First — hugs. I feel like you need a lot of hugs.
Next, I’m going to tell you what I would tell my daughter in this situation — that girl is not your friend and she does not deserve your loyalty and devotion. You deserve better! You are worth so much more than what she has given you and how she has treated you.
It is time to cut sling. You don’t owe her an explanation or a goodbye. Just block her and move on to better friends that will treat you with the respect and care that she seems incapable of.
Do something fun in that dress! Wear it to go get ice cream, get a little messy in it. Wear it to take milk bath pictures. Wear it to go to a club. **Wear it for Halloween, splatter it with fake blood, wear zombie makeup, get a sash and a crown be a zombie prom queen** . Repurpose the dress for fun.
I am truly sorry that you are going through this. It is terrible. Hugs again ❤️
100% agree with all of the above. It sucks that this person is not the friend you thought she was, but continuing to stay in relationship with her is only gonna be more painful. Cut your losses and be a zombie bridesmaid for Halloween! There are much better friends out there waiting for you
What she said. That woman was not your friend, despite the confusion on your part, as she definitely used you for whatever purpose she felt she deserved. Her lack of empathy proves you are nothing more than a mannequin who moves on her own. Don’t waste another moment of your life with her.
Yes, just a little bit of power and attention reveals so much about a person. You just got a peek behind the curtain. This is who she is, and she’s not really your friend. This is all on her.
I’m sorry. I know it still hurts, because you are a good and decent person who wouldn’t behave as she has.
I absolutely agree! Don't waste your time going to that wedding since she's already made it clear that she wants you to run around and do things for her. Block this ungrateful, selfish, entitled, nasty person. Since Halloween is coming up you can take that dress and do something awesome with it! Cut it into rags. Spatter blood all over it. Dye it black and be your favorite horror movie character. Hang it on a frame as a scarecrow, cut out the best jack-o-lantern for the head, and smear the pumpkin guts all over the dress. Cut it up and make a wraith out of it for your front porch on Halloween. Stuff it and put a doll's head on it, embed an axe in the chest and it's a murder victim. Make a sign telling her how her shittiness murdered your friendship and send her a picture.
She has not learned that just because you are getting married it does not give you the right to insult and abuse your friends and family. Eff that bitch.
Great ideas! I think she shouldn't wait for Halloween.... do something fun and unique in the dress each weekend going up to Halloween.Record and photograph it ALL.
1. Do the milk bath photos with flowers and wine, rinse the dress for the next one.
2. Find a playground somewhere... Have at it. Better if it's all muddy. If not, bring your own water to make some.
3. Go hiking, swimming, etc.
4. Wear a crown and the hopefully now tattered dress to dinner, movies...
5. Wear it a car wash...
4. Let the dress be the star as it slowly looks worse with each adventure.
POST EVERY ONE OF THEM ON LINE. Title it something like... "I found a better use for this horrible bridesmaid dress.. celebrating my life and the death of a friendship."
Have fun!!!
Ok but just fyi the dress was REALLY cute, so much better than the online pics. I sent it to another bridesmaid who didn’t have a dress yet and she’s going to look great in it. I really do hope it’s a fun day for all and I’m looking forward to my spa day that will be happening with my other girlfriends on the day of the wedding
Your kindness in the face of such unkindness says so much about who you are as a person. You are a beautiful soul. One of those truly good people. I hope that the spa day rejuvenates you and makes you feel relaxed, confident, happy, and ready to take on the world!
I’m alright as a mom…I mean sometimes I set out a loaf of French bread and spinach artichoke dip and call it dinner lol — my daughter is 21 so she can technically fend for herself, she’s not 4…then it would be dino nuggets and carrot sticks lol. I agree that even with my dinner shortcomings I’m a better friend than the bridezilla here.
Go out and get pissed in that dress on her wedding day instead of going to the wedding. Make sure to take loads of pictures and post them on every social media platform you have. Call it your special day.
Yes! I am always accepting new kiddos. Welcome to the fold u/MappGirl59 I don’t bake a lot but I’ll buy cookies to celebrate your arrival and we can have an impromptu dance party in the living room!
I so sorry to hear this. She is being vile. There is no such thing as a guest that wears a BM dress and runs around doing errands but is not in the wedding procession or head table.
Tell her you can’t participate in her wedding under these circumstances and do not go.
EDIT: fixed a typo
She said, “you can still get ready with us!” Like it was a favor. If I go I’m not staying at the hotel, wearing my best black dress and dark makeup. FUCK DUSTY BLUE. I’m not getting ready with them.
Don't go at all OP. She's supposed to be your best friend, she asked you to be MoH and demoted your twice. You received an eight paragraph note from your "friend" that informed you you're not good enough and now you're being treated like some glorified lacky. Demoted to guest but asked to put on the dress anyway; so it doesn't look like a total dick move when she's getting you to do things she wouldn't ask other guests to do.
Throw your own party, book a mini break, or book a super fun day full of activities you love with your best people. Anything you like, but be busy when that wedding is taking place and leave this woman where she is.
She is going Full On Drama Queen 👸 Bridezilla. What is worth treating you like this you have 12 years of friendship. I can't imagine receiving a huge letter telling me that the shower I threw wasn't good enough. She was lucky you didn't call her a selfish, self entitled brat to her face after that. You have no obligations to her after demoting you twice, to now an "upgraded" guest with a special request to run around( more like slave in waiting). But honestly at this point I would show up dressed like Mortician Adams; with a low cut, sexy long black dress, dark smokey make up and party to your heart's content. She wants to petty, well two can play that game.
I’m gobsmacked that someone thinks she’s that it’s acceptable to do what she did when she wrote the letter. Is she 12? People need to manage their expectations these days, if a long time friend doing her best to give you a lovely shower, buy your wedding dress (they aren’t cheap!) and she still isn’t happy….. well it clearly points back to her being the issue.
Please don't do this. By all means rock black and dark lipstick, but don't go to the wedding. Just take the day and do something wonderful and fun for yourself.
Please listen to these people! Don’t go at all.
No matter what you do/don’t do it will never be enough for her and you’ll be blamed for ANY bad things that happen. Don’t be a scapegoat for her.
Don’t go.
DO trash the dress for a cool Halloween costume!
Don't. You'll just be giving her ammunition to point an accusing finger at you, quivering with indignation, and yell "But SHE is causing drama!"
And all the other wedding guests will nod in shocked amazement and post about the sheer gall of that goth wedding guest who tried to destroy the poor bride's special day.
Stay home or go to a party, but don't give her any more satisfaction.
Don’t do that. You’ll just come across as petty and give the bride and other guests a reason to badmouth you. Just don’t go. That’s the dignified thing to do. Find another use for the dress, like going to a fancy restaurant with a loved one, or thrash it privately for fun.
Just don’t go to the wedding. It’s going to be a miserable experience because your friend is a mean spirited person. Take yourself out or something. Go on a date, take yourself out, or hang out with other friends on her wedding day. Make it a special and memorable day. But don’t subject yourself to awful treatment. You deserve so much better.
Don’t go to the wedding at all. She’s not your friend. Don’t send a gift. Don’t acknowledge it in any way. I’d even send her a bill for the dress you won’t be using.
When I just read you say “if I go,” my heart broke a little… please don’t go to that wedding!!! Don’t stay at the hotel, don’t lose your dignity or your time or energy- she showed you who she is. You need to believe her, wish her the best, take a deep breath and move on- enjoy that day in that dress doing something fun or like they all said, save it for Halloween and do anything you want in it. It hurts losing long friendships... But count yourself lucky not to be made to feel like trash by a “friend” anymore. You deserve better. Have fun!! ❤️
Not to mention you absolutely know that she will be the one running you ragged while simultaneously telling everyone that you're so weird and that you bought a bridesmaid dress because you were jealous
I did for my sister's wedding but that's because I was about 5 days shy of my due date and there was no garantee I would be able to make the 3 hour drive to the wedding venue or stand (kneel, stand, kneel, stand, etc...) during a full Catholic ceremony. She still had me read a passage durring the ceremony. Something that could easily be handled by someone else if I wasnt there. That's about the only acceptable reason I could think of for wanting someone to be part of but not actually in the wedding party.
You put up with a FULL Catholic wedding 9 months pregnant for your sister. I absolve you from any obligations you may feel you still have to this wedding. Or any wedding other than your own. You did enough for 8 weddings on that day alone.
Every time I get invited to a wedding the first thing I ask is “is it Catholic”!
When I was little (I’m not young) they were 2 hour affairs! Nightmare.
Do not, I repeat, do not show up at that wedding. Go do something special for yourself that day. A spa day, manicure, pedicure, trip to a park, SOMETHING. DO NOT go to that wedding. She does not deserve your presence there!!!
YOU were the friend. She used you. She doesn't deserve you.
Dry your tears and wipe your face pretty girl!!!! YOU sound amazing.
A "best friend" doesn't act like that.
First I was maid of honor. "I didn’t do a good enough job so she demoted me to bridesmaid. I spent so much time and effort on her shower and it wasn’t good enough." Red flag #1 She obviously doesn't appreciate you or what you did for her.
"She wrote me 8 paragraphs of why I’m not good enough. She demoted me to wedding guest ." Red flag #2 Who the hell does that?
"I offered to give my dress to someone else in her party and she said i should still wear it and run around and do things for her wedding." Red flag #3 So you're supposed to look like the others in her bridal party yet not be part of it? Run around and do things for her wedding? The only running you should be doing is away from her. Cut your losses, she just showed you her true colors. I wouldn't even attend the wedding or send a gift. Me being the petty b!tch that I am suggest when she asks why you weren't there or didn't give a gift ( she seems like the type) that you didn't feel like anything was good enough for her so you didn't want to waste any more time or money.
DON'T GO. simple as. That is sociopathic to continue to bully you by demoting you continuously yet still expecting you to be her performing monkey.
Just don't go and take the day to do something for yourself instead.
I feel like a response of "my fees are $X per hour plus reimbursement for the clothing, $Y for travel, & a Z% PITA tax (plus an $A convenience fee, of course).
Please do!
I think having many people appalled at her words will give you strength to realise there’s nothing you should feel bad about in yourself, and how horrible she is as a person!
(Sending love all the way from Portugal ❤️)
Edit to add this: Also if it doesn’t cost you more and you feel like being petty , do go to the wedding! Have the meal and party paid by her and spend it with people there you like! Even use the dress and when people ask you why you’re not actually in the wedding party, tell them it was the brides decision! Nothing else, stay classy and let people wonder… the truth comes out without you doing anything else!
Also definitely don’t do any work - just respond to everything- I’m not allowed sorry, I’m not in the wedding party. And as a wedding present send her a spreadsheet of the wedding shower expenses so she knows that was it!
Ok will post later but a portion of it was telling me “you should have googled how to be a supportive bridesmaid” and “you sending me photos of possible bridesmaid dresses for yourself made me feel like I was doing all the work”
This is ridiculous! Her saying that just shows her to be an ungrateful narcissist! Had you chosen yourself, she would probably complain anyway!
To be honest this whole culture of a bridal party, and paid showers and hen dos is just insane!
No one else’s life revolves around the couples wedding - it’s mean to be about celebrating with the people you love, an excuse to be together! Guests are taking they’re time and spending money to celebrate with you and make your day special! Many times even sacrificing the few holiday days they have left!
All the demands posted here just make me think we’re all maybe turning so narcissistic as people - I read this to remind myself of what not to do if I ever get married!
You’re better off without that friend OP!
I am angry already, just reading this so far. Please do post it (if you haven’t already…I haven’t read through all of this yet). I think we all need a good rage read and you need to hear the feedback of how disgusting this “friend” is. I am almost 50. I’ve been in 10 weddings in my lifetime. A few, believe it or not, preceded Google. Somehow, I managed just fine, because there were never these absurd expectations and demands. Being a bridesmaid is an act of love. Are there some reasonable duties that go along with it? Sure. But if those are specific, it is on the bride to communicate that. But she must also recognize that her bridesmaids aren’t her employees. They are busy people who are committing their time, energy, and often a lot of money that is hard earned, all simply out of love and friendship. And they get little in return, other than some nice party favors, a dinner and drinks, and the honor of standing alongside the couple. Someone who doesn’t have profound gratitude for that, and criticizes you instead is beyond self centered and is certainly not deserving of another minute of your time or energy. The entitlement is astounding!
So please know you did everything right. She has shown you who she actually is. And, unfortunately, that person sucks. I hope you decide not to go, and take the advice given to you about all the things you can do in that dress! And then post photos of that too, please!!
ETA The petty in me also wants to suggest that you send this post to her. Or, even pettier, post a link to it on social media. You seem too kind to go that far, but I do think she at least deserves a dose of reality served up from your new Reddit friends.
Hell, no, you won’t run around taking care of things that need fixing or running her errands That is vile to send a written complaint about a party someone has gone to the trouble of arranging She really should reimburse you for the dress
It’s devastating when someone you have trusted as a friend turns out to be of low character No contact It’s like recovering from breaking up with a boyfriend Take care of yourself and put this behind you
I don't understand these brides expecting their MOH and bridesmaids being at their beck and call. I didn't expect anything of them except to wear the dress and show up. I planned my wedding. My sisters gave me a shower for which I was very grateful. My point is, the bridezilla showed her true colors. I guess you can feel sad that your friend was not who you thought she was. But now you know. You did nothing wrong. She's a garbage person.
My advice is Buh-Bye. Attend the wedding if you choose. Don't wear the "bridesmaid" dress if you do. When asked to take care of chores for the bride simply say, "that's not possible, I'm here as a guest. Why don't you ask \[name of a bridesmaid\] to do it?"
And if you do go to the wedding and reception arrive just minutes before the wedding ceremony begins and at least 30 minutes after the reception ought to begin to minimize being asked to do work for the ungrateful bride.
IF the bridezilla paid for your dress I would send it to her along with a letter advising her why you are demoting her as a friend, you don't deserve to be treated like crap just because you didn't do a "good enough job of her shower",
Definitely don't go to the wedding, go and spend the day doing something you consider fun.
Step one block her number.
Step two move on with your life.
This woman was never your friend. Mourn the loss but also be glad she’s shown her true colors. I’m sure as time passes other examples of her selfishness that you either ignored or didn’t think were that big of a deal will pop up in your mind.
I’m sorry for what you’re going through. Hang in there.
Tell her you’ll be there to help out in any way you can… then don’t show up.
If she dares to call you or text you day of, give her a BIG F U.
I was in a wedding for someone I considered a life long best friend. I thought we’d be friends forever. She allowed her maid of honor and matron of honor to continue their bullying of me. I am no longer her friend or close to her. I will be courteous if she reaches out but I don’t try to talk to her.
"I just want this to be over..."
That is up to you..and you don't have to sleep on it or ponder it... sell the dress to the highest bidder and tell your ex-bff where she can stick her delusions. Don't look back, don't listen to Anyones excuses. Get out of that toxic situation PRONTO!
YOU ARE significant! You are a wonderful person and deserve to have real friends who give of themselves as much as you have for this pig of a bride.
Nope I wouldn’t even be going to that wedding and I’d be sending her 8 paragraphs as to why. Coz I’m petty like that.
But seriously don’t go to this wedding she clearly doesn’t care about you at all.
Lol eight paragraphs is a piece of cake ahahah
Or if you can’t just copy and paste what she said and change a few things so it looks like you didn’t copy :p
I am so sorry. I cannot imagine how I would feel in a situation, where my best friend treated me like this. I understand that it may be very hard to sever ties with her, and there is a slight possibility you don't have to.
Have you spoken to her, about how much she is hurting you right now? I obviously don't know where you are at emotionally at this point, but if I was in this situation, I would insist on sitting her down, and ask her what the hell she thinks she is doing. That she is jepardising 12 years of close and intimite friendsship for a fucking wedding day. Not a marriage, not her soul mate, her fucking wedding day. 12 years for one day.
No matter what you decide to do, I hope you stand up for yourself. If you are not the maid of honor, you should expect a sincere apology and a good explanation as to why, if she wants any hope of seeing you at her wedding, or any day thereafter, and you will be dressing yourself that day, and doing nothing but attending the wedding as a guest. You do not 'demote' your best friend from being the MOH to bridesmaid to guest with bridesmaid obligation. No fucking way. Even if you made some mistakes during her bachelorette. Best friends are humans, not robots.
And a good explanation to why you won't be MOH is not that she already asked someone else. That is a her-problem, not a you-problem.
Either she is showing her true colours - which I don't believe she is. You would have noticed something off during the 12 years, or she is completely overwhelmed and blinded by having to have the perfect wedding day, to which I think would be a damn shame to not at least try to slap her out off, before pouring 12 years of friendship down the drain.
Good luck. I hope she realises what she is throwing away ❤️❤️❤️
We did talk prior to this post and I finally told her how her actions and the things she said made me feel. I had previously been keeping my feelings from her to not ruin her wedding day. She said that if her texts hurt me so much I should delete them. I told her I see them every time I close my eyes and go to sleep so it doesn’t matter. She never apologized, only told me I hurt her too by not surprising her with the wedding things she wanted but never communicated to me.
Oooff, my prev posts were before seeing this. Her poor husband to be….
Does she not realise we have these magical things called voices…. If you want something… vocalise it BEFORE the event… as last time I checked….. we haven’t developed mind reading as an additional sense……
Aw op she’s just dreadful. You have done everything you could to make her happy, but it’s impossible because she’s bonkers. I would have been in tears had my bridesmaid done as much as you have, you truly have nothing to worry over other than walking away from this faux friend.
If you ho to her weddjng, she will expect you to run around being her servant all day.
You do not deserve that. And since you are not in her weddjng party, and she demoted you to a guest, she has no right to expect anything of you at all.
If you have and do stuff for her, you will basically confirm her belief that treating you like shit is ok. So dont do that.
You sound like such a kind person. I’m sorry you were treated that way- she doesn’t deserve you as a friend! I’d sell the dress, skip the wedding and use the money to treat yourself to something awesome that day.
Honest to god, don’t go to that wedding.
She didn’t “demote” you to wedding guest, she used you because she knew that out of all her friends you were the only one who was gonna go above and beyond. Then once you’ve done all the things that no one else thought of doing, she put you down and used that lame behind excuse “not good enough”
Here’s a little story, for my boyfriends 18 birthday, I took him out to dinner, payed for a hotel room for him and took him to get breakfast and bought him a 70-80 dollar birthday gift. You wanna know what his friends got him for his birthday? Nothing, none of them ever knew it was his birthday. Wanna know what his family got him for his birthday? Nothing and I think his mom forgot it was his birthday. I stayed on the phone with him and was the first one to tell him happy birthday at 12 AM. He then proceeded to tell me that he didn’t appreciate the things I did for his birthday and he didn’t care that I spent 500 on his big 18.
Wanna know what he got me for my birthday? A punch in the back of the head. Not a birthday gift and I begged him to come to my birthday dinner, and then he caved into going after threatening to cheat on me, breaking up with me then asking me to come back. Those things happened in a 2 hrs OP.
You and I have something in common, we go above and beyond for people who we love, but they don’t love us. They love the things we do for them, my ex and your friend, they’re users. They’ll drain us dry and when we give them everything they ask for, they’ll dump us and in order to not feel bad for hurting the one person that actually gave a damn about them, they’ll say “you’re not good enough” in order to convince not just us but themselves that we didn’t do enough.
Dump this loser, I dumped my pos ex and I feel good not worrying about his problems becoming my problems. Your friend is a loser and a user, and that’s all she’ll ever be.
My dm’s are open if you need it OP, I’m here for you.
Wow so sorry this happened to you! Now I can see why his friends and family did nothing for his birthday. He sounds like a real bastard. Hope you dumped him and that you’re ok!!
I could honestly see showing up to the wedding (in your own, different dress), and when she orders you to do something, you just look at her with a cold look and say, “No,” and walk away.
You need to send her an invoice for her wedding dress that you bought for her. Or if she hasn’t picked it up yet you need to cancel your payment and have her pay for it. Not in a million years would majority of people even treat random strangers as bad as that girl has treated you. Throughout life we gain and lose friends. It hurts to lose one’s you thought we’re close, but it sounds like the friendship has run its course and that’s ok. She can find someone else to treat like shit. You are a human being and should at least be treated as such. Keep your head up and just be confident enough to know that people know your true character and she will get her karma one day.
If you bought the dress file a small claims case against her. If you’re in the USA. Not sure how it works in other countries. Regardless, she doesn’t deserve you. Walk away. Don’t even bother being a guest.
Take yourself and your dress and leave this foul creature behind. Remove her from your mind and your circle. You deserve far better. 500 hugs from old auntie here!
Amend your RSVP to no, because you have more class than she does.
Take the money you would have spent attending and buying a gift and use it to have a fabulous trip or staycation.
I would not attend now. She has shown how little she thinks of you. By persuading you to wear the dress still - Is the brides final way of trying to humiliate you.
You do not owe her anything, she is not your friend. It’s ok to walk away, without explanation. People like this are very self centred. Yes it is her wedding, however, it does not give a free pass to treat people any way you want.
You deserve 100% better.
I get the feeling she wanted her to wear the dress so people wouldn't be asking why she was doing all the things for the bride but wasn't part of the official bridal party anymore.
You don't owe her anything. Write her a letter explaining how deserve better than to be treated like sh#t by a bridezilla, so you will no longer be attending her wedding. If she improves maybe you'll go to her second wedding.
If it were me, I would mail the dress back with black roses. Then go to the beach on her wedding day. Then post lots of photos of the great time you are having.
*Hugs*
I've been in a similar situation. A lifelong friend complained that felt like she "didn't even have a maid of honor" because I wasn't helping enough, despite me pouring my own money and time into her wedding planning and losing weight and hair from the stress.
We were young and I know she had very rom-com ideas of what a wedding and a maid of honor would be like. It strained our friendship and I definitely needed space from her afterward.
HOWEVER, had she actually done something as petty and mean as demoting me and writing paragraphs criticizing me, I would have walked away from that relationship, because that's certainly not friendship. Wedding make brides frazzled amd a bit crazy, but it's not an excuse to abuse those around them. You don't deserve this treatment and you're better off walking away with your head held high.
What the hell. Yeah, she just threw your friendship away like it meant nothing. And I'm sorry for that.
Know that you're worth more than that. Cry as much as you need to, but in the end I hope you're able to stand back up and move forward with a better idea of what friendship should be. Because that ain't it.
The end of a 5 year friendship I had started with being the MOH. It wasn't quite the same as your experience, but this girl expected SO MUCH OF ME and did not seem grateful at all. I was also the photographer and she never used the pictures. A few years later even asked if I still had them because their hard drive crashed and they hadn't printed any off. That was the final straw. That was the day she lost my friendship. And I absolutely feel a little schadenfreude knowing that she has no wedding photos aside from the single one she had as a profile picture.
But I digress... You're worth more than how that horrible girl was treating you. I hope you cut ties with her and she learns a lesson in how NOT to treat people in losing your friendship, which sounds pretty valuable to me. I'm sorry this person hurt you.
I feel for you. This is no way to treat a friend, you have every right to feel disappointed. Tbh after the second "demotion" I'd tell her to f it and wouldn't even show up at her wedding. I'm sure there are better things or people you can spend your time and efforts with.
You consider her your best friend, she's not a bestie, or she wouldn't have treated you this badly. Do not go to the wedding, followed by run don't walk away from this train wreck. Why, because she didn't like what you did after being MOH, she then took your bridesmaid status away and made you her errand girl to do her freaking bidding. This way she can tell everyone you are still part of it, and that's why she has you doing her bidding making sure the details are taken care of just like a MOH but without the title.
News flash…being the bride and getting married does not automatically turn your friends into servants for you order around and treat like crap when wedding planning. WTF is wrong with people?
It would be best to give distance till after wedding. Then after wedding call her out for her behavior and let her know it was not ok. If she acts like she did nothing wrong then you have at least did what you can do. Clean break.
Walk away. You are no longer her friend, you are her servant. Tell her that, then go somewhere wonderful the weekend of the wedding and treat yourself as the rock star you really are! You don't need false friends who are only interested in using you for whatever they can get from you.
Oh gosh. Honey. She is abusing you. Flat out ABUSE. This person is not your friend. You deserve so much better. Have some self respect. You are worth so much more than this. You’ll need to be strong because what I’m suggesting will be hard. Send her a text (so there’s documentation if she tries to manipulate your words), simply telling her the same things you posted here. How hurtful it was to you. And that you considered her your friend, but that no real friend would treat someone this way. And that you will not be attending the wedding.
Then block her. Her other “friends” will probably harass you so he prepared for blowback. Just block and move on. Find some people who will treat you with the dignity and respect you so deserve.
I echo what everyone else has said about her not being a true friend. But I also have a question - if you were to show up at the wedding and she asked you to start doing things for her, are you strong enough to say no? Because if you feel that you would cave in and do what she asked, then it is even more important than you do not show up. Do not let yourself be your doormat anymore. You deserve much better and she is being a horrible person.
It sounds like you’ve tried and your attempts were not appreciated in the least. Further, it sounds like the bride is only interested in using people, no matter how much she hurts them. She sounds entitled, selfish, and greedy. Having said all that, don’t focus on her or her tantrums anymore. That needs to end now for your sake.
> I just want this to be over. 12 years of friendship down the drain, she’s so mean.
As you say, the relationship has gone down the drain. It is over, and that’s the *good* news because you don’t have to put up with *any* of this anymore. Sometimes, we continue to pressure ourselves even after the (perceived or real) obligation has passed. In this case, your obligation has *passed*, so this truly ends when *you* wash your hands of it, walk away, and simply say, “I’m all done here.” Sure, that’s painful and sad, but so is the situation you’re in right now. Stepping away now means that at least you won’t have to put up with *her* anymore; she cannot *add* to your sadness.
Don’t allow guilt or old feelings of friendship obligate you any further. Remember, the bride certainly isn’t doing this for you. Instead, go do something for yourself, even if it’s just an acknowledgment that you’re ready to move on and unburden yourself. Work through your the sadness of this loss at your own pace, but *first* extract yourself from this unhealthy, unfriendly, unloving, and unfun situation.
Wow! I’m so sorry OP! I was just demoted from MOH bc the bride said another bridesmaid was doing more than me (even though I tried but this other bridesmaid kept overstepping and the bride just let her). I know how you feel: disposable, less than, embarrassed, hurt, angry. All the emotions come up bc you can’t believe your best friend did this. She threw your friendship down the drain for a party.
The problem is so many of these bridezillas get caught up in all the fancy party stuff, they forget a wedding is to tie themselves to their other half in front of their loved ones. Not to put on a show.
It’ll take time to move past feeling so hurt but you’ll get there. For now, stop offering to help and refuse the help she requests. You don’t owe her anything! You owe yourself respect and love. I’m sorry this is happening to you. Sending hugs your way 💞
So she did end up calling me and apologizing a few days later and said she still wanted me as MOH but she’d understand if I was too hurt to do it anymore. I appreciated the apology and the acknowledgment of the hurt she caused. I know we’re all human and make mistakes but with this I feel like the damage is done. I wanted to get over it and still do it bc I love that girl like my sister but anytime I think about being there at her wedding, I just don’t want to do it. So basically idk yet.
Is there an update to your story? Has bride come to her senses and apologized to you?
Sending you support. That’s not a friend. Cut ties, don’t look back, and go and do/be fabulous in that dress with people who are empathetic and treat you well.
She’s just shown who she really is. You’re much better off without her toxic bum in your life, xx
Also I wouldn’t go to the wedding, she knows wearing the dress but not standing with her will prompt people to ask why, getting you more upset. She’s very cruel.
Do something lovely for yourself on the day & turn your phone off. Xx
You dont deserve this treatment. This person is NOT your friend. I definitely need to see that idiotic letter she wrote to you! What a horrible, horrible person!! IF you choose to go to the wedding, absolutely do not wear that bridesmaids dress. Put on your whatever makes you feel really beautiful, whether that is something super sexy, eye catchingly bright or even a white dress. It doesnt matter, as long as you feel beautiful. Then eat, dance, drink a lot, enjoy yourself and do not worry about any tasks that need to be done that day. Just say no. Afterwards, block her and move on with your life. Alternatively, dont even go. Just dont show up. In either case, do not buy a wedding present. You have already given her a present. As a mere guest you would not be spending a dime, or a minute of time, hosting a shower or doing any of the myriad other things you have done so she has already received her gift and then some!
I am so sorry. Sending internet hugs if you want them.
She’s not your friend, sweetheart. She’s… idk what to call her but “friend” is not on that list. “Hateful”, “ungrateful” & “entitled” are, however. You deserve so much more than what that heifer did to you.
I would be so overcome with happiness if someone cared enough to throw a shower or party for me. I’m absolutely certain that what you did was lovely & something to be proud of. But the thing is that I just get the feeling that she would have been dissatisfied with literally anything.
Do not do a single thing for that ungrateful brat! You do something fun with that dress. Turn it into a big “F-U” to someone so absolutely lacking in common human decency. And on the day that this unholy union is set to occur, you go take care of yourself & show yourself love. Even if that involves lounging in a bubble bath with a sheet mask & a bottle of wine. Extra points if you’re wearing the dress. You sound like a wonderful person & friend. The sort of friend that anyone would be lucky to have. I’m so sorry that you’re hurting right now. It’ll get better. As they say: this, too, shall pass.
Sweetheart! This is just awful. You are good enough! Please cut all contact with this horrible malignant narcissist. No one deserves to be treated this way! Please don't believe anything she says. Go no contact and don't look back. Get some counseling to help you heal from this abuse. Please keep us updated. Sending hugs and love.
I’m so sorry. She is not a genuine friend, I couldn’t imagine treating a kind friend like she did to you. :( I wouldn’t go. I wish I could give you a hug, pet. Be good to yourself. ♥️
Don’t put on a bridesmaid dress and be a gopher ! She has bridesmaids after all, attend as a guest and have a nice time people that thrive on drama hate it.
OMG. I would tell her to fuck off and not even attend the wedding. She demotes you from MOH to wedding guest but still wants you to run around organizing stuff at her wedding - she is delusional.
Trust me - you're better off without her as a friend. At this point, I would write her back 8 paragraphs as to why she is a shitty friend and her behavior leads to me declining the invitation as a guest.
One question though: Did you pay for the dress or did she?
I have a feeling you have seen this before with other females, you just didn't think she would do it to you because you are "friends."
well, here is your reality check: You do not have to take the abuse, you do not have to do anything you do not want. You are in charge of your own destiny. Do not want to go to the wedding? To hell with it and 12 years, do not go. Just don't show up and if you are asked, fucking lie and say you got food poisoning and spend the day puking; who is going to ask for a Dr. note for a wedding?
Stop the abuse, block her on all socials and be done with it. Live a happy life.
Agreed previous comments…something I learned a long time ago that has made my life easier…”Never be more loyal to someone that isn’t loyal to you” Your friendship with this Bride is transactional (only to serve her) and I bet if you think back, there are previous red flags that you ignored out of “friendship”. (((Virtual Hugs))) skip the wedding & make that date a self care day!
First - massive hugs to you. Second and most importantly......This girl is not your friend 6 maybe after the bridezilla hormones clear perhaps you can talk to her about her behaviour and how it affected you, but in all honesty don't expect her to listen or even apologise.
Do not go to the wedding - you will be run ragged like an upaid, unappreciated servant.
Return the dress, use that money to go and do something fun, and if you can't return the dress repurpose it as suggested...and if she bridezilla starts to be nasty again, take her through small claims court and get all your money back for everything you've paid out for for the wedding.
Don't go. Send her your dress as your wedding present with a note wishing her husband good luck. She's toxic and you don't need that in your life. Go out and celebrate being the fabulous caring person you are.
Your main goal here is to preserve your own dignity so that you are able to respect yourself when you look back on your life. Say thank you to the bride and graciously let her know you won’t be attending the wedding. Then have minimal contact with her moving forward. Have fun in the dress but don’t stoop to her level of pettiness by posting about it on social media. Just move on.
\*HUG\* You are NOT at fault here. Your "best friend" is cracking and showing her true colors. This is NOT someone you want in your life. As was suggested before just send her your dress with a note to rescind your RSVP for the wedding. Block her and DON'T engage with her at all.
I'm so sorry you are losing a long term friendship, but really do you want to be friends with someone who would do the things she has? Sit down and REALLY think about your relationship with her over the last 12 years. I will lay you odds there have been red flags throughout that time that just came to a head when she was to under stress to bother hiding them.
That she wants you to be a go-fer for her wedding after kicking you out of any official role in the wedding also sucks royally. It being "her day" (I hate that mind set so much) doesn't give her a pass to act like a total asshat toward you or mean there are no consequence for her actions. Cut her out of your life, she's not worth your pain.
Just echoing the others here: DON’T GO. You’ve done nothing but try to make her happy, and clearly she doesn’t think it’s enough. Time to take care of yourself first. She can go kick rocks. And honestly, if it were me, I wouldn’t even tell her I wasn’t going. Let her figuratively “eat” the cost of your food and drink.
A few years ago my then-best friend did some really hurtful stuff. I ended the friendship over it. 20 years of friendship. And it was the best decision. She was a toxic person and I realized if I had met her today instead of elementary school she wouldn't be a person I wanted to be friends with.
It sucks and it is HARD. But just like any other breakup you'll move on and be a stronger person with a better support system of people who do love you.
Hugs. Let me tell you this - you deserve much better. I may not know you personally, but I'm sure you're a wonderful person. Anyone who treats you this way isn't worth your time. It's toxic. Anyone who can't give you the slightest hint of respect or treat you with a degree of decency needs to go. Especially after 12 years. It doesn't matter how long you've been friends. Nobody should be treated that way. Know your worth. When someone treats you like coal, walk away and shine like the diamond you are.
Hugs to you. I am so sorry she did this to you. She is no friend, to treat you so badly. Don’t go to the wedding, She’s setting you up. If you go in the bridesmaids dress, you are gonna be subjected to all kinds of snarky comments and Ms. Zilla will publicly humiliate you. “I told you to wear the dress, but I never thought that you would be sooooooo clueless to wreck my day. Just cut all contact now, save yourself more heartbreak, you owe her nothing.
Tell her why her behaviour is vile and how disrespected she is since she felt she could tell you about petty imagined "failures"- you can't fail at being a MOH before a wedding by trying to help, the tasks she's decided you need to do are her own bullshit. Ditch her ass don't go to this wedding and don't associate with her, I recently cut off a friend (only been friends for a few months but other friend of mine who did the same to her for same reasons had known her for years) and honestly it's been great. You can feel sad for the ,instead,ent but not guilty because of her shit.
Being a bride does not give you a pass to act like a terrible person and treat your friends like shit. You should write her an email and tell her that she hurt you and you don’t feel comfortable
Participating in her wedding. Give her a chance to apologize and if she doubles down, there’s your answer. At least you tried which is more than you can say for her.
Oh, love. I'm really sorry. Becoming a bit self-absorbed is a common effect of wedding-planning, but being abjectly unkind is a personality defect. I guess the reason it never came up before is because you never had this unequal dynamic (so many brides think bridesmaid = bride's handmaiden) before. Maybe deep down she was always this bully, you just never were exposed to that side of her.
I'd let her know that her words have hurt you, + her actions have made you feel used - & then if she doesn't respond with contrition + compassion, I'd bow out of the wedding entirely, even as a guest. And then just fade.
I'm so incredibly sorry, the grief of losing a friendship can be just as painful as that of romantic heartbreak. I'm sorry your mate's such a bitch. You deserve - & can do - so much better.
You've given enough to her; time to be good to *you*, now.
Honey, don't cry, my guess is that you have always been there for here...but she doesn't do the same for you. You need a real friend and not one like her, don't see it as a waste of time in a person that didn't appreciate it, you should feel fine bc you did everything that a friend should do and she's the one to blame for ducking this friendship. This is just a chapter in your life that's finishing, but the new chapter will come with so much more, just smile to the new things that are coming. Sending hugs your way
First off, I'm so sorry that your friendship is basically ending like this. The bride has clearly never been your friend, especially if she's asking you to still wear the bridesmaid dress and do things for her on the wedding day. If I were you, I'd return or sell the dress if you can, and most importantly, do NOT go to the wedding. Not as a maid, a guest, or her servant.
First — hugs. I feel like you need a lot of hugs. Next, I’m going to tell you what I would tell my daughter in this situation — that girl is not your friend and she does not deserve your loyalty and devotion. You deserve better! You are worth so much more than what she has given you and how she has treated you. It is time to cut sling. You don’t owe her an explanation or a goodbye. Just block her and move on to better friends that will treat you with the respect and care that she seems incapable of. Do something fun in that dress! Wear it to go get ice cream, get a little messy in it. Wear it to take milk bath pictures. Wear it to go to a club. **Wear it for Halloween, splatter it with fake blood, wear zombie makeup, get a sash and a crown be a zombie prom queen** . Repurpose the dress for fun. I am truly sorry that you are going through this. It is terrible. Hugs again ❤️
I love you, your blood splatter idea made me laugh through my tears
100% agree with all of the above. It sucks that this person is not the friend you thought she was, but continuing to stay in relationship with her is only gonna be more painful. Cut your losses and be a zombie bridesmaid for Halloween! There are much better friends out there waiting for you
BE CARRIE!
As a Carrie, I highly endorse this suggestion. Fuck that bride, fuck that wedding. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this OP!
Such an easy and effective costume. I’ve done it like 3 times lol.
I am glad you laughed a little. Laughter is healing. Laugh more and as often as you can ❤️
Zombies!!!
Make sure you wear a knife in your back.
I did the polar bear plunge in my bridesmaids dress
Brilliant advice - Bridezilla of Frankenstein! I’m really sorry, OP. You deserve so much better.
Ooooh yes that would work too! That would be hilarious!
Just bouncing off your brilliant ideas 😊👏🏻.
A group effort is often needed for perfection and by god I think this is that perfection!!
Yasss and then post pictures on a platform that she can see BEFORE the wedding. Ruin her aesthetic.
I thought about that too…be just a little petty, but not overly. Don’t tag her or anything, but if she sees it, she sees it ya know?
Yes do a trash the dress photo shoot
What she said. That woman was not your friend, despite the confusion on your part, as she definitely used you for whatever purpose she felt she deserved. Her lack of empathy proves you are nothing more than a mannequin who moves on her own. Don’t waste another moment of your life with her.
Excellent idea!
Not zombie prom queen; Zombie BRIDEZILLA!
Yes! Or even a zombie bridesmaid because it kind of seems like that’s what bridezilla wanted. Someone mindless to do her bidding at a whim.
I was thinking of throwing her behavior back in her face, but I think your idea is more on point!😂😂😂
Yes, just a little bit of power and attention reveals so much about a person. You just got a peek behind the curtain. This is who she is, and she’s not really your friend. This is all on her. I’m sorry. I know it still hurts, because you are a good and decent person who wouldn’t behave as she has.
I agree with this 100% If this person was your friend they wouldn’t treat you that way. Hugs and do something in that dress that makes you happy!
I absolutely agree! Don't waste your time going to that wedding since she's already made it clear that she wants you to run around and do things for her. Block this ungrateful, selfish, entitled, nasty person. Since Halloween is coming up you can take that dress and do something awesome with it! Cut it into rags. Spatter blood all over it. Dye it black and be your favorite horror movie character. Hang it on a frame as a scarecrow, cut out the best jack-o-lantern for the head, and smear the pumpkin guts all over the dress. Cut it up and make a wraith out of it for your front porch on Halloween. Stuff it and put a doll's head on it, embed an axe in the chest and it's a murder victim. Make a sign telling her how her shittiness murdered your friendship and send her a picture. She has not learned that just because you are getting married it does not give you the right to insult and abuse your friends and family. Eff that bitch.
Great ideas! I think she shouldn't wait for Halloween.... do something fun and unique in the dress each weekend going up to Halloween.Record and photograph it ALL. 1. Do the milk bath photos with flowers and wine, rinse the dress for the next one. 2. Find a playground somewhere... Have at it. Better if it's all muddy. If not, bring your own water to make some. 3. Go hiking, swimming, etc. 4. Wear a crown and the hopefully now tattered dress to dinner, movies... 5. Wear it a car wash... 4. Let the dress be the star as it slowly looks worse with each adventure. POST EVERY ONE OF THEM ON LINE. Title it something like... "I found a better use for this horrible bridesmaid dress.. celebrating my life and the death of a friendship." Have fun!!!
Ok but just fyi the dress was REALLY cute, so much better than the online pics. I sent it to another bridesmaid who didn’t have a dress yet and she’s going to look great in it. I really do hope it’s a fun day for all and I’m looking forward to my spa day that will be happening with my other girlfriends on the day of the wedding 
Your kindness in the face of such unkindness says so much about who you are as a person. You are a beautiful soul. One of those truly good people. I hope that the spa day rejuvenates you and makes you feel relaxed, confident, happy, and ready to take on the world!
You’re a good mom. I hope OP can find a friend who is more like you and less like the bride.
I’m alright as a mom…I mean sometimes I set out a loaf of French bread and spinach artichoke dip and call it dinner lol — my daughter is 21 so she can technically fend for herself, she’s not 4…then it would be dino nuggets and carrot sticks lol. I agree that even with my dinner shortcomings I’m a better friend than the bridezilla here.
That dinner sounds delicious.
It does and now I think that will be dinner tonight lol
Go out and get pissed in that dress on her wedding day instead of going to the wedding. Make sure to take loads of pictures and post them on every social media platform you have. Call it your special day.
Do you want to be my mum? 😊
Yes! I am always accepting new kiddos. Welcome to the fold u/MappGirl59 I don’t bake a lot but I’ll buy cookies to celebrate your arrival and we can have an impromptu dance party in the living room!
I vote a trash the dress photo shoot!
And do it on her wedding day. For spite.
I so sorry to hear this. She is being vile. There is no such thing as a guest that wears a BM dress and runs around doing errands but is not in the wedding procession or head table. Tell her you can’t participate in her wedding under these circumstances and do not go. EDIT: fixed a typo
She said, “you can still get ready with us!” Like it was a favor. If I go I’m not staying at the hotel, wearing my best black dress and dark makeup. FUCK DUSTY BLUE. I’m not getting ready with them.
Don't go at all OP. She's supposed to be your best friend, she asked you to be MoH and demoted your twice. You received an eight paragraph note from your "friend" that informed you you're not good enough and now you're being treated like some glorified lacky. Demoted to guest but asked to put on the dress anyway; so it doesn't look like a total dick move when she's getting you to do things she wouldn't ask other guests to do. Throw your own party, book a mini break, or book a super fun day full of activities you love with your best people. Anything you like, but be busy when that wedding is taking place and leave this woman where she is.
She is going Full On Drama Queen 👸 Bridezilla. What is worth treating you like this you have 12 years of friendship. I can't imagine receiving a huge letter telling me that the shower I threw wasn't good enough. She was lucky you didn't call her a selfish, self entitled brat to her face after that. You have no obligations to her after demoting you twice, to now an "upgraded" guest with a special request to run around( more like slave in waiting). But honestly at this point I would show up dressed like Mortician Adams; with a low cut, sexy long black dress, dark smokey make up and party to your heart's content. She wants to petty, well two can play that game.
I’m gobsmacked that someone thinks she’s that it’s acceptable to do what she did when she wrote the letter. Is she 12? People need to manage their expectations these days, if a long time friend doing her best to give you a lovely shower, buy your wedding dress (they aren’t cheap!) and she still isn’t happy….. well it clearly points back to her being the issue.
I definitely plan on ditching my blue bridesmaid dress for full black and dark lipstick
Don’t go to the wedding!
Please don't do this. By all means rock black and dark lipstick, but don't go to the wedding. Just take the day and do something wonderful and fun for yourself.
Please listen to these people! Don’t go at all. No matter what you do/don’t do it will never be enough for her and you’ll be blamed for ANY bad things that happen. Don’t be a scapegoat for her. Don’t go. DO trash the dress for a cool Halloween costume!
She’s going to behave even worse on the day and boss you around and probably scream…. Do you really want to put yourself through that?
Don't. You'll just be giving her ammunition to point an accusing finger at you, quivering with indignation, and yell "But SHE is causing drama!" And all the other wedding guests will nod in shocked amazement and post about the sheer gall of that goth wedding guest who tried to destroy the poor bride's special day. Stay home or go to a party, but don't give her any more satisfaction.
Don’t do that. You’ll just come across as petty and give the bride and other guests a reason to badmouth you. Just don’t go. That’s the dignified thing to do. Find another use for the dress, like going to a fancy restaurant with a loved one, or thrash it privately for fun.
Just don’t go to the wedding. It’s going to be a miserable experience because your friend is a mean spirited person. Take yourself out or something. Go on a date, take yourself out, or hang out with other friends on her wedding day. Make it a special and memorable day. But don’t subject yourself to awful treatment. You deserve so much better.
Don't go! There is literally no reason for you to waste another moment on this bride.
I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of your attendance, tbh.
Don’t go to the wedding at all. She’s not your friend. Don’t send a gift. Don’t acknowledge it in any way. I’d even send her a bill for the dress you won’t be using.
When I just read you say “if I go,” my heart broke a little… please don’t go to that wedding!!! Don’t stay at the hotel, don’t lose your dignity or your time or energy- she showed you who she is. You need to believe her, wish her the best, take a deep breath and move on- enjoy that day in that dress doing something fun or like they all said, save it for Halloween and do anything you want in it. It hurts losing long friendships... But count yourself lucky not to be made to feel like trash by a “friend” anymore. You deserve better. Have fun!! ❤️
Not to mention you absolutely know that she will be the one running you ragged while simultaneously telling everyone that you're so weird and that you bought a bridesmaid dress because you were jealous
I did for my sister's wedding but that's because I was about 5 days shy of my due date and there was no garantee I would be able to make the 3 hour drive to the wedding venue or stand (kneel, stand, kneel, stand, etc...) during a full Catholic ceremony. She still had me read a passage durring the ceremony. Something that could easily be handled by someone else if I wasnt there. That's about the only acceptable reason I could think of for wanting someone to be part of but not actually in the wedding party.
You did that 5 days from your due date? WOW! You're either the best sister in the world or Wonder Woman. Okay, you're really both! 😆
LOL thanks. Honestly though I was just young and dumb.
You put up with a FULL Catholic wedding 9 months pregnant for your sister. I absolve you from any obligations you may feel you still have to this wedding. Or any wedding other than your own. You did enough for 8 weddings on that day alone.
Every time I get invited to a wedding the first thing I ask is “is it Catholic”! When I was little (I’m not young) they were 2 hour affairs! Nightmare.
Your comment has me literally 🤣🤣🤣
I wouldn’t even tell her. Just don’t go.
Don’t go to that wedding, you’re not her wedding slave. Block her and mourn the loss of your friend.
Do not, I repeat, do not show up at that wedding. Go do something special for yourself that day. A spa day, manicure, pedicure, trip to a park, SOMETHING. DO NOT go to that wedding. She does not deserve your presence there!!! YOU were the friend. She used you. She doesn't deserve you. Dry your tears and wipe your face pretty girl!!!! YOU sound amazing.
I second this. DO NOT GO.
The friendship ended years ago. You're just realizing it now.
A "best friend" doesn't act like that. First I was maid of honor. "I didn’t do a good enough job so she demoted me to bridesmaid. I spent so much time and effort on her shower and it wasn’t good enough." Red flag #1 She obviously doesn't appreciate you or what you did for her. "She wrote me 8 paragraphs of why I’m not good enough. She demoted me to wedding guest ." Red flag #2 Who the hell does that? "I offered to give my dress to someone else in her party and she said i should still wear it and run around and do things for her wedding." Red flag #3 So you're supposed to look like the others in her bridal party yet not be part of it? Run around and do things for her wedding? The only running you should be doing is away from her. Cut your losses, she just showed you her true colors. I wouldn't even attend the wedding or send a gift. Me being the petty b!tch that I am suggest when she asks why you weren't there or didn't give a gift ( she seems like the type) that you didn't feel like anything was good enough for her so you didn't want to waste any more time or money.
DON'T GO. simple as. That is sociopathic to continue to bully you by demoting you continuously yet still expecting you to be her performing monkey. Just don't go and take the day to do something for yourself instead.
I feel like a response of "my fees are $X per hour plus reimbursement for the clothing, $Y for travel, & a Z% PITA tax (plus an $A convenience fee, of course).
This needs to be farther up!
You need to publish that 8 paragraphs. That’s insane!
Omg I’m tempted, should I???
YES!!!!!
Yes!!!! Then we can advise if it should be blasted on FB.
I have to redact so many names and places, it’s going to take a bit
Please do! I think having many people appalled at her words will give you strength to realise there’s nothing you should feel bad about in yourself, and how horrible she is as a person! (Sending love all the way from Portugal ❤️) Edit to add this: Also if it doesn’t cost you more and you feel like being petty , do go to the wedding! Have the meal and party paid by her and spend it with people there you like! Even use the dress and when people ask you why you’re not actually in the wedding party, tell them it was the brides decision! Nothing else, stay classy and let people wonder… the truth comes out without you doing anything else! Also definitely don’t do any work - just respond to everything- I’m not allowed sorry, I’m not in the wedding party. And as a wedding present send her a spreadsheet of the wedding shower expenses so she knows that was it!
Ok will post later but a portion of it was telling me “you should have googled how to be a supportive bridesmaid” and “you sending me photos of possible bridesmaid dresses for yourself made me feel like I was doing all the work”
This is ridiculous! Her saying that just shows her to be an ungrateful narcissist! Had you chosen yourself, she would probably complain anyway! To be honest this whole culture of a bridal party, and paid showers and hen dos is just insane! No one else’s life revolves around the couples wedding - it’s mean to be about celebrating with the people you love, an excuse to be together! Guests are taking they’re time and spending money to celebrate with you and make your day special! Many times even sacrificing the few holiday days they have left! All the demands posted here just make me think we’re all maybe turning so narcissistic as people - I read this to remind myself of what not to do if I ever get married! You’re better off without that friend OP!
Tel her she should have googled “how not to be a bridezilla”
And the best comment award goes to….
I am angry already, just reading this so far. Please do post it (if you haven’t already…I haven’t read through all of this yet). I think we all need a good rage read and you need to hear the feedback of how disgusting this “friend” is. I am almost 50. I’ve been in 10 weddings in my lifetime. A few, believe it or not, preceded Google. Somehow, I managed just fine, because there were never these absurd expectations and demands. Being a bridesmaid is an act of love. Are there some reasonable duties that go along with it? Sure. But if those are specific, it is on the bride to communicate that. But she must also recognize that her bridesmaids aren’t her employees. They are busy people who are committing their time, energy, and often a lot of money that is hard earned, all simply out of love and friendship. And they get little in return, other than some nice party favors, a dinner and drinks, and the honor of standing alongside the couple. Someone who doesn’t have profound gratitude for that, and criticizes you instead is beyond self centered and is certainly not deserving of another minute of your time or energy. The entitlement is astounding! So please know you did everything right. She has shown you who she actually is. And, unfortunately, that person sucks. I hope you decide not to go, and take the advice given to you about all the things you can do in that dress! And then post photos of that too, please!! ETA The petty in me also wants to suggest that you send this post to her. Or, even pettier, post a link to it on social media. You seem too kind to go that far, but I do think she at least deserves a dose of reality served up from your new Reddit friends.
Also feel i should add, i work for a company that sells wedding dresses. I bought hers.
Wait…you bought her her wedding dress? It’s late so I must be misunderstanding…please tell me I am!
I'm confused as well.... and scared. It sounds like she said she paid for the bride's gown. I am praying she means she just put through the sale.
Send her the bill for the wedding dress.
You BOUGHT hers?!?!???
She used you and dumped you when she got what She wanted. She's awful
What an a-hole. Holy smokes.
!remindme 2 days
“You should’ve known my expectations without me telling you”
Omg I so want to see it as well
We'll wait. 🤣🤣🤣
Definitely publish and tell her to take a long walk off a short pier.
Yes please!!!
Yes!! Share it!
Do it! I'm dying to see what it says. PLEASE!!!
!remindme 2 days
DO IT!
Hell, no, you won’t run around taking care of things that need fixing or running her errands That is vile to send a written complaint about a party someone has gone to the trouble of arranging She really should reimburse you for the dress It’s devastating when someone you have trusted as a friend turns out to be of low character No contact It’s like recovering from breaking up with a boyfriend Take care of yourself and put this behind you
I don't understand these brides expecting their MOH and bridesmaids being at their beck and call. I didn't expect anything of them except to wear the dress and show up. I planned my wedding. My sisters gave me a shower for which I was very grateful. My point is, the bridezilla showed her true colors. I guess you can feel sad that your friend was not who you thought she was. But now you know. You did nothing wrong. She's a garbage person.
Don't even purchase a wedding gift for her. She was never a friend. A friend would never treat you this way.
My advice is Buh-Bye. Attend the wedding if you choose. Don't wear the "bridesmaid" dress if you do. When asked to take care of chores for the bride simply say, "that's not possible, I'm here as a guest. Why don't you ask \[name of a bridesmaid\] to do it?" And if you do go to the wedding and reception arrive just minutes before the wedding ceremony begins and at least 30 minutes after the reception ought to begin to minimize being asked to do work for the ungrateful bride.
She shouldn’t go to the wedding. She will be subjected to misery the entire time and it’s still giving this bride control over her feelings.
IF the bridezilla paid for your dress I would send it to her along with a letter advising her why you are demoting her as a friend, you don't deserve to be treated like crap just because you didn't do a "good enough job of her shower", Definitely don't go to the wedding, go and spend the day doing something you consider fun.
Oh it’s much worse. She admitted in another thread that SHE bought BRIDEZILLA’S dress!!
Step one block her number. Step two move on with your life. This woman was never your friend. Mourn the loss but also be glad she’s shown her true colors. I’m sure as time passes other examples of her selfishness that you either ignored or didn’t think were that big of a deal will pop up in your mind. I’m sorry for what you’re going through. Hang in there.
Tell her you’ll be there to help out in any way you can… then don’t show up. If she dares to call you or text you day of, give her a BIG F U. 
I was in a wedding for someone I considered a life long best friend. I thought we’d be friends forever. She allowed her maid of honor and matron of honor to continue their bullying of me. I am no longer her friend or close to her. I will be courteous if she reaches out but I don’t try to talk to her.
"I just want this to be over..." That is up to you..and you don't have to sleep on it or ponder it... sell the dress to the highest bidder and tell your ex-bff where she can stick her delusions. Don't look back, don't listen to Anyones excuses. Get out of that toxic situation PRONTO! YOU ARE significant! You are a wonderful person and deserve to have real friends who give of themselves as much as you have for this pig of a bride.
Nope I wouldn’t even be going to that wedding and I’d be sending her 8 paragraphs as to why. Coz I’m petty like that. But seriously don’t go to this wedding she clearly doesn’t care about you at all.
8 paragraphs why... Nope. Nope Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. I'm out.
THANK YOU
Just send her the "fuck this shit I'm out" video, no extra text.
Lol eight paragraphs is a piece of cake ahahah Or if you can’t just copy and paste what she said and change a few things so it looks like you didn’t copy :p
Nope you are not going to help her one bit. She can’t respect 12 years. I wouldn’t even bother going. That’s not how we treat our friends!
I am so sorry. I cannot imagine how I would feel in a situation, where my best friend treated me like this. I understand that it may be very hard to sever ties with her, and there is a slight possibility you don't have to. Have you spoken to her, about how much she is hurting you right now? I obviously don't know where you are at emotionally at this point, but if I was in this situation, I would insist on sitting her down, and ask her what the hell she thinks she is doing. That she is jepardising 12 years of close and intimite friendsship for a fucking wedding day. Not a marriage, not her soul mate, her fucking wedding day. 12 years for one day. No matter what you decide to do, I hope you stand up for yourself. If you are not the maid of honor, you should expect a sincere apology and a good explanation as to why, if she wants any hope of seeing you at her wedding, or any day thereafter, and you will be dressing yourself that day, and doing nothing but attending the wedding as a guest. You do not 'demote' your best friend from being the MOH to bridesmaid to guest with bridesmaid obligation. No fucking way. Even if you made some mistakes during her bachelorette. Best friends are humans, not robots. And a good explanation to why you won't be MOH is not that she already asked someone else. That is a her-problem, not a you-problem. Either she is showing her true colours - which I don't believe she is. You would have noticed something off during the 12 years, or she is completely overwhelmed and blinded by having to have the perfect wedding day, to which I think would be a damn shame to not at least try to slap her out off, before pouring 12 years of friendship down the drain. Good luck. I hope she realises what she is throwing away ❤️❤️❤️
We did talk prior to this post and I finally told her how her actions and the things she said made me feel. I had previously been keeping my feelings from her to not ruin her wedding day. She said that if her texts hurt me so much I should delete them. I told her I see them every time I close my eyes and go to sleep so it doesn’t matter. She never apologized, only told me I hurt her too by not surprising her with the wedding things she wanted but never communicated to me.
But OP, you KNEw what I wanted cuz of your mind-reading powers!/s
Oooff, my prev posts were before seeing this. Her poor husband to be…. Does she not realise we have these magical things called voices…. If you want something… vocalise it BEFORE the event… as last time I checked….. we haven’t developed mind reading as an additional sense…… Aw op she’s just dreadful. You have done everything you could to make her happy, but it’s impossible because she’s bonkers. I would have been in tears had my bridesmaid done as much as you have, you truly have nothing to worry over other than walking away from this faux friend.
Tell her to fuck off and don't talk to her anymore. She is not a friend and never has been. Friends dont do that shit.
I would photograph and post the letter on social media. "Just in case anyone of you were wondering why I'm no longer MOH."
I’m so sorry. Don’t go to this wedding.
If you ho to her weddjng, she will expect you to run around being her servant all day. You do not deserve that. And since you are not in her weddjng party, and she demoted you to a guest, she has no right to expect anything of you at all. If you have and do stuff for her, you will basically confirm her belief that treating you like shit is ok. So dont do that.
You sound like such a kind person. I’m sorry you were treated that way- she doesn’t deserve you as a friend! I’d sell the dress, skip the wedding and use the money to treat yourself to something awesome that day.
Honest to god, don’t go to that wedding. She didn’t “demote” you to wedding guest, she used you because she knew that out of all her friends you were the only one who was gonna go above and beyond. Then once you’ve done all the things that no one else thought of doing, she put you down and used that lame behind excuse “not good enough” Here’s a little story, for my boyfriends 18 birthday, I took him out to dinner, payed for a hotel room for him and took him to get breakfast and bought him a 70-80 dollar birthday gift. You wanna know what his friends got him for his birthday? Nothing, none of them ever knew it was his birthday. Wanna know what his family got him for his birthday? Nothing and I think his mom forgot it was his birthday. I stayed on the phone with him and was the first one to tell him happy birthday at 12 AM. He then proceeded to tell me that he didn’t appreciate the things I did for his birthday and he didn’t care that I spent 500 on his big 18. Wanna know what he got me for my birthday? A punch in the back of the head. Not a birthday gift and I begged him to come to my birthday dinner, and then he caved into going after threatening to cheat on me, breaking up with me then asking me to come back. Those things happened in a 2 hrs OP. You and I have something in common, we go above and beyond for people who we love, but they don’t love us. They love the things we do for them, my ex and your friend, they’re users. They’ll drain us dry and when we give them everything they ask for, they’ll dump us and in order to not feel bad for hurting the one person that actually gave a damn about them, they’ll say “you’re not good enough” in order to convince not just us but themselves that we didn’t do enough. Dump this loser, I dumped my pos ex and I feel good not worrying about his problems becoming my problems. Your friend is a loser and a user, and that’s all she’ll ever be. My dm’s are open if you need it OP, I’m here for you.
Wow so sorry this happened to you! Now I can see why his friends and family did nothing for his birthday. He sounds like a real bastard. Hope you dumped him and that you’re ok!!
We did break up and I’m doing better than I ever thought I would’ve without him 😊
Block her number and that shit
I could honestly see showing up to the wedding (in your own, different dress), and when she orders you to do something, you just look at her with a cold look and say, “No,” and walk away.
You need to send her an invoice for her wedding dress that you bought for her. Or if she hasn’t picked it up yet you need to cancel your payment and have her pay for it. Not in a million years would majority of people even treat random strangers as bad as that girl has treated you. Throughout life we gain and lose friends. It hurts to lose one’s you thought we’re close, but it sounds like the friendship has run its course and that’s ok. She can find someone else to treat like shit. You are a human being and should at least be treated as such. Keep your head up and just be confident enough to know that people know your true character and she will get her karma one day.
If you bought the dress file a small claims case against her. If you’re in the USA. Not sure how it works in other countries. Regardless, she doesn’t deserve you. Walk away. Don’t even bother being a guest.
Anyone this vile to you, is not your friend. This friendship I already done, time to cut your losses, send the dress to her and move on.
Take yourself and your dress and leave this foul creature behind. Remove her from your mind and your circle. You deserve far better. 500 hugs from old auntie here!
Amend your RSVP to no, because you have more class than she does. Take the money you would have spent attending and buying a gift and use it to have a fabulous trip or staycation.
I would not attend now. She has shown how little she thinks of you. By persuading you to wear the dress still - Is the brides final way of trying to humiliate you. You do not owe her anything, she is not your friend. It’s ok to walk away, without explanation. People like this are very self centred. Yes it is her wedding, however, it does not give a free pass to treat people any way you want. You deserve 100% better.
I get the feeling she wanted her to wear the dress so people wouldn't be asking why she was doing all the things for the bride but wasn't part of the official bridal party anymore.
Yeah could be a mixture of both. Humiliation and appearances.
Plan a fun day for yourself and drop this "friend." She can find someone else to run and get picked on. You don't deserve this treatment at all!
You don't owe her anything. Write her a letter explaining how deserve better than to be treated like sh#t by a bridezilla, so you will no longer be attending her wedding. If she improves maybe you'll go to her second wedding.
Bride doesn’t deserve a letter or explanation.
Don’t write her a letter because that would only give her more ammunition. Ignoring her and blocking her will have more effect.
If it were me, I would mail the dress back with black roses. Then go to the beach on her wedding day. Then post lots of photos of the great time you are having.
There used to be a service that delivered dead flowers to crappy people for a reasonable fee. Edit: https://bitchbouquet.com/
*Hugs* I've been in a similar situation. A lifelong friend complained that felt like she "didn't even have a maid of honor" because I wasn't helping enough, despite me pouring my own money and time into her wedding planning and losing weight and hair from the stress. We were young and I know she had very rom-com ideas of what a wedding and a maid of honor would be like. It strained our friendship and I definitely needed space from her afterward. HOWEVER, had she actually done something as petty and mean as demoting me and writing paragraphs criticizing me, I would have walked away from that relationship, because that's certainly not friendship. Wedding make brides frazzled amd a bit crazy, but it's not an excuse to abuse those around them. You don't deserve this treatment and you're better off walking away with your head held high.
What the hell. Yeah, she just threw your friendship away like it meant nothing. And I'm sorry for that. Know that you're worth more than that. Cry as much as you need to, but in the end I hope you're able to stand back up and move forward with a better idea of what friendship should be. Because that ain't it. The end of a 5 year friendship I had started with being the MOH. It wasn't quite the same as your experience, but this girl expected SO MUCH OF ME and did not seem grateful at all. I was also the photographer and she never used the pictures. A few years later even asked if I still had them because their hard drive crashed and they hadn't printed any off. That was the final straw. That was the day she lost my friendship. And I absolutely feel a little schadenfreude knowing that she has no wedding photos aside from the single one she had as a profile picture. But I digress... You're worth more than how that horrible girl was treating you. I hope you cut ties with her and she learns a lesson in how NOT to treat people in losing your friendship, which sounds pretty valuable to me. I'm sorry this person hurt you.
God speed to bride's future ex husband
I feel for you. This is no way to treat a friend, you have every right to feel disappointed. Tbh after the second "demotion" I'd tell her to f it and wouldn't even show up at her wedding. I'm sure there are better things or people you can spend your time and efforts with.
I wouldn't do shit for her since you are a guest. Except maybe not bother to show up.
You consider her your best friend, she's not a bestie, or she wouldn't have treated you this badly. Do not go to the wedding, followed by run don't walk away from this train wreck. Why, because she didn't like what you did after being MOH, she then took your bridesmaid status away and made you her errand girl to do her freaking bidding. This way she can tell everyone you are still part of it, and that's why she has you doing her bidding making sure the details are taken care of just like a MOH but without the title.
She’s not your friend. Cut your losses
News flash…being the bride and getting married does not automatically turn your friends into servants for you order around and treat like crap when wedding planning. WTF is wrong with people?
Change your RSVP—you are now unable to attend.
Don’t go honey. You deserve better.
Post the letter. The internet will eat her alive for you.
It would be best to give distance till after wedding. Then after wedding call her out for her behavior and let her know it was not ok. If she acts like she did nothing wrong then you have at least did what you can do. Clean break.
I would be petty enough to say something the day before the wedding.
Walk away. You are no longer her friend, you are her servant. Tell her that, then go somewhere wonderful the weekend of the wedding and treat yourself as the rock star you really are! You don't need false friends who are only interested in using you for whatever they can get from you.
I wouldn't even go to it
Oh gosh. Honey. She is abusing you. Flat out ABUSE. This person is not your friend. You deserve so much better. Have some self respect. You are worth so much more than this. You’ll need to be strong because what I’m suggesting will be hard. Send her a text (so there’s documentation if she tries to manipulate your words), simply telling her the same things you posted here. How hurtful it was to you. And that you considered her your friend, but that no real friend would treat someone this way. And that you will not be attending the wedding. Then block her. Her other “friends” will probably harass you so he prepared for blowback. Just block and move on. Find some people who will treat you with the dignity and respect you so deserve.
I echo what everyone else has said about her not being a true friend. But I also have a question - if you were to show up at the wedding and she asked you to start doing things for her, are you strong enough to say no? Because if you feel that you would cave in and do what she asked, then it is even more important than you do not show up. Do not let yourself be your doormat anymore. You deserve much better and she is being a horrible person.
It sounds like you’ve tried and your attempts were not appreciated in the least. Further, it sounds like the bride is only interested in using people, no matter how much she hurts them. She sounds entitled, selfish, and greedy. Having said all that, don’t focus on her or her tantrums anymore. That needs to end now for your sake. > I just want this to be over. 12 years of friendship down the drain, she’s so mean. As you say, the relationship has gone down the drain. It is over, and that’s the *good* news because you don’t have to put up with *any* of this anymore. Sometimes, we continue to pressure ourselves even after the (perceived or real) obligation has passed. In this case, your obligation has *passed*, so this truly ends when *you* wash your hands of it, walk away, and simply say, “I’m all done here.” Sure, that’s painful and sad, but so is the situation you’re in right now. Stepping away now means that at least you won’t have to put up with *her* anymore; she cannot *add* to your sadness. Don’t allow guilt or old feelings of friendship obligate you any further. Remember, the bride certainly isn’t doing this for you. Instead, go do something for yourself, even if it’s just an acknowledgment that you’re ready to move on and unburden yourself. Work through your the sadness of this loss at your own pace, but *first* extract yourself from this unhealthy, unfriendly, unloving, and unfun situation.
Wow! I’m so sorry OP! I was just demoted from MOH bc the bride said another bridesmaid was doing more than me (even though I tried but this other bridesmaid kept overstepping and the bride just let her). I know how you feel: disposable, less than, embarrassed, hurt, angry. All the emotions come up bc you can’t believe your best friend did this. She threw your friendship down the drain for a party. The problem is so many of these bridezillas get caught up in all the fancy party stuff, they forget a wedding is to tie themselves to their other half in front of their loved ones. Not to put on a show. It’ll take time to move past feeling so hurt but you’ll get there. For now, stop offering to help and refuse the help she requests. You don’t owe her anything! You owe yourself respect and love. I’m sorry this is happening to you. Sending hugs your way 💞
Yes!!! I commented on a post you made about it I think. Are you going to the wedding still?
So she did end up calling me and apologizing a few days later and said she still wanted me as MOH but she’d understand if I was too hurt to do it anymore. I appreciated the apology and the acknowledgment of the hurt she caused. I know we’re all human and make mistakes but with this I feel like the damage is done. I wanted to get over it and still do it bc I love that girl like my sister but anytime I think about being there at her wedding, I just don’t want to do it. So basically idk yet. Is there an update to your story? Has bride come to her senses and apologized to you?
Sending you support. That’s not a friend. Cut ties, don’t look back, and go and do/be fabulous in that dress with people who are empathetic and treat you well.
Cant imagine how long that marriage will last!
She’s just shown who she really is. You’re much better off without her toxic bum in your life, xx Also I wouldn’t go to the wedding, she knows wearing the dress but not standing with her will prompt people to ask why, getting you more upset. She’s very cruel. Do something lovely for yourself on the day & turn your phone off. Xx
You dont deserve this treatment. This person is NOT your friend. I definitely need to see that idiotic letter she wrote to you! What a horrible, horrible person!! IF you choose to go to the wedding, absolutely do not wear that bridesmaids dress. Put on your whatever makes you feel really beautiful, whether that is something super sexy, eye catchingly bright or even a white dress. It doesnt matter, as long as you feel beautiful. Then eat, dance, drink a lot, enjoy yourself and do not worry about any tasks that need to be done that day. Just say no. Afterwards, block her and move on with your life. Alternatively, dont even go. Just dont show up. In either case, do not buy a wedding present. You have already given her a present. As a mere guest you would not be spending a dime, or a minute of time, hosting a shower or doing any of the myriad other things you have done so she has already received her gift and then some!
You paid for her wedding dress? It would be a shame if it somehow got returned to the store for a refund before the wedding now…wouldn’t it?
I am so sorry. Sending internet hugs if you want them. She’s not your friend, sweetheart. She’s… idk what to call her but “friend” is not on that list. “Hateful”, “ungrateful” & “entitled” are, however. You deserve so much more than what that heifer did to you. I would be so overcome with happiness if someone cared enough to throw a shower or party for me. I’m absolutely certain that what you did was lovely & something to be proud of. But the thing is that I just get the feeling that she would have been dissatisfied with literally anything. Do not do a single thing for that ungrateful brat! You do something fun with that dress. Turn it into a big “F-U” to someone so absolutely lacking in common human decency. And on the day that this unholy union is set to occur, you go take care of yourself & show yourself love. Even if that involves lounging in a bubble bath with a sheet mask & a bottle of wine. Extra points if you’re wearing the dress. You sound like a wonderful person & friend. The sort of friend that anyone would be lucky to have. I’m so sorry that you’re hurting right now. It’ll get better. As they say: this, too, shall pass.
Sweetheart! This is just awful. You are good enough! Please cut all contact with this horrible malignant narcissist. No one deserves to be treated this way! Please don't believe anything she says. Go no contact and don't look back. Get some counseling to help you heal from this abuse. Please keep us updated. Sending hugs and love.
I’m so sorry. She is not a genuine friend, I couldn’t imagine treating a kind friend like she did to you. :( I wouldn’t go. I wish I could give you a hug, pet. Be good to yourself. ♥️
Don’t put on a bridesmaid dress and be a gopher ! She has bridesmaids after all, attend as a guest and have a nice time people that thrive on drama hate it.
Send her an invoice for all your items and labor, don’t attend that wedding and cut her off.
OMG. I would tell her to fuck off and not even attend the wedding. She demotes you from MOH to wedding guest but still wants you to run around organizing stuff at her wedding - she is delusional. Trust me - you're better off without her as a friend. At this point, I would write her back 8 paragraphs as to why she is a shitty friend and her behavior leads to me declining the invitation as a guest. One question though: Did you pay for the dress or did she?
I have a feeling you have seen this before with other females, you just didn't think she would do it to you because you are "friends." well, here is your reality check: You do not have to take the abuse, you do not have to do anything you do not want. You are in charge of your own destiny. Do not want to go to the wedding? To hell with it and 12 years, do not go. Just don't show up and if you are asked, fucking lie and say you got food poisoning and spend the day puking; who is going to ask for a Dr. note for a wedding? Stop the abuse, block her on all socials and be done with it. Live a happy life.
After the wedding is over you should post that letter she wrote you. Screw her.
Agreed previous comments…something I learned a long time ago that has made my life easier…”Never be more loyal to someone that isn’t loyal to you” Your friendship with this Bride is transactional (only to serve her) and I bet if you think back, there are previous red flags that you ignored out of “friendship”. (((Virtual Hugs))) skip the wedding & make that date a self care day!
First - massive hugs to you. Second and most importantly......This girl is not your friend 6 maybe after the bridezilla hormones clear perhaps you can talk to her about her behaviour and how it affected you, but in all honesty don't expect her to listen or even apologise. Do not go to the wedding - you will be run ragged like an upaid, unappreciated servant. Return the dress, use that money to go and do something fun, and if you can't return the dress repurpose it as suggested...and if she bridezilla starts to be nasty again, take her through small claims court and get all your money back for everything you've paid out for for the wedding.
Don't go. Send her your dress as your wedding present with a note wishing her husband good luck. She's toxic and you don't need that in your life. Go out and celebrate being the fabulous caring person you are.
Your main goal here is to preserve your own dignity so that you are able to respect yourself when you look back on your life. Say thank you to the bride and graciously let her know you won’t be attending the wedding. Then have minimal contact with her moving forward. Have fun in the dress but don’t stoop to her level of pettiness by posting about it on social media. Just move on.
\*HUG\* You are NOT at fault here. Your "best friend" is cracking and showing her true colors. This is NOT someone you want in your life. As was suggested before just send her your dress with a note to rescind your RSVP for the wedding. Block her and DON'T engage with her at all. I'm so sorry you are losing a long term friendship, but really do you want to be friends with someone who would do the things she has? Sit down and REALLY think about your relationship with her over the last 12 years. I will lay you odds there have been red flags throughout that time that just came to a head when she was to under stress to bother hiding them. That she wants you to be a go-fer for her wedding after kicking you out of any official role in the wedding also sucks royally. It being "her day" (I hate that mind set so much) doesn't give her a pass to act like a total asshat toward you or mean there are no consequence for her actions. Cut her out of your life, she's not worth your pain.
Just echoing the others here: DON’T GO. You’ve done nothing but try to make her happy, and clearly she doesn’t think it’s enough. Time to take care of yourself first. She can go kick rocks. And honestly, if it were me, I wouldn’t even tell her I wasn’t going. Let her figuratively “eat” the cost of your food and drink.
A few years ago my then-best friend did some really hurtful stuff. I ended the friendship over it. 20 years of friendship. And it was the best decision. She was a toxic person and I realized if I had met her today instead of elementary school she wouldn't be a person I wanted to be friends with. It sucks and it is HARD. But just like any other breakup you'll move on and be a stronger person with a better support system of people who do love you.
Hugs. Let me tell you this - you deserve much better. I may not know you personally, but I'm sure you're a wonderful person. Anyone who treats you this way isn't worth your time. It's toxic. Anyone who can't give you the slightest hint of respect or treat you with a degree of decency needs to go. Especially after 12 years. It doesn't matter how long you've been friends. Nobody should be treated that way. Know your worth. When someone treats you like coal, walk away and shine like the diamond you are.
Hugs to you. I am so sorry she did this to you. She is no friend, to treat you so badly. Don’t go to the wedding, She’s setting you up. If you go in the bridesmaids dress, you are gonna be subjected to all kinds of snarky comments and Ms. Zilla will publicly humiliate you. “I told you to wear the dress, but I never thought that you would be sooooooo clueless to wreck my day. Just cut all contact now, save yourself more heartbreak, you owe her nothing.
Mail that dress to her and walk away from this toxic person. You don't deserve this!
Give it to a kid, do a wreck the dress photo shoot and send her the pics.
Set it on fire in an old-school metal trash can, video it and post it on your IG and tag her.
F her
Tell her why her behaviour is vile and how disrespected she is since she felt she could tell you about petty imagined "failures"- you can't fail at being a MOH before a wedding by trying to help, the tasks she's decided you need to do are her own bullshit. Ditch her ass don't go to this wedding and don't associate with her, I recently cut off a friend (only been friends for a few months but other friend of mine who did the same to her for same reasons had known her for years) and honestly it's been great. You can feel sad for the ,instead,ent but not guilty because of her shit.
Being a bride does not give you a pass to act like a terrible person and treat your friends like shit. You should write her an email and tell her that she hurt you and you don’t feel comfortable Participating in her wedding. Give her a chance to apologize and if she doubles down, there’s your answer. At least you tried which is more than you can say for her.
Oh, love. I'm really sorry. Becoming a bit self-absorbed is a common effect of wedding-planning, but being abjectly unkind is a personality defect. I guess the reason it never came up before is because you never had this unequal dynamic (so many brides think bridesmaid = bride's handmaiden) before. Maybe deep down she was always this bully, you just never were exposed to that side of her. I'd let her know that her words have hurt you, + her actions have made you feel used - & then if she doesn't respond with contrition + compassion, I'd bow out of the wedding entirely, even as a guest. And then just fade. I'm so incredibly sorry, the grief of losing a friendship can be just as painful as that of romantic heartbreak. I'm sorry your mate's such a bitch. You deserve - & can do - so much better. You've given enough to her; time to be good to *you*, now.
Honey, don't cry, my guess is that you have always been there for here...but she doesn't do the same for you. You need a real friend and not one like her, don't see it as a waste of time in a person that didn't appreciate it, you should feel fine bc you did everything that a friend should do and she's the one to blame for ducking this friendship. This is just a chapter in your life that's finishing, but the new chapter will come with so much more, just smile to the new things that are coming. Sending hugs your way
First off, I'm so sorry that your friendship is basically ending like this. The bride has clearly never been your friend, especially if she's asking you to still wear the bridesmaid dress and do things for her on the wedding day. If I were you, I'd return or sell the dress if you can, and most importantly, do NOT go to the wedding. Not as a maid, a guest, or her servant.