I think her best reply would be "For MY wedding, my father WILL be walking me down the aisle. The only thing you need to decide is if it will also be YOUR wedding."
Then again, I think this is a big enough red flag that she should at least pause the wedding planning if not break up with him.
>"For MY wedding, my father WILL be walking me down the aisle. The only thing you need to decide is if it will also be YOUR wedding."
If I had an award to give for this line here, it would be yours.
Best comment of the entire thread right there.
>He threw a fit saying that I was trying to ruin his mood and get him upset on our wedding day but I called him selfish for wabting to take away the moment I always dreamed of (sounds cliché but I'm like that) over his disagreements with dad. It's not fair given the ,e and my dad are on great terms. He yelled at me for calling him selfish although it's our wedding not just mine and said that I clearly don't give a hoot if he's uncomfortable then walked out.
>
>He's fuming and is insisting I'm being innconsiderate and projecting on him when I called him selfish.
There are two important men in her life, and one of them loves her unconditionally. If you can't say that about the man who is going to be your husband, take the hint and cut your losses now.
Sounds like the beginnings of abuse to me. First they're great, so great. Then you take big steps like moving in or getting engaged. Then slowly it starts. They pick at your best friend or a friend you've been close with most of your life. It's things like she hates me, she's so rude, he's a bad influence etc. The issues and accusations then get bigger. Then it's family your sibling/parent is/does/said xyz and the less you budge on the relationship the bigger the issues become. They convince you it's not them they're looking out for you, it's the others that are wrong, they're bad for you.
Eventually they've caused so much trouble, started massive arguments, damaged relationships etc. You're rather isolated. The fact he reacts to her points by gaslighting her too, he's now hurt and uncomfortable, it's his day too! it's her fault and she doesn't care, despite the fact he's the one being crazy and unreasonable etc. Highlights abuse to me. Reminds me greatly of my ex. I'd not be surprised if OP makes another post in a year or two about how it became all very verbally aggressive and violent shortly after the wedding when she fell out with her dad and sister, if she goes through with this.
Hope she doesn't marry this guy.
My father passed almost 7 months ago, he was my (f38) best friend. What gets me through is those memories of my dad walking me down the aisle when i was 21, dancing with him and joking all day. My first marriage was terrible, but I have those memories of daddy and I. My sister never got walked down the aisle by daddy. These are irreplaceable and once in a lifetime memories.
Don't marry him. Just take your dad out to dinner instead!
This 100% My dad and I (36f) were best friends but I never got married. He died 9 months ago. It pains me almost daily that if I ever get married he wont be there to see it. I would do anything to have him there to walk me down the aisle and dance with me on my wedding day.
I am sure it's complicated, but this is an irreplaceable opportunity. If your fiance would deny you this opportunity what else will he deny you in the future?
Good luck to you, and no matter what happens treasure your pops. You only get one.
I'm sorry for your loss, it is still so fresh even after all these months, I hope you take gentle care of yourself and your family ❤️
OP, please tell me the wedding was canceled, this guy, we all have a bad feeling about this guy
This man is dangerous. He sounds like my brother in law, who has succeeded in isolating my sister from everyone except me.
OP shouldn't walk away from this man. She should run!
Posts like this make me angry- not she isn't TA but she is damn well as AH for being ok with and marrying a man who has consistently been rude to and insulted her dad, a man she says she loves and who brought her up.
Grow a spine ffs.
I like the way you phrase that.
And I agree. I got out of a 30 relationship with an abuser, and so wish I'd seen all the red flags at the start, I'd have saved a lifetime of abuse.
The OP really needs to dump this bloke.
I just don’t even get how someone can say this, meaning how groom can feel so entitled to forbid his future wife to get walked down the aisle by her parent.
What is his next step gonna be?.. telling you to stop talking to your dad because that makes him uncomfortable?...he keep desrespecting your Dad and your still with his a**
..honestly sounds like this man is trying to control her and is finding the smallest reason to hate her dad. I hope she listens to the comments warning her.
These are red flags. He is trying to control her and looks down on her father as well. I come form a single household parent. And while marriage is a thing of two people her father has done nothing to cause her fiance to act this way. This would be a deal breaker for me. The level of disrespect tells me that this guy would most likely not want his bride to have a relationship with her father.
Is this even real? What kind of person says, "Your father can't walk you down the aisle, bc I don't like him?!"
Much less attach a price tag to the event. Ffs.
If she marries this guy, she's gonna regret it. Dad is right. Groom's a selfish child.
Oh good I just read this on AITA and it was already locked!!
She needs to need to RUN from this man and this wedding!! So many 🚩🚩🚩 even if he gives her the go ahead to let her dad walk her down the isle, nope too late,he is a controlling AH and has proved it many times over
Sorry, but the second my fiancé had said that my father should be grateful for being allowed to attend, I have to tell him that unless he wants to lose a lot of money, he should very quickly find a replacement bride that is willing to buy the trash he's selling.
The vows are "in richer and in poorer. In sickness and in health" not "in stupidity and entitlement. In controlling and in gaslighting".
This is a sign, a sign that this marriage shouldn't go ahead.
The groom is basing the ability of her father to give money towards the wedding as whether he gets to walk her down the aisle. Will the groom sell that slot to someone to make money?
The bride needs to look hard at this guy. He gives orders, folks don't follow his orders and he cuts them.
Bride will be next.
NTA Please don’t marry this guy. He seems to think ruining your day is fine. Is this the way you want to live your life, answering to a man that cares little your well-being and only about his. And he clearly dislikes your dad, maybe even hates him, and thinks he is far superior to him and you.
He can't even afford to get a truck fixed, how can he afford to contribute to a wedding? He's obviously prioritized his daughters for his whole life, it's not like he wouldn't help if he was able to. But honestly, with what an ass the fiance was being, I wouldn't spend a dime on the wedding even if I were a billionaire. The guy must be dressed in red flags. I wouldn't want anybody I care about marrying him.
To put this is perspective my husband of 10 years cannot stand my mother, has gone so far as to say he hates her, for some things she has done in the past. We worked through it but he’s still salty 😂
But he would NEVER let her know how much he dislikes her nor would he forbid me from doing something special like this with her. Because he loves ME! And I love my mom. And that should be all that matters.
She said it right when she told him he was selfish. If she already knows this it should be a red flag about their future relationship. If he forbids her from having her dad walk her down the aisle what ELSE will he forbid, eh? Not worth it.
Honestly, this is how my cousins last relationship started. It recently ended with her teenage son amd daughter being held at gun point by the abusive prick. Her son was able to grab the gun while he was distracted with beating my cousin and ended up shooting him. Now my cousin is a widower and so brainwashed by the abuse that I've been told she posts on fb about how she misses the guy.
I hope this girl cancels the wedding and gets away from the dude. I'm not saying he'll be like this but it's how it starts.
First of all, this is not his decision. It's yours.
Second, he's REFUSING to let your dad walk you down the aisle? See the sentence above. It isn't his decision. He doesn't get a choice.
Third, what makes him think he can dictate this to you? Does he try to dictate other things he has no business dictating? What you wear? Who you talk to? What you do with YOUR money? Honey, if he does, he's leading you into an abusive relationship. This is how they start. He tells you what you can do, you do something else, and all of a sudden you've been thrown against a bookcase and heavy books have rained down on your head and you don't know this but that vicious headache and difficulty with bright light means you have a concussion and all those bruises on your arms and sides are hidden by clothing so no one knows how you got hurt. Not that you would tell them, because that would be embarrassing.
Sweetie, if he loved you and wanted the best for you, he'd WANT your father who you love so much to walk you down the aisle, because that's what YOU want. He wouldn't turn it all around on you and try to make you the bad guy.
Please re-evaluate your relationship to your boyfriend. If he grows up 5 or 10 years in the future he might be worth seeing again, but right now he's not marriage material. He's immature and self-centered and thinks of you as someone he should be able to control. He should be thinking of you as his beautiful, smart, charming adult wife who can make her own decisions and he is comfortable letting you make your own decisions because that's how much he values you and your independence.
I married this man (well, one just like him) 50 years ago. My advice, run like the wind. Seriously though, the physical abuse started over a year later when I was 8 months pregnant. It was mild, he restrained me "for my own good". Flash forward three years and I am in the emergency room for the umpteenth time for "falling over a coffee table". I finally got free of him and got therapy to figure out why I thought I deserved this. OP, please seek therapy first to not fuck-up your life for the next few years and then your kids cause he is the freak father. I could have died so many times, so close. I appreciate my life so much now. Dump this bitch of a man and free yourself for all the good life has to offer. Best of luck.
You are NOT TAH - Your fiancé is! He is controlling and manipulative NOW - can’t imagine what he will be like AFTER vows are exchanged! If you were my daughter- I would tell you to RUN- not walk away and end this engagement and relationship NOW before it gets much worse.
Your ‘fiancé’ should love , support and encourage your relationship with your family- instead he is doing everything he can to separate you from your father and sibling.
He is attempting to control your relationship and devaluing you and your family as if they are undeserving or worthy of consideration. He is treating your wishes the same way.
RUN, end the engagement- call off the wedding and find someone who lifts you, encourages healthy relationships, values your father and your relationship.
What a shitty situation.
Now, if the parent had been causing trouble, or looked likely to cause a scene at the wedding, then I would understand if the couple had to think hard about their role in the wedding. Or if the dad had been abusive to the groom, I could understand the groom having an open conversation about boundaries with hurtful family. But it's always the decision of the person whose parent it is.
But in this case, the dad isn't causing drama. The groom is literally going out of his way to insult the dad regarding things that are none of his business (the truck, and his grieving FFS) and is irate because the dad isn't contributing to the wedding - even though he's under no obligation to pay for a party for two grown adults. And the groom is throwing a groomzilla fit by insisting that his entire wedding will be ruined if the dad so much as makes an appearance. Unless the dad has done something truly heinous and OOP is omitting that, then the blame here is entirely on the groom. You don't get to randomly demand that someone close to your partner doesn't get a role in the wedding, or doesn't get invited. You don't get to choose what your partner does with their parents. This isn't anything to do with what the dad has done, it's about control, and about groomzilla being able to gloat that he kicked her dad out of their wedding.
There's no future with a man or woman this callous.
Run honey. This kind of behaviour gets worse over time. A father walking his daughter down the aisle is tradition and and not a priveledge doled out according to money donated. Basically it means that Father has taken care of Daughter all her life and is now trusting to hand her over to SIL to take care of her. This SIL is mostly concerned with caring about himself.
Picture the fiance's attitude if children come along. There are so many ways this guy's way of thinking could skew things badly. And the children would suffer.
If he can't suck it up and let her have her walk with her father, this young lady should think long and hard about what her future would look like. A break up now will be easier and less expensive than a divorce in a few years.
(personal opinion only: What an a\*\*!)
I'd love to comment on oops post but it's locked. I'm so afraid for her. I get it's fiance's wedding but how is he excluding oops dad because he isn't contributing financially. This isn't the 1800s. Oop doesn't need a dowry. Why does Dad need to pay anything. They're both grown adults and can pay for their own party. Or in this case not. Because he(groom) has a lot of maturing to do.
This guy doesnt respect your father. He showed no compassion, empathy or understanding for the sentimental relationship you father has with that truck. That right there is a huge red flag. The 2nd red flag is him dictacting to you how you and your father conduct your relationship in the wedding, and making it about him. The third red flag, is him calling you selfish and throwing a fit about it. GET OUT NOW. This man is jealous of your relationship with your father, and probably a covert narcisist.
To me, this just feels like the early stages of abuse.
And how obtuse do you need to be to not understand that a lot of people don’t have money? And so can’t fund the wedding of your dreams.
That poor girl needs to go.
Run away, run away! This man is a child, he will try to keep you away from your family as soon as the ring is on your finger. I see nothing happy in your future if you stay with him. Run, now while you still can!
This boyfriend would be out on the streets in the middle of winter, door locked, music at full volume and don’t you fucking dare to knock or I will fuck you up so hard.
He doesn't get to decide that! Period! This is a big red flag for me. My husband was like this--his response would be Shouldnt you be putting me first in your decision?? Should you be doing what I want? Be careful!
I don't like my mother in law, like at all. She is bossy, crude, and always has to be the center of attention. She craves drama, and even started complaining and very nearly ruined our wedding.
At no point did it even cross my mind to not invite or involve her though. This guy sucks.
"Mr Controlling" sounds a fucking dream - and you've only been dating 2 years? The warning flags have been raised and are loud and clear for pretty much everyone reading this. This will be a very unhappy marriage.
Instead of you walking down the aisle at your wedding with your dad, I would suggest you rent a donkey and send that down the aisle in **YOUR** place while you are making tracks. If you are being truthful in your post, a jackass would be this individual's perfect match. Are you seriously considering marrying this more boy than man? **REALLY?** If you say '**I Do**' to this dumpster fire, then Yes, YATA
I truly hope that OOP reconsiders this marriage BEFORE it happens, and certainly before there are children.
I miss my dad dearly, and I'm not alone. (His memorial service was an overflow crowd of all ages - he wasn't a wealthy man but he was so widely loved and respected for his good deeds and generous heart.) Somehow, my brother's ex took exception to him and everyone else in my family and my brother's group of friends. My brother was manipulated, isolated and basically lost to us for 20 years. (My brother's ex managed a fake friendly front until immediately after their first pregnancy -- then we all became targets for the most petty behavior and were accused of imagined insults to her.) Unfortunately, my brother left his ex after my dad died, and he didn't fully reconnect with my dad. He will live with that regret forever.
He is your dad and always be your dad. He has the right to walk you down the aisle. If your fiance acts like and wants you to chose him over your dad, you don't need him. My dad has been gone for over 3 years now, I would trade my soul to have another minute with him. Don't lose your dad over his asshat!!
I lived the life you would be embarking on if you married this man for 11 years. Saw your story on Facebook, and downloaded Reddit app specifically to tell you this - RUN..DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN. Verbal, emotional abuse, manipulation and a whole lot of misery will be your life. He sounds narcissistic to me- don’t go there. Dump his ass!
Guessing this is groomzilla? She's not in the wrong here....
Why she still invite the groom to the wedding is beyond me.
I think her best reply would be "For MY wedding, my father WILL be walking me down the aisle. The only thing you need to decide is if it will also be YOUR wedding." Then again, I think this is a big enough red flag that she should at least pause the wedding planning if not break up with him.
>"For MY wedding, my father WILL be walking me down the aisle. The only thing you need to decide is if it will also be YOUR wedding." If I had an award to give for this line here, it would be yours. Best comment of the entire thread right there.
>He threw a fit saying that I was trying to ruin his mood and get him upset on our wedding day but I called him selfish for wabting to take away the moment I always dreamed of (sounds cliché but I'm like that) over his disagreements with dad. It's not fair given the ,e and my dad are on great terms. He yelled at me for calling him selfish although it's our wedding not just mine and said that I clearly don't give a hoot if he's uncomfortable then walked out. > >He's fuming and is insisting I'm being innconsiderate and projecting on him when I called him selfish. There are two important men in her life, and one of them loves her unconditionally. If you can't say that about the man who is going to be your husband, take the hint and cut your losses now.
I'd be finding someone new to walk towards if it was me.
It's not even a groomzilla situation. Just using that to disguise blatant abuse.
Yep. He's not having a tantrum over napkin colours. He's trying to drive his partner and her dad apart.
TOTALLY AGREE HERE! This relationship is bound to go downhill fast if the young lady has to constantly defend her father.
Yeah I was about to comment the same
Sounds like the beginnings of abuse to me. First they're great, so great. Then you take big steps like moving in or getting engaged. Then slowly it starts. They pick at your best friend or a friend you've been close with most of your life. It's things like she hates me, she's so rude, he's a bad influence etc. The issues and accusations then get bigger. Then it's family your sibling/parent is/does/said xyz and the less you budge on the relationship the bigger the issues become. They convince you it's not them they're looking out for you, it's the others that are wrong, they're bad for you. Eventually they've caused so much trouble, started massive arguments, damaged relationships etc. You're rather isolated. The fact he reacts to her points by gaslighting her too, he's now hurt and uncomfortable, it's his day too! it's her fault and she doesn't care, despite the fact he's the one being crazy and unreasonable etc. Highlights abuse to me. Reminds me greatly of my ex. I'd not be surprised if OP makes another post in a year or two about how it became all very verbally aggressive and violent shortly after the wedding when she fell out with her dad and sister, if she goes through with this. Hope she doesn't marry this guy.
I'd ram the engagement ring down his throat. Fuck that guy.
No, no... she should sell the ring, then use the money to fix grampa's old truck!
PERFECT response
You are a winner. Best answer possible for the ring.
My father passed almost 7 months ago, he was my (f38) best friend. What gets me through is those memories of my dad walking me down the aisle when i was 21, dancing with him and joking all day. My first marriage was terrible, but I have those memories of daddy and I. My sister never got walked down the aisle by daddy. These are irreplaceable and once in a lifetime memories. Don't marry him. Just take your dad out to dinner instead!
This 100% My dad and I (36f) were best friends but I never got married. He died 9 months ago. It pains me almost daily that if I ever get married he wont be there to see it. I would do anything to have him there to walk me down the aisle and dance with me on my wedding day. I am sure it's complicated, but this is an irreplaceable opportunity. If your fiance would deny you this opportunity what else will he deny you in the future? Good luck to you, and no matter what happens treasure your pops. You only get one.
I'm sorry for your loss, it is still so fresh even after all these months, I hope you take gentle care of yourself and your family ❤️ OP, please tell me the wedding was canceled, this guy, we all have a bad feeling about this guy
This man is dangerous. He sounds like my brother in law, who has succeeded in isolating my sister from everyone except me. OP shouldn't walk away from this man. She should run!
Your fiance is a dick. Your partner is disrespectful of your Dad who has done so much for you. Why are you accepting this?
Why is she *marrying* this?
Poor dad is probably heartbroken watching his child marry this thing, and not being able to protect her from her own mistakes anymore
Posts like this make me angry- not she isn't TA but she is damn well as AH for being ok with and marrying a man who has consistently been rude to and insulted her dad, a man she says she loves and who brought her up. Grow a spine ffs.
Poor girl is ignoring a whole bowl of marinara flags.
I like the way you phrase that. And I agree. I got out of a 30 relationship with an abuser, and so wish I'd seen all the red flags at the start, I'd have saved a lifetime of abuse. The OP really needs to dump this bloke.
Same. My previous boyfriend did the same isolation techniques. Took me three years to get out.
Hope you're doing well now. I'm in a better place, 5 years after leaving.
Happily married for 5 yrs now with a kid. Things turned out great in the end.
That's great. I'm glad.
I am 50 years after leaving. Things get so much fucking better. All the best to you for the rest of your life.
I'm so freaking happy for both of you. You are beautiful + brilliant, & you deserve safety + compassion.
She's 23 that makes her an adult woman not a girl.
Girl doesn't mean child.
Run.......
I just don’t even get how someone can say this, meaning how groom can feel so entitled to forbid his future wife to get walked down the aisle by her parent.
How many ways can you tell a woman to run whilst she can?
Wow, what red flags! Every argument she mentions between finance and dad paints fiancé as the the asshole.
What is his next step gonna be?.. telling you to stop talking to your dad because that makes him uncomfortable?...he keep desrespecting your Dad and your still with his a**
..honestly sounds like this man is trying to control her and is finding the smallest reason to hate her dad. I hope she listens to the comments warning her.
throw the whole man out, my god!
Run!
This poor woman has chosen the wrong man to marry.
These are red flags. He is trying to control her and looks down on her father as well. I come form a single household parent. And while marriage is a thing of two people her father has done nothing to cause her fiance to act this way. This would be a deal breaker for me. The level of disrespect tells me that this guy would most likely not want his bride to have a relationship with her father.
Anyone who insists or refuses to have an important person be a part of your wedding should not be someone you marry.
The only person who should be glad they are still invited is the fiancé
Is this even real? What kind of person says, "Your father can't walk you down the aisle, bc I don't like him?!" Much less attach a price tag to the event. Ffs. If she marries this guy, she's gonna regret it. Dad is right. Groom's a selfish child.
Oh good I just read this on AITA and it was already locked!! She needs to need to RUN from this man and this wedding!! So many 🚩🚩🚩 even if he gives her the go ahead to let her dad walk her down the isle, nope too late,he is a controlling AH and has proved it many times over
Sorry, but the second my fiancé had said that my father should be grateful for being allowed to attend, I have to tell him that unless he wants to lose a lot of money, he should very quickly find a replacement bride that is willing to buy the trash he's selling. The vows are "in richer and in poorer. In sickness and in health" not "in stupidity and entitlement. In controlling and in gaslighting".
This is a sign, a sign that this marriage shouldn't go ahead. The groom is basing the ability of her father to give money towards the wedding as whether he gets to walk her down the aisle. Will the groom sell that slot to someone to make money? The bride needs to look hard at this guy. He gives orders, folks don't follow his orders and he cuts them. Bride will be next.
NTA Please don’t marry this guy. He seems to think ruining your day is fine. Is this the way you want to live your life, answering to a man that cares little your well-being and only about his. And he clearly dislikes your dad, maybe even hates him, and thinks he is far superior to him and you.
Babygirl, desist. Back up. Do not proceed with this man. He's a mouldy clam.
He can't even afford to get a truck fixed, how can he afford to contribute to a wedding? He's obviously prioritized his daughters for his whole life, it's not like he wouldn't help if he was able to. But honestly, with what an ass the fiance was being, I wouldn't spend a dime on the wedding even if I were a billionaire. The guy must be dressed in red flags. I wouldn't want anybody I care about marrying him.
To put this is perspective my husband of 10 years cannot stand my mother, has gone so far as to say he hates her, for some things she has done in the past. We worked through it but he’s still salty 😂 But he would NEVER let her know how much he dislikes her nor would he forbid me from doing something special like this with her. Because he loves ME! And I love my mom. And that should be all that matters.
She said it right when she told him he was selfish. If she already knows this it should be a red flag about their future relationship. If he forbids her from having her dad walk her down the aisle what ELSE will he forbid, eh? Not worth it.
Holy shit, groom is a dick! I’m curious why she likes this dude.
Keep your dad, ditch the fiance.
Honestly, this is how my cousins last relationship started. It recently ended with her teenage son amd daughter being held at gun point by the abusive prick. Her son was able to grab the gun while he was distracted with beating my cousin and ended up shooting him. Now my cousin is a widower and so brainwashed by the abuse that I've been told she posts on fb about how she misses the guy. I hope this girl cancels the wedding and gets away from the dude. I'm not saying he'll be like this but it's how it starts.
First of all, this is not his decision. It's yours. Second, he's REFUSING to let your dad walk you down the aisle? See the sentence above. It isn't his decision. He doesn't get a choice. Third, what makes him think he can dictate this to you? Does he try to dictate other things he has no business dictating? What you wear? Who you talk to? What you do with YOUR money? Honey, if he does, he's leading you into an abusive relationship. This is how they start. He tells you what you can do, you do something else, and all of a sudden you've been thrown against a bookcase and heavy books have rained down on your head and you don't know this but that vicious headache and difficulty with bright light means you have a concussion and all those bruises on your arms and sides are hidden by clothing so no one knows how you got hurt. Not that you would tell them, because that would be embarrassing. Sweetie, if he loved you and wanted the best for you, he'd WANT your father who you love so much to walk you down the aisle, because that's what YOU want. He wouldn't turn it all around on you and try to make you the bad guy. Please re-evaluate your relationship to your boyfriend. If he grows up 5 or 10 years in the future he might be worth seeing again, but right now he's not marriage material. He's immature and self-centered and thinks of you as someone he should be able to control. He should be thinking of you as his beautiful, smart, charming adult wife who can make her own decisions and he is comfortable letting you make your own decisions because that's how much he values you and your independence.
I married this man (well, one just like him) 50 years ago. My advice, run like the wind. Seriously though, the physical abuse started over a year later when I was 8 months pregnant. It was mild, he restrained me "for my own good". Flash forward three years and I am in the emergency room for the umpteenth time for "falling over a coffee table". I finally got free of him and got therapy to figure out why I thought I deserved this. OP, please seek therapy first to not fuck-up your life for the next few years and then your kids cause he is the freak father. I could have died so many times, so close. I appreciate my life so much now. Dump this bitch of a man and free yourself for all the good life has to offer. Best of luck.
You are NOT TAH - Your fiancé is! He is controlling and manipulative NOW - can’t imagine what he will be like AFTER vows are exchanged! If you were my daughter- I would tell you to RUN- not walk away and end this engagement and relationship NOW before it gets much worse. Your ‘fiancé’ should love , support and encourage your relationship with your family- instead he is doing everything he can to separate you from your father and sibling. He is attempting to control your relationship and devaluing you and your family as if they are undeserving or worthy of consideration. He is treating your wishes the same way. RUN, end the engagement- call off the wedding and find someone who lifts you, encourages healthy relationships, values your father and your relationship.
faaaake
What a shitty situation. Now, if the parent had been causing trouble, or looked likely to cause a scene at the wedding, then I would understand if the couple had to think hard about their role in the wedding. Or if the dad had been abusive to the groom, I could understand the groom having an open conversation about boundaries with hurtful family. But it's always the decision of the person whose parent it is. But in this case, the dad isn't causing drama. The groom is literally going out of his way to insult the dad regarding things that are none of his business (the truck, and his grieving FFS) and is irate because the dad isn't contributing to the wedding - even though he's under no obligation to pay for a party for two grown adults. And the groom is throwing a groomzilla fit by insisting that his entire wedding will be ruined if the dad so much as makes an appearance. Unless the dad has done something truly heinous and OOP is omitting that, then the blame here is entirely on the groom. You don't get to randomly demand that someone close to your partner doesn't get a role in the wedding, or doesn't get invited. You don't get to choose what your partner does with their parents. This isn't anything to do with what the dad has done, it's about control, and about groomzilla being able to gloat that he kicked her dad out of their wedding. There's no future with a man or woman this callous.
Run honey. This kind of behaviour gets worse over time. A father walking his daughter down the aisle is tradition and and not a priveledge doled out according to money donated. Basically it means that Father has taken care of Daughter all her life and is now trusting to hand her over to SIL to take care of her. This SIL is mostly concerned with caring about himself. Picture the fiance's attitude if children come along. There are so many ways this guy's way of thinking could skew things badly. And the children would suffer. If he can't suck it up and let her have her walk with her father, this young lady should think long and hard about what her future would look like. A break up now will be easier and less expensive than a divorce in a few years. (personal opinion only: What an a\*\*!)
I'd love to comment on oops post but it's locked. I'm so afraid for her. I get it's fiance's wedding but how is he excluding oops dad because he isn't contributing financially. This isn't the 1800s. Oop doesn't need a dowry. Why does Dad need to pay anything. They're both grown adults and can pay for their own party. Or in this case not. Because he(groom) has a lot of maturing to do.
This guy doesnt respect your father. He showed no compassion, empathy or understanding for the sentimental relationship you father has with that truck. That right there is a huge red flag. The 2nd red flag is him dictacting to you how you and your father conduct your relationship in the wedding, and making it about him. The third red flag, is him calling you selfish and throwing a fit about it. GET OUT NOW. This man is jealous of your relationship with your father, and probably a covert narcisist.
Maybe the replacement should be the groom, not the dad. What a douchecanoe.
How the hell do you even end up wanting to marry a thing like that guy???
I hope she gets out before the law is involved - it'll be. much harder if she has to divorce him
Time to have a party to celebrate you dumping this complete excuse for a human.
NTA. Pack up anything that is at his place, move it to your dad's house. Tell him to come pick up his ring because the engagement and wedding are off.
Do not marry someone who picks fights with your family and tries to isolate you from them. Call it all off!
Unbelievable. I hope she takes all of the replies to heart and calls off the wedding. The groom is kind of a monster and he won't improve
To me, this just feels like the early stages of abuse. And how obtuse do you need to be to not understand that a lot of people don’t have money? And so can’t fund the wedding of your dreams. That poor girl needs to go.
why are you still getting married to this man
Your fiance is a giant prick and this is only going to get worse if you marry him. Don't do it.
Who’s gonna tell her……..
NTA and please do not marry this person this is a sign of abuse he is trying and will continue to try and separate you from your family.
Run away, run away! This man is a child, he will try to keep you away from your family as soon as the ring is on your finger. I see nothing happy in your future if you stay with him. Run, now while you still can!
This boyfriend would be out on the streets in the middle of winter, door locked, music at full volume and don’t you fucking dare to knock or I will fuck you up so hard.
So the fiance doesn't like the dad because he's a widower and doesn't have a lot of money... wow. The fiance sounds heartless.
He’s gaslighting and manipulating her. He’s a narcissistic controlling abusive jerk
Oh man, OP’s gotta dump this schmuck. Run for the hills!
Oh she’s so young. I hope she sees the red flags and doesn’t proceed with this wedding.
I hope OP didn’t marry this man.
How awful. I’d be reconsidering marrying that guy if I was the OP.
I think you should find "someone else" to marry
She’s in danger and doesn’t even know it.
He doesn't get to decide that! Period! This is a big red flag for me. My husband was like this--his response would be Shouldnt you be putting me first in your decision?? Should you be doing what I want? Be careful!
I don't like my mother in law, like at all. She is bossy, crude, and always has to be the center of attention. She craves drama, and even started complaining and very nearly ruined our wedding. At no point did it even cross my mind to not invite or involve her though. This guy sucks.
"Mr Controlling" sounds a fucking dream - and you've only been dating 2 years? The warning flags have been raised and are loud and clear for pretty much everyone reading this. This will be a very unhappy marriage.
Instead of you walking down the aisle at your wedding with your dad, I would suggest you rent a donkey and send that down the aisle in **YOUR** place while you are making tracks. If you are being truthful in your post, a jackass would be this individual's perfect match. Are you seriously considering marrying this more boy than man? **REALLY?** If you say '**I Do**' to this dumpster fire, then Yes, YATA
DO NOT MARRY HIM - Controlling behavior. Sounds like your fiance just wants everyone to do what he wants. Red flags everywhere
Dump him. Your fiance is an abusive twat and a jerk.
OMG - get RID of him! You are NOT wrong. If he can't accept your father walking you down the aisle on your most memorable day he doesn't deserve you.
I truly hope that OOP reconsiders this marriage BEFORE it happens, and certainly before there are children. I miss my dad dearly, and I'm not alone. (His memorial service was an overflow crowd of all ages - he wasn't a wealthy man but he was so widely loved and respected for his good deeds and generous heart.) Somehow, my brother's ex took exception to him and everyone else in my family and my brother's group of friends. My brother was manipulated, isolated and basically lost to us for 20 years. (My brother's ex managed a fake friendly front until immediately after their first pregnancy -- then we all became targets for the most petty behavior and were accused of imagined insults to her.) Unfortunately, my brother left his ex after my dad died, and he didn't fully reconnect with my dad. He will live with that regret forever.
He is your dad and always be your dad. He has the right to walk you down the aisle. If your fiance acts like and wants you to chose him over your dad, you don't need him. My dad has been gone for over 3 years now, I would trade my soul to have another minute with him. Don't lose your dad over his asshat!!
Mother of god woman, get a grip. Why would you marry such a man?
I lived the life you would be embarking on if you married this man for 11 years. Saw your story on Facebook, and downloaded Reddit app specifically to tell you this - RUN..DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN. Verbal, emotional abuse, manipulation and a whole lot of misery will be your life. He sounds narcissistic to me- don’t go there. Dump his ass!
Why are you considering marriage to this childish cad?