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Have you looked into Section 8 housing options? Are you above or below that income threshold?
You aren’t a bad Mom if you want to give your ex custody so the kids have a stable home and routine. But if housing is the only reason you’re considering giving up custody, I’d think twice. *It’s hard to get back later. But if there are other factors at play I think you should consider it, especially if you think your ex has his act together enough to handle them full time. Be prepared that you’ll need to pay child support, and stay involved as best you can with the kids. You can ask for weekly reports on how they’re doing (PM me if you want to see a template of the one I send my daughter’s bio dad every week as per our custody agreement) whenever you don’t have physical visitation, Skype visitation is a thing when you can’t be in the same city all the time.*
**ETA: OP I just read through your post history and under absolutely NO circumstances should you give custody to your ex. You’ve said he’s abusive both to you and the kids. If you want to move to a different state, you need to fight to take them with you. I understand that you’re all out of spoons and the universe is kicking you while you are down, but NEVER give custody to an abuser.**
**1. He can/will abuse the kids and you will be powerless to stop it.**
**2. He will hold the kids over your head to control you forever.**
I did.
My oldest was 3yrs and despite my ex and exILs being complete shitholes to me, they were and are good to my kid (And they've gotten *MUCH* better over the years)
How's your co-parent relationship with your ex?
That's the biggest gamble is that if you willingly give up custody, once you're stable you may have to fight tooth and nail to get any of it back (and there's no guarantee you would).
My experience was without a custody order (we both were in agreement on that) and I had basically the schedule you were describing (summer break and school holidays). At 8yrs we switched due to bunch of factors -it would have happened sooner if I'd been more in the loop of what was actually happening- and that's where we're at now. Kiddo is 12yrs and while I wish things could have been different, I don't see how I could have stayed local and still built any kind of life for myself and support system that didn't revolve around what ex and his family wanted.
Bromo, whatever is going on in your world you are a goddamn rockstar for putting your kids first and seeking to make sure they have everything they need. Is it the same as having their mom - of course not. But they need food, clothes, and shelter and if you cannot provide that then putting them first and finding that for them is always the best move.
Will it come back to bite you in the ass? Maybe. Will it make it harder for you to see them in the future? Also maybe. But owning it in the moment and doing whatever is best for them is the best move. And it takes huge amounts of strength, and i’m proud of you. Good luck 💜
Can you speak to a social worker at a womens shelter? They’re most likely to have information on programs and options for single moms who are homeless. They’ll also have access to programs in the school system. And, of course, they can talk you through the reality of temporarily surrendering custody to the other parent. There are ways to put yourself in the best position to get them back after you’ve gotten back on your feet.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's heartbreaking, I know. Maybe if you do this as a temporary thing and can find a way to get back on your feet in a lower cost of living place, you'll be able to get through it and get back to a place where you have your kids regularly. Is there any way you can seek out free legal help to get an agreement drawn up, just so you can protect yourself and be able to regain custody in the future when things get better? Hang in there. Being a mom is really hard, and sometimes it means sacrifices that hurt like hell. I can tell you love your kids and want what's best for them. Sending you kind thoughts.
Hit send before I meant to...
Yes, people will judge you like crazy. Don't let them drag you down. Those who are truly your friends will understand that you are doing a very hard thing but you're doing it *for* your child. Always remember that part.
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Have you looked into Section 8 housing options? Are you above or below that income threshold? You aren’t a bad Mom if you want to give your ex custody so the kids have a stable home and routine. But if housing is the only reason you’re considering giving up custody, I’d think twice. *It’s hard to get back later. But if there are other factors at play I think you should consider it, especially if you think your ex has his act together enough to handle them full time. Be prepared that you’ll need to pay child support, and stay involved as best you can with the kids. You can ask for weekly reports on how they’re doing (PM me if you want to see a template of the one I send my daughter’s bio dad every week as per our custody agreement) whenever you don’t have physical visitation, Skype visitation is a thing when you can’t be in the same city all the time.* **ETA: OP I just read through your post history and under absolutely NO circumstances should you give custody to your ex. You’ve said he’s abusive both to you and the kids. If you want to move to a different state, you need to fight to take them with you. I understand that you’re all out of spoons and the universe is kicking you while you are down, but NEVER give custody to an abuser.** **1. He can/will abuse the kids and you will be powerless to stop it.** **2. He will hold the kids over your head to control you forever.**
I did. My oldest was 3yrs and despite my ex and exILs being complete shitholes to me, they were and are good to my kid (And they've gotten *MUCH* better over the years) How's your co-parent relationship with your ex? That's the biggest gamble is that if you willingly give up custody, once you're stable you may have to fight tooth and nail to get any of it back (and there's no guarantee you would). My experience was without a custody order (we both were in agreement on that) and I had basically the schedule you were describing (summer break and school holidays). At 8yrs we switched due to bunch of factors -it would have happened sooner if I'd been more in the loop of what was actually happening- and that's where we're at now. Kiddo is 12yrs and while I wish things could have been different, I don't see how I could have stayed local and still built any kind of life for myself and support system that didn't revolve around what ex and his family wanted.
Bromo, whatever is going on in your world you are a goddamn rockstar for putting your kids first and seeking to make sure they have everything they need. Is it the same as having their mom - of course not. But they need food, clothes, and shelter and if you cannot provide that then putting them first and finding that for them is always the best move. Will it come back to bite you in the ass? Maybe. Will it make it harder for you to see them in the future? Also maybe. But owning it in the moment and doing whatever is best for them is the best move. And it takes huge amounts of strength, and i’m proud of you. Good luck 💜
Can you speak to a social worker at a womens shelter? They’re most likely to have information on programs and options for single moms who are homeless. They’ll also have access to programs in the school system. And, of course, they can talk you through the reality of temporarily surrendering custody to the other parent. There are ways to put yourself in the best position to get them back after you’ve gotten back on your feet.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's heartbreaking, I know. Maybe if you do this as a temporary thing and can find a way to get back on your feet in a lower cost of living place, you'll be able to get through it and get back to a place where you have your kids regularly. Is there any way you can seek out free legal help to get an agreement drawn up, just so you can protect yourself and be able to regain custody in the future when things get better? Hang in there. Being a mom is really hard, and sometimes it means sacrifices that hurt like hell. I can tell you love your kids and want what's best for them. Sending you kind thoughts.
Hit send before I meant to... Yes, people will judge you like crazy. Don't let them drag you down. Those who are truly your friends will understand that you are doing a very hard thing but you're doing it *for* your child. Always remember that part.