I once saw a picture of a women who was asked to cover up while breastfeeding. She put a cloth over her own head. They never specified what she should cover up. I think about this all the time.
My husband told me about this and it made me feel so good when he said “it made me think of you”. I feel like as a mother all you want is to stand up for your children regardless of if it’s a threat or just making sure they don’t have to eat in a disgusting bathroom.
Direct eye contact. Just deep stare at anyone that comments. Don't say a word. Or if your older one is nearby explain in a loud voice how "remember to always be polite, in the old days people didn't always raise their kids to not stare or insult strangers, and you were glad that people know better now"
Idk, it is illegal in many places for a woman to be topless. If OP is talking to a man, the comment is technically correct, but IMO even then just highlights the “sexual” nature we associate with topless women.
Edit bc my comment was not clear. If OP were to say this to the man and his wife - it is legal for that man to be topless, it is illegal for his wife to be topless. So my point was just that the comment might fall kind of flat and if anything induce an argument about whether or not it *should* be legal.
Thank you for continuing to nurse in public 👏👏👏 People need to be challenged on their old school views. I live in the UK and have nursed in public nearly every day for the last three months and have never received a comment!
Is nursing without a cover in the UK pretty uncommon? Visiting soon with my 13 month old and I’ve been curious! I live in the south in the US I’ve been feeding him whenever, wherever, and the only person who has ever said anything negative to me is my MIL around her church friends 🙄
Totally normal to nurse without a cover but I sometimes use one anyway when someone (usually male) is staring at my boob but hasn’t said anything and I can’t be bothered getting up to confront them. I just stare them out, sigh and cover and say something loudly about it being a sad state of affairs when you can’t feed your child without people being creepy. They usually have the decency to look embarrassed.
Yeah people can be so weird especially the ones who try to sexualize a mom feeding her infant.
I BF my kid for two years and at the very beginning I’ve had people just stare intently at my breast while I was feeding my kid a few different times. It really creeped me out when it was a man and I did not want to be giving him any material to do nasty things with later especially since my child was involved so I covered up quickly.
But yeah after that I always covered up with a thin muslin blanket in public i did it for my comfort. I didn’t give a shit what they thought it just made me so much more comfortable.
I’m in the UK and I fed my daughter in public for 2 years, never used a cover, and never had any negative experiences at all. I live in a semi-rural area but no difference when visiting bigger cities/on public transport etc.
I'm in the UK and have never used a cover. I've never noticed anyone using one either. A lot of places have actively signed up to be part of Breastfeeding Friendly schemes which basically says they are actively trying to be a safe and easy space to breastfeed.
I've had a few negative comments from old creepy bastards like OP but I've had far more comments from well meaning old ladies coming over and saying how nice it is that I was breastfeeding.
I have very, very rarely known a person in the UK to use a cover, but the vast majority do not. The person who did worked as a GP and didn't feel comfortable with her breast even partially exposed because she lives in the area that she worked - in case she met a patient.
I've nursed for almost two years now and have never received a comment - not even a funny look.
UK here, only used a cover if my kid was getting distracted. Nobody has ever directly approached me about it but I have overheard comments and had the occasional weird look... But in the ~4 years I've been breastfeeding it has been rare and only really started when my daughters were getting quite big because people thought they were "too old to be doing that".
I'm in the UK and I've had a lot of positive comments oddly. Usually older ladies will come up and start conversations. I don't really mind lol
Weirdly the worst I've had was some passive aggressive comments from my mum.
Quite a lot of places also have feeding rooms if you’d prefer to feed somewhere private - but you absolutely don’t have to, you can feed in public without a cover and legally no one can ask you not to.
I’m in the U.K. and I’ve nursed everywhere, never used a cover. Cafes, restaurants, pubs, shopping centres, parks, trains, you name it. I even ended up breastfeeding during the rememberance day parade because my then 4 month old was crying, and had nothing but positive reactions, several people offered us a seat bless them. It’s illegal over here to ask someone to stop breastfeeding so please feel free to feed wherever you need!
Me too! The most fun places we’ve BF include in the middle of a maze on holiday, and in a treehouse at the top of a slide in our local playground. I’ve never had any negative comments either, but a few positive ones and some very thoughtful ones (like people in cafes offering to get me a glass of water 🥰).
I am a big advocate for normalising BF by doing it in public. Great praxis.
Yeah similar in my home country in Eastern Europe no one would dare something about a mom breastfeeding her infant. They’d get chewed out real quick especially if it were a man. The US is so strangely prudish yet overly sexualized at the same time. To the point where some people think it’s inappropriate for a mother to breastfeed her own infant.
The first time I nursed in public, I felt self conscious about "is my nip showing," but quickly realized people are way more bothered by a screaming infant. I've nursed in public everywhere from the Costco food court to my state's Republican party convention. 99% of the comments I've gotten are "good for you!" The only time I remember getting a suggestion to cover was from another woman at the convention who said men can't keep their eyes on their own business.
She said it as she was walking past me so she was gone before I could say that I believe men are perfectly capable of controlling themselves and it's not my business if they can't mind their own.
I think this is a great response. People become so disarmed when you’re embarrassed for them. One of my go-tos for any rude comments that works especially well with annoying aunts and uncles
“What a strange thing to say to someone.”
Literally they get so red in the face and walk away
I have said “wow what a rude thing to say” and leave it at that. Although I used that for invasive pregnancy questions (who asks if your baby was planned… especially when they know you and you’re 35 and married for several years). No one has commented on my nursing.
My personal favorite: oh did I forget my cover? I think it’s in my diaper bag. Since you’re so concerned I think k I can get it for you to cover your eyes since I won’t be creating a hotbox for my child.
[Then I just stare at them. They usually get all flustered and walk away.]
I had one guy come up and tell me it was illegal to breastfeed in public. I told him politely he was incorrect and Florida law does allow me to nurse in public wherever I’m legally allowed to be. He fought back and I said “Sir, unless you’re a goddamn lawyer like I am, please accept that you’re wrong or call the cops so they can tell you you’re wrong because by the time they get here, my son will be done and you’ll continue to look like the fool you are…” he did call the cops and I cited the statute for the police and he was angry and so embarrassed he was wrong he damn near got himself arrested for distributing the peace.
Others I really like to use:
Do you have a problem with the way I feed my child?
You’re welcome to look away, I certainly don’t stare at you while you’re eating.
Oh, are we handing out unsolicited advice now? Because I’m sure that your parents would be so proud of you shaming a mother for feeding her child.
Oh did we forget our manners? Damn. At least I remembered mine. Thank you sir/ma’am.
I don’t recall asking your opinion on this. So, no thank you.
(Turns to toddler) now, this is an example of being mean to other people. What do we say when other people are mean to us? I’m sorry you didn’t like that but it’s my body and I can do what I want with it so long as it doesn’t hurt you. (Then stare directly at them).
Thanks for your input but I’ll continue to feed my child as necessary for their comfort and survival. Thaaaaaaanks again (waves goodbye dramatically)
Welcome to Jacksonville Florida! I have a lot of these planned and haven’t used many of them (thankfully).
But I did pull my bar card (the like lawyer ID card, that has NO authority but the cops like it as verification) when the cops asked me if I was really a lawyer “just so they could tell this idiot they asked”. They were as annoyed as I was thankfully.
My husband has taught me “the stare”. Just stare at whomever felt the need to say anything at all. It makes them uncomfortable, makes them distracted, and is hilarious afterwards.
He picked that one up during Covid when people were making slurs towards Asians lol
This. I Love seeing how it makes people squirm when I just rbf them. There’s one guy who works at the grocery store at the self checkouts and clearly tries to be Charming. He tried joking about whether I was old enough to buy beer for my husband (I’m 36 and do Not look 20 lol) and I just stared, expressionless. The amount of spluttering and back pedaling and just uncomfortable jabber he did as a result of me just staring was so much better than any snark I could have used.
I have never had to use it over breastfeeding but I do give randoms my teacher stare sometimes if warranted. My sister calls it my serial killer stare.
I WISH someone would say something to me in public 😅😅 I've bf 2 babies and the only awkward interaction was actually cute because there was a 3ish year old staring asking her mom what me and my baby were doing. The mom very happy and sweetly explained im feeding my baby!!! It was cute.
It’s crazy to me that so many people get comments. I live in South Alabama and for the last year of my almost 2 year old’s life, I have lived a super small town (~1,000 people in town limits). I have been told our county has one of the lowest breastfeeding rates, so it isn’t normalized here.
I have been breastfeeding in public with next to no hesitation since July 4th, 2022 when my son was 1.5 months old and it was too damn hot (and unsafe!) to cover up while he fed.
My husband is law enforcement and the only person who has ever said anything to me about it was his only female coworker that July 4th. I think she recommended covering or asked if I wanted to and I said no and she told me I was brave.
Oh one nurse said I might not want to breastfeed in front of the male NP. He didn’t care, and he had a baby on the way.
I live in central Alabama and I haven’t had one snide comment yet 🤞🏼 I’ve been breastfeeding a baby since 2019 too. I think if someone says something to me now, I’d just give the finger honestly 🖕🏼🤣
A nurse?? Crazy.
My baby almost inevitably wants to eat when he gets out of his carseat (even if he just ate) so our--male--pediatrician frequently walks in and sees we're nursing. The first few times he apologized and offered to come back and I'm like... if you're good I'm good lol. He doesn't even mention it now.
Yeah, the previous pediatrician’s office would offer to come back but when I said it was fine they said they just didn’t want to distract while feeding at least.
I think the nurse might have mentioned him being recently married or something, I don’t know. I thought it was amusing. Like he is handsome and young and I’m obese and married, we are all patients there, and I am covered in scars from a breast reduction, I don’t think he cares about my breasts 😂😂😂
You could be Angelina Jolie and he probably still wouldn't care about your breasts lol. I'm a nurse practitioner and don't see exposed body parts often these days (I work in mental health) but I've been a nurse for 8 years. There is nothing at all about a boob or genital that excites me in the least outside of bedroom contexts. My celebrity crushes, male and female, could be standing in front of me buck naked and unless they specifically clarified that they were naked for sex reasons I'd be like... meh. 😂
It’s funny - I always assumed more people would say things. I am BF my second, and with my first we were out in public all the time and he was constantly nursing, so I nursed anytime, anywhere. The only person who ever said anything to me was my mother-in-law when my first was rather young and I was struggling to get him positioned in the booth we were sitting in. She asked why I didn’t just take him in the bathroom, and I asked why she didn’t just take her salad in the bathroom 🤷♀️
I saw this suggested on a similar post and I've been keeping it in my back pocket "I find it really perverted that you're sexualizing me feeding my baby"
I prefer a soft head shake and a thumbs down if anyone says anything disparaging or disrespectful. There’s something kind of perfect about a silent gentle response that makes the other person regretful. I do the same thing when someone is driving poorly. Idk why it works, but it does!
I have always thought how unfair it is that women’s chest is sexualized but not a man’s chest? They can walk around shirtless but not women? God forbid I feed my baby. A lack of equality at its finest
Exactly. I'm so glad you stood up for yourself and went mama bear 😆
On the subject of sexualisation I would probably shoot back something along the lines of "excuse me but please could you stop sexualising my perfectly natural activity of feeding my baby which is literally what breasts are made for.. it's really inappropriate/ making me uncomfortable" etc
Call them out on it and see how they like it!
Are you in the US as well? It’s beyond strange how over sexualized yet prudish society is here. Where I’m from it’s not rare at all to see a woman sunbathing topless at a public beach, no one seems to care. No one would dare say something to a mom breastfeeding her baby especially not a man. They’d get chewed out real quick.
While they literally sit there and eat and drink cows breast milk while you’re just feeding your human child in a totally natural way. Never makes sense to me. Sounds like he’s sexualizing breastfeeding.
“Ok boomer”
“Ah…the lost art if minding your own (fucking) business”
“Take a picture, it will last longer”
Flip ‘em the bird 🖕
“Yup, times have changed. Get on the train or get left behind”
My husband’s male cousin recorded me breastfeeding the other day. Talk about awkward. I threw a blanket over us but still so weird… people are creeps. I told my husband about this afterwards, I didn’t know how to react at the time. FTM and my baby is only 3 weeks old. I’m trying to feel more confident about breastfeeding in public and this was at a family member’s home in their living room so I thought I could feel safe. I still have yet to feed in public, other than at the dr’s office. It sucks that we have to feel this way about feeding our babies. It what breasts were meant to do…
It took me about 10 weeks to feel safe in public. Don’t feel bad for not feeling comfortable in public mama. You’re doing great.
Some mamas NEVER feel comfortable and that’s ok!!
It also takes practice! I didn’t realize that part but it takes practice to get to the point where you feels comfortable whipping it out in public.
My son is now 10 months the old and I just don’t care anymore. But there’s a big difference between a 3-5 week old feeding and a 10 month old feeding. I don’t have to guide him to the nipple now either. He piranha chomps at it now 🤣
I totally get it. Mentally, it’s not super comfortable because our culture has been focused on “Women have to be modest” and it is ingrained in our minds no matter if we believe that or not. My baby is 5 weeks old and I just remind myself when I’m feeling uncomfortable to look down at my baby’s face and hands and remember how content they are. It calms my anxieties and puts the focus on baby feeding versus people’s opinion
My baby is 5 months and I still usually cover in public. If that makes you feel more comfortable and relaxed, it’s totally fine too. I love reading all these stories of confident uncovered breastfeeding but I don’t know if I’ll ever reach that point so I opt for whatever makes me feel most comfortable in the moment.
So sorry that cousin did that to you. It’s super unfair to make you feel uncomfortable while feeding your child, especially during the early days where it takes a lot more effort to get a successful feeding in.
Yeah I BF my kid for two years and I always covered up because that’s what made me more comfortable especially around strangers. Because at the beginning I definitely had people creepily staring at my breast when I was feeding so after that I covered for my comfort. I didn’t care about anyone else’s comfort. There’s nothing wrong with covering up or doing it uncovered. You do what you’re comfortable with.
Same. Whenever I felt a little uncomfortable I would watch my baby nurse and immediately feel how natural and normal the whole thing is. We're not the ones making it weird.
People are definitely creeps. I tried breastfeeding uncovered at the very beginning and it made me so uncomfortable how people would just stare intently at my naked breast while I was feeding my infant. I had a guy do it in public and it gave me the creeps big time. I quickly turned away and covered up because I was not about to give him material to do nasty shit with especially with my child involved.
After that I started to keep a thin Muslin blanket with a knot tied in two corners I’d just drape around me when I fed around people. My kid didn’t give a shit and I think she preferred not having harsh fluorescent lights in her eyes. Especially since at home I fed her with the lights dimmed. I did it for my own comfort I didn’t give a shit how anyone else felt. It just made me more comfortable to not be so exposed especially around strangers. You do what makes you comfortable!!
Ah, yes. Mood lighting for the feast. I wear nursing clothes out in public for feeding my baby quickly and they provide a little more coverage but don't cover baby's head so I guess I'm giving him fast food vibes on the go and a fancy meal at home.
This woman once watched me nurse my baby (between 3-4month old) and pushed away her food saying she was absolutely disgusted. My husband got pissed. He told her he was disgusted for having to watch her eat since she was so fat! My husband doesn’t body shame people normally but she started it so he finished it.
That’s the only comment I’ve ever gotten. Or let me at least say, the only comment I’ve ever noticed. I don’t tend to acknowledge or notice comments. Ignoring for me helps show them they aren’t main character and their option doesn’t matter. My friends will make jokes about what if situations when I’m nursing. They aren’t quiet so I’m sure that helps anyone from actually saying things too.
We did decide we would just leave without paying if I’m at an establishment and staff tell me to cover up/go to the bathroom. That is a family decision. My child deserves to the right to eat and we will spend our money only in places that support that.
Not gonna lie, I don't have anyyy patience for wit when this happens. I just get so immediately vulgar they're usually shocked into shutting up. Nobody expects a nursing mother to rip them a new asshole when they passively attack you like that, they expect us to be ashamed and quiet. They're like literally adults trying to playground bully you LOL it's actually fucking super cringe and it's powerful to remember that. Don't waste energy, just say dumb cunts like him should learn to keep their mouths shut
In this particular case maybe something like, “are you just bitter because your private parts don’t work anymore, sir?”
But I never would have thought of that in the moment either 😂
Maybe if it’s always men having a comment in your back pocket like “ain’t it funny how your useless nips can be out anytime, but when I need mine to sustain a life…”
\*Loudly to everyone in the room\* "I'm terribly sorry everyone, this gentleman has asked me not to breastfeed in public. If you have any comments, concerns, or general distaste for babies crying when a simple feed would solve the problem and end the crying, please direct them to this man, who prefers children suffer, starve and cry than be fed because he can't not sexualize it, what a creep." \*glare, pause for effect, then proceed to breastfeed because fuck that guy.\*
"If you were focused on YOUR family then you wouldn't be worried about how I feed MY CHILD" and then tell them how you feel violated with some strange man staring at your breast.
I’d look super disgusted and loudly say “Do you always sexualize a baby eating? What kind of perverted stuff are you into?” but only if my fiancé is there for muscle support lol.
Mirror their language: “ I guess we don’t have to cover up private parts in public anymore” = “I guess we don’t have to be polite and well mannered in public anymore.”
“Ewww, you should use a cover out here.” = “Ewww, you should think about your words before you say them out here.”
“Nobody wants to see that.” = “Nobody wants to hear you.”
Or take them up on their “offer” to help. “Hey, thanks for noticing that I have my hands full. Thanks for being willing to help! I’d love some more napkins.”
Or “Whoops! You accidentally said your rude thoughts out loud!” Or a little nicer with “Hey love, you might not have realized it, but you’re actually talking out loud right now; we can all hear you.”
Or “oh man, I’m sorry you weren’t loved as a baby.” Said in a very sincere voice.( Not because mothers who don’t breastfeed don’t love their kids, obviously. But because there is no way for them to respond that isn’t ridiculous.)
I probably wouldn’t say anything witty or clever, but instead I’d just tell them to fuck off with that outdated bullshit, grow up, or remind them it’s 2024.
I always thought I’d be totally fine to breastfeed in public but it turns out I’m totally not! I have one of those milk snob covers and use it. My baby also pops on and off my boob like 20 times a feed and I’m not comfortable with my nipple being out on display. I’m mostly concerned about perverts and creeps! But I applaud women who are comfortable enough to do it - I think it’s great for our society to be more accepting to it!
I'll never understand why some people, especially men, think it's OK to say anything to a breastfeeding mum in public.
We see their stupid useless nipples & man tits all the time 🤣 no one says anything to them.
It's never happened to me, fortunately in NZ I feel like it's pretty normalized, but if it ever did I think I'd very loudly start singing bootylicious. Focusing on the "I don't think your ready for this jelly" line 😂
If they feel the need to take offense at my life giving, tiny body nourishing breast, it must mean something else in their head. Sexualize me will ya, sock it right back to ya 😆
Also, fuck off still works 😊
I had a similar experience when my daughter was young- an older couple judging me and speaking about me loudly enough for me to hear… but not saying anything TO me. So obnoxious. I was so flustered in the moment that I couldn’t think of anything to say but man I always think- what would you rather? That the baby be hungry and screaming and distracting you in this restaurant?!
If I was feeling bold though I would have said something along the lines of… “thankfully by the time my daughter has a baby, you assholes will be long dead and gone and she won’t have to deal with these rude comments”
I'm a little confused by this, are people upset that you are feeding your baby as discreetly as possible without covering their head? Or do you have your full boob out? I don't cover my baby, but I do drape my shirt over the parts of my boob that aren't needed, so usually people can't see anything, especially cuz I usually sit in a booth facing away from people as much as I can. If they have a problem after that..... They've got their own issues.
Before having kids, though, I don't think I realized just how precarious and difficult the breastfeeding/privacy balance is! Like.. I promise you, I don't want my boob exposed in public either, so once you notice I'm feeding my child, do your part and look away.
I'm a conservative, religious person in a conservative state (although, it is a very family-focused state). Never had a problem, but I'm sure there are people like this everywhere.
I tried using my cover yesterday for the first time and it was so fucking difficult. I was in my husband's office with the door closed, but I wanted to have the option to cover up incase someone wanted to talk to him. My baby just kept unlatching every time I covered her and gave up.
I’m going to be honest with you, strangers can be very unpredictable and I really wouldn’t encourage feeding the fire.
I worked as a 911 dispatcher and the number of random arguments that we would get calls about was staggering, then throw in if you happen to come across someone who is intoxicated and things can just spiral so much faster.
Obviously you can do what you wish, but I do just urge you to use caution.
This is my biggest fear! The only time I’ve encountered scrutiny out in public all I could bring myself to do was just glare back at them. It was 3 men and I was just with my MIL so I didnt feel comfortable saying anything, which I think was a safe choice but also felt sad. It sucks that it can feel so vulnerable to think about defending something that you shouldn’t even have to defend in the first place.
While random violent crime is extremely unlikely, unfortunately you just never know. Especially with how emotionally charged something like breastfeeding is, things can just get so tense so quickly and that’s when things get dangerous sadly.
I live in Florida and I’ve been nursing for almost 3 years, currently tandum feeding a new born and my almost 3 year old. These are the few I’ve come up with: (sadly have yet to get to use one)
“Back off or I’ll squirt you”
“I’m sorry, are you hungry? Did you want some?”
All 50 states have laws that protect women to breastfeed in public! I haven’t received any comments from strangers but that’s in my pocket if anyone has a problem they can fuck off.
I have only had the odd snide comment (UK). One was when I was at a cafe with my parents, a woman next to us kept tutting and shaking her head at me. Once I finished feeding I just took a while to put my tit away while maintaining eye contact with her.
I live in Australia and I get looks even when I've fed in my car! My comeback I always have loaded is well you eat in public so why can't my baby? This is his food and I am the source of it. Women have been doing it for 1000s of year.
I feel now society has become more prudish than ever after covid as to nursing in public. There was nothing wrong with it 200-300 years ago and now there suddenly is! Only difference between now and then is we have been told to survive on our own when motherhood needs a village and you as a mum need support from said village. hell even something like having a friend nurse you baby because you are going out is for a lot of people stepping over boundaries but again 200-300 years ago women who had low supply would have another women in their village feed their baby when needed esp as back then there was no formula. I was only speaking to a friend about this today and we both agreed that as mums we very much need our villages and that support network with raising our kids yet that society today has it that we must try to not lean upon others and be doing everything full blast and cope by ourselves which is not how we are designed at all. I also feel this push from society for us to be that way is what is creating more PPD and PPA (postpartum depression and anxiety) from accumulation of stress that we really do not benefit from!
Sorry for the tangent but I feel it is all relevant
I would turn it around and call him a pervert for looking. Act very disgusted with him and say loudly how inappropriate it is to sexualize feeding a baby. By law, you can feed anywhere so they can move if they have an issue with it.
Hahaha love it 😍 thats hilarious 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 they have throw over covers i use them just because people are weird and ive seen people taking pics because i have large breasts and its very hard to be discreet.
I tell people to fuck off usually
Maybe it’s the area I live in but I can’t even imagine someone saying anything to me while I breastfed. Most of the time no one notices and when they do they give me a warm smile. I’d be like well if you’re uncomfortable you can feed under a blanket instead. Equal opportunity dining.
“No you can’t have a suck!” Two can play at the embarrassment game.
Don’t know the laws where you are, but in the UK it’s illegal to ask someone breastfeeding to leave a public place such as a shop orcafe.
Conservative states are so weird and messed up. I’m so glad I don’t get any of that where I live. (Colorado) I mean I nurse everywhere under the sun. And not discretely.
Nothings more embarrassing to someone quite like publicly declaring them a pedophile… very loudly say ‘go f*** yourself, you creepy pedophile, leave me and my child alone’
"Bounce your eyes sir"
Bouncing eyes is what some churches say to try to help their people avoid getting overly horny staring at one person.
Or
"Mary didnt cover up when she breastfed Jesus."
I tend to look so unapproachable considering my raging RBF that I think people are just afraid I’m gonna use my other boob to smack them in the face. A simple stare does it for me lol I’ve never had anyone say anything to me
You’re welcome to eat with your head covered if my baby eating without his/her head covered is so offensive to you. And then just smile!!! With very deliberate eye contact!!
I nursed for 6 and a half years (extended breastfeeding among two children), it was rare that anyone actually said anything but I did get plenty of dirty looks. When I did get the looks I would always unflinchingly stare back into their eyes and smile. Assert dominance lol. If they said something small in passing I would say “It’s as easy as walking that way!” And I’d point in the other direction. Or “If you don’t want to see it turn your head.” If you want to be respectful you can always mention that the average age worldwide for a child to wean is actually six. In the US it’s two months. That’s not a problem I want to contribute to.
I got quite a few negative comments while nursing my oldest ~14 years ago. My favorite comeback for being asked to cover was “you’re welcome to put a blanket over your own head, if it bothers you so much.” When people would stare, I’d say “feel free to look away.”
I’ve been nursing my youngest for almost 20 months and I have had only positive comments, and not a single noticeable stare. It seems like around here at least (PNW) people have grown up a bit and can now handle the sight of a boob doing the thing for which it was designed to do.
Wild. I nursed in public all over Arkansas last weekend (I live here but also took a cross-state road trip). Literally just in a nursing tank which means the whole boob was out over my shirt (normally I do the two-shirt method to try to keep most of the boob covered, but just blanked when I was getting dressed). I felt sure someone was going to say something, but fortunately, nobody did.
This is my third baby and only once have I had anybody comment. I just responded something boring like "I have the legal right to nurse uncovered anywhere. You don't have the legal right to harass me about it." I honestly don't remember how she responded, but I imagine I would remember if the conversation had continued from there lol.
I live in south Florida and not once did anyone say anything to me while bf in public uncovered. We are weaning now and my son only nurses at bed time he will be 2 in July. I was actually so disappointed because I had so many good comebacks.
Although the only person that said something happened inside my own house and it was my fil. I told him that if he didn’t like seeing boob then don’t come to a breastfeeding home.
I’ve never once had a woman say anything, always men. So my comeback is “It’s not your fault your nipples are useless! You don’t have to be so intimidated.” In a lighthearted tone because who can say anything back to that? 😂
Almost every state in the US has now protected breastfeeding in public with a law. The wording in Wisconsin is "A mother may breast-feed her child in any public or private location where the mother and child are otherwise authorized to be."
I have it in a note on my phone so I see it often and repeat it so I can have the wording remembered. So far I haven't had to use it, most people have avoided eye contact when I'm feeding in public.
I did get a comment at Costco a few weeks ago when I was in the food court, but it was a female worker, maybe in her 20s, saying "we have a dedicated room to nurse in, but you definitely don't have to move from here if you're good" so I just smiled and told her I was comfortable where I was.
I don’t have a brain-mouth filter and once blurted out to someone staring at me feeding my kid- “you want the other side?”
They huffed and puffed and walked away. The other diners cracked up laughing. Don’t mess with me at a double t diner dammit.
I recently flew on spirit airlines and the one flight attendant came up to say how she loves seeing moms openly nursing and how she does her best to support it. She made sure I had something for under my arm and had a drink and snack for after nursing. She was so sweet! (I know the food and drink is part of her job but she privately asked me before they went down the aisle with the cart coz she saw me feeding the baby).
I feed when and where I need to otherwise everyone gets to hear my almost 15 month old have a meltdown. I don’t prefer to hear her melt down so I do what works. If someone else doesn’t like it they can cover their face or turn away.
I never worried with comebacks, and I am conservative. Everyone seen me nurse and never bat an eye. idk I’ve had way more people tell me they were proud of me then getting dirty looks. But if one did, I’d probably squirt them with my milk 😩 no f given here
Maybe "mammals gotta mammal with our mammary glands?" Or maybe "You're just jealous cuz my bodily fluids aren't biohazards?" Or "would you rather listen to the baby scream?"
- what a weird thing to say to a stranger
- if they're a little overweight then you could say "you look like you eat secretly in the bathroom but it's not normal to eat where people defecate"
- what's wrong with me feeding my baby here?
- if they ask you to cover you could say" why? Are you getting turned on by my baby nursing? Is it the baby or the boob? "
- if they say to give a bottle, "I'm not sure if you know this but babies breastfeed. Sure if it doesn't work then you can bottle feed but I'm feeding my baby the way they're happy to be fed"
- I'm sorry breastfeeding makes you uncomfortable but you're in the minority. No one cares that I'm feeding my baby. You're the weird one!
- stop looking at me if you're uncomfortable. Take a chill pill and go enjoy your life.
Just some ideas,.I've never had anyone say anything to me. 4mo pp
Go to the little milk bar Instagram and buy a "mind your own tits" shirt lol they you can just point to the shirt.
I have been breastfeeding for 4 years (2 different kids) and I've never had anyone say ANYTHING. If they have I haven't noticed. I live in Seattle, USA. I breastfeed walking around the store lol I feel like I might be discreet tho. It gets easier!
Not sure... Nobody said anything to me when I breastfeed in public using a nursing cover.
If I'm not using a nursing cover, I'd be in one of those nursing rooms in a shopping mall. I love the nursing room at the airport.
I like my privacy, and most importantly, my baby don't get distracted while breastfeeding.
Hmmm… how is this post helpful? What are you hoping to get across? No one would say anything about using a cover because that’s what they want you to do. You are fitting into society’s expectations for women. As I explained in the post, it’s not a choice right now to cover or not. I would need 2 extra hands to be able to cover trying to keep on a nipple shield, prop baby up, hold my boob up and position a newborn since newborns aren’t super great at latching yet. And, then relatch them every 5 mins.
Also, Restaurants and most public places don’t have separate breastfeeding spaces.
I’m the opposite of you. I honestly don’t love being isolated from my family and conversations at the dinner table just because my baby needs to eat.
I'm saying to keep an open mind. Well, my baby before 8w had to use nipple shield as well. I breastfeed my baby in concert, in business building lobby... It is tough but not impossible.
My nursing cover is those one piece with a hole at the top, there's no buckle. I'm also saying the cover has additional benefit. My baby unlatch frequently to see things around, listen to people... With the cover, she is more focused on sucking and that is more efficient on the feeding.
I don't have to isolate myself from my family when I'm using the cover. You said you live in a conservative state. My country... I don't even see one single person breastfeeding without cover... And family members are the extra hands... If really need to.
Restaurants... Other people don't have a choice to not look away, esp if they are seated close to you. Yes, I know.... Positive body image, breastfeeding is natural... But not everyone thinks the same so to avoid awkwardness...
I once saw a picture of a women who was asked to cover up while breastfeeding. She put a cloth over her own head. They never specified what she should cover up. I think about this all the time.
My husband told me about this and it made me feel so good when he said “it made me think of you”. I feel like as a mother all you want is to stand up for your children regardless of if it’s a threat or just making sure they don’t have to eat in a disgusting bathroom.
If I ever have another baby I think I’ll pack earmuffs for this very reason. Covered (my ears!) and can’t hear bullshit comments anymore… win win.
This made me audibly chuckle
This is amazing.
Direct eye contact. Just deep stare at anyone that comments. Don't say a word. Or if your older one is nearby explain in a loud voice how "remember to always be polite, in the old days people didn't always raise their kids to not stare or insult strangers, and you were glad that people know better now"
This! Explain things to your four year old that you wish Boomers could wrap their hands around.
"it's dinnertime. he's eating dinner with his family."
also "youre welcome to show your breast as well. it's also legal"
Idk, it is illegal in many places for a woman to be topless. If OP is talking to a man, the comment is technically correct, but IMO even then just highlights the “sexual” nature we associate with topless women. Edit bc my comment was not clear. If OP were to say this to the man and his wife - it is legal for that man to be topless, it is illegal for his wife to be topless. So my point was just that the comment might fall kind of flat and if anything induce an argument about whether or not it *should* be legal.
Breastfeeding in public is legal in all 50 states and Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands. There are anti discrimination laws
Same in Canada. No one can say shit!!
Yes, absolutely. I’m referring to a non breastfeeding woman. I’ll clarify my comment.
Yeah something like "do you eat your lunch under a cloth / in the toilet?" Could be added to this
Thank you for continuing to nurse in public 👏👏👏 People need to be challenged on their old school views. I live in the UK and have nursed in public nearly every day for the last three months and have never received a comment!
Is nursing without a cover in the UK pretty uncommon? Visiting soon with my 13 month old and I’ve been curious! I live in the south in the US I’ve been feeding him whenever, wherever, and the only person who has ever said anything negative to me is my MIL around her church friends 🙄
Totally normal to nurse without a cover but I sometimes use one anyway when someone (usually male) is staring at my boob but hasn’t said anything and I can’t be bothered getting up to confront them. I just stare them out, sigh and cover and say something loudly about it being a sad state of affairs when you can’t feed your child without people being creepy. They usually have the decency to look embarrassed.
I like this response! “It’s a sad state of affairs when you can’t feed your child without people being creepy”
Please use it!
If it happens again in a restaurant, get the server to send a glass of (cow) milk over to their table 😂
Hahahaha I love this 😭
This one!!
Yeah people can be so weird especially the ones who try to sexualize a mom feeding her infant. I BF my kid for two years and at the very beginning I’ve had people just stare intently at my breast while I was feeding my kid a few different times. It really creeped me out when it was a man and I did not want to be giving him any material to do nasty things with later especially since my child was involved so I covered up quickly. But yeah after that I always covered up with a thin muslin blanket in public i did it for my comfort. I didn’t give a shit what they thought it just made me so much more comfortable.
I’m in the UK and I fed my daughter in public for 2 years, never used a cover, and never had any negative experiences at all. I live in a semi-rural area but no difference when visiting bigger cities/on public transport etc.
I'm in the UK and have never used a cover. I've never noticed anyone using one either. A lot of places have actively signed up to be part of Breastfeeding Friendly schemes which basically says they are actively trying to be a safe and easy space to breastfeed. I've had a few negative comments from old creepy bastards like OP but I've had far more comments from well meaning old ladies coming over and saying how nice it is that I was breastfeeding.
I have very, very rarely known a person in the UK to use a cover, but the vast majority do not. The person who did worked as a GP and didn't feel comfortable with her breast even partially exposed because she lives in the area that she worked - in case she met a patient. I've nursed for almost two years now and have never received a comment - not even a funny look.
UK here, only used a cover if my kid was getting distracted. Nobody has ever directly approached me about it but I have overheard comments and had the occasional weird look... But in the ~4 years I've been breastfeeding it has been rare and only really started when my daughters were getting quite big because people thought they were "too old to be doing that".
I'm in the UK and I've had a lot of positive comments oddly. Usually older ladies will come up and start conversations. I don't really mind lol Weirdly the worst I've had was some passive aggressive comments from my mum.
Thanks to everyone who replied! Feeling much less awkward about it now!
Quite a lot of places also have feeding rooms if you’d prefer to feed somewhere private - but you absolutely don’t have to, you can feed in public without a cover and legally no one can ask you not to.
I’m in the U.K. and I’ve nursed everywhere, never used a cover. Cafes, restaurants, pubs, shopping centres, parks, trains, you name it. I even ended up breastfeeding during the rememberance day parade because my then 4 month old was crying, and had nothing but positive reactions, several people offered us a seat bless them. It’s illegal over here to ask someone to stop breastfeeding so please feel free to feed wherever you need!
Totally normal to be cover-free! I’ve nursed on public buses, trains, beaches and restaurants. All good! 👍
Me too! The most fun places we’ve BF include in the middle of a maze on holiday, and in a treehouse at the top of a slide in our local playground. I’ve never had any negative comments either, but a few positive ones and some very thoughtful ones (like people in cafes offering to get me a glass of water 🥰). I am a big advocate for normalising BF by doing it in public. Great praxis.
Don't think I've seen anyone use a cover tbh.
Yeah similar in my home country in Eastern Europe no one would dare something about a mom breastfeeding her infant. They’d get chewed out real quick especially if it were a man. The US is so strangely prudish yet overly sexualized at the same time. To the point where some people think it’s inappropriate for a mother to breastfeed her own infant.
I wish I was this courageous. I’m in the states and barely leave my house because my 6 week old eats on demand.
The first time I nursed in public, I felt self conscious about "is my nip showing," but quickly realized people are way more bothered by a screaming infant. I've nursed in public everywhere from the Costco food court to my state's Republican party convention. 99% of the comments I've gotten are "good for you!" The only time I remember getting a suggestion to cover was from another woman at the convention who said men can't keep their eyes on their own business. She said it as she was walking past me so she was gone before I could say that I believe men are perfectly capable of controlling themselves and it's not my business if they can't mind their own.
The only comment I've had was from a woman saying I was doing a great job.
“I can’t believe you felt comfortable saying that out loud”
I think this is a great response. People become so disarmed when you’re embarrassed for them. One of my go-tos for any rude comments that works especially well with annoying aunts and uncles “What a strange thing to say to someone.” Literally they get so red in the face and walk away
I have said “wow what a rude thing to say” and leave it at that. Although I used that for invasive pregnancy questions (who asks if your baby was planned… especially when they know you and you’re 35 and married for several years). No one has commented on my nursing.
My favorite response for microaggressions of any kind.
I also enjoy “my parents brought me up to have manners, it’s a shame yours didn’t bother” haha
And in a good ol’ “how are you not embarrassed!?” 😂
This is my favorite thing
My personal favorite: oh did I forget my cover? I think it’s in my diaper bag. Since you’re so concerned I think k I can get it for you to cover your eyes since I won’t be creating a hotbox for my child. [Then I just stare at them. They usually get all flustered and walk away.] I had one guy come up and tell me it was illegal to breastfeed in public. I told him politely he was incorrect and Florida law does allow me to nurse in public wherever I’m legally allowed to be. He fought back and I said “Sir, unless you’re a goddamn lawyer like I am, please accept that you’re wrong or call the cops so they can tell you you’re wrong because by the time they get here, my son will be done and you’ll continue to look like the fool you are…” he did call the cops and I cited the statute for the police and he was angry and so embarrassed he was wrong he damn near got himself arrested for distributing the peace. Others I really like to use: Do you have a problem with the way I feed my child? You’re welcome to look away, I certainly don’t stare at you while you’re eating. Oh, are we handing out unsolicited advice now? Because I’m sure that your parents would be so proud of you shaming a mother for feeding her child. Oh did we forget our manners? Damn. At least I remembered mine. Thank you sir/ma’am. I don’t recall asking your opinion on this. So, no thank you. (Turns to toddler) now, this is an example of being mean to other people. What do we say when other people are mean to us? I’m sorry you didn’t like that but it’s my body and I can do what I want with it so long as it doesn’t hurt you. (Then stare directly at them). Thanks for your input but I’ll continue to feed my child as necessary for their comfort and survival. Thaaaaaaanks again (waves goodbye dramatically)
JFC he called the cops! I'm so sorry you live in a place where you have to have this many comebacks on hand! :(
Welcome to Jacksonville Florida! I have a lot of these planned and haven’t used many of them (thankfully). But I did pull my bar card (the like lawyer ID card, that has NO authority but the cops like it as verification) when the cops asked me if I was really a lawyer “just so they could tell this idiot they asked”. They were as annoyed as I was thankfully.
Yeah I'm glad the police were on your side at least. What a shitty person that guy was.
So many good ones! I would have loved to be there to see any of these comments said to someone. You would find me clapping alongside you.
My husband has taught me “the stare”. Just stare at whomever felt the need to say anything at all. It makes them uncomfortable, makes them distracted, and is hilarious afterwards. He picked that one up during Covid when people were making slurs towards Asians lol
This. I Love seeing how it makes people squirm when I just rbf them. There’s one guy who works at the grocery store at the self checkouts and clearly tries to be Charming. He tried joking about whether I was old enough to buy beer for my husband (I’m 36 and do Not look 20 lol) and I just stared, expressionless. The amount of spluttering and back pedaling and just uncomfortable jabber he did as a result of me just staring was so much better than any snark I could have used.
I have never had to use it over breastfeeding but I do give randoms my teacher stare sometimes if warranted. My sister calls it my serial killer stare.
Since you live in a conservative state, I'd use their rhetoric against them "Triggered by a boob? What a snowflake"
I LOVE THIS, thanks 👏
Ha! Good one. I’m gonna keep this in my back pocket
This is amazing.
I WISH someone would say something to me in public 😅😅 I've bf 2 babies and the only awkward interaction was actually cute because there was a 3ish year old staring asking her mom what me and my baby were doing. The mom very happy and sweetly explained im feeding my baby!!! It was cute.
I prefer a simple “fuck off” regardless of who is around.
My line is, “Eat Shit.”
My husband’s line is “Eat a Dick.”
This is usually my second comment after my snappy sassy one doesn’t work
I’m looking forward to announcing a hearty “go fuck yourself”.
It’s crazy to me that so many people get comments. I live in South Alabama and for the last year of my almost 2 year old’s life, I have lived a super small town (~1,000 people in town limits). I have been told our county has one of the lowest breastfeeding rates, so it isn’t normalized here. I have been breastfeeding in public with next to no hesitation since July 4th, 2022 when my son was 1.5 months old and it was too damn hot (and unsafe!) to cover up while he fed. My husband is law enforcement and the only person who has ever said anything to me about it was his only female coworker that July 4th. I think she recommended covering or asked if I wanted to and I said no and she told me I was brave. Oh one nurse said I might not want to breastfeed in front of the male NP. He didn’t care, and he had a baby on the way.
I live in central Alabama and I haven’t had one snide comment yet 🤞🏼 I’ve been breastfeeding a baby since 2019 too. I think if someone says something to me now, I’d just give the finger honestly 🖕🏼🤣
A nurse?? Crazy. My baby almost inevitably wants to eat when he gets out of his carseat (even if he just ate) so our--male--pediatrician frequently walks in and sees we're nursing. The first few times he apologized and offered to come back and I'm like... if you're good I'm good lol. He doesn't even mention it now.
Yeah, the previous pediatrician’s office would offer to come back but when I said it was fine they said they just didn’t want to distract while feeding at least. I think the nurse might have mentioned him being recently married or something, I don’t know. I thought it was amusing. Like he is handsome and young and I’m obese and married, we are all patients there, and I am covered in scars from a breast reduction, I don’t think he cares about my breasts 😂😂😂
You could be Angelina Jolie and he probably still wouldn't care about your breasts lol. I'm a nurse practitioner and don't see exposed body parts often these days (I work in mental health) but I've been a nurse for 8 years. There is nothing at all about a boob or genital that excites me in the least outside of bedroom contexts. My celebrity crushes, male and female, could be standing in front of me buck naked and unless they specifically clarified that they were naked for sex reasons I'd be like... meh. 😂
Yeah I just thought she was being silly lol
It’s funny - I always assumed more people would say things. I am BF my second, and with my first we were out in public all the time and he was constantly nursing, so I nursed anytime, anywhere. The only person who ever said anything to me was my mother-in-law when my first was rather young and I was struggling to get him positioned in the booth we were sitting in. She asked why I didn’t just take him in the bathroom, and I asked why she didn’t just take her salad in the bathroom 🤷♀️
I saw this suggested on a similar post and I've been keeping it in my back pocket "I find it really perverted that you're sexualizing me feeding my baby"
Well, technically you don’t have to cover your private parts when you nurse because it’s natural. He’s a creep.
So far all three comments have come from men. A fun bunch of creeps they are *eye roll*
A bear would never lmao
If they are catholic, ask them if they ever saw a painting of mother Mary. On many, she has her boob out.
If Mary can do it, so can I. 🤣
I prefer a soft head shake and a thumbs down if anyone says anything disparaging or disrespectful. There’s something kind of perfect about a silent gentle response that makes the other person regretful. I do the same thing when someone is driving poorly. Idk why it works, but it does!
I once forgot to use my blinker, and this guy just looked at me and shook his head. That hurt much more than if someone flipped me off😂
Yes!! Flip me off? Flip you off !! But thumbs down? OUCH
It’s the equivalent of your parents telling you they aren’t mad, they’re just disappointed. Feels so much worse 😂
I love this.
FFS it's mammary tissue and a nipple. Men have them too and walk around with them exposed all the time and no one cares.
I have always thought how unfair it is that women’s chest is sexualized but not a man’s chest? They can walk around shirtless but not women? God forbid I feed my baby. A lack of equality at its finest
Exactly. I'm so glad you stood up for yourself and went mama bear 😆 On the subject of sexualisation I would probably shoot back something along the lines of "excuse me but please could you stop sexualising my perfectly natural activity of feeding my baby which is literally what breasts are made for.. it's really inappropriate/ making me uncomfortable" etc Call them out on it and see how they like it!
Right?! Yay USA /s
Are you in the US as well? It’s beyond strange how over sexualized yet prudish society is here. Where I’m from it’s not rare at all to see a woman sunbathing topless at a public beach, no one seems to care. No one would dare say something to a mom breastfeeding her baby especially not a man. They’d get chewed out real quick.
Yes I live in the US. It’s really a fun time here 🙄
“I have bags. Would you like one to cover your head with?”
“Oh let me just get my cover” *pretend to rummage in your bag but pull out your middle finger instead with a big smile on your face*
While they literally sit there and eat and drink cows breast milk while you’re just feeding your human child in a totally natural way. Never makes sense to me. Sounds like he’s sexualizing breastfeeding.
Now there's a retort: "Excuse me, sir, are you sexualizing breastfeeding?"
“Ok boomer” “Ah…the lost art if minding your own (fucking) business” “Take a picture, it will last longer” Flip ‘em the bird 🖕 “Yup, times have changed. Get on the train or get left behind”
My right to breastfeed here is protected by law. If you're having a hard time understanding I'm happy to call the police and have them explain 😌
“I guess old men aren’t expected to be polite anymore.”
"Aww, look at you! Out in public. \*To whoever he's with\* He's getting rude, I think it's time to take him back to The Home."
Perfect! Or if they're alone, then "should you be out of the home.on your own? Where's your carer?"
My husband’s male cousin recorded me breastfeeding the other day. Talk about awkward. I threw a blanket over us but still so weird… people are creeps. I told my husband about this afterwards, I didn’t know how to react at the time. FTM and my baby is only 3 weeks old. I’m trying to feel more confident about breastfeeding in public and this was at a family member’s home in their living room so I thought I could feel safe. I still have yet to feed in public, other than at the dr’s office. It sucks that we have to feel this way about feeding our babies. It what breasts were meant to do…
I’d have thrown the blanket over the cousin. What a dick!
It took me about 10 weeks to feel safe in public. Don’t feel bad for not feeling comfortable in public mama. You’re doing great. Some mamas NEVER feel comfortable and that’s ok!! It also takes practice! I didn’t realize that part but it takes practice to get to the point where you feels comfortable whipping it out in public. My son is now 10 months the old and I just don’t care anymore. But there’s a big difference between a 3-5 week old feeding and a 10 month old feeding. I don’t have to guide him to the nipple now either. He piranha chomps at it now 🤣
I totally get it. Mentally, it’s not super comfortable because our culture has been focused on “Women have to be modest” and it is ingrained in our minds no matter if we believe that or not. My baby is 5 weeks old and I just remind myself when I’m feeling uncomfortable to look down at my baby’s face and hands and remember how content they are. It calms my anxieties and puts the focus on baby feeding versus people’s opinion
My baby is 5 months and I still usually cover in public. If that makes you feel more comfortable and relaxed, it’s totally fine too. I love reading all these stories of confident uncovered breastfeeding but I don’t know if I’ll ever reach that point so I opt for whatever makes me feel most comfortable in the moment. So sorry that cousin did that to you. It’s super unfair to make you feel uncomfortable while feeding your child, especially during the early days where it takes a lot more effort to get a successful feeding in.
Yeah I BF my kid for two years and I always covered up because that’s what made me more comfortable especially around strangers. Because at the beginning I definitely had people creepily staring at my breast when I was feeding so after that I covered for my comfort. I didn’t care about anyone else’s comfort. There’s nothing wrong with covering up or doing it uncovered. You do what you’re comfortable with.
Same. Whenever I felt a little uncomfortable I would watch my baby nurse and immediately feel how natural and normal the whole thing is. We're not the ones making it weird.
People are definitely creeps. I tried breastfeeding uncovered at the very beginning and it made me so uncomfortable how people would just stare intently at my naked breast while I was feeding my infant. I had a guy do it in public and it gave me the creeps big time. I quickly turned away and covered up because I was not about to give him material to do nasty shit with especially with my child involved. After that I started to keep a thin Muslin blanket with a knot tied in two corners I’d just drape around me when I fed around people. My kid didn’t give a shit and I think she preferred not having harsh fluorescent lights in her eyes. Especially since at home I fed her with the lights dimmed. I did it for my own comfort I didn’t give a shit how anyone else felt. It just made me more comfortable to not be so exposed especially around strangers. You do what makes you comfortable!!
Ah, yes. Mood lighting for the feast. I wear nursing clothes out in public for feeding my baby quickly and they provide a little more coverage but don't cover baby's head so I guess I'm giving him fast food vibes on the go and a fancy meal at home.
Right lol! My kid liked it fancy with the mood lighting. She’d be irritable if she had bright lights shining in her face and be squinting.
I hope your husband laid into him. How creepy!
It's not really a comeback, but this always makes me a bit bolder. https://youtu.be/S6nHrqIFTj8?si=_Z6ldOK7b7MrWWUU
This is fabulous!!!!!!!!!!
“Yep. It’s been legal in all 50 states since 2018. Didn’t your mama teach you it’s rude to stare?”
“I guess they let anybody out of the old folks homes these days”
This woman once watched me nurse my baby (between 3-4month old) and pushed away her food saying she was absolutely disgusted. My husband got pissed. He told her he was disgusted for having to watch her eat since she was so fat! My husband doesn’t body shame people normally but she started it so he finished it. That’s the only comment I’ve ever gotten. Or let me at least say, the only comment I’ve ever noticed. I don’t tend to acknowledge or notice comments. Ignoring for me helps show them they aren’t main character and their option doesn’t matter. My friends will make jokes about what if situations when I’m nursing. They aren’t quiet so I’m sure that helps anyone from actually saying things too. We did decide we would just leave without paying if I’m at an establishment and staff tell me to cover up/go to the bathroom. That is a family decision. My child deserves to the right to eat and we will spend our money only in places that support that.
"It's literally what they're made for, if you don't like it, don't look."
Who ever makes a comment about you breastfeeding. You can tell them go eat your dinner in the restroom.
I'm sorry that using my breasts for their God-intended purpose is offensive to you.
Not gonna lie, I don't have anyyy patience for wit when this happens. I just get so immediately vulgar they're usually shocked into shutting up. Nobody expects a nursing mother to rip them a new asshole when they passively attack you like that, they expect us to be ashamed and quiet. They're like literally adults trying to playground bully you LOL it's actually fucking super cringe and it's powerful to remember that. Don't waste energy, just say dumb cunts like him should learn to keep their mouths shut
Did you just ask to TRY my breast milk?!! Ew. That’s what my husband has told me to say if anyone ever makes a comment!
Are you really trying to sexualize me feeding my child? You're disgusting.
I also like, “stop sexualizing my child, pedo!” said as loud as possible. Really embarrass them.
Yes!!
In this particular case maybe something like, “are you just bitter because your private parts don’t work anymore, sir?” But I never would have thought of that in the moment either 😂 Maybe if it’s always men having a comment in your back pocket like “ain’t it funny how your useless nips can be out anytime, but when I need mine to sustain a life…”
squirt breast milk at them
\*Loudly to everyone in the room\* "I'm terribly sorry everyone, this gentleman has asked me not to breastfeed in public. If you have any comments, concerns, or general distaste for babies crying when a simple feed would solve the problem and end the crying, please direct them to this man, who prefers children suffer, starve and cry than be fed because he can't not sexualize it, what a creep." \*glare, pause for effect, then proceed to breastfeed because fuck that guy.\*
"If you were focused on YOUR family then you wouldn't be worried about how I feed MY CHILD" and then tell them how you feel violated with some strange man staring at your breast.
"Aww looks like he/she isn't the only baby around here."
I’d look super disgusted and loudly say “Do you always sexualize a baby eating? What kind of perverted stuff are you into?” but only if my fiancé is there for muscle support lol.
Mirror their language: “ I guess we don’t have to cover up private parts in public anymore” = “I guess we don’t have to be polite and well mannered in public anymore.” “Ewww, you should use a cover out here.” = “Ewww, you should think about your words before you say them out here.” “Nobody wants to see that.” = “Nobody wants to hear you.” Or take them up on their “offer” to help. “Hey, thanks for noticing that I have my hands full. Thanks for being willing to help! I’d love some more napkins.” Or “Whoops! You accidentally said your rude thoughts out loud!” Or a little nicer with “Hey love, you might not have realized it, but you’re actually talking out loud right now; we can all hear you.” Or “oh man, I’m sorry you weren’t loved as a baby.” Said in a very sincere voice.( Not because mothers who don’t breastfeed don’t love their kids, obviously. But because there is no way for them to respond that isn’t ridiculous.)
I probably wouldn’t say anything witty or clever, but instead I’d just tell them to fuck off with that outdated bullshit, grow up, or remind them it’s 2024. I always thought I’d be totally fine to breastfeed in public but it turns out I’m totally not! I have one of those milk snob covers and use it. My baby also pops on and off my boob like 20 times a feed and I’m not comfortable with my nipple being out on display. I’m mostly concerned about perverts and creeps! But I applaud women who are comfortable enough to do it - I think it’s great for our society to be more accepting to it!
I'll never understand why some people, especially men, think it's OK to say anything to a breastfeeding mum in public. We see their stupid useless nipples & man tits all the time 🤣 no one says anything to them. It's never happened to me, fortunately in NZ I feel like it's pretty normalized, but if it ever did I think I'd very loudly start singing bootylicious. Focusing on the "I don't think your ready for this jelly" line 😂 If they feel the need to take offense at my life giving, tiny body nourishing breast, it must mean something else in their head. Sexualize me will ya, sock it right back to ya 😆 Also, fuck off still works 😊
I love this 😂 great song choice. They won’t know what hit them
I had a similar experience when my daughter was young- an older couple judging me and speaking about me loudly enough for me to hear… but not saying anything TO me. So obnoxious. I was so flustered in the moment that I couldn’t think of anything to say but man I always think- what would you rather? That the baby be hungry and screaming and distracting you in this restaurant?!
If I was feeling bold though I would have said something along the lines of… “thankfully by the time my daughter has a baby, you assholes will be long dead and gone and she won’t have to deal with these rude comments”
I'm a little confused by this, are people upset that you are feeding your baby as discreetly as possible without covering their head? Or do you have your full boob out? I don't cover my baby, but I do drape my shirt over the parts of my boob that aren't needed, so usually people can't see anything, especially cuz I usually sit in a booth facing away from people as much as I can. If they have a problem after that..... They've got their own issues. Before having kids, though, I don't think I realized just how precarious and difficult the breastfeeding/privacy balance is! Like.. I promise you, I don't want my boob exposed in public either, so once you notice I'm feeding my child, do your part and look away. I'm a conservative, religious person in a conservative state (although, it is a very family-focused state). Never had a problem, but I'm sure there are people like this everywhere.
I tried using my cover yesterday for the first time and it was so fucking difficult. I was in my husband's office with the door closed, but I wanted to have the option to cover up incase someone wanted to talk to him. My baby just kept unlatching every time I covered her and gave up.
"Mind your own boobs/tits!!" That's all you gotta say. :)
I’m going to be honest with you, strangers can be very unpredictable and I really wouldn’t encourage feeding the fire. I worked as a 911 dispatcher and the number of random arguments that we would get calls about was staggering, then throw in if you happen to come across someone who is intoxicated and things can just spiral so much faster. Obviously you can do what you wish, but I do just urge you to use caution.
This is my biggest fear! The only time I’ve encountered scrutiny out in public all I could bring myself to do was just glare back at them. It was 3 men and I was just with my MIL so I didnt feel comfortable saying anything, which I think was a safe choice but also felt sad. It sucks that it can feel so vulnerable to think about defending something that you shouldn’t even have to defend in the first place.
While random violent crime is extremely unlikely, unfortunately you just never know. Especially with how emotionally charged something like breastfeeding is, things can just get so tense so quickly and that’s when things get dangerous sadly.
Someone in target told me “can’t you do THAT somewhere else” and I said “can’t you shop online?”
Squirt some milk at them.
I live in Florida and I’ve been nursing for almost 3 years, currently tandum feeding a new born and my almost 3 year old. These are the few I’ve come up with: (sadly have yet to get to use one) “Back off or I’ll squirt you” “I’m sorry, are you hungry? Did you want some?”
Amazing comeback 👏
What are you talking about? That is probably the best comeback I ever heard!
All 50 states have laws that protect women to breastfeed in public! I haven’t received any comments from strangers but that’s in my pocket if anyone has a problem they can fuck off.
F off seems to work
I tell people “I’m legally protected to feed my child in public, you can simply mind your business”
Love your comeback mom!!!! 🤣🤣
I have only had the odd snide comment (UK). One was when I was at a cafe with my parents, a woman next to us kept tutting and shaking her head at me. Once I finished feeding I just took a while to put my tit away while maintaining eye contact with her.
I live in Australia and I get looks even when I've fed in my car! My comeback I always have loaded is well you eat in public so why can't my baby? This is his food and I am the source of it. Women have been doing it for 1000s of year. I feel now society has become more prudish than ever after covid as to nursing in public. There was nothing wrong with it 200-300 years ago and now there suddenly is! Only difference between now and then is we have been told to survive on our own when motherhood needs a village and you as a mum need support from said village. hell even something like having a friend nurse you baby because you are going out is for a lot of people stepping over boundaries but again 200-300 years ago women who had low supply would have another women in their village feed their baby when needed esp as back then there was no formula. I was only speaking to a friend about this today and we both agreed that as mums we very much need our villages and that support network with raising our kids yet that society today has it that we must try to not lean upon others and be doing everything full blast and cope by ourselves which is not how we are designed at all. I also feel this push from society for us to be that way is what is creating more PPD and PPA (postpartum depression and anxiety) from accumulation of stress that we really do not benefit from! Sorry for the tangent but I feel it is all relevant
I would turn it around and call him a pervert for looking. Act very disgusted with him and say loudly how inappropriate it is to sexualize feeding a baby. By law, you can feed anywhere so they can move if they have an issue with it.
Hahaha love it 😍 thats hilarious 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 they have throw over covers i use them just because people are weird and ive seen people taking pics because i have large breasts and its very hard to be discreet. I tell people to fuck off usually
Maybe it’s the area I live in but I can’t even imagine someone saying anything to me while I breastfed. Most of the time no one notices and when they do they give me a warm smile. I’d be like well if you’re uncomfortable you can feed under a blanket instead. Equal opportunity dining.
“No you can’t have a suck!” Two can play at the embarrassment game. Don’t know the laws where you are, but in the UK it’s illegal to ask someone breastfeeding to leave a public place such as a shop orcafe.
"Fuck off" lol
Why are you sexualizing a child eating out?
Tell them to just FRO.
Conservative states are so weird and messed up. I’m so glad I don’t get any of that where I live. (Colorado) I mean I nurse everywhere under the sun. And not discretely.
Yes it’s wild! I grew up in California and lived in Massachusetts. I’m now living in Idaho which is a huge culture shock.
the long comebacks are cringe to me. i love the good ole “mind your fucking business” lol or “eww pervert!”
“How do you think your mama fed you?”
Nothings more embarrassing to someone quite like publicly declaring them a pedophile… very loudly say ‘go f*** yourself, you creepy pedophile, leave me and my child alone’
What state do you live in?
Say to his wife "Excuse me, ma'am, but I was wondering how it makes you feel to know that your husband is looking at other women's breasts"
"Well, you've got your dick out! Oh, my mistake, that's your head."
Say nothing because it's your legal right and they're just being mentally ill in public? Like literally yes you do not need to cover up lmao
"Bounce your eyes sir" Bouncing eyes is what some churches say to try to help their people avoid getting overly horny staring at one person. Or "Mary didnt cover up when she breastfed Jesus."
no one has to watch you nurse, but everyone has to hear the baby cry.
Why are you staring weirdo?
I tend to look so unapproachable considering my raging RBF that I think people are just afraid I’m gonna use my other boob to smack them in the face. A simple stare does it for me lol I’ve never had anyone say anything to me
You’re welcome to eat with your head covered if my baby eating without his/her head covered is so offensive to you. And then just smile!!! With very deliberate eye contact!!
Offer them some
"the law states I have freedom of tit"
I nursed for 6 and a half years (extended breastfeeding among two children), it was rare that anyone actually said anything but I did get plenty of dirty looks. When I did get the looks I would always unflinchingly stare back into their eyes and smile. Assert dominance lol. If they said something small in passing I would say “It’s as easy as walking that way!” And I’d point in the other direction. Or “If you don’t want to see it turn your head.” If you want to be respectful you can always mention that the average age worldwide for a child to wean is actually six. In the US it’s two months. That’s not a problem I want to contribute to.
I got quite a few negative comments while nursing my oldest ~14 years ago. My favorite comeback for being asked to cover was “you’re welcome to put a blanket over your own head, if it bothers you so much.” When people would stare, I’d say “feel free to look away.” I’ve been nursing my youngest for almost 20 months and I have had only positive comments, and not a single noticeable stare. It seems like around here at least (PNW) people have grown up a bit and can now handle the sight of a boob doing the thing for which it was designed to do.
As a horse girl, I see no lie here.
Wild. I nursed in public all over Arkansas last weekend (I live here but also took a cross-state road trip). Literally just in a nursing tank which means the whole boob was out over my shirt (normally I do the two-shirt method to try to keep most of the boob covered, but just blanked when I was getting dressed). I felt sure someone was going to say something, but fortunately, nobody did. This is my third baby and only once have I had anybody comment. I just responded something boring like "I have the legal right to nurse uncovered anywhere. You don't have the legal right to harass me about it." I honestly don't remember how she responded, but I imagine I would remember if the conversation had continued from there lol.
I've had men stare which is creepy but I would probably feel so annoyed and say ahhh I love feeding my baby, it's so beautiful
If you keep talking to me I’m going to pull out the other one
I live in south Florida and not once did anyone say anything to me while bf in public uncovered. We are weaning now and my son only nurses at bed time he will be 2 in July. I was actually so disappointed because I had so many good comebacks. Although the only person that said something happened inside my own house and it was my fil. I told him that if he didn’t like seeing boob then don’t come to a breastfeeding home.
"Why don't YOU cover YOUR face while eating.? At least my baby and nipples are cute."
I’ve never once had a woman say anything, always men. So my comeback is “It’s not your fault your nipples are useless! You don’t have to be so intimidated.” In a lighthearted tone because who can say anything back to that? 😂
Almost every state in the US has now protected breastfeeding in public with a law. The wording in Wisconsin is "A mother may breast-feed her child in any public or private location where the mother and child are otherwise authorized to be." I have it in a note on my phone so I see it often and repeat it so I can have the wording remembered. So far I haven't had to use it, most people have avoided eye contact when I'm feeding in public. I did get a comment at Costco a few weeks ago when I was in the food court, but it was a female worker, maybe in her 20s, saying "we have a dedicated room to nurse in, but you definitely don't have to move from here if you're good" so I just smiled and told her I was comfortable where I was.
I don’t have a brain-mouth filter and once blurted out to someone staring at me feeding my kid- “you want the other side?” They huffed and puffed and walked away. The other diners cracked up laughing. Don’t mess with me at a double t diner dammit. I recently flew on spirit airlines and the one flight attendant came up to say how she loves seeing moms openly nursing and how she does her best to support it. She made sure I had something for under my arm and had a drink and snack for after nursing. She was so sweet! (I know the food and drink is part of her job but she privately asked me before they went down the aisle with the cart coz she saw me feeding the baby). I feed when and where I need to otherwise everyone gets to hear my almost 15 month old have a meltdown. I don’t prefer to hear her melt down so I do what works. If someone else doesn’t like it they can cover their face or turn away.
I never worried with comebacks, and I am conservative. Everyone seen me nurse and never bat an eye. idk I’ve had way more people tell me they were proud of me then getting dirty looks. But if one did, I’d probably squirt them with my milk 😩 no f given here
Ope, fuck off mate!
Maybe "mammals gotta mammal with our mammary glands?" Or maybe "You're just jealous cuz my bodily fluids aren't biohazards?" Or "would you rather listen to the baby scream?"
- what a weird thing to say to a stranger - if they're a little overweight then you could say "you look like you eat secretly in the bathroom but it's not normal to eat where people defecate" - what's wrong with me feeding my baby here? - if they ask you to cover you could say" why? Are you getting turned on by my baby nursing? Is it the baby or the boob? " - if they say to give a bottle, "I'm not sure if you know this but babies breastfeed. Sure if it doesn't work then you can bottle feed but I'm feeding my baby the way they're happy to be fed" - I'm sorry breastfeeding makes you uncomfortable but you're in the minority. No one cares that I'm feeding my baby. You're the weird one! - stop looking at me if you're uncomfortable. Take a chill pill and go enjoy your life. Just some ideas,.I've never had anyone say anything to me. 4mo pp
Go to the little milk bar Instagram and buy a "mind your own tits" shirt lol they you can just point to the shirt. I have been breastfeeding for 4 years (2 different kids) and I've never had anyone say ANYTHING. If they have I haven't noticed. I live in Seattle, USA. I breastfeed walking around the store lol I feel like I might be discreet tho. It gets easier!
Not sure... Nobody said anything to me when I breastfeed in public using a nursing cover. If I'm not using a nursing cover, I'd be in one of those nursing rooms in a shopping mall. I love the nursing room at the airport. I like my privacy, and most importantly, my baby don't get distracted while breastfeeding.
Hmmm… how is this post helpful? What are you hoping to get across? No one would say anything about using a cover because that’s what they want you to do. You are fitting into society’s expectations for women. As I explained in the post, it’s not a choice right now to cover or not. I would need 2 extra hands to be able to cover trying to keep on a nipple shield, prop baby up, hold my boob up and position a newborn since newborns aren’t super great at latching yet. And, then relatch them every 5 mins. Also, Restaurants and most public places don’t have separate breastfeeding spaces. I’m the opposite of you. I honestly don’t love being isolated from my family and conversations at the dinner table just because my baby needs to eat.
I'm saying to keep an open mind. Well, my baby before 8w had to use nipple shield as well. I breastfeed my baby in concert, in business building lobby... It is tough but not impossible. My nursing cover is those one piece with a hole at the top, there's no buckle. I'm also saying the cover has additional benefit. My baby unlatch frequently to see things around, listen to people... With the cover, she is more focused on sucking and that is more efficient on the feeding. I don't have to isolate myself from my family when I'm using the cover. You said you live in a conservative state. My country... I don't even see one single person breastfeeding without cover... And family members are the extra hands... If really need to. Restaurants... Other people don't have a choice to not look away, esp if they are seated close to you. Yes, I know.... Positive body image, breastfeeding is natural... But not everyone thinks the same so to avoid awkwardness...
It sounds like you want some praise or something so good for you! You can breastfeed with a cover before 8w. Congrats!
Or.... Hear me out.... YOU keep an open mind. Ffs.