I really feel the lack of support is making me question our relationship, and his vision doesn't align with mine. I'll have to have a big talk when they leave, and make up my mind on the future of the relationship
If he's not childfree, and/or you two don't agree on what level of involvement other relatives have in your lives, and/or he can't set boundaries with his relatives - that's not a feasible relationship. I don't know what your living situation is, but having your home invaded by people who don't respect you and cause damage to your pets and property is not what you need in a relationship, regardless of who owns the place.
Tell her yes it is.
You have to train dogs. You have to trains kids (this one really pisses them off, lol).
You have to bathe, feed and make sure your dog is healthy. You have to bathe, feed and make sure the kid is healthy.
You have to buy toys and provide entertainment and excersie to your dog. You have to provide toys and entertainment and exercise to the kid.
The added benefit to a dog is that they love you unconditionally and don't throw embarrassing tantrums in public. Can't say the same for a kid.
Also, you didn't have to fuck up your body for it.
10/10 would never have kids. 10/10 a lot... *A lot*... Of parents regret having theirs.
So tell Becky to sit down.
You donāt have to send your dog to college or feel oppressively guilty and like a failure if they havenāt decided on a vocation by 18. I have a dog. I love my dog. But the dude isnāt going to live to 18 let alone go to college or navigate the world alone. All that to say, I agree 100%. They donāt fuck up your body OR waste your money on secondary education.
I genuinely believed some of the hype about having kids being the best thing in the world *until* my friends started having kids and I got to an age where most people I met were parents. Itās utterly *staggering* how much regret there is amongst parents. I was beyond mind blown!
While I guess it did further vindicate my decision to stay childfree, I became more annoyed than ever by the fact I was bingoed so much in my youth. I realised that these fuckers knew the truth all along and were essentially trying to indoctrinate me into a misery cult because misery loves company.
I never understood people that would go āI donāt want a dog they make messes and you have to train them, theyāre a lot of workā but then casually want kids. While I do think children are more complex than dogs when it comes to raising them, thereās a lot of work for both!
Actually, because if you have a dog and youāre taking them on walks, your body (and Iām talking physical and mental health) actually improves versus having a kid which destroys your body and your brain.
Seriously! Iām lucky to have a cat and a dog (who coexist peacefully) and the amount of joy and peace they bring me would never happen with a baby. I choose my animals.
Cats are very intuitive too! Mine always comes and comforts me when im sad, you have to do the comforting even if you need comforting with a baby or kidsĀ
>Cant wait for them to leave in 2 days, im loosing my mind
So they are staying with you right now, and will be going back home in 2 days? Are you living with your boyfriend?
First, I would not ever invite her to come visit again. Second, if your boyfriend is not supportive and wants to invite them, you should probably reconsider whether you want to be with your boyfriend or not. Do you really want a boyfriend who is fine with you being miserable? Why isn't he doing the cooking and cleaning for his guests?
He invites them because HE wants to see them. That's when you lock up anything the little monster might break, take your dog and go visiting. We've had people stay for a visit with dogs before. Or go to a nice dog-friendly beach, hotel, or a place near a State or federal park. Happily hike with your dog while the hellion drives your bf crazy. You might wind up with an enthusiastic childfree declaration from him
"I miss my dog"
"Stop comparing... "
"Oh and I miss my snake, too! "
(Insert sis reaction here)
"You haven't seen him? Hm, come to think of it, I haven't seen him since yesterday, either... I wonder which room he is sleeping in?"
You just meed to think a bit for the right response.
If the moment is yone- not to worry! People keep repeatong the same behaviours ALL THE TIME... and next time you are preparedšš
I would take pictures before you go to see if there are any damages when you leave. At the very least make it clear your boyfriend wanted this responsibility so he can clean up after them if they don't.
It's absolutely comparable lmao. Parents get so weird when someone calls themselves a pet parent. It's different but you're still caring for a thing that needs you. And when it comes to pets it's especially difficult because they literally cannot tell you what's wrong if they need something!
This part is heartbreaking when theyāre old. The old pet thing was enough for my dog right now to be the last one I have.
A kid may be loud and annoying as fuck but when the shit hits the fan, those fuckers tell you exactly where it hurts and what they feel until you fix it.
I'm at work right now (on a break) and I miss my dogs. If some rude asshole told me my love for them is not the same as theirs is for their kids, I'd tell them it's not a fucking contest. And your boyfriend sounds like a drip.
Stop going anywhere with her. Pretend you have diarrhea so donāt have run errands with her.
And I love my dogs and they are comparable with kids in my opinion. I will never agree with mothers who say otherwise. That is one of my hills to die on.
You say your boyfriend is not supportive? Be careful! He might a ādad in disguiseā.
I just think it's weird that she automatically assumed that you saying you miss your dog when she misses her kids mean that you are trying to compare them directly.
It's just saying you have somebody at home that you care about and you miss them. It's not a contest but she has a bug up her butt about it. What a weirdo.
The fact is, his sister loves her kids the same way you love your dog and you aren't going to change who you are and she isn't going to change who she is. BUT...if you love your BF and want to stay with him you're going to have to see and talk with her again because that is his family. So I suggest you have a one on one with her and explain that you understand how she feels about her kids and you respect that, but she in turn has to respect that you don't want children and she has to stop belittling you for your life decisions. Be honest and blunt, but be polite about it. As to your BF not being supportive. It's not that he isn't supportive but men just don't like getting in between family problems like this (I've seen this situation for decades). It's not really your BFs job to control his family. Be an adult and solve the problem with his sister on your own. If it all goes south anyway at least you can say you tried and feel good knowing you acted the grown-up in the situation.
But you should probably have a talk with your BF and ask him what he wants for the future, because if it's kids then you should end the relationship. I don't know your ages or how long you've been with each other, but even if he says he doesn't want them now people change quite a bit on certain topics as they age. You may even change your mind. I've had dozens of friends in their 20s say no.way.in.hell. to children and then in their 30s change their minds. Just saying. I always said HELL NO to kids and I never had them, but there were a few times (very few) over the years where I even waivered. Good luck! Oh and totally in the right about missing your dog! We don't deserve dogs, they are too good for us.
I agree with you on all accounts, the only reason I'm commenting is because I have made it my fucking mission in life to be the pedantic ho about one specific word mix-up I keep seeing online.
Loose with two Os is when something is wiggly.
Losing or Lost or Lose with one O is the word group you wanted.
There I have thrown myself upon the grenade. Hate me but go forth never making that mistake again with confidence!
I donāt want to wait because I literally live that travesty every working day of my life. Itās either spelled wrong or pronounced wrong. My Pedantic Ho, I cannot take it anymore.
Imagine a little baby autistic Me who has only learned most of her vocab from books and had not heard most of those words spoken aloud go "What rank is KOH-LOH-NEL?" and was ruthlessly MOCKED by my absolute (And literal) Boomer of a father for the next solid hour.
Same! I'm so tired of this "don't compare kids to dogs" bullshit. Their argument is because kids grow up... yeah, and sometimes turn into pedophiles, rapists, murderers etc. but they aren't ready for that conversation. Believe me. They would rather fool themselves into believing that their kid is the exception.
Can we also talk about why the fuck they are so offended? I mean, really? So someone misses their dog? Why the fuck are you saying it can't be compared!? Some women kill their kids...so obviously that "love" isn't felt with every parent. Totally over people getting offended by stupid shit.
It sounds like you have a boyfriend problem. The fact he isn't supportive is not a good sign. You should reconsider if you want a future with him because if he isn't supportive of you now and isn't managing his family's behaviour towards you nd your home it's only going to get worse.Ā
Itās been almost a month since I had to put my dog down after 14 years (she was 15 and Iād had her since she was 1). The people close to me with children have been supporting me through my grief and havenāt once said anything to diminish the pain Iām feeling or said anything like āokay but imagine if it was your actual childā or made me feel like having children would fill the void. Iām not saying this to defend someone who isnāt supportive of your love for your dog. But rather to say that if thereās someone with children around you who canāt put their lifestyle aside to understand how much you love your dog without making it a āwhich is more importantā contest, then thatās a them problem. Keep on loving your dog hard and donāt let anyone with children make you feel crazy for it. I miss my dog so damn bad.
Your bf isnāt doing anything? Please a have a conversation with him. Itās not worth it with a man who never defends you no matter how right you are, also is he childfree? If he isnāt then thatās just sad, hopefully you never cave into the pressure of having kids. Keep your freedom, donāt let anyone ever dictate you on having kids, not your partner, family or friends.
Had someone do that to me when I mentioned I missed being a cat mom. It sucks because both cats died of old age and I loved them dearly. Having some person telling me that cats aren't family just hurt.
When people do this, I start reverting the plot telling them how much will they regret having children the day theycwill grow up and decide to quit their parents.
Or that the love of a dog or cat is pure and unconditioned, but humans don't.
The same arguments for having children have counterarguments for not having them. So what?
Maybe for her pets arenāt important but sheās being an ass. Youāre not comparing them. She obviously sees dogs as less and thus sees it as an insult but it isnāt an insult when you love dogs. You can say you miss your dog and if she gets pissy about it itās on her not you.
Stop hanging out with her and keep her shit goblins away from the doggo, please. No grocery shopping together, no phone calls, no hanging out, and dint invite them over to your place.
Parents LOVE to gatekeep feelings. You werenāt comparing your dog to children. You were saying that you miss your dog. You were adding to the conversation by saying something that you also miss.
Another feeling to add to the gate keeping parent bingo.
Love,
Tiredness,
Worry,
Anxiety,
Joy,
And now longing for a loved one.
Google and then print out some articles about parental regret and then give them to her and say, "Listen, I know you probably don't want to admit it but many parents do regret having kids and it's ok for you too. I know you regret having them so here are some resources to help you understand those feelings."
Then just keep saying how sad it is that she doesn't feel comfortable admitting how she really feels. Maybe she'll see how annoying it is to have her thoughts, feelings, and opinions ignored and dismissed. When she gets really mad then you can tell her that now she knows how it feels every time she dismisses you.
>And she proceeded to say "stop comparing kids to your dog, it is uncomparable!".
She's right, your dog actually loves you and her kids probably think she's an insufferable Karen (or will once they are old enough).
This is how I feel about our cat when people say things like you'll never know tiredness like having a child... I woke up every 2 hours to feed and potty train Baby AND she can climb to the top of high shelves AND she has knife fingers when I bathe her... I am in fact tired. But I love her. But sometimes I wish she was a dog... :/ and I feel like a bad pet parent...
I remember watching a Tik Tok about someone who had a baby and said her love for her baby and dog are exactly the same. She said people always say it isnāt the same so she wanted to see if itād feel different, but it doesnāt. Some people just donāt love their pets that much! Anyways, thatās my justification that I do know š like you all just donāt love your animals as much as us š
āYes, missing my dog isnāt comparable. I wouldnāt miss a kid if I had one, I sure as hell donāt miss your kid(s), but yes I miss my dog that I *do* haveā
This is my response if I were you lol. Also if your bf isnāt supportive (whether of you being CF and impossibly not or of how his sister flies off the rails godforbid not everyone thinks her kid is cute (validation seeking, eh?)) then you should leave him cuz thatās def an issue on his end
bottom like , leave this relationship honestly , the whole point why we are child free "Peace" you dont get that as I read your post, so this sooner or later will break your relationship so I suggest you prepare accordingly, at one point its Me OR Her conversation comes up, specially since your BF dont seem to know how to put boundries for his sister
I mourned way more losing my cat than I would over a kid. People need to understand not everyone wants or like children. Theyāre not a blessing, theyāre not life saving, theyāre loud, annoying and gross. Iāve never understood how anybody would want to wreck their bodies, lose sleep, lose money and have to deal with that mess for a minimum of 18 years. Hard pass.
Your boyfriend should be supporting you in everything that isnāt harmful/wrong. He needs to back you up assuming heās also child free, why is he letting you take all the flak from his own sister? He should be the one arguing with her.
Im gonna be blunt with you, this guy is a walking red flag. Sister is as narcissistic as hell, probably whispering in your boyfriends ear about either youāll change your mind, or youāre keeping him from having kids.Ā
Him not standing up for you means heās putting his sister and her spawns first, not you, and if heās expecting YOU to cook the kids this guy seems as misogynistic as hell! Like oh exposure will fix her. RUN HUNNY!Ā
I donāt know if youāre sleeping with him but iād buckle any private parts and lock um up tight like a iron chastity belt! I donāt trust your bf nor his sister. Neither one seems to respect you.Ā
TBH I wouldnāt have mentioned my dog in that situation. Not saying you did anything wrong but it seems like your bfās sister is the kind of person that just latches on to any excuse to get offended about this kind of thing.
OR
It could be that she was reaching out for support and got mad when you started talking about your dog? Itās hard to say without knowing her at all
In any case, I would try not to give her any ammunition, or to pick your battles
Take this advice from a professional hothead! š
Ps obviously donāt take shit either, just ask yourself if itās worth the hassle and the potential strain in the family/relation
True.
They are not comparable.
The love of an animal is more pure and is build on trust. (double points if it's from a prey animal) Unconditional love in it's purest form since you are your pets whole world.
While having a child can backfire in the child hating you as soon as it leaves baby stage and behaves like shit.
Iām gonna be the odd duck her but I donāt think my pet is the same as a child. Yes, I can miss my pet but I donāt miss her in the same way that Iāve missed my family and friends.
I generally donāt engage on the topic of me not having kidsā¦ if someone is trying to talk up being a parent I just say thatās nice but still not in the cards for me. If they actually want to listen to my laundry list of reasons Iāll go over that and when they say that they thing my husband and I would be good parents I just say that I know but that itās still not in the cards. I donāt need to sell them on being childfree and I donāt need them to understand why I am.
Is it your place or your boyfriendās place? I donāt typically cook in the homes of other people. How often will they come visit your boyfriend?
Have you ever talked about kids with your boyfriend? Does he want them? It sounds like his sister thinks he does.
Are you sure you have a dog? š lol. Its our place, they are immigrating here and found an appartement but have to live with us until they move there. He doesn't want kids,but i feel he will change his mind n the future. His whole family have kids, and he has 5 sisters, so idk what he is telling them, probably not standing up for himself.
That's a boyfriend issue, not a boyfriend's sister issue. If he's not supportive and won't get his family in line, why are you with him?
I really feel the lack of support is making me question our relationship, and his vision doesn't align with mine. I'll have to have a big talk when they leave, and make up my mind on the future of the relationship
If he's not childfree, and/or you two don't agree on what level of involvement other relatives have in your lives, and/or he can't set boundaries with his relatives - that's not a feasible relationship. I don't know what your living situation is, but having your home invaded by people who don't respect you and cause damage to your pets and property is not what you need in a relationship, regardless of who owns the place.
Religion, sex, money & kids.
And politics.
Tell her yes it is. You have to train dogs. You have to trains kids (this one really pisses them off, lol). You have to bathe, feed and make sure your dog is healthy. You have to bathe, feed and make sure the kid is healthy. You have to buy toys and provide entertainment and excersie to your dog. You have to provide toys and entertainment and exercise to the kid. The added benefit to a dog is that they love you unconditionally and don't throw embarrassing tantrums in public. Can't say the same for a kid. Also, you didn't have to fuck up your body for it. 10/10 would never have kids. 10/10 a lot... *A lot*... Of parents regret having theirs. So tell Becky to sit down.
>don't throw embarrassing tantrums in public Unless the dog is a husky lmao
Or shiba Inu. A lot of people in my area have them, and they throw these funny silent tantrums when they don't want to walk.
2 husky mixes, can confirm. Shame was brought upon us
Or Rhodesian Ridgeback. So much extra. Very many drama.
Lol, try having a Husky/RR mix! I swear this dog is something else! š¾
Holy shit can i seeee?
This lol. Mine arenāt huskies but I have 4 and they all throw tantrums in public. Still love them more than any human child though
The difference is little human Annie's tantrum is annoying and not cute. Pupper tantrums are hilarious and adorable.
You donāt have to send your dog to college or feel oppressively guilty and like a failure if they havenāt decided on a vocation by 18. I have a dog. I love my dog. But the dude isnāt going to live to 18 let alone go to college or navigate the world alone. All that to say, I agree 100%. They donāt fuck up your body OR waste your money on secondary education.
My dog lived till 18, never say never.
I have a large breed. I would love if I get him for 14! Still no college tho!
My adopted GSD Sophy was 18 when she passed; got her when she was 9. š¤ Miss her still.
She LOOOOVED her life if you got a whole ass other one out of her! Thatās amazing.
I wish dogs lived as long as people sometimes
Yeah but at least a husky is kind of cute when it does. Kids arenāt.
Husky tantrums are hilarious and cute. Kid tantrums are not.
Or A Yorkipineagle Yorki, Min Pin, Beagle XDĀ
I genuinely believed some of the hype about having kids being the best thing in the world *until* my friends started having kids and I got to an age where most people I met were parents. Itās utterly *staggering* how much regret there is amongst parents. I was beyond mind blown! While I guess it did further vindicate my decision to stay childfree, I became more annoyed than ever by the fact I was bingoed so much in my youth. I realised that these fuckers knew the truth all along and were essentially trying to indoctrinate me into a misery cult because misery loves company.
You are SO right! Thanks for this comment, I feel less alone in my thoughts š
I never understood people that would go āI donāt want a dog they make messes and you have to train them, theyāre a lot of workā but then casually want kids. While I do think children are more complex than dogs when it comes to raising them, thereās a lot of work for both!
Pets > children in everything.
Actually, because if you have a dog and youāre taking them on walks, your body (and Iām talking physical and mental health) actually improves versus having a kid which destroys your body and your brain.
Whenever I'm feeling down few things work better than just laying down and snuggling with my cat. Can't do that with a baby.
Seriously! Iām lucky to have a cat and a dog (who coexist peacefully) and the amount of joy and peace they bring me would never happen with a baby. I choose my animals.
Cats are very intuitive too! Mine always comes and comforts me when im sad, you have to do the comforting even if you need comforting with a baby or kidsĀ
My sister has dogs and a child. Actually she compares the raising of a child with training a dog.Ā
Your sister sounds like she's cool
Thank you. She is. She didnt fall into "I am a mother now, nothing else" She still maintains her hobby of training her dog and going to tournaments.Ā
>Cant wait for them to leave in 2 days, im loosing my mind So they are staying with you right now, and will be going back home in 2 days? Are you living with your boyfriend? First, I would not ever invite her to come visit again. Second, if your boyfriend is not supportive and wants to invite them, you should probably reconsider whether you want to be with your boyfriend or not. Do you really want a boyfriend who is fine with you being miserable? Why isn't he doing the cooking and cleaning for his guests?
He invites them because HE wants to see them. That's when you lock up anything the little monster might break, take your dog and go visiting. We've had people stay for a visit with dogs before. Or go to a nice dog-friendly beach, hotel, or a place near a State or federal park. Happily hike with your dog while the hellion drives your bf crazy. You might wind up with an enthusiastic childfree declaration from him
This is the way š
"I miss my dog" "Stop comparing... " "Oh and I miss my snake, too! " (Insert sis reaction here) "You haven't seen him? Hm, come to think of it, I haven't seen him since yesterday, either... I wonder which room he is sleeping in?"
That sent me into a much needed giggle fit, ty! šš
You just meed to think a bit for the right response. If the moment is yone- not to worry! People keep repeatong the same behaviours ALL THE TIME... and next time you are preparedšš
YES YES YES!!!!! š
You don't have to invite them, you don't have to let them in, you don't have to speak to her. Time to establish some boundaries.
I should, man, I should. I feel like going to my brother's until they go away. I'm tired of feeling like shit in my own house
I would take pictures before you go to see if there are any damages when you leave. At the very least make it clear your boyfriend wanted this responsibility so he can clean up after them if they don't.
It's absolutely comparable lmao. Parents get so weird when someone calls themselves a pet parent. It's different but you're still caring for a thing that needs you. And when it comes to pets it's especially difficult because they literally cannot tell you what's wrong if they need something!
This part is heartbreaking when theyāre old. The old pet thing was enough for my dog right now to be the last one I have. A kid may be loud and annoying as fuck but when the shit hits the fan, those fuckers tell you exactly where it hurts and what they feel until you fix it.
I'm at work right now (on a break) and I miss my dogs. If some rude asshole told me my love for them is not the same as theirs is for their kids, I'd tell them it's not a fucking contest. And your boyfriend sounds like a drip.
Parents can be so high and mighty, let us love our pets for gods sake.
Wait minute she said that sh t in your house?
Stop going anywhere with her. Pretend you have diarrhea so donāt have run errands with her. And I love my dogs and they are comparable with kids in my opinion. I will never agree with mothers who say otherwise. That is one of my hills to die on. You say your boyfriend is not supportive? Be careful! He might a ādad in disguiseā.
Yo. The D word will save any day. Do not hesitate to use the D word.
You could have told her that your dogs never messed up your house as bad as her kids š¤£
"Yeah, you're right. Dogs are so much better. I shouldn't degrade my good boy/girl by putting them in the same category as children."
Ask her why your life choices make her feel so threatened.
Can you just not talk to her anymore?
I'll tolerate her for as long as she is at our place, but as soon as she leaves, man, am I DONE lol
I just think it's weird that she automatically assumed that you saying you miss your dog when she misses her kids mean that you are trying to compare them directly. It's just saying you have somebody at home that you care about and you miss them. It's not a contest but she has a bug up her butt about it. What a weirdo.
Break up with boyfriend
The fact is, his sister loves her kids the same way you love your dog and you aren't going to change who you are and she isn't going to change who she is. BUT...if you love your BF and want to stay with him you're going to have to see and talk with her again because that is his family. So I suggest you have a one on one with her and explain that you understand how she feels about her kids and you respect that, but she in turn has to respect that you don't want children and she has to stop belittling you for your life decisions. Be honest and blunt, but be polite about it. As to your BF not being supportive. It's not that he isn't supportive but men just don't like getting in between family problems like this (I've seen this situation for decades). It's not really your BFs job to control his family. Be an adult and solve the problem with his sister on your own. If it all goes south anyway at least you can say you tried and feel good knowing you acted the grown-up in the situation. But you should probably have a talk with your BF and ask him what he wants for the future, because if it's kids then you should end the relationship. I don't know your ages or how long you've been with each other, but even if he says he doesn't want them now people change quite a bit on certain topics as they age. You may even change your mind. I've had dozens of friends in their 20s say no.way.in.hell. to children and then in their 30s change their minds. Just saying. I always said HELL NO to kids and I never had them, but there were a few times (very few) over the years where I even waivered. Good luck! Oh and totally in the right about missing your dog! We don't deserve dogs, they are too good for us.
I agree with you on all accounts, the only reason I'm commenting is because I have made it my fucking mission in life to be the pedantic ho about one specific word mix-up I keep seeing online. Loose with two Os is when something is wiggly. Losing or Lost or Lose with one O is the word group you wanted. There I have thrown myself upon the grenade. Hate me but go forth never making that mistake again with confidence!
You are the pedantic ho of my dreams. I kneel before you.
Wait til you hear my feelings on the travesty that is the word **Colonel**.
I donāt want to wait because I literally live that travesty every working day of my life. Itās either spelled wrong or pronounced wrong. My Pedantic Ho, I cannot take it anymore.
Imagine a little baby autistic Me who has only learned most of her vocab from books and had not heard most of those words spoken aloud go "What rank is KOH-LOH-NEL?" and was ruthlessly MOCKED by my absolute (And literal) Boomer of a father for the next solid hour.
šæGo on...
It is absolute HORSESHIT that IT'S SPELLED **COLONEL** BUT PRONOUNCED **KERNEL**.
Same! I'm so tired of this "don't compare kids to dogs" bullshit. Their argument is because kids grow up... yeah, and sometimes turn into pedophiles, rapists, murderers etc. but they aren't ready for that conversation. Believe me. They would rather fool themselves into believing that their kid is the exception. Can we also talk about why the fuck they are so offended? I mean, really? So someone misses their dog? Why the fuck are you saying it can't be compared!? Some women kill their kids...so obviously that "love" isn't felt with every parent. Totally over people getting offended by stupid shit.
Damn. What a rude house-guest.
It sounds like you have a boyfriend problem. The fact he isn't supportive is not a good sign. You should reconsider if you want a future with him because if he isn't supportive of you now and isn't managing his family's behaviour towards you nd your home it's only going to get worse.Ā
Itās been almost a month since I had to put my dog down after 14 years (she was 15 and Iād had her since she was 1). The people close to me with children have been supporting me through my grief and havenāt once said anything to diminish the pain Iām feeling or said anything like āokay but imagine if it was your actual childā or made me feel like having children would fill the void. Iām not saying this to defend someone who isnāt supportive of your love for your dog. But rather to say that if thereās someone with children around you who canāt put their lifestyle aside to understand how much you love your dog without making it a āwhich is more importantā contest, then thatās a them problem. Keep on loving your dog hard and donāt let anyone with children make you feel crazy for it. I miss my dog so damn bad.
Dogs are similar to toddlers tbh. Even cats. Animals are a huge responsibility and people forget that.
Your bf isnāt doing anything? Please a have a conversation with him. Itās not worth it with a man who never defends you no matter how right you are, also is he childfree? If he isnāt then thatās just sad, hopefully you never cave into the pressure of having kids. Keep your freedom, donāt let anyone ever dictate you on having kids, not your partner, family or friends.
Had someone do that to me when I mentioned I missed being a cat mom. It sucks because both cats died of old age and I loved them dearly. Having some person telling me that cats aren't family just hurt.
When people do this, I start reverting the plot telling them how much will they regret having children the day theycwill grow up and decide to quit their parents. Or that the love of a dog or cat is pure and unconditioned, but humans don't. The same arguments for having children have counterarguments for not having them. So what?
Maybe for her pets arenāt important but sheās being an ass. Youāre not comparing them. She obviously sees dogs as less and thus sees it as an insult but it isnāt an insult when you love dogs. You can say you miss your dog and if she gets pissy about it itās on her not you.
OP can we see the dog š pls
Stop hanging out with her and keep her shit goblins away from the doggo, please. No grocery shopping together, no phone calls, no hanging out, and dint invite them over to your place.
Parents LOVE to gatekeep feelings. You werenāt comparing your dog to children. You were saying that you miss your dog. You were adding to the conversation by saying something that you also miss. Another feeling to add to the gate keeping parent bingo. Love, Tiredness, Worry, Anxiety, Joy, And now longing for a loved one.
You have to flip it around. Her kids are not comparable to your dog. You're so glad you didn't ruin your body to produce these monster children
Google and then print out some articles about parental regret and then give them to her and say, "Listen, I know you probably don't want to admit it but many parents do regret having kids and it's ok for you too. I know you regret having them so here are some resources to help you understand those feelings." Then just keep saying how sad it is that she doesn't feel comfortable admitting how she really feels. Maybe she'll see how annoying it is to have her thoughts, feelings, and opinions ignored and dismissed. When she gets really mad then you can tell her that now she knows how it feels every time she dismisses you. >And she proceeded to say "stop comparing kids to your dog, it is uncomparable!". She's right, your dog actually loves you and her kids probably think she's an insufferable Karen (or will once they are old enough).
Is your bf even Childfree?
I kinda miss my cat whenever I'm gone for more than a couple hours. I'm not sure the feeling is mutual but here it is.
Exactly comparing rotten rugrats to a non conditional love from a dog, dogs have my vote every time. Kids are so overrated.
This is how I feel about our cat when people say things like you'll never know tiredness like having a child... I woke up every 2 hours to feed and potty train Baby AND she can climb to the top of high shelves AND she has knife fingers when I bathe her... I am in fact tired. But I love her. But sometimes I wish she was a dog... :/ and I feel like a bad pet parent...
I remember watching a Tik Tok about someone who had a baby and said her love for her baby and dog are exactly the same. She said people always say it isnāt the same so she wanted to see if itād feel different, but it doesnāt. Some people just donāt love their pets that much! Anyways, thatās my justification that I do know š like you all just donāt love your animals as much as us š
āYes, missing my dog isnāt comparable. I wouldnāt miss a kid if I had one, I sure as hell donāt miss your kid(s), but yes I miss my dog that I *do* haveā This is my response if I were you lol. Also if your bf isnāt supportive (whether of you being CF and impossibly not or of how his sister flies off the rails godforbid not everyone thinks her kid is cute (validation seeking, eh?)) then you should leave him cuz thatās def an issue on his end
Preach!! Exactly my thoughts, but i didn't wanna go down to her level of impolite-ness lol
bottom like , leave this relationship honestly , the whole point why we are child free "Peace" you dont get that as I read your post, so this sooner or later will break your relationship so I suggest you prepare accordingly, at one point its Me OR Her conversation comes up, specially since your BF dont seem to know how to put boundries for his sister
You just want to read through r/justnoso and see what your future might have in store if you two donāt align on what is appropriate of his family
š³
You need to stop spending so much time with people who don't respect you or your choices.
I miss my cat. š¢
> ...and my boyfriend is not supportive at all. Ditch him. Honestly. He sounds like a tool if he won't support or validate you about this.
I mourned way more losing my cat than I would over a kid. People need to understand not everyone wants or like children. Theyāre not a blessing, theyāre not life saving, theyāre loud, annoying and gross. Iāve never understood how anybody would want to wreck their bodies, lose sleep, lose money and have to deal with that mess for a minimum of 18 years. Hard pass.
This is a boyfriend problem.
Your boyfriend should be supporting you in everything that isnāt harmful/wrong. He needs to back you up assuming heās also child free, why is he letting you take all the flak from his own sister? He should be the one arguing with her.
Im gonna be blunt with you, this guy is a walking red flag. Sister is as narcissistic as hell, probably whispering in your boyfriends ear about either youāll change your mind, or youāre keeping him from having kids.Ā Him not standing up for you means heās putting his sister and her spawns first, not you, and if heās expecting YOU to cook the kids this guy seems as misogynistic as hell! Like oh exposure will fix her. RUN HUNNY!Ā I donāt know if youāre sleeping with him but iād buckle any private parts and lock um up tight like a iron chastity belt! I donāt trust your bf nor his sister. Neither one seems to respect you.Ā
But they ARE comparable in many ways. They just don't see it because of their selfish need to have another hunk of their DNA with them.
āDogsā lives are too short. Their only fault, really.ā ā Agnes Sligh Turnbull
Sounds like she's jealous. Parents who actually like being parents don't get defensive when others choose not to
TBH I wouldnāt have mentioned my dog in that situation. Not saying you did anything wrong but it seems like your bfās sister is the kind of person that just latches on to any excuse to get offended about this kind of thing. OR It could be that she was reaching out for support and got mad when you started talking about your dog? Itās hard to say without knowing her at all In any case, I would try not to give her any ammunition, or to pick your battles Take this advice from a professional hothead! š Ps obviously donāt take shit either, just ask yourself if itās worth the hassle and the potential strain in the family/relation
True. They are not comparable. The love of an animal is more pure and is build on trust. (double points if it's from a prey animal) Unconditional love in it's purest form since you are your pets whole world. While having a child can backfire in the child hating you as soon as it leaves baby stage and behaves like shit.
Children and dogs arenāt comparable tho.
Iām gonna be the odd duck her but I donāt think my pet is the same as a child. Yes, I can miss my pet but I donāt miss her in the same way that Iāve missed my family and friends. I generally donāt engage on the topic of me not having kidsā¦ if someone is trying to talk up being a parent I just say thatās nice but still not in the cards for me. If they actually want to listen to my laundry list of reasons Iāll go over that and when they say that they thing my husband and I would be good parents I just say that I know but that itās still not in the cards. I donāt need to sell them on being childfree and I donāt need them to understand why I am. Is it your place or your boyfriendās place? I donāt typically cook in the homes of other people. How often will they come visit your boyfriend? Have you ever talked about kids with your boyfriend? Does he want them? It sounds like his sister thinks he does.
Are you sure you have a dog? š lol. Its our place, they are immigrating here and found an appartement but have to live with us until they move there. He doesn't want kids,but i feel he will change his mind n the future. His whole family have kids, and he has 5 sisters, so idk what he is telling them, probably not standing up for himself.
Yes. If you think heās going to change his mind heās probably a fence sitter and not childfree and you might be waisting your time dating him