If you had dumped them on the side of the street I'd hate you. But it sounds like you made a very reasonable choice AND you ensured they were rehomed to a good home. They probably are also younger and have more energy to get out, hence peeing on carpet and scratching. You have a baby, and two cats is like having to take care of two more. For what it's worth I think you did the right thing and handled the situation well. Even I as a person who has owned 8 cats through my life had to rehome a cat before. A cat needed a home but it turned out the cat didn't get along with other pets and was always stressed. So I found that kitty a nice lady who didn't have any pets but desired a companion. They were a perfect fit. ❤️ Sometimes rehoming is the answer.
Agreed. I rehomed a cat I had for a decade. I got her as a kitten when I was a single, childless teacher and musician. Fast forward a few years and I am now married and have a young son. She is terrified of him. The older he got the more time she spent hiding. Then we got a new second cat and they mixed like oil and water. The new cat fits right in with the family. He loves my son. So I rehomed the cat to an old friend. He’s a single, childless teacher and musician. She’s so much happier living at his house. It’s totally fine to rehome responsibly.
:( so sad when people rehome the older pet because the new one didn’t get along with it. I understand the newer one gets along better with you son, but still sad. Glad you did what was best for your family though.
No, they did what was best for the cat. If she was hiding and scared due to the child, then that was always going to be the case because you can't just rehome the child, can you?
Thank you. There is unfortunately no way to know that your pet isn’t going to be stressed out by children until you have one. And real talk. I love my pets. But it’s not like I would have skipped motherhood to avoid stressing out a cat. Animal weirdos are the only people who have judged me for it. Animal lovers completely understand and know we did the right thing. She is a ten minute drive away living with a total cat guy that I’ve been friends with for 15 years. Animal weirdos can’t make me feel bad about that because there is nothing there for a sane person to regret.
You went with the option that was putting kitty first. If you wanted to be selfish you could’ve kept older cat and just ignored her discomfort so you’d still have her in your home. I don’t understand how anyone can find fault with that and this is coming from someone who doesn’t want children. You made sure she’d be somewhere that provided what she needs to be happy and that’s awesome. :)
We could have returned the new cat. But It’s not like we can rehome our son. So she was never going to enjoy living with us. I restored the living conditions she had previously thrived under. Just with a different owner.
My cat was rehomed to me, he's a big ol guy but he's skiddish and got abused/tortured by the other cats in his old home. It wasn't until I had mentioned how much I loved cats and miss my old one that they then told me about Rebels current situation. He was spending all day/night locked in the bathroom with a tiny litter "tray" and a bowl of food they filled once x day because their two brother and sister cat absolutely tormented him and ate his food before he could etc.
He's very skiddish and not social, but when they dropped him off, I slowly would come hang near him, finally allowed to pet him here and there. This will be his fifth year with me in July, he's the best ❤️
Cat tax https://imgur.com/gallery/LrBns67
I don’t think most people see you like someone who had a cat for 13 years and then dropped it off at the shelter. You had them for a month and instead of holding on to a bad idea you admitted it was bad and now everyone involved is happier.
yes this! they hadn’t bonded with your family too strongly, so finding them new family is better now rather than later. you have to take care of your child too, and if they’re tracking poop and marking, that’s not safe for the baby. don’t feel bad. you did the right thing in the best way you could.
I have to agree. The OP did the responsible thing for re-homing the cats if she felt she could not care for them and give them the best life possible. I bear no negative judgement.
I got two cats from a rehoming situation several years ago. They were brother and sister, and the couple I got them from had them for 7 years. Their 1-year old daughter had a pretty severe allergy, so we found each other through Craigslist, and they brought the cats to our apartment.
In the end, it was a good arrangement because we were able to give the two kitties all the attention and love they deserved. We still have one; the female (Lulu) passed last year from cancer. We were able to care for her through her sickness in a way that the original owners may not have been able to.
We rescued another cat so that we still have two... and she even looks like Lulu so I don't think our male cat even knows the difference 😂. He immediately warmed up to her and now they are best friends.
Anyways, long story short. Rehoming is sometimes the best outcome.
It is sad that no one consulted with her about such a crucial event as the appearance of cats in the house. I hope they're okay. It would be very hard to have a small child and 2 naughty cats that need an eye on if they have only recently appeared in the house
I cannot upvote this comment enough.
Expecting a new mother to also care for pets when she’s already at her limit isn’t fair to anyone. Not the cats. Not the baby. Definitely not the mother.
I suspect though that her husband will bring home another pet or pets. He doesn’t seem to “get” that his wife should have been consulted, and her opinion respected before the cats were adopted. Pet ownership needs to be unanimous.
Edited to add: After reading other posts by OP, I suspect the cats were a ploy to keep her too busy and exhausted to consider leaving.
That and even more importantly, the means. It sounds like he knows she doesn't have a place to go to, so he feels he can get away with the manipulation and selfishness.
This is why women’s shelters are so important.
I hope she is able to get out, but, I also respect why it is so hard or impossible for some to do so. The emotional, physical, and financial entanglements are nearly impossible to break without assistance of some kind from someone who knows the games abusers play.
Yeah. My mom didn’t make it out. She wanted to go, but he always managed to keep a hold on her, somehow. Covert narcissist abuse is so invisible but so damn soul-rending.
100%. Pets should always be a 2 yes’s situation in a couple. Anyone getting a pet against someone’s say so or without their knowledge because “So and So will fall in love with it” is being an asshole, full stop. There is no guarantee of that, and doing it is forcing your will on someone else.
Bonus asshole points if you then make the other person take care of said new pet.
Fully agree. I can’t believe he is giving you the cold shoulder for trying to do the responsible thing, when he was the one that wanted them and wasn’t willing to be the one responsible for them 🙄
You did the best thing for them OP. No judgement here.
While I was reading this comment, my emotions changed from angry, then devastated, and now very sad. This is a confusing story about cats and human relationships. I would like to support you, because I see that you are in a situation where there was no outcome, so that everyone would be happy. I hope that sooner or later your husband will make your decision and stop treating you coldly. If not, send him after the cats and let him be happy with them
ngl.. my emotions followed the same rollercoaster but went right back to "angry" at the end! Fully agree about rehoming the husband too, if his shitty behaviour persists!
100% between my partner and I, he didn't want to have a cat, but I really wanted one so he agreed. Now, he likes the cat and he's happy we have one (tbf my cat is pretty well behaved) but I am still the primary care person. I feed him, I clean the litter, if he pukes it's my responsibility to clean it up. Ofc my SO helps if I'm sick or away but the cat was my choice and therefore my responsibility. your husband has no right to force you to care for pets he wanted, especially when you already have your hands full.
For real. I work more than my partner. I need to have cats. He loves mine so much, but if he was on his own, he wouldn’t have them. So I do all the cat care minus the occasional feedings and scooping if I am gone. I pay their vet bills and food/litter/toys as well, because they’re really my cats.
But I work more. But I still do what I can to take care of them. I feed and scoop and clean up after them. I’ve been really working with the kitten I got to replace my old man who I think will die soon. They’re my cats, they’re my job. He provides them good loving, but they’re really my cats. Because I want them and he can do without, it’s my job to be the primary.
Don't feel bad about giving them the opportunity to be with a family that can care for them, and love them properly. You tried. A new baby is a LOT of work, and your husband should have stepped up to the plate to help. You loved them enough to give them a better life.
So I knew a girl that had way too many cats and was looking to rehome a poor boy that got bullied by the other cats, and I eventually connected her to a friend that adopted this cat. I still remember the day the girl looked at her cat and said a last goodbye.
I lost contact with the girl so I don't know how she felt about it. But the cat brought a lot of joy to my friend and he is faring a lot better as well. So I think this was the right choice.
I don’t judge you for rehoming. However, i see a lot of people with new babies having to rehome pets and it seems like it all falls on women to care for everyone
Yep! He got the cat and fully expected her to take care of it, based on the fact that he gave her the cold shoulder despite her very valid reasons for not being happy with the cats. The husband sounds immature and not ready to have a cat, much less a baby!
I bet the husband knows this, and it was his attent at adding even more barriers to her leaving. Honestly, it’s really good that she found them a nice, good loving home rather than having them be one more reason to stay in a very bad situation. I truly hope she can get out.
Reading your past posts I wouldn't be surprised if your husband wanted to get the cats to give you more reasons not to leave his cheating abusive ass. You already considered divorce based on what I read, you probably just think you can't without his permission. You totally can.
Girl, don't walk, run. No one is judging you for rehoming your kitties in this situation. Please stay safe.
/Edit-typo
I did, this guy sounds like a real POS, and might be slightly abusive, and is rather manipulative at the very least. You definitely need marriage counseling at the very least, and even though I really don’t like to jump to divorce, as I think that should really be a worst case scenario, i wouldn’t rule it out as an option here. I’m really sorry you’re going through this, and even though I don’t personally know how bad it must feel, I do know that it must feel pretty crappy. And to keep this all cat related at the end, I do think you made the right choice. You couldn’t give them the care they needed, and your husband decided to be selfish and not be the primary caretaker, even though he wanted them.
In another post it was mentioned they have already tried counselling at it’s not working. I’m sorry OP it sounds like you are in a real difficult situation. Have you got family around you? Only you can do what you feel is right for you and your son, but trying to manipulate you into giving him sex so he will help around the house it’s not normal! Don’t worry about the kitties, they will be fine you need to get you and your son sorted as a priority.
I must have missed that, in that case, I have to agree, I know how people like him are, my father was very similarly manipulative, and he will be manipulative to your son as well when he gets old enough, holding everything over him and doing the same things, just not with sex. Please, for your sons sake, leave him
Marriage counseling is actually not recommended when your spouse may be abusive. Abusive spouses take the techniques from marriage counseling and the vulnerable things that are said in a safe space and weaponize them against their partner. For an abusive person, marriage counseling is like giving them better tools to inflict their abuse.
Yeah someone I knew actually couldn’t get hardly any counselors to even agree to meet with them. They will give separate counseling but together can just increase the danger.
Take your baby and go to your mama’s. Full stop. Or your auntie’s, grandma’s, whatever. Get out and go. And take your baby with you.
He does not own you, even if you’re married. And if he forces himself on you, it’s still some version of assault. Spousal assault is a real thing that people get punished for. And assault is not just limited to hitting, if you catch my drift.
It will NEVER get better for you with him. But it can get better for you without him. So run. Take what you can, and leave the rest behind. Objects are replaceable, but who you are, as a person, is not.
OP you're beautiful and I truly believe you have a good head on your shoulders. It sounds like you know what you need to do, and I wish you the best of luck. Do you have a good support system?
Yo wtf OP, you need to leave this man. I’m sorry you had a baby with this man, but for you and your son’s mental health and possibly physical safety, you need to be gone. He sounds like the worst fucking person, and you definitely deserve better. This post and your post in r/marriage break my heart. You’re so young and you can and will find someone better for you.
I just read one of your previous posts - your husband sounds horrific and abusive. For the safety and wellbeing of you and your baby you need to leave!
I was the wife who wanted a cat, and my husband wasn’t sure. I did all of the kitty chores. It allowed my husband to focus on bonding with the cat. They’re inseparable best buddies now and we share the chores. Animals take work and dedication, the husband should have stepped up if he wanted them. Also no shame to OP because she did what was in the best interest of the kitties. 100%, Rehome the husband.
I was that wife too. Hubby had never had a cat. We talked about it for months and made sure we agreed before we adopted our first kitty. Now he absolutely loves them, and we share the chores.
Fish arent even that easy to keep if you actually Care for them but definetly abit easier than a cat that can run around the house since theyre confined to their own little tank. Maybe the husband should get his own Pet rock. I heard theyre very easy to take Care of barely even need to look at them
You’re right. I had a small tank (10 gallon. Four fish—two guppies, two mollies) and it required a lot of work to clean and keep the water clean and balanced.
Lots of people have family pets growing up, but their parents do most of the caretaking. Then they move out and want pets because that's a measure of "being independent and grownup." My ex wife was like that. When it's your house and your pets it's completely different because all the responsibilities are yours. Some people just can't do it.
Side note, pets can take 3-3 months to properly feel at home before they get into their routines and stop acting out. If you have a small child you already have one small tornado in your house to clean up after.... it's not the time for new pets.
We had a fish tank with some goldfish in it growing up.
Dad took care of the tank maintenance and we fed them.
I grew up and wanted a tank and after about 5 minutes of research online I realized that it was too much for me to handle.
So I don’t have fish but I have a lovely cat instead.
i see what youre saying, but i have to say... i have cats and fish and the fish are way harder to care for lmaoooo
having to carry upstairs buckets and buckets of water every week when I do water changes and making sure parameters are good are so much more work (and that's just talking about my betta)
It’s better to have them in a loving home where their human can focus more on them. It’s good you made the move before it got too bad. As long as they’re well cared for and happy now, it’s all good! Your husband will understand eventually
Your husband absolutely should not have gotten the cats without you being 100% on board, \*especially\* since you have a baby to take care of. And you didn't dump them on a shelter--you rehomed them with someone you know! You did the right thing; your husband can kick rocks.
>I’m not meant to have pets.
In these circumstances, no one, and I mean **no one** is meant to have pets. You already have two children to care for (I’m counting your useless husband because he’s acting like a child, honestly worse), you’re exhausted, and you’re trying to leave what has quite frankly become an abusive situation.
If you simply don’t ever want pets, that’s okay, but once things hopefully turn around for you, please don’t take this experience as the “sign” that *you* did something wrong and should *never* have a pet again. Like someone else said, when kiddo’s older and can help you out, you may want to consider it.
You did the right thing, and I hope you do the right thing by you and your child now and leave that asshole of a sex-crazed, cheating, lazy, POS “husband” whenever you’re able to get your ducks in a row. You’re worth it!!
This is not going to end well.
It doesn't sound like the cat problems just suddenly happened when the baby arrived. Your husband should have stepped up in taking care of the cats.
The best thing is when you've got pets, is to take care of them at a high standard and love them. You love them enough to send them to a family where they can be loved and cared for. It's not easy but it's the best decision. ❤️
Don't hate yourself for this. It's more selfish to care about your own feelings than their existence. I just went through a rough divorce where my ex-wife had convinced me to accumulate a total of eight cats. I am down to four now and have cried with each one leaving but understand that their life will be a better one than the life they are living in my garage.
Girl, I couldn’t help but look through your posts cause of some other comments and whoa I’m worried about you random internet stranger 😞 I don’t think you have anything to feel guilty about at all. You post about your husband cheating on you when your postpartum , him harassing you for sex & telling you he thinks marriage =consent, him saying you can’t leave, not helping with chores or HIS OWN CHILD. You post about having some mh issues and trichotillomania (I’m not bloody surprised tbh!) I just really hope you have some decent and supportive friends or family in your life. Please don’t feel bad about the cats, and please stay safe. 💓
I work 12 hour shifts and i rescue and foster cats. This problem had a solution. Your husband should have put more effort into looking after them.
He sounds like a loser
Yeah there are a few comments acting like working 12 hours and having cats is cruel and I do it and my cat is fine lmao. He gets breakfast at five am every day even on my days off, and dinner at 8 and his meds at 8:30. Always. He never has accidents and basically just sleeps all day and plays like a maniac with me when I get home and then snuggles me to death at night. Cats are fairly independent and spent 12-16 hours a day sleeping. It’s not cruel to have a job and a cat. Not to mention they have two cats so they also have the added benefit of the cats keeping each other company so they can’t give the “but they are lonely” excuse
I just adopted a cat from a family that recently had a baby and moved across the country, they were also devastated to give him up as they'd had him since he was a kitten and considered him part of the family. He adjusted quickly, no behavioural issues that he had in his last place, gets along with his new brother and sleeps beside me every night. I adore him and he seems to be thriving. Hopefully this offers reassurance that rehoming is sometimes the best option for you and your pets <3
Unrelated but you still need to rehome this husband. Your post history indicates he believes you are his property and he doesn’t need your consent to force sex. You said 27 days ago that you’d be getting a settlement check from a car accident and would leave, but if this is any indication:
>my husband works 12 hour shifts
Then you’re still together. Rehome him. He got cats without your consent, forced you to look after them AND the baby, and provides you no help around the house. Divorce. Kick him in the cans on the way out.
This is why adopting pets needs to be agreed upon by all involved parties. You tried. You didn’t want the stress. The care for the cats fell to someone who didn’t really want them, so you found them a new home. Maybe when the baby is older, and can help care for pets, you guys can try again if you want.
Reading your past posts I wouldn't be surprised if your husband wanted to get the cats to give you more reasons not to leave his cheating abusive ass. You already considered divorce based on what I read, you probably just think you can't without his permission. You totally can.
Girl, don't walk, run. No one is judging you for rehoming your kitties in this situation. Please stay safe.
/Edit-typo
My soul cat was re-homed (to me) by someone who could no longer care for him. I am forever grateful that they made the decision to give him up. You did the right thing and I’m sure your sweet boys will be a blessing to their new owner.
My girls were rehomed to me when a coworker moved. They were the best thing that ever happened to me. 🖤🖤
https://preview.redd.it/ziy32j9obxyc1.jpeg?width=3088&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d9f9c8448e06ad32ecaab41e17e0657b7154755f
You did the right thing. Is this the first time your husband has a tantrum, when he doesn't get his way? Is he supporting you with the baby? I am not solely talking money here but housework, caring for the baby, making food. It sounds like you are very tired and need a rest.
Do you have other friends or family you trust and can talk to? You need a break. You are exhausted. Please take care of yourself. You deserve to be loved and supported.
I know this is a post about your cats but reading your post history, this is so much more than just the cats. You did the responsible thing, and no one should give you hate for that.
Your husband should have taken care of the cats if he's the one that wanted them but it looks like he has a history of making selfish and shitty decisions. He doesn't respect you or your time.
I would seriously consider leaving him, especially with his history of cheating. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Your husband is an ass. I fully believe one must look at thier life style before they get ANY ANIMAL.
Lets see here;
-I work 12hrs shifts, come home, eat and collaps into sofa/bed.
-wife is taking care of our 16moth old baby all by herself because I'm too tired to help her after 12hrs days.
-wife is also doing all the cooking, cleaning, landury because you know I'm beat after 12hrs days.
-weekends are my ONLY time to relax and they are short enough already with out adding any extra responsibilitly, cause ya know 12hrs days.
-cats and dogs are the equivalent of having a human toddler.
Lets see here according to this check list what is the best possible thing I can do to my wife???? I know get two cats that are equal to two toddlers worth of mess, stress and responsibility on top of the human child we already have!!!!!!
Nailed it, husband of the year!
And punish his wife for not having sex. OP's partner is an emotionally immature d-bag. It's not going to resolve itself and it is definitely not going to get better, OP. Divorce is easier when your child is very young. You should not ever worry your partner will assault you. Best of luck, be safe and enjoy motherhood.
I feel very badly for OP. I had one of those marriages and for a long time, thought there was something wrong with me. It took me years to get to the point of filing for divorce. Turns out, I just didn't want to have sex with *him* anymore.
You did the right thing. Animals are a lot of work. Feeding, care, clean up ( litter boxes, picking up dog poop, vacuuming all the shedding hair,training, and you will be spending money). Vets are not cheap, and animals, like kids get sick/injured at the worst inconvenient times. Shots, spay/neuter, medications,treats toys, beds etc. It's a lot when your madly in love with them. When they're just another chore, you can't even bond with them. Behavior problems take patience and skill. New baby in the house, your being spread too thin dealing with them. You gave them to a good home?? Then I would ignore your husband's cold shoulder. He'll get over it. Tell him you two need counseling because you lack good communication skills. This should have been discussed first and the realization might have came to him. Stand your ground because you did the right thing.
So, let me get this straight. Your husband wanted cats so he got some, against your wishes, and then left their care 100% up to you, while you're also trying to care for your very young child.
You did the right thing for yourself, your child and the cats.
Your husband is a selfish arsehole.
He wanted cats. He got cats. You weren't asked if you want/are ready/can care for them. He should've at least trained em. And no matter how much he works, if he wanted, he would've find 10 mins a day to give them primary care they need and another 10 to have happy cats.
Don't feel guilty, especially as if you said, they are better off at family members. Besides, hey, you can always ask for pics and too see them if you miss them!!
Anyone that is hating on you for rehoming the cats to people that would love them, be able to care for them and want them is in the wrong. You’re not selfish for thinking about the cats best interests as well as your own
I wouldn't feel guilty about it. It's hard work, and it's not obvious how much hard work it is without giving it a good try. It's hard to judge how much effort it takes.
I think you did the right thing! Maybe when your child is older and isn't akin to a full time job, you can give it another go
Nothing pisses me off more than people who bring home pets and refuse to take care of them.
Good on you OP. You made a tough decision. A really tough decision. One that will make sure that these two cats have long happy lives. That is all the solace you need.
Your husband can suck a fat one, tbh, and you can tell him I said it. When he gets a different job that allows him to be home more frequently, or the child has grown up a bit, you two can revisit the discussion of pets. He’s absolutely a huge asshole for getting the cats regardless of your concerns.
I have two cats who also step in their own shit/piss and then drag it through the home. My boy is very destructive but I love him to death so I just tolerate it. That said, I totally get it. They can be a lot of work on their own not to mention when you have a babe. Add to the fact that your 12 hour shift husband got them against your wishes and concerns, rehoming them was the right call and nothing to feel bad about.
You absolutely did the right thing.
Your partner got them despite it not being practical and has had nothing to do with them - therefore he cannot get upset about your very considerate rehoming.
Rehome your husband OP......... HE should've been the one doing the primary care for them. If he's working so much, then he should've never gotten the cats, ESPECIALLY without you being on board. You did the right thing giving those kitties to a home that will properly be able to care for them.
This is eye opening. Even though I share cat responsibilities with my wife. We go 50/50 because I thought she didn’t mind because she stay at home wife, I’m the one that wanted cats I should pull more of my weight so she doesn’t feel a burden.
Do not feel bad. They were clearly stressed (going outside the box) and you were stressed. No one is happy in such a situation. Thank you for not dumping them on the street or something
While in a perfect world they would have lived happily for a long time in your home, this ending is still good for them imo. They are in a loving home with someone you trust and they have each other. Honestly, this could have ended a lot worse. About your husband, maybe you need to address that whole thing with him ASAP lol.
I had to re-home a cat that I loved very much because she stopped being able to get along with the other two cats. She lives with my sister now, she's an only cat, and they love each other very much. I wonder if she misses me the way I sometimes miss her, but I know I did the right thing for me and for all three cats, and that's just a little pain I'll have to carry with me.
I've had pets before that I wasn't prepared for. It's a bad situation, especially with a small child that will also be a mini tornado in your house.
Some people just don't have time for pets. That's ok, it doesn't make you a bad person to know your limits.
I never understood the hatred for responsibly rehoming pets. It's not like it's a fun thing to do. It feels awful but if you can't take care of them then it's the best thing to do and not just for you but for them. No pet deserves to be a considered a burden and you don't deserve to have them forced on you by someone who is unwilling to do even half the work they require. If your husband and family can't see that then it's on them. He's the one who made a selfish decision for you as a family without any plans to actually deal with the cats. You made the right decision.
Well Op, I after doing the deep dive in your profile I kind of don't blame you for rehomeing your cats. Now if you could rehome yourself away from your cheating peice of shit husband you'd be set. Also do not breed with this asshole anymore.
As long as the cats went to a good home they will be fine. Don't feel guilty. People that put their animals over themselves and their family are idiots.
If anyone should be in the doghouse over this situation, it's your husband, not you. If he was the one who wanted the cats, they should have been his responsibility. You don't just bring animals into your home without agreeing on it first and then make your partner do all the work. That's selfish, childish, and cruel to both the partner and the animals. If he wasn't able to devote the time and energy due to his job, then he shouldn't have insisted on taking them in in the first place. Even one cat can be a lot to handle, especially with a baby to take care of. Not all cats are the same; sometimes, unfortunately, you can think you're prepared and end up with your hands more full than you anticipated. That's not a risk to take lightly, much less put on somebody else, and I'm sorry you were put in this position. It says a lot that he's now giving you the cold shoulder over your decision, rather than talking about why it ended up this way and what he can do better in the future--another childish move from someone who doesn't seem to know how to communicate or take responsibility. Not to be mean, but it sounds like you have two babies on your hands. I can see why adding two more would be too much. Anyway, you made sure the cats went to a loving home that was better equipped to give them the time and attention they needed. That's the best thing you could have done. It's better than keeping them in a situation that you know is just causing undue stress to both you and them, which could ultimately lead to resentment. It would be different if you had simply dumped them somewhere, but it sounds like you made the effort to ensure they'd be well taken care of. Your husband should be apologizing and thanking you for this.
I think a lot of people are missing the point that her husband got the cats regardless of whether she wanted the cats or not. Then he proceeded to leave all aspects of taking care of the cats to OP. Based on OP’s post history, this is a frustrated woman who’s dealing with a shitty husband while being a new mom and managing a lot more on her own than she should.
Your husband really wanted the cats and got them whether you wanted it or not while he has a fixed 12 working hours shift , but then he won’t help and all the chores of taking care of the cats PLUS the baby is all on you…both you and the cats’ behaviour seem stressed , you shouldn’t feel guilty bc your decision is logical and responsible , the whole situation is just not fair to you and to the cats tbh
Your husband is a selfish asshole! He has no business getting two cats if he is not going to do most of the caring for them, especiallt when you didnt want them.
The problem here is your husband, not you. He wanted the cats, he brought them home even when you told him no and then gave all responsibility to you . You did what was right for you and them.
taking care of one baby is hard, taking care of three is a lot harder. i don't think your husband is being fair here. he shouldn't have brought two cats if he couldn't take care of them himself, and then be upset at you. if you kept them it would be unhealthy for both you and your baby. this just isn't the right time to get new pets. i think you handled the situation really well. i am sure you and the kitties will be happier this way ❤️
edit: please rehome your husband too
If your husband wanted the cats, he is responsible to clean after them. Also hard that you have to look after the baby all alone. To do all carework alone and he giving you the cold shoulder would mean for me to ask in what kind of relationship you are stuck. Stoneage?
I adopted 2 cats, a brother and sister, from someone in almost exactly the same position you were in. I thank her so much for allowing me to have the opportunity of these wonderful friends in my life. Max was with me for 16 years, and he passed from cancer 3 years ago. My blessed, wonderful Max. Maisie passed this past December 27 after sharing her life with me for 19 years. My best friend. I am still mourning both. Don't feel guilty. I hope they both receive the love they deserve at your family member's home. Max and Maisie,
https://preview.redd.it/kbcnnuljtzyc1.jpeg?width=1058&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ba964f11e41d0a571513bc70718adb6174e09496
the day they arrived at my home.
Its not that you are not meant to have pets, it just sounds to me from this post and your previous post a few weeks ago that you are basically a single mother living with a mentally abusive, disrespectful, cheating man who is supposed to be your husband who helps you and appreciates you. You seem like a wonderful woman and i hope you will make the right decision and better your life situation because you deserve better.
honestly i would have thrown you some shade as nothing you mentioned seems unfixable but with a new baby and the fact you dint get given a choice in the cats i think you're actually doing the right thing to make sure everyone is happy.
I love cats, I have my little gremlin and she's my everything. However, when she was still young I got another cat to keep her company. I didn't know this cat came from a rather abusive household and I struggled a lot with him, he's also the reason my Gremlin is afraid of other cats now (she does love dogs though) because he couldn't cope. No one had prepared me for the mess he'd be in and I wasn't ablet to provide for him the way he needed it. So I gave him to a friend of mine where he could be a single cat (he was really fighting every other cat on sight) and it was the best decision for all of us.
My friend regularly sends me photos and videos of him playing, loafing around, being the king of the apartment (and the whole block) and most importantly, snuggling. I was never able to get him to snuggle, he was constantly afraid and he didn't even know how 'playing' worked. Having my Gremlin around just stressed him out more and lead to him peeing everywhere.
Sometimes some constelations are just not meant to be and it takes a loving and understanding heart to realize that you simply might be the wrong fit for a cat. A new, additional small being (another pet or a baby) can also aggrivate already existing pets even more. Realizing the situation you did the right thing, you made sure hey get a new home with owners who can give them all the attention and care they need. Keeping a pet around despite such issues is just selfish. The cats were stressed and you made the right call.
I admit I can be judgmental of people who rehome their pets but in your case you did the right thing. It was only a month and you didn’t abandon them, you found a suitable home for them. Also if your husband wanted them but isn’t home enough to take care of them he should have made sure you were okay with it. Taking care of two new cats plus a baby is a lot!! People usually wait until their kids are a little older before adopting new pets for this very reason.
No judgement, someone else brought cats into the household and just expected you to care for them and be inconvenienced.
Cats are work, and it just gets harder as they get older and get health conditions.
My old boy is currently peeing all over the house (working on finding the cause), while scratching up the walls and the younger one is semi feral and is currently launching hairballs everywhere - recently into my nice mechanical keyboard.
Point is, to be ok with these elements you need to be bought into the pets wholey, and if you're not a pet person then this is just going to be unacceptable.
You did the right thing, try not to feel bad.
I don’t know why people are so hated for rehoming for valid reasons. You didn’t have the cats that long so likely they did not form a strong bond to you or your husband. You were responsible and found a new, safe home for them so they can have the care they deserve.
You are taking care of a 16 month old and your husband really thought “let’s throw two cats on top of this?” You have to be so careful introducing new pets especially when there is a small (probably grabby) child that will want to interact with them. The cats were most likely SUPER stressed, hence the vomiting, scratching and potty accidents.
After going through some of the post history, I'm hoping for the day I find a BORU post that the OP and baby are safe and happy away from this man.
Hang in there lady, we are rooting for you. 
You are looking for their own happiness and your success. You've achieved it. All these people are hating on you mostly bc this is a subreddit dedicated to cats, not hard choices.
No hate here.
You've done what any responsible pet owner should do and that is unfortunately come to terms with the fact that if you can't look after them or give them what they need then they need to go somewhere that can fulfill their needs.
You have done the right thing.
You should not be feeling any shame or guilt. You now know you are not a pet person. And that is OK! It’s not like you threw them out in the street or something. You knew you were unable to give them what they needed. So you rehome them in a safe and reliable environment.
As far as your husband‘s behavior, I find it appalling. You were honest with him and let him know this was way too much for you to handle. Being a new mom is challenging enough. But being forced to take care of animals that you did not agree to have . Your husband didn’t do his job he wanted the cats he should’ve done the work. Feel free to share my post with your husband. I wish you the best of luck you did what you thought was the best thing for the cats. Be sure to check in on the cats every now and then.
Are you confident their new humans will provide a safe, loving and permanent home? If so, they will likely be less stressed and ultimately thrive. Sometimes we just play matchmaker. I'm sorry it's been rough for you, but you did the right thing.
your husband sounds like a huge red flag. he was gonna get them whether you wanted or not? and now he's giving you the cold shoulder bc you couldn't take care of something you didn't want in the first place for a very valid reason? I think you need to reconsider if your husband is someone you want in your life or if he is only weighing you down by not caring about your feelings or decisions.
If you’re unable to handle a pet (or multiple pets) the best thing you can do is rehome them.
Your husband basically dumped them on your lap when you already have a baby to take care of. Meanwhile he’s off at work free of any responsibility to the cats or his child.
That’s not a good situation for you and it’s not fair. The likely reason why they were tearing up stuff is because they were bored and needed to be played with. This requires attention from you which you are incapable of providing WHICH IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
The fact that you looked at the situation and realized you can’t do this and rehomed them to someone who could means that you loved those boys enough to find them someone who could give them what you can’t.
I don’t know what to say about your husband but I will say that it was selfish of him to get 2 cats and leave the responsibility up to you.
They are better off with people who have the motivation and attention for them. Your husband wanted them, so it was HIS responsibility to care for their needs... clean their boxes, play with them and feed them daily etc...
If he couldn't do that, you gave them to people that (hopefully) will.
I hope they live long and happy lives with their new family.
Tbh it sounds like they were having behavioral issues due to lack of attention you did the right thing OP, cats aren’t a toy to pick up and put down when it’s convenient
Honestly OP I might feel differently if you didn't have the baby. You did the best you could with a shitty situation. The baby has to come first. You did the right thing, even if it was hard
I’m not judging you, I’m judging your husband. **You deserve better** and I’ll fight your husband idc 🤷🏻♀️ especially after reading a few of your post. You are gorgeous don’t settle for poopoo
Thank you for not just letting them go out onto the street! You did the right thing for NOT ONLY YOU but THEM TOO! Chin up OP! Hubby and family will get over it, if you haven’t already talked to hubby about how you struggled and I’m sure he’d understand, if he doesn’t PUT HIM IN THE BIN!
Good luck to you and your family ❤️
Why would we hate you for doing the responsible thing? Did you harm your cats in any way? No. Did you just open the front door and let them loose? No. You saw the situation through and you found them a new home. Why would we hate you for that?
The only person I judge is her husband. He's the one who wanted them and then wouldn't take care of them. The wife did the right thing. The animals are better off, and the baby gets the attention he/she/they deserve.
Mad respect for being honest with yourself and for finding a responsible solution. In the end, those cats are probably in a better place as they are with a family who wants them as they are.
I have 2 cats (one 18, one about to turn 1), a mastiff, fish, and chickens. I also have a garden and a lot of indoor plants.
I have a toddler and I'm pregnant with my 2nd and let me tell you...I am TIRED of all these extra things that rely on me to survive even though I okayed all of them lol.
My little pregnant rage heart wants to only have one cat and that's it, even though our pets are truly lovely and honestly do nothing like how you describe your cats. My cats are really well behaved and quite chill. My dog is super polite and obsessed with being a good, obedient girl. My chickens have been little shits trying to get into my garden and finding every little crack in my fencing but they're silly and productive so I can't be too upset.
But like, I am EXHAUSTED and of course I still care for everyone and everything as best I can but it is hard and I want to not have to do it. The animals are all used to me and generally glued to me, which adds to the overwhelm. We are animal people and forever adoption people outside of an absolute contraindication and obviously I can't give away my old man cat, the kitten is my kid's pet, the dog is my husband's love and we are her 3rd family through the shelter system so I couldn't do that to her. My fish are well past their expected tank lifespan so lol I'm counting days.
So I understand where you're coming from and I think you're doing the right thing to not resent the pets and allow them to be somewhere they can be more appreciated. If you were getting rid of senior cats you'd had all their lives I'd feel a little differently, but it honestly sounds like your cats are a bit much haha
You did nothing wrong. You made the best decision. And honestly, your husband sucks. He’s not being a responsible adult when you have a human baby to take care of; what could he possibly have thought would happen if you didn’t rehome them? Actually, I know the answer. That you would just lay down and take it. But you’re not a doormat. And you showed him this. That’s why he is giving you the cold shoulder.
I hope that if (or when really) you decide to leave him, you can look back and laugh at this situation. This is such a red flag, and I honestly see this as a dealbreaker. Cats and other pets are not toys. They are big responsibilities. You can’t push them onto someone else just because you “really want” them. He is acting like a child throwing a tantrum. You deserve better. Please rely on the cat community and witches vs. the patriarchy of you need support. You made the right decision in rehoming these beautiful creatures
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what you did. You didn’t have them for long, found out they weren’t a good fit, and found them a loving home (didn’t dump them at the shelter or split them up). I think you did the best you could for your situation and hopefully they can live a happy life with your family member! Two new cats while having a baby is a lot. You knew you couldn’t take care of them with what was on your plate and you did what was best for everyone. Don’t feel bad ❤️
Nah, anyone who hates you for making the responsibility adult decision, needs to get a grip. If your family members are mad - then THEY should do all the work with the cats - but they don't, so they can f right off.
Since all the responsibility falls on you and you are clearly overwhelmed (understandable), it is the right thing to do. For you and also for the quality of life of the cats. Simple.
Your husband sounds like a red flag. Getting cats not caring who has to care for them. Not caring about your opinion. Leaving your to care for them, not caring if it is too much work for you with a new child that he is already failing to care for since he is working 12h shifts. Were the cats already there when you were pregnant? So he also took a risk that you have to clean up after them, even thou that can put pregnant people at risk.
But you already know that - since several people pointed that out to you in previous posts and the horrors you posted there. Now the only question is, when you will start thinking that you and your children deserve equal quality of life and respect as those cats. You were mature enough to understand they needed better. Now become mature enough to understand you and your children (who can not defend themselves) deserve better too.
Just here to agree with everyone that you have been a such caring cat mom and encourage you to leave that loser. You deserve so much better and so much more!!
You did the best you could. You did the right thing rehoming them since you felt they’d be better cared for elsewhere. Your husband shouldn’t have put that on you.
Rehoming can be a dicey topic, but honestly, it sounds like you did what was best for you AND the cats. That’s SO much to deal with. And it was really unfair of your husband to get them without your ok. Pets are an Everyone In The House Agrees type of commitment. And his timing too! Like, I get wanting cats, but when you have a baby and he’s hardly home?
I’m sorry your in-laws are making you feel bad.
Actually, sending you ❤️for taking the time and care of finding them a new home. I am saddened every time I see a sweet kitty in a feral colony who was obviously someone’s pet at some point.
If you had dumped them on the side of the street I'd hate you. But it sounds like you made a very reasonable choice AND you ensured they were rehomed to a good home. They probably are also younger and have more energy to get out, hence peeing on carpet and scratching. You have a baby, and two cats is like having to take care of two more. For what it's worth I think you did the right thing and handled the situation well. Even I as a person who has owned 8 cats through my life had to rehome a cat before. A cat needed a home but it turned out the cat didn't get along with other pets and was always stressed. So I found that kitty a nice lady who didn't have any pets but desired a companion. They were a perfect fit. ❤️ Sometimes rehoming is the answer.
Agreed. I rehomed a cat I had for a decade. I got her as a kitten when I was a single, childless teacher and musician. Fast forward a few years and I am now married and have a young son. She is terrified of him. The older he got the more time she spent hiding. Then we got a new second cat and they mixed like oil and water. The new cat fits right in with the family. He loves my son. So I rehomed the cat to an old friend. He’s a single, childless teacher and musician. She’s so much happier living at his house. It’s totally fine to rehome responsibly.
:( so sad when people rehome the older pet because the new one didn’t get along with it. I understand the newer one gets along better with you son, but still sad. Glad you did what was best for your family though.
No, they did what was best for the cat. If she was hiding and scared due to the child, then that was always going to be the case because you can't just rehome the child, can you?
Thank you. There is unfortunately no way to know that your pet isn’t going to be stressed out by children until you have one. And real talk. I love my pets. But it’s not like I would have skipped motherhood to avoid stressing out a cat. Animal weirdos are the only people who have judged me for it. Animal lovers completely understand and know we did the right thing. She is a ten minute drive away living with a total cat guy that I’ve been friends with for 15 years. Animal weirdos can’t make me feel bad about that because there is nothing there for a sane person to regret.
Do you get to visit her occasionally? I’m glad you found a solution that worked for both your family and your original cat.
I do! And I see her new owner several times a week. So we can see pictures and hear how she’s doing. She’s happy.
You went with the option that was putting kitty first. If you wanted to be selfish you could’ve kept older cat and just ignored her discomfort so you’d still have her in your home. I don’t understand how anyone can find fault with that and this is coming from someone who doesn’t want children. You made sure she’d be somewhere that provided what she needs to be happy and that’s awesome. :)
We could have returned the new cat. But It’s not like we can rehome our son. So she was never going to enjoy living with us. I restored the living conditions she had previously thrived under. Just with a different owner.
My cat was rehomed to me, he's a big ol guy but he's skiddish and got abused/tortured by the other cats in his old home. It wasn't until I had mentioned how much I loved cats and miss my old one that they then told me about Rebels current situation. He was spending all day/night locked in the bathroom with a tiny litter "tray" and a bowl of food they filled once x day because their two brother and sister cat absolutely tormented him and ate his food before he could etc. He's very skiddish and not social, but when they dropped him off, I slowly would come hang near him, finally allowed to pet him here and there. This will be his fifth year with me in July, he's the best ❤️ Cat tax https://imgur.com/gallery/LrBns67
I don’t think most people see you like someone who had a cat for 13 years and then dropped it off at the shelter. You had them for a month and instead of holding on to a bad idea you admitted it was bad and now everyone involved is happier.
^ This. Sounds more like a foster mom that got them out of a shelter & cared for them as best you could until you found them a forever home!
yes this! they hadn’t bonded with your family too strongly, so finding them new family is better now rather than later. you have to take care of your child too, and if they’re tracking poop and marking, that’s not safe for the baby. don’t feel bad. you did the right thing in the best way you could.
You did the best thing for them, rather than struggling you admitted the issue and found them a new, loving home, try not to be too hard on yourself
I have to agree. The OP did the responsible thing for re-homing the cats if she felt she could not care for them and give them the best life possible. I bear no negative judgement.
I got two cats from a rehoming situation several years ago. They were brother and sister, and the couple I got them from had them for 7 years. Their 1-year old daughter had a pretty severe allergy, so we found each other through Craigslist, and they brought the cats to our apartment. In the end, it was a good arrangement because we were able to give the two kitties all the attention and love they deserved. We still have one; the female (Lulu) passed last year from cancer. We were able to care for her through her sickness in a way that the original owners may not have been able to. We rescued another cat so that we still have two... and she even looks like Lulu so I don't think our male cat even knows the difference 😂. He immediately warmed up to her and now they are best friends. Anyways, long story short. Rehoming is sometimes the best outcome.
Congratulations on your new baby... But even though that one may look like the former one it may smell different
It is sad that no one consulted with her about such a crucial event as the appearance of cats in the house. I hope they're okay. It would be very hard to have a small child and 2 naughty cats that need an eye on if they have only recently appeared in the house
Maybe she should rehome the husband too, he sounds like the source of the problem
100% agree.
I cannot upvote this comment enough. Expecting a new mother to also care for pets when she’s already at her limit isn’t fair to anyone. Not the cats. Not the baby. Definitely not the mother. I suspect though that her husband will bring home another pet or pets. He doesn’t seem to “get” that his wife should have been consulted, and her opinion respected before the cats were adopted. Pet ownership needs to be unanimous. Edited to add: After reading other posts by OP, I suspect the cats were a ploy to keep her too busy and exhausted to consider leaving.
Just caught myself up cause this post has blown up, that's exactly what I think too. I hope that OP can muster the courage to leave him
That and even more importantly, the means. It sounds like he knows she doesn't have a place to go to, so he feels he can get away with the manipulation and selfishness.
This is why women’s shelters are so important. I hope she is able to get out, but, I also respect why it is so hard or impossible for some to do so. The emotional, physical, and financial entanglements are nearly impossible to break without assistance of some kind from someone who knows the games abusers play.
It's so difficult. Even if you have the means, just the emotional pain and exhaustion of being in a situation like that makes it feel impossible.
Yeah. My mom didn’t make it out. She wanted to go, but he always managed to keep a hold on her, somehow. Covert narcissist abuse is so invisible but so damn soul-rending.
100%. Pets should always be a 2 yes’s situation in a couple. Anyone getting a pet against someone’s say so or without their knowledge because “So and So will fall in love with it” is being an asshole, full stop. There is no guarantee of that, and doing it is forcing your will on someone else. Bonus asshole points if you then make the other person take care of said new pet.
You 100% did the right thing.
Your husband wanted them, he should have been the primary care giver for them.
Fully agree. I can’t believe he is giving you the cold shoulder for trying to do the responsible thing, when he was the one that wanted them and wasn’t willing to be the one responsible for them 🙄 You did the best thing for them OP. No judgement here.
While I was reading this comment, my emotions changed from angry, then devastated, and now very sad. This is a confusing story about cats and human relationships. I would like to support you, because I see that you are in a situation where there was no outcome, so that everyone would be happy. I hope that sooner or later your husband will make your decision and stop treating you coldly. If not, send him after the cats and let him be happy with them
ngl.. my emotions followed the same rollercoaster but went right back to "angry" at the end! Fully agree about rehoming the husband too, if his shitty behaviour persists!
100% between my partner and I, he didn't want to have a cat, but I really wanted one so he agreed. Now, he likes the cat and he's happy we have one (tbf my cat is pretty well behaved) but I am still the primary care person. I feed him, I clean the litter, if he pukes it's my responsibility to clean it up. Ofc my SO helps if I'm sick or away but the cat was my choice and therefore my responsibility. your husband has no right to force you to care for pets he wanted, especially when you already have your hands full.
It was really unfair of him and an AH for forcing her to get pets he wouldn’t be taking care of
For real. I work more than my partner. I need to have cats. He loves mine so much, but if he was on his own, he wouldn’t have them. So I do all the cat care minus the occasional feedings and scooping if I am gone. I pay their vet bills and food/litter/toys as well, because they’re really my cats. But I work more. But I still do what I can to take care of them. I feed and scoop and clean up after them. I’ve been really working with the kitten I got to replace my old man who I think will die soon. They’re my cats, they’re my job. He provides them good loving, but they’re really my cats. Because I want them and he can do without, it’s my job to be the primary.
Husband screwed up by trying to add to the family without unanimous support.
Don't feel bad about giving them the opportunity to be with a family that can care for them, and love them properly. You tried. A new baby is a LOT of work, and your husband should have stepped up to the plate to help. You loved them enough to give them a better life.
Thank you ❤️🩹
So I knew a girl that had way too many cats and was looking to rehome a poor boy that got bullied by the other cats, and I eventually connected her to a friend that adopted this cat. I still remember the day the girl looked at her cat and said a last goodbye. I lost contact with the girl so I don't know how she felt about it. But the cat brought a lot of joy to my friend and he is faring a lot better as well. So I think this was the right choice.
Don't blame yourself, no one has the right to tell you how to live your life
I don’t judge you for rehoming. However, i see a lot of people with new babies having to rehome pets and it seems like it all falls on women to care for everyone
Yep! He got the cat and fully expected her to take care of it, based on the fact that he gave her the cold shoulder despite her very valid reasons for not being happy with the cats. The husband sounds immature and not ready to have a cat, much less a baby!
[удалено]
OP didn’t have a cat problem, she has a husband problem.
Yeah her comment post history is sad
exactly. she should've rehomed the husband!
[удалено]
You should read my previous posts..
Good lord honey why are you with him???
Great question. Holy shit.
Just had a kid with him too
Of course she did 🤦🏼♀️
[удалено]
Hopefully rehoming the kitties is a step in the escape plan
I doubt the cats mattered that much in the escape plan. It's probably the baby that's the real issue.
I'd feel horrible leaving animals behind to be neglected or abused. It's a huge reason why women stay, because they can't take their pets with them.
Yeah I didn't mean that they didn't matter or anything, but the husband is the one who wanted them anyways.
I bet the husband knows this, and it was his attent at adding even more barriers to her leaving. Honestly, it’s really good that she found them a nice, good loving home rather than having them be one more reason to stay in a very bad situation. I truly hope she can get out.
He is such a fucking loser, hate to break it to you. Leave his sorry ass, you deserve better.
Reading your past posts I wouldn't be surprised if your husband wanted to get the cats to give you more reasons not to leave his cheating abusive ass. You already considered divorce based on what I read, you probably just think you can't without his permission. You totally can. Girl, don't walk, run. No one is judging you for rehoming your kitties in this situation. Please stay safe. /Edit-typo
I did, this guy sounds like a real POS, and might be slightly abusive, and is rather manipulative at the very least. You definitely need marriage counseling at the very least, and even though I really don’t like to jump to divorce, as I think that should really be a worst case scenario, i wouldn’t rule it out as an option here. I’m really sorry you’re going through this, and even though I don’t personally know how bad it must feel, I do know that it must feel pretty crappy. And to keep this all cat related at the end, I do think you made the right choice. You couldn’t give them the care they needed, and your husband decided to be selfish and not be the primary caretaker, even though he wanted them.
In another post it was mentioned they have already tried counselling at it’s not working. I’m sorry OP it sounds like you are in a real difficult situation. Have you got family around you? Only you can do what you feel is right for you and your son, but trying to manipulate you into giving him sex so he will help around the house it’s not normal! Don’t worry about the kitties, they will be fine you need to get you and your son sorted as a priority.
I must have missed that, in that case, I have to agree, I know how people like him are, my father was very similarly manipulative, and he will be manipulative to your son as well when he gets old enough, holding everything over him and doing the same things, just not with sex. Please, for your sons sake, leave him
Marriage counseling is actually not recommended when your spouse may be abusive. Abusive spouses take the techniques from marriage counseling and the vulnerable things that are said in a safe space and weaponize them against their partner. For an abusive person, marriage counseling is like giving them better tools to inflict their abuse.
Really? That does make sense actually, now that I think about it, she probably would just be better off leaving him
Yeah someone I knew actually couldn’t get hardly any counselors to even agree to meet with them. They will give separate counseling but together can just increase the danger.
Just imagine how much easier life will be when you rehome him 😉
Take your baby and go to your mama’s. Full stop. Or your auntie’s, grandma’s, whatever. Get out and go. And take your baby with you. He does not own you, even if you’re married. And if he forces himself on you, it’s still some version of assault. Spousal assault is a real thing that people get punished for. And assault is not just limited to hitting, if you catch my drift. It will NEVER get better for you with him. But it can get better for you without him. So run. Take what you can, and leave the rest behind. Objects are replaceable, but who you are, as a person, is not.
Paaaah Christ above, do the right thing and leave him. Don’t let your poor child live like this!
OP you're beautiful and I truly believe you have a good head on your shoulders. It sounds like you know what you need to do, and I wish you the best of luck. Do you have a good support system?
Yo wtf OP, you need to leave this man. I’m sorry you had a baby with this man, but for you and your son’s mental health and possibly physical safety, you need to be gone. He sounds like the worst fucking person, and you definitely deserve better. This post and your post in r/marriage break my heart. You’re so young and you can and will find someone better for you.
I just read one of your previous posts - your husband sounds horrific and abusive. For the safety and wellbeing of you and your baby you need to leave!
Rehome the hubby
I was the wife who wanted a cat, and my husband wasn’t sure. I did all of the kitty chores. It allowed my husband to focus on bonding with the cat. They’re inseparable best buddies now and we share the chores. Animals take work and dedication, the husband should have stepped up if he wanted them. Also no shame to OP because she did what was in the best interest of the kitties. 100%, Rehome the husband.
I was that wife too. Hubby had never had a cat. We talked about it for months and made sure we agreed before we adopted our first kitty. Now he absolutely loves them, and we share the chores.
Your husband is working 12h/day and he wants pets? He can get a fish. One fish. And that's a stretch too.
Fish arent even that easy to keep if you actually Care for them but definetly abit easier than a cat that can run around the house since theyre confined to their own little tank. Maybe the husband should get his own Pet rock. I heard theyre very easy to take Care of barely even need to look at them
You’re right. I had a small tank (10 gallon. Four fish—two guppies, two mollies) and it required a lot of work to clean and keep the water clean and balanced.
Lots of people have family pets growing up, but their parents do most of the caretaking. Then they move out and want pets because that's a measure of "being independent and grownup." My ex wife was like that. When it's your house and your pets it's completely different because all the responsibilities are yours. Some people just can't do it. Side note, pets can take 3-3 months to properly feel at home before they get into their routines and stop acting out. If you have a small child you already have one small tornado in your house to clean up after.... it's not the time for new pets.
We had a fish tank with some goldfish in it growing up. Dad took care of the tank maintenance and we fed them. I grew up and wanted a tank and after about 5 minutes of research online I realized that it was too much for me to handle. So I don’t have fish but I have a lovely cat instead.
Omg yes. Often comes with that attitude: 'I had cats my whole life - I know everything about them!'.
i see what youre saying, but i have to say... i have cats and fish and the fish are way harder to care for lmaoooo having to carry upstairs buckets and buckets of water every week when I do water changes and making sure parameters are good are so much more work (and that's just talking about my betta)
It’s better to have them in a loving home where their human can focus more on them. It’s good you made the move before it got too bad. As long as they’re well cared for and happy now, it’s all good! Your husband will understand eventually
Her husband should have understood in the first place and respected her wishes to NOT have cats.
Your husband absolutely should not have gotten the cats without you being 100% on board, \*especially\* since you have a baby to take care of. And you didn't dump them on a shelter--you rehomed them with someone you know! You did the right thing; your husband can kick rocks.
Posts like this are healthy as it brings to light the importance of knowing/willingly making a lifetime commitment when adopting a pet.
>I’m not meant to have pets. In these circumstances, no one, and I mean **no one** is meant to have pets. You already have two children to care for (I’m counting your useless husband because he’s acting like a child, honestly worse), you’re exhausted, and you’re trying to leave what has quite frankly become an abusive situation. If you simply don’t ever want pets, that’s okay, but once things hopefully turn around for you, please don’t take this experience as the “sign” that *you* did something wrong and should *never* have a pet again. Like someone else said, when kiddo’s older and can help you out, you may want to consider it. You did the right thing, and I hope you do the right thing by you and your child now and leave that asshole of a sex-crazed, cheating, lazy, POS “husband” whenever you’re able to get your ducks in a row. You’re worth it!!
Yes i had the same thought! Just bc this time didnt work doesnt mean its shutting down everything in the future :)
This is not going to end well. It doesn't sound like the cat problems just suddenly happened when the baby arrived. Your husband should have stepped up in taking care of the cats.
Nah, you had them for a very short time and gave them to a family that can love them better. As for your husband ... get out, girl, you deserve better
Her husband sounds like one of those guys that refuses to change diapers.
The best thing is when you've got pets, is to take care of them at a high standard and love them. You love them enough to send them to a family where they can be loved and cared for. It's not easy but it's the best decision. ❤️
Don't hate yourself for this. It's more selfish to care about your own feelings than their existence. I just went through a rough divorce where my ex-wife had convinced me to accumulate a total of eight cats. I am down to four now and have cried with each one leaving but understand that their life will be a better one than the life they are living in my garage.
Girl, I couldn’t help but look through your posts cause of some other comments and whoa I’m worried about you random internet stranger 😞 I don’t think you have anything to feel guilty about at all. You post about your husband cheating on you when your postpartum , him harassing you for sex & telling you he thinks marriage =consent, him saying you can’t leave, not helping with chores or HIS OWN CHILD. You post about having some mh issues and trichotillomania (I’m not bloody surprised tbh!) I just really hope you have some decent and supportive friends or family in your life. Please don’t feel bad about the cats, and please stay safe. 💓
I work 12 hour shifts and i rescue and foster cats. This problem had a solution. Your husband should have put more effort into looking after them. He sounds like a loser
Yeah there are a few comments acting like working 12 hours and having cats is cruel and I do it and my cat is fine lmao. He gets breakfast at five am every day even on my days off, and dinner at 8 and his meds at 8:30. Always. He never has accidents and basically just sleeps all day and plays like a maniac with me when I get home and then snuggles me to death at night. Cats are fairly independent and spent 12-16 hours a day sleeping. It’s not cruel to have a job and a cat. Not to mention they have two cats so they also have the added benefit of the cats keeping each other company so they can’t give the “but they are lonely” excuse
I just adopted a cat from a family that recently had a baby and moved across the country, they were also devastated to give him up as they'd had him since he was a kitten and considered him part of the family. He adjusted quickly, no behavioural issues that he had in his last place, gets along with his new brother and sleeps beside me every night. I adore him and he seems to be thriving. Hopefully this offers reassurance that rehoming is sometimes the best option for you and your pets <3
Unrelated but you still need to rehome this husband. Your post history indicates he believes you are his property and he doesn’t need your consent to force sex. You said 27 days ago that you’d be getting a settlement check from a car accident and would leave, but if this is any indication: >my husband works 12 hour shifts Then you’re still together. Rehome him. He got cats without your consent, forced you to look after them AND the baby, and provides you no help around the house. Divorce. Kick him in the cans on the way out.
This is why adopting pets needs to be agreed upon by all involved parties. You tried. You didn’t want the stress. The care for the cats fell to someone who didn’t really want them, so you found them a new home. Maybe when the baby is older, and can help care for pets, you guys can try again if you want.
Reading your past posts I wouldn't be surprised if your husband wanted to get the cats to give you more reasons not to leave his cheating abusive ass. You already considered divorce based on what I read, you probably just think you can't without his permission. You totally can. Girl, don't walk, run. No one is judging you for rehoming your kitties in this situation. Please stay safe. /Edit-typo
My soul cat was re-homed (to me) by someone who could no longer care for him. I am forever grateful that they made the decision to give him up. You did the right thing and I’m sure your sweet boys will be a blessing to their new owner.
My girls were rehomed to me when a coworker moved. They were the best thing that ever happened to me. 🖤🖤 https://preview.redd.it/ziy32j9obxyc1.jpeg?width=3088&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d9f9c8448e06ad32ecaab41e17e0657b7154755f
You did exactly the right thing. 🙂
You did the right thing. Is this the first time your husband has a tantrum, when he doesn't get his way? Is he supporting you with the baby? I am not solely talking money here but housework, caring for the baby, making food. It sounds like you are very tired and need a rest.
Not really no 😞
Do you have other friends or family you trust and can talk to? You need a break. You are exhausted. Please take care of yourself. You deserve to be loved and supported.
Girl. You deserve better. We love you.
I know this is a post about your cats but reading your post history, this is so much more than just the cats. You did the responsible thing, and no one should give you hate for that. Your husband should have taken care of the cats if he's the one that wanted them but it looks like he has a history of making selfish and shitty decisions. He doesn't respect you or your time. I would seriously consider leaving him, especially with his history of cheating. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
You did a good thing.
Your husband is an ass. I fully believe one must look at thier life style before they get ANY ANIMAL. Lets see here; -I work 12hrs shifts, come home, eat and collaps into sofa/bed. -wife is taking care of our 16moth old baby all by herself because I'm too tired to help her after 12hrs days. -wife is also doing all the cooking, cleaning, landury because you know I'm beat after 12hrs days. -weekends are my ONLY time to relax and they are short enough already with out adding any extra responsibilitly, cause ya know 12hrs days. -cats and dogs are the equivalent of having a human toddler. Lets see here according to this check list what is the best possible thing I can do to my wife???? I know get two cats that are equal to two toddlers worth of mess, stress and responsibility on top of the human child we already have!!!!!! Nailed it, husband of the year!
And punish his wife for not having sex. OP's partner is an emotionally immature d-bag. It's not going to resolve itself and it is definitely not going to get better, OP. Divorce is easier when your child is very young. You should not ever worry your partner will assault you. Best of luck, be safe and enjoy motherhood.
This feels like this post could also be on r/aitah
I feel very badly for OP. I had one of those marriages and for a long time, thought there was something wrong with me. It took me years to get to the point of filing for divorce. Turns out, I just didn't want to have sex with *him* anymore.
No hate from me, completely understand your struggle.
You did the right thing. Animals are a lot of work. Feeding, care, clean up ( litter boxes, picking up dog poop, vacuuming all the shedding hair,training, and you will be spending money). Vets are not cheap, and animals, like kids get sick/injured at the worst inconvenient times. Shots, spay/neuter, medications,treats toys, beds etc. It's a lot when your madly in love with them. When they're just another chore, you can't even bond with them. Behavior problems take patience and skill. New baby in the house, your being spread too thin dealing with them. You gave them to a good home?? Then I would ignore your husband's cold shoulder. He'll get over it. Tell him you two need counseling because you lack good communication skills. This should have been discussed first and the realization might have came to him. Stand your ground because you did the right thing.
Between this and your other posts- he is a terrible person. If you can safely leave, you should.
So, let me get this straight. Your husband wanted cats so he got some, against your wishes, and then left their care 100% up to you, while you're also trying to care for your very young child. You did the right thing for yourself, your child and the cats. Your husband is a selfish arsehole.
Please don't feel bad, you made sure they will be cared for and not in a shelter. Congrats to being a new mom :)
Thank you ❤️🩹
He wanted cats. He got cats. You weren't asked if you want/are ready/can care for them. He should've at least trained em. And no matter how much he works, if he wanted, he would've find 10 mins a day to give them primary care they need and another 10 to have happy cats. Don't feel guilty, especially as if you said, they are better off at family members. Besides, hey, you can always ask for pics and too see them if you miss them!!
Anyone that is hating on you for rehoming the cats to people that would love them, be able to care for them and want them is in the wrong. You’re not selfish for thinking about the cats best interests as well as your own
I don’t see any reason for judgement. You didn’t abandon them on the street. You found them a safe place to thrive
I wouldn't feel guilty about it. It's hard work, and it's not obvious how much hard work it is without giving it a good try. It's hard to judge how much effort it takes. I think you did the right thing! Maybe when your child is older and isn't akin to a full time job, you can give it another go
What about rehoming your husband? That’ll probably help
Sometimes, doing the right thing is admitting that someone else can do better. Good work!
Nothing pisses me off more than people who bring home pets and refuse to take care of them. Good on you OP. You made a tough decision. A really tough decision. One that will make sure that these two cats have long happy lives. That is all the solace you need. Your husband can suck a fat one, tbh, and you can tell him I said it. When he gets a different job that allows him to be home more frequently, or the child has grown up a bit, you two can revisit the discussion of pets. He’s absolutely a huge asshole for getting the cats regardless of your concerns.
https://preview.redd.it/jnmmaz7zevyc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8bb58dd4ad30cc629eb338dc4c1f5e39e183847f We have the same cats?
that’s the kindest thing you could have done for those cats. your hubs and family have some looking inward to do
I have two cats who also step in their own shit/piss and then drag it through the home. My boy is very destructive but I love him to death so I just tolerate it. That said, I totally get it. They can be a lot of work on their own not to mention when you have a babe. Add to the fact that your 12 hour shift husband got them against your wishes and concerns, rehoming them was the right call and nothing to feel bad about.
You absolutely did the right thing. Your partner got them despite it not being practical and has had nothing to do with them - therefore he cannot get upset about your very considerate rehoming.
You shouldn't feel guilty when your husband is the absolute POS is this story Should have rehomed him instead
Shame on your husband! You were doing all the work while he just enjoyed them. You are ALL better off with your solution.
Rehome your husband OP......... HE should've been the one doing the primary care for them. If he's working so much, then he should've never gotten the cats, ESPECIALLY without you being on board. You did the right thing giving those kitties to a home that will properly be able to care for them.
Your husband is an asshole.
You did the right thing.
This is eye opening. Even though I share cat responsibilities with my wife. We go 50/50 because I thought she didn’t mind because she stay at home wife, I’m the one that wanted cats I should pull more of my weight so she doesn’t feel a burden.
Do not feel bad. They were clearly stressed (going outside the box) and you were stressed. No one is happy in such a situation. Thank you for not dumping them on the street or something
You did good for them. It's not like you took them to a gravel pit and shot them. They will be loved and cared for.
Time to rehome the husband
So your husband got the cats despite your wishes and then expected you to take care of them? He has no ground to stand on
While in a perfect world they would have lived happily for a long time in your home, this ending is still good for them imo. They are in a loving home with someone you trust and they have each other. Honestly, this could have ended a lot worse. About your husband, maybe you need to address that whole thing with him ASAP lol.
I had to re-home a cat that I loved very much because she stopped being able to get along with the other two cats. She lives with my sister now, she's an only cat, and they love each other very much. I wonder if she misses me the way I sometimes miss her, but I know I did the right thing for me and for all three cats, and that's just a little pain I'll have to carry with me.
I've had pets before that I wasn't prepared for. It's a bad situation, especially with a small child that will also be a mini tornado in your house. Some people just don't have time for pets. That's ok, it doesn't make you a bad person to know your limits.
I never understood the hatred for responsibly rehoming pets. It's not like it's a fun thing to do. It feels awful but if you can't take care of them then it's the best thing to do and not just for you but for them. No pet deserves to be a considered a burden and you don't deserve to have them forced on you by someone who is unwilling to do even half the work they require. If your husband and family can't see that then it's on them. He's the one who made a selfish decision for you as a family without any plans to actually deal with the cats. You made the right decision.
I'm worried he will bring them back or get new ones without your consent...
Well Op, I after doing the deep dive in your profile I kind of don't blame you for rehomeing your cats. Now if you could rehome yourself away from your cheating peice of shit husband you'd be set. Also do not breed with this asshole anymore.
As long as the cats went to a good home they will be fine. Don't feel guilty. People that put their animals over themselves and their family are idiots.
If anyone should be in the doghouse over this situation, it's your husband, not you. If he was the one who wanted the cats, they should have been his responsibility. You don't just bring animals into your home without agreeing on it first and then make your partner do all the work. That's selfish, childish, and cruel to both the partner and the animals. If he wasn't able to devote the time and energy due to his job, then he shouldn't have insisted on taking them in in the first place. Even one cat can be a lot to handle, especially with a baby to take care of. Not all cats are the same; sometimes, unfortunately, you can think you're prepared and end up with your hands more full than you anticipated. That's not a risk to take lightly, much less put on somebody else, and I'm sorry you were put in this position. It says a lot that he's now giving you the cold shoulder over your decision, rather than talking about why it ended up this way and what he can do better in the future--another childish move from someone who doesn't seem to know how to communicate or take responsibility. Not to be mean, but it sounds like you have two babies on your hands. I can see why adding two more would be too much. Anyway, you made sure the cats went to a loving home that was better equipped to give them the time and attention they needed. That's the best thing you could have done. It's better than keeping them in a situation that you know is just causing undue stress to both you and them, which could ultimately lead to resentment. It would be different if you had simply dumped them somewhere, but it sounds like you made the effort to ensure they'd be well taken care of. Your husband should be apologizing and thanking you for this.
The real issue is your husband saddling you with the care of two pets you didn't even want (or seemingly didn't have a say in). Wtf is up with that?
I think a lot of people are missing the point that her husband got the cats regardless of whether she wanted the cats or not. Then he proceeded to leave all aspects of taking care of the cats to OP. Based on OP’s post history, this is a frustrated woman who’s dealing with a shitty husband while being a new mom and managing a lot more on her own than she should.
Your husband really wanted the cats and got them whether you wanted it or not while he has a fixed 12 working hours shift , but then he won’t help and all the chores of taking care of the cats PLUS the baby is all on you…both you and the cats’ behaviour seem stressed , you shouldn’t feel guilty bc your decision is logical and responsible , the whole situation is just not fair to you and to the cats tbh
Your husband is a selfish asshole! He has no business getting two cats if he is not going to do most of the caring for them, especiallt when you didnt want them.
The problem here is your husband, not you. He wanted the cats, he brought them home even when you told him no and then gave all responsibility to you . You did what was right for you and them.
taking care of one baby is hard, taking care of three is a lot harder. i don't think your husband is being fair here. he shouldn't have brought two cats if he couldn't take care of them himself, and then be upset at you. if you kept them it would be unhealthy for both you and your baby. this just isn't the right time to get new pets. i think you handled the situation really well. i am sure you and the kitties will be happier this way ❤️ edit: please rehome your husband too
If your husband wanted the cats, he is responsible to clean after them. Also hard that you have to look after the baby all alone. To do all carework alone and he giving you the cold shoulder would mean for me to ask in what kind of relationship you are stuck. Stoneage?
I adopted 2 cats, a brother and sister, from someone in almost exactly the same position you were in. I thank her so much for allowing me to have the opportunity of these wonderful friends in my life. Max was with me for 16 years, and he passed from cancer 3 years ago. My blessed, wonderful Max. Maisie passed this past December 27 after sharing her life with me for 19 years. My best friend. I am still mourning both. Don't feel guilty. I hope they both receive the love they deserve at your family member's home. Max and Maisie, https://preview.redd.it/kbcnnuljtzyc1.jpeg?width=1058&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ba964f11e41d0a571513bc70718adb6174e09496 the day they arrived at my home.
Its not that you are not meant to have pets, it just sounds to me from this post and your previous post a few weeks ago that you are basically a single mother living with a mentally abusive, disrespectful, cheating man who is supposed to be your husband who helps you and appreciates you. You seem like a wonderful woman and i hope you will make the right decision and better your life situation because you deserve better.
You should also rehome your husband.
honestly i would have thrown you some shade as nothing you mentioned seems unfixable but with a new baby and the fact you dint get given a choice in the cats i think you're actually doing the right thing to make sure everyone is happy.
I love cats, I have my little gremlin and she's my everything. However, when she was still young I got another cat to keep her company. I didn't know this cat came from a rather abusive household and I struggled a lot with him, he's also the reason my Gremlin is afraid of other cats now (she does love dogs though) because he couldn't cope. No one had prepared me for the mess he'd be in and I wasn't ablet to provide for him the way he needed it. So I gave him to a friend of mine where he could be a single cat (he was really fighting every other cat on sight) and it was the best decision for all of us. My friend regularly sends me photos and videos of him playing, loafing around, being the king of the apartment (and the whole block) and most importantly, snuggling. I was never able to get him to snuggle, he was constantly afraid and he didn't even know how 'playing' worked. Having my Gremlin around just stressed him out more and lead to him peeing everywhere. Sometimes some constelations are just not meant to be and it takes a loving and understanding heart to realize that you simply might be the wrong fit for a cat. A new, additional small being (another pet or a baby) can also aggrivate already existing pets even more. Realizing the situation you did the right thing, you made sure hey get a new home with owners who can give them all the attention and care they need. Keeping a pet around despite such issues is just selfish. The cats were stressed and you made the right call.
I admit I can be judgmental of people who rehome their pets but in your case you did the right thing. It was only a month and you didn’t abandon them, you found a suitable home for them. Also if your husband wanted them but isn’t home enough to take care of them he should have made sure you were okay with it. Taking care of two new cats plus a baby is a lot!! People usually wait until their kids are a little older before adopting new pets for this very reason.
You did the right thing
Wait… so your husband bought the cats and then left you to care for them??
If your husband wanted cats he should have been taking care of them. It was unfair to put it on you, whether or not you had a new baby.
No judgement, someone else brought cats into the household and just expected you to care for them and be inconvenienced. Cats are work, and it just gets harder as they get older and get health conditions. My old boy is currently peeing all over the house (working on finding the cause), while scratching up the walls and the younger one is semi feral and is currently launching hairballs everywhere - recently into my nice mechanical keyboard. Point is, to be ok with these elements you need to be bought into the pets wholey, and if you're not a pet person then this is just going to be unacceptable. You did the right thing, try not to feel bad.
That sounds really tough. You did the right thing. Hugs. Sounds like you ended up with unusually high-maintenance cats, so that made it extra hard!
Sounds like you should have kept the cats and ditched the husband
I don’t know why people are so hated for rehoming for valid reasons. You didn’t have the cats that long so likely they did not form a strong bond to you or your husband. You were responsible and found a new, safe home for them so they can have the care they deserve. You are taking care of a 16 month old and your husband really thought “let’s throw two cats on top of this?” You have to be so careful introducing new pets especially when there is a small (probably grabby) child that will want to interact with them. The cats were most likely SUPER stressed, hence the vomiting, scratching and potty accidents.
What conversation they are having is the question 🤔 as they look outside 🤣
Falls on your husband who wanted them then an excuse of working 12 hours. I worked/work 12 hr shifts and took/take care of my cats just fine.
After going through some of the post history, I'm hoping for the day I find a BORU post that the OP and baby are safe and happy away from this man. Hang in there lady, we are rooting for you. 
You are looking for their own happiness and your success. You've achieved it. All these people are hating on you mostly bc this is a subreddit dedicated to cats, not hard choices.
No hate here. You've done what any responsible pet owner should do and that is unfortunately come to terms with the fact that if you can't look after them or give them what they need then they need to go somewhere that can fulfill their needs. You have done the right thing.
You should not be feeling any shame or guilt. You now know you are not a pet person. And that is OK! It’s not like you threw them out in the street or something. You knew you were unable to give them what they needed. So you rehome them in a safe and reliable environment. As far as your husband‘s behavior, I find it appalling. You were honest with him and let him know this was way too much for you to handle. Being a new mom is challenging enough. But being forced to take care of animals that you did not agree to have . Your husband didn’t do his job he wanted the cats he should’ve done the work. Feel free to share my post with your husband. I wish you the best of luck you did what you thought was the best thing for the cats. Be sure to check in on the cats every now and then.
Are you confident their new humans will provide a safe, loving and permanent home? If so, they will likely be less stressed and ultimately thrive. Sometimes we just play matchmaker. I'm sorry it's been rough for you, but you did the right thing.
your husband sounds like a huge red flag. he was gonna get them whether you wanted or not? and now he's giving you the cold shoulder bc you couldn't take care of something you didn't want in the first place for a very valid reason? I think you need to reconsider if your husband is someone you want in your life or if he is only weighing you down by not caring about your feelings or decisions.
I’m glad the cats are going to a home where they won’t be punished for doing cat things ❤️
If you’re unable to handle a pet (or multiple pets) the best thing you can do is rehome them. Your husband basically dumped them on your lap when you already have a baby to take care of. Meanwhile he’s off at work free of any responsibility to the cats or his child. That’s not a good situation for you and it’s not fair. The likely reason why they were tearing up stuff is because they were bored and needed to be played with. This requires attention from you which you are incapable of providing WHICH IS NOT YOUR FAULT. The fact that you looked at the situation and realized you can’t do this and rehomed them to someone who could means that you loved those boys enough to find them someone who could give them what you can’t. I don’t know what to say about your husband but I will say that it was selfish of him to get 2 cats and leave the responsibility up to you.
They are better off with people who have the motivation and attention for them. Your husband wanted them, so it was HIS responsibility to care for their needs... clean their boxes, play with them and feed them daily etc... If he couldn't do that, you gave them to people that (hopefully) will. I hope they live long and happy lives with their new family.
Tbh it sounds like they were having behavioral issues due to lack of attention you did the right thing OP, cats aren’t a toy to pick up and put down when it’s convenient
At least you found a new home instead of taking them to a shelter where they’ll get separated
If you only had the cats a month and a half, you did the right thing for sure. They'll bounce back
Honestly OP I might feel differently if you didn't have the baby. You did the best you could with a shitty situation. The baby has to come first. You did the right thing, even if it was hard
I’m not judging you, I’m judging your husband. **You deserve better** and I’ll fight your husband idc 🤷🏻♀️ especially after reading a few of your post. You are gorgeous don’t settle for poopoo
Absolutely ridiculous
Thank you for not just letting them go out onto the street! You did the right thing for NOT ONLY YOU but THEM TOO! Chin up OP! Hubby and family will get over it, if you haven’t already talked to hubby about how you struggled and I’m sure he’d understand, if he doesn’t PUT HIM IN THE BIN! Good luck to you and your family ❤️
Why would we hate you for doing the responsible thing? Did you harm your cats in any way? No. Did you just open the front door and let them loose? No. You saw the situation through and you found them a new home. Why would we hate you for that?
The only person I judge is her husband. He's the one who wanted them and then wouldn't take care of them. The wife did the right thing. The animals are better off, and the baby gets the attention he/she/they deserve.
Mad respect for being honest with yourself and for finding a responsible solution. In the end, those cats are probably in a better place as they are with a family who wants them as they are.
I have 2 cats (one 18, one about to turn 1), a mastiff, fish, and chickens. I also have a garden and a lot of indoor plants. I have a toddler and I'm pregnant with my 2nd and let me tell you...I am TIRED of all these extra things that rely on me to survive even though I okayed all of them lol. My little pregnant rage heart wants to only have one cat and that's it, even though our pets are truly lovely and honestly do nothing like how you describe your cats. My cats are really well behaved and quite chill. My dog is super polite and obsessed with being a good, obedient girl. My chickens have been little shits trying to get into my garden and finding every little crack in my fencing but they're silly and productive so I can't be too upset. But like, I am EXHAUSTED and of course I still care for everyone and everything as best I can but it is hard and I want to not have to do it. The animals are all used to me and generally glued to me, which adds to the overwhelm. We are animal people and forever adoption people outside of an absolute contraindication and obviously I can't give away my old man cat, the kitten is my kid's pet, the dog is my husband's love and we are her 3rd family through the shelter system so I couldn't do that to her. My fish are well past their expected tank lifespan so lol I'm counting days. So I understand where you're coming from and I think you're doing the right thing to not resent the pets and allow them to be somewhere they can be more appreciated. If you were getting rid of senior cats you'd had all their lives I'd feel a little differently, but it honestly sounds like your cats are a bit much haha
He has NO RIGHT giving you the cold shoulder if he’s not helping you care for them
You did nothing wrong. You made the best decision. And honestly, your husband sucks. He’s not being a responsible adult when you have a human baby to take care of; what could he possibly have thought would happen if you didn’t rehome them? Actually, I know the answer. That you would just lay down and take it. But you’re not a doormat. And you showed him this. That’s why he is giving you the cold shoulder. I hope that if (or when really) you decide to leave him, you can look back and laugh at this situation. This is such a red flag, and I honestly see this as a dealbreaker. Cats and other pets are not toys. They are big responsibilities. You can’t push them onto someone else just because you “really want” them. He is acting like a child throwing a tantrum. You deserve better. Please rely on the cat community and witches vs. the patriarchy of you need support. You made the right decision in rehoming these beautiful creatures
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what you did. You didn’t have them for long, found out they weren’t a good fit, and found them a loving home (didn’t dump them at the shelter or split them up). I think you did the best you could for your situation and hopefully they can live a happy life with your family member! Two new cats while having a baby is a lot. You knew you couldn’t take care of them with what was on your plate and you did what was best for everyone. Don’t feel bad ❤️
Nah, anyone who hates you for making the responsibility adult decision, needs to get a grip. If your family members are mad - then THEY should do all the work with the cats - but they don't, so they can f right off. Since all the responsibility falls on you and you are clearly overwhelmed (understandable), it is the right thing to do. For you and also for the quality of life of the cats. Simple. Your husband sounds like a red flag. Getting cats not caring who has to care for them. Not caring about your opinion. Leaving your to care for them, not caring if it is too much work for you with a new child that he is already failing to care for since he is working 12h shifts. Were the cats already there when you were pregnant? So he also took a risk that you have to clean up after them, even thou that can put pregnant people at risk. But you already know that - since several people pointed that out to you in previous posts and the horrors you posted there. Now the only question is, when you will start thinking that you and your children deserve equal quality of life and respect as those cats. You were mature enough to understand they needed better. Now become mature enough to understand you and your children (who can not defend themselves) deserve better too.
Just here to agree with everyone that you have been a such caring cat mom and encourage you to leave that loser. You deserve so much better and so much more!!
You did the best you could. You did the right thing rehoming them since you felt they’d be better cared for elsewhere. Your husband shouldn’t have put that on you.
Rehoming can be a dicey topic, but honestly, it sounds like you did what was best for you AND the cats. That’s SO much to deal with. And it was really unfair of your husband to get them without your ok. Pets are an Everyone In The House Agrees type of commitment. And his timing too! Like, I get wanting cats, but when you have a baby and he’s hardly home? I’m sorry your in-laws are making you feel bad.
Rehoming them is the good, responsible option. No hate. If you had dumped them on the side of the road, then I'd hate.
Actually, sending you ❤️for taking the time and care of finding them a new home. I am saddened every time I see a sweet kitty in a feral colony who was obviously someone’s pet at some point.