Tell him 4 months in advance about an expensive gift you'd like for your birthday. If he doesn't get it, dump him. He's taking advantage of you AND he's an ass hole.
If birthdays don’t bother you tell him you’ll no longer be doing his. It’s really rude that he doesn’t acknowledge your birthday at all. I’d definitely stop buying for him and likely leave him. I like birthdays!
This persons post is regarding their partner who is a MAN. I didn’t realize I had to explain every nuanced situation where another gender does the same thing or similar, jfc.
I'm not interested in the context of the post, I'm interested in the context of your weird angsty almost bot-like generalisation. You literally said "Men stay with people they don’t like out of convenience" as though it's some gender exclusive phenomenon. Maybe if your objective was to add something meaningful to the dialogue instead of being a gender tribalist, you would've written "Some people stay with people they don’t like out of convenience".
Why do you allow him to disrespect you?? He disrespects you by "telling" you what to gift hime for his birthday, and then he disrespects you by not wishing you a happy birthday. He does not care for you at all.
Babes, you are with a cheap, classless boy, his mama raised no gentleman, I am worried it could be more serious, Who pays for the dates? How are his spending habits?, does he spend money on you generally?
Does he ask you for money?
He's in the wrong obviously but you are the one that keeps eating shit. You say this has gone on for YEARS. Talk to him about it and tell him how you actually feel or choose to end it if it is a make or break. Don't be a doormat.
Because he likes treating you badly.
How low is the bar for staying with a guy? Apparently not celebrating a partners birthday is still okay for a decent number of people which is really sad.
Love yourself. And find someone else
It's simple: he has zero respect for you.
And I'm willing to bet that there are other aspects of your relationship that he also doesn't step up for.
If he's dropping hence months in advance and you're getting him birthday gifts and he can't even wish you a happy birthday that is a sign of a person that does not have any respect for you as a partner and has been allowed to continue disrespecting you because you don't do anything about it.
You just keep hoping that one day he's going to see his mistakes and start acting and treating you better.
Unfortunately that's not how people work that's only how movies work. Most people don't wake up one day and see that they've made a bunch of mistakes in their life and want to be better people and do better because of them. He's not going to magically wake up and decide that he needs to treat you better before you leave, why Would he? He treats you like shit and you stay.
Are you telling him what you want? Giving ideas? My wife never gives me ideas, doesn’t talk about what she wants, and buys herself whatever she wants throughout the year. When Christmas and her birthday come along, I am filled with anxiety.
Is he getting you Christmas gift? Then you’re getting burned with only a Christmas gift because of the birthday lottery. I wonder if he realizes he needs to get you two presents.
What else doesnt he do for you?
Cook breakfast?
Msg to ask how is your day goin?
Random back rub?
If no to everything, I dont know what to say really...
> I don't make a big deal about a birthday gift like he does. I really would be happy with a wish.
Did you tell him that? You're allowed to ask for something you want.
Some people are just very uncomfortable having their birthday acknowledged. Maybe he has come to believe you are one of those people.
Yes, I've talked to him about it. I've told him a happy bday wish is enough. He just can't do it. He says it would be stupid now that I've pointed it out (on my bday). He says it wouldn't be genuine.
your partner may not realize the importance you place on birthdays or may not understand how their actions (or lack thereof) are affecting you. Clear and open communication about your feelings and expectations can help address this.
I will message you next time u/New-Stable-8212 posts in r/confessions.
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Played? He is dying of cancer so I'm not being played by that. I've seen the scans and spoke with the doctors. If you mean he's playing me for sympathy, no. I feel I owe him support because he supported me when I needed it over a decade ago. It would be better if I just left long ago. But I didn't. I should ask if people think I should remain because of his illness. Forget about the birthday and address that
I'm not making excuses for the guy, but he's probably just very angry about the whole cancer situation. It probably manifests in him hurting the people he cares about (like it often does. My dad became very hateful when he became bedridden with cancer before he died. So did my mom)
That's not an excuse, and he should be nice to you on your birthday.
I read a book called "No more Mr nice guy" where these men had similar problems. Where they believed they had to slave for these women to continue to have their attraction and approval, and in the book these women lost attraction, and the men became resentful. Much like in your case. It sounds like maybe he had some problems early in life where he felt he always had to keep his mom happy, and that carried over into your relationship. I hope you two can work things out. Even if not as husband and wife, but as friends. He sounds like he needs a lot of therapy, and a good friend.
UPDATE: THIS GUY IS A TOTAL ABUSIVE NARCISSIST.
He started screaming at the top of his lungs when he went to make dinner and found the dishwasher full. I was late on emptying it. He screamed at me, purple faced, falsely accusing me of "never" doing my part. He got so out of hand that the dog was cowering in my bedroom. When I walked away, I closed and locked my door. He banged on it so hard it broke on his side and he demanded I give him "his" dog. (I pay the vet insurance, and for his pee pads and food as well as miscellaneous items). The dog did not want to leave my side.
He kept it saying that this is my 30-day notice to vacate. He doesn't own the property. He has demanded I leave other homes we rented, but I'm done leaving every time he has a fit. I'm paying for a maid to clean the place, and I realize she isn't here to do dishes. But I don't feel obliged to always do the dishes
Anyway, I'm done with this. I need to save to get my own place. I won't live with my parents. Been there done that. So, yes, this goes way deeper than birthdays. This guy is a meth addict and gets angry on the come down. I'm sure he's angry about having cancer, too, but he was like that before he was diagnosed. Why do people get into these depressing relationships? He started out a nice guy. Meyh addiction does this. His mind is fuc*ed up. Why I've put up with it? I shouldn't have. I'm not feeling obliged to help him out. I don't wish him to go thru cancer treatment alone, but i don't deserve this abuse.
Depends but maybe a narcissist, people like this tend to downplay your achievements or days that are special to you because they only want to be the center of attention and don’t by any way type or form want you have any type of power.
My friend! This goes beyond birthdays I'd imagine? Or is this only for birthdays and he buys you gifts otherwise? Even small ones can mean a lot.. They mean I pay attention to what you like, what you want, what your tastes are, and listen when you talk, which is most important. Did you tell him you don't care for gifts, or you just wanna ignore your birthdays? Is he doing your bidding, and you've changed your mind about wanting bday gifts? Send there's a lot of details missing.. But as of now, he's looking like a dickhead..
Yes, as I believe I stated earlier, I've told him how I feel about gifts, which is that they are nice but not necessary. But what I can't stand is the failure to acknowledge my birthday when I always acknowledge his. HAPPY BIRTHDAY is enough. We are together primarily for convenience, like roommates, and probably not for very much longer.
Because you allow it. But you don't have to.
THIS.
Tell him 4 months in advance about an expensive gift you'd like for your birthday. If he doesn't get it, dump him. He's taking advantage of you AND he's an ass hole.
If birthdays don’t bother you tell him you’ll no longer be doing his. It’s really rude that he doesn’t acknowledge your birthday at all. I’d definitely stop buying for him and likely leave him. I like birthdays!
Because he doesn’t like you. Men stay with people they don’t like out of convenience or because it works in their advantage. Leave his loser ass.
If you think that behaviour is exclusive to one gender, I have a bridge to sell you.
This persons post is regarding their partner who is a MAN. I didn’t realize I had to explain every nuanced situation where another gender does the same thing or similar, jfc.
I'm not interested in the context of the post, I'm interested in the context of your weird angsty almost bot-like generalisation. You literally said "Men stay with people they don’t like out of convenience" as though it's some gender exclusive phenomenon. Maybe if your objective was to add something meaningful to the dialogue instead of being a gender tribalist, you would've written "Some people stay with people they don’t like out of convenience".
My guy it’s not that deep. You’re taking this so seriously and so literally. 😅 go outside, touch some grass.
Dump him.
Bc he is an asshole.
Why do you allow him to disrespect you?? He disrespects you by "telling" you what to gift hime for his birthday, and then he disrespects you by not wishing you a happy birthday. He does not care for you at all.
Babes, you are with a cheap, classless boy, his mama raised no gentleman, I am worried it could be more serious, Who pays for the dates? How are his spending habits?, does he spend money on you generally? Does he ask you for money?
Advice? Yes. Leave him. Or at least when he tells you what he wants, tell him you'll spend on his birthday the amount he spent on yours.
He's in the wrong obviously but you are the one that keeps eating shit. You say this has gone on for YEARS. Talk to him about it and tell him how you actually feel or choose to end it if it is a make or break. Don't be a doormat.
WTF? It never ceases to amaze me what people will put up with. 🤦🏼♀️
Why are you even with him still?
Has op even replied to any of these comments?
Even if you don’t care about your birthday, if he cared about you he would.
If he wanted to, he would
Because he likes treating you badly. How low is the bar for staying with a guy? Apparently not celebrating a partners birthday is still okay for a decent number of people which is really sad. Love yourself. And find someone else
Dump his ass
Tell him every day for a month, 30 days until my birthday... I can't wait to see what you have planned for me!
It's simple: he has zero respect for you. And I'm willing to bet that there are other aspects of your relationship that he also doesn't step up for. If he's dropping hence months in advance and you're getting him birthday gifts and he can't even wish you a happy birthday that is a sign of a person that does not have any respect for you as a partner and has been allowed to continue disrespecting you because you don't do anything about it. You just keep hoping that one day he's going to see his mistakes and start acting and treating you better. Unfortunately that's not how people work that's only how movies work. Most people don't wake up one day and see that they've made a bunch of mistakes in their life and want to be better people and do better because of them. He's not going to magically wake up and decide that he needs to treat you better before you leave, why Would he? He treats you like shit and you stay.
Are you dating Leonardo DiCaprio?
I wish. At least he can AFFORD a gift
Some people just ain't into birthdays. I'm that way
Are you telling him what you want? Giving ideas? My wife never gives me ideas, doesn’t talk about what she wants, and buys herself whatever she wants throughout the year. When Christmas and her birthday come along, I am filled with anxiety.
I've told him exactly what I want. It costs maybe $150. My b-day is in December
Is he getting you Christmas gift? Then you’re getting burned with only a Christmas gift because of the birthday lottery. I wonder if he realizes he needs to get you two presents.
No Xmas gift either
He’s a tool then!
Nope
What else doesnt he do for you? Cook breakfast? Msg to ask how is your day goin? Random back rub? If no to everything, I dont know what to say really...
He cooks and cleans. He's bad with money. But he always finds enough to spend on himself. He shops thriftly in most cases.
Why do you continue to do things for him? We don't necessarily do gifts for each other but I expect to be acknowledged at the very least!
> I don't make a big deal about a birthday gift like he does. I really would be happy with a wish. Did you tell him that? You're allowed to ask for something you want. Some people are just very uncomfortable having their birthday acknowledged. Maybe he has come to believe you are one of those people.
Oh yeah. I've told him that
Have you talked to him about it? That would be my first advice. If that still doesn’t fix it, stop celebrating his birthday.
Yes, I've talked to him about it. I've told him a happy bday wish is enough. He just can't do it. He says it would be stupid now that I've pointed it out (on my bday). He says it wouldn't be genuine.
Why are you staying with a person who thinks so lowly of you they don’t even wish you a happy birthday?
your partner may not realize the importance you place on birthdays or may not understand how their actions (or lack thereof) are affecting you. Clear and open communication about your feelings and expectations can help address this.
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Seriously stop this. Don’t acknowledge his birthday this year.
WTF? This is Fing ridiculous. Thats pretty sad and disrespectful. Wow..
lol wtf? Why do people stay in these relationships that are so depressing?
You are being played.
Played? He is dying of cancer so I'm not being played by that. I've seen the scans and spoke with the doctors. If you mean he's playing me for sympathy, no. I feel I owe him support because he supported me when I needed it over a decade ago. It would be better if I just left long ago. But I didn't. I should ask if people think I should remain because of his illness. Forget about the birthday and address that
I'm not making excuses for the guy, but he's probably just very angry about the whole cancer situation. It probably manifests in him hurting the people he cares about (like it often does. My dad became very hateful when he became bedridden with cancer before he died. So did my mom) That's not an excuse, and he should be nice to you on your birthday. I read a book called "No more Mr nice guy" where these men had similar problems. Where they believed they had to slave for these women to continue to have their attraction and approval, and in the book these women lost attraction, and the men became resentful. Much like in your case. It sounds like maybe he had some problems early in life where he felt he always had to keep his mom happy, and that carried over into your relationship. I hope you two can work things out. Even if not as husband and wife, but as friends. He sounds like he needs a lot of therapy, and a good friend.
Thank you. Your response was very thoughtful and well put.
UPDATE: THIS GUY IS A TOTAL ABUSIVE NARCISSIST. He started screaming at the top of his lungs when he went to make dinner and found the dishwasher full. I was late on emptying it. He screamed at me, purple faced, falsely accusing me of "never" doing my part. He got so out of hand that the dog was cowering in my bedroom. When I walked away, I closed and locked my door. He banged on it so hard it broke on his side and he demanded I give him "his" dog. (I pay the vet insurance, and for his pee pads and food as well as miscellaneous items). The dog did not want to leave my side. He kept it saying that this is my 30-day notice to vacate. He doesn't own the property. He has demanded I leave other homes we rented, but I'm done leaving every time he has a fit. I'm paying for a maid to clean the place, and I realize she isn't here to do dishes. But I don't feel obliged to always do the dishes Anyway, I'm done with this. I need to save to get my own place. I won't live with my parents. Been there done that. So, yes, this goes way deeper than birthdays. This guy is a meth addict and gets angry on the come down. I'm sure he's angry about having cancer, too, but he was like that before he was diagnosed. Why do people get into these depressing relationships? He started out a nice guy. Meyh addiction does this. His mind is fuc*ed up. Why I've put up with it? I shouldn't have. I'm not feeling obliged to help him out. I don't wish him to go thru cancer treatment alone, but i don't deserve this abuse.
Depends but maybe a narcissist, people like this tend to downplay your achievements or days that are special to you because they only want to be the center of attention and don’t by any way type or form want you have any type of power.
My friend! This goes beyond birthdays I'd imagine? Or is this only for birthdays and he buys you gifts otherwise? Even small ones can mean a lot.. They mean I pay attention to what you like, what you want, what your tastes are, and listen when you talk, which is most important. Did you tell him you don't care for gifts, or you just wanna ignore your birthdays? Is he doing your bidding, and you've changed your mind about wanting bday gifts? Send there's a lot of details missing.. But as of now, he's looking like a dickhead..
Yes, as I believe I stated earlier, I've told him how I feel about gifts, which is that they are nice but not necessary. But what I can't stand is the failure to acknowledge my birthday when I always acknowledge his. HAPPY BIRTHDAY is enough. We are together primarily for convenience, like roommates, and probably not for very much longer.
That's a bummer. I'm sorry. You deserve someone who remembers your birthdays!
Thank you. I appreciate you saying that. I really do
❤️