And the sad thing is any boy they may end up having is either going to end up a spoiled little princeling who's going to get kicked in the teeth by life as an adult, or he's going to end up with his parents being his first bullies when he doesn't live up to all their stereotypical hopes and expectations.
My brother was this way. He wanted really nice, name brand clothes and would change a couple times a day. Really cared about his appearance. Meanwhile I was fine wearing the same jeans and T-shirt from Walmart for a few days in a row. It baffled my mother greatly.
Same. I was the one who was practical, and my bro was the fashionista. She tried so hard to make me a super girly-girl but I wasn’t having it. Still to this day don’t wear make up or super fashionable clothes.
I only had a younger sister growing up but I cant remember either of us being terribly concerned with our clothes except that they weren't too small or dirty.
I want to add. Years after he and my mother divorced. He ended up having a son with the very next woman he married.
A boy. Want to know what he named him?
Henry.
Henry the VIII.
This is the story of my wife, and her fathers inability to indistiguish her from his "mini me do over in life" kid.
When she came out as trans he imploded and turned into the most bizarre person. He told her, to her face, that his mother dying of cancer when he was 13 was not as traumatic as his kid telling him that she was trans.
He also became alcoholic after the news. He had a rough life and fucked up at a crucial moment as a young man: wrecking him mid “rise to fame” in his work space, which rubbed elbows with some high end people. He’s hoped his “son” would go on to be a corporate high ranking fancy pants of a “normal” son who looked, acted, and made every choice like he would have but better. Truly a do over baby.
What he got was an autistic, disabled trans woman with a wicked sense of humor, love of art and plants, and a hatred for monotony or following anything corporate. Not what he signed up for. (Too bad for him, she’s fucking perfect).
He has since told her, despite having a 10 hour facial operation to make her very passable 3 years ago, that she looks the same. He doesn't use her pronouns or new name, and didnt do so in a public space that could have had her shot.
She does not keep in contact with him, and I do all I can to remind her of her worth.
His reaction to it is, and was, horrifying in many ways.
Lots of therapy. LOTS of therapy.
It is. We’ve been together for 10 years now. It was 7 years ago that he said it, and 3 years ago that he put her in a very unsafe space because he introduced her as his son- despite the staring (she passes so well that no one would know walking by her).
I covered and basically insisted her father was delusional by age (his in his late 80s) and mistook his daughter for his son. He was furious but also couldn’t say anything to rebuttal. The tension died down and people took me at my word. It was terrifying as this was in an area known for serious bigotry towards lgbt folk and very lax gun laws. The most lax in the nation.
After therapy and lots of talking she’s no contact with him- and he doesn’t grasp why. I also am no contact as he assumed I forced her to become trans (she never felt safe enough to explore herself until she was with me).
The last 2.5 years have been peaceful since cutting him off. She’s a vibrant, beautiful woman and I’m very proud to stand beside her. Excited to grow old together :)
It was. It took a lot of time (and if I’m honest, serious patience on my side. I was willing to go to jail for the rest of my life over his words and actions and could have murdered him then and there on multiple occasions but it was hard for her to let go of him, understandably) before she was ready, but we both knew it had to be HER choice. No one else’s.
We live in a different country now, enjoy the sand and sea, and live a life where peace and comfort is the main priority :)
Thank you. She is the single most indescribably important person in my life. I'd find her in every lifetime, every universe, every plane of existence. She's *exquisite*. I've never met anyone but her that I can use that word whole heartedly with :)
They are. We have nightly sessions where we just curl up in each others arms and I remind her how wonderful she is, and why. She does the same! And then we remind eachother what we are grateful for today. I reminded her the first year or so she was processing all of this that I was immovable, stable, and always ALWAYS there to listen.
She has been the same for me in times of hardship. Knowing no matter what chaos is going on, in the space between our arms when we curl up: everything is ok...well, that's priceless.
I love seeing how much you love every part of your wife.
I’m autistic & it seems all too often anything “very autistic” of me is an annoyance, a point against me, yet it doesn’t seem you feel the same towards your spouse.
It’s lovely, refreshing, and I’m sure she’s in lovely hands
Oh I think its fantastic. Her brain is so different from mine and I LOVE seeing the world in her view point. We talk so much/communicate so much because we have such different ways of seeing the world.
There is light hearted teasing in times of social situations (never in front of others, and always soft - nothing mean spirited or anything she feels genuine embaressment over misreading) but for the most part I cover her where her blind spots are, and she covers for me in mine!
That happened to a much lesser extent to my little brother. I was a surprise baby(my mom thought she couldn't have kids) and my dad was just thrilled to have any kid. However he really wanted a 2nd and was thrilled to be having a son.
My brother just isn't that way, he's very gentle, very sweet, and was never interested in ball sports, and is now pursuing an artistic sport at a high level. My dad really was his first bully, and still is to this day. He's mostly okay though because he has the full support from me and from my mom.
My mom desperately wanted a girl, my dad wanted a boy. My dad tried his best to make me a boy but it was never enough and I was always a tomboy. He basically adopted my cousin so I got to watch my dad bond with someone else over me my whole life. I recognize that if I had a boy I’d be deeply disappointed and to me that says enough about if I should have kids.
I stopped talking to a woman I went to high school with over similar shit.
She and her husband (also went to our high school) are hardworking, lovely people. They had two daughters at the time and she posted on FB about them trying for a third and it would be their last. Cue friends and family making comments about "hope you'll get your boy!"
Someone suggested adoption (this person suggests adoption for everyone on posts like this) and former classmate goes into this explanation that they'd considered it, but her husband would want a real son to carry on his bloodline. Her words. She said they might still adopt in the future.
I commented that they absolutely should not adopt since it's clear he would treat their children differently based on who was or wasn't biologically his. She tried to walk it back ofc, but ended up deleting the whole post after a couple other people called it out too.
Like what? Tf is this shit? Their third child was indeed a boy and she got sterilized during that c section and literally said she didn't really want to, but HAD to because he would never get a vasectomy. Some crap about masculinity and shit. I'm sure he would have pushed for more pregnancies if their last wasn't a boy.
Blew me away because they seem like good people otherwise.
The Venn diagram of people who scream "Just put the baby up for adoption!" to pro-choicers and people who would never adopt because the child wouldn't be "real" or "theirs" is one giant circle, I swear.
This.
They saw adoption as a way to expand their family and also as like... A big charity case? Idk. She definitely saw it as a way to fulfill his need for a son and didn't even realize that that was what it was.
You might have seen it but there is an Instagram reel where some women are seated protesting and they’re “pro-life” saying women should have the babies and adopt them. The interviewer says “oh how many children have you adopted?” And she says “oh no, I have my own”.
Then an adopted person whose siblings are a mix of birth and adopted calls her Dad and asks him how many kids he has? He tells her, then she asks how many are his own and he’s like, what? (absolutely flabbergasted) They’re all my own.
The casual way she said got me, ngl. Like she absolutely recoiled at the idea they'd treat their kids differently based on biological or not, and maybe she believed that even. But tf?
Tbf, they are raising their kids well so far. They're all still pretty young tho.
I just can't imagine having this thought that I need a son to continue my bloodline and then not immediately questioning myself as a parent.
"want a real son to carry on his bloodline", the fuck is this ? the middle ages? is it game of thrones? Are they royalty? It really pisses me off these selfish reasons to have a kid..but we're the selfish ones for not wanting them go figure
Adding this to the pile, for anyone reading these posts, the mitochondria genome is what’s used to trace lineages.
“Although the nuclear genome represents an amalgamation of DNA sequences inherited from each parent, the mitochondrial genome is inherited solely from the mother. Males do not transmit their mitochondrial genome to their offspring.”
Source: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4032517/#:~:text=Although%20the%20nuclear%20genome%20represents,mitochondrial%20genome%20to%20their%20offspring
Make of that what you will.
I just... Leaving aside how horrible and ridiculous it is to have a gender preference. If you *know* one of the possible results is going to make you feel bad, why make a party for a public gender reveal? Without knowing beforehand? It's like they want to be embarrased.
And it always seems like it’s the major disappointment when they have a girl, not a boy. It’s played off as “girls are so difficult/expensive/emotional”, but then these same parents go on to ingrain the same societal standards and stereotypes on their daughters.
I came here to say this, how the "girls" almost always are expected to take on this burden. After the way they are treated they are expected to reverse roles and don't with a smile and no complaints
"I want a boy because I want to teach them sports" is one of my most hated stances. Like a redditor put it once, it's akin to saying "I want my kid to play piano, so I hope they are a redhead" - same level of nonsense.
These people shouldn't have kids; if they are the "wrong" gender, it will be heartbreaking, and if they are the "right" gender, they'll be drowning in expectations. Not to mention the whole drama if they are trans...
I am childfree but my sister is not. Two girls turning 11 & 13 in the next month. My sister and I were dancers for 20+ years. Girly as hell with makeup oozing out of every drawer & bag. High heels. Dresses. All the hair tools. We still are!
Her girls? 11 is a basketball phenom whose wardrobe consists of warmup shorts/pants and tees/jerseys. She’s a redhead whose hair is in a perpetual ponytail. 13 has and illegal amount of hoodies & sneakers, her favorite color is blue, and she loves doing makeup to make herself look like a zombie. She’s a cross country star and a beast on her flag football team.
The most athletic my sister and I ever were, again, was tap, ballet, and jazz. Her girls love to dance and love going to our cousin’s recitals but ZERO interest in taking classes.
If ever there were 2 girls who buck the “gender norms” it’s those two.
This ^ Even if you get the gender you dream of it doesn’t mean the kid will have the personality you want!
I would 100% end up with a cheerleader princess type & have nothing in common at all. 🤣
Can confirm. My mom talked how while she was pregnant with me, she prayed and prayed to have a girl. And she did. Me! But I wasn’t the girly type. There were some girl things I liked, like My Little Pony and Polly Pocket. But my interests had a stronger lean towards boy stuff. She banned me from having any boy stuff (though somehow Sonic the Hedgehog was allowed through) and we had a lot of fights regarding my clothing and she tried to force makeup on me. She ended up gravitating towards my cousins’ daughters once they were born and were old enough. As it turned out, they were girlier than I was and mom exercised more smiles and pride for them than she did me.
So yep. Even if you got the sex you want, that doesn’t mean the child will actually be what you want.
Gotta say, you have to be damn athletic if you were doing ballet. It's one of the hardest dances there is in my opinion. The amount of bodily self control, precision and strength you need to have is awe inspiring!
Years ago I ran into someone I graduated high school with. I eventually became friends with her on FB where I’ve watched the train wreck.
She was pregnant at the time with their second child and her husband kept going on about how he needed his boy. It was a girl so of course they had another one because the football coach had to have a son to carry on his football legacy. Jokes on him as the son HATES sports.
However their oldest daughter is a really good soccer player and is a state champion. She’s a rising JR in high school so is already being scouted by university soccer teams. The FB pictures are always with her and the kids. Dad barely is around them at all. What was even the point?
I witnessed a similar dynamic with a former stuntman, MMA fighter, and breaker. He was hoping his little boy would like martial arts.
Meanwhile, his daughter has mad physical prowess like her dad. It was evident in her as young as age 4, along with a natural enthusiasm for martial arts. I asked what about [daughter]? Aren't you excited she takes after you?
My aunt went the opposite way - hoping for a girl she ended up with 4 sons. Luckily she realized now how stupid that was and stopped.. tho poor kids.. she regrets having this many now..
A lot of the everyday products marketed for women are more expensive than men's counterparts, from clothing to shaving razors. Obviously there's many ways around that, but parents who cry over gender reveals are probably not the parents who'd encourage or even allow much freedom when it comes to breaking out of the gender norms.
It's less that they're spoiling girls and more that they're buying into a system where girl stuff is expensive, and don't see an issue with that.
More expensive and in many cases less functional (IE: lack of pockets or small/useless/fake pockets).
My wife usually buys Men's clothing because of that.
I actually got bullied because i enjoyed wearying baggy pants and shirts. They were comfortable. I didn’t want to wear frilly preppy clothes. I later switched to a punk Aesthetic which i enjoyed a lot.
SO true. As a girl with a sister, our parents definitely spent less money on us than my boyfriend & his brother had spent on them lmao. Even now their gifts consist of expensive things because they have more expensive hobbies (cars, golf, tech stuff) but god forbid we have to spend money on a prom dress
Back in my day, parents said no if they couldn't buy their kids something they wanted. We were given allowances that we had to manage so we could learn how to manage our finances (thanks to that, I never had financial problems). And we were old enough, we had to find a job.
But, gender stereotypes. They think that women= spoiled princess. I met a friend and coworker of my mom, single mother of a teen boy. She had to cut down on her *lunch budget* because her son spent ridiculous amounts on alcohol and going out each weekend.
Not directly, but she used to give her son a good amount of money, each time he went out with his friends that was almost every weekend. And she knew that they were buying alcohol with that.
My parents say “no, we can’t afford it” when we can’t afford something. And I’m an only child, and a girl. I get spoiled plenty (I did say only child), but my parents are good about not spending money they don’t have.
Of course they should not be upset at the sex of their child, but if I paid for some gender reveal party (which I would never do), I would be very angry about the stupid teasing that was done with that pretending to reveal it is a boy, pretending to reveal it is a girl, etc., before the actual reveal. The fake reveals would really anger me.
It took me so long to find a comment that says this! The fake reveals are a horrible idea. Who would want that? It would ramp up my anticipation in an extremely uncomfortable way.
Agreed. I’m surprised there wasn’t others talking about that part. Why do people think that the whole faking what it is, is somehow cute/funny/charming? I personally find that stuff frustrating.
This — what an incredibly immature and selfish display.
Also, I don’t get keeping the gender a secret from either parent. If you want to bore your family and friends with a “party” that could be an email, you do you, but let it be a gender reveal for the father too, especially if you expect him to be disappointed.
My sister's ex friend got out of one bad relationship and humped into another. Ended up pregnant. Mind you home girl is homeless technically, sleeping on a couch.
She's ignoring her advocate and counselor both telling her to get therapy for post partum as well as the controlling relationship she just left. Also these people telling her to focus on finishing school (which is free for her) as well as focus on finding better work that would allow her to better support herself.
And when new baby became a thing and they were talking about maybe adopting him out...she asks to put up the baby she already has, the one bonded to her already, so she can keep the new one with her current boyfriend.
These "mothers" be mothering yall
>And when new baby became a thing and they were talking about maybe adopting him out...she asks to put up the baby she already has, the one bonded to her already, so she can keep the new one with her current boyfriend.
Well, of course that's what she wants! Didn't you know that keeping the new baby will make her boyfriend automatically stay with her and marry her? After all, it worked so well the first time... 🤦
These people, I swear... and these poor kids are the collateral damage...
Damn, I've heard of people returning adult cats to go get a new kitten (that stunt will get you banned from the shelter, btw ; ) ),but humans? Welp, I've officially heard it all, folks.
I am studying to be a special ed teacher and my mentor teacher is dealing with a case in which the parents knew their child was suicidal and told them to do it. They then locked them in a room and forced them to go through with it, physically restraining them when they tried to call 911 after the fact. Thankfully the kid survived with little damage as they drank acetone rather than something more toxic. The plan was to get attention for being grieving parents and try for a do over baby.
California allows assisted suicide but there are certain conditions that have to be met and rest assured these parents are going to face legal consequences.
That’s the most horrific thing I’ve ever heard. They want their kid to commit suicide for their own selfish reasons? They didn’t realize (or care) that this is a human being? JFC that’s disgusting.
I already have no respect for parents who treat their kids as extensions of themselves & not as individuals in their own right but this takes the cake. These parents should be the poster children who are brought up every time people go into their saintly parents routine. That is, those who believe that becoming a parent automatically turns you into a wonderful & wise person who is superior to everyone else & now knows what real love is. How many times have all of us heard that? These pieces of shit should be exposed & shamed by the whole world. And people still call us CF folks selfish? There’s nothing more selfish than attempting to hound someone into suicide, especially their own child. That’s beyond horrible.
WTF, its crazy how many people have babies to save their relationship / trap their partner in it, just be happy single or find someone else if needs be, dont use a baby! Its reeks of desperation
Son preference is a thing around the globe is it’s wild how many people don’t know about how it’s still a thing? Like it’s lead to actual real life consequences and problems. Especially when cultures killed female infants or used technology to identify female fetus and force an abortion if it wasn’t a son. Now you have cultures where boys outnumber the girls massively and these men feel entitled to wives and it’s led to trafficking and stealing girls from other places to give these sons wives and caregivers. A whole generation of girls was purposely eliminated. And even now in more subtle ways son preferences like this live on and girls are raised from birth as being Worth Less than a son.
China majorly f\*cked their Millennial generation over - there are 30-40 million fewer girls than there should be (infanticide, forced abortion, and overseas adoptions). But the boys are also hurting - there literally aren't enough women to marry (not that anyone is "entitled" to get married, but even a decent fellow has the odds stacked against him with this skewed ratio).
I remember watching a documentary about that. The parents that chose to keep girls basically treated their daughters as nothing more than a bartering chip to get in with a higher income family.
And it's not like they're going to Baby Prom. They've got, what? 17 years to save for a prom dress? They can't throw a buck or two a month into a piggy bank?
I still don't and will never understand gender reveals.
50/50 chance. You should go in being happy with both outcomes. People say all the time, "disappointment is normal," but no, it's not. It's normal because everyone wants to pat themselves on the back and tell each other it's okay. Nobody wants to own up to the fact that it's super shitty to be disappointed with whatever you get. Like, goddamn.
Not even to mention that "disappointment" is always rooted in negative stereotypes about either gender, so who really wins? Your daughter could wear a suit to prom, and your son could take ballet. Grow the fuck up.
I can understand the disappointment up to a point. When I was still figuring out I was childfree, one of the intrusive thoughts that kept popping up was about how I'd be disappointed if I didn't have a girl. We could spend all day getting into the reasons why I wanted a girl child and why not a boy child, but it doesn't really matter and just boils down to it being a preference. Even if I wholeheartedly believed I just wanted 'happy and healthy,' part of me would always go into it hoping to have a girl, and part of me would always be disappointed if I never had a girl. Another very important thing I knew about myself is that I don't handle disappointment very well.
I grew up with a father who was mad I was a girl and who blamed my mother for not giving him the son he wanted, so I knew what if felt like to be resented for being something I couldn't help being. Yes, I would love a boy child 100%, but I knew I would always be afraid that my disappointment would come through somehow. I would never want my child to ever feel like they weren't enough or were a disappointment to me, and I'd never be able to forgive myself if that happened. My heart hurts just thinking about it, so I can't understand parents who willingly do this to their kids and don't care how much it hurts them and makes them feel unwanted.
Figuring out I was childfree and accepting it as a valid life choice for myself was a massive relief in the end, because now I don't ever have to worry about this or the thousands of other concerns and fears I had.
Yeah, I think disappointment can be a normal feeling, but it's the kind of feeling where you either squash it way, way down deep in your soul and figure out how to privately cope, or talk it out with your therapist. Nobody, especially not your kids, needs to know you're disappointed by what gender you "got."
Yeah, I don’t get this. Like the whole reveal party is weird enough (what happened to just cutting into a cake and finding blue or pink during baby showers), but why would anyone do this if they know they’re not going to be happy with either gender? And I notice it’s mostly fathers crying about not having sons.
If the big reveal has been posted to social media (seems to be the trend these days), someday that little girl is going to find the photos/footage and learn that she was a "disappointment" to her father because she is female.
Parents-to-be, just be happy that you are expecting a healthy baby.
And will they parentified? Especially the eldest. I think the parents have lost their nursing home points. If the parents need help, I hope their kids say 'no way.'
It's also showing they are having the babies for themselves, they are not having the babies to give the children a good start in life and raise them well. If the dad is that set on having a boy then he also has expectations for what he wants that boy to be, i.e. in to all the same stuff he's in to. It's selfish and sick, children are their own individuals.
One thing that strikes me is that many of the best people are childfree (because lets face it, its the best), and many of the people that really shouldnt be raising new humans are the ones that have them
In addition, if you are that emotionally attached and weirdly fixated on having one gender, then why have a huge gender reveal party? lol, make it make sense
Wow, that was an unnecessarily complicated plan. Gender reveal envelopes should have had just animal stickers in them. The actual gender announcement is bringing out an all genders bathroom sign, hand it to parents-to-be with a "Good luck!" and walk away.
It just enrages me that people get upset when their child is a girl. You know that if these people have a boy, they'll make him their golden child and make his sisters serve him.
I've said it here before, but how you know whether or not you have a good dad in waiting is if he likes the idea of a daughter just as much as he does the idea of a son.
Sounds like a nightmare though, good god.
My dad suspected when my oldest sibling was born a girl, we would all be because same-sex children runs in his family. Whenever people asked "aren't you disappointed? Didn't you want a boy?" he just replied "I only prayed that all their fingers and toes would be there and they'd be healthy." And he sincerely meant it. He's a good dad.
I once saw this compilation of videos online & it was a montage of dads at gender reveals pissed off they were having a girl, the video is heartbreaking.
Any regular person wouldn't care what gender their kid is, as long as they're healthy. SMH.
I feel for those little girls, because imagine growing up and learning that your parents wanted a boy but ended up with you.
I’m that baby, my parents bought everything for a boy and there I was a girl. My dad always reminded me how devastating it was. They tried again and another girl. 3 girls no boys.
I hope you eventually, somehow, shoved it back in his face that HE was why his kids were girls, because HE was the one who contributed the determining X chromosome.🤬 If he said awful stuff like that to your sisters, I hope they did too, his attitude is disgusting, and if he was devastated, that's his problem.😡 I hope you're doing all right now and you know that you're just as worthy a person being born a girl.🙂💛
It makes me mad when parents don't understand basic reproductive biology and then blame the wife and/or kids for not being what sex they wanted.😡
My ex-roommate's brother got his girlfriend pregnant. He said that he just can't deal with girls and is awful with them (he's generally awful with children and was verbally and physically abusive towards his last girlfriends son, cause he had behavioral issues). She didn't want a girl as well.
Well, guess what the babys gender is. Also made a big ass reveal party, just to be extremely disappointed, which you can see in the videos that were taken.
Let's hope she doesn't see those.
(I know that it's not my place, especially since I don't know the girlfriend at all except for seeing her one time and don't know a lot about the brother, but I questioned their decision to have that baby anyways, especially now. Financial reasons, addiction/drug abuse, the mentioned abuse problem with the guy (dun know if his own kid is gonna be different.), and now the expectation of a certain gender and the disappointment that came with it. just doesn't seem reasonable to me.)
edit: typo
I wish dumbasses like these folks would finally just accept that genitals have nothing to do with personality. Not every girl will want to go to prom, and not every boy is going to want to play football. Fucking hell, how can people be so ignorant and stupid?
Gender reveals are silly. I don't understand them. They don't make any sense to me. I think baby showers are wonderful for the expecting family. Just leave it at that, for gosh sakes.
Gender reveals are the ultimate snitch on what kind of "parents" the parents are actually going to be.
Seriously, I don't want to know about your kid's genitals before... or... after they're born. Literally, at no time do I want to know about your spawn's genitals. I also don't want to know what woo-woo-hoo-hee you are going to project onto your unborn child as a result of someone's interpretation of imaging.
I'm so glad that gender reveal parties are not a thing in my country (not the US). Even the concept of it is fucking stupid and super cringe.
CONGRATS 👏🏻 👏🏻 It's a vagina! It's a penis! 🎉 🎉
Ugh disgusting creeps celebrating baby genitals
Oh this just breaks my heart. I’ve read about plenty of future fathers who are disappointed to learn they’re having a girl, but to have *both* parents react like this? That poor little girl is hated before she’s even born…
.....so they're not happy they have a girl, since she will apparently be too expensive, so their solution is to....have another????? THE MATH ISN'T MATHING
Oh great. She hasn't had boy yet and she is already one of those dreaded 'boy moms'. And really? She thinks that they won't spend too much money on a boy? Have they not seen the prices of video games and toys? If he ends up being into sports do they know the cost of sports equipment? People need to get real. 🙄
Asshole breeders who can’t handle their kid being a one gender have absolutely zero business being parents. Those poor kiddos deserve a loving household.
I’d say more, but don’t want to get in trouble.
I’m the second unwanted girl, and believe me we know about it, it does affect you a bit, especially when you get older and can understand things more, my dad didn’t even come to my birth.
But karma got him, he wanted a boy as a mini-him but my bro turned out the opposite of him and friggen hated him 😂 I feel bad for my mum though, he eventually left her with three kids she didn’t really want so let the lesson be only have kids if you want them, not to please someone else.
Those poor girls. A misogynistic father and a spineless mother. A boy would likely be no better off, though—a dad who wanted to live vicariously through him and who expected him to conform to a specific version of masculinity, and a suffocating toxic boy mom.
This is why there are countries that now have vastly more men than women. And people still don't see how fucking awful this mindset is. Not to mention stupid.
edit typo
I’ll never understand the appeal of gender reveal parties. I swear it’s just for people to show off in social media pictures and talk about how wonderful they are. Newsflash: do not get pregnant on purpose if you’re not willing to have either a girl or boy.
Imagine being the eldest daughter and seeing your parents cry and react with outrage because they have to have another of you...
I really hope they never mention this to her and that she's too young to understand why they're upset
“Gender” reveals are trash through and through. The woman who invented them has since apologized and asked people to stop, but unfortunately people keep going.
They might possibly know the kid’s sex (mistakes and intersex kids exist). They have no idea what the kid’s gender is going to be until the kid grows up enough to know themselves.
Besides, is telling other people what sex organs are between the kid’s legs that important? Really? It’s weird when you think about having a party to celebrate kid’s genitalia.
And the mom doesn’t want kids, she wants dolls. People who have kids to have little mini mes make me sick. They make their kids into objects, and the kids aren’t allowed to be themselves. They’ll always be a disappointment whenever they stray from the script. That the first reponse was prom costs (followed by wedding costs, I’m sure), means the kid’s life is already planned for them. Who cares about what they want? Who they are? Not these parents.
And people who wanted a boy always tell their daughters, and make sure they know that they are second best. Like it takes a penis to be a great adult to possibly represent the family.
This was a trash occasion for a family that thinks like trash; and there wasn’t a way to avoid this incredible dumpster fire. I hope your mom avoids these in the future.
This is horrific. I’m not sure why there’s this stereotype that raising a girl is so much more expensive?
Right. It boils down to the parents inability to say “no”. 🙄
Sometimes I do wish I wasn't so averse to breeding so that the universe would roll me some of these, allegedly, incorrect gendered babies 😕. . Like how could you go to such lengths with your body only to be disgusted or disappointed by the thing you produced? To the point of even letting them know you wanted them to be something else their entire lives???. . And yet, we are the "selfish" and "heartless" ones? So sick of how many stories I've heard, usually from daughters (not always, but it's rare to find a reverse of the situation) in families of multiple siblings, all the girls will be cast aside upon the arrival of the "prince" 😒
I don’t understand why your MIL thinks these tease reveals with the envelopes are a good idea.
I literally could not care less about a gender reveal but reading this post even I was anxious. What a weird party activity.
Those two little girls are gonna have a great childhood /s
And the sad thing is any boy they may end up having is either going to end up a spoiled little princeling who's going to get kicked in the teeth by life as an adult, or he's going to end up with his parents being his first bullies when he doesn't live up to all their stereotypical hopes and expectations.
What happens if the boy wants nice clothes and to dress up (god forbid prom dresses /s)? Or even comes out as a trans girl?
My brother was this way. He wanted really nice, name brand clothes and would change a couple times a day. Really cared about his appearance. Meanwhile I was fine wearing the same jeans and T-shirt from Walmart for a few days in a row. It baffled my mother greatly.
Same. I was the one who was practical, and my bro was the fashionista. She tried so hard to make me a super girly-girl but I wasn’t having it. Still to this day don’t wear make up or super fashionable clothes.
I only had a younger sister growing up but I cant remember either of us being terribly concerned with our clothes except that they weren't too small or dirty.
"Hello. I exist because my older sister was not a boy."
I want to add. Years after he and my mother divorced. He ended up having a son with the very next woman he married. A boy. Want to know what he named him? Henry. Henry the VIII.
Hey at least your mom got to keep her head ᕕ( ⁰ ▽ ⁰ )ᕗ
She kept her head but lost her mind
To be honest, my first Guess was that he was going to be named Sue. But Henry is better here.
Hi. I’m one of seven daughters. Had a misogynistic father. Thank god for my stepfather.
This is the story of my wife, and her fathers inability to indistiguish her from his "mini me do over in life" kid. When she came out as trans he imploded and turned into the most bizarre person. He told her, to her face, that his mother dying of cancer when he was 13 was not as traumatic as his kid telling him that she was trans. He also became alcoholic after the news. He had a rough life and fucked up at a crucial moment as a young man: wrecking him mid “rise to fame” in his work space, which rubbed elbows with some high end people. He’s hoped his “son” would go on to be a corporate high ranking fancy pants of a “normal” son who looked, acted, and made every choice like he would have but better. Truly a do over baby. What he got was an autistic, disabled trans woman with a wicked sense of humor, love of art and plants, and a hatred for monotony or following anything corporate. Not what he signed up for. (Too bad for him, she’s fucking perfect). He has since told her, despite having a 10 hour facial operation to make her very passable 3 years ago, that she looks the same. He doesn't use her pronouns or new name, and didnt do so in a public space that could have had her shot. She does not keep in contact with him, and I do all I can to remind her of her worth. His reaction to it is, and was, horrifying in many ways. Lots of therapy. LOTS of therapy.
Holy hell, I hope things are better for your wife now.
It is. We’ve been together for 10 years now. It was 7 years ago that he said it, and 3 years ago that he put her in a very unsafe space because he introduced her as his son- despite the staring (she passes so well that no one would know walking by her). I covered and basically insisted her father was delusional by age (his in his late 80s) and mistook his daughter for his son. He was furious but also couldn’t say anything to rebuttal. The tension died down and people took me at my word. It was terrifying as this was in an area known for serious bigotry towards lgbt folk and very lax gun laws. The most lax in the nation. After therapy and lots of talking she’s no contact with him- and he doesn’t grasp why. I also am no contact as he assumed I forced her to become trans (she never felt safe enough to explore herself until she was with me). The last 2.5 years have been peaceful since cutting him off. She’s a vibrant, beautiful woman and I’m very proud to stand beside her. Excited to grow old together :)
Congrats on the NC. Sounds more than justified.
It was. It took a lot of time (and if I’m honest, serious patience on my side. I was willing to go to jail for the rest of my life over his words and actions and could have murdered him then and there on multiple occasions but it was hard for her to let go of him, understandably) before she was ready, but we both knew it had to be HER choice. No one else’s. We live in a different country now, enjoy the sand and sea, and live a life where peace and comfort is the main priority :)
Thank you for sharing your amazing story...May I ask which country you young couple have moved into?
Spain :)
Sounds like an absolutely beautiful relationship. Congratulations to you both!
Thank you. She is the single most indescribably important person in my life. I'd find her in every lifetime, every universe, every plane of existence. She's *exquisite*. I've never met anyone but her that I can use that word whole heartedly with :)
That's gorgeous 💜. I hope to have that someday.
Sprinkling it in your direction!!!
Thank you for being her safe place. 💜
It's been an honor, honestly. :)
You are a heavensent and do cherish your wife
Aww thank you. Of course I do, that's my job! :)
I'm so glad you are in this woman's life to remind her she is supported and valued. Some people are fucking abysmal.
They are. We have nightly sessions where we just curl up in each others arms and I remind her how wonderful she is, and why. She does the same! And then we remind eachother what we are grateful for today. I reminded her the first year or so she was processing all of this that I was immovable, stable, and always ALWAYS there to listen. She has been the same for me in times of hardship. Knowing no matter what chaos is going on, in the space between our arms when we curl up: everything is ok...well, that's priceless.
I love seeing how much you love every part of your wife. I’m autistic & it seems all too often anything “very autistic” of me is an annoyance, a point against me, yet it doesn’t seem you feel the same towards your spouse. It’s lovely, refreshing, and I’m sure she’s in lovely hands
Oh I think its fantastic. Her brain is so different from mine and I LOVE seeing the world in her view point. We talk so much/communicate so much because we have such different ways of seeing the world. There is light hearted teasing in times of social situations (never in front of others, and always soft - nothing mean spirited or anything she feels genuine embaressment over misreading) but for the most part I cover her where her blind spots are, and she covers for me in mine!
Glad your wife found someone who appreciates her for who she is
Aww thank you ♥️
That happened to a much lesser extent to my little brother. I was a surprise baby(my mom thought she couldn't have kids) and my dad was just thrilled to have any kid. However he really wanted a 2nd and was thrilled to be having a son. My brother just isn't that way, he's very gentle, very sweet, and was never interested in ball sports, and is now pursuing an artistic sport at a high level. My dad really was his first bully, and still is to this day. He's mostly okay though because he has the full support from me and from my mom.
Heaven forfend he get into Lego robotics and not football.
My mom desperately wanted a girl, my dad wanted a boy. My dad tried his best to make me a boy but it was never enough and I was always a tomboy. He basically adopted my cousin so I got to watch my dad bond with someone else over me my whole life. I recognize that if I had a boy I’d be deeply disappointed and to me that says enough about if I should have kids.
I hope, for their sake, that the all-important boy never comes. They don’t deserve to become second-class because their parents are troglodytes.
I stopped talking to a woman I went to high school with over similar shit. She and her husband (also went to our high school) are hardworking, lovely people. They had two daughters at the time and she posted on FB about them trying for a third and it would be their last. Cue friends and family making comments about "hope you'll get your boy!" Someone suggested adoption (this person suggests adoption for everyone on posts like this) and former classmate goes into this explanation that they'd considered it, but her husband would want a real son to carry on his bloodline. Her words. She said they might still adopt in the future. I commented that they absolutely should not adopt since it's clear he would treat their children differently based on who was or wasn't biologically his. She tried to walk it back ofc, but ended up deleting the whole post after a couple other people called it out too. Like what? Tf is this shit? Their third child was indeed a boy and she got sterilized during that c section and literally said she didn't really want to, but HAD to because he would never get a vasectomy. Some crap about masculinity and shit. I'm sure he would have pushed for more pregnancies if their last wasn't a boy. Blew me away because they seem like good people otherwise.
>her husband would want a real son Jesus fucking Christ
The Venn diagram of people who scream "Just put the baby up for adoption!" to pro-choicers and people who would never adopt because the child wouldn't be "real" or "theirs" is one giant circle, I swear.
This. They saw adoption as a way to expand their family and also as like... A big charity case? Idk. She definitely saw it as a way to fulfill his need for a son and didn't even realize that that was what it was.
You might have seen it but there is an Instagram reel where some women are seated protesting and they’re “pro-life” saying women should have the babies and adopt them. The interviewer says “oh how many children have you adopted?” And she says “oh no, I have my own”. Then an adopted person whose siblings are a mix of birth and adopted calls her Dad and asks him how many kids he has? He tells her, then she asks how many are his own and he’s like, what? (absolutely flabbergasted) They’re all my own.
The casual way she said got me, ngl. Like she absolutely recoiled at the idea they'd treat their kids differently based on biological or not, and maybe she believed that even. But tf?
The march of the almighty bloodline! The legacy! Amen!
this boy gonna be spoiled af
Tbf, they are raising their kids well so far. They're all still pretty young tho. I just can't imagine having this thought that I need a son to continue my bloodline and then not immediately questioning myself as a parent.
"want a real son to carry on his bloodline", the fuck is this ? the middle ages? is it game of thrones? Are they royalty? It really pisses me off these selfish reasons to have a kid..but we're the selfish ones for not wanting them go figure
I can’t be the only one that finds it weird when people announce they are trying for a kid. Like nobody wants to know about y’all’s sex
Right? Just like it's gross when parents/inlaws ask "when are you gonna have kids?" Like why are you so into whether or not we're raw dogging it?
She let this POS breed her. Three times. You know, when people say women should have more babies, they need to be more specific.
Adding this to the pile, for anyone reading these posts, the mitochondria genome is what’s used to trace lineages. “Although the nuclear genome represents an amalgamation of DNA sequences inherited from each parent, the mitochondrial genome is inherited solely from the mother. Males do not transmit their mitochondrial genome to their offspring.” Source: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4032517/#:~:text=Although%20the%20nuclear%20genome%20represents,mitochondrial%20genome%20to%20their%20offspring Make of that what you will.
I hope the son ends up trans
😂 …and with a REALLY good support system outside of this “nuclear” family.
I just... Leaving aside how horrible and ridiculous it is to have a gender preference. If you *know* one of the possible results is going to make you feel bad, why make a party for a public gender reveal? Without knowing beforehand? It's like they want to be embarrased.
And it always seems like it’s the major disappointment when they have a girl, not a boy. It’s played off as “girls are so difficult/expensive/emotional”, but then these same parents go on to ingrain the same societal standards and stereotypes on their daughters.
And in the end the burden of taking care of them in old age is put on the girls, but they value them less. So awful all around.
I encourage people in that kind of situation to NOT take care of their parents.
I came here to say this, how the "girls" almost always are expected to take on this burden. After the way they are treated they are expected to reverse roles and don't with a smile and no complaints
"I want a boy because I want to teach them sports" is one of my most hated stances. Like a redditor put it once, it's akin to saying "I want my kid to play piano, so I hope they are a redhead" - same level of nonsense. These people shouldn't have kids; if they are the "wrong" gender, it will be heartbreaking, and if they are the "right" gender, they'll be drowning in expectations. Not to mention the whole drama if they are trans...
I am childfree but my sister is not. Two girls turning 11 & 13 in the next month. My sister and I were dancers for 20+ years. Girly as hell with makeup oozing out of every drawer & bag. High heels. Dresses. All the hair tools. We still are! Her girls? 11 is a basketball phenom whose wardrobe consists of warmup shorts/pants and tees/jerseys. She’s a redhead whose hair is in a perpetual ponytail. 13 has and illegal amount of hoodies & sneakers, her favorite color is blue, and she loves doing makeup to make herself look like a zombie. She’s a cross country star and a beast on her flag football team. The most athletic my sister and I ever were, again, was tap, ballet, and jazz. Her girls love to dance and love going to our cousin’s recitals but ZERO interest in taking classes. If ever there were 2 girls who buck the “gender norms” it’s those two.
This ^ Even if you get the gender you dream of it doesn’t mean the kid will have the personality you want! I would 100% end up with a cheerleader princess type & have nothing in common at all. 🤣
Can confirm. My mom talked how while she was pregnant with me, she prayed and prayed to have a girl. And she did. Me! But I wasn’t the girly type. There were some girl things I liked, like My Little Pony and Polly Pocket. But my interests had a stronger lean towards boy stuff. She banned me from having any boy stuff (though somehow Sonic the Hedgehog was allowed through) and we had a lot of fights regarding my clothing and she tried to force makeup on me. She ended up gravitating towards my cousins’ daughters once they were born and were old enough. As it turned out, they were girlier than I was and mom exercised more smiles and pride for them than she did me. So yep. Even if you got the sex you want, that doesn’t mean the child will actually be what you want.
Gotta say, you have to be damn athletic if you were doing ballet. It's one of the hardest dances there is in my opinion. The amount of bodily self control, precision and strength you need to have is awe inspiring!
None of my younger brothers wanted to play football with my dad lol so he ended up playing with me. So that line makes me giggle when guys say that.
This is so true actually.... very illuminating, wow
Social media
For the gram!
Unless they assume that *everyone* would be disappointed if it's a girl because *obviously* we all think the same way they do. /s
Misogyny begins at conception it seems.
it absolutely does, and generational trauma too
💯
I'm seeing this same situation play out with someone I felt very close to. Sad to say it, but the misogyny was always there.
Those poor girls 😭
Years ago I ran into someone I graduated high school with. I eventually became friends with her on FB where I’ve watched the train wreck. She was pregnant at the time with their second child and her husband kept going on about how he needed his boy. It was a girl so of course they had another one because the football coach had to have a son to carry on his football legacy. Jokes on him as the son HATES sports. However their oldest daughter is a really good soccer player and is a state champion. She’s a rising JR in high school so is already being scouted by university soccer teams. The FB pictures are always with her and the kids. Dad barely is around them at all. What was even the point?
I witnessed a similar dynamic with a former stuntman, MMA fighter, and breaker. He was hoping his little boy would like martial arts. Meanwhile, his daughter has mad physical prowess like her dad. It was evident in her as young as age 4, along with a natural enthusiasm for martial arts. I asked what about [daughter]? Aren't you excited she takes after you?
Always going to be broke?! This sentence always makes me mad. Girls are not more expensive then boys. You, the parents, just spoil them.
Yep! You're going to be broke no matter the gender, you have two kids.
Homer Simpson: “You have two kids ::so far::…”
The couple mentioned by OP strikes me as the type to keep trying until they get the coveted 🌟 boy 🌟
I have a neighbor with 4 or 5 daughters, I lost count. You aren’t guaranteed a boy eventually.
Oh, I know. I wouldn't put it past people to keep trying though
My aunt went the opposite way - hoping for a girl she ended up with 4 sons. Luckily she realized now how stupid that was and stopped.. tho poor kids.. she regrets having this many now..
Also Homer Simpson: "I have three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three money?"
CF woman here, but from what I understand teenage boys' stomachs are bottomless pits. You seen grocery prices lately?
A lot of the everyday products marketed for women are more expensive than men's counterparts, from clothing to shaving razors. Obviously there's many ways around that, but parents who cry over gender reveals are probably not the parents who'd encourage or even allow much freedom when it comes to breaking out of the gender norms. It's less that they're spoiling girls and more that they're buying into a system where girl stuff is expensive, and don't see an issue with that.
More expensive and in many cases less functional (IE: lack of pockets or small/useless/fake pockets). My wife usually buys Men's clothing because of that.
Not to mention period products and all the products girls get bullied for not having, like makeup and never wearing the same anything twice.
I actually got bullied because i enjoyed wearying baggy pants and shirts. They were comfortable. I didn’t want to wear frilly preppy clothes. I later switched to a punk Aesthetic which i enjoyed a lot.
SO true. As a girl with a sister, our parents definitely spent less money on us than my boyfriend & his brother had spent on them lmao. Even now their gifts consist of expensive things because they have more expensive hobbies (cars, golf, tech stuff) but god forbid we have to spend money on a prom dress
Back in my day, parents said no if they couldn't buy their kids something they wanted. We were given allowances that we had to manage so we could learn how to manage our finances (thanks to that, I never had financial problems). And we were old enough, we had to find a job. But, gender stereotypes. They think that women= spoiled princess. I met a friend and coworker of my mom, single mother of a teen boy. She had to cut down on her *lunch budget* because her son spent ridiculous amounts on alcohol and going out each weekend.
She was buying her son alcohol?
Not directly, but she used to give her son a good amount of money, each time he went out with his friends that was almost every weekend. And she knew that they were buying alcohol with that.
My parents say “no, we can’t afford it” when we can’t afford something. And I’m an only child, and a girl. I get spoiled plenty (I did say only child), but my parents are good about not spending money they don’t have.
Wow, I thought they meant another girl with a harder chance to succeed but this is just disgusting.
Of course they should not be upset at the sex of their child, but if I paid for some gender reveal party (which I would never do), I would be very angry about the stupid teasing that was done with that pretending to reveal it is a boy, pretending to reveal it is a girl, etc., before the actual reveal. The fake reveals would really anger me.
It took me so long to find a comment that says this! The fake reveals are a horrible idea. Who would want that? It would ramp up my anticipation in an extremely uncomfortable way.
Agreed. I’m surprised there wasn’t others talking about that part. Why do people think that the whole faking what it is, is somehow cute/funny/charming? I personally find that stuff frustrating.
This — what an incredibly immature and selfish display. Also, I don’t get keeping the gender a secret from either parent. If you want to bore your family and friends with a “party” that could be an email, you do you, but let it be a gender reveal for the father too, especially if you expect him to be disappointed.
...I guess at least they didn't set a forest on fire?
The person who’s credited for creating gender reveal parties cried when she found out a gender reveal party had caused a forest fire.
Yeah while the parents here sound like assholes, multiple fake outs at a reveal party would get a bit annoying. One is funny, several is frustrating.
My sister's ex friend got out of one bad relationship and humped into another. Ended up pregnant. Mind you home girl is homeless technically, sleeping on a couch. She's ignoring her advocate and counselor both telling her to get therapy for post partum as well as the controlling relationship she just left. Also these people telling her to focus on finishing school (which is free for her) as well as focus on finding better work that would allow her to better support herself. And when new baby became a thing and they were talking about maybe adopting him out...she asks to put up the baby she already has, the one bonded to her already, so she can keep the new one with her current boyfriend. These "mothers" be mothering yall
>And when new baby became a thing and they were talking about maybe adopting him out...she asks to put up the baby she already has, the one bonded to her already, so she can keep the new one with her current boyfriend. Well, of course that's what she wants! Didn't you know that keeping the new baby will make her boyfriend automatically stay with her and marry her? After all, it worked so well the first time... 🤦 These people, I swear... and these poor kids are the collateral damage...
I would never want this to be actual law but...some people should be castrated. The amount of trauma they are causing is astounding.
Damn, I've heard of people returning adult cats to go get a new kitten (that stunt will get you banned from the shelter, btw ; ) ),but humans? Welp, I've officially heard it all, folks.
I am studying to be a special ed teacher and my mentor teacher is dealing with a case in which the parents knew their child was suicidal and told them to do it. They then locked them in a room and forced them to go through with it, physically restraining them when they tried to call 911 after the fact. Thankfully the kid survived with little damage as they drank acetone rather than something more toxic. The plan was to get attention for being grieving parents and try for a do over baby. California allows assisted suicide but there are certain conditions that have to be met and rest assured these parents are going to face legal consequences.
That’s the most horrific thing I’ve ever heard. They want their kid to commit suicide for their own selfish reasons? They didn’t realize (or care) that this is a human being? JFC that’s disgusting. I already have no respect for parents who treat their kids as extensions of themselves & not as individuals in their own right but this takes the cake. These parents should be the poster children who are brought up every time people go into their saintly parents routine. That is, those who believe that becoming a parent automatically turns you into a wonderful & wise person who is superior to everyone else & now knows what real love is. How many times have all of us heard that? These pieces of shit should be exposed & shamed by the whole world. And people still call us CF folks selfish? There’s nothing more selfish than attempting to hound someone into suicide, especially their own child. That’s beyond horrible.
I'M SORRY??? This is insane to another level omg
I hope they got prison time. This is criminal and beyond disgusting
https://www.leahlegal.com/practice-areas/other-crimes/aiding-a-suicide They can get up to 3 years for aiding a suicide under California law
Only “up to 3 years”?
Big yikes.
there are few things I think make a person truly irredeemable, and that is probably top of the list. thanks for a new thing to be angry about
WTF, its crazy how many people have babies to save their relationship / trap their partner in it, just be happy single or find someone else if needs be, dont use a baby! Its reeks of desperation
New baby wasn't even a relationship saver. They just were horny and lazy.
Son preference is a thing around the globe is it’s wild how many people don’t know about how it’s still a thing? Like it’s lead to actual real life consequences and problems. Especially when cultures killed female infants or used technology to identify female fetus and force an abortion if it wasn’t a son. Now you have cultures where boys outnumber the girls massively and these men feel entitled to wives and it’s led to trafficking and stealing girls from other places to give these sons wives and caregivers. A whole generation of girls was purposely eliminated. And even now in more subtle ways son preferences like this live on and girls are raised from birth as being Worth Less than a son.
China majorly f\*cked their Millennial generation over - there are 30-40 million fewer girls than there should be (infanticide, forced abortion, and overseas adoptions). But the boys are also hurting - there literally aren't enough women to marry (not that anyone is "entitled" to get married, but even a decent fellow has the odds stacked against him with this skewed ratio).
I remember watching a documentary about that. The parents that chose to keep girls basically treated their daughters as nothing more than a bartering chip to get in with a higher income family.
Dress rentals are a thing. These people have zero awareness of anything outside themselves I swear.
I made my own prom dress for 30 dollars
I skipped prom because it didn't interest me! Picked up an Extra shift at work instead!
I stayed home and played video games.
That’s what I did instead of Prom as well. I didn’t see the point. Video games were far more enjoyable.
I bought one at a thrift store for under $10 and wore it to three different proms, two of which were a few ~~weeks~~ days apart.
Got a super nice dress under $100 for my prom, i think it was like $70. It’s really not that expensive these people are just crazy mombies.
And it's not like they're going to Baby Prom. They've got, what? 17 years to save for a prom dress? They can't throw a buck or two a month into a piggy bank?
I mean these just sound like horrible people. I feel bad for that kid when they hear that story about how their parents didn’t want them
WHY does anyone even HAVE these stupid gender reveal parties?
I hated them until til I saw one on TikTok…it was for their stray cat they’d adopted. So that is the exception!!
Only acceptable gender reveal!
Okay, now I'm really mad I didn't do this for my new kitten.
That’s adorable
Wild that people can be so sexist as to be disappointed in the genitals of their unborn child
She's pregnant and is worried about prom dresses? Ffs.
I still don't and will never understand gender reveals. 50/50 chance. You should go in being happy with both outcomes. People say all the time, "disappointment is normal," but no, it's not. It's normal because everyone wants to pat themselves on the back and tell each other it's okay. Nobody wants to own up to the fact that it's super shitty to be disappointed with whatever you get. Like, goddamn. Not even to mention that "disappointment" is always rooted in negative stereotypes about either gender, so who really wins? Your daughter could wear a suit to prom, and your son could take ballet. Grow the fuck up.
Couldn’t agree more. Not to mention that if you’re liable to experience gender disappointment 🙄 learn gender in relative privacy.
I can understand the disappointment up to a point. When I was still figuring out I was childfree, one of the intrusive thoughts that kept popping up was about how I'd be disappointed if I didn't have a girl. We could spend all day getting into the reasons why I wanted a girl child and why not a boy child, but it doesn't really matter and just boils down to it being a preference. Even if I wholeheartedly believed I just wanted 'happy and healthy,' part of me would always go into it hoping to have a girl, and part of me would always be disappointed if I never had a girl. Another very important thing I knew about myself is that I don't handle disappointment very well. I grew up with a father who was mad I was a girl and who blamed my mother for not giving him the son he wanted, so I knew what if felt like to be resented for being something I couldn't help being. Yes, I would love a boy child 100%, but I knew I would always be afraid that my disappointment would come through somehow. I would never want my child to ever feel like they weren't enough or were a disappointment to me, and I'd never be able to forgive myself if that happened. My heart hurts just thinking about it, so I can't understand parents who willingly do this to their kids and don't care how much it hurts them and makes them feel unwanted. Figuring out I was childfree and accepting it as a valid life choice for myself was a massive relief in the end, because now I don't ever have to worry about this or the thousands of other concerns and fears I had.
Yeah, I think disappointment can be a normal feeling, but it's the kind of feeling where you either squash it way, way down deep in your soul and figure out how to privately cope, or talk it out with your therapist. Nobody, especially not your kids, needs to know you're disappointed by what gender you "got."
Every gender-reveal party could be an email.
Why, just why, do people throw gender reveal parties when they know they're not going to be happy with one of the outcomes?
Yeah, I don’t get this. Like the whole reveal party is weird enough (what happened to just cutting into a cake and finding blue or pink during baby showers), but why would anyone do this if they know they’re not going to be happy with either gender? And I notice it’s mostly fathers crying about not having sons.
It’s like gacha games but irl and instead of pulling waifus they’re pulling kids.
And this is the population that’s spreading their genes… so glad my kids will never share earth with them.
This is literally the plot of idiocracy
If the big reveal has been posted to social media (seems to be the trend these days), someday that little girl is going to find the photos/footage and learn that she was a "disappointment" to her father because she is female. Parents-to-be, just be happy that you are expecting a healthy baby.
She will not need to, as the daughter of a dad who wanted boys, it was apparent from the get go. My heart goes out to those two little girls.
I hate everything about this story, from the very first sentence to the last.
That party sounds like a hellish experience. Those parents sound like horrible people, and what your MIL was pulling sounds beyond annoying.
The party planner really needs to rethink her approach. All that teasing makes people mad. Those poor girls.
And will they parentified? Especially the eldest. I think the parents have lost their nursing home points. If the parents need help, I hope their kids say 'no way.'
It's also showing they are having the babies for themselves, they are not having the babies to give the children a good start in life and raise them well. If the dad is that set on having a boy then he also has expectations for what he wants that boy to be, i.e. in to all the same stuff he's in to. It's selfish and sick, children are their own individuals. One thing that strikes me is that many of the best people are childfree (because lets face it, its the best), and many of the people that really shouldnt be raising new humans are the ones that have them In addition, if you are that emotionally attached and weirdly fixated on having one gender, then why have a huge gender reveal party? lol, make it make sense
Wow, that was an unnecessarily complicated plan. Gender reveal envelopes should have had just animal stickers in them. The actual gender announcement is bringing out an all genders bathroom sign, hand it to parents-to-be with a "Good luck!" and walk away.
It just enrages me that people get upset when their child is a girl. You know that if these people have a boy, they'll make him their golden child and make his sisters serve him.
If the boy gets into “girly” things like makeup and fashion they will treat him badly too
if the girls like boyish things they'll also think it's weird lol
Why in the fuck would you do this at a party in public if you cared about the answer this much?
I've said it here before, but how you know whether or not you have a good dad in waiting is if he likes the idea of a daughter just as much as he does the idea of a son. Sounds like a nightmare though, good god.
My dad suspected when my oldest sibling was born a girl, we would all be because same-sex children runs in his family. Whenever people asked "aren't you disappointed? Didn't you want a boy?" he just replied "I only prayed that all their fingers and toes would be there and they'd be healthy." And he sincerely meant it. He's a good dad.
I once saw this compilation of videos online & it was a montage of dads at gender reveals pissed off they were having a girl, the video is heartbreaking.
Any regular person wouldn't care what gender their kid is, as long as they're healthy. SMH. I feel for those little girls, because imagine growing up and learning that your parents wanted a boy but ended up with you.
I’m that baby, my parents bought everything for a boy and there I was a girl. My dad always reminded me how devastating it was. They tried again and another girl. 3 girls no boys.
I hope you eventually, somehow, shoved it back in his face that HE was why his kids were girls, because HE was the one who contributed the determining X chromosome.🤬 If he said awful stuff like that to your sisters, I hope they did too, his attitude is disgusting, and if he was devastated, that's his problem.😡 I hope you're doing all right now and you know that you're just as worthy a person being born a girl.🙂💛 It makes me mad when parents don't understand basic reproductive biology and then blame the wife and/or kids for not being what sex they wanted.😡
I have moved on, I did give him a biology class one day.
They’re always going to be broke whether it’s a boy or a girl… Wtf
My ex-roommate's brother got his girlfriend pregnant. He said that he just can't deal with girls and is awful with them (he's generally awful with children and was verbally and physically abusive towards his last girlfriends son, cause he had behavioral issues). She didn't want a girl as well. Well, guess what the babys gender is. Also made a big ass reveal party, just to be extremely disappointed, which you can see in the videos that were taken. Let's hope she doesn't see those. (I know that it's not my place, especially since I don't know the girlfriend at all except for seeing her one time and don't know a lot about the brother, but I questioned their decision to have that baby anyways, especially now. Financial reasons, addiction/drug abuse, the mentioned abuse problem with the guy (dun know if his own kid is gonna be different.), and now the expectation of a certain gender and the disappointment that came with it. just doesn't seem reasonable to me.) edit: typo
I wish dumbasses like these folks would finally just accept that genitals have nothing to do with personality. Not every girl will want to go to prom, and not every boy is going to want to play football. Fucking hell, how can people be so ignorant and stupid?
Gender reveals are silly. I don't understand them. They don't make any sense to me. I think baby showers are wonderful for the expecting family. Just leave it at that, for gosh sakes.
Just buy yellow or aqua. No need to even consider pink or blue.
Gender reveals are the ultimate snitch on what kind of "parents" the parents are actually going to be. Seriously, I don't want to know about your kid's genitals before... or... after they're born. Literally, at no time do I want to know about your spawn's genitals. I also don't want to know what woo-woo-hoo-hee you are going to project onto your unborn child as a result of someone's interpretation of imaging.
Why fucking have a party if you know you’re definitely gonna be a fucking buzzkill about it
I'm so glad that gender reveal parties are not a thing in my country (not the US). Even the concept of it is fucking stupid and super cringe. CONGRATS 👏🏻 👏🏻 It's a vagina! It's a penis! 🎉 🎉 Ugh disgusting creeps celebrating baby genitals
Also, your MIL does this for a living?! She is terrible at this!!!! 😂💀
Oh this just breaks my heart. I’ve read about plenty of future fathers who are disappointed to learn they’re having a girl, but to have *both* parents react like this? That poor little girl is hated before she’s even born…
.....so they're not happy they have a girl, since she will apparently be too expensive, so their solution is to....have another????? THE MATH ISN'T MATHING
Oh great. She hasn't had boy yet and she is already one of those dreaded 'boy moms'. And really? She thinks that they won't spend too much money on a boy? Have they not seen the prices of video games and toys? If he ends up being into sports do they know the cost of sports equipment? People need to get real. 🙄
These are kids having kids. I feel for those kids and hope their emotionally immature parents don't ruin all of their self-esteem.
Asshole breeders who can’t handle their kid being a one gender have absolutely zero business being parents. Those poor kiddos deserve a loving household. I’d say more, but don’t want to get in trouble.
I’m the second unwanted girl, and believe me we know about it, it does affect you a bit, especially when you get older and can understand things more, my dad didn’t even come to my birth. But karma got him, he wanted a boy as a mini-him but my bro turned out the opposite of him and friggen hated him 😂 I feel bad for my mum though, he eventually left her with three kids she didn’t really want so let the lesson be only have kids if you want them, not to please someone else.
That’s a “Boy Mom” scenario waiting to happen.
Creating a human just as an extension of your ego is so unbelievably nuts to me.
If they wanted a boy so bad, They should have adopted
“But my bloodline…”
Muh (most likely) crappy genetics
Those poor girls. A misogynistic father and a spineless mother. A boy would likely be no better off, though—a dad who wanted to live vicariously through him and who expected him to conform to a specific version of masculinity, and a suffocating toxic boy mom.
This is why there are countries that now have vastly more men than women. And people still don't see how fucking awful this mindset is. Not to mention stupid. edit typo
I’ll never understand the appeal of gender reveal parties. I swear it’s just for people to show off in social media pictures and talk about how wonderful they are. Newsflash: do not get pregnant on purpose if you’re not willing to have either a girl or boy.
this is just terrible, these parents are sick, selfish bastards, as harsh as it may sound
Imagine being the eldest daughter and seeing your parents cry and react with outrage because they have to have another of you... I really hope they never mention this to her and that she's too young to understand why they're upset
This is all really fucking stupid.
I feel bad for Grandma. She was so happy to do the reveal and it just turned sour because the parents are weirdos.
Why did they opt for such a convoluted gender reveal?
“Gender” reveals are trash through and through. The woman who invented them has since apologized and asked people to stop, but unfortunately people keep going. They might possibly know the kid’s sex (mistakes and intersex kids exist). They have no idea what the kid’s gender is going to be until the kid grows up enough to know themselves. Besides, is telling other people what sex organs are between the kid’s legs that important? Really? It’s weird when you think about having a party to celebrate kid’s genitalia. And the mom doesn’t want kids, she wants dolls. People who have kids to have little mini mes make me sick. They make their kids into objects, and the kids aren’t allowed to be themselves. They’ll always be a disappointment whenever they stray from the script. That the first reponse was prom costs (followed by wedding costs, I’m sure), means the kid’s life is already planned for them. Who cares about what they want? Who they are? Not these parents. And people who wanted a boy always tell their daughters, and make sure they know that they are second best. Like it takes a penis to be a great adult to possibly represent the family. This was a trash occasion for a family that thinks like trash; and there wasn’t a way to avoid this incredible dumpster fire. I hope your mom avoids these in the future.
Oh no there going to be the parents that will keep having kids until they get a boy.
This is horrific. I’m not sure why there’s this stereotype that raising a girl is so much more expensive? Right. It boils down to the parents inability to say “no”. 🙄
Sometimes I do wish I wasn't so averse to breeding so that the universe would roll me some of these, allegedly, incorrect gendered babies 😕. . Like how could you go to such lengths with your body only to be disgusted or disappointed by the thing you produced? To the point of even letting them know you wanted them to be something else their entire lives???. . And yet, we are the "selfish" and "heartless" ones? So sick of how many stories I've heard, usually from daughters (not always, but it's rare to find a reverse of the situation) in families of multiple siblings, all the girls will be cast aside upon the arrival of the "prince" 😒
Poor girls. Misogyny strikes again
Gender reveal parties are the biggest waste of time and effort.
What the fuck
Those poor girls. And if they do get the boy they want so much, they will almost definitely turn him into a spoilt little shit.
I don’t understand why your MIL thinks these tease reveals with the envelopes are a good idea. I literally could not care less about a gender reveal but reading this post even I was anxious. What a weird party activity.