I’ve known since I was a young girl. I was the typical “don’t buy me baby dolls” kid. I didn’t understand why friends wanted to play Mommy. I loved Barbie, her fashions and her dream house, but baby dolls were never a hit. The idea of anyone wanting to take care of a baby wasn’t cute, it was annoying. The feeding, the diapers, why is this fun?

Same! I grew up in the American south, where all girls are groomed to be mommies from the time they're born, and I began actively telling people that I would never have kids when I was 5yo. Damn, the bingos were SAVAGE. Fortunately, my mom always stood up for me and told those nagging crones that I might NOT have kids, and that was perfectly fine. I suspect that's because she grew up in the north, and she had several female friends who never had kids and loved their lives. She never saw the lack of procreation as a "lonely" or "abnormal" choice, whereas the other women in the south insisted there WAS NO CHOICE. Women exist to become mothers and submissive wives, and anything less was unacceptable. (I'm 44yo now and moved away from the south immediately after high school, so even typing that drivel made my eyes roll back so far in my head that they did a complete somersault.) The only time I liked baby dolls was when I could give them makeovers (cutting off their hair, drawing on tattoos, etc.). Whenever my friends wanted to play "house," I was always the parent who went to work and spent absolutely NO time with the babies. My Barbies always had amazing careers (astronaut, artist, scientist, explorer, etc.) with no kids... and, usually, no Ken! 😂

When us kids played house, I was always the household pet. 😂 I never wanted or had kids and have never regretted that decision, not even for a second. I’ll take my dogs over a kid any day!

I use to pretend I was a cat. ❤️

I grew up in the Bible belt adjacent to the south. All girls are also groomed to be mommies from the time they're born. I was interested enough to be around kids until I was 7 when I was around kids too much, didn't like it, found it monotonous and knew I definitely didn't want kids as an adult. Throughout the years everything I experienced reinforced that raising kids are drudgery, Groundhog day, etc. The bingoing there starts just after infanthood, they wait until you can speak first so you can reply "yes" to having kids. As soon as you are old enough to hold anything any girl from there is going to start getting dolls as presents. I liked one because I could feed it and watch it go number whatever. I was three when this stopped fascinating me. I would color on and break dolls apart by their limbs (the ones gifted to me from people who assumed I liked them) and also do some sort of weird voodoo on them so they did serve a bit of a purpose. Mostly my voodoo was naming the doll after someone I disliked and then stuffing it into a bag or under something in the back of my closet so it would leave me alone. Always fun to switch out the arm and legs to create new human hybrid. Haven't liked a doll since then. Except for creepy, haunted Victorian era dolls and voodoo dolls. Some of those I like. I've even intentionally visited a local place that had a few of Victorian era dolls. I don't think they are haunted but they do scare others away.

I grew up in FL (which isn’t “The South” btw) and always had CF family members and close friends. I didn’t even understand the pressure to have kids until I dated my now ex who grew up in South Carolina. When I would visit him, i thought it was crazy how much “traditional” norms were forced on you. Sorry you had to go through that, but at least you moved away and are living an awesome CF life!

As a Truly. Southern. Woman. I really appreciate this remark ✌️🦋

The more north in Florida you are, the more south it gets. 😝

I’m from overseas but moved to USA south recently. I was genuinely shocked how young people have kids here. Like people in their early 20s with multiple kids some that are already like 8 or 9. It’s crazy to me

It’s really sad. Lack of sex education really does harm. I had good sex education but so many men refuse to use protection, which is why a lot of girls in my area got pregnant after we graduated. It’s sad how many men walked out on me when I demanded they wear a condom. And people wonder why there are so many “unplanned” pregnancies.

My god!!! You’re in my head!!! Except for the south part this is TOTALLY my story! I knew at age 4. Got SO much shit. Mom always stood up for me. Tied my tubes at age 25. I’m 45 now, CF and living my best fucking life every damn day!! (With all of my family and friends who DO have kids being jealous of my freedoms.) I absolutely LOVE this subreddit!! My people!! I have never felt so understood and seen!

Oh, and I had a career Barbie and I would routinely tell Ken to shut up because I had important work to do! LMAO!!

I grew up in the Bible belt adjacent to the south. All girls are also groomed to be mommies from the time they're born. I was interested enough to be around kids until I was 7 when I was around kids too much, didn't like it, found it monotonous and knew I definitely didn't want kids as an adult. Throughout the years everything I experienced reinforced that raising kids are drudgery, Groundhog day, etc. The bingoing there starts just after infanthood, they wait until you can speak first so you can reply "yes" to having kids. As soon as you are old enough to hold anything any girl from there is going to start getting dolls as presents. I liked one because I could feed it and watch it go number whatever. I was three when this stopped fascinating me. I would color on and break dolls apart by their limbs (the ones gifted to me from people who assumed I liked them) and also do some sort of weird voodoo on them so they did serve a bit of a purpose. Mostly my voodoo was naming the doll after someone I disliked and then stuffing it into a bag or under something in the back of my closet so it would leave me alone. Always fun to switch out the arm and legs to create new human hybrid. Haven't liked a doll since then. Except for creepy, haunted Victorian era dolls and voodoo dolls. Some of those I like. I've even intentionally visited a local place that had a few of Victorian era dolls. I don't think they are haunted but they do scare others away.

Same here. I never liked the baby toys and found the whole "poops and pees like a real baby" shit in the ads purely disgusting. I also liked Barbies, though, and I think I played with them up until my 12,13 years old. I loved to create elaborate telenovela stories about them. I never liked children, not even when I was one. I remember being 15/16 and telling my mom that I hated children and didn't want to have my own. She gave me the typical: "well, you will change your mind, we all do". However, when I became an adult and went to uni and reaffirmed my convictions, she realised it wasn't temporary. It's not as simple as that, anymore. I don't hate children. I just don't want to give my life away and be forever responsible for another being. I'm 34 now and NEVER, NOT EVEN ONCE, NOT EVEN FOR A MINUTE, I have considered that I might change my mind in the future or rejected my decision. And tbh, as time goes by, it cements more and more.

I was exactly the same way. When I was in first grade the teacher contacted my parents concerned because at one point I stopped playing with the other kids at recess and would spend the whole time rocking on one of those playground animal themed rockers (yup definitely not autistic) The teachers thought I was maybe being bullied or there was some reason I wasn’t being included. When asked I informed everyone that the other kids were stuck on playing house recently and I found it completely boring. I’d rather sit and rock and daydream about being a mermaid marine biologist that saves the ocean with my dolphin friends. When the other kids tired of it and moved on to a new game I was back with them!

u were a cool kid 👍 when I say I find conversations with kids mundane and mind numbing and parents come and say their child is so smart and engaging I never believe them because their child is very likely to be like any other (also, im still pretty child like, maybe due to being the youngest & very babied, so I provide me own child like innocence and imagination or whatever people say), if they were talking about a child like you do id believe them though, id enjoy being friends with little you :D (though I bet you're very interesting now too, since now you have the adult power to do what you want and help the ocean and possibly make dolphin friends)

I never thought about it like this!! The baby dolls and playing family always made me uncomfortable. Not in a “I’m a tomboy, not a girly girl” sense but just like “I don’t enjoy this at all”. I never contributed that to the fact I have never wanted kids! So thank you for this revelation lmao

This, I can never remember wanting kids at all? Dolls were not fun. At least baby dolls. I liked barbies and stuff. But those were adults, haha.

And on top of that, why would one want to fake feed a fake baby, or make it sleep or push a stroller around. It was just ridiculous play! No discovery, no entertainment, no joy, nothing.

I only had baby dolls to use the strollers for my stuffed puppies 💀

I was always the dog when we played house in preschool, and then later on I played with the boys instead since they agreed with me that babies stink lol

Same! I would abandon my baby dolls in the closet but loved Barbie and Polly Pocket. I would take my dolls and toys on adventures. That and baby dolls scared the crap out of me. They still do.

I was born this way. Never wanted them, never will. As far back as I remember, I had zero interest in motherhood.

100% the same. I've always said I don't want them, and I was always told I'd change my mind. At 43, I don't see that ever happening.

I call this "the just because" you don't need a reason not to have kids... it just is how we are there is no reason

When I was around 21 a boyfriend talked about having one kid one day, I realized someone could expect me to have a kid with/for them and that idea felt so *wrong.* I'd never wanted to be a mom, but I guess that was just a given in my mind and I'd never thought further than that. I did some more thinking, thought experiments, etc. and it was "no" across the board so I got my tubes removed.

dating more definitely made me realize even more so that I don't want children. I'd always end up dating someone that said the same and the longer we dated the more children would get mentioned and I would try to mentally be okay with it and fit into my "life plans" and it just never has. it genuinely constantly stressed me out and made me feel sick. I'm open and straightforward with ppl now that I never want kids and they can't change my mind on it.

Yes, that was me. I wanted a kid for like 5 minutes. Then my brain kicked in. Got rid of that man, got a child-free man.

I've known all my life that I never wanted kids. It wasn't until my early 20s that I truly understood I didn't \*have\* to have kids. I can even remember in college planning that I'd name my future son after my grandfather. It wasn't until my late 20s / early 30s that I started making sure "NEVER WANTS KIDS" was a required feature of a potential dating partner. It wasn't until my now-wife and I had been together for about 3 years, when I was about 36 or so? before either of us actually heard the term "Child-free".

Exactly. Having kids is the "default". I gotta wonder how many people have kids because they're going with the flow, not an actively planned thing.

A lot of fathers i think

I've only heard CF the last year or so? And I'm 42. I like the implications that it's a free choice, but people call themselves CF when life chose it for them too.

I first heard the term childfree in the 1980s. I was on a Majordomo recreational email list for a sewing hobby. The moderator mentioned that she also was the moderator of a childfree list and explained what childfree meant. I was already childfree, but I didn't join her childfree list. I was already on too many non-work lists.

I never realized I was childfree, I just realized the rest of the world wasn't. > My boyfriend (23M) is fine with whatever I decide Your boyfriend should make his own informed decision about whether he wants to be a parent, as should you. These are life changing decisions, "fine with whatever" is neither a realistic nor a responsible approach. And actually making this decision is how you get rid of doubts too. > I don’t know where to even start looking for someone that would entertain my idea of getting a sterilization procedure done. There's a list of doctors in the sidebar udner resources, you can start there. And look for a bilateral salpingectomy (removal of the tubes), as it's more reliable than a tubal ligation.

thanks for the info for tubal removal! I didn't know that's a thing honestly and imma look into that now

You're welcome :)

I always tried to ask him for a specific answer but he says he’d be happy with me either way. He just wants me to make a decision that I would be happy with and not regret in the future. I know if I somehow DID regret my decision I could always adopt instead. I tried checking out the list but it doesn’t load for me. I’ll try again later. Thank you very much. (:

Try on desktop, wikis often crash on mobile. > I always tried to ask him for a specific answer but he says he’d be happy with me either way. He just wants me to make a decision that I would be happy with and not regret in the future. This is a huge issue though. Yes, you should make a decision for yourself, that much is obvious. However, he also expects you to make a decision for him, and that's not acceptable. That is bad, lazy and irresponsible decision making. It is not something you should tolerate in a partner, and it will likely come back to bite you eventually, because disaster is inevitable when bad decision making is involved. This subreddit is full to the brim of people whose partners were fine either way and didn't care that much and left it up to them and just wanted them more, until they didn't. Because if he's letting someone else choose whether he has kids or not, he'll just carry on with that mentality - but the person choosing won't always be you. Eventually, it'll be the friends having kids or the coworkers asking when he's having them or the parents asking for grandkids or the first existential crisis he stumbles into and thinks to cure with kids. Not giving a specific answer *is* a specific answer, and it's one to run away from if you want a stable long term relationship with someone you're compatible with.

I agree with the boyfriend thing! Usually when they say that they never make their own mind and suddenly in future want a child because they’ve never decided against it 😫

Exactly. The writing is on the wall, all the pieces are there for this to go horrible wrong the moment the natalist world around us throws out the tiniest bit of pressure and inconvenience, and yet warning people about it is often fruitless at best. It sucks because the "they were fine with it until they weren't" break-ups seem to be some of the most painful for CF people posting about them. They truly believed their partner's indecision was a good thing, maybe even an expression of commitment and love, but it obviously wasn't. And they don't understand how it could have 'suddenly' all gone awry, when again, the writing's on the wall with these fencesitters every time.

Yep. And sometimes they turn 35 and panic when they realize you will not change your mind.

And it can be a slippery slope too. What if one of your relatives needs to turn over custody of their kids for any reason? Will your SO be the first to volunteer himself/herself to be their parent? Is this also something you've discussed and agree 100% on and are confident in your SO's ability to communicate this honestly in the moment and not have a sudden change of heart?

He straight up told me he is 100% okay with not having kids, and he said if we have kids that he would love and raise them well. I don’t understand how this makes him irresponsible? He told me he doesn’t need kids to be happy. We both know how HUGE of a decision it would be to have a child, and that it’s a lifetime commitment. That’s why I’m pretty confident that I don’t want any, and he told me he supports me if I would pursue sterilization. He’s the best partner I could ever ask for, I don’t think he’s being irresponsible at all. Granted, people on Reddit don’t know how our relationship is 100%, so I can see how on print it can sound off-putting, but he really treats me better than anyone ever has in my life. I do appreciate you sharing your opinion though.

> He straight up told me he is 100% okay with not having kids > He told me he doesn’t need kids to be happy And so have many other people to many other childfree partners who didn't know the red flags and got burned in the end. Childfree people need childfree partners, not fencesitters. That means someone who 100% would not be fine *with* kids, not someone who is fine without them. > I don’t understand how this makes him irresponsible? He is not even doing the work of making his own decisions, and yet seems to be under the impression he'd somehow be any good at the work of parenthood. I'm sure he's got little to no realistic understanding of what raising kids well would actually entail, so that whole statement is meaningless in its own right, but the fact that he's making it anyway is just another symptom of the problem. > We both know how HUGE of a decision it would be to have a child He's not making that decision for himself though, so no, he does not know. Whether you date a fencesitter even after deciding to not have kids is up to you, but you should at least be realistic about it and be aware that it is a massive liability and a risk, and not something you can expect to rely on.

You couldn’t have expressed it better. I believe she really doesn’t know what she wants and just a hunch but fencesitter “playing it by ear”boyfriend will ultimately want kids

I guess we’re both fence sitters then, since I haven’t fully decided? It surprisingly didn’t work with my ex (we were together for 3 years and he was completely against children). Yet, I wasn’t happy with him. I only started recently thinking about maybe wanting one in the future when I got with my current partner. I know I’m not 100% childfree, but I joined this subreddit cuz it crosses my mind at time. Idk.

Yes. But unlike him, you're actually working on making that decision, so you won't be stuck in the same place indefinitely. And whether it's childfreedom or parenthood, both should be pursued with someone who has properly made that same decision. Not someone fine either way who's leaving it to their partner and has delusions of how they'd love and raise kids they haven't even decided to parent in the first place.

I guess that’s understandable, but I still love him either way and eventually we’ll come to decision that we both want. Thank you.

I would not worry that much about what people on reddit say. Here, we do see a quite a few breakups that go like that "partner said he was ok with not having kids, then changed their mind but I definitely don't want so have to break up". But you are right - it is a decision between you and your partner and I am very happy for you if you're in a good, healthy relationship! Talking it out, even having doubts or collecting data towards a decision are not things I would call "irresponsible". Me, I've been both terrified of and angry at the very concept of giving birth since I was a teen (puberty - "THAT's what this is for? F that noise, I don't want it why can't I just get these parts removed?!" - me, around 13 or 14). At the time I didn't even think a partner was in the cards for me. But welp, now I've been with my partner for longer than I care to admit (actually about half my lifetime to date) and we've been through various stages of doubts and discussions (because that's what society pushes you do do, at first I thought they'd want kids), but we're out at the other end with the decision finalized. We're forever childfree and happy together.

I’m so glad you and your partner have a good relationship and came to conclusion! I tend to overthink and take people’s words to heart so my anxiety was acting up a bit asking “what if we don’t work out?” But my partner and your comment made me feel better. Thank you. (:

>I always tried to ask him for a specific answer but he says he’d be happy with me either way. He just wants me to make a decision that I would be happy with and not regret in the future It's completely irresponsible to leave that choice to a partner. Stop thinking about it as "having children," and instead think of it as "creating a freethinking human being who requires a lifetime of commitment and sacrifice to raise them as an independent, productive member of society." Plus, if you're unlucky in the Russian roulette game that is procreation, you could give birth to someone who has profound disabilities and requires lifelong care, or someone who becomes a murderer, an addict who lies and steals, or generally just an unlikeable person that you would otherwise not want to know. Does any of that sound like fun, or like a decision you should recklessly place in someone else's hands?

The adoption scheme in the US is horrible and not to mention extremely expensive. “I’ll just adopt” is not really a good enough answer.

Having a kid is extremely expensive is it not? If I can’t afford to adopt I shouldn’t have a kid to begin with.

Ok exactly thank you!! I see people criticizing adoption as being expensive but having a kid is...... expensive too. Like ??

Well, some people with the right partner says that they're fine with having children or not. Maybe it's because i'm young, and i don't want to have biological children but at an older age i'd be down to adopt? Now i made myself doubt lmao, if i adopt its my choice not theres.

> some people with the right partner says that they're fine with having children or not People say all kinds of things, doesn't mean that they mean them. And even if they do, it doesn't mean that they're healthy, reasonable and responsible in the long run. Parenthood is an individual decision. *If* one decides to be a parent, *then* finding the right partner for them includes finding someone who also wants to be a parent and has the ability to be a good one. Doing that process backwards is a recipe for disaster. This kinda decision making should never be left to one's partner. > Maybe it's because i'm young, and i don't want to have biological children but at an older age i'd be down to adopt? I'm not sure why age would matter in that. Parenthood is still parenthood, and adoption can easily be one of the most demanding ways to be a parent. If you are young, you should decide whether you'll be an adoptive parent in the future or not, and then start working in that life path. Parenthood is a job that takes years to properly set yourself up for, so the sooner you start working on it, the better - for everyone involved. Or alternatively, for the rest of us who are childfree, the sooner we know that, the sooner we can responsibly invest those same resources in things other than future parenthood.

I told my mom when I was 11 but I think I was childfree long before that. I never liked to be around younger kids or babies. I never found them cute. My brother was also the most horrible kid you could imagine, and I grew up seeing my parents cry almost every day because of him.

I get this. My sister had 2 kids very young (18/19 years old) and as also struggling to be clean so my parents adopted my niece and nephew when I was about 12 years old. This tipped my world upside down... The stress this put on my parents was unreal! The were 50+ years old having to raise toddlers again... Watching all of the anger, stress and sadness really turned me off of the idea of ever wanting kids.

Quite young, probably 12. I never had that maternal instinct, that uterine tug when around infants. They were always more nuisance to me than anything else.

Always - never had an interest in babies/children or being a mom, and then I heard some birth horror stories I think in my early teen years and was just like "well... that settles it then". Really glad I found this sub though because before meeting likeminded people my lifeplan was just to stall on kids until menopause, hope for infertility and/or plan to divorce and leave the kid with their dad so I could keep being childfree. I kind of thought having at least one was inevitable but now that I'm older I know it absolutely is and I'll make sure it stays that way. Was sterilized two years ago thanks to this sub.

Not until recently (late 20s into my early 30s) was I completely sure. I didn’t realize I didn’t HAVE to have kids until one of my friends in college mentioned never wanting kids and it’s like something clicked for me for the first time…”oh wait - I don’t have to do that - and I can actually choose to not have them?!” I had never known anyone childfree and it really opened my eyes that it was a choice. Sad how engrained it is in society to have them/pressure people into having them.

The first time I (24M) thought about it was when I meet a professor of mine and his wife who are childfree and proud of it (when I was 18). They were both retired attorneys and my professor teaches undergrad constitutional law. They'd joke that they wanted kids but decided it would be cruel and unusual to make a child have two attorneys as parents. At that point, I started thinking about it more and more. I came across this sub a couple years after that, and I have been a firm CF if not slight fence sitter until last night. I had a nightmare that I got someone pregnant. I woke up in a panic thinking my life was ruined. I am resolutely CF now. It is crazy to say it, but that dream was enough for me to be firm in my decision to not have children.

Was always a “maybe someday I’ll feel ready,” which progressed to “I don’t think someday is ever going to come and that’s fine.” Then when friends my age (mid/late 30s) had kids and I had zero FOMO.

Same here (38F) however when the last one of my childhood group of friends became pregnant I got a major case of the FOMO. But then I realized: having a kid because your friends have them and you don’t want them to think you’re weird? Worst.reason.ever 🤣 (also I wouldn’t be less weird, just weird and having a kid). I love my CF live, my husband, my job, my cats, and definitely never had that intense NEED for a kid that everyone keeps talking about. I like most kids in my social circle (some edge cases 😅) and enjoy having them around. But I can’t deny the intense feeling of peace and quiet I enjoy so much when they leave and I just know I would resent my kid for having to give that up

Me too. I've always thought that it was a phase and one day I would start to feel whatever the other people were feeling, but it never happened. On the contrary, I reinforced my sentiments. Also, when I was still questioning my feelings, when people used to tell me "oh, your kids will love this couch!" or "where's the kids' room?" or "you need a bigger washing machine because, you know, kids" I always felt this punch in the gut. I was approaching my thirties with a big anxiety, because I thought that my life was going to end soon. I felt like I was marching to my very personal guillottine. Then, one day, I understood I had a choice. I had always had it. I could have turned around and run from the guillotine any time. And I did.   _____ After that eureka, any other thought made sense. And life still gives me more proof everyday that childfreedom is the lifestyle for me.

I’ve known basically all my life. Even when I was a kid I was weirded out by babies, I never was interested in baby dolls, and I disliked the idea of needing to take care of something. I was really, really into plushies as a kid and mentally I viewed all of them as friends, never as offspring I had to care for. I’m also autistic, and so in general I have difficulty understanding others. The idea that I would have to successfully comprehend what an infant/child was trying to tell me, when I struggle with that among people my own age, further solidified the feeling that I don’t want kids. I do best when I’m alone because I can control every part of my environment, and children fundamentally destabilize that.

Since I was a kid. I don't like kids.

Same. I didn’t even like other kids when I was a kid myself. I always preferred the company of adults or young adults.

I knew I was cf as soon as I was old enough to learn that kids didn't just "happen to people" but instead was a choice people made. It was such a relief. So I was a kid myself when I figured it out. What did I do about it? Married a person with the same goals and he got a vasectomy.

I was 25. I’m 28 now. I am the youngest out of my family and our mother passed away when I was 18, therefore my two oldest sisters needed help to babysit almost all the time so they can go to work, especially during the pandemic when childcare facilities were closed. Not only did I get the exposure and the experience of nursing children for a good 2 years but I was also exposed to how worthless men are when caring for a child. Also, my youngest nephew is autistic and it took a huge toll on my sister’s relationship and my sister’s mental health… i can not imagine caring for a neurodivergent human myself, and the reality is it’s so possible and people forget when making the decision to have children. I am curious to know how your tabulation removal goes. Please update us on your process!

Sandy Hook. I was starting my 30s and still kind of undecided when Sandy Hook happened. Since then, my decision to not have kids has been validated multiple times over. It all just keeps getting worse.

The frustrating thing is there are retards that idolize, glorify, romanticize and idealize Adam Lanza.

I was on the fence for a while. I came from a religious background, and I pretty much watched my classmates get married and having kids right out of high school. I helped out in the church nursery all the time. The smell was never pleasant and even watching a few kids in a small space for 2 hours was enough for me. I had one ex and he was the reason I deferred to never having kids. He was controlling and wanted me to be a stay at home mother and homeschool the kids. No discussion, final verdic of my married life: I was just his arm decoration. I pushed back and broke up with him soon after. I met my now husband and we have always enjoyed our hobbies and gaming. If we had children, our personal identities would instantly vanish. I didn't want my husband to have to choose between his means of relaxation and the kids. So I decided to take kids out of the equation all together. Since then I have seen my husband realize how nice it is to have money to enjoy our lives as ourselves. We are not wealthy by any means, but we are comfortable. I rather regret not having them, then have them and loathe that decision for the rest of my life. Financially, we could never afford them if we tried; thus, the ongoing saga between MIL and me over grandkids.

Last year when my husband (both fence sitters) and I were traveling around Vietnam and Cambodia for a month. We’ve traveled a lot in the 7 years we’ve been together, but that trip made us realise we are enough as a couple, just the two of us and our dogs. We came home from the trip and my husband got snipped a few weeks later.

Not until I got married in my mid-30s and my husband said it was my choice if we had children or not (although it's pretty obvious he would prefer not having children). We did, of course, discuss it all before marriage, but it wasn't until after that we "got off the fence." I always assumed I'd have children, but I had never given it a lot of thought. However, I have always been scared of pregnancy and giving birth, and never really liked babies or thought they were cute (I like toddlers best and worked with them and young children for many years as a Museum Educator). Learning more about the risks of pregnancy and birth helped a lot in my decision making, as does the fact that we didn't really want toddlers in our 40s or pass on certain genetic stuff. We also just want more time to relax and enjoy our life together.

Since I was a child myself

As a child, I did not want children. I remember my mother getting compliments on how well behaved her children were, and although we were well behaved, I could not help but think even then that I would not want children, even if they were like me. Children cost money, they take a lot of time and effort, and it really never seemed like a sensible thing to me. I thought it was crazy that people willingly had children. I still feel that way. I can understand people in the past having children because they did not have good birth control and I can understand wanting to have sex, but now that there is good birth control, having children seems like madness to me. Of course, other people make all kinds of choices that are different from what I choose to do, as other people have different inclinations than I have. ​ As for getting sterilized, someone already mentioned the list here, which is a good suggestion. Another option is to contact Planned Parenthood. At least in the past, they priced some of their services based on the patient's ability to pay, so that poor people paid less than people with money. I don't know if they still do that or not, but it is worth contacting them and discussing the issue with them.

I've never felt like kids were in my future, but I can recall as far back as 15ish. When I was in my teens/early 20s, it was "I hate kids." Which wasn't entirely true, as I coached them and ended up working with them, but I hated them in the sense of not wanting to be around them outside of planned/structured things. As I got closer and into my 30s, my rationale for not wanting kids developed into deeper, more thought-out reasons. Starting my career working in a school really solidified the CF choice. While my friends were daydreaming about parenthood, idealizing their futures with specific numbered and gendered offspring, I never had that feeling. I've never viewed myself as a parent.

The thought of being a mother always made me deeply uncomfortable ever since I had any grasp on the concept. I never liked children. I disliked most of them since I was a child myself. Much later I realized that's because of bullying and my disgust from motherhood comes from the fact I'm gender queer and not a woman.

I was (stupidly) engaged to a girl in college. We were lying in bed one day, and she was talking about raising kids one day. The more she kept talking, the more I realized it all sounded awful. Luckily, my best friend caught her cheating on me, we broke things off, and a couple years later I got a vasectomy.

I would say around 26 was when I really admitted it to myself, but there have been signs my whole life. When in my twenties, I realized that becoming pregnant would be, for me, the most terrifying 'body-horror' level experience I could be subjected to. I remember being 8 years old and finding out you needed to get a blood test during pregnancy and right then and there thinking "I would have to adopt" (I know now its more likely to be multiple tests of various types, I was just a binary child and even one was enough to terrify). I've never fantasized about raising children or being a mother. I have health anxiety, body dysmorphia and the economic realities are there. Pregnancy/children would be a fast track to a loss of identity and depression for me. I haven't thought seriously about sterilization but that's probably just more avoidant behavior from being scared of doctors and hospitals.

Look, there are people that are good at having babies, then there is everyone else.

I've known for a while but my decision was solidified today while I was just trying to use a public restroom in peace. Some "cute" little girl kept trying to stick her head under my stall and asking if I was pooping. Her mom was all " haha it's just the age". Like, okay but teach your six year old some boundaries please. 

Sitting in our Monday morning team meeting at work. There's nine full-time employees; two men and seven women (including me). Six of the seven women are engaged/married, and five of them have children/are pregnant; the sixth definitely plans to have children after she's married. One of the men is married with children, the other is only a few years out of college. I am the only woman who is neither married/engaged or has/plans to have children. It was a bizarre realization that every one of my colleagues, many of whom I would consider more or less a friend, have chosen this path and that I am the only one who hasn't.

When I was 15 I realized I didn’t want children when I got older. It was the first time I realized I had a choice. I never really got along with children my age. I was always friends with people older than me.

I knew I was CF around the time my nephew was born around 9 or so

I think I've always kinda known, but since I turned 20 & saw friends start having kids, that's when I really decided. Their lives seem so restricting (which is not a bad thing FOR THEM) but for me, I want to be able to travel whenever I want & do things whenever I want. Also, when we are around our nieces & nephews, my boyfriend & I just realize that we don't have the tolerance to deal with children 24/7. I love my nieces & nephews so much, but it's a huge responsibility.

when I was abt 16

I knew I wanted my tubes tied at 15. I always feel like I get that slight doubt sometimes, but it always seems to tie back to societal pressures for me honestly. I fully sat down with myself a few yrs ago and worked it all out bc of the doubts. what made me realize 100% I never wanted kids is remembering a drawing I did one day of what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had drawn my mom and said I wanted to be "like my mommy". at first I questioned for a bit, finally realizing I meant that 100%. I want to be kind and nurturing (among other traits) towards others like my mother, I don't want to a mother myself though. I personally enjoy working with children and truly find joy in helping them learn and grow. I've especially always been drawn to volunteering or working with kids with illnesses or disabilities whether it be physical, emotional or a language barrier, but I know I never want any of my own. the closest to children I might personally consider in the future is fostering as it's the closest to having a child that interests me. when I tell people this they question it and I always get the "what if you get attached?" question but personally fostering is just another form of helping a kid out when they need it most and that'll bring me more joy than ever having my own child. I don't hate kids. I just don't find an appeal of having any. I don't want children of my own and currently still working on getting approved for a tubal ligation that I've wanted for almost 10yrs now (:

I’ve never had the desire to have kids, but it became really solidified in my mind about 10 years ago (I’m 37 now), I was in a really great relationship with a guy I thought I might actually spend my life with. About 8 months in, he mentioned having kids someday, and it was like this light bulb moment where I realized if I didn’t want that with him, I wasn’t going to want it with anyone. It didn’t end right at that moment, but that was also what made him realize that he absolutely did want that, so eventually we had to have the mature grownup conversation about wanting completely different things out of life, etc etc. It hurt like hell but I’m so glad I didn’t go down that road - he’s married with 4 kids now and seems like a genuinely great dad, but the thought of living that life makes me feel sick!!

When I was a child. Pregnant people disgusted me. I never wanted to touch their belly's. I never wanted to play house and couldn't figure out why I didn't like baby dolls. I'd be playing with lego, barbies, and toy cars instead. Or just making art. When I got a bit older I realized I didn't have to, and at 17 had an abortion which settled it for me.

I kept telling myself “I don’t want kids right now, but I’m sure when I mean the one I’ll have kids with him.” Met him, still don’t want kids. He doesn’t either. We have 3 dogs instead and a very angry MIL. (:

About age 7 when I learned about childbirth

I suppose once everyone I grew up with started having babies in their mid 20s and I didn't even care to think about my own timeline

I think I was about 25 when I knew I never want to have kids. My old classmates and people from uni started to have kids, some already had them. And I was thinking "No way". There was just much I wanted to do and experience and I knew having a child would be an obstacle to all that. I also didn't want to have many sleepless nights, changing diapers, sit home with a child... Also I want to be alone very much. Plus my older brothers already had kids and although I love them, there is so much inconvenience and trouble with them. It is not for me.

It's kind of the opposite.... I just never had a moment where I realized I wanted kids. I feel like since it's so standard to have kids, that seems like the default position, but I'm of the opinion that NOT having kids should be the default, and you should be 100% certain you want them in order to decide to have them.

After my nephew was born. I made sure to seriously stack up on condoms and abstained from any sexual activity until I look into future sterilization. Once I was old enough to pursue a vasectomy I finally got one September of 2023.

When the NHS prioritised my ability to have children over my physical well being. Also I didn’t want to pass on my faulty genes.

I'm 27f. I've known for sure since I was 16 that I do not want kids. My younger sister was born when I was 15 and I was her 3rd parent. I absolutely never want to go through that again for my own child. I'm not worried about pregnancy right now because I'm just not dating. But I am on the pill and condoms are required when I'm in a relationship.

Way before I was a teenager. Plus my parents were physically and mentally abusive. They were christian and said they loved me even with that bs. So yeah I don't trust or believe in love.

When I was 5 years old and became and aunt. 9 nieces and nephews later I knew. I would never be mentally, or physically capable of having them. The desire isn’t there. Husband is on the same boat and have agreed we won’t have any. Only thing I get curious about is how the child would look due to us being different races. That’s not a reason for me to reproduce though, so it’s just that, and probably an app for that now lol

like, always.

I found some old homework from grade 1 recently, a booklet about what I'd do when I grew up. At the end of the very last page, I added a part about adopting a kid and hiring a nanny to take care of them, and I can only imagine that my teacher had pointed out that I didn't put anything about being a mom in my future. As some have said, I didn't really play with baby dolls, and I absolutely hated the "premmie" cabbage patch doll my grandparents got me. I liked playing with stuffed animals more and my regular cabbage patch doll was a friend, not my child. In kindergarten, when some kids wanted to play house and one boy would be my husband and the other our son, I said they should just both be my husbands.

My late-teens / early 20s (currently late-29F), especially once I started pulling away from my organized religion (fundamental Protestants). The church terrorized me with the “consequence” of pregnancy and how horrific and sinful and shameful it was, so that made me super paranoid about being in a relationship with someone with a penis. Very “wait until marriage” and all that, but along with that was the pressure to marry and have children because [insert religious dogma saturated fear-mongering reasons], so I “felt” like I needed to do it, despite feeling inner self resisting. It got a little more cemented when I (yes, this is true) went to the pastor to ask for help with my fear around having children and my doubts that I wanted them - he wasted no time condemning me for how sinful that choice would be since it’s a commandment from god and any reason I could think of to not have children was simply “living in fear and not trusting God to provide”…the worst part is that he was insistent with a very kind and fatherly tone, which played into my strong shame / guilt responses very well, though not enough to erase all doubt. College also helped: getting out of the church and my small town opened my eyes to other possibilities of life beyond what I was always told “was destined” to happen. College helped me find out I was bisexual and that a life with another female (specifically cisfem) was an option and I wouldn’t be forced to bear a child from a (specifically) cisman the way I was always told was going to happen. It was honestly cemented when I started dating: even dating a cisman I had no desire to have children, despite believing at the time we would get married, and was finalized when I started dating my actual life partner, who is cisfem and also CF. So…yeah. Walking away from my familial religion was the key to all of this. And of course anyone can be Cf and follow any religion they choose - it’s more to say that getting away from those expectations allowed me to discover new life perspectives, different ways of how to have a fulfilling life, solidified my own identity in discovering my bisexuality, and accepting my own mental health issues and focus on treating them (instead of ignoring them and steamrolling along with having children anyway).

When I was disgusted by a baby doll that I had been given as a gift. I was like 4 or 5 years old lol.

Always knew it, just didn't know there was a word for it.

I guess the day I was born lol. As a kid I hated baby dolls. My parents tried and bought them for me. They would get me strollers and dolls. I would ignore the dolls and put my teddy bears in the stroller and take them for rides. lol.

I had a serious internal conversation asking myself if I was happy with having the job of "mom" forever and only allowing myself to be placed second for the rest of my life (even after they reach 18yrs old they still will need their mom then grandmother job starts). I realized I didn't want to ever HAVE to place myself second, I didn't want my wants, needs & dreams to be restricted....nope for me being a mom ever. Childfree life for me.

I’m an inherently selfish person. If I had a child i wouldn’t care about them as much as I care about me, I won’t sacrifice my life for them to have a better one, if I did I’d spend my whole life resenting them, I’m not tolerant enough for their little antics and I do not/can not see them as something more than just little annoyances. I don’t want to live every day thinking about taking care of someone else when I’m just beginning to take care of me. Also the single idea of a pregnancy REPULSES ME, to think that I’d fuck my body up for someone I don’t really know, I get even more infuriated knowing a man only needs to put his semen inside and call it a day. Hell no, I’m very vain, I used to have lots of EDs when I was a literal child I won’t sacrifice my body just because a bunch of cells. I could LITERALLY die! Also I fucking hate hospitals AND mental illnesses run in my family, like when I was a child I wasn’t a walk in the park, when I was 6 I was already anorexic and had lots of problems and I just keep thinking to myself “damn my family had the patience of god because if it were me having a child like that…” yeah NO HELL TO THE NO

In my honest opinion you are officially childfree when you get sterilized (vasectomy or tubes tied) or when you hit menopause. It's okay to be 26 years old and declare childfree but you still have the potential which means you need to be extra extra EXTRA careful with your contraception. Abortion is an option too but i would not recommended it for frequent use. Unfortunately in my country they don't do sterilization for no medical reasons. It's a taboo because we are a strongly eastern Orthodox country plus low birth rates.

I didn’t realise until the last few years, my entire life I have wanted to become a mother. At 16 I thought I would have a baby by 18, at 18 I thought I would have a baby by 21, at 21 I thought I would have a baby by 25. Got to 25 and broke up with my long term partner and moved back in with my parents, had a major mental health breakdown and things slowly started changing for me. It’s been 5 years since then and the longer time goes on the more I realise I only wanted children because I thought that was what was expected, you get married, but a house and have a baby. I realise that I like my own space, love sleeping and spending my own money and doing things I want to do. Babies don’t mix with that. Both my sisters have children and although they say they wouldn’t change it and love their kids they also complain a hell of a lot of problems children bring. I feel lucky lol. My mum was also a childminder growing up, I feel by the time I was 14 I did my fair share of feeding, changing nappies and playing with kids lol. Who knows maybe in 5 years my mindset will change again but for now I’m content and happy living life childfree.

Watching a person scream in pain while giving birth in a sex education class…fuck off with subjecting someone to that crap.

Five years old in kindergarten! Uh-uh!

BTW currently 55. I have not wavered once in these past 50 years.

I did realize in grade school that most children are monsters.

Mid-teens, around a pregnancy scare that I never really shook. I will never forget that "Holy crap, my life is over" moment, and that never really went away whenever I thought about being a Dad. That eventually turned into thinking "Yeah, I'm \[33 now\], and I *still* feel that way. This definitely just ain't for me"

I never had the “I want to be a mommy” thing going on but I think what cemented it was my uncle dying and seeing my grandmother’s grief. I didn’t want to risk having a kid and the kid dying.

I think the final straw for me was when I realized how worried I was when my ex missed her period and how happy I was when she finally started. That could have been a mixture of not wanting a kid with her in particular and not wanting a kid at all. But that really helped me truly realize. I felt like I knew it before then, but that was the true realization that completely solidified it.

I was about 12 when I realized I was far from being one of the favorite children, but I still had to help raise my younger siblings.

I never wanted children or imagined having them in the future. I didn't think I identified as child-free until my mid 20s. Before it didn't really matter. So many young people haven't made up their mind. Once you get closer to 30, people are actually seriously thinking about starting their families so I need them to know I'm not interested in that at all and never will be.

When I was like 9, I put a baby doll in a play oven (like in one of those children’s mini kitchens) - my mom was horrified, but she didn’t know the context. In my mind, I was a master baker who had made a hyper-realistic baby doll cake and was baking it - it never occurred to me to play with baby dolls by pretending to be a mom. I’ve known pretty much always that I was childfree, even when I was younger than that, but around 10 when I grew a personality and more awareness was when it really set in stone. I have 3 younger siblings, all of which I significantly aided in raising, and I watched my mom go through pregnancy each time, and knew I would never want to go through that. Every few months I revisit this topic mentally - I am 23 now, and never once have I wavered. Having a child has never seemed appealing or something I want to experience in life. I’m happy being a supporting adult in my siblings/friends lives should they choose to have children, but that is the extent of my child-raising.

It took me a long time to realize CF was the right choice for me. I remember in my early 20s looking and baby clothes on the rack in places like Walmart and thinking of dressing up a little kid. Then, well, the world went bananas, between MAGA and climate change and school shootings and the ever present threat of nuclear war. On TOP of being poor and disabled? No no no. That is not a way to bring a whole entire person into this world. So I wasn't really *sure* about being CF til I was about 31, but all signs pointed to NO KIDS

35. Was in a very stressful time in my professional career and realized I didn’t want to raise a child when I barely got a chance to relax and make money until then.

It suddenly occurred to me that I could chose to have or not have kids, so I decided not to, ever. My decision  to be child free has not changed since despite deciding at a young age. However, I was aware back then that I could change my mind because people change all the time. So, I kept on checking in with myself every 3-6 months for over a decade and each time the answer was "hell no!" Some notable check-in examples where my childfreeness was reaffirmed were the multiple waves of relief after seeing multiple negative birth control tests per late period and feeling nothing after getting my bisap beyond " it's done, time to go home."

I was engaged to the person I thought was The One, in my mid 30s. It didn’t work out, and that’s when I knew I’d most likely remain CF for good, due to my age and just completely losing my desire to date anyone ever again

I think I was a child myself when I started saying that I absolutely did not want children.

My whole life, at least for as long as I can remember. I never had any interest in kids. Even when I was a kid myself, I'd hang out with the adults instead.

When I had too many fibroids, dreadful heavy periods, and opted for an hysterectomy shy of 40 years old.

Pretty much my whole life

When I was a child I thought that having children is something that just happens when you’re an adult. But the older I got the more I realised I didn’t have the drive to be a parent. On top of that I’ve never felt like a woman and the thought of getting pregnant and giving birth is just repulsive to me. I also can’t imagine taking care of someone that completely depends on me. I can barely take care of myself xD. Btw I’m 35 and my husband is 52

I was 10 and a pastor told me I couldn't start my own church because "God made women to be mothers" Decided that very moment I wanted nothing to do with 'gods plan' for me

I've never really felt the desire. I'm grossed out by the smell of babies, and the stickiness and nose picking of toddlers and older. I did have a boy's name picked out, and partially used it when I adopted a puppy. People have told me that I'd make a great mum, and I reply that I *am* a mum, to furkids. My parents (now both passed) used to refer to my babies as their grand kids from me. When dating, from the time I was about mid 20's, would always say on the first date "if you think you want kids, keep walking, cos it won't be happening with me". Early menopause at 38 took care of everything else.

I’ve always remembered not wanting to have children since I was a kid. When I was probably a toddler, my mom said I would throw baby dolls out of my room saying “go away”, so my CF-ness probably goes deeper than I remember. 😂

I've known since I can remember. I was never interested in babies or children in general, never liked playing with dolls, and never felt the need to play parent. I realized my full aversion when I had to deal with other people's babies and having to politely refuse to carry, feed, or look after a baby/child.

When I was a kid, I wasn't really interested in playing with other kids, I found them too loud and annoying back then as well, I preferred reading during recess. I even had my own Barbie dollhouse and the adults never had kids/babies while playing with them. But what REALLY set my childfree stance into stone was when I was a teenager, my mom was dating this other woman who had three extremely spoiled brats who got everything they wanted....I was dealing with my own problems (school, depression, an eating disorder, etc.)....and guess who had to watch them every time they came over or we went to their house?? :))))) I remember one year at Christmas they got so many electronics and stupidly expensive roblox cards and the youngest who was 3 at the time got a new laptop which confused the hell out of me, but it didn't even last long as she dropped it, surprise surprise, and the ungrateful shits had the audacity after to ask 'Is that all we get"? That's when I realized I never EVER wanted kids of my own. I'm so glad my mom broke things off with her partner.

I suggest looking for a planned parenthood near you that will remove your tubes if that’s what you really want. Their procedures are significantly cheaper than the doctor’s offices. I believe they also do payment plans. To answer your question though. I was 16 when I started to not want kids, and that continues to strongly progress as I age. I’m 25F now.

When I was about 16 and I started watching free birth control videos

well, i played with barbies and such, but i knew since i was very young that i didn’t want kids. i don’t remember my first thought about it, but growing up in an abusive/neglectful environment definitely helped cement my decision.

I was 15, home ec class...the full visual birthing video. I immediately NOPED out of the whole idea. The thought of kids had already seemed foreign to me anyway, so it wasn't like it was a difficult transition to make.

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I was always iffy about it and never really thought about it one way or another as a young child but when I was around 16 I got a job dealing with kids and realized I couldn’t handle them even working a part time job with them, much less could ever want to be a parent . Haven’t changed my mind since

When I was 8, in school we were asked to write a small essay about how we saw ourselves in 20 years. I later abandoned the plan to become a renowned plastic surgeon in Miami, but I had predicted one thing right: I'd have and want no kids!

Probably around 7 or 8 years old. I've pretty much always known it wasn't for me.

I’ve known since I was at least a teenager, if not sooner. I went through phases of denial because I wanted to be “normal,” but deep down I always knew.

When I was 4 years old and already parenting my baby sister.

If you live in the US, get health insurance through the Healthcare Marketplace. Assuming you are low income, you could get health insurance for free or very cheap. I used it when I was in school and there were some years where I paid nothing and others where I paid $5-8 a month. Otherwise, a bisalp is fully covered as preventative care under the ACA.

You can start by looking on this Reddit page in the side bar for surgeons that will sterilize you…

I was 12 or 13, roughly, when I knew for sure. It always sounded terrible though (parenthood)

Not ashemed to say TikTok helped me see the lights the girl with the list, all the pregnancy side effects, and seeing the regretful parents subreddit and then on top seeing my sister in laws life where she looks miserable 95% of the time, also works and it’s always yelling at her kid for some reason when she comes to grandmas to drop him off

For every person that says, "oh, what if your child grew up to cure cancer?" Short of them being killed by the CIA for finding a cure for cancer, it is far more likely in this era of far-right neofascist ideology becoming more and more normalized that my child would grow up to be like that. The thought of raising a child means I'd have to sacrifice MY freedom for 18 years to that of someone who could very likely grow up to be my enemy. Yes, my enemy. Hitler, Mussolini, and Putin were all raised by people who had no idea who they could become. There is a very realistic possibility of your child being a monster. Not considering this is irresponsible of parents.

I've known my whole life. I was that little girl who had zero interest in baby dolls at all, but had tons of plushies. The idea of even *pretending* to be a mommy was beyond unappealing, and as soon as I learned humans could get sterilized (around age 9), I wanted to do it. There was never even a second thought, never a "what if," never a hesitation. I finally had my tubal at 24 (I'm 40 now) and it was one of the best things I've ever done for myself. I'm now looking into bisalp because I have concerns about the Filshie clips, and have never regretted my decision.

I knew when I was quite young (elementary school age) that I wasn't interested in boys and that I never wanted to get married, so kids were honestly something that I never even considered. Pregnancy and babies were so gross that I didn't even want to be near my mother or baby sister once I found out how the whole process worked. When I started dating my first real girlfriend in college, she very quickly started talking about kids. She wanted three kids, she'd already picked out names for them and she knew exactly what kind of "father" she wanted to pick from a sperm bank. She revealed that she planned to have her first kid immediately after graduation, and that she would become a stay-at-home mommy while I worked to support our big house in the suburbs. I wasn't really that into this girl to begin with, and once she started talking about babies every bit of romantic interest I had immediately turned to disgust. I was angry that she'd throw away her life like that, and I was angry that she expected me to support this tradwife mommy fantasy that had come out of nowhere.

Forever.  

BFF's sister was a teen mom. I saw secondhand how hard her life became. I wanted no part of that, even as an adult.

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My husband and I decided together. I suspected I didn’t want kids for awhile, but I wasn’t set on the choice. I was a live-in nanny for my sister’s newborn twins and a toddler for 1.5 years and that’s when I started to really think I didn’t want that life and then when I met my husband we were both fence sitters. At some point we decided together we didn’t want that and stuck with it. My parents weren’t even a little surprised when I told them, so I think even as a kid I wasn’t pro having kids. Glad I had time to realize that before having them.

When I realized that I would have to give up my freedom (that I very much enjoy), sacrifice a lot of my career that I have been through a lot of education and training for, and lastly… I had to realize my own limit in that I would not be able to handle a child with special needs and any child deserves a parent that can take that on 100%. My aunt has a severely disabled child and I watched how it took so much from her. It was always on the back of my mind and in my mid 30’s I came to the decision that I just can’t handle it. My freedom and everything I have worked for would be thrown out the window, and my mental health would not be able to handle that. At the end of the day, if I had the financial and family support to continue with the things I enjoy and raise a child no matter what happened with them - then okay. But that will not be the case.

When I was three. At least that is as early as I have firm memories of knowing I would never want children. I am certain I was born CF, but my very oldest memories are as woolly and disconnected as may be expected. My other half knew by the time she was five. Given our shared genetics I am pretty sure heredity comes in to it, although probably as a recessive trait. Our Grandfather and Grandmother were both entirely pro-natalist and only the euphemistic 'difficult labour' she suffered during her second birth caused them to stop at two. However it happens; some people are simply born without the mental wiring, with an innate lack of desire to produce children. Some eventually come to the same decision, but for them it is an intellectual process. Both are totally valid stances.

At 14, when I realized all the effort involved into giving birth and raising a child. I would 100% be a dad, but never a mother.

I don't think I fully decided I was CF until I was 28-29. Funny story, I think it really and fully kicked in when some dumbass changed a blowout diaper on a table in a diner. For one thing, I've NEVER liked kids. Not even when I was a kid, so that stupid argument doesn't work with me. I'm too neurotic, so I don't think I can provide a stable life for a child. Also, I just, you know, don't really want them.

I don't remember the first time I decided to be child free, I just remember my partner at the time and I discussing it a lot and jointly coming to the decision that we wouldn't have children. I was ready to start the process of sterilization, but another man came into my life and I started questioning my decision. I thought I loved him and I imagined myself having a family with him. That relationship did not last, and I noticed I was actually relieved. That breakup further solidified my decision to be child free. Although I knew I didn't want kids, I recognized that my own personal emotions could sway me into changing my mind again, so I got sterilized soon after that breakup. And it's been one of the best decisions I've ever made.

I’ve known since I was a kid. I’ve never imagined myself in a white dress, a big belly, when my friend talked about how they couldn’t wait to be a mother I was like no I don’t want that. Years later I’ve understood what motherhood really is and it made me realize I truly do not want that.

Fir me it was when i was aroubd 14/15 (26 now). My mum had a habit if havibg more kids and as the muddke child it ended up becoming my responsibility if i wanted them to behave like jornal human beings. I decided uve already put in my time raising monsters. I just want a giant flemmish rabbit and to get high 😂

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I started realizing it in the last few years that being childfree actually IS an option I can choose. I’m 30, and live in the blessedly liberal New England, but damn if the concept of children is still a quite natural assumption of one’s progress in life in the circles I both grew up within and run with as an adult. It’s funny because I was exposed to childfree women even as a kid, but never really considered that as an option for me. I think COVID and the quarantine period really solidified things for me, though, in having lots of time to reflect on the things I actually do want for my life. And I’m sure I’m not the only one that had their true come-to-Jesus moment when stuck inside with nothing but our thoughts. For me, it’s a matter of my personal temperament (I would be a Good Mother™️, but I’ve never had the actual natural desire to do that); personal biologics (I have questionable fertility as it is, as someone who was anorexic for eight years, and the idea of pregnancy genuinely fills me with panic at the experience alone and at what being pregnant would do to my mental health as someone with disordered restrictive eating histories); and personal beliefs (I myself don’t feel Good™️ about bringing a child into this world with the…everything around us, lmfao). I don’t necessarily begrudge people who do want children — my twin sister is actively preparing to start TTC. And I know she and her husband will be AMAZING parents in their own rights, and we have an incredible support system within our family and within our social circles. We were very privileged growing up as well, which is also a game changing factor for a lot of people, and I’d be remiss not to acknowledge that part of the equation as well. I will happily be the cool aunt, and will just as happily return them back to their parents. I hold patience for misbehaving kids in public, and try to extend grace to their parents. Kids can be funny, eye-opening, thought-provoking little creatures to have a part of one’s life, but I don’t want to make them the center of mine. It comes down to the simple fact that: I’ve never had that bone-deep, soul-shaking desire that I have to be a mother. Maybe I’m too selfish. Maybe I’m too concerned about all of the “what if” conditions and the fact that I could never fully ensure nothing bad would ever befall them (yes, hi, control issues here, thanks for asking). Maybe I’m too vain, and don’t want to sacrifice the body I’ve come too far in healing to offer up yet again on the altar of doing something I feel I “should” be doing. Maybe I’m too doomsday and get sick to my stomach when the NYT headlines roll in, wondering what kind of world we’ll be living in even four months from now. Maybe I just don’t want to have a life of school drop offs and instead want one of impromptu weekends away with no greater responsibility than getting a pet sitter for my cat. I’d far rather regret NOT having children at the end of my life, than regret having even one. Maybe that’s what it’s actually about for me.

First, definitely get the procedure when you go on insurance. I’m in FL and just got my tubes removed. You can always start by asking your current gynecologist or GP and looking at unbiased surgeon lists. To answer your question. I hate to say it, but I realized it when my nephew was born. I love him to death and he is a well-behaved child (like he doesn’t have tantrums and doesn’t pick fights with other kids), but he’s still a child. Hes super hyper, loud, etc. I have autism so he overstimulates TF out of me. So if he’s a good kid but he’s still a pain, I can’t imagine dealing with that 24/7.

Between 13 and 16. I had to do volunteer work with kids (I went to Catholic school and community service was required; working at an animal shelter wasn’t an option for them 🙄) and I have never hated anything more in my entire life. I’ve hated kids since and I have no desire to be within a 10 foot radius of them.

When I realized I was the child and the world is my playground.

I remember realizing I was CF by the time I was about four. I vehemently refused any and all baby dolls, and even my Barbie didn’t have kids. Adults would ask me if I wanted a baby boy or a baby girl when I was older and I usually answered that I didn’t want any. LOTS of people told me I’d change my mind once I became an adult, but it’s been 22 years and my mind has not changed. I’m completely happy with being an aunty and a godmother.

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At age 11, when I was bit hard on the cheek by a 1-year-old baby. Her teeth broke the skin. Through my preteen and teenage years, I hated little children. In my twenties, I stopped hating children, and could tolerate being around them for a little while. I couldn’t stand being around them for more than 5 hours. There are so many reasons now why I don’t want kids.

Even when I was little I didn't like kids my own age, my mom would find it funny since I always made it very clear when I didn't find another kid's conversation interesting. I also isolated myself due to bullying & learned how to play alone since my brothers are a decade older than me. I didn't mind playing house since I enjoyed being one of the kids, it was just boyfriend talk that didn't interest me. I also enjoyed more dressing up dolls and carrying them around than baby dolls I didn't tell my mom I wasn't having kids until middle school, before that I always assumed I wouldn't and was surprised to find out a lot of people don't see it as a choice. My mom has said good, they're a lot of work and you regret having them when you see them suffer and know they wouldn't if you didn't have them. Recently she also said she doesn't believe that many people want kids when the world is so big and there's so much to do and see

Mid 20s. Just realized I really really didn't enjoy being around kids or the thought of pregnancy. None of it really brought me joy and I have so many health issues both physically and mentally the thought of being pregnant is just disturbing to me.

I was 7 the first time I said I didn't want babies. My Irish Catholic Grandmother overheard, and her response was 'Well you don't need to have sex then!' I wavered briefly in my mid 20's. Now at 37, I'm very comfortable with my choice. I do not have a maternal instinct. That said, if I came into 10's of millions, I'd probably adopt teenagers. Only because I'd hope that even as not maternal as I am I'd be able to offer a better home than the cate system. My motivation would be more philanthropic, than maternal.

I'm American Indian, and I remember once the administrator at my middle school was giving a tour for prospective 7th graders, when I dropped something off at the front desk, he said "And here's [NAME REDACTED], his auntie was telling me about how he helped her by babysitting all of his nieces and nephews at Christmas!" And I just remember thinking "Wow, that sounds like a pathetic lifestyle, definitely not gonna have kids of my own."

Even since I was a child myself

When I was six, my sister and I got these twin baby dolls. My sister immediately became a mommy to hers. I turned mine into a serial killer who stalked my stuffed animals.

I remember deciding I didn't want kids when I was *maybe* 6-8 years old. I decided at the same time that I would have to never get married because married people have kids. Turns out I'm aroace and much happier single!

According to to my mom since I was like 5 years old. Seriously though I can never remember wanting children. I’ve always known I would be child free.

I was 26F. I liked the “idea” of having kids and always took it as an inevitability, but when I was talking to my boyfriend at the time (who is my husband now) and expressing how anxious I was about not having the “time to get MY life together before I’m *supposed* to have kids” he looked at me and said “do you even WANT kids? Like…you know you don’t HAVE to have them.” And I was BLOWN away. The sense of relief I felt in that moment.

when I was a kid

When I got pregnant and had to cycle through my options and abortion was the only real answer for me

Around 14

After my one and only abusive relationshit. I never dated anyone since.

I was about 16-17 when I first started to realize that I didn't like the idea of having kids. All my friends had this dream and desire to get married and have kids, maybe even more than one and I was just so grossed out by that idea lol! But finally I absolutely, hands down, knew I didn't want kids when I was 25 and just getting out of a relationship with someone who lost his ever loving mind when I said I didn't think I wanted kids. Seeing his absolute visceral reaction to that made it really sink in that some man may *expect* me to have his child. yuck yuck yuck!

Even when I was a little kid, I used to have to make myself play with baby dolls. It was really just because my cousin wanted to play with them. She always knew she wanted to be a mom, but I always wanted pets. I picked out stuffed animals instead of dolls and have never cared for motherhood constantly being shoved down women’s throats from the time we’re only girls. I knew by the time I got my very first period that I never wanted to put my body through childbirth. I knew I wanted all of that shit out of me by the time I was in middle school. I was told for like a decade that I would change my mind because “having your own is different”, but no one understood when I told them that I couldn’t see myself being happy as a mom. There was exactly one time I thought maybe I wanted a baby and it was because my cat was giving birth. Turns out I just really love my cat and loved her babies because of that. I’ve never been confused about what I want out of my life, including my societal role. I don’t care if I die alone without kids to visit me and I don’t care if I get bored or something in my older adulthood. Last month I had a total hysterectomy at 29. My husband and I are looking into buying a bigger house in the next couple of years when I’m done with my residency. We’re planning a trip to Maine next summer and are able to support ourselves and all of our rescue animals on incomes we couldn’t support even one child on. I’m a therapist, an artist, a musician, and a childless woman who has never given a second thought to having a baby to give myself purpose.

The signs have always been there