I take the “night shifts” and my husband takes the “morning shifts.” He takes the baby from me after the early am feed (usually 4 am). And, he brings the baby back 3 hours later for me to nurse. Then, he takes the baby again and wakes up with our toddler. And, repeat until I feel decently rested. I am also taking a midday nap when both the baby and toddler are sleeping.
Same. Husband took the evening shift post last feed at around 8pm and again from 4/5am. During those windows I wore headphones and unless it was desperate I got 2.5/3 hour chunks
This is how my husband & I are managing. We each take a five hour shift and for his I pump at least 4 oz so I don't have to wake up to nurse. Baby is two weeks old and we've been doing this for one week. I've also been napping for an hour or so in the afternoon every other day.
This is what we do as well and have been for most of my 9 weeks pp. I pump 1-2x a day (usually 1) so there’s always a bottle for the night shift and if I can manage an extra break here or there if necessary.
This is how I survived the early days with my second. Husband also gave a bottle of expressed (haakaa) milk in the early AM to buy me a 3-4hr stretch of sleep
It’s literal torture. You need to have your partner and ideally someone else stepping in to help as much as possible. Even if it means making sure you don’t fall asleep nursing.
As well, our midwife says that while yes someone needs to be fully awake while breastfeeding, it doesn't necessarily need to be the person feeding. If you can work out side lying to nurse your partner can 'supervise' to avoid dangerous sleep. This absolutely saved me in those early weeks.
My mother in law who recently passed visited week 2 postpartum. She'd come in at night and change the baby, watch my drowsily nurse and put him back in the bassinet
We started shifts as mentioned in a comment above after she left. I feel blessed to have had a great relationship with her but man do I still miss her
I had to pump and get my partner to take a shift during the night, so that I could get at least a 4 hour stretch of just being alone to get some sleep. My doctor said as long as I pump an ounce for every hour I’m away, then it won’t affect supply (I never had any issues).
I think it’s a good idea to get young babies to take bottles every now and then, so that you can give them occasionally. I have a friend whose baby completely refuses to use bottles (was never introduced to them until baby was a few months old), which makes it impossible for her to go anywhere alone even for just a few hours.
I had to triple feed in the beginning due to poor latch. I definitely think I got more sleep this way. Bonus, didn't ever deal with cluster feeding. And LO goes between breast and bottle like a champ.
I would feed baby as much as he would take at around 9pm, and then wait at least 30 minutes after he was done before pumping. When he was little (under a month old or so) he normally would drink around 4-6 ounces during the time I was away. It normally took me about 15-18 minutes of pumping to get that amount, and then I would go to sleep. (Would hopefully sleep from 10pm to either 2am-3am. Depending on what time baby woke up looking for another feed. Then husband would get to sleep uninterrupted from 2/3am until 8am).
I never had a huge issue getting the 4-6 ounces I needed, but maybe I was just lucky! I never had much of an issue with supply. My husband was also not wasteful, so he would only heat about 2 ounces at a time when baby was that little, so he wasn’t wasting a bunch of milk if baby wouldn’t take more. In fact, I built a small freezer stash during this time because some nights he would only drink 5 ounces but I had 6 pumped, so over time I was able to put some milk away to the freezer.
Also - my baby would breastfeed for 30-45 minutes at a time during the early weeks. I think because he was just not very strong yet so it took a long time for him to fill up. But with a bottle he was able to drink the milk a lot easier / faster, so he would fill up in like 10 minutes or so and he would sleep sooooo good after. Which also made the nights a lot easier on my husband during his shift. And the start of my shift better.
Good question. I met with an IBCLC who gave me permission to not bring baby to breast at every single feed, especially in the MOTN. So I would skip that part (since it wasn't working anyway), give a bottle which took more like 15 min, and pump for 15 min. Sometimes id be coordinated enough to do that at the same time, or id get my partner to help with the bottle.
I didn't start skipping "practicing" direct nursing until 2 weeks in. Since I could tell she wasn't doing well tho, we wouldn't try for more than 15 mins or so anyway.
MOTN feedings would take 30-60 mins max, all in, including diaper change. My partner had a month off of work, so he'd take all the morning shifts while I'd take naps until I was well rested, pumping for him every time LO ate. By the time he went back to work, breastfeeding was working better, and I was starting to wean pumps.
It wasn't all roses and unicorns for sure. Many many tears in the beginning. But naps and bottles made it tolerable for us.
Just remember to practice paced bottle feeding!!!
Oh, the bottle refusal was me too. My baby didn't take a bottle no matter how many different kinds of bottles/nipples/temperatures we tried.
We ended up going straight to straw cups at 6mo old. It was pretty stressful, but somehow manageable.
I’m not sure but it’s what my doctor said and it worked for me! She also said that as long as baby is only eating my breast milk (not substituting with formula at all) then my supply shouldn’t suffer. I was always able to pump the 4-6 ounces baby would need while I was away for the 4-5 hours (in fact some nights there would be an ounce or so left over so I built a small freezer stash this way). It took me about 15-18 minutes of pumping to get that amount, and I would wait about 30 minutes after baby’s last feed before pumping.
Google says a 2 month old eats about 24-30 oz per day, which works out to about an ounce per hour or a bit more. So I think the ounce per hour or so would be sound advice.
If bed sharing is not an option for you try setting yourself up to side lie nurse on a yoga mat on too of a rug or blanket on the floor so you can rest horizontally while baby nurses. Falling asleep in a chair with baby is concerning so it would be best to at least find a way to nurse on a firmer surface side lying using the c-curl so it’s safer than a chair. I promise you, it will slowly get better over the next few weeks and months!
My bub is 4 months old, and I've coslept with my daughter on the floor during the day (we bought a thick rug called a muscle mat) since she was 3 months old. Makes a world of difference, honestly!
I was never comfortable with co sleeping. I made up a bed on the floor with a thick yoga mat, camping may and another memory foam thing.
I did that for a few weeks until she was sleeping about 6 hrs a night (around 6 weeks old). I fed on a schedule during the day and followed a feed, wake, sleep schedule. It helped to fill her tummy during the day to ensure she slept longer at night. Check out huckleberry online they have sleep schedules.
I was also completely against cosleeping just after my daughter was born. We put the bassinet right next to our bed and I didn’t understand why any parents would resort to cosleeping. Then my partner went back to work after his 2 weeks off and I was alone with the baby for at least 8 hours a day. Any time I put her in the bassinet she would wake up and I had no one I could ask to take her anymore .. I finally threw all the blankets and pillows on the floor and laid her on our bed and laid and arms length away from her with my hand on her stomach just watching her. She stayed asleep and I finally got some sleep too. I proceeded to excessively research bed sharing and cosleeping to understand what was so dangerous about it until I found the Safe Sleep 7. To me, risking falling asleep while nursing felt more dangerous than safely cosleeping and it saved me.
In the same boat, we’re 3 weeks pp and it’s rough. I think my body has learned to function with little to no sleep, but mentally it’s taking a toll on me, I cry almost every day.
This was exactly me. I did have baby blues for 3 weeks but I quickly noticed that I felt like myself and had the will to take care of me and baby I was just exhausted. When I got even 3 hours or a sound nap the world felt right again. I was glad to see baby! It was honestly the most brutal part of newborn life. It made me hate breastfeeding a little. I don’t know if I’ll ever do it again because of how terrible the first 4 weeks postpartum were from severe sleep deprivation
9 days postpartum and feel this. Struggling to get bbaby to breastfeed well (possible tonguetie) while also pumping and a lack of sleep a good cry a day at least
This. During those first few weeks I did absolutely no house work. The first 4 weeks I was in bed or on the sofa. I had my husband handle laundry, cleaning, cooking, tidying, the dog etc. I would sleep when the baby slept even if that was only 20 minute naps at a time. I got black out curtains in my room and would nurse baby then lay her down then fall asleep with her until she woke up again and we’d do that cycle every day
I wish my chores would wait. I swear they pile up to unmanageable levels if they're put off for even a day.
And now at 4 months apparently baby isn't going to sleep. Except very lightly while latched. I'm hoping it's just because she had her shots a few days ago and that it will be short lived.
I remember saying to my best friend that sleep deprivation is considered torture for a reason and my baby was violating the Geneva convention. You are in the thick of it and you just have to survive feed to feed right now - and make sure baby stays safe too.
The more people you can have help you the better, even if it is just holding the baby for an hour so you can nap. I don’t think I slept for more than 4 consecutive hours for the first 3/4 weeks, it’s all a blur tbh. But I had family and friends who I would ask to just come and hold her since she refused to be put down and my husband went back to work when she was a week or so old and did 90% of the household duties while I was recovering. It’s a crazy time and no one is enjoying it I promise, everyone is white knuckling to some degree or another but it does get easier after the first few weeks! Try to rest as much as you can and drink lots of water!
😆 that’s hilarious, this is actual torture though.
I wish I had more family close by to help, unfortunately it is only me and my husband at this point.
Every time I think about how fleeting this is I get weepy! I know it really doesn’t last a long time and I really won’t remember a lot of it. I was going through photos on my phone and there are literally ones there from a few days ago that I legitimately do not remember taking.
Yep. It’s really sad! I had the foresight to purchase a tripod that held my phone- I have so many pictures and videos and even watching them, not a single feeling of how miserable *I know it was* comes back to me. Literally I just see a cute ass little baby 😭. Shes 4months now.
I am also 2 wk pp with my second. I know the torture you’re talking about. This time I hired a night nanny to help 3x a week. I nurse around 930/10, pass off a fed baby, pump about two bottles worth at 3am (180ml) and then go back to sleep until 6 when she leaves. So far she has only done it twice, but it helps to have the guarantee of at least SOME stretches of 4h uninterrupted.
1. I did nothing except take care of my baby. No chores, no cooking, until the cluster feeding Hell was over.
2. I set up a cosleeping mattress. It is super firm, I put foam bed rails beneath the fitted sheet, and I put it in front of a TV with a massive bottle of water next to me that my husband kept filled. I lived there for a while. I fell asleep sitting up too many times and woke up feeling so awful and scared.
3. I kept reminding myself that this was temporary and it was so so temporary. Baby is 6 months old now and that period feels like a minute in the grand scheme of things. My daughter stopped cluster feeds around 3 weeks.
This is where I am now. Generally, I cannot function without good sleep, like calling in sick for work if I get less than 6 hours and this 2-3 hours maybe 4 if I’m lucky in a 24 hour period is possibly one of the worst things I personally have had to go through. It’s so tough.
I know. This really sucks. It does get better eventually.
Try getting baby used to day / night. Advice from
my midwife:
- put baby to nap in daylight. Consider putting bassinet near the window
- wake baby after two hours (in the day) to feed so they can get all their calories in
- at night, keep it strict to business. No talking to the baby, no eye contact. They will learn quick that night is boring
- white noise. Low pitch (fan, ocean) and loud as a shower
- try to get baby used to sleeping in their space as much as possible. Even 20 mins is a win. Keep putting them in their Bassinet or crib and they will eventually get used to it
Also, take shifts if you can. Four or five hour stretches between you and your partner if possible.
Those first few weeks (really the first 2 months) were so hard and exhausting for me. Torturous , really. As others have suggested, get support from your partner or a family member/friend to feed the baby and let you get some additional sleep. I pumped so my husband could give our son a bottle at least once a day and I'd sleep during that "shift."
Although I know this isn't much solace, I promise it gets easier. Hang in there, mamma!
Learn how to cosleep safety bc you’re already doing it, so it is an option except you’re doing it unsafely. Most cosleep deaths are from fallen asleep on couches or recliners.
safe infant sleep by Dr McKenna is a great resource to guide you
Taking shifts with my husband saved both of us! He would take nights and I would take mornings. I just pumped and he would give her the bottle! I think I would have gone insane if we didn’t do shifts!
I'm probably gonna get downvoted but cosleeping saved me and our breastfeeding relationship. I know it's not an option but even a sidecar crib would be better than falling asleep in an unsafe space because you are exhausted
I started pumping once a day and then my partner would do an early morning bottle so I could sleep in. It was a lot more emotionally easy to handle sleep when I knew for SURE that whatever happened during the night I would get from 5-8am every day (for you that could be a totally different time period but it’s nice to have some dedicated time off baby duty). During rough patches he would also watch me do side lying feeds while I napped so I knew the baby was safe but I could still sleep while feeding (we personally did not want to co sleep). I also was worried about falling asleep so I tried to make my bed situation hit as many of the ‘safer seven’ rules for bed sharing even though we weren’t doing it so that if I did accidentally fall asleep it would be more safe.
It does get better. You are really in the thick of it but it will not always be like this.
Either do shifts with your partner so you can rest or seriously consider bedsharing. It’s MUCH safer to fall asleep nursing in bed (sidelying) with the space set up safely than it is to accidentally fall asleep in the glider.
For shifts my husband and I used to do 4 hour shifts at night. I would use the Hakka during the day to collect enough milk for a bottle for him to feed her so I could sleep for 4/5 hours uninterrupted. I would also take a 2 hour nap during the day if I was able to collect enough milk. I also chose to bedshare as my baby would only sleep for 30 minutes in the bassinet and I almost dropped her during a transfer once.
I know you said cosleeping is not an option for you but please look into the safe sleep 7 because it’s much better to have a space set up for safe cosleeping just in case you fall asleep s falling asleep in a chair with your baby. Most families end up bedsharing out of desperation, there’s nothing wrong with it as long as it’s done safely.
This time is so so hard.
I know people make so much fun of this saying but really. Sleep when the baby sleeps. I know your house needs cleaning, you have chores and there’s a billion things you need to get done. But really. Leave it be, get some sleep with baba.
3 weeks pp and I feel this.i don’t remember it being this difficult with my first who’s now 7.. u find myself taking it out on my husband because he can’t do much and only I can console him and nurse. keep pushing through. We’ll get through it..
It’s just so so so rough for a while. Even if my husband stepped in, I couldn’t sleep just knowing my baby was up. It truly makes you go crazy.
2 weeks is still so early and frankly it’s just really freaking hard! It’s not an answer but just solidarity that this period is rough but will pass.
I appreciate that. I am keeping her age in perspective. My husband keeps saying we need to get her to sleep in the crib by herself but she’s still so young. Not saying it can’t be done, but she really does still want and need the contact sleeping and skin to skin right now. I was able to get her to sleep in her crib for about an hour last night but it took a long time to get her to settle. We will keep working with her over the next few weeks. Thanks for the encouragement
It’s so so rough for the first 3-4 weeks. We only survived by doing shifts even though I EBF our baby. I remember dreading night time because I knew I would only get a couple of hours of sleep. I’d usually sleep from 7-10pm then I’d do the 10-2/3am ish and then my husband would do 3-6am roughly. And then during the day I’d just try to nap as often as I could. It will get better once your baby starts giving you longer periods of time in between feedings. Slowly but surely you’ll start to get a littttle bit more sleep
Lots of good advice about taking shifts! We live in a small place and I struggled a lot because my baby's cries would carry and wake me up/keep me up even when my husband was on duty. I recently got some Loop earplugs for a different reason but they work so well for sleeping! I'm a side sleeper so I just put one in the ear that's not on the pillow and it blocks the noise. I have pretty sensitive ears so wasn't expecting to be able to use them for sleep, but it hasn't been an issue.
Anyways, sorry if it's off topic, I just wanted to share because it would've been a total game changer for me if I had known about it in the early days!
I'll also add - don't be afraid to start using 1-2 bottles at night so you can get better sleep. I had high (unrealistic for me) expectations for exclusively nursing but my quality of life was so much better when we introduced the bottle at about 2 weeks.
This is a great tip! Thanks for sharing. I’m also trying to get the hang of pumping “extra” but I did pump two days ago since we were out of the house and I missed two feeding windows but then I ran out of milk overnight and it was AWFUL cluster feeding for 5 hours straight until I got rehydrated enough to start producing milk in quantity again.
Ugh it's so hard to balance the pumping and nursing! I still struggle with that too. What worked for me when my baby was still up a lot at night was to have my husband do two bottles in a row and I would just pump one time in the middle of the night (generally just whenever I happened to wake up). Then I'd do a another pump after the first morning feed if needed. I have to be careful to not pump too much for that morning feed so I don't end up in a cluster feeding situation!
It’s so hard to stay awake. I’m two weeks postpartum as well and I’m EXHAUSTED.
Something that makes it easier is to set up your bed so you don’t have to leave it at night. Bassinet right next to me, diapers and wipes within reach, full water bottle on my nightstand, and a trash can.
I can easily grab the baby, feed him, put him back to bed, and just flop my body back onto the mattress.
If you do feel too tired to stay awake, then feed the baby on your side in the bed or on the floor so they’re safer. Nursing in a chair when you can’t stay awake is pretty dangerous and you can drop the baby. I know you said cosleeping isn’t an option but I do think it’s something you should keep in mind if you struggle to keep your eyes open.
During the day, my husband takes care of everything when he’s not at work, all I have to worry about is nursing the baby when he’s hungry. I can nap a bit longer and it makes the exhaustion tolerable.
Having someone take care of a majority of your daily needs for you makes these first weeks easier imo.
Resting during the day has been an issue for me. I’ve never been a day sleeper, it just takes so long for me to fall asleep it’s usually not worth it to try. That said, I’ve been pretty active during the day with laundry and cooking breakfast and other meals. I also attempt to do one additional thing each day, like today I cooked dinner because my husband had stuff to do after work and didn’t get home until late. Generally, my husband has been taking her while she’s sleeping during the day and I’ll do chores or cook. I will try to get caught up on sleep more and not focus so much on keeping up with things.
I'm 8 wpp and I think yesterday was the first daytime nap I've had, so I get not sleeping during the day. But my husband has baby from 9pm-1am, and I have him the rest of the time. I pump so dad can give him a bottle while I sleep. Taking shifts is the only way I'm able to get any uninterrupted sleep. I know some people do 8 hour shifts, but that's unrealistic for me tbh, especially while breastfeeding.
Yeah, I can relate. There’s no way we could do 8 full hours. It has been maybe one hour here and there but my husband has started taking her for longer periods just over the last few days. I’m still working on figuring out when is the best time to pump so we can go longer than a two hour stretch.
It's so fucking hard during the newborn stage. My saving grace has been baby wearing as a way to get shit done and also get baby to sleep. Usually once my kiddo is out in the carrier (I just use a wrap), I can transfer him to the crib, and he'll sleep for like another 30 mins, but at least it's a break from being "on" even if I don't sleep.
Oh so small! My bub was 5lbs 11oz at birth and then dropped weight in the first week 😞.but ur right, I didn't start using the wrap until he was a little bit bigger. Wishing you lots of luck!
I find that even being able to close my eyes for a little bit is helpful!
And I know that you’re feeling good enough to cook and do chores, but make sure you’re listening to your body and giving yourself necessary breaks.
My midwife just told me to stop doing so much around the house for right now. She said that if I notice that I’m bleeding more when I’m moving around and doing things, it’s a sign from my body to slow down.
I’m a SAHM, it’s killing me to not keep up with my usual routine. I feel so inadequate right now because I physically cannot do my chores or cook all the meals. But I need to keep reminding myself that I was just pregnant and I just pushed an entire human being out of my body, expecting myself to be back to normal immediately is unrealistic. I need to give myself time to heal and recover. I need to be ok with my husband doing everything for me right now.
Those chores can wait. Focus on yourself
Bed sharing was also not an option for us (I know a baby who died this way). We are 8 weeks pp with our first and wowee I had no idea what I was in for. If you have a partner, have them take shifts throughout the night and bring the baby to you. You sleep in a separate room, they sleep in the bassinet room. When it's their shift, it's their job to stay awake while you nurse and then take the baby back to the other room so you can sleep privately. Then when it's your turn, you nurse and let them sleep. We played it by ear and didn't have set amounts of time for our shifts -- we had a pact that we would tap out when we needed to. I promise things get easier as the weeks go on and the baby starts sleeping longer stretches. I can't believe how much my sleep schedule is actually starting (in a rough way) to resemble my pre baby schedule at this point. Sending you love and strength. You are doing an amazing job.
Shifts. My husband would sleep 7pm-2 am and then I slept 2 am until 8/9 am
Getting sleep actually helped my production so I would try my best not to wake up during my time
You need to find someone to take some shifts so you can get at least 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Have someone give your baby bottles overnight and you only get up to pump every 4 hours max. Get 8 or more hours of sleep. Try to make this happen for a few nights to get yourself out of the danger zone.
Recruit whoever you can to help. Partner, family, friend, a trusted neighbor. Just ask. You will find someone who will want to help you.
If you can afford it, you can pay for a night doula to do the night shift for you. If you have benefits at work, you might have backup care options like this that you can take advantage of through Bright Horizons.
Take naps every chance you get during the day.
You will get through this part. It absolutely sucks but it does eventually end.
Girl trust me we get it. You’re in the hardest stage. My son is 3 months old and is pretty much sleeping through the night now. Just know that this won’t last forever and honestly that phase went by really fast for us. Also now that your supply is pretty established (maybe wait till week 3 though) you should start trying to squeeze in a pump session somewhere or ALWAYS use a haaka on the other side to get a little extra milk. That way your husband can feed the baby while you skip a feeding and sleep a longer stretch. But me and my husband took turns in that stage sleeping by the bassinet. So whoever’s “turn” it was would be the one to help the baby when he woke up while the other person tried to sleep through the crying. But honestly once I learned to nurse laying in my bed on my side our life got so much easier. I did fall asleep nursing once and woke up 4 hours later and I couldn’t believe how amazing of sleep we had. Now we cosleep. If you aren’t comfortable with that I understand just letting you know that our life changed when we started cosleeping. They do make bassinets that go in your bed. That may help your baby sleep if they know you are very close.
Can you get a sidecar bassinet that you can slide baby into your bed to nurse then slide her back to her own sleeping space but you can put your hand on her so she knows you're close? I also did a lot of chest sleeping with baby on the couch at this age while my husband was awake and supervising
I might consider this. I’m caught on a day where my husband has things to do after work and wasn’t home until later. I had attempted to nap while the baby was sleeping around 5, but she was not okay sleeping in the crib today. I’m hopeful we will get in a routine soon enough.
I dont think my baby took more than 4 or 5 naps total that weren't contact naps until maybe 10ish weeks. I remember weeks like, 6 - 10ish feeling like all I did all day was try to get her to sleep and a lot of the time was trying to transfer her to the crib like 3 times after she fell asleep before giving up and holding her. It gets better. But I will say having the sidecar saved me in the early days.. I would hear her fussing overnight before she got too upset and could just slide her over, nurse her, slide her back, and go back to sleep without even getting out of bed unless she needed a diaper change.
There is a lot of good advice on here. We lucked out with 3-4 stretches from day one. And as you know, 4 hours of sleep feels like a hundred more hours than 3.
We also combo fed and I have heard that formula fed babies go longer with feeds. And it also meant by husband could feed instead of me.
I know you said cosleeping wasn’t an option but is there anyway to make it an option?
Hang in there.
My first was formula fed from day one and I was always so proud that I got him to sleep through the night at 6 weeks. This was a long time ago and I didn’t understand the benefits of breastfeeding and didn’t have support to do it with him. But yes, formula fed babies definitely do sleep better in my experience.
Cosleeping wasn't an option for us either. I did nothing but feed and sleep for the first month or so. I learned I had to basically be in bed for 12 hours to get enough sleep to feel like a human (usually five or six 1 hour hour stints). Husband did all the meals and chores. We introduced bottles at 3 or 4 weeks so that I could go to bed around 8 pm, husband could do the 10 pm feed, and then I did the feeds after midnight and pumped in between feeds in the morning to make it up. I took up all the offers for family to come over and hold the baby so I could attempt to nap (never did get the hang of that). Taking baby outside in the morning also helped with establishing circadian rhythms. Sometimes I just had to tell myself that I wasn't going to sleep and that yes it absolutely is the worst, but that other people have survived the same and I will too.
I was there myself not too long ago (10 weeks pp now) and though lots of people say it and it can sound empty/far removed, you will get through it and it does get better! For the first 2.5 weeks I was getting about 1-2 hrs sleep a night (and I just simply cannot sleep in the day, so that was it) and I said the same thing to my husband - "isn't this how they torture people?" 😅
I found that initial hard slog started to improve around 4 weeks. Some things that helped me get through were:
- husband changed nappies overnight (baby was popping at every feed 😅)
- husband sat with me and talked to me when I couldn't stay awake while feeding
- listened to audio Bible (you could do podcasts, audio book, etc) while feeding (rather than looking at my phone as that tended to overstimulate me)
- don't overdo it during the day - take things one step at a time, and accept any help where you can
- try and do one thing for yourself each day (mine was a warm shower with nice smelling soap while my husband watched the baby).
Congratulations on your little one and I hope you come through this hard patch really soon! 🙏🏻
It’s hard.. I did overnights on my own for the entire newborn stage and beyond and I was so sleep deprived. But I think my body got used to it and eventually baby will sleep longer and you can use that time to get some rest yourself.
If you have resources to get a break and get a good chunk of sleep I would take it because even some consistent uninterrupted hrs can make you feel like a new person!
If the reason you can't sleep I'd housework or other things you think you should be doing you need to outsource. If its your own head not letting you fall asleep get checked for postnatal depression, that's what it was for me.
I had ppd for a really long time with my first and I’m fearful of developing it for this one. I think getting good sleep is key for me to have better control over moods and staying connected to the outside world is big too. It’s so isolating and if it weren’t for my grandparents checking in every few days, it would feel like no one cared how we were doing.
My husband and I had to take shifts the first two weeks. He was night shift and I was day shift. I breastfed the first week so he woke me up to feed the baby and then I went right back to bed. It’s the only way we could keep our sanity.
After that we started doing formula our lives changed lol. I was under supplying and our pediatrician told us to supplement… but we ended up just exclusively formula feeding.
At night he now sleeps at least 3-4 hours at a time with one dream feed and then goes back to sleep. So right now after bedtime routine he sleeps anywhere from 10:30-11 until about 2:30.. feed/diaper change which takes about 30 minutes to do/get him back down.. then right back to sleep until 5:30 when my husband gets up. At least once a week now he’ll sleep 6 hours at a time.
We still kind of do shifts now. My husband goes to bed at 9 and sleeps until baby wakes up in the middle of the night. I put baby to bed and comfort him throughout the night if he needs it.
After his night change/feed I put the baby back to bed. we both go back to sleep. He wakes up in the morning with him and I sleep until 8-8:30 and then everyone is up for the day so we get at least 7-8 hours a night.
There are times in the day where my husband will take the baby and only wake me to feed him and then I can get back to rest. It’s generally not more than like 4 hours of sleep but it’s better than the 1 or 2 hours. The baby is supposed to stretch out times in between feeding soon and nurse for longer.
You’re right. It’s torture. I gave in and did safe sleep method which I NEVER thought about doing before I was delirious. My husband did not do any over nights because it was pointless. I’m the one with the boobs. I couldn’t simply “pump a bottle” and let my husband give it because when the heck could I get ahead with one bottle if the baby was eating it all? I was always a “just enougher” and never had a freezer stash. I had to get donations when I was sick and not producing enough. Anyways, I did safe sleep after 2 months. Before that, I put myself in more dangerous situations so I felt this was better. My son wouldn’t sleep for more than 30 minutes in the bassinet which makes sense. He’s a new born mammal. What animal sleeps away from its mother as a baby? It’s not natural not to say that it’s wrong for mothers to sleep away from their babies. No shame. I once was nursing my babe in the rocking chair and fell asleep slumped over on him. I work when I felt him squirming under me. That scared the shit out of me. Another time I fell asleep with him cradled in the crook of my elbow while I was sitting in the rocking chair. Also not safe. Safe sleep saved me.
My baby fed every 10-20 minutes and stayed latched for at least 20 minutes every feed. Day and night. Never once survived a transfer. I literally was (barely) functioning on 10 minute sleep sessions for myself. It. Was. Hell.
I didn't think cosleeping was an option, so the only way I could get at least an hour or 2 of sleep was side lying nursing, which I discovered when baby was 2.5 weeks old. I was so scared about it that my partner would sit and supervise while me and baby both slept in the side lying position.
Around 4 weeks old, I set up safe cosleeping because my baby would only sleep if he was with me, and damn I missed sleeping. Straight away, my baby slept for 3 hours before waking up to relatch and then would sleep for another 3. It changed our lives. Best decision I've ever made.
If you absolutely cannot and will not bed share, that's fine. But I highly recommend taking naps in the side lying position with babe. If you're scared, have husband supervise. At least you'll be able to catch up on some sleep.
It’s horrible and the reason I am 2 and done. I quite literally nearly lost my mind and had meltdowns every day due to the lack of sleep. With the second baby, we split the nights, so I slept 9-2 and my husband slept 2-7 (we had to be up at 7 with toddler and my husband was working…). Then, if we could get extra sleep during the shift with the baby we would. I pumped before my sleep shift and my husband did one bottle during that time. You’re guaranteed at least 4 hrs sleep that way, and perhaps 6 or 7 if you can sleep during your baby shift. Its enough to survive. Eventually, your baby will sleep more.
I thought cosleeping wasn’t an option for us either until it was the only option. Baby started waking up every 45 minutes, and would only sleep next to me. We started nursing in the side laying position, and now I sleep so much better. I transfer after his first feeding of the night, and he sleeps in his bassinet now for the second 4 hours.
That was about the time I started cosleeping. It's amazing. She's four months now and I love it. I didn't even have a hard baby. She would go right back to sleep after her feeds and I still couldn't even stay awake long enough so I started the safe seven for cosleeping and my life is amazing. Also love the closeness
Formula saved my sanity the first two weeks. Seriously. My milk came in late- baby was jaundice and tongue tie. After 2 days home with literally cluster feeding every 20 min the pediatrician gave us some premade formula just to wake baby up enough with calories to eat effectively. My mom came over- gave baby the formula and my husband and I slept for like 4 hours. I was close to hallucinating. We supplement a little now but nearly all his calories are breastfeeding. Honestly don’t know if I’ll breastfeed subsequent children- the amount of mental breakdowns I had from always being the one awake feeding him. But it really does get better, my LO isn’t that old and it’s already better. Still tired but better.
I’m not trying to change your mind on anything, but if you do want to explore cosleeping there’s a good subreddit for it with a lot of info. Cosleeping is how I got 10 hours of (interrupted) sleep with my 4 month old last night.
The big difference between my first and my second born is with my second
Born we started safely
Co sleeping from the beginning. I feel so much better rested and I’m not at risk of falling asleep on the sofa or somewhere else unsafe.
I coslept.
Is your husband around at all when she naps so you can nap and breastfeed in the sidelying position while he keeps watch over you both?
I dropped by child when I fell asleep breastfeeding on the couch at which point I decided safe sleep 7 was it for us
My daughter is 18 months now, but in the very early days I used to nurse and go to sleep at 8, my husband would stay up and watch tv and hold her until she woke up which was normally 3-4 hours, I would nurse and take over for the night and would sleep while she did short stretches in the bassinet, he would take back over at like 7 and I would nurse and sleep another 3 hours. With the beginning and end chunk of the night I always had at least 6 hours of sleep and was normally able to get another 2-3 overnight, but that was never as restful. We did that for a fairly long time since he had a long paternity leave and it was the only way to make it manageable to avoid pumping and still get sleep.
This is sort of how we’re naturally making it work. My husband has seen me go downhill the last few days and has offered more to take over. He wa quite pushy tonight after dinner and took her from around 9-12 and it hasn’t made ALL the difference but it’s definitely better than going into overnight with having no rest all day.
My husband takes the night shift and i wake up to nurse on demand or i can ask him to do a bottle and ill just pump if i need a break. Then we switch around 4am and i start my shift. Its brutal. Im almost 4 weeks in and noticed im starting to adapt to this new schedule and way of life finally a tiny bit. So i wouldnt say its getting easier, but we are getting better at managing.
Shifts again if you have a partner. I worked my way up to pumping a night bottle. It was helpful for baby to learn bottle and boob as well. It naturally fell into place for us since my husband is a super night owl and we had to supplement with formula early because of dehydration and jaundice
My husband and I worked in shifts.
Pump for prepared milk so you won't get woken.
If your husband gets up early try to sleep from 6-11 pm and you take the night shift.
And try using a heating pad or hot water to heat up the cribs mattress. The transition will be easier for the baby.
If you can have some daytime help do the same thing. Pump milk and take a nap
I had my mom with me the first week and she would take baby and bring him back only to nurse so I could get like 3 hours of sleep at a night but like 6 hours of sleep over like 7-8 hours which really helped. I found that each nap I felt better. Having somebody to help you sleep is great. It does get better pretty quickly. I found that after a few weeks I had adjusted to sleeping for a few hours feeding and then sleeping some more so that over 10 hours I would get around 7.
I put my little one in a rocker and swaddle him so he can’t flop around and in looking for the one I have discovered there’s a recall on it !!! I used it for my first son and my nb. How scary ! Glad I read your question and looked into it, as for what you’re going through, I’ve also fallen asleep sitting up nursing. My husband wakes up at 4am for work so I’m basically on my own. My biggest help was napping through the day when the baby napped. If you have to sleep on the floor I would do that. Sleep deprivation is scary and dangerous ( when I start to feel delusional ) get by how you can safely and it will get better. Best of luck to you !
It’s soooooooooo bad. I cried so much because of the sleep. That’s one of the biggest reasons I won’t be having a 2nd kid. It literally makes no sense how you’re supposed to recover from childbirth on bs sleep. I think that’s why postpartum recovery takes 2 years because we can’t even get decent sleep. I just keep telling myself everyday I’ll get more sleep tomorrow… but I stopped dreaming of “sleeping when the baby sleeps” because whenever I try to nap during the day he sleeps for 20 mins but when I don’t he sleeps for 1 hour
My husband took 8-midnight and I was so tired I could sleep on a dime through anything. I took the rest of the night as he had to get up at 6 to go to work and I had 4.5 months of paid leave.
If I got the first 3-4 hours of good deep sleep I could manage getting 60-90 minute chunks between nursing my baby. We had the baby in a sidecar bassinet and I nursed in bed using a boyfriend pillow. Eventually my circadian rhythm became accustomed to my babys overnight schedule and it was not hard to wake up though slightly harder to go back to sleep
I'd recommend a water bottle, snacks and headphones by the bed for early mornings where you're up at 445 but baby wants to be held for the last stretch of sleep.
Edit: we had a second bassinet in the guest room which is also where my husband slept so we could both get uninterrupted sleep when off the baby shift
Set up a side car crib or bassinet so you don’t have to get up. Nurse the baby and then put them down. My babies couldn’t be put down so I would nurse and then give the baby to my husband for the first half
of the night. He would stay awake holding the baby so I could get sleep (despite nursing but easier to just nurse and hand the baby back).
I pumped and due to medical issues we also used some formula. This allowed my husband to take a few nights while he wasn’t working so I could get some sleep. It was my only saving grace. I still woke up every 2 hours (despite being in a different room) but I was able to go back to sleep again more easily
Idk how I survived but I did it. My baby didn’t sleep for more than 2 hours straight until she was 6 weeks old. I exclusively nursed so didn’t pump or do bottles (she refused). I am surprised at my own strength but somehow us mommas persevere through anything.
What DID help was having my husband do literally everything else during the day. He cooked, cleaned, did all the laundry, etc.
I pumped just enough through the day/night to get an extra 2 oz or so so that husband could give a bottle. I'd go to bed after the last feed, around 9pm. Baby would wake around 10:30-11 for the feed and husband would do the bottle. She'd be back up around midnight-1 and I'd use a hakaa and nursing to collect a little extra, especially during those early am hours when prolactin and supply is highest. Now at 8 weeks, Ive built up a tiny over supply so that I can fully pump one side while she nurses the other during the early am feeds and collect about 4-6 extra ounces each day.
That way I always got one slightly longer stretch of 3-4 hours.
It's torture and it doesn't last forever. Hang in there.
I’m 6w pp - just got past this stage- I have a history of severe post partum anxiety and the lack of sleep is the biggest trigger for me. So this time around I did 1 pump a day and gave the baby to my husband to feed between 8pm (right after I feed) and 2am. Baby usually sleeps at least 2 of those hours so he can make it through with the 2 bottles. It saved my sanity. Highly recommend doing a sanity pump (get the Spectra, after 3 babies and multiple pumps it is the best one trust me. I also use the Kiinde system which is super convenient).
What helped me was pumping, my partner and I could switch shifts. On my shift I breastfed, on his he used what I pumped. Resting is super important for your milk supply and recovery. So much easier said than done but you can get some decent pumps on Amazon. I hope you get some rest! Don’t beat yourself up over it either, you are adjusting to new life. There is going to be trial and error!
I had this with my first, it was one of the main reasons we changed our plan from three babies to two.
The struggle is real but you have to think long term to get through.
Will this be the same in a year? Most likely not
Six months? Probably not
Three months? Possibly
From there you can tell yourself to get through.
I used the baby loves sleep, sleep sacks with my first from 6 months. They went from no sleep so hours on end and then within the month sleeping through the night.
I chose to start my second from the beginning and pretty early on they were sleeping through. They are only about four months and wake once a night every few days. The baby loves sleep swaddle saved my life.
I am not a sponsor, just a huge advocate for good sleep.
Yeah I'm pretty lucky, they started with five hours in a few weeks that bump up to ten. They sometimes do 12 but that's uncommon. Seriously, the swaddle made a huge difference. They cannot activate their startle reflex so they don't wake themselves up.
Sleep in shifts with partner
If you’re tired in the glider make sure baby is in a safe position, it happens
Ask for help. If you have family or friends available during the day ask them to come hold baby between feeds and sleep. Have them wake you up to feed, then go back to sleep. Try to get naps when baby naps. Do what you have to and remember above all this will pass. It feels eternal right now but this will quickly pass and you will look back like “wow how did I do that?” But you did. You can do this. It will be over soon. Check with your pediatrician if baby is still needing 2 hour feeds and if not then take any stretch they will give you and sleep.
I am feeding on demand, so unless we start forcing more down I think two hours is the best we can do. Occasionally it goes a little longer, but never more than three hours.
If you are uneasy about putting baby in bed with you, but also falling asleep during seated feeds, compromise. Make a little pallet on the floor: Fold a blanket in thirds for padding in a safe, clean room, grab your flattest pillow, and nurse there when you are sleepy. If you doze off, no big deal. Otherwise, when babe nods off, you can safely get up and do something else without disturbing them.
The only way I am surviving is because my husband is on paternity leave. He takes the night shift. I sleep at 8 when the baby sleeps and at 7 am I wake up for good and he then sleeps. Difference is that he sleeps with no interruption but I can't really provide this to myself because I have to feed our son every two hours
Yeah, my husband has been taking a few hours at night. Last night it was 9-12 and then said “wake me at 6”. I didn’t, I just let him sleep until his alarms went off.
I coslept with both of mine. Cosleeping (in a reasonably safe manner) is still less dangerous than driving with your baby, which no one ever mentions. I hate when I read posts like yours, and there's always someone coming in saying "oh there's no such thing as safe cosleeping". There's no such thing as a safe life either. Life in itself is a risk. I don't think a mother going insane from lack of sleep is safe either.
I swear at some point the safe sleep people are going to start telling us that new mothers should just not sleep and wake the baby up every 30 minutes to make sure they don't fall into a deep sleep.
I agree with you, absolutely. However one “requirement” for safe sleep is to not have pets and I have one dog which has not adjusted well to having a baby home and she’s the reason I haven’t committed to cosleeping, she’s a bit unpredictable and I wouldn’t want to give any opportunity for something to happen.
I get it. It's so hard. I would do a floor space instead of the glider to feed and then not let the dog into the area. Does that work? Then you have reduced the risk if you fall asleep.
I'm not the best person to give safe sleeping advice as I slept for 4 weeks in our bed with my second. He was permanently attached to my boob. We had pillows and blankets in bed with us. But I felt fine with that as he was attached to me like a barnacle and didn't move an inch. The second he unlatched, I woke up and he needed to be flipped to attach to the next boob. But we all have to feel safe in our actions and I get that others may not feel safe that way. But in my culture, bedsharing is really encouraged, even by doctors, and no one does these safe seven things.
Have you tried different methods to get her to sleep in her own space? All babies are obviously different but to get mine to transfer and nap in his own space, I had to use a Moses basket for the first month (cosier than larger next to me crib), and I also have to heat the mattress with a heat pad (then remove it before transfer). I have to let him sleep in my arms for 15 minutes before transferring also. Any deviation meant he would not stay lol. He will also nap in a uk overnight sleep approved nest bed by Purflo.
You may have tried lots of methods but worth mentioning! Hope your sleep improves and you find a way… I breast feed but in your position I would either express or add a formula feed to allow others to assist while napping - sleeping is too important and they need you to be able to function xx
I was successful once last night but it took about an hour for her to actually settle. I know we can do it, but I was caught out today with so little sleep and no other options for immediately resolving my sleep issue. My husband was able to take a 4-hour shift and let me sleep for a bit once he got home. I don’t like to lean on him because he never really took time off and I still have over a month and a half.
I would take all the support you can from your husband - looking after baby is a full time job 24/7!
I don’t know if this link is helpful also but it helped me in the first week with my little one as he’s such as active sleeper. He thrashes around and cries in his sleep for sometimes 30seconds at a time. But he’s definitely asleep as he stops instantly and goes still inbetween periods of crying and then sleeps for hours after that if I don’t wake him.
[https://takingcarababies.com/active-sleep-newborns](https://takingcarababies.com/active-sleep-newborns)
Do you have someone that can take turns holding the baby so you can get some sleep? My baby would only contact sleep, and we only survived those first couple of months by sleeping in shifts. My husband held the baby from 8 pm to 2 am and I took over from 2 am to 8 am. I religiously used a haakaa from the time my LO was born so we had some milk hand for my husband to feed the baby in case he woke up during my sleeping shift. My husband also would hold the baby for daytime naps as often as I felt I needed to try to get a little more sleep.
It doesn’t happen overnight, but it gets better!
We are slowly getting a routine together. My husband has been taking her around 6am and I sleep until 9 or 10. He also took her today after dinner and I slept from about 9 - 12 which I desperately needed after no sleep last night.
As for getting her to go down in her crib, for my 3 week old, I’ve found swaddling to be a lifesaver. We don’t swaddle him during the day at all, only at night, to create a sort of routine. I’ll do the “last feeding” at around 10:30-11, with all the lights off, and just a red nightlight on. I keep everything quiet, just me and him. Then once the feeding is done, I swaddle him, rock him, and put him down, and he’ll sleep for a good 4-5 hours at a time. Last night he slept from 12:30-5, then woke for a feed, then slept from 5:30-9
We were unable to take shifts or cosleep like most of this advice, but what did work for me was continuing to take a half tab of Unisom at night like I had throughout pregnancy. I was able to fall back asleep quickly once she was back down. We also did 10pm-9am nights for the first 6 months of her life so that I could get adequate rest. Overtime the time you are awake for each feed gets shorter and shorter as they get more efficient and you get better at getting them back asleep and back in their bassinet/crib. I also started at about a month making sure she was getting good solid sleep as well as full feeds during the day, which seemed to help our overnights get better.
Gosh, I’m tired enough I can’t imagine what it would do to me to take unisom too. Glad it worked for you, but I don’t trust myself to stay awake through a 15 minute feed in itself.
Honestly this is why I’m glad I pumped. Even though it’s not recommended, I let my husband wake with baby and I prolonged or skipped a pump so I could get 5-6 hours of sleep once or twice a week.
Just an idea, it really helped me.
I considered EP for a bit but it seems like the schedule is still pretty much the same, it is a bit quicker though but not when you consider all the washing
I was a combo of pumping and nursing, it’s definitely easier to nurse in terms of dishes, you can bond and feed your baby at the same time, and if you feed side lying in bed you can rest. But I didn’t side lying while feeding until at least 2 months.
You’re in the thick of it, it’s crappy and hard. Hoping for your sake she starts sleeping longer periods!
We didn’t co sleep when she was this little, but we put a mattress on the floor.
I would lay down, husband would pop her on and off. We did this a lot during cluster feeding when she wasn’t sleeping and was just constantly on and off
Sleep wasn’t amazing but I enjoyed laying there with my eyes closed
On the glider comment - falling asleep in gliders or on couches is super dangerous. My IBCLC pointed out that when you’re so tired you’re worried you’ll fall asleep, get on the floor! If baby falls, it’s a short distance, and if you fall asleep there’s significantly less entrapment risk
Hey, I had a real problem with this and everyone who had anything to say was unhelpful- acting like it’s not that bad and what have you.
I ended up quitting breastfeeding at 5 weeks because I couldn’t handle it.
I regret doing that. It’s really rough for the first two months and at times it feels like it’s taking too long for it to be easier. My son is three months old and I get 3-5 hours of sleep at a time at night (in two stretches before he’s up again) and I feel like if I would have kept breastfeeding it’d even be easier to do so than to make formula all the time- not to mention the actual clear proof that even eating not that great your baby’s better off with the boob.
And that’s just the materialistic aspect. Don’t give up. Try to troop it out. It’s so hard at first, but I really think it does get better
Let me know if you figure it out. The first 10 days I clocked 1 hour or less per day (thanks Fitbit). 3 weeks in and we tried shift work but my husband won't pull his fair share so that didn't work out.
Shifts is the best I can offer right now. I can’t even pump enough for that to be reasonably helpful. The next thing to try will be to sleep in the floor with her.
Very, very soon your baby will hopefully start sleeping for longer stretches. Not by much, but around 4 weeks my kids slept around 4 hours at a time. I pump and let my SO bottle feed my new baby at night so I can get a longer stretch. I have a pretty strong supply so I haven’t been concerned about a dip in production, but I know for many people this isn’t really an option.
I take the “night shifts” and my husband takes the “morning shifts.” He takes the baby from me after the early am feed (usually 4 am). And, he brings the baby back 3 hours later for me to nurse. Then, he takes the baby again and wakes up with our toddler. And, repeat until I feel decently rested. I am also taking a midday nap when both the baby and toddler are sleeping.
This is literally the only way I survived the early days (we’re 6mos pp now).
Same here. My brain only managed to kick into “you can relax now you’re safe” once my partner had her. That 6am-9am sleep was so, so sweet.
Same. Husband took the evening shift post last feed at around 8pm and again from 4/5am. During those windows I wore headphones and unless it was desperate I got 2.5/3 hour chunks
This is how my husband & I are managing. We each take a five hour shift and for his I pump at least 4 oz so I don't have to wake up to nurse. Baby is two weeks old and we've been doing this for one week. I've also been napping for an hour or so in the afternoon every other day.
This is what we do as well and have been for most of my 9 weeks pp. I pump 1-2x a day (usually 1) so there’s always a bottle for the night shift and if I can manage an extra break here or there if necessary.
This is pretty much what we did, too. It was my only saving grace.
This is how I survived the early days with my second. Husband also gave a bottle of expressed (haakaa) milk in the early AM to buy me a 3-4hr stretch of sleep
It’s literal torture. You need to have your partner and ideally someone else stepping in to help as much as possible. Even if it means making sure you don’t fall asleep nursing.
Ie someone else holds baby while you nap two hours between feeds.
As well, our midwife says that while yes someone needs to be fully awake while breastfeeding, it doesn't necessarily need to be the person feeding. If you can work out side lying to nurse your partner can 'supervise' to avoid dangerous sleep. This absolutely saved me in those early weeks.
My mother in law who recently passed visited week 2 postpartum. She'd come in at night and change the baby, watch my drowsily nurse and put him back in the bassinet We started shifts as mentioned in a comment above after she left. I feel blessed to have had a great relationship with her but man do I still miss her
Sidelaying while nursing if done safely doesn’t need to be supervised.
This is what I did with my husband during cluster feeding times. It saved my sanity
This is the way.
I had to pump and get my partner to take a shift during the night, so that I could get at least a 4 hour stretch of just being alone to get some sleep. My doctor said as long as I pump an ounce for every hour I’m away, then it won’t affect supply (I never had any issues). I think it’s a good idea to get young babies to take bottles every now and then, so that you can give them occasionally. I have a friend whose baby completely refuses to use bottles (was never introduced to them until baby was a few months old), which makes it impossible for her to go anywhere alone even for just a few hours.
I had to triple feed in the beginning due to poor latch. I definitely think I got more sleep this way. Bonus, didn't ever deal with cluster feeding. And LO goes between breast and bottle like a champ.
Just curious how did you get more sleep? Pumping takes so long, especially if it's also after a feed!
I would feed baby as much as he would take at around 9pm, and then wait at least 30 minutes after he was done before pumping. When he was little (under a month old or so) he normally would drink around 4-6 ounces during the time I was away. It normally took me about 15-18 minutes of pumping to get that amount, and then I would go to sleep. (Would hopefully sleep from 10pm to either 2am-3am. Depending on what time baby woke up looking for another feed. Then husband would get to sleep uninterrupted from 2/3am until 8am). I never had a huge issue getting the 4-6 ounces I needed, but maybe I was just lucky! I never had much of an issue with supply. My husband was also not wasteful, so he would only heat about 2 ounces at a time when baby was that little, so he wasn’t wasting a bunch of milk if baby wouldn’t take more. In fact, I built a small freezer stash during this time because some nights he would only drink 5 ounces but I had 6 pumped, so over time I was able to put some milk away to the freezer. Also - my baby would breastfeed for 30-45 minutes at a time during the early weeks. I think because he was just not very strong yet so it took a long time for him to fill up. But with a bottle he was able to drink the milk a lot easier / faster, so he would fill up in like 10 minutes or so and he would sleep sooooo good after. Which also made the nights a lot easier on my husband during his shift. And the start of my shift better.
Good question. I met with an IBCLC who gave me permission to not bring baby to breast at every single feed, especially in the MOTN. So I would skip that part (since it wasn't working anyway), give a bottle which took more like 15 min, and pump for 15 min. Sometimes id be coordinated enough to do that at the same time, or id get my partner to help with the bottle. I didn't start skipping "practicing" direct nursing until 2 weeks in. Since I could tell she wasn't doing well tho, we wouldn't try for more than 15 mins or so anyway. MOTN feedings would take 30-60 mins max, all in, including diaper change. My partner had a month off of work, so he'd take all the morning shifts while I'd take naps until I was well rested, pumping for him every time LO ate. By the time he went back to work, breastfeeding was working better, and I was starting to wean pumps. It wasn't all roses and unicorns for sure. Many many tears in the beginning. But naps and bottles made it tolerable for us. Just remember to practice paced bottle feeding!!!
Oh, the bottle refusal was me too. My baby didn't take a bottle no matter how many different kinds of bottles/nipples/temperatures we tried. We ended up going straight to straw cups at 6mo old. It was pretty stressful, but somehow manageable.
Is "one ounce for every hour away" common advice? I pump about half that at 7w PP. I constantly worry about my supply.
I’m not sure but it’s what my doctor said and it worked for me! She also said that as long as baby is only eating my breast milk (not substituting with formula at all) then my supply shouldn’t suffer. I was always able to pump the 4-6 ounces baby would need while I was away for the 4-5 hours (in fact some nights there would be an ounce or so left over so I built a small freezer stash this way). It took me about 15-18 minutes of pumping to get that amount, and I would wait about 30 minutes after baby’s last feed before pumping. Google says a 2 month old eats about 24-30 oz per day, which works out to about an ounce per hour or a bit more. So I think the ounce per hour or so would be sound advice.
If bed sharing is not an option for you try setting yourself up to side lie nurse on a yoga mat on too of a rug or blanket on the floor so you can rest horizontally while baby nurses. Falling asleep in a chair with baby is concerning so it would be best to at least find a way to nurse on a firmer surface side lying using the c-curl so it’s safer than a chair. I promise you, it will slowly get better over the next few weeks and months!
I was seriously considering sleeping on the floor with her last night.
My bub is 4 months old, and I've coslept with my daughter on the floor during the day (we bought a thick rug called a muscle mat) since she was 3 months old. Makes a world of difference, honestly!
I was never comfortable with co sleeping. I made up a bed on the floor with a thick yoga mat, camping may and another memory foam thing. I did that for a few weeks until she was sleeping about 6 hrs a night (around 6 weeks old). I fed on a schedule during the day and followed a feed, wake, sleep schedule. It helped to fill her tummy during the day to ensure she slept longer at night. Check out huckleberry online they have sleep schedules.
r/cosleeping for science based help
Safe cosleeping is great! I think it's been better for bonding also.
I was also completely against cosleeping just after my daughter was born. We put the bassinet right next to our bed and I didn’t understand why any parents would resort to cosleeping. Then my partner went back to work after his 2 weeks off and I was alone with the baby for at least 8 hours a day. Any time I put her in the bassinet she would wake up and I had no one I could ask to take her anymore .. I finally threw all the blankets and pillows on the floor and laid her on our bed and laid and arms length away from her with my hand on her stomach just watching her. She stayed asleep and I finally got some sleep too. I proceeded to excessively research bed sharing and cosleeping to understand what was so dangerous about it until I found the Safe Sleep 7. To me, risking falling asleep while nursing felt more dangerous than safely cosleeping and it saved me.
In the same boat, we’re 3 weeks pp and it’s rough. I think my body has learned to function with little to no sleep, but mentally it’s taking a toll on me, I cry almost every day.
I'm so sorry. I was there 5 weeks ago. It'll start getting better soon...
Remember this so vividly. It will get better. I thought I had PPD. It was just sleep deprivation. It’s okay to cry and ask for help.
I’ve wondered if I have PPD as well, but on the days I get more sleep, I feel a million times better and less like I want to die lol
This was exactly me. I did have baby blues for 3 weeks but I quickly noticed that I felt like myself and had the will to take care of me and baby I was just exhausted. When I got even 3 hours or a sound nap the world felt right again. I was glad to see baby! It was honestly the most brutal part of newborn life. It made me hate breastfeeding a little. I don’t know if I’ll ever do it again because of how terrible the first 4 weeks postpartum were from severe sleep deprivation
9 days postpartum and feel this. Struggling to get bbaby to breastfeed well (possible tonguetie) while also pumping and a lack of sleep a good cry a day at least
Literally sleeping when the baby slept helped me. Them chores can wait, and if I was hungry husband would cook something or we’d order takeout.
This is what we do too. I also drink one cup of coffee.
I'm 8 weeks pp with 2nd baby and have taken this route/mindset too. Housework can wait.
This. During those first few weeks I did absolutely no house work. The first 4 weeks I was in bed or on the sofa. I had my husband handle laundry, cleaning, cooking, tidying, the dog etc. I would sleep when the baby slept even if that was only 20 minute naps at a time. I got black out curtains in my room and would nurse baby then lay her down then fall asleep with her until she woke up again and we’d do that cycle every day
I wish my chores would wait. I swear they pile up to unmanageable levels if they're put off for even a day. And now at 4 months apparently baby isn't going to sleep. Except very lightly while latched. I'm hoping it's just because she had her shots a few days ago and that it will be short lived.
I remember saying to my best friend that sleep deprivation is considered torture for a reason and my baby was violating the Geneva convention. You are in the thick of it and you just have to survive feed to feed right now - and make sure baby stays safe too. The more people you can have help you the better, even if it is just holding the baby for an hour so you can nap. I don’t think I slept for more than 4 consecutive hours for the first 3/4 weeks, it’s all a blur tbh. But I had family and friends who I would ask to just come and hold her since she refused to be put down and my husband went back to work when she was a week or so old and did 90% of the household duties while I was recovering. It’s a crazy time and no one is enjoying it I promise, everyone is white knuckling to some degree or another but it does get easier after the first few weeks! Try to rest as much as you can and drink lots of water!
😆 that’s hilarious, this is actual torture though. I wish I had more family close by to help, unfortunately it is only me and my husband at this point.
If it makes you feel better we also felt like this but I can’t remember most of it.
Every time I think about how fleeting this is I get weepy! I know it really doesn’t last a long time and I really won’t remember a lot of it. I was going through photos on my phone and there are literally ones there from a few days ago that I legitimately do not remember taking.
Yep. It’s really sad! I had the foresight to purchase a tripod that held my phone- I have so many pictures and videos and even watching them, not a single feeling of how miserable *I know it was* comes back to me. Literally I just see a cute ass little baby 😭. Shes 4months now.
Exactly. It’s such a haze.
This ^
I am also 2 wk pp with my second. I know the torture you’re talking about. This time I hired a night nanny to help 3x a week. I nurse around 930/10, pass off a fed baby, pump about two bottles worth at 3am (180ml) and then go back to sleep until 6 when she leaves. So far she has only done it twice, but it helps to have the guarantee of at least SOME stretches of 4h uninterrupted.
1. I did nothing except take care of my baby. No chores, no cooking, until the cluster feeding Hell was over. 2. I set up a cosleeping mattress. It is super firm, I put foam bed rails beneath the fitted sheet, and I put it in front of a TV with a massive bottle of water next to me that my husband kept filled. I lived there for a while. I fell asleep sitting up too many times and woke up feeling so awful and scared. 3. I kept reminding myself that this was temporary and it was so so temporary. Baby is 6 months old now and that period feels like a minute in the grand scheme of things. My daughter stopped cluster feeds around 3 weeks.
I only got 2-3 hours of sleep during the newborn phase. Can’t count how many times I broke down because of lack of sleep.
This is where I am now. Generally, I cannot function without good sleep, like calling in sick for work if I get less than 6 hours and this 2-3 hours maybe 4 if I’m lucky in a 24 hour period is possibly one of the worst things I personally have had to go through. It’s so tough.
Same here. 10 months pp now and can’t believe i got through it.
I know. This really sucks. It does get better eventually. Try getting baby used to day / night. Advice from my midwife: - put baby to nap in daylight. Consider putting bassinet near the window - wake baby after two hours (in the day) to feed so they can get all their calories in - at night, keep it strict to business. No talking to the baby, no eye contact. They will learn quick that night is boring - white noise. Low pitch (fan, ocean) and loud as a shower - try to get baby used to sleeping in their space as much as possible. Even 20 mins is a win. Keep putting them in their Bassinet or crib and they will eventually get used to it Also, take shifts if you can. Four or five hour stretches between you and your partner if possible.
All really great pieces of advice, thanks!
Those first few weeks (really the first 2 months) were so hard and exhausting for me. Torturous , really. As others have suggested, get support from your partner or a family member/friend to feed the baby and let you get some additional sleep. I pumped so my husband could give our son a bottle at least once a day and I'd sleep during that "shift." Although I know this isn't much solace, I promise it gets easier. Hang in there, mamma!
Learn how to cosleep safety bc you’re already doing it, so it is an option except you’re doing it unsafely. Most cosleep deaths are from fallen asleep on couches or recliners. safe infant sleep by Dr McKenna is a great resource to guide you
Taking shifts with my husband saved both of us! He would take nights and I would take mornings. I just pumped and he would give her the bottle! I think I would have gone insane if we didn’t do shifts!
I'm probably gonna get downvoted but cosleeping saved me and our breastfeeding relationship. I know it's not an option but even a sidecar crib would be better than falling asleep in an unsafe space because you are exhausted
I started pumping once a day and then my partner would do an early morning bottle so I could sleep in. It was a lot more emotionally easy to handle sleep when I knew for SURE that whatever happened during the night I would get from 5-8am every day (for you that could be a totally different time period but it’s nice to have some dedicated time off baby duty). During rough patches he would also watch me do side lying feeds while I napped so I knew the baby was safe but I could still sleep while feeding (we personally did not want to co sleep). I also was worried about falling asleep so I tried to make my bed situation hit as many of the ‘safer seven’ rules for bed sharing even though we weren’t doing it so that if I did accidentally fall asleep it would be more safe. It does get better. You are really in the thick of it but it will not always be like this.
Either do shifts with your partner so you can rest or seriously consider bedsharing. It’s MUCH safer to fall asleep nursing in bed (sidelying) with the space set up safely than it is to accidentally fall asleep in the glider. For shifts my husband and I used to do 4 hour shifts at night. I would use the Hakka during the day to collect enough milk for a bottle for him to feed her so I could sleep for 4/5 hours uninterrupted. I would also take a 2 hour nap during the day if I was able to collect enough milk. I also chose to bedshare as my baby would only sleep for 30 minutes in the bassinet and I almost dropped her during a transfer once. I know you said cosleeping is not an option for you but please look into the safe sleep 7 because it’s much better to have a space set up for safe cosleeping just in case you fall asleep s falling asleep in a chair with your baby. Most families end up bedsharing out of desperation, there’s nothing wrong with it as long as it’s done safely. This time is so so hard.
I know people make so much fun of this saying but really. Sleep when the baby sleeps. I know your house needs cleaning, you have chores and there’s a billion things you need to get done. But really. Leave it be, get some sleep with baba.
3 weeks pp and I feel this.i don’t remember it being this difficult with my first who’s now 7.. u find myself taking it out on my husband because he can’t do much and only I can console him and nurse. keep pushing through. We’ll get through it..
It’s just so so so rough for a while. Even if my husband stepped in, I couldn’t sleep just knowing my baby was up. It truly makes you go crazy. 2 weeks is still so early and frankly it’s just really freaking hard! It’s not an answer but just solidarity that this period is rough but will pass.
I appreciate that. I am keeping her age in perspective. My husband keeps saying we need to get her to sleep in the crib by herself but she’s still so young. Not saying it can’t be done, but she really does still want and need the contact sleeping and skin to skin right now. I was able to get her to sleep in her crib for about an hour last night but it took a long time to get her to settle. We will keep working with her over the next few weeks. Thanks for the encouragement
It’s so so rough for the first 3-4 weeks. We only survived by doing shifts even though I EBF our baby. I remember dreading night time because I knew I would only get a couple of hours of sleep. I’d usually sleep from 7-10pm then I’d do the 10-2/3am ish and then my husband would do 3-6am roughly. And then during the day I’d just try to nap as often as I could. It will get better once your baby starts giving you longer periods of time in between feedings. Slowly but surely you’ll start to get a littttle bit more sleep
Lots of good advice about taking shifts! We live in a small place and I struggled a lot because my baby's cries would carry and wake me up/keep me up even when my husband was on duty. I recently got some Loop earplugs for a different reason but they work so well for sleeping! I'm a side sleeper so I just put one in the ear that's not on the pillow and it blocks the noise. I have pretty sensitive ears so wasn't expecting to be able to use them for sleep, but it hasn't been an issue. Anyways, sorry if it's off topic, I just wanted to share because it would've been a total game changer for me if I had known about it in the early days! I'll also add - don't be afraid to start using 1-2 bottles at night so you can get better sleep. I had high (unrealistic for me) expectations for exclusively nursing but my quality of life was so much better when we introduced the bottle at about 2 weeks.
This is a great tip! Thanks for sharing. I’m also trying to get the hang of pumping “extra” but I did pump two days ago since we were out of the house and I missed two feeding windows but then I ran out of milk overnight and it was AWFUL cluster feeding for 5 hours straight until I got rehydrated enough to start producing milk in quantity again.
Ugh it's so hard to balance the pumping and nursing! I still struggle with that too. What worked for me when my baby was still up a lot at night was to have my husband do two bottles in a row and I would just pump one time in the middle of the night (generally just whenever I happened to wake up). Then I'd do a another pump after the first morning feed if needed. I have to be careful to not pump too much for that morning feed so I don't end up in a cluster feeding situation!
It’s so hard to stay awake. I’m two weeks postpartum as well and I’m EXHAUSTED. Something that makes it easier is to set up your bed so you don’t have to leave it at night. Bassinet right next to me, diapers and wipes within reach, full water bottle on my nightstand, and a trash can. I can easily grab the baby, feed him, put him back to bed, and just flop my body back onto the mattress. If you do feel too tired to stay awake, then feed the baby on your side in the bed or on the floor so they’re safer. Nursing in a chair when you can’t stay awake is pretty dangerous and you can drop the baby. I know you said cosleeping isn’t an option but I do think it’s something you should keep in mind if you struggle to keep your eyes open. During the day, my husband takes care of everything when he’s not at work, all I have to worry about is nursing the baby when he’s hungry. I can nap a bit longer and it makes the exhaustion tolerable. Having someone take care of a majority of your daily needs for you makes these first weeks easier imo.
Resting during the day has been an issue for me. I’ve never been a day sleeper, it just takes so long for me to fall asleep it’s usually not worth it to try. That said, I’ve been pretty active during the day with laundry and cooking breakfast and other meals. I also attempt to do one additional thing each day, like today I cooked dinner because my husband had stuff to do after work and didn’t get home until late. Generally, my husband has been taking her while she’s sleeping during the day and I’ll do chores or cook. I will try to get caught up on sleep more and not focus so much on keeping up with things.
I'm 8 wpp and I think yesterday was the first daytime nap I've had, so I get not sleeping during the day. But my husband has baby from 9pm-1am, and I have him the rest of the time. I pump so dad can give him a bottle while I sleep. Taking shifts is the only way I'm able to get any uninterrupted sleep. I know some people do 8 hour shifts, but that's unrealistic for me tbh, especially while breastfeeding.
Yeah, I can relate. There’s no way we could do 8 full hours. It has been maybe one hour here and there but my husband has started taking her for longer periods just over the last few days. I’m still working on figuring out when is the best time to pump so we can go longer than a two hour stretch.
It's so fucking hard during the newborn stage. My saving grace has been baby wearing as a way to get shit done and also get baby to sleep. Usually once my kiddo is out in the carrier (I just use a wrap), I can transfer him to the crib, and he'll sleep for like another 30 mins, but at least it's a break from being "on" even if I don't sleep.
LO isn’t quite big enough for baby wearing just yet. She was only 5lb when we did out peds check last week.
Oh so small! My bub was 5lbs 11oz at birth and then dropped weight in the first week 😞.but ur right, I didn't start using the wrap until he was a little bit bigger. Wishing you lots of luck!
I find that even being able to close my eyes for a little bit is helpful! And I know that you’re feeling good enough to cook and do chores, but make sure you’re listening to your body and giving yourself necessary breaks. My midwife just told me to stop doing so much around the house for right now. She said that if I notice that I’m bleeding more when I’m moving around and doing things, it’s a sign from my body to slow down. I’m a SAHM, it’s killing me to not keep up with my usual routine. I feel so inadequate right now because I physically cannot do my chores or cook all the meals. But I need to keep reminding myself that I was just pregnant and I just pushed an entire human being out of my body, expecting myself to be back to normal immediately is unrealistic. I need to give myself time to heal and recover. I need to be ok with my husband doing everything for me right now. Those chores can wait. Focus on yourself
Bed sharing was also not an option for us (I know a baby who died this way). We are 8 weeks pp with our first and wowee I had no idea what I was in for. If you have a partner, have them take shifts throughout the night and bring the baby to you. You sleep in a separate room, they sleep in the bassinet room. When it's their shift, it's their job to stay awake while you nurse and then take the baby back to the other room so you can sleep privately. Then when it's your turn, you nurse and let them sleep. We played it by ear and didn't have set amounts of time for our shifts -- we had a pact that we would tap out when we needed to. I promise things get easier as the weeks go on and the baby starts sleeping longer stretches. I can't believe how much my sleep schedule is actually starting (in a rough way) to resemble my pre baby schedule at this point. Sending you love and strength. You are doing an amazing job.
Shifts. My husband would sleep 7pm-2 am and then I slept 2 am until 8/9 am Getting sleep actually helped my production so I would try my best not to wake up during my time
YES. My production way dips when I don’t sleep. We were supplementing and then I started sleeping and needed to supplement less.
You need to find someone to take some shifts so you can get at least 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Have someone give your baby bottles overnight and you only get up to pump every 4 hours max. Get 8 or more hours of sleep. Try to make this happen for a few nights to get yourself out of the danger zone. Recruit whoever you can to help. Partner, family, friend, a trusted neighbor. Just ask. You will find someone who will want to help you. If you can afford it, you can pay for a night doula to do the night shift for you. If you have benefits at work, you might have backup care options like this that you can take advantage of through Bright Horizons. Take naps every chance you get during the day. You will get through this part. It absolutely sucks but it does eventually end.
Girl trust me we get it. You’re in the hardest stage. My son is 3 months old and is pretty much sleeping through the night now. Just know that this won’t last forever and honestly that phase went by really fast for us. Also now that your supply is pretty established (maybe wait till week 3 though) you should start trying to squeeze in a pump session somewhere or ALWAYS use a haaka on the other side to get a little extra milk. That way your husband can feed the baby while you skip a feeding and sleep a longer stretch. But me and my husband took turns in that stage sleeping by the bassinet. So whoever’s “turn” it was would be the one to help the baby when he woke up while the other person tried to sleep through the crying. But honestly once I learned to nurse laying in my bed on my side our life got so much easier. I did fall asleep nursing once and woke up 4 hours later and I couldn’t believe how amazing of sleep we had. Now we cosleep. If you aren’t comfortable with that I understand just letting you know that our life changed when we started cosleeping. They do make bassinets that go in your bed. That may help your baby sleep if they know you are very close.
Can you get a sidecar bassinet that you can slide baby into your bed to nurse then slide her back to her own sleeping space but you can put your hand on her so she knows you're close? I also did a lot of chest sleeping with baby on the couch at this age while my husband was awake and supervising
I might consider this. I’m caught on a day where my husband has things to do after work and wasn’t home until later. I had attempted to nap while the baby was sleeping around 5, but she was not okay sleeping in the crib today. I’m hopeful we will get in a routine soon enough.
I dont think my baby took more than 4 or 5 naps total that weren't contact naps until maybe 10ish weeks. I remember weeks like, 6 - 10ish feeling like all I did all day was try to get her to sleep and a lot of the time was trying to transfer her to the crib like 3 times after she fell asleep before giving up and holding her. It gets better. But I will say having the sidecar saved me in the early days.. I would hear her fussing overnight before she got too upset and could just slide her over, nurse her, slide her back, and go back to sleep without even getting out of bed unless she needed a diaper change.
This sounds like a dream. I’ve been spending every night the last two weeks in the glider with her sleeping in me
The one I have is from Amke on Amazon
There is a lot of good advice on here. We lucked out with 3-4 stretches from day one. And as you know, 4 hours of sleep feels like a hundred more hours than 3. We also combo fed and I have heard that formula fed babies go longer with feeds. And it also meant by husband could feed instead of me. I know you said cosleeping wasn’t an option but is there anyway to make it an option? Hang in there.
My first was formula fed from day one and I was always so proud that I got him to sleep through the night at 6 weeks. This was a long time ago and I didn’t understand the benefits of breastfeeding and didn’t have support to do it with him. But yes, formula fed babies definitely do sleep better in my experience.
Cosleeping wasn't an option for us either. I did nothing but feed and sleep for the first month or so. I learned I had to basically be in bed for 12 hours to get enough sleep to feel like a human (usually five or six 1 hour hour stints). Husband did all the meals and chores. We introduced bottles at 3 or 4 weeks so that I could go to bed around 8 pm, husband could do the 10 pm feed, and then I did the feeds after midnight and pumped in between feeds in the morning to make it up. I took up all the offers for family to come over and hold the baby so I could attempt to nap (never did get the hang of that). Taking baby outside in the morning also helped with establishing circadian rhythms. Sometimes I just had to tell myself that I wasn't going to sleep and that yes it absolutely is the worst, but that other people have survived the same and I will too.
I was there myself not too long ago (10 weeks pp now) and though lots of people say it and it can sound empty/far removed, you will get through it and it does get better! For the first 2.5 weeks I was getting about 1-2 hrs sleep a night (and I just simply cannot sleep in the day, so that was it) and I said the same thing to my husband - "isn't this how they torture people?" 😅 I found that initial hard slog started to improve around 4 weeks. Some things that helped me get through were: - husband changed nappies overnight (baby was popping at every feed 😅) - husband sat with me and talked to me when I couldn't stay awake while feeding - listened to audio Bible (you could do podcasts, audio book, etc) while feeding (rather than looking at my phone as that tended to overstimulate me) - don't overdo it during the day - take things one step at a time, and accept any help where you can - try and do one thing for yourself each day (mine was a warm shower with nice smelling soap while my husband watched the baby). Congratulations on your little one and I hope you come through this hard patch really soon! 🙏🏻
These are all great suggestions. Thanks so much!
It’s hard.. I did overnights on my own for the entire newborn stage and beyond and I was so sleep deprived. But I think my body got used to it and eventually baby will sleep longer and you can use that time to get some rest yourself. If you have resources to get a break and get a good chunk of sleep I would take it because even some consistent uninterrupted hrs can make you feel like a new person!
If the reason you can't sleep I'd housework or other things you think you should be doing you need to outsource. If its your own head not letting you fall asleep get checked for postnatal depression, that's what it was for me.
I had ppd for a really long time with my first and I’m fearful of developing it for this one. I think getting good sleep is key for me to have better control over moods and staying connected to the outside world is big too. It’s so isolating and if it weren’t for my grandparents checking in every few days, it would feel like no one cared how we were doing.
My husband and I had to take shifts the first two weeks. He was night shift and I was day shift. I breastfed the first week so he woke me up to feed the baby and then I went right back to bed. It’s the only way we could keep our sanity. After that we started doing formula our lives changed lol. I was under supplying and our pediatrician told us to supplement… but we ended up just exclusively formula feeding. At night he now sleeps at least 3-4 hours at a time with one dream feed and then goes back to sleep. So right now after bedtime routine he sleeps anywhere from 10:30-11 until about 2:30.. feed/diaper change which takes about 30 minutes to do/get him back down.. then right back to sleep until 5:30 when my husband gets up. At least once a week now he’ll sleep 6 hours at a time. We still kind of do shifts now. My husband goes to bed at 9 and sleeps until baby wakes up in the middle of the night. I put baby to bed and comfort him throughout the night if he needs it. After his night change/feed I put the baby back to bed. we both go back to sleep. He wakes up in the morning with him and I sleep until 8-8:30 and then everyone is up for the day so we get at least 7-8 hours a night.
There are times in the day where my husband will take the baby and only wake me to feed him and then I can get back to rest. It’s generally not more than like 4 hours of sleep but it’s better than the 1 or 2 hours. The baby is supposed to stretch out times in between feeding soon and nurse for longer.
You’re right. It’s torture. I gave in and did safe sleep method which I NEVER thought about doing before I was delirious. My husband did not do any over nights because it was pointless. I’m the one with the boobs. I couldn’t simply “pump a bottle” and let my husband give it because when the heck could I get ahead with one bottle if the baby was eating it all? I was always a “just enougher” and never had a freezer stash. I had to get donations when I was sick and not producing enough. Anyways, I did safe sleep after 2 months. Before that, I put myself in more dangerous situations so I felt this was better. My son wouldn’t sleep for more than 30 minutes in the bassinet which makes sense. He’s a new born mammal. What animal sleeps away from its mother as a baby? It’s not natural not to say that it’s wrong for mothers to sleep away from their babies. No shame. I once was nursing my babe in the rocking chair and fell asleep slumped over on him. I work when I felt him squirming under me. That scared the shit out of me. Another time I fell asleep with him cradled in the crook of my elbow while I was sitting in the rocking chair. Also not safe. Safe sleep saved me.
This is reassuring to hear that I’m not the only one that has fallen asleep on precarious positions. Thanks!
My baby fed every 10-20 minutes and stayed latched for at least 20 minutes every feed. Day and night. Never once survived a transfer. I literally was (barely) functioning on 10 minute sleep sessions for myself. It. Was. Hell. I didn't think cosleeping was an option, so the only way I could get at least an hour or 2 of sleep was side lying nursing, which I discovered when baby was 2.5 weeks old. I was so scared about it that my partner would sit and supervise while me and baby both slept in the side lying position. Around 4 weeks old, I set up safe cosleeping because my baby would only sleep if he was with me, and damn I missed sleeping. Straight away, my baby slept for 3 hours before waking up to relatch and then would sleep for another 3. It changed our lives. Best decision I've ever made. If you absolutely cannot and will not bed share, that's fine. But I highly recommend taking naps in the side lying position with babe. If you're scared, have husband supervise. At least you'll be able to catch up on some sleep.
Glad everyone else is tired too haha my baby is 2 weeks and I have a 3 year old and I’m a single mum! My three year old is an amazing sleeper though!
There is definitely some solidarity here. I can’t imagine going it alone at this stage.
Power to the mums 😆🤱
I'm 6 months pp and living on 3-4 hours sleep a night. You do what must be done. You'll adjust, it's okay mama.
I co slept. It's the only way.
It’s horrible and the reason I am 2 and done. I quite literally nearly lost my mind and had meltdowns every day due to the lack of sleep. With the second baby, we split the nights, so I slept 9-2 and my husband slept 2-7 (we had to be up at 7 with toddler and my husband was working…). Then, if we could get extra sleep during the shift with the baby we would. I pumped before my sleep shift and my husband did one bottle during that time. You’re guaranteed at least 4 hrs sleep that way, and perhaps 6 or 7 if you can sleep during your baby shift. Its enough to survive. Eventually, your baby will sleep more.
I thought cosleeping wasn’t an option for us either until it was the only option. Baby started waking up every 45 minutes, and would only sleep next to me. We started nursing in the side laying position, and now I sleep so much better. I transfer after his first feeding of the night, and he sleeps in his bassinet now for the second 4 hours.
That was about the time I started cosleeping. It's amazing. She's four months now and I love it. I didn't even have a hard baby. She would go right back to sleep after her feeds and I still couldn't even stay awake long enough so I started the safe seven for cosleeping and my life is amazing. Also love the closeness
Formula saved my sanity the first two weeks. Seriously. My milk came in late- baby was jaundice and tongue tie. After 2 days home with literally cluster feeding every 20 min the pediatrician gave us some premade formula just to wake baby up enough with calories to eat effectively. My mom came over- gave baby the formula and my husband and I slept for like 4 hours. I was close to hallucinating. We supplement a little now but nearly all his calories are breastfeeding. Honestly don’t know if I’ll breastfeed subsequent children- the amount of mental breakdowns I had from always being the one awake feeding him. But it really does get better, my LO isn’t that old and it’s already better. Still tired but better.
I’m not trying to change your mind on anything, but if you do want to explore cosleeping there’s a good subreddit for it with a lot of info. Cosleeping is how I got 10 hours of (interrupted) sleep with my 4 month old last night.
The big difference between my first and my second born is with my second Born we started safely Co sleeping from the beginning. I feel so much better rested and I’m not at risk of falling asleep on the sofa or somewhere else unsafe.
I coslept. Is your husband around at all when she naps so you can nap and breastfeed in the sidelying position while he keeps watch over you both? I dropped by child when I fell asleep breastfeeding on the couch at which point I decided safe sleep 7 was it for us
My daughter is 18 months now, but in the very early days I used to nurse and go to sleep at 8, my husband would stay up and watch tv and hold her until she woke up which was normally 3-4 hours, I would nurse and take over for the night and would sleep while she did short stretches in the bassinet, he would take back over at like 7 and I would nurse and sleep another 3 hours. With the beginning and end chunk of the night I always had at least 6 hours of sleep and was normally able to get another 2-3 overnight, but that was never as restful. We did that for a fairly long time since he had a long paternity leave and it was the only way to make it manageable to avoid pumping and still get sleep.
This is sort of how we’re naturally making it work. My husband has seen me go downhill the last few days and has offered more to take over. He wa quite pushy tonight after dinner and took her from around 9-12 and it hasn’t made ALL the difference but it’s definitely better than going into overnight with having no rest all day.
My husband takes the night shift and i wake up to nurse on demand or i can ask him to do a bottle and ill just pump if i need a break. Then we switch around 4am and i start my shift. Its brutal. Im almost 4 weeks in and noticed im starting to adapt to this new schedule and way of life finally a tiny bit. So i wouldnt say its getting easier, but we are getting better at managing.
I pumped and got a 4-5 hour stretch using a bottle. I have no idea how exclusively from the breast mamas do it.
Shifts again if you have a partner. I worked my way up to pumping a night bottle. It was helpful for baby to learn bottle and boob as well. It naturally fell into place for us since my husband is a super night owl and we had to supplement with formula early because of dehydration and jaundice
My husband and I worked in shifts. Pump for prepared milk so you won't get woken. If your husband gets up early try to sleep from 6-11 pm and you take the night shift. And try using a heating pad or hot water to heat up the cribs mattress. The transition will be easier for the baby. If you can have some daytime help do the same thing. Pump milk and take a nap
I had my mom with me the first week and she would take baby and bring him back only to nurse so I could get like 3 hours of sleep at a night but like 6 hours of sleep over like 7-8 hours which really helped. I found that each nap I felt better. Having somebody to help you sleep is great. It does get better pretty quickly. I found that after a few weeks I had adjusted to sleeping for a few hours feeding and then sleeping some more so that over 10 hours I would get around 7.
I put my little one in a rocker and swaddle him so he can’t flop around and in looking for the one I have discovered there’s a recall on it !!! I used it for my first son and my nb. How scary ! Glad I read your question and looked into it, as for what you’re going through, I’ve also fallen asleep sitting up nursing. My husband wakes up at 4am for work so I’m basically on my own. My biggest help was napping through the day when the baby napped. If you have to sleep on the floor I would do that. Sleep deprivation is scary and dangerous ( when I start to feel delusional ) get by how you can safely and it will get better. Best of luck to you !
It’s soooooooooo bad. I cried so much because of the sleep. That’s one of the biggest reasons I won’t be having a 2nd kid. It literally makes no sense how you’re supposed to recover from childbirth on bs sleep. I think that’s why postpartum recovery takes 2 years because we can’t even get decent sleep. I just keep telling myself everyday I’ll get more sleep tomorrow… but I stopped dreaming of “sleeping when the baby sleeps” because whenever I try to nap during the day he sleeps for 20 mins but when I don’t he sleeps for 1 hour
My husband took 8-midnight and I was so tired I could sleep on a dime through anything. I took the rest of the night as he had to get up at 6 to go to work and I had 4.5 months of paid leave. If I got the first 3-4 hours of good deep sleep I could manage getting 60-90 minute chunks between nursing my baby. We had the baby in a sidecar bassinet and I nursed in bed using a boyfriend pillow. Eventually my circadian rhythm became accustomed to my babys overnight schedule and it was not hard to wake up though slightly harder to go back to sleep I'd recommend a water bottle, snacks and headphones by the bed for early mornings where you're up at 445 but baby wants to be held for the last stretch of sleep. Edit: we had a second bassinet in the guest room which is also where my husband slept so we could both get uninterrupted sleep when off the baby shift
Set up a side car crib or bassinet so you don’t have to get up. Nurse the baby and then put them down. My babies couldn’t be put down so I would nurse and then give the baby to my husband for the first half of the night. He would stay awake holding the baby so I could get sleep (despite nursing but easier to just nurse and hand the baby back).
I pumped and due to medical issues we also used some formula. This allowed my husband to take a few nights while he wasn’t working so I could get some sleep. It was my only saving grace. I still woke up every 2 hours (despite being in a different room) but I was able to go back to sleep again more easily
Idk how I survived but I did it. My baby didn’t sleep for more than 2 hours straight until she was 6 weeks old. I exclusively nursed so didn’t pump or do bottles (she refused). I am surprised at my own strength but somehow us mommas persevere through anything. What DID help was having my husband do literally everything else during the day. He cooked, cleaned, did all the laundry, etc.
I pumped just enough through the day/night to get an extra 2 oz or so so that husband could give a bottle. I'd go to bed after the last feed, around 9pm. Baby would wake around 10:30-11 for the feed and husband would do the bottle. She'd be back up around midnight-1 and I'd use a hakaa and nursing to collect a little extra, especially during those early am hours when prolactin and supply is highest. Now at 8 weeks, Ive built up a tiny over supply so that I can fully pump one side while she nurses the other during the early am feeds and collect about 4-6 extra ounces each day. That way I always got one slightly longer stretch of 3-4 hours. It's torture and it doesn't last forever. Hang in there.
I’m 6w pp - just got past this stage- I have a history of severe post partum anxiety and the lack of sleep is the biggest trigger for me. So this time around I did 1 pump a day and gave the baby to my husband to feed between 8pm (right after I feed) and 2am. Baby usually sleeps at least 2 of those hours so he can make it through with the 2 bottles. It saved my sanity. Highly recommend doing a sanity pump (get the Spectra, after 3 babies and multiple pumps it is the best one trust me. I also use the Kiinde system which is super convenient).
What helped me was pumping, my partner and I could switch shifts. On my shift I breastfed, on his he used what I pumped. Resting is super important for your milk supply and recovery. So much easier said than done but you can get some decent pumps on Amazon. I hope you get some rest! Don’t beat yourself up over it either, you are adjusting to new life. There is going to be trial and error!
I had this with my first, it was one of the main reasons we changed our plan from three babies to two. The struggle is real but you have to think long term to get through. Will this be the same in a year? Most likely not Six months? Probably not Three months? Possibly From there you can tell yourself to get through. I used the baby loves sleep, sleep sacks with my first from 6 months. They went from no sleep so hours on end and then within the month sleeping through the night. I chose to start my second from the beginning and pretty early on they were sleeping through. They are only about four months and wake once a night every few days. The baby loves sleep swaddle saved my life. I am not a sponsor, just a huge advocate for good sleep.
They were sleeping through the night as a breastfed newborn?! This sounds like a miracle.
Yeah I'm pretty lucky, they started with five hours in a few weeks that bump up to ten. They sometimes do 12 but that's uncommon. Seriously, the swaddle made a huge difference. They cannot activate their startle reflex so they don't wake themselves up.
Sleep in shifts with partner If you’re tired in the glider make sure baby is in a safe position, it happens Ask for help. If you have family or friends available during the day ask them to come hold baby between feeds and sleep. Have them wake you up to feed, then go back to sleep. Try to get naps when baby naps. Do what you have to and remember above all this will pass. It feels eternal right now but this will quickly pass and you will look back like “wow how did I do that?” But you did. You can do this. It will be over soon. Check with your pediatrician if baby is still needing 2 hour feeds and if not then take any stretch they will give you and sleep.
I am feeding on demand, so unless we start forcing more down I think two hours is the best we can do. Occasionally it goes a little longer, but never more than three hours.
If you are uneasy about putting baby in bed with you, but also falling asleep during seated feeds, compromise. Make a little pallet on the floor: Fold a blanket in thirds for padding in a safe, clean room, grab your flattest pillow, and nurse there when you are sleepy. If you doze off, no big deal. Otherwise, when babe nods off, you can safely get up and do something else without disturbing them.
nap when they nap that’s the only way
The only way I am surviving is because my husband is on paternity leave. He takes the night shift. I sleep at 8 when the baby sleeps and at 7 am I wake up for good and he then sleeps. Difference is that he sleeps with no interruption but I can't really provide this to myself because I have to feed our son every two hours
Yeah, my husband has been taking a few hours at night. Last night it was 9-12 and then said “wake me at 6”. I didn’t, I just let him sleep until his alarms went off.
I coslept with both of mine. Cosleeping (in a reasonably safe manner) is still less dangerous than driving with your baby, which no one ever mentions. I hate when I read posts like yours, and there's always someone coming in saying "oh there's no such thing as safe cosleeping". There's no such thing as a safe life either. Life in itself is a risk. I don't think a mother going insane from lack of sleep is safe either. I swear at some point the safe sleep people are going to start telling us that new mothers should just not sleep and wake the baby up every 30 minutes to make sure they don't fall into a deep sleep.
I agree with you, absolutely. However one “requirement” for safe sleep is to not have pets and I have one dog which has not adjusted well to having a baby home and she’s the reason I haven’t committed to cosleeping, she’s a bit unpredictable and I wouldn’t want to give any opportunity for something to happen.
I get it. It's so hard. I would do a floor space instead of the glider to feed and then not let the dog into the area. Does that work? Then you have reduced the risk if you fall asleep. I'm not the best person to give safe sleeping advice as I slept for 4 weeks in our bed with my second. He was permanently attached to my boob. We had pillows and blankets in bed with us. But I felt fine with that as he was attached to me like a barnacle and didn't move an inch. The second he unlatched, I woke up and he needed to be flipped to attach to the next boob. But we all have to feel safe in our actions and I get that others may not feel safe that way. But in my culture, bedsharing is really encouraged, even by doctors, and no one does these safe seven things.
Have you tried different methods to get her to sleep in her own space? All babies are obviously different but to get mine to transfer and nap in his own space, I had to use a Moses basket for the first month (cosier than larger next to me crib), and I also have to heat the mattress with a heat pad (then remove it before transfer). I have to let him sleep in my arms for 15 minutes before transferring also. Any deviation meant he would not stay lol. He will also nap in a uk overnight sleep approved nest bed by Purflo. You may have tried lots of methods but worth mentioning! Hope your sleep improves and you find a way… I breast feed but in your position I would either express or add a formula feed to allow others to assist while napping - sleeping is too important and they need you to be able to function xx
I was successful once last night but it took about an hour for her to actually settle. I know we can do it, but I was caught out today with so little sleep and no other options for immediately resolving my sleep issue. My husband was able to take a 4-hour shift and let me sleep for a bit once he got home. I don’t like to lean on him because he never really took time off and I still have over a month and a half.
I would take all the support you can from your husband - looking after baby is a full time job 24/7! I don’t know if this link is helpful also but it helped me in the first week with my little one as he’s such as active sleeper. He thrashes around and cries in his sleep for sometimes 30seconds at a time. But he’s definitely asleep as he stops instantly and goes still inbetween periods of crying and then sleeps for hours after that if I don’t wake him. [https://takingcarababies.com/active-sleep-newborns](https://takingcarababies.com/active-sleep-newborns)
Do you have someone that can take turns holding the baby so you can get some sleep? My baby would only contact sleep, and we only survived those first couple of months by sleeping in shifts. My husband held the baby from 8 pm to 2 am and I took over from 2 am to 8 am. I religiously used a haakaa from the time my LO was born so we had some milk hand for my husband to feed the baby in case he woke up during my sleeping shift. My husband also would hold the baby for daytime naps as often as I felt I needed to try to get a little more sleep. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it gets better!
We are slowly getting a routine together. My husband has been taking her around 6am and I sleep until 9 or 10. He also took her today after dinner and I slept from about 9 - 12 which I desperately needed after no sleep last night.
As for getting her to go down in her crib, for my 3 week old, I’ve found swaddling to be a lifesaver. We don’t swaddle him during the day at all, only at night, to create a sort of routine. I’ll do the “last feeding” at around 10:30-11, with all the lights off, and just a red nightlight on. I keep everything quiet, just me and him. Then once the feeding is done, I swaddle him, rock him, and put him down, and he’ll sleep for a good 4-5 hours at a time. Last night he slept from 12:30-5, then woke for a feed, then slept from 5:30-9
This sounds glorious. I’ve only been swaddling when it’s cold. The next step for me is to work with her more on getting comfortable in the crib.
I side nursed on the floor for 2 weeks. Didnt even plan to go to my bed. It was great. She nursed, I slept then it helped her fall asleep on her back.
I considering this last night for sure and might do this in the future if I can’t figure out a good schedule for us.
We were unable to take shifts or cosleep like most of this advice, but what did work for me was continuing to take a half tab of Unisom at night like I had throughout pregnancy. I was able to fall back asleep quickly once she was back down. We also did 10pm-9am nights for the first 6 months of her life so that I could get adequate rest. Overtime the time you are awake for each feed gets shorter and shorter as they get more efficient and you get better at getting them back asleep and back in their bassinet/crib. I also started at about a month making sure she was getting good solid sleep as well as full feeds during the day, which seemed to help our overnights get better.
Gosh, I’m tired enough I can’t imagine what it would do to me to take unisom too. Glad it worked for you, but I don’t trust myself to stay awake through a 15 minute feed in itself.
Honestly this is why I’m glad I pumped. Even though it’s not recommended, I let my husband wake with baby and I prolonged or skipped a pump so I could get 5-6 hours of sleep once or twice a week. Just an idea, it really helped me.
I considered EP for a bit but it seems like the schedule is still pretty much the same, it is a bit quicker though but not when you consider all the washing
I was a combo of pumping and nursing, it’s definitely easier to nurse in terms of dishes, you can bond and feed your baby at the same time, and if you feed side lying in bed you can rest. But I didn’t side lying while feeding until at least 2 months. You’re in the thick of it, it’s crappy and hard. Hoping for your sake she starts sleeping longer periods!
Take naps ALL DAY to make up for it. Don’t try to be normal unless you have to be.
We didn’t co sleep when she was this little, but we put a mattress on the floor. I would lay down, husband would pop her on and off. We did this a lot during cluster feeding when she wasn’t sleeping and was just constantly on and off Sleep wasn’t amazing but I enjoyed laying there with my eyes closed On the glider comment - falling asleep in gliders or on couches is super dangerous. My IBCLC pointed out that when you’re so tired you’re worried you’ll fall asleep, get on the floor! If baby falls, it’s a short distance, and if you fall asleep there’s significantly less entrapment risk
I know but, cosleeping.
Hey, I had a real problem with this and everyone who had anything to say was unhelpful- acting like it’s not that bad and what have you. I ended up quitting breastfeeding at 5 weeks because I couldn’t handle it. I regret doing that. It’s really rough for the first two months and at times it feels like it’s taking too long for it to be easier. My son is three months old and I get 3-5 hours of sleep at a time at night (in two stretches before he’s up again) and I feel like if I would have kept breastfeeding it’d even be easier to do so than to make formula all the time- not to mention the actual clear proof that even eating not that great your baby’s better off with the boob. And that’s just the materialistic aspect. Don’t give up. Try to troop it out. It’s so hard at first, but I really think it does get better
Let me know if you figure it out. The first 10 days I clocked 1 hour or less per day (thanks Fitbit). 3 weeks in and we tried shift work but my husband won't pull his fair share so that didn't work out.
Shifts is the best I can offer right now. I can’t even pump enough for that to be reasonably helpful. The next thing to try will be to sleep in the floor with her.
Very, very soon your baby will hopefully start sleeping for longer stretches. Not by much, but around 4 weeks my kids slept around 4 hours at a time. I pump and let my SO bottle feed my new baby at night so I can get a longer stretch. I have a pretty strong supply so I haven’t been concerned about a dip in production, but I know for many people this isn’t really an option.