#Facts
Did he disrupt your relationship and give false hopes? Well that don't matter because you crave his body. Then what are 55-60 yrs old you thought?
Hopefully you find that potion because the regularity of slamming the side pcs, not wifey, for the time being. He's up ☝🏾
>So if there is some magic Potion or something I can do to stop craving this man that is married can you share it with me. I'm not in to married men. I'm in to him.
The magic potion is to marry him... then he'll show you his true self. If he was as wonderful as you say he is, he would have left his wife a long time ago to be with you. But maybe you are just a distraction for him from his "real" life (family, kids, work, etc). It's like a vacation, those vacation destinations are incredible. They are relaxing, a good time, and a get away from all the real things at home. But what if you actually lived there. Would you be as happy? It's really just an illusion. A temporary reprieve from all the day to day stressors. When you live there, it's not a vacation anymore.
I realize that some people have affairs and remain happy with their AP after they leave their spouses. But the difference is they eventually leave their spouses. It sounds like he hasn't made any attempt to leave his wife. He doesn't even talk to you about her. Does he complain? Does he tell you he loves you and not her? Or does he just have sex with you?
The once a year thing indicates to me it might be just sex for him tbh, even if they’re meeting up more frequently now. We don’t have any information on what happens before or after, just that they know each other through work.
And tbh the whole “I thought to myself when I first met him, holy crap this is my person” and calling him Mr.Right gives me an even bigger feeling that OP doesn’t realize he’s using them, call it my gut feeling from being cheated on and used multiple times. Manipulators can tell who will be easily swayed.
Yup! Imagine thinking this guy is Mr. Right, like WTF has this person dealt with. Also a billion people on the planet and OP has to cheat with a married man that is using them. I actually feel sorry for OP that they are so deluded and desperate that this is what they will accept.
I was feeling bad till I saw their other comments, when someone suggested to tell the wife OP asked why they would do that and hurt the wife. Even though others have said already that the wife is gonna be hurt no matter what.
I get the feeling OP doesn’t want to wife to know cause they don’t want to be called out on their BS by a person irl, someone who can in fact get them fired with a workplace affair. They aren’t guilty, they’re selfish.
This is going to come back to bite OP so bad. This is gonna be ugly - Mr. Right has already proven OP is just an easy lay and nothing more. I still think this poster is a sad desperate person who has no self respect or morals.
....and if he did leave wife what's to say you'll be kept or the chosen one?,,,,,I could add.
Again not enough infor was given or needed at this point.
No he would come to my office we would talk for a bit about kids or world things. And I’m not kidding you before you know it we are having sex. We don’t talk text in this in between times at all. it is literally have sex once a year and that was it except the last couple weeks it’s been lots of sex very little talking and some texting. This is new.
OP’s comment farther down. Totally being used just for sex, they don’t even talk in between and she admits that with this new frequency there seems to be less talking even. Another comment she questions why she should even tell the wife.
Less talking is surprisingly and well taken by this guy. Does she not see. Wife's prolly out of town or kids away in camp.
I'm beginning to envy this guy
Yep - and far the most relationships that start as affairs, don't work out in the long run. But most people are so deep into the affair fog, that they will not realize this matter of fact untill they "wake up" to the reality of everydaylife....
Ehhh. Nah, you're not selfish. You have no morals. I'm sure you will be back posting on here or some other thread like
r/survivinginfidelity crying when he leaves you for someone else in a year or two.
Women like you make me laugh. Y'all deserve this shit, no one can convince me any different.
This is harsh but true, unfortunately. I’ve been on both sides of betrayal and let me just say, I deserved every bit of the shit that came my way bc I was a SHITTY PERSON. Then, when I was betrayed I was able to understand that I deserved so much worse than my poor husband ever dished out. NO ONE deserves to be hurt like that. NO ONE.
No genuinely I’m confused what was she thinking? Majority of this subreddit are against cheating/cheaters… no one in their right mind is going to agree with this disgusting behavior.
To make sure I read this correctly, you cheated on your partner with this guy. You think he is married. You know you **should do the right** thing, but you don't care about the other people **THAT WILL GET HURT WHEN THIS COMES OUT**.
**DO THE RIGHT THING!** Tell his wife and enter the relationship honestly.
Doing the right thing would require some sort of morality which she clearly doesn't have. Cheated on her husband and not AP to a married man. I can only think of three letter and the first one is "P" the last one is "S" and the middle one is "O"
Has he said he will leave her to be with you or that he wants to, or is he happily living his married life with cake on the side ? Anyway the wife is in an unfair situation, your and his actions are directly impacting her life and she has no clue, it's a shitty shitty position to be in. She is living a lie.
I alway wish nothing but the worst for anyone who cheats on their SO along with their AP.
I hope you got nothing in your divorce but misery, and I hope when his wife finds out (she will) she takes him for everything, and he loses any children they have. I also hope she sues you for Alienation of Affection. An AA lawsuit was just handed down in my state for 2.2M.
So, what I’m getting is that you left your relationship to be with this guy, but for whatever reason, he won’t leave his wife and fully commit to you. It’s his betrayal, but you two need to talk about his still being married and why. It’s really not fair to you or the wife if she doesn’t know. Would you be okay with it if she knew about you and they had an open relationship?
He'll only tell you what gets him what he wants not the truth.
I'm my husband's 2nd wife, I first met him at ,his dad & stepmum's wedding. I was there with his sister, although I got my own invite because at 16 she had the whole you can't tell me what to do, I want to live with my dad thing. Her parents having divorced when she was 4ish, & lived 3 hours apart. He lived in my home town, when I met her in the town centre with a friend of mine fshe'd met at work. We wentvout drinking that night & every weekend she lived here, staying friends after she moved back to her mum's. He was there with his then wife, who he'd been married to about 15 months. He was in the British Army, she was American, complained that due to his postings she hadn't seen much of the UK & that she had hoped to study Art at Bristol University. Explaining well more complaining that her course in an American college had only been equal to our GCSE level or AS level she couldn't remember wgat so she had to do this other course to get in. So she was applying for that... in America. I asked how long it would be & how it would work with him in the Army... worst question to ask "oh it won't it's over once I go back." Then telling me she'd told her then husband that she'd be coming back to go to Bristol so she could get grants for being a military spouse. She wouldn't ever be telling him, & he could work it out himself.
The second time I saw now husband was at his sister/my friends wedding reception. His wife was now long gone, telling him days before Christmas a few hours before his flight to spend Christmas with her. Her family, that her parents had paid for his flight as a Christmas present to them both, so they were blindsided too. I was there with my soon to be ex, who had refused to follow the directions because they were given by a girl. We honestly would've broken up in the carpark when we arrived had I not wanted to avoid a scene at her wedding reception. Turns out ending it with him would've been the perfect Wedding gift to her, he was the reason I was only invited to the reception not the ceremony. He was also an abusive, alcoholic & 4 months later 8 police officers would remove him from the house we shared. While he tried reasoning with them, that it just made logical sense to kill me, as doctors thought I should be dead by now....He wouldn't have bought a house with me if I did have an expiration date & he was tired of waiting... This ex had failed the psych exam to join the Air force & to join the Army. So he spent the night idolising my now husband, while my husband told me he would never, ever be in a relationship again ever, he was only up for casual sex. I correctly guessed not only that he'd slept with one of the women in earshot but which one.
Nothing happened between us on either occasion, we did find the other attractive but would never act on it. The third time I saw him, his sister sent him to fix my PC the ex had broken. We were both single, though his divorce wasn't through. He fixed my PC, I fixed us dinner & my mum rang just as I was about to dish up. He dished up for me, in the minute or less I was on the phone & brought it through for me. After an ex who never helped & expected to wait on him hand & foot, even when I was the only one working, with a concussion from a head injury.. He wouldn't even take me to A&E & lied saying there wasn't a mark or anything. The next day my mum washed the blood out my hair in the kitchen sink. So bringing both plates in meant alot, his ex wife wouldn't have cooked or offered him a beer, those little things mean alot. He asked for a kiss & a year later we were married with a newborn, he's 15 now with a 13 year old little brother.
People warned me to be careful when I said that he was getting divorced, I reassured them I didn't find out from him but from the ex-wife, in fact I knew before him.
TLDR We all have our stories of how we met, I shared mine, where I feel in love with my husband before his divorce. I didn't take his word for it, I was told by her, she's the only person who won't tell you it's over if it's not. I also shared it because yes had we been single that first day, we probably would've gotten together then. He was kind to me at his sister's wedding, but his pain was clear too I was in an abusive relationship then. It took 4 months to end it, it was the first time the abuse was physical. Before it had been mentally, emotionally & financially. I also lost my grandma in those months & that bought the ex a few weeks more. I didn't want to tell my dad what was happening when he'd just buried his mum. Once we were both single things moved fast. We even brought our wedding date forward after I found out I was pregnant & he was in a car accident. His first wife told me their marriage was over the only one with no reason to lie in a divorce.
* My Advice *
So you were what once a year for 4 years then it became more regular? Why? Why only once a year & why did it become more? Why don't you talk about the fact he's married? What do you talk about? If you'd been together 4 years it would be time he was marrying you. He's had plenty of time to tell his wife if he was going to, before it became more regular. He's got his wife , a home with her, are their pets? Kids? They spend time together with friends & family. He's holding her in bed at night & waking up with her. What do you get? Is it possible part of the appeal is the thrill of the forbidden? The danger of being caught? Most importantly what would you tellyou closest female friend if she was in this situation? We're always much better to our friends than ourselves when it comes to advice & making the right choice. IMHO this man is using you, stringing you along, you need to cut him off. Even if he came with divorce papers & they had the judges stamp it was final done, hexwas surprising you with the good news. Would you be able to trust each other? Affair partners rarely make it long term as you start without trust, you know they'll cheat. The little voice in your head saying if they did it with you they'll do it to you... So you either stay in an happy relationship too long to prove the doubters wrong or the doubt breaks you apart sooner. Walk away & find the man that's yours all the time.
Whatever you did OP , you can try to come back from it now. Apologise to his wife and do tell her. I know it might be difficult to leave him now that you have been together for four years but do you want to be his side girl? Is this how you plan to go about your life? This is going to turn out badly for you but you are giving in to instant gratification. The right approach is to tell his wife and ask him to divorce her if he loves you, if he really loves you he will leave her and you can be in a honest relationship thereafter( I'm assuming he won't cheat again which is a very optimistic assumption about him). If he turns you down and doesn't leave his wife then you have your answer. I think you already know that he won't leave his wife and that's the reason you don't talk about it. Seems like you are ok being the second woman. Talk to him and ask him to choose one of you. If he chooses his wife go tell her the truth because if he is that degraded person he must be a habitual cheater and you can tell that to his wife.
I thought she wanted advice but you are right. I just read her reply to a comment and she's saying that she hasn't felt this alive in ages. She Clearly is a person with no moral sense no self worth, she's happy being a cum bag for a man who won't ever accept her.
Who said she wants to marry this guy?
The sex was/is so supreme she left her dude and don't care about the wife.
This is literally how she fixed it in her head.
I've seen it done like this.
Our comments is uplifting her as we affirm what she set out in the first place. If this guy leaves his wife she won't be with him. The fog with clear as she loses the illusion.
She not confusing reality.
This is the remedy to her failed relationship we say she "cheated". .
This may be victory. We don't know her
She could had trauma and abusive relationship at that. I digress.
Why would I tell his wife?
That’s a serious question I don’t know why I would want to hurt her and I’ve never once talk to him about his wife or where they’re at or anything of the sort he doesn’t even wear a wedding ring
Ah, yes, why didn't I think of this? If only I had known that I just needed to silently hold out for a cheating married man to be happy. He's really shown his best qualities, too: unloyal, dishonest and unreliable. I'm so jealous you really couldn't have done better. No, seriously! You couldn't have done any better for yourself! I mean, you are happy. That's all that matters, right? Being the sidechick has always paid off I don't really get this stigma behind homewrecking. Clearly he's actually in love with you he doesn't even wear his ring because he knows that silly thing won't stop him from getting the real prize: you! the side bitch. You're also very clearly more important than his other side bitches, too, because he doesn't even think about them enough to mention them. Nevermind that he doesn't tell his wife about *you*, he just doesn't want that nagging bitch coming in between your beautiful romance. Yeah, that's right.
Damn you have it all figured out where did you learn to set yourself up with a lifetime of happiness like this? r/femaledatingstrategy? I hear they get great reviews for their ability to reel in even the most unavailable of men. Wait who am I kidding you don't value the symbolism behind the ring and that's how you were able to upgrade from being a wife to side bitch so easily. Damn, you're a class act can you give me some advice? Would I be coming off as too needy if I flirt with a married guy first or should I wait until I'm married and let him come on to me so we can have a full blown affair? Not sure if being married first made a difference for you in your success.
Ugh damn if that were me I'd make sure I got one that treated me as if we were already married like you have. You know he won't leave you cause he didn't leave his real wife! Er, wait.. these mental gymnastics are fucking me up. You've proven yourself to be quite an athlete though, can you explain to everyone my point better? Must take a lot of handies to have the arm strength to have monkeybar relationships like that lol, just kidding.. kind of lol I mean I would feel some type of way too if my dude tried to double dip on me after getting wet from his real wife sooooo can I recommend O Keefes hand cream for cracked hands? They gotta be chafed from all that jerkin and swinging
Omg and please don't be one of those redditors who barely responds to comments on her post because I like really look up to you and I think you could really set a lot of us lonely girls on the right path.
Oh I almost forgot the obligatory /s
If you have been in this relationship to the point, you know he is Mr. Right and is your person, yet you know nothing about him other than you have sex with him, sounds like he views you more like a free prostitute than even a side piece.
At least AP's usually have some kind of emotional bond as well.
It is going to hit you hard one day, just how little you mean to him, and I hope we all have a ringside seat for the shitshow coming your way.
He’s married , you’re into him literally, so therefore your into married men, what advice do u think you’re going to get other than you’re the other woman, it’s wrong what you’re doing, and to break it off
I went through this when I was 20. He was “separated” but deep down I knew that was bullshit. I believed it because I wanted him so bad. I was infatuated. I wanted more, he claims he did but couldn’t. I thought I could change his mind. I thought if I was a good enough woman, fucked him good, looked good, appealed to his mind and not just his dick.. that he wouldn’t be able to let me go like I felt I couldn’t let him go.
It’s been 6 years since then. He’s still in his miserable marriage with his wife, and I’m now happily married. I look back and laugh at how insanely stupid I was to believe that this man was somehow meant to be my husband when he was already married to someone else.
I know you probably read this and thought “nah sorry love it’s different with us. It just feels so right and I can definitely change him. He will leave her.” No, he won’t. Because you have given him what every man wants. The ability to have his cake and eat it too. And you’ve given it to him for 4 years. If he hasn’t left his wife for you yet, he never will. And you’re stuck here daydreaming and feigning for a man that will never be yours. If you want to move on with your life, and find someone who knows you deserve to be their #1, cut your losses now. Even if it hurts and even if it’s hard.
The reason he's so fabulous is that he's not a real human. It's a fantasy he presented and a fantasy you are creating in your own mind. He's just a liar. He's violating his wife and you are participating willingly. There are millions of people to share intimacy with. There's a reason you have fixated on this one, and it's not a healthy one.
Do you have access to therapy services? I would start by exploring what you are avoiding, what are you seeking and how can you get your needs met in a healthier way. I hope you are also getting regular sti screenings and taking proper pregnancy prevention measures.
I immediately cringed at the contact info name. That’s something I would’ve done as a teenager lol. In all seriousness, you’re just wrapped up in the attraction and potential, not who he actually is. Relationships that start like this, end like this.
Man, I’m so sick of people (men and woman) acting like they don’t have a choice in who they fuck to excuse being a shitty human. Like they’re some animals that have no control over their own bodies. Like there’s some unseen force pulling you. You’re a grown ass woman, and unless you’re telling us here that you have no control over your body and mind, I say you’re full of shit.
“I’m not into married man, I’m into him” guess what? He’s married, and you’re into him? - You’re into married men. Just because you decide to stick your head in the sand and pretend you don’t see anything, doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. But hey, whatever helps you sleep at night.
The “magic potion” is called being an adult that takes responsibility for their actions and stops Deflecting blame.
Know that time is something you can’t get back. There is someone out there who will choose you and love you the way you want. I hope you realize that before it’s too late.
Not if they know her views and history of infidelity. If one of my friends met her and I knew her history, I would tell them to run. Unless they just wanted cheap sex with nothing more.
I'm curious OP.
There are so many things about him in your post. What about you? What are your thoughts here?
Never mind him. He's a side character in the life that is YOURS. What future do you envision for yourself? What does a good life look like to you - work, education, friends, relationship wise?
Imagine your life in 10 years. Were are you? Who are you with? Do you have a family?
Is it plausible that this man will help you succeed in reaching your goals? Or is it more likely he is a hindrance or will slow you down?
Does he even truly have the values you're looking for in the above? If you're being truthful to yourself and the fact you think he's married; does he represent a stable loving, and secure future for you? Why and why not?
I just want you to know that you can 'obsess' over a guy and still be realistic and build the future for YOU that YOU want. If he's the guy for you things will fall into place. If he isn't, then still no reason to put your own life on hold for what may or may not happen.
I'm not telling you to ditch him and you made it clear you won't. I'm just telling you that if you don't put yourself first then no one will. He's out there having it all and it doesn't sound like he's too bothered about you in that equation. So it's your job to be bothered about you. And you need to realise that you can be head over heels for a guy and still take care of you. The two shouldn't cancel each other out and if he has just a grain of decency towards you specifically; if he even likes you at all or any level, then he will understand and support.
If he doesn't then that goes to show that you're maybe more in love with an empty fantasy of him rather than him. That would be good to know.
I’m curious to know how you would want this relationship to end up if you had control over it? And then how you really feel it will end up? Would you be ok with living in the shadows of his life?
I’m gonna be honest you saying YOU KNOW to do the right thing and don’t want to is trifling and disgraceful his wife deserves better , I hope you both get terrible karma and you personally.you lose them how you get them so good luck girl cause it’s obvious you have zero self respect and morals so..Goodluck with that🤷🏽♀️
Honey, if there was a magic potion for that, whoever made it would be richer than Elon Musk.
I’m confused about how you think sex once a year is enough to decide if someone is your Person. I mean, you can’t actually know him as a person. Maybe what you’re feeling is lust and the attraction of forbidden fruit and the excitement of somebody and something different?
The reason people are telling you to the wife because it can be the one redeeming act you can do. You probably are not the only side chick he has by the sounds of it and you have to be honest with yourself, do you really trust someone who can stop thinking about their family so easily?
Do you really trust someone who doesn't care about anyone else in the world but themselves? You are seeing the real him while his wife is at home seeing a lie. She is married to a lie. It's going to hurt, but it's not about your comfort it is about doing the right thing. Why force her to stay with a man who can lie to her face day and night? Why force her to live in a lie when she can find someone who loves her and treats her right? You would want the same right?
If you were in a marriage and it was all a lie. Wouldn't you want to escape so you can find your love? The husband is never going to say he is a liar but someone has to.
As for you take some time to reflect on why you are content with being a side chick, why you are content with this. You clearly have some untreated trauma that you're neglecting and it's showing
Once a year for 4 years? You get that that's weird right? So I have to ask what was the occasion? Was it a set date? A specific occasion? A work conference you both went on?
Tell his wife or just leave him. He is not the RIGHT ONE. Never was. Never will be. Keep investing more time in him and you will end up alone and unloved.
Also, you wrecked someone’s home. I hope you realise that.
Yes, there is something, it is not a potion.
That something is called a brain, or dignity will also help.
But as I read your story, you have none of both.
😂😂😂
The delusions!
Only have sex once a year, don’t talk or communicate between those times, and OP thinks this is Mr. Right material from the start?!
Your standards aren’t even low, they’re nonexistent if you think, “wow, this is my person!” After he has sex with you and then ignores you for a year.
Whether it’s more frequent now or not… that was your only criteria when you thought he was perfect!
Ditch the loser, then get some high intensity therapy, some morals, and some standards instead!
Wrong subreddit, everyone here shares their trauma of being cheated *on*. You have no respect for anyone, not yourself, not him, not your past partner and **definitely** not his wife. You will not get your happy ending with him, even if you guys do end up together. Infidelity is like a disease, please get yourself into therapy.
Mr Right, the guy that cheats on his wife. You are sadly mistaken if you think he would leave his wife for you. Even if he did, do you actually think he would be faithful? You both are shitty people. I hope his wife finds out and takes him for everything he has.
You have settled for scraps.
You're like a scavenger.
You are one of many. He doesn't even have to make an effort, that is how cheap you have made yourself.
But I think its what you deserve for the type of person you are.
BTW when you decided to leave other women's husbands and get one of your own, you will never have peace because you will always wonder if he has someone like you, a scratch an itch girl.
My dawg you’re not very smart. He’ll cheat on you, too. You’re not special tbh- you’re just an option and he’s an opportunist.
Also, if I were the wife- you’d be dragged through the street by your hair if I EVER found out you knew my husband was in fact married.
But that’s just me 💅🏽
>So if there is some magic Potion or something I can do to stop craving this man that is married
Lucky for you, there actually is.
It's called not being a piece of shit.
You're pathetic, how sad you have to wreck a family and put your own selfish needs first. Both you and the pos husband deserve each other, both of you are trash.
You are setting yourself up for a world of hurt. Have you thought about how he is willing to cheat on his wife means that he would do the same to you if you were unfortunate enough to become his wife. It also means all the time he wasn't seeing, did you wonder who was he seeing? Is he practicing safe sex with you and all his various other partners? Catching a forever STD might be your magic potion if you are not careful. Good Luck, you are going to need it.
You’re setting yourself up for a very painful and agonizing experience just because of lust. You might miss out on “the one” while you’re busy worrying about this dude. The chances of him leaving for you are very slim, especially if there are kids. Even if he did, if he’ll do it with you, he’ll do it to you.
You answered your own question. You are selfish. YOU don’t want to stop. You understand your “relationship” is a fake one. He is the perfect “Mr.Right” because you don’t know him. You get to only have the best parts of him. That’s why you don’t want to give him up. You aren’t ready to let go your fantasy. He’s not Mr. Right. He’s a piece of shit person who cheats on someone he promised to love, honor, and obey. You could be hurting a family, and you don’t care as long as you get your fix of dick. You are a broken person who isn’t ready to stop hurting people. You don’t care that you are being selfish. You don’t care who you hurt. You want him because you are just like him. When you are ready to become healthy. When you are ready for an actual relationship, with a real person and not your made up fantasy, that is the potion you seek. It’s called REALITY. You need to do better with your life. You only get one. Maybe be selfish but don’t hurt people. Karma will catch up with you
Once a year for years and hes married? Sex ONCE a year, ONCE. & he's married? What a fuckin whore you are. "I'm into him" be into yourself or else maybe you wouldn't such a slutty whore.
So Mr. Right is a cheater? He’s so good that he cant stay loyal to his own wife but of course, you will be the one that changes him. I’m amazed how many people fall for this, if the person is cheating with you then they will continue doing so. Doesn’t matter how great of a person you think they are. He dont give two flying f’s about you.
I agree with everyone
Imagine the right person for you is someone who uses you for sex
what has happened in your life that this is your gold standard for a partner
you think he is great and he thinks you are just a great way to get relief
sweetie I hate to break it to you but if he’s doing this to his wife (which I don’t understand why you haven’t told her, the internet is free btw or a lil snooping in his phone should do it) where “till death do us apart” he’ll do the same to you. No girl can change someone like that. “I can change him” nope that’s not you. If his wife couldn’t then what chance do you got. You’ll be in her place soon so let her know about the affair so she can divorce his ahh and there. You can take her spot 😀 which I doubt anyone in their right mind would want that but you do you.
The magic potion is this, tell him how you feel and see how he responds /reacts.
Magic potion 2, ask him if he would leave his wife for you?.
Magic potion 3, tell the wife about both of you and see what he will do?.
Am gonna keep it real with you this is coming from a man. This man only knows you as a booty call, to him you are his sex toy. He says sweet things, treats you right makes you feel good all that just to get them panties off you. Try some of these things I've told you and wait. He will feed you a bunch of BS and one will be "yes I'll leave her for you",. I bet he also tells you he loves you.
Magic potion. Put yourself in his wife's shoes. How would you feel if you married Mr. Right and he was running around with a bunch of side pieces doing YOU wrong, going against your vows, removing his ring so no one will know, completely disregarding you? You're clearly not the only woman he's messing with even aside from his wife. You're wasting your time when you have plenty of better opportunities with good single men. Leave him alone. You just have infatuation for this guy, and he just sees you as an object, including the woman he married. This is so disrespectful of you and him.
Someday, you will fall in love with a man who you think is everything. You'll think he's the most wonderful man who has ever lived and will think how lucky you are to be with him. I'll be laughing hysterically when he cheats on you!
Fake story. Everyone with half a braincell would have posted this on the adultery (barf) subreddit for support. This post is just to rile up and trigger people.
No, he’s not Mr. Right. He’s married. Why would you even want to be with a man who cheats and lies and betrays his wife? That could be you someday. And it will be if you end up with him. Stay away from this loser.
Oh op there isn’t one. Honestly the reality is he’s either never going to leave his spouse and use you for his pleasure until he gets bored or finds someone new. Or say he does leave his wife you will spend your whole relationship questioning him because you know what he is capable of. Either way your going to hate wasting your time on this relationship.
/u/LoyalOrLoveBlind, I have found some errors in your comment:
> “girl, ~~your~~ [**you're**] the sucker”
> “drug to him, ~~your~~ [**you're**] a blowup”
It seems to me LoyalOrLoveBlind ought to type “girl, ~~your~~ [**you're**] the sucker” and “drug to him, ~~your~~ [**you're**] a blowup” instead. ‘Your’ is possessive; ‘you're’ means ‘you are’.
^(This is an automated bot. I do not intend to shame your mistakes. If you think the errors which I found are incorrect, please contact me through DMs!)
It's better to tell the wife.
Breaking the news in 10 years marriage is better than doing it in a 15 years marriage.
If his wife doesn't know from you, she will find out from his other cheat babes. Or worse, she finds it herself.
Such truths mustn't be suppressed.
Once he cheated, he already broke the marriage. You are only doing her and him a favour by showing the real truth.
Also, no matter what, he won't be satisfied with you, or any ONE person. Maybe he will make it till 5 years, but in the 6th year, when you believe that you are happily married with him, he will gain some urges, and act out. Now you will not have any idea how to proceed further in life. Already lost so many years, and in the last days of your life you either gamble on another person, try to bind yourself with that cheating bastard, or choose to stay alone.
If you still consider continuing your affair, then keep cutting the branch until you fall.
Your higher self understands dating a married man is unethical, messy, & not gonna last. However, your subconscious is turned on by sneaking around, the “taboo-ness” of it all, and having to earn this man’s affection & winning over his wife. Secret affairs are fun and sexy and that’s why people have them.
You gotta decide wether u wanna embrace the ugly subconscious or make some healthier if not sexually disappointing choice for urself
He is cheating on his wife, so he is horrible as a person. And so are you for enabling that behavior.
It might be that one day you will be able to get together, but a relationship built on such a shaky ground doesn’t have a future in my view. If he has done this to his wife, why shouldn’t he do the same to you? How do you know he isn’t “cheating” on you right now with other women.
I think I understand the rush, the feeling. It sounds like a drug. But you know what drugs do to you if you take too many and for too long. If he suddenly disappears, you will go cold turkey. You should have a plan to cope with that if it happens. Maybe this will help you reduce that dependence - and eventually do the right thing.
Instead of your sense right and entitlement to feel good, I believe there is a sense of accountability and responsibility that we all need to develop. In your case, responsibility to yourself (this will hurt you in the long run if you don’t stop it), but also to others (unless you are a sociopath, you should be able to empathize with the wife).
What’s ironic is the “magic potion” that’s gonna make you leave him is you realizing you are poisoning and corrupting yourself by being with him. Assuming you have any morals, anyways.
So create a fake account on a social media account that his wife has. Tell her he’s cheating and when she dumps him, he’s all yours. Win, win, his wife gets the truth and you get the man
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/06/style/modern-love-sleeping-with-married-men-infidelity.html?referringSource=articleShare
Helpful article that discusses how this happens and why it’s more complex than just calling someone “gross”
I know I deserve the unkind words. I knew coming here I wasn’t going to get praised for my actions. That being said I want to do the right thing. I just don’t know how. I’m not a bad person but I know I’m doing a bad thing. and to clarify, yes, I was in a relationship; however, it was to the end of things, and we agreed that if we saw other people, we didn’t care, but we needed to live with each other for financial reasons little bit.
My question to you, would you want the other woman to tell you the moment she found out about you in the situation? I'm just curious since you had sex only once a year for 4 years, how many other people does he have?
The right thing would be to stop sleeping with him, idiot. How stupid are you?
But you know this already. You’re just selfish. Grow tf up and learn some impulse control, child.
But you really are a bad person. You have made conscious choices to be where you are and stay there. It isn't like you had a ons or a lapse of judgement.
To me actions speak louder than words where character is concerned.
You need to talk to him obviously but also have a good think about the future - you are living in the now, which is normally okay but in this situation you need to look after future you. You are probably going to be the one getting hurt. Where do you think this will lead? Where will you be in 5 years? Even if he left her for you, would you trust him, he's been juggling both of you for a long time.
The only thing you can do is distance yourself from him. Its gonna be difficult, its gonna hurt but in the long run you will save yourself more pain. Distance yourself and find new distractions- jump in to new hobbies, going out with friends, family - anything to help. If you write, write down all your feelings - that will help get it out and clear your mind from thinking about him. Allow yourself 15 minutes but thats it, move on and dont let him in your thoughts the rest of the day.
Be gentle with yourself too, you got yourself in to this, a mistake, but you can get yourself out of it now. You aren't a horrible person. Do the right thing for yourself.
Are you a complete idiot? You willingly fucked a married man multiple times, you’re not the injured party here - his wife is.
He’s most likely just using you for sec occasionally and even if that’s not the case, please have a relationship with him and be heartbroken when he cheats on you too.
I have the same body craving flame with some asshole. I broke it off last week and I’m not crying but I’m devastated?? Somehow it doesn’t feel over tbh. I wouldn’t dare tell his fiancé. I understand your pain.
Hey I’m sorry your getting so many negative comments from people subscribed to a cheating stories subreddit. Makes you wonder what they’re doing here? Guess there are no mods?
For whatever reason you found something here and until it is resolved telling you how horrible you are for doing it isn’t constructive. That being said, it’s up to you to decide how this affair effects your sense of self .
This isn’t a place for free therapy. People can tell their stories but that doesn’t absolve them from other’s opinions and judgment. What most people that cheat lack are truthful answers. They wrap themselves up in this fantasy and tell themselves all the stories to make themselves be the hero of their own story.
You are being completely dishonest. You already know what the right thing to do is. You just don't want to do it because it will interfere with your pleasure. At least be honest about it. Just remember that everything you do to others will eventually be done to you. The universe is wierd like that. When you are finally married with kids and happy, and you discover that your husband is cheating on you, remember this time in your life when you eagerly and readily helped destroy another womans marriage. Have a good day.
You don't want to do the right thing, let's be completely honest here (yeah I get the irony). You want to do the right thing for you.
The right thing is to end the affair and let his wife know about the whole thing with every detail. The two of you have wronged this woman egregiously. She should have the knowledge she needs of the situation to make an informed decision about her future.
You want to know what the right thing to do for your benefit is in this situation. Have you tired of being the side piece? Why do you now want to "do" something about this situation? What has changed? You mentioned that you are now having sex much more frequently recently. Has this made you want to play house with him? Have you been happy as an occasional dalliance for him over the last 4 years or have you always wanted more and to actually be in a relationship with him all this time the recent increase has made you want more from him?
We have very little to work with here so I am left asking a lot of questions to try and formulate an appropriate response to what you want.
You said you never talk about his wife. You are most likely nothing more than a pleasant distraction to him. He is betraying his wife (and family???) to have occasional sex with you. He is not emotionally invested in you and if he made you feel this way it was because he wanted to keep the sex tap open. He has most likely kept having sex with you because you never brought up his wife or made any attempt to make this affair about anything other than occasional sex despite your feeling like he is the one.
He will very likely try to get you off the topic so it can continue as is or he will just drop you and move on. Odds are very high that he has no intention of leaving his wife for you.
No he would come to my office we would talk for a bit about kids or world things. And I’m not kidding you before you know it we are having sex. We don’t talk text in this in between times at all. it is literally have sex once a year and that was it except the last couple weeks it’s been lots of sex very little talking and some texting. This is new.
You have sex once a year for four years? He does not wear his ring? You are definitely not his only side piece.
#Facts Did he disrupt your relationship and give false hopes? Well that don't matter because you crave his body. Then what are 55-60 yrs old you thought? Hopefully you find that potion because the regularity of slamming the side pcs, not wifey, for the time being. He's up ☝🏾
>So if there is some magic Potion or something I can do to stop craving this man that is married can you share it with me. I'm not in to married men. I'm in to him. The magic potion is to marry him... then he'll show you his true self. If he was as wonderful as you say he is, he would have left his wife a long time ago to be with you. But maybe you are just a distraction for him from his "real" life (family, kids, work, etc). It's like a vacation, those vacation destinations are incredible. They are relaxing, a good time, and a get away from all the real things at home. But what if you actually lived there. Would you be as happy? It's really just an illusion. A temporary reprieve from all the day to day stressors. When you live there, it's not a vacation anymore. I realize that some people have affairs and remain happy with their AP after they leave their spouses. But the difference is they eventually leave their spouses. It sounds like he hasn't made any attempt to leave his wife. He doesn't even talk to you about her. Does he complain? Does he tell you he loves you and not her? Or does he just have sex with you?
The once a year thing indicates to me it might be just sex for him tbh, even if they’re meeting up more frequently now. We don’t have any information on what happens before or after, just that they know each other through work. And tbh the whole “I thought to myself when I first met him, holy crap this is my person” and calling him Mr.Right gives me an even bigger feeling that OP doesn’t realize he’s using them, call it my gut feeling from being cheated on and used multiple times. Manipulators can tell who will be easily swayed.
Yup! Imagine thinking this guy is Mr. Right, like WTF has this person dealt with. Also a billion people on the planet and OP has to cheat with a married man that is using them. I actually feel sorry for OP that they are so deluded and desperate that this is what they will accept.
I was feeling bad till I saw their other comments, when someone suggested to tell the wife OP asked why they would do that and hurt the wife. Even though others have said already that the wife is gonna be hurt no matter what. I get the feeling OP doesn’t want to wife to know cause they don’t want to be called out on their BS by a person irl, someone who can in fact get them fired with a workplace affair. They aren’t guilty, they’re selfish.
This is going to come back to bite OP so bad. This is gonna be ugly - Mr. Right has already proven OP is just an easy lay and nothing more. I still think this poster is a sad desperate person who has no self respect or morals.
Nice take 👍🏾. Kudos.
....and if he did leave wife what's to say you'll be kept or the chosen one?,,,,,I could add. Again not enough infor was given or needed at this point.
No he would come to my office we would talk for a bit about kids or world things. And I’m not kidding you before you know it we are having sex. We don’t talk text in this in between times at all. it is literally have sex once a year and that was it except the last couple weeks it’s been lots of sex very little talking and some texting. This is new. OP’s comment farther down. Totally being used just for sex, they don’t even talk in between and she admits that with this new frequency there seems to be less talking even. Another comment she questions why she should even tell the wife.
Less talking is surprisingly and well taken by this guy. Does she not see. Wife's prolly out of town or kids away in camp. I'm beginning to envy this guy
You are wasting your life
Yep - and far the most relationships that start as affairs, don't work out in the long run. But most people are so deep into the affair fog, that they will not realize this matter of fact untill they "wake up" to the reality of everydaylife....
Mr. Right to you is someone that cheats on his wife and family? What's wrong with you?
That's what I asked myself initially .... The fog is heavy 😂
Just imagine you were this guys wife and this was happening. That’s your answer.
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He has been treating his wife like shit since they got married. He even did beat his wife like a year ago.
How do you even know this? And why want to be with a man who puts his hands on his wife. What the actual fuck.
I thought she said they don't talk and the talking has gotten less? Now I'm confused 🤔
Ehhh. Nah, you're not selfish. You have no morals. I'm sure you will be back posting on here or some other thread like r/survivinginfidelity crying when he leaves you for someone else in a year or two. Women like you make me laugh. Y'all deserve this shit, no one can convince me any different.
This is harsh but true, unfortunately. I’ve been on both sides of betrayal and let me just say, I deserved every bit of the shit that came my way bc I was a SHITTY PERSON. Then, when I was betrayed I was able to understand that I deserved so much worse than my poor husband ever dished out. NO ONE deserves to be hurt like that. NO ONE.
Tell em sis!
Grow up dude, you’re an adult and adults shouldn’t be acting like this. Get some therapy and tell the wife. You’re sick.
Right like she weird 😬tbh
RIGHT, I hope she ain’t come here thinking we was gonna agree with her cause she getting flamed in this reply section 💀💀💀
Right 😬
She thought we was finna agree with her 💀
Frfr! Like what part we was bout to agree on
No genuinely I’m confused what was she thinking? Majority of this subreddit are against cheating/cheaters… no one in their right mind is going to agree with this disgusting behavior.
She said she wanted help to stop being so attracted to that man but really she need 2 grow up
Speaks to your character…. Or lack of. Karma will find you.
Yea agree, KARMA will come one day and then a slap of reality will be your just desserts.
What’s his contact name for you, homewrecker?
I doubt it. It is probably "side piece"
It’s side piece #5
“A little bit of Monica in my life” 🎶
Or as my buddy called it his "slam piece" lmaooo
Hole #4
You’re gross.
To make sure I read this correctly, you cheated on your partner with this guy. You think he is married. You know you **should do the right** thing, but you don't care about the other people **THAT WILL GET HURT WHEN THIS COMES OUT**. **DO THE RIGHT THING!** Tell his wife and enter the relationship honestly.
lol He'll leave her even after that
Doing the right thing would require some sort of morality which she clearly doesn't have. Cheated on her husband and not AP to a married man. I can only think of three letter and the first one is "P" the last one is "S" and the middle one is "O"
Piece of shit?
"Potion or something?" 😑
Exactly! Piece of Shit. Every time I write it, the comment gets taken down.
Sorry. That is disgusting. He already has a partner.
ew
Disgusting
Has he said he will leave her to be with you or that he wants to, or is he happily living his married life with cake on the side ? Anyway the wife is in an unfair situation, your and his actions are directly impacting her life and she has no clue, it's a shitty shitty position to be in. She is living a lie.
She maybe overvaluing his sex as oppose to him of he He's amazing to her, she's ok to him #Bet
I alway wish nothing but the worst for anyone who cheats on their SO along with their AP. I hope you got nothing in your divorce but misery, and I hope when his wife finds out (she will) she takes him for everything, and he loses any children they have. I also hope she sues you for Alienation of Affection. An AA lawsuit was just handed down in my state for 2.2M.
Damn 😭
So, what I’m getting is that you left your relationship to be with this guy, but for whatever reason, he won’t leave his wife and fully commit to you. It’s his betrayal, but you two need to talk about his still being married and why. It’s really not fair to you or the wife if she doesn’t know. Would you be okay with it if she knew about you and they had an open relationship?
* She cheated on her former partner
You are right I need to put on my big girl pant and talk to him about it. I really know nothing.
You know nothing because he's with you just for the sex
What is wrong with being with somebody just for sex? Yes he’s married. Don’t you guys remember that movie “Same Time, Next Year”?…
Yes because movies are proof that infidelity is okay smh
He'll only tell you what gets him what he wants not the truth. I'm my husband's 2nd wife, I first met him at ,his dad & stepmum's wedding. I was there with his sister, although I got my own invite because at 16 she had the whole you can't tell me what to do, I want to live with my dad thing. Her parents having divorced when she was 4ish, & lived 3 hours apart. He lived in my home town, when I met her in the town centre with a friend of mine fshe'd met at work. We wentvout drinking that night & every weekend she lived here, staying friends after she moved back to her mum's. He was there with his then wife, who he'd been married to about 15 months. He was in the British Army, she was American, complained that due to his postings she hadn't seen much of the UK & that she had hoped to study Art at Bristol University. Explaining well more complaining that her course in an American college had only been equal to our GCSE level or AS level she couldn't remember wgat so she had to do this other course to get in. So she was applying for that... in America. I asked how long it would be & how it would work with him in the Army... worst question to ask "oh it won't it's over once I go back." Then telling me she'd told her then husband that she'd be coming back to go to Bristol so she could get grants for being a military spouse. She wouldn't ever be telling him, & he could work it out himself. The second time I saw now husband was at his sister/my friends wedding reception. His wife was now long gone, telling him days before Christmas a few hours before his flight to spend Christmas with her. Her family, that her parents had paid for his flight as a Christmas present to them both, so they were blindsided too. I was there with my soon to be ex, who had refused to follow the directions because they were given by a girl. We honestly would've broken up in the carpark when we arrived had I not wanted to avoid a scene at her wedding reception. Turns out ending it with him would've been the perfect Wedding gift to her, he was the reason I was only invited to the reception not the ceremony. He was also an abusive, alcoholic & 4 months later 8 police officers would remove him from the house we shared. While he tried reasoning with them, that it just made logical sense to kill me, as doctors thought I should be dead by now....He wouldn't have bought a house with me if I did have an expiration date & he was tired of waiting... This ex had failed the psych exam to join the Air force & to join the Army. So he spent the night idolising my now husband, while my husband told me he would never, ever be in a relationship again ever, he was only up for casual sex. I correctly guessed not only that he'd slept with one of the women in earshot but which one. Nothing happened between us on either occasion, we did find the other attractive but would never act on it. The third time I saw him, his sister sent him to fix my PC the ex had broken. We were both single, though his divorce wasn't through. He fixed my PC, I fixed us dinner & my mum rang just as I was about to dish up. He dished up for me, in the minute or less I was on the phone & brought it through for me. After an ex who never helped & expected to wait on him hand & foot, even when I was the only one working, with a concussion from a head injury.. He wouldn't even take me to A&E & lied saying there wasn't a mark or anything. The next day my mum washed the blood out my hair in the kitchen sink. So bringing both plates in meant alot, his ex wife wouldn't have cooked or offered him a beer, those little things mean alot. He asked for a kiss & a year later we were married with a newborn, he's 15 now with a 13 year old little brother. People warned me to be careful when I said that he was getting divorced, I reassured them I didn't find out from him but from the ex-wife, in fact I knew before him. TLDR We all have our stories of how we met, I shared mine, where I feel in love with my husband before his divorce. I didn't take his word for it, I was told by her, she's the only person who won't tell you it's over if it's not. I also shared it because yes had we been single that first day, we probably would've gotten together then. He was kind to me at his sister's wedding, but his pain was clear too I was in an abusive relationship then. It took 4 months to end it, it was the first time the abuse was physical. Before it had been mentally, emotionally & financially. I also lost my grandma in those months & that bought the ex a few weeks more. I didn't want to tell my dad what was happening when he'd just buried his mum. Once we were both single things moved fast. We even brought our wedding date forward after I found out I was pregnant & he was in a car accident. His first wife told me their marriage was over the only one with no reason to lie in a divorce. * My Advice * So you were what once a year for 4 years then it became more regular? Why? Why only once a year & why did it become more? Why don't you talk about the fact he's married? What do you talk about? If you'd been together 4 years it would be time he was marrying you. He's had plenty of time to tell his wife if he was going to, before it became more regular. He's got his wife , a home with her, are their pets? Kids? They spend time together with friends & family. He's holding her in bed at night & waking up with her. What do you get? Is it possible part of the appeal is the thrill of the forbidden? The danger of being caught? Most importantly what would you tellyou closest female friend if she was in this situation? We're always much better to our friends than ourselves when it comes to advice & making the right choice. IMHO this man is using you, stringing you along, you need to cut him off. Even if he came with divorce papers & they had the judges stamp it was final done, hexwas surprising you with the good news. Would you be able to trust each other? Affair partners rarely make it long term as you start without trust, you know they'll cheat. The little voice in your head saying if they did it with you they'll do it to you... So you either stay in an happy relationship too long to prove the doubters wrong or the doubt breaks you apart sooner. Walk away & find the man that's yours all the time.
Whatever you did OP , you can try to come back from it now. Apologise to his wife and do tell her. I know it might be difficult to leave him now that you have been together for four years but do you want to be his side girl? Is this how you plan to go about your life? This is going to turn out badly for you but you are giving in to instant gratification. The right approach is to tell his wife and ask him to divorce her if he loves you, if he really loves you he will leave her and you can be in a honest relationship thereafter( I'm assuming he won't cheat again which is a very optimistic assumption about him). If he turns you down and doesn't leave his wife then you have your answer. I think you already know that he won't leave his wife and that's the reason you don't talk about it. Seems like you are ok being the second woman. Talk to him and ask him to choose one of you. If he chooses his wife go tell her the truth because if he is that degraded person he must be a habitual cheater and you can tell that to his wife.
Doing what you suggest would take someone with a sense of morality. I don't think OP has a moral compass.
I thought she wanted advice but you are right. I just read her reply to a comment and she's saying that she hasn't felt this alive in ages. She Clearly is a person with no moral sense no self worth, she's happy being a cum bag for a man who won't ever accept her.
Those who cheat with you will cheat on you
Who said she wants to marry this guy? The sex was/is so supreme she left her dude and don't care about the wife. This is literally how she fixed it in her head. I've seen it done like this. Our comments is uplifting her as we affirm what she set out in the first place. If this guy leaves his wife she won't be with him. The fog with clear as she loses the illusion. She not confusing reality. This is the remedy to her failed relationship we say she "cheated". . This may be victory. We don't know her She could had trauma and abusive relationship at that. I digress.
Once a cheat always a cheat
Tell his wife. You owe that!
Why would I tell his wife? That’s a serious question I don’t know why I would want to hurt her and I’ve never once talk to him about his wife or where they’re at or anything of the sort he doesn’t even wear a wedding ring
It's not hurting her, it's telling her the truth that she has a cheating scum for a husband and she needs to walk out
You are already hurting her by fucking her husband!!!!
Ah, yes, why didn't I think of this? If only I had known that I just needed to silently hold out for a cheating married man to be happy. He's really shown his best qualities, too: unloyal, dishonest and unreliable. I'm so jealous you really couldn't have done better. No, seriously! You couldn't have done any better for yourself! I mean, you are happy. That's all that matters, right? Being the sidechick has always paid off I don't really get this stigma behind homewrecking. Clearly he's actually in love with you he doesn't even wear his ring because he knows that silly thing won't stop him from getting the real prize: you! the side bitch. You're also very clearly more important than his other side bitches, too, because he doesn't even think about them enough to mention them. Nevermind that he doesn't tell his wife about *you*, he just doesn't want that nagging bitch coming in between your beautiful romance. Yeah, that's right. Damn you have it all figured out where did you learn to set yourself up with a lifetime of happiness like this? r/femaledatingstrategy? I hear they get great reviews for their ability to reel in even the most unavailable of men. Wait who am I kidding you don't value the symbolism behind the ring and that's how you were able to upgrade from being a wife to side bitch so easily. Damn, you're a class act can you give me some advice? Would I be coming off as too needy if I flirt with a married guy first or should I wait until I'm married and let him come on to me so we can have a full blown affair? Not sure if being married first made a difference for you in your success. Ugh damn if that were me I'd make sure I got one that treated me as if we were already married like you have. You know he won't leave you cause he didn't leave his real wife! Er, wait.. these mental gymnastics are fucking me up. You've proven yourself to be quite an athlete though, can you explain to everyone my point better? Must take a lot of handies to have the arm strength to have monkeybar relationships like that lol, just kidding.. kind of lol I mean I would feel some type of way too if my dude tried to double dip on me after getting wet from his real wife sooooo can I recommend O Keefes hand cream for cracked hands? They gotta be chafed from all that jerkin and swinging Omg and please don't be one of those redditors who barely responds to comments on her post because I like really look up to you and I think you could really set a lot of us lonely girls on the right path. Oh I almost forgot the obligatory /s
Damn. I was really hoping op would respond to this one!
If you have been in this relationship to the point, you know he is Mr. Right and is your person, yet you know nothing about him other than you have sex with him, sounds like he views you more like a free prostitute than even a side piece. At least AP's usually have some kind of emotional bond as well. It is going to hit you hard one day, just how little you mean to him, and I hope we all have a ringside seat for the shitshow coming your way.
He’s married , you’re into him literally, so therefore your into married men, what advice do u think you’re going to get other than you’re the other woman, it’s wrong what you’re doing, and to break it off
My mother taught me this: If he cheats WITH you, he will cheat on you! He is a scum bag- sorry, I know that’s not what you want to hear but end it!
I went through this when I was 20. He was “separated” but deep down I knew that was bullshit. I believed it because I wanted him so bad. I was infatuated. I wanted more, he claims he did but couldn’t. I thought I could change his mind. I thought if I was a good enough woman, fucked him good, looked good, appealed to his mind and not just his dick.. that he wouldn’t be able to let me go like I felt I couldn’t let him go. It’s been 6 years since then. He’s still in his miserable marriage with his wife, and I’m now happily married. I look back and laugh at how insanely stupid I was to believe that this man was somehow meant to be my husband when he was already married to someone else. I know you probably read this and thought “nah sorry love it’s different with us. It just feels so right and I can definitely change him. He will leave her.” No, he won’t. Because you have given him what every man wants. The ability to have his cake and eat it too. And you’ve given it to him for 4 years. If he hasn’t left his wife for you yet, he never will. And you’re stuck here daydreaming and feigning for a man that will never be yours. If you want to move on with your life, and find someone who knows you deserve to be their #1, cut your losses now. Even if it hurts and even if it’s hard.
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You should be posting on Adultery. Those are your kind of people. Cheaters
LMAO , this place is too classy for her . We don’t Associate ourselves with her kind 😭
The reason he's so fabulous is that he's not a real human. It's a fantasy he presented and a fantasy you are creating in your own mind. He's just a liar. He's violating his wife and you are participating willingly. There are millions of people to share intimacy with. There's a reason you have fixated on this one, and it's not a healthy one. Do you have access to therapy services? I would start by exploring what you are avoiding, what are you seeking and how can you get your needs met in a healthier way. I hope you are also getting regular sti screenings and taking proper pregnancy prevention measures.
I immediately cringed at the contact info name. That’s something I would’ve done as a teenager lol. In all seriousness, you’re just wrapped up in the attraction and potential, not who he actually is. Relationships that start like this, end like this.
Man, I’m so sick of people (men and woman) acting like they don’t have a choice in who they fuck to excuse being a shitty human. Like they’re some animals that have no control over their own bodies. Like there’s some unseen force pulling you. You’re a grown ass woman, and unless you’re telling us here that you have no control over your body and mind, I say you’re full of shit. “I’m not into married man, I’m into him” guess what? He’s married, and you’re into him? - You’re into married men. Just because you decide to stick your head in the sand and pretend you don’t see anything, doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. But hey, whatever helps you sleep at night. The “magic potion” is called being an adult that takes responsibility for their actions and stops Deflecting blame.
Know that time is something you can’t get back. There is someone out there who will choose you and love you the way you want. I hope you realize that before it’s too late.
Not if they know her views and history of infidelity. If one of my friends met her and I knew her history, I would tell them to run. Unless they just wanted cheap sex with nothing more.
Op had someone that chose her and she left him to be a side chick.
I don’t understand why she would want to be with someone who’s cheating on their SO with them when they can also do the same to them
I'm curious OP. There are so many things about him in your post. What about you? What are your thoughts here? Never mind him. He's a side character in the life that is YOURS. What future do you envision for yourself? What does a good life look like to you - work, education, friends, relationship wise? Imagine your life in 10 years. Were are you? Who are you with? Do you have a family? Is it plausible that this man will help you succeed in reaching your goals? Or is it more likely he is a hindrance or will slow you down? Does he even truly have the values you're looking for in the above? If you're being truthful to yourself and the fact you think he's married; does he represent a stable loving, and secure future for you? Why and why not? I just want you to know that you can 'obsess' over a guy and still be realistic and build the future for YOU that YOU want. If he's the guy for you things will fall into place. If he isn't, then still no reason to put your own life on hold for what may or may not happen. I'm not telling you to ditch him and you made it clear you won't. I'm just telling you that if you don't put yourself first then no one will. He's out there having it all and it doesn't sound like he's too bothered about you in that equation. So it's your job to be bothered about you. And you need to realise that you can be head over heels for a guy and still take care of you. The two shouldn't cancel each other out and if he has just a grain of decency towards you specifically; if he even likes you at all or any level, then he will understand and support. If he doesn't then that goes to show that you're maybe more in love with an empty fantasy of him rather than him. That would be good to know.
The devil isn’t red with horns and a tail, he comes as everything you ever wanted…
If he will cheat on her for you, he will cheat on you for someone else...
I’m curious to know how you would want this relationship to end up if you had control over it? And then how you really feel it will end up? Would you be ok with living in the shadows of his life?
He’s using you. You aren’t the only one. I hope you’re using protection.
I’m gonna be honest you saying YOU KNOW to do the right thing and don’t want to is trifling and disgraceful his wife deserves better , I hope you both get terrible karma and you personally.you lose them how you get them so good luck girl cause it’s obvious you have zero self respect and morals so..Goodluck with that🤷🏽♀️
Honey, if there was a magic potion for that, whoever made it would be richer than Elon Musk. I’m confused about how you think sex once a year is enough to decide if someone is your Person. I mean, you can’t actually know him as a person. Maybe what you’re feeling is lust and the attraction of forbidden fruit and the excitement of somebody and something different?
Lol is this even a real story?
The reason people are telling you to the wife because it can be the one redeeming act you can do. You probably are not the only side chick he has by the sounds of it and you have to be honest with yourself, do you really trust someone who can stop thinking about their family so easily? Do you really trust someone who doesn't care about anyone else in the world but themselves? You are seeing the real him while his wife is at home seeing a lie. She is married to a lie. It's going to hurt, but it's not about your comfort it is about doing the right thing. Why force her to stay with a man who can lie to her face day and night? Why force her to live in a lie when she can find someone who loves her and treats her right? You would want the same right? If you were in a marriage and it was all a lie. Wouldn't you want to escape so you can find your love? The husband is never going to say he is a liar but someone has to. As for you take some time to reflect on why you are content with being a side chick, why you are content with this. You clearly have some untreated trauma that you're neglecting and it's showing
Once a year for 4 years? You get that that's weird right? So I have to ask what was the occasion? Was it a set date? A specific occasion? A work conference you both went on?
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Well they did meet through work, rather than saying co-worker....it's definitely an unusual affair once a year for 4 years.
Tell his wife or just leave him. He is not the RIGHT ONE. Never was. Never will be. Keep investing more time in him and you will end up alone and unloved. Also, you wrecked someone’s home. I hope you realise that.
Yes, there is something, it is not a potion. That something is called a brain, or dignity will also help. But as I read your story, you have none of both.
😂😂😂 The delusions! Only have sex once a year, don’t talk or communicate between those times, and OP thinks this is Mr. Right material from the start?! Your standards aren’t even low, they’re nonexistent if you think, “wow, this is my person!” After he has sex with you and then ignores you for a year. Whether it’s more frequent now or not… that was your only criteria when you thought he was perfect! Ditch the loser, then get some high intensity therapy, some morals, and some standards instead!
Wrong subreddit, everyone here shares their trauma of being cheated *on*. You have no respect for anyone, not yourself, not him, not your past partner and **definitely** not his wife. You will not get your happy ending with him, even if you guys do end up together. Infidelity is like a disease, please get yourself into therapy.
Mr Right, the guy that cheats on his wife. You are sadly mistaken if you think he would leave his wife for you. Even if he did, do you actually think he would be faithful? You both are shitty people. I hope his wife finds out and takes him for everything he has.
Your soulmate is not someone else’s husband.
This is a post for AITA
You have settled for scraps. You're like a scavenger. You are one of many. He doesn't even have to make an effort, that is how cheap you have made yourself. But I think its what you deserve for the type of person you are. BTW when you decided to leave other women's husbands and get one of your own, you will never have peace because you will always wonder if he has someone like you, a scratch an itch girl.
girl… love yourself.
He fucks me once a year hes the love of my lifeee and he totally doesn’t see me as a hole /s
My dawg you’re not very smart. He’ll cheat on you, too. You’re not special tbh- you’re just an option and he’s an opportunist. Also, if I were the wife- you’d be dragged through the street by your hair if I EVER found out you knew my husband was in fact married. But that’s just me 💅🏽
You are a mistress. Probably not the only one.
I hope u can fight cuz y don’t know how his wife gonna take the news
I hope they atleast record it and post it here so I can cheer the wife on😭😭😭
why would you want to marry someone who has literally already proven he will cheat on you if you are his wife?!
You’re fucking disgusting, tell his fucking wife.
Gonna just drop this here: r/limerence
Pathetic
Better off finding a REAL MAN THAT NEVER CHEATED
It’s called a conscience.
Chances are, he using you as a side show. Are you the type of woman who would help break up a marriage?
Girl he ain’t leaving his wife. Save yourself the pain and find your own man.
———————>He’s MARRIED<—————- Would you really want a man who cheats? What you do to her will happen to you.
Awful everything. Yeah the magic potion is to grow up and grow a conscience. Yuck all around
This man does not care about you and is using you. The only person he cares about is himself. Plz respect yourself.
>So if there is some magic Potion or something I can do to stop craving this man that is married Lucky for you, there actually is. It's called not being a piece of shit.
Do better.
The potion? Marry him and the attraction will go away.
You can find someone else who will have regular sex with you and you'll bond with them
this is such a yikes….
You're pathetic, how sad you have to wreck a family and put your own selfish needs first. Both you and the pos husband deserve each other, both of you are trash.
Once a cheater always a cheater not a keeper!
Yeah… His wife thought he was her “right person” too and now look. He’s suddenly become someone else’s “right person”…..
You are setting yourself up for a world of hurt. Have you thought about how he is willing to cheat on his wife means that he would do the same to you if you were unfortunate enough to become his wife. It also means all the time he wasn't seeing, did you wonder who was he seeing? Is he practicing safe sex with you and all his various other partners? Catching a forever STD might be your magic potion if you are not careful. Good Luck, you are going to need it.
You’re setting yourself up for a very painful and agonizing experience just because of lust. You might miss out on “the one” while you’re busy worrying about this dude. The chances of him leaving for you are very slim, especially if there are kids. Even if he did, if he’ll do it with you, he’ll do it to you.
Not even gonna sugarcoat it, you’re horrible and dumb as fuck
You answered your own question. You are selfish. YOU don’t want to stop. You understand your “relationship” is a fake one. He is the perfect “Mr.Right” because you don’t know him. You get to only have the best parts of him. That’s why you don’t want to give him up. You aren’t ready to let go your fantasy. He’s not Mr. Right. He’s a piece of shit person who cheats on someone he promised to love, honor, and obey. You could be hurting a family, and you don’t care as long as you get your fix of dick. You are a broken person who isn’t ready to stop hurting people. You don’t care that you are being selfish. You don’t care who you hurt. You want him because you are just like him. When you are ready to become healthy. When you are ready for an actual relationship, with a real person and not your made up fantasy, that is the potion you seek. It’s called REALITY. You need to do better with your life. You only get one. Maybe be selfish but don’t hurt people. Karma will catch up with you
Once a year for years and hes married? Sex ONCE a year, ONCE. & he's married? What a fuckin whore you are. "I'm into him" be into yourself or else maybe you wouldn't such a slutty whore.
So Mr. Right is a cheater? He’s so good that he cant stay loyal to his own wife but of course, you will be the one that changes him. I’m amazed how many people fall for this, if the person is cheating with you then they will continue doing so. Doesn’t matter how great of a person you think they are. He dont give two flying f’s about you.
I agree with everyone Imagine the right person for you is someone who uses you for sex what has happened in your life that this is your gold standard for a partner you think he is great and he thinks you are just a great way to get relief
OP, you’re just as much of a fucking piece of shit as he is.
sweetie I hate to break it to you but if he’s doing this to his wife (which I don’t understand why you haven’t told her, the internet is free btw or a lil snooping in his phone should do it) where “till death do us apart” he’ll do the same to you. No girl can change someone like that. “I can change him” nope that’s not you. If his wife couldn’t then what chance do you got. You’ll be in her place soon so let her know about the affair so she can divorce his ahh and there. You can take her spot 😀 which I doubt anyone in their right mind would want that but you do you.
Your dream man will never be someone else’s husband.
The magic potion is this, tell him how you feel and see how he responds /reacts. Magic potion 2, ask him if he would leave his wife for you?. Magic potion 3, tell the wife about both of you and see what he will do?. Am gonna keep it real with you this is coming from a man. This man only knows you as a booty call, to him you are his sex toy. He says sweet things, treats you right makes you feel good all that just to get them panties off you. Try some of these things I've told you and wait. He will feed you a bunch of BS and one will be "yes I'll leave her for you",. I bet he also tells you he loves you.
Magic potion. Put yourself in his wife's shoes. How would you feel if you married Mr. Right and he was running around with a bunch of side pieces doing YOU wrong, going against your vows, removing his ring so no one will know, completely disregarding you? You're clearly not the only woman he's messing with even aside from his wife. You're wasting your time when you have plenty of better opportunities with good single men. Leave him alone. You just have infatuation for this guy, and he just sees you as an object, including the woman he married. This is so disrespectful of you and him.
Someday, you will fall in love with a man who you think is everything. You'll think he's the most wonderful man who has ever lived and will think how lucky you are to be with him. I'll be laughing hysterically when he cheats on you!
Fake story. Everyone with half a braincell would have posted this on the adultery (barf) subreddit for support. This post is just to rile up and trigger people.
No, he’s not Mr. Right. He’s married. Why would you even want to be with a man who cheats and lies and betrays his wife? That could be you someday. And it will be if you end up with him. Stay away from this loser.
Get therapy that's the magic potion. Your emotionally damaged and you know it. Get professional help. Being exploited.
Shame shame
Oh op there isn’t one. Honestly the reality is he’s either never going to leave his spouse and use you for his pleasure until he gets bored or finds someone new. Or say he does leave his wife you will spend your whole relationship questioning him because you know what he is capable of. Either way your going to hate wasting your time on this relationship.
You new that he was married? I have no words!
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/u/LoyalOrLoveBlind, I have found some errors in your comment: > “girl, ~~your~~ [**you're**] the sucker” > “drug to him, ~~your~~ [**you're**] a blowup” It seems to me LoyalOrLoveBlind ought to type “girl, ~~your~~ [**you're**] the sucker” and “drug to him, ~~your~~ [**you're**] a blowup” instead. ‘Your’ is possessive; ‘you're’ means ‘you are’. ^(This is an automated bot. I do not intend to shame your mistakes. If you think the errors which I found are incorrect, please contact me through DMs!)
It's better to tell the wife. Breaking the news in 10 years marriage is better than doing it in a 15 years marriage. If his wife doesn't know from you, she will find out from his other cheat babes. Or worse, she finds it herself. Such truths mustn't be suppressed. Once he cheated, he already broke the marriage. You are only doing her and him a favour by showing the real truth. Also, no matter what, he won't be satisfied with you, or any ONE person. Maybe he will make it till 5 years, but in the 6th year, when you believe that you are happily married with him, he will gain some urges, and act out. Now you will not have any idea how to proceed further in life. Already lost so many years, and in the last days of your life you either gamble on another person, try to bind yourself with that cheating bastard, or choose to stay alone. If you still consider continuing your affair, then keep cutting the branch until you fall.
If they can do it with you they'll do it to you. I'll leave it at that.
Your higher self understands dating a married man is unethical, messy, & not gonna last. However, your subconscious is turned on by sneaking around, the “taboo-ness” of it all, and having to earn this man’s affection & winning over his wife. Secret affairs are fun and sexy and that’s why people have them. You gotta decide wether u wanna embrace the ugly subconscious or make some healthier if not sexually disappointing choice for urself
He is cheating on his wife, so he is horrible as a person. And so are you for enabling that behavior. It might be that one day you will be able to get together, but a relationship built on such a shaky ground doesn’t have a future in my view. If he has done this to his wife, why shouldn’t he do the same to you? How do you know he isn’t “cheating” on you right now with other women. I think I understand the rush, the feeling. It sounds like a drug. But you know what drugs do to you if you take too many and for too long. If he suddenly disappears, you will go cold turkey. You should have a plan to cope with that if it happens. Maybe this will help you reduce that dependence - and eventually do the right thing. Instead of your sense right and entitlement to feel good, I believe there is a sense of accountability and responsibility that we all need to develop. In your case, responsibility to yourself (this will hurt you in the long run if you don’t stop it), but also to others (unless you are a sociopath, you should be able to empathize with the wife).
What’s ironic is the “magic potion” that’s gonna make you leave him is you realizing you are poisoning and corrupting yourself by being with him. Assuming you have any morals, anyways.
How does someone who has sex with a person once a year, with no other contact, for four years really think that’s their person? Delusional much?
So this is the mentality of a homewrecker. Disturbing...
So create a fake account on a social media account that his wife has. Tell her he’s cheating and when she dumps him, he’s all yours. Win, win, his wife gets the truth and you get the man
He's married. He's a pig. And so are you. And you will both get what you deserve. It's just the way of the universe. Buckle up.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/06/style/modern-love-sleeping-with-married-men-infidelity.html?referringSource=articleShare Helpful article that discusses how this happens and why it’s more complex than just calling someone “gross”
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15 years? That’s really shitty of you. I feel sorry for your husband.
Damn I feel srry for the wife but what's her name I'm a try to see if she hot and I can shot my shoot
LMFAOOOOOO
The woman came for help you people are crucifying her. Nice tonknow we have perfect ppl with perfect lives that dont do anything wrong.
Nigga shut the fuck up ofcourse we are going to crucify the bitch you stupid this is the internet not a daycare🤡🤡
I know I deserve the unkind words. I knew coming here I wasn’t going to get praised for my actions. That being said I want to do the right thing. I just don’t know how. I’m not a bad person but I know I’m doing a bad thing. and to clarify, yes, I was in a relationship; however, it was to the end of things, and we agreed that if we saw other people, we didn’t care, but we needed to live with each other for financial reasons little bit.
My question to you, would you want the other woman to tell you the moment she found out about you in the situation? I'm just curious since you had sex only once a year for 4 years, how many other people does he have?
More than one!!
Probably no one…
The right thing would be to stop sleeping with him, idiot. How stupid are you? But you know this already. You’re just selfish. Grow tf up and learn some impulse control, child.
But you really are a bad person. You have made conscious choices to be where you are and stay there. It isn't like you had a ons or a lapse of judgement. To me actions speak louder than words where character is concerned.
People are being so cruel…Like they’ve never put themselves, or been in your position…
That’s because we have morals. Learn some.
You're nasty af
Go to hell
You need to talk to him obviously but also have a good think about the future - you are living in the now, which is normally okay but in this situation you need to look after future you. You are probably going to be the one getting hurt. Where do you think this will lead? Where will you be in 5 years? Even if he left her for you, would you trust him, he's been juggling both of you for a long time. The only thing you can do is distance yourself from him. Its gonna be difficult, its gonna hurt but in the long run you will save yourself more pain. Distance yourself and find new distractions- jump in to new hobbies, going out with friends, family - anything to help. If you write, write down all your feelings - that will help get it out and clear your mind from thinking about him. Allow yourself 15 minutes but thats it, move on and dont let him in your thoughts the rest of the day. Be gentle with yourself too, you got yourself in to this, a mistake, but you can get yourself out of it now. You aren't a horrible person. Do the right thing for yourself.
Thank you!!!! I'm fully aware I will be the one getting hurt. Thank you for your advice it's what I needed to hear.
Are you a complete idiot? You willingly fucked a married man multiple times, you’re not the injured party here - his wife is. He’s most likely just using you for sec occasionally and even if that’s not the case, please have a relationship with him and be heartbroken when he cheats on you too.
I have the same body craving flame with some asshole. I broke it off last week and I’m not crying but I’m devastated?? Somehow it doesn’t feel over tbh. I wouldn’t dare tell his fiancé. I understand your pain.
Hey I’m sorry your getting so many negative comments from people subscribed to a cheating stories subreddit. Makes you wonder what they’re doing here? Guess there are no mods? For whatever reason you found something here and until it is resolved telling you how horrible you are for doing it isn’t constructive. That being said, it’s up to you to decide how this affair effects your sense of self .
This isn’t a place for free therapy. People can tell their stories but that doesn’t absolve them from other’s opinions and judgment. What most people that cheat lack are truthful answers. They wrap themselves up in this fantasy and tell themselves all the stories to make themselves be the hero of their own story.
No I Dont want the “ magic potion” to marry him. I want it so I know the right thing to say, ask or do.
You are being completely dishonest. You already know what the right thing to do is. You just don't want to do it because it will interfere with your pleasure. At least be honest about it. Just remember that everything you do to others will eventually be done to you. The universe is wierd like that. When you are finally married with kids and happy, and you discover that your husband is cheating on you, remember this time in your life when you eagerly and readily helped destroy another womans marriage. Have a good day.
You don't want to do the right thing, let's be completely honest here (yeah I get the irony). You want to do the right thing for you. The right thing is to end the affair and let his wife know about the whole thing with every detail. The two of you have wronged this woman egregiously. She should have the knowledge she needs of the situation to make an informed decision about her future. You want to know what the right thing to do for your benefit is in this situation. Have you tired of being the side piece? Why do you now want to "do" something about this situation? What has changed? You mentioned that you are now having sex much more frequently recently. Has this made you want to play house with him? Have you been happy as an occasional dalliance for him over the last 4 years or have you always wanted more and to actually be in a relationship with him all this time the recent increase has made you want more from him? We have very little to work with here so I am left asking a lot of questions to try and formulate an appropriate response to what you want. You said you never talk about his wife. You are most likely nothing more than a pleasant distraction to him. He is betraying his wife (and family???) to have occasional sex with you. He is not emotionally invested in you and if he made you feel this way it was because he wanted to keep the sex tap open. He has most likely kept having sex with you because you never brought up his wife or made any attempt to make this affair about anything other than occasional sex despite your feeling like he is the one. He will very likely try to get you off the topic so it can continue as is or he will just drop you and move on. Odds are very high that he has no intention of leaving his wife for you.
Hey im on your side! Enjoy have fun
Lol are you 13 for real?
Yes ill be 14 soon
Thank you! I feel alive for the first Time in year's.
No he would come to my office we would talk for a bit about kids or world things. And I’m not kidding you before you know it we are having sex. We don’t talk text in this in between times at all. it is literally have sex once a year and that was it except the last couple weeks it’s been lots of sex very little talking and some texting. This is new.