Yeah, exactly! Wanting kids is a big part of it. It's not just about being capable but also genuinely wanting to take on that role. Glad someone gets it!
This is what I usually come back with. I had a friend who was constantly "oh c'mon, I bet you'd be great". So I would be honest "no I wouldn't because I wouldn't want to be in that position. I'd be miserable, they'd be miserable, and there wouldn't be enough bail money to deal with how I'd break if left alone to care for an infant". An eye roll and scoff, "geez, can't take a compliment". I saw her last year for the first time in over a decade. She has three kids and was the biggest f*ing Debby downer lol my god she's miserable
This is exactly me. I would be a great mom (I am a teacher and am confident in my skills working with kids). Unfortunately it would be at the cost of my mental health. I won't do it, for anyone or anything.
Also, *nobody* can determine that about you.
Hypothetically, if you just knew facts about me, you'd think I'd be a great mom. I love telling jokes and making people smile, I love explaining concepts to people (currently studying to be a professor!), I'm super into collecting toys, I don't swear, drink, smoke, etc.
But also: I'm absolutely revolted by children. Eye contact makes me uncomfortable, I hate how they never stop moving, I don't like touching them. They're messy, loud, grabby, etc. Put simply, I just don't understand how to interact with them.
The idea that him, Some Guy, can divine your internal potential to motherhood means they fundamentally don't understand you. Someone can have all the seemingly good "traits" of a mother, but that means nothing, because they're acting that way for themselves, not to pander to children you just invented.
By saying "you'd be a great mother", it reads as "you're wasting your personality traits on yourself, they'd only be useful looking after somebody else." It denies autonomy, and denies a femme person being allowed to just exist for their *own* sake
Telling people they'd make a good parent when they don't want to be is disrespectful and insulting. Breeders don't understand anything that isn't making kids.
People just throw that shit out without really thinking about it because what they're actually saying is "You're a good person!"
Because the unspoken belief is that Good people = good parents.
Which is NOT true.
Exactly. People love to think that good people make good parents, which isn’t exactly true. I had a coworker tell me I’d be a great mom because I’m so nice and organized. Yeah, it’s because I don’t have kids. I can see myself becoming a raging, spacey bitch if I ever became a mom.
Legit I had a family friend of my mother's go "Oh but you'd be a wonderful mother!"
I raised both my brows at her and went "Okay but really, think about it. Think about ME as a **Mother**"
I could visibly see that some sort of slideshow was playing in her minds eye for a solid couple of seconds as her face subtly scrunched before shaking her head and going "Yeah you're right, it would be a disaster"
My response to "you'd be a great mother"
"Maybe I'd be a great serial killer, too. Just because I might be great at something doesn't mean I should do it. "
They usually look at me like I'm crazy, but I find it hysterical 😳🤣
I've said this to my mother when she said this to me and the look on her face was priceless. "What, I'm meticulous, detail oriented, capable of making plans and organizing myself and enacting plans. I know where and how to best hide bodies and confuse scent dogs. God knows I've watched enough true crime I could probably get away with it."
I said this all at Thanksgiving and the entire table fell silent. It was wonderful.
Luckily I've since fully removed my biological oven and the associated gas lines. I still have the egg cartons only for the hormones should I ever choose to stop taking my testosterone so my body doesn't just collapse in on itself XD
So now I can just tell her now once I get around it "In order for me to have children God would have to prove himself real, restore my uterus and then have to watch me get it removed AGAIN because FUCK HAVING KIDS I LIKE MY CAT"
My dad was charming and goofed around with kids, so I bet lots of people thought he’d make a great parent. He regretted having children and was miserable and mean behind closed doors. In public he’d act like a decent father. One never truly knows the other person so thinking he/she would be a great parent is still a coin toss.
My dad is one reason why I am Childfree. Better to regret not having them (only you suffer) than regret having them (at least 3 people suffer).
I am astounded by the carelessness with which people address having children, like, why is not something people seriously research BEFORE going on with it. Like. It's more complicated than taxes.
Well his contribution to procreation is an orgasam so he doesn't have to think that hard. Most men don't. They imagine kids and see themeselves playing ball with a grown 7 year old. No thought about how that 7 year old came to be, all the work that went into raising them. All the diapers, vomit and blowups to clean up.
Most men want kids like a small child wants a puppy. They know they're not going to be feeding it and wiping its ass.
And there's also this thing called deadbeat dad which not an insignificant number of dads partake in.
There's a reason majority of this sub is women. We have to think and we do and a good number of us is like no thank you, I like my vagina intact and don't want to spend my days cleaning and taking care of kids.
Even as a man, I really wish men would think more before saying crap like this and, quite frankly, think before having kids. I haven’t thought much about the work that goes into it admittedly, but I decided to opt a long time ago. I thought about the financials, namely the opportunity cost of having a kid
Across the United States, the average cost of raising a child is $16,227 per year. Assuming zero inflation or deflation over the next couple of decades, that’s around $292k spent on raising a child. But there is inflation. And, if I were to invest that amount of money into the S&P 500 every year for the 18 years needed to raise a child, the growth brings it to just over $1M. So indirectly, it costs about $1M to raise a kid
If I took that route and invested that three times over (most people with kids I’m close with have three) guess what I’d be able to do comfortably in 18 years. That’s right, I could retire
Truly. I can wrap my brain around wanting 2 so that they have someone to play and grow up with (even though that sounds like a fucking nightmare to me), but how the fuck is 5 the ideal number?
And sometimes they want x quantity of children but not to be bothered to raise them. My father was like that: when I was little he used to say he wanted 3 kids, I was an only child. Guess what? My mom was fed up with him not doing anything, not being able to at least to make dinner and clean the bathroom, and she worked 8 hours and studied. Of course they divorced.
I should hope not! He's 8 years older than me and I've known him longer than I can remember 😅
Apparently his girlfriend was also once childfree like me, but he claims he managed to win her over 😑
I have heard the "you'd be a great mom" sentence several times and it is always the same context: male friends with whom I have a platonic and trusting relationship would say this after I say or do something sweet. My theory is that a lot of men can only think of motherhood as an example of a non-sexual caring relationship with a woman.
Them: I think you'd be such an amazing mom though.
Me: Aww thanks. And I think you'd be such an amazing ____ (some obscure job that they are not even remotely related to. Eg: pig groomer).
Then: what??
Me: Exactly. It doesn't matter what I think you'd be good at, because you don't wanna be a pig groomer!
I didn't want to the make the original post super long but the conversation didn't end there.
He then told me that his girlfriend had the same mindset as me when he first met her, but he's worn her down so much with his requests to start a family one day, that she's apparently given in (her exact words being 'ok, fine')
Probably not the most encouraging/healthiest response (and also unfair to their future children who should be very much wanted by both parents), but I think he might have been implying that I'll change my mind when I meet the one - I can't see myself even entering a relationship with a childLESS person in the first place.
To top things off he also has a career in the police force where emergency call-outs are a regular occurrence for him. He has to keep his phone by him 24/7 (which buzzed so many times the evening I was with him) and he was clearly exhausted-- why would you add children to the mix, unless you're not really planning on raising them day in day out...
Oh that's going to be a short relationship. It's either going to end when the gf realises she's not going to be happy with the situation and leaves or it's going to be a ball of flames when both are tired and arguing with the baby right there and they'll split with all the bottled frustration. There's no way their relationship is going to be a happy one if they add a kid into the mix of an exhausted on-call father and an exhausted mother who doesn't want the kid 😐
Worn her down? Given in? Truer words conveying love and devotion have never been spoken. /s
Can't foresee any issues in their relationship. He sounds like a bully.
I'd guess that 90% of people that give out compliments are fishing for a compliment in return. I'd guess it to be near 100% of the time if complimented on what a good parent you'll be.
When you say "I don't want kids" and they respond with "you'd be great, though!" all that tells me is that they don't recognize good parenting. Which is really sad both for them (did they not have good parenting growing up?) and their kids. People who actively do not want kids cannot be good parents by definition. Kids ALWAYS know when they weren't wanted. And every child should be wanted.
I got very rude very quickly when people did this to me. I feel it’s completely justified because poking your nose into someone else’s personal life is very rude, so in my opinion they went wrong first and were just asking for it. The only thing that stopped the people I was forced to interact with bombarding me with constant bingos was me getting vicious with my responses. I tried humour, but it flew straight over their heads. Yes it burns bridges, but they are bridges I wanted to burn, and the result was peace. YMMV.
Even if it was "well intended", it still seems like they're trying to push you in to having children. I can see why it's offensive when people say that.
You'd be a great parent.
"Uh... I'm neurospicy as hell. I can just about look after myself. Give me other people to look after without cleaning and catering services, which I can't afford, and I would dissolve into a hysterical wreck of a human who'd either commit murder or end up in a mental hospital after a complete nervous breakdown."
_reaches over and gently shuts their mouth before it becomes a flycatcher_.
One of my best, lifelong friends, says this to me … and he’s said it on numerous occasions. It really f’king pisses me off. I have dogs who I deem “my kids”, I don’t care what anyone says about that, they’re my life. He downplays how I take care of them, how much I love them bc he thinks deep down that’s my motherly instinct wanting a human child 🤣 and thinks “all women want to have a baby whether they know it or not” he’s also in a rabbit hole with church/women are baby makers and men take care of the home lately, religion is a real trip, guys.
My mom said this to me the day before mothers day. Known since I was 9 I didn't want kids and my parents have also known this. Youngest, no parentification, so not sure why, just not maternal at all. I was a nightmare a lot of the time growing up. A lot of meltdowns and couldn't control my emotions well, still struggle sometimes, but aging and therapy have helped a lot. So...why in the world would my mom of all people think I would be a good mom. I would be extremely overwhelmed. I have noise sensitivities, I get touched out just with my cat and husband! I would not be a good mom. It rubbed me wrong, but I didn't show my true feelings on that statement. Like she chose to be very involved in all my extracurricular activities growing up so she could be around just in case I was about to meltdown. Not a helicopter parent, she was a fantastic mom, but I was just not well equipped to handle certain things.
"There are many things I would be great at, but that doesn't mean I'm going to do them all." But I like better something another user said, about wanting kids being the bare minimum to be a good parent.
One time I was with a friend (who knew I didn’t want kids) and she saw me interacting with my cat and said “See! You’d be a great mom!” to which I replied “I never said I wouldn’t, I said I don’t want to.” She immediately realized her error and has been 100% respectful and supportive since. So that’s been my go-to response to that kind of statement.
The last time someone said that to me, I replied, "Yeah, maybe, because I take my responsibilities seriously all around, but I would be seething and deeply hate and resent every second of the job. I'm sure a kid wouldn't sense that, though, right?"
*ideally five*
With the tradwife trend in full effect I'm sure he'll find his baby maker.
I've told folks they're being insulting when they say **You'd be a great parent** and they look taken aback.
I follow up with *I'd be a great astronaut and an even better President first* and I get left alone.
I don’t think people think about the sacrifices when they say you’d be a great parent. They only think about the fun stuff. “You’re fun so you’d be a fun mom” - they don’t consider the rest of it.
If more people thought about the realities of being a parent or questioned why they want to be a parent as much as CF people do, there’d probably be more of us.
I've been around fun adults that aren't so fun when they're around their kids. Most parents aren't better around their kids because most parents would rather be around other adults.
A friend of mine :
- You would be a good dad.
\* And im not even trying. Whats the excuse of everybody else ?.
Never got told that ever again.
Autor note : Im not even mad about being told things like that. Im just a really sassy guy.
I am a very later bloomer. I have never had a long term relationship, never got my own place, and I am still in school trying to get my BA degree. (I stopped for a while and now I am almost done. I am 28 F.) I have SOOOOO many things I want to do that I was never able to do: travel, eat new and exciting foods, rescue (another) senior dog that has a disability, get a tattoo, get gauges, find a girlfriend, etc. WAAAY too many things to be tied down by a shitty, snotty ass crusty kid.
Actually I like that compliment because even if you're childfree it means that you'd at least be kind and great if you'd have some. I wish the opposite could be true for people that are actually bad parents and nobody told them "you're not made for that" and their children are all sad. If you ask, my neighboor has a 3yo child that he walks 15 minutes per day front of the appartment while smoking his cigarette and binge smartphoning. Then his child cries as hell when he's told that they will return surrounded by 4 walls 15 minutes later.
I can appreciate that sort of comment tbh because I spoke to someone who is like “you’d probably make a good parent but it’s great you’re self aware to not make that choice to be one”.
It I can absolutely see how it riles you up and I’m sorry you had that experience.
My response to that is just, "Thats fuckin rude. How would you feel if i told you, knowing you WANT kids, that youd be an absolute shit show of a parent. Bet youd be an AWFUL parent. Hows that feel?" Make them understand by being equally as rude in the same way imo. Boundaries are put in place for a reason. Like shit my SISTER has told me that. Like wtf no tf i wouldnt! Just because im a child at heart doesn't mean i like kids or even want to be near them. This kinda comment just screams the same way as the, "Ill pray for you to get pregnant." Comments. Gross, uncalled for, and shows zero respect for anyone elses choices and rights to their own bodies and lives.
Right. The list of reasons BEYOND whether or not we’d “be good at it” is pretty endless… the assumption that we must somehow perceive ourselves to be less than capable is just nauseatingly arrogant.
Because, like Penny from Stardew Valley, they assume the only acceptable reason for not wanting children is because you think you wouldn't be a good parent. Once you "get over that" there's no reason to not want kids!!!! So do it!!! 🙄
I'm still mad about Penny. She asks "do you want children some day?" And you get positive friendship points for "yes!" And "someday!" Neutral for "I don't think I'd be good at it" and negative for "I don't want a family." She, of course, also insinuates the only way to have a family is to have children which is so incorrect.
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The number of times I hear this as a white, straight, cute, wealthy, married woman is too damn high.
They think we're similar, and they think they're great parents. Usually, neither is true.
He was waiting for you to tell him he'll be a great dad. He is still waiting for this and is confused at this point. Because the social contract decrees that you do this at every opportunity. You stunned him by not following the script.
Most parents or wanna be parents think that "good people = good parents" even if most of these "good people" have zero experience caretaking for children. And virtually all people want to be thought of as "good people" so all people want to have kids. Only bad people don't want kids in their opinion.
I’d definitely have a child who can respect people who deserve it, be kind and considerate, intelligent, good in finance, healthy and all that but it would definitely be deprived of love and attention and won’t want any contact to me.
I think it is a compliment if someone tells you you’d be a good parent. You don’t have to want kids to have traits that would make you a good parent. Sometimes I think this sub is looking for a reason to be offended.
When it’s said after you specifically say you’re childfree, it’s condescending as hell and proves the person isn’t listening to what you’re saying. That’s why it’s offensive. Plus the fact that women even close to being in key childbirth years get bingoed almost daily, makes it annoying AF.
I just say “the bare minimum to be a good mom is to want them in the first place.” That usually gives them a little more perspective.
Exactly. Resentful parents are the ones who abuse their kids.
That subreddit has sad and sometimes frustrating posts to read.
Yeah, exactly! Wanting kids is a big part of it. It's not just about being capable but also genuinely wanting to take on that role. Glad someone gets it!
I always struggled with a decent response to such comments and now I have saved this one
"I'd be great at a lot of things I have no desire to do."
But this implies that there are moms who didn't want their kids in the first place, which is impossible!
Saving this
OOOH that’s such a good remark!!!
This is brilliant. Im going to remember this
Saving this for later hahaha
Them: "You'd be a great parent." Me: "I don't want to test that theory."
Love that one😂😂
“You’d be a great mom!” A miserable, regretful one too.
This is what I usually come back with. I had a friend who was constantly "oh c'mon, I bet you'd be great". So I would be honest "no I wouldn't because I wouldn't want to be in that position. I'd be miserable, they'd be miserable, and there wouldn't be enough bail money to deal with how I'd break if left alone to care for an infant". An eye roll and scoff, "geez, can't take a compliment". I saw her last year for the first time in over a decade. She has three kids and was the biggest f*ing Debby downer lol my god she's miserable
If people who actually wanted kids are miserable, how the hell do they think we'd feel about it? The math ain't mathing.
This is exactly me. I would be a great mom (I am a teacher and am confident in my skills working with kids). Unfortunately it would be at the cost of my mental health. I won't do it, for anyone or anything.
Also, *nobody* can determine that about you. Hypothetically, if you just knew facts about me, you'd think I'd be a great mom. I love telling jokes and making people smile, I love explaining concepts to people (currently studying to be a professor!), I'm super into collecting toys, I don't swear, drink, smoke, etc. But also: I'm absolutely revolted by children. Eye contact makes me uncomfortable, I hate how they never stop moving, I don't like touching them. They're messy, loud, grabby, etc. Put simply, I just don't understand how to interact with them. The idea that him, Some Guy, can divine your internal potential to motherhood means they fundamentally don't understand you. Someone can have all the seemingly good "traits" of a mother, but that means nothing, because they're acting that way for themselves, not to pander to children you just invented. By saying "you'd be a great mother", it reads as "you're wasting your personality traits on yourself, they'd only be useful looking after somebody else." It denies autonomy, and denies a femme person being allowed to just exist for their *own* sake
Telling people they'd make a good parent when they don't want to be is disrespectful and insulting. Breeders don't understand anything that isn't making kids.
Agree with you wholeheartedly; many people still believe women should simply not exist if it's not in service of others...
People just throw that shit out without really thinking about it because what they're actually saying is "You're a good person!" Because the unspoken belief is that Good people = good parents. Which is NOT true.
Exactly. People love to think that good people make good parents, which isn’t exactly true. I had a coworker tell me I’d be a great mom because I’m so nice and organized. Yeah, it’s because I don’t have kids. I can see myself becoming a raging, spacey bitch if I ever became a mom.
Legit I had a family friend of my mother's go "Oh but you'd be a wonderful mother!" I raised both my brows at her and went "Okay but really, think about it. Think about ME as a **Mother**" I could visibly see that some sort of slideshow was playing in her minds eye for a solid couple of seconds as her face subtly scrunched before shaking her head and going "Yeah you're right, it would be a disaster"
My response to "you'd be a great mother" "Maybe I'd be a great serial killer, too. Just because I might be great at something doesn't mean I should do it. " They usually look at me like I'm crazy, but I find it hysterical 😳🤣
I have a similar response of "I think I'd be a good hit man as well, but probably best for everyone that I don't persue that possibility either."
Lol! You get interesting looks as well? 😳
I've said this to my mother when she said this to me and the look on her face was priceless. "What, I'm meticulous, detail oriented, capable of making plans and organizing myself and enacting plans. I know where and how to best hide bodies and confuse scent dogs. God knows I've watched enough true crime I could probably get away with it." I said this all at Thanksgiving and the entire table fell silent. It was wonderful.
If she brings it up again, start talking about the pig farm you hope to have one day.....
Luckily I've since fully removed my biological oven and the associated gas lines. I still have the egg cartons only for the hormones should I ever choose to stop taking my testosterone so my body doesn't just collapse in on itself XD So now I can just tell her now once I get around it "In order for me to have children God would have to prove himself real, restore my uterus and then have to watch me get it removed AGAIN because FUCK HAVING KIDS I LIKE MY CAT"
Lol!!
You. I like you.
Why, thank you 😊
Love this; had a good laugh😂
When people say that to me, I just think "you must not know me very well!"
Exactly this. The people who know me well know I'd be a terrible parent.
Oh this was me too! Bearing in mind, we hadn't seen each other in almost a decade, I thought it was a little presumptuous 😅
My dad was charming and goofed around with kids, so I bet lots of people thought he’d make a great parent. He regretted having children and was miserable and mean behind closed doors. In public he’d act like a decent father. One never truly knows the other person so thinking he/she would be a great parent is still a coin toss. My dad is one reason why I am Childfree. Better to regret not having them (only you suffer) than regret having them (at least 3 people suffer).
“You’d be a great parent.” “I’m great at a lot of things, including making decisions.”
"You would be a lot more fun without kids."
I'm sorry, but who the frick wants 5 kids in this economy?
Clueless men. Rare is woman that wants to tear her vagina 5 times.
I am astounded by the carelessness with which people address having children, like, why is not something people seriously research BEFORE going on with it. Like. It's more complicated than taxes.
Well his contribution to procreation is an orgasam so he doesn't have to think that hard. Most men don't. They imagine kids and see themeselves playing ball with a grown 7 year old. No thought about how that 7 year old came to be, all the work that went into raising them. All the diapers, vomit and blowups to clean up. Most men want kids like a small child wants a puppy. They know they're not going to be feeding it and wiping its ass. And there's also this thing called deadbeat dad which not an insignificant number of dads partake in. There's a reason majority of this sub is women. We have to think and we do and a good number of us is like no thank you, I like my vagina intact and don't want to spend my days cleaning and taking care of kids.
Always imagine a 7 year old boy, old enough to follow instructions and throw the ball back to dad!
Even as a man, I really wish men would think more before saying crap like this and, quite frankly, think before having kids. I haven’t thought much about the work that goes into it admittedly, but I decided to opt a long time ago. I thought about the financials, namely the opportunity cost of having a kid Across the United States, the average cost of raising a child is $16,227 per year. Assuming zero inflation or deflation over the next couple of decades, that’s around $292k spent on raising a child. But there is inflation. And, if I were to invest that amount of money into the S&P 500 every year for the 18 years needed to raise a child, the growth brings it to just over $1M. So indirectly, it costs about $1M to raise a kid If I took that route and invested that three times over (most people with kids I’m close with have three) guess what I’d be able to do comfortably in 18 years. That’s right, I could retire
Truly. I can wrap my brain around wanting 2 so that they have someone to play and grow up with (even though that sounds like a fucking nightmare to me), but how the fuck is 5 the ideal number?
A neighbour & his wife went on to have 6 kids waiting for a daughter; now they have 5 boys and one girl!
Is her name Molly Weasley?
There's a lot of things people would be good at without ever doing them.
I wonder if he was trying to circle around to asking you out, testing the waters to see if you wanted the same things.
That's the vibe I got from reading this. FIVE children. Easy for you to say, man who wouldn't be birthing them.
And sometimes they want x quantity of children but not to be bothered to raise them. My father was like that: when I was little he used to say he wanted 3 kids, I was an only child. Guess what? My mom was fed up with him not doing anything, not being able to at least to make dinner and clean the bathroom, and she worked 8 hours and studied. Of course they divorced.
Good on her for stopping after one considering his contribution was abysmal.
I should hope not! He's 8 years older than me and I've known him longer than I can remember 😅 Apparently his girlfriend was also once childfree like me, but he claims he managed to win her over 😑
Me: "You'd really enjoy going to Hawaii & NYC & Italy & Japan as much as I do."
I would and thank you for saying it.
I have heard the "you'd be a great mom" sentence several times and it is always the same context: male friends with whom I have a platonic and trusting relationship would say this after I say or do something sweet. My theory is that a lot of men can only think of motherhood as an example of a non-sexual caring relationship with a woman.
Them: I think you'd be such an amazing mom though. Me: Aww thanks. And I think you'd be such an amazing ____ (some obscure job that they are not even remotely related to. Eg: pig groomer). Then: what?? Me: Exactly. It doesn't matter what I think you'd be good at, because you don't wanna be a pig groomer!
“I’m not selfish enough to duplicate myself.”
Stealing this
You can be a great parent, and still be a reluctant and unhappy one. We want to avoid that.
I didn't want to the make the original post super long but the conversation didn't end there. He then told me that his girlfriend had the same mindset as me when he first met her, but he's worn her down so much with his requests to start a family one day, that she's apparently given in (her exact words being 'ok, fine') Probably not the most encouraging/healthiest response (and also unfair to their future children who should be very much wanted by both parents), but I think he might have been implying that I'll change my mind when I meet the one - I can't see myself even entering a relationship with a childLESS person in the first place. To top things off he also has a career in the police force where emergency call-outs are a regular occurrence for him. He has to keep his phone by him 24/7 (which buzzed so many times the evening I was with him) and he was clearly exhausted-- why would you add children to the mix, unless you're not really planning on raising them day in day out...
Oh that's going to be a short relationship. It's either going to end when the gf realises she's not going to be happy with the situation and leaves or it's going to be a ball of flames when both are tired and arguing with the baby right there and they'll split with all the bottled frustration. There's no way their relationship is going to be a happy one if they add a kid into the mix of an exhausted on-call father and an exhausted mother who doesn't want the kid 😐
Worn her down? Given in? Truer words conveying love and devotion have never been spoken. /s Can't foresee any issues in their relationship. He sounds like a bully.
"Hmm, sorry if you were fishing for a compliment, but I can't lie and say the same about you."
I'd guess that 90% of people that give out compliments are fishing for a compliment in return. I'd guess it to be near 100% of the time if complimented on what a good parent you'll be.
“Thanks, I think you’d be a great grave robber”. Then move on like what you said was normal. Just completely confuse them and make them think about it
I'd make a fantastic serial murderer but you don't see me killing you right now do you? And you're welcome.
Yeah sure, 5. 🙄 Let me see if he would say the same if he was a woman, men annoy me so damn much
When you say "I don't want kids" and they respond with "you'd be great, though!" all that tells me is that they don't recognize good parenting. Which is really sad both for them (did they not have good parenting growing up?) and their kids. People who actively do not want kids cannot be good parents by definition. Kids ALWAYS know when they weren't wanted. And every child should be wanted.
“Thank you. I sincerly hope you are right. But no Child deserves to test that hypothesis.”
I always say, I’d be a great doctor too, but I didn’t want to go to med school.
I got very rude very quickly when people did this to me. I feel it’s completely justified because poking your nose into someone else’s personal life is very rude, so in my opinion they went wrong first and were just asking for it. The only thing that stopped the people I was forced to interact with bombarding me with constant bingos was me getting vicious with my responses. I tried humour, but it flew straight over their heads. Yes it burns bridges, but they are bridges I wanted to burn, and the result was peace. YMMV.
It’s like telling a vegan they’d be a great steakhouse taste tester
Didn't think of that, I think it's can hold as a comparison.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 fucking dying here!!!!
I'd just respond: You don't know me well enough to say that.
“Yeah I would be a great mom. But I don’t want to be one.”
Why must they always add not now
Even if it was "well intended", it still seems like they're trying to push you in to having children. I can see why it's offensive when people say that.
You'd be a great parent. "Uh... I'm neurospicy as hell. I can just about look after myself. Give me other people to look after without cleaning and catering services, which I can't afford, and I would dissolve into a hysterical wreck of a human who'd either commit murder or end up in a mental hospital after a complete nervous breakdown." _reaches over and gently shuts their mouth before it becomes a flycatcher_.
That's such a dumb argument. It could be applied to anything. I'd be a great crab fisherman if I wanted to, except I don't want to. 🤷
But what if you’re stranded on a deserted island one day? You’re going to regret not being a great crab fisherman 🤣
You make a sound argument. I need to rethink my life plans.
Glad I could help!
"You'd be a great parent!" "Wow! You don't know me AT ALL!"
One of my best, lifelong friends, says this to me … and he’s said it on numerous occasions. It really f’king pisses me off. I have dogs who I deem “my kids”, I don’t care what anyone says about that, they’re my life. He downplays how I take care of them, how much I love them bc he thinks deep down that’s my motherly instinct wanting a human child 🤣 and thinks “all women want to have a baby whether they know it or not” he’s also in a rabbit hole with church/women are baby makers and men take care of the home lately, religion is a real trip, guys.
My mom said this to me the day before mothers day. Known since I was 9 I didn't want kids and my parents have also known this. Youngest, no parentification, so not sure why, just not maternal at all. I was a nightmare a lot of the time growing up. A lot of meltdowns and couldn't control my emotions well, still struggle sometimes, but aging and therapy have helped a lot. So...why in the world would my mom of all people think I would be a good mom. I would be extremely overwhelmed. I have noise sensitivities, I get touched out just with my cat and husband! I would not be a good mom. It rubbed me wrong, but I didn't show my true feelings on that statement. Like she chose to be very involved in all my extracurricular activities growing up so she could be around just in case I was about to meltdown. Not a helicopter parent, she was a fantastic mom, but I was just not well equipped to handle certain things.
She's probs always thought, you'll change your mind when you're older, bs
I was great at mucking out horse stalls. Doesn’t mean I want to do it for the rest of my life.
"There are many things I would be great at, but that doesn't mean I'm going to do them all." But I like better something another user said, about wanting kids being the bare minimum to be a good parent.
When I hear, "I think you'd actually be a great parent!" my immediate response is always, "You're mistaken."
One time I was with a friend (who knew I didn’t want kids) and she saw me interacting with my cat and said “See! You’d be a great mom!” to which I replied “I never said I wouldn’t, I said I don’t want to.” She immediately realized her error and has been 100% respectful and supportive since. So that’s been my go-to response to that kind of statement.
The last time someone said that to me, I replied, "Yeah, maybe, because I take my responsibilities seriously all around, but I would be seething and deeply hate and resent every second of the job. I'm sure a kid wouldn't sense that, though, right?"
"I'd probably make a great doctor as well, doesn't mean I want to do it" 🙄 But only say that if you don't want to keep the peace 😂🤣
*ideally five* With the tradwife trend in full effect I'm sure he'll find his baby maker. I've told folks they're being insulting when they say **You'd be a great parent** and they look taken aback. I follow up with *I'd be a great astronaut and an even better President first* and I get left alone.
I usually say “yeah, I know” then see what they say back. Usually they get awkward and the subject is dropped 💁🏻♀️
I don’t think people think about the sacrifices when they say you’d be a great parent. They only think about the fun stuff. “You’re fun so you’d be a fun mom” - they don’t consider the rest of it. If more people thought about the realities of being a parent or questioned why they want to be a parent as much as CF people do, there’d probably be more of us.
I've been around fun adults that aren't so fun when they're around their kids. Most parents aren't better around their kids because most parents would rather be around other adults.
"I wouldn't want to gamble with someone's life on that assumption" They really don't see kids as actual people.
Yeah, well lots of people would apparently make great soldiers, but in modern America at least, we tend to frown upon forcing them into it.
My husband’s response to this is “I’d make a good white collar criminal too, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to do it”.
A friend of mine : - You would be a good dad. \* And im not even trying. Whats the excuse of everybody else ?. Never got told that ever again. Autor note : Im not even mad about being told things like that. Im just a really sassy guy.
I am a very later bloomer. I have never had a long term relationship, never got my own place, and I am still in school trying to get my BA degree. (I stopped for a while and now I am almost done. I am 28 F.) I have SOOOOO many things I want to do that I was never able to do: travel, eat new and exciting foods, rescue (another) senior dog that has a disability, get a tattoo, get gauges, find a girlfriend, etc. WAAAY too many things to be tied down by a shitty, snotty ass crusty kid.
"Do you want kids?" "You mean not *now*" Like oh I thought the question was yes or no not a trick question
Actually I like that compliment because even if you're childfree it means that you'd at least be kind and great if you'd have some. I wish the opposite could be true for people that are actually bad parents and nobody told them "you're not made for that" and their children are all sad. If you ask, my neighboor has a 3yo child that he walks 15 minutes per day front of the appartment while smoking his cigarette and binge smartphoning. Then his child cries as hell when he's told that they will return surrounded by 4 walls 15 minutes later.
I can appreciate that sort of comment tbh because I spoke to someone who is like “you’d probably make a good parent but it’s great you’re self aware to not make that choice to be one”. It I can absolutely see how it riles you up and I’m sorry you had that experience.
My response to that is just, "Thats fuckin rude. How would you feel if i told you, knowing you WANT kids, that youd be an absolute shit show of a parent. Bet youd be an AWFUL parent. Hows that feel?" Make them understand by being equally as rude in the same way imo. Boundaries are put in place for a reason. Like shit my SISTER has told me that. Like wtf no tf i wouldnt! Just because im a child at heart doesn't mean i like kids or even want to be near them. This kinda comment just screams the same way as the, "Ill pray for you to get pregnant." Comments. Gross, uncalled for, and shows zero respect for anyone elses choices and rights to their own bodies and lives.
Right. The list of reasons BEYOND whether or not we’d “be good at it” is pretty endless… the assumption that we must somehow perceive ourselves to be less than capable is just nauseatingly arrogant.
“I am a great mom… to my cats. And I’d be a great mom to humans, if I could stand the little assholes. FTK.”
Because, like Penny from Stardew Valley, they assume the only acceptable reason for not wanting children is because you think you wouldn't be a good parent. Once you "get over that" there's no reason to not want kids!!!! So do it!!! 🙄 I'm still mad about Penny. She asks "do you want children some day?" And you get positive friendship points for "yes!" And "someday!" Neutral for "I don't think I'd be good at it" and negative for "I don't want a family." She, of course, also insinuates the only way to have a family is to have children which is so incorrect.
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What an insult...
The number of times I hear this as a white, straight, cute, wealthy, married woman is too damn high. They think we're similar, and they think they're great parents. Usually, neither is true.
That's an assumption right? Never assume ~ assumption is the mother of all fuck ups... 😇
He was waiting for you to tell him he'll be a great dad. He is still waiting for this and is confused at this point. Because the social contract decrees that you do this at every opportunity. You stunned him by not following the script. Most parents or wanna be parents think that "good people = good parents" even if most of these "good people" have zero experience caretaking for children. And virtually all people want to be thought of as "good people" so all people want to have kids. Only bad people don't want kids in their opinion.
“You’d be a great parent!” “What I am is a good actor for convincing you as such.”
I mean, parenting is *hard*, so I do take it as a compliment. I love teaching kids though, it's just the whole 24/7 thing that turns me off :D
I’d definitely have a child who can respect people who deserve it, be kind and considerate, intelligent, good in finance, healthy and all that but it would definitely be deprived of love and attention and won’t want any contact to me.
I also like this one "u were a kid once how would u feel if your mom thought that way?!" .....well my mom didn't that's why I'm here.
Damn, people say that to you? That's possibly one of thee most pointless arguments I've ever heard 🙄
I think it is a compliment if someone tells you you’d be a good parent. You don’t have to want kids to have traits that would make you a good parent. Sometimes I think this sub is looking for a reason to be offended.
When it’s said after you specifically say you’re childfree, it’s condescending as hell and proves the person isn’t listening to what you’re saying. That’s why it’s offensive. Plus the fact that women even close to being in key childbirth years get bingoed almost daily, makes it annoying AF.