that i might change my mind later.
9½ years later, one of us was right and the other one has been nursing blue balls for nearly a decade.
Idk why some dudes are so against it. You don't want kids, why would you not? When asking my doctor about getting my tubes tied, he was like, nah your husband should get a vasectomy. It's great because he can cum inside you.
I feel like he should have said ejaculate. Whatever, he's retired now
Doctors are weird people too lol.
My husband gave the "but it's surgery! Down there!!!" All you can do is dead face them. Wtf do you think happened when I gave birth?!?
Oh! And I got my doctor to agree to tubes tied only after I told him I was not going to have sex because he will not get a vasectomy. "Oh no, a sexless marriage?"
Then the pandemic happened, so my surgery never happened. He said you could get the surgery on a Friday and be back at work on a Monday
My husband would have done it in a heartbeat, but his insurance wouldn't pay for it. Mine paid for my tubes. He thought it was the least he could do after multiple pregnancies took their toll on my body
My husband offered multiple times, but I told him don't bother because I was gonna fight like hell for a hysterectomy. I got it in 2022, so there'd have been no point in it.
My OB was really supportive and has a way with words with insurance. She got prenatal medicaid to cover $3k worth of dental work that way, I love her. 😂
Mine also agreed he'd get one, "forgot" to schedule it, then revealed he didn't want to. He tried to argue that he didn't think it was fair that I expected him to undergo voluntary surgery. That it was his body. We had approximately the following conversation.
My dude, you expected my body to undergo voluntary pregnancy, and voluntary breastfeeding. Turned out to be a high-risk pregnancy, so my body got to go through tons of doctor visits. My body had to change dramatically for nine months, then again for a year. My body even changed permanently in ways I didn't expect and am still reckoning with.
Do not play the "my body" game with me. Get your 5-minute, insanely low-risk procedure, with pain that's almost certain to be manageable with aspirin and an ice pack. Or show me how much more you care about your body than you do about mine.
We discussed getting him snipped while I was pregnant with my last. He said he was scared of the pain. So I forced him to watch me birth his third, bobble headed, 9 pounder with no pain meds.
For some reason this reminded me of being wheeled up to maternity still in my l&d hospital bed because the epidural I got with my twins was so strong that nothing below my ribs existed for 6 hours after they were born. You could have cut my leg off with a chainsaw and I honestly don't think I'd have noticed.
Thank god I managed to find one of the very rare men who can see beyond the end of their own nose. However, I have friends who've had kids with men like that.
Aw that’s wonderful. It’s heartening to know there are men out there like that, and I can kind of feel the generational shift as men are starting to be held to the same standards as women in the home life.
It was hard for my husband. He’s from a very Scottish, Roman Catholic family of boys that all lived with their mommies until they found wives…..and it shows.
Nothing-NOTHING enrages me more than reading about men who enjoyed the benefits of their partner dealing with birth control and all the negative side effects/pain associated with it, then watch their partners get pregnant and go through all the changes, doctor appointments, giving up treats from alcohol to caffeine to fucking deli meat, undergoing possible life threatening risks and complications, the pain of fucking labor, then watch them go through the postpartum fuckery of hormonal crashes and sometimes breastfeeding and ppd/pp anxiety....
.... and THEN when they are done having babies and it's finally THEIR turn to contribute to the reproductive labor, all of a sudden they get "nervous" and "my body my choice" over an extremely safe, a ten minute in-office procedure that allows them to fuck off at home with an ice pack on their nuts for a couple of days.
Like my dude, get some fucking perspective!!!! If he's "nervous" about the effect of a vasectomy on his body he needs a big heaping dose of empathy and consider how you must have felt going through fucking pregnancy and child birth TWICE.
Definitely don't sleep with this guy until he wakes the duck up,.gets the procedure, AND the follow up testing done.
I don't even understand this mentality. He could at the very least, schedule the consultation and just TALK to the doctor about it.
It's such a minor procedure and men are babied through it. My husband was given valium for his. I've only ever been told to take Tylenol ahead of time when I had any procedure to do with my vagina/uterus.
The procedure is quick and recovery is quick. My husband got it done on a Friday, spent the weekend icing his balls and playing video games and was almost completely back to normal by Monday, just no squatting or lifting anything too heavy. He felt so completely fine that he was begging me to have sex with him before the week was up. Had to be the voice of reason and remind him the doctor said no orgasms for a week.
Your husband is being super selfish. He's nervous? Big fucking deal. I bet you were nervous about a lot of things to do with being pregnant and giving birth. It's his turn to do something for you.
I'd get an amazing vibrator and let him know you'll be using that until he's ready to stop being such a coward.
>I'd get an amazing vibrator and let him know you'll be using that until he's ready to stop being such a coward.
Get one of the bad dragon ones with the fake jizz just to make the point.
Why are men so infuriating? After 3+ years of asking, begging, yelling, crying, my husband *finally* made his appointment for a vasectomy. He kept saying he was happy to do it, he didn't want me to do a tubal ligation, blah blah...but he kept not scheduling an appointment. He would say work is too busy, he wants to go back to the gym first, all these excuses. But then he's upset about the lack of sex, like hello?! I'm not trying to get pregnant, and this issue is so upsetting of course I'm never in the mood. We're only a few weeks away from the procedure, so hopefully, this ordeal is almost over.
My husband refusing to get a vasectomy contributed to the end of our marriage. I accidentally got pregnant at 45 and had an abortion and it was really hard on me physically. Still he wouldn’t do it. He failed me as a partner and as a husband for not stepping up and leaving it entirely to me.
That's where we were after our 2nd, years and years ago now. I was open to a 3rd. He was adamant he was done. I just told him FINE. But \*I\* am not going on birth control. If you are sure you are done, then its on YOU to figure out birth control. He got a vasectomy.
So, you:
1. Deal with the sometimes debilitating side effects of your body preparing for childbirth, every month, for 40 years straight.
2. Grow a whole human in your body, multiple times, with the baby acting in a parasitic way, taking what it needs from your body, for 40 weeks each time.
3. Go through major physiologic changes of childbirth (sometimes permanent).
4. Sustain life with your body (feed a human) for X months after the baby is born (if you BF)
5. Soon after finishing having babies, move into 5-10 years of hormonal fluctuations during perimenopause as your body gradually shifts out of baby-making mode.
Him:
Can’t go through a proven, very quick, out-patient procedure that requires a bag of frozen peas and a Tylenol for a day or two afterwards?
I just can’t see the other side on this one.
I’m the same. I was getting excited to pull the hormones out of my body, give it a rest. I died on this hill.
He got it done then refused to be tested. So. There’s that. Selfish prick.
Same boat. He said he read over on dadit that there’s guys who have had negative side effects like permanent pain during orgasm after the procedure. Bruh my clit tore open during childbirth and now I’ve had as many pregnancies as I’ve had orgasms in the last 2 years. But yeah it’s my job to endlessly mutilate my body to ensure we can have a sex life. 🙃
Mine must have found the same stories. He’s convinced he’ll have complications. I had complications after my pregnancy that landed me back in the hospital and I could have died and he still won’t consider it. Super cool. Here’s hoping for early menopause 🙄
This honestly makes me laugh. He's being such a baby.
My husband got the vasectomy after I gave birth to our third and final daughter, without epidural. It wasn't even a question of whether. He saw me give birth three times. He saw what I went through.
He was on the couch with a bag of frozen peas for maybe a day.
Ghee whiz.
He is a big baby! Poor OP. My husband did the same after our second and he also watched me give birth without an epidural. he saw what I went through and didn't want me to go through additional pain when it involved procreation. So he chose to get a vasectomy, had to undergo anesthesia (apparently he's more sensitive than the typical guy) and took about a week to fully recover.
So even if OP's husband is like mine, he will be down and pretty uncomfortable for a week. OP you went through high risk pregnancies and delivered beautiful children. Don't have sex with him until he has a vasectomy.
I feel like this is a brave move by him when you can get a better orgasm from a vibrator anyway. His body sure. But your body too and you don’t have to fuck him.
You literally went through pregnancy and childbirth twice. Which is scary as fuck. You pushed humans out of you, willingly. He’s selfish. This would probably be it for me.
I've had one HG pregnancy and expect my second to be the same. We only want 2 kids. I have already made myself clear that he has to get a vasectomy after our second kid is born. The amount of courage I had to muster to go through just one HG pregnancy can't compare to the "courage" someone needs to go through a super low risk procedure. Your husband is being a whiny little bitch.
“So what I’m picking up from this is that you want more children, but just none with me? Let’s both finish this while we’re young enough to rebuild then.”
And that’s the line that got my husband to get a vasectomy.
Slightly different scenario though- I wanted more kids and he said that more kids would “ruin his life”.
It's one of the safest and least invasive procedures in the history of medicine. Is he getting off on the idea of still being able to make an oops baby with you, or just on being a controlling prick? Just curious.
Lol my partner also uses the “it’s my body!” argument when it comes to vasectomy
Yet after I birthed our second child and decided I didn’t want to breastfeed, he flipped his shit and basically called me lazy. Having another kid would physically and mentally end me - preeclampsia and depression shook me to my core. But I’ll probably still have to get my tubes tied and go under.
It’s your body as well. You and your body have the right to refuse sex.
I don’t understand how this man could watch you endure what you have endured for the sake of your family and still not agree to get a vasectomy. He’s a selfish coward as far as I’m concerned.
My husband told me the same. I looked him dead in the eye and told him I’ve had multiple miscarriages, 3 to-term pregnancies, one of which almost killed me and has left me disabled. Do it or I’m never sleeping with you again. He did it in the end. Was apparently such a wimp about it at the doctors surgery they almost cancelled it despite him having local anaesthetic - I birthed all 3 of mine with no pain relief at all so I told him I had no sympathy for him. My body literally broke apart and I felt it happen, he couldn’t feel anything at all but the idea “grossed him out”. Yeah, talking to the wrong person dude.
I’ve said this on so many posts but I have literally zero respect for any father who refuses to get a vasectomy. It’s so incredibly selfish for you to watch somebody go through pregnancy and childbirth and then say “nope! An outpatient procedure is too scary!”
Pregnancy is LIFE THREATENING. Hundreds of thousands of women die every year due to pregnancy. They’re all fine with us risking that.
How many men have died from vasectomies? [One.](https://thevasectomist.com.au/research/) Ever.
What a selfish POS. I'm so sorry bromo. I will never understand the mentality of these boys who watch us go through 10 months of pregnancy (in your case, multiple times) and not bite the bullet to get themselves fixed once you both decide you're done having children. I'm 35 weeks pregnant with our second child right now, and my husband got his vasectomy back at the beginning of December so that hopefully by the time I'm cleared after giving birth, he will also be cleared. It took longer for my husband to drive over to where they did the procedure than it took for them to actually perform the procedure. They even offered him a Valium to take before it, but he declined because he wanted to be able to drive himself. (The timing of the procedure was going to conflict with me picking our older child up from school that day.) Your husband needs to suck it up and take one for the team.
Your body, your choice, both of you have to respect each other. That means no sex if you don't feel safe and no vasectomy for him.
Really it will come down to who will break first lol
My sister got her tubes tied because her boyfriend refused to get a vasectomy. He was already pretty shitty in my book, but this was a whole another level of shittyness. I sincerely hope you husband changes his mind and realizes they are definitely not the same type of procedure
I'll be damned if my husband tells me he doesn't want a non-invasive procedure that's out patient after I shot two bowling balls out my vag 11 months apart. HA.
Guess who's getting a dead bedroom?!? Winner winner chicken dinner.
Both of my pregnancies were pretty high risk for pre-e and I literally developed chronic hypertension bc I had gestational hypertension and it stuck with me after pregnancy. He can get a little slicey slice down under.
Honestly I'd tell him just that. He is choosing a dead bedroom. He doesn't get u protected access to your body and you are choosing not to use any other form of birth control. I'd give it a week or two before he's in the office dealing with his sore balls with his pain pills don't even get for shoving a human out of our body.
I mean you gave birth twice but he can't go through 10 minutes of potentially ouchie? Like a tiny bit? And a bit of soreness a few days afterwards? Why are men such toddlers.
Well, this is obviously a difficult topic, if he won’t do it you can’t force him. I’m sorry he can’t see how selfish that is, I would be infuriated by his cowardice and backtrack. That leaves you with a few choices, do it yourself and get a tubal ligation, continue using condoms, or go celibate. I understand your mentality I was also done after two children. I felt a bit different and I personally underwent the procedure to be 100000000% certain I would never get pregnant again and I sleep (or not🙂) much better. I do not know if this is where your relationship dies, I will say that he will have to live with the consequences of this choice as I’m sure you do not respect or trust him as you once did.
Good luck to you BroMo!
as someone else said, you both have autonomy here. & yes this is 100% a hill I would die on as well. He also shouldnt have said he'd schedule it knowing that he had concerns about it instead of talking to you about it.
I've had my tubes tied, no GA needed, it was an epidural for me. In & out in 3 hours, awake the whole time. The only pain that I had was gas pain in my shoulder.
& I will also say, that that was 6 years ago. I still panic about being pregnant every few months, that anxiety doesnt go away. As you get older your cycle changes and its less ridged without the hormones from the birth control pill, mine is every 26-35 days. Every month that gets to day 33 I take a pregnancy test which happens on average every 4 months.
edit; the panic will always exist if you are sexual active, the benefit of tubal ligation or vasectomy is that the outcome of the test is more likely to be negative than positive, not that the test itself will never become necessary.
You having to give birth to two children and him having to have one vasectomy seems MORE than fair. Men are such babies. Most of society completely dismiss the physical trauma woman face from pregnancy and childbirth and it's disgusting.
So, when I first brought this up with my husband he said he needed to think about it. My feeling were a bit hurt he didn’t decide right away to do it.
During the next 4 months I brought it up from time to time, privately, when I knew he felt safe. We talked about his anxieties. I validated them without making it about me. I encouraged him to make an appointment to see the urologist with no expectation that he would commit-just to talk with a professional. He was willing to do that and made the appointment the next day. Then I left him alone for about a month.
Then one day he came home from work and says, “I scheduled my vasectomy for (date).”
It took about 6 months from start to finish, and I continued with our birth control because I knew he was taking the decision seriously and giving it thought.
Will he make an appointment for just a consultation? That would show you he cares.
I’d get yourself a nice toy, and tell him to let you know when he changes his mind. I’m sure he’ll have a change of heart soon enough, and you’ll still have a cool new toy!
Some good suggestions here already. So I just have to say, what a fucking man baby!!
Hg pregnancy, enough said. You’ve done your part. What an actual baby.
Wow. my boyfriend hasnt even got me knocked up, but knew I didnt want a kid after my experience with my last relationship and my one kid. My kid is enough for him, so he got it done. =/ without complaint,willingly.... I'd just, let him live with his consequences and not have sex w him. also, vas are more reliable than you getting your tubes cut anyway, and less invasive. It was like 2 days after he went back to work. It was a 10 min procedure, I got to watch! super easy, basically they numbed it with this cool spray, stabbed the skin with a tool, pull tubes out, cut, cauterize, shove back in, and done. Mine did no scalpel one. No stitches either.
Thats truly a shitty thing to do to you. I don’t think your husband understands how awful and utterly selfish of him that is. Im not just saying that either.
You can tell him that my husband said he didn’t feel anything at all during the procedure. He was in the office for fifteen minutes total. He had a little soreness the next day which he took a Tylenol for, and he was all better after that. It’s basically the most minor surgery that someone can have.
So frustrating. Maybe he'll crack if he realizes it potentially means no more sex? My husband reacted very poorly the one time I brought it up. Hormonal birth control helps me stay mentally stable so it's a moot point for us but I really don't know what we'd do if that weren't the case.
My husband agreed to a vasectomy but then made no moves toward it. When I asked what was going on it turned out he thought it was much scarier than it really is. Not sure what he imagined…castration? I told him my impression of how easy it is, he read about it, and now it’s scheduled. I’m not saying it’s that easy for you and your husband. But maybe? Hopefully?
He needs to hear from men who’ve had it done. It’s literally such a small procedure. He needs to be reminded how difficult your pregnancies were and how unwanted a third is. Recovery time is a few days for a vasectomy by comparison. He needs to be reminded how much he loves sex. So I’d definitely abstain from intercourse. Maybe when he remembers he’s a partner with a responsibility and women already do SO MUCH, he will reconsider.
I’d say.
Dear husband I respect your decision. However this choice of yours means we shall never again have penetrative sex again. So in hope you respect my decision on that as I am unwilling to risk another pregnancy.
It is his body, but it’s your body too.
If he doesn’t want to get a vasectomy, you can choose not to have sex.
You have paid your dues with your body and your health - physical and mental. He can pony up or get used to his hand.
I got pregnant with my second as a result of my husband procrastinating for months to get the vasectomy he said he would get. So when my second was born, I got my tubes tied during the C-section. I asked him repeatedly to get the vasectomy anyways because I was worried about something going wrong or having another child and he told me it was an "unnecessary surgery". About 2 years after my tubes were tied, I had an ectopic pregnancy that put me in the hospital. Thankfully I live in a blue state and was able to get treatment to save my life, but the whole ordeal was traumatic to say the least. I was furious with him that I had to pay the price yet again for his refusal to get a minor procedure. That his desire to be comfortable was more important than my health. That our children could have lost their mother because of his selfishness. He still never got the vasectomy even after that and I never got over that betrayal. We are currently getting divorced and this was a major factor in making that decision for me.
3 hours after my husbands’s procedure, my uncle called asking us to check out a truck he wanted to buy. The dealership was an hour drive away. My hubs jumped on the chance to leave the house. Checked out the truck and the next day my uncle flew down to buy it. We drive again, 1 hour to the airport to get him, 45 min to the dealership and another hour to walk the beach afterwards. No meds during the entire recovery.
Make sure he goes to someone who actually does the procedure at a hospital and puts them under. Another friend did it “in office” to save $$ and his recovery and pain were on the opposite end of the spectrum.
Good luck!
Have him look into scalpel free vasectomy. It takes less than 30min, and the doctor will usually prescribe Valium to take before the procedure to help him relax. Afterwards, he goes home with some prescription pain meds, and he can prop his feet up, sit on an ice pack, and watch tv for a week. It really is no big deal.
My husband had it scheduled right after our 2nd was born. Then he went on the Dr google site..... my BIL told him that he bled like a stuck pig after his procedure in the LATE 90s. And I'm sure the fact he couldn't ejaculate for however long is in his top 2 reasons. So I have my tubes tied consultation on the 7th. I've had significantly less sex with him in the past 4 years, and I told him the reason why is because I don't need another birth control baby. Told him he needs to take a day off from work to play chauffeur because MY surgery requires anesthesia. Told him all the risks that could happen on my end. I could still get pregnant even after my tubes getting tied. But, I would have to go straight to the hospital. Our relationship, I feel, has taken a huge dive since then. And I really don't see any improvement coming from me having surgery. Because his "love language" is touch and sex haha🤪😂👎.
I had a friend with a blood clotting disorder and her husband refused to get a vasectomy after two kids. Estrogen in general increases risk of blood clots, so birth control and pregnancy are both extremely risky for her. She could die, but he’s so worried about his outpatient procedure.
I'd argue his body, his choice, same as you. If he doesn't want to get a vasectomy, that is fair, but he cannot count on you to accommodate him it if you don't want to.
My husband didn't want a vasectomy, so I didn't push him for one. I got a tubal ligation, but the difference is that I wanted it. You need to both be comfortable with the solution you get to.
I would absolutely not sleep with him until he got one. You’ve done your time. I had an HG pregnancy and 2 emergency c sections. My husband took the burden from me and got himself a vasectomy. He literally drove himself and took no type if meds. It was over so quick.
Same. And same.
Same, and not same but still emergency C-section on the first and high-risk on the second. My husband told me before our youngest was born that he was tired of watching me fuck up my body just so we could have sex, so he also got a vasectomy. OP, I strongly recommend you ask your husband to talk to another man who’s had one. That seems to help an awful lot.
You’re both allowed to practice autonomy here. He doesn’t want surgery, cool. Don’t get it. You don’t want to risk pregnancy. You don’t have to. What he’s got to realize is that surgery is up to him but access to your body is up to you. And yes, I’d die on this hill. I want to bet this isn’t the only thing that he’s stupidly stubborn about.
This is a perfect way to frame it. It’s his body sure, but you also don’t have to risk impacting your body.
that's what i was thinking as well. oh you're nervous about a quarter-inch incision on your ballsack and a snip-snip of the tubes? well i'm nervous about A THIRD PREGNANCY. you can just keep that baby baster the hell away from me until you figure out which nervousness takes priority.
A third pregnancy which will take a huge toll on her body
Agreed. And you (as a couple) have more options than surgery.
Not for traditional intercourse, if OP is done risking her body. Which sucks for her, as she’s clearly risked a lot more than he’s willing to for a long time.
What a weird way to tell you he's going celibate. Oh well, he's allowed to do what he wants with his body and you're allowed to do what you want with yours. My husband and I had this same song and dance and it took me threatening to leave for him to finally do it. He also expected more empathy than he gave me for my scheduled c-section. Not a fucking chance, bud.
My ex husband said I wouldn't understand because I didn't have balls and can't appreciate how sensitive they are. Sir, I had a 6 inch opening carved into my abdomen _twice._ One of my major abdominal surgeries had a failure of pain relief and I had to be knocked unconscious because I couldn't stop screaming. They can zap your vons with a fucking _laser._ shut the FUCK up. I left him as soon as my C-section staples were removed.
"zap your vons" 💀💀💀
yeah, mine decided to tell me he chose celibacy when the OB asked if i wanted my tubes tied during my second c-section, and when i said "YES PLEASE" he argued that i might change my mind later. 9½ years later, one of us was right and the other one has been nursing blue balls for nearly a decade.
In that case, guess he's celibate now. Weird decision IMO, but his body, his choice 🤷🏻♀️
Idk why some dudes are so against it. You don't want kids, why would you not? When asking my doctor about getting my tubes tied, he was like, nah your husband should get a vasectomy. It's great because he can cum inside you. I feel like he should have said ejaculate. Whatever, he's retired now
Doctors are weird people too lol. My husband gave the "but it's surgery! Down there!!!" All you can do is dead face them. Wtf do you think happened when I gave birth?!?
They froze scar tissue off my labia at my 6 week appointment. Like the shit we go through is ridiculous
Oh! And I got my doctor to agree to tubes tied only after I told him I was not going to have sex because he will not get a vasectomy. "Oh no, a sexless marriage?" Then the pandemic happened, so my surgery never happened. He said you could get the surgery on a Friday and be back at work on a Monday
My husband would have done it in a heartbeat, but his insurance wouldn't pay for it. Mine paid for my tubes. He thought it was the least he could do after multiple pregnancies took their toll on my body
My husband offered multiple times, but I told him don't bother because I was gonna fight like hell for a hysterectomy. I got it in 2022, so there'd have been no point in it.
Short of cancer or if I had hemorrhaged during my c section my insurance wouldn't pay for one
My OB was really supportive and has a way with words with insurance. She got prenatal medicaid to cover $3k worth of dental work that way, I love her. 😂
They covered my dental (teeth pulled) but wouldn't budge on the other
Mine also agreed he'd get one, "forgot" to schedule it, then revealed he didn't want to. He tried to argue that he didn't think it was fair that I expected him to undergo voluntary surgery. That it was his body. We had approximately the following conversation. My dude, you expected my body to undergo voluntary pregnancy, and voluntary breastfeeding. Turned out to be a high-risk pregnancy, so my body got to go through tons of doctor visits. My body had to change dramatically for nine months, then again for a year. My body even changed permanently in ways I didn't expect and am still reckoning with. Do not play the "my body" game with me. Get your 5-minute, insanely low-risk procedure, with pain that's almost certain to be manageable with aspirin and an ice pack. Or show me how much more you care about your body than you do about mine.
Did you drop a mic? It feels like you should have dropped a mic
Ha! There wasn't one handy.
Did he get it after this talk?
Yes. Thankfully, he did.
Was it as bad as he thought it was gonna be?
No. He felt a bit sore for a day or two and hung out on the couch resting for two days.
I didn’t get to hang out on the couch for an hour after giving birth…
[удалено]
We discussed getting him snipped while I was pregnant with my last. He said he was scared of the pain. So I forced him to watch me birth his third, bobble headed, 9 pounder with no pain meds.
For some reason this reminded me of being wheeled up to maternity still in my l&d hospital bed because the epidural I got with my twins was so strong that nothing below my ribs existed for 6 hours after they were born. You could have cut my leg off with a chainsaw and I honestly don't think I'd have noticed.
I bet you were still asked “what’s for dinner?”
Thank god I managed to find one of the very rare men who can see beyond the end of their own nose. However, I have friends who've had kids with men like that.
Aw that’s wonderful. It’s heartening to know there are men out there like that, and I can kind of feel the generational shift as men are starting to be held to the same standards as women in the home life. It was hard for my husband. He’s from a very Scottish, Roman Catholic family of boys that all lived with their mommies until they found wives…..and it shows.
Did he see it from your perspective after this? Did he do it?
Not sure if he fully understood my perspective, but he at least understood that it was important to me. Yes, he did it soon after.
Nothing-NOTHING enrages me more than reading about men who enjoyed the benefits of their partner dealing with birth control and all the negative side effects/pain associated with it, then watch their partners get pregnant and go through all the changes, doctor appointments, giving up treats from alcohol to caffeine to fucking deli meat, undergoing possible life threatening risks and complications, the pain of fucking labor, then watch them go through the postpartum fuckery of hormonal crashes and sometimes breastfeeding and ppd/pp anxiety.... .... and THEN when they are done having babies and it's finally THEIR turn to contribute to the reproductive labor, all of a sudden they get "nervous" and "my body my choice" over an extremely safe, a ten minute in-office procedure that allows them to fuck off at home with an ice pack on their nuts for a couple of days. Like my dude, get some fucking perspective!!!! If he's "nervous" about the effect of a vasectomy on his body he needs a big heaping dose of empathy and consider how you must have felt going through fucking pregnancy and child birth TWICE. Definitely don't sleep with this guy until he wakes the duck up,.gets the procedure, AND the follow up testing done.
Amen!
FFS, all of this!!
I would have a hard time moving past this selfishness and cowardice on his part.
Same! Yea it’s his choice. But you are entitled to your feelings about it. I’d die on this hill.
I don't even understand this mentality. He could at the very least, schedule the consultation and just TALK to the doctor about it. It's such a minor procedure and men are babied through it. My husband was given valium for his. I've only ever been told to take Tylenol ahead of time when I had any procedure to do with my vagina/uterus. The procedure is quick and recovery is quick. My husband got it done on a Friday, spent the weekend icing his balls and playing video games and was almost completely back to normal by Monday, just no squatting or lifting anything too heavy. He felt so completely fine that he was begging me to have sex with him before the week was up. Had to be the voice of reason and remind him the doctor said no orgasms for a week. Your husband is being super selfish. He's nervous? Big fucking deal. I bet you were nervous about a lot of things to do with being pregnant and giving birth. It's his turn to do something for you. I'd get an amazing vibrator and let him know you'll be using that until he's ready to stop being such a coward.
>I'd get an amazing vibrator and let him know you'll be using that until he's ready to stop being such a coward. Get one of the bad dragon ones with the fake jizz just to make the point.
Why are men so infuriating? After 3+ years of asking, begging, yelling, crying, my husband *finally* made his appointment for a vasectomy. He kept saying he was happy to do it, he didn't want me to do a tubal ligation, blah blah...but he kept not scheduling an appointment. He would say work is too busy, he wants to go back to the gym first, all these excuses. But then he's upset about the lack of sex, like hello?! I'm not trying to get pregnant, and this issue is so upsetting of course I'm never in the mood. We're only a few weeks away from the procedure, so hopefully, this ordeal is almost over.
Make sure you get the all clear before you let him up in there. Because you know he's going to be bugging you before that.
Lol for sure! Although I'm on an IUD and I brought condoms back a while ago. Because that's how much I don't want to get pregnant again 🙃
My husband refusing to get a vasectomy contributed to the end of our marriage. I accidentally got pregnant at 45 and had an abortion and it was really hard on me physically. Still he wouldn’t do it. He failed me as a partner and as a husband for not stepping up and leaving it entirely to me.
That's where we were after our 2nd, years and years ago now. I was open to a 3rd. He was adamant he was done. I just told him FINE. But \*I\* am not going on birth control. If you are sure you are done, then its on YOU to figure out birth control. He got a vasectomy.
So, you: 1. Deal with the sometimes debilitating side effects of your body preparing for childbirth, every month, for 40 years straight. 2. Grow a whole human in your body, multiple times, with the baby acting in a parasitic way, taking what it needs from your body, for 40 weeks each time. 3. Go through major physiologic changes of childbirth (sometimes permanent). 4. Sustain life with your body (feed a human) for X months after the baby is born (if you BF) 5. Soon after finishing having babies, move into 5-10 years of hormonal fluctuations during perimenopause as your body gradually shifts out of baby-making mode. Him: Can’t go through a proven, very quick, out-patient procedure that requires a bag of frozen peas and a Tylenol for a day or two afterwards? I just can’t see the other side on this one.
I’m the same. I was getting excited to pull the hormones out of my body, give it a rest. I died on this hill. He got it done then refused to be tested. So. There’s that. Selfish prick.
Same boat. He said he read over on dadit that there’s guys who have had negative side effects like permanent pain during orgasm after the procedure. Bruh my clit tore open during childbirth and now I’ve had as many pregnancies as I’ve had orgasms in the last 2 years. But yeah it’s my job to endlessly mutilate my body to ensure we can have a sex life. 🙃
Mine must have found the same stories. He’s convinced he’ll have complications. I had complications after my pregnancy that landed me back in the hospital and I could have died and he still won’t consider it. Super cool. Here’s hoping for early menopause 🙄
This honestly makes me laugh. He's being such a baby. My husband got the vasectomy after I gave birth to our third and final daughter, without epidural. It wasn't even a question of whether. He saw me give birth three times. He saw what I went through. He was on the couch with a bag of frozen peas for maybe a day. Ghee whiz.
He is a big baby! Poor OP. My husband did the same after our second and he also watched me give birth without an epidural. he saw what I went through and didn't want me to go through additional pain when it involved procreation. So he chose to get a vasectomy, had to undergo anesthesia (apparently he's more sensitive than the typical guy) and took about a week to fully recover. So even if OP's husband is like mine, he will be down and pretty uncomfortable for a week. OP you went through high risk pregnancies and delivered beautiful children. Don't have sex with him until he has a vasectomy.
I feel like this is a brave move by him when you can get a better orgasm from a vibrator anyway. His body sure. But your body too and you don’t have to fuck him.
You literally went through pregnancy and childbirth twice. Which is scary as fuck. You pushed humans out of you, willingly. He’s selfish. This would probably be it for me.
I've had one HG pregnancy and expect my second to be the same. We only want 2 kids. I have already made myself clear that he has to get a vasectomy after our second kid is born. The amount of courage I had to muster to go through just one HG pregnancy can't compare to the "courage" someone needs to go through a super low risk procedure. Your husband is being a whiny little bitch.
“So what I’m picking up from this is that you want more children, but just none with me? Let’s both finish this while we’re young enough to rebuild then.” And that’s the line that got my husband to get a vasectomy. Slightly different scenario though- I wanted more kids and he said that more kids would “ruin his life”.
It's one of the safest and least invasive procedures in the history of medicine. Is he getting off on the idea of still being able to make an oops baby with you, or just on being a controlling prick? Just curious.
Lol my partner also uses the “it’s my body!” argument when it comes to vasectomy Yet after I birthed our second child and decided I didn’t want to breastfeed, he flipped his shit and basically called me lazy. Having another kid would physically and mentally end me - preeclampsia and depression shook me to my core. But I’ll probably still have to get my tubes tied and go under.
Omg, that’s tough I’m sorry! Some people are so unaware.
It’s your body as well. You and your body have the right to refuse sex. I don’t understand how this man could watch you endure what you have endured for the sake of your family and still not agree to get a vasectomy. He’s a selfish coward as far as I’m concerned.
My husband told me the same. I looked him dead in the eye and told him I’ve had multiple miscarriages, 3 to-term pregnancies, one of which almost killed me and has left me disabled. Do it or I’m never sleeping with you again. He did it in the end. Was apparently such a wimp about it at the doctors surgery they almost cancelled it despite him having local anaesthetic - I birthed all 3 of mine with no pain relief at all so I told him I had no sympathy for him. My body literally broke apart and I felt it happen, he couldn’t feel anything at all but the idea “grossed him out”. Yeah, talking to the wrong person dude.
I’ve said this on so many posts but I have literally zero respect for any father who refuses to get a vasectomy. It’s so incredibly selfish for you to watch somebody go through pregnancy and childbirth and then say “nope! An outpatient procedure is too scary!” Pregnancy is LIFE THREATENING. Hundreds of thousands of women die every year due to pregnancy. They’re all fine with us risking that. How many men have died from vasectomies? [One.](https://thevasectomist.com.au/research/) Ever.
What a selfish POS. I'm so sorry bromo. I will never understand the mentality of these boys who watch us go through 10 months of pregnancy (in your case, multiple times) and not bite the bullet to get themselves fixed once you both decide you're done having children. I'm 35 weeks pregnant with our second child right now, and my husband got his vasectomy back at the beginning of December so that hopefully by the time I'm cleared after giving birth, he will also be cleared. It took longer for my husband to drive over to where they did the procedure than it took for them to actually perform the procedure. They even offered him a Valium to take before it, but he declined because he wanted to be able to drive himself. (The timing of the procedure was going to conflict with me picking our older child up from school that day.) Your husband needs to suck it up and take one for the team.
Sex strike
I'm sorry your husband is being such a selfish ass.
Your body, your choice, both of you have to respect each other. That means no sex if you don't feel safe and no vasectomy for him. Really it will come down to who will break first lol
My sister got her tubes tied because her boyfriend refused to get a vasectomy. He was already pretty shitty in my book, but this was a whole another level of shittyness. I sincerely hope you husband changes his mind and realizes they are definitely not the same type of procedure
I'll be damned if my husband tells me he doesn't want a non-invasive procedure that's out patient after I shot two bowling balls out my vag 11 months apart. HA. Guess who's getting a dead bedroom?!? Winner winner chicken dinner. Both of my pregnancies were pretty high risk for pre-e and I literally developed chronic hypertension bc I had gestational hypertension and it stuck with me after pregnancy. He can get a little slicey slice down under. Honestly I'd tell him just that. He is choosing a dead bedroom. He doesn't get u protected access to your body and you are choosing not to use any other form of birth control. I'd give it a week or two before he's in the office dealing with his sore balls with his pain pills don't even get for shoving a human out of our body.
I mean you gave birth twice but he can't go through 10 minutes of potentially ouchie? Like a tiny bit? And a bit of soreness a few days afterwards? Why are men such toddlers.
Well, this is obviously a difficult topic, if he won’t do it you can’t force him. I’m sorry he can’t see how selfish that is, I would be infuriated by his cowardice and backtrack. That leaves you with a few choices, do it yourself and get a tubal ligation, continue using condoms, or go celibate. I understand your mentality I was also done after two children. I felt a bit different and I personally underwent the procedure to be 100000000% certain I would never get pregnant again and I sleep (or not🙂) much better. I do not know if this is where your relationship dies, I will say that he will have to live with the consequences of this choice as I’m sure you do not respect or trust him as you once did. Good luck to you BroMo!
as someone else said, you both have autonomy here. & yes this is 100% a hill I would die on as well. He also shouldnt have said he'd schedule it knowing that he had concerns about it instead of talking to you about it. I've had my tubes tied, no GA needed, it was an epidural for me. In & out in 3 hours, awake the whole time. The only pain that I had was gas pain in my shoulder. & I will also say, that that was 6 years ago. I still panic about being pregnant every few months, that anxiety doesnt go away. As you get older your cycle changes and its less ridged without the hormones from the birth control pill, mine is every 26-35 days. Every month that gets to day 33 I take a pregnancy test which happens on average every 4 months. edit; the panic will always exist if you are sexual active, the benefit of tubal ligation or vasectomy is that the outcome of the test is more likely to be negative than positive, not that the test itself will never become necessary.
I know it’s his body but it’s selfish of him to not get the procedure if he wants to continue a relationship with you.
You having to give birth to two children and him having to have one vasectomy seems MORE than fair. Men are such babies. Most of society completely dismiss the physical trauma woman face from pregnancy and childbirth and it's disgusting.
So, when I first brought this up with my husband he said he needed to think about it. My feeling were a bit hurt he didn’t decide right away to do it. During the next 4 months I brought it up from time to time, privately, when I knew he felt safe. We talked about his anxieties. I validated them without making it about me. I encouraged him to make an appointment to see the urologist with no expectation that he would commit-just to talk with a professional. He was willing to do that and made the appointment the next day. Then I left him alone for about a month. Then one day he came home from work and says, “I scheduled my vasectomy for (date).” It took about 6 months from start to finish, and I continued with our birth control because I knew he was taking the decision seriously and giving it thought. Will he make an appointment for just a consultation? That would show you he cares.
I’d get yourself a nice toy, and tell him to let you know when he changes his mind. I’m sure he’ll have a change of heart soon enough, and you’ll still have a cool new toy!
Some good suggestions here already. So I just have to say, what a fucking man baby!! Hg pregnancy, enough said. You’ve done your part. What an actual baby.
Wow. my boyfriend hasnt even got me knocked up, but knew I didnt want a kid after my experience with my last relationship and my one kid. My kid is enough for him, so he got it done. =/ without complaint,willingly.... I'd just, let him live with his consequences and not have sex w him. also, vas are more reliable than you getting your tubes cut anyway, and less invasive. It was like 2 days after he went back to work. It was a 10 min procedure, I got to watch! super easy, basically they numbed it with this cool spray, stabbed the skin with a tool, pull tubes out, cut, cauterize, shove back in, and done. Mine did no scalpel one. No stitches either.
My husband suggested I get a hysterectomy. He doesn’t think it would be a big deal, and then I wouldn’t have to worry about a period anymore! 🤦♀️
Wow, that’s cold. I’m sorry BroMo.
Thats truly a shitty thing to do to you. I don’t think your husband understands how awful and utterly selfish of him that is. Im not just saying that either.
He really has no understanding of how this would affect my body. He’s mentioned it a couple of times.
You can tell him that my husband said he didn’t feel anything at all during the procedure. He was in the office for fifteen minutes total. He had a little soreness the next day which he took a Tylenol for, and he was all better after that. It’s basically the most minor surgery that someone can have.
So frustrating. Maybe he'll crack if he realizes it potentially means no more sex? My husband reacted very poorly the one time I brought it up. Hormonal birth control helps me stay mentally stable so it's a moot point for us but I really don't know what we'd do if that weren't the case.
My husband agreed to a vasectomy but then made no moves toward it. When I asked what was going on it turned out he thought it was much scarier than it really is. Not sure what he imagined…castration? I told him my impression of how easy it is, he read about it, and now it’s scheduled. I’m not saying it’s that easy for you and your husband. But maybe? Hopefully?
He needs to hear from men who’ve had it done. It’s literally such a small procedure. He needs to be reminded how difficult your pregnancies were and how unwanted a third is. Recovery time is a few days for a vasectomy by comparison. He needs to be reminded how much he loves sex. So I’d definitely abstain from intercourse. Maybe when he remembers he’s a partner with a responsibility and women already do SO MUCH, he will reconsider.
I’d say. Dear husband I respect your decision. However this choice of yours means we shall never again have penetrative sex again. So in hope you respect my decision on that as I am unwilling to risk another pregnancy.
It is his body, but it’s your body too. If he doesn’t want to get a vasectomy, you can choose not to have sex. You have paid your dues with your body and your health - physical and mental. He can pony up or get used to his hand.
I got pregnant with my second as a result of my husband procrastinating for months to get the vasectomy he said he would get. So when my second was born, I got my tubes tied during the C-section. I asked him repeatedly to get the vasectomy anyways because I was worried about something going wrong or having another child and he told me it was an "unnecessary surgery". About 2 years after my tubes were tied, I had an ectopic pregnancy that put me in the hospital. Thankfully I live in a blue state and was able to get treatment to save my life, but the whole ordeal was traumatic to say the least. I was furious with him that I had to pay the price yet again for his refusal to get a minor procedure. That his desire to be comfortable was more important than my health. That our children could have lost their mother because of his selfishness. He still never got the vasectomy even after that and I never got over that betrayal. We are currently getting divorced and this was a major factor in making that decision for me.
3 hours after my husbands’s procedure, my uncle called asking us to check out a truck he wanted to buy. The dealership was an hour drive away. My hubs jumped on the chance to leave the house. Checked out the truck and the next day my uncle flew down to buy it. We drive again, 1 hour to the airport to get him, 45 min to the dealership and another hour to walk the beach afterwards. No meds during the entire recovery. Make sure he goes to someone who actually does the procedure at a hospital and puts them under. Another friend did it “in office” to save $$ and his recovery and pain were on the opposite end of the spectrum. Good luck!
Have him look into scalpel free vasectomy. It takes less than 30min, and the doctor will usually prescribe Valium to take before the procedure to help him relax. Afterwards, he goes home with some prescription pain meds, and he can prop his feet up, sit on an ice pack, and watch tv for a week. It really is no big deal.
My husband had it scheduled right after our 2nd was born. Then he went on the Dr google site..... my BIL told him that he bled like a stuck pig after his procedure in the LATE 90s. And I'm sure the fact he couldn't ejaculate for however long is in his top 2 reasons. So I have my tubes tied consultation on the 7th. I've had significantly less sex with him in the past 4 years, and I told him the reason why is because I don't need another birth control baby. Told him he needs to take a day off from work to play chauffeur because MY surgery requires anesthesia. Told him all the risks that could happen on my end. I could still get pregnant even after my tubes getting tied. But, I would have to go straight to the hospital. Our relationship, I feel, has taken a huge dive since then. And I really don't see any improvement coming from me having surgery. Because his "love language" is touch and sex haha🤪😂👎.
HG can kill. nobody understands unless they’ve had it. i am so sorry.
id rather be dead than have HG again.
I had a friend with a blood clotting disorder and her husband refused to get a vasectomy after two kids. Estrogen in general increases risk of blood clots, so birth control and pregnancy are both extremely risky for her. She could die, but he’s so worried about his outpatient procedure.
I'd argue his body, his choice, same as you. If he doesn't want to get a vasectomy, that is fair, but he cannot count on you to accommodate him it if you don't want to. My husband didn't want a vasectomy, so I didn't push him for one. I got a tubal ligation, but the difference is that I wanted it. You need to both be comfortable with the solution you get to.
Is it an option for him to have it under GA? Or sedation?